Coffee Break: Trinity Bag

75 Comments

1. There have been a ton of posts here about how well Dana K. White works for your brain/life for decluttering or organizing, but I don’t have a good sense of what it is that actually makes it a good fit! What is it about her methods (as opposed to Kondo, for example) that works so well for you? About to undergo a big declutter post-toddler phase/ pre-move and trying to find the right method to get it all done but not result in more chaos/clutter along the way.

   1. i’m ADHD, and so many things she said resonated because, like her, I will keep things for FUTURE utility, whether it’s for a future project or the hobby I’m sure I’m going to get back into even though I haven’t done it for 20 years (jewelry making). One of the best things I liked about her book is she taught me that your house is a container – and a shelf is a container – and a sock drawer is a container. If things aren’t fitting in the container you need to make choices, not squish them in until they fit or find another way to corral your socks. I know it sounds dumb but it never would have occurred to me to get rid of perfectly good socks just because they didn’t fit in my drawer. (In fact now that I say that I remember I have two entire bins of socks in my walk-in closet.)

      She also advises you to start with what’s visible when you’re decluttering. I’m definitely guilty of this where I’ll reorganize the insides of cabinets and then stuff still looks like it exploded on top of the desk.

      1. Oh, this is so helpful. That sounds like a pretty good fit for us. Now if I can get my husband to understand that the solution to the bookcase “containers” being full is using the library, not just buying more bookshelves, we might really be cooking with gas…

         1. This one is hard. People who like to keep books like to keep a lot of books. Family members and friends have audibly gasped when I mention that as soon as I finish reading a book I throw it away/donate it to a nearby little free library and retain only reference books and books I have never read.

         2. she talks about that in the book, actually

            but the way it looks in our house is i keep books i love on our top shelves, and meh books on the lower shelves. when things get too crazy i start pulling from the meh books.

            1. Ooh, I should try that. I have all too many travel guidebooks that I store on top, unreadchable shelves (because I never use them again), but a) I should recycle them, as they go out of date so often, and b) I should put them on a “meh” lower shelf so I don’t have to overthink culling the book collection from time to time, I will have already pre-sorted the books available for donation or other disposition. Cool.

   2. Her process plans on the fact that you will get interrupted or overwhelmed, or tripped up by emotional decisions, and is designed to leave the space you’re working in better off, with no piles of stuff sitting around and no extra work to do.

      Also, the container concept: you can keep ANYTHING you want, as long as it fits into the container you have. If you don’t have space for it, you keep for favorites and let go of the least-favorites. How much of anything you keep depends on your clutter threshold — how much stuff you can handle in your space without being overwhelmed by it. It’s going to be different for you, in your house, than for someone else. Do what works for you.

      (Also, I’m chuckling a bit by the fact that she’d probably call you out over your question itself, if you were asking her in person. She’d say that so many people try to figure out the exact right method in advance, and how it’s all going to work, and figure out how to solve all the potential problems that might come up (because that’s how her brain worked), rather than just getting started: look for the trash and get it out of the house (recycle or trashcan). Put easy stuff away. Put easy donations in the donate box. Plan to get interrupted and overwhelmed, and do what you can.

      1. I honestly just found that the Kondo “dump everything in a category in one spot” approach made things much worse, so I was trying to make sure it wouldn’t cause that! But yeah, “just get started” is 100% the right move.

         1. I think it depends on your situation, which I think is your point as well. At one time, I really needed the Kondo approach because I had multiples of similar items in different places and sometimes couldn’t find any of them (which sometimes meant impulse buying another). I needed to make a permanent home for the category and once I did I could purge duplicates and stop buying things I don’t need. I think I am in more of a Dana K. White place now.

            1. The dump is so cathartic. But I need to work with the time I have, and dumping when I only have an hour just makes things worse because I wind up shoving it all back in or putting it on a counter top. Fail.

               And if I had a week off work, which would help, I’d spend it not on cleaning. Never on cleaning. I need to work with the stupid 15 minutes here and an hour there and just keep shuffling forward.

               I’d love to have a discrete task and a big dump, but my deal with myself is to worry about the insides of things once I am down to the surfaces and then just one closet or discrete container, like one dresser drawer or cabinet at a time.

   3. I read her book Organizing for the Rest of Us: 100 Realistic Strategies to Keep Any House Under Control last month. I really liked that each chapter is 2-3 pages, so I could read on my phone’s Kindle app when I had 5 minutes between stuff. My husband is ADHD, I tend to get excited about projects and lose steam after a while, and we generally have a busy life. Some of the strategies from the book have helped me, and they’ve definitely helped my husband.

      On decluttering, DH and I have decided to declutter one drawer or other space per weekend. We choose what’s annoying us most on that day. This is similar to her “Visibility Rule”, which is really about starting where you will see, or in my case experience, the results of your efforts. It seems slow to just do one drawer, but after just over a month, the 5 areas causing the most friction in my life have been decluttered. And for the first time in almost 15 years of marriage, DH is onboard and helping and feels good about the approach.

      Her question, “Where would I look for this?” really seemed to help DH. As we pulled things out of drawers, he walked them to other places around the house or in the garage. I think we’ll eventually get to a point where like items are in the same place, without pulling everything out and piling it up in the middle of the house.

      The container method also seemed to resonate with DH. He doesn’t want to use a metric like whether an item brings him joy when he’s deciding whether we need a certain cord. Actually, it worked with my son when we were cleaning off his art cart too. He seemed to understand that the cart was the limit, and he could only keep what fit on the cart and didn’t fight me on throwing away every little thing.

      The combination of decluttering and some of her cleaning routine tips have really helped me keep up with the daily cleaning and maintenance of the house. It’s not always what I’m in the mood to do, but I know it’ll make my life easier later (actually, that last part is from the Lazy Genius).

   4. Dana assumes that you have a life, and that your life will take precedence. If you start a decluttering project, that’s great, but life will happen and suddenly you need to handle dinner, an appointment, a kid thing, a health thing etc.

      Whatever your life, your life and your people is more important than stuff. You need to declutter in a manner that helps you make progress. If you start – and then abandon because of stuff happens – you are worse off!

      If you do a Kondo and take ALL of your clothes out of the closet, and then you have to do some work, or pick up your kid, or make dinner, or whatever – then you are worse off, because not only have you not decluttered but you have made a massive pile you will need to shift off the bed come nighttime. Dana’s method is about how to declutter (she does not organize!) in a manner that does not make a mess, and that makes it possible for you to stop at any time and not be mid-massive-project-aaaarrgh!

      Have a look at the one hour better videos she has on youtube, or read Decluttering at the speed of life.

      Best of luck!

2. I want those jeans.

   1. I love this whole look a lot. I’ve had Abercrombie High Rise Cropped Wide Leg Jean in my cart for a while and they look similar.

      1. I wore the heck out of my Gap High Rise Strider crops this year.

      2. The whole look seems very 90s to me, in a very good way. I love to wear black/charcoal with lighter wash jeans.

3. what shoes is everyone wearing with cropped flared pants?

   1. Chunky oxford since I personally can’t wear chunky loafers without my heels slipping out.

   2. right now boots with skinny shafts because it’s 10 degrees outside.

      When it gets warmed and I can have exposed ankles I’ll wear lug sole loafers.

   3. Now – medium height wedge booties with a slim shaft (hugging the ankle)
      Warmer weather – pointed toe flats, backless loafers

      I don’t like the chunky loafer trend.

4. Judge Reyes is my new personal hero – such great questions yesterday.

5. I have negotiated an 8 week leave of absence from my job. Starting in mid-March. I will use the time to explore 2 different countries where I have reasonable job prospects and the start of a social network. I have the means to qualify for investment visas if the professional paths do not work out quickly enough.

   Feeling thankful that I never found a partner and never had children. I have a lot more flexibility to emigrate – and no husband to tell me that I am overreacting, he won’t move, etc.

   1. Nice. If you can keep us updated on how it’s going. I’m stuck here, but I am always interested to hear about people who finally escape.

   2. Best of luck to you – I hope it works out!

   3. Are you a US citizen?

      1. Yes, I am a U.S. citizen with work experience in the two countries in question. One country is English speaking and the other not – but I used to be fluent in the local language.

         Key is that I have dear friends in both places – people I would trust above my own blood family anyway.

         1. Nice. Sounds awesome. Keep us posted.

   4. This sounds like an amazing opportunity for you, best of luck!

6. Ok, what am I doing wrong? I’m ordering clothes online, and I’m measuring myself and looking at the manufacturer’s (not store’s) or flat lay measurements to determine the size. Items are too big when they arrive. Like, I can grab a fistful of material too big. I’m measuring myself using good technique – right placement, not too tight or loose, etc. And yes, my tape is accurate. I don’t understand!

   1. So either the garments are mis-sized (i.e. cut and sewn wrong or cut and sewn to a nonsensical size chart) or the level of ease (i.e. how different the garment is vs. your body) is a style that doesn’t work for you. There’s been a lot of boxy, loose cuts lately- could this be it?

   2. Nothing. Same thing happens to me and it’s infuriating. The size charts are aspirationally correct.

   3. The sizing charts are typically off by 2-3 inches. Yay vanity sizing.

   4. You’re doing the same thing over and over and being surprised at the same results. Just order a small size next time.

   5. You prefer a different fit than the manufacturer has sized for. Buy a smaller size.

7. Can someone smarter than me explain why liberal activist investors and/or derivative lawyers are not trying to do a hostile takeover of Tesla to force Musk out as CEO? (I think that’s Musk’s only public company at the moment). There is no way he is devoting an appropriate amount of time to running the company at this point, so why are stockholders allowing him to remain as CEO?

   (And yes, there are many liberal activist investors).

   1. Honestly, I think it’s because they are scared of the Tesla superfans. And honestly, same.

   2. If you read the Delaware Chancery decision on Musk’s pay package (it was a while ago so some of the information is probably outdated, but it’s an interesting read), you’ll get a sense of some of the obstacles that would exist to an effort like this.

8. What’s everyone having for dinner tonight? We’re trying a new recipe for salmon with dill.

   1. Roasted broccoli salad (Eating Well) and grilled Italian sausages.

   2. The dumpling and cucumber salad with peanut sauce from NYT cooking (plus tofu and served warmish, so salad doesn’t seem like exactly the right word, but it’s good- we ate half last night and will finish it tonight).

   3. Baked crispy tacos with jalapeno dipping sauce, Caesar salad with homemade dressing

   4. Lamb kofta, smoked rice with cardamom, beet and avocado and hazelnut salad.

      1. On a weeknight?

         Do you have a personal chef!

         1. Just me!
            And none of these take very long since I cooked the beets over the weekend

   5. Tortellini and chickpea soup

   6. Homemade chicken soup using the broth I made from last night’s roasted chicken.

   7. Just had a late lunch of sushi so probably won’t be hungry for a full dinner. It’s likely that dark chocolate covered almonds are in my near future.

      1. I like your style. Both for lunch and dinner.

   8. I am making poached chicken and roasted vegetables and praying my 4-year old will eat it

   9. Husband’s likely having his half of the lasagna leftovers, while I will be scrounging in the fridge. Maybe pizza.

   10. My husband made pineapple red curry with chicken, tofu, and various vegetables.

9. I’m a federal employee who is so stressed I’ve lost my appetite and am not eating as I normally do.

   I’m thinking of maybe intentionally switching to “OMAD” intermittent fasting to trick myself into eating.

   Anyone who has done the OMAD before, what do you eat to ensure you’re hitting a nutritional balance?

   1. This sounds like a terrible idea that will put additional stress on your body at an already stressful time. I’d focus on eating small, but regular meals with a mix of healthy and appealing foods. If you’re really struggling to eat anything, go with whatever sounds good and is easy to just make sure you’re getting some calories, and then start adding in healthier options.

      1. This.

   2. It’s the same principle as any other eating method, and no one’s improved on how Michael Pollan put it: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

   3. How is leaning further into disordered eating going to help?

   4. When I’ve lost my appetite from stress in the past, the worst thing I could have done was add any other limitations on my eating. If you’re truly without an appetite from stress, focus on getting enough water, try to get some small snacks to keep your energy up (this is literally the moment for the handful of almonds), and try to eat something at every mealtime, even if it’s just a little bit. This will pass.

   5. Do you need a meal replacement formula (like a legit medical one, not a sports/supplement one)?

      1. I should have said more: not to actually use to replace meals, which you’re trying to eat, but as more of an insurance policy for any meals you end up skipping or that end up being less than balanced.

   6. OP I’m really sorry that you are in this situation.

   7. This is terrible. I admit I lean this way when I am stressed, but it only makes things worse.

      You can’t get sufficient and balanced nutrition eating this way. You will develop more nutritional deficiencies that will make your energy/sleep/mood symptoms worse.

   8. I don’t know what OMAD is but please don’t do any kind of fasting right now! It could really mess with the hunger cues you DO get and lead to a worse outcome.
      Try to think of some nutrient dense snacks that are easy to digest – nuts, cheese and crackers, yogurt, heck even ice cream or a Wendy’s frosty is better than nothing. I hope you start feeling better soon.

   9. Take a multivitamin. Eat simple meals that are comfort food too. Ready to heat is ok. Take care of yourself please

10. Hepatitis shots?
    Meningitis shots?
    Pneumonia shots?

    I feel like I was so busy getting COVID shots and then shingles and then a mammogram and then a colonoscopy and then annual flu shots and then a tetanus booster that these three are things that I know precious little about and yet feel I should (?) look into. Yes? No? I’m 54. I don’t get sick a lot, so do I need to schedule an appointment with a PCP to discuss or book all / some of them? What do people do?

    1. yes, book your annual physical – slash “well woman” visit (or new patient visit if you don’t have one).

       1. This. my understanding is that Hepatitis booster/vaccine is mostly for if you have certain high risk lifestyle exposures or foreign travel plans. Pneumonia vaccines are recommended for older adults, but I’m not sure of the exact age. Meningitis hasn’t been on my radar, but all of this is the sort of thing your PCP should talk through with you based on your lifestyle and health history.

    2. This is probably best discussed with your primary. However, if you want to learn more until then, the CDC has historically had great information on vaccine recommendations (not sure if the information is still up). My fallback for reliable information is other countries’ health services, like the UK’s NHS, but recommendations vary by prevalence of an illness in a country, cost on a population level, etc, so it’s not as relevant if you’re in the US.

       1. +1 I get a lot of info from NHS even though I’m in the UA.

    3. Keeping up with vaccinations as we get older is one of the few things we can do that we think lowers dementia risk. You’re not getting older in those terms yet, but keeping the conversation about vaccination plans active with a PCP seems like a good idea to me.

    4. Meningitis and Hepatitis most people are vaccinated against as children and I don’t believe you need a booster once you’ve done the full initial vaccine series. Maybe Hep A for travel to some developing countries – I think we maybe got a booster for that before travel to Thailand. But it’s not something you need to be vaccinated against frequently for daily life in the US. Check the CDC website if you’re traveling.

       Pneumonia I’m not sure is available in your age group, but definitely a good thing to get once age eligible. My parents get it, but they’re 20+ years older than you.

       1. I am younger than OP and was never offered the meningitis or hepatitis vaccines until they were required for grad school. Kids today get them, but the HepB vaccine wasn’t standard for newborns until 1991, and the first meningitis vaccine wasn’t approved until 1992.

    5. Yes, discuss with a primary. Hep B I think is lifelong, so if you got it as a child, you’re probably good. Hep A I think I only got because I was traveling somewhere it was on the recommended list for? I’ve also gotten vaccines at travel clinics before for travel to certain regions, but those were the more unusual ones we don’t usually get in the US (Typhoid, yellow fever).

       1. Hep A may be a good one to keep up, given what is likely to happen with food safety in the US if the federal workforce compromised and/or not filling that function. Shingles and pneumonia both are vaccines were the was a vaccine (or vaccine series) and then better vaccines were developed. Check with your primary. I am not sure at what age those two are recommended but once upon a time, it was higher than your current age.

    6. I would also ask your PCP about testing to see if you need to get a booster for any other vaccines like MRM. I got a titer for a few at my last annual visit.

    7. My spouse and I, similar age to you, just got MMR (shot 1 of 2) and TDaP boosters a few weeks ago. These are the biggies right now due to outbreaks of measles and whooping cough caused by under-vaccination.

       To my mind, hepatitis shots, whichever variety, are for higher-risk situations like employment in certain fields or travel to certain places. And broadly, meningitis shots are for people who are going back to school, while pneumonia shots are for seniors, so we haven’t gotten them. But everybody’s calculus will vary on these.

Comments are closed.