Coffee Break: Illuminating Nail Concealer
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The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is still going for about another week — in terms of “what's new,” they are having daily beauty deals that I'm having fun checking each day. Today's deal includes a ton of nice deals on Londontown nail products, including their best-selling illuminator.
I already have this one in pink, and really don't need another one… but for $14 I am very tempted by the “original” shade, pictured here. There's also a newer, whiter Quartz if you'd prefer that. If you aren't familiar with the brand, this is a “your nails but better” look — and they dry extremely quickly.
The nail concealer is $20 regularly, but for today only is marked down to $14. All of the Londontown products at Nordstrom are on sale, including their lotions, cuticle oils, gel nail products, sheer nail polishes, veil polishes, and of course the illuminators. Other brands in today's deal include Elemis, Kiehl's, Origins, and U Beauty.
Psst: you can see all of our picks for the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale here!
Sales of note for 8/10:
- Ann Mashburn – Seasonal sale, up to 50% off – we just included them in our updated Top 10 Brands for Comfortable Heels!
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase, $99 dresses, and extra 60% off clearance — readers love this blouse and I always love the variety of colors/textures for this jacket (it's a great separate)
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale!
- Bare Minerals – Free shipping over $50! Love their Love thir OG Mineral Veil setting powder
- The Fold – Up to 50% off, further markdowns (new lines added)
- J.Crew – Up to 30% off
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sitewide
- J.McLaughlin – Summer sale, up to 50% off
- Lilysilk – Anniversary sale, save up to 70%
- Madewell – Up to 30% off
- Me & Em – Sale! Up to 60% off (new lines just added, exclusively online)
- M.M.LaFleur – End of season sale! (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom Rack – Clearance, new markdowns up to 75% off! Nice selection of Vince, Veronica Beard, Reiss and Rag & Bone, a ton of affordable work dresses from Calvin Klein, Maggy London, Eliza J, and Donna Morgan
- Saks Fifth Avenue – Up to $500 off your purchase! Great selection of Veronica Beard, L'Agence, Vince, and more.
- Talbots – Semi-annual red door sale, 50-60% off all markdowns, and free shipping on 150+.
- Theory – End of season sale is on! Love all the colors their best-selling sweater tee comes in, and some colors are on sale.
Any recommendations for hotels or restaurants in Milwaukee? I’m attending an event in the third ward, but I’ll have my own transportation and can go anywhere.
Milwaukeean here. The Kimpton Journeyman in the third ward is great. Slightly further away are the Pfister, our fanciest historic hotel. If you’d like a boutique spot in a slightly more residential setting, look at Dubbel Dutch. We also have many of the mid-range chains downtown, which is adjacent to the third ward, if you’re looking for something more budget. In terms of food, there are a number of good, but not great, spots in the third ward. I highly recommend Odd Duck or La Merenda if you like small plates, or Morel for really good farm to table.
^^Note that my restaurant recs are not in the third ward, but not far away. Good spots in the third ward are Onesto for Italian, Tre Rivali in the Journeyman, and Saffron for upscale Indian.
I love the Kimpton and would stay there, but the St. Kate Hotel is also fun! For food, I like Momo Mee (esp the soup dumplings) and agree with the Onesto rec.
Another Milwaukeean chiming in. The Journeyman is a great recommendation for staying in the Third Ward. Downtown is easy enough to walk, drive and park, or take the free Hop that you can stay in any hotel and get where you need to be. Cassis is a newer restaurant in the Third Ward. Walking distance to the Third Ward are the Swinging Door Exchange and the Wolf. Highly recommend checking out the lakefront by going to the Art Museum and grabbing a drink at Harbor House. Further outside of downtown, South Shore Park’s Beer Garden for dinner and a drink. South Shore has a great farmer’s market on Saturday mornings if you will be in town.
We stayed at St. Kate last year and it was wonderful!
Would you be hurt if your spouse went on a GLP-1 and didn’t tell you?
I’d definitely wonder why they didn’t feel okay telling me. So hurt/guilty spectrum at least.
Maybe not hurt, but very concerned because our relationship involves so much oversharing (color of the poops! smell of the belly button jam!) that it would be wild for him to go on a lifetime medication without any heads-up to me.
idk if ‘hurt’ would be the emotion, but we are open with each other with health concerns and know each others’ meds in general in case of emergency or whatever, so this would be unusual for us.
+1
Hiding medical conditions or treatment from one’s spouse seems very odd and signals a lack of trust.
Yea, I’d be more hurt but also kind of angry because that’s a medication with lots of side effects. What if something happened and I’m taking you to the doctor/talking to an EMT and I don’t know you’re on this drug?
I agree with this. The practical ramifications of the concealment could be severe. That’s a major problem.
Severe is a stretch
Drug interactions can be fatal! It’s really important for the medical team to have a full picture of what meds patients are on. It’s not a stretch to say it could be severe.
With modern EMRs, the odds your care team is not aware of your medications is pretty low, especially in cities where there’s only one healthcare system.
With modern EMRs, I feel like the odds are the care team is aware of the medications you are on, three that you are no longer on but they’re still showing up as current, and two that a nurse accidentally entered and couldn’t remove.
Haha, well, that’s true enough. But I definitely don’t know the dosages of my spouse’s meds or even the specific name of his cholesterol meds, so I wouldn’t be much help.
Hurt? No. But we talk about everything, so it would be weird.
I forgot to tell my husband I was getting an IUD to deal with peri, but it was really an oversight. (He has a vasectomy, so no impact on our family there)
I know lots of people who didn’t tell their spouse because they didn’t care to have a conversation about it. Not everyone is supportive of these medications or want to drill down into the “why” that some folks find really annoying.
I don’t think I’d want to be married to someone to whom I didn’t want to bother to explain the “why.” Telling your spouse what’s going on is not the same as asking permission.
Every marriage has different dynamics.
Yeah, and some of them are bad.
I didn’t tell mine for the first six months. I wanted to see if I had success first. He legitimately didn’t care, but we also don’t consult each other about any other medications. Married 10+ years.
This is complicated, because a lot of people have some really heavy feelings of shame around weight. And a lot of people have additional shame about using medication to lose weight, like it’s a cheat code or something. So I might be a bit hurt, but I would also be empathetic and try to gently unpack the reason why my spouse didn’t share this big decision with me.
Agree with what everyone else has said, plus I’d wonder if they thought I was stupid. It’s not like I’m not going to notice if my spouse suddenly stops eating and loses a massive amount of weight, and if that happens in the absence of a GLP-1 it would actually be a major cause for concern.
Trying to put one over on your spouse like this is a signal of massive disrespect.
Only if you make it one. Which might be why some things don’t get told to you.
Found the person who is lying to her spouse.
Clever!
Agree. Why make it about herself
I could totally see DH doing this. He’s secretive about medical stuff he finds embarrassing. I think he would find weight issues embarrassing, even though I’m currently on a GLP-1!
Relatedly: My fertility clinic and I had to tag team chasing DH down for the results of his sperm analysis, which he booked through his provider rather than the clinic. He dodged (withheld) those results for months because he thought they were worse than they were and he didn’t want to talk about it. Incredibly frustrating. He has many good qualities and is a real adult and partner otherwise, but he is a total brat about medical care.
Just remember – it’s not about you or the quality of your relationship. It is totally about him and whatever (crisis of masculinity? Insert issue here) he’s going through.
Agree. Some people are just like this (my mother comes to mind.)
I dunno. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t share major things or trust me. I just cannot imagine. You’re married not casually dating.
It’s not a categorial thing though. I’m sure he does trust her and share major things. It’s more like a hang up about a specific issue.
Yeah I don’t think he doesn’t trust me, I think it’s a toxic masculinity thing. If he’s not perfectly virile and strong and healthy and immortal then he’s not a real man! Blech.
That seems like something to get sorted through in therapy while he prepares to become a father.
Oh I think it is absolutely categorical across all categories. What even?!
Agreed. When it comes to something like fertility testing that fully impacts 2 people/the family unit, it’s really unacceptable to dodge sharing results (for MONTHS??). I can see why people have shame about GLP-1s and I wish there were less judgment but still, spouses need to know. I could see a “hey, I want to let you know something – I didn’t want to bring it up earlier because I’m honestly not interested in debating it, but I decided to start Ozempic. It will cost this much and I’m working with my doctor.”
I am shocked your husband dodged you for MONTHS on his sperm results. You are a much more understanding person than I. Not much makes me really angry, but I would have exploded at my husband if they put me through that, knowing how fraught fertility issues and treatment and maintenance are for women.
Hey, it’s OP. Sorry you’re getting crapped on. We might have the same husband. Does yours also have parents in declining health and a lot of anxiety about turning out like them, but like, the paralyzing kind of anxiety, not the motivating kind?
Anyway, I know that this is very much a guilt and shame and embarrassment dynamic over here. He also started it the week I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks (after multiple bleeding scares), and he just didn’t feel like it was the right time to tell me. He told me about three months later, which is longer than I wish he’d taken, but to be fair, I was still bleeding for nearly five weeks, and it was by far my hardest miscarriage both physically and mentally. I don’t know that I would’ve been in a great space to be supportive.
Thanks for sharing your experience. My living children are all from fertility treatments, and I hope you have an easy spin in the IVF or IUI washing machine if you do go that route.
Thanks, I appreciate it. It’s so weird isn’t it? Here’s this generally perfectly functional man with a really enormous blind spot.
And yes mine, too, has parents and grandparents who died young partly because they didn’t take care of themselves. I really wish he would go to therapy. I think it’s grief wrapped up in shame and fear and ideas of manliness. It’s a lot to unpack.
Man, I could not be married to somebody like this.
Needlessly mean.
I’d be mad they found such a good hiding spot in the fridge before I did.
But seriously I’d be concerned as to WHY they didn’t tell me. Not really hurt.
They buy mini fridges for the office. Which is not actually recommended because their temperatures can be unstable and freeze the meds.
I would be shocked. I can’t imagine that level of concealment. We tell each other everything.
Same, plus it’s enough of an impact on our budget that we both need to know.
Unless it’s fully insurance covered.
Even more odd to hide it then, in my opinion. It is literally a medical treatment.
Not even relevant. Money is not the only thing to discuss in a marriage.
Not hurt but it would signal a serious relationship crisis because lying by omission isn’t cool.
Only if you believe in the concept of lying by omission. Lots of people think this is a made up thing.
I don’t think it’s made up, but it’s easy to misapply. I honestly don’t inform my partner of every thing I do that categorize as cosmetic.
We do discuss meds, but I don’t think all spouses do. Some people have a “between me and my doctor” approach to meds.
I’m not entirely sure my husband realizes I’m on birth control pills and estradiol cream, though both are frequently out on our counter (peri treatment here as well, we’re done with kids). Same with botox/facial lasers/microneedling. He knows I come home from the derm looking red at times but doesn’t ask about details.
GLP-1s are like going on insulin without telling your partner you’re diabetic – that is real and vital information someone close to you needs to know in an emergency!!
I have no idea why you think GLP1s are anything like going on insulin or being diabetic. People do not die from missing a dose of GLP1!
“Only if you believe in the concept of lying by omission”…? This isn’t magic or Catholicism, what does belief have to do with it? Lying by omission is factually something that can occur…This is treading really close to “alternative facts” territory.
Me not telling someone something is not lying by omission, it’s not telling someone something.
For you to share information it’s on your partner to magically guess the right question to ask? What happens if you intentionally haven’t told your partner something and then they DO guess the right question, do you fess up then?
I think lying by omission isn’t a real thing. I regularly experienced both (in a previous, terrible relationship) and someone lying to your face when you ask a question is night and day different than when they just don’t tell you what they’re up to because you won’t approve.
Both are sneaky, and not great, but only one is lying.
Depends on what the marriage culture is.
In my marriage, I would be surprised if DH didn’t tell me and would ask if he was concerned about telling me, which sounds like something we would need to address.
In my parents’ marriage, not mentioning it would be normal.
I think both couples have great marriages, but they have very different dynamics.
I’m a long time single, so take this with a grain of salt, but do people have zero privacy in a relationship? Are you expected to tell them everything, even medical things? I’m not judging but it doesn’t seem right to me.
Only the commenters on this thread. My marriage has plenty of privacy. I can’t imagine consulting my SO on medications.
Consulting ~= informing
+1. The same thing comes up whenever there’s a thread about combined vs. separate finances. Someone argues “I can’t imagine requesting permission from my spouse before spending money on something for me” and then someone else points out that informing/sharing access to information about something isn’t the same as “requiring permission.”
It depends on your definition of marriage. Our definition is that marriage is a partnership that requires trust and honesty, so we share all medical information. There are practical reasons for that as well. There have been several emergencies where I’ve had to give health history on my husband’s behalf, and I shudder to think of what could have happened if he were on a medication that I didn’t know about.
For those who say lying by omission is not lying, in marriage the logistics of hiding a prescription require active deception.
I don’t tell my husband every thought that runs through my head, but that’s different.
Insofar as our medical choices could one day have major life impacts on our spouses, I feel like most spouses do share about medical-related information. We’re all on the hook to care for one another as we age and all…
I agree, but I also think this is generational. Every healthcare provider has stories of older patients who talk about the medications they’re on in terms of “the little white pills” and “the big blue ones” etc. If that’s somebody’s relationship with doctors, there’s not that much to talk about.
In a healthy relationship, yes
I’d assume more privacy in a relationship than a marriage, though this varies by the people in either. Like, most people who are dating do not share finances, whereas I’d guess more people in marriages do share bank accounts.
In my marriage, medical things are things we deal with together, and the idea of not telling my spouse about a drug I’m taking feels off.
i could see arguments both ways. do you tell your spouse every time you take a new prescription medication or a new vitamin? is it covered by insurance or are you paying out of pocket? do you put a glp-1 in the same category as something like botox? or is it something like blood pressure medication or an antibiotic?
True. I didn’t tell mine about GLP-1 use for the first few months, but would definitely tell him about something like Botox (and he would talk me out of it and to this day I’ve never had Botox injections.)
I tell my spouse about new prescriptions but not new vitamins. When he sees new vitamins he gets curious and is sometimes a bit put out that I didn’t announce the change.
We discuss all new expenses. I can’t imagine an insurance policy where the out-of-pocket cost for any drug, let alone a GLP-1, would be zero.
I mean, presumably it’s important for me to know if my spouse had an infectious disease and needed to take antibiotic? I just think it be really weird not to say anything when the effects are so noticeable. I’d be happy that my spouse was controlling their blood pressure but probably wouldn’t be able to tell, unless they had side effects, so I wouldn’t really care about that one, but we would still mention it. If my spouse suddenly stopped eating normally, it would be very noticeable and also affect me, since we shop, cook and eat together, with me doing the bulk of the cooking, and it would be baffling if he didn’t explain why he didn’t want to eat the way he normally ate. I’d be wondering if there was something wrong with him (he already did lose weight unintentionally a few years ago and his doctor found it so concerning that she ordered a colonoscopy, as this is a potential sign of cancer, though probably just stress related).
Right – how do those conversations go? How much lying is involved? “Are you feeling well? I noticed you didn’t eat your favorite dinner tonight.” “Oh yeah, just not hungry today, weird.”
It’s not necessarily the initial omission that becomes a negative pattern – it’s everything that follows.
Exactly this–it’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up.
Or it’s just none of your business.
If you think your health is none of your spouse’s business, you should not be married to them.
In a marriage, the other person’s health IS your business. It doesn’t mean that NOTHING can be private, but in general, it’s absolutely the spouse’s business for all the reasons others have already pointed out. It’s also not OK to lie to cover it up – “no, that’s not my prescription bottle, that’s odd” or “huh, I don’t know why there would be a charge for Her on the credit card bill” would be totally unacceptable.
If your spouse is your Emergency contact, and doesn’t already know your medical problems/medications/doctor names and phone numbers, then you have a problem. And in an Emergency, you may be impeding the care of your loved one.
This feels like an excuse to be mad about not being told something.
I actually know a couple who had the exact issue (not with a GLP-1, with a different medication) and it resulted in the wife nearly dying in a medical emergency.
Just a perspective from a doctor, reading this thread.
It is sadly the norm that most people do not know their spouse’s or parents’ or children’s medical information, yet may be bringing them to the ER/hospital/clinic. You are just slowing things down, and increasing the chances of errors.
And while we like to pretend that GLP-1s are so safe and easy that anyone can find an online doc comfortable enough to prescribe one, there are actually quite a few people that do not tolerate them and who develop complications.
So I’d add it to your medication list, and at a minimum keep it on the Emergency medical info on your phone that EMS can access.
Spoken like someone who has never had to call 911 or take someone to the ER.
Some of yall are in the most messed up marriages.
Seriously. If my spouse lied (yes concealment = lying in this case) to me about taking a prescription drug it would be a signal that our marriage was no longer a true partnership and we should consider splitting.
I think it’s one very eager person replying first to every comment.
Not at all. I don’t tell him about my botox. And he didn’t mention Zepbound until talking about a colonoscopy he was prepping for. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. Kind of surprised by some of the answers. (We also don’t talk about belly buttons though–eew.)
FWIW, we’ve been married happily for more than 20 years.
Glad I’m not married to some of you. You’re equating this like it’s finding out there is infidelity or something equally horrible. There’s no anti-GLP attitude on either side (obviously). Just didn’t think it was a big deal like at all. Didn’t really cross my mind.
But are you both blind? You don’t notice that one of you has a forehead that no longer moves and the other has lost a ton of weight? I just don’t understand how this works when you live with someone and look at them every day.
I’m guessing that some of these responses are from people who don’t see their spouses every day.
Good grief. He works from home and I’m hybrid and we have seen each other for almost 25 years. I just don’t think it’s a big deal. You all or so wildly judgy about something that seems super minor to me. Just wild. Or maybe it’s just one weirdo commenter?
My husband 100% notices nothing on a day to day basis.
lol
I really think this is even more of a “different relationships to healthcare” thing than it is a “different kinds of marriage” thing.
No. Everything is not about me. My husband hid his cigarettes and now he hides his vaping because he is embarrased to himself. Maybe a spouse is ashamed they can’t lose weight and don’t want to talk about it.
Right. I feel like commenters are so invested in making sure their own partner has no secrets at all that they jump right to shaming people with different norms for “concealment.” Let folks live their lives, please. Our values can be different without being wrong.
I am considering a glp-1 and if I thought I could get it past my DH without him noticing, I would. Not because I don’t trust him, but because I’m embarrassed to be considering a weight loss med. It’s just this specifically because yeah, it feels like I “should” have the willpower and ability to do this without any help. And part of the reason why it’s embarrassing is because he has never struggled with his weight. I have never concealed any other medical issues, fwiw. He is well aware that I take zoloft for my mental health issues, estradiol because of my plummeting hormone levels, and other things over the years.
Do people who are ‘better’ people than you make you uncomfortable/angry? Someone who volunteers a lot, donates a bunch of money, makes meaningful social change etc. Do those feelings motivate you to be better yourself or to do sh!tty things out of spite?
People who think they are better than I am make me angry.
They don’t make me angry, but I also believe they are probably delusional.
Those people have nothing to do with me—so I guess a neutral reaction.
100%. MYOB, you don’t know everything about a person
If they’re genuinely kind people, I want to spend more time with them so they can hopefully rub off on me. But if they’re show-offs I don’t want to be around it.
This makes sense. At a certain point, I should not know how much you donate, unless your name is on the library or something. Good deeds should be done privately.
“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting…”
“[W]hen you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing…”
Exactly.
❤️
Still, sometimes I think people feel encouraged or supported by non-anonymous donations (this comes up in my household every time there’s a Go Fund Me).
Generally agree with this, although I am somewhat torn about this when it comes to encouraging others to donate time/money/stuff but that can be done without showboating how much you yourself donated
No, I love people who give and serve and try to make this world a better place. Sometimes, the “better” people inspire me to do some self reflection (i.e. am I in a place now where I can do more? do I want to? if yes, what do I give up in order to do the thing?). Different situation if it’s someone who is motivated by appearance or someone who is trying to guilt you about your current level of altruism.
neither, if they just go about their business quietly as opposed to being performatively noble.
Is it that they demonstrably perceive themselves as better people than me, or that I perceive them as better people than me?
I have only ever been inspired and uplifted by the latter, but I have known far more of the former.
No, I find it motivating, which isn’t necessarily what I expected since I do have a “jealous of other women” streak.
I am a hardcore “admire them and try to emulate them” person, but a lot of people are completely crappy to me out of spite.
I wouldn’t do shitty things out of spite even if somebody was “worse” than me.
“Better” than me? High five to them!
yeah, I feel like that’s basic emotional regulation. I’m envious of people for stuff pretty regularly, including envy for people who are more disciplined and accomplish things that I hypothetically could do if I set different priorities. Usually I just compliment them for the cool thing they did and that’s it. Sometimes I will outright say I’m so jealous (of your vacation, your lovely hair or whatever).
No point in doing spiteful or destructive things, won’t make me feel any better.
My ex husband wrecked my knee right before a huge athletic event because he could not take me outshining him.
It was absolutely inexcusable. I could have been the most obnoxious human in the world about it, and it was still completely beyond the pale.
Now that you say “emotional regulation,” yes, he lacks a lot of emotional regulation abilities.
that is awful!
I think that this is another example of comparrison is the thief of joy. No one is great at everything and everyone’s life circumstances at any given time are different. For example, I volunteer a lot. However, I also have a non-stressful job with no commute because I WFH, no kids, no elder care responsibilities, and a spouse who travels a lot for work. I also don’t have time consuming hobbies that I’m wishing I could spend more time at. Selfishly, my volunteer gig gets me out of the house and gives me a chance to socialize. The fact that I volunteer a lot doesn’t make me a better person than someone who is contributing to the world by caring for relatives or raising children or doing something else worthwhile.
This is a bizarre question. I’m going to guess you’re doing all of the “better person” things.
Probably one of the childless vegans who doesn’t fly on airplanes from the morning thread.
Anonymous, let.it.go.
I’d be angry too if I had to get my protein from tofu and beans.
lol, I prefer to limit my meat consumption/am an admitted bean & tofu lover but this made me laugh.
Not the OP, but I think it’s a good question. There are a lot of spiteful people out there, or at least it seems like a lot because they can be very aggressive with people whom they perceive of as “better.” If, on an anonymous board, someone wants to say, “Yeah I do that, I hate that I do that, therapy helps, but I had really gone to town on people who did nothing to me,” that’s a good thing for people to understand.
Nope! The question was inspired by a colleague who is a prolific gardener who donates her extra bounty to a community aid organization. The organization is closed this week for holiday so she brought in her extra bounty to share with colleagues. When she left the room someone said they wanted to ‘throw out all the vegetables.’
I was absolutely baffled, someone who feeds the needy is giving out free vegetables and you’re salty?!?
And no she doesn’t brag and is a ray of sunshine.
What kind of monster turns down free home-grown vegetables?
Especially in the middle of an explosive diarrhea outbreak. Man what I wouldn’t give for some fresh lettuce right now that I didn’t have to worry about being suss.
Depends on if it’s a giant sack of zucchini.
I’m cracking up at “prolific gardener” on this site.
But yeah, I would assume the person who made that comment is really going through something awful, because that’s way beyond normal things to be jealous of.
And one who donates her services to the community!
Your veg gifting coworker sounds like one of the genuinely kind people, not a show off. The other one clearly has some issues to work through.
I give my neighbors flowers from my garden all the time. They grow, they need to be cut, why not give them to others? Wasting food for no reason is just spiteful.
And anyone who has ever gardened knows performative gardening is just hiring a gardener.
Well I have never once thought of someone as “better” than me.
People who think they are better than others are almost always the ones doing shitty things to other people.
That sounds like someone who has more privilege than me, not someone who is “better” than me. The fact that society allows for their existence motivates me to advocate for a world with less inequality.
I don’t think all those things make someone better than me
No. I really admire people who do things I’m not up for.
I know someone who bottle feeds orphan kittens and trains abandoned puppies, raises them up to be good citizens, and places them into screened homes with a lifetime guarantee to take them back if needed. I think she’s a great person!
I know someone who I am aware quietly eats vegan if she can’t source the animal foods being served. I have every reason to think the farm animals she raises herself are living the best possible lives, and through her work I know she’s helped others improve the living conditions of animals in the food system. I sometimes think of her when I go out of my way to support a local farm that I know has a good reputation. I’ve never felt angry or uncomfortable about her choices.
I know three different couples who have stepped up to take in children in need and who have really, genuinely been there for them. I feel uplifted just being around them. They have always seemed like good, caring people.
When I was a kid I was often frustrated with adults in my life for reasons. I feel like it means a lot when someone who is doing well in life and who has a lot to offer chooses to be there for children.
I am aware that I’m not doing as much tangible good in the world as a lot of people who share my values. I honestly try to avoid volunteering and donating when I can. I admire the people who are doing more.
I will say I do feel uncomfortable when my yard looks messy and my neighbor’s gardens and landscaping are on point. Hopefully that is worth it if it gets me to spiff up my yard some.
I simply do not believe you know this specific array of people.
I find this ironic since I chose to mention these people because these felt like common examples. They are all real people I could name.
There are other people I’m still thinking about who are also doing important work that really benefits people, but since their projects are more unusual and specific, they felt more identifying/less anonymous to mention.
Anonymous, you are such a tr 0LL 😂
No, and I think getting angry at that is super weird and problematic.
Eh sounds like someone is very sanctimonious and that does irritate me. I’d toss their veggies out of spite.
You might need therapy for emotional regulation
Hahahahaha. No babe. I’m just being honest. Come on, you’ve never rolled your eyes at someone? Like I’m doing at you?
I’m just wondering where the sanctimony came up. What would be the less sanctimonious way of sharing vegetables?
I presumed it was there based on the colleagues reaction.
For starters, I don’t actually believe that these people are better than me.
But bragging/humble bragging is one of my biggest pet peeves, and I will use extra plastic and buy more on Amazon when I hear people bragging about how they don’t. Also, I have never met a single vocal anti-Amazon person who didn’t make exceptions for something they truly wanted or needed. Every single vocal anti-Amazon person I have met is a hypocrite.
Haha, yes. I am an anti-Amazon person who absolutely makes an exception for things I need. I am forever deleting and then recreating an account.
This is fine and still better than just throwing money at Bezos no matter how bad Amazon gets. Part of the problem with Amazon is the monopoly that makes it unavoidable for some purchases!
But it’s not hypocrisy to do a little of something as opposed to a whole lot of something.
Also it’s actually better to be a little hypocritical or braggy than to be spiteful and malevolent, so I guess I think those people are better than you.
How long should I give myself to adjust to new progressive glasses before I decide the prescription is wrong? I have been wearing progressives for years, but these have a stronger reading correction than my last pair. Seeing close up is difficult, and I’m wondering whether the correction is too strong or I just need to adjust to a smaller usable area on the lens because of the stronger correction.
A week
yeah I agree that a week sounds right!
My eye doctor will check the prescription on any pair of glasses I bring in, it only takes a minute.
If the Rx aligns with what you were prescribed, I would schedule another eye exam to confirm you have what you need.
The pupillary distance might be off. Give it a week and definitely go back. I just suffered through three months of contacts and an expensive pair of glasses needlessly. Today I’m wearing new contacts from a different doctor (new insurance so seemed like a good time to change) and I can’t believe I can see our TV menu again and that I can be on Zoom calls and view a document without readers. I am so ridiculously happy today.
Check and make sure that the reading magnification is in the part of the lens where you need it. My otherwise fabulous optician always wants to put the close reading magnification in a narrow area at the very, very bottom of the lens, which did not work for me at all. It was defended as standard practice and I had to firmly insist that in that case I was nonstandard and that the reading part of the lens needed to go on the lens where I wanted it.
On topic for once- has anyone tried this? The pink is intriguing to me, but the colors look like they have some shimmer when I zoom in, which I generally avoid.
I’ve tried their Nail Veil – that doesn’t have any shimmer and is a nice, conservative, “your nails but better” look for me.
I use this all the time, it sits on my desk. There is no shimmer. My petty complaint is the more coats you apply, the more opaque it becomes. So I can’t just throw a fresh coat on without having to remove the original layer.
Some have shimmer and some don’t.
Anybody else get jittery before a trip? We’re leaving later this afternoon and I know it’s going to be great, but I have a pretty bad case of the heebie-jeebies. Just so many moving parts… Please tell me I’m not the only one!
I wouldn’t say usually, but our last vacation (last month), I was really anxious and couldn’t stop thinking and re-thinking everything I needed to plan/pack/do the whole week before. It wasn’t a particularly daunting trip, so I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it sure was frustrating.
You are a thousand percent not the only one. I get super anxious the last day or two before a trip that’s longer than a weekend or so.
Yes! I have a hard time sleeping well the night before, pretty much always, ha!
Always.
Traveling is hard.
Oh gosh, yes. I thought I was the only one. I pretty much always have a good time, but ahead of a trip all my brain can do is come up with things that could go wrong.
I look forward to personal travel. I dread business travel but not in a jittery way, more in a “this is going to suck and I am going to be so tired” way.
Air travel makes me super anxious because so many things can go wrong and it’s really out of my control and the airlines make it so unpleasant even when it all goes according to plan. I’ve been considering getting meds specifically for when I fly.
We haven’t even flown with our kid yet and I’m already nervous about diaper changes on the plane. I don’t know how it’s even legal for there not to be at least one changing table accessible to economy. Sometimes there is one, sometimes there isn’t.
Ugh flights. I am pretty good at spacing out on the plane even without meds (I think they’re not pressurized enough for me honestly!). But I also really dread all the things that go wrong. Next time I fly I’ll be flying with expensive medication in a cooler that only keeps it at temp for so long. I was looking at $$$ travel fridges and things and trying to learn about all the ways those can go wrong too.
I think my household also has bad luck with flights (getting stranded because of flight cancellations, that kind of thing).
Thanks for this! It makes me feel normal to know even very experienced travelers can feel this.
I’m a super adventurous traveler, and I still get the jitters every time. My mantra is “just get on the plane” – once you’re there, you always figure it out!
But a recently retired relative goes with “Nothing money can’t fix!”, which is true for 99% of travel problems and the ones money can’t fix, it can’t fix at home either!
We are a dual income 2 kids household. How much of your bonus do you spend on just you vs. putting in savings/joint expenses? I spend about $5-7K per year on clothes but I don’t think twice about it because my take home bonus amount this year was $14K. We are solid on savings, etc. but I’m just curious how other married couples approach their bonuses?
I work for a nonprofit, so only my husband gets a bonus. We have joint finances, so if he claimed part or all of the bonus as “his” it would be a serious betrayal. We are a team, and we have decided that I will do the social justice work on behalf of the team and he will earn somewhat more money by working in the private sector. We decide together what to do with the bonus each year. It usually goes to savings, a large expense such as a new roof, or an “extra” such as a pricey summer camp or a vacation.
Each of us spends on clothing and other personal expenses out of our joint regular income, according to our agreed-upon budget.
We treat a bonus the same as ordinary income. It just gets dumped into the checking account and then either spent on something that comes up, which could include a vacation or a home repair, or, if not spent, then put into investment accounts. That’s as boring as it sounds!
Same. All of our money is pooled, all of our expenses are pooled. If everything is solid, we will figure out what amount of fun money fits our budget and we are free to spend it as we please. I will usually save up for big ticket items, he will mostly spend his on smaller things throughout the year.
Same, it’s just money. We don’t use it to upgrade anything that assumes a certain $ bonus every year to maintain, but if one of us gets a great one, a small splurge is usually in order.
Expensive home repairs or renovation, depending on the year. One year it was new floors, another updated hvac.
Not married, but I think of my bonus as similar money to salary, so it doesn’t meaningfully change how much “luxury” money I’m planning on per year, or overall save vs spend picture
We don’t get bonuses per se but we are common potters. The money belongs to both of us and we consult each other on big spending decisions without discussing where the money came from. (What “consult” looks like has varied over the years as our income has increased. When we were just married and hemorrhaging money, we discussed any not strictly necessary expenditure. Now it’s more like “I want to spend $X on a personal indulgence. We have the money.” “Okay.”)
My bonus was like $20k last year and it went into our joint account, but I went to an ATM and took out $250 the next day just for stuff like fancy coffees, a couple books, getting my nails done. My husband agreed it would be nice for me to treat myself a bit after working hard to get that bonus. (We are normally very frugal) I’m the primary earner, 2 little kids, savings/retirement solid.
We each take 5% of my bonus as fun money and put the rest into savings.
My bonus is sometimes 1/4 of my pay, I’m a higher earner, and we share all our money. It wasn’t always this way, but after ten years of marriage we switched to a common pot with only small fun money accounts.
Each person gets a prize/toy with their bonus – generally under 5k – that is entirely their choice. Balance of the bonuses we make joint decisions about how spend/save the money.
When we were dual income and did not have kids, we saved 100% of the smaller salary. Not all that coincidentally, I effectively retired at 39.
We did something similar. I’m not fully retired but was able to step back to very part-time when I was early 40s and our kid was in early elementary school. Bonuses are not a thing for either of us, but at this point we would probably splurge if we had that sort of windfall, but when we were younger we threw every extra cent we had (including a $10k inheritance my husband got from a rich uncle) at savings and now I’m very grateful we did. The power of compounding interest is real.
My ex husband and I had an agreement we could spend 10% on ourselves. My bonus was $30-50k a year and I used my 10% to buy a new bag ($300), I spent $1000 donating Christmas gifts to a local family and I took the kids on a trip. His bonus was $2m and he spent $200k on himself. The remaining amount was ‘invested into his business’. The business was started after we married. By default it was our business.
My advice is simple. When you are married there is no ‘my money’. It’s always ‘our money’ and you both have earned it equally. Spending $5-7k on clothes each year is fine if it’s an agreed on budget. It has nothing to do with what your bonus was.
Please learn from my mistake. You’re married. Your money is ‘our’ money and your spouse needs to be in agreement with how it’s spent. This post reminds me of how my ex husband viewed his bonus and I thought it was fine. It really wasn’t and hindsight has shown just how damaging this arrangement was to our marriage.
I appreciate your response and sharing your story. We do have our bonuses go into same accounts as our salary. We use a shared excel sheet to monitor income vs expenses and savings on a monthly basis. Quarterly we discuss savings goals/upcoming big expenses. Maybe my actual curiosity was about how much % of your annual income do you spend on yourself vs family/household. I am more naturally frugal (so is my husband), so 5k seems extravagant to me for clothing but in reality compared to my 180k salary is probably normal? I’ve read 5% if take home pay is within range assuming all other costs are covered ok.
Curious for the glp-1 girlies – am I the only one who tries to split a vial from Eli Lilly? Seriously considering going back to compounded just to get a single vial instead of all the waste with the Lilly vials.
What do you mean by “waste”? The dosage in the Lilly vials is the full weekly dose so shouldn’t be split. I guess technically there is more physical waste with more vials (1 per week), but no medicine should be going to waste if you’re giving yourself the correct dose. If you’re splitting the Lilly vials, you’re not dosing properly.
1) Eli Lilly vials have more than the dose
2) you can 100% split the dose if it makes sense for you. My doctor brought this up recently as an option.
People do different doses in practice.
I posted a vent a couple of weeks ago about getting overruled again and again… and now it looks like the project is about to fall apart, for exactly the reasons I called out and tried to mitigate with my recommendations.
On one hand, it’s going to cause a lot of stress and chaos for the team.
OTOH, I feel vindicated and now my boss is seeing the consequences of why I tried to stand firm in the first place, and will hopefully back me up in the future instead of siding with overruling me.
Do you think that will happen? Or will your boss try to save face
We’ll see, but I think my boss will at least acknowledge that I called it. The one benefit of having every work call recorded, notetakers, etc. is that there’s no easy way to pretend no one knew, it was never brought up, etc.