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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Winona Leather Midi Skirt

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A woman (torso cropped out) wearing a black top, brown leather skirt, and black tall boots. She is carrying a black handbag..

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I don’t have any logical arguments for purchasing this leather skirt from Stouls, but the heart wants what the heart wants. (Note that we've discussed leather at the office.)

Orange isn’t a color that I normally gravitate towards, but I would love to see this with an ivory blouse and some great brown boots this fall. If you need a topper, I would add a navy or camel blazer (avoiding black because I can’t be looking like a jack-o'-lantern).

The skirt is $2,255 at Net-a-Porter and comes in sizes XXS-XL. 

Sales of note for 7/29:

256 Comments

  1. I know nap dresses have been popular and I see similar dresses a lot in the summer. Today, I was social media stalked by ads for a shirtdress from HHH that I could wear with the skirt fully unbuttoned but with matching mini-shorts. This seems very costume-y, but what do I know. Do people actually dress like this?

    1. No one I know IRL dresses like that, but I would not be surprised to see something like that in an insta feed.

    2. The Ellie style nap dress (smocked bodice with the ruffly shoulders) is kind of over IMHO, at least in my area.

      I know the shirtdress you’re talking about. I have seen people wearing similar styles only buttoned from b–b to mid-thigh, worn with a woven belt, as the alternative to where they would have previously worn the Ellie, but the peekaboo shorts look seems best left to the ‘gram.

      1. i agree re the Ellie, but honestly they are so comfortable and practical in my very very hot and humid climate, that i have 3 that still get a lot of use. black, navy and one patterned.

      2. It’s definitely not a current look anymore. That being said, I’m very pregnant and they are a lifesaver for summer pregnancies – comfortable, flexible on a growing bump and reasonably cute. I’m getting more use out of mine this summer than I ever did before.

    3. I have one friend who would wear this. But then again, another friend mentioned to me that she saw this other friend out and about wearing those trendy micro shorts. We both agreed that the friend would/did look great in the micro shorts so it wasn’t judgy, but it was something noteworthy.

    4. It’s festival season. What you’re describing sounds like an updated version of the ubiquitous bathrobe-looking topper everyone used to wear at music festivals.

      I have a shirtdress I wear belted and unbuttoned from the waist down with (full length) leggings underneath. I get compliments every time I wear it. I think it’s fun.

      1. To me, festivals involve porta-potties. No long dresses or jumpsuits for me for those. Too drippy.

    6. This sounds like a feature in an old fashion magazine “how to wear items you already own in different ways.” These outfits always looked ridiculous. Except this is a new item, so it’s even worse.

  2. Starting to think about a winter getaway to Florida for DH and me- no kids. Our main attraction is being able to walk on the beach uninterrupted for long stretches, and a view of the ocean from the balcony while we read. In other words, extremely low key. First dilemma is location. Considering northern FL (like Destin, Ft Walton Beach) – we prefer temps closer to 60 than 90. Any experience with those locales? Second, would prefer to avoid VRBO or Airbnb, but need a kitchen as we will probably go for two week stretch. We aren’t timeshare people, but are there ways to rent timeshare type locations other than through Airbnb or VRBO? Appreciate help from the travel savvy!

    1. When in winter? Highs in the 60s and 70s aren’t hard to find if you’re talking Jan and Feb – like we avoid the Atlantic coast in general for reliable beach weather that time of year.

    2. St George Island, Cape San Blas, Port St Joe, St Teresa Beach, Alligator Point, etc on the Gulf Coast are what you’re after, but depending on what time of year, it can get cold. Destin/FWB is a lot more peopley that what it sounds like you’re after.

    3. Different part of Florida, but you might enjoy Amelia Island. Very close to JAX. I’ve stayed at Omni condo rentals with kitchens (like the owner tells the Omni when they want it rented and then Omni rents it out) and the Ritz on the island may have something similar. Also, it’s easy from there to go up to Cumberland Island, GA for a day which is a very cool place for some long island walks and cool history.

      1. I was also going to suggest Amelia Island, but I am not familiar with condo rentals there (only hotels).

      2. Definitely seconding the recommendation for a day trip to Cumberland if you like nature. And winter is actually the best time to go in my opinion–fewer bugs.

    4. We went to Destin twice in December. We really liked it at that time of year – it’s pretty quiet because a lot of people go further south for warmer weather. I think we got pretty luck with weather but it was in the mid-upper 60s most days, so really nice for walking around and doing outdoor activities, and the ocean takes a while to go cool down so it was still pretty warm and we swam a few times (we swim in Maine in the summers so have a decent tolerance for colder water, YMMV).

      We rented our house through Emerald Coast by Owner, but the same house was on VRBO and Airbnb, so I don’t think it’s fundamentally any different. We strongly prefer hotels to house rentals in general, but this seems like a place where you’re better off renting a house. If you can live without the kitchen, Henderson Park Inn is a hotel to look at. It’s adults only and beachfront.

    5. Anna Maria Island! We went for a wedding a few years ago and I still think about it. It had what I love about the panhandle area – white sands, warm waters – without the crazy crowds. It was all beach houses and 2-3 story hotels, not crazy tall condos.

      We were there in November and they happened to be having a heat wave so it was hot but not totally unbearable.

    6. I think Sandestin would be perfect for this. easy trip with lots of options. it’s like a resort community with hotels, condos, etc. some on a lake, some on the ocean with free shuttles to all. like 20 min from airport. Or you could go farther down to Seaside/30a area. We loved Blue Mountain Beach.

    8. Northern FL is lovely and peaceful that time of year, and it’s pretty inexpensive compared to summer. If you look at Silver Shells in Destin, I know their management company handles rentals directly. The balconies also tend to be very large compared to hotel balconies, with plenty of room for loungers. I’d stay in St. Maarten, 8th floor or above, for the best views. The condos are still individually owned, though, so finishes, furnishings, and cleanliness will vary, and I’d try to check reviews on individual units. The resort itself is really lovely, with tennis/ pickleball courts and a spa. There are a million grocery stores and restaurants nearby, and Ruth’s Chris steakhouse is inside the Silver Shells area.

    9. I’d go to St. Pete Beach or St. Petersburg instead. I love it there and cute cafes/breweries and pier/museums downtown.

    10. Check out the Hilton on Marco Island. lots of ocean view rooms with balconies and you can walk the beach onto other properties uninterrupted. it’s not north Florida, but hoping in the winter it won’t be 90.

    11. It’s not going to be warm in north Florida in February. So the Panhandle is out. Also, late February starts spring break season so it also won’t be long stretches of no people.

      Like someone mentioned below, it’s common for both owners to use vrbo and Airbnb or their property management companies to use them for rentals.

  3. How does everyone here approach flying when you’re concerned about climate change? I know so many people who say they’re concerned and yet jet back and forth to Europe and Asia multiple times per year. I would like to do that and have the funds but climate change makes me pause.

    1. I avoid it as much as possible for this reason. But this page isn’t the best for climate change concerns–the fast fashion impact is real and no one here cares much about it.

    2. No lifestyle choices I make will ever offset the damage being done by politicians, billionaires, and corporations.

      I, of course, do what I can. I am against over consumption (I don’t buy much, and the vast majority of what I buy is second hand), I don’t eat much red meat (virtually no pork, red meat maybe 1-2x a month), I don’t use generative AI when I have a choice, when I make big purchases I use them til they die (20 year old car, 4 year old phone, 10+ year old laptop). I try to have my investments in ETFs that invest in greener funds.

      But, I also travel internationally annually.

      2. I want to push back on this. Corporations damage the environment making products and services that people buy. If no one bought them, they would quickly stop polluting. Supply and demand are linked. So, yes, while individual impact is tiny we can’t just pretend it’s the evil corporations and we’re sitting here innocent as angels.

        2. +1000. The evil corporations that everyone loves to hate still exist because people still demand their products in everyday life- gasoline and jet fuel, plastics, processed food. Corporations are not their own living entity without consumers.

        3. No, this is an oversimplification. People do not have a meaningful choice to simply stop consuming products and services. The point is not that individual choices have no impact and that deliberate overconsumption is never problematic. The point is that individual choices do not outweigh the impacts from entities and institutions that wield power, and placing the onus on individuals to make changes at the margins — plastic straws, one fewer flight– are not going to solve the problem and take the focus off of corporations, where it belongs.

          1. A really simple example is sustainable agriculture. It is great to support sustainable agriculture and invest in the development and preservation of relevant skills, technologies, and domesticated species and cultivars, as well as in the health of the land itself. It’s a good thing to do, and more people should do it! The goal of the Green Revolution was to buy time to do exactly this!

            But consumer choice is never going to be what changes enough agricultural practice to prevent future famines.

          2. I can’t speak to every case, but we all have choices about flying for vacation. I’m not sure how government could act here being authoritarian. Is the idea that there would be a legal restriction on the number of transatlantic flights per year?

          3. Anonymous at 12:24 – I am not sure if your response to me is genuine because it is so nonsensical. I don’t mean to be rude, but if your understanding of US environmental regulation is so poor you think I’m talking about the government limiting individual flights, then you’re not prepared to have a serious conversation about this. I beg you, do some self-education.

          4. The proper government action would be to force airlines to internalize the cost of pollution. Carbon taxes and tradeable carbon credits are two ways to do this. If airlines were forced to internalize the full cost of the service they provide, airfares would rise and fewer people would be able to afford to travel. Over time, these measures would also encourage the development of less polluting aircraft.

          5. Agree that corporations affect the environment far, far more than I ever could, and a lot of those corporations are bolstered and propped up by the government. The airline industry is a great example – not only are they NOT eating the cost of carbon emissions and their damage to the environment, but taxpayer money has gone to propping up the airline industry from disaster. Not because they don’t have a viable business model, but because they wildly mismanaged it and did stock buybacks instead of investing in the infrastructure itself. We also pay for the cruise industry.

    3. Trade-offs. We travel like that… but are city dwellers living in a 1200sf rowhouse who drive their 20yo used car less than 1,000 miles per year. No one is perfect.

      Also, while individual consumer behavior 1000% makes a difference, realizing that regs on industrial behavior are by far and away what will truly move the needle here. Looking at the plans for data center expansion makes me ill. I came across a nature documentary that Obama narrated and miss the days where our leaders seemed to give a sh-t.

      1. +1

        While I pay attention to my own actions, individual actions are a drop in the bucket compared to what companies are doing that pollutes the earth. That’s where I feel powerless.

        1. I guess I just don’t understand this argument. Aren’t companies responding to consumer demand? Is there something else I’m missing? I get that we can subsidize electric vehicles etc but that doesn’t really help if plenty of people are still buying big ol cars and flying everywhere etc. Are we just wanting to regulate things until they become expensive so that consumer demand will go down?

          1. Yeah, you’re missing quite a lot. You’re underestimating the role that companies have in creating “consumer demand” for their terrible products. Through advertising and also through a lack of alternatives. And also ignoring that at least some of these products could be made in a way that is less environmentally damaging but corporations have, for decades, engaged in extensive and highly successful campaigns to weaken existing regulations and prevent strong regulations from ever coming into effect. You don’t really seem to have much of an idea about how regulations work. It’s not just about making things expensive so that demands come down. There’s so much literature out there on this topic. If you are really interested, I suggest you google it. It’s eye opening.

          3. Many people need cars because car manufacturers influenced urban design and bought out and shut down public transportation alternatives. So they created the demand in the first place!

          4. I am not demanding tee shirts that get holes after a few months. I am not demanding a refridgerator that dies after a few years.

      2. But isn’t it clear that flying is the worst thing (or at least one of the worst things) the average person can do for the environment?
        It also concerns me that everyone says regulate companies! while still buying plastic crap constantly and flying everywhere. So are you just saying you want the flights to cost more? Like what regulations would help with flying?

        1. Yeah, exactly. If everyone flew like many of the people on this board, it would hugely outweigh all of the other things people are complaining that companies do. The only reason emissions from air travel aren’t globally that large is that it’s too expensive for most people to do it that often (even the average American only flies 1.4 times per year). There are lots of things that aren’t super practical to change as an individual, but excessive personal travel isn’t one of them. It’s your decision to fly that’s creating the emissions, not anything a company is doing. There’s no real alternative to fossil fuels for long distance air travel, at least for now.

          1. Isn’t it substantially subsidized?

            I feel like the pandemic years taught us that a lot of business travel (not all) could be phased out.

          2. “If everyone flew like many of the people on this board, it would hugely outweigh all of the other things people are complaining that companies do.”

            Do you have the stats to prove this claim? I’d love to see how you came to this conclusion and the numbers you’re using.

          3. Here are some stats on flying: https://ourworldindata.org/carbon-footprint-flying

            The carbon footprint of flying overall (2.5% of global emissions) isn’t that big because 80% of people in the world have never flown, and even most Americans only take one or two trips per year. But if everyone were to fly as much as wealthy people who take 5-6 (or even more!) long haul trips per year, you’d see something like 1 to 2x the total current global carbon emissions just from flying. That’s obviously not a likely scenario, I was just throwing it out there to put into proportion that the carbon emissions from flying are huge compared to most things that we do to reduce environmental impact.

            And I’m not saying that it’s not also important to do larger scale things, it very clearly is. I just think that someone who thinks that climate change is important should also give some thought to the personal element of something that has such a huge impact on climate change, especially because it’s something you can actually do something about, plus it has a disproportionate impact on warming beyond simple carbon emissions because it releases NOx and water vapor high into the atmosphere. We need to make systemic changes and hold companies and governments responsible, but I really dislike this idea that we shouldn’t also hold ourselves to any kind of standard. How can we expect companies or governments to do anything if their customers and constituents don’t show them that this is important enough to us that we want them to make changes?

      3. Same here. I don’t drive, I don’t eat much meat, and I live in 600sqft. I’m going to fly. I’ll do something, I won’t do everything.

      4. All of this. I don’t have kids. That’s my major contribution. I keep most other consumption pretty low.

      5. All of this. I don’t have kids. That’s my major contribution. I keep most other consumption pretty low.

      6. Yeah, I live in 900 square feet, don’t drive, and buy 80% of my purchases secondhand, so I feel like some of that offsets my (primarily inter-Europe) travel. However, I am trying to cut back – as I had 2 years of 60 short-haul flights. I no longer fly within GB, we take ferries when we can, primarily use public transport, etc.

      7. Similarly – we only have one kid, don’t eat much meat, drive our cars into the ground, and have a smaller and older house than we could afford in an area where new construction is super common.

        I will say we’ve started doing fewer longer vacations. We still go to Europe for 7-10 days but if we’re going to Asia or Australia we’re going for a minimum of 2 weeks.

    4. Lowering your carbon footprint requires sacrifice and inconvenience. There’s no magic solution that lets you keep your lifestyle the same. If you feel guilty about flights then adjust your habits in other ways (eat less meat, buy a hybrid or electric car, stop ordering stuff online). But frankly travel isn’t a necessity, especially if you’re taking multiple flights per year. There’s a ridiculous amount of social media influence and keeping up with the Joneses. You can just…take fewer trips.

      1. I have friends who take BIG trips several times a year with lots of flying and usually at least one cruise. Given how they live the rest of their lives (drive EVs, recycle), it actually shocks me.

        1. Why is this shocking? I drive a 16-year-old car, don’t eat meat, live in an 1200 square foot house with solar panels and try to be conscious in other ways but travel is what keeps me excited about life. I know it’s hypocritical to fly so much but it’s what keeps me willing to keep working and struggling in other aspects of the day-to-day.

          1. Same. I actually think it’s very common to live modestly and environmentally consciously in most ways, but splurge a lot on travel.

      2. it’s a necessity for some jobs if you’d like to stay employed. and while perhaps not a necessity, it is the only way we can see any members of our family, have them visit us, or attend events like family weddings.

        1. yes I think it’s insane to skip a family member’s wedding or graduation because you’re worried about climate change. There are other ways to reduce your carbon footprint and showing up for family is important.

        2. Like I said, it involves sacrifice. If you deeply care about lowering your carbon footprint that means declining wedding invitations and seeing out of town family less often. This is why climate change is so hard to fight. We humans need to change our habits in a major way but we don’t want to make those trade-offs.

          1. If policy changed, people would hesitate more before moving far away. Communities would coalesce differently. The sacrifice comes from asking for martyrdom that isn’t going to move the needle anyway.

    5. I pick my battles. I live in the city, walk and drive cars sparingly and into the ground. My house is relatively energy efficient. Not going to sweat a trip or two a year on a plane that was going to go that route regardless of if I am on it or not.

      1. Yeah, taking a plane is using public transit. A daily commute of 20 minutes with a 25 mpg car over the course of a year is far more emissions than a single plane ride. We need to put our concerns in context – the people who own private jets and take them all over the place are contributing most of the aviation emissions.

    6. Individual action doesn’t matter. If you want change then advocate for change with whatever large orgs you’re part of. I’ve been advocating for my employer and nonprofits I’m involved in to limit in person meetings and shift toward remote. I do my best to address the “it’s not the same!” complaints by tracking engagement across remote events. I host a few small group remote events a month and encourage others to do the same. If I can get a business to eliminate even one in-person inter/national meeting per year, that outweighs the impact of my entire lifetime of vacations.

      1. I really think that this is what it looks like to actually care about the issue and not just care about keeping one’s own hands clean.

    7. Honestly, with as awful and snarky as everyone has been on this board the last few days, maybe it’s ok that we’re in humanities final days.

    8. Flying is expensive so we never did it when we were younger and broke. Now, it is still expensive. While we have more disposable income, we place higher value on enjoying more frequent vacations semi-locally than we do on taking one big vacation further away.

      Yes, that means there are vacations we don’t take and places in this world that we don’t see. We have made peace with that. There are plenty of amazing things to see and experiences to have closer to home.

      We also don’t attend family events if they would require flying. We drive cross country to see close relatives every couple of years, but we don’t fly to attend the second cousin’s wedding, don’t fly to see a new baby, don’t fly for graduations. We send cards and text, we just don’t go in person.

      1. you do you, but if i can afford it, i would be quite sad to only see close relatives every couple of years and that would not fly in my family

        1. I am sad that they are not closer but we have technology that lets us talk any time we like. We make heavy use of that. It wasn’t my choice that they move so far away, just the reality we live with.

          And if we budget for more regular visits, we would have to sacrifice things like paying for college and saving for retirement. Those are important to us.

    9. I think it’s a mistake to think about air travel primarily as a leisure activity. When I travel for work, which is frequently, my flights are filled with other business travelers. The baggage holds are topped up with FedEx shipments and other freight, not to mention the actual cargo planes that fly every day. You would have to reorganize the world’s commerce in order to reduce air travel, not just convince people to vacation nearby.

      1. I do think a lot of it is work travel, but fwiw employers aren’t blind to it, especially outside the US. My husband is in academia and he’s had colleagues in Europe tell him their universities can’t reimburse his travel unless he stays a minimum number of days to make the climate change impact “worth it” (this is kind of annoying as the spouse solo parenting at home, because he ends up going to Europe for 10 days to deliver one talk). My understanding is also that most European unis won’t reimburse intra-Europe air travel anymore. You’re supposed to take a train.

    10. I just don’t work myself up over things like this. You going to Europe once a year is not a big deal

    11. I fly a handful of times a year (1 international trip, a handful of domestic trips to see friends in other cities, and a TBD amount of work trips).

      But, I also thrift 90% of my clothes, my furniture is entirely second hand, don’t do much unnecessary shopping, live in a city apartment and walk/take public transit as much as I can, when I do drive it’s a) only places that aren’t transit accessible and b) in my 23 year old used car. I eat red meat rarely. Plus the basic: using reusable travel mugs/water bottles/utensils rather than plastic. Reduce, reuse, recycle as much as possible.

      Admittedly, half of these decisions are as much for budget or health reasons as they are for being environmentally friendly.

      Currently no kids, but that’ll hopefully change.

    12. I can’t afford vacations. Most of my flying is for work so I have no choice. I suppose the smug childless vegan tr0ll will tell me to get a different job.

    13. I don’t worry about it. The problem is that Russia benefits from climate change (or at least its leadership thinks it will – more usable land, plus destabilized enemies) and can just open up methane vents any time the rest of the world makes progress on climate goals. The problem is so, so much bigger than personal consumer choices.

    14. People who otherwise do care about the climate get really defensive about their flying choices – they know it’s hard to justify pleasure travel because of just how intense the carbon emissions are for a single flight. I don’t think flying is going to stop anytime soon, though, so I hope that new technologies can reduce the emissions burden.

      I also think that we need to shift away from this “I’m just an individual and corporations are the real baddies” mindset. Corporations respond to consumer demand and pressure (not always overnight). Our laws and policies eventually catch up to what people demand. We can and should practice what we preach, make small changes, and advocate for others to do the same. We have to avoid giving in to cynicism and nihilism when it comes to our planet.

        1. In my case, it’s not defensiveness, it’s frustration. This thread is a perfect example of just how little most people understand environmental issues. It’s not actually difficult to justify flying choices given the context – other choices we make that reduce our carbon footprint, advocacy work that we do, politicians we support, and the simple fact that taking fewer (or even zero) flights over the course of my life is not going to measurably impact the climate, but it sure is going to affect my quality of life in a big way.  

          As someone with educational background in environmental science and law, this idea that corporations will follow consumer demand in America to the extent that a meaningful reduction in carbon emissions can be achieved, especially absent actually meaningful environmental regulations, is just incredibly naïve.  We can demand change by demanding meaningful government regulation.  Consumer demand isn’t the only way (or even the best way) to express a desire for change.

    15. Having a general populace that has traveled outside their own bubble is worth a lot more than any specific impact those individuals could possibly make on climate change by skipping a flight. There are societal benefits to being cultured and well-traveled. Reading about a place is never the same as having visited.

      2. I agree. I live in a place where most people don’t have a passport and have never been out of the US, and the local culture and politics reflect that, in a negative way. Certainly air travel can be excessive – no matter how rich you are, you don’t need to jet off to Europe 6 times per year – but it’s important to me to show my kids the world and expose them to other cultures and ways of life. You can’t properly do that without some air travel.

      3. I feel like this is very self-congratulatory and not necessarily true. There are plenty of people who only travel in relative comfort and never learn another language or have any sustained engagement with those different from them in their own town.

        2. I swear there seem to be people who travel just so that they can complain about the food and the locals.

        3. I agree. Travel is a wonderful thing overall IMO, but there are a lot, a LOT of people who go straight from the airport to the luxury resort/hotel and never even set foot off the property. They might enjoy it but there is no cultural exchange happening.

      4. Unfortunately, it seems apparent that travel itself does not equate with becoming cultured, nor do I think lack of travel experiences means someone is uncultured. Those correlations can exist, but plenty of horrible people do all sorts of exploitative travel, and many, many people who cannot afford to travel are actually quite lovely, empathetic humans.

    16. I will get torn to shreds for this, but I don’r care. Full stop, I will fly where I want. Go where I want. Do what I want. There is zilch I can do that has any meaningful impact as an individual. Nothing. I eat red meat, take planes, and drive an SUV. I’m not using a paper straw when billionaires jet about at leisure. It’s silly and performative. Live your life. Go on the trips.

      1. I kind of feel this way. People who lived differently have already conceded so much to forced sedentism and agriculture, and now people want to take away travel too?

      2. 100%. This is a sea of comments from people who spend way too much time online.

        2. Oh, I don’t agree. I think it’s reasonable for people with balanced lives to point out that carbon emissions from optional/luxury travel deserve scrutiny. Personally, I would love to see some actual commitment to high-speed rail. There are SO many short-distance flights that could disappear overnight. We’d still need to do something about long-distance flights but I know a LOT of people who would be more than happy to take trains for most of their regional domestic trips.

          1. When I said the comments seemed very online, this is precisely the sort of comment I meant.

          2. Short distance flights are a huge headache. They cancel flights because they’re underbooked, or bump you because they overbooked, and then there’s a weather cancellation and you are days off schedule.

            Trains would be a godsend.

          3. It’s not as much of a flex as you think it is to call other people’s points signs of being “very online” when you yourself are refreshing the page to respond! We’re all online here, lady.

          5. I don’t think comments in favor of rail travel are particularly “online.” I would not consider myself extremely “online,” but I’d sure love it if Amtrak added decent service that didn’t require connecting through the Northeast Corridor.

          6. Yeah, not seeing how “rail travel would be nice” is a sign of being chronically Online. Identifying it as that kinda is, though!

          7. I meant the idea that optional travel “deserves scrutiny” is very online. It simply doesn’t, unless you have a dog in a cage strapped to the roof for 12 hours or whatever.

          8. Man, I miss the days where Seamus’s plight and binders full of women were the scandals dogging (heh) the GOP nominee.

    17. Apart from the US, I use railways whenever possible and then buses for shorter trips. Flying only for ocean crossings. In the US the lack of long-distance transport apart from flying drives me nuts.

  4. Turning 45 in a few months and interested in investing more in improving myself/my life after years of putting myself last. Willing to drop cash as needed.

    What things have you bought/invested in lately that have improved your life or appearance.

    Is getting your colors done worth it?

    1. personal trainer+gym membership that I use – best money I spend every month

      On a deeper level, can you identify 2-3 things that bring you joy? If not, start there and enjoy exploring!

      1. Someone here had a good suggestion for personal training a few weeks ago—see someone 3-4 times and set up a routine and do that on your own, then re-assess a few months later for 3-4 additional sessions.

        My thing with training is I don’t like being a part of someone’s regular income stream when I know I can’t really support that long-term.

    2. If I wanted to improve myself and my life I wouldn’t waste time on doing my colors or my appearance! I would figure out a way to get back into my hobby and get a subscription to the ballet.

      1. +1. What do you like to do? What did you like to do before other obligations took over?

    3. A journal to prompt some self-reflection? I don’t think throwing cash around without a strategy is going to get you where you want to go

    4. Only get your colors done if the person you go to requires you to take all makeup off. Preferably, even ties your hair back with a headband first. (You may have colored your hair, etc.) The number of friends I have who go and have bright lipstick sold to them after is sad.

    5. Seek expert help for any medical issues you’ve been putting off, whether that’s sleep or your diet or aches and pains.

      Get a good skincare routine, if you don’t have one, based on active ingredients that are proven to make a difference, like Tretinoin and vitamin C serum.

      I have thick hair and get my eyebrows and upper lip threaded every month. I think it makes my face look better.

    6. You can DIY the color analysis and the Kibbe body type analysis.

      The biggest improvement to my life in my 40s has been investing time and some $ in developing a serious hobby.

    7. Just turned 40. med spa stuff for me. botox, a little filler, and a vanity-sized portion of tirzepetide. I spend a lot of money in the contemporary section at Nordstrom. And finally, we started traveling more. Maybe b/c my kids are a bit older so it’s easier? But if we want to go somewhere, we go. And we spend money there and have fun. Eat well, buy souvenirs, make memories.

    8. Hi! I’m 44. How much money are we talking here? For my two cents the things that a really worth it are the fancy gym that I love to go to, Botox and hair. I dabble in skin care treatments but nothing moves the needle like a great hair and eliminating the wrinkles in my forehead.

      As for colors? I’m meh on it. At 45 you know what colors you like to wear. If they tell you to avoid black are you really going to? I’m not. I’m also building a wardrobe based more on what I like at this point. My pieces need to be the right shape, fabric and price. I’m not adding in the requirement that they be a particular shade of yellow that’s not easy to find. I’m pretty sure you’re better served just reflecting on the colors you already gravitate towards than trying to build a wardrobe based on the exact shade of berry that’s perfect for you but that no on sells.

      If you really want to move the needle on your personal style the only thing that’s worked for me was practice. Try and wear a cute outfit every day. Sometimes that means cute loungewear or a cute sweats. Or or bras. Have you been neglecting your bras and under things? Because that really does make a difference.

      1. I disagree about colors. Your complexion and hair change as you age. If you wear a lot of black because that’s what you’ve always worn, you might not realize that at 45 it’s no longer flattering. Most people should reevaluate every 10 years.

        Until I did my colors (I used the Concept Wardrobe’s free guide) I couldn’t put my finger on why certain items made me look schlubby. Learning what colors do and don’t work for me was a lightbulb moment.

      2. Honestly packing for a two week trip to Italy helped me with this. I was trying on outfits from my closet intentionally, they looked cute, and now I wear them every day and it’s definitely a step up.

      3. Not only what colors ‘you’ feel good in, but what do you wear, color-wise, that you consistently are complimented on? (If the compliments are received from people you don’t know well, and who aren’t trying to get some type of quid pro quo from you, that’s extra useful as a factor).

        For me, throughout the years, I consistently get compliments when I wear a cool purple, a swimming pool colored aqua, cool pale green, magenta or navy. Are those colors always available? No, but I buy when I see them because they’ve proven themselves.

        Another good question for you is silver or gold? White or cream? Do you look best in cool or warm toned shades? (Note, these choices are not what you ‘prefer’, but what is flattering/complimentary to you and your skin tone.)

    9. I DIYed my colors and am extremely happy with the results. I would not want to spend money on that part.

      However, I would happily throw funds at figuring out my hair.

      1. +1. It took awhile, but I figured out my colors on my own. Several years later, and I have a closet full of clothes that suit me, and everything mixes and matches so much better.

        I have done regular hair appointments for a long time now and recently added eyebrows after doing them myself for years. I still keep it natural, but I can’t deny that the professional results are just … better.

        Beyond appearance, is there an area you’ve been struggling with that you want to work on addressing?

      2. I did the expensive color analysis and then I did it on Chapgpt, and I got the same results, so I am here to say the expensive color analysis is not worth it.

        I took a pic of me in good light, not make up, hair back. Asked GPT to tell me my color season, which came back the same as the expensive color analysis. Then I asked it to give me the color palette and make up suggestions. It did all of this and it was exactly the same as the expensive analysis.

        1. I did the low-tech version and flipped through old photos of myself. It was pretty clear that certain colors made me glow while others made me look ill. I went to a color wheel to match up and find complementary shades. I purged my closet of the off-color (ha!) items then went shopping to fill a few gaps, keeping in mind the color wheel.

          I get so, so many compliments dressing from this more limited color wardrobe. It is easier to put together cohesive outfits, too, and I spend less money because I no longer buy items if they are outside my colors. Wish I had done this years ago!

    11. Regular yoga 2x/week with a private instructor who tailors the sessions to my individual needs.
      Therapy. If you have any lingering issues that generate unhappiness for you, now is a great time to work on them.
      I wish I’d started both of the above much earlier than I did. 45 is still very young.
      Oh and also I started a regular meditation practice which has been wonderful.

    13. depending on how much you’re willing to spend. i workout with a trainer 2x per week that i LOVE for both my mental and physical health. i also have an omnilux LED mask and it does make a huge difference.

      my hair could use some work, but i’m honestly not sure what to do about it, other than move, bc the 99% humidity makes it kind of hard

    14. Doing the spa treatment that you have most been missing. For me it would be having a medical facial and a fun pedicure.

    15. I’m a generation older than you, but the absolute best thing I’ve done lately is get into music: choir, voice lessons, and piano lessons. It’s good for my brain, I’ve made a bunch of new friends, and I’m never bored because I can always do more practice. Plus… music!

    16. This is me, so still learning. I started Botox and a GLP-1. Wish I’d started both sooner.

    17. I’m 46 so right there with ya.

      Pay cash for:
      – good/consistent skin care
      – Dysport for my 11s
      – coloring my hair to kill the random AF grays
      – small group personal training
      – buying quality clothes that make me feel good/getting almost there clothes tailored to fit me well.
      – in-studio yoga where I can
      – I bought a project horse but maybe don’t do that lol
      – a good multiday spa resort trip every year

      Things that don’t cost (much) money:
      – investing in fewer but deeper friendships
      – finding a third place but also just generally being kind and friendly to people everywhere
      – sending people handwritten notes/postcards
      – enjoying silly but wholesome things like Jimothy
      – embracing the weirder bits of my personality

    18. This is late, but Wolf jewelry trays allow me to enjoy my medium-size jewelry collection more than previously, when everything was stored in opaque pouches or random pretty little boxes. They are like jewelry store display trays, and stackable, and I keep mine in a dedicated bedroom dresser drawer. Once you buy them and use them, you’ll never think about the cost again. Enjoy!

      2. Haha, I once had a colleague who had the loudest wardrobe, including several leather skirts. I could tell which one she was wearing by the different ways they squeaked as she walked down the hall.

      3. Interesting – I have leather skirts and they do not make any noise. I wonder if it is dependent on the type of leather? Does anyone with expertise in this know?

        2. Not sure. I have a pair of fake leather leggings that make the strangest loud swish noise and I cannot figure out why. It isn’t the chub rub squeaking, more like the material moves internally against itself, even though it isn’t lined. They were purchased for a themed costume and I only break them out for kitschy events.

          Leather squeaks always seem to either be leather-on-leather (like seam allowances rubbing against each other) or flapping of the material itself in the case of looser garments.

  6. I have random grays that I have been dying at a salon mostly because I am too lazy to do it at home and don’t really want to try to figure out at home dye. But I don’t always love the results. It feels a bit too dark or too auburn if it’s not too dark when what I want is just my natural medium/dark brown hair back. I never thought it would be so hard to achieve but go figure. I’ve been to two different places – Madison Reed and a real color professional and both have been variously disappointing (though not always). Is there something else I should consider? Is this why so many women go lighter as they get older? Is there “gray blending” for darker hair colors? My one hesitation with highlights is my hair is wavy and looked a bit messy when I previously had balayage; this was pre-grays. All ideas welcome!

    1. It’s likely turning dark because of the products used to achieve gray coverage. Or, if your stylist is “pulling through” the color every time, that will also make it go dark. I’m now 50 percent gray and beginning to see why so many women go light. I don’t plan to do that because blond on a (former) brunette often looks really wrong, and the blond usually isn’t even a good blond.

      How much gray do you have? That will sort of guide your options going forward.

      1. My aunt in LA gets a color I call “Persian blonde,” which is to say a color not found in nature, but very flattering.

    2. The problem is most likely that you are using a single color all over. If you don’t want highlights and most of your hair is not yet gray, you could try a semipermanent or demipermanent color lighter than your natural color to turn the grays into highlights. This is what I did at home when my hair was less than 30% gray or so. For highlights, balayage tends to look messy. I would try traditional foils and specify that you want very narrow highlights. I would also avoid too much contrast between the highlights and the base color.

      1. This is basically what I have. I get the highlights redone every six months or so. OP, I hate to say it, but be prepared to have higher-maintenance hair at this stage in life. I don’t love how much time and money I’m spending to maintain such a natural look, but I am not ready to go truly natural (gray) yet.

        1. This is also what I did. Very expensive to have very frequent appointments as my natural hair color was quite dark and the grays grew so fast. It was such a relief when I decided to stop dying.

        2. Yes, this is why I stopped balayage. My hair became way too high maintenance. Too much time and money to chase something I really wasn’t all that satisfied with

    3. I have dark hair and a smattering of gray along my part. I alternate each appointment between highlights (she doesn’t pull the color through every time) and toner only. The toner makes the grown-in grays look more like highlights as it fades. This may not work if your grays are stubborn though.

  7. I like this skirt and assuming the orange is as shown, actually like it with all black.

    Any recs for a last minute vacation webs*te? Thanks!

    1. I like searching through the travel portal on either costco or my credit card depending on my points balance. Often one or both will be promoting a ‘last minute special’ – if you don’t have a huge preference for location you can get some decent deals.

    2. We use Google Flights for this as airfare is usually a tiebreaker among spots that are on our general radar for the trip. Put in your home city and leave the destination blank, filter by airline and stops, and then if you get some intriguing routes, do a quick check of hotel pricing before you buy.

      1. This is what we do too. You can also put in general destinations like “Europe” or “Caribbean” if you have an idea of the type of trip you want to do, but want to be flexible on the exact destination.

    3. Vacationstogo.com. They are a big travel agency and handle cruises, resorts, tours, etc. with an emphasis on last-minute deals.

  8. Happy Monday to you all. Skip this if you don’t want to read a novella on a low stakes question. I’m looking for some wallpaper decorating advice. It’s unusual for me as I normally know what I like and what I don’t. However, through all my previous homes I have not used wallpaper.

    I have an 800 square foot condo in an old building – hardwood floors, plaster walls, baseboard and crown molding, defined rooms instead of open plan, and big windows and lots of them for the square footage. Trying to give you the feel of it. The circa 1930’s building is in the SEUS but would drop into Midtown Manhattan and fit right in.

    There is a tiny entry hall, about 4′ x 7′. Turning left there is a door to the living room, and directly opposite that across the living room is a door into what I would call the bedroom hall. It’s a standard width and about 7 foot long hall proving access to bedroom, bath and linen closet. You can see a bit of the bedroom hall from the entry hall as it sits crossways and you’re looking at a part of one of its long walls. My question is this: would it be weird to use the same wallpaper for both entry and bedroom halls? The rest of the condo is nearly white, creamy walls, furniture that is either large brown wood antique or modern upholstered in white linen, with color and pattern provided by textiles – art, rugs, pillows, and throws. For what it’s worth, the wallpaper I am considering is Zoffany’s Iliad in fossil. It would be the only wallpaper in the condo, and the only pattern outside of textiles. If you’ve got time for an opinion, I’d love to hear it, pro or con.

    1. That wallpaper is lovely! I personally wouldn’t find it odd to see that you kept the hallways uniform.

    2. I think the same patten is fine. I live in a similar setup and think that can bring continuity. I’m not loving that paper choice though, it reminds me of sponge paint from the 90s. If you want something neutral, I’d go with a grass cloth and do one wall in a bright, fun pattern like a Shumacher mural or House of Hackney floral – it can really make an entry pop.

    3. No, this would not be weird at all. Most people would probably not notice. I would notice this only in a close friends’ where I visited often, but would think a totally neutral thought about how much you must like it.

    4. I was prepared to say yes, it would be weird, seeing as how the spaces aren’t connected, but after seeing the paper, I think it would work fine. It’s not what I expected from Zoffany, who I only think of as White House murals, and I think it’s really striking but neutral and modern at the same time.

    5. Thanks for giving the wallpaper name and pattern, because I think this is really pattern-dependent. IMO, provided that there is SOME other texture/color in textiles/art on the walls, etc, the wallpaper is neutral enough to be used in both the entry and the hallway, even if you can see the hallway from the entryway.

      It sounds like your place has a pretty airy/light feel, and this wallpaper would fit into that. I’d feel differently if you’d chosen one of the other colorways, as they’re bolder, but I think the fossil colorway is going to blend into what you already have really well and create interest without being distracting or sticking out.

      1. Not very hard at all. I easily removed the previous owner’s wallpaper in the entry hall without there being any damage to the plaster or even much residue to deal with. The paper peeled off nicely and what little residue was left was easily dealt with using a wet sponge and a bench scraper (kitchen tool).

    7. Hmm… I do think it would be a little weird to have the same wallpaper on separate hallways off of the living room unless there’s more pattern in the living room than I’m envisioning. Could you paint the living room trim the background color from the wallpaper to have a connection between the two spaces? If you have a Persian-style rug and very colorful, patterned pillows and art in the living room, I think it would be less of an issue. If you really have a very neutral living room, consider leaning into the match-y and get a couple throw pillows made in the same pattern as the wallpaper.

      1. The windows -six large ones between the bedroom and living room – have wooden shutters that I intend to paint F&B French Gray. I am hoping that will ground the gray. The bedroom rug is predominately shades of ivory but has some gray in it. The living room rug is an antique Persian Bokhara that has a pattern that is 90% deep blood red with a bit of dark brown and gray pattern and a tiny bit of ivory. All fittings in the condo such as door knobs, faucets, etc., are old, solid brass.

    8. I personally would wallpaper the entry and paint match one of the colors for the hallway, but I don’t think it’s wrong to wallpaper both.

    10. Take a picture and ask ChatGPT for advice. It’ll show you pictures of the results, with even the exact wallpaper. Very helpful to visualize

  9. My boyfriend and I discussed engagement rings over the weekend and now I cannot focus on work and just want to look at pretty rings all day!!!! That is all.

    1. Congrats!!! I loved the ring shopping era, it was so fun. Definitely go to some stores to see all the shiny in person – I definitely wouldn’t buy from Brilliant Earth but we had a great time going to their showroom, saying we weren’t planning on buying that day, and just getting to try on a bunch of types of rings. The engagement ring subreddit is also fun, many are not my style at all but that was helpful to know as we were figuring out what to buy.

      1. Oooh this is a good tip—I live down the street from a showroom so maybe I’ll go try on rings after work this week just to see. I pretty much already know what I want but I have a hard time envisioning different size stones on my hand.

    2. Have fun! My husband said I could pick my own, just give him the info, and I had so, so much fun looking.

    1. I have a collection of totes that were either freebies from various events (our library’s summer reading program, work conference swag, etc.) or that were given to me as gifts. They work great, didn’t cost me anything, and were otherwise going to be donated or tossed out.

      If you don’t have freebies on hand already, I would get something large and made of a cotton canvas. It’s strong and you can toss it in the washing machine. Not the cheap plastic things from the checkout line.

      1. I agree to use what you’ve got, but I’d also say if you do buy to get a hemp canvas instead of a cotton canvas. Hemp canvas is generally a more durable material, and hemp has a lot of agricultural benefits over cotton. (water usage, required herbicide/pesticide usage, land required, soil regeneration, etc.)

      2. i feel like all of my freebie totes are too small to be useful at the grocery store. i kind of like the shape of the ones at the checkout line, but i also have a lands end canvas tote that i got years ago as a freebie and never use. maybe i should use that. i feel like i mostly see people with plastic ones so i’ve always thought that is what i should be using

        1. I like the smaller ones for heavy things like canned foods, or for fragile things like sandwich bread and produce. My stash consists of about 7 or 8 totes of various sizes, and as long as they have handles that let me get the goods the few steps from the car into the house, they don’t have to be perfect.

    2. Baggu are still my favorite washable, foldable all purpose totes.

      But you may be able to find better options if you want a backpack style or something that works as a cooler.

      1. I like Baggu and also those old fashioned string bags. Both don’t take up much space when not in use.

      2. This. I have 3 Baggu bags in my purse – 2 regular size, 1 mini – and use them all the time. One is 12 years old and still going strong.

    3. I like the big canvas ones from Trader Joe’s. Several of mine are more than 20 years old and they’re all still in good shape.

      1. I’m also a big fan of trader joe’s canvas totes. I have lots of reusable bags from various grocery chains, and these are the best. And if you can actually manage to get one of the mini totes (which are weirdly popular and get snapped up for resale), I love that size for small number of heavier items, like juice/milk cartons, so you don’t overload the big bags.

      2. I have these and I feel like such a bougie little baller when I roll up to TJs with them.

    4. Depends on what style you prefer. I have a different (older) version of this IKEA bag and it’s great for stashing in your bag and pulling out as needed. I also like the two different straps and the option to carry over your shoulder. I have a fancier version from a few other brands, but the IKEA is the only one where the pocket you fold into is still fully functionable after many years of near daily use.

      https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/skynke-shopping-bag-pale-yellow-multicolor-50624784/#content

      If you like the kind of bag that has a stranding bottom, the TJ bags near their counter are pretty good and nearly indestructible. If you’re shopping with a car this may be a better option for standing up in the trunk. I’m in a city where I walk everywhere so this isn’t a priority vs. how much space they take up in my tote.

    5. All I know is that if I ever become a wizard, the first spell I’m going to cast is the one to magically transport my reusable shopping bags from my kitchen back to the trunk of my car!

      Also Trader Joe’s has the best reusable bags.

      1. As soon as I unload, I walk them back out to my trunk. It’s literally the only way. Otherwise, they accumulate in my kitchen.

      2. I hang mine on the doorknob heading out to the garage so I remember to return them next time I leave. Otherwise they get forgotten.

    7. The Trader Joe’s bags are my favorites. Not the cooler bags, the regular ones. They’re sturdy, not oversized, and last forever.

    9. My French brother-in-law gave me a large reusable bag from the French supermarket chain Grand Fraise and it cheers me every time I have to go grocery shopping.

  11. I have some mandatory drop-down menus that want a “title” on web forms of no consequence (museum tickets, etc.). Today, I opted for “countess.” FWIW my job does involve counting.

    1. I love this. Makes me want to create drop-down menus so people can have fun with titles!

    2. this reminds me of when the FB relationship status options were all ironic. it was like, ‘married’ (used only for best friends) ‘it’s complicated’ and ‘r-dom play’

      1. “its complicated” is still an option I think!

        I was married to my best friend until I got a FB divorce to get real life married.

  12. I very much want a padfolio with a planner in it. I’m a bit overwhelmed with all the options and would appreciate stationery store recommendations!

  13. We recently bought a top load washing machine but we’re not satisfied with it (doesn’t get the clothes clean) so I’m going to reluctantly admit that we need a front loader again. Anyone have a recommendation for one that does its level best design-wise to avoid the nasty odor build-up? I really don’t want to add cleaning a gross gasket every day to my to-do list, so if there are any machines that have solved this problem, willing to throw some money at it.

    1. Have you figured out why it’s not getting the clothes clean? (Not enough water? Wrong detergent type?)

      1. It does better if we select the deep fill option, so I suspect it has to do with the water amount, but things are still coming out not looking as fresh as they did in the past (same detergent).

        1. Personally, I would troubleshoot the top loader thoroughly before I opt for a front loader.

          Water: is there a filter (or should there be), and is it clean? Is it hooked up to softened water or not (and should it be)?

          Detergent: are you using the right amount? Caps are absurdly sized and if you are filling them you are likely seeing leftover residue that doesn’t get washed out. You only need a tablespoon or so for a full load. Skip any fabric softener.

          Load size: everything should be free to move about when fully submerged. If that’s not the case, you need to select a larger load size with more water or put fewer things in.

          Clothes themselves: do they have buildup that needs to be flushed out? Have you washed things in warmer water without detergent and checked part way through to see if there are leftover suds or grime coming out of them? If so, run things through a few loads like this without any detergent until the water is clear.

          1. We are using detergent sheets (that don’t have plastic in them) so it’s a standard amount. I think there’s a water filter.

          2. Detergent sheets are known for this (and for an awful lot of greenwashing claims). You may solve the problem entirely just by switching to regular liquid detergent.

        2. The machines are different, so I’m not sure the detergent should be the same. I use an enzyme detergent if I’m washing any synthetic fabrics, sometimes with the “presoak” setting.

          I’ve always had a harder time getting clothes clean in front loaders, so it’s just a non-obvious solution to me.

        3. When going from a front loader to a top loader, you do need to change some things up. A top loader you need to care a little bit more about how you load the clothes (try and keep them away from the middle of the drum, don’t just dump the basket in) and you’ll likely need just a little bit more detergent than you would for a front loader (because a top loader uses more water). A top loading washing machine is less prone to breaking and easier to repair and maintain (the gasket cleaning you mentioned), but for the first year or two a front-loading washing machine will appear to do better than a top loader. The troubleshooting tips given above are a great place to start before you go out and get a new washing machine.

    2. You just need to leave the door to the washer cracked after running it and occasionally run a cleaning cycle with citric acid. We have had two sets of LGs and never had a smell problem doing this.

      1. Yeah, I know about that guidance, but it’s been very inconvenient to leave the door ajar everywhere I’ve ever lived (in our last place, it would block the (only) narrow entry to the kitchen). The place we just moved will be SLIGHTLY better (laundry room!) but opening the door will bang into a ajar washer door. I’m prepared to make my peace with that but I think it’s such a terrible design flaw that hasn’t been addressed in decades.

      2. With my front loader, I also need to keep the detergent compartment open between loads. A surprising amount of water remains in that drawer, so I wipe it out and leave both the compartment and the washer door open. I’ve never had mold or smells through more than a decade of front loading machines. I’m fortunate that my laundry set up makes this convenient but I know that some arrangements would make this painful.

      3. Same here, and yes, it’s inconvenient but you don’t need to leave it that way all the time, just enough to dry it out.

    3. I would checkout the laundry subreddit first to optimize your laundry routine with your current washer.

      We have a Miele front loader and don’t have problems with smell. You do have to keep the door open (with any front loader) until it dries. I don’t think you can really get around that. It’s easy to clean but cleaning is minimal since we leave the door open. There are little spring like things you can buy online to stick on the door to keep it ajar.

    4. We also just bought a top loader after our front loader broke, and have had some issues with it not cleaning as well. I think I’ve mostly solved them by using more detergent. I know everyone says that you’re not supposed to use too much, but this machine uses a lot more water than the front loader, so it seems reasonable that it needs more detergent. For what it’s worth, our front loader didn’t have any issues with odor, though we did generally leave it open since it was in the basement. If you didn’t want the door all the way open, there was a little pin in the door that kept it just cracked open. On the other hand, it stopped spinning a year and week after we bought it and we decided we wanted nothing more to do with front loaders after that.

    5. I have a GE 4.8 cu ft smart washer with the ultra fresh vent system. It has a blue antimicrobial gasket and a vent cycle for after the load is finished. I haven’t had stinky or unclean laundry in the three+ years I’ve owned it. I don’t prop the door open, but I do leave the detergent compartment open between loads so it dries thoroughly. No issues at all; I’d buy it again.

    6. Can you leave the door open after using the washer? It works with my GE washer. (And thank you for reminding to change a load from the washer to the dryer!).

  14. Hopefully a fun question for a Monday:

    I’m hosting book club next week. My pick was Yesteryear, so I’m expecting some great discussions!
    The host also provides dinner (+ wine). Dinner ideas? Would love if I could connect it to the book somehow…for example, last year my pick was The Maid and I did a vodka pasta, Olive Garden salad dupe, and breadsticks as an ode to the character’s love of Olive Garden.

    I’m expecting 7-8 people. One is vegetarian. While I like cooking, I get nervous cooking for a large group…also have to go to the office that day, so that eats into my prep time. I expect it to be hot, too. I thought about a tortellini salad, grilling some chicken to have on the side that people can add if they like. In the past, I’ve done a taco bar, ordered pizzas (when I was just too busy to cook/plan), white chicken chili (clearly in a cooler month/before the member went vegetarian).

    1. Look at “Bookedupmamas” Instagram video from June 20 for some fun ideas (Sassafras burgers, “the ladies” deviled eggs,” homemade butter and sourdough).

    2. I haven’t read it yet, but I would go completely rustic farmhouse . Sourdough bread, chicken, cheese, lentil salad, fresh fruit.

    3. Is this a sit down dinner or does everyone eat with a plate in their lap while you talk about the book? If the latter I would get nice bread, sandwich fixings, summer fruit, and call it a day. If the former, maybe what my spouse and I call deconstructed pasta: we make pasta and have all of the elements of the sauce individually prepared in bowls buffet style (so our kids can pick and choose while we assemble all of the components into whatever sauce we planned on having). You can make the sauce elements ahead of time and have any meat separate from everything else for your vegetarian.

      1. We do both, it depends on the house/space setup! For me, it works best for us to sit at the table and then move to chat.

    4. Well since it’s yesteryear, you definitely need sourdough bread with butter (I would just buy from a local bakery that will slice it for you).

      I would just add that to your tortellini salad + grilled chicken on the side. To me that sounds like a perfect summer meal.

    5. Sourdough bread and watery vegetable soup, haha

      I would lean into the farm aspect of it though – highlight vegetables, breads, maybe a charcuterie of cheeses and meats

    6. I haven’t read it, but I’d make some pioneer-type recipes if the food mentions in the book isn’t inspiring. Check the Little House cookbook or the Eats History social media account.

      1. It’s hard to explain without spoiling but Little House on the Prairie isn’t really the right vibe for this book.

  15. Hair help! I have fine, overall wavy hair (downright curly in random spots, pin straight in others). There are some very strong cowlicks and spots where the natural wave goes flat in a really unflattering way. Longer cuts get lank and frizzy (except the random sections that want to poof up and be full of volume). In spite of being in my mid-40s, I have never been good at styling it. Pixie cuts look good for about three to four weeks, but I cannot manage keeping it cut that frequently. Blow drying is a mistake, although a diffuser sometimes results in acceptable outcomes once in a very great while (or just weird shapes most of the time, tbh).

    I have tried curly girl method a number of times and while it taught me a lot (my hair wants minimal moisture and minimal protein), it never results in anything particularly stylish, just healthier individual strands. I feel so frumpy, like my hair is stuck in pre-teen middle school. Where do I even start? I’ve tried saying this to my stylist, and while she is great at executing any cut I want her to recreate, she doesn’t really seem to know how to educate me on doing my own hair once I leave the salon.

    1. Did you ever try a curly girl type haircut? I usually ask for something that won’t need any styling. That can involve seeing a stylist who does dry cuts or dry touch ups.

      1. Yes, it makes things maybe 5% better. But only the sections that actually curl, and usually only for a couple of weeks until the curl grows.

        1. I feel like I’d be tempted to get a perm or a relaxing treatment just to get all the hair on the same wavelength (so to speak).

          Or some kind of rocker cut, but I worry that would just look “country” on me these days.

    2. For cowlicks – I put my hair in a low pony or bun overnight. It helps train the hair to stay down a bit. You can also try to flat iron it into submission.

      Fine hair tends to frizz in blow dryers that dry your hair by creating humidity. The Dyson was designed to make that process better somehow. I’ve tried it and it’s ok but not worth the price tag imo. I have a fancy looking Shark that was much less and I think actually works better.

      For flyaways – I’ve tried so many products; they either do nothing or they make my hair look greasy. Moroccan oil works ok but it’s easy to overdo it. Color wow one minute transformation is ok. Honestly I think hair spray is probably best, I just really hate hair spray.

      1. I do have a Shark and the diffuser on damp hair arranged with gel is the best of the options for getting a nice curl pattern to stay, although getting the curl pattern to be nice is my struggle.

        My cowlicks do not respond to training; they are way too strong for that. I spent my twenties fighting that battle and finally admitted in my 30s that it is impossible.

    3. What about blow drying is a mistake?

      Your hair seems extra challenging because it’s not one thing: it’s neither straight nor wavy nor curly nor frizzy. I think you should aim for it to be uniformly something, whether that means straightening it, blow drying it out with appropriate products, or using hot rollers to give it a more uniform curl pattern.
      But first, find a new stylist.

      1. Blow drying results in something very much like this, and I am not saying this facetiously: https://www.hairstylery.com/wp-content/uploads/images/10-messy-bowl-cut-on-copper-hair.jpg

        Straight looks awful on me. It’s so fine that I end up looking like a bowling ball with no hair. It needs some body. Unfortunately, getting it to curl uniformly has been a decades-long battle and it doesn’t seem to be within my capabilities. Even attempting this via a perm didn’t take, it just dried my hair out. Hot rollers look good for approximately 37 minutes and then they fall out. I can get the curl to stay with copious amounts of hair spray, but I prefer not to smell like the 80s returned on a daily basis.

        2. I’ve got fine flat hair too and the won’t-hold-a-curl struggle is real. Everything just droops back to flat.

          Things that help/work:
          -Lots of dry shampoo before curling
          -Getting a perm (never creates round curls but adds texture around face)
          -Having some go-to updos for days when nothing works. Gibson tuck and French twist can look chic even with uneven texture.

    4. My hair sounds fairly similar to yours. I find that what works best for me is letting my hair sit in a microfiber towel for a bit to dry a little, putting some product on my hair (I use Perfect 10), then drying with a dryer brush. That leaves it relatively smooth, but still with some volume and wave. I’ve just had to give up on ever having really smooth, straight hair. And some days it’s still frizzier than I’d like, but I just live with it because I’m not willing to spend any more time on it.
      I wash every other day, so I touch up around my face with a straightening iron or brush depending on how much help it needs that day and which one my daughter has stolen. There have been several conversations on here about the best dryer brush, ranging from the cheap Revlon to a Dyson, but mine is a L’Ange. My straightening brush is a BaByliss thermal brush.

      1. That sounds very different than my hair. Dryer brushes just highlight the different textures. No way I could do a second day touch-up without industrial strength tools and products. My hair does not reset without a full wash each day.

    5. I am right there with you: fine hair that is wavy in spots and straight in spots, oddly placed cowlicks, frizz, and impatience with styling. I live in a high desert, which really does not help. My hair always does so, so much better on vacation to humid places. Honestly, the best thing I’ve done is invest my time, money, and effort into other aspects of my appearance. If I wear stylish and flattering clothes, stylish shoes, good makeup, and good jewelry, I can fixate less on my impossible hair. My hair is simply no match for the environment in which I live. I cannot fix that right now. I can invest in better clothes, makeup, jewelry, and fitness.

      1. Commiseration! I live in a humid part of the Midwest and definitely find it hardest to deal with this hair in the depths of the cold, dry winter.

    6. A few product recs to try: washing with New Wash instead of shampoo. It might leave enough of your regular oils intact to make the hair dry better. I would always air dry if I were you. Try “Dirt” as a product. https://www.dirt-products.com/shop/p/paste

      Another option might be to get a perm for the straight parts.

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