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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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In-House in Houston
Ugh! First day back after 2 weeks off. Any suggestions for getting through the day? Also, I’m sure it’s been covered on this site over the last 2 weeks, but does anyone have anything different they’re trying this year? I’m not asking for resolutions, but something you want to do different this year? Hang in there, ladies!
Anon
It shouldn’t be too hard to get through the day after two weeks off. Good luck!
Doing differently: no diet or weight talk with other women, ever. Have already been doing this but want to reinforce it every time my female colleagues expect me to chime in when they discuss their fifth Whole30 or 17th cleanse.
Monday
I am totally on board with this goal and also try to live it! Curious: how do you “reinforce” it? Is it just in silence, or if you say something, what do you say? I’ve been in a lot of situations lately where diet talk was taking over and I don’t have a go-to reaction.
If you respond on social media, I’m also very interested in how.
Anon
Well, still working on that part, but so far I’ve done “life’s too short to obsess about calories” and then walked away. I think it came off as hostile despite a light tone, though. Next time I would probably try to change the subject or say something like “yes, a lot of people are dieting this year” and then walk away. I don’t really want to make it a big deal, but I want to constantly reinforce that I don’t participate in these conversations.
Housecounsel
I am so glad that people are rebelling against diet talk. It’s really hard on some of us.
emeralds
Yes, thank you for this!
Monday
The “coming off hostile” thing is so hard, because basically any pushback against diet talk sounds “hostile” when diet talk is just the part of the atmosphere of friendly chatter among women. It’s so insidious.
At my fitness studio over the weekend, the instructor was talking about how she ate “soo much” over the holidays. Another student said “so did I! And I don’t feel bad about it!” and I said “Nor should you!”
Sometimes when people are talking about eating and exercise, I chime in with things that I do, but mention that I am not trying to lose weight. So I’m participating in the convo but not the ethos of trying to lose weight. (And no, I am not the thinnest person in all these conversations.)
Cb
Ugh, my jetlagged toddler didn’t go to sleep until 3am and I’m back in the office tackling the most time consuming and tedious copy-edits so my commiseration. Luckily I found a secret bar of chocolate in my desk.
What am I doing differently this year? I’m over punitive resolutions and focusing on more of the things that make me happy- more novels, more theatre and exhibitions, more dates, and more hikes, and more bike rides.
Anon
I am also back in the office after a glorious two weeks off and I am dragging. It was so hard falling asleep last night after two weeks of sleeping in and napping.
Anon
Same. My natural sleep cycle is fall asleep at 12:30 or 1 a.m., wake up at 8:30 or 9 a.m., and I revert to it whenever I have more than 3-4 days off. Going from that to “try to fall asleep at 10:30 so I can wake up at 6 a.m. and not be a zombie” is going to be tough. I struggle with going to sleep “on time” – going to bed before midnight feels very unnatural to me – and that is something I’m working on in 2020.
anne-on
I’m trying to make myself more of a priority. 2019 was a ‘work and family first’ kind of year, and while I did make some good changes (stuck to a good gym routine! had my physical and dental work done!) I frequently felt overwhelmed and frazzled. I also HATE cold/dark/snowy winter in New England so really trying to find ways to enjoy this season and not just feel blah for 3-4 months.
Angela
Have you read about the concept of Hygge and how the Dutch embrace the winter? I’ve found those concepts helpful!
You're a what
I think Hygge is Danish or Swedish?
Is Denmark Scandinavian?
Maybe I should learn more European culture and geography this year!
Vicky Austin
Denmark is usually considered part of Scandinavia, I think. :)
BabyAssociate
Just an FYI, hygge is Danish, not Dutch.
Coach Laura
I think she meant Dutch and hygge separately. The Dutch also embrace winter but their concept is getting outdoors (skating etc) and is called Uitwaaien translated as “outblowing”.
Anon
I feel you. I had three weeks off (although I use “off” loosely – my toddler and I both had RSV, we were traveling and then we had visiting family, so it wasn’t the most relaxing three weeks for sure) and my sleep schedule is all messed up from staying up late, sleeping in and napping when the toddler napped. I’m going to try melatonin tonight to hopefully reset my circadian rhythm.
Vicky Austin
I’m hopelessly prone to too-many-resolution disease, so I’m trying to do one change per month.
Anon
My only day off these past two weeks was Christmas Day (yep, I got called in on New Years Day) and I’m also struggling to accomplish things this week.
As for doing things differently- I’ve realized I’m a metrics person so really diving into Mint and FitBit (including tracking my food). Two goals are (always) to be more fit/eat healthier/lose weight and save more money. Ive realized that I can’t wing it and need to closely track everything
anon
Something I would like to do differently is sending my closest friends and family members REAL CARDS instead of defaulting to a text for birthdays. I used to do this and have fallen out of the habit over the years.
I am prone to trying to make too many changes at one time, so my goal is to focus on building one habit at a time.
In-House in Houston
I’m doing this too. I was at Target over the holidays and bought a bunch of birthday cards, Valentines were already out, and just “just because cards” and I brought them with me to work. I’ve put on my “send cards” on my calendar twice a month for the rest of the year to remind me to write them and put them in the mail.
rosie
If you are a Trader Joe’s shopper, they have some really nice cards and they are $1 each. The selection usually changes frequently, so I often browse and pick up a couple birthday/wedding/baby/etc. to have handy.
NOLA
I worked two days last week, so I’m having trouble getting my head back into work on the first day of classes. I’m sure I’ll get there eventually.
My goals are:
– stop buying clothes. It’s so tempting but I really need to curb my spending. I went through clothes I bought last winter and they are all too big and I have to do another purge.
– keep my weight stable so I don’t have to buy new clothes. Despite engaging in sloth and gluttony over the holidays (j/k although I ate a lot of sweets and meat and not a lot of vegetables), my weight stayed the same, which is a good thing!
– have more of a social life so I have a reason to not be constantly available for work. So far, it is working well for me. I got some work emails over the weekend, but it was my new guy’s birthday on Saturday and yesterday was busy so I ignored them until the morning. The world did not come to an end!
Anonymous
+1 on the stop buying new clothes resolve. I have in the past tended to stress shop and mostly for clothes so I am hoping to stop this altogether. One of the small steps I’ve taken for this is to unfollow department stores on social media as their posts tended to lead me to their site and I would easily send to cart from there. Also unfollowing most fashion bloggers. There was a time when I enjoyed their content but now I catch myself clicking on their posts -often sponsored- and being redirected to a purchase site.
Replced the fashion bloggers with cute dog pages and memes and my IG is so mich happier.
Alanna of Trebond
Why don’t you get your too big clothes altered to fit your new size?
Senior Attorney
I’m back after being out since December 19. Wow. Big adjustment. And I just remembered that I just dropped everything and ran out of here so my office is a disaster area!
On the resolutions front, my husband and I sat down a few days ago with the calendar and decided on a few things we want to get done in January. Not so much resolutions as goals, like “25 no-alcohol days” and “pour the foundation for the new shed” and “have a dinner party.” Then we’ll do the same thing for February and so on. And if we don’t get them done, they don’t carry over (unless we decide to have them as goals for another month).
Anon
I had a lot of success last year with scrapping goal-oriented resolutions and setting some process-oriented ones on a theme. The theme was learning to get out of my bubble and think out of the box more a d I focused on things like watching movies outside of my usual interest zone, listening to music picked out by people with very different tastes from me, etc. That carried out very well into work and being more open to risks and different viewpoints!
This year the theme is being kinder, starting with myself. I have blocked out time for creative restorative activities, me time, do morning pages daily… it’s already making me kinder and more understanding to others (I started back in November, time felt ripe.for.a new theme…)
Anonymous
My condominium is being terminated and I am being forced to sell my unit. I would like to object to the amount of the distribution provided to me by the termination trustee. Would an email be sufficient or do I have to send a certified letter? I am in FL if that matters. Thank you!
Anony
IANAL in this area, but always certified letter for this sort of thing (with a copy of the final for your files). And hire a real estate lawyer to help you navigate this!
anon
I would also scan a copy of the letter for your files and email it too.
Anonymous
Not a Florida lawyer, but I’d send the original letter via certified mail, return receipt requested with a copy via email. That way you have proof of delivery.
anon
Can’t speak to the details of this case but re:certified letters I was always taught to send a certified letter and normal letter at the same time. I think the thinking here is that if the certified letter gets returned (e.g. they do not “accept” the letter) but the normal letter doesn’t, you have evidence that they received the notice.
Anon
I’m a newb. How can a condo be terminated? What does that mean? It’s a property, not a contract. Do you mean it’s being torn down? Are they converting to something else and you have to sell your shares in the condo complex that represent your home?
Anonymous
OP here, NAL. In FL, if someone (an investor) buys 95%+ of all the units in a condominium, they can terminate the condominium and force the remaining 5% to sell their units to them.
Anon
Oh that sucks.
Carrie
I was renting a condo in a vintage apartment building. There has been a crazy amount of development in my town, building very expensive luxury rental apartment buildings that are huge. The rental market is shooting upward in $$$ because of this. So investment companies are coming in and buying up vintage buildings like mine and returning them to rentals for cash flow.
In my building’s condo association documents, a much lower percentage of owners had to agree to sell for the building to be sold. Less than 70%. Well, an investment company came in and offered them a decent amount so they voted to sell the building. Many owners were pissed! I was surprised. Didn’t know this could happen.
Immediately after the sale closed, the new owners said my rent would increase by $300 per month. And that was with no renovations/fixes. I moved out.
Because houses are so expensive and the lifestyle choices of younger adults are changing, rentals are becoming prime in my area.
Anon
Nashville?
Anon
Do you have any suggestions for work skirts and dresses that are long enough for taller women (but not four figures)? I have been struggling to find an appropriate fit, so I wear pants more often than I want to.
I am a 5’8, 190lbs pear figure that often looks very hourglass: bust 38in,
waist 33, hips 47 (much of my weight is in my behind). When I buy skirts, I like the midi/knee to below knee length, at very least 24 inches (otherwise it looks obscenely short, especially from behind, and worst if there is any riding up). I like dresses such as the “Ponte Knit Long Sleeve Sheath Dress” by Forest Lily available at Nordstrom, but I can never guess which dress (brands or styles) are going to be long enough for my workplace and for my own comfort.
Any of your tips, tricks, and constructive suggestions for finding lovey skirts and dresses will be greatly appreciated. Happy New Year!
Anon
I’ve had less luck with skirts, because the required length varies based on where the waste of the skirt sits on me. But for dresses, I just measured one that was my perfect length. Since I find that most dresses sold online now a days include the length in the description, I feel like that gives me a pretty good idea on whether a dress will fit or not.
Anon
I’m 5’11” and I disagree with this, or rather it hasn’t been my experience. If I buy a dress, it’s a little too short in the torso, and then a little too short in the skirt, so it ends up way too short in total. At least with a skirt there’s only the one shortfall to worry about.
I do agree that you should find a skirt or dress you like that is the right length and use that as a guide.
I’ve found that I need dresses to be 41” or longer, and I’m happier with 43”. These are few and far between, but I have a couple of styles from mm lafleur that work (in particular the Masha 3.0 and Hailey dresses have been good, and the Greenpoint skirt)
I like 25” or longer skirts as well. I’ve had an easier time of it over the past couple of years because hemlines have trended a little longer. Nordstrom is good at including lengths in their description.
Now pants are another story and I’m really going to be screwed when we have to stop wearing ankle pants.
Anonymous
I’m about your size, but even taller, so I sympathize. I like skirts that cover my knees when I’m seated, so I don’t have to constantly manage or tug at them to ensure my thighs are covered when seated.
I’ve found most success in “women much older than me” brands — my local department store has a section of women’s suits, skirts, etc. that would be mostly appropriate for “women who lunch.” But their cuts are more full and (most important) much longer than the narrow, short cuts of most of the other lines. I can often find a sheath dress or a pencil skirt in this line, then alter it to reduce the “too old for me” factor. That usually means tapering the side seams and sometimes even taking the hem up and inch or two.
Anon
This, sadly. Look at brands targeting older women and you’ll find the length you need. Alter to modernize a bit.
anon a mouse
I am shaped similarly to you and have great luck with Boden. The garment measurements are on their site so you can check length and many dresses come in tall. Not every dress fits the same so I wait for a promo with free shipping and returns and buy several at once.
anon
Ann Taylor and J.Crew have tall lengths on dresses and skirts.
Jules
Late to this, but the Old Navy ponte sheaths come in tall sizes.
Anon
Thank you so much ladies! Your guidance was so helpful! Truly appreciated. :)
Anon
My company has a strict 8-5 schedule for office workers, with a mandatory 1 hour lunch. No flexibility and no work from home, ever. The leadership team is comprised entirely of white men with stay at home wives, with the exception of me. I am a women with a husband who works. They do want more women in the company (seriously barely any) and in the pipeline for leadership. I am trying to articulate why such rigid expectations can turn high performing women away from the company, particularly women with child and elder care responsibilities. (If my husband didn’t work from home, I wouldn’t have touched this job with a ten foot pole.) I would love to here any advice.
780
Personally, if I was trying to change this, I wouldn’t focus on why this turns women off. They sound so out of touch that I suspect that there is a lot more lip service going on about how they want more women, and less any actual willingness to do things that will help women succeed in at that company. (But maybe I’m just jaded from working with too many old white men who would say that they wanted a diverse workplace when actually working to ensure that didn’t happen by only giving decent opportunities to white men and when pushing women and other diverse workers out of the company.)
However, I think you can push for a change in the work culture because that will just turn off all younger workers, regardless of gender. I honestly don’t know anyone without some WFH flexibility, unless it is absolutely impossible for their job (they work in a secure scif, at a hospital, or similar) and know just as many men as women who would hate that. WFH is expected now a days for professional workers, and unless you work in a LCOL area where it is easy to get by on one salary or they pay significantly over market, I strongly suspect you are losing strong men workers as well because they also have outside responsibilities.
Anon
I agree. On my team of 6, coworkers without children routinely work from home as often as those without children.
Anon
This.
Anon
Agreed. I would make this a worker’s issue, not a women’s issue.
Anonymous
Agreed. WFH is a pretty common benefit, and after having experienced a job with that benefit, it would be impossible for me to go back to such a rigid job. Almost no amount of money would make it worth it to me.
Anonymous
Perhaps if you framed flexibility as a productivity booster, they would sit up and listen: https://hbr.org/2019/08/is-it-time-to-let-employees-work-from-anywhere
The work of Harvard economist Claudia Goldin also highlights long inflexible hours as a key reason for the gender pay gap: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/26/upshot/women-long-hours-greedy-professions.html
Anonymous
If there is a sincere leader who is a good sport (particularly if that person is a father to girls), I’d try to spend a day role-playing a potential future hire and see what difficulties they might encounter, especially as schools have reopened today after 2 weeks off.
Try to pick a reasonable commuting radius; check a nearby school’s start time, drive in traffic to that school, then to work, then check school’s let-out time, deal with kid, plan dinner, one kid might have braces that periodically need to be checked, another kid might have a music lesson across town, or a kid might be sick and have to stay home from school with no notice.
OTOH — does your company have no women at all? Secretaries and admins frequently have working spouses and children and have dealing this with far less clout and $ to throw at their problems. [Our firm made a big splash about how executive maternity leave is now like 6 months (4 paid) and still staff gets by with 12 weeks (6 paid).] I don’t pat myself on the back really — being a working parent is a tough job all around.
Anonymous
I agree that this doesn’t need to be about women v. men — I can’t imagine men like that schedule requirement any more than women do.
It sounds to me more like “rigid v. fluid.” And the changes you ask for don’t have to be all or nothing. They could start to experiment with more flexible office hours, for example, without going from the rigid schedule you describe to people working from home.
Surely there are other ways a rigid culture like this plays out? If you can address those ways in a way that works for all employees (men or women), then you’re heading toward the changes that will be harder to implemen.
potato
This came up in the news a few years ago – it’s been measured that professions with more time flexibiliy have better advancement for women. The best example was pharmacists. The nature of the industry means that pharmacists need to be able to seamlessly transfer information among themselves. Pharmacists (regardless of sex) work defined hours with no expectation of regular ‘surprise’ extra hours. Therefore the pay gap is much lower than other industries.
For example:
https://slate.com/business/2014/03/closing-the-gender-wage-gap-what-pharmacies-can-teach-us.html
Anon
Agreed that you should frame it as a work culture problem, not a woman problem. I don’t know anyone, male or female, who would be happy working in an environment like that.
Anon
What you’ve said here.
I would also frame it as losing talent. Men with working wives might be turned off by this as well, since they don’t want to derail their wives’ careers by taking a job that would require her to do all the drop-offs and pick-ups.
In-House in Houston
What you wrote actually sounds against the law – “they do not want any women in the company and in the pipeline for leadership.” Even if your company isn’t big enough to fall under federal ant-discrimination laws, I would imagine your state has similar laws. Could you approach it that way? What I mean is that you sit down with leadership and tell them that “the perception” that they don’t want women working at the company is unlawful and that to make strides to correct that perception they need to be more flexible. Do you have an HR department? Maybe talk to them about it. Honestly I was more concerned about that statement than I was that they’re against workplace flexibility.
Anonymous
Um that’s not a correct quote – there’s no “not” in that sentence.
In-House in Houston
Yikes, I missed that. Thanks for the correction!
Anon
What? She said they do want more women (ostensibly, anyway).
Anonymous
If the company isn’t willing to allow any flexibility, one alternative is to provide VERY generous PTO. You burn a lot of PTO if you have to take half or full day off every time you have an appointment that must happen during work hours. Employees should have enough PTO so they can take care of their lives and still take real time off work. I’m surprised that even people with SAHSs don’t understand that concept – their spouse can’t get a physical or haircut or get fitted for a suit for them. And do they really never meet with contractors or mechanics or their accountant? It blows my mind that people think everything must happen outside of work hours.
Flats Only
Or if you’ve got separate vacation and sick leave, how about adding some days for “personal leave” that can be used on short notice for plumber / sick kid / school appointment, etc. I had an office that did this and it seemed to ease the burden without going all the way to “work wherever and whenever you want”, which can be a hard sell to execs like the ones you’re dealing with.
Anon
I sincerely hate this being cast as a ‘woman thing’.
OP
Right, got it. But they are openly pondering why they can’t attract and retain women, and I see a big, glaring reason.
Betty
I don’t understand why this is an anti-woman schedule? I work some place very similar and there are many women who work here, including many women with spouses that work full time outside of the home? In fact, my husband and many of my friends have jobs where they have to be there in person during set hours (medicine, teaching, pharma research, etc.)
Are you the same poster who works at a place in the manufacturing industry that has lockstep hours for everyone?
If so, I think this job is not a cultural fit for you. I also work in a manufacturing type industry and it’s hugely important for morale (and also productivity) to have everyone work the same hours and be present at the same time.
Anon
It’s not anti-woman – but most high performing women (well, people) won’t flock to inflexible jobs. In your medicine example, you have to be there in person, but there is some flexibility in hours and schedule. It’s generally not set hours.
I’ve been in manufacturing for 20 years. Most employers offer flexibility for office workers. It’s not hugely important for morale that everyone work the exact same hours.
Anon
In the medicine and pharmacy examples, people are being paid quite well to have inflexible hours, and they are paid well from the start.
In the teaching example, the hours are inflexible but align very nicely with the hours that one’s child is in school, so the logistics are (in many, not all, situations) much easier than for parents who work into the evenings and during vacations. (My husband is a professor, and it’s going to save us a massive pile of money and stress because he can be there for the entire winter vacation, most of summer vacation, etc.)
But when you have an environment with inflexible hours, wherein people starting at the bottom do not necessarily earn a huge pile of money that enables them to outsource tasks (e.g., pay someone to drive your kid to school in the morning or pick them up after school), you’re going to leave before you advance. Alternatively, if you’re a talented person at the professional/executive level, you’re going to have your choice of jobs and will pick the ones that have more flexibility.
Anon
This is a huge competitive disadvantage in seeking talent. I would look for data on the importance of WFH and flexibility plus any info on how your competitors for talent approach scheduling and WFH to show your company has a major minus. Then I’d also explain why this is particularly problematic for parents, including women.
Budgeting program
Any recommendations for a personal finance tracking/budgeting program? I don’t expect it will change my financial approach much since I’ve been using a low-tech envelope system for a while, but I’m ready to move to more high tech approach and am willing to pay upfront. I know YNAB gets recommended here a lot and it seems good, but I don’t want a program that includes a monthly fee – I know me, and I will cancel it pretty much immediately since the easiest way to save money is to cut out monthly fees.
Anonymous
I think the annual fee for YNAB is about $80- you don’t have to opt for monthy payments if you don’t want. They often have free trials floating around and I’ve heard you can contact them and ask for an extra month.
Anon
Goodbudget is similar to YNAB but there’s a free version that’s worked for me.
Walnut
I used Mint back in the day and use Personal Capital now to keep a high level watch over my finances. When I’m trying to really reign in my spending I have the best luck with manual analysis that basically forces me to have a come to Jesus with myself. Dropping .csv exports from your accounts into Excel works well for this.
MKB
This is my approach as well (and I also started with Mint but have switched to PC).
Anon
Only been doing it for a week but I love Mint!
lsw
YNAB is 100% worth the money. It approaches budgeting in a completely different way from Mint. I found Mint useless except to see where the money went last month and where I might guess it will go this month. YNAB only budgets the money you have, and that was a total game-changer for me. I also understand why it costs money to use. There’s no advertising, there is TONS of free help on the forums and from the staff, they have great blog posts that are useful, and there are a million training videos (and even live training where you can ask questions). On R e dd it there is a YNAB subr where people have a referral train if you want to help people out if you take advantage of a free trial.
AnonInfinity
Totally agree. Plus it is an envelope system, so it would be an extension of what you’ve been doing. I thought Mint was fine, but it was easy for me to ignore. I love the zero-based budgeting of YNAB. I got 2 months free (everyone gets a free month), and one of my banks would not automatically import, so I just emailed customer service and they gave me another free month to get used to manually importing transactions.
Anon
I’ll be the voice of dissent. I think YNAB is really difficult to use if you’re a lazy spending tracker like me. The learning curve is just a lot for an app. I use Every Dollar which I like as you still have to engage with it (categorize your uncategorized expenses by clicking a drop down next to new expenses) but that takes about 5 min. of my day if that. It’s similar to Mint but the software is supported (Intuit has more or less abandoned developing the software and just maintain it for major bugs) you’re not being shouted at by ads as much.
Anon
Agree, but won’t work if you have a Capital One credit card and want to link it. When I started YNAB, it worked out realy well. But then Capital One did some kind of security update where they won’t allow automatic linking to YNAB and YNAB can’t work around it. I ended up getting a refund of my yearly YNAB subscription due to this. I use my Capital One card for almost everything then pay it off each month, so without being able to link it, YNAB literally wouldn’t work for me unfortunately.
lsw
I manually import my transactions from my checking account and only have my two credit cards linked to automatic import. I found that I couldn’t be trusted to keep up with the automatic transactions, but having to type in the stuff from my checking account few days really works for me. So it might not be a downside!
Anon
Same here! You also can do a batch import weekly or monthly (whatever your preference) by downloading a CSV file from your online banking site. Just putting that out there so people aren’t too scared when thinking about the automatic import because some people end up loving the other options!
Anon
I agree YNAB is worth the money. I also think that “any monthly fee = bad” is way too rigid a way of looking at finances. Surely you have tons of monthly bills? Treat it like that. Or pay for it annually.
Anon
Does anyone know if m.gemi adds styles to its sale as the week goes on or make the promotions more attractive? The stuff I want isn’t on sale right now.
Anon
Now that people are back in the office, I need a blender recommendation that isn’t Vitamix. I’ll mostly be making smoothies for two with frozen fruit and don’t want to spend a ton. Glass carafe preferred. Any recs?
Anon
Ninja Bullet (but unfortunately no glass carafe AFAIK).
anon
I really love my Ninja Bullet. In a pinch, you also can use it to chop nuts and other things.
Ellen
Agreed. But it is plastic. FOOEY!
Anon
I love my Ninja but yes, it’s plastic. Are glass pitchers a thing? That seems like a hazard.
Triangle Pose
Blendtec is the best, mine is going strong 9+ years. Glass is not a good material for blender bottle.
Cookbook
+1 I got my mom a Blendtec several years ago for Christmas, and she loves that thing. It’s held up really well.
Anon2
I have a Hamilton Beach with a glass jar, but it’s several years old (2010?) and thus the exact model is no longer made. However, that also speaks to its longevity! Also use it mostly for frozen fruit smoothies.
Anon
We have a Ninja that we really love, and it was less than $150 so if it bites the dust (we’ve had it over two years and it’s still going strong with near-daily usage), replacing it won’t be painful. The carafe is not glass. We had glass-carafe blenders for many years and in my experience, I never found a blender with a glass carafe that works as well as my Ninja.
NY CPA
+1 I love my Ninja (I have the full sized one, not the bullet, but it comes with smaller cups you can use as well).
Blender mender
I recently burned my Hamilton blender’s motor out – we probably had it since 2003 or so. It had a glass carafe.
It seems the nutribullet and vitamixes are “personal blenders” from my research. You probably want a — traditional blender? Which still has a lot of parts to clean.
Also, immersion blenders are amazing now and definitely do a good job with ice and frozen fruit. Even a cheap one ~40 or $60 or so.
Hope this helps
Anonymous
Breville Fresh and Furious…. it’s the number one rated – non vitamix blender from America’s test kitchen. I previously had a Ninja and the lid kept breaking. The Breville is also quieter
Anon
What were your top books of 2019? I read a record number of books (for me) this year at 58 and I’d say the very top was The Indifferent Stars Above. I also enjoyed Girl at War, The Invention of Wings, and Resistance Women. I’d love to hear what you enjoyed as I keep my streak going into 2020. I already started Bad Blood.
Anon
Loved Bad Blood! If you’re into historical nonfiction, maybe Radium Girls? I liked that one a lot.
anon
I really liked The Sound of Gravel. I’m almost finished with The Dutch House and am loving it. These are more recent reads, so I’m sure I’m forgetting some great ones from the beginning of the year.
Anon
The Sound of Gravel is one of my all time favorites!
Cb
I had a strong list of favorites this year, including Girl, Woman, Other, The Dutch House, Lost Children Archive, A Girl Returned, Lowborn, What Red Was, Song of Achilles, Meet Me at the Museum, Catch and Kill.
Panda Bear
I loved Pieces of Her.
Anon
She Said by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey! Everyone is recommending Catch and Kill, which I do want to read, but the women who wrote She Said are the ones are who actually broke the Weinstein story. It includes their interview with Christine Blasey Ford too.
Nelly Yuki
Really disagree with the who really broke the Weintstein story above, especially if you haven’t read Catch and Kill. Not a contest, but the reporting was going on at the same time. Plus, C&K has all the Lauer stuff.
Anon
Yes, I know Ronan Farrow was chasing the story and the same sources at the same time, but Jodi and Megan did actually break it first. I’m in journalism and whoever publishes first “breaks” the story, even if other people were investigating it too. That’s the definition of breaking the story. It’s certainly not only about the reporters but as much or more so about the editors, publishers and legal teams they worked with who reviewed their work and ok-ed publication, and I’m aware Ronan Farrow encountered obstacles in that regard that they didn’t. Both teams deserve accolades but I think it’s very unfair that his book is getting so much more attention than theirs is.
anne-on
Red at the Bone, Spinning Silver, and the Starless Sea were all fantastic.
cbackson
Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (goth lesbian necromancers in space, which sounds pulpy but isn’t – it’s like a snarky version of The Tombs of Atuan for all you longtime fantasy readers); The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black; Witches of America by Alex Mar.
I’m not sure I read a single book with a male author last year, interestingly.
Anonymous
The Wicked King and The Queen of Nothing were my top two books of 2019. I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed that series!
anon
The favorites I read last year were Pachinko, Olive, Again, The Great Believers, Angela’s Ashes (an older one I had never read before), Becoming, There There, and A Place for Us.
anon
Educated by Tara Westover
Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah
Vicky Austin
God I loved the Great Alone.
anon
I read it last January and was in a serious reading funk once it was over. Nothing else compared.
Saguaro
Me too! It was my favorite book of the year!
anon
I devoured Little Fires Everywhere! Also can’t wait for the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing.
anon
None of these were published in 2019, but my favorite books that I read in 2019 were Beloved, Rules of Civility, Kindred, Moonglow, The House of Broken Angels, Six of Crows, and The Huntress.
My top nonfiction books were The Woman Who Smashed Codes, Born a Crime, and Endurance: A Year in Space, A Lifetime of Discovery.
Also, I re-read To Kill A Mockingbird, and for anyone who hasn’t read it since middle or high school, I highly, highly recommend re-reading it. I remembered liking it whenever it was assigned in school, but now that I’m older and more widely read, I appreciated it so much more.
Anon
My favorite book of the year was The Heart’s Invisible Furies — It was so sad and uplifting at the same time.
BB
I started getting into sci-fi this year, especially those written by women. The Broken Earth series by NK Jemisin is spectacular – somewhere between sci-fi and fantasy.
KW
I just wrapped up the Rose Gardner Mystery and Rose Gardner/Neely Kate Investigations series by Denise Grover Swank. I’m now (im)patiently waiting for the next book in the series, which doesn’t come out until April 2020. I loved them! I also read her Magnolia Steele Mystery series. Any recs for something similar?
Senior Attorney
This isn’t nearly as serious as most of what’s already been suggested, but my book club read Still Life by Louise Penny and I loved it so much I gobbled up the whole series about Inspector Gamache in the little town of Three Pines in Quebec.
Also gobbled up everything by Octavia Butler, the pride of my home town of Pasadena, California, starting with Kindred.
Oh, and the Books of Babel by Josiah Bancroft.
BB
I read an Octavia Butler book for the first time too! Parable of the Sower. For some reason, every bookstore within a 10 mile radius of me is out of Kindred – I need to get it on order soon. Really loved it, but am taking a breather before doing the second book as it’s definitely pretty heavy emotionally.
Senior Attorney
Right? Hits pretty close to home these days even though it was written some time ago!
Elle
A Woman is No Man, American Dirt (won an advanced copy on Goodreads, it’s out in 2020), A Man Called Ove, Verity, Becoming, The Silent Patient, Normal People, and Such a Fun Age
Anon
Where the Crawdads Sing. Could not put it down.
Coach Laura
Women Authors (Mostly 2019 new books) – Inheritance, Fair Play, Learning from the Germans (comparing Nazis and modern Germany to slavery and modern US), Your Turn – Kids, Careers and Comebacks, Love and Death among the Cheetahs, Big Sky (Kate Atkinson), White Fragility, Nothing to Loose (Ziba Mackenzie series), In the Shadow of Power (7th in series translated from Swedish), Blood Evidence, Shell Game, The A List (JA Jance series), Las Vegas Crime (Leslie Wolfe), The First Cell, We Were Killers Once.
Male authors – The New Girl (Daniel Silva), The Bitterroots, The Moores are Missing, The Cornwalls Vanish, The Final Reckoning, A Minute to Midnight (David Baldacci), Redemption (also Baldacci), A Steep Price (Robert Dugoni)
Anon
Hm, it’s funny that there’s a book about learning from the Germans when really, Nazi Germany learned from Jim Crow in the U.S. I’ll have to check it out – thanks for the rec.
Coach Laura
Sorry, I put a really abbreviated blurb. It is about how Germany successfully changed its collective attitude post-WWII that “no German was guilty” to “we were all guilty of the Nazi hatred”. And the American experience post-slavery is that the collective “we” are not guilty.
I have a personal story on this – I was in Bonn Germany in 1976 when I was 16 (yes, I’m old). We met my dad’s second cousin who would have been a young woman in 1940 and her daughter who was born in the early-1940s. And remember, this was only 30 years since the end of the war. There was a live ceremony on TV commemorating the men who tried to assassinate Hitler, which was made into the Tom Cruise movie “The Valkyrie”. The older woman looked at me and said “We didn’t know that Hitler was killing Jews and others.” Direct quote, translated by her daughter. I read the book Learning from the Germans to answer that question first – how did Germany change? And right in one of the first chapters it addressed the viewpoint of my relative and the events that made a difference.
So I really recommend the book. The book “White Privilege” is also illuminating.
Coach Laura
Sorry – White Fragility
Anon
Disappearing Earth by Julia Phillips, The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo, Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner and The Shakespeare Requirement by Julie Schumacher.
Miss
The Need – Helen Philips (not what I expected and I really enjoyed it on so many levels, I wish I had someone to talk through the ending with)
Know My Name – Chanel Miller (heartbreaking and should definitively answer the question about what people miss when they argue that consequences of rape/harassment/etc. are too harsh on the perpetrator. Chanel is infinitely more talented than her rapist. It’s horrifying to think of all the women and their talents that have been silenced due to rape and harassment)
The Line Becomes a River – Francisco Cantu (about the border)
God Help the Child – Toni Morrison (always beautiful writing and a thought-provoking story)
Handmaid’s Tale (reread) and The Testaments – Margaret Atwood (brilliant)
Truth and Beauty – Ann Patchett (nonfiction story of female friendship)
Maid – Stephanie Land (nonfiction about a single mother surviving poverty)
Furious Hours – Casey Cep (really well written and gave me a new perspective on Harper Lee)
A Woman Is No Man – Etaf Rum (excellent and I still think about the ideas)
No Visible Bruises – Rachel Louise Snyder (fantastic and infuriating book about domestic violence)
Spinning Silver – Naomi Novik (excellent reimagining of the Rumpelstiltskin tale with complex women with power and agency as main characters)
How to Change Your Mind – Michael Pollan
American Prison – Shane Bauer (best book I’ve read on the private prison complex and its history and deficits)
The Sun Does Shine – Anthony Ray Hinton (by an Alabama man who spent decades on death row for crimes he didn’t commit before finally being released)
Sorry, this ended up being a long list, but I read a ton of books in 2019 and these were the ones I recommended to other people after I finished them and kept thinking about.
Ski Anon
So I’m headed on a ski trip with some colleagues in March and uh, I’ve never skied. I have no idea how I got roped into this, but I need to not look like an idiot. We’re staying at the St. Regis Deer Valley (this is tacked on to a conference). I’m in the NYC area and I have plans to spend a few days over the next few months at local ski resorts to actually learn to ski-ish, but I have no idea what any of the terminology means – help! What do I wear? What is apres ski? What do I wear to that? What does ski-in/ski-out mean? What should I expect? I need to not look like an idiot. Beginner-ish skiing aside, these are folks who grew up going on ski trips, and I…did not. HELP!
Anonymous
You actually don’t. You’ll be much better off not doing this. You’ve never skied and don’t know how. Be confident in that. Own it. Sign up for ski school out there, and email one of them and say “I’m a total skiing newbie, can you talk to me about real basics? Like, what do I need to pack both for skiing and after?”
You’ll never learn enough to pass as someone who’s casually always skied and you’ll look silly trying.
Flats Only
This. If it’s convenient, I would do one day of skiing lesson near you before you go, and then also sign up for the total beginner lessons there. That one day in advance will help orient you, and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy your lessons on the big trip. Look at Sierra Trading Post or even Amazon for reasonably priced waterproof pants. You’ll also want a full suit of thermal underwear, and then a warm top and pants (fleece perhaps), plus a parka. If you don’t have anything like that try Uniqlo. Wear warm thick socks.
anon
seconding this. Take it from someone who’s parents took her on ski vacation, and expected her to just pick up skiing without actual instructions. Resulted in lots of tears and about 20 years of hating winter and snow. More recently (at a conference…) I gave it another try, with more patient instructions and it wasn’t so bad. Do yourself a favor and book some lessons.
Also try to figure out whether your friends are planning downhill skiing (adrenaline rush, maybe like downhill mountainbiking) or cross-country skiing (more like going running or inline skating, makes you real tired), since those are two different animals.
Anonymous
If you want to learn to ski then by all means knock yourself out. But don’t feel like you have to. Plenty of people just hang out at the lodge. I imagine there’s a spa at the resort or at least nearby? I’d be inclined to schedule a massage and facial while folks are out skiing, and I would guess you won’t be the only one.
Anon
This is true if you definitely don’t want to ski, but I encourage you to try it! I know so many women who have had amazing experiences skiing and I want as many people as possible to share in that. We need more women choosing adventures and falling in love with winter sports (it helps so much with SAD and the other winter problems people post about here year after year). If you don’t love it, that’s fine, but trying new things is good for the mind and body anyway.
Anon
You need to do some googling for a lot of these questions, but otherwise, you take a lesson and don’t expect to keep up with expert skiers because that’s literally not going to happen. Take a lesson, have some fun, and enjoy being in the mountains with a fun new challenge. Skiing is fantastic and anyone can enjoy it with the right mindset. You can likely borrow some gear from friends (but rent the skis and boots, of course), but REI is also a good source if you don’t already have a helmet, pants, and jacket.
NYCer
+1. Sign up for a lesson with a class or a private instructor while you’re in Deer Valley, and absolutely do not try to keep up with the experienced skiers. It will not be fun for them or safe for you. You can all meet up for lunch / post- skiing drinks and hang out in the evenings.
Is it Friday yet?
Yup, this – a few lessons at Hunter will NOT result in you being able to keep up, if you try you will just make yourself (and them) miserable. Plan to take lessons, and tell your coworkers you’ll meet them at the bar for apres-ski (which basically just means going to the bar at the end of the day, usually straight from skiing so wearing your ski clothes is fine). I’d go to an REI, Patagonia, or the backcountry.com Soho pop up, find someone in the ski clothes section and tell them you know nothing and need stuff – usually the staff is pretty knowledgeable. Just go into it with a good attitude – if your coworkers judge you for not knowing things because you’re new to the sport, that’d be on them for being jerks.
Anonymous
Oh geez. Are your colleagues advanced skiers? If so, then I’d just reset your expectations. I’m a lifelong skier, but I don’t ski aggressively and I don’t try to keep up with colleagues – trying to do that in your case is a fool’s errand. On terminology, apres-ski is kind of the evening itinerary – often drinks, hot tubs, fireplaces, that kind of thing. Ski-in/ski-out refers to your accomodations and whether you can just literally ski out of your back door (and return home the same way), or whether you need to drive to where the ski lifts are to ski. Ski-in/out is lovely. Clothes-wise, get yourself to a good local ski shop and get waterproof pants, ski jacket, wool socks (thin), ski gloves, a hat, and then layers – merino wool, etc. Get ski goggles if you’re going to a place that makes snow (much of the East Coast – the snow machines are not fun on your eyes) – out west sunglasses are fine/mandatory. Sunscreen – snow burns are brutal.
Ski Anon
Sorry – to follow-up here, they’re not advanced at all, just the kind of people who grew up going on family ski trips. I overall come from a much less privileged background than my colleagues, so this is just something I’m insecure about I think. I’ll definitely take the “I’ve never skied, I’ll take a lesson” approach, I just want to not sound like I grew up knowing folks that did ski (trust me, these people suck, but it’s important I sound at least middle class when talking to them).
Anon
If they grew up going on family ski trips, they probably are advanced skiiers. I don’t think “advanced” in this context means they’re Olympic athletes, just that they can ski intermediate and advanced hills without instruction, which I would assume they can if they grew up skiing.
Fwiw, I grew up quite privileged and my kids are growing up extremely privileged. None of us know how to ski or have ever been on a ski trip. I was actually thinking recently that maybe my family should go to some nice ski resort and learn how to ski together, so my kids have that “advantage” in life and then literally the next day I heard that Jenji Kohan’s son died in a ski accident and I was like nah, no thanks. Only wealthy people ski, but not all wealthy people ski, so try not to feel self-conscious. “I didn’t ski growing up” is a fine explanation, you don’t need to go into additional detail.
PolyD
I grew up not terribly privileged, but solidly middle class, and I learned to ski. Sure, it was in Wisconsin at first, but then we were able to go to Colorado, thanks to relatives who lived there.
Echoing everyone else – give it a shot, and take lessons! I love love love skiing and am sad that I don’t get to do it now. If these are decent people, I’m sure one or two of them would take a run down an easier run with you after a lesson – at least, I would. My boyfriend had never skied before when we went about 9 years ago, we both took lessons (him beginner, me medium-ish) and met up afterwards and I didn’t mind at all going on some green (easiest) runs with him. I wanted him to enjoy skiing as much as I did.
This also might be a good time to get a basic ski jacket and ski pants (necessary because wet pants from falling are No Fun), what with after-Christmas sales and what not.
anon
I grew up in the south and there are soooooo many middle class people (and wealthier people) who know absolutely nothing about skiing. I wouldn’t worry about that so much. But you can google the basics.
Anonymous
FWIW, my husband grew up upper class. He went to one of the best private schools in Dallas. He didn’t ski until coming to college in new england.
I, on the other hand, grew up middle-ish class in Massachusetts. I went skiing all the time because we lived two towns over from a mountain. Not only wealthy people ski.
I think the approach here is “I’ve never been skiing before.” You can either take lessons and have a fun time learning to ski on the trip, or you can 100% hang out in the lodge/resort. If you take lessons and are good enough to ride the lift, you can always ride up with your colleagues then take a slow/newbie way down while they ski more aggressively and meet them at the bottom. Or at the bar. Whatever you do, do not try and keep up with them. I’m a solid blue skiier, I can ski entire mountains, do moguls etc., but I’m just happy skiing blues or doing blacks at a very moderate pace. I always do a “meet you at the bottom” approach with anyone I ski with that is not exactly my pace (either direction).
Anon
“I’ve never been skiing before, but I’m really excited to try it!”
Growing up in New England, I know plenty of kids who skied and plenty who did not, and it tended to not break down quite as cleanly along class lines as it might in other parts of the country. Yes, you need a certain amount of money to be able to ski, but plenty of people with money weren’t into it and plenty who were solidly middle-class were able to afford day trips to the mountains.
Anon
I really don’t think you need to be able to talk about skiing or be able to ski to pass as being from a middle class upbringing.
Angela
Honestly, I don’t think you necessarily need to worry about learning to ski in advance. You can just tell them you’re a beginner and sign up for a beginner class at whatever resort you all are going to — you don’t need to ski together during the day to go on a “ski trip” together. Skiing is generally about 9 to 3 p.m. every day, then apres ski is hanging out after you go skiing, hanging out at the lodge, going to dinner, going to the hot tub, etc.
What do you wear — a good base layer (skintight clothes by an outfitter like Patagonia, North Face, etc.) and a good ski jacket/snow pants. Plus a buff, liner gloves, good ski gloves (they’ll be expensive) and ski socks. You’ll want snow boots and a hat for getting to/from the slopes, but your ski helmet and boots will replace those once you get there.
Ski-in, ski-out means that the slopes are connected to your hotel room, so you don’t have to transport yourself from your room to the slopes.
What should you expect, uhhh… honestly skiing is a ton of transaction costs for relatively little “fun” esp the first time you do it. It can be kind of terrifying because it’s pretty hard to balance and you feel clumsy and awkward. Be patient with yourself. Take a class.
Anon
I would borrow or rent gear and clothing (or with clothing, buy used) because skiing is not for everyone. I’ve gone three times in my life and after the third time felt like I had experienced enough to reasonably say I hated it and was never going again. If I had invested big money in gear/clothing it would have been a waste. REI has some good articles on “skiing and snowboarding for beginners” if you want to check those out. As far as renting skis, etc. – find a good ski shop in your town or near the resort and just tell them you are a newbie and want reasonably good gear at a reasonably good price; you don’t need anything fancy. Ski-shop people are very used to this and they will help you out.
Anon
The REI website has a lot of helpful intro articles about skiing.
For clothes, you’ll want non-cotton layers. Wool, silk, or synthetic base layer (leggings, long sleeved shirt, socks), as many mid layers as it takes to keep you warm (fleece, puffer jackets), and a waterproof outer layer (softshell or rain jacket/pants, ski jacket, snowsuit, etc.). If you buy designated ski pants and a ski jacket, you will probably be ok with just them + a base layer. You’ll also want waterproof gloves, a hat, sunglasses or ski goggles, and possibly a neck gaiter or baklava.
Anon
Just be honest and laugh at yourself when you fall down 99 times. If you’ve never skied, for the love of Pete, be open about that! It’s so much more freeing to say, “Gosh, I’ve never skied, but I am so excited to try it!” My husband LOVES to ski and I literally cannot. I’ve taken group lessons, private lessons – skiing, snowboarding, snowshoeing, ice skating – you name it and I just can’t. (I joke that it’s because my Arab ancestry means I’m unequipped to deal with winter – I literally can’t do anything where you strap something to my feet to help me with snow or ice – it’s super funny to watch me try.) So I laugh about it and hang out in the lodge with a good book and research good restaurants for dinner and local activities (ice castle?) and do a little shopping while everyone else is on the slopes. I love getting out and going for a walk in the clean, crisp air.
Life’s so much easier when you embrace who you are (the woman who’s never skied before) than try to be something you’re not (the woman frantically booking weekend skiing lessons).
Senior Attorney
OMG this is me. My husband has a condo in a ski resort and I was all excited the first time he invited me on a ski weekend – -bought all the clothes, he paid for private lessons for me, I was super psyched. Turned out I cannot ski to save my life. As in, I broke my ankle on the bunny hill while in a private lesson. Argh.
So now I sit in the lodge and read books on my Kindle while everybody else skis, and then we all get massages and go out to dinner.
Anon
This made me laugh. I’ve skiied three or four times (on the east coast) and managed not to break anything, but never got off the bunny hill and absolutely hated it. TBH, I kind of wish my husband were a skiier, because the idea of reading, massages and hot tubs at a beautiful ski resort sounds wonderful, but we’re obviously not taking such a spendy vacation when nobody skis.
Anon
This, plus if you’re worried about impressing people, being confident and honest is going to go a lot further than being insecure and trying to hide the fact that you can’t ski (something that will be very hard to do on a *ski trip*)
Anonymous
Take lessons/spend a day in ski school; TAKE IT SLOW. If you try to hit all the black diamond (expert level) runs, you will likely hurt yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being a novice–if you’re trying to not look like an idiot, don’t try to keep up with the expert-level skiers. In the US, green runs are the easiest, and you will start with those. Then make your way to blue runs. Do not try to make it to black on your first outing. I have no desire to do black runs anymore all all, as I prefer to ski at moderate speed, so I just do blues by myself when my friends/husband want to go do the expert runs. Also, the conditions in UT will be very different (read: much, much better) than in the Northeast, where it tends to be icy. As for attire, just think cozy sweaters and whatever you’ll be most comfortable in sitting by a fire.
Anonymous
Note that my attire notes are for apres-ski, as posters above covered the ski gear. And +100 to laughing when you fall down. Learn how to fall! That is honestly the best way to stop yourself when you’re inexperienced and are uncomfortable with your speed. Once you get past the first couple of times, it’s SO much more enjoyable.
Anonymous
This woman should not be anywhere near the vicinity of a black run at Deer Valley. That’s insanity for a 10th trip, much less a first.
Anon
Even blues sound incredibly ambitious for a first-timer. I have skiied a dozen or so times and never done anything more than green. And all my ski experience is in Maine/Massachusetts, not the Rockies.
Anon
Agreed. Just stick to the greens; unless you’re naturally very good at skiing, the blues won’t be a fun experience for you.
anne-on
I don’t ski but husband and son do and I go on far more ski vacations than I’d like. Some guidance and advice: Ski on/ski off simply means you’ll be staying within reasonable walking distance of the lifts/gondolas/devices that take you up the mountain. It means you don’t have to worry about a locker or carrying your gear. Apres ski can be casual drinks/meals after skiing to which base layers are usually worn. ‘Fancy’ apres ski is might mean warmer bottoms plus nicer boots/sweaters and a winter jacket instead of your ski jacket. I’ve rarely seen people change for meals RIGHT after skiing but I suppose if there is enough of a gap (and you’re ski on/ski off) folks might shower and change before meeting back up.
So as not to be miserable you’ll probably want at least 2-3 sets of the following (depending on how many days you’re going out) – base layer bottoms and tops, and 2 ski pants. I get COLD and we’re in New England, so this is usually the following on top: sports bra, wicking workout tank (tight fitting), long sleeved wicking top (athleta/lulu, etc. work just fine here), and 3-quarter zip ‘heavy’ base layer – I like both Hot Chilis and the Patagonia better sweater in a size up from my normal size. On the bottom I like either base layer bottoms (hot chilis) or literal silk long underwear. Over than your ski pants – mine are always lined, but you can buy ‘shells’ with minimal lining. Ski socks (smartwools are great) are a must. You’ll also want proper waterproof ski boots – LLBean duck boots and Uggs won’t cut it. If you’re a women’s 7.5 or 8, look into the girls Sorel Joan of Arctics, I find they’re lighter/more comfortable in kids sizes too.
You’ll also want ski goggles, a helmet (renting is a pain, but you can rent), ski gloves, a waterproof ski parka of some sort, and a scarf (I like turtle fur). You shouldn’t need a balaclava out west but you might want one if you’re going to be learning on the VT or NH mountains. For apres ski – warm sweaters, a proper long coat, and functional boots are a must…unless you’ll be carried a la Maria Carey in Vail ;)
Have fun!
Seafinch
Just a counter point but I am a Canadian and life long skiier who has lived in Europe and in the Rockies and skiied the Alps and the Rockies. I own the Joan of Arcs and they are nowhere near as practical as my Bean boots and that is what I wear to the hill. Even in the fanciest Apres Ski in Europe and Banff, Tremblant base layers and whatever you wore to the hill was fine. Maybe the US is different?
Is it Friday yet?
I wear my shearling lined bean boots everywhere – I add a set of yak trax if it’s icy out. I also see tons of other people wearing them as well, in all bean varieties. I think the Joans are higher, which is annoying under ski pants. Also, I’m always confused by people wearing non-ski coats at apres – like did you really haul a whole ‘nother jacket up here rather than just wearing your ski jacket? WHY?
Anon
Agree with the others. There’s no way you’re going to become a good skier between now and March, so embrace it. I have done what you’re doing. I went on a ski trip with friends who knew how to ski and I took lessons while they skied and I had a blast. Get a warm lightweight coat, some ski pants (i like the legging type) and some warm socks and long underwear and you’ll be fine.
Vicky Austin
You’ve gotten great advice here. My best tips:
I like a fleece gaitor better than a scarf, because with scarves you have to stuff all the fiddly ends down your jacket and I find that irritating, ymmv.
If this is a multiple day thing, take advantage of a hot tub or warm shower every night. Your muscles will thank you.
Put your skis on uphill foot first.
Enjoy!
Anon
I’ve been skiing my whole life and I can’t imagine doing uphill foot first on anything steep.
Anon
Same. I was taught/always teach, perpendicular the the slope, bottom ski first.
Vicky Austin
Did I mean downhill foot first?? I think I did. (It’s been a while…Great Plains life.)
Anon
I’m not a skiier but if you’re facing downhill when you strap on a ski won’t you…start skiing? If you want to be stationary, shouldn’t you be perpendicular to the slope? I feel like that’s just physics…
Vicky Austin
Sorry, not “downhill, foot first,” but “downhill-most foot first.” So yes, perpendicular.
Anon
Yeah, skiing is hard to learn as an adult and you are not going to get very good before you go. I know, because I learned to ski as an adult and 4 years later, I’m still nowhere close to keeping up with friends who have skied their whole life.
I’d take a beginner lesson or three locally before you go so you aren’t literally getting on skis for the first time there. Then, assuming there are no other beginner skiers in the group, split up at the resort and establish a meet back time and place. Go to the beginner hill and do easy runs. Or, you know, hide and kill time in a socially appropriate way. At this point you have no idea if you even like skiing. DO NOT BE PRESSURED INTO GOING ON HARD RUNS. You will be miserable, they will be miserable, and you might hurt yourself.
I don’t know how these people roll, but if they try to get you up onto a harder run “just once” because it will “be fun”, be gracious and say no no no no no.
As far as what to wear, I’d make sure to have snow pants and an acceptable snow jacket – something water proof that isn’t too long. You can always layer a rain coat/hard shell over a down jacket/sweater/etc if necessary. I also wouldn’t ski without a balaclava (regardless of the temperature) and goggles. You can rent the skis, poles, and helmet.
Anonymous
God, this so much. People getting pushed onto steeper slopes than they are prepared for is how you turn someone into a non-skier.
Anon
Agree.
Also, do not make your last run your last run. When your legs say “I have one more run in me,” what they are really saying is that it’s time to ditch the skis and hit the bar. I know so many people who got hurt on “one last run.”
Abby
I learned to ski at Deer Valley about 5-6 years ago, and visit a few times a season because DH’s family is Very Into Skiing. I’d highly recommend a skiing class, no need to be private. They’re limited to 4 people per instructor, and they will sort you by skill. You can do a half day or full day, I’d recommend half day and either take off the afternoons to relax (you will be very sore) or practice on your own on the bunny hill. By day 2 you might be comfortable hitting some of the green runs.
St. Regis has a gorgeous bar, wear ski clothes. If you decide not to ski, I’d wear nice but casual clothes. Jeans and a sweater. St. Regis you can ski straight out their lounge, but since you’re a beginner I’d highly recommend going to the front of DV for the bunny hill.
Besides taking ski lessons before then, I’d recommend working out if you don’t already, especially your legs. The first year I truly started lifting, I stopped getting sore while skiing, Take Advil every night before going to bed and when you wake up!
I doubt your colleges are going to bring their ski gear, so you can jump in on renting skis, poles, helmets, even ski jacket and pants with them as well. Good luck! It will be fun! (Stick to green runs) If you are still concerned about visiting DV, feel free to email me at [email protected] for any concerns. I’m going in 2 weeks!
Anon
I actually had your exact same experience a couple of years ago (except I live in an area with no access to skiing unless you get on an airplane). I grew up poor and went on a ski trip with a bunch of colleagues who grew up skiing. You’ve gotten some good answers for the terminology, but my advice is honestly not to try to learn to ski before you go. Unless you go MANY times before you’re on the trip, you’re not going to be advanced enough to keep up with people who grew up skiing when you’ve never done it before.
I went to Telluride for my first ski trip and did a 3 day ski school. It was kind of expensive, but it was well worth it because I got to learn in a very structured environment, and I made friends with the other people who were in the lessons. I’d be shocked if Deer Valley doesn’t have something like this. I hate feeling like I’m holding a group back, so this worked out well because I could learn to ski at my own pace. The folks I was with would sometimes ski by the various places where my lessons were and would cheer me on, which was really fun. Then we’d all meet up after and swap stories. Being separated for the day meant that we all actually had something to talk about when we met back up. The other people there loved skiing, so they were delighted to hear excited tales from a beginner, and I enjoyed seeing pics and hearing about the harder runs. Also, being separated “all day” really isn’t that long when you’re skiing. I found that people wrapped up the day in mid afternoon, so we were always having cocktails by 3 or 4. Sometimes we’d also meet up for lunch.
For the gear– I borrowed everything that was specific to skiing because I didn’t know if I’d actually like it or have opportunities to go again. I’d recommend borrowing or renting if at all possible because the gear is expensive. I mean, I even borrowed ski pants and a buff and gloves. I talked to an experienced friend who gave me a list of what I’d need. And yes yes yes to sunscreen and also lip gloss with SPF in it!!!
You’re going to do really well. Unless your colleagues are jerks (hopefully they’re not!), then they’re not going to judge a first-timer for falling or not knowing what everything means. It was a blast!
Anon
Echoing posters above – I did not grow up skiing but my husband and many of my friends did. They all go down blacks and blues, which I find to be appropriately named as I’m terrified of skiing even after several lessons. One instructor made me go down a blue in Park City; I essentially had a panic attack and cried / screamed the entire way down. So I take a lesson or stay on the greens one day, go to the spa another day. No one cares except that they’re grateful not to have to wait for or worry about me, and I get to keep my sanity.
For clothing I highly recommend KitLender for renting ski clothes. The outfits are cute, and you don’t have to spend a fortune for something you might hate doing. Figure out where to rent skiis and see if anyone else is planning to rent so you can coordinate pick up. I usually wear leggings and a pullover under my ski pants / jacket and wear that to apre ski. Usually there’s a lodge where you can rent a locker to leave your shoes to change into after skiing – ski boots are super heavy and get pretty uncomfortable after a while, but if you’re in a ski in ski out place you can probably just leave them in your room and change before the bar.
rosie
Own that you are a beginner. If you want to try it, rent gear and sign up for a lesson. Highly recommend including a ski helmet in what you rent (or buy one if you don’t want to rent one).
I think it’s not a bad idea to go a few times at home for lessons before you go out west to learn very basic stuff and how to get on a lift, put on skis, etc., but I found skiing in Utah a totally different experience (the northeast is icy, Utah can get lots of powdery snow — when I went out there with a friend after learning to ski in New England I fell a ton and was super sore from the exertion).
Anon
St. Regis will hold your hand every step of the way through the gear rental and lesson process. Just go with that. You’ll never get better service anywhere else.
Telco Lady JD
You’ve gotten great advice here. I didn’t ski growing up, but my best friend had family with a house in Telluride. We went out there for sprint break when I was in college. I would ski for half a day, and then hot tub/nap/relax the rest of the day…and then meet my friends in the bar afterwards (usually with a toast along the lines of, “and I didn’t die!”).
Just remember that skiing is supposed to be fun, and if it stops being fun…you should also stop skiing for the day and enjoy the rest of the loveliness that your locale has to offer. :-)
Celia
I’m surprised no one mentioned cross-country skiing. That’s the only kind I can do, and it’s plenty of fun (and excellent exercise). Or snow-shoeing. Or sledding. You can do other things besides Alpine skiing at most resorts, can’t you?
anne-on
+1 – Snow shoers generally can see/explore parts of the mountain skiers can’t. I don’t ski, but I do hike and I love snow-shoeing and generally do at least 2-3 days of it (usually one day with a guide, the rest solo) when we’re out in the mountains. Sledding/tubing/dog sledding/sleigh rides/ice skating are also fun!
And all the big resorts usually have lovely indoor pools and spas – bring your swimsuit!
Anon
Deer Valley is very focused on downhill skiing – they don’t even allow snowboarding. You could shuttle into Park City to snow shoe or cross country ski, but it’s not available through the resort.
Miss
It is impossible to pick up skiing in a few days. Even with lessons, you are unlikely to be able to ski with your friends. As a beginning skier, you’ll still be doing snow plow and won’t be good at turns. Anyone who has even casually been skiing for much of their life will be comfortable with parallel turns and will go much faster and on much harder runs than you. So I think you need to decide if you want to learn how to ski or if you’d rather do your own thing in Park City and meet up with your friends when they’re done (apres ski = after skiing).
Anonymous
I grew up in MA and never took to skiing. Definitely find out whether its downhill or cross country. In my hometown, kids of all income levels went skiing because it was easily accessible. There are cross country trails in my hometown. I found downhill to be too much coordination, and I fell down, and cross country is exhausting (think Nordic track workout).
You can try to take classes during the trip (highly recommend), but be aware you’ll be sore the next day. I found skiing to use a lot of muscles I wasn’t used to as a swimmer and volleyball player, and I fell down a lot. If I were you, I’d just go hang out at the spa and bar at the lodge and not ski at all.
Definitely dress in layers (this is a sound tip for any winter activities). You don’t want to get overheated and sweat. Wear a good base layer of long underwear, waterproof ski pants (I got some on Amazon for an Iceland trip), fleece, and coat. You’ll want sunglasses due to the glare.
Anon
It’s definitely downhill, although that doesn’t mean OP couldn’t do something else. But you don’t fly all the way to Park City to cross-country ski.
Coach Laura
I’d spend as little as possible for the layers (try Uniqlo and Old Navy) always non-cotton, rent skis and anything else that you can from Deer Valley.
If it makes you more comfortable, take lessons before you go but don’t even expect to set foot on a blue or black trail the first year (at least – never in my case).
If you’re there for 4 days, sign up for 3-4 days of lessons. Don’t try to ski with your friends as people noted above. And I agree that you should take the first few afternoons off – lesson in the morning, lodge with hot cocoa and a book in the afternoon.
I would recommend googling a “get in shape for skiing” routine – wall sits, squats, lunges. Don’t kill yourself on the exercises if you’re not already in good shape, but do some every day between now and then so you’re not deathly sore on the trip. REI has a series online on “Into to Skiing” that has an exercises section along with good articles that answer many of the questions that you asked here and I’ll post a link in a follow up message. There’s a six-week plan online at active that I’ll post – you have six weeks before March. The Active articles talk about the various muscles that you’ll use to ski.
Coach Laura
Skiing will make you sore in so many places if you’re not ready.
Active article https://www.active.com/fitness/articles/get-fit-for-ski-season-6-week-workout-plan-pt-1
REI link https://www.rei.com/learn/series/intro-to-skiing
Anon
The Columbia Ski pants are good, fyi. They’re usually around $99 and sometimes you can find them on sale. Ski clothes can get really expensive really fast. I think that insulated pants are the most comfortable and these ones are comfortable and perfectly neutral. I highly recommend goggles over sunglasses, but you don’t need the most expensive ones. For safety, you should wear a helmet, and everyone does these days. Most resorts offer helmet rentals in the place where you rent skis and boots, so check on that before you buy one (but they won’t have the goggles). Also, when I started skiing a beginner adult, I found that the thing that seemed to tip people off the most that I was not experienced (when not literally skiing, where it was obvious) was wearing an all-black outfit. I wore my everyday black northface jacket with black ski pants and apparently that’s not a common look for experienced skiers. Fun colors, especially for jackets, were much more common and popular. Have fun!
Anonymous
Late, but can you also line up some non ski activities? Resorts can line you up with things like dog sled runs or a snowmobile tour (where someone else drives) that can be really fun.
Cb
In an effort to read more diverse authors, I’ve set a 2020s goal to read a book from every country in the world. I typically read 60 books a year so if I tick off 20 countries a year (allowing space for any secessions or newly independent states), I should get there. Any favourite suggestions?
I feel like South America and Asia are my major gaps – Europa Editions has me covered for Europe and I’ve really been making an effort to read more African women’s fiction. I’ve abritarily decided that diaspora stories count.
Anon
If disaspora stories count, I really liked The Unlikely Adventures of the Shergill Sisters, which is about British-born Punjabi sisters going back to India. The author is originally from Singapore but is of Punjabi descent.
emeralds
Love Isabelle Allende and Gabriel García Márquez for South America: they are both classics for a reason, if you haven’t already hit them. I have rarely been so haunted by any work of art as One Hundred Years of Solitude, but it’s a big book that takes effort; Love in the Time of Cholera is a more manageable entry point. The Motorcycle Diaries by Che Guevara is approachable in length and tone, but a very important work. Paulo Coehlo’s an obvious one if you want to tick off Brazil.
Arundhati Roy’s The God of Small Things is an all-time favorite. I know I’ve got some more for Asia, just need to let it percolate. I will pop back if I have any other suggestions!
And this is not specifically what you were asking for, but I read Oyinkan Braithwaite’s My Sister, the Serial Killer a few months ago and enjoyed it a lot.
emeralds
*Sorry that’s Isabel Allende. Got my double-l wires crossed.
Panda Bear
Oh I loved My Sister the Serial Killer too! I also really liked Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – she is also a Nigerian author; and The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro (he’s Japanese-British).
Anon
+1 to Americanah.
anonchicago
Really enjoyed Half of a Yellow Sun by Adichie as well. Americanah is on my list.
emeralds
Oh yeah Americanah is super good!
Vicky Austin
This is an awesome goal.
Anonymous
Love Haruki Murakami (Japan) – I think The Windup Bird Chronicles is the best.
BB
My favorite is 1Q84, but it might be a bit too much for a first time reader. It’s great if you’re already into magical realism though. I would equate it to jumping into Steinbeck by reading East of Eden first.
Anon
Francis de Pontes Peebles was born in Brazil and wrote one of my favorite books of the year, The Air You Breathe.
Anon
Check out the blog bookshybooks , she covers African fiction. You might get suggestions from there
Cb
Ooh, good shout, thanks!
Anonymous
Here are some lists:
Anonymous
Here are some lists you could explore:
Susan
Here are some lists you could explore:
https://taleaway.com/world-reading-challenge-books-around-globe/
https://ayearofreadingtheworld.com/thelist/
https://bookriot.com/2016/04/28/around-world-80-books-global-reading-list/
Anon
I love this goal and think I may adopt it too. Where are you getting your list of countries? I see the UN’s list of 195, but think I’ll add some like Taiwan and territories like Hong Kong.
If you have any other sources you are using to find books from Africa, I would love some recommendations
Cb
It’s tricky, I’m a political scientist who works on secession and sub-state nationalism so the idea of the UN 195 is definitely a bit suspect. I’m going to use that list and then add sub-state nations (HK, Taiwan, Scotland, Wales, Flanders, Catalonia, etc) as I can.
The Guardian list of African women’s fiction is a really good starting point.
Junior Associate
Ooh. I loved all Jorge Luis Borges (Argentina) and Pablo Neruda (Chile). Also seconding One Hundred Years of Solitude and the Motorcycle Diaries.
For East Asia: The Vegitarian by Han Kang (Korea), Please Look After Mother by Kyung-Sook Shin (Korea), the Nighttime Picnic and other books by Onda Riku (Japan, not sure it’s been translated into English). I also vaguely recall delving into works by Natsume Soseki (Japan) and Lu Xun (China) some 15 years ago as an aspiring author, although the details are faint in my memory now.
Junior Associate
*The Vegetarian. Need coffee…
Dark Velvet
There is nothing wrong with Neruda, but the best writer in Spanish of the late 20th-century is Bolaño – so use him for Chile instead!
Anonymous
Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe
Senior Attorney
I’m reading The Three Body Problem by Chinese author Cixin Liu and it is blowing my mind.
emeralds
My husband’s book club read that and they all loved it.
EM84
You may try: Milan Kundera, Franz Kafka or Bohumil Hrabal representing the Czech republic, Julius Satinsky for Slovakia and Andrzej Sapkowski (yes, the author of The Witcher) representing Poland.
M
Pachinko was mentioned above in reference to a different post and is extremely good. I found the Vegetarian very interesting as well. Haruki Murakami is fantastic for Japan. Exit West is interesting, although I’m not sure where the author is from. Viet Thang Nguyen is amazing and he’s a Vietnamese refugee (I believe a US citizen though). Americanah is fantastic. Things Fall Apart is an African book, although I can’t remember which country. A Brief History of Seven Killings is Jamaican I think. Freshwater was interesting, but I can’t remember where the author was from. Dear America is by an author who is a citizen of the Philippines who moved to the US when he was a child, so I’m not sure if that fits your requirements.
Nesprin
Nigeria: Who fears death (if you like fantasy/scifi)
Camping jacket
Can anyone recommend a good jacket for camping? Will be in Feb in the SEUS, so cold overnights and it’s a damp cold, which I detest. My only coats are a long down one (bad for wetness and hiking) and a dress wool one, so starting from scratch with no clue what I need. Something warm + waterproof . . . with a hood or wear a hat? Anorak style or full-zip?
Other recs re gloves / hat?
I am told to change clothes before bed and the next morning (I don’t think that will be a problem – will bring Athleta fleece leggings for bottoms since I run cold and loathe damp cold).
[Camping group will send a list, but it tends to come out the W or TH the week of a trip and I need more time than that as a newbie.]
Anon
I usually wear a down alternative puffer jacket with a rain shell on top (and a fleece jacket underneath if it’s really cold), but if you want just one jacket, I would look at a sporting goods or camping/hunting store for something designed for the outdoors that’s waterproof and whatever length you want. I would get one with a hood and wear a beanie so you can adjust depending on how windy and cold it is throughout the evening.
My favorite gloves for all but the coldest, snowiest conditions are water resistant running gloves. They are good at blocking wind but aren’t bulky so you don’t lose any dexterity. I got some HEAD brand ones at Costco that are touchscreen compatible.
anon
I also wear a down puffer covered by rain shell. It works. If I’m really cold then I’ll add a underneath my puffer.
anon
Vest- meant to say Vest under the puffer.
Anon
You’re not our Scout leader from last fall are you? :)
I assume there’s some hiking involved as well? I’d go with a fleece on top with a few thin layers underneath that you can take on and off as needed, plus a light waterproof shell (with hood) on top. My biggest thing is that I hate bulk, so I like to wear sleek things that keep me warm – silk(ish) long underwear (the 32 degrees brand at a Costco is great), a long sleeve top, a fleece, and that rain jacket as needed.
For me, I rarely need a full hat – an ear band is plenty for me. If I do need a full hat, a fleece beanie is plenty (and pull up the hood on your raincoat if needed). Make sure the beanie is long enough to fit over your hair so that it actually covers your ears – I think some manufacturers forget women’s hair takes up bulk underneath.
cbackson
My recommendation is to go with a layering system, which gives you more flexibility for varying weather conditions (critical given how much temps swing in the SEUS regardless of the time of year). I used a Patagonia waterproof shell and windstopper fleece combo for years and was happy with it – pricey but it lasted for ages. You will want full zip, not anorak style. Also, you’ll want a hood and a hat both – IMO, hoods are best as a backup to hats for when it’s SUPER cold or to keep water from dripping into your eyes. You don’t want a hood as your sole headcovering option because they’re not great for visibility or hearing (it’s annoying when you can’t see/hear other people well). I’d just get some kind of beanie; the hat doesn’t have to be fancy.
For damp nasty cold, I’d combine waterproof mittens with thin glove liners as your primary hand solution, and bring some gloves as a backup to be used for anything where you know you’ll need a lot of manual dexterity (like cooking). When you’re out hiking or whatever, you don’t need to do fine work with your fingers and mittens will be warmer.
My final tip, as a person whose fingers and toes get very, very cold (especially in damp weather) is to get a bunch of the air-activated charcoal hand and toe warmers and use them liberally.
anon
Husband and I need a will and have an appointment with a lawyer this week. We are also closing on a new house in a couple of weeks. We know the house, sale amt, and ownership type, so is there any reason to wait until after closing to have the consultation, or can the will be edited with those details after we close & before we sign the final version?
fyi
Writing a will is a LONG process. No need to delay the consultation.
Anon
It is? We met with a lawyer once for an hour and then she sent us the documents to sign. Our will was simple (surviving spouse gets everything if one of us dies, kids get everything equally if we both die, parents split our estate if we and our kids die simultaneously) but I think a lot of people want something equally simple.
ElisaR
ours took about 4-5 months
Anonymous
No reason to wait.
Anon
You can have the consultation and the lawyer will draft up the documents, but can wait until closing to have you sign documents related to real estate.
This also depends on how the house is going to be titled; if it’s in both of your names with right of survivorship, it just goes to the surviving spouse.
anon
Ok thanks. It’ll be titled to both of us with right of survivorship, so nothing unusual or complicated.
Senior Attorney
Then it will pass outside the will so no need to delay the lawyer.
Anon
Unless both spouses die, in which case, you would want the house in a realty trust so that it could pass without probate. But the point remains that a competent attorney can draft up the documents to be signed after the house is purchased.
Anon
If you’re considering putting the house in a trust, talk with the lawyer right away.
OP
I haven’t thought about this/ What would be the reasons to do it? We have no kids, and honestly still need to figure out who we’ll leave everything to. Likely my father as long as he’s alive. Not sure if that changes anything
Anon
That which is in trust skips probate, so whomever inherits it has an easier time handling the estate.
Old Navy Ponte Sheath
Aiii — I’ve gained a size since Thanksgiving (the beginning of the Eating & Drinking Season). Can I wear the Old Navy Ponte Sheath to work (BigLaw, casual office)? Can style with scarves, etc. And is it clingy when worn over tights? Or OK with tights? It’s not in my local Old Navy, so will have to order and am just flinging things into my cart now.
anon
It’s not thick enough to suck you in…I’m curvy and wanted to wear it to work, but its only weekend appropriate for me.
Anonymous
+1 The ponte is not very thick so it’s a really body-con dress unless you size up a lot and wear it more like a shift dress.
Go for it
I wear mine with control top tights. They run short so I wear it in a tall. I sized up for office appropriate modesty. As to clingy, old trick that works is to lightly rub lotion on hose/tights.
PolyD
Or wear a slip!!
Anon
Or spray hairspray on your hose/tights
Anonymous
I have bad luck with ponte dresses. I’ve tried Old Navy and Lands End. They show every lump and bump because they have no lining.
I would buy a few pairs of pants-black and navy-and a waterfall cardigan instead of a ponte dress, if you’re looking for cheap options until you can fit back into your regular clothing. You can wear the waterfall cardigan at any size, too.
Jules
Again, late to this convo, but I like the ON ponte dresses, I have two or three with short sleeves that are summer workhorses for me and a couple of long-sleeved versions for cooler weather. I am busty so I buy them on the large side and take them in at the waist and hips; I don’t find them to be too body-con. I do wear them with tights, but always with a slip or half slip (because anything that doesn’t have a smooth lining will cling to tights).
Anonymous
Recommendations for things to do while visiting San Diego in April? We’re going with my parents and our kids (ages 2 and 4). We’ll be there for 4-5 days and will do our general research about the big ones (San Diego Zoo, LEGOLAND, etc.) but would love to hear from someone who has been before. Thanks!
Angela
We went to San Diego for about 5 years in a row when I was a teen. The Mission Beach boardwalk is awesome and iconic. Kono’s breakfast place always has a line out the door for a reason — you get your plate and then eat in view of the ocean, it’s absolutely beautiful.
Also, Anaheim is only 90 minutes away… if you dare… ;)
Jeffiner
When we used to go to Comic-con we would always get a hotel on the beach with walking distance to Kono’s.
NYCer
We like Coronado island! Have lunch at the Hotel Del Coronado.
CountC
I enjoyed the Flower Fields in Carlsbad if you don’t mind driving a bit. They open in March. There is a kids section and it’s really pretty. Get there as early as possible to avoid the super crowds and hoards of IG selfie “models.”
anon
We did a San Diego trip after a couple days in Disneyland, so we didn’t bother with Legoland. Our kids really love the zoo, so we went to the main zoo and the safari park on 2 separate days. My sense is that your experience in San Diego is different depending on where you stay in SD (e.g., La Jolla is different from the Gaslamp Quarter). We stayed in the Bayside area, which was nice because we could take the kids to the Waterfront Park Playground when we needed to fill some time early in the mornings. We did a day trip to Coronado, which was great. We got there early (like 9ish, not 6ish) and got street parking right next to the beach. The Hotel del Coronado looked really nice, but we had a great day trip without any of their amenities. It’s such a beautiful beach. We went to a Padres game because they were hosting our local team. It was very nice and family friendly.
Ms B
We actually took The Kid to Legoland last year and found that the best deals involved two nights at their hotel, which came with two days of passes, which was just the right amount. The theming is fun (go for the upgraded room), the breakfast buffets copious and both kid and adult friendly (although I could have done without the staffer at the buffet who was all “Who wants ice cream in their cereal??!!!”), the hotel literally steps from the park, and the many free evening activities at the hotel very kid friendly (the kid dance parties are hysterical). The lunch and evening food at the park and in the hotels was adequate (although the craft beverage selection was very nice), so you may want to go “off campus” for dinners.
When The Kid was younger, we did a separate trip to San Diego. We stayed at the Glorietta Bay Inn, which had suites (key to allow naps), a very nice included breakfast, a pool and easy walks to the beach.
We enjoyed the Zoo (soooo much walking and spendy though!) and my father enjoyed visiting the USS Midway, although it is a trek with a toddler (not stroller friendly, lots of steps, and not particularly interesting to The Kid). I hear good things about Balboa Park generally for playgrounds and such, but we did not make it there. We visited La Jolla to see the seals and the aquarium (both worth it) and Torrey Pines (a nice stop that let us get a hat for FIL and that seriously had some of the nicest public bathrooms I have ever seen).
Anonymous
Our top hits were the zoo (expected), the aircraft carrier museum (only went because we had time to kill, but it was awesome!), and wandering around pretty cliffs and watching sea lions (depends on the temperament of your 2yo).
Senior Attorney
Balboa Park is great. If your 4 yo is into planes at all, the Air and Space Museum (or whatever they call it) there is fantastic. Also if you get any alone time with grandparents babysitting, a play at the Old Globe Theatre is a treat.
Nesprin
Balboa park is more than just the zoo! There’s a great kid-friendly science museum, nat history museum and the mingei cultural museum (2-3 days easy). This is downtown next to the gaslamp district and the baseball stadium, and seaworld if that’s interesting (has a waterpark). I quite like the birch aquarium at UCSD- go to the aquarium in the AM and walk around the beach at SIO after lunch.
FYI Legoland is ~70mi north in north county near the other half of the zoo- the wild animal park. This is almost closer to orange county (aka disneyland) than to downtown SD.
Anonymous
Planning a ten year anniversary trip with my husband for a weekend away (2-3 nights). Flying from DC in July and would love some place super relaxing, tropical, and luxurious. We’re thinking Turks & Caicos or maybe St. Lucia – any recommendations for specific resorts? Anything adults only?
JTM
We honeymooned at Sandals Halcyon Beach in St Lucia and loved it. Sandals has 3 properties on the island and you can travel between them to use their amenities/restaurants at your leisure (they have a regular shuttle schedule) and we really liked having that option.
Angela
Honestly San Juan, PR is a nice destination from DC and a lot closer than many others. Old San Juan is beautiful and interesting, and there are some really nice resorts (check out La Concha). Also, you can’t beat the convenience of still being in the U.S. but getting that tropical-island feel. The food is also muy yummy.
Anon
I would definitely do T&C or St. Lucia. I think they’re the most romantic Caribbean islands, definitely more romantic than PR (I like San Juan, but it’s a major city and it feels like one, not like an idyllic beach escape). We have only been to resorts that allow kids on both islands, but in T&C you should be golden anywhere on Grace Bay, and in St. Lucia I’ve heard great things about Jade Mountain ($$$$ though).
Never too many shoes...
Jade Mountain is worth every penny it costs. It os just so gorgeous and unlike anything else I have ever seen.
NYCer
+1.
Amy
Husband and I visited Turks and Caicos in May. I was not able to find anything adults only in my searches. We stayed in an oceanfront condo at Villa Renaissance and it was nice. A Ritz-Carlton was under construction two properties down but the noise levels were not bad. By the time you go it may be finished, who knows.
The beach (Grace Bay) was very nice and clean, and the water was calm and clear. It was shoulder season and there were never many people on the beach during the day, so it was quite relaxing. I’m guessing it will be a little more crowded in July. There’s not a lot to do on the island, so we mostly hung out on the beach during the day, napped, and then went to dinner at night. Coco Bistro and Seven were very good. Not a lot of shopping, if you’re into that, and be prepared for serious sticker shock at the grocery store. I’ll be honest, I expected a little more luxury on the island overall, but it is clearly still recovering from the devastating hurricane a few years back, the effects of which you’ll see as you drive from the airport.
Anon
What did you mean by you expected more luxury? There are tons of luxury resorts and nice restaurants on TCI and I’m not sure what other kind of luxury there could be.
CHL
Not Amy but I kind of agree. We stayed on Grace Bay and the hotel we were at and a couple others we were close to and went into were marketed as luxury, but were just kind of regular hotels. The service to me was noticeably more “relaxed” than other locations that we’ve vacationed (Hawaii, Mexico, Puerto Rico) and things were pricey for the quality which makes sense given the geography. I’d still go back for the beach and beauty but not necessarily “luxe.”
Amy
Driving around the island, we observed that a lot of repair and rebuilding was still underway or had yet to take place, and many storefronts in the tourist area near Grace Bay were empty.
Been there but not those other places
The US Virgin Islands are also wonderful.
Anon
I have an “am I the a-hole” question. My best friend lives on the other side of the country. Last year, I was in her general region (though not her actual city) and used a lot of money and PTO to go and spend a week with her. The thing that brought me to her area is happening again this year, and in the glow of last year’s happy visit I told her I would for sure do the same thing this summer and make a detour to see her. I know she’s very excited about it. However, now that I’m doing the math, I don’t have the PTO to take the vacations we’ve planned, to keep the family obligations we have, and to add on a side trip to her, even a very short one. I feel kind of crappy telling my friend, hey, I would rather take a vacation than visit you, but truthfully yeah, I would rather go to Europe than visit a friend I spent a whole week with last year and can likely visit again in the next year or two. An additional factor is that she had her third child recently and I feel super guilty about the fact that I haven’t met the baby yet (but I’m not a baby person and would probably enjoy a visit more when her youngest child is older and we can get out of the house more, fwiw). Am I a bad person for bailing on the planned visit? If so, any suggestions on how to word it? I feel like “I don’t have the PTO” is a lame excuse when she’s going to see me taking other trips.
Anonymous
I mean, she’s going to be disappointed, but not in an a-h way. PTO is a big deal — it costs you your weekly wage to take unpaid time off, no? That is not insignificant. You were an optimist, not an a-h.
Triangle Pose
Is unpaid time off really a thing in the US for professional jobs? Other than for illness or parental leave where employer does not provide paid leave, how are people taking unpaid time off?
Everywhere I’ve worked once you exhaust your vacation/PTO, that’s it. Even if you work for a tech company or firm with “unlimited vacation” it’s still vacation, not unpaid time off.
Ellen
You can ask her to come visit you. What is wrong with that? She can hang in your apartement while you work, but your evenings and weekends should be available to the both of you! YAY!!
Anon
Money isn’t the big factor here and I would gladly take unpaid leave if it were an option! But it’s not a thing at my job (which has fairly generous PTO for the US) and a request for unpaid leave to visit a friend and/or take a vacation to Europe would not be received well. I’d consider asking in certain circumstances (seriously ill family member or something like that) but not these.
Anon
Why can’t you just spend a weekend instead of a week with her? That’s what I would do since you already made a commitment, although in general, I support prioritizing other vacations.
anonymous
You’re not a bad person for not making the trip this year. All you’ve done so far is make some verbal plans that you’d like to see her again. It’s not like you already confirmed dates, etc. and now you’re canceling.
Just tell her what you said here – that you did the math and you won’t have enough PTO to make the extra trip this year because of other obligations that are already planned.
Keep in touch with her throughout the year and send her a nice baby gift and a gift for her.
anon
I don’t think you’re in the wrong. I think you should tell her promptly that you had miscounted your available vacation time and will not be able to make the trip that you had hoped to and that you are disappointed to. I think you should offer that if she is at all able to make it to the city you’ll be in, you’d be happy to grab dinner with her one evening, though it sounds like that won’t be at all reasonable given her kids and potential distance. You could help minimize the potential hurt by keeping your other trips off social media (I’m assuming that’s how she would “see” them?)
Anonymous
But why go if you can’t share the trip with friends and family on social media? That is a huge ask to just not post any pics of a European vacay. Sorry, friend can deal. I am posting.
Anon
“Why go if you can’t share the trip on social media?” Are you serious right now? Uhh to see a beautiful new place? To eat good food? To make memories with loved ones? I don’t think OP is obligated to keep her vacation plans under lock and key, but it’s kind of sick to suggest that social media bragging is the primary reason to take a vacation.
Anonymous
Absolutely not. It’s months away. Just tell her now you’re sorry, but you can’t swing it this year.
Anon
Ideally you wouldn’t have confirmed things with her without making sure you could actually do it, but in my mind PTO is an excellent reason to not visit. Would it be possible to make a shorter visit or for her to come to wherever you are (like if you were flying to NYC for a work conference and she was in CT, could she come out to NYC and spend some time with you at the beginning or end of your conference?).
Anon
Unfortunately, it’s not that close…it’s more like, I’m in New England, she’s in Seattle and I’m going to be in California. I’ll be a lot closer to her than my home city is, but still a pretty huge detour to go see her. The thing that brings me to that side of the country is over a weekend, so unfortunately no way to see her without using at least one day of PTO and really need more like 2-3 days to make the side trip worth it, since it involves additional flights. And I really don’t have even one day of PTO to spare, at least not by the summer (my 2020 travel is front-loaded for reasons that are largely out of my control). To answer someone else, I don’t post anything on social media about vacations but I talk to her regularly so she will know I’m going to XYZ place.
Anon
Don’t frame it as “I would rather go to Europe than to hang out with you and your kid.” Just keep the focus on how you miscalculated your PTO and aren’t able to make the side trip, but will work on planning a similar side trip in the future.
Anonymous
Hey Friend,
Last year’s visit was such fun, ” However, now that I’m doing the math, I don’t have the PTO to take the vacations we’ve planned, to keep the family obligations we have, and to add on a side trip to her, even a very short one.” Maybe you can come to visit me in [The place you’ll be]?
anon
If I were your friend, I would be a little disappointed but not mad. If you told me you had been optimistic about your travel schedule but realized that your family vacations were using all your PTO and don’t have the time off of work to add a side trip, I’d just be like “bummer, enjoy your conference, hopefully it will work out next time.” So, I would be honest with your friend (no trying to vaguely shield her from knowing you prioritized a family vacation or whatever), and I imagine she’ll understand.
Anon
Yep, I’ve had to change plans before and my friends were disappointed but they were also understanding. I made up by visiting another time. No big deal. Just tell her sooner rather than later.
Senior Attorney
Agree that she’ll be disappointed but not mad, and it’s best to tell her ASAP because the longer you wait the worse it will be.
Azera
Hi ladies, I love makeup but I generally do not wear a base or foundation day-to-day as I find them quite heavy on my skin. However one of my New Year’s self-care improvements is to start wearing a light, natural-looking base daily just to even out my complexion as I have a bit or redness on my forehead, and I think this small self-care improvement would make me look a lot more pulled together. Can anyone recommend a light, natural-feeling product I could try to do this? I don’t want anything thick or heavy, something I could just sweep on easily in the morning without a lot of blending to give me a bit of light coverage/colour correction would be ideal. Also any recommendations of what tool too use (i.e.sponge, brush, fingers, beauty blender) would be so helpful too! I have quite sensitive skin. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!
mascot
Bare Minerals Complexion Rescue. I apply with my fingers.
Vicky Austin
+1 – I use this product for almost exactly the needs OP mentioned.
Susan
+1 – love this product
Velma
+1. I use this product (vanilla) or No7 Dual Action Tinted Moisturizer (fair).
Slightly better coverage with Bare Minerals, and it leaves my skin very soft. Boots/No7 is inexpensive (when I can find it!) and nice, light coverage for summer.
JTM
Tinted moisturizer – you can apply with just fingers or a beauty blender.
Anonymous
This. I use the cheap e.l.f. one and actually prefer it to the Laura Mercier one that’s always recommended. Sonia Kashuk had one at Target that was holy grail, but the e.l.f one is close.
Anon
I would try a BB cream. They’re combo moisturizers, skincare, and sunscreen with a tint. It sounds like what you’re looking for.
I am partial to Dr Jart but that is a combination of my skin color (pale leaning pink) and my sensitive skin only tolerating physical sunscreens. Even so, I think it’s a pretty good one.
https://www.sephora.com/product/premium-beauty-balm-spf-45-P285403
I wear the lightest shade.
Anon
+1 for BB cream. I dislike how heavy foundation is and the process of making sure it’s not streaky/uneven. BB cream is much more forgiving, better for your skin, and still evens everything out.
Anon
Neutrogena has some great, approachable formulas. Honestly, I’ve used them since high school because they just work for my skin.
A liquid foundation: https://www.neutrogena.com/makeup/healthy-skin-liquid-makeup-broad-spectrum-spf-20/6867001.html
A BB cream: https://www.neutrogena.com/makeup/makeup-face/makeup-face-foundation/healthy-skin-anti-aging-perfector/6843793XX.html
I really like this sponge (“beauty blender”) for applying the liquid foundation. I use my fingers for the BB cream. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07KK7P9GY
anon
I mix a squirt of IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Foundation in with my normal moisturizer. Depending on your skin tone, you could also try the Dr Jart Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment.
Anon
Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer is really light. I also hate feeling like I have anything on my face. Apply with a beauty blender for easy and light application.
kk
I like the Laura Mercier stuff but I also love Tarte Amazonian Clay – it’s a great dupe. For evenings and ‘special’ occasions I wear the Laura Mercier radiance version- it gives me a glowy boost.
Flats Only
I wear the Clinique City Block sunscreen, which is tinted. It’s SPF 40. I have light skin and just put it on with my fingers. I evens out my complexion and hides some redness, but isn’t thick. I just smooth it on with fingers. Try a sample from the counter before you buy a $40 tube.
Cat mom
Clinique has a powder foundation that I love. I use a little concealer under my eyes and on redness on my nose and then I just dust the powder foundation over the top.
ElisaR
Chantecaille just skin
Anon
My work ethic this fall was meh at best and non existent during the holiday season. How do you get back your self discipline / work ethic after it’s been slipping?
Love my job, love my team, love my industry and not feeling burnt out at all. Just can’t seen to buckle down and work hard all of a sudden!
Anon
Take on 2-3 new projects. If you get truly busy and have deadlines, you’ll get the work done.
Anon
Thanks. Started a new position in mid November so I’m currently doing lots of small one off tasks mixed with working on things with 6 month deadlines.
I’ll work with my boss to solidify some shorter term tasks
Angela
A new method I’m trying is to list the five days of the week and put assign one “must do” for each day. It can be a project that will take as little time as one hour, but if I plan to do at least that much a day, at least I know I’ll be moving the ball forward.
Anonymous
I keep getting targeted ads for the posture pillow. I’m curious to try it but all the reviews look really spammy. Has anyone tried it (or something similar) before?
2019 Clothing Spending
Time for our annual survey on clothing spending!
Total spent:
Income:
Best purchase:
Worst purchase:
2020 goals:
OP
Here’s mine:
Total spent: $3200 ($530 shoes, the rest clothes)
Income: $120k
Best purchase(s): some constantly-worn maternity basics, new AGLs
Worst purchase: cute, form-fitting, but barely-worn (due to said pregnancy) sundress for $200
2020 goals: reduce total amount of spending, find some cute button-ups
Anon
Total spent: probably $800
Income: HHI $220K
Best purchase: sun shirt for backpacking
Worst purchase: Barbour vest that is getting returned; the quality on this model seems really poor for some reason.
2020 goals: minimal spending. Just don’t care about clothes unless they serve my hobbies, although I do need to get a few things for work this year. I also want to reduce my environmental impact as much as possible.
emeralds
Total spent: I only have one budget line for clothing/makeup/haircuts/eyebrow maintenance/etc. YNAB has that at $1,070 and I would eyeball around $650-$700 of that for clothing? I spent more on hair care and sh*t like mani/pedis than I usually would in 2019, since I did the whole wedding thing.
Income: HHI $95k
Best purchase: High-top water-resistant Allbirds
Worst purchase: Maybe none? I can’t think of any obvious fails off the top of my head.
2020 goals: None of this is new for 2020, but no recreational shopping, minimal spending, buy secondhand as much as feasible, quality over quantity. I do want a second pair of Rothy’s once the weather starts warming up again, IDK if that counts as a goal.
Angela
Total spent: approximately $2000 including:
– $400 on new ski coat, snow pants, and misc. cold weather gear
– $200 for a bridesmaid dress … sigh
– $900 on Gwynnie Bee clothing subscription service
– $100 running shoes
– $100 on workout clothes
– $100 on bras
– $200 on Alfani pants/capris from Macy’s (I’m somewhat obsessed)
Income: HHI $750k
Best purchase: $75/month for Gwynnie Bee — 8-10 new-to-me garments per month, and I don’t have to bother with dry cleaning!
Worst purchase: said bridesmaid dress
2020 goals: continue with GB and otherwise use what I have rather than buying anything new
Anon
Total spent: probably $1000, yikes!
Income: started the year at 50k plus a side job working retail, ended the year at 62k without the side job
Best purchase: I FINALLY bought an olive green utility jacket after wanting one for years. I wear it all the time. It was $30 from Old Navy, why didn’t I do this earlier???
Worst purchase: I bought a lot that I likely didn’t need from the store (LOFT) where I worked part time for a few months. I find it to be not great quality for the price.
2020 goals: to only buy clothes second hand, or from an ethical brand w good policies ( Patagonia, REI, etc). Might have to make exceptions for pants because as a pear the struggle is real!
Vicky Austin
Total spent: $800ish
Income: HHI $100K
Best purchase: black cable turtleneck sweater from Gap Factory. I’ve wanted one since the sixth grade and somehow never owned one (maybe they finally came back into style?). Also I finally tried a jumpsuit. I love that thing, even though I’m still getting the hang of what shoes to wear with it (suggestions welcome!).
Worst purchase: Old Navy basic skinny khaki pants. I thought they’d be great work pants for my bizcas office, but they wrinkled like hell and didn’t feel fabulous.
2020 goals: Find pants I actually like.
Anon
Total spent: Mint tells me $9k
Income: $250k
Best purchase: I finally bit the bullet and bought myself a Chanel classic flap (probably why that total is so high), but I use it ALL.THE.TIME. and it makes me so happy!
Worst purchase: Random cheap stuff off the sale rack of J.Crew that doesn’t fit right. Unfortunately, there’s more than one piece of that.
2020 goals: Spend less overall, but also continue to spend more per item, and buy fewer items. Luckily I have no kids and no student loans, so I can afford to spend that much, but even spending $300 on ill-fitting stuff I bought because it was on sale is still a HUGE waste of money.
Anon
I spent $0 on clothes for myself in 2019, semi-intentionally (I realized about halfway into the year that I hadn’t bought anything for myself and decided to make it a goal not to). To be fair, I had a baby in 2018 and spent quite a bit last year on a new post-baby wardrobe. And I spent probably ~$800-1000 on kid’s clothes but she grows like a weed and most of that was replacing basics (she started the year wearing 18M and ended it wearing 4T and wore every size in between).
anonchicago
Total Spent: Mint says $3,600, but I got married last year and it says $1,200 of that was wedding related (veil, shoes, wrap)
Income: $200k solo (HHI not relevant as these were all my purchases)
Best purchase: Nothing immediately comes to mind. Lots of purchases in the $10-100 range with little to show for it.
Worst purchase: Betsey Johnson heels for my wedding. Bought them on final sale then tried them on and they hurt plus almost made me fall over, so I’ve never worn them and bought another pair for the wedding.
2020 goals: Buy fewer, high quality items. I read Fashionopolis over Thanksgiving and want to reduce my environmental impact and stop buying pieces that fall apart in a year (looking at you, Old Navy leggings)
Anon
Total spent: $1,572.98
Income: $152,000
Best purchase: Most of it was for a big trip this year and for my new more causal workplace. Nothing stands out is a particular great item, but just stuff I needed.
Worst purchase: Two bras that don’t really fit right, but which I missed the return date on.
2020 goals: Two big goals – 1) spend less overall and 2) remove at least one item from my closet for each new item I purchase. I have so much clothing that I don’t wear and really don’t need more.
Anon
Why not stop buying clothing at all for a while?
Anon
Because I generally need to replace jeans and bras at least once a year, because the old ones have broken/worn out. And I like to buy a new a new item or two when traveling. And I’ll hopefully be pregnant by the end of the year, so I will hopefully need to buy some maternity clothing.
Lilac
Total spent: $200
HHI: $100k
Breaking $100k HHI was pretty big for us as we were poor students for a long time. All of that $200 I spent was thrifting (for environmental and ethical reasons)
Best purchase: Eileen Fisher cotton silk coatigan for $13!
Worst purchase: none!
2020 goals: become an expert mender and knitter/crocheter so I can repair all my garments
H13
I love your 2020 goal. I have started mending and it is wonderful. I love giving garments a new life. It is oddly empowering. I am still learning and by no means an expert but even the shoddiest darning is still super cool. Good luck!
Anon
Total spent: $2,070 (I’m impressed by so many smaller numbers here!) — this was for 25 items (though 3 of the “items” were groups of undies, socks and undershirts)
Income: $85k
Best purchases: Almost all of them! Several sweaters from everlane (beginning and end of year), MMLa Fleur Etsuko dress and nakamura pants (I wear each weekly)
Worst purchase: A trendy top from Madewell that doesn’t suit me (feels too young) and a beautiful vintage silk top that I love on a hanger but just doesn’t go with my wardrobe or lifestyle. Both are in the donation bin — hope they find new happier homes.
2020 goals: continue the same goals from before: buy fewer well made things, keep an eye out for things in thrift stores, trust my gut about what I love, shop in person instead of online when possible, only buy one item per store (avoids those impulse meh purchases!). I need to refresh my summer shoe wardrobe, so I expect that will be the biggest spending category.
Anonymous
Total spent:$3300 (this seems like a lot to me looking at it now. I did move from SE to NE and needed to update some of my clothing for a new job/climate – $400 is shoe related)
Income: 135K
Best purchase: This dress (in grey and black) from Target: https://www.target.com/p/women–39-s-long-sleeve-mock-turtleneck-sweater-dress—a-new-day–8482–black-s/-/A-54669536
It is very chic looking with tights and heeled boots. Looks WAY more expensive than it is. I’m debating purchasing in red as well.
Worst purchase: A different sweater dress from Mango that does not at all fit my body.
2020 goals: Focus on basics – uniform like with pops of color here and there. Better quality. Oh, and get some of the items that need to be tailored (fallen hem line, etc) to the tailor and shoes to the cobbler before another year passes.
Carrie
Great rec on that dress!
Can I ask what body type are you? Would it work for a pear, or is it too much fabric on top?
anon a mouse
Total spent: about $1500. A high year because I changed jobs and needed interview suits and some more polished work clothes.
Best purchase: the $150 or so spent at the cobbler and tailor. I had a handle repaired on a purse I love, two pairs of pumps resoled and refreshed, and several dresses tailored just for me.
Worst purchase: wool allbirds loafers. The wool has gotten weirdly stretched out and they are basically fancy house slippers now.
Anon
Total spent: about $900
Income: $130,000
Best purchase: Kym Maternity dress from Isabella Oliver – I wear it to work, church, nice dinners out
Worst purchase: A cotton skirt from Ann Taylor Factory. It just looks cheap and I hate wearing it.
2020 goals: Depends a lot on my post-baby body. For several years, I’ve been really good about a few high-quality items that I really love and wear to death, so if I need anything, more in the same vein. I’ve hung onto a lot of clothing because I truly have no idea what will or will not fit after this baby, so I aim to do a clean-out in the autumn once my body is at a relatively stable place.
trefoil
Total spent: $2000ish. I got a new job with more responsibility.
Income: $140,000
Best purchase: pink tweed blazer from Talbots. I love it and it’s surprisingly versatile.
Worst purchase: NYDJ ponte pants. They’re a size too big and make me feel frumpy.
2020 goals: Get rid of things that are meh, and improve my office day outfits.
ASchu
Total spend – 1k
Income – 125k
Best purchases – Everlane cashmere sweater, NYDJ black pants that suck me in in all the right places and are perfectly cropped (of course, cannot find them anywhere now…), J Jill boat neck sweaters (perfect fit, not clingy, not loose..), leopard print flats. Lands End fleece scarf that is treated with something so that it never gets static-y
Worst – Silk blouse from AT in a pattern (I NEVER wear patterns), few pairs of pants from Old Navy..(they do not spark joy..they look cheap), white shell that was a smidge too tight, told myself it would be fine, never wear it.
Newbie
Total spent: $2,400
Income: $190,000 pre-tax
Best purchase: A very thick down padded parka for newly adjusting to subzero temps. Also Lululemon yoga clothes (I just started this year)
Worst purchase: The myriad of Loft t shirts I bought just because they were on sale
2020 goals: Buy less but quality items that will last
anon
good writers and editors in this hive….what is an alternative or synonym you would use for “like for like comparison”? Is there a better way to state that a comparison is “apples to apples” or “like for like”? Thank you!
Anon
Comparable, equivalent, same range/price point/function, 1:1
anon
OP here….love it thank you! I am going to use equivalent, 1:1.
Anonymous
Are there any guidelines on when or whether to contact government agency recruiters? I got a message from one about 6 months ago asking if I was interested in applying for a job at a certain agency (this is someone who works for the agency, not an independent recruiter). I wasn’t interested at that time, but now I think I might be. The same job is not currently open, but would it be OK if I reached out to the recruiter and let her know I’m interested if anything opens up?
CostAccountant
Thank you to everyone one that recommend jeans for my apple shaped body a few weeks ago. I’m wearing the Old Navy Rockstar Jeggings today and they are super comfortable!
CostAccountant
Posted in the wrong spot. Sorry!
Anonymous
Yes of course.
Anon
I didn’t watch the Golden Globes but I just caught up with Ricky Gervais’s monologue. Wow! I admit I laughed pretty hard.
Anonymous
Semi-unrelated,but I saw a picture of Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa and he is tall and OMG huge and she is tiny. I didn’t get that from watching him and Emilia Clarke on GOT (and she is a short small person also). But IRL, I don’t understand how he could ever fly coach while she could easily fit.
Anon
Maybe he takes half her seat? Yeah she is teeny. I guess I knew their size difference because I watched a video of them getting ready for the Oscars last year (and how delighted he was with his bespoke pink tux and matching scrunchie!)
Anon
Here’s a pic. I don’t know where I saw the video but that was the day I became a fan.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/jason-momoa-rocks-velvet-pink-suit-oscars-lisa-bonet-finally-times-changing-011840060.html
Anxiety
I’m dealing with alot of anxiety with regards to my job search, my contract ends in May. I don’t know whether this is normal or not? Has anyone else experienced this? I’m not sure if the anxiety is because of a past experience where I was unemployed for 2 years, I have a fear of being unable to find something and struggling like I did back then. I’m also turning 40 this month. Even though I had a celebration lunch with family yesterday I feel anxious that I haven’t done as much as my peers — I am single with no kids and yet to buy a house. My thirties have been difficult, a 7 year relationship ended and I struggled alot career-wise and financial. Tips on coping and moving forward?
Anon
I am in a very similar situation (contract ends in May, turning 40 later this year), so I totally get how you are feeling. These things stir up a lot of emotion!
Try not to think big-picture about the future. Recognize that it only takes one contract or gig to keep you going and you can do small things each day to make that more of a possibility. Reach out to your network now to let them know when you’ll be available so it doesn’t feel as urgent like you must get a job NOW — it’s more of an FYI that you are interested in considering new opportunities.
You’ve got this! And look to your forties with enthusiasm. You’re still young enough to enjoy it but you’re old enough to have wisdom. Happy birthday!
anon
yeah, I don’t have magic advice, but so much commiseration! My job ends in September, and I am stressing. I expect the search to be slightly more difficult (want to switch fields, need employer to sponsor a visa) and I really don’t want to sit at home unemployed. Initially, this anxiety clashed pretty badly with sending out applications. Right now, it’s gotten a bit better, and I have a routine of sending out 1-2 applications/week. You are not alone!
Anonymous
Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on running your own race.
Brit
Hi everyone,
Talbots is having a great sale and I’m in need of some new work pants. I have an ankle length pant from them that I love but I want something full length for winter. Does anyone have recommendations on their different cuts and fits? I’m a size 4 and athletic if that matters.
Thanks!
Anonymous
My husband and I signed up for YNAB and spent several hours yesterday setting it up. We make about $250,000 a year in a LCOL area so we both feel like we should have more leftover at the end of the month. We’ve never had a formal budget because we never spent more than we had (pay off credit cards every month, put money in savings, retirement maxed). However, we also put everything on credit cards to maximize points, so it’s so easy to not pay attention to what we’re spending our money on. I know YNAB gets recommended here so often, so I thought I’d ask for tips for someone just starting out with it.
emeralds
1. Stick with it if it takes you a month or two to get the hang of it! YNAB has a learning curve, but that’s part of what makes it helpful–it makes you really think about where your money is going.
2. Their website is really helpful. Spend some time in https://www.youneedabudget.com/?s=getting%20started
Carrots
Both of these are good tips. Their Youtube channel is also really helpful. They have videos on their 4 steps process and other videos that may be helpful.
I would also add that don’t feel bad if the learning process takes even longer than a month or two. I’ve been using YNAB for about 2.5 years now and it really only felt like in the last 6 months that I really got the hang of using the system to budget for long-term, upcoming expenditures.
lsw
I agree with both emeralds and Carrots. I stubbornly stuck with it and finally got the swing of it on my fourth or fifth try. Love it though.
Anon
If you haven’t yet, I highly recommend watching Nick True’s videos on YouTube about YNAB. He has one specifically about using credit cards that includes a great explanation of how it works when you pay them off every month. Other than that, just spending time with it helps a lot. There’s also a good sub r e d d i t and a FB group called You Need A Budget Fans that’s really helpful.
My other tip is to reconcile often. People in the groups I mention above seem to start falling off the wagon when their bank accounts in the software don’t match up to the actual balances. I actually reconcile every morning when I have coffee because I typically have only a few transactions each day that clear, so it only takes a few minutes.
mahnamahna
Long time YNAB user here as well. Another vote for the facebook group and for sticking with the program. There is a big time investment up front in learning the process, tweaking your budget categories, learning how credit cards work, etc., but after awhile, it becomes second nature. I also do not use auto-import. The better you can get at entering transactions as they occur (e.g., entering the gas purchase transaction into the app from your phone at the gas pump), the quicker it is to reconcile and to keep your budget up to date. I’m buckling down on paying down debt this year and after years of using YNAB for awareness and to try and keep from going deeper into debt, I’m excited to use the program to its full potential in 2020. It is well worth the subscription fee.
pugsnbourbon
+1 to the daily maintenance. I check mine at lunch and it’s usually very quick. YNAB has been totally worth the annual fee for us.
Anon
Watch their webinars! I found them immensely helpful, especially for the credit card stuff.
Triangle Pose
Any rettes move from East Coast city to LA area? My job would be in Culver city in tech so I expect we would live somewhere on the West Side. We are DINKs, used to walking everywhere and living downtown a big city with no commute and no car (walk, Uber or car share for cabin/hiking/skiing weekends). I’m so used to wanting to live downtown and walk to work and willing to pay more for a house or apartment, but it seems like that mentality is really for East Coast cities, shouldn’t be my mindset in SoCal. SoCal would be a big change, but move us neared to my family, who live a few hours from LA. Would love to hear about life in SoCal/LA area from a NE transplant. How was the adjustment?
Annony
I moved from Philadelphia (no car, 5 block walk to work, etc.) to Redondo Beach (South Bay city / suburb of LA) in 2001 and it took me a good 3 years to adjust. 2019, I live in Hollywood & work in DTLA and I love it. I think the key is to try not to compare LA to an East Coast city and just embrace it for what it is, which is very different, but also pretty amazing. Culver City is going to feel pretty suburban for you (not much happening at night), but if you lived closer to Venice/Santa Monica, you could definitely replicate the walking around lifestyle.
Triangle Pose
Thanks! Yes I was thinking Culver City would be too surburban for me to live, just didn’t know where to look – like your suggestion for Venice and Santa Monica. What about the other way – do people ever live in Downtown LA (or Hollywood) and take the Expo Line or Red +Expo to get to work? I’m super used to that here (so many people work in Center City and commute on Regional Rail from the Main Line, this would be the…functional opposite I guess?) Totally agree I would embrace it for what it is, I’m originally from suburban sprawl out west but I haven’t lived as an adult anywhere other than East Coast. Do you walk around Hollywood/DTLA? Is the nightlife still all cars, driving, etc?
Seventh Sister
I moved to LA twenty years ago out of college from Back East, and it was a big adjustment – the US really is pretty regional in terms of local culture, so it was a lot to get used even though I liked LA from the start. The best thing I did in terms of making myself less anxious about getting places was to think that X place is Y minutes away, because sometimes going three miles can take 30 minutes. The biggest social faux pas I made (sometimes still make!) is saying that a particular tv show/movie/famous person is terrible, because someone you meet probably is working on that thing. I joke that there should be a word like Schadenfreude for the guilt you feel when a friend is working on something you’d never, ever, want to watch in a million years.
Culver City isn’t really suburban, or at least isn’t much more suburban than other ritzy-ish parts of West LA. It *is* pretty residential – it is an independent municipality w/ its own school district so people live their specifically for the schools, as well as being a historically working-class city so lots of extended families that have lived there for a long time along with relative newbies. In terms of nightlife, all my friends from NYC are surprised at how early many things close in LA outside of Koreatown and a few other areas.
I’d look at places near the Expo line stations, though commuting via Expo line from say, DTLA, is most feasible only if work is within a mile or so. So you’d be set if you’re going to work for a certain premium cable channel or a streaming channel named after a river in South America, but it would be hard if you work for say, a fruit-named company.
Triangle Pose
Correct, those are the exact companies I would work for, I literally mapped the steps from the station. Ha! Thanks SA.
Annony
Hiya! I would be more than happy to write you a mini-novel about LA neighborhoods (and take you out for a welcome to LA cocktail once you get here) but would rather do it on a less public forum. Shoot me a note at eastcoastexpat2020 at the google email and I’ll respond there!
Triangle Pose
Thanks! Sent you an email from rette email.
anon
I want to give up social media for a time but I’m nervous I’m going to miss out on friend announcements (births, etc.) Also I have three kids and I like to share pictures of them on my private Instagram account. But I spend waaay too much time scrolling insta and I think it’d be better to do away with it. Anyone with success stories from stepping away? is there a happy middle ground?
Anon
I’m sort of a middle ground – I have Facebook but I don’t spend much time on it and don’t share many photos of my child there (usually just a post around her birthday with a couple photos). I don’t have any other social media.
Anon
I’m also middle ground. I kept my Facebook account and I go in and check it every once in a while, maybe comment if it’s someone’s birthday or they made a big announcement, but I don’t post.
I post on Instagram occasionally (yes I know same company, but different vibe) and I only use twitter for work. I have never really figured out how to folllow twitter anyway – there’s just so much there.
I kind of had withdrawal from connecting with people on Facebook, so now if I really want to connect with a friend I text them. It’s much better this way.
Cb
I got rid of facebook in 2016 and seriously pared back my Instagram follows to only the people I really cared about which helps with the scroll.
Nelly Yuki
Happy middle ground is tough, but here’s what works for me: My rule for instagram is only people I know IRL AND would get a drink with (i.e., no HS randos who I would actively avoid if I ran into them at a mall), national geographic and similar (nature/animal pics), and a few celebs who are usually positive and/or funny (Mindy Kaling, Seth Meyers). My FB is more of $hitshow, but I aspire to whittle it down to be more like Instagram. However, I find that a lot of business uses FB to announce changes in their hours and sales, so it’s helpful.
anon
I don’t have social media on my phone so it is a concious I’m-sitting-down-at-my-home-computer-and-logging-in thing for me. Maybe that would lessen some mindless scrolling if you can’t access it as easily?
Anon
+1 when I reduced my fb usage, a big part was deleting the app and not getting notifications.
Anonymous
Surely you know which of your friends are pregnant? If you’re worried you’ll miss the birth, just contact them, say you’re going off social media, and that you’ll try to stay in touch so you can hear how they and their babies are doing.
If you aren’t close enough to these people to know apart from social media whether they’re pregnant or have given birth, and don’t have any contact with them other than social media . . . . then surely you can be excused for being “late” hearing about a birth?
As for posting pictures of your kids …you can still take pictures and text or email them to a relative if, say, a grandparent is going to be upset at not seeing photos. Or just take them and enjoy them without needing to share them.
Anon
This is me. I deleted FB and haven’t missed it and miss Instagram too much to know that I can go back and have it be healthy (it’s like crack for me). I figure if I don’t keep up with someone except for social media, they aren’t a friend anyway, and if I run into them, we have much more to catch up on.
Anonymous
I deleted Facebook from my phone, so I can only check it on my laptop, which I use much less infrequently. I’ve found it seriously curtailed the mindless scrolling but I can use it when I feel like it (maybe once a week). On Instagram, I kept it on my phone for my infrequent posting, but unfollowed any account where I don’t personally know the person. So any celebrities, news, recipes, meme type accounts, etc. There’s just less content when it’s only people you know so I rarely check it. I also muted the stories of acquaintances I’m not really good friends with – that way I’m not tempted to watch stories from people I haven’t spoken to in 10 years.
BeenThatGuy
I did it 2 years ago and am so happy I did. I let my closest friends and family know that I was leaving social media. They were great about sending a quick text when someone outside our immediate circle passed away or had a big event that I would not otherwise know about. As for sharing pictures of my son, I send a picture every now and then via text message to grandparents/aunts/friends. One added bonus…I love getting Christmas cards now because I get to see now everyone’s kids are growing.
Anon
The middle ground is taking the app off your phone. You can check Instagram from your browser on laptop/desktop only. That way you can see announcements but you miss out on 95% of the obsessive scrolling behavior. Just do it!
Anon
This worked for me on Facebook: a few years ago, I hid a TON of “friends” from showing up in my feed. I basically only kept truly good friends that I genuinely want to see what is going on in their lives, and a few local-to-me acquaintances so when I saw those folks we could have more robust conversations about what was going on in our lives based on what we’d seen the other doing. (You could always defriend the people instead of hiding, and I did that in a couple of cases, but this is the nicer way of doing it).
I found the result was it made my Facebook feed in general super boring, b/c there just aren’t that many posts for me to see anymore & there are a lot more ads etc. I still check it, but it’s much more transactional to see what’s going on with the above mentioned people & I rarely get sucked in.
Not sure if you can hide people in Instagram – for me, that app is less of a problem since I started using it later & just naturally follow fewer/more current people in my life.
anon
My happy middle ground ended up with me deleting Facebook. You can “deactivate” your account which doesn’t really do anything except provide a barrier to re-entry. I did this for about a month and then went back on for a bit, but ended up deleting it about 5 months later after Cambridge Analytica broke out.
What I *did* want, and what deleting FB did for me, was an improved connection with my real friends. This does mean that I’ve lost touch with some of my acquaintances. I wouldn’t say I had a ton of friends on FB – maybe 100-120? – but I got the numbers/emails/contact info for the friends I wanted during that deactivation to deletion 6 months.
At first I had some FOMO (events and stuff that I didn’t get invited to or know about, because they were only on facebook, or easiest to find on facebook), but honestly my good friends just … kept me in the loop. They’d text, or mention it, if it was big. If not, then I learned not to worry about it. I found that I care more about fewer people, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out.
I email my family (or group text) with photos. It can be clumsier and I have to remember to do it – it’s not as easy as hitting “upload”. But I am generally happier with the result and the non-reliance on an app to keep me in touch or feed me curated information.
Good luck
As a mom of 3 I do actually have a lot of kids’ friends’ parents who take breaks from social media, including the classroom and extracurricular group pages, and we just make extra efforts to email and text. It’s totally okay and normal in my circle.
Anon
I only share photos of my kids on a private photo stream using Photos on my iPhone/iPad—family still gets the photos and can comment, but there’s not a lot of extra stuff to keep you on the app.
I lose my FB password (make it long and random and then don’t use a password manager), so I have to reset my password every time I go to the website. I absolutely cannot have the app on my phone—too much time seeing updates I don’t really care about. If I miss some news because it was only on FB, it probably wasn’t that important. A close friend would email/text/call/send a postcard.
Anonymous
What are our thoughts on wearing sequins to a wedding? Are sequins normal formal wear or are they too flashy? I’m considering wearing a navy blue sequined dress (BB Dakota Leila Sequined Mini Dress if you’re curious – it’s at Amazon and Poshmark – and it’s Just above the knee on me fwiw) and want to make sure it’s ok (I’m not going to bug the bride about it). Dress code is black tie. Thanks all!
Anon
Totally fine.
Anonymous
A mini dress isn’t black tie, but sequins are fine.
Triangle Pose
Agree. Sequins are fine. Dress you linked in not black tie, would be OK for black tie option or cocktail attire.
OP
It’s not “mini” on me, it’s normal c*cktail length. I don’t anticipate that my crowd will wear floor length gowns.
Anonymous
Then it isn’t black tie
fdsa
It’s a party! Wear sequins!
anon
any recs for CBT in DC around dupont circle? I’d like to talk to someone about changing persistently negative and critical thought patterns.
Anon
I haven’t used them, but a friend of mine works at Capital Institute for Cognitive Therapy in Dupont and they specialize in CBT.
Anon
Look into Dr. Carla Washington, Farragut Square.
Squid
Can you renegotiate an employment contract while you’re in it? Or can you ask to switch contract companies? I enjoy my job and colleagues but my contractor is horrible. They refuse to pay me Christmas holiday pay because I only worked 32 hours the week prior. My contract states that I must work 32 hours, which I did, but now they’re saying 40 hours is required. This is the latest in a long list of issues I have with them. I have asked my supervisor about becoming an employee but he said his hands are tied due to budget. Is that his way of saying I need to start job hunting? I’m tired of starting over.
Anon
Your employer likely has a hard time switching contract companies (they likely have their own long-term agreement) or taking people on permanently when that was not in their plan (they have to pay out the company for you and have enough work in the pipeline for you for years).
Either put up with the hassles of the contract company or job hunt for a permanent position.
Anonymous
Can you find a way to convince them to enforce the contract as written or are they within their rights? Maybe report them to the company’s HR dept and ask if they can require the contract company to enforce the written contract and/or do some research on your state’s labor laws to see if they’re running afoul.
Plant advice needed
I am a plant newbie, and have an office that has great natural light/ people constantly telling me I need to put some plants in here. I have had some bad luck buying plants in nursery pots, picking out pots to repot them in, and then making a huge mess in my apt repotting them. I buy the wrong size pot, the wrong type of material, the wrong soil, not enough soil, way too much soil, or just generally make such a huge mess that I don’t enjoy the process. Are there places that do all of this for you? I generally have purchased plants/materials at Ikea and Home Depot. Would love to be able to take them straight from the store/nursery/whatever to my office (and maybe some for my apt!). Thanks! (I live in Chicago if anyone has some recs)
Anon
Buy established plants in the larger plastic pots, pop them into a pretty container, plastic pot and all, and cover the top and sides with small rocks. Do plant appropriate fertilizing every 3 to six months. No repotting, no new soil needed, all the decor.
anon
I just bought a house plant at Home Depot, and it came as a package deal with a pot already. So the plant sits in the nursery pot, and the nursery pot sits in a decorative pot of matching size. If you buy a house plant, there is no immediate need for repotting it. So either leave it in the pot it comes with, or while you are at the store, select a decorative pot and test whether the nursery pot fits in there. Then just plop them together.
Immediate repotting is only done when you buy a tiny plant that you immediately want to grow bigger, such as tomato seedlings in spring, and you want them to reach maturity within one season. With a houseplant it doesn’t matter so much if it grows slowly, so you can just confine it to the original pot. Most plants can also cope with a pot that is too small to sustain them, by growing new limbs and letting older ones die off. That’s usually when you would repot them, but only because we don’t like the look of one or two bits always dying. Most plants can totally deal with that, as long as they get sufficient nutrients.
Down the road, it sounds like you need to be a bit more strategic about the repotting, if you want to undertake it. Where is the best place to do it? Is there a patio/balcony? Maybe a kiddy bathtub can contain the mess. Research or ask for advice on the right size pot and soil beforehand. Maybe this can be outsourced on taskrabbit. But if you’re buying new, don’t worry too much.
CountC
I have had great luck with plants from The Sill. You can buy plants individually, as well as on subscription. They have cute but modern pots that come in several colors and are already in good soil. You take it out of the box, unwrap it, and voila, cute plant! If the plant arrives damaged, they will send you a new one. I have only had that happen once!
Anon
You don’t need to repot plants.
Anon
Find an independent plant store — they will happily do this all for you and advise you on the right types of plants for you.
Anon
Go to Gethsemane in Andersonville! They are so helpful, friendly, and they clearly love plants. They’ll walk you through all the steps. I usually get individual plants there and have them help me pick out a pot or even pot it for me.
OP
Wow these comments are so informative I never knew you don’t need to repot! Thank you!!
anon
Another thing for plant newbies: If you do the double-pot (nursery within decorative pot), it also has the advantage that you can easily check whether water collects at the bottom. A few drops are fine of course, but if ca. 20 minutes after watering, water stands a quarter-inch or more in the outer pot, most plants will get unhappy. So you can just take the plant to the sink and lift the nursery pot while you empty the excess water. You can’t do that if you repot it into a decorative pot.
fashion advice pls
Are these cute? I’m trying to decide if I should keep them or if they’re just a little matronly. Or just weird. I’m 31 and generally would consider my style minimalist and a little egdy.
https://mgemi.com/products/the-scuola-bassa-black-and-white-printed-leather?gclid=CjwKCAiA0svwBRBhEiwAHqKjFvE88zmX7SuAp0i7alGt1xWnfa7v_30Dmqtl7VLsjAins1ad-TwitRoCfagQAvD_BwE
What about these:
https://mgemi.com/collections/the-motore-boot?product=4162756411451
Triangle Pose
I’m also 31. Would skip. They look matronly to me.
Motore are better, don’t suit me but I could see someone else pulling it off great!
Minnie
I’m your age and would describe my style the same way and I really like the Scuolas. I would wear those for sure. You’d just have to be mindful of the rest of your outfit to not push them into matronly territory. (So like, no below-the-knee skirts and pantyhose, but I think that probably goes without saying.)
I don’t LOVE the boots but that might be just a taste thing. I don’t think there’s anything objectively wrong with them.
Never too many shoes...
Total opposite here. I love those boots but the loafers are a no from me, dawg.
CountC
+1
OP
What about these? Does it depend on the color? Or should I just stay away from loafers entirely?
https://mgemi.com/collections/the-sacca-donna-loafer?product=2285644054587
pugsnbourbon
I love these and do not think they’re matronly at all! I have a similar pair. I like the scoulas too, but I think they work better in the solid brown than in the patterned black and white.
Ms B
I have much love for my taller Scuolas and am very happy with them as a choice to wear with trousers or with a midi length dress on a day when I am going to be on my feet a lot.
NYNY
Job search question, since I haven’t done this in a while. When you share a salary range, how broad is it? I’m thinking of giving my lowest number and a range of about 10% over it. TIA!
Anon
Never give your lowest number! You would just be lowballing yourself. I research what is the normal salary for someone with my experience in that position, and then give a number of about 10% above that, rounded up so the number is a whole number. I don’t normally give ranges, but 10% sounds reasonable.
Anonymous
Don’t give your lowest number. I’d try to avoid giving a number if possible. Ask them to provide the range for the position and tell them that the higher end of that would work for you (if true).
NYNY
Thanks for the feedback! I’m hoping not to give a number until the offer phase, but wanted to have something ready if I need to go there earlier. Appreciate the advice on not giving the lowest number. I’ll pick my top number (which is in line with others (men) at my experience level in similar roles) and leave it at that.
Anon
It’s late so I don’t know if you’ll see this. But your top number shouldn’t be what Manatt your experience level are making, that should be your low number or, at minimum, the middle of your range. I think you are underselling yourself
anon
it also depends on when you are being asked for a range….never give a range too early, especially before the first interview – recruiters and gatekeepers will try to get a number out of you….just state this with confidence: “my salary expectations are in line with what the market pays for this level of position / this industry and I am interested in hearing what you have n mind in terms of compensation for this role.” Turn the question back to the employer…works for me every time! And if they aren’t willing to share a number or range with you up front, then you don’t want to work there. Good Luck!!