ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread


Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I am not that familiar with Jessica Simpson pumps — so let's just say I was a bit surprised to find that this one is one of the highest-rated shoes at Nordstrom right now. It actually comes in a TON of colors, including some nice textural blacks and other neutrals, but this hot pink snakeskin one seems fun for the weekend. (For some reason I'm picturing a fun '80s party — a shoe is a great reason to throw one, amirite?) In any event — the shoe is $79 full price, but select colors come down to $39-$47; this hot pink number is $47 at Nordstrom. Pheona Pump

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Sales of note for 12.5

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88 Comments

  1. Jessica Simpson round toe shoes tend to be a blessing for wider feet, even better in a wide size.

    1. Every Jessica Simpson shoe I see has either a ridiculously high heel or a clumpy looking platform or a giant wedge heel. I literally have never seen one that I could wear with a straight face. They just look cheap. (Respect to her, though, for becoming a zillionaire from her clothing lines…very impressive)

      1. I have a pair of round toe 2.5” heels that I LOVE. Sadly, they are starting to come apart many years later.

      2. Agree. Most of her shoes look cheap and trashy. I expect better from Corporette picks.

        1. I don’t entirely disagree, but I worry I may just have peasant feet. My feet don’t measure as all that wide, but they straight up don’t fit in a lot of nicer designer shoes.

  2. Is leopard print ever okay to wear at the office? Do you think it’s dated and tacky? I never see anyone wearing leopard print, but I love it. I have a silk scarf that I would love to pair with a plain black top, blazer, and black pants. I also have a long sleeve chiffon blouse in leopard print that I pair with black pants on the weekend/date nights. If it matters, I work at an international consulting firm. Our dress code includes jeans, but most senior-level people (including me) dress in smart casual/business casual in the office, and business formal with most clients.

    1. I wear leopard print to the office all the time! Team Leopard Is A Neutral!

    2. I wear leopard/other big cat prints to the office all the time! I usually try to pair something like a cheetah dress with a plainer jacket or sweater, though.

    3. I wear it in small doses (shoes, scarves, the top I wear under a jacket) and generally get compliments when I do. For me, personally, a leopard-print dress or jacket feels like a lot, but I work with women who wear those things and they look great. I don’t think head-to-toe animal print is ever a great idea but in small splashes – yeah, I wear it and I see others wear it all the time.

    6. This is not intended as catty but where do you live that you never see anyone wearing leopard print !?!? it’s everywhere! All the major retailers are showing it. And i love it and wear it to the office all the time. I have a great pair of flats and a sweater and a scarf and i used to have a vince commutto dress but it actually wore out.

  3. Got an explanation of benefits-letter addressed to me the other day for a recent Dr visit that my spouse had. He’s a dependent on my insurance, but I was surprised they would disclose what procedure was done. I thought HIPAA would prevent that for adults. HHS.gov is down so I thought I’d see what your experiences are.

    2. (I love getting to play expert.)
      Disclosures are allowed for “payment activities,” and, since he’s on your insurance, you are part of that. While one could argue that specifying the procedure is not necessary for the payment, as most people would like to know what their payment is going towards (that’s the whole purpose of an EOB), it’s an accepted practice (unless otherwise prohibited by stricter state law).

      1. Another HIPAA lawyer here. Agree with everything my esteemed co-counsel says. Will add that mental health is an area where you are likely to find much stricter state law.

  4. Venting…
    My husband and I are preparing for a frozen embryo transfer in February. Yesterday, I received a bunch of paperwork from our clinic that included a checklist of all of the medical test results that they need from my husband and I – including infectious disease bloodwork we did six months ago and sent to them already. Also including a pap smear that, as far as anyone else had told me, I didn’t need to have done because I had one three years ago and the results were good for five years. This would have been far less annoying if I had known and had the test done at my annual physical in November. I’m now going to have to make a separate appointment and trip.

    AND…I checked with the insurance company and our preauthorization has disappeared. I don’t know if it’s a time expiration thing, or a new year thing. But it sounds like we’re going to need to get preauthorized again.

    I recognize that we’re incredibly fortunate to have embryos to transfer. And that we have health insurance coverage for some of this. But I’m really tired. And pretty mad that I can’t just get knocked up without 17 people (none of whom being my husband) being all up in my lady bits. Aaaaaaaand I got my period this week. Which is insult to injury.

    Anyway…. Happy New Year…. Sigh.

    1. Onerous prior authorization requirements are the bane of my existence and a notable barrier to care, especially for low-income people or people with low health literacy. You’re not alone in this battle! Good luck anyway – it sucks but you’ll make it through.

      1. Thanks for the note! I completely agree with you. I have good insurance, am an educated person, and have a job with the flexibility necessary to figure this personal administrative nonsense out. Of all of the people in the world, I am in the category of people for whom figuring this out is easiest…and it’s still really difficult.

        1. Same here – that’s why I wanted to let you know that at LEAST you’re not alone in this terribleness. It’s so incredibly onerous even when you are educated and insured and all of that.

    2. oh man, our IUI authorizations were only good for 45 days. And I have irregular cycles. And they could take anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks to process the request, and then the letter telling you would take another few weeks. The time this made me miss the one cycle I had in between travel, I was furious.

      Solidarity.

    3. you are 100% allowed to feel frustrated and vent. dealing with health insurance stuff is the worst. i worked in an adjacent field and yet i still get confused with all of the different terminology

    4. Ugh yeah I had to do a surprise (!) pap smear with my last retrieval because it had to be within the past year. I am 100% here for your vent, but also possible suggestion — I haven’t done a frozen transfer so not sure if there would be the opportunity, but if you have to go in for a sono can they just do the pap smear then? That’s what I ended up doing when I was prepping for stims and retrieval.

    5. I feel you. I didn’t have health insurance for fertility but both clinics I worked with sprung annoying last minute requirements like that on me.

  5. Has anyone been to Sedona with little kids? My husband has proposed it but our kids are too young to do any hiking (almost 2 and 4) and they don’t do great on long car rides, and I’m not sure how we’ll see anything if we can’t hike or drive. We have the budget for a nice resort but I feel like we may feel like we’re missing out if we mostly hang out at a resort.

    1. following with interest. my parents want to go on a family trip there, but we have 2 year old twins. mine can handle drives, but i don’t want to just sit in the car the whole time. are there good places to walk with a jogging stroller? playgrounds anywhere?

    2. I don’t have specific advice, but if by “hiking” you just mean “getting out into nature” I would be shocked if you can’t do some in Sedona even with kids. When Kiddo was two we took her on a different outdoorsy vacation and there were plenty of (gorgeous) stroller friendly hikes. A quick search indicates there’s a lot like that in Sedona as well.

      I’ve had to recalibrate my expectations of hiking when I’m with a kid (of anything-ing when I’m with a kid) because there’s a lot of stopping to throw stones in puddles, to poke at mud with a stick, to kvetch about sand in shoes… but it’s still really fun.

    3. I did it with a fairly active senior (my mom) and was super disappointed to be around so much and not be able to get out there and enjoy it the way I wanted. The other things we did—rim Jeep tours, biking, checking out art, pursuing the tourist shops wouldn’t be much fun either. I’d save the location for when they’re older. Otherwise there’s far more easy places to get to that would be way more kid friendly.

      1. OP here. Thanks, this was my gut instinct. To address the point above, I don’t need to be doing super intense or technical hiking (I’m not that athletic myself), but I want to do more than just go outside – I want to really see the famous red rocks if we go all the way there. We’ve had good success with family trips to beach resorts and big cities, so I think we’ll just stick to those until the kids are more able to hike.

        1. We went when our kids were a tiny bit older, about 3 and 6. We did “hiking” as in, walked on mostly flat rocky areas and saw beautiful nature. Also got ice cream, chilled in the hotel pool. Had no interest in a jeep tour but I think I’ve seen people on Trip Advisor asking about car seats in the jeeps. It was fine.

        2. FWIW, I’ve been to Sedona a bunch, don’t enjoy hiking, and am perfectly content to see the rocks all around you while lounging at the resorts or going into town….

          1. I don’t know I think your kids are maybe a little young. I love Sedona, and it’s beautiful and there are lots of things that could interest older kids, but it is definitely not a ‘kid focused’ area, and you do need to drive to a lot of the cool stuff.

  6. Re reduction — for a few reasons, I would hold off if you may get pregnant down the road:

    —you will likely get bigger in pregnancy, and may stay bigger or shrink and get saggy postpartum, plus your scars may darken and stretch out. Surgery may be more permanently effective and discreet (and could include lift as well as reduction) postpartum.

    —If you have any interest in trying to b-feed, you will be increasing the chances of various roadblocks if you have surgery now (supply may be impaired, baby may have more difficulty latching, you may injure more easily and take longer to recover).

    Separate from baby stuff: Depending on your views about gardening activities, you may want to take into account that the surgery will cause visible scarring (an aesthetic issue) and reduces sensitivity in the area (an enjoyment issue). And depending on your age, genetics and lifestyle and birth-control choices, you may also find that your b’s grow somewhat in the coming decades, taking you back to where you were pre-surgery if you only went down a size or two. Not to say that surgery is the wrong decision, just that you need to have your expectations in check, and ask a lot of questions of the surgeon about downsides and what to reasonably expect in the short, middle and long terms — and keep in mind that their marketing materials focus on the best outcomes, not the average ones.

    If you have a gyno (phone autocorrected to hump!), you might what to chat with her or him as a starting point.

    Good luck!

    1. Hey, thanks for commenting! I am 42, no kids, no plans for kids, so that doesn’t impact my decision, but I appreciate the additional thoughts. Do you speak from experience?

      1. Yep — I got it way too early, when I was still in high school. Now that I am multiple times postpartum and approaching 40, it is very clear to me that my move was not a smart one. But it sounds like your facts are totally different, and it could be a great option for you. Best of luck in making your decision and whatever follow-through results! And I’m Sure the techniques are improved from back when I went through the process.

  7. HELP! I need a super last minute gift for 7 year old twins (boy and girl). Something I could get at a physical store. Any suggestions?? $20-$30 range if buying two separate things or $50-$60 range if buying one thing.

    1. Is 7 too young for gift cards? That’s probably what I would do in your situation, but I’m also not an inventive gift giver.

    3. Books are always a great option! If you have an independent store, I’m sure there’s a book seller who would absolutely LOVE to give you some great, age-appropriate recommendations. If you have a B&N, there’s probably still a bookseller with great suggestions. You could also check out the bargain section for fun activity books.

      If you have an Urban Outfitters near you, there are usually fun novelty toys/gifts. I picked up a World’s Smallest Vacuum and a plush corgi with a lavender scented insert that you microwave for extra cozy.

      If you have a Paper Source nearby, they are usually a reliable gift source as well!

      If you have a Cost Plus World Market, you could do a fun gift basket of snacks and Ramune (japanese soda) and toys.

      If you have a Target, you could put together some art/craft supplies!

    4. Board games, books, Legos, craft kits. If there’s an independent toy store near you, the salespeople may have suggestions.

    5. Art supplies would have gone over pretty well with my kids at that age. Stomp rockets are a hit with most ages and genders (uh, my DH included), board games with return receipts, aprons/spatulas with kid stuff printed on them, and nerf guns or water guns, water balloon sets (although Know the Parents here and water games would probably need to be put on hold until spring). Movie tickets would have also been great. As a parent of b/g twins, I would advise two of similar gifts (maybe different colors) if you don’t know the kids well enough to go by specific child interests.

    8. Diary or journal (check out a book store–there are fun ones with fill-in-the-blanks, etc.)
      Legos, playmobils
      Arts and crafts sets or sticker books
      Connect the dot books (hard ones), spot the difference, travel activity books with those special pens that make words/answers appear
      Rubik’s cube, rubik’s snake, or other fidget toy
      soccer ball, basketball
      inexpensive card games like Rat a Tat Cat, Uno, Sushi Go
      Headlamp
      If going big: Snap Circuits, large Lego set to build together, board games such as Life, Sorry,

  8. Inspired by the thread earlier this morning: My basics are in good shape, but I’d like to improve my accessory game to get more mileage out of my work clothes. On a daily basis, I wear my wedding ring, Fitbit and ideally a necklace. What’s trending right now, especially for necklaces? The scarf + sweater combination is looking dated to me, although that’s probably because most of my scarves are 5+ years old.

    My shoes are fine and are always polished/maintained, although I don’t have the most exciting footwear in the world. That’s not likely to change given how hard it is to fit my skinny duck feet.

    I prefer simple and polished over big and bold. I really miss wearing a nice watch, but the Fitbit has sadly taken its place.

    1. Scarf + sweater I think is fairly dated on anyone younger than 50 but that’s just me – the pattern of your scarf has nothing to do with it. You don’t mention earrings, which, if your ears are visible, I think have a higher impact accessory wise as they can highlight features or pull an outfit together.

      Necklaces – delicate and stacked jewelry is still on trend, although midweight necklaces (not dainty, not chunky or statement) are supposed to trend in 2020.

    2. Disagree that sweater and scarf is dated – it’s damn near universal in Europe.

  9. I had a truly terrible billable month in December for a variety of reasons and am trying to console myself and remember that #iammorethanmybillablehours. But I’m just so disappointed in myself, because I’ve tried really hard all year to kick *ss and then just kind of blew it. Our year end doesn’t follow the calendar year, and I have a plan to make up some lost ground but likely won’t hit budget regardless. Please tell me 1) how to get over the feelings of failure and negative self talk I have right now so that I can move forward and 2) how to better ration my energy so that I can sustain the level of productivity I need all year. I’m a litigator so there are always ebbs and flows, but I really struggle with pushing myself during the slow periods. It’s like I run myself to the ground when it’s busy and then am exhausted and unmotivated when things ease up. So then I feel like I’m working really hard b/c of the busy times but ultimately don’t have anything to show for it. It’s a cycle I’m desperate to end and would appreciate any/all tips and encouragement.

    1. I make a short to do list every morning on a big post-it, and when I am not under the gun, just work my way through it.

    2. Don’t worry. There must be work to have billables, so do what we do. Just tell your manageing partner about premium value billing, which allows you to bill out to all of your clieints even where their individualized matters are or may become relatively dormant. This way, you have more even billings b/c in other months they will NOT get as big of a bill when others are there to make up for it.

    3. You may not be recording your hours accurately during the busy times, and you need to do that to give yourself some breathing room during the slower times. For example, when your daily billing goal is 8.5 hours it’s easy during a busy time to docket 10 hours and think “great, I’ve exceeded my billing target for the day” and be lax about documenting the 14 hours of client work you *actually* did that day. I’m in litigation too, and I make the ebb and flow work for me by leaning into work/out of family obligations during busy times and vice versa during slow times but you better believe that I fully docket the 18 hours a day I work during a trial so I can bill 4 hours when I’m exhausted on the come-down and still be okay.

      Also, I use slow times to do a review of all my files. I usually find a few ticking time bombs that needs my swift attention and boosts my billing’s in the immediate term, and get motivated to move lagging matters along.

      1. This is a really good point and an area that probably could make a difference for me. I know that when I am very busy I struggle to enter my time as I go and am likely am losing some time. It always seems like I’m catching most of it because my totals are larger than normal, but I bet you are right that I am losing more than I realize. Thanks for the reminder to be more diligent about this!

        1. Keep time as you go, every day. Keep a written record, on paper, of your day broken into tenths. The summer associate coordinator at the first firm I worked at gave me a sheet that did this (two columns per side, each with two inch lines headed 7, 7:06, 7:12, etc. to 12:54 and 1 to 6:54, add a.m. and p.m. as appropriate) and I am never without a stack of them on my desk. I fill in everything as I go, including breaks, and draw arrows if tasks continue on, which seems to accommodate my practice well; I average between 20 and 30 tasks a day because of the nature of my work. At the end of each day you can enter your time, checking e-mails and phone records as you go to make sure you do not miss anything. Those .1 entries add up!

          1. I rely pretty heavily on timers but have always been interested in trying a paper log. I sometimes feel like I’m missing time by starting and stopping timers more often than I should. For example, I might stop a timer for what turns out to be a 30 second distraction multiple times during a project and not always think to start it back immediately. So maybe I would end up with a 0.8 whereas someone who is tracking without a timer might have a 1.0. But I’ve never really understood how to account for emails that way. Do you block off time on your timesheet for checking email (e.g., at the end of each hour) or just add it at the end of the day in addition to the rest of your log? Writing each email in as you go seems really arduous, but I don’t want to double-bill my time. Am I overthinking this?

          2. I write down all of my billable emails as they are reviewed whenever that happens using abbreviations (e.g. “rrr JS em on XY disc” = Receive, review and respond to Jane Smith email on Xylophone discovery dispute”). If I have non-billable email to review, then I just write “Misc” or “Desk” so that I can know where my time goes; I add more detail if it is something on a bar activity, a CLE I am doing or something else creditable non-billable that I will enter into our time system. Sometimes I have to arrow to the back of a page because I have five emails to read, review, and respond to and I need space to make sure that I can read my notes when I enter my time.

      2. Great advice. I plan to try this as well. It’s amazing how busy one can be doing actual work and how little of it is billable at times! (Also 100% litigation)

        1. Enter your time in as close as time as possible. I keep my billing program open all day, every day and enter it in real time and actually changed our firm’s billing program to one that has an app so I can enter it for phone calls/emails on mass transit as well as out of downtown court appearances. Barring unusual circumstances, writing down your time is a waste of time in my personal opinion – that’s just more time spent doing an admin task you won’t get back. I also use a simple task management app (Todoist) and have a “project” for each case with goalposts and milestones. This keeps me working on things even with the ebb and flow. (Also 100% litigation – 18 years in the game this year).

  10. Looking into relocating to South FL (anywhere from the Kendall area to Lake Worth) but am finding mostly poorly insulated new apartments that charge a lot for amenities but have reviews of paper thin walls. I am also finding lots of senior communities that I don’t qualify for. I’ve lived in other cities where people had mother in law suites or granny flats that were separate (often above a garage or behind the main house) but were well constructed and private. Do these exist in this area? If so, are they listed for rent in a specific place or is this word of mouth or…?

    I pay my bills on time, have super excellent credit, and really just want to rent a 1 bedroom or even a studio that won’t have me at the mercy of noisy neighbors or their cooking smells the way apartment living does.

    1. I am surprised you’re not finding what you’re looking for. I live in Miami, and down here efficiency units behind main houses are very very common. In my neighborhood (including my own rental house) there are several houses with the main house structure that’s a 3/2 and in the backyard, there’s a efficiency until that’s either a 1/1 or 2/1. I would focus efforts on looking in Miami-Dade county rather than Palm Beach or Broward for that type of set up. I found my place bon Zillow. Maybe a realtor might help this?

    2. Not exactly what you are asking but I’ve good luck with corner apartments (two walls not shared) in the Southeast. Over a garage is even better.

    3. Try looking at whole rented houses if you’re up for handling a yard, or townhouses if not. In my experience, most parts of Florida have active single family home and townhouse rental markets. Probably legacy of the 2008 crisis which hit hard across the state and caused a lot of homeowners to rent out rather than sell when they moved.

  11. Any suggestions for alternatives to the MMLF Foster Pant? I’m a shot & busty pear-shaped inbetweenie in regular/plus sizes (16 pants and 1x shirts in MMLF). I liked the quality of the Foster Pant, but I remember some saying the quality wasn’t worth the pricing (also the internal buttons are annoying). I tried Stichfix and Dia & Co, and they sent me crappy plus size pants of polyester….

    2. I’m just about the same size as you and after much trial and error have found:
      NYDJ- Trouser pants. Great stretch and do not look like leggings. Look at Nordstrom Rack
      WHBM- Slim Ankle Pant. Nice and thick with stretch.
      Vince Camuto- pull on ankle pants

  12. I don’t really have a question, just needed to vent to Internet strangers.

    I posted a few weeks ago about my dislike for my new job. Old job was mildly toxic and dysfunctional, but I navigated the politics of it very well. New job pays more (far higher than the norm for this area), has comparable overall benefits, and has unlimited room for career growth. The old job had relevant growth roles already filled and while my position wasn’t dead-end, I was in something of a box career-wise.

    My boss at the new job is someone I have worked with in the past. Working together again is a dream of theirs and they are ecstatic to have me on board. I knew going in that this person has some irritating habits that frustrate me but since they are a genuinely kind person and I worked well with them before I thought the pay increase would make those habits palatable. However, now that they are in a place where they are in charge, those habits are massively exacerbated with no realistic expectation of them changing and I dread interacting with this person. I regret having left the old job, even knowing its foibles, and the thought of going to my new job nearly has me in tears every morning. Nothing objectively bad and my new coworkers are nice people, but I very much dislike my new job. I’m trying to tell myself that the higher paycheck is worth it, as it allows me to finally pay off student loans and save meaningfully for retirement. Several months in to the new job, though, I am less and less convinced that the money is worth it.

    1. Has it been 6 months yet? I think it’s very common to have second thoughts and a period of adjustment for a new job where you question the decision to move. If you are in a field where work consumes most of your life, the adjustment period may be a little longer. I’ve been in your shoes and felt more settled and content after 6 months-1 year fwiw. Out of curiosity, what are the annoying habits?

  13. Only 3 months.

    Frustrations include inane meeting overload (why send a simple FYI email when you could book a meeting to share the info, followed by a debrief meeting to discuss reactions to the info, both preceded by a strategic planning meeting to tell everyone we will new booking the actual meeting to share the info?), frequently being asked to create complex, time-consuming reports that no one wants or asks for on the off chance someone might want them (they never do), trying to, an obsession with new technology that isn’t suited for the intended task but could be customized to do a shoddy job at something we already own the premier software for (but boss doesn’t know how to use because they canceled the training session so they could fit in another meeting).

    When we worked together previously, these were smaller personality quirks that weren’t so obvious because the higher-ups shut them down quickly. Now that there are no higher authorities, they become all-consuming. Instead of a vacant “sure, we *could* do that” that never actually goes anywhere, this crap happens daily. I hate it.

    1. Give it more time—3 mos means you’re still learning a ton and also try to get out of the old vs new comparisons. The comparisons aren’t helpful to you or even realistic. So early in you truly don’t know if creating reports to archive data is never going to be useful, for example. And it’s easy to forget what made you want to leave old job. I’d give yourself a year and look elsewhere if you’re still unhappy at that point. Just recognize everywhere will have some negatives or not smart people. I’d also take a moment to think through your relationship with former coworker. Are you resentful or jealous she’s been promoted in some way? ( You may not be, but just mentioning because it can lead to being hypercritical of her decisions or a competitiveness that may really be the root of the dissatisfaction.)

      1. I really appreciate your advice, and that you are taking time to help me think through my reactions.

        As far as being resentful or jealous about their success, I don’t think that is in play. If anything, I find myself growing resentful that they talked me into taking a job I really didn’t want. I was not looking to leave my old job but they convinced me working for them would be a chance to create a really amazing workplace, get away from the annoyances of the old job, craft a role for myself that allows me to focus on the specialized areas that I prefer while setting aside those parts I dislike most, blah blah blah. But now that I’m here, I realize they are hellbent on convincing me to grow beyond what I really want to do and become a company leader/upper management and they don’t care that I have no interest in becoming part of the c-suite. They *say* I am free to choose my path, but then keep pushing me towards goals I told them clearly that I was not interested in before I took the job. I took the job with the understanding that I would not be doing those things, but yet I am now expected to attend all meetings on those topics because I “might find them interesting.” No, no I don’t. And they knew that, agreed to it. And because I’m in so many of those damn meetings I don’t have time to do the job I was actually hired for, so others are doing it.

        Those reports…they are abnormal for our industry and clients have zero interest in viewing or using them because the contents are just junk to them but the boss likes that they contain data that shows how hard our team works, when it really doesn’t. Think something like a t-shirt manufacturer writing up a paper that enumerates the number of manila files they organized each day and whether they contained letter or legal sized paper and how many pages, then giving that report to their wholesale customers along with each and every t-shirt delivery. It’s truly junk data.

    2. I cannot stomach this. The thought of going to work tomorrow has me so distraught I am bawling and can’t sleep. I’m reaching out to old boss in the morning to see if the offer of them always having a place for me still stands. I will carry on as though all is well until I have a new plan firmly in place, but as soon as that happens, f the new job. If old job doesn’t have a role open I will be applying fast and furious to anything and everything just to get out of this madhouse.

      1. This sounds so much worse than I had first thought. Given the additional information, I take back the prior advice. It sounds like the situation goes much deeper than newbie second guessing/feeling out of comfort zone and also beyond interaction with one individual. I’m so sorry if my earlier words added to your stress in any way. From what you’ve described, I’d definitely focus on getting out and finding something where the area you would be spending time aligns much more closely to your interests. If you’re feeling at the point of such a bad fit already, then it’s not worth giving it a shot for a year. There’s a difference between feeling uncomfortable with a new setting vs. feeling uncomfortable with the actual position. It doesn’t even sound like the experience is anything you would see benefit from pursuing. Again, my apologies if I added to any feelings of pressure. Sending all the good vibes for you to get out and be happier somewhere else quickly.

  15. Invited to a destination wedding in Barbados in February and need help navigating the dress code. I’m not a Caribbean resort kind of person so this is all new to me.

    The wedding rehearsal is “resort casual.” What is that?

    The wedding is a church wedding. Attire is described as semi-formal but lightweight because apparently the church is not air-conditioned (but this is February). Should DH have a suit? What should I wear? Short cotton fit and flair or cotton maxi? Something fancier?

    TIA.

    1. Resort Casual – I think of a Lilly shift or printed maxi dress. Like what you’re describing for the wedding maybe. Husband in lightweight pants (linen?) and untucked shirt.

      Wedding – brightly colored silk knee length? For “semi formal” I would assume men would be wearing blazers at MOST, definitely not suits, especially given the location.

      Think of what Meghan and Harry were wearing when they got papped at that Jamaica wedding before they got engaged.

    2. I think Cat’s suggestions are spot on – I would probably wear a Reformation silk dress to both events to be honest.

      And FWIW, although it is February, Barbados will still be very hot (like low to mid 80s during the day).

  16. I took out my first student loan this semester. After grants/scholarships are disbursed and tuition is paid, I am getting a $1,500 refund since my loan was larger than needed (I could have accepted a partial amount but I had to accept it before I knew exactly how much my fees/tuition would be so I just took the whole thing to be on the safe side). Would it be best to immediately take this “refund” and pay it back immediately, like I never even got it? Or should I just treat it like a normal refund, put it into savings, and pay it back when I start paying off my student loans normally? The loan is federally subsidized, and I have a job so I don’t *need* the money to live on but having a bigger emergency cushion is always good and I don’t have 6 months of expenses saved up yet (I’m working on it). What would you recommend?

    1. Go talk to your financial aid office. Typically there is a grace period where you can cancel a portion of the loan, and if your disbursement was for this upcoming spring semester, you probably still have time to cancel $1500 of the loan. If you really don’t need it, there is no need to have that included in your loan amounts. If you pay it back immediately I think interest will still be calculated and charged.

    2. Personally I’d pay it back immediately if it’s financially feasible for you. What is the interest rate?

    3. I recommend paying it back immediately if you don’t truly need it, unless you can earn more in interest in it than your student loans will incur.

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