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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 78 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Quilted Leather Tote

Coffee Break |

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MARC BY MARC JACOBS Quilted Leather ToteYes, boring black — but hey; it's great for a capsule wardrobe. I like the three glowing reviews of this bag, interestingly from women ranging in age from 20-65 — and I think the texture makes it look a lot more lux than it is. Even better, it's on sale: it was $298, but is now marked 40% off to $178. MARC BY MARC JACOBS Quilted Leather Tote Here's a more affordable version. (L-3)

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Comments

  1. Sydney Bristow

    I don’t really like the look of quilted leather. Can’t quite put my finger on the reason why. That being said, I liked the way the quilted leather accents looked on the jacket and skirt from earlier this week.

  2. TBK

    It’s our anniversary next week and we’re having a hard time coming up with something to do. We’re kind of over nice dinners (they’re great, but lately we just don’t feel like it’s the best use of our money). There are no movies we want to see. We’re trying to eat better and be more active generally, and if there were an evening activity we’d be all about that, but we can’t think of anything to do (don’t suggest bowling — we’re both so bad at it that it’s not even fun). If we lived near an amusement park or if there were a carnival nearby, that could be fun. But we don’t and there’s not. It often just feels like the only things to do in the evening are eat and drink. (And we’ve already booked the sitter, so yes it will be an evening thing.) Any ideas?

    • espresso bean

      What about a play, comedy show, non-food-focused festival, or a concert? I don’t know where you live, but there are lots of free concerts in the summer around here. It doesn’t even really matter who you’re seeing — it’s just a fun opportunity to picnic outside.

      • TXLawyer

        I love the idea of a comedy show! If y’all are arty- what about doing one of those BYOB painting nights? Or painting pottery. Sometimes I think it can be fun to embrace your inner child and do a little fun finger painting! Or just get a hotel room (if the sitter can stay overnight) and enjoy a few hours of uninterrupted time together. Or maybe get a couples massage?

        • anon

          On one of our first date nights after having the last of our 3 children, we went to a local spa and got a couples massage and a private, outdoor hot tub. It was incredible. It was so relaxing and really let us reconnect.

          Our most recent date night (our youngest is now 4), we went to a fancy restaurant and the were at a loss about what we should do next! (The kids were going to try their first sleepover at MILs house, but it didn’t work out and we had to go pick them up. Such is life!)

          • anyanony

            Spa sounds lovely.

            How about a museum on the “free” night followed by a picnic? Or an art walk?

    • mascot

      We get in this rut with date nights. Ideas in no particular order: paint/wine class, cooking class, comedy show, small venue live music, visit galleries and window shop, walk around your favorite park and have a picnic, some touristy thing that you haven’t done in your town (museum, tour, etc), progressive dinner (still eating, but fun to customize the courses). What about dave&busters, topgolf, bumper cars, or similar if you want that carnival experience?

    • Ellen

      TBK, I do NOT know how old you are or who your friend’s are, but you can alway’s consider a game of TWISTER. It is GREAT exercise, sexy, and VERY inexpensive and does NOT cost alot of money. You can get it at any game store or on EBAY NEW for less then $20.

      http://www.ebay.com/itm/Twister-Game-New-Free-Shipping-/281568422244?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item418ec92964

      It’s also on the INTERNET. http://www.hasbro.com/twister/en_US/shop/details.cfm?R=C71921FA-5056-900B-10D3-25880E1E5284:en_US

      Dad bought this for mom many year’s ago, and they played it when I was a baby and said that is how Rosa was conceived! But with guest’s you need to keep your clothe’s on. Just a reminder b/c you sound pretty normal. YAY!!!!

      Good luck and congratulation’s for being MARRIED!!!!! DOUBEL YAY!!!

      • anonymous

        I actually really like the twister (or games more generally) suggestion. This is what we do, and it’s a ton of fun.

      • Duchess

        I love this idea. I keep looking for classes to take with my boyfriend, but the classes with foods he will eat never seem to line up our schedules.

    • kc esq

      Now that I need to book a sitter to have a date night, I’ve been missing those super casual hangout dates that we used to have — the nachos, beer, burgers kind of thing. Totally against the healthy aspirations, but is there something that doesn’t scream date night that you’re nostalgic for?

      Or, if you are classier than that: are there any museums open late that have a bar?

    • Famouscait

      Hubby and I did an evening kayak paddle in a state park that was really fun and peaceful. I believe it was timed to a full moon, so it was beautiful, too!

    • dcideas

      Jazz in the Sculpture Garden? Something at Wolftrap or the Kennedy Center?

    • Lobbyist

      Just had out 15 year anniversary and hubby found a place for group ballroom dance lessons. It was odd but fun. Then we went to dinner.

    • CapHillAnon

      For some adrenaline, there are upscale go cart racing places not too far outside the city–Dulles and Jessup, I think. And Sandy Springs, the adventure rope course in Maryland, has night-time climbs that would make for a very cool date.

  3. granny smith

    Vacation time and benefits being equal, would you rather have job A or job B?

    Job A:
    40-45 hours a week 95% of the time, 50ish hours a week a couple weeks a year
    Senior manager level title and salary (high five figures)
    No one to manage
    Fantastic manager (seriously, the best)

    Job B:
    50-60 hours a week most of the time
    Director-level title and salary (well over six figures)
    1-2 direct reports

    I have Job A. I feel like I am supposed to want Job B, but I don’t think I do. Does this make me a slacker? I just enjoy the rest of my life too much to give up more hours to work.

    • anonymous

      If you want job A, keep it. There’s no such thing as being supposed to want something. I personally would be all over job B, but I’m equally unhappy about people telling me to work less/the idea that I should want more family time, kids or whatever as you seem to be about giving up “life” hours. It doesn’t make you a slacker at all; want what you want, go get it, and forget the rest.

    • SSJD

      Granny Smith, I can totally relate! I went to a top business school, have all the makings of an overachieving business woman, but I don’t really want to manage people, I don’t want to work more than 40 hours a week, don’t want work to take over my life. At least, I don’t want those things right now–maybe I never will. (I have four young children and a husband who is building a kick-a$$ career, so in many ways it works out well that I’m happy to be less aggressive about work.) It’s not worth it to me to have more money if I also have to work a lot more.

      Also, I LOVE having a good manager. Sadly, in my career it has only happened one or two times, but it was amazing! If you are happy, don’t let some external notion of what you “should” want push you to make changes you don’t desire. Now, that’s not the same thing as telling yourself you are happy because you are afraid of change (that doesn’t sound like your situation, still I thought I should mention it because I do think it can happen).

      Enjoy Job A!

    • Anon

      I would prefer job A, hands down, but I have kids and would want the extra off work time.

      • Anonymous

        No kids and I’d also want job A. I’d much rather be spending time with my furkid, working out, and socializing to find a guy who may eventually lead to kids, than working to make some extra cash that I’ll end up spending on taxes, dog walkers, housekeepers, and prepared food!

        • Anon

          Hahaha I could have written this, re; dogs and prepared food :)

          I’d stick with Job A, no question!

    • HSAL

      Would you be happy at Job A (or its equivalent) the rest of your life? Is Job B going to be better in the long run for your career? Personally, Job A sounds great to me. I definitely value time over money. If dollars are an important factor, you could try working out what your additional “hourly” rate would be given the increased compensation/increased hours.

    • Lyssa

      I definitely don’t think that makes you a slacker! Job A sounds great, a total win.

      I, personally, would probably seek out B, but mostly because this is more consistent with my personal financial goals (stupid, stupid student loans) and certain aspects of my lifestyle make the extra hours more manageable. But it’s completely a trade-off and I would probably stick with A if not for those two things. My idea of aspirations and goals is that you should strive towards the life that you want, whether that’s extra money, extra time, whatever makes you happy.

    • bridget

      A lot of happiness studies have shown that after $50,000 (or, in HCOL areas and/or with student loans, $75,000), additional money does not result in additional happiness.

      Basically, once you’re able to pay the bills, put some money away for retirement, and handle emergencies, the extra joy from a higher salary is offset by the extra stress of doing what needs to be done to earn that salary.

      I know people who work at high-stress jobs and are happy. They are either just absolute animals – the type you come across very rarely – or they are the breadwinners in their family. (Maybe a family has two breadwinners; it’s not a “sole breadwinner” thing.) When the extra money gets spent on a nicer retirement home for aging grandparents, or horseback riding lessons for your kids, or into a savings account so your kid can choose any college they want and graduate debt-free, extra money means extra happiness.

      If you had said that you were earning about half of what you are, I would suggest taking a look at Job B for at least a few years (it being easier to handle long hours when you’re young than when you’re old). If your life outside of work involved vegging on the couch, I might suggest that at least Job B provides something for you to do for the 16 hours a day that are not normal working hours. But you’re in a very sweet spot right now.

    • Anonymous

      Job A definitely. Who cares what you’re “supposed” to want. You’re the one that has to live your life. If you want Job A, choose Job A!

    • granny smith

      Thanks for your responses. I don’t want to work more, and I definitely don’t want or need more money. I guess I just feel like as a person who grew up always doing well in school and going the extra mile, why am I not doing this at work? But like someone above me said, why work more to just end up having less time to exercise/see friends/date or outsourcing things I enjoy like cooking?

      • ml

        I had job A. I got promoted to job B. After a year, I asked to go back to job A, and it was probably the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

        Unless you enjoy your work so much that the extra hours would be fun for you, the only thing you can’t get any more of is time — spend it doing what you love, not at work!

    • Carrie...

      A

      No question.

      And if you actually LIKE the work/job, it sounds like an absolute fantasy.

    • Anonymous

      You will end up using the extra money to pay for conveniences due to lack of time.

    • An

      I’d take A as I have kids plus hubby has kick ass job. And I have enough savings to tide me over a lot of bad times.

    • Scandia

      Thank you for raising this issue. I guess I am much like you.
      I always did well in everything. I have a job I really like now. Then there is this other job, a potential job. I have the idea that I should be super interested in getting that job, which would almost be like getting my boss job. The problem is that deep down I do not want the kind of work because it involves a lot of people management. Everybody thinks I want to be a leader, because I am a fighter. The thing is I hate the stress of conflicts, get anxiety, cannot sleep, I think about it all the time. I do not want to have the work, but I still would like the title and status.

  4. Downtown NYC obgyn?

    I just found out I’m pregnant and the obgyn that I normally see doesn’t have weekend hours, so I’ll need to find a new one so I can fit all the appointments in with work. Does anyone have recommendations for a TriBeCa/battery park city obgyn?

  5. SSJD

    I really like these little envelope pockets on the Marc Jacobs bags. Have any of you seen them in person? Are they functional, or just decorative? I love it on the bucket bag (and until I saw it online, none of the “on trend” bucket bags appealed to me at all).

    • s in Chicago

      It’s a small snap pocket. (Squee!) And the interior pouch zips out.

      I need another bag like I need a hole in the head, but love both details and lacking all will power today…

  6. Underthings help

    I just stuck my finger through yet another pair of Hanes bought-them-at-Target underwear. I need another option, since it’s not really cheap when I pay $3/pair, but get about 5 uses before the stitching falls out/fails. Any favorites out there? Plus size needed. (like 2x, size 20)

  7. sweater decision?

    I need color help, obviously. I wear cardigans pretty much every day, but I am feeling like I don’t have the right color palette choices for spring/summer. I currently have:

    -black
    -heather grey
    -cobalt blue
    -grey/blue stripe
    -bright purple (orchid-ish)

    Along with these I tend to have mostly grey, cobalt blue and black in the rest of my outfit. If you were going to add one more sweater to this that makes it feel more summery, what would that be? Thanks!!

    (Oh, and I’m wary of white because I am the hugest klutz ever and I am sure I will spill on it a million times before lunch.)

    • Jules

      Or pale pink? I don’t have that many cardigans but realized recently that I own FOUR — two nicer ones, two cheapies — in shades of pink from very soft rose to very light ballet pink. The color goes with black, gray, navy and the few brown items I own. I have one in my office and threw it on yesterday over a dress that had a cobalt and turquoise print and it looked fine, too (at least, for looking presentable in an over-chilled office).

    • Carrie...

      I add white. My color palate is otherwise similar to yours. I also like teal and coral, but wear them at other times of year as well.

    • sweater decision?

      awww, I have a severe pink allergy ;) and I am a Summer so I can’t wear coral, but thanks for all of the great ideas so far! This is a huge help!

      • Anonymousaur

        I’m a summer too… Light lemon yellow (NO butter coloring in it and not too bright). Blue-turquoise (think more cerulean not teal). Red (bright but blue red not orange red or sometimes a watermelon shade can actually work even for summers!).

        • sweater decision?

          oo, super cute ideas! And your color descriptions are also making me hungry as well as inspired, haha

  8. which wedge?

    Help me pick a modern summer wedge! I have my eye on these, all in the nude/natural colors:

    Dolce Vita “Jodi:”
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/dolce-vita-jodi-snake-embossed-leather-wedge-sandal-women/3914430?origin=coordinating-3914430-0-3-PP_3-Rich_Relevance_Recs_API-4&recs_type=coordinating&recs_productId=3914430&recs_categoryId=0&recs_productOrder=3&recs_placementId=PP_3&recs_source=Rich_Relevance_Recs_API&recs_strategy=4&recs_referringPageType=item_page

    Vince Camuto “Xylia”
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-xylia-wedge-sandal-women-nordstrom-exclusive/3930711?origin=coordinating-3930711-0-4-PP_3-Rich_Relevance_Recs_API-4&recs_type=coordinating&recs_productId=3930711&recs_categoryId=0&recs_productOrder=4&recs_placementId=PP_3&recs_source=Rich_Relevance_Recs_API&recs_strategy=4&recs_referringPageType=item_page

    Halogen “Clarette”
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-clarette-suede-wedge-sandal-women/3882261?contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=White&origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&resultback=441&cm_ven=Linkshare&cm_cat=partner&cm_pla=15&cm_ite=1&siteId=QFGLnEolOWg-hWBgCGhECoRM9W6TKHJ4TQ

  10. anonforthis

    I could use advice or commiseration about dealing with my family. For background, I’m married, late 20s, and my husband and I are both doing quite well financially. My brother is 30 and has not been as successful. He has a college degree and a professional certification in a niche field, but he has multiple mental and development issues/illnesses that have made it very difficult for him to get and retain a job. He has large employment gaps and only one good reference, and is currently unemployed.

    My parents, who he still lives with, are at a loss for what to do. They are in their 60s and solidly middle class – they have jobs and can pay their own bills, but don’t have much room for “extras” and hadn’t planned on financially supporting my brother this long. They pay for therapy, etc. for him and try to push him to apply to jobs outside of his niche field and to save money, but it hasn’t worked. For his part, my brother is extremely discouraged (which exacerbates his existing issues) but is hell-bent on finding the “right” job for him and won’t apply to lower-skill jobs.

    My mom has reached out to me because she says she’s desperate to help him but doesn’t know what to do. I’ve provided links to resources that I’ve found online and have offered to help pay for consultants, etc., but I just don’t know what else I can do. I don’t live close by and I don’t have the time or expertise to devote myself to helping my brother. I feel guilty that I’ve been successful and I feel guilty every time my husband and I spend disposable income, since I know my parents are struggling (but they won’t accept money for themselves to live more comfortably). I’m just not sure how to navigate this and preserve my own well-being.

    • Anon

      My brother is in your situation in a lot of ways. Coming from the less financially secure younger sibling (although I live on my own, pay my bills, and sounds like I don’t have as many mental problems- but same general worrying and concerns from him for many years), the last thing your brother probably wants is you to feel guilty. I’ve made my decisions that have lead me down my path and he chose his. If anything, I like to brag about how successful my brother is, and more often than not I feel guilty that my brother will have to pitch in more financially for my parents after their retirement money runs out.

      I don’t have any advice, but all I can say is please stop feeling guilty. He knows he isn’t as successful, and it sounds like he wants to be successful. Hopefully he’ll get there. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and it sounds like you really do care about him, but just don’t have the skill set to help him. That’s really what most people with mental problems need: support from those closest to them. Therapists and social workers are trained to give him the help he needs.

      I do feel for you though =/

    • What Would YOU Like?

      I suspect that my husband and I will be in your position with his kids in 10-15 years (they are college-ish ages now). Older brother has issues like you describe; younger sister still in college but all signs indicate success or at least self-reliance. We think about setting up trusts/leaving inheritances with a financial “babysitter” etc. frequently but haven’t hit on a plan. In part, that is because they are still younger than you all. In part, that is because we don’t know how “bad” it is and what to do about it yet.

      What would be helpful to you? Would you be happier telling your parents “leave whatever you have to him and ask X to be the gatekeeper, I can take care of myself”? What would your preferred outcome be? I ask partially because it might help you decide what to do and partially because I’d like to know what some options might be when ours are further down this path.

      • anonforthis

        I already agreed to give up my inheritance from them so they can establish a trust for my brother when they pass. But for the time being I don’t think it’s an option for them to just give him a lump sum and send him off – they don’t have that kind of cash flow, and I don’t think they could bring themselves to kick him out of the house. In my ideal world they would do the legwork to find a consultant that works with adults with special needs to help them secure employment and succeed socially, and if it’s not ruinously expensive, I’d cover most of the costs. But I don’t know that this is an option.

    • Anon

      You need a social worker. My BIL has developmental disabilities and mental illnesses, and my inlaws were in what sounds like a similar place as your parents for years. He didn’t finish college though, and I don’t think he was close to capable of finishing (or really getting very far at all), so his issues may be much more serious than your brother’s. My BIL was married for a year (unmitigated disaster), and otherwise always lived with his parents. At some point, they realized he may be entitled to some state services because of his disabilities, and they found a state-employed social worker who could walk them through applications and find relevant resources. My BIL now lives in a group home for developmentally disabled adults. Maybe not the right solution for your brother, but there may be job placement, housing assistance, or other services he qualifies for because of his disabilities.

      • Bethany

        This. My parents were in a similar situation with my brother, and getting him a social worker who could help him access services made a huge difference in all their lives. Working with the social worker empowered my brother to make his own decisions and start acting like an adult, and it took the pressure off my parents.

    • Anne

      I think your parents would be much better served paying for therapy for themselves to help them draw appropriate boundaries (whatever they decide those are). They do not owe your brother this, and supporting him really might be to his detriment in the long run, letting his illusions about his career linger on. A good family therapist (your brother shouldn’t go, but a family therapist can help two people navigate their family dynamics) can help your parents decide what is right for them and navigate toward a more calm, sustainable situation.

      • Away Game

        I agree with this. Despite some problems – and obviously I do not have any real idea of your brother’s medical situation nor how serious his condition – it sounds like your brother is functional enough to have made it through college and a certification program. He may be able to hold a job but needs to decide for himself what he’s willing to take and keep as employment. I agree also with previous posters that he should be working with a social worker to guide him to services, if his condition merits and he’s willing. I’m not sure there is a consultant – or anyone – out there who can really work with him on social and other issues if he’s not willing to make some serious sacrificies to his own comfort level; not necessarily taking a job at McDonalds but knowing that there may well not be a perfect job out there for him and show that he’s willing to adjust to a job that may not always be interesting or may include irritating coworkers or imperfect bosses. (Um, the world most of us live in, in other words. How many readers here have always worked in the “perfect” situation?)

        Meanwhile, your parents are supporting him for their own reasons, so this had to be their call. Is it important enough to them that your brother be working at something (even if it’s folding t-shirts) or are they willing to support him until he can find a job *he* deems perfectly suitable to his aspirations? Only your parents can make that decision, and it sounds like they really could use some professional guidance to help them think this through. Right now, it doesn’t seem to me that your brother has any incentive to take care of himself, so why would he accept a job that is “beneath” him or stay in one he doesn’t like?

  11. yup

    I have an awesome opportunity for a new job, but nothing is for sure yet. Meanwhile, at my current job, I have an awesome opportunity to do a big oral argument after I do all of the briefing. If the new job happens, it’ll start right before the argument, so someone else will have to cover with about two weeks notice. Is that okay?

    • Hollis

      First get the awesome opportunity and then worry about everything else later. You may need to do a background check, etc. and things may take longer than expected. Just keep your head down, and if you have this problem, it’s a good problem to have since it sounds like you want to do the big oral argument. In that case, can you ask for a later starting date?

  12. Anonymous

    So my supervisor wants me to take it to the next level on managing and working with an increasing workload due to lots of changes in the area where I practice (compliance, but I’m not a lawyer)

    He’s suggested that a job coach would be a good boost & help with establishing processes since I just handle things as they arise, and get them done. I feel that I can do things professionally and this will be an asset/helpful. Though the hourly rate is making me blink.

    So, who here has worked with a job coach? What was it like? How did you make the most of it?

    • Hollis

      Will you have to pay for it yourself? I think that if the supervisor is suggesting it and it is for the benefit of the company, the company should be paying for the cost?!?

      • Anonymous

        No, they are paying for it – it’s my weird sense of I-want-this-to-be-worth-it, is all

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