Coffee Break: Phoebe Flat

115 Comments

1. I’m extra glad that Kristy Noem is out of DHS. Anyone else?

   1. She’s small potatoes.

   2. I mean, I’m not going to participate in a pile on re recent news. She deserves prosecution for her behavior in office and I’m glad she’s out for that reason alone.

      1. I’m the OP. The issue is the susceptibility to blackmail.

         1. I am glad she is out of DHS due to her misconduct in that role, and I am extra glad she is likely poisoned by recent news such that she is unelectable and unlikely to be confirmed in the future.

         2. Do you think all the child diddlers aren’t being actively blackmailed?

            1. Huh, I don’t know where I said anything like that.

            2. Why would they bother paying in places where they’re not going to face any consequences either way?

         3. Susceptibility to blackmail requires shame. She has none. I honestly don’t really think she cares.

      2. Love this place. Happy to pile on someone attending a funeral or whatever. Definitely not happy to pile on Kristi Noem and her weird husband though!

         1. He’s not responsible for her despicable actions. I’m not even sure they qualify as a real couple w Corey in the background.

            1. She’s not responsible for his, either!

         2. She’s a terrible person, without a doubt. This seems to be mostly making fun of her husband though, and I’m not sure he deserves. He’s not a public figure and I don’t care about his s3xual proclivities.

            1. Anyone who does that deserves to be made fun of, no matter who they’re married to. Happily, room to make fun of both people!

            2. Yeah, I’m a gay woman who left DHS during her reign of terror. I am obviously not a fan of hers but if he does truly feel like a woman and wants to explore that I’m uncomfortable with the way the media is portraying this whole story.

            3. Anonymous, is there something you are trying to say? I don’t see that her husband did anything that is even remotely any of our business.

            4. Yes, I’m saying that what he did was weird. If you want to pretend that dudes fetishizing absurdist caricatures of women is not weird, enjoy giving men permission to mock you for their own sexual gratification all you want. But it’s essentially the gender-based version of a racist caricature, and I’m sure you’d be judging him if he was leaning into that as his kink instead.

      3. Ayfkm
         The husband? Such a hit job. Shows you what you get if you get into bed with trumps.

         She’s a disgrace.

   3. I hope she feels absolutely humiliated, it’s the least she deserves.

   4. Because of her husband being a cross dresser? That’s the least awful thing about her!

      1. Right. Doesn’t even break the top ten list of what she should actually be ashamed of.

   5. So it is bad when a Republican cross dresses?

      1. When Republicans make a platform out of transphobic filth, then it’s “bad” insofar as it’s bad for the brand.

         Kristi Noem is a garbage person. Her husband’s desires are both uninteresting and no one’s business. But of course people are going to get all opinionated about that rather than deal with the government’s grotesque dehumanization practices and policies, led by Noem and others.

      2. Yes.

         1. Grow up and be less bigoted.

2. I have been asked to lead a book club that will be open to our law student summer associates (interns), associate attorneys, and partners. I am looking for a short, fairly non-controversial book – could be non-fiction or fiction. No poetry. The last choices were a book about delegation and a book titled Culpability (risk/self-driving car fiction story). The suggested topics so far are a book about nurses working at abortion clinics with protestors, Moby Dick, and a book about women bearing the emotional and mental load in their romantic relationships. I don’t want to do any of those. (Not objecting but I just don’t want to lead/corral those discussions). Any suggestions? 150 pages would be …amazing. 300…not so much, even if fast read.

   1. what about a classic children’s book? charlotte’s web or trumpeter of the swan..

      1. Please don’t do this.

      2. I wouldn’t do this. I have kids and have enjoyed re-reading some kids books with them but would hate to do it for a book club, especially at work. And it kind of leans into the ‘woman = mommy’ association which is not the best thing for work.

   2. On the Calculation of Volume, Vol. 1, by Solvej Balle is 176 pages and I found it completely riveting. It’s about a woman who finds herself trapped in a Groundhog Day-type situation. Very quiet, probably not for everybody, but it’s gotten a lot of press and if people like it there are two more volumes that have been translated into English and something like four more to come after that.

   3. kitchens of the great midwest (restaurants, family dynamics, absentee mom), the tennis partner (feel like this would appeal to law, about a doctor, resident, tennis, addiction), or North Woods (time lapse of a new england cabin and the people who lived there) are all interesting but would generate work-safe discussions. They’re all quick reads to me but closer to 300 pages than 150! I’m not sure how many adult books are that short!

      1. +1 north woods was such a quiet and lovely read.
         Although as I type that o don’t picture a bunch of summer associates reading and discussing it.

   4. I have another suggestion in mod, but the first volume of the Murderbot Diaries, All Systems Red, is 156 pages and it’s super fun.

      1. +1 for Murderbot

         It’s short, available as a great audibook and has recently been dramatised.

         It’s told from the POV of an AI character, the bot, and there are lots of opportunities to discuss Ai, ethics and choices – but mostly – it’s very funny!

   5. does anyone actually want to be in a book club? this sounds like another thing a female employee was voluntold to do that the summer associates will feel pressured to participate in

      1. +1

      2. Oh my goodness. Great point.

      3. I feel like summer associates being pressured to participate is the point, so that they think out loud with each other on different subjects.

      4. oh man so much this. This is like… assigned summer reading for school, not fun!

         1. I doubt it’s really supposed to be fun (or fully voluntary!)

         2. It’s better than making everyone read business/leadershp books, which my employer (public university) used to do. I wouldn’t say I’d *enjoy* reading bland non-controversial fiction and discussing it at work, but fiction >>>> business books!

            also off topic but I thought Culpability was really good!

      5. This. My company started a social book club over lunch open to anyone interested, but it quickly turned into a junior women being voluntold to organize extracurriculars circus.

      6. +10,000. I love to read and do so daily for fun. I also enjoyed being a summer and then entertaining summers when I was an associate. But this sounds miserable to me – as either a summer or a lawyer.

         1. Our office tried a book club for awhile. I learned very quickly, within the first few meetings, that I didn’t want to discuss books with coworkers! It limped along for six months before disbanding.

   6. The House on Mango Street.

   7. My law school had us read “The Remains of the Day” before our 1L year, on the theory that we should consider what it means to have duties to a job versus to our own moral compass.

   8. How about “My Prizes: An Accounting” by Thomas Bernhard

      It’s short, very dry humor, about the author collecting various prizes for his literary works but also making himself an absolute menace as he cares very little for anything but monetary appreciation.

   9. Smart Brevity: The Power of Saying More with Less, by Jim VandeHei, Mike Allen, and Roy Schwartz.
      Super quick read.

   10. Oh we talked about a book club at my firm. The clear winner was doing an Agatha Christie novel!

   11. Never Split the Difference. A master class in negotiating.

   12. Running With Sherman by Chris McDougal was a recent book our work book club read. Its about a guy rehabbing a donkey and running a race, and is about bonding with animals and other people. It’s a quick read and you can even watch videos starring Sherman.

   13. Harry’s Trees was pretty innocuous while still being an enjoyable read. “A grieving widower, a determined girl, a courageous librarian and a mysterious book come together in an uplifting tale of love, loss, friendship and redemption.”

   14. The Wedding People is the only book club book I enjoyed in 2025.

   15. I vote for On Bullsh*t. Short but dense, enjoyable, appropriate for the task.

   16. It’s 368 pages but what The Ministry of Time? It’s a fun read, could lead to some fun history related discussions, enough food for thought on ethics, but not enough to get hairy.

       1. I have a lot of beef with this book, and would absolutely not recommend it, not least because there’s sex scenes and we’re talking about a co-worker book club.

3. TLDR: how much does weekly activity vs daily activity matter?

   I’ve gotten into a solid gym routine lately – and find that once I’m at the gym, it’s easy for me to do a full, long workout. I’d rather spend two hours at the gym every other day than 45 minutes every day, for example. On my non-gym days, I’m still taking the dog for walks but that’s about it. If I actually want to see results, do I need to suck it up and get into a more consistent daily routine, or is alternating effective?

   (I know diet is a big factor, but really just curious about the fitness side of it).

   1. Eric topl (aging expert) just shared a study on Bluesky about this – vigorous exercise was better but limited study

   2. What type of workouts are you doing? Pretty much every workout program I’ve ever done alternates workout and active recovery/light activity days (so M-W-F workout (and within those, it’s usually leg day, arm day, full body day), T-Th-Sat walk or yoga or whatever light activity you want, Sun true rest day), so unless by “full, long workout” you just mean walking on the treadmill, I think this is fine.

   3. I think as long as it’s consistent (like 1 epic gym session a week won’t undo 6 days of being a couch potato) you’re fine.

      I personally prefer going hard (or doubling up workouts) and having more days off.

   4. I think you’d be fine with every other day but I personally prefer doing something, even if it’s just a local walk, every single day. Works better for me for habit maintenance and also general mobility.

   5. I struggle with hitting daily workout goals, especially when I am in seasons of chaos. Weekly totals are much more doable and enjoyable for me.

      I would love it if the Apple Fitness app let you set goals by week rather than by day. Instead of feeling guilty for missing my workout goal 5 days in a row and then knocking it out of the park on weekends, I would be motivate to get “just a few minutes” whenever I can fit it in so I get to that total.

4. Working on a regular menu of basic meals to make weeknights easier and one night is going to be fish tacos, but I’m in need of a sauce recipe that isn’t mayo-based to jazz things up a bit. Any faves? Two adults and one toddler.

   1. Maybe something along the lines of Siete’s Botano sauce?

   2. I just like storebought pico de gallo on my fish tacos.

   3. salsa? sour cream? guac?

      1. Sorry, I should have added that this would be in addition to sliced avocado and salsa. I’ve had some great sour cream based sauces at restaurants but don’t have any home recipes.

         1. Add some pickled red onions and you’re all set.

   4. I make the pinch of yum “best easy fish tacos” all the time. The fish is baked in butter/lime/chili powder/garlic powder which is usually saucy enough I don’t feel I need any other sauces if I’m also adding avocado/salsa/something pickled.

   5. With fish tacos I do crema and then a pickled cabbage/jalapeno, like a vinegar-based coleslaw.

   6. cilantro lime sauce with a sour cream base or a cilantro lime chutney are options

      1. Recipe?

   7. My very flexible recipe: 1 C plain greek yogurt or sour cream or combo. (I add a bit of mayo for creaminess, but you do you.) Handful of cilantro. 1-2 ripe avocados. A few teaspoons of powdered ranch dressing mix or more to taste. Add water to desired consistency. Blitz in my smoothie blender. Sub in taco seasoning mix for the ranch dressing if you prefer.

      1. Different poster, but I mix the sour cream + some mayo for texture and lots lots of fresh squeezed lime that also thins it out nicely. Adding garlic powder and siracha at this step is also nice depending on your preference.

         I also keep frozen fresh shrimp in my freezer and use that frequently instead of fish.

   8. For fish tacos I always make a mix of diced pineapple from a can, red onion and cilantro

   9. Plain greek yogurt, fresh lime juice, cilantro.

   10. Thanks everyone!

5. Ya’ll, I’m tired of work. I’m tired of addressing the same problems over and over. I’m tired of the jargon-filled language that people use to say not very much at all. I’m tired of trying to be professional at all times and putting a smile on my face when I’m not feeling it. I’m tired of feeling like what I do used to matter, but really doesn’t anymore. I am tired of spending my best hours at someone else’s beck and call. I’m tired of pulling off massive projects and never getting a thank you in return. I’m tired of big leadership changes every couple of years and needing to start over. If I hear the term “strategic plan” one more time, I’m going to vomit.

   Am I burned out? Yeah, probably. Taking vacation is only a temporary distraction from something that feels a lot more existential. I hate how cynical I’ve become, and at this point it’s practically a habit. Would love some thoughts on pulling myself out of this awful cycle.

   1. Following! I could have written this. It’s not just you. Unsure if this is just common mid-career or the current economy/macro factors or both. Similarly curious for others’ thoughts.

   2. I recently had the realization that I need to reshape my days a bit to give my best hours to my family and exercise/health, not to work. I’m tired of family time and workout time getting the shortest shrift. I’m still working out exactly how to adjust my schedule but it’s going to include more time outside in daylight hours when it’s nice and cool, for one, and less time rushing my toddler off to daycare so I can be at my desk by a certain time.

      1. I would love to know what you come up with!

         1. One thing that will help is moving – we’ve badly outgrown our rental. If I can have a dedicated workspace that isn’t also the toddler’s bedroom, I can work more in the morning before he’s up and then have a window to go work out because I’ve already put in some billable time.

   3. … at least you have a strategic plan?
      I’m joking of course – I’m sorry you’re going through this and I am right there with you. The absolute trash job market makes me feel so trapped. I try to practice gratitude, I try to plan fun things outside of work – but sometimes work just sucks!

      1. For what it’s worth, I used to feel this way – trapped in a terrible job market, with colleagues who openly called me “the diversity hire”, and a totally new corporate strategy every 6 months – for a while, every single time I took a day off, I’d come back to learn all of my projects were cancelled. And then one day, I came back after a long weekend and found out my role had been cancelled, and I was initially SO relieved to just be out of there. And after applying to hundreds of jobs …I’m sorry to say I would go back to that place if I could. It’s really rough out there. Don’t mean to be discouraging but, at least they’re paying you?

         1. Fair point, and I do think about this often. I don’t know that I can do any better than where I’m at.

   4. Options:
      Super physical, concrete hobby where you can directly see the result (woodworking, painting, pottery)

      Pick a regular volunteer thing and do it. Don’t try to optimize it (Ie. Just show up and serve sandwiches; rather than trying to be on the board of the food security lobby group)

      Help a person you actually know.

   5. Copilot-generated blather makes it all even worse. Like, did you the sender even READ what you just sent?

      1. I’m so sick of one coworker who uses Claude as a substitute for using his brain for two seconds. He literally can’t generate an original thought anymore – someone will say “what’s a nice title for our presentation” and he’ll IMMEDIATELY plug it into Claude.

      2. AI opposing counsel is the absolute worst.

   6. I feel like this even though I am only two months into my new job. I think not every workplace is like this?

      1. I think I’ve been here too long, TBH.

   7. I have days where I feel like this – luckily, not yet the majority of days, but sometimes everything about my job feels absolutely meaningless.

      I think this is common mid-career, when you have enough experience under your belt to see through the never-ending cycles of corporate b/s.

      I try to practice gratitude, find one or two things that I like about my job, or did well, or something interesting that I learned. It took an effort and a coach encouraging me to journal to find that gratitude, though.

      Also, being outside every single day and letting your mind be quiet, just listening to nature, birds, the wind.

   8. I could have written this, and for me the solution was quitting and starting my own business. There were some specific undesirable things about my old job that potentially could have been remedied in a different corporate job, but I think fundamentally I was burned out on working for other people and wanted to be my own boss. I now work harder for lower pay but am so much happier because I only have to answer to myself, I have complete autonomy over my schedule and there’s a direct correlation between how much I work and how much money I earn.

      Caveat that my income funds discretionary spending and pads our savings; we don’t need it to put food on the table. That certainly makes the whole thing less stressful and also allows me to turn down clients who seem like they’d be terrible to work with. If you have no choice in clients then it’s sort of like being at the whims of a bad boss.

   9. Ditto, all the way.

6. Update on my search for seamless underwear to replace the PINK hipsters:
   Best: Honeydew S/M hipster 3 pack (No r d s t r o m Rack) – good weight, doesn’t roll down, very comfortable.
   Pretty good: Women’s Invisible Edge Laser Cut Hipster Underwear – Auden (T ar g et) – these have substantial seams on the side, but are comfortable and well cut. Pantiliners do not stick well.
   Also pretty good: SHARICCA hipsters from a ma z o n, weird kind of papery lining but otherwise comfortable. Lining also makes pantiliners not stick particularly well.
   OK: un i q lo airism, too much c r o t c h coverage and too sheer
   Bad: lu lu le m o n hipsters – they have a thick seam on the top and create a muffin top, no thanks.
   Did not try: Natori (too expensive and they have lace on the top which I find itchy), aerie (no hipster cut, only ‘cheeky’)

   1. What’s with all the odd spacing? You can say Nordstrom, Target, and Uniqlo.

   2. Old Navy seamless. They’re cheap, they work, they last.

   3. This reads like Spongebob wrote it and yet there are no tighty-whities mentioned.

7. Would you please share your favorite NA cocktail/seltzer-type drinks? I like a lot of flavors, esp fruit and ginger or herby, but open – it does not have to be a perfect dupe for a particular cocktail but that’s fine – something that has some calming effect ingredients is a great bonus but not necessary, and no cannabis or hemp ingredients for me.

   1. I have had two different canned NA Aperol spritzes that were very good. Can’t remember the brands, though.

      Another idea is to buy all the flavors of bitters (Fee Brothers is NA) and add them to seltzer. I like mint bitters and also chocolate ones in seltzer.

   2. The lemon and lime mintade recipe from Smitten Kitchen

   3. I got Bittercube bitters as part of a 2020 Zoom networking event and they are the best thing to come out of that year. (Not completely NA of course, but you don’t use much to get a ton of flavor.) Chipotle Cacao is my fave.

      1. Oh, yeah, I just finished. grapefruit on I got in a spice club box. I didn’t realize they got this interesting!

   4. For winter I boil lemon rind, lemon, cinnamon sticks, sliced ginger, cloves for an hour or so, add honey at the end, and maybe some rum.

      1. Obviously minus the rum for NA!

   5. I just discovered the St. Agrestis NA Phony Negroni and really enjoyed it! I like the Athletic Brewing Salt and Lime which tastes more cocktail than beer to me.

   6. Hop Wtr is a seltzer with calming ingredients. I think mango and grapefruit flavors the best.

   7. Mocktail Club spritz, and also Sanbitter soda if you like a bitter cocktail

   8. Lime cordial with a slice of lemon. Umbrella optional.

   9. Shrubs are nice added to a seltzer or tonic water.

      1. Yes! Along those lines, a place near me sells a blackberry ginger balsamic vinegar that is divine mixed with seltzer

   10. Figlia non- alcoholic apertivo. They are herbal elixirs that are nice mixed with soda or tonic and a citrus twist.

   11. Paloma, sans tequila:

       Grapefruit soda OR grapefruit juice + seltzer water
       lime juice
       a little bit of honey (or simple syrup) for sweetness, if you like.
       salt or sugar on the rim of the glass, if you like.

8. Harry’s Trees was pretty innocuous while still being an enjoyable read. “A grieving widower, a determined girl, a courageous librarian and a mysterious book come together in an uplifting tale of love, loss, friendship and redemption.”

9. Thanks for the Nordstrom tip; it’s so much easier to deal with returns to them.

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