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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Carolyn Sequin Tweed Jacket and Shorts

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A woman wearing a gray sequined jacket and shorts set

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’ve been practicing law for nearly two decades, and I always tell younger attorneys that for court and other formal appearances, you want something that’s conservative and understated. This tweed jacket/short set from ASTR the Label is right on target. Perfect for oral arguments, trials, and other situations where you want the focus to be on your client and the issues. 

The jacket is $98.40, marked down from $168, at Nordstrom and comes in sizes S-L. The coordinating shorts are $53.55, but sadly only available in size medium.

Sales of note for 4/17:

  • Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
  • Ann Taylor – Cyber Spring! 50% off everything + free shipping
  • Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
  • Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
  • Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
  • Express – $29 dresses
  • J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
  • Loft – Friends & Family event, 50% off entire purchase + free shipping
  • Macy's – 25% off already reduced prices + 15% off beauty & fragrance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Spring Sale Event – Buy More, save more! 10% off $250+, 15% off $500+, 20% off $750+, 25% off $1000+ (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off if you find any exclusions.)
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  • TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
  • Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

221 Comments

  1. I know it’s an april 1 pick but the jacket would be cute if it were like an ottoman or waffle material (and no sparkles obviously)

    2. I was going to say this is pretty tame for an April Fool’s pick given some in the past. The jacket is totally wearable by itself.

    3. Hugs from the hospitalist. This was the right thing to do! Hopefully they find something reversible. The MRI is a very good thing to check, even if they have to sedate her for it. Please hold tight to the fact that getting her help was the ethical thing to do in this situation. Heaven forbid there is something wrong that can be fixed, she couldn’t understand it, and you never got her help. She is lucky to have people who care enough to do the uncomfortable thing.

      If this leads to a diagnosis of dementia, which is not reversible, then you will still be in a better position to care for her with the resources the hospital and social workers can provide.

    4. I agree — I would wear the jacket to a party!

      Years ago a friend and I used to dream about starting our own firm, and we always said the dress code would include Sequin Friday!

  3. Update on my 75 year old mom who hasn’t been herself for weeks now but has been refusing to get out of car for bloodwork/doctor. Dad called local emergency services. After 30 minutes and a call to a psychiatrist they got the go ahead to carry her out screaming at the top of her lungs. I’m told it was awful.

    By the time I got to hospital she was calm again and didn’t seem to bear us any ill will. They kept her overnight (also against her will); today she’s seeing neurologist, geriatrician I think, and getting an MRI. (Unfortunately?) all of her tests yesterday came back normal.

    Thanks again to everyone here who’s offered advice or support.

    1. That takes a lot of courage. I hope today’s appointments provide you and your family with some answers and comfort.

    2. Unpopular opinion here but I think families should have more rights to take their relatives in for medical treatment against their will (for evaluation, not long-term commitment). It’s something I’ve thought deeply about after experiences I wouldn’t wish on anyone else. Individual rights are not the only important measure in life. You did the right thing.

      1. I disagree. People should be allowed to be stubborn and willful and pay those costs accordingly.

        1. People with dementia or schizophrenia aren’t being “stubborn and willful,” but keep on advertising your ignorance if you like!

          1. Prolonging their death via having the medical system ensure other conditions do not proceed is not always a kindness, speaking as someone who witnessed a relative extend the life of their spouse who had both dementia and colon cancer. While I think palliative and comfort care would have been beyond appropriate, at a certain point, invasive treatments on a dementia patient for an illness everyone involved knows is probably terminal is simply cruel.

          2. That is a completely separate issue. OP is searching for a diagnosis for her mother, not for life -extending opportunities when she knows a terminal illness is present.

          3. To be clear, I’m not saying at all that this is OP’s situation. I’m just saying family is not always in the best position to evaluate. On the other hand, the same relative that refused to let his wife go peacefully also refused to keep up with his cardiology appointments, and we would’ve loved to be able to compel him to do that, because they were low intervention appointments and medications that would have extended his life. But I think he had the right to choose to let his body take its course without medical intervention. I just wish he’d let his wife’s body make its own choice, too.

            It’s all hard as a family member. I have kids, and I try to tell myself that when I am old and they tell me to go to a doctor, I will. But clearly pride and love and fear of mortality get in the way, and I can only hope I remember the pain of watching someone choose to do too much medically for his wife and too little medically for himself.

          4. I get that. I’m replying to the person saying that family should have more rights to haul people in for medical care. I don’t think that’s true absent a declaration of incompetency.

          5. It’s damn near impossible to get a declaration of incompetency. The courts would rather let your confused and totally not himself father die in a house fire of his own making before granting that. Obviously that’s an unacceptable outcome to many of us.

        2. This is a horrible comment. If you ever have a high fever and are disoriented do you want your family to just leave you untreated?

          1. If you’ve never been in this position, it can be pretty hard to understand. The absolute last thing I wanted in my entire life was to be managing my family member’s completely unexpected mental health crisis. I would’ve paid $1000 a minute to not have to “control him.” That was never my motivation. Not letting him die a violent death when he wasn’t in his right mind was.

          2. That’s not what I’m talking about. Read a thousand of these threads where someone turns 70 and people want to take over their lives.

          3. Well then make your comment in those threads. It is not appropriate for someone who likely has brain dysfunction due to untreated psychiatric illness or a progressive neurologic degenerative condition.

          4. It’s also not always either psychiatric or a progressive neurologic degenerative condition. Brain dysfunction can be something like an infection or autoimmune disease that can get worse without a timely intervention, but the patient can still recover fully if they get help. It’s really not okay to say that they they made their bed and can lie in it in this situation.

        4. This is some real Puritan-level disciplinary thinking — “they should pay the costs accordingly” is really vicious.

          1. It really isn’t. Many people don’t want to be interfered with. There’s a cost associated with that.

          6. It’s just ignorant. How many stroke patients will swear up and down that they’re fine and don’t need help? And yet dragging then to the hospital can be the difference between full recovery and severe harm or death.

        5. Stubborn and willful is in now way equivalent to can’t think rationally due to dementia or severe mental illness. Leaving people experiencing the latter to “pay those costs accordingly” is cruel and uncaring.

      2. I was never brought anywhere against my will, but I have had family intervene when a misdiagnosis and inappropriately prescribed meds left me frankly too drugged up to take the initiative to seek help on my own. Obviously after that experience I am not a fan of people being medically treated against their will! The doctors I was seeing at the time would never have figured out their mistakes and were probably not familiar with very treatable medical condition I ended up really having. But I did need someone who actually cared about me to intervene when I wasn’t in a position to advocate for myself. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge how easily illness can interfere with our thinking, and there are meds that look effective mainly because they are effective at getting a patient to stop complaining and seeking help they still need. I’m so grateful the people in my life didn’t put my autonomy on a pedestal or just judge me for not doing better on my own back then.

        1. Agree completely. These things are challenging and doctors can make mistakes. Trusted family absolutely can and should help and sometimes help looks like “forcing” a path.

          1. Co-signing. When a parent was declining, who had a living will in place and a terminal condition, we kept thinking if we got treatment, we could have a very clear discussion of “is now when you get discharged to hospice” (in this instance, a place you stay in that is really tranquil and actually nice) vs just sending her there and having her become lucid, but when alone and surprised. It was just so hard to know if that would ever happen. Insurance would pay for a trial of subaccute rehab (there was initially hyponatriemia and then a feeding tube, which initially brought some lucidity and improvement). Then she got facility-acquired COVID shut down the ability of the parents to see each other and it just got so much worse and was very hard for the other parent to suffer along. It was so, so, so awful. I have strong opinions about the process now, including how it is better to always be pre-gaming your likely next steps a bit with the loved ones who will need to make that happen. Not to excess, but so they have permission to do what you want them to do vs feeling like they need you to be lucidly on board (because that may never really happen). You just try to do your best and be better prepared for the next time.

      3. Along a similar line, I wish that my state had a straight forward process for being able to take away a driver’s license. With my grandparents in Canada, the doctors plus continuing driving tests did it naturally, but in my state in the US, there is no easy way to restrict a 90 year old from driving.

        1. I used to have an assigned parking spot next to an elderly man who told me that he didn’t have depth perception anymore so could I please make sure I parked as far to the left in my spot as possible so he didn’t scrape me when he parked on the right. My state’s DMV only allows physicians to report people who need to lose their license, but if you can’t park in a (very wide) spot, I think it’s time. His car was coated in paint from what I assume were poles and other cars he’d sideswiped. Just really felt like I should have been able to tell someone that he absolutely should not be driving anymore.

          1. USA simply doesn’t want to open the box of people who should not be driving. It includes too many working age people, and we don’t have alternatives for enough of them.

        2. In some states, you can alert the DMV and they will make the person come back in to be retested. I did this with no qualms whatsoever with a family member who was unsafe on the road.

          1. I knew a 90-something woman who ended up shopping around for a driving test service that would pass her. She’d had a stroke, and she didn’t give two hoots if she had another one while driving. She also couldn’t turn her head due to widow’s hump. When it got to the point that she was asking people to park her car at shops and restaurants, we took her license away and sold her car. Was she pissed!

      4. I agree and would love to know the ages and experience of those arguing against. Medication issues are so common with aging (and more so now as the population has increasing comorbidities and higher pharma use overall). Even something seemingly small as a UTI can completely affect someone’s judgment. This was my recent weekend: My mother chose to be prematurely released from the hospital against my wishes after a knee replacement while her nerve block was still active and she was heavily drugged. The decision was made without talking to me, and discharge instructions were given to her before I arrived. Within an hour of being home, she injured herself trying to move a 400-pound lift chair, believing she had super strength, then vomited because she was the only one who received instructions about pain medicine and took too much. A few hours later as the block wore off, the PAIN set in. We wound up hours in an emergency room because they had sent her home with no pain medicine other than two oxy (something I would have noticed but she didn’t because, again, drugged that morning and all of the decisions and instructions were done through her directly). Not a single one of these things would have happened had she been in her right mind at the time. But these are all just examples of where you’re vulnerable when you’re not thinking straight. I think people have a false sense of how safe they are. Reality is that systems aren’t in place to have others help you when you’re too out of it to realize what’s in your own interest. And my mom wasn’t even all that argumentative.

        1. There’s a reason why you have to be picked up after a minor procedure with general anesthesia.
          Heck, the colonoscopy papers I had to sign included a warning of not making any big decisions (like getting a loan, buying something expensive or doing investments) in the 24 hours after the anesthesia.

      5. Agreed. I don’t understand why we can involuntarily commit someone if their situation is a Crisis but there isn’t some intermediate step for a little-c crisis to prevent the situation from becoming a Crisis. I don’t think we should take people’s freedom for a crisis but I do think some lesser intervention – like making them go to a doctor – could be really helpful.

      6. For the cheap seats in the back, you cannot control other people. Just because they choose something different than you would, their choices stress you out, whatever, it is not your call. What you get to do is be a trusted voice which happens over a lifetime of having a relationship. I have been through this many times with parents and in-laws and the sooner people understand this, the better your own mental health will be. I repeat, people have agency and they may make different decisions than you would.

        1. The trust build over a lifetime of having a relationship means nothing if someone is not in their right state of mind. I don’t know what agency means for someone who isn’t thinking straight, but it actually is our call whether to call emergency services for someone who is unwell and refusing help while seeming not themselves. That is one of the things we’re being trusted to do as part of that lifetime relationship.

          I have been through this with people in my life too; they declined help when they had treatable medical conditions. Once they were back in their right minds, they were very grateful to have gotten help. They weren’t able to seek help on their own because of the confusion from the medical issue that was happening.

    5. I’m so sorry you and your family are having to do this — that must have been gut-wrenching for your dad (and distressing for your mom!). I’m so proud of all of you for making these very hard decisions and phone calls, when there just aren’t any simple solutions.

    6. Hugs from the hospitalist. This was the right thing to do! Hopefully they find something reversible. The MRI is a very good thing to check, even if they have to sedate her for it. Please hold tight to the fact that getting her help was the ethical thing to do in this situation. Heaven forbid there is something wrong that can be fixed, she couldn’t understand it, and you never got her help. She is lucky to have people who care enough to do the uncomfortable thing.

      If this leads to a diagnosis of dementia, which is not reversible, then you will still be in a better position to care for her with the resources the hospital and social workers can provide.

    7. Oh, how wonderful your father got this ball rolling. I didn’t realize he was there with her. Well done in encouraging this road, daughter. Well done.

      One day at a time. Will be thinking of you and your Mom and Dad today.

    8. OP, I am thinking of you and your family. The judgement here and the righteousness and “I would never…” moralism displayed by some commenters is not warranted.

      OP, in your various posts over the last few days you sounded considerate, self-aware, and reflected. Not at all like someone who just nilly-willy wants control over their aging parent. Honestly, which middle-aged child of elderly parents, probably with their own kids and life to take care of, wants MORE stuff added to their plates if they don’t have to???

      No one who is not in your specific situation can judge your mom’s change in character, severity, and how the previous attempts to go to a doctor have failed.

      There is no 100% right thing to do anyways, and I think commenters should assume good will on your part.

  4. Would you pay $100 a month extra for being able to pick the car colour, sunroof, larger trunk with electronic opening, heated windscreen, heat pump & a few other features? This is still a saving of $65 a month on my current car each month. (Four year commitment to the car). Other option is a saving of $165 but the more basic model.

    1. No, but are these features worth $100 a month to you based on your budget and how much time you spend in the car?

      1. I don’t care a lot, but my commute and drives are really short. Back when it was >1 hour each way every day, I liked to be in a car that really worked for me. Especially if I had to de-ice it in the winter.

    2. car color wouldn’t matter to me.
      I like a sunroof.
      Trunk space doesn’t matter to me.
      I don’t know what a heat pump on a car is.
      Heated windshield would be nice, because I live in an icy climate.
      All in all, for me these features wouldn’t be worth an extra $4800. But that’s me. And I’m not you. It sounds like you want these features and are looking for permission to spend the extra? If so, permission granted!

    5. The only thing from your list I’d spend more money on would be car color. (Other things not on your list I’d pay more for is heated seats and remote start). But probably not to the tune of ~$5k. It would be pretty dependent on what the color of the more basic car was.

      1. I turned down a car that was $5k cheaper because the color was so awful. It looked radioactive- you could see that thing from outer space. Aside from being an eyesore I don’t want a memorable car for security reasons.

        1. I don’t necessarily want a super memorable car, but I do always choose a brighter color because I like being able to easily spot my car in parking lots, and recently paid a little extra for blue v. gray. My husband drives a gray Toyota, and so often it’s one of several identical looking cars parked in a row!

          1. To me that’s a feature, not a bug! A car in my area has a funky paint job and I’ve learned this stranger’s habits without trying. Even if it doesn’t escalate to a safety issue a noticeable paint job can limit your privacy.

          2. I think this really requires a unique, very memorable car color or a very small town. I have one of the less popular colors for my car and rarely see another in a parking lot. But it is still not that unique a car and no one is going to memorize my routine by seeing my car in a busy, huge urban area.

          3. I think I’ve really only done this when it’s a custom paint color, not one of the colors the car is sold in. There’s no color you can buy a car in that stands out that much. Unless maybe it’s also a statement car with a vanity plate.

    6. Are we leasing or buying these cars? Is that $100/month on a car payment or a lease?

      Let’s see if I have this right:
      Current car, let’s say it’s $400/month
      Basic model: $235/month
      Car you really like: $335/month

      It depends on your budget. I wouldn’t spend extra on a leased car, because once that money is gone, it’s gone. If it were to be on a car you own at the end, sure, own a car with nicer features.

      2. Same, but I’d also happily pay it just for the display with the map on the dash, so I don’t have to look at the screen.

      3. Same. I am a car person so I’d pay for the one I want as long as it was in the budget.

    8. I can’t imagine paying $100 a month for that, but I also can’t imagine leasing a car. I am willing to pay more to pick the color and for a sunroof and electronic opening when buying a car.

      1. Honestly, I’ve never leased a car, but it sounds really appealing to me. I’m tired of owning and caring for things.

        1. I am feeling this way about house vs. rental; I hate that every landlord problem has become my problem and feel like my life is just more stressful and annoying this way.

          But does leasing a car even alleviate the burden of caring for a car? I feel like everything we had to do to take care of our owned car is just unavoidable for the person driving the car.

          1. Is this not true for renting too though? I mean, maybe the magical landlord who just takes care of stuff exists somewhere, but there’s also a LOT of texting again/filling out the maintenance portal/reminding/appealing to get basic stuff taken care of. There’s practically an underground market in my city for insider info on which complexes are actually on top of maintenance! (And it’s a problem even at expensive luxury places)

          2. Yes, it mostly does. You do need to take it in for servicing, which is like once a year for new cars. And fix a tire if you pop it. But that’s all way less than ongoing maintenance of an older car. Obviously if you crash, that’s different.

          3. That’s fair; I think I always had the magical landlord (and sacrificed a lot of other desirable things in an apartment to avoid corporate management and expensive luxury places). So the very small time people I rented from were on top of things that could get them into hot water legally and on top of things that could depreciate the value of their property. Not pretending they were always on top of aesthetics!

            I suppose I also got lucky with a magical car that really didn’t have any special maintenance needs even well into its second decade, just the ordinary expected things that were planned in advance.

          4. My parents rent a townhome near us and it feels like they do 100x less maintenance than us. Anything that needs repair they just text the management company and it’s fixed at no cost within 24 hours. Their small yard looks immaculate with zero effort on their part while I keep paying landscaping companies ridiculous sums of money and can’t get our lawn to look halfway decent. I do think their community has a good management company but I also think it’s not at all uncommon for renting to feel much more hands-off than owning.

        3. I lease my car. I am self employed, so it’s a business expense. I also enjoy having a new luxury car. The depreciation on the purchase price is very similar to the amount I am spending on a lease over three years, so I don’t feel that’s a bad investment for me. I make my lease payment and everything is included except gas. Tires and maintenance are part of the package, so I know exactly what I’m spending over three years. It probably wouldn’t work if you have littles in car seats, which are messy and hard on the car, or if you drive long distances, but I am a local driver so it works great for me.

      2. I have always leased cars until recently when interest rates changed the value proposition. Then it was the same price as maintaining a car over time and I always had a new, reliable car. Where people get in trouble is leasing to get a better car than they could otherwise afford. When the situation changed, we just paid cash for our cars and will drive them for a while but not into the ground. There is also value in reliability and having nice things. Some of us are fortunate to not have to count every penny too.

    9. I personally would pay more NOT to have a sunroof, they always seem like the thing that breaks first.
      On the other hand, if you live in a icy place, the heated windscreen might very well be worth it. Or how much in charging costs do you anticipate the heat pump saving?

      Another way of framing the budget question is: this costs ~$5000 over 4 years. If you don’t spend the money on the car, what would you spend it on instead? Is that more or less valuable than these features to you?

    10. Would I pay $4800 to get a sunroof? No. That’s probably the only feature you listed that I would care about. But it’s not unreasonable to spend that much more on a car you like if those are things you want. I did get heated seats and a nicer sound system in my car, but I bought used so I just found a model in the price I wanted to spend.

      I might ask what the average cost to repair those upgrades are and check their lifespan because that may impact your decision more than the initial cost.

    11. I like having a light car color so it doesn’t get as hot, and having a color that makes me more visible to other drivers. No fog grey.

      2. Same. I opted to pay cash for a beater car earlier in life so I could make those monthly payments to myself. This has made it so I can now buy cars outright without monthly payments. I shop for what I want that falls within my cash-only budget. If my budget doesn’t cover the sunroof and heated windshield, I either don’t get those features, or I stop shopping until I have saved up enough to pay for them.

        I have financed a vehicle when the financing was a better deal (2%, and my saving account was paying 4%), but I had the cash on hand to buy the car outright. I am disciplined enough that I could trust myself to keep that cash in my high-yield savings account and only used it pay the monthly car payments.

        1. I was going to say, my interest rate on my car is under 1%. I’m not taking money out of my 5% HYSA to pay cash for the car.

          My husband just bought a new car a few days ago and his interest rate is 2.9%. Not as good as I’d like but still not worth moving money over.

    13. OP – thanks for the replies! I have to lease through my company for my job and it is actually a great deal, think paying $150 vs $250 for the car including all servicing, repairs, insurance etc.

      1. Your company cannot compel you to enter into any financial obligations you don’t want.

    14. Absolutely not — although this is a YMMV situation, absolutely none of these features would matter to me in the slightest.

    15. Sunroof would absolutely be worth it to me. Cars without sunroofs feel so confining to me. I hate rental cars for this reason, because they never have them. This is personal preference though. But I would pay extra for it.

    16. The electronically opening trunk is pretty great. No more getting your hands dirty/polleny (at this time of year), no more embarrassing finger marks to show off the fact that your car needs to be washed. That plus the extra trunk space would be worth it to me.

      Color is important too. It’s the first thing you see every day you use your car. I don’t want a boring silver car again; I had 4 silver/gray cars in a row because that’s what was cheapest. Never again. The last time I was looking, I low key considered getting a Maserati vs the BMW I ended up with because Maserati had a color I adored. If the Maserati had been like $10k more not $20k+, I probably would’ve done it.

    17. I would pay $100 a month to NOT have a sunroof. They’re dangerous in a crash and lead to a lot of unnecessary UV exposure.

    19. No, but that’s just me. I would pay $100 more a month for extras that really mattered to me.

    20. Yeah, probably. That’s more than just cosmetic stuff. Color and sunroof alone, no.

  5. What is Easter like in the Southern Hemisphere? I feel like the messaging really aligns with the season of spring, but how is it when it is becoming winter (assuming you’re somewhere with distinct seasons)?

    1. I will be attending a funeral for my MIL next week in Arkansas. It will be 70 and solidly spring weather. What do people wear to indoor funerals in the spring?

      I need to be in something I can stand for a while in- my FIL, DH and his sisters will be the main focus but I will be helping out/watching all the kids. 40s, size 12, coming from New England where all my black is winter wear or office wear that no longer fits.

      1. Black for a funeral is always appropriate. Do you have a dress that isn’t too wintery and or a not-heavy blouse you could wear with black pants?

        1. Agreed. A dark sheath dress with a dark cardigan will work in 99% of funeral situations.
          I ordered one of the “forever” cardigans from BRFactory and it was pretty thin, so that might work for warmer weather.

        2. I don’t know, I wore a black dress (light fabric/swingy silhouette, so not ultra somber) to a friend’s father’s funeral. My mom warned me I’d be the only one in black there and I scoffed at her because how can you can go wrong with black at a funeral. And then I was the only one in black.

          2. Well, and my mom who was vindicated and has brought this up to me regularly for the last however many years ;)
            My friend did comment on it but I don’t think she was upset.

          3. what were other people wearing? i live in NY but i have never been the only one in black…. anywhere.

          4. Not like LOUD colors or patterns, but a lot of gray/navy/brown and a decent number of people in brighter colors. This was in the Midwest and I think as a region people there wear less black than in the northeast. But I think the South is even more that way.

      2. So much of what’s appropriate also depends on social group. In my family circles, any decently subdued outfit would work; very few people (if anyone) would be wearing all black. If that’s similar to your family, I’d go with a dark pair of trousers/slacks, and a ‘decently subdued’ blouse. For me, that could be light or dark, plain or patterned. Just not bright.

      3. I wore a black knee-length JCrew sleeveless sheath dress with a lady jacket for my mother’s funeral (indoors) and burial (outdoors) in NC in August when it was swampy. With pointy-toe flats (because red clay soil and swampy).

    2. Carnival is certainly a big thing; that’s the lead-up to Lent.

      I went to catholic school growing up. I seem to remember being shown videos from Latin America – I don’t remember which countries – about their observation of Good Friday. The stations of the cross are a big deal there. It’s a mournful time like a funeral procession.

      Oddly enough, I don’t remember anything about their Easter celebrations. Maybe the South American celebration of Carnival as the party time and Lent as the sorrowful time is reflective of the changing seasons?

    3. “Becoming” winter?? I’m in northern Connecticut, where it’s getting nicer and in the 60s. I was in Nashua last week and there were still patches of snow in the shade. All that to say, you dress for the weather. I avoid dark colors like black and burgundy, but it’s possible to find a warm dress in navy, a spring color.

      2. In the southern hemisphere, as the OP points out, the seasons are flipped. The messaging of Easter aligns well with the northern hemisphere seasons (rebirth) but when you’re in the equivalent of October and starting to retreat into winter, not quite the same?

      3. The Southern Hemisphere is on the other side of the equator. It is distinct from the southern US, which is in the Northern Hemisphere. The seasons are opposite between the Northern Hemisphere and Southern Hemisphere. I hate that this is a thing I have now typed on a platform frequented by adults who ostensibly have reasonably high levels of education.

        1. I thought she meant that it’s “still winter” where she lives so she also doesn’t relate to the spring themed traditions!

          But if there’s actual confusion this is a helpful comment.

        2. I don’t usually comment just to plus one a comment but… yeah. This. If you have enough time to write a snarky response then you have enough time to read what you’re responding to.

    4. You’re probably not still checking, but I’m a Catholic in Brazil. I think the “messaging” is more focused on Jesus? Like, there is no association with the seasons at all, except that it is the first big public holiday with a break from the summer heat, so we are enjoying the (still plenty warm) weather. Maybe it’s different in Australia, Argentina, or South Africa, where winter is actually cold, but here it’s mostly a matter of wet and dry.

    5. Good morning from Australia. There isn’t necessarily messaging. There have been hot cross buns on sale since December. Everybody gets a long weekend.

  6. My teen daughter, who is very costume-y with her clothing choices, would love this, but as a fall vs spring look. It’s very much what Cher from Clueless might wear if she were in NY vs LA. If we can do cottage-core, we can do Barbie Office.

  7. I know it’s April Fool’s, but I like this a lot more than a lot of what’s currently in style!

    1. Ha! I think the jacket is fun. I have crazy lady in too many sparkles in my future.

    2. I like it too. I could never pull it off but I think it would be really cute on the right person.

  8. I definitely have a reputation at work of being upfront and matter of fact, cutting through nonsense etc – in a good way, and related to my area of expertise. It’s a medium-sized and pretty casual company, and I am extremely polite, so it’s largely fine. It’s worked well and other directors have been told to do things my way.

    We just apparently hired a friend of the CEOs as a consultant. His overall work is good and needed but some suggestions are a bit . . . unrealistic. Other directors clearly want me to push back against him, and again since it is my area of expertise its reasonable.

    I’m nervous because it is basically a friend of the CEOs. How carefully should I tread here?

    1. Carefully.

      Is there a low stakes trial balloon you can throw out to see how he responds to criticism?

      1. I can definitely try this out, there are some small things.

        And I wouldn’t frame it as criticism – more as a re-direct or fine tuning it.

    2. Are the CEO and consultant like you (and me), or are they people who need their emotions managed for them by others? You have to play to their personalities.

      1. He is a typical brash confident white man. I will have to figure out if he can handle criticism at all with a small trial balloon as suggested above. Sometimes people like that really can give and take it and something they cannot.

    3. Your description of yourself is the person most likely to get fired. You need to develop way more soft skills if you’re going to take this person on, so to speak.

      1. Hiring for people who aren’t comfortable being direct or receiving direct but polite feedback is how companies die. Terrible advice.

        1. Descriptions like that are usually off, those tend to be very unpleasant colleagues who only see and value their own perspectives. And they get fired because they never learn how to work with others.

        2. True, but it’s not OP’s responsibility to save the company if doing so risks her job. If she’s direct but not obnoxious, as she relays, she needs to figure out if the CEO will appreciate her disagreeing with their friend.

    4. As a starting place, do YOU want to push back? If no, get your other directors to buck up and stop leaving the dirty work for you.

      If yes, tread super carefully, and resist the urge to do it the first time – let it simmer, talk through messaging with trusted others potentially, then try. Maybe.

      1. Yes, I do want to push back. I was surprised at how reticent the other directors were being though.

        1. since you seem to have face time with leaders, is there a chance that you could check in with the CEO directly? “I’ve heard some comments about new guy getting settled and stepping on toes, but also knowing that you are close, wondering if you are moving into a different direction intentionally here?”.
          YMMV as always!

          1. Yeah, don’t be the messenger. That’s what gets people fired. If you think that’s not the case, you are naive. Sometimes people compliment others for what is most obvious about them. They are acknowledging it while being nice, “Oh, you’re so direct!” But underneath, you might be making people uncomfortable.

    5. What’s your relationship with the CEO? If he knows this is your personality and respects you for it then I’d pull my punches a little but not by much. If the CEO doesn’t know you then you’ll want to tread more carefully. You don’t want to become the designated deliverer of bad news because your bosses and peers don’t want to confront the guy.

      1. The CEO fully knows and respects my personality. Honestly I think he has a similar personality.

        1. It sounds like you want us to say Yes, Do It but I wouldn’t Do It without knowing that CEO has your back for giving some course-correction. Otherwise you risk Consultant running behind everyone’s back to whine.

          Something like, since it sounds like you deal with the CEO somewhat regularly? “hey CEO, wanted to give you a quick update on Consultant’s Project. We’ve gotten a lot of good feedback from Consultant but he’s taking us down X direction with respect to Y aspect — the workgroup is concerned about that approach for Z reasons, so I wanted to check if you were aware of something bigger-picture that X direction fits in with. If not, happy to have the conversation with Consultant about not pursuing that option.”

          1. This is good advice. Get the CEO’s buy in before you say anything negative to the friend.

    6. Don’t do it. I pushed back against my grand boss’ friend once and the only reason I survived was because friend was doing something illegal. Boss has never let go of that grudge years later.

    7. In these situations, I frame everything as questions. The are tough and pointed questions, but I’m not saying “you’re wrong.” It’s more – “we make our decisions assuming X, and you seem to be assuming not X. In our history, when we did these things, these were the results. Can you provide some insight into your thought process?”

  10. Am I insane for considering taking a job that pays almost 2.5x what I’m making now, but requires a commute of ~90 minutes each way? I’d probably have to do 3-4 days a week in the office. I currently work from home plus travel about 4 nights/month. Other context is that this would be an incredible opportunity and I’m really miserable at my current job, and I do enjoy driving. My current salary is $80k and this job pays almost $200k, so it would be a real game changer for us in a VHCOL area. We don’t currently have kids, but am considering it in the next couple of years.

    1. I almost always advocate for a shorter commute, but that’s a life-changing amount of money. I’d do it for at least a couple years.

      1. +1 especially since you live in a VHCOL area and say this would be a game-changer. Personally I don’t think I’d take that commute for that pay raise but we live in a LCOL area, don’t have debt and have a lot of disposable income so it wouldn’t change our lives that much.

    3. You’ll go from being horse crazy to just crazy, I’ll say that. That commute will drive you mad. Move closer to this dream job instead.

    5. That’s so much money, and without kids the commute is not the best but it is doable….I would seriously consider it, especially if you can (1) time the driving to avoid the worst traffic and (2) spend some of that money to buy back some of your time while you do the commute.

      1. Also, I don’t like driving but we moved recently from my 15 minute commute to a 1 hour commute and it is well worth it because we like everything about our new spot so much better. I think 90 minutes is a lot but it isn’t crazy if everything else is right.

    6. You’ve done the accounting on what you would gain from taking this job.
      Do a similar accounting on what you would be giving up in order to do it.

    7. I would only do it short-term. Either planning to move closer or quit after a year or two, even if you don’t have an equivalent job lined up. If the plan is to quit later, decide on a strict budget so you don’t get caught in the lifestyle creep trap. But you could get a 15-year car, save a nice down payment, make good investments, all sorts of good life-changing stuff without them being permanent expense increases.

    8. Take the job, bank $120k a year for as long as it takes to get pregnant, enjoy the optionality of giving yourself an extended paid maternity or paternity leave if it turns out one of you wants to stay home with the baby longer than your mandated leave would contemplate.

      1. That’s not how income works, but yes, you could build up substantial savings over a relatively short period if you do not expand your expenditures beyond what is necessary to make this change work.

        1. I am sorry that I did not accurately calculate and apply her probable tax considerations in my one sentence comment.

    10. I’ve done that commute and said it many times before, it’s just not that bad at all especially in a car. Listen to podcasts, take work 1:1s while you drive, catch up with friends, etc. I would absolutely in a heartbeat take that job.

      1. That’s so funny because I actually see car commuting as The Worst because you can’t get anything done, you’ve got to drive. On a bus or train I can read or knit. Bike commuting means I get my workout in for the day and can enjoy time outside. I do not like podcasts and do not have friends that can chat on a weekday morning. Definitely a know yourself situation.

        1. +1 car commuting is The Worst to me. Especially if it’s stop and go traffic, but even if it’s open driving on a highway this much commuting would be way, way too much for me. I don’t enjoy audiobooks or podcasts and I don’t want to talk to friends on the phone for hours. Give me train, bus, plane any day so I can read, watch TV or nap.

        2. +2. I would not take a job with a 3h commute regardless of mode of transport, but I agree that I would rank a car commute where I am driving at the very bottom of the list. I would pass on this job unless I could move closer to the office in the very near future.

    11. what does DH do? can you move? i personally could not do this bc i HATE driving. this would likely be unsustainable with kids and i think would really be hard to do long term. you would obviously be spending a lot ok gas (though not 100k worth) and i am thinking you’d probably have to outsource more things, lean into convenience foods, etc. so i would look closely at how your budget might change with this new job to see how much you’d end up spending, and then compare that

      1. +1. This would be a no for me unless you could move closer to the job sooner vs. later.

    12. You would be making so much extra money that something like a small studio apartment near the office to give you a break could be worth it, or even hiring a driver.

    13. I like driving and currently have a 45 minute commute each way. I make $125k, and would consider the $200k option if I could either count on dedicating the extra income to things like hiring out significantly more housekeeping, meal prep, errands, lawncare, and home maintenance than I do now, or if I could use that extra income to fund a move that would cut my commute. Without either of those options, sacrificing so much of my life to a grinding commute would not be worth the income boost.

    14. Are you able to move closer to the office? There is no way I would commute 3h per day, 4x per week for a job. Especially driving myself. I clearly seem to be in the minority based on the prior responses though so YMMV.

    15. absolutely! My perspective is that it is best to make money early, save, and invest. Having a high paying job makes it easier to get other jobs like that later. Make more money now, especially if you want kids later.

      If the commute no longer works when you have kids, decide whether you want to move or get a different job at that point.

    16. My vote is 100% go for it. This is the kind of sacrifice that will pay off dividends in the future. Figure out your parachute (moving? Changing jobs in 3 years?), save a lot of money and figure out how you’re going to buy some of your time back (cleaners, grocery delivery, meal kits, home gym etc).

    17. Honestly yes, I would do that. You’re miserable in your current job so even if the commute ends up making you miserable as well, you’re not actually worse off!
      And, that is a lot of money – a significant raise even if you think of it as hourly, and count the commute as part of the new job’s hours
      Taking this job will give you a lot more flexibility in the future – some directly from the money (fund your f-it fund; live in a more expensive/convenient neighborhood, etc); and I am guessing the new job also is a bump in responsibility or company prestige, which can have a huge effect on your future prospects even if you decide to move on after a few years.

    18. That’s a huge jump in salary and life-changing at that income level in a VHCOL area. I would absolutely go for it, especially if it’s otherwise an incredible opportunity and you’re unhappy in your current job.

      I’d commit to the commute 3-4 days per week for the first year. After that, I’d either try to get down to 2 days a week in the office (once you’ve gotten to know the team and established trust) or look into moving closer or look for another job.

      The commute probably isn’t sustainable if you have a baby. But that’s in a couple of years. This job could be a steppingstone to something better and closer to your current home, or something even higher paying that gives you the opportunity to move.

    19. Take it.

      Then MOVE.

      After working from home, changing to a 3hr commute a day will be the death of you. No one “enjoys” that long term. It will destroy your home life, and is incompatible with having young children unless you hire a ton of help.

      1. I work from home and including the daycare commute, only have 2.5 hours or with my kid (including meals and bath) each weekday. You can’t spend meaningful time with young kids with a brutal commute. I used to commute 60-90 mins each way (public transit) and it wrecked me.

      2. It’s incompatible with having young children full stop. You have to expect to quit this job if you have a kid.

    20. I’m in a metro where my driving commute would be at least 60 minutes on most days. I hate that much more than a more rural area where it’s just a more straight shot. You’ll definitely get tired of it most when you have to stay at work late or get there early. But, bank the money now. Even if you only stay 2 years, it also sets the salary expectations and level for where you can go in your next role.

    22. The new job will pay you about $2,300 gross more per week. I would try to make the new gig in-office 3 days per week and use a piece of the additional money to get a hotel for 2 nights per week near the job. Then you’d drive to and from the office only once a week each week.
      I have always prioritized not commutting. But this is a life changing amount of money, and I’d try to make it work if you can. I’m not sure I’d be up for 3 hours of driving per day though.
      Congratulations on the opportunity!

    24. Before I would even consider the new job, I would need to do a trial run of the morning commute and evening commute on a mid-week day during a non-Spring break week. Be sure 90 is not really 2 hours before making a decision.

      1. I think this is an excellent idea.

        OP, next week how about you pretend like you have that new job? Get up early enough to commute/arrive at work at what will be at your expected time. Then work while there in a cafe/public library on your laptop with headphones. Then commute back at the expected time you will commute. Do that for a week, then come back and let us know how that was.

        1. Coming back way late – this is such a good idea. I’ll definitely do this!

  11. How do I become a more inspiring leader and mentor? I’m good at the how to survive in biglaw kind of advice. I’m very candid. Maybe too candid sometimes. But I don’t think I’m good at the positive side of mentoring. I’m not uplifting.

    This is a common theme in my life. I’m a great foul weather friend. Everyone comes to me with their problems. It’s probably what makes me a good litigator. But I’d like to be the kind of leader that inspires people not just one that is there for you when you’re struggling. Tips on faking-til-I-make it this part of leadership?

    1. Most mentoring isn’t meant to be uplifting, it’s letting people know they aren’t alone, that there is usually a path forward even if they can’t see it, and that “this too shall pass.”

    2. I’m considered a good leader, and what I do is have a very clear vision of what I want to see our team/business do in a year or two. Then I communicate that clearly. Perhaps that helps? It’s taken a career of full time work to be able to develop my vision, and I don’t think there’s a shortcut to that.

    3. I feel like I have the same problem. I am practical and pragmatic. I have good suggestions on how to move something forward. I am less good at the softer, more positive side of career development.

    4. Why do you want this, exactly? I’m not trying to be snarky; it’s a genuine question. Are you hoping people will come to you with good news and celebration? Are you hoping that you will move beyond one-on-one discussions into a more company-oriented leadership role?

      1. Good question. I want to help people thrive not merely survive. I want them to like working with me and in my office and firm. I want people to see themselves in this position longterm. There’s a lot I don’t have control over – like compensation – but I feel like the day to day of office life is really important to overall job satisfaction. I want to create a positive environment where people want to contribute their best because they see everyone else doing the same.

        1. Ah, okay. Then I might start where you are. When someone comes to you with a problem, do what you do well (offer survival advice). But then end the discussion with asking them to think about next steps — about what they want long-term, what fulfills them, etc. And then meet with them again in a week and start with that thinking.

          In other words, you want to help people turn from dealing with problems to having a vision.

        2. OP, what led up to you asking these questions …

          Are you actively problem-solving morale issues here? As in, do you sense people don’t like working for you, they are merely surviving, they aren’t doing their best, they are unhappy about their pay and will take another job if they can find it, etc.

          Or is this just a general desire or a general feeling that you could be doing better, because you’ve not yet put this kind of thought into developing the people side of your leadership?

    5. To be uplifting, it helps to have a sense of humor and to be encouraging. Leaders “set the weather” for their teams. Do you bring positive energy? Are you grounded in your reactions? Do people trust you?

    6. I hope you’re still reading. I have a very simple example for you: my new boss (same org- recent restructuring) messaged me on Teams after I gave a brief presentation where my time got cut short to just say “great job!” Was it a great job? Who knows— probably adequate— but I spent my formative years in BigLaw and my most recent boss had high expectations/somewhat irreverent attitude. I never would have characterized old boss as unsupportive, but that simple enthusiastic Teams message from my new boss warmed my cynical GenX heart. Look for every possible opportunity to praise or offer thanks.

  14. my husband & I would like to move in the next year. Is there like a first-time home sellers class we can take? Who’s the right person to start with to assess our options?

    we’ll be selling a townhome in a second-ring suburb, hoping to move to a SFH in the city or first ring suburb. In theory, we have the savings to buy, then sell, but am personally very stressed by the what-ifs if our place takes a long time to sell, etc.

    Yes it’ll stink to give up the 3% mortgage but it’s a location problem, not a space problem. Not really interested in becoming landlords though that is an option.

    1. Maybe I’m oversimplifying things, but it sounds to me like you might be overcomplicating it. Just contact an experienced real estate agent with a good reputation (ask around if you can). They’ll have advice on staging/minor updates to make to improve your chances of getting a good price.

        1. +2. We picked a local realtor who specialized in our neighborhood, followed her advice and got an offer $25k over asking (LCOL). It was our first time selling, too, so I was stressed, but the process was pretty seamless.

    2. Do some digging before you write off being a landlord. I never wanted to be a LL but I’m renting my townhouse through a property management company. They take something like 7% per month and they charge a flat fee for getting new tenants (I forget what, I’ve had the same tenants the whole time).

      I was worried about the headache of maintenance but the property manager has been amazing. Lightening struck the house when I was 2 weeks postpartum with an unplanned c-section (I swear this ish only happens to me) and the property manager took care of everything. I had to fill out the insurance claim on my phone, talk to the adjuster once, and forward one email — that was the extent of my involvement. The PM made it super easy to give the insurer everything they needed. They met with contractors and got everything set up. Honestly I want them to manage my house for me!

    3. Informally, talk to friends and colleagues who have recently moved. Ask if anything surprised them during the sale process, if they have any tips they would recommend you keep in mind.

    4. We’re in the middle of this exact move. I think step 1 is figuring out where you want to move and what the market is like both there and at your townhome. Honestly, Zillow was the most helpful for us in determining this. The area we wanted to move to was/is incredibly competitive so that was obviously our rate limiting step. We looked with a realtor for close to a year. We only made 2 offers at that time. The one that was accepted won against other offers the day it went for sale and was for asking price with no contingencies. Meanwhile townhomes in our neighborhood stay on the market for less than 2 months, even in this market. We also decided on 2 different realtors since it’s different markets.

    5. We had a terrible experience selling our first house when we were moving for husband’s job; it was a bad market but our agent was also terrible. Obviously a different market now and you will probably have far less trouble selling, but for my two cents: Ask what steps an agent will take to market your specific property (size, location, townhome vs SFH, etc.) Ask about staging advice (and if they don’t have any, run). Ask what they do for photos (if the agent takes pics themselves on their phone, run). Ask what the plan is if the home hasn’t sold in X amount of time (hopefully the answer is not just “well, lower the price and cross your fingers.” IDK if this is even an option everywhere, but I wish we’d had the option to convert to renting it.

  15. I agree. There has to be a safeguard against abuse, and that’s complicated to determine, but a key part of these illnesses is not believing anything is wrong with you and distrust of doctors, so its a vicious cycle when they deeply deeply need treatment. My brother has mental illness and the hell it put my parents through was awful.

    1. Yes, I think the naysayers have not had to live through having loved ones (that they actually love!) with severe mental illness or neurodegenerative disease where part of the disease is not realizing you are sick. It’s even worse when paranoia is part of the disease, which is true with several psychiatric diseases and dementias.

      I have a sister in law with schizophrenia, and a father with bipolar disorder and a traumatic brain injury.

    3. I worry they’re basing their own self-worth in the idea that they’re oh so independent, to the point that they’d rather risk a terrible outcome than live with the shame that they needed to be helped against their own will, and they’re projecting that onto others.

      1. That’s a separate issue from medical incompetence. Someone who is disoriented and confused because they have suffered a massive stroke is in a very different situation from someone who wants to be independent after a hip replacement.

        1. I think everyone admires someone who wants to be independent after a hip replacement.

          But some people can’t seem to handle the idea that people can become disoriented and confused and need someone else to take them to the doctor (i.e. become dependent on others in a moment of medical need). Or I don’t know why else they are saying that people who are declining to go to the doctor while clearly not in their right frame of mind should have that decision respected no matter the risks.

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