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Updated: Apr 15, 2021 336 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Margot Crewneck Sweater

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Olive green is such a versatile neutral, and this merino crewneck is such a great basic, I feel like I’d be remiss if I didn’t point it out, even though it’s not going to be your most exciting purchase of 2020. The slim fit and long sleeves would make it a great option for layering under a blazer or suit jacket, but it would also be lovely layered over a collared shirt and paired with a pencil skirt for a preppy look. Plus, it’s machine-washable, so you can make it a workhorse in your wardrobe without running up your dry cleaning bill.

The sweater is $79.50 and available in sizes XXS–3X. It also comes in six other colors. Margot Crewneck Sweater in Re-Imagined Merino Wool

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

    • Gilmore Fan

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    • CapHillAnon

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  2. Leopard shoes for Officewear-Yay Nay?

    What is the sentiment on leopard print shoes for the office?
    I yesterday wore March Fisher leopard block heels (about 2.5″) to a not for profit board meeting for which I am a trustee and one of the older gentlemen in the board exclaimed in jest: “What are those shoes on your feet? those are not office shoes!”

    Given that we are all trustees it was not as if he was reprimanding me although he did say “If you were working for me I’d have sent you home.” This in 2020.

    I genuinely see nothing wrong with leopard print block heels of low to medium height but I do not want my image to be communicating anything other than professional during future wears. I will say this is the second time a man has noticed these shoes and commented on them (First one, a stranger at a cafe said, I like your shoes)

    Thoughts?

    • TrixieRuby

      Those shoes sound awesome! He was totally out of line to comment on your attire, and to say he would have sent you home. This is a situation that calls for a snappy comeback, but of course, you would think that up 48 hourslater. I have lots of experience in the non-profit world, and sit on a Board, and just ignore the guy. Wear the shoes to the next meeting, and deliver your snappy comeback at that time. Oh! send him a link to a pair of men’s leopard print oxfords–I am sure they exist, and surely he wants a pair.

      • Ellen

        Yes, some men think women who wear lepord prints are wild s-xueally, and he could have pictured “hunting you” and thinking you might even have s-x on the spot with him, as a cat-like creature is very s-xy! When you gave him the stink-eye, he had to retaliate, as he now would have no chance going to bed with you. FOOEY on men like him for objectivying you as a woman to suit HIS needs, when you must satisfy your own needs first!

    • Anonymous

      I see absolutely nothing wrong. I would love to have leopard print block heels.
      I mean, they weren’t CLEAR heels, were they?! :-)
      Weird that someone would publicly announce something non-complimentary like that. Usually any public, work setting comments on clothing are positive only – love the shoes, hey your new haircut looks great, what a beautiful necklace, etc. you just keep negative comments to yourself.
      In my mind, this older dude is clueless and old and losing his filter.

    • Ribena

      Former UK PM Theresa May was well known for leopard print shoes. If she could run a country in them (no comment as to how well…………) you can go to a board meeting in them.

      • Never too many shoes...

        Literally the only good thing about May was her shoe collection. Well, her awkward dancing was also pretty hilarious…

    • Cat

      In my dream world I’d reply to that guy “well since I am wearing them to the office, they are in fact office shoes!” but I’m not necessarily that quick on my feet or snappy in person :)

      Your shoes are fine. Not what I would choose for a more formal meeting (not sure what the culture is like but nonprofit boards aren’t usually too stuffy?) or presenting to a board, as they are definitely A Statement, but not inherently unprofessional! It’s the guy that’s the problem.

    • The Good Wife

      Totally agree, he sounds out of line. Gone are the days of women wearing only skirt suits with black shoes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you described, and in fact, it sounds like I need a pair.

    • Go for it

      Here’s my comeback “they come in your size too”
      Ps….I want them now

    • anne-on

      Ignore him. I have always worn leopard shoes and a few snakeskin (fake btw) pairs. Granted, I wear them mostly in NYC, but even when I was in big finance the only comments people ever made was to say how much they liked them.
      Leopard and animal prints (zebra, cheetah, etc.) have always been a big part of the Hermes scarf prints and are on easily 75% of the ones I have…next time I’d be tempted to wear a big animal motif scarf to match my fabulous shoes ;)

    • Not Legal Counsel

      They sound absolutely office appropriate, and your fellow board member was out of line. I’m wearing leopard half calf wedges from Talbots this morning. It’s a neutral, as far as I’m concerned.

      • Anonymous

        I mean if Talbots sells them, that’s sort of confirmation that they are not only done, but they are officially unremarkable.

        I have Talbots 2″ leopard pumps from a few years back that I keep at work.

    • Anonymous

      You’re fine. Animal print is a classic. Especially if done in a non-flashy way like a shoe. It’s not like you were wearing a three piece leopard print suit which might be fab in some but not all offices.

      “My shoes are fine. Your comments are not.”

    • The original Scarlett

      Given that I have pairs in high heels, low block pumps, and flats and routinely wear all of them to the office, absolutely fine. I’d be tempted to ask him if he’s been to an office in this decade . . .

    • anon

      That dude was out of line and inappropriate. There’s nothing wrong with leopard-print shoes. I’m about the most basic dresser out there, and even I see them as a neutral piece of footwear. Carry on with your cute shoes!

    • Angela

      This guy is a sexist idiot. Leopard print is 100% fine business formal wear in my opinion. I wear them often.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Do not give this guy’s ridiculous, inappropriate and out of touch self any more free real estate in your awesome brain, friend. I would be sure to wear them to the next meeting.

    • anon

      This guy was Entirely Out of Line. Offensive and sexist. He should be sent home.
      Your shoes sounds incredible. Wear them and enjoy them!
      Animal print can be a neutral: I have a pair of BR all day pumps (forget the formal name of the heels) that are brown snake print and I wear them with almost all solid colors (I haven’t figured out how to make it work with black tho).

    • TheElms

      Shoes are 100% fine. I would even wear them to court with something like a navy pantsuit. Maybe not a jury trial but that is about perception by other people issue. Your Board Member is in the wrong.

    • anon

      I agree he should not have commented. And the above commenters obviously show that some other people would wear similar shoes.

      However, since you specifically said you don’t want your outfits to attract attention, I will confess that I would have negatively noticed too. To me, animal prints will always belong to Real Housewives and rebellious teenagers.

      • Anonymous

        I mean, to each her own. But in my world, I just ask “is it market”? It is market.

        • LaurenB

          Out of the loop, clearly. What does “is it market” mean? I have not heard that expression. Anyone?

        • Anon

          I think here market=normal in today’s world.
          For example, I think leggings are not pants, but apparently it is market.

      • Anon

        I have honestly always thought of animal prints as a little old lady, though I will wear them when they are in vogue. I would never have worn them as a teenager though; I would have been afraid of my friends thinking I was shopping at the Fashion Bug!

      • Cat

        I don’t like leopard print at all either so while I couldn’t help myself noticing the shoes and thinking ‘not for me,’ I most definitely would not comment aloud about how unprofessional they are (or thinking less of the OP’s professional judgment for it).

      • Pompom

        You’re gonna hate like 40% of my clothes, yet here I am, pretty damn professional (well credentialed! well paid! respected!) and not judging people. Shrugging my leopard print shoulders.

    • Nope

      Just me but … I would wear them to every single meeting with this fool for the rest of my life.

        • LaurenB

          I wouldn’t re-wear the shoes necessarily, but I’d totally get a scarf in the same print and wear it next time around. No one can argue that a leopard print scarf worn with an otherwise-conservative outfit isn’t totally fine.

    • Anonymous

      This calls for, “Wow you must be really embarrassed you said that.”

    • Anonymous

      I think this is made up and also ignore the dinosaur or tell him to stop making rude comments about your clothing because it is inappropriate.

    • nuqotw

      “What are those words coming out of your mouth? Those are not office words!”

    • Anonymous

      What that’s insane. I mean know your office and everything but I’d say generally? Those shoes sound fine?

    • Katie

      I’m wearing leopard heels in my office right now. You’re completely appropriate. He’s out of line, out of date, and sounds like a stick in the mud.

    • Anon

      I’m guessing a lot of young people are commenting here. I thought that we are supposed to adhere to the standards of the older folks in order to be taken seriously. Where are our 35+ people?

      • Anonymous

        ? I’m 40 and I bought leopard print flats after I saw my 53 year old boss wearing great leopard print heels.

      • Juliska

        OK, I’m, well, older. Than most of you. I don’t personally wear leopard shoes, but that’s because I walk a lot and am too hard on shoes to wear anything but black. However, I worked at a firm where the very elegant, French-born senior female partner (who was my age) wore lots and lots of leopard, including shoes. She always looked fabulous. I don’t think anyone would have dared to mention her leopard prints to her in a derogatory way.

      • Rainbow Hair

        Well, I’m 37, but I think that this guy was out of line on many levels — how about the very basic “if you can’t say anything nice…”? But also, wearing leopard print to the office is very *done*.

        I want to be taken seriously by older folks (and everyone else) — but I want to be taken seriously by folks with reasonable values, not “send you home for your shoes” values. OP should continue to spend her energy on the good work she’s doing, and not let trying to please someone’s fashion sense take up another second of her time!

      • Anonymous

        “Standards of the older folks” do not include people who are completely out of touch with reality. See also: men who think women should wear a crisp button up collared shirt under a suit, that women’s suit jackets should fit the same way a man’s does (i.e., straight with no darts or tailoring for the bust or waist), and that women’s pants should fit like men’s pants (i.e., straight with no tailoring for waist or hips, and always wear a leather belt).

      • Anon

        Every older woman I know has leopard and other animal prints. The most tasteful way to do it is in small pops like shoes, scarves, even a cardigan. Also, 35+ is not old in an office space like…at all. I’m sad for you that you think of yourself as having old lady clothing standards at such a young age.

      • anne-on

        Uhm, I’m over 35 and have worn leopard print shoes and definitely saw lots of women older than that rocking them at various points in my career?

    • anon

      This is interesting! I agree with the others that he was totally out of line and your outfit sounds perfectly appropriate. Rock the shoes! I was actually wondering this week if I should wear my animal print pumps to a board meeting. I chickened out and wore black ones, but next time…

    • Anonanonanon

      “Wow, your staff turnover rate must be high! Careful commenting on women’s attire in the workplace, that’s a good way to land yourself with a lawsuit!” said like it’s all a joke.

    • Carrie

      No biggie. An old man is not going to be up on current fashion trends. And you said he said it in jest. He’s making a comment on the changes in the time. Actually, he is REALLY saying, back in my day these shoes would not be seen because there were no women in my management/board circle.

      You shrug. Smile. And say…. “Thank goodness times have changed!”
      And you lead a great meeting!

      But on a fashion note… I am a bit careful about my animal print shoes. I personally love snakeskin/croc/ostrich embossed shoes and wear them all the time, and don’t wear much of the cats. But I have noticed that men comment on my shoes much more than women when the animal print is on the louder side – either with more prominent colors/less “realistic” print/larger font print… if you know what I mean. So I do have animal prints that are more for Saturday night and others for Monday morning.

    • Anonymous

      He was out of line. I’m a nonprofit director, and I have 2″ leopard print block calfskin booties. I most definitely have worn them to work. No one has batted an eye.

    • LaurenB

      I’m not a personal fan of leopard print (just not my style), but I googled them and presuming the rest of your outfit was appropriate (and no reason to suspect otherwise), then there’s no problem IMO. He’s being very old-fashioned.

    • Ew

      Wow, super-inappropriate comment (even if you did work for him). Shoes are fine.

      A more conservative (but not old) partner commented that my slingback, peep-toe, low heal, very sedate shoes were not appropriate when I was a summer associate (10+ years ago, at a firm with a VERY casual dress code). I thought he was joking, and made some comment about it to another, older male partner, who said that the first partner’s comments were completely inappropriate, and that my shoes were fine.

      And that was the most I ever talked about shoes at the office, especially since I’m now in the ‘comfortable shoe stage’.

    • Anon

      OK – I am old enough to be the mother of most of you and am not known for my fashion sense but I will say this (1) OP – your shoes were fine for the event you were at; (2) I would not recommend them for court unless you are well known and respected in your legal community or know that your judge is fashion-forward; and (3) I would never wear them to a jury trial under any circumstances ever and would speak to any associate in my office who did.

      But I wanted to speak to a more general issue. (Generic) you might think your office dress code is antiquated and ridiculous but you still need to follow it. If a person in authority tells you something is not appropriate, then it is not appropriate. When you are in charge you get to set the dress code. Until then, you get to follow it unless it is blatantly sexist (e.g. no pants) or you have a medical reason not to (e.g. can’t wear heels and dress code requires them). This is off-topic to what was asked but I am getting really, really tired of women in my office who think they do not need to follow our dress code because they think it is silly.

        • Anon

          +1 I don’t have a medical condition but wearing heels is uncomfortable and something I gave up years ago. In what world is requiring only women to wear something physically uncomfortable not sexist?

        • Anon

          But if the dress code says that employees have to wear closed toed shoes with backs (with no reference to minimum heel height) that are not athletic shoes, then you need to wear those unless you have a medical reason not to.

          My office is probably stricter about shoes than anything else because of an unfortunate accident involving a dropped box and open toed shoes combined with an associate who thought 4 inch, open toed, candy cane striped heels were perfectly appropriate for court. (The client disagreed strenuously!)

    • pearl clutching here

      Please buy him a strand of pearls (to clutch) and wear your cool shoes to your next meeting! Hopefully he has a sense of humour about it. Bright and patterned shoes are sometimes not the best idea (funerals? ) ut a board meeting? you were FINE!

    • anon

      I’m 59, fwiw. Your shoes sound perfectly appropriate. The guy had no business commenting on your attire. I wear a cheetah print skirt to work (biglaw) with black sweater, shoes, and tights. I consider animal prints a neutral.

      • Anonymous

        I read all of these comments, and I just want to add my sigh of frustration to the whole conversation. It is so very disrespectful for someone to comment on your appearance, even in jest. It implies that he has power and authority over you. I cringed when i read the comment above about the very senior managing partner who was French, and exquisite, and wore leopard, and who “no one would ever dare to criticize.” Like you have to earn the right not to be criticized by being impeccably groomed.

        • Senior Attorney

          Exactly. He had no business going there at all. It was a power move and he’s a jerk.

        • Anonymous

          +1000

          Someone at work commented on my appearance a few weeks ago, and it was a woman. She was very disrespectful. I stood up, said that I was not comfortable with their comment on my appearance and walked out. This is so true that she probably thought that she has power and authority over me.

    • Anon

      Your shoes sound fabulous and appropriate. He sounds like an idiot.

      If he ever says something like that again say “Well if you worked for me I’d send you to HR for that comment.”

    • Anonymous

      I’m not a leopard print fan myself, but I Googled the shoes you mentioned, and based on what I saw, I wouldn’t think those were at all unprofessional! Maybe not appropriate for court or speaking on the Senate floor, but for everyday office attire, they’re fine. Really, I could only see sending someone home because of their shoes if the shoes posed a serious safety hazard, and that’s more an issue in the science field than law or finance.

      And honestly, even if he didn’t approve, it would’ve cost him nothing to say nothing! You don’t work for him and he has no say in what you wear to work, so he really could’ve kept his opinion to himself.

      • grapefruit

        I would 100% wear those to speak on the Senate floor. As a lobbyist, but still. Today I testified in a grey leopard midi skirt and was successful in getting what I wanted.

    • Salmon mom

      Your shoes sound amazing and he sounds like
      a fool.

      Some men need to understand they the rules for men’s shoes do not apply to women. Also you don’t work for him so the comment was completely inappropriate.

      I went to a board meeting yesterday evening and changed out of my suit for it so I was wearing a dress and a cropped sweater. I looked cute and perfectly fine. If someone had commented I’d politely tell I don’t care.

    • Angela

      Yeah. And I think Bloomberg’s performance shows: there is no magic genie coming to save us. The only way to beat Trump is going to be to work and work and donate and work some more.

    • Anonymous

      I think she may be taking herself out of the race, but I’m glad that she’s taking BBG down with her. I guess in chess this would be the queen’s sacrifice?

      Predicting: Klobuchar is the VP pick (not sure of whom, but I’d put $10 on it right now). I know that she throws things, but in a non-racist and non-misogynist way. #SelenaMeyer

      • Anon

        I can definitely see Biden or Pete picking her if they win, although I think an African American woman like Kamala Harris might be a better choice. Warren can’t pick her because her advisors wouldn’t let her have a two-woman ticket. I can’t see Sanders picking her (he has promised a very progressive VP, I don’t think she qualifies). I hope I’m proven wrong – I think having a moderate like Klobuchar would go a long way towards making Bernie more electable with moderates, especially given his age – but I’m really skeptical. I’m worried he’ll pick Tulsi Gabbard.

        • Anonymous

          Agree that Klobuchar makees Bernie way more electable with moderates. Gabbard tanks him in the general for sure.

          • Anon

            I doubt it. I could see a Sanders-Warren ticket all day long and I’d bust my ass campaigning for it.

          • Anonymous

            You’d never have a ticket of two old senators from neighboring states from the NEUS. You need balance — a governor, someone from another quadrant of the country, something. [Never mind now also: race + gender]

            #geography matters

            VT and MA are already voting D, so get someone from a purple state.

          • Anon

            There’s no way he could pick Warren – they’re both older and from neighboring states and both white. He needs someone much younger, from a swing state and ideally African American. Stacey Abrams would be a great choice. I hope he’s that smart but I’m not sure.

        • Anon

          I don’t mind Bernie (he’s my #2), but I would be so deeply disappointed if he picked Tulsi because of her approval/affiliation with Modi, who I absolutely despise.

        • Anon

          You honestly think Amy would be on Bernie’s ticket? Have you not noticed that she is the one up there who is the farthest away from being a socialist? Are you just watching the debates to see who talks the prettiest? People REALLY aren’t paying attention, are they?

          • Anon

            Lol You clearly know nothing about politics. Politicians like power. VP is one heartbeat away from the presidency, and the presumption of being the front runner in 8 years. I’m sure Amy would take it if Bernie offered. Yes, I know their politics are quite different but all Dems agree much more than they disagree, and they have lots of common ground vis a vis Trump and the GOP.

        • Anonymous

          Pete will never ever pick her and she would never accept. Their contempt for each other was barely containable on stage.

          • Anon

            Eh there was a lot of contempt between Obama and Hillary and she served in his admin. People will put a lot aside for the chance to be VP and then the front runner for President in 8 years.

          • LaurenB

            Yeah, I think this is in-the-moment contempt. I’m a Pete supporter, but I’m very impressed with Amy, and my ideal ticket would be the 2 of them in whatever combination they can arm-wrestle to. I’d like a woman, but there’s also a lot of great symbolism in a gay POTUS too. Make the evangelicals squirm.

      • Jeffiner

        How is she taking herself out? She showed that she can fight, and fight hard, and fight with facts. It was amazing to watch and should give her a huge boost in Nevada.

        Klobuchar’s meltdown was second only to BBG’s.

        • Anonymous

          The best argument for picking Abrams is that Abrams will not fully support the ticket if she’s not on it or somehow otherwise thrilled with the pick.

      • Anon

        It looks like Warren knows she’s out of it and the last thing she can do is make waves and attack.

        • Anonymous

          you keep saying this with absolutely no source, what could possibly make you think she’s about to drop out? She raised over a million dollars just last night!

          • Anon

            Several in a row are saying it. I think she comes off as a watered down Bernie to me, and Bernie seems to be more popular. Also, she doesn’t seem as genuine as him…to anyone. I hear that all of the time.

          • Anon

            Not the anon above but I think a lot of people assumed this when she did so poorly in NH.

        • Jeffiner

          The media has been ignoring Warren a lot lately, and in this primary where people are making up their minds at the last minute, lack of media coverage hurts a lot. Warren did exactly what she needed last night to get herself back into the media’s forefront, but she went even beyond that and inspired so many donations and volunteers. The woman is an amazing campaigner, and she’ll be an amazing President. One of the reason’s for Amy’s strong showing in NH was her strong debate performance prior to the primary, so I’m super excited to see how Warren does in Nevada.

    • Anon

      I wasn’t able to watch but I heard that she was really on form. I’ll be donating more money today. Who’s with me?

      • Lily

        Me! I make an automatic donation of $25 to her every week but I also make donations here and there when I get fundraising emails. Last night definitely prompted one such donation.

      • AnonNYC

        I donated last night and would recommend watching this debate on delay (Hulu and a few others should have it).

    • anon

      Warren truly shined. Bloomberg was an absolute trainwreck last night (and I’m someone who previously considered voting for him).

      • Anonymous

        best tweet I saw about this performance was that he was so bad he reflects badly on New Yorkers for electing him.

        • Anonymous

          I keep thinking: WHAT BIG GULP HURT YOU

          Like I’m not a fan of smoking in bars, but he banned smoking in bars. He went after such random things that I started to really feel for smokers. I feel like if you can’t smoke in a bar in NYC, we have somehow gone off the rails. Pretty soon we’ll only be able to smoke in Asia and maybe Europe? And I hate smoking, but I feel like this is a liberty that I’d like to have, just in case. #conflicted

          • Anon

            Ew no, smoking is gross and should be banned everywhere. Save your outrage for stop and frisk.

          • Anonymous

            So confused that this is your issue. You can’t smoke in bars in many places in Europe in the last 5 years. You haven’t been able to smoke in bars in Ontario, Canada since like 2000 or something.

            I don’t care if ppl want to smoke outside but indoors is gross. I don’t want to come home with my coat and hair stinking like smoke as a result.

          • Anonymous

            I think it’s the same “it’s my choice” that means that while I’m pretty conservative in lifestyle, I could never go to a very religious school that says “no boys in your room and no kissing and no drinking.” I want to be who decides that. You don’t get to tell me what to do.

            Maybe it’s my inner 2 year old? But I am a grownup and I get to decide things. That was the whole point in growing up — some day I will get to decide. I don’t even drink things with sugar (b/c #vanity), but I’ll be damned if someone takes away the option. [I get stabby over sin taxes as a concept, too.]

          • No

            Oh dear, no. Of COURSE you should not be able to smoke in a bar in NYC, or any public indoor place, really. Of all the (many, many) problems to have with Bloomberg… this is not the one.

          • anon

            huh? You think it’s an important liberty…to be able to pollute the air other people breathe? While slowly killing yourself? What an odd thing to be #conflicted about.

          • Anon

            What? New York is far from the only place to ban smoking. What an odd thing to be upset about. I agree he went on random things like big gulps and his crusade on salt really hurt food donations but even smokers I know aren’t outraged by the smoking ban…

          • Is it Friday yet?

            I feel like you shouldn’t be able to smoke anywhere that anyone else has to smell it. The ban is a wonderful thing. It’s so nice not having to shower the second I get home from an evening out because I don’t reek of someone else’s nasty cigarettes.

            Fun fact, the NYC bar industry rallied hard against the smoking ban, thinking it would decrease sales because people would stop coming to drink if they couldn’t smoke at the same time. What actually happened is that after the ban happened, bars got much busier because, as it turns out, there were way more non-smokers that were previously not coming out to avoid constant exposure to second-hand smoke than there were smokers.

          • Anonymous

            Yup. I would never go to a bar back when smoking was allowed, but now I will.

          • Anon

            Smoking has been banned in all public places in NY state for many, many years and it has been awesome.

          • Anonymous

            Yeah, maybe it’s my age showing, because I can’t remember ever going to a bar when smoking in bars was a thing, but I am super glad smoking is generally not allowed in bars anymore. I’m an asthmatic and I don’t want to be in any enclosed space where someone is smoking, or even where someone has been smoking.

      • Anon

        Let’s not forget how many men out there are/were like Bloomberg and how everyone is pretending that’s not the case now. Where were you when women like me were harassed at work? Oh yeah, laughing along with the harasser. But seriously…funny how life is.

    • Anon

      One thing we should all remember is that we’re not picking a candidate based on who is the most perfect of the perfect. We’re picking someone who merely has to be better than Trump (a low bar if I ever saw one). It pains me to see “but I don’t like ___ minor policy of Bloomberg’s” or “Sanders yells and I honestly don’t know if I could support him in the general.” All you need to do is get behind someone who isn’t a corrupt, racist, mentally impaired, narcissistic criminal many times over – that can’t be too much to ask. I’ll vote for anyone, including my last choice of Bloomberg, AND I will campaign for him or her. If we all do the same, we can and will win.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t going to discuss the debates or possible ticket combinations in the meantime.

        • Anon

          Absolutely! I support that too. I’m just cringing at how many people I see (not just here) suggesting they couldn’t support Sanders/Warren/Buttiegieg in the general for [insert minor flaw] that is better than Trump on his most saintly day.

          • Anonymous

            ? Are you reading the same site I am? Literally the only comments about not supporting the D candidate have been from Sanders supporters saying they wouldn’t vote for BBG.

          • Anon

            As I said, not just here, although I’ve seen ZERO Sanders supporters on this site saying they wouldn’t vote for Bloomberg. I’ve only seen the other way around here “because socialism.”

          • Anonymous

            Can you read? Like no one said they wouldn’t vote for Sanders because of ‘socialism’ – people were saying that R or independents who are conservative minded will not. Purple states with swing voters are not pro-socialist and will not come out for Sanders. That’s different then posters saying THEY personally will not vote for Sanders.

            And there were numerous specific posters saying they support Sanders and would not vote for BBG. Read the last couple of days of political posts.

      • Anonymous

        I’m with you, I would have to hold my nose to do it but if it’s Bloomberg vs Trump I’m absolutely coming out for Bloomberg. I disagree with Trump’s policies, but it’s his corruption of the rule of law that makes him absolutely horrifying for me. I don’t think any Democratic candidate, even the ones I like the least (Gabbard, lol) would do the same Mafia shit as Trump does

        • Anonymous

          I agree with many of Trump’s policies, but don’t like his interference and acting like an idiot. I don’t think I’m the only person that thinks this.

      • blueberries

        +1 In the general, I will support and vote for any of the folks who were on stage last night. The alternative is handing the election to DJT.

        Now is not the time to sit back, even if you wouldn’t ordinarily support the person who becomes the nominee.

    • Anonymous

      Seriously, she was on fire last night! She was initially my first choice, but over time Bernie seemed more in line with my values. I still like him, but Warren earned back my vote last night. I want to see her bring the same energy to the presidential debates and hold Trump’s feet to the fire.

      • Anonymous

        Love this ticket! It’s really a shame Castro doesn’t speak fluent Spanish – that would have gone a long way, I think.

        • Jeffiner

          He can use that to his advantage! A whole generation of immigrants was told to “Speak English and you’ll fit in.” It was obviously a huge lie, and highlights our need for immigration as well as social justice reforms.

    • Anonymous

      Last night clarified that I’m all in for Bloomberg. So what if he’s called women some names — let’s be real all men have including DJT and the electorate doesn’t care. All I saw was a bunch of people who are insanely jealous of his wealth or anyone with wealth. Apparently to liberals now hard work is only ok if it’s done by a single mom working 3 jobs preferably a black mom, but perish the thought that hard work by an actual educated professional results in wealth — then he somehow took what was “rightfully” theirs and must then fund their college or whatever. I can’t respect anyone who is anti wealth. So it’s Bloomberg or if he can’t get the nod, 4 more years.

      Best part of the night were tons of lawyer friends whining about Bloomberg. Had to remind them that all of us worked for a firm that did tons of outside counsel work for Bloomberg LP including a big discrimination case that went of for 3+ yrs, staffed like 20 associates etc. that we ended up winning. Funny how it was ok back then — lots of BBG work meant lots of hours and huge bonuses. They were 100% fine taking those bonuses but now OMG principles . . . .

      • Anon

        His comment on farmers and the fact he didn’t prepare for the debate were big signals that he’s old and out of touch. I’d rather vote for Trump than any of those people. I don’t care if that is not the “cool” thing to admit/do.

        I just wish the hell one of these people would do something real with health insurance. Actually, I wish the hell they would just cut the educated, well-off people that are just fat and lazy and don’t take care of themselves and do anything possible to get the poor people off of the system even if it means shifting ag policies toward better food and getting junk food out of dollar stores. Actually, Bloomberg would be good for that.

      • RedAnon

        At a certain point continuing to amass wealth is inherently bad. Yup. No one needs $billions. Not for yourself and your family and all your imaginary offspring. There are real people right now who are dying for lack of $ and what it affords access to (food, healthcare, housing), and the Bloombergs of the world are sitting on these piles of wealth too vast to contemplate — and yeap, that’s wrong. I’m willing to agree to disagree on certain grey areas, like at what numerical value someone is “eat the rich” levels of wealthy, but I can’t see an argument that says that continuing to take what you absolutely, inarguably *don’t need* and will never need and will never use, isn’t evil.

  5. Anon

    Who thinks Trump is setting the stage to pardon Stone, Manafort, et al? I shudder when I really think about the kakistocracy he’s created (and how absolutely nothing will be done to rein him in).

    • Anonymous

      He’s definitely going to pardon Stone etc. Makes me wonder why he even bothered to get the sentencing recommendation reduced.

      It’s super concerning because he’s openly going after the judicial branch of govt. He controls the executive branch, legislative branch is basically owned by him as evidenced by the witness free impeachment process in the Senate and so now he’s taking on the judicial branch. Most recent pardons were clearly intended to also have a chilling effect on sentences – as in, if a sentence doesn’t please him, he’ll just pardon the person so better sentence them to less.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for teaching me a new word! I can’t believe I made it three years into the Trump presidency and didn’t know Kakistocracy was the word for our situation.

      • Anonymous

        BAAAHHAHAHA the very idea that between Roger Stone and the DOJ, that it’s the DOJ!! that is corrupt? You must swallow every QAnon conspiracy out there.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, I mean clearly. Also, as an Illinois resident, I am absolutely livid over his commutation of Blago’s sentence.

      • anonchicago

        +1. He’s on a wiretap trying to sell a senate seat! I saw an interview with him yesterday where he said he had no remorse and has done nothing wrong. What???

        • Housecounsel

          He has not changed one bit in prison. Exactly the same and still seems to think he is the governor.

        • Anon

          And didn’t he call himself a political prisoner?! Somebody should put him on a rocket and shoot him into the sun.

    • Anon

      I will be zero percent surprised, I think everybody’s known that was coming since the beginning.

      • Anonymous

        This is totally what he’s doing but he’s doing it because he genuinely believes it’s not criminal to break whatever laws you want to make as much money and get as much power as you can. Real criminals in his eyes are POC, regardless of whether or not they’ve actually ever committed a crime or just ‘look like they might’.

  6. Hollis

    Do anyone here have the Dagne Dover Ryan or Weston and use it as your daily work bag? I want something lightweight that I can use to shlep my 15” work laptop back and forth to work and would prefer to get one with a shoulder strap as my other work bag is a large tote style bag. Some of my docs are long and I’d like to be able to fit maybe an inch worth of docs in the same bag. Any comments or recommendations appreciated.

    • anonchicago

      I have the Dagne signature tote. Had it in Legend size which was huge and encouraged me to overstuff. The handle broke after about 2 years and DD replaced the bag for free so I sized down to the Classic.

      Their bags are well structured and yes heavy, but I love that I can throw the bag around or step on it under a plane seat and the inner contents don’t get damaged. It has a lot of pockets for personal stuff, plus a water bottle holder, laptop holder, and tablet pocket.

      • Kanye East

        I have this one, too. It’s a workhorse. All the pockets and compartments are great.

        Yes, it’s got some heft, but I’ve been abusing it for a year and it shows zero signs of wear.

    • Anon

      Talbots 100% merino wool sweaters are my go to winter workwear. They have held up well over two years of near-weekly wear.

  7. Sarabeth

    Anyone buy this sweater or other J Crew merino wool recently and have thoughts on quality? Once upon a time, sweaters like these were staples of my wardrobe. Then the quality went downhill and I haven’t bought wool from J.Crew in six or seven years. Is it any better now?

    • Anonymous

      No advice on J Crew but I am happy with my uniqlo merino sweaters, and they are half the price of this.

      • Anon

        Unfortunately, Uniqlo merino has gone totally downhill just in the last year or so. I have two sweaters from five years ago or so that look great despite weekly washing and one purchased in 2019 that got a hole and pilled badly after one washing.

      • Anon

        My Uniqlo sweater was as thin and durable as tissue paper. RIP that sweater.

    • Cat

      I’ve found that the 100% merino, cashmere, silk (including the “re-imagined silk”), and cotton items are still good. It’s the blends that are pilly, flimsy, itchy, etc.

        • anne-on

          Once they’re down to $65-$85 I snap them up. They are great with both jeans and skirts and I find them very warm for their weight. They do hit juuuust below your true waist so it is much more classic/fitted look than the slightly longer sweaters that were in for so long.

    • AnonATL

      I’ve liked my washable Merino from BR, though I think one shrunk a bit probably because I didn’t follow the instructions exactly or it ran in a “normal” load of laundry.
      The color has held up well and it hasn’t pilled or ripped. I just shrunk it slightly.

      • Ariadne

        My BR merino shrank as well, and I hand washed / babied it by washing in the sink with a delicate soapy solution of cold water, gently dried on a towel, and re-shaped! So disappointed as I bought a bright color, in a larger size to wear on its own, and now it has become a layering pieced (for me — I am busty so I could wear it and it fits tighter, but bright color plus more fitted draws more attention). I am wearing a pink merino today, and a white thin jacket like cardi over it as a result.
        I love the BR merino colors, but I find they shrink quite a bit, and as a result the larger sizes sell out quickly as most are sizing up. I have one merino wool sweater from three years ago that has not shrunk. A sales associate at the store insisted they do not ever shrink, and I said they did — she kept insisting I wasn’t washing them properly! They have introduced a ‘baggier’ fit of merino that I may try.

    • anon

      I’ve had good experiences with the washable merino from BR and with the Uniqlo merino sweaters. I’ve bought a few of both every year for about the last 3 years, and they’ve worn equally well. This year I picked up some merino turtlenecks from Uniqlo as well, and I’ve been super impressed with the quality of the wool – I wasn’t sure I’d be ok with it against my neck b/c I’m usually super sensitive to that, but it’s been fine.

    • Anon

      I was searching for the brand in the post but it’s not there and I was very disappointed when I clicked the link and it went to J. Crew. I would not buy this from them because I would expect that it would be very poor quality for the price.

    • Anyone

      I bought two of these on sale not long ago. They are fine. Not great quality, but not terrible considering the price. I hope they last, but they’re definitely thinner that I wanted. I’m just tired of looking for decent sweaters, so I decided to keep them.

  8. superanonforthisone

    Do any of you work with family offices? I’m going to my first operating board meeting next month and I’m curious about what’s typical vs what’s uniquie to my family. If you’re a professional staff member, what’s your perception of the family members? If you have a family office, what’s your experience been like?

    • Anonymous

      It is eye popping, for a kid who grew up playing in the street.

      It is a world where you can’t keep track of which grandkid is away at school in Connecticut vs at rehab in Connecticut (sometimes it is deliberately kept murky due to Feelings, and those ed/med expenses can go for either). I feel like they need a family member to be a good but nonpracticing attorney to truly undertand if it is staffed right (e.g., avoid a Madoff situation) and what the family issues really are. It is like you need to be Ari Gold and also Lloyd and psychic and good at law/accounting.

    • anon

      Tax is incredibly important. Former tax attorneys make great GCs (if the family office is sized big enough). Also tend to be pretty risk averse.

    • AlsoSuperAnon

      Are you a member of Family Office Exchange? You can post all sorts of questions anonymously there and get a good variety of responses from other family offices.

  9. FFS

    FYI to those of you looking at Lo and Sons’ Rowledge or OG2 – they’re currently 70% off (along with some other styles) in the red and olive. I find the colors super ugly on the Rowledge (but love love love the bag in black), but tolerable on the OG2.

  10. Working with snakes

    Has anyone read Snakes in Suits or dealt with a narcissistic or insecure boss? Any advice other than get out? In a nutshell, the main partner I support is surrounded by aggressive yes men and the group dynamic is to constantly belittle other people (opposing counsel, witnesses, even colleagues outside of the group). I don’t drink the Kool-Aid that all our cases are slam dunks and then I get criticized as not being aggressive enough and looking at things judicially rather than as a good advocate. I also don’t participate in mocking other people which morphed into a criticism that I’m not engaged with the team even when I finally brought up that some of the comments made me feel uncomfortable and erred on bigotry. The partner has gotten extremely nitpicky about my work, he is short with me in conversations, I’m not being staffed on new matters with this partner, and I’ve stopped being invited to coffee and other outings with the immediate team. I’m willing to accept constructive criticism about my work if this is truly a work product issue but I feel like this is about my challenging the partner’s ego and not tolerating the toxic environment he fosters. Even if I were a problematic associate, avoiding and excluding me feels like a weird sense of control and plain ole bad management. I’m getting good feedback from other partners but I only work with them half as much. I’m also documenting everything but this is a rainmaker partner and I’m replaceable. TIA for any thoughts!

    • Anonymous

      I’ve come to the conclusion that work relationships are no different than romantic relationships.

      You can’t document person into treating you better. You need to pivot just to work for the other people and that may not be possible, so my advice will be to find a new job elsewhere with people who seem promising. DTMFAMO.

    • Anonymous

      Obviously you need to leave. Don’t waste time reading books or trying to solve this just get out.

    • Anonymous

      You need to get more work from other partners. This partner is who he is and he has no interest in changing. Start getting as much work from other partners as you can until he’s no longer the main partner you work for.

      • Anon

        Yes, this.

        Once you lose your sense of normalcy, your future work will be negatively affected. Your confidence will be shot; your ability to be professional in tense situations will be shot; you may inadvertently land in a similar situation, because you forgot what normal is.

        Spend your time job hunting.

      • Anon

        Agreed, as someone who has BTDT. When I finally got out after almost 8 years, therapy, medication, and working through the issues for the last year and a half has only started to make me feel some memory of what normal is. It really messed me up, and I think only the fact that I had a decade in the profession before working in that situation has kept me somewhat aware of what work should feel like.

    • anon

      I’ve been in your situation. The only solution is to get out. Exclusion is part of the narcissist playbook, and IME once you’re at that point you’ll never be back in his “good graces” (not that that is a great place to be anyways). Don’t compromise your values or professional/personal integrity to try to fit into that team because it probably won’t pay off and you’ll make yourself feel sick and alienate anyone sane. (Not that it sounds like you would, but certainly do not feel like you should be trying harder to play by their rules.) In the mean time, continue to document everything and watch out for attempts by him to throw you under the bus and undermine your career. Forge alliances with others to keep you afloat until you can transition.

      Professionally and logistically there was only so much I could do–document, watch my back, forge other alliances, get out. One of the hardest parts for me was dealing with it emotionally. I was relatively early in my career and previously had a fairly good relationship with my boss. He became extremely cruel and his attacks were personal. Sounds like you’re handling it well from that stand point but it can be truly crazy-making to deal with a person like this because the name of the game is to make you feel like you’re the problem. Just remember that it’s not you.

    • Anonymous

      ” I don’t drink the Kool-Aid that all our cases are slam dunks and then I get criticized as not being aggressive enough and looking at things judicially rather than as a good advocate.”

      Have worked for people like this too and was in a similar situation. I would be told, “don’t argue the other side’s case for them!”, even though I was just like doing an objective analysis for a report. You know, as I did, that “thinking all cases are slam dunks” and always being aggressive is NOT being a good advocate. Definitely look elsewhere for work!

  11. Tired

    This may be a question that doesn’t have an answer. I’m working at an organization with generally great people and doing work I like. But we have been working extremely long hours recently, including weekends, and everyone has been quite stressed, and I am completely burned out. I can’t quit for a number of reasons, and I don’t really want to. There is no point in telling my boss because although I don’t think he would get mad if I said I was burnt out, he is new to the organization and wouldn’t know how to deal with the office politics needed to get work off my plate. I am getting so emotional and angry (just internally, not to my colleagues) about everything and every meeting I have. I took a day off last week and that was great but didn’t cure anything, and more time off is not doable. I have gotten a bit more into hobbies like yoga and reading, even though I have no time. It’s been a godsend that because we work such long hours no one cares what time you come in in the morning. I love what I am doing but it’s very hard to get out the door sometimes.

    • Anon

      Quitting is always an option. Why don’t you say it is? Why not search for a new job starting yesterday? I’m job searching and believe me, I know how much it sucks, but it’s better than being miserable 50+ hours a week.

    • Anonymous

      Try mini breaks, like walking out to get coffee instead of staying inside, watching short fun content at night, etc. Also invest in good quality food, as in a crunch offices often bring in junk. And if you can sneak in workouts at least on the weekend that will help burn stress away.

    • Eh

      You have to set your own boundaries. There will always be too much work– you can’t do all the work. You need to set a firm stop time, and stop at that time. You don’t work weekends anymore. Just stop doing it. Do the best you can do within your work hours and then leave. You cannot sacrifice your life and happiness just because the organization does not have enough employees. This is not your problem. Do your job but maintain your sanity– your job would not make these same sacrifices for you, so don’t make them for your job.

      • Anonymous

        This! Your choices are not die at your desk or leave… just lean OUT a bit, take more breaks, don’t kill yourself for your job! If it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t get done.

    • Squid

      Gently, it sounds like you don’t really want a solution. What would happen if you just left at 6PM every day, or after you’ve completed 40 hours of work? If you can’t stomach doing that to your colleagues (assuming everyone is pulling long hours), you need to find a way to cope with the long hours or look for a new job. You’re going to burn yourself out and either quit or get fired. I think talking to your boss is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Maybe s/he has a solution or coping mechanism you hadn’t thought of. Maybe s/he’d give you more time off. Asking is free.

    • Anontoday

      I think it depends on how long these long hours are going to last. Something like this happened to me this time last year, but I knew the end was in sight so I was able to push through. That being sad, I was incredibly burnt out, resentful, and grumpy for months at work. Vacations helped a little, but it just took time to get over it. Luckily after this tough period, we came together as an organization and talked about ways we can prevent it/minimize it happening again which helped the resentment.
      I love my job, my employer, and the people I work with so it wasn’t an option for me to quit either just as a solution for short term misery.
      If the issue causing the long hours is systemic and not a short term push to finish a project, that’s another story and one that I think merits discussion with your boss. Here’s where I see inefficiencies causing these long hours and how we can fix them, etc.

    • Anon

      “There is no point in telling my boss because although I don’t think he would get mad if I said I was burnt out, he is new to the organization and wouldn’t know how to deal with the office politics needed to get work off my plate.”

      No. This is wrong. Your boss is given a big fat paycheck (compared to the people he manages) because he presumably has the skills and willingness to handle these situations.

      • Senior Attorney

        It is literally his job to deal with this and adjust your workload to avoid losing you.

      • Anon

        Yes. Your boss needs to know. Just say that you are feeling burnt out and see what boss suggests.

    • Anon

      I’m in an org going through something similar due to external changes that we have no control over– there’s nothing to be done to get work off my plate because everyone is in the same boat, and there’s nothing that my direct bosses to do. Numerous people have quit with no jobs lined up. It’s hard. I’ve started coming in at 9 and leaving at 6 every single day no matter what, and not coming on the weekends, because I was starting to get so incredibly burned out that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I’ve been using the time in the evenings to see friends or cook and unwind and read and go to yoga. At first I felt worse because of the guilt of everything not getting done, but I’m starting to feel better and am getting more productive in the hours that I am in the office. Please take care of yourself first.

    • Anon

      Honestly, this sounds like so many mission-driven, martyer-staffed non-profits I’ve worked with and for over the years. I know they’re not all like this, but every one I’ve touched has been (they’re all in education, fwiw). It was a tough decision, but I’m in the private sector now and actually enjoy my job and life.

    • Anon

      If “everyone” is working so many extra hours, it sounds as if they need to hire at least one other person, even if only on a short-term contract. Why don’t businesses do this?

  12. Anonymous

    I just bought and moved into a new apartment (pre-war in NYC). At 8pm last night, for the first time since moving, I started my 6-minute workout that involves 2 30-second phases of jumping jacks on the rug in my living room. On the second jumping jack sequence, my downstairs neighbor who I’ve never met came upstairs, knocked on the door, and politely said that because it’s an old building, my exercising was causing everything in his apartment to shake, including glass moving around, and he “just wanted to let me know,” and he too had to tone down his activity to make it easier on the apartment below him. He told me one person in the building insulated her walls and ceiling to reduce the noise because it was so bad.

    I told him thanks for letting me know and I’d try to be considerate, and while I would try to do it at reasonable times, that I would likely still do my 6-minute workout sometimes. He did not seem pleased. Should I have approached this differently? I wanted to start doing this workout at 8am before work but I guess that might be too annoying for them…but I don’t want to give up my routine altogether.

    I am a small woman in a stable-seeming building with very high ceilings, and it’s literally 60 seconds of jumping jacks a day, total, on a thick rug. For my part I do hear my upstairs neighbor walking constantly and it’s annoying…but I cannot imagine my ceiling and possessions shaking from anything happening up there.

    I feel like if you are going to be super sensitive to noise and live in NYC you need to live on a top floor or pick the building you live in carefully. But I don’t want to upset my new neighbor either, even if he seems a little oversensitive. Am I wrong?

    • Anonymous

      Swap out the jumping jacks for something else. Mountain climbers maybe? I’d be super annoyed if my upstairs neighbor insisted on an exercise routine involving jumping jacks.

      Alternative would be to buy a small exercise trampoline and do the jumping jacks on that.

      • Anon

        I have a hard time imagining jumping on a trampoline would be better noise and shaking wise? I could be wrong. I haven’t tested it.
        I feel like in my apartment days if I saw my already loud upstairs neighbor bringing a small trampoline up to their apartment I would’ve died.

        • Anonymous

          It should absorb the up and down jumping impact. Like isn’t that the purpose of a trampoline?

    • Anon

      Sorry, jumping jacks before 8 am isn’t cool. That’s apartment living for you.

    • Anonymous

      Girl just don’t do jumping jacks in your apartment. Find a workout that doesn’t involve jumping or go to a gym or go do jumping jacks on the side walk.

      He isn’t over sensitive, you’re being super rigid and not very courteous.

    • NYCer

      This may be an unpopular opinion, but I generally think anything involving jumping in an apartment is a no-go. Especially if you know that (1) your neighbor below you can hear you when you do it and (2) it bothers them.

      Can you try doing mountain climbers or something else cardio-ish for that 30 second interval instead of jumping?

      • Z

        +1 don’t do it. Pick something else. Run outside or up and down the stairs for some cardio.

      • Anon

        I too agree with this. This is just the realities of apartment living, and I live in a semi-luxury building less than 15 years old.

      • anon

        +3, you can’t do this. A guy in my dorm did it freshman year and we mentioned it to the RA. She got him to stop very quickly.

    • anonymous

      If it’s causing things in his apartment to shake, you may need to do a different workout or do it in a different place. That’s definitely more of a pain than just loud thumping noises. I don’t think it’s easy to carefully pick your apartment in New York or chose to live on the top floor.

    • The original Scarlett

      I do actually think you’re wrong here – the neighbor came up while you were exercising which means it very likely is shaking the building. Hard to believe, but as a dweller in old buildings this is a thing. It’s really disruptive to the people below you, and you just have to adjust. Do non-jumping things in your apartment and find somewhere else for cardio.

    • anon

      I live in Chicago, not New York, so this may be a silly question.. Is there an apartment gym? It seems like most of the places I have lived in Chicago have in building gyms, so if that’s an option maybe consider using that. I’ve also gone to our stairwell and just done a few minutes of running up stairs in order to not do a lot of stomping type exercise. I feel like the nicest thing to do in apartments is focus on quieter exercises like yoga, pilates, low-impact items. And then I try to fit my cardio in elsewhere.

      • BB

        The high prevalence of apartment gyms is 100% a Chicago thing. Saying this is someone who moved from a big East Coast city to Chicago and LOVES having a real gym in the building now. Unless you’re at the very tip top of the price range in most of those other cities, you’re looking at an old building that was refurbished into apartments and no gym within sight.

        • Carrie

          But even in Chicago, I never lived in a building with a gym. Most people still live in older, less outfitted buildings.

        • Anon

          My in-laws live in Manhattan and have a gym in the building! They also had a gym in their previous (less nice) Manhattan apartment building. They aren’t wealthy and I don’t think these buildings are super fancy. The apartments themselves aren’t very nice and definitely don’t feel new.

    • Anne

      I grew up in an apartment and think that that is totally and completely unreasonable of him but that you should also focus on a good relationship with a neighbor if possible so try switching to a different form of cardio. Also were you on a yoga mat on your rug? Might that help?

    • Anonymous

      I’m with your neighbor here. Some aspects of apartment living may make noise others can hear and they need to deal, like you watching TV at a reasonable volume or walking around your living room, vacuuming will definitely make noise and cooking with garlic will create a smell that travels down the hall, but people understand these things. Jumping jacks though? Nope, not cool. Unless you know for a fact the apartment is empty, do you know when he leaves for work? I would recommend running outside, or joining a gym so you can get all the cardio you want without bothering anyone in your building.

      I’m also going to caution people about stair running. In older buildings, those stairs may share a wall with someone’s kitchen! I hated hearing people run and stomp up and down the stairs in my old building (thankfully, I don’t think anyone did this as their cardio, it’s just how they did stairs . . .) Only consider stair running if your building has a concrete stairwell.

    • Angela

      I feel like jumping is not such a normal and ordinary activity that someone living in an apartment should expect their upstairs neighbors to be jumping, even for 60 seconds a day. Just because you can’t “imagine” your possessions shaking from your upstairs neighbor jumping doesn’t mean that’s not what’s happening. Walking around and jumping have completely different levels of force. The fact that you CAN hear ordinary walking through the ceiling suggests that jumping could in fact rattle the apartment below.

      I mean, long story short, in order to be a good neighbor, you need to quit the jumping. Find another exercise or go to the gym.

    • Anonanonanon

      I feel like if you want to jump in your apartment in NYC, you should live on the first floor. (It goes both ways).
      Non-stop jumping for sixty seconds is not an activity of daily living.

    • HW

      Your neighbor isn’t being overly sensitive. You’re doing something that shakes everything inside his apartment. It sounds like your neighbor was trying to be nice and your reaction was unreasonable.

    • Anon

      I agree with all of the comments that, sorry, I think you need to find something else to do. Just to reframe the thought that it’s “only 60 seconds” & therefore he should be able to put up with it, I would just think through all the things he could be doing at that time (which you will never have any insight into prior to starting) where even just 60 seconds of the apartment shaking (taking him at his word) would still be super annoying. Say he’s watching a movie, just getting to the good part… whole apartment starts shaking for a whole minute. Just sitting down to a lovely dinner with his SO…whole apartment starts shaking for a minute. Finally found the time to sit down and work on a big thought piece for work that takes a lot of concentration…whole apartment starts shaking. You get the idea. I actually think it was nice that he was so direct & polite about it.

      I have lived below loud folks before in a VHCOL situation and trust me, it is not easy to just go out and get a top floor apartment, especially when the noise bothering you veers on the side of them being unreasonable (which I take from the other comments it is generally agreed that this is).

    • Anon 2.0

      I think fostering a good relationship with your neighbor is more important than 60 seconds of jumping jacks. Granted. I live in the Midwest where being friendly with your neighbors is practically a religion.

    • Anon

      Yeah, of course you’re going to piss off your neighbors if you’re making everything shake. Go to a gym to work out because the apartment you picked is not conducive for exercise. Your neighbor was incredibly polite and you should be a good neighbor back to him. You need to move if doing jumping jacks in your apartment is important to you.

    • Anon

      Ha, I don’t know if there’s ever been a comment thread that’s 100% unanimous.

      • Cat

        Ha, no kidding. The last one I can recall is — DC to NYC, Amtrak or fly? (Amtrak, of course.)

        • ollie

          I’m surprised the DC-NYC one was unanimous! That’s always a hot debate at my firm (firmly Team Amtrak here, but I was surprised about how many partners are Team Fly).

          • Anon

            Is it because a lot of the partners are coming from the Virginia suburbs, so it is a lot quicker to get to IAD than Union Station? The only people I know who prefer to fly are those who live out by IAD

          • Anonymous

            Oh yeah, if I’m going between two cities on the Northeast Corridor, I’d so much rather take the train! Unless it’s Boston to DC, then maaaybe I fly, I don’t know, it’s been a while.

    • Anonymous

      Could you do your jumping jacks in the hallway, which presumably is not over ANYONE? If that makes the entire place shake, i think you need a new routine.

  13. Endowed by my Creator

    I need “going out” top ideas for the busty. I am a 34H and I don’t have a single cute top for nights out. When I look online I think “I can’t fit these things in there!” Ideas please!

    • JuniorMinion

      Bravissimo has cute tops and for each clothing size they have multiple different “curviness” sizes.

  14. Definitely Anonymous for this

    I missed jury duty (Manhattan, New York County) last week. The summons came a few weeks ago, and all I can say is it may have been the worst possible time in all my life. I know everyone is always busy but I am: working extra hard at a tough job while simultaneously gonig through the final stages of being recruited to another job, which has involved traveling out of state to interview – AND – undertaking a massive gut renovation of most of my home. I feel awful and the minute I realized I’d screwed up I logged on to the computer system to try to figure out what to do. It would not let me make any changes since “my service” had “already started. (I was supposed to report Thursday, and this was Friday.) I then called the phone number that they offer – 4-5 times, for about 10-15 minutes each time on Friday, and for a solid half an hour Tuesday. No-one ever answers and the voicemail box doesn’t accept messages.

    I feel like s–t. Ireally didn’t mean to do this. But I don’t know how to reach anyone to figure out what to do. In most life situations I’d just show up and try to talk to someone in person but I feel like it might be counter-productive since I’m not “supposed to” be there… if they don’t have anyone staffing the phone lines, why should I assume they have someone handling this in person? I really don’t know and would appreciate any suggestions.

    –

    • Anonymous

      Send a letter explaining that due to construction on your home you were not receiving mail and have only just received that notice. Apologize and express your willingness to serve.

    • Anonymous

      I am sorry this happened to you. But I’m sure they do have someone in person at the jury office in order to interact with people there for jury duty. I would just show up (not during lunch) and explain what happened.

      • Anon

        Agree with this. From what I understand, the people who get in trouble over this are the ones who do not show up and make no effort to rectify the situation.

        Do not overthink it. Show up and explain.

    • Anonymous

      Can you email the commissioner of jurors for your county? Usually there is an FAQ site that gives such information. Another option would be to go to that office in person and ask for another date. This happens all the time and they are running juries all the time so there are real staff people.

      • Anonymous

        Good question. And thank you all for the suggestions. I will incorporate them all together this weekend.

    • M

      I actually recently served jury duty in Manhattan/New York County and I’m pretty sure there is a room (aka an office) where you can go to “try to get out of jury duty in person” (since you can technically only defer once not in person apparently). I think they would be the people to talk about this if you have time to go down there in person.

      I would also try emailing. They NEVER answer their phones. I waited on hold for 75 MINUTES and they didn’t answer. I sent an email and they answered within 5 minutes………. I believe my summons had the email address. So I think a lot about their process doesn’t make sense, particularly their phone system. They seemed to be much more receptive to questions in person. When I was actually serving, they even mentioned that they don’t answer 99% of their phone numbers….. This was my experience with civil court, trial jury i think (whatever is not grand jury). Hope that helps! I’ll check back if you have further questions.

    • M

      I actually recently served jury duty in Manhattan/New York County and I’m pretty sure there is a room (aka an office) where you can go to “try to get out of jury duty in person” (since you can technically only defer once not in person apparently). I think they would be the people to talk about this if you have time to go down there in person.

      I would also try emailing. They NEVER answer their phones. I waited on hold for 75 MINUTES and they didn’t answer. I sent an email and they answered within 5 minutes………. I believe my summons had the email address. So I think a lot about their process doesn’t make sense, particularly their phone system. They seemed to be much more receptive to questions in person. When I was actually serving, they even mentioned that they don’t answer 99% of their phone numbers….. This was my experience with civil court, trial jury i think (whatever is not grand jury). Hope that helps! I’ll check back if you have further questions.

    • M

      I recently served in Manhattan/New York County. My comment is in moderation but please check back for my advice!

    • Anon_in_NYC

      This was your first summons? You’ll get another one. The court system doesn’t have the personnel to handle answering phones re jury duty.

    • Anon

      Go to 100 Centre Street, to the main jury room on the 15th floor, between 9:30 and 4 pm, and explain what happened. This is not something to freak out about — plenty of people just ignore the summonses.

  15. annonymous for this

    Are any of you doing the intuitive eating thing? I read Evelyn Tribole’s book in early January and so much of it resonated with me. I think I’ve been on some type of diet since I was probably 15, although in more recent years my diet was never called that–it was cloaked in health and wellness. So trying to not follow a plan or protocol of some kind is very hard, I’m finding that during times of stress–whether that’s work or family, I really want to log my food, or count macros or come up with a new “healthy” way of eating. The biggest thing I’ve noticed is how much time I’ve spent just thinking about food–planning, analyzing–this really left very little headspace for other things, but I’m struggling with finding an alternative to think about every time I find myself falling back into those thought patterns. I am at least recognizing that I’m doing it, but I think it would be really helpful to have something else to think about and automatically turn my thoughts to that, whatever “that” is. I’ve been trying to read more and always have a book around so I can turn to that, but sometimes it’s while I’m walking or even just in between meetings at work, while I’m in the shower etc. I’m an attorney, I work a lot, I have two kids, we are busy–when people ask what my hobbies are or what I do outside of work I’m like I feed my children, do laundry, and sleep–at this point in my life I do not have time for hobbies. BUT, now I am realizing that I’ve spent literally hundreds of hours counting, planning, researching new “diets” or wellness plans, never mind the money I’ve spent associated with all of that-so maybe that was my hobby. I’m not sure exactly what I’m asking–but if others have recently turned to intuitive eating, or if you are long time convert, I would be interested in hearing about your transition–there is a part of me that is thinking this just isn’t going to work and I need a little motivation to keep going.

    • Anon

      I do it and it’s been great. I don’t think of it like a switch flipping, but like a lifelong process. My years of disordered habits aren’t going to disappear overnight, but I try to do my best and focus on the positives IE has brought me. Just off the top of my head, I can eat amazing food someone has baked for me without worrying about calories/macros/carbs, I don’t need to pepper the waiter with questions to make sure the dish I ordered is “compliant” with my restrictive diet du jour, I don’t waste time and mental space thinking about my food intake…I could go on and on.

      • Anon

        Also, you do need new hobbies. I totally agree that the amount of time I’ve spent on diets in the past could be a hobby, but that makes me so deeply sad. Now I have a lot of hobbies and it simply gives me something to DO! It’s amazing.

    • Anonymous

      If you have two kids, you’re still going to need to meal plan for them. I’d suggest your better approach is to work with a registered dietitian to develop a realistic three week meal plan for your family that includes take out and treats.

      To me the most annoying part of adulting is knowing that I have to decide what to eat for each meal, three times a day until I die. If I win the lottery, the first thing I’m doing is getting a personal chef. I’ve used meal planning to eliminate the constant decision making and battles with the kids over what’s for dinner or breakfast on a certain day. Also makes grocery shopping way easier.

      • Anon

        Ugh no, meal planning isn’t a requirement for IE (it can work for some, but in my experience, it introduces rigidity and adherence to outdated standards about what’s “healthy.”) OP, I’d suggest building a repertoire of meals that you like that can be decided on the day of. I personally like to make easy 30-minute meals (things like pasta with sausage and side salad or a beef stirfry) that don’t require planning, prep, or more time thinking about food.

        • Anonymous

          I wouldn’t write off all dieiticians as outdated and rigid. There’s a reason it’s a 4 year degree with continuing education requirements.

          I wasn’t suggesting meal planning as part of IE, but as an alternative to IE. OP expressed that food is consuming too much time in her life. My point being that even if she personally is doing IE she still has to figure out breakfast/lunch/dinner for her kids which is still a lot of thinking about food. In my personal experience, my DH, I and our 3 kids are super busy with tons of hobbies – I have zero time to think about food so automating it via a meal plan means I spend barely any time thinking about food. Just buy what’s on the list at the grocery store and cook what’s in the plan before racing off to whatever activity that night. It’s not about a calorie restricted plan, it’s about a simplified process for food so that it takes up less time in my life. Same way Obama alternated between two different suit types to reduce decision fatigue. Thought that approach might be useful to OP.

        • Anonymous

          “I’d suggest building a repertoire of meals that you like that can be decided on the day of. ”

          This is literally meal planning except without an assigned day for each meal. An assigned day just makes it easier for whoever gets home first to start cooking.

          • Anon

            Not really though? Meal planning (at least according to the Internet) seems to involve spending hours on Sunday prepping things and/or mapping out an exact schedule rather than getting home and being like “hmm, what sounds good? We have pasta so I’ll make that.” I view them as very different beasts with pros and cons.

          • Anonymous

            Meal planning and meal prepping are two different things. I do not have time to spend meal prepping all Sunday long. That’s way too obsessive about food.

            I meal plan because otherwise I end up feeding the kids pasta 3/5 nights because i never have the energy or ingredients on hand to make proper meals. I have a list of easy to make meals assigned to specific days so DH and I can take turns cooking, and we know what to buy at the store each week.

    • Monday

      I gradually moved into intuitive eating from about 2012-2015 and have not gone back. I am so glad you are considering it. I feel so much more peaceful, no longer preoccupied with food or size. (I never found any way to try to control my weight or diet that didn’t require being preoccupied with it.)

      It only hit me a few months ago that I no longer have to worry at all about how my clothes fit. I never weigh myself now, but I only realize by contrast that I used to bounce around all the time. Every season, when I brought out my clothes from last year, I had to see which ones still fit. Now for the first time, I have clothes from years ago that still fit and always fit. I’m 38, fwiw.

      Here’s the thing: I stabilized at roughly 2 sizes larger than I used to be. I started doing strength training, and so I went from having no muscle at all to being quite strong. But that isn’t all of the difference in my size, and I don’t need it to be. My current size is SUSTAINABLE. It is not the lowest I can possibly get it. I feel far better, physically and mentally, but commitment to IE does mean accepting that your body may simply not be willing to be as small as you envision. I’d trade this for the yo-yo any day, however. And most research shows that people who maintain a stable weight, regardless of what it is, are better off than those who dramatically lose and then generally regain over and over.

    • emeralds

      Check out the blog The Real Life RD–it has tons of content that sounds like it would be relevant to you right now, both in terms of intuitive eating and also in terms of recovery around harmful thought patterns about food.

      I guess I have been a long-term intuitive eater? I had issues with disordered eating in high school that can still pop up from time to time, and I have never been able to approach anything proximate to a “diet” without getting super, super triggered. For example, the last time I had a serious flare of ED issues was while I was a vegetarian, even though I went veggie purely because of animal welfare and environmental reasons. But as soon as I let myself start categorizing food as “bad” or “I’m not allowed to eat that,” my brain goes to a really, really harmful place–so intuitive eating is a good fit for me, even though I was practicing it in spirit before I knew it was an actual thing.

      I just wrote that and am reading over your post and I don’t know if my story is actually helpful to you at all? I do agree that it would be helpful to have something that you can use to interrupt yourself when you catch yourself starting to ruminate on food and diets. Perhaps you could benefit from a few sessions with a therapist to help you get some new strategies for your mental game?

      • Housecounsel

        There are some really great podcasts on this topic. Try Food Psych or Insatiable. Diet culture has stolen so much time and money and happiness from me. I wish I could say it isn’t anymore, but I can’t, yet.

    • Anon

      I have a friend who likes Christy Harrison’s work on the subject. She enrolled in a course or something to access tons of resources (a forum, PDFs, podcasts, etc), but I think there’s free info out there as well. My friend has been fat her whole life and those resources really helped her realize that she has worth, deserves to eat food like anyone else, and that her exercise habits and health aren’t dependent on the number on the scale. We both practice IE, but I haven’t personally read much of Harrison’s work. I like Real Life RD (most of the time) and also spend a lot of time developing my other hobbies and interests, both because they’re so fun and because it leaves less time for rumination on my body size.

      • Housecounsel

        The Food Psych podcast I mentioned above is Christy Harrison’s. She is great.

    • Anony

      I have no recommendations for the eating part (I’m sorry) but I have a whole boatload of simple, solo hobbies:
      – [Online] Crosswords: buy the NYT crossword online for $3.47/month and whenever you need a break, work on it or conversely, buy a crossword-a-day calendar and keep it on you all day to fill out. It feels SO good to actually finish a NYT crossword
      -Jigsaw Puzzles: mostly a home thing, but easy to work on then walk away from. Actually having one in the office would be cool too!
      -Pocket size Sudoku books or some other numbers puzzle
      -Books, which you already mentioned – Kindles are great because you can bring them wherever and you can pull up Kindle Cloud Reader to read on a computer. Give yourself permission to read ‘silly’ not best seller books. I read a lot of apocalypse books because they are easy and I enjoy them. Read whatever you want that you enjoy and look forward too.
      It sounds like finding something to enjoy in the midst of the chaos would be beneficial. I know it is for me but it’s taken me a long time to figure that out. Something as simple as finishing a crossword can make me smile and feel good.

    • CostAccountant

      Regarding the ruminating on food, diets, body etc. You need to “turn your mind”. This may be a DBT technique. Picture some place you like to be (maybe the beach) and try to imagine details with all 5 senses. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What can you feel? Sand? Warm breeze? I personally don’t use taste. You can if that’s helpful. Pick somewhere that makes you feel happy & joyful.

    • Anonymous

      OP here, thanks everyone for your thoughts and sharing your own experiences with intuitive eating. I think I probably had/have very disordered eating/thinking that I wasn’t really aware of up to this point–I really didn’t realize how much mental space it was taking up–or at least that this was not “normal”. Your comments have given me some things to think about and I may just need to test drive some hobbies and focus on the self care a bit more. It really does make me sad when I think about what I might have created, experienced etc. with all that wasted time. I am also finding that with certain people I need to find new things to talk about. The interesting thing is that I had been really restless about work–wondering if I should look for something else and just being a bit bored–now I realize that if I were at a new job or if work were crazy hectic right now I likely would not be in the right frame of mind to do the work that I clearly need to be doing. I guess things have a way of working out.

      • Anon

        I did not grow up in the US but in a poor country in Asia. I have lived in the US for about 15 years now, and one of the early things I realized about American women is that many of them have odd relationships with food. I mean this with love and am trying to understand, but I’m thinking when food is plentiful and you are not listening to your body cues you maybe have to come up with some arbitrary rules around your engagement with food.
        I do not follow Intuitive Eating and don’t know anything about it, but I literally just follow Michael Pollan’s (heard about them later and realize they reflect what I do) rules of: Eat when hungry. Stop when you’re full.
        I really pause and listen to my body in a moment of stillness (like in yoga) and try and figure out what I’m feeling and what I want. For instance yesterday it took me a moment of staring out the bus window to figure out that
        I was “feeling a bit queasy from riding the bus and looking at my phone, not hungry”. This morning I was unusually hungry and I thought about it for a moment and realized I had a very early dinner last night and nothing for several hours. So I ate a hearty breakfast of an omelette. Sometimes I want hot food. Sometimes I want some fresh produce. There are times I want something sugary, too, but I am not big into sugary stuff since I didn’t grow up here and it is just one flavor out of 5 for me. For example I’m ok with slightly bitter greens or sour foods or spice, and frequently even crave those tastes and that kind of variety. When I go to starbucks all the foods there with the exception of maybe two are sweet, and this again is a very American thing to me. In my culture there is a concept of eating all the different tastes (including bitter and sour) as part of experiencing all the parts of life. As much as you may want to, you can’t only have pleasure in life and all that.
        I have never been on a diet in my life. I am moderately active and just try and up my exercise when I notice I’ve become sedentary or my metabolism isn’t what it used to be. Plus when you’re somewhat poor you are thinking of other things – getting an education or improving your family’s lot. I am now well educated and mid-career but childhood habits get ingrained, and my attitude towards food has always been simple.
        I am glad you realized it takes up a lot of mental space to be constantly dieting. Hope you start afresh, throw away your scale, and eat more of a variety of foods in a more intuitive way.

  16. Anonymous

    For those of you who work in law firms, and specifically ones with “unlimited” vacation policies, how do you coordinate scheduling vacations in your group (specifically week long+ vacations)? It seems like in my smallish office practice group where we all get along well, and we do talk a lot about more than work, people just take vacation without consulting anyone else and then everyone gets pissed that there’s no coverage and you end up working all vacation. Since we have “unlimited” vacation, there’s no way that it’s tracked at all, so vacation never needs to get approved.

    It seems like there’s a way to fix this by just saying when you’re going to be going on vacation, making sure that everyone else is not taking vacation at the same time, but no one does that. I mean, there’s going to be some amount of having to be available and checking email on vacation, but that some of the “heavy lifting” could be taken care of by other people in our group.

    • Anon

      This is incredibly dysfunctional and easily remedied.
      1) Inform everyone you are working on a project with when you will be out at least a month in advance (unless it is one or two days for something short notice like an illness or funeral then you give notice as soon as you know)
      2) A shared vacation calendar on outlook or whatever your email service is that anyone (or a designated admin) can add vacations. Literally just a calendar called “Out of office” and an appointment entitled the person’s name and lasting the dates they are out. Everyone can see it and no questions are needed.

      • Anony

        +1 – a shared calendar is the way to go here. We have one on Sharepoint in my office and let me tell you, if you don’t add in whenever you’re going to be out of the office, beware the wrath of the admin. Everything goes in there – PTO, flex time, WFH, work at another site, business travel. From the Ops perspective, it’s not only keeping track of everyone but knowing where everyone is if an emergency happens. For example, if there’s a fire in the office, you need a roll call/head count. If Jim-Bob didn’t put that he was on PTO in the calendar, he could be in the fire…. We don’t have unlimited PTO but most get 3-4 weeks; and we don’t need to ask permission to take it. Maybe creating your calendar can be delegated to an admin or ops person who is then in charge of it and holds people accountable to entering their plans in it.

        • Anonymous

          OP here – the thing is that we DO have a shared calendar. Our shared assistant got (understandably) a bit annoyed being the only “keeper” of this information (and only sometimes having the information) and then people asking here “Where is X?”, so she created a calendar and asked us to put our vacations on it. She actually told us she was doing this and asked everyone if they would use it if she made it. Everyone said yes, they would use it. I did put my vacations on there, no one else did.

          We have enough people (6) that we can have decent coverage. We are also dealing with four different school calendars that have different spring breaks, etc. Not having school aged kids, I have only a general sense that these breaks happen some time between now and the end of April.

          I explained to a partner when we were discussing my deal load at the moment that I’m trying to schedule a vacation with my husband, but figured, since I don’t have school aged kids, it was smartest, that I should schedule to go on vacation some other time than when everyone else is taking school spring break vacation with their families. While he agreed, I just don’t see him putting his vacation on the already existing calendar. And it’s true, we don’t need to ask for permission to take vacation, I think it’s just smarter if we all talked about it and maybe not everyone take the same week out of the office. The issue is I have no idea when people are going to be out of the office since no one tells anyone when they will be out. I just hear the complaining that occurs when someone is out and no one knew they would be.

          I’m the only female in the group and maybe the only one who thinks logically about this sort of thing. My husband works for a large corporation and there’s a set amount of vacation. His manager doesn’t really care about the vacation, but just asks that you make sure there’s coverage for you. It makes so much sense… we just don’t do at my firm.

          • Anon

            So you have an administration problem. Your admin doesn’t get to tell you what her job duties are. The system is people tell the admin when they are on vacation and she has to input and monitor it and keep her annoyance at being asked to herself. People are much more likely to mention “hey out be out X to Y” as they walk by the admin than go in and schedule themselves, especially since you work with all men.

    • Anonymous

      So my office is unlimited vacation and this has not been my experience at all. I just tell the partner I work for that I will be out. I basically control my work flow and schedule, so I don’t schedule any court, deps, meeting, etc during that week. That takes about 3 months of planning in advance, so if something does pop up it can generally be rescheduled or literally any litigation atty at my firm can cover it, which is a daily occurrence in my firm (I type this as I am sitting in court covering for a partner in another practice group)

    • anon.

      We have this situation and send calendar invitations to the 3 people who need to know our whereabouts.

  17. Anon for this

    How have people balanced healthcare concerns with entrepreneurship? After two years of careful planning and building clients, I am starting my own company and leaving my full-time job, giving notice on the 24th. Of course, my doctor decides to do some brain imaging today due to some weird headaches and symptoms I’ve been having lately. I’m sure it’s nothing but….I’m a little spooked about giving up income and financial security, company healthcare, etc. Has anyone weighed this type of move before?

    • Anon

      If you haven’t given notice yet, why not wait another 30 days to confirm all is good for the peace of mind?

    • Anon

      Agree – don’t give notice until you have those results back (and ideally a second opinion). If it is something serious you’ll want the option of paid medical leave and comprehensive health care. Also, research your options now on open market or ACA health plans that can cover, at a reasonable costs, the ailment you may have.

    • Carrie

      Absolutely.

      If I had any major medical problem / chronic illness, I would not risk be self employed. This is one of the fundamental problems with our health care system.

      I am currently self employed, but getting older (late 40’s) and am very worried about this. My Obamacare plan is very expensive with terrible networks – none of the good hospitals are in my network. None of them, and I am in a major city with several excellent hospitals. And of course my deductible is astronomical and even my drug coverage is terrible. If I get cancer this year I am screwed, and there is a lot of cancer in my family. So very soon I will transition to a major employer, and stay with that until I retire on Medicare. I am even now wishing I had considered a long term employer with better retiree health benefits than Medicare.

      • Carrie

        Just to clarify – in my HUGE city/metropolitan area, none of the major hospitals/doctor networks with those hospitals will take ANY Obamacare plan patient. They are considered too high risk a pool, or they reimburse too poorly. It has been a real eye opener. I lost all of my favorite doctors.

    • Anonymous

      Question for attorneys… when you let people know you have availability for work, and they assign you a bunch of stuff in response, and you finish it all, do you keep following up that you have availability for work? I’m not sure how often I should be sending this emails or if I should just wait. I don’t want to be annoying.

    • Anon

      Hope it’s nothing and your dr. is just being careful, but yeah since you’re leaving for your own company and not an offer that will be rescinded if you delay, why not get thru all the testing and then leave when you learn all is well?

      As to your bigger question, YES health insurance is a big factor in me not owning a business/delaying that decision. I have always said I wish we had health insurance options that were NOT tied to employment — OCare is a start but besides being expensive, it varies so much state to state; in some states you can get on a legit plan with an Aetna or BCBS type of company that would be the same as the plan you could get from any employer and then you have access to the same care you’d have if you worked for a fortune 500. In other states, it’s like 1 insurer on OCare — often a no name insurance company that no one in your area actually takes.

      So yes this has been in my calculus for years as I’ve considered leaving law to start my own business. Complicated by the fact that I have a known heart problem — I see a cardiologist at an academic health system 2 states away 2x/yr, imaging 1-2x/yr which is pricey imaging, various heart rate monitors when the dr. orders them, and I’ve been told that at some point a heart valve will have to be repaired (hopefully later rather than sooner). With this in mind, I keep a very close eye on what private health insurance is running at year to year (not married – so can’t rely on a spouse’s plan) — not just OCare but also can I call up BCBS and get a plan and what will that cost me and is that plan accepted at the Columbia or Brigham type of hospitals even though it’d be an out of area plan. And as I build various spreadsheets for my tentative business plans — to figure out what $ I’d need to generate etc, the line item for health insurance for 1 person is $1000/mo right now (and just a few years ago it was more like $700/mo). And I suspect it’ll only keep going up. I’m not saying you can’t/shouldn’t have a business, I probably will one day; I’m saying that you better be over conservative in planning how much $$ you need for health insurance because it’s not just about finding ANY plan, it’s about taking on a plan that drs. actually take.

  18. Bonus help needed!

    Hi all- just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the kind words and support yesterday. I’m taking your advice and will collect all of my stats & approach my review in a factual and calm way. I’ve asked around my peer group and it seems my bonus is slightly below average, but I think objectively my year was way better than average! And the firm had a bumper year so I don’t think it’s that the bonus pool is small. So I’m going to bring it up.

    Special thanks to AlexisFaye, your offer of matching me up with a recruiter made me cry at my desk. I think I will see how the conversation goes and then make some more decisions!

    To anyone else who may have ideas or strategy on how to approach this, I have reposted from yesterday!

    ***

    Please help, wise hive! I got a disappointing bonus this year and need to figure out how I should be handling this.

    I was 350 hours over target, but bonus was lower than it was last year when I was 100 hours over target. I took 8 weeks off on Mat leave, but those hours aren’t pro rated (ie I’d be over target by even more). Head office of a large regional firm in a major city but not New York / cravath scale. I’m a mid level associate. Also did several pitches and helped bring in 3 new clients, plus talked at 4 conferences and did a bunch of publications (2 book chapters plus blogs/posts). I thought I killed it this year. I worked so hard. And then my bonus sucked.

    How do I approach this? Is it because of the mat leave? What gives? I have my performance review next week so I assume I bring it up then, but what do I say

    • Anon

      Some additional thoughts: when you have a conversation about this, have a number in mind that you think would be fair, then add $5-10k to it. The number should be higher than your 2018 bonus to reflect your added accomplishments in 2019. If there is room for them to pay you more, they will want to know ahead of time what you think a fair number would be. The last thing you want is to have a conversation with your boss, not mention a number, and then have them get you $2k more when you wanted $20k. Also consider asking your colleagues about their bonuses if you’re comfortable with that to get a sense of where you fall in the bigger scheme of things.

      Finally, keep in mind that it could effectively be too late to get more money. It sounds like your situation should be an exception, but this happened to me once. The first time I was disappointed by my bonus, I expressed my disappointment and why I thought I should get more and was basically told ‘tough cookies.’ It ended up being a timing issue because by the time my bonus was communicated to me, it had been through several rounds of management review. The time for me to communicate my expectations was well before management bonus deliberations ended. Since then, every year I’ve set up a meeting with my partner, given him my number, and presented my case for that number, and every year I’ve been satisfied. Best of luck!!

    • AlexisFaye

      Internet hugs! It’s always hard to give ourselves the same advice we’d give our friends!

  19. DC jury duty

    When I was in DC, every person I knew got put on a jury (not just called but actually put on a jury and had to go through a trial). Usually criminal trials? Like both of my work neighbors missed at least a week of work within a 12-month-period. [I guess so many other people are law enforcement or adjacent that they get kicked off or challenged.] It was really disruptive at work. I lived in Arlington and was never called.

    My cousin is looking to move to the area and I left 10 years ago. Is the DC jury thing still a thing? I remember it was so much so that we’d discuss it at parties. I’m going to lobby for Orange Line / Arlington, but it’s also the area I know best (my MIL lives in nearby so I still visit often).

    And it’s not even a reason to pick a place to rent a first apartment, but it was such a uniquely DC thing — everyone I knew who lived in DC proper had actually served on a jury (or was a crime victim / law enforcement / relative thereof who’d get excluded for cause).

    • BabyAssociate

      I’ve never been called and neither have any of my friends, but 3 of my colleagues have served on grand juries in the past year. I definitely wouldn’t even take it into consideration in deciding where to live. Unless your cousin is looking for more of a suburb vibe….DC > Arlington

    • anon

      I’ve lived in DC for nearly a decade and was summoned for the first (and so far only) time about 2 years ago. I was dismissed immediately after checking in and have never been on a jury. I’m not in law enforcement or anything even remotely related.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, in my experience — and once you get called and show up, you’ll get called again every two years like clockwork. Also, having both federal and DC courts makes it likely you’ll be called for both. I hear from friends that in VA people aren’t called as much, and also that lawyers don’t usually get picked (whereas in DC everyone’s a lawyer so it is not disqualifying).

    • ollie

      I’ve lived in DC proper for four years and have never been called for jury duty

    • DCR

      Since the population of DC is increasing, people get called less often. It used to be every 2 years like clockwork once you were on the list, now it’s more like 3 to 4 years. And the vast majority of people don’t get called right away, since they wait to register to vote and don’t bother to change their driver’s license right away. From the professionals I know who have been in a pool, maybe 25% get on a jury.

    • Anon

      Jury duty is a weird reason to live somewhere or not. There are ways to get off juries you know — by expressing views that clarify that they shouldn’t want you. In any event in Arlington, if you do get the initial letter — it comes with a check box that says “check here if you’re a lawyer and you can be excused” (without having to even show up), so do that and you don’t have to even take the day off to sit in the auditorium. I suspect that’s why so many in Arlington have never done any jury duty — they just checked that box and were done.

      • Anonymous

        As a counterpoint, I (not an attorney) live in Arlington and have been summoned 3 times over a span of 14 years.

  20. Anon

    I am looking for a decent, basic shampoo and conditioner for my curly hair. It isn’t coarse, it isn’t SUPER fine, but I use hair gel and plan to wash and condition daily (no CG method here). I also have sensitive skin (so I’m not going to do well with “green” products). Can someone please help?

    • Anonymous

      My hair’s wavy, not curly, but I really love the Shea Moisture coconut and hibiscus shampoo and conditioner. I use it daily or every-other day, and use Shea Moisture gel as well. It’s inexpensive, cruelty free, and widely available.

    • Anon

      I use Jessicurl on my sort-of fine waves. I was drawn to the brand because it has unscented shampoos and conditioners, and my sensitive skin often reacts to fragrance. I don’t do CG method, but I do try to avoid SLS and the like, and this brand meets my ingredient criteria.

    • Anon

      Honestly, the shampoo I like for my 2C/3A curly hair is Pantene Repair & Protect (the blue one). My hair isn’t dry or damaged (I air dry), but something about this formula’s ingredients are really good at minimizing frizz and, well, coating my curls so they aren’t freaking out and are sleek instead.

      • Anon

        You know, I have been using a Pantene one for a while (but also a certain mousse) and noticed that I have exceptionally damaged hair for the first time in my life. I am not sure if it is the products or my age and the natural thinning of my strands.

    • Anon

      Ouidad. My hair texture is very similar to what you described and I swear by Ouidad’s Advanced Climate Control line.

    • MJ

      I have Irish ringlets and super-dry hair. I use redken in the red bottle (color correct or somesuch) or pureology in the purple bottle for shampoo, and then a giant bottle of Nexxus Humectress (from Amazon or Costco) for conditioner. Really, any super-gloppy, weigh it down, super-moisturizing conditioner will do.

      And re the Pantene person above, I do not find their products good enough for daily use–their conditioner is not moisturizing enough and their mousse just rocks my hair (and I use mousse daily otherwise). Switch.

  21. anon a mouse

    I want to buy a few casual tops for weekends and going out to dinner with friends. My preferred style is basic-with-a-twist — think sweaters with tonal embellishments, tops with nice details to set them apart from a standard t-shirt or whatever. I’m having a hard time this year because everything at my normal places (Anthro, Boden, Nordstrom, Banana) is either cropped (no thanks), has balloon sleeves (no) or bares shoulders (I am always cold). Prefer price under $100 but will go up for a perfect piece.

    Suggestions for where I can look, or specific garment recommendations?

    • Anon

      Maybe too cheap but Zara? I was there yesterday and they had a lot of basics with added details.

    • anne-on

      I snapped up a few at Saks off Fifth the other day – Rebecca Taylor, Milly, and Donna Karan NY are all good names to search.

  22. Anonymous

    Question for attorneys… when you let people know you have availability for work, and they assign you a bunch of stuff in response, and you finish it all, do you keep following up that you have availability for work? I’m not sure how often I should be sending this emails or if I should just wait. I don’t want to be annoying.

    • Anon

      I would say something along the lines of thanks for the last assignment, happy to implement any comments or edits, and I’ve got bandwidth for any other assistance you may need. Eventually you’ll be staffed on matters and have a better sense of what you need to do on a case rather than continuously asking for one offs. In the meantime, it’s good to look efficient, responsive, and available.

    • Angela

      Can you think big picture about the cases and suggest tasks to the partner that might be helpful? Like, I finished my research memo on XYZ, do you want me to work on a first draft of that section of the brief? Or, I finished reviewing that contract, would it be helpful for me to put together a draft email to the client highlighting the necessary changes? The nice thing about legal work is it tends to expand to fit the space available… this is what partners mean when they say they want associates to be “proactive” — think of the next thing and offer to do it.

  23. Fishie

    I just bought two sweaters that look exactly like this for roughly half the price from Uniqlo.

  24. hopefully a new job

    You guys…I can’t tell any of my friends in real life but I just got a phone call back from a prospective job and apparently the hiring manager is really impressed by my resume. I have my first interview scheduled for Monday morning. Send me good vibes!!

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