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The suit has a bad rating at Nordstrom, but apparently it's because it's a sizing issue — so consider sizing up or seeking in store.
The blazer is $1,450, and the pants are $780.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
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- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
If you get triggered reading about people growing up with more money than you did or having more money than you do, why read here, knowing it’s a board that skews high-income and that people with high incomes do share updates from their lives and discuss their preferences? I keep wondering at the sheer volume of bitter responses that come up on all those threads.
Anonymous
OMG. Are you trying to have the car conversation three days in a row? Enough. Buy the kid a car or don’t.
Or do you just enjoy screaming into the void? What sort of responses are you hoping to get?
AnonAnon
Haha no I didn’t make this post. I’m also…not wealthy (I’m a public service employee and make $79k.) Just anxious about cars and safety.
Anonymous
Because us poors want to learn that by working hard and giving up Starbucks, we too can become rich.
Alex Mack
If we just had more gumption!
Anon
Nice.
anon
I’m not sure it’s bitterness as much as a reminder that having a big job doesn’t always mean receiving big pay. I find these discussions really interesting, though I am sure I don’t earn as much as most of the posters here.
Anon
Those comments are one thing and they contribute to the discussion for sure, but things like “omg congrats on being rich” don’t. It seems to me like seeking out a pregnancy forum when you’re struggling with infertility and leaving comments like “wow, champagne problems much?” to a woman complaining about nausea. Why seek it out?
Anon
I agree with you, and fwiw our HHI is much lower than many here.
Anon
Yeah, and I live in a small 1960s rental apartment with popcorn ceilings and the ugliest siding you ever saw, so it’s not like I’m approaching this from a place of grand wealth either.
Anon
“Congrats on being rich” is about as helpful as “omg just put it on” when someone asks how to style a garment, which is exactly the purpose of this place.
I’m not one of the super rich people here & I’m from a rural poor background, but I’m not mad at anyone about it. Except when people get super elitist about private schools, now that I think about it. Thinly veiled racism, usually.
Anon
I’m not one of the rich people here and I grew up not being rich and my thoughts on private > public are 100% based on personal experience and not at all based on race. Fwiw, I’m in the north and my experience with private schools are all private schools founded in the 1600s and 1700s, so not the ones that sprung up in the south as a result of public schools desegregating. Also, the private schools I have experience with all have more socioeconomic and racial diversity than my local public schools.
Anon
Another perspective on private schools: we lived in an area with crummy public schools and a culture of private schools. My kids attended one that was founded exactly because the other private schools limited admission on the basis of race and religion.
Anon
I said what I said. No one is honest about it.
Anon
Okay, one of the many reasons we chose private school over public is that the public school we’re zoned for is very white, my family is biracial, and we wanted our kids to be in a more racially diverse school, which was the private school.
Anonymous
I think there’s also a contingent of people who think they are the best ever for earning a lot of money but they do immoral things for their pay cheque.
Natasha McShane
Precisely.
Anon
Totally this
Anon
It’s a board that skews a lot of ways–types of employment, values, upbringing. It’s ok to have your values questioned every now and then. It’s good to know your world isn’t the only world that exists.
Anon
Reading some of the comments from folks about not raising spoiled/entitled/out of touch kids, some of the questioners and commenters are going to have a time of it because they themselves are, from what they had to say in their comments, out of touch themselves.
anon
The unhappiest face on the podium is always the silver medal winner. My guess is that we have a lot of silver medal winners on the high income but not quite rich side of things.
anon
Interesting. There may be something to that. I have to roll my eyes a little bit when someone who is pulling in $200K is complaining about living paycheck to paycheck. In the grand scheme of things, you are wealthy.
Anon
It really depends on where you live. I agree that some of the “help me I’m poor in the Bay Area on $500k” posts can get absurd, but when you’re talking low six figure incomes the cost of living can make a big difference. We make $200k combined in a LCOL area and agree we are wealthy. But in the Bay Area on the same income we would not able to afford a modest home in a good school district within reasonable commuting distance of jobs, and “wanting to buy a house,” “wanting decent public schools” and “not wanting to drive 100 miles to work” aren’t really thought of us as massive luxuries by most upper middle class Americans.
Anon
Yep, this. The infrequent “omg we’re soooo poor, we had to let our second nanny go to avoid cancelling Gstaad” posts are annoying, but most are more like “we have no money left over after paying $2450 for infant daycare” or “I’m commuting 60 miles to work so I can afford a three-bedroom house for 45% of my take-home.” That isn’t Bezos life.
Anon
Wanting to buy a 3 bedroom house with decent public schools and a reasonable commute does seem like a Rich thing to me though. Not Bezos rich, and it /shouldn’t/ be, but, that’s not middle class anymore
Anon
Wow, really? I don’t think if that as “rich” at all.
Anon
I don’t think a 3 bedroom home in a decent school district with a reasonable commute makes you rich! But I live in a small Midwest city where you can afford that on a minimum wage salary or close to it. That’s why I think you have to account for cost of living.
Anon
Also how old you are when earning $200k and how long you have earned about $200k.
You’re 30 and earning $200k, projected to keep earning that or more, isn’t the same as having a good year hitting $200k when you’re 57 and spent most of your life earning five figures.
anon
This. When I was a young associate in big law, I made as much as a my 60 year old dad. There is a big difference in where me and my husband are, versus my parents.
Anon
Heck, I am a GS-12 and I not only make more than either of my parents individually but I almost make more than they do combined. I’m 30, they’re 60 and 62. Both college educated working in jobs that require those degrees.
Anon
I don’t think this site attracts a particularly contented population.
Anon
Ya think? Haha.
Anon
I’ll bite. I don’t get triggered exactly, but sometimes people use the board to soothe their weird anxieties about money or to humble brag and it gets annoying.
Anon
Humble bragging is annoying, but why not just scroll by the anxiety posts? I’ll admit I haven’t always been perfect about that for other subjects (I get super annoyed by certain anxiety-ridden posts about kids and college), but I know that the correct answer is to just ignore them, knowing that a lot of women come here for random advice that can be hard to find in real life.
Anon
I like that people offer different perspectives or a check. Conflict in opinion has a lot of uses for an OP. I get that some people just want soft responses to their question, but a diversity in responses might serve them better, even if just a reminder that theirs is a first world problem. Or maybe it yields a path the poster hadn’t thought of.
I don’t care about skiing and that’s now how my family spent money, but the thread didn’t annoy me. The endless threads of “I have 1 million+ in the bank but feel overwhelmed about how to max out my retirement while maintaining my standard of living, but I’m super frugal! blah blah blah” can feel out of touch. The posters have a right to ask the questions, and I’m not going to contribute much to the discussion, but I appreciate that there are others like me, who don’t just scroll by, who might say “in the grand scheme of things, you’re doing alright, this is not a real problem.”
Anon @ 3:47
I’m a single mom who worries about money every single day of my life. It’s ultra annoying that not only are these commenters wealthy beyond my wildest dreams but they also want someone to soothe their anxiety. Anyway, I do scroll past because it’s not worth it. But yes, I judge them a lot for being neurotic basket cases.
Anon
I’ve been busy and haven’t been commenting lately, but I do occasionally push back on these posts as someone in a lower-paid helping profession to remind people that it’s well and good that they have these great wealthy lives, but that there are a lot of smart, capable, hardworking people out there doing really, really important work because it aligns with their values.
It can be exhausting to talk with people with such limited life experiences where the only valid options are chasing the paycheck and if you didn’t do that you did something wrong. Meanwhile – who do they think teaches their kids, drives the trains and buses, farms the food, tends to the ill, takes care of their parents in the nursing home, keeps the government running, etc.
Anon
+1000
Anon
I don’t disagree with your point, but I honestly have not seen posters regularly denigrating people who make less money. Are there occasional comments that are a little out of touch? Yeah, definitely, but I think there is also a bit of projection from the other direction.
Anon
I do think a lot of people tend to overly equate smart and high-achieving with rich, which always makes me laugh as someone with a spouse in academia. The smartest and most accomplished people I know are science & engineering professors and most of them are lucky to clear six figures in annual income. They’re not poor, but not what most people here think of as “rich.”
I don’t think that’s very relevant to the issues that were discussed the last few days though.
Anon
Though there were several comments over the past few days about encouraging kids to go into fields to maintain the lifestyle they were raised in, which is fine, but I think we should be encouraging our kids to do good in the world, and if that comes with money that’s great, but people shouldn’t be encouraging their kids to chase the money
anon
Ok, but a lot of my friends who sought out philanthropic jobs are not that happy. They are feeling the financial crunch especially if they are parents, and they have voiced some regrets.
Anon
Agree that being in a do-gooder profession does not necessarily lead to happiness. It’s the opposite in my friend circle.
Anon
I posted a few times about being burnt out working in local government public health during the pandemic and pulling 90+ hour weeks for months at a time making like 60k and so many people told me to just get a new job.
Anon
I never commented on any of those threads, but was that so wrong? There’s a reason that burnout is so high in certain professions and if you reached that stage yourself, maybe finding another job was something very reasonable to consider.
Anon
It’s, I suppose, a fine piece of advice as a one off, but people are still needed to do these jobs. Wholesale recommending that people quit isn’t helpful advice.
I also highly doubt you’d find a dedicated public health professional who would leave the field mid pandemic, even if they were miserable. It feels like the last teacher leaving school for the day even if young kids are still there, it’s just irresponsible.
And, even if you can get over your responsibility to the public, you know that by leaving you’re screwing over your friends who are still there who just have to do their jobs + yours now.
Anon
I actually know quite a few teachers who got burned out and quit mid-school year. I don’t think it’s uncommon.
Anon
As someone in a field like you described, I have gotten annoyed when the only advice given to XYZ question is to outsource. Outsourcing anything, let alone multiple things, is out of many, many people’s budgets. It’s not relevant advice to many people.
I’ve even responded to comments saying thanks, but that’s not in my budget and then everyone says they can’t imagine a professional not being able to afford to outsource or that I should get a new job. Newsflash – even with a new job I still can’t afford it because my industry is just not highly paid.
Anon
I sometimes think about the poster who said she didn’t understand why her neighbors had invested money in landscaping and making a nice outdoor space because it “wouldn’t add value for the resale price.” But – they can enjoy it now! It might be a huge improvement in quality of life! Not everything is about money!
Anon
She’s also just wrong. A nice home that’s well maintained with great outdoor space will typically sell for more and quickly. I agree it’s not just about money and I also think people here think frugal is a virtue.
NaoNao
I think it can be hard to predict what will be triggering to many people. It can come up unexpectedly and really strike hard and feel very hurtful out of nowhere.
I will say that this board can be very unforgiving of certain flaws/faults/lifestyles/choices and because the board is over-represented by those in “verbal/written” professions, it’s relatively easy for them to slide into rather scathing commentary without realizing it. Add in “can’t read tone over the internet” and you’ve got what seems like very “bitter” commentary.
On Death & Dying
Looking for support/advice on handling the impending death of a close loved one.
My grandparent was only diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago, but they’re too weak for treatment and treatment won’t eliminate the cancer, just slow it. They’re in hospice at home and I’m going to make the cross country trip to visit within the next week or so. I’m very lucky to be in my early 30s and still have all 4 grandparents with me.
I’m having a hard time staying focused at work. I don’t feel like doing anything. This grandparent basically raised me from birth until kindergarten since my parents worked a lot. …I thought I had more time with them and I’m just heartbroken and mad at the world
anon
I am so sorry. Give yourself lots of grace and time to process this huge change. It’s OK to feel angry, brokenhearted, all of it. Of course you don’t feel like doing anything.
ABanon
I have to say spend as much time with him as you can. When my grandpa was dying, I visited … but my company actually offered me more time off & I didn’t take it (as I was distracting myself with work). I regret it even though I was too overwhelmed with grief at the time to do anything else. Just offering my own experience in case it helps prevent anyone from making the same mistake.
anon
If you have a good relationship with your boss, tell your boss what you just said above. My grandparent who raised me was diagnosed with cancer and is in hospice. Then, go book a plane flight tomorrow to stay for a few days. You aren’t going to be productive at work anyways waiting for the flight. You can make some gestures about working remotely but they will probably tell you not to bother.
Anon
This right here.
Anon
Go now. Don’t go in the next week or so. Hospice can go really quickly.
I’m so sorry.
Anon
+1. The number one lesson I’ve learned from this stuff is go immediately. There have been no fewer than three occasions where if I had waited until the original timeline I had in mind, I would have been too late.
Anon
This is the answer. My mother died within 48 hours of going into hospice (and she had not even taken a painkiller prior to that). Even if things move more slowly, OP’s grandfather is likely to be increasingly medicated and out of it. Go now.
Nesprin
+3 Now is the healthiest they will be- go now and spend some time with them.
Senior Attorney
Agree 100%. I spent last weekend with my daughter and her dad — dad was put in hospice last Thurs and passed Sunday afternoon. Go now– that time is sacred.
Anon
I’m so sorry for your loss.
anon
I’m really sorry to hear this, SA.
Anon
I’m sorry for you and your daughter.
NYNY
This. Go now, or as soon as you can.
When my paternal grandmother died, most of the family was able to show up while she was on home hospice. She was awake, and we were helping her manage the cancer pain. Everyone spent time with her, and we told stories and sang songs together, and honestly, it was really lovely. I had to leave before she passed, but I was so grateful to have that last good time with her. I hope you can have your version of that.
Anonny
This. So much. Go now and stay as long as you possibly can. You’ll never get more time together. When you are together, say thank you, share memories, bring photos of you two together if you have them, tell your grandparent what they provided for you and how they launched you. People want to know that they mattered to others during their lives and that they will continue to impact lives after their deaths.
Right now is the time to maximize your time with your grandparent. Believe me, there will be a lot of time for grief after they die. I lost my mom about three years ago. I don’t regret a single moment that I spent with her, being absolutely present in the moments, chatting, etc. instead of on my normal life.
Anonny
I want to add. As to the advice to go now. My mother was forecasted to live about 6-9 months and her health appeared stable for the first 10 weeks she was in hospice. She died at week 12. At week 9, we absolutely thought she was going to live many more months. But the disease we progressing rapidly, and once that became apparent, her health declined incredibly quickly. Don’t assume you have time.
My aunt entered hospice last year. She died within 24 hours. I was not close to her, so I do not know what the projected time was when she decided to stop care. But I was stunned to get the news that she had died the day after I was told she was starting hospice.
Anon
My mom died waiting for a hospice bed. As soon as the hospital switched to palliative care, she was gone within hours. They thought they had days to get her a hospice bed and that she’d be there for weeks.
OP should go now.
Anonymous
Definitely go now and say what you have to say. You will never forget being able to say your full goodbye while that person can hear it.
But then also look up information on anticipatory grief. There are podcasts, books, blogs, etc focused on grief and they can help a lot. Every feeling is valid for as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself.
Anonymous
What is everyone having for dinner tonight? Stirfry for us but I need to pick a protein. Or I might try to make a Purple Carrot recipe that I like from their frozen meals.
Anon
Leftover lasagna (for the rest of the week :))
Anon
Takeout. I’m cooking for the holiday tomorrow and starting the brisket/prepping dessert today so I can focus on cleaning/services tomorrow.
Anon
Niman Ranch pork chops with a garam masala spice rub. Sautéed mushrooms and baby spinach. Leftover black eyed peas.
A Good Cook
Red beans and rice. All of the Rancho Gordo talk here inspired a bunch of bean filled meals for us. Cucumbers and cherry tomatoes on the side.
Anon
The chill in thr air here has me craving cabbage
https://www.myweekendkitchen.in/cabbage-stir-fry-patta-gobhi-ki-sabji/
Anon
trader joe’s butternut squash ravioli with butter and roasted broccoli. kid has a sport tonight so we won’t be home until almost 8 and bedtime is at 8:45…
Gail the Goldfish
Sage in browned butter also goes amazingly well with the Trader Joe’s butternut squash ravioli, topped with some parmesan, if anyone needs sauce ideas.
Turtlemania
Laughing because we had exactly this for dinner last night.
Anonymous
It’s $5 sushi night at Publix, so I will probably go there with intentions of buying $5 sushi and leave with something that costs $11.99-16.99.
Anon
I just went to Safeway (west coast) and bought 4 char siu bao for $6. Score!
anon
White chicken chili from Half Baked Harvest
Anonymous
This recipe from Publix, which is the only “15 minute meal” that legitimately only takes me 15 minutes: https://www.publix.com/recipe/zesty-chicken-orzo
anonshmanon
Burger and salad, I think. Just pan frying two frozen faux meat patties because I like it easy.
NYNY
Buffalo turkey meatballs, carrot sticks, raw cauliflower, and blue cheese dip.
Anon
Pasta with zucchini, corn, tomatoes, and pesto (made a big batch over the weekend, and it’s great).
Anonymous
Sichuan tofu and stir fry veg.
Senior Attorney
We have Blue Apron so it’s going to be either pork chops with mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts, or “cheesy beef quesadillas.”
JustmeintheSouth
Take out Chicken Shawarma, Humus & salad
Anon88
Anyone live or lived in Philadelphia? I’m considering relocating there for a job but haven’t spent much time there. I will visit, of course, but wondering what the overall vibe is. I’m mid-30s, dating, and like writing in coffee shops, indoor climbing and reading. Also like vegetarian food and lowkey bars. I have a general sense of what a lot of cities are like, but don’t feel like I know anything about Philly.
Anon
I’m older than you, but I lived in Philly for many years, during my 30s. (I’m now in the suburbs.). Happy to answer any specific questions you have.
Philly is very neighborhood-y, and each neighborhood has its own personality. That said, the way you’ve described yourself sounds very Philly. There are some great indoor climbing gyms; tons and tons of low-key bars (from dive-y to nicer); tons of coffeeshops with people working in them. It’s a really walk-able place. Can’t talk much about the dating scene, though.
Anon
I love Philly! Don’t live there anymore, but it’s a really wonderful place. Different neighborhoods are wildly different though, so you will want to scope it out in advance to choose the area that’s most your vibe. Rittenhouse Square is very nice for writing-in-coffeshops energy.
Also – compared to NYC/SF/Seattle/LA, it is so affordable.
Cat
Yes. I really like it. Like many cities it’s regaining its groove post-pandemic but it’s super walkable, lots of different neighborhoods with different vibes, and it’s well connected when you want to get out of town.
Would your job be in the city or a so-called reverse commute (I say so-called because it’s not really a thing here; a lot of people commute out).
Anon
That describes me and I’m from Philly. It’s worth a visit if you’re thinking about moving.
Anon
My 32 year old vegan sister lives in Philly and loves it. She lives in Fitler Square, walks everywhere, met her fiancé on an app and always takes me to really cool beer gardens when I visit.
Anononon
Where are you coming from / where have you liked living? To a northeasterner, it feels quasi-midwestern and slow but my first roommate when I lived there was from a city in the midwest and she definitely felt like she had moved to the “big city” by coming there. It’s sort of a weird in-between type of city. There are also bizarre no-mans-lands of a block or two between neighborhoods that are sometimes pretty sketchy, so when figuring out where to live make sure you aren’t landing in one of those by trying to get “close enough” to a particular neighborhood. Restaurant and arts scene is good for a city of its size. Public transit is ok but not good by east coast city standards.
Anon
Your post made me smile – Philly has always felt quasi-east coast to me when I’ve come from the midwest (even after having lived in NYC). It is indeed an in-between city!
Anon
I am born and raised, only left for college, and think its the best city in the world. What do you want to know?
Anonymous
Gen X or older millennial question – if you were a teen or 20 something who bought a lot of CDs, what did you end up doing with them? Do you have them boxed up someplace or have you tossed them already? I still have a CD player so it isn’t about where to play them but in 2024, there’s no impetus to pull out a CD obviously with streaming music and YouTube. I’m leaning towards tossing them but oddly people around me are like no keep them, I still have my record collection from my teen days or I tossed my record collection and wish I had kept some of it.
Anonymous
We digitized ours (converted to MP3s) and have them saved on our phones. We listen to them and don’t have a streaming music subscription. Same with my husband’s records.
Cat
I imported them onto my laptop (from which I loaded them on my ipod and then phone) and then gave away the CDs themselves.
Anon
+1
Anon
I keep them. You can load them onto iTunes manually (if you’re into that), and streaming music isn’t always available. Think road trips with dead zones, long runs when you don’t want to eat the battery in your phone or use data, etc.
Anonymous
I have all my CDs from small bands or defunct labels saved since there is no streaming option, but anything mainstream was gifted on buy nothing.
Anon
I kept some favorites but gave away most of them after importing them into my computer.
anon
We have most of ours boxed up somewhere. That’s probably not the best way to use our storage space but we haven’t been able to bring ourselves to toss them completely. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here!
Anon
I have a large CD collection (thanks Columbia House for those 12 CDs for 1 cent deals!) of essential albums from the 90s-00s and am keeping them.
Anon
Mine were given away or tossed a long time ago.
Anon
Same, like decades ago.
Anonymous
mine are all converted to mp3s – i still have big books full of CDs though. sometimes I put them in the car CD player so that i have a default if i don’t want to fuss with the radio stations or can’t get reception for my audiobooks.
Anonymous
Had planned to toss them but they are super useful for when kids have had their tech devices limited for whatever reason but they still want to play music in their rooms. Some 90s stuff is now retro the same way I remember listening to the Doors as retro music in the 1990s.
Anon
This. We gave ours to our then 5 yo and she’s been playing them for years. It’s so much better than having to figure out screen time vs music time on the same device. There as so many CDs and so many genres (from us, our parents, aunts and uncles) that she always has something new to explore.
Anonymous
I also find it really helpful with my MIL who likes to gift physical things. She would never buy an audio book download but she buys audiobook CDs for the kids all the time.
Anon
My car only has a CD player, so I still use mine :)
Anonymous
Mine are in my car and I still use them:-) My friend’s 9 year old was riding in my car the other day and asked me why I had some many CDs. I was just glad she knew what CDs were… My husband has imported them all to our Plex server and he just streams from that from his phone in his car, but CDs are useful in those rare instances where Sirius or phone coverage is spotty.
Anonymous
I kept a bunch of favourite CDs, including some classical from before those were available as streaming, but I tossed most the covers. I’ve just kept the CD itself for most of them, kept in a book thingy with loads of thin sleeves. I’m not keeping them for any resale value or to keep them pristine, just to occasionally listen to an actual favourite album.
I kept one small shelf, maybe 15-20 inches of shelf space, for the absolute most sentimental ones where I kept the cases as well.
NYNY
My husband is a musician, so we have A LOT of cds, lps, and even cassettes. Getting rid of them has never been a real option, so it was all about getting good storage solutions and having a stereo setup that makes it easy to put them on. I honestly like to play them, because it feels more intentional than streaming. Vinyl is better than cds because I can still read the liner notes (lol).
anon
+1
I’m a musician too and I will never give up my collection. And for classical music and obscure stuff, I still haven’t been satisfied with what’s out there streaming wise. Sometimes it is just wonderful to go up and LOOK… touch… remember… decide what to listen to. I guess I am of a different era.
Anon
I have so much classical music on CD. I also don’t find streaming that great, and forget trying to find something by voice command. Or trying to get iTunes to play all of the movements of a piece I want to listen to!
Anonymous
I’m counsel at my firm. My primary partner and I were supposed to take a GC out to happy hour tomorrow but my partner is sick, I’m going alone. I know nearly nothing about GC personally and he’s only seen my name on emails/had 1-2 calls where I speak for 5 min of the 30 min call. I’m excited to have more visibility but … help with topics? Things to stay away from? Should I assume it’s one drink, offer to share an appetizer, order food if he does, offer to pay? Wary of doing the wrong thing. I haven’t had anything other than a client lunch or two since Covid and feel very rusty and uncertain about this!
Anon
How big’s the company?
op
GC is GC over 1000 employees. My practice group has 50 people.
Anonymous
You should pay (presumably you’ll get reimbursed by your firm). Drink the first drink slowly. I’d be prepared to have a second drink if he seems up for it and you have the time and tolerance for it, but definitely don’t push that on him or drink more than you can handle. Feel him out. And I’d push an appetizer or two. It’s meant to feel like you are treating him, like it’s bit of an indulgence.
Start by talking about work. “So tell me what’s new/next at Company.” “Are there any challenges you/Company are facing that we can help you with?” Do some research before you go to see if there is something you can ask about or make a suggestion about. And ask the partner if there is anything he wanted to talk about – a pitch, a concern, a recent win, etc.
Anonymous
I would guess he wants to get to know you as a person, see if you seem sharp/personable in person. i’d ask about his path to GC – what other jobs he took, what he thinks of the path he took. vacations are always pretty safe topics. maybe see if there’s anything interesting or unique on the menu that brings up something you can discuss, like a recent vacation or book you read or something?
Anon
+1. My husband who is a great rainmaker always orders the weirdest thing on the menu because it’s memorable and also a conversation starter.
Anon
I would talk to the partner (assuming they’re not too sick) and ask what their goals were in setting up the meeting. But also, a lot of times with meetings like this the goal is not to talk any shop but rather get to know the GC and vice versa, and to make sure the GC remembers it as a fun get together. Ask him/her questions about themselves. And yes, you should definitely pay, and don’t be cheap. If the GC wants the super expensive drink etc the answer is always “absolutely, what else would you like?”
Runcible Spoon
The goal is to make the GC comfortable and to be viewed as amiable and nice. A decent question that can start a conversation is, “were you able to go anywhere for the summer holidays?” Good luck!
Anon
I’m a GC and I just prefer a normal conversation. I’d rather talk about TV, travel, hobbies, your kids, your take on things like going into the office, anything but serious work. That’s for meetings not a happy hour.
Anon
I live in a city where a nice-enough 3-4 bedroom house is at minimum $1.5 million to $2 million. What HHI do you need in order to afford the mortgage for a house in that range, including property taxes, without being house poor?
Anonymous
I think this really depends on what the property taxes are and also what kind of general upkeep is required based on property type. Where I live people with 1.5 m houses are usually in the HHI of around 400k, but our city has low taxes because the suburbs use the downtown tax money to subsidize the sprawl.
Anon
Not OP but this is depressing to think about. Houses in my neighborhood are around that price, and with a HHI of 250k I thought we were not that far off from affording one in a few years years…
Anonymous
House price isn’t the sole factor in your mortgage amount. If you’re already in the market and have a good sized downpayment to roll into your next property or you spend a couple years aggressively saving for your downpayment then you’ll be better positioned.
Anonymous
I’m 3:38, fwiw we purchased a crack house for about 600k, and renovated it on a HHI of $250k, it’s much more financially comfortable than buying something ‘move in ready’
anon
+1
This is the way.
Anonymous
Also depends on if you have kids/if you plan to have kids and how old they are. We had two years where our childcare bill exceeded our mortgage.
We got approved for $800K (or more? I can’t remember the exact number) about ten years ago and spent $550K. Income was about $200K combined with no debt. Bank just looks at your income. Not if you plan to have kids or how you will cope with the childcare bill for surprise twins. We bought in a price range that we would be house poor but still able to afford the mortgage and keep the house if one of us lost their job or was unemployed for an extended period.
Anon
We were preapproved for a $1.5M mortgage on combined salaries of $450K, but didn’t feel actually comfortable carrying the monthly outlay.
Anon
Like 4:11, we didn’t want to buy a house that we could only comfortably afford if both of us kept working at the same or a more highly-compensated job.
Anon
This. We intentionally bought less house than we were approved for in case one of us lost our job and to factor in the cost of childcare. We could upgrade now if we wanted to but even my teens (who do wish we had slightly more space) agree that they like our cozy house.
Anonymous
i agree with the others, 500k minimum. but at that price point there’s going to be strong keep up with the joneses vibes with vacation homes, pricy vacations, new cars, private schools, pools/hardscaping, and more.
Nesprin
Depends a ton! <250k HHI is possible with no daycare/student loans and a willingness to look for a long time and live in the least-nice house that meets needs.
Anonymous
Lawyerly answer, but “it depends.” It’s not the cost of the house, but the monthly payment so interest, taxes, and insurance. Plus size of the house and type of lot, so costs and expenses to maintain. Plus HOA dues.
Anon
We were approved for 2.3M on roughly ~450K income, but personally wanted to stay at or below 1.5M given the monthly outlay. Two kids in daycare made the outlay picture tough, so we were also prepared to increase our down payment to decrease the monthly payment (but not to stretch to buy more house). We are at the very bottom of the market in our very affluent HCOL suburb and could not have gotten in without our phenomenal realtor. Looking around town, a lot of families we know do the 2-2.5M house if they have our income but don’t have childcare costs or if they’re making more like 600+ with childcare costs.
Anon
Or they have family money/help. I was wondering how the heck all these people afforded the homes they had until that part dawned on me!
anonshmanon
in our county, you can look up property tax bills for any address, so while looking at houses, we also pulled the tax records to get a sense of that.
Anon
Just a note that does not work in California – where your property taxes are tied to your purchase price and can only go up a limited amount per year rather than being tied to the current value of the house. My neighbor has the exact house as mine and her property taxes are twice as much.
Anon
It does work if a house sold recently though. And you can check the neighborhood if not the exact address to get a sense of it.
Anonymous
my husband’s 45th birthday is coming up – is it a bad idea to get him rollerblades? he sometimes wistfully talks about how he used to love them when he was younger… and he’s also been talking about losing weight, so not sure if this might be interpreted as a “get off your arse” present. i’ve never rollerbladed but always wanted to. i guess i’m mostly concerned about potential injury, hitting your head, etc. any good resources to learn about the best suspects for rollerblades?
Anonymous
Do you live in a flat area with well-maintained paved trials? Then maybe. But roller blades on pavement are actually really uncomfortable (to me) for any significant length of time. If you do, please get a helmet and good wrist guards. Although ER docs have told me that the guards don’t actually work that well.
anon
I think it sounds thoughtful and fun! Especially if you get some for you too and you do it together.
anon
+1
Anon
Do it!! It will be awesome and fun. Don’t act injured before you’ve started – that’s my rule for common, popular activities that do carry a bit of risk. It sucks to not try things because you *could* fall.
Anon
DH got himself rollerblades at 40 and promptly fell on his butt. Had coccyx bone pain for weeks. Hasn’t used the rollerblades since. I would get a butt pad and all the protective equipment if you get the rollerblades. Supposedly my DH was competent at some point in his youth, but these skills get rusty. I also could have predicted that this is exactly what will happen because my DH is just that kind of a person – does something physical he thinks he’s got, overdoes it, hurts himself, but doesn’t think it’s that big a deal to get hurt. Me – I hate getting hurt and find his approach anxiety-inducing so I stay the heck out of it and never ever get him sports equipment.
Anon
My former admin skated out of her house on her new blades Christmas morning, bit it at the bottom of the driveway, and then needed three different hand surgeries over the next couple of years. She completely severed a tendon.
Anonymous
Maybe a beginners’ roller derby class or something instead, where he might borrow equipment?
Anon
Rollerblading to me is only a smidge riskier than walking. It wouldn’t occur to me to be worried about an adult rollerblading, but everyone’s risk tolerance is different. I think rollberblades are a perfectly fine bday gift and wouldn’t think twice about it. You can’t go around life bubblewrapped.
Anonymous
I’m 35 and rollerbladed and ice skated causally a lot as a kid. I picked up rollerblading again last year.
You’ll want to get him a helmet and wrist and knee pads. Dicks sporting goods has reasonable basic rollerblades.
It is riskier than cycling but works your abductors and adductors. I think as long as he’s good enough to not fall backwards, it’s safe. It’s the falling backwards I’d be most worried about.
Anon
Admittedly, I partake in risky sports, but I agree that I think it’s a) not too risky and b) there’s no sense of living life avoiding all risk
Anon
I never hurt myself more than when I fell rollerblading in my 20s. I wouldn’t do it again and am your husband’s age now. I’d pick something else. Even an e-bike or scooter is less dangerous.
Anonymous
speaking of sports equipment – does anyone have a favorite rucking vest or weighted vest you like?
Sallyanne
I bought a 12 pound one off the river. After about an hour my shoulders and breast area where the strap connects start to hurt. I’m actually looking into a woman specific one…
Anon
My very tired brain and eyes glommed favorite and rucking together, and for a split second I thought why does she want a vest if she hates them? Time to go to bed early.
Debate thoughts?
Did anyone watch the debate last night? Thoughts? I thought Vance came across much more slick and polished than Walz did, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. But Walz’ question at the end about whether Trump lost in 2020 – and Vance’s failed pivot to “the future”, like covid censorship …. big, big big yikes. I hope people remember that moment.
Anonymous
It was smarmy lawyer VS kind school teacher. Unfortunately I think a lot of people judge a debate not by what is said but rather how it’s said.
Seventh Sister
Vance is a slick little weasel, and he’s got my mom fooled. He’s going to be the reason some people use to justify voting R.
Anon
I think it’d be awfully hypocritical of anyone who would vote for Trump to call out Walz for not being fully honest all times, or articulate enough since Trump can’t talk without lying and spouts total nonsense.
To be sure, Walz missed some opportunities to hold Vance to account, for sure – but he retained his essential, “I’m a good guy who always tries to do the right thing for the most people’ image. I think it was fine.
Reference for a friend
My friend is going through a very tough custody battle. Divorced for three years, her ex suddenly claims that she is an unfit mother (e.g., bipolar tendences, anger issues) and is suing for primary custody of their 14 year old daughter. She has asked me to be a reference in Family Court. We have known each other for 8 years, our daughters are very good friends and I am shocked she is going through this. I have no doubts about her parenting and have trusted her to watch my daughter (in playdates, pick up and drop off, etc.) for years.
I have to fill out a reference form about my opinion on her house, her parenting skills, if I have witnessed any abuse, etc. Any advice from individuals who have gone through this? Anything to stay clear of? Can I say that I am shocked her ex has brought these claims? It is not at all my experience of her and I want to do what I can to ensure she keeps shared custody.
Senior Attorney
Be honest and stick to what you have actual knowledge of. If you have specific examples of parenting behavior you admired, talk about that. If they ask about specific types of abuse, specifically say that you have never witnessed that behavior and you would be shocked if it had occurred. Don’t overreach, don’t speculate. I think what you have said here is great: “I have known her for eight years, our daughters are close feriends, I have no doubts about her parenting, and have trusted her to care for my daughter at playdates, at pick up and dropoff, an average of [x times per week or whatever] since [date] and continuing to the present.” You might also say you have had many occasions to be alone with her child and your child when she is not present, and her child has never said anything negative about her parenting, and maybe quote anything positive her child has said about her.
Senior Attorney
Oh, and if you can do so truthfully, maybe give a recent example of something (which you describe spe ifically) where somebody with anger issues might have been expected to lash out, but your friend reacted in a calm and appropriate way (which you describe specifically).
Anon
+1 to being honest and not answering questions that weren’t asked.
Anon
I would just be honest and share all the Greta things about your friend’s parenting. I would stay away from commenting on the other parent.
Anonymous
Do not say something like you want to do whatever you can to make sure she gets custody. That could be twisted into you embellishing
Keep it factual and relevant – how often you have seen her/her daughter and in what contexts – school drop offs/sleepovers/PTA etc.
Add anything that will give more context for your experience. Eg – I would say ‘while I currently work insurance law, I practiced child protection law for a couple years very early in my career and those cases made me very cautious about who I allow to supervise my children. I have had no concerns over the last 6 years with my daughter being in her care.”
Anon
Don’t over-inflate but don’t go out of your way to point out anything bad. People are human. If her baseboards aren’t perfectly clean, that’s NBD.
Anon
Does ex really want full custody or does he just not want to pay child support? Big difference.
Anonymous
This is not uncommon when teen years hit. Seek higher amount of custody to reduce child support payment with expectation that child will be less work and mostly take care of themselves on their parenting time or refuse to go to the other parent and their decision respected so there is less support and less actual time used.
Seventh Sister
There are always exceptions, but most family court judges weren’t born yesterday. Be factual and honest, but don’t feel the need to be overly complimentary. This guy is probably doing this for revenge or to get out of paying money, and most judges are aware of these schemes.