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Updated: Jun 18, 2019 185 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Spiral Earrings

Coffee Break |

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So if you've been reading for a while you know that I hate earrings with post backings — I just find them crazy uncomfortable, particularly if you have to talk on the phone for more than a minute with a regular handset and not, say, Airpods. So I loooove earrings like this where there is no real backing and they just twine their way through your ear. I love that these particular ones are so minimal yet cool. They're from newish “cut out the middleman” jewelry company Mejuri, which truth be told I haven't tried personally yet — what are your thoughts, ladies? The pictured spirals are $125, and available in both 14K gold and sterling silver. Spiral Earrings  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon

    Can someone explain to me why not washing your hair has become a thing? I’ll just admit it: I don’t get it, and I think it is gross. Yesterday I sat next to a woman in a meeting who was clearly doing the no-poo thing, based on the appearance of her hair alone. I don’t care how her hair looks, but she had that dirty, greasy hair smell. We were seated next to each other in a stuffy conference room and it was super unpleasant to breathe in that smell for an hour. I can see how low- or no-poo would work for coarser hair types, but the results seem less than stellar for those with fine-textured hair. (I’m saying that as someone who has that hair type.) I’d rather risk stripping my oils every day or two — though I’m skeptical this is an actual problem — than smell like dirty hair, which is such a gross smell IMO.

    • Inspired by Hermione

      Agreed. I just…why, why, why would you consider it a point of pride to not have washed your hair in weeks? No dry shampoo makes me feel like I’ve just washed my hair. I’ve gone over a week using dry shampoo when I was hospitalized and I finally ended up using the hospital sink to wash my hair because I was just so done feeling gross.

      • Anonymous

        Totally agree. It looks gross and is smelly. I think some people avoid washing their hair because they mistakenly believe it extends a blowout. It does not. We can tell.

        This is just part of a larger trend towards poor hygiene. Judging purely by smell, people don’t think they have to wash their clothes anymore, either.

        • Ellen

          Yes, I think it is a generational thing. Women who are in their 20’s seem to have a different out look on hygene. Not only do they not wash their hair, many do not bathe regularly, and their clotheing tends to smell bad b/c many do NOT wash their clothes. FOOEY! I knew a woman from Europe in college like this, but she was so much older then these women are. Also, young women do not care if they smell bad b/c they know that men will still have s-x with them, so they say why bother? That is what my secretary Lynn told me about Mason. He did not care that she smelled so she let him do stuff even tho other men would not do that stuff with a women who smelled. I don’t get it b/c Lynn is cute, so why the smell? FOOEY! If she ever expects to get married to a guy with money, she needs to clean up her act, literally, Dad says, and he is right!

        • Anonymous

          My experience is that modern, water conserving washing machines don’t actually use enough water to clean smells out of clothes, and people wear a ton of odor-trapping synthetics.

          • anne-on

            Agree. I feel like my grandma, but washing powder and vinegar get added to every.single load in my HE machine, it is the ONLY way I get kid and gym funk out of clothing. And I hang my workout clothes out to dry in the sun as much as possible just in case.

    • PolyD

      I have no explanation either, but am happy I am not the only one baffled and a little grossed out by the trend to not wash hair amongst those who need to. I mean, that’s what my generation made fun of our mothers and grandmothers for – only washing their hair once a week when they went to the beauty parlor for a wash and set!

      Is it really that difficult to wash one’s hair? I’m maybe being a little snarky, but I would like to know why some women seem to find it very challenging. Maybe I’m not doing it right.

      • anonshmanon

        I guess one thing that is easy to forget is that if you have very curly hair, washing, combing and getting it to look ‘professional’ is a whole different ballgame than what I can do with my medium long wavy hair (wash, condition if I feel like it, air dry). If washing and fixing my hair were a 90 minute ordeal, I’d definitely try out ways to stretch the time between washing.

        • anon

          I guess at that point, my argument would be: find a more manageable hairstyle? I can’t even stand spending 20-30 minutes on my hair, so I have adjusted my style accordingly.

        • Anon

          A “more manageable” hairstyle isn’t an option for people that simply have much wilder hair naturally. It’s also important to remember and except from this standard people with very curly and/or coarse hair (as OP pointed out). Unless their hair is physically dirty, there is simply no need to wash it every day or two – it can actually be detrimental to their hair health. Honestly only people with naturally oily and/or straight hair need to do this because their hair does get greasy quickly, but for curly haired folks, the naturally produced hair oil doesn’t even make its way to the bottom of the strand (hence all the moisturizing shampoos and conditioners advertised to curly hair).

          • anon

            I thought I pretty explicitly stated that this was a bad idea for people with fine, straight hair.

          • Anon

            Duh, was replying specifically to anon at 3:21 directly above. If you don’t want people to get you as OP confused with other anons come up with a more unique posting name.

        • Lady Anonymous

          I have very curly hair and it gets washed every day (with the exception of maybe a day off on the weekends if I’m not doing anything outside the house.) Otherwise, my hair ends up a tangled mess and I look like I’m growing dreadlocks. Seriously, people, it’s not that hard, and a good cut and good product can make all the difference in the world.

      • FP

        I’ll bite on this. For me: yes, it’s incredibly time consuming to wash and dry my hair. I have super thick hair and a ton of it. Start to finish washing and drying my hair generally takes at least 45 minutes, usually an hour if I have to run a flat iron through it (which I usually do). Because of this, I typically only wash my hair twice a week.

      • Housecounsel

        Let’s add to this list the people who don’t bathe daily or wear deoderant, but are quick to tell us it’s OK because they don’t perspire much or are just naturally scented like orange blossoms.

      • anon

        And the difference with the wash-and-set generation is that those women generally kept their hair fairly short. So even if it got funky, it was sort of less noticeable (?) than longer greasy strands. Look, I have nothing against a more natural appearance. Skip the makeup, have a simple hairstyle — all fine. You do you. Having flat-out dirty hair is where I draw the line of being low-maintenance.

    • poisson

      I wash about 2x per week because it keeps the frizz down, especially in the winter. (I have a massive halo of fly away hair.) For me, I have to go a full week without a wash for noticeably greasy hair. Obviously, no one should show up for work dirty, but her decision there is separate from the desirability everyone washing his/her hair *every* day.

    • nuqotw

      No, I don’t get it as a lifestyle choice either, but it’s also true that if I’m in a rush in the morning I will rinse my hair and call it good enough. Washing it the next day is the best.

    • Aggie

      I guess I need to stop saying I’m following the no-poo method. I thought no-poo was using a cleansing conditioner instead of harsh shampoos. My hair is noticeably healthier and my color lasts much longer than when I was using traditional shampoo, but it is just as clean and odor-free. I wash my hair at least every other day – typically every day in the Summer.

        • Anonymous

          yes, what do you use? I don’t like the ones I’ve tried (Deva and the Carol’s Daughter vanilla one)

        • Aquae Sulis

          I’ve only recently realised, thanks to Kristin Ess, that a cleansing conditioner is actually just a 2-in-1!

        • Aggie

          Right now I’m using Pureology Hydrate Cleansing Conditioner and but I also enjoy Redken Genius wash. The instructions are not exaggerating, you need 7-10 pumps to adequately clean your hair. It took me a while to get used to the fact that it does not foam.

      • Anon

        No you’re correct – some people aren’t familiar with hair jargon. No-poo usually means conditioner only or using a cleansing conditioner; it doesn’t mean not cleaning your hair at all. I have very curly hair and use either a cleansing conditioner or conditioner only once a week. On this method you have to be conscientious to scrub your scalp and use a clarifying shampoo or apple cider vinegar rinse every few weeks/as needed.

        Honestly I think a lot of this judgment being cast by people with easy, straight, limp, or otherwise fine hair (my curl friends call them spaghetti strand hair) who aren’t really into “hair culture”. THAT SAID- OP THAT PERSON’S HAIR IN PARTICULAR WAS UNACCEPTABLE. It wasn’t an issue about a no shampoo trend but rather a dirty hair thing.

    • Anonymous

      I wash my hair no more than 2xs a week unless I have done something exceptionally sweaty. You cannot tell. It doesn’t smell. It honestly looks better the second day, best the third. That said, I have a lot (a lot, a lot) of hair. Drying it takes a minimum of 30 minutes. A full blow out an hour. If I go to bed with wet hair, I wake up with wet hair. I don’t use the “no poo” method. I wash with shampoo and conditioner. I just don’t wash every day. And I generally don’t need to use dry shampoo either. My hair is just that thick.

      • Anonymous

        +1 – this is me. 4 days dry in winter. I should probably go to cowashing more in the summer though.

    • Mpls

      1. no-poo doesn’t mean you don’t wash it. It means you don’t use shampoo. But some of that may get lost in translation as more and more poeple try it.
      2. It isn’t suitable for all hair types, but I think that’s also something that gets lost in translation.
      3. Stripping hair oil is definitely a thing and a thing to be avoided. That doesn’t mean you never wash your hair, it means you don’t necessarily need to wash it every day. Sometimes your scalp over-produces oil in compensation for (unnecessary) daily shampoos and retraining your scalp for the right level of oil production can result in some weeks of greasy hair.

      Longer hair would ideally have that scalp oil distributed through the whole of the hair to protect it from drying out. Which is why long hair can theoretically go longer between shampoos than short hair.

      Personally – I have fine thick hair – the individual strands are fine (not coarse) but there is a LOT of it (thick, not thin). I wash my hair about twice a week – because it doesn’t need it more often and it takes forever to dry. It’s a little wavy, but not especially curly. I rarely have split ends, which I attribute to the less frequent shampoos and thick conditioner, and my static in the winter is much better than it used to be (Humidifier is still the best solution for that though).

      Different things work for different hair types.

      • Anonymous

        Different things do indeed work for different hair types, but if it smells, then it’s not really working for you. If your hair really only needs to be washed twice a week, no one will even notice that you didn’t wash it. If it’s dirty and stinky, you need to wash it.

        • Worry about yourself

          Basically that. Pay attention to your hair, wash it when it’s dirty.

    • Worry about yourself

      I suspect it’s because people are aware of how damaging some shampoo can be, and now some people are afraid of anything with chemicals in it, but there are so many things you can clean your hair with that aren’t full of drying, stripping detergents and are perfectly fine to use, and not all chemicals are bad and scary!

      But there are just people who, for some reason, have rejected all kinds of conventional hygiene standards, and cry body shaming when at the mere suggestion that people should generally shower every day and wear deodorant, because chemicals maybe, or because our hygiene standards and capitalistic and ableist (because some people have a hard time showering every day). DON’T GET ME WRONG, I shower at least once a day! I wear deodorant! I wear clean clothes! I wash my hair every other day, at least! I think these crunchy people who reject showering are weird and smell worse than they probably realize, but this has definitely become a thing.

      And isn’t it really uncomfortable to be dirty? If I go more than 24 hours without a shower, I feel it! When my hair is dirty, I can feel it and I hate it! How does anyone stand it??

      • Oil crisis

        My hair is horribly oily — maybe something like GoJo could strip it, but it is an oil slick if I go 24+ hours without a shampoo (sleeping seems to magnify spreading the oil throughout any hair you can see). Same with my face — I am 48 (!!!) and came home with a whitehead yesterday that I didn’t have in the morning. I popped it b/c I’ve had so many decades of experience that Dr. Pimple Popper has nothing on me.

        If I had coarse / dry / etc. hair, I’d love to be able to go days b/w washes. But I have thin fine hair and it just needs shampoo daily to keep it clean.

        Now that my daughters are hitting puberty, they have to do it every other day at least (and daily would be better, but some days we just don’t get that done; you can tell in the morning though and dry shampoo doesn’t even work on them).

    • Anon

      I have moderately curly hair and don’t shampoo it ever. Not shampooing it took me from looking like I didn’t know what I was doing to looking like I have perfect Shirley temple curls. However, I do have to get it wet every day and condition it every day for it to look good. Generally, conditioning hair is enough to loosen the dirt and oils that I have in my hair, and it never smells. My scalp just does not produce the oils that my hair needs, and I think its the same for a lot of curly haired people.

      But, I cannot imagine someone with fine or straight hair taking the same approach.

      • MagicUnicorn

        I have fine hair with a little bit of wave to it and also don’t use shampoo ever. Or conditioner, or any other products. I DO wash my hair daily with plain water, however, and scrub my scalp thoroughly with my fingers just like I did when I used to shampoo daily (and had very dry, frizzy hair). My hair has never been more vibrant or strong than it is now. I have been doing this for the past year or so and it works great for me. I cannot imagine not washing it altogether. That would be gross.

    • Rachel

      Maybe if you’re sitting next to a woman who either smells but doesn’t know it or smells and thinks no one can tell or that it doesn’t matter, you could politely take her aside and bring it to her attention? I certainly would want someone to do that if it was me. I doubt that she wants to be perceived as dirty/smelly/gross.

  2. Mouse Pad

    A few days ago someone mentioned a that they loved their leather mousepad; if you’re still here today, could you link it for me? Or if anyone else has a recommendation for on that feels good under a lightweight optical mouse, that would be great too. Thanks!

  3. BWE

    Married folks – how do you split finances? Bonus points if you and your spouse have a large income disparity.

    For reference: I am recently married and have been supporting myself and my husband for four years while he was in grad school. He is (finally!) going to start working full time next month and will be making roughly 3x my salary. Just looking for anecdata and options before we sit down to have the conversation on how we will adjust our financial responsibilities.

    • Anonymous

      We share everything as equal partners. At times he has made more, at times I have made more. We respect each other, share financial goals and values, discuss big decisions, make our own small decisions. Everything is our money.

      • Rainbow Hair

        Same. 100% communistic, largely influenced by how we’ve switched bread winner / insurance provider roles in our decade together. My only complaint is that it disincentivizes my frivolousness spending… not really a complaint.

      • +1

        SO in non-profit work put me through law school. I am a biglaw atty. now. What is mine is his and vice versa.

    • anon a mouse

      We don’t. It’s all one pot, our income. We both contribute to the household, financial and otherwise. We make one budget that reflects our shared priorities. We each have a personal-fun-money line in the budget. Generally any purchases over about $200 requires consultation with the other, but it’s not hard and fast and we both trust each other to make good choices.

      I know different people handle this differently, but I just could not deal with the minutiae of reimbursing each other for things here and there, or feeling like it’s his money vs my money. For us, merging finances was a key part of making a life together.

      • anon

        Same. We’ve been married long enough that we’ve both been at various income levels, and that hasn’t changed our decision. Money is a shared resource. Especially once kids in the picture, I don’t understand how splitting finances would even work. You buy the kids’ shoes, and I’ll buy their back-to-school clothes? I do not have the patience for micromanaging things that closely.

      • Anon

        Ditto. One pot. Married 5 years and have been this way since we were engaged.

        • Anon

          FWIW I’ve always out earned my husband and likely will always out earn him. Earlier on we were much closer together as he was about 80% of my income. In the last 4 years my compensation trajectory has taken off and right now I’m about 4.5x on him. As I mentioned, we are “one pot” though I’m the money manager because it’s a skill set I have that he (admittedly) does not.

      • Housecounsel

        We are 100% shared and have been since I was pregnant with number 1. We are a family and I can’t imagine doing it any other way – in my current situation, married more than 20 years with multiple kids. If I were getting into a relationship now, with actual assets and dependents I had before entering the relationship, I am sure I’d handle things differently.

      • +1

        This. We’ve been doing it for a decade now and it’s part of sharing our lives.

      • Anon

        Same as this. We each get $300/month transferred to our personal accounts, which we use for clothes, coffee/lunch out, gym memberships, etc. Everything else is in our joint account. We check in with each other before spending more than $50 or so from the joint account for something other than a regular expense, like groceries or clothing for the kids. But it’s all “our money.” We’ve each been the breadwinner at various points.

    • Anon

      I currently make about twice what my husband makes, and it about four years, he’ll be making twice or thrice what I’ll be making. We have separate bank accounts for most of our money (high interest checking accounts with Radius), and a smaller joint account (BOA) but that’s mostly out of laziness in getting a bigger joint account. In an ideal world, I guess we’d have one bigger joint account and smaller separate accounts, but at the time we got our high interest checking accounts, they didn’t offer a joint account option. We have a fairly collaborative approach to finances – we considered our joint income, how much we want to put towards our long-term retirement savings, and how much our budget was for the rest of our necessary expenses (rent, utilities, student loans, transportation, etc.). From there, we figured out how much we wanted for enjoyment in life ($200/month each for fun stuff, $300 shared for joint entertainment) and put the rest towards short term savings in our high interest accounts. It ends up that I’m technically paying for more since I contribute 2/3 of our budget (and 2/3 of our rent comes out of my checking account each month), but we don’t really see it like that. I suspect this isn’t necessarily wise in the event we get divorced, but then again, I have no clue what our respective financial positions will be like at the time that could happen, and I make pretty good money on my own.

    • anon

      DH makes 2x what I do. We pool everything and have since the beginning.

      I’ve made sacrifices in my career that have allowed him to succeed to the level he has, and we consider everything we both make joint money because he would not be making as much as he does now if it were not for me. The only thing that I feel weird about truly considering pooled is his company stock. He works at a FAANG and gets a bunch of stock each year as part of his compensation. I work in finance and typically handle the money in our family, but give him a bigger “say” in what we do with that stock. He thinks this is unnecessary, but it feels right to me. Neither of us is an out of control spender, we live in a reasonably LCOL area, make a pretty high income, and don’t keep a strict budget, though I do track our spending, so if one category gets really out of hand we can pump the brakes.

    • Jane

      We have 100% shared finances. Paychecks get deposited into one account and we break out money from there for joint saving, joint living expenses, etc. We view money, saving, and spending almost identically, which I think makes it easier for us to do the common pot method.

      Husband earns about 60% more than I do. I came into the marriage with significantly larger assets (we married in our 30s). He has a child from a previous marriage.

    • Anonymous

      Your finances are already merged. By supporting your husband through four years of grad school, you’ve invested in your joint human capital as a couple. His income isn’t “his,” it belongs to both of you as an economic unit.

    • Skipper

      We do his/mine/ours. The amount we put into ours is pro-rated to reflect our income disparity.

      • eertmeert

        Same. Prorate rent based on relative income (60 me/40 him). We each have our own accounts, no joint accounts yet. I buy all groceries, utilities, have certain insurance, and pay income taxes above withholding. He does phone, other insurance, and cable. It works for us.

    • Anon

      I think it depends on what each of you wants – generally, out of life, and more specifically to do with the money in the next week/month.

      We talk about large purchases or expensive hobbies and make a fund. Otherwise, I am the family money manager and make sure the fund is funded and everything else is paid and on track. I have a google sheet spreadsheet that I update once a month after the bank closing statement and which is available to DH (but he literally never looks at it…). Our main CC and both checking accounts are with Chase).

    • Anonymous

      We don’t split, it’s all one pot. During this season of life we are earning the same amount, but for most of the time he has out earned me and we relied on his income alone for a long time. I’ll admit sometimes its annoying to talk about why I want to spend $500 on Botox or new shoes or something, but I’m fine with it.

    • Anon

      I love our system – Yours, Mine and Ours.

      We each get a set amount per month directly into our personal accounts, and the rest goes into a joint account. When I had student loans to pay, it was the set amount +loan amount, but they are now paid off.

      We pay for clothes, new phones, haircuts, lunches, friend trips/nights out from our individual money. Everything else we pay for is paid through the ours category, on a joint credit card linked to our joint bank account. I love this system because I don’t have to second guess any of his spending, and he doesn’t second guess mine. It’s just a non-thing. You want to buy lunch every day? Sure. I’m saving that money and doing something else instead. We also don’t need to track joint spending – no ‘I got groceries last week, you get them this week’ negotiations.

      The details – I said we use a joint credit card, but FYI they don’t actually do joint credit cards anymore, so I’m an ‘authorized user’ on his. Capital One Venture are our cards of choice, (the free 1.25 points per dollar card for our individual accounts and the $70(ish)/yr 2 points per dollar card for the joint account) because you can transfer the points easily between accounts (realistically, we are not spending enough on our individual accounts to play the points game). Also Mint doesn’t (or at least didn’t) play well with this system, so we use Honeydue instead.

    • givemyregards

      Just for another perspective, my spouse and I split everything equally and don’t have shared finances at all. I make about 1.5x what he does, but splitting things equally still makes sense for us for a few reasons (I have student loan payments, for example). We just put all of our joint expenses (groceries, eating out, vacation, etc.) on one credit card and split the bill each month. Our halves of the rent get automatically withdrawn from our separate checking accounts. My spouse and I are both financially responsible, but we have different approaches that work well for each of us (I meticulously track each penny, he just has a general sense of how much he can/cannot spend) but would stress the other out if we tried to co-manage our finances together. We also don’t currently have any joint financial goals (i.e. buying a house) or any kids, so this approach may shift over time once kids or a mortgage come into the picture.

      • Anon

        I think this is the thing that makes the most sense when you are first starting out with joint expenses. My spouse and I have almost exactly the same split. We have a large income disparity (again I’m 1.5x his salary), but my loans are about 5x what his are and I have a much cheaper car note. I think it’s natural that as you plan out your joint goals and retirements accounts, especially retirement and savings accounts, become joint slowly over time. Once our student loans are paid off and/or we have a kid, we may join things together a bit more but for the moment it’s working well – no money arguments so far, only discussions about reasonable acceptable price minimums and maximums for big ticket items (car, furniture, vacation, house).

    • Anon

      We don’t split. All money is “our” money. Neither of us had any real assets coming into our marriage. I had student loans (he didn’t) but I’ve always had the higher paying job. We generally consult on “large” purchases (varies but generally things more than $200-300, but we don’t have an express cut off, just if something is a bigger purchase we consult each other). We have access to each other’s credit cards, savings accounts, retirement account as, etc. sometimes surprises get ruined by credit card notifications but we aren’t big on surprises so it’s a very infrequent occurrence.

      For me personally I couldn’t imagine having to navigate split finances and negotiate how things get split up. Particularly with a kid it’s a lot easier to just have everything come from shared money.

      I make significantly more than he does at the moment (over 2.5x) but I wouldn’t be able to do my job if he didn’t have a flexible one.

    • anonshmanon

      I have an example for not combining assets. We looked at rent, grocery, utilities and gas, and came up with an amount of money we need each month (I don’t want to call it a budget because it’s really just a ballpark number). It’s just a number we determine and reassess if we move to a new place, or something else changes, and it includes about $200 buffer per month for unforeseen stuff.
      We then look at our combined income in comparison to that number. So lets say, one of us makes 4k, the other 6k, and our budget is 4k, which is 40% of our combined income (10k). So then each of us transfers 40% of our income to a household account, for which we both have credit cards and all joint spending comes from there. When income changes, we redo the math. But the base principle is always that we split costs based on each income. In a way, you have been doing the same if you supported both of you while he was in grad school.
      The buffer slowly accumulates on the household account, so that vacations and stuff like car repairs can often be taken out of there, too. The rest of everybody’s income goes to personal accounts, and spending for personal hobbies or going out with friends comes from there.

    • BWE

      OP here: it might also be worth noting that I came in to the marriage with more assets (liquid + non). We are also using a significant portion of my savings for a house down payment. He is not contributing (he can’t, see: grad school)

      Would this change anything for the “shared” folks? I guess I’m asking if you had shared finances would you want to “pay yourself back” for the down payment contribution?

      • Anonymous

        Nope. Doesn’t change anything for me. I came in with more assets and the same income, and now well outearn him.

      • Anon

        No, I had the overwhelming majority of the income for the first few years of our marriage and all our joint savings were really mine/due to my income. Didn’t change the fact that it was our joint money. Now he earns twice as much as me, and it’s still the same – we view all money/savings as shared.

      • same boat anon

        We had a similar situation. I had a trust fund when we met and was earning biglaw money. He did not have a trust fund but worked in finance and was making 2x what I was. I suppose I supported him at some point because he moved in with me and therefore did not have rent/mortgage to pay anymore. I went in-house for less pay and around the same time his salary skyrocketed to multiples of mine every year – looking to be about 6x my salary this year. When we bought our home, I contributed the majority of the down payment. But now that his salary has increased each year, he has paid off more of the mortgage to the point that our contributions towards the equity are almost equal. (This was something he wanted to do, not something I pushed him towards. But we’ve been able to refinance, which has been great.)

        As for finances, we had a his/mine/ours arrangement when we moved in together and that structure hasn’t changed. Initially, we both contributed the same amount each paycheck to the joint account and the rest to our individual but now that his salary has increased, I’m still contributing the same amount but his is flipped – now he contributes a set amount to his own account but the remainder to our joint. The mortgage is paid out from the joint account so at a certain point I guess most of it will be coming from his contributions each month. We both like that we aren’t eyeing the other’s frivolous purchases but we do run bigger purchases past each other just so we know what is going on. I am considering leaving my job and we are on the cusp of kid years, so this structure may change in the coming years to just a joint account (although my trust will always remain mine alone).

      • Anonattorney

        No, this did not change our approach, and we were in the same situation as you. But I think the key question isn’t really how much each of you make, but more about how you both spend money. If you have different views on spending vs. saving, then you probably want to split things up more into separate accounts so that you don’t have to account to each other for “frivolous” expenditures or proper savings strategies. If you generally on the same page, then it’s fine for the money to go into one pot.

      • Anon

        This situation would make me consider getting a prenup that would ensure that I get the value of those assets back in a divorce. It wouldn’t make me do anything different in terms of managing money while we were married, though.

    • lsw

      We’re the odd ones out because we do totally separate finances and don’t have any shared accounts. We split big purchase items generally. About six months ago I got a job that pays almost double his so I pay for more things. He has a child from a previous marriage and we have one together. We met at 30 (married at 35) and were both used to having our own things and so we’ve never blended them. It hasn’t been a problem so far but we would revisit the arrangement if it became one.

    • Anon

      We have completely joint finances. When we got married we added each other’s names to both accounts. So technically his paycheck goes into what was originally his account and my paychecks go into what was originally my account but we both legally own both accounts and transfer money between them all the time without keeping track. We also have several shared credit card accounts (we have separate physical cards but both people are on the account). We don’t really consult each other on purchases at all, but neither of us buys a lot of personal stuff – pretty much everything we buy is for the household, for our kid or a pretty obviously necessary item like shampoo or new rain boots when the previous pair have worn out. The exception is vacations and DH has expressly said he doesn’t want to know what I spend on those ;)

    • Kimm

      I mean… we don’t? Both our paychecks go into shared accounts and pay for shared expenses and we both have 100% control over 100% of the money. DH makes 2x what I make, but this has been the case throughout our marriage, when I made 1.5x as much as him, when we made the same, and now. Dollars coming in are not earmarked his vs. mine.

    • Anonymous

      One pot. I make 3x what he makes and kept some pre-marriage accounts but everything since we got married is ours.

    • Anonymous

      100% shared and everything is very automated. Logistically, we have separate 401Ks/IRAs and credit cards and everything else is joint. Our salaries get direct deposited into our savings/checking/investment accounts (a % to each). We have a loose system re: who pays for which expenses based on credit card point systems but the credit cards are both paid out of our joint account (one of us has a travel-focused card and one has a card with good rewards for our other major expenses). We don’t micromanage spending – I can’t see his credit card statements and he can’t see mine.

      We do a monthly check in where we look at our assets/debts across all accounts and look at the aggregate amount we spent the prior month. We have fixed dollar amount we are comfortable spending (across all categories) every month – we usually come in a little under, but if we come in a little high, we spend 5 minutes thinking about why and agree on adjustments to spending patterns for the next month and usually make up the spending difference the next month.

      We also conceptualize of our income as joint, and aim to earn a minimum amount on a combined basis. So right now, I significantly out earn him, but in 3-4 years his salary will increase and I will take a job with fewer hours, but our overall income will stay roughly the same.

      We met when we were very young, and dated through college/grad school, so we have always planned our careers/lives together so it just makes sense to me to think of finances jointly. My friends who met and married in their late 20s/30s tend to have hybrid systems (a % is joint and a % to do what they want with), and some have not merged finances at all. Our system takes very little time to manage and having separate finances seems like it would be more complicated/time consuming to me, but I definitely have friends who do it and it seems to work great for them, so I think it’s a preference thing.

    • Aggie

      Same. We have one main operating account that funnels out to respective savings, investment and expenses. The only financial item we “spilt” are our respective 401k and IRAs. However, their statements go into the same file folder each month.

    • Anon

      One pot, absolutely no “his” or “my” money. Husband makes more, I brought more to the marriage from an inheritance, and we never fight about money. There was a post here several years ago about how a woman in a relationship with a live-in boyfriend had to scrutinize every grocery receipt seeing who eats what and should therefore pay what % of that individual line item. It sounded horrible and exhausting and I’ve never considered anything like that for us.

    • Anon

      One pot. My husband and I make close to the same amount of money basically (one year apart in biglaw), but we got married knowing I had about $100k more in loans than he did. It’s joint money toward our joint goals (e.g., being debt-free, having a down payment, money for kids).

    • Vicky Austin

      Another vote for one pot, but I’ve read about other people who budget a chunk for each person’s “play money” fund and am thinking about bringing that up with my husband. Pros – don’t have to explain what you’re spending it on, can save up or splash out as your heart desires. Cons – feels like an allowance.

      • Anon

        As a counterpoint to this, I don’t have to explain what I’m spending money on and neither does my husband in our completely one-pot household. Guilt, anxiety, and/or asking for permission is optional.

    • Anon09

      So, we don’t have joint accounts, but we both consider everything to be owned by both. We take turns on who pays for what in a completely freeform, organic kind of way, but we both consider it more as a right hand, left hand kinda thing. We are both completely transparent to each other on our accounts. DH makes 3X (?) more than I do. We have been together for 15 yrs, married for 8 yrs, 2 kids. We have very similar outlooks on saving and spending. I think part (perhaps a very key part) of why this works for us is that we earn a lot more than we spend.

    • anon

      I’m in a similar situation – I’ve been supporting us while DH gets an advanced degree. I also had more savings, etc. when we got married. We agreed on a 3 pot split – his, mine and ours. While he was in school I would write him a check every month for an agreed upon amount for his personal spending. Now we will both transfer money to a joint account, proportional to our income. Also, when we got married I put his name on the house. A lot of this was negotiated before marriage: we got a pre-nup both because of our different financial situations (income, I owned and he rented, and I had substantially more savings) and because of our different monetary habits (I’m a saver and he’s a spender). Basically, I accepted that as the higher earning I was going to make a significant financial contribution to our marriage, especially at the beginning.

      How have you been doing this so far? Do you and your husband share a bank account? If so, you’re already 1-potters! If you’re happy with this system you’re fine! If you consider switching to a different system ask for some kind of concession from your husband. For example, since you’ve covered the mortgage for three years could he do the next three while you bulk up your savings.

    • Anon

      Like some here it is all joint money as far as savings goes, but for day to day we each get allotted the same amount of “spending money” every paycheck that gets allocated to each of our individual checking accounts (regardless of income, we each get the same amount). This is net after we’ve accounted for the mortgage, agreed upon savings amounts etc. We can then do with the spending money whatever we want. That way I can buy whatever clothes I want within my budget and know it only affects me, and he can do the occasional extravagant outing I would otherwise give the side eye too. As long as we stay within our individual limits (which we do) the other literally does not care at all. I think we would have major relationship issues if not bc I am just generally more uptight about budgets and money.

  4. thehungryaccountant

    Ladies, I’m looking into Lasik for my terrible vision. If you’ve had it done, what was your general experience and about how much did you pay?

    • Lilac

      I paid about 5k, I got spk (which is better than Lasik) with a world renowned surgeon. It was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Being able to see is life changing.

      • Mpls

        Do you mean PRK? SPK is an eye disorder; PRK is an alternate laser eye surgery technique for people with thinner corneas/higher prescriptions and are therefore not good candidates for LASIK. It isn’t better, it’s just a different techinque based on the specific needs of the patient.

        OP – I had LASIK done about 16 years ago (just after college, parents’ paid…$3k, I think). The first year was lots of eye drops as the tearing function nerves healed and a lot of getting used to seeing myself without glasses – I’d had glasses since 2nd grade and never wore contacts. I’ve generally been happy with the results.

        • Lilac

          SBK*** sorry I just googled it. But basically every optometrist I know was very adamant that it was the best procedure. I didn’t do any research myself but rather asked my optometrist friends where I should go and after all 3 recommended the same surgeon I decided I had found my guy.

    • ALX emily

      General experience: great! Recovery was quick and easy, and a year later, my vision is great and no glasses or contacts! My eyes are dry in the morning but I just put eye drops in right when I wake up and am good the rest of the day.
      Cost: $5500 at TLC in the DC area which I think was on the high-ish end but I didn’t feel like shopping around or traveling to do it. My vision was around -4 before surgery.

    • Lyssa

      I had it done just over 2 years ago. I paid, I think about 5K – my insurance had some sort of discount, and I was able to use HSA money, so it didn’t hurt to much. As for experience, it was really scary – I don’t know, something about getting your eye poked at is just weird. Also, if you wear contacts normally, be aware that you’ll have to wear glasses for 2-3 weeks beforehand, which was a big deal to me (though I managed to deal). The procedure itself was really quick. They put a big machine up to my eye that suctioned my eyeball in place (yes, that felt as weird as you would think), then there were some laser zaps. No pain, but a lot of weird pressure.

      I could see better, but not well, right away. They told me to eat when I got home, then take a sleeping pill, then eat dinner and take another sleeping pill. By the next day, things looked close to normal. My eyes were really dry for a while, and still sort of are, but not having to wake up blind is a huge improvement!

    • Anonymous

      I had it done 2 years ago, paid $5k using HSA funds. I really love not having contacts. It was super weird having to wear glasses for 3 weeks prior to the surgery but I figured it out. I ended up having complications with one eye that required extra steroids and very close monitoring (I had to got back to my doctor about every other day for about 10 days), but I would still do it again.

    • The original Scarlett

      I did it last year and it has been life changing. Went to the best doc in town & in a VHCOL area, so was about 7K. I haven’t had any of the issues people talk about like dry eye & I just followed the doctor directions to the letter. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. At the time I went to get evaluated, I was certain I’d only do Lasik or nothing (wouldn’t consider PRK or anything more “involved”) & now that I’ve done it, I’d say consider the other options if you don’t qualify for Lasik. And goes without saying, go to the best place you can – you don’t want to save a buck with your eyes.

    • Anonymous

      I got PRK in 2007, at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, and it was the best thing ever! It was $2,500 per eye, of which my insurance paid $500, so it was $4,000 out of pocket. Worth every penny– I haven’t been to an eye doctor, or spent any money on contacts, glasses, etc. since the end of the recovery period (a followup visit within the week to take the bandaid contacts out, plus I think 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and a year). I had it done on a Friday morning, and I was back at work on Wednesday. I think the recovery from Lasik is a little faster, but I wasn’t a good candidate because my corneas weren’t thick enough. I had some occasional dry eye symptoms in the first couple years, plus at night while driving a little bit of halos around oncoming headlights, but haven’t had anything since. Before my contacts were -6 and -6.5, and now I have 20/20 vision!

      • Anon

        Even if your vision is perfect, you should see an ophthalmologist regularly to screen for eye diseases. Not going since 2007 seems too long.

        • Anonymous

          Ophthalmologists also screen for diseases in general. They can catch the first warning signs of conditions like diabetes or multiple sclerosis (where early detection really matters).

    • Anon

      Also had Lasik about two years ago in MCOL market (although getting higher). Echoing others, go to THE BEST doc in town who has performed thousands of surgeries (not hard, they do a lot in a day and several hundred in a year). Don’t use a groupon, don’t go on a special to a less renowned place (unless the best surgical group is having a deal) – pay full price other than insurance related discounts. I went to the best doctor in town when they were having a special price deal – and it was still around $3500 with the deal.

    • Lots to Learn

      One caveat: if your vision is REALLY terrible, you may not be a candidate for Lasik. My doctor told me I couldn’t have Lasik because it just doesn’t work when your eyes are really bad. So you might want to make sure you can even do it before you worry about whether you want to do it.

      • Anonymous

        This is me. I have a -9.5 and -8 prescription; my corneas are probably too thin but I have a Lasik referral so we’ll see. Cost in my Midwest city with high quality eye care will be approximately $1,500 to 2,000 per eye. No idea if insurance pays; I’ve been saving up for it hoping I can get it.

        • Mpls

          If LASIK isn’t an option, PRK might be – it doesn’t need the same amount of cornea thickness, but the healing is a little more difficult. At that level of correction, I wouldn’t be surprised if PRK is what they point your to instead of LASIK

          • anonymous

            I had a -9.5 and -9 contact lens prescription; glasses were higher. Lasek (a type of PRK) was an option for me. There’s nothing to lose by getting your corneas measured to see if you are a candidate. if insurance doesn’t pay, you can still use FSA/HSA money so save the money in that account if you have it to shave off taxes. Lasek/PRK has a much longer recovery time than Lasik, but it was so worth it. Life changing for a 36 year old who wore glasses since age 8, contacts since age 12.

      • Mpls

        Every reputable LASIK doctor will do a free consultation beforehand to screen you for being a candidate. Anyone who doesn’t do the consultation should be avoided, and consider doing a couple consultations with different doctors to compare responses and advice. They should be able to tell you why you are a good candidate (based on cornea thickness and level of correction needed) and should do a major dilation of the pupil to see how much area needs to be adjusted.

    • Ann Dashes

      I had LASIK earlier this year at Gordon Schanzlin’s office in San Diego. My experience was top notch. I was slowly losing the ability to wear contacts long-term, and glasses hurt my face if I wore them too long. I went in with -4.5 diopters and astigmatism, and the surgery corrected me to 20/20 vision. The consultation appointment was 1.5 hours, and the staff there were great and did what seemed like every test known to mankind (mapping the cornea, etc.) They also answered every question I could possibly think of. I was cleared as a candidate, so I had the surgery a few weeks later. The surgery took 15 minutes and wasn’t painful at all. Watching the visual light show from the machine that cuts the corneal flaps was actually fascinating. Even though my vision was blurry after surgery (this happens with everyone), I could still read the signs at the end of the office hallway, which I didn’t have a prayer of doing prior to surgery. I slept off the day with painkillers; it wasn’t the most comfortable, but apart from my eyes being super runny, I felt fine. The blurriness was largely gone over the next day or so. I was pretty sensitive to lights afterward (as well as screens in dark rooms), but that went away within a few weeks. No complications, absolutely no regrets. Price-wise, I paid $3300 for surgery. Schanzlin’s office knocked off 20% of the original price because I was a referral, and actually knocked another 20% off as per their usual; they want their patients to do post-surgery follow-up visits with their eye doctor even if it’s not at Schanzlin’s office, so they take that 20% off the surgery price so you’ll be more inclined to use that money to get your eyes looked at periodically over the next year to make sure everything heals up fine. I don’t live in southern California, and traveled for surgery with this particular doctor, and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. If you’re a candidate, do it.

  5. Anon

    Question on hormonal birth control. For those of you who normally have PMS symptoms and who take BC continuously to avoid having a period, what effects, if any, has this had on the PMS symptoms? I have been off hormonal BC for 15 years. After pregnancy, I have very heavy periods and low iron which supplementation is not helping, so I am considering going on HBC again to avoid blood loss. I’m concerned about PMS as it was exaggerated by HBC in the past. I would love to hear your experiences with this and with skipping periods in general.

    • Gigi

      For me, BC has alleviated my menstrual cramps and cleared up the acne around my chin and between my eyes.

    • Anonymous

      I couldn’t tolerate the Pill, but I put up with Mirena and the associated weight gain (5 pounds within weeks each time it’s been replaced, impossible to lose even with calorie restriction and daily workouts) because I don’t have to deal with my terrible periods.

    • Cat

      My on-Pill periods were a cakewalk compared to my non-Pill periods. I cannot WAIT to go back on. I would skip periods occasionally by taking packs back-to-back and skipping the placebo week. Never tried a Seasonal or whatever because the chance of unpredictable spotting is worse than a few KNOWN-but-mild period days.

      • Anon

        I think it’s misleading to compare placebo week on the pill to actual menstruation. They’re completely different in terms of hormones and function.

    • BabyAssociate

      I’ve been skipping periods on hormonal BC for at least 10 years. Low iron was the original reason my doctor suggested doing it. I’ve switched pills a few times during that time, mostly because of issues with breakthrough bleeding. I always discuss it with my gynecologist, but they have not raised any concerns about me continuing to skip long term. I couldn’t tell you when I last experienced any sort of PMS symptom.

    • Anon

      Thanks, everyone! I’m not sure why my OB seemed very cautious on predicting PMS effects from BC – from reading pubmed it seems the likelihood is high it won’t make it worse, and might even make it better depending on formulation.

      • Anon

        I think it depends on what’s causing the PMS symptoms. If it’s progesterone withdrawal, BC can definitely make things a whole lot worse (since there’s no way to get progesterone while on the pill). Maybe your OB has a theory about your symptoms, or maybe she’s just had other patients with this issue.

  6. Anon

    I’m a third year biglaw associate leaving to work at a nonprofit. What do I do with my 401(k)? I’ve maxed it out for the past 3 years. My financial adviser said that moving it to an IRA was most flexible, but I’d appreciate other insight. Thanks!

    • Minnie Beebe

      Move it into a low-fee Rollover IRA. It’s very easy, I’ve done it multiple times. For the record, my rollover account is with Vanguard, frequently recommended on this board. If you call, they will walk you through the process.

    • anon

      I have the impression that 401ks have slightly more protection in bankruptcy than IRAs, so I haven’t rolled over. I have no reason to believe that I’ll ever declare bankruptcy, but I like the extra protection.

    • Anon

      I just left my 401k with my law firm. I think most of biglaw firms let you leave them behind. I didn’t want to roll in into a IRA, since that would foreclose doing a backdoor Roth IRA, and didn’t want to pay the significant tax to roll it into a backdoor Roth IRA. I also didn’t want to move it to my new employer’s account, since I went to the federal government and the options are slightly more limited.

    • Anonymous

      Who is it with? If it’s already with Fidelity or Vanguard which are both historically very low fee, leave it with them — roll it out of the 401k and into an IRA still with Fidelity/Vanguard. Only reason to even do a rollover from a 401k to IRA if you’re already with either of those firms is because historically law firms do a bad job of picking funds — i.e. they don’t always select the lowest fee funds or the best Morningstar rated ones and by going IRA you will then be eligible to invest in any fund not just the 5-10 your former firm pre selected. If you’re not with Fidelity or Vanguard already, get an IRA with one of those two for the same reasons mentioned above.

    • Mpls

      I roll my former employer 401(k) funds into an IRA. That gives me control over the funds I have available and the fees, and I’m no longer bound by the 401(k) rules of my former employers.

      That also means my consolidated funds given me better buying power in my IRA than they would spread out over all these different funds. Also means I’m less likely to lose track of one of those funds, or have that employer lose track of me if/when I move.

  7. Anon

    Is it possible for clients to create a hostile workplace environment that employers are responsible for? I’m the same person from last week- my client se*ually harassed me. At least once a week clients are very hostile, insulting, or intimidating to me and my supervisors tend to just say “Well, they have mental health issues, you just need to be better at not upsetting them,” more or less. It’s triggering as a DV survivor and it means I have no support at work and feel like the abuse I’m getting is my fault or I deserve it. I work with DV perpetrators and other men with a history of violence against women. I’m job searching.

    • Anonymous

      What do you expect them to do about this? You can’t for example be a public defender if you find dealing with criminals triggering.

      • Anon

        Other organizations similar to mine require clients to sign codes of conduct (same client population), or their retainer includes a clause about language and treatment of staff. Other options include a willingness for supervisors to contact clients and set ground rules regarding treatment of staff, with clear consequences if those are not followed.

      • Anon

        I think your boss sucks, and should be helping you develop methods to deal with these clients. But at the end of the day, I kind of agree that this is an unfortunately part of the job and you should find a new job.

    • Lots to Learn

      If your clients are actually sexually harassing you, then your employer has a duty to stop it under federal (and some states’) law. But if your clients are just hostile, abusive, etc. and it isn’t related to your gender (i.e. they treat males the same way and it’s not related to sex as in sex acts), your employer can’t be held liable for that, at least under federal law. It sounds to me like this particular job may not be a good fit for you, given your history.

      • Anon

        I’ve been doing it for awhile but I got a new supervisor and it’s not great (which is disappointing, she seemed way better at first). The lack of support is almost worse than the clients- I know clients have issues, but I do not appreciate being blamed for upsetting them. It’s very much “well, just don’t make them mad and you won’t get upset!” rather than “this isn’t ok. Yes, your clients are difficult but you also deserve to be treated well.”

        And yeah, it’s often very gendered and inappropriate, not just guys being jerks.

    • Explorette

      I missed the part in last week’s post about you being a DV victim. It does sound like a new job is going to be the best solution for you. I can’t imagine being a DV victim and working with DV perpetrators. This sounds very unhealthy. Your clients aren’t going to change, and you will continue to be triggered by them, so why put yourself through that?

      • Anon

        Oddly, it’s generally OK- but sometimes there seem to just be periods where I get a spell of very abusive clients. It’s hard bc I like the work, and I like my closest colleagues. But, might be time for me to search elsewhere and lean out here.

  8. Anonymous

    Size 16 ladies, how are you liking Rent the Runway? (RTR Unlimited?) If I have a wedding to attend in August should I have a backup dress or will RTR be ok for me?

    • BeenThatGuy

      I’m a size 16 and I have RTR Unlimited. I love it. BUT…the options are limited for this size range. As we all know, a designer size 16, fits more like a 10/12 (brands like Black Halo, L.K. Bennett, Badgley Mischka) so those aren’t an option, even if they have it size 18. I have great success with Tanya Taylor, Leota, Lauren Ralph Lauren, Nicholas, Rachel Rachel Roy and J.Crew. It took me several shipments to figure out what size I was in certain designers. Once you know, it’s a breeze. I always have something new to wear, feel stylish, never go to the dry cleaners and am spending WAY less money shopping. It’s well worth the $160 a month.

      As for renting for a wedding, I never had luck with RTR at this size.

  9. Pink

    Favorite black, non-see through, cropped leggings for weight lifting and body pump type classes? TW: I’m 5’3″ and 130 lbs. Waffling between Athleta (never had much luck with them) and Lululemon (have purchased yoga crops from them recently and they’re already pilling even though I line dry them). Happy to hear other recs.

    • BabyAssociate

      Zella, the “High Waist Daily Crop” which are like $25 from Nordstrom Rack. One of my pairs is pilling, but I’ve had them for several years and wear them all the time.

    • Worry about yourself

      Victoria’s Secret is my go-to for active leggings and sports bras. Unless . . . oh no . . . are their sports leggings see-through??

    • Shananana

      love Zella, adding the old navy compression leggings. They seem to wear like iron.

    • anon a mouse

      I found a random brand on amazon – Neonysweets Women’s Workout Leggings Phone Pocket Running Yoga Pants. They come in full length and capris. They are less than $20 and have held up really well so far (maybe 6 months of weekly wear).

    • Anonymous

      Counterpoint – I hate zella. I don’t think they stay up well and I think it’s a fabric issue, not fit as I’ve tried different sizes. Zella ones are nice for wear around, but not working out. Old Navy compression leggings are better. I do like Athleta and some of the Lululemon, but not all (you have to go the right fabric and cut). Oddly, of the cheapy ones, I think C9 from Target are the best.

      • Inspired By Hermione

        I feel this way about Z by Zella- not a good substitute. But especially the compression Zella’s stay up for me! I think it might be body shape dependent though. Also, high waist only. The regular ones roll down and don’t stay up for me.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this – I have issues with Zella staying up well. I like Old Navy compression leggings and also love the ‘blackout’ style leggings from Gap.

    • Explorette

      I LOVE my fabletics leggings, but I hate their subscription business model. I wish I could just go online and order what I want, when I want. I work out a lot (5-6 times a week) and I still don’t need an entirely new workout outfit once a month!

    • ebennett

      I know you mentioned having issues with Lululemon, but I really love the Lululemon Align pants. They are high-waisted, the waistband stays in place, and mine are still in great condition after two years.

    • JuniorMinion

      I’ve liked Core 10 – the amazon higher end active wear line, specifically the nearly n*ked leggings are great for range of motion for lifting. I’ve also liked RBX and found them squat proof.

    • Anon

      I don’t know what you mean by an appetite suppressant, but I’ve lost about 30 pounds while taking topamax for migraine, without making any effort at all. It definitely decreases my appetite and makes some foods taste funny, but I’ve also lost all interest in food and have some other side effects, so it’s debatable whether that’s really a positive, but it can clearly be very effective for weight loss.

    • Anon

      This is not what you asked for, but I am throwing it out there.
      I have tried and failed at dieting many many times. I used to feel extremely hungry all the time and I would just give up on dieting. I don’t eat junk food/soda even when I am not dieting. Just the amount of food needed to make me not feel hungry would put me above my required calorie limit.
      Then I learnt about insulin and I decided to try intermittent fasting to try and get some control over insulin. I just don’t eat anything till 5 PM in the evening all work days. I eat a snack after 5 PM and try to complete my dinner by 9 PM. So, I eat only during the four – five hour window. Surprisingly my hunger vanished. I don’t feel hungry till 3 PM . I feel slightly hungry at 3, and I drink black coffee without sugar. That helps me tide over a couple of hours.
      I have lost 12 pounds and I have 10 more pounds to go. This is the easiest diet that I have followed. It doesn’t interfere with my life, I can eat anything I want, I can go out for dinner and not worry about if I can eat dessert. Very less decisions to make, very less to cook. I eat healthy most of the time as I eat less meals, at the same time don’t feel guilty eating a scoop of ice cream.

    • Anon

      I’ve been prescribed amphetamines before for ADD and I definitely lost weight when I started taking them. I found the effectiveness wore off pretty fast, though.

    • Anonymous

      Based on my experiences with its component ingredients, I believe Contrave probably works well.

    • AttiredAttorney

      Yes and no. I was prescribed contrave, and it began to work immediately. A long time emotional/boredom eater, it was finally like food had no power over me. I never realized how much thinking about my next meal/snack/cooking project I was doing. Food truly owned me, and Contrave made me realize that because suddenly – it didn’t. Sweets carried no addictive power and alcohol was unappetizing after a sip. It was easy to maintain a healthy, 1200 calorie diet. I steadily lost 3lbs a week easily, Except….four weeks in I got horrible hives all over my face and body and found out that I’m allergic to one of the component ingredients. Apparently, hives show up as a side effect only after several weeks of treatment with Contrave if you have the allergy. That being said, I still recommend it to everyone. If it works for you, it is amazing. I’m still sad it didn’t work for me.

    • Editor

      I was taking a diabetes drug that is used off label for weight loss. Saxenda? At first my co-pay was $40, then on different insurance it was $900 (with a coupon), then a well-known pharmacy benefit manager denied it to me although my doctor approved it. It worked great. Part of it I think was what it does to insulin levels . . . or something internal (I don’t have diabetes) but what I think really worked for me was that it induced mild nausea and a feeling of fullness.I would love to find something harmless that also causes mild nausea. I am open to suggestions!

      In fact I thought of coming on here and asking that but thought it was a bit pro-ana and that I would be shamed. So I’m glad the OP brought it up!

  11. Anonymous

    White jeans: yes? I’ve never had them but am seeing a bunch of brands I like going on sale. For those who wear them: what months do you wear them? Do you worry about cellulite, or red wine, or sitting on dirt? They always look so crisp on Pinterest.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. I wear them year round, though style differently in the winter (love with camel booties and a thick beigey turtleneck). I don’t worry about dirt or spills – I’m a mom, I ain’t got time to worry about that, I just live. I also don’t “worry” about cellulite showing, but I am more careful about fit and sizing than a darker color denim.

    • Anon

      My white denim is fairly stiff, so I don’t have issues with them showing bumps/cellulite. I generally wear them from late March to early September (SEUS). I don’t really worry about dirt/red wine in them, but I don’t really wear them to events where that is an issue. I tend to wear mine when I need something a little dressy casual, and it is too cold or air-conditioned for a dress to make sense. Examples would be– casual outdoor engagement party early April, going to a show in the summer, going to an event at church that is casual, etc. I have white denim shorts that I get much more wear out of when it’s actually hot.

    • NOLA

      I bought a pair of white jeans at the beginning of the summer and haven’t had a chance to wear them. I’m not worried about cellulite, but I just assume I’ll get stuff on them or whatever, or I’ll sit in something.

    • Cat

      My office goes denim friendly in summer so I wear white jeans to work a lot. Consider buying a size up from your normal. The same fit in white can easily LOOK too tight even if it feels the same on your body.

  12. Anonymous

    Anyone know if Room & Board have sales ever or if they will have a Fourth of July sale? Going to pull the trigger on new living room sofa/sectional and any discounts would help.

    • Anonymous

      They don’t really have sales except for an end-of-the-year clearance, if I recall correctly

    • nutella

      No, they do not do holiday sales like say, Crate and Barrel does. Your only hope is if an item is listed in the sale tab. They don’t even do designer discounts.

    • Mpls

      Agreed – no sales. They do have an outlet store (only one) in Golden Valley, MN. Those items are returns, maybe showroom models and are discounted from the full price. But that and Craigslist are the only way you get something for less than full price. Bonus is that it’s mostly (all?) American made.

    • Constant reader

      Sorry, I never get to the comments until after work, so hope you see this. I have several earrings and a necklace from Mejuri and have been very satisfied with the quality for the price. I have both sterling silver and vermeil. The necklace I have is quite delicate and I haven’t managed to break it yet, which is saying something. Their new pieces tend to sell out quickly but usually do come back in stock. I highly recommend for high quality jewelry at a decent price — it really skews more of a fine jewelry look wIthout the price tag.

    • Anon

      I have a necklace and earrings. I love both. I never take the necklace off (14k gold) and so far so good (since this winter). I would buy from them again but I need an excuse to buy more jewellery.

  14. Anonymous

    In my otherwise fairly liberal New England town, we have a recent issue with the theft of rainbow pride flags. Our community has responded by buying more, displaying more. But they keep disappearing.

    Does it make me a bad person to put my 10 small flags along my rock wall that is covered in poison ivy? I’m on a very busy road and figure if someone stops to steal them and gets raging poison Ivy, they deserve it.

    Am i awful? Haven’t put them out yet so there’s time to talk me out of it.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t do it because I feel like someone might get poison ivy without bad intent. Like, what if they think your flag display is cute and want to take a photo with it? I’m all for hurting the thieves but I feel like you might hurt innocent people (or even yourself, while setting up the display?)

      • Anonymous

        The location is not a photo op spot. It’s something you’d have to trespass significantly to get to, which is apparently what these flag-nappers are doing (like taking them off front porch flagpoles!).

    • Anon

      You know that could actually kill someone, right? Some people have extremely severe allergic reactions and end up hospitalized for days. It’s a little surprising you’d even consider such an aggressive and cruel response when it’s probably high schoolers stealing the flags on a dare.

      • Anon

        I’m not sure whose shoulders the responsibility of poison ivy avoidance should land on, but I agree that poison ivy can be dangerous.

    • Anon

      I vote yes, do it! You are not going to kill anybody or even get anywhere close to that.

    • Anon

      I think you’re entitled to put the flags anywhere you want on your property, including in the poison ivy. I would totally put them there

  15. KATHERINE

    I have these earrings! I love them. I lost one camping, and replaced them I love them so much. Just enough interest, still classic, no back. The whole mejuri line has so many great options.

  16. Capybara

    Please delete this if this isn’t the place for this! I just got sent over to this blog by a friend as a suggestion. I’m seriously thinking of leaving the Public Defender’s office that I work at. I love the work and the other line attorneys but the underpay and really, really bad management has just gotten out of hand and it’s making me miserable. We’re losing attorneys due to overwork because of over-staffing and I just got told I’m not getting a promotion this year because of….under-staffing. I have five years litigation and a ton of trial experience. When I graduated it was during the recession, so I was just happy to have a legal job getting out of school. So, to my surprise I’m apparently the belle of the ball of the boutique firm world right now and I’ve gotten more job interviews with small firms than I know what to do with. What red flags should I be looking out for? Is 90K screwing me at a small family law firm or should I demand more? I’m making way less now, but this is the first time people actually want to throw money at me. Help me sell out people!

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