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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 202 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Daniella Ponte Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Melani Daniella DressThe seaming on this dress reminds me of Hugo Boss, for some reason. Love the high neckline, three-quarter sleeves, those seams and, yes, that lovely color — it strikes me as interesting but muted. (Try it with a dark purple accent! It'll be awesome!)  The dress is $159, available in sizes 0-14 at Dillards. Antonio Melani Daniella Ponte Dress (Here's a similar plus-size option.) Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Sorry for the early TJ- I work in a conservative, very male-dominated industry, and I’m finding that there are issues with some of the older (not actually old, mid 40s and older I would guess) men who have issues/ appear to be threatened by highly educated younger (and especially minority) women, which I am. I personally have only experienced this once, but a lot of women talk about it. How do you figure out if this is just a thing that some fringe people have an issue with or if it’s something that will harm my advancement potential? Any tips to make sure it doesn’t hold me back?

    • TXLawyer

      Look at the people who have advanced at your workplace. Are there highly educated minority women in leadership? Does the company you work at have programs in place or otherwise support the advancement of minorities or women? If you’re not seeing it in the leadership now and you’re not seeing any efforts to change that, it might be a systematic problem.

      • YouSaucyMinx

        Are there more experienced, minority women at the company? It may be worth reaching out and identifying a couple to approach to act as a mentor, to give you their insights and their first-hand experiences.

        If there aren’t any to act as a mentor, well, i think you have the answer.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think there are any, but there are so few of us to begin with, and virtually all of the well-educated minority women are my age or a little older.

        My own experiences have been overwhelmingly positive. How heavily should that weigh in here?

        • Anonymous

          Don’t borrow trouble. If the people you interact with are positive and support your career and aren’t racist or sexist, just go with it? I’m not saying there aren’t racist sexist middle age white men, but there are plenty who just aren’t.

          • hoola hoopa

            +1

            You use the information and experience from others as a warning to watch for signs that you may have otherwise missed so that you can intervene or adapt earlier than you might have – but your personal experience takes precedent. If things are going smoothly for you, then keep on going.

            I’m mid-career and IME, it’s not uncommon for one person to consider a team or office challenging and another roughly-similar-on-paper person to feel completely comfortable. Obviously some workplaces are clearly toxic, but there’s a lot of middle ground that comes down to interpersonal dynamics.

    • Anon for this

      I find that this is one of those things that has a confirmation effect. i.e. when you think about it, you notice it happening a lot more. FWIW I am a minority woman in a male-dominated industry and while it’s a problem in terms of acceptability of maternity leave, it’s honestly something I experience very rarely and isn’t worth obsessing about, especially when your own experiences are generally positive.

    • Anon

      It probably is a real issue that people have, but it doesn’t necessarily have to hold you back. I would advise finding a mentor, one of these older higher-up men, to help you with your career goals. Some people will not want you to succeed, but others will be willing to hep you figure out how to navigate the career ladder at your company. I have gotten great opportunities solely because of mentors. However, it really depends on your company and what your goals are. In some industries people are hostile, especially towards women and minorities, until you prove yourself and get a reputation for knowing what you’re doing. It sucks, but that’s the way it works. If you can get around that you will have more opportunities.

      • Former Partner, Now In-House

        Find several mentors because each can advise you about different issues and give different perspectives. In addition, find at least one sponsor — someone in a position of power who can help you find opportunities to move up.

      • Former Partner, Now In-House

        Find several mentors because they can advise you about different issues and give you different perspectives. In addition, find at least one sponsor, someone in a position of power to open opportunities for you to shine.

    • Wildkitten

      Have you read What Works for Women at Work? I don’t love the book like I love NGDGTCO but it might be perfect advice for your situation.

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love Daniella Ponte’s dress, particularley b/c there is NO way Frank can stare at my boobie’s! Thanks Kat for showing these. I hope profesionals like me start wearing dresses like these so that older men who have nothing better to do then stare at boobies start stareing at their computer’s! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, yes, this is what most of us have to put up with. Unless you are in an industry where women are leading, men will always feel threatened by us b/c we women are proven to be alot smarter and men are intimideated by us. Even the manageing partner was worried I would leave and his billeing’s would dry up, so my DAD negotieated my partnership agreement for me. Now he just want’s me to keep billeing b/c I am makeing so much money for the firm that he does NOT want that to stop. Also, he told Margie what a great biller I am that she too make’s him buy me clotheing even without makeing me pay anything!!!!!! I love Margie b/c she know’s how it is to be a young female in a male dominated world (that’s how she snagged the manageing partner and she said she is liveing in luxury with him both on the North Shore and the Hamton’s by MARRYING him and haveing OK sex with him every night — what she say’s is a small price to pay).

      I think peeople like the OP just need to do their job and not worry about men’s inadequeaces, b/c in the end, they will capituealate if you are doeing a good job. If you can find a decent guy like the manageing partner who will support you, you can alway’s chuck the workeing world and live like Margie. That is what I want, but I need a guy like Ivanka has, and I want 3 kid’s ASAP! YAY!!!

      Speakeing of which, the manageing partner’s brother’s place will be done this week, and I am invited over for a house warming with Margie and the Manageing Partner. I have to figure out what to give him. Does the hive have any idea’s? He took me out to start furnisheing it in the Hamton’s but now I have to see what he actualy need’s, beside’s the Art he bought.

        • MB

          When planning our wedding, I actually decided not to include my only niece as a flower girl because she would only be 1 at the time of the ceremony. (Note – I love this kid to death and have a great relationship with her mother, who is my sister.) What’s more, my sister not only agreed with me but supported my decision to not have kids at the ceremony/reception as it meant a nice baby-free night out! We did get my niece a cute dress and took a couple pictures with her prior to the ceremony so she was included. Sounds like you’ve got somthing similar covered by including your niece/in laws in your family entrance. Definitely don’t give into your SIL and set the precedent early that you are not giving in to her (crazy) demands. Good luck!

          • Sarabeth

            Got it, thank you! I never imagined that they’d even be comfortable with their baby as a flower girl–let alone upset she was not!

    • Bette

      I am in a very similar situation and have found it to be something that really isn’t a big deal until it’s suddenly a huge deal.

      I’d say don’t let the small stuff bother you and look out for people whose hearts are in the right place but perhaps whose vocabulary or mind-set hasn’t totally caught up. Those are the people that you need to target to be your friends/mentors/allies. Then you have a base of support to draw from when you encounter the (hopefully) rare person who really just will never be ok with a young woman of color being in X important job.

      Also, to use a phrase common on the board, don’t borrow worries. I think attitudes on these things can genuinely evolve. Just because you heard a story about someone being unwelcoming to a colleague five years ago doesn’t mean that he can’t have improved his mindset in the intervening years.

  2. TXLawyer

    Antonio Melani is my new favorite go-to for work. Lots of pretty, structured dresses with sleeves!

    • Bonnie

      I love the color and sleeve length of this dress but don’t think that high seam would be flattering on me. Off to find a similar dress…

      • YouSaucyMinx

        I love the structure of the dress, but the high seam wouldn’t do good things for my bust. Talbots has a similar dress with structured seaming that is more universally flattering (they also have it in green, navy, etc)

      • hoola hoopa

        I really like it in concept but felt the same way. I’m also wondering if the side seams would pucker oddly or be uncomfortable while sitting. But I’d be intrigued enough to try it on.

    • Emmabean

      This is a great looking dress, but I’ve found so many great Antonio Milani pieces on sale at Dillards that I can’t bring myself to do a full price one. I’ll buy this for sure if it makes it to the sale rack.

      (PS I want to second this line being a fave for work pieces. And I’m in Texas too!)

  3. SuziStockbroker

    Thank you everyone for the nude tight weave fishnet suggestions yesterday!

  4. AN

    This is a lovely colour but even the slim model looks a bit bumpy lumpy. I shudder to think what I would look like if I wore it.

    • Anonymous

      WTF. No we’re going to call models bumpy lumpy and shudder at the thought? Nonsense. She looks lovely and if people can see the contours of my body (since I don’t have a freakin tumor I don’t consider myself lumpy) well then ok.

      Jeeze. Nothing like completely gratuitous body snarking to start the day.

      If you mean “this looks kinda clingy and I think it would be too revealing on me” then say that.

    • Anita

      I agree. It’s not flattering to her body. And it probably would be even less flattering on a non-model body.

        • Anita

          I actually think it’s a problem with the dress’s structure, or lack thereof. In a size larger, it would hang like a bag. Not a fan.

    • Ginjury

      I think the lumpiness is actually just from poor photoshopping. Her hip indents and protrudes at strange places and I don’t think that’s just her body.

  5. cavity maker

    I’ve been invited to a political party’s annual dinner fundraiser later this month. It’s at a hotel and I am having really hard time trying to decide whether it is cocktail or formal. I am trying not to ask. Anyone have any experience?

    I’ve googled photos, but only come up with a handful that are waist up. So it’s hard to tell whether longer dresses/gowns or shorter cocktail.

    Also, if I am going to a Republican event, and I choose to wear Blue– will that really be a big deal?

    • Bonnie

      Shorter is probably a safer bet. I’d be surprised if women were wearing formal gowns for a dinner like this.

    • wintergreen126

      I attended a fundraising dinner a few years ago, and it was cocktail. There were a few longer dresses, but nothing I would classify as formal.

    • Politico

      I’d say most people wear business to cocktail at these events–unless you are a featured guest (i.e. party chair) or the invite specifically says black tie. I’m in a more casual area of the country though, so I can imagine this would differ. Also if you’re going to a republican event, blue is fine. However, there are a lot of fun red dresses on rent the runway that are perfect for these sorts of events :)

      • Bette

        Unless you are there solely to support your partner and will not have professional dealings with anyone at this event, I would wear a work sheath with a blazer and then take off the blazer.

        Definitely not long dresses.

    • Jordan

      I went to a big Democratic dinner where Bill Clinton was speaking for work and there were a ton of red dresses (I noticed because I thought the same thing and of course I was on alert for any blue dress jokes). So I don’t think the blue would a problem. But bonus points for a classy red dress.

      I would definitely say not too revealing short dress is way to go.

  6. HSAL

    Hey, chairperson anon from yesterday – what happened at the meeting with the pushy person trying to get on the agenda?

    • Chair person

      Thank you for asking, I was typing at the same time as you posted :) See below.

      I am happy with how it turned out. We’ll get to discuss it fully at the next meeting.

  7. Chair person

    I appreciate the advice/support from yesterday afternoon. I gave her 5 minutes at the end of the meeting for her to introduce it as a preliminary discussion only, and gave her a heads up that is how it would happen.
    I also, at the beginning of the meeting, gave guidelines for having items added to the agenda.
    It went pretty well, and I don’t think she will try this with me again.

  8. I'm Just Me

    JNY has a bunch of jackets marked down to $59 today. I ordered the mixed media jacket, I figure $59 is a good way to pull in the faux leather trend for the season without a big commitment.

  9. Gail the Goldfish

    To the poster from last week (or was it earlier this week?) who had the landlord that wanted her to sign the lease with the crazy terms about replacing appliances, I was just wondering what happened-did they back off on that term?

  10. To the poster who is asking her husband for a separation

    I’ve been thinking about you. How are things going?

    • anon for this

      I have a feeling you’re thinking of me! Thanks for your thoughts. Things are alright. I haven’t asked him yet, but I met with a lawyer. That was helpful. I have spoken to a few more people IRL and each person has more thoughts and more advice (“have you tried saying XYZ to him?” “what about counseling?”) and it’s just reinforcing that I’m D.O.N.E. Unfortunately, I have to figure out when and how to tell him as much. My therapist recommended I tell him in a public place, and I think that’s a good idea. So, back to the drawing board to see what I can figure out.

        • Senior Attorney

          But make sure you’ve cleared that with your lawyer. You are not necessarily legally entitled to exclusive possession of the marital dwelling absent a court order or an agreement.

          When I was in your shoes I finally just left because I knew I’d never get him out of there.

          • anon for this - OP

            Yeah… we don’t own the residence and we actually don’t have a lease right now. I can’t legally force him out, the baby has to stay in the residence, so I plan to stay as well. So it’s going to be messy before it gets better I imagine.

          • Anon

            OP – are you and your baby and husband currently living alone in a place you don’t own, or are you living in a place you don’t own with other people (who do own the place)? Maybe living with other family members? Because if the latter is the case, I can’t see why THEY couldn’t legally force him out.

            The example I’m thinking of is that if my husband and child and I were living with my parents or siblings, and I wanted husband gone, my family would absolutely have my back and tell him that he was no longer permitted in their home.

          • Wildkitten

            That sounds very dangerous – if he still has access to the apartment you and your baby are in after you tell him it’s over. Please make a plan to will keep you and your baby safe.

          • Anon in NYC

            Consider what will happen if he refuses to leave. My parents lived together through their separation and divorce process because my father refused to move out of the house.

          • Marie

            Please, please speak with a DV advocate about creating a safety plan, if your lawyer doesn’t have experience in this issue and hasn’t helped you create one already. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean you and baby leave. They deal with these situations all the time. Statistically speaking, after you tell H that you are leaving, you will be facing one of the most life-threatening stages that a person in a DV situation can face. An advocate at your local women’s shelter can help you figure out a plan that suits your situation and needs. For your own safety and that of your child, please don’t do this alone.

            Thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way…

            (ETA: I haven’t been following the facts, so I talked about a dv situation because of other commenters expressing fear for your safety. I’m really sorry if that’s the wrong assumption, but it can’t hurt to make a safety plan anyway!!)

      • Denveranon

        Don’t “ask” him, tell him. Do it soon before you lose your nerve. Try to be clear, concise, and stern. If an abuser senses any weakness or reluctance, he’ll pounce. In any case, he’s sure to have the manipulation dial all the way up. I think I remember you’re living with your parents temporarily? They can absolutely kick him out. That sounds easier/safer than if you were living alone with him and baby.

        Best of luck. You can do this!

  11. Diana Barry

    Ladies – I have a dress question for you all. I got these dresses from ASOS (I ordered more than these, but these are the only ones that fit). Occasion is a wedding in LA in December (evening wedding).

    (link to follow to avoid mod)

    The beaded one is obviously too expensive to keep. It is GORGEOUS on, though, like a disco ball! :)

    The marble shard one is very nice, but what do you think about the fabric? Is the cotton sateen not dressy enough for a wedding?

    Finally, what is everyone’s opinion on how a sheath should fit for this kind of thing? I ordered the marble shard one in 2 sizes – the smaller size feels tight but looks right, whereas the bigger size kind of balloons around the rear, which I think is probably less attractive, LOL.

  12. Done with heels

    Can someone help me find black-tie-appropriate flats? They will be paired with a long, beaded slate grey gown, and I’m having trouble matching both the color and the formality in a pair of flat shoes! Appreciate any help!

  13. AIMS

    Wanted to post a recommendation. I got this sweater at Old Navy yesterday for around $20, wearing it today and it is making me so, so happy! Not sure how it will hold up but it’s really perfect for early fall and I love the raisin color and the little zippers. Considering getting the black and really wishing it came in more colors (like dark green!).

    It runs big so size down. http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1018845&vid=1&pid=978066022

    • tesyaa

      Looks very cute! Caveat that my last couple of Old Navy sweater purchases have had sizing and/or pilling issues. One cardigan really only lasted 2 wearings, so I’m giving Old Navy a rest for now.

      • AIMS

        I had the same experience with cardigans. I am hoping this one will last longer but honestly my standards are so low that if I can get 10 wears, I will consider it a success. I would have loved to pay more for this sweater knowing I could wear it for a few seasons but that’s not always the case anymore even if you shop somewhere “nicer” like BR or Jcrew. The zippers are very JCrew-esq though. It’s giving my boring tweed skirt a nice bit of contrast.

    • YouSaucyMinx

      I like Old Navy for their “fun” sweaters–trendy stuff like the zippered one you posted, the cute leopard one they have. That way I can try trendy pieces without blowing my budget, and I won’t cry if they pill or shrink after one season.

      That said, I’ve had good luck with them in terms of quality. I wash them cold, then dry them on a drying rack, and they look brand new.

  14. RLS

    I signed up for the Popsugar Must Have box, and in the September box I got a Tilo scarf. I am in LOVE with this scarf (It’s 100% modal and the dyeing on it is gorgeous). Does anyone have recommendations for scarf brands that are similar to Tilo? I’m not opposed to getting another scarf from the brand, I just don’t see anything available right now that screams “Get me!” My desired price range probably tops out at $150, but I would love cheaper.

  15. Marie

    My neighborhood is having a block party this weekend and my roommates and I have been assigned to bring a side dish. Anyone have recommendations for recipes?

    We just moved in a month ago, and want to make a good impression! We’re currently thinking of doing deviled eggs, grilled veggie kebabs, or mini sandwiches, but figured I’d see if anyone here had advice.

    • rosie

      You could do caprese salad skewers (grape tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil). We had those at a party and they were very well-received and seem easy to prepare. You could do an assortment of skewers with grilled veggies & caprese salad on a platter if you wanted.

      • Niktaw

        I made tomato-mozzarella-olive skewers using yellow grape tomatoes and marinated mozzarella balls from Costco. Wish I had added basil!

    • Clementine

      If you brought grilled veggie kebabs, particularly if they were vegetarian with any sauce on the side, I would love you forever.

      Ahhh, veggie kebabs, how I love thee. Let me count the ways:

      1. That sounds amazing. 2. It’s easy to make it allergy-friendly (no gluten! no dairy! no nuts!) and vegan, so any neighbors with dietary restrictions will be able to parttake. 3. It’s healthy and fun! 4. It’s (hopefully) not a high stress dish for you and will be fine at room temp for a while.

      • Burgher

        Yes! I always so appreciate anyone who makes a vegetarian dish… and quietly loathe anyone who adds meat to an otherwise veggie dish (I’m looking at you, bacon in broccoli salad).

  16. N.B.

    Kat, great plus-size choice in style, price and comparability to the original, which is also beautiful! I approve! Great job!

    I realize that sounds patronizing, and I don’t mean it to be, but I also wanted to come through loud & clear in the chorus of “not for me” that is sometimes here.

  17. anon

    I’d like your opinions please. One month ago my husband and I booked flights to a wedding in CA. We RSVP’d yes probably about 6 weeks ago (as requested). The wedding is coming up in two weeks. We booked the flight so that we’d have a couple of extra days to ourselves (3 days off of work) to enjoy each other and CA. I’m pregnant so this will be our last vacation for a while.

    In the meantime, I’ve gotten a nasty sinus infection and I’ve missed 3 days of work over the last two weeks. I have a never ending pile of stuff to do. My supervisors have been looking for a contract person to assist me because there’s no way that all of this stuff will get done before I go out on maternity leave in four months even if I work 60 hours a week (which I’m way too sick and tired to even consider doing right now and is not standard for my position). My vacation time was approved by my supervisor about a month ago (before I got sick). It’s causing me anxiety to take more time off. So do we go or do we stay here?

    1) Stay here and work so that my employer can see how committed I am and eat my vacation time because it does not roll over? I’d also have to eat the cost of my $200 flight. I feel bad telling the bride and groom two weeks out that we’re not going to make it but I would think they’d understand. I wouldn’t think they’ve already finalized count for food but who knows.

    2) Go on this trip and enjoy it knowing that this is the last vacation we’ll be going on for quite sometime. I earned my vacation time after all and it’s not my fault that my Department has been running so lean for years and that they can’t afford for me to get sick or pregnant.

    I don’t really feel like shortening the trip is really an option. I’d just rather not go at all. It’s too far to make a it a there and back kind of thing.

    • tesyaa

      It sounds like you yourself are on the fence, like you feel too tired to go but you feel you should take this “last” vacation? Would you honestly rather skip the exhausting travel and be at work, or do you WANT to go? Because if you want to go, you have the time, and you should go.

      • anon

        Yes, Tesyaa, exactly. I’m still sick so right now it just sounds way too exhausting to go. I was really excited to go before I got sick and I think the excitement will come back once I get over this darn sickness. I’m am scared as heck to get sick again though from all the germs on the plane. I seriously have no immune system right now! I was thinking I could wear a mask on the plane and in the airport. It would be embarrassing but it’s better than getting sick….

        • Clementine

          Ya know what, people can deal. I vote you go full on Michael Jackson and rock the fedora and single glove.

          Seriously though- a mask isn’t a bad idea. Bring a Clorox wipe and wipe down your seat and the area around it. Use (non-triclosan based) hand sanitizer judiciously. Wash your hands often. Wearing a mask will also give you the added benefit of people staying away from you.

        • Must be Tuesday

          A person sitting near me on a recent flight was wearing a mask the whole time. It looked a little odd, but if that would help you protect yourself and still allow you to travel, I think it’s totally worth it.

        • S in Chicago

          If you’re really uncomfortable with the mask idea, maybe travel with a well-wrapped scarf? Or only place the mask when you’re in your seat? I’m sure handwashing is the biggest issue anyway.

      • Lobbyist

        Can you take the vacation time and not go on the trip? Just be at home sick/ recovering?

    • Bonnie

      Take the full trip. Even being away from work for a few days and getting to sleep in will make you feel better.

      • N.B.

        Exactly. Why be miserable at home when you can be miserable somewhere else? Just go. Like the mask ideas.

    • Bewitched

      I would go. Even if I were to lie around in my hotel room bed with my husband spooning me hot tea, it would be better than working. Especially if I were pregnant and it was my last vacation pre baby. And I had RSVP’d to a wedding which I wanted to attend. Honestly, your employer will survive….

    • Blonde Lawyer

      How about taking the vacation days but not flying anywhere? Book a local bed and breakfast in a scenic place where you won’t run into anyone from work. Tell the bride you are too sick to fly. Take my advice and do not fly with a sinus infection unless it is cleared up and you can breath and your ears aren’t blocked. I flew with a sinus infection once and was in so much pain in the air that I hid under a blanket and cried most of the flight and I have a very high pain tolerance.

      Take a secret staycation and love it!

    • Anonymous -- paging Godzilla.

      For the love of God, go on your vacation. Get over your anxiety and GO. No one will thank you for staying and you will be bitter and twisted when you realize what you’ve given up in exchange.

      Go, and please post back here to say that you are doing so in order that I don’t fret about you.

      Frankly, this question calls urgently for Godzilla to reply

      • anon

        You’ve all convinced me – I’m going assuming I’m 100% healed up from this hell*ish sinus infection. I’m on day 4 of antibiotics so I should be good to go by then.

      • Godzilla

        You rang?

        Lady, listen to what Anonymous said, GO ON THE VACATION AND SAY HELLO CALIFORNIA AND ROOM SERVICE.

        Of course, talk to your doc about what you can do to make flying comfortable but one of my many allergists gave me some flying tips with my sinus issues. Use a saline nasal spray to clear out your sinuses while and after flying. I’m not sure if pregnant women can do sinus rinses but if you can, go for it. I use the baby bottle version because this monster is terrified of neti pots.

        Also, positive thoughts. YOU ARE GOING TO KICK THIS INFECTION TO THE CURB AND BE READY TO PARTAY ASAP.

        • Bewitched

          I’ve missed Godzilla and her to the point monster advice. That is all.

        • N.B.

          Also agree with the point about call your doctor – if nothing else, it is good practice for calling the pediatrician with your questions rather than thinking, “is it ok to call the doctor with this question?”

    • anon

      On that note – it’s a beach wedding (I posted about it a week ago). I’m thinking I will wear a maxi dress. Let me know if you have any recommendations for great maxi dresses! I need to order it now if it’s going to get here in time. I prefer Nordstrom!

    • anon

      Go. You’ll feel better in two weeks & you’ll usually regret not being there for the fun events in life. Your work will quickly forget your “commitment,” if they notice it at all, which I think is unlikely.

      • Lorelai Gilmore

        That is so true. Work does not love you. Work doesn’t appreciate when you are thoughtful, or notice when you give it some TLC. Work is not grateful for your sacrifices. Work is just Work. Don’t love it, because it won’t love you back.

    • B

      Go! Planning a vacation and being able to travel is so different and harder once you have a baby. Either you have to bring baby/child, which is more expensive and requires so much more stuff or if you have to find someone you feel comfortable leaving baby with so that you can have some alone time with your spouse and then you’ll probably feel guilty for doing so. I highly recommend taking the time as the opportunity will not be there in the future, and work will survive without you for a few days.

    • Leah

      If you are on day four and not feeling better yet, maybe call your doctor? Usually I have improvement in 72 hours on antibiotics and then continue to improve over the 7-14 day course. If you haven’t started to feel better yet they may want to change something up for you. Don’t be shy about it – I once waited the full 10 days until the pills were done at which point I had a raging lung infection that took months of antibiotics to clear.

    • Anonyc

      Late to the thread here but totally on the subject of horrid sinus infections while pregnant–got the worst (THE WORST) lingering, miserable sinus infection while pregnant last November-December (did I mention lingering?). Eventually the pain was so bad that I went to the ER, where I was greeted with the bad news that normally they’d just give you Percocet, but because I was expecting, I got nothing (I was already on antibiotics). After I broke down in tears from the pain/exhaustion/etc., the attending doc told me that neti pots would help loosen up the sinus congestion, and I was so desperate that I tried them. They ended up being the only source of relief, so now I use them whenever I feel that kind of horrible congestion coming on. In case you find yourself similarly at ends, searching for relief…

      Second pregnancy/flying/sickness anecdote–during another pregnancy I flew with a small amount of congestion, and was in abject misery during the ascent/descent and attending pressure changes. I did not take any decongestants because of the pregnancy and was crying nearly the whole flight from the pain. I seriously thought that I was about to rupture my eardrum, it was so bad. So just wanted to mention that flying congested while pregnant might bring its own kind of badness.

  18. Sarabeth

    Apologies for the wedding threadjack but I’m about to lose my mind.

    My future sister-in-law is “upset” that my fiance and I aren’t having her 1 year old daughter (our niece) as a flower girl in our wedding and has been telling anyone who’ll listen. We are having a small wedding party, no flower girls, no ring bearers, no children at all, because we have very big families and can’t include everyone (including two of my brothers) so we skewed small. Also, we don’t like the idea of the ceremony being a parade of people and feel strongly that it’s about us getting married to one another, not the be-all end-all symbol of who’s important and who’s not in our lives. I also don’t like the idea of parading a baby around when that might be frightening to her or, at best, disrupting to the ceremony.

    She’s “hurt” that we aren’t “honoring” our only niece in this way. I reached out and said I was sorry she was hurt but that we didn’t want to offend the other family members by including some but not others in the ceremony but that we were going to do a big, announced entrance at the wedding.

    Can I get a reality check here? Am I being crazy? I think it’s extremely inappropriate to ask someone to be in their wedding ceremony. And I also think it’s ridiculous that a 1 year old would be a flower girl (the mom would carry her). Even if it weren’t, I refuse to give in on this because of the way she’s handled it. I resent that she thinks she can bully me into making her kid a flower girl. Who does that?

    • Bewitched

      She is crazy. You can’t cure crazy, so go about your business. Honestly, a 1 year old??? WTF? I wasn’t even sure my brother would include my 5 year old in his wedding since I thought my son was too young.

    • Anon

      You’re fine. You haven’t done anything wrong. If you were having a huge bridal party and for some reason had decided to leave your niece off of the roster of little ones parading up the aisle with rose petals, then that’d be one thing (still your choice, but I could see where she might feel hurt). But you’ve decided to keep things small and simple, and it is YOUR wedding, and you have every right to do that.

      You have no obligation to “honor” any relative at your wedding.

        • Word

          True dat hoola hoopa. I’m sure there’s a lot of “OMG, that’s so terrible! Who wouldn’t want a one year old to be the flower girl at their wedding!” to her face but a lot of eye rolling and “OMG dat biatch is cray cray” behind her back! :P

    • Mpls

      You’re fine. Mom carrying the 1-year old sounds like SHE wants to be in the wedding. I’d say ignore her and her venting – honestly, I think she sounds petty to be going on about it. If someone brings it up to you, just shrug and say “we’re keeping it small”.

      • Maddie Ross

        +1 – I think it’s more about her and her role in her brother’s wedding. And unfortunately she’s using her daughter as a pawn (because it’s easier to say “why wouldn’t you want my super cute daughter in the wedding?” than whine that she is being left out).

    • Anon

      My 3 year old niece blew up our ceremony (ok, I exaggerate, but yea – no bueno). Tears, screaming, the whole 9 yards. I didn’t want her in it in the first place, and I’ll always be sorry I tried to please other people on our wedding day. A 1 y/o can’t handle it. But, your SIL won’t want to hear that because I’m sure she’s convinced her daughter is perfection.

      You’re not crazy. She’ll get over it. Let her complain all she wants; you need to decide to not hear the complaining. Maybe find some allies in the family who she is complaining to and get them to reinforce the message that it is your decision and she’s to respect that.

      • Unicorn

        Agree to have your DF talk to the family members (assuming they’re on his side) that she’s complaining to – I hope to some diety that they’re telling her she is out of her d@mn mind.

    • Tazdevil

      Honor her daugther? I thought the point of a wedding is for the couple to honor their commitment to each other!

    • MNF

      Two part reality check. First, you’re not crazy. Second, being “right” in this situation may not actually help you.

      I had an incredibly similar situation and, as a result, my SIL ended up as my matron of honor. I could send you a really long list of issues that she and my brother caused during the wedding planning process (with additions from my (real) maid of honor/best friend of issues that I didn’t know about at the time because my BFF is actually the best and shielded me from ridiculous drama in the wedding party), but at the same time I opted for compromising on a lot of issues that didn’t actually matter to me because it wasn’t worth it. Only you can know where that line must be drawn. However, since this is probably just the beginning of your SIL’s crazy, it might be a good time to realize that you can’t reason with crazy. I’m not suggesting that you be a doormat, but definitely pick your battles. Could you get a little bouquet for niece to hold while sitting in SIL’s lap in the audience and be an “honorary” flower girl?

      • Sarabeth

        I hear you on choosing our battles–that’s why I was debating whether to do it for a few minutes. But then I realized that she is always doing stuff like this and people always give in. Because we knew that she would be sensitive about not being in the wedding party herself (we’re only doing same-sex siblings on each side and no in-laws), we made a BIG show out of how we wanted all the siblings and their baby to do our “grand entrance” with us since they were “so important to us and our new family.” I was shocked that this still wasn’t enough for her. So I’m realizing that there’s no pleasing her. I don’t want to set the precedent that she can intrude on something as important as my wedding ceremony. We’ll do something for our niece (like make a big show of dancing with her or something–and the flowers are a cute idea) but I won’t give in completely after already making a few compromises for her.

      • Wildkitten

        I love the flowers in the audience idea. My male cousin got married and they got me a corsage and it was above and beyond extremely thoughtful to include me like that even though I wasn’t a bridemaid, on account of gender norms.

    • BB

      This is one of those situations where you just let her complain because her complaints are making HER look worse and worse, not you!

      • Sarabeth

        I hope so but I worry about the family being like “why can’t you have her as a flower girl and just make everyone happy?” because they’re very non-confrontational. My own mother is like “don’t you dare give into her!”

        • Anonymous

          I have similar fears every time I deal with frustrating people in my husband’s family because they’re also very non-confrontational. I feel super awkward sticking to my guns about stuff, but I’ve been surprised by how well it works out.

    • Must be Tuesday

      She is inappropriate and boundary-challenged. You’re fine. Your decision is completely understandable and you seem to have handled her well.

      ETA – If she’s frequently pushy and used to people giving in to her, then setting a precedent early on that you won’t be giving in to unreasonable demands is probably the best way to go. It will likely be a bigger deal at first because she (and the rest of the family) is accustomed to having her crazy accommodated, but over time they’ll most likely all get used to you not pandering to her.

    • Wildkitten

      If you’re going to have small kids attend the wedding you can always have quiet toys or quiet books or quiet candy that the kids can have and hold. That’d be the really awesome way to honor the 1 year old – give her a board book to chew on. She’ll love it.

      • Sarabeth

        Oh, we have a ton of kids coming–we’re happy to have them there, we just don’t want to have a flower girl or ring bearer. Especially by force!

        • N.B.

          Make up a reason like, We don’t want to scare the little girl or take her off her nap schedule or something?

          I mean you’re totally right, I’m just thinking of how to say it so that you’re non-listening almost-SIL will listen?

          Nah, just hold your line.

    • Burgher

      A 1 year old??? My 4 year old nephew could barely handle being the ring bearer at our small wedding, and he’s not a shy kid. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing setting boundaries with her.

      • SuziStockbroker

        This. My 4.5 year old was a ringbearer recently. And adorbs, of course. But he marched down the aisle with a look of extreme concentration (which was hilarious and people loved it), I don’t see how a 1 year old could be a flower girl. Literally it would be the mom who would be the flower girl. Weird.
        She’s crazy.

    • RR

      I would decline if someone asked to have my one year old daughter in their wedding. OMG, there is so little chance of that ending well. Even my outgoing, happy daughter has normal stranger anxiety and would struggle with getting up the aisle.

    • Parfait

      A one year old cannot even be instructed to toddle down the aisle holding a little basket.

      furthermore, I was a flower girl in both of my aunt’s weddings at ages 3 and 4, and I have NO MEMORY of either event. I just look cute in the pictures. This is totally not about her child, it’s about her.

    • Miss Behaved

      We actually have a fabulous family photo of my youngest niece, who was age 1 and in my brother’s wedding along with her older sisters (age 3 and 4). Her mother, my sister, who was also in the wedding had to carry her down the aisle. But the photo is of her looking absolutely crushed when she discovered that her 2 older sisters would be carrying little white baskets full of flowers down the aisle.

      • Sarabeth

        Well, in your case, there were other flower girls of her to be jealous of. Not so here.

    • Anonymous

      You are not crazy.

      This experience would probably be awful for a 1 year old.

      She’ll be included in family photos and wedding photographers always go nuts for cute babies. So I would not worry about it.

    • Sunshine

      This type of jacket is a staple in my business casual wardrobe and I find it very versatile. I also wear mostly pencils and sheaths to work. With my pencils, it’s almost always pencil skirt + blouse+ jacket. I always tuck my blouse in and put a belt over the waistband of the skirt (unless the skirt already has an interesting waistband detail. I find it makes a big difference in defining your figure when you’re putting a blazer on top.

      With sheaths, I typically wear jackets that are even more cropped than this, or that have 3/4 sleeves.

      Are you struggling with colors, shapes, or something else when you style it? Do you usually wear jackets when you wear a pencil skirt?

      Black & white patterned pencil skirt + bright color top + wide black belt – in fact, I’d wear with nearly any printed skirt
      http://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/browse/product.jsp?maxRec=209&pageId=1&productId=570119778&viewAll=true&prd=Ponte+Tweed+Pencil+Skirt&subCatId=cat210002&color=&fromSearch=true&inSeam=&posId=11&catId=cat4809277&cat=&onSale=true&colorFamily=&maxPg=2&size=

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the reply! I normally wear jackets with dresses but usually wear a blouse and cardigan with skirts. I was thinking of doing this jacket + tucked in blouse + skirt + belt combo as you suggested. What color combos do you suggest? It doesn’t really clash with anything but I’m curious to know what people think looks especially good with white. I don’t have a lot of patterned clothes. Most of my dresses, skirts and blouses are a single color.

        • Sunshine

          Personally, I’m a fan of saturated colors with white. I love white with a magenta or fuchsia, burgundy, cobalt blue, eggplant, emerald…you get the picture. I also really care for charcoal gray with white, but I would wear a light gray with white. I’m also really fond of the old standby, black and white, but I like to play with texture in that case. Since your jacket is a neutral texture, you could go with a herringbone or tweedy texture if you have anything like that.

  20. Anon.

    Just need to vent – feel free to judge. I am a bad sibling, I know.

    Older sibling has a serious mental illness. I don’t live anywhere close (definitely in part intentional) because I have found it is impossible to have a normal life while dealing with someone who is seriously mentally ill. There is a kind of unspoken understanding that eventually my parents will die and I’ll probably end up having to support and assist since there is no one else.

    Over the last ten years the sibling and I have had some communication, basically it starts okay and then either the sibling threatens to commit suicide (no history of ever attempting suicide but many threats) or the sibling starts asking me for advice which the sibling refuses to follow (my advice is always the same – stay on your meds, go to your arranged counselling, discuss this in therapy with the professional that you have). At a certain point (the messages go non stop for hours and we live in different time zones) I say or text I need to go sleep or go to work, I am accused of being rude and insensitive and blocks me and that’s it for a few months. Sometimes the sibling will bring up something from years ago (usually it’s something I don’t remember at all as it is from when I was 10 or something) demand an apology and block me for a few months because “I am not forgiven”.

    We are in calm before the storm stage now (sibling never will acknowledge any of the past behavior or apologize for it) and I don’t have the energy to deal with the fallout that I know is coming.

    • Wildkitten

      You are not a bad sibling. You are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself in a terrible situation.

      • N.B.

        +1 million.

        You are doing what you need to do.

        For the future, after your parents are gone, you may look into consulting with your sibling’s social worker or another social worker who can assist you with paperwork, finances, whatever. But you do not need to physically or emotionally get closer than you can. Sounds like you’re doing awesome.

    • a naan

      No, you are not a bad sibling! Please be kind to yourself; it sounds like you get enough harsh talk and verbal/emotional abuse from your sibling. No need to add to it with negative self-talk.

      I also have a mentally ill sibling; we live in different parts of the country, and it’s still really hard to deal with. It sounds like you are handling your situation as well as you can.

      I hope you also have friends in real life that you can vent to. Also, NAMI is awesome–I went to a support group for siblings of people with mental illnesses for a while and it helped a lot. Check them out if you can, and good luck!

    • MNF

      +1 take care of yourself

      With that in mind, it might be worth a conversation with your parents about their long-term plan for your sibling and their estate plan. Depending on the level of mental illness/access to govt benefits, a little preplanning could go a very long way in supporting your sibling after your parents are gone and removing the monetary burden from your shoulders.

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