Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 440 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Merino Wool Cardigan

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Merino wool cardigans make a great basic — they work as a layer and also as a sweater by themselves, and if you want a twinset look, then Brooks Brothers is about as classic as you can get. I really fell in love with the subtle space-dye pattern on this teal one — the color is beautiful — but it also comes in solid black, aqua, and more. The cardigan is hand washable (or dry clean) and is available in sizes XS–XL for $148. Merino Wool Cardigan (and matching shell) Looking for a more affordable option? Red Fleece has a washable one with lots of color options for $78, and this Talbots cardigan, which comes in four size ranges and tons of colors, is always a reader favorite. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected].

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at `https://corporette.com/tag/posts/feed`; the status code is `403` and content-type is `text/html; charset=utf-8`

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Amy

    Good outdoor party ideas for early Fall for 10 to 20 people? How do you deal with the cold and the food being outside? Also the garden looking dead? No kids. Occassion: birthday party for a 35 yo!

    • anon a mouse

      Draw the eye up, away from the lawn. Balloons! Streamers! Party lights!

    • Anonymous

      Stew/chili can be kept warm in a crockpot. You can wrap meat in foil after cooking and put it in a cooler to keep it warm. For plants with color, either plant some colder weather flowers (snapdragons, pansies) or pick up a couple of potted mums the week of the party.

    • Anonymous

      1, You make it very clear it’s going to be outside, so people can dress appropriately.
      2. You have a firepit going.
      3. You reconsider why having it’s outside is a good idea and think about doing it inside.

    • Anonymous

      Fire pit or portable heater. Blankets on every chair. Hot drinks. Bocce ball. Candles and/or string lights.

        • Horse Crazy

          +1 we did this for my mom’s indoor/outdoor birthday in January. Our local party rental place has heaters for $75 each. We rented two, and people stayed outside talking until 10 PM.

    • Not Legal Counsel

      Have a basket of blankets or wraps for people to use – keeps people warm and adds a cozy feeling to the party. Also – boozey cider!

    • Baconpancakes

      Once it gets dark no one will notice the lawn. And it’s fall, so who cares? Twinkle/bistro lights always look nice, and are easy and useful.

      Emphasize the casual outdoors aspect of the party by making it a “s’mores” or “firepit” party, so people will wear their flannel and vests instead of their party dresses. You don’t really need a theme – “fall outdoors party” is a theme in and of itself. Think plaid, warm orange and red colors, pumpkin foods, whiskey, hot drinks, firepit, colorful leaves.

      Not sure how outrageous you want to be, but I had a fall party where we hung apple cider donuts on strings from the trees, and people had to eat them without their hands as a game. It was fun and looked interesting.

      Hot drinks either in a crockpot or an air pot – mulled wine or cider.

    • IHHtown

      Can you specify what area of the country? Fall in some places can be 30 to 50 degrees and other places 50 to 80. In Houston a “fall party” still often calls for shorts, sometimes a light sweater at the coldest. No fire pits necessary.

    • SC

      I’d make it indoor/outdoor if it’s really going to be cold. Serve most of the food indoors if you’re doing a meal, and set up a bar with some hot drink options and a firepit/s’mores outdoors. You can use space heaters in a porch/patio area.

    • Anonymous

      I’m having a fall party this weekend. Brunch is by FAR the easiest way to go. Grab some mums and pumpkins from the store and set them around; serve whatever reflects your cooking skill level (bagel bar? egg casseroles?); add mimosas or bloody marys, if desired; and if you start at 10, you’re done by noon to have the whole rest of the day to yourself.

      We have a firepit, but we won’t need it since it’s supposed to be in the 60s Saturday morning here.

    • Anonymous

      Fire pit, warm drinks, expectation to dress in warm outdoor clothing. This is the BEST kind of party in my opinion (but I’m from Cleveland so we’ll go party in the metroparks when it’s cold enough to see our breath).

    • Anon

      My parents have friends who have an annual “coats and kegs” party. The invite states that it’s outdoor only and the name implies to dress warmly. My parents say the party is always a blast!

    • Worry about yourself

      Every year my friend hosts a pig roast in his backyard in mid-late October, in the greater Boston area. It’s usually a bit nippy, but people wear coats, and the pig is being roasted in a hot pit, plus there’s usually a grill going as well. We all drink, hang out outside, and eat warm food. People are allowed inside the house though, there’s usually dancing and/or board games in the living room, but in the years I’ve been going, people have been fine outside for hours on end.

    • Elegant Giraffe

      We are hosting a fall party in a couple of weeks. But we’re in Texas, so our problem is how to make it feel like a fall party when it will be 85 degrees! We do lawn games, people move from inside to outside as they wish, and we set up the food buffet style. Hope yours is a blast :)

  4. Burlingame

    We’re moving to the Bay Area from the east coast, hoping to live in Burlingame. Can anyone recommend an excellent realtor? We’re open to buying out right or renting at first.

    And more generally, if anyone has thoughts on Burlingame as a place to live, please chime in. We have two young children and heard the schools are great. It also seemed like one of the towns in the area with a decent downtown DH will be commuting to SSF, I’ll be going to SF.

    • Anonymous

      Mike Bonhert – he’s represented a bunch of friends and Ken one of the best in the area.

      • Anonymous

        Don’t know where Ken came from there.
        Burlingame is great for all the reasons you list, but be prepared for sticker shock. 2M for an average at best home that needs a renovation. If you’re commuting to SF, look at Marin (oddly cheaper because less valley proximate, good house for 1.3 there), you may also want to look at the east bay on BART (orinda/layfayette/Moraga are popular for kids and commutes). In the peninsula, all the towns are expensive, Burlingame is the cutest but San Mateo, Belmont and San Carlos are all similar commutes and may be a little more reasonable but not by much, think 1.5 v 2M. Know that everything is going over asking, often up to 300-500k more so look at property well under your budget or you will waste lot of time.

        • OP

          Thanks for the realtor recommendation! Marin to SSF is 51 miles, no way that will work given the horrendous traffic (and even otherwise). I grew up in the East Bay and don’t want to deal with that far of a commute from places like Lafayette and Moraga. Agree about the sticker shock, everything in Burlingame seems to be hovering around 3M.

          • Anonymous

            Oh I missed the SSF part, that is too far. Good luck with the sticker shock and process – it’s a lovely place to live otherwise!

        • busybee

          I don’t mean to be too nosy, but what are average salaries like out there? In my area, HHI is generally 120-200k, and home prices are around 250-400k. We are in a residential area of a large NE city, about 20 minutes from downtown. How do salaries and home prices correlate in the Bay Area?

          • anon

            Salaries are generally higher, but house prices are much much higher, and houses are smaller. Frankly, it’s the price you pay for living in the area. A lot of people who would buy in any other city rent.

          • Anonymous

            They’re much higher and people get a lot of stock in tech companies. Average HHI for my friend crew is 500k-1m/yr

    • Anon

      You posted about this before and I think there were some good answers available there if you can dig in the archives. Personally, I think Burlingame would be a fine place to live or maybe Daly City.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, I did. I posted here primarily to get intel on a good realtor, which I did not ask about before.

    • Anonymous

      My friend bought about a year ago in Milbrae – actually got a cute house that needs work for about $1m. Another option would be Pacifica? I like that area.

      To give an idea about salaries – I work in SF and make $180k plus 20% bonus in healthcare (which doesn’t pay as much as other industries). I routinely get recruiting emails for other parts of the country and the salary range is more like $80-120k.

  5. Anonymous

    Uniqlo also makes great merino cardigans at a lower price point ($30-40 depending on style) and they are washable! I buy them in several colors every year and they last a good few years.

    • Xarcady

      Lord & Taylor has their own brand merino wool sweaters. I have several and just hand wash them and they have lasted a long time.

  6. Halloween

    A hopefully fun question for the day – what costumes are people planning to wear for Halloween? I haven’t done anything for a few years since I didn’t have time (thanks Biglaw). But I’m going to a party this year, and not sure what to wear. I’m kind of learning towards a flapper dress, but am still considering.

    • Anonymous

      I really want to go full Wicked Witch and wear a long black dress, pointed hat, striped stockings, red sparkly slippers and paint my face green, but I’m not sure I have the guts to do it! We’re allowed to wear costumes to work and there’s a low key costume contest so it would probably go over pretty well. I just have to round up the necessary items!

    • Anon

      No parties for us, but we’ll sit out on the front porch with buckets of candy all night.

      Me: Hermione (the Sorcerer’s Stone version with Hogwarts uniform)
      Husband: Muggle
      Our dog: Witches hat, cape, and a sign that reads “Animagus”

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I am probably going to be out of town for work (blerg), but if I’m home, I’m probably just going to go with pirate because it’s easy–black leggings, tall black boots, a white puffy shirt I bought one time just for last minute lazy costumes such as this (or fortune teller or colonial man or whatever one needs a puffy shirt for), wide black belt, and I need to buy an eyepatch and hat.

    • Anonymous

      Last year my husband and I went as The Dude (him) and Walter (me) from The Big Lebowski. This year, we’re planning to be Armistice and William from Westworld.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Oooh! I love Halloween!

      (Anyone who knows me IRL can for sure identify me now but…) My Kiddo is being a tiger for trick or treating, so she said, “Since I am being something scary, you and daddy should be ghosts.” I was going go to go for a cool, victorian, shredded white clothing kinda look, but she said, “No. You put a blankey on your head…” so I guess we’re gonna be that kind of ghost. So, she’ll be a three-year old with a sweet tiger striped dress and ears, and we’ll have blankets on our head, and I think the neighborhood will be *terrified* (:

      And on a weekend, there’s a witch costume contest. For once I’m not gunning to win, but I *am* putting together a sort of Katy Perry/Candyland witch look in pastel colors, lots of rainbow doodads, holographic highlighter everywhere… it should be cuteAF and maybe a tiny bit creepy, I hope.

    • K

      I’m gonna be a witch! I bought a black witch-inspired dress from Unique Vintage. It’s cute, knee length with half sleeves and a white collar, but for $60 the material feels like it should have been $20 at Party city. I also got a purple velvet witch hat with cool decorations, and a fake broomstick. I will probably wear the dress to work on Halloween.

    • Anonymous

      Idk I’m totally stumped. Going to a Halloween party at my social dance club. Need something I can dance in but want to be super low key. Basically hate the holiday but love the people and just want enough effort that people aren’t asking me about it all night? Any ideas to dress up a black knee length dress?

    • Belle Boyd

      I never get kids for trick or treat at home, but our camp is doing a Halloween trick or treat for the kids there, so I am decorating our camp with some little (think easy-to-store) decorations. I found a cute top with a sequined witch design that says “Witch and Famous” that I’m going to pair with a witch’s hat, wild eye makeup, lipstick, and nail polish, some kind of black skirt (gotta hit up the thrift stores), orange and black striped tights and boots. It’s not exactly a costume, but it’ll look crazy and that’s what I’m aiming for.

      I’m actually looking forward to it, and I’ve never been much on Halloween.

    • JTM

      I’m going as a Hufflepuff – got a Hufflepuff scarf from Target and a Hogwarts robe from Amazon. Done!

    • Anonymous

      I’ll be 8 months pregnant. I haven’t decided on a costume, but I’m leaning toward maybe a red t-shirt with the Kool-Aid Man’s face– easy and cheeky. Any better ideas for me? I’ve seen all the pinteresty ideas, but mostly thought they were too cutesy.

      • AK

        I like the Kool-Aid man idea! I had to work last halloween while pregnant, so I went as a 50s housewife, complete with fresh-baked cookies. I owned all of the clothes anyway (although I did embellish an apron) and considered it “cheeky” as I work in a technical STEM position.

      • costuming

        Probably too late, but consider going as a character from “The Handmaid’s Tale”.

    • Anon

      We live in a big Halloween neighborhood, the kind where the doorbell rings so often I don’t really bother sitting down. I usually wear all black and a witch’s hat but this year I think I will wear my Oakland Athletics jersey and hat. Go A’s!

    • Worry about yourself

      My boyfriend and I are doing Audrey and Seymour from Little Shop, I’m gonna get a wig and some makeup and we’re planning to carry around an Audrey II figurine. Still debating what to do when I go solo around Halloween, I’d love to do Lily from Assassination Nation, but hardly anyone saw that movie so I don’t know if anyone would recognize the character.

    • Anonymous

      Leonard from Big Bang theory because I’m kind of Leonard already :) Sheldon, next year maybe!

    • Senior Attorney

      Lovely Husband and I are going to be the Twelfth Doctor (Peter Capaldi) and the Thirteenth Doctor (Jodi Whittaker). Can’t wait!

    • AZCPA

      We are going on a cruise (my first ever) over Halloween. I generally don’t love couple’s costumes but I couldn’t resist in this case. We are going to be steampunk Alice in Wonderland and Mad Hatter.

    • Anonymous

      I’m going as a gothic lolita vampire. I’m making my own costume. Its coming together nicely. Very excited. But, I have no parties or places to be planned… so there is that. haha

  7. AnonForThis

    How do you deal when you just cannot deal with your spouse?!?!
    We’ve been dealing with a toddler that can be trying at times, but my husband often tends to argue back and mock, and that results in toddler issues escalating to a full meltdown.
    Today is a public holiday where we are but between a BIG work deadline and plans to update my resume, i wanted /needed a few hours of being left alone and announced to kid “mamma is busy,i will play with you” and almost immediately went to take a nap. Kiddo played independently next to be, interrupting me only every 2-3 minutes. After 2 HOURS of this, when I asked him to take over, he made a while production about how we planned to have a lay day and therefore it was my fault that i needed to clean up spills and how i should just learn to ignore the kid’s screaming /loud requests to “seee this”.
    This, in top of having discussed a job offer (that i received) only within the context of his preferences over the last week meannai pretty much stormed out of the house and am on a (local) train to nowhere to cool down.

    How should i handle this when I get home

      • Ellen

        Yes, I would seriusly think about DTMFA. I was lucky enough NOT to get married to my Ex, but even then I could figure he would not be good if we had kids, b/c he drank all the time. In your case, you have already had a child, so it will be more dificult to navigate. If he has $, make sure to get a seperate account with your own $, and then make sure he does not drain his $ by giveing it to his mom/dad. Then, get to a lawyer who can advice you whether to DTMFA or not. If yes, you can then get the court to protect you from him if he is dangerous to either you or your child. FOOEY on men that take advantage of us, make us bear them children, then tell US to do all of the cleanup and maintence of their tuchuses while they watch TV and drink! I wonder if all men have a little streak of this in their blood. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      Couples counseling. Assuming I’m not missing any context here, any one of these things would have me apoplectic. It sounds like you need to have some serious discussions about the role each of you plays in your relationship, whether he sees you as an equal partner, and your philosophies toward child-rearing.

    • Anonymous

      Separate the immediate surface problems from the underlying problems. Is this just a bad day when everyone was under stress and had a meltdown, or is your marriage difficult long-term?

      Don’t stress-argue over a one-time meltdown day.
      But also don’t yell about toddlers and naps and resumes when the actual issue is that you expect too much of him / he ducks responsibility / you are lonely and sad / he is a liar …whatever the issues actually are. (I’m not saying you or he are any of those things — I was making up examples.)

    • Oh no

      Omg what? It sounds like you have two toddlers in your house. I say that gently. You and husband need to have a serious conversation regarding roles and responsibilities and communication. It needs to be clear that you are equal partners and it is not only his needs and preferences that are important. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

    • Anon

      Do not allow your toddler to run (or ruin) your marriage.

      Couples counseling. Discussions about parenting. Discussions about how to handle stress, conflict, and different parenting styles.

      • Anonymous

        ? Her DH is a grown man who mocks a toddler. Pretty sure the one ruining things isn’t the toddler. Toddler sounds like a well behaved normal kid. Toddlers rarely play independently for extended periods.

      • Anonymous

        Any academics or academic spouses here? How normal is to to travel to visit research collaborators over the weekend? My husband hosts people or travels probably every other weekend. He says it’s necessary to do this on weekends, because they mostly teach during the weeks and can’t miss that much class. The explanation makes sense, but I’m exhausted from solo parenting a mobile infant at least two weekends a month and frustrated that it feels like we don’t have any family time.

        • Anonymous

          Social science researcher here. In my experience that type of collaboration happens virtually. Is there a particular reason why your husband and his collaborators need to be in the same room?

        • Anonymous

          As an academic spouse, this strikes me as normal (even the two weekends a month sounds about right). Would it help to put people up nearby? Sometimes my partner has stayed for the weekend in housing available at a library, research institute, or university rather than with a colleague’s family at home. Could you hire someone to help with childcare on the weekends?

          I feel like my partner has good relationships with the families of some frequent collaborators (I’ve heard second hand about how so-and-so’s daughter is starting to read or has a new favorite animal, etc.), so I hope there are more positive sides to this as your child gets older.

          • OP

            Yeah, we don’t put people up in our house. We used to, but I put my foot down about that when we had the baby (which DH was upset about, but I’m nursing and in various states of undress most of the weekend– I don’t need strangers walking in on me with my boobs out. He suggested I lock myself in the bedroom with the baby all weekend…yeah, no.).

            I get your point about hiring childcare help, but the baby is already in daycare 40 hours/week, so I don’t really want to apart from her on weekends also. What I’d prefer is to outsource all shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry so I could relax while the baby naps but I don’t know how to find that (apart from a biweekly cleaning service, which we have). But even with the cleaning service there’s still a lot of light housework to do during her naps.

            To the person above, he does do Skype but wants to meet people in person occasionally too. He has lots of collaborators, he’s not with the same people twice/month.

          • Anonymous

            I love the idea of outsourcing shopping/cooking/cleaning/laundry for academic families. If I could find this service, I would sign up for it right now!

        • Velma

          This seems like a whole lot to me. Is he just out of grad school? If so, this sort of collaboration may be pretty heavily social–seeing grad school buddies, meeting up at the grad institution to collaborate with former advisers and their teams, etc.

          My husband and I are now 20 years past our PhDs. He is a full professor in a science field; I have a humanities PhD (now in a university staff role).

          I think my husband collaborated in these sorts of ways for maybe five years post-PhD, primarily during his postdoc appointments. Now he Zooms, meets up at conferences, or schedules infrequent longer research stays. Collaborators rarely stay with us (unless they are grad school buddies!), but we often host them for dinner.

        • Anonymous

          What is his solution to the problem? If his career is at a place that he has to be away 2 weekends a month then I think you have to trust him on that. But that’s not an out for him. You told him it’s not working, he doesn’t get to say welp too bad not my problem, he has to actually participate in solving the problem.

        • Sarabeth

          I’ve literally never done this. I go to plenty of conferences on the weekends, and I travel for research for weeks at a time (I’m a social scientist and sometimes need to coordinate studies onsite). But just to talk to collaborators? That’s what the internet is for.

          I’m sure it’s field dependent, though. Maybe in some lab sciences it would be useful to be in the same space and on the same equipment?

    • Anonymous

      He needs to grow TFU. In the meantime if he won’t you need to make other plans – imagine if you were divorced and needed a day to yourself. Who would you hire, where would you send kid? Do that now instead of letting your husband be an asshat.

      • AnonForThis

        Update-just came home. Kiddo has been to the playground and is bathed.
        DH can be supportive/equalish partner when he wants to/is able to (splitting drop offs, solo – parenting during my work travel,etc) but isn’t great at doing it “just because it needs to be done”
        He also has non – great parenting “defaults” from his own upbringing.Being mindful usually makes things go okay but slips when the kid throws a tantrum /has a meltdown /is otherwise being difficult.

        Toddler is a typical toddler- high energy and likes attention and will push buttons to get his way. This sometimes makes things harder for both of us (the parents)

        We will still probably benefit from counseling and me from being more insistent when I want him to do stuff

        • I've been there

          Hang in there. Sometimes exhaustion sets in and people misbehave at my house too. I’m pretty reasonable but have done some nutty things. Years ago during a Thanksgiving weekend with a toddler, I recall leaving the house in a fit of frustration and going to a movie alone. (Bridget Jones!) I had high hopes for a memorable family weekend of decking the halls, etc, and ended up having to work on Friday. Nothing went as planned, work was crazy, and tempers flew. I consider us to be controlled people in general yet we have certainly had our moments.

    • Anon

      I would probably divorce this a-hole but as an interim step

      1) let your husband watch the kid his way and don’t be there to pick up the pieces when he does it badly, as long as your kid is physically safe. Example, if he mocks the child and it turns into a meltdown, let him deal with the meltdown. If you swoop in to calm everything down, he will never have to deal with the consequences and learn to do things differently.

      2) when you need time to yourself, get out of the house. Do your resume at a coffee shop with Wi-Fi. Finish your big project at the library. Make your husband step up and do his share of parenting. DO NOT leave him a list of everything that he should do while you’re gone. Make him shoulder the burden of being an equal parent.

      3) I don’t even know what to say about the job offer thing. I would advise you to put yourself first and get yourself as much as possible into a financial position where you can support yourself and your child alone.

  8. Working from home

    Talk to me about working from home full-time. We are moving to a new city and I have the opportunity to keep my current dream job by working remotely, with the understanding that I would fly back to the office a few times a year. The job itself is prestigious and hard to get so I aim to keep it for as long as I can. On one hand, I’m incredibly grateful they are allowing me to do this. On the other hand, I’m an extrovert and am worried I will go stir crazy at home. Not to mention I’m feeling sad that I can’t dress up for work and show off my fabulous work wardrobe that I’ve collected over the years. :) Finally, the work itself is autonomous so I won’t be needing to call colleagues all that often, although of course I will sometimes.

    Any fellow extroverts in this situation? How have you made this work? Should I just shell out the money to get a coworking space, so at least I’m interacting with some people?

    • cat socks

      I’m an introvert and can only work from home a couple of days a week. I like having the option to work from home when needed, but I also like getting dressed, putting on makeup and going into the office. I know I could do the same thing if I worked from home, but it’s just not the same thing. I also like having the separation of my work and home space.

      I don’t have kids or do a ton of activities outside of the house so going into the office is the best way for me to get out of the house. If you WFH full time, it may be helpful to have things to do outside the house.

      I have a family member who is extroverted and started a WFH position earlier this year. She was already dealing with some depression issues and being at home full time exacerbated those issues. Not to say that’s something that will happen to you, but just an anecdote.

      All that to say, that I think you should look into a co-working space, especially if you are extroverted.

      • Anon

        I’m in an office where almost everyone works from home 2 days a week. I decided not to do that, because I know that it would depress me to be alone all day. I would get the co-working space if you can afford it. Depending on what city you are moving to, there are some new places that are a mix of co-working space, gym, and hang out place. That is personally what I would look for.

      • RemoteinTX

        I’ve worked from home exclusively for almost 9 years now. My job requires a lot of conference calls and travel so I generally feel like I get enough people interaction, but when I go through lags in travel then I make an effort to meet folks for lunch, get out and run errands, volunteer at my kid’s school, or pack up and work somewhere else for part of the day. That said, I love working from home full time. The flexibility that it’s brought to me and our family in my schedule has been tremendous. I love not having a commute and having autonomy with how I run my day – if I want to take the dog for a walk at lunch, I can as long as I don’t have a meeting scheduled, instead of coffee breaks I switch out the laundry which keeps our weekends free for fun family activities. The golden retriever puppy sleeping on my feet right now is also a big plus. I can’t see myself ever going back to an office full time. I wasn’t sure how I would like it when I first starting doing it either so I encourage you to give it shot.

    • anon

      Lean way into your social life in the new city — meetup groups, exercise classes, volunteering, friends (not clear if you have an established network there) — whatever floats your boat. Do professional-adjacent events (networking/Rotary/CLEs/conferences) so you can still wear your cute clothes. Accept that your extrovert-ness will not be satisfied by work, but you need to increase the intensity of your non-work time to offset it.

      YMMV, but friends who use co-working space have described it as awkward and not really that social.

    • Anonymous

      I am an introvert and could not handle working from home. The constant pressure to prove that I was actually working (e.g., responding instantly to all e-mails, which would not always be necessary in the office) was stressful and interfered with my ability to focus on larger tasks.

    • Anonymous

      I’d say yes to the coworking space. I’m an introvert who works from home full time. I love being in my pjs, not talking to anyone with my voice (we use Teams; my work is very collaboration-heavy) and generally just being alone in a quiet environment. If you’re NOT like that? Then yes you MUST give yourself other people/energy and do a coworking rental. The expense can’t possibly be that much with the type of job you described, I think it’s around a couple hundred a month with all the amenities in my area.

      To get myself out of the house I have group exercise classes that I attend religiously about 3x /week.

      • Anonymous

        update to my comment

        yes you MUST give yourself other people/energy and do a coworking rental (or whatever suits you)

    • Anonymous

      I’m an introvert and love working from home. As an extrovert though I would definitely do a coworking space if you can. What kind of work will you be doing? My husband works from home also but he’s on the phone all day so a coworking space would be less than ideal for him.

    • Anonymous

      Plan lunch dates with people in your new city. Volunteer or join local clubs. Join a gym/group fitness place. Schedule some not strictly necessary calls with your coworkers just to check in and maintain your relationships at your existing job. Depending on your job, maybe you could work at a library or coffee shop on occasion?

    • Anon

      In your case, I’d get a coworking space and set yourself up with a lot of social activities in new city. You have a dream job so you should try to keep it – you can always leave later if it isn’t working.

      As an introvert, I love WFH (and as a human, I love the time I get back in my day from not commuting), but it’s certainly not for everyone. However, it’s not forever, either – just get a new job if you need to.

    • Anon Lawyer

      I really struggled with working from home until I got a dog. Now my little guy sits next to me while I work and it just seems to much more social, even if it’s not.

  9. Hair Help!

    I am in the process of growing out my mostly temple placed silver streaks. I have naturally dark brown hair and the whole head has been coloured for years to cover the silver. I now have very old colour on the bottom half and the texture is yucky. It looks unhealthy and dry. I really miss the effect of the colouring process, I don’t miss the pigment. Is there a process I can request? Some kind of gloss? Or other treatment? Just something to mimic the smoothing and shiny impact of the colouring process without pigment?

    • Lilly

      You want a glaze. It can be clear or it can be “toned” to warm it up, counteract brassiness, etc. If I am coloring my hair only to cover gray and going a long time between colorings, I’ll usually go in for a glaze at 4-6 weeks. I speak from experience with Aveda salons, as other kinds of color leave my hair with straw like texture.

    • Katie

      Clear gloss is a thing. Maybe Keratin treatments. Your stylist can recommend what’s best for your particular head of hair, but clear gloss is probably the easiest option.

      • Anonymous

        +1 Keratin

        I just get it on the gray streaks and it calms them down to match the texture of my 90% fine straight brown hair.

  10. Vicarious shopping?

    My office fashion culture is all about all the patterns, from the ED in handwoven ikat to the barista in lululemon. I’ve decided I like it, and I’m brave enough to try it.

    But I’m having trouble finding any. Has anyone seen any?

    Extra info: I prefer to wear louder statement pieces anywhere except a blouse, because I’m built a little top-heavy. Budget runs toward AT and ON but I’ll go higher for the right staple. Office is casual, but I usually mix up jeans, leggings, skirts and sweater dresses.

    TIA!

    • Idea

      Pick your colors, or know the colors that flatter you, and focus on patterns in those colors.

      I am also leaning hard towards patterns now, finding my usual solid-colors so blocking and boring, and stripes too much like a prison sentence for me!

      Try ’em all! If you don’t like it, it’s not the end of the world.

  11. political / feminist gear-merch-swag

    This weekend someone else posted a fun thread on what your favorite political/feminist gear is – it was posted sort of late and I thought I’d re-up it. Good etsy shops? Fun shirts/hats/mugs/temporary tattoos?

    • anon.

      Ooh! I’m doing a watch party of RBG with my friend’s daughters (upper elementary/ middle school). Any suggestions for surprise small RBG-themed gifts for them?

      • MJ

        Check out the FCTRY RBG Action Figures. They’re $20 each, but maybe you could play a little game and someone could win one or two. She even has a real gavel! The same company also sells pencils that say, “I DISSENT”–apparently she really uses a black pencil to dissent. RUV HER!

    • lsw

      My friend (Rothshank Artworks) is a potter who makes really amazing mugs with decals on them. I had my SIL for Christmas the other year and asked him if he could make me a Ruth Bader Ginsberg mug for her. He did, and listed it on his s!te, and it ended up becoming his best-selling mug! So he also sent me a free one to thank me for the idea. Which is awesome because I love his stuff but it is spendy.

      Anyway, he has a lot of political decal mugs and other pottery pieces.

    • Anon

      T-shirt with dictionary definition of “woman: adult human female” on it. Currently causing a stir in the UK.

      • Anonymous

        I understand where you are coming from, but this really feels like punching down to me, as someone who meets this definition of “woman.”

        • Anon

          How is the definition of “woman” transphobic? I’m genuinely curious why you think that.

          • pugsnbourbon

            Oh please. It took me two minutes on Google to find the woman behind the billboard and shirt, as well as her error-riddled, fear-mongering screed against trans people.

          • Anonymous

            I’m pretty sure you know exactly why the definition is problematic, and it’s exactly why you’re choosing to proudly wear the t-shirt.

          • Anon

            That didn’t answer my question. How is the dictionary definition of woman transphobic?

      • Anonymous

        Aside the other glaring issue that has already been addressed, female is an adjective so it doesn’t really even make sense. Using female as a noun is usually a red flag that someone is not a feminist.

    • Portia

      I have a bunch of shirts from Turner and Pooch on Etsy – think “Love is Love”,” “She Devil Career Obsessed Banshee Nasty Feminist”, “When Voldemort is president we need a nation of Hermoines”. I have given the “Milk and Snacks and Social Justice” onesie at several baby showers. Also check out Fourth Wave Apparel on Etsy. They have some awesome shirts with early 20th century suffrage movement sketches and logos.

      The dissent pins (and earrings!) are awesome.

      Wicked Clothing has incredibly comfortable sweatshirts – my favorite is the A Woman’s Place is in the House and Senate one.

      The Get Bullish shop has lots of feminist themed goods, including stationery and thermoses and other easy gifts

    • Anonymous

      I just got my Cotton Bureau t-shirt that has “underrepresented” with a strikethrough, and “underestimated” underneath it. Super love it.

  12. Anooooooooon

    Lawyers on this site: I am a senior associate. How much is it my responsibility to make sure junior partners/counsel are checking their email? I service clients for a couple counsel/junior partners, and their clients will frequently CC me on emails because they know that their relationship attorney is bad at checking their email. Those attorneys then get mad that I’m not pestering them to respond to their client’s email (often about scheduling a call or meeting that I may or may not need to be on). I’m having a crappy morning and am in a bad mood and someone just sent me a passive aggressive email about how the client is now mad that the meeting wasn’t scheduled and its my fault for not reminding them because they missed the email (along with 100 other emails because they just don’t check). I’m starting to develop my own clients, and I check/respond when they email me. I don’t expect anyone else to do it for me. These partners are just bad at email. I’ll never inherit these clients, I just jump in when needed to help out. I never minded playing secretary as a junior associate for these people but as I’m doing more of my own marketing and work, I don’t have time to keep up with their inbox AND mine. Is this still my job? Was it ever? When (if ever) can I tell them that I can’t be doing this and they need to check their own email?

    • Anon

      Where is their secretary in all this? You know they aren’t going to change, so why can’t you forward an email to their secretary telling them to put something on their calendar with multiple reminders (i.e. 2 days, 1 day, 3 hrs, 1 hr, 15 min). If they miss the email, the notification of a new appointment on their calendar, the four pop up notifications, their secretary verbally reminding them, and you poking your head in to remind them of a client meeting, then I’m sorry, they deserve to lose a client because they’re idiots.

      • Anooooooooon

        I’ll give this a try, but I fear it sometimes won’t be practical. I would basically be forwarding the assistant every one of this partner’s emails and asking “Can you make sure Partner answers this email?” If it is something that I’m actually working on (like where I’ll be in the meeting or have work product I’ll send to the client), I’m pretty good about following up on those because there’s actually something I can do. I get most cranky when its random clients who I did something for eons ago that are now emailing me because Partner isn’t doing the thing they said, even though I’m not involved in the current matter at all.

        This morning it was client emailing Partner about rescheduling a meeting we had already scheduled that I’ll be in. The Partner’s assistant was already cc’d by the client. I sent the Partner/Assistant my alternate availability. I sent text to ask Partner if they’d seen the request. Partner ignored all those things and then get mad because I wasn’t pestering her more to respond to the client’s email. I’m sure some of this is on me, but I’ve got my own crap to schedule and I feel like I’m approaching the point in my career where I need my own assistant to handle scheduling and that I shouldn’t be constantly bothering others to respond to their own client emails. Part of this is definitely because I’m in a bad mood already this morning for other reasons. :(

        • JTX

          If possible, I’d just send one email to the partner saying you’re free on X date at Y time (check the partner’s calendar to see if they also appear to be available first), and you will reschedule the meeting for that time unless you hear otherwise by Z date/time. Then when the deadline passes, put it on their calendar and let the client know.

          For partners who are bad about checking and responding to emails, I’ve had the most success with: (1) sending an email that asks a yes/no question; (2) sending an email that gives several numbered options so they can just respond with a number; or (3) telling them what I plan to do with a deadline for them to tell me not to do it.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah this is 90% your job. Keeping clients happy and making partners look good.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re the one responsible for scheduling the meeting, I think you are responsible for following up. Any way you can make this not your problem by staffing a junior associate on these matters?

    • Anonymous

      Don’t they have assistants for this??? I’m in a similar situation as you, only I work for 1 partner. If I’m CC’d I will remind him once, and then handle it myself if I can. Usually I can.

    • PJ

      How about, when you get emails like that, forwarding those emails to their secretaries requesting that they remind the attorney, schedule the meeting, etc…? And cc the junior partners/counsel so if it comes back to you later, you can show you brought it to the attention of their secretary and requested it be handled.

    • Anonymous

      Why are you doing this for counsel? Do they write your reviews? No? Then they are not your bosses anymore than a very senior associate would be. Now that you are quite senior, you can tell them to pound sand (nicely) and feel zero guilt about it. If you’re feeling nice, offer a junior associate as tribute.

      Junior partners are a little more tricky. But yes you should absolutely transition these responsibilities to someone more junior. I would cite workload and say you don’t have time to help them out anymore, but Jim The First Year is looking for work and would be happy to help.

    • Anonymous

      Several follow up questions: What are they doing that they, as a *relationship partner*, they aren’t responding to an email? Are they actually staffed on the deal, or are just on their for show because it’s their client? So, are you running the deal?

      I’d say if it’s their deal and they’re doing the work, then it’s on them to respond, or at least let you know “hey, on X deal, I’ll be turning the docs, etc., but for things like meetings or when a client is nudging me, can you please bring that to my attention?” Can you have a conversation with them about clarifying your role? I know that while my assistant is awesome, she doesn’t regularly schedule conference call type meetings (lunch meetings, yes, but not calls) for either me or any partners.

      But I feel like if you’re in a limited role on a deal, then it’s exactly that, your role is limited. In my experience, unless you have a sit down talk to discuss (and manage) expectations, it will continue on like this.

      • BigLaw Sr Assoc

        This. I keep a spreadsheet of who I need to “pester” when and about what, so I just march through it mechanically and don’t let the idea of “pestering” get to me. If they really won’t respond and it is urgent, I’ll let them know I am going to respond to the client in X amount of time and then do so if I don’t hear from them.

        I disagree with the above people that you should get secretaries involved.

        • Anooooooooon

          This would basically require setting aside time every day (15-20 minutes) to walk through a couple partner’s inboxes with them regarding projects that I have no role in at all. I have no problem pestering partners when I’m involved in project (“I sent you the X, did you review it?” etc) but you really think I need to set aside (nonbillable) time basically every day to say “Your client that I’ve talked to once a year ago wants you to do a training on Sept 21st are you free to go to their site on that day? No? How about the next day?” – when I won’t be going to or involved in the training in any way shape or form?

          I’m just surprised if others are doing this for people.

          • MJ

            It’s time for you to get off these clients. They are not worth your billables.

            Alternately, the next time you sit down with relationship partner, discuss this and ask what is the most effective way for clients to reach him or her, since email doesn’t seem to be working.

            Yes, it’s your job to make people look good, but if your time is valuable, it’s time to transition off.

          • Anonymous

            For the clients you do not work for, find another associate who does work for them (should be easy to look up/have your secretary look up), and then respond to client and CC that associate and write, “Client X, nice to hear from you. My colleague Y will be assisting partner Z on that project. I’m copying her/him so she/he can follow up on scheduling. All the best!” (I would give associate Y a heads up that you’re doing this.)

          • BigLaw Sr Assoc

            This isn’t what I do for partners. I don’t have access, nor do I want access, to their inboxes. I keep track of stuff that is either for pitches to get billable work, or for billable work. Stuff like reminding them to review a brief, respond to a client email re a meeting, review a budget proposal, etc. Although I wish they would just respond in the proper timeframe and I wouldn’t have to remind them, it is my responsibility to client to make sure their deadlines are met, both external deadlines and deadlines set by the client. If that means taking on the ministerial tasks of reminding partners to meet deadlines, I am fine with that.

    • anon

      I’m curious about whether there are equivalent people in your position who are male. If you are expected to be on the call or it’s your deal, it’s your job. If not, they should be ccing the assistant, not you, and it’s definitely not your job to forward the email on to the assistant. But I don’t necessarily know how to step away from that. Maybe respond to emails saying you are ccing the assistant for scheduling.

      • AnonInfinity

        At least at my firm, men and women associates have to do this kind of schedule pestering. For certain partners, I would literally make a list and sit in their offices until we got through the entire list/the schedule was sorted/any outstanding emails were answered. For others, I’d just send an email back saying “Client wants to schedule a meeting– X, Y, and Z would be good dates. What do you prefer?”

        Unfortunately I agree that this is an associate’s job (senior or not), because that person’s job is to make the partner or firm look good. For cases where I was too busy to babysit this aspect of the file, I’d either put someone else on it or gracefully transition off.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not sure the best way to address this, but I will share an anecdote that may help you see things from the partners’ perspective. When I was a mid-level associate, I was on a call with a partner in his office while we walked a client through a spreadsheet I had created. Since I knew how to navigate the spreadsheet better than anyone, he told me to sit at his desk and pulled it up on his computer so I could jump around the document as necessary. You know the little notification Outlook layers on top of whatever you are looking at to tell you that you received a new email that fades after 3-5 seconds? His never went away. For the entire call, any time it started to fade it was replaced by another new email. I don’t honestly know how anyone can stay on top of that level of email insanity.

      • Anonymous

        Mid Law Partner here: where clients are emailing you, they think you are on their team. Act like it. Either handle the incoming requests and make your team look good, or if another associate has been spending more time on that account send the request to him or her with a copy to the partner and a clear request they handle it.

  13. Gail the Goldfish

    Fun random question that occurred to me while flipping through the Garnet Hill catalog last night–if you could live the life depicted in a catalog, which would it be? I think mine would be Athleta, as they always seem to be exercising on lovely beaches, but Garnet Hill had a nice “relaxing in an expensive mountain chalet or winery” vibe that would be nice for my Fall imaginary life.

    • Cb

      Anthropologie – the clothes aren’t necessarily me but I could definitely live the life of a travel blogger of independent means.

      In real life though, I’ve resigned myself to the 30-something mum life of the Boden and Seasalt catalogue.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Anthropologie! Just lounging on expensive, well-appointed beds in old European cities or on beaches.

    • Veronica Mars

      Lilly Pulitzer is probably my dream life. Always on vacation, at the beach, in Aruba, sipping colorful cocktails. And they have families in matching Lilly prints which is both absolutely nauseating but somehow also the most charming thing.

    • avocado

      Title Nine. The clothes are a little too mumsy for my taste, but I would like to spend my life on a paddleboard or hanging off the side of a mountain.

    • DCR

      Mine would be Athleta, or the travel company catalogs I get from gadventures, intrepid, etc.

    • Panda Bear

      I love this question. I would want to live in Ralph Lauren world but take my vacations in Anthropologie world.

    • Davis

      Oh this is a great question! It reminds me of the snarky catalogliving dot net which took photos from catalogs and make fun of the absurdity of some of them. It imagines two people, Gary & Elaine, and how they live with all these fall gourds, etc. It looks like it’s been abandoned for a little while, but it gives me a good chuckle.

    • PolyD

      Garnet Hill and Sundance, although in real life I am not that laid back or outdoorsy at all. But the clothes and accessories are so pretty, and they all look like they drink good wine!

  14. M. Gemi fit?

    Anyone have opinions on the fit of the M. Gemi Stellato? I am looking at a Poshmark pair and it says they run half a size large.

    • Anonymous

      I have a pair and feel like they run exactly true to size – I am usually a 9.5/40.5 and the 40.5 fits perfectly.

      • M. Gemi fit?

        Thanks! This is helpful! I’m normally between a 9 and 9.5, looking at a size 40. Might cross my fingers and try it.

  15. Car Talk

    I’m going to have to spend more than three hours in a car this afternoon with my immediate boss and another senior coworker. I know this isn’t THAT long, but I caught myself off guard this morning by being nervous about it- I feel like I know them pretty well, but have only ever talked about work stuff. If I put in headphones, I’m worried I’ll seem rude. If not, I’m worried I won’t have anything in the world to talk about. Help!

    • Rainbow Hair

      In my experience, no one wants to talk that much. Once, in my car, I made Senior Guy listen to my WWI podcast because we had just spent an entire day together and I didn’t need to listen to him talk any more. But generally there are fits of conversation and a lot of chill silence.

    • Anon

      As someone who used to travel extensively via fleet vehicles with coworkers for 3-6 hour drives, I recommend sitting in the back seat. You can play on your phone and no one will know/care. The front passenger is usually relegated to keeping the driver entertained or providing directions. Side note, I am now very adept at ignoring conspiracy talk radio too :) Good luck.

    • Anonymous

      If you need a topic – travel destinations, vacations, dream travel bucket list is usually a safe and fun topic

    • Leah

      I expected to pass time playing on my phone in this scenario, but that made me carsick. I ended up staring silently out the window, because there were torrential downpours and the driver was nervous about her concentration.

  16. Anonymous

    Where you do you live? What are your 3 favorite and least favorite things about that place?

    I’m in one of the larger Midwestern college towns (population ~100k).
    My favorite things are: 1) incredibly low cost of living (large, beautiful homes in the ~300k range), 2) excellent public schools and 3) more culture than you would expect for a city this size, because of the university.
    My least favorite things are: 1) the restaurant scene is terrible – mostly chains and really mediocre local places, 2) bad airport access – the nearest airport is over an hour a way and is a smaller airport without any international flights, 3) the university is really the only employer around (besides hospitals and schools, which are everywhere) – if you don’t fit into one of those categories, having a fulfilling career can be challenging.

    • Cb

      I live in Edinburgh

      My favourite things: the proximity to the outdoors, incredibly toddler friendly (you could do a different free/cheap activity every single day), the fact that despite its size, you’ll run into people you know regularly

      My least favourite: the cost of housing, driven up by holiday lets, the weather – the summers are great but the winters are really tough for my mood, the litter and general scruffiness of the city

      • Anon

        I went to Edinburgh Uni. I miss the sky in Edinburgh. I’ve never seen such sunrises and sunsets, and the light summer evenings.

        And the trains! I miss the trains! (Live in the U.S. now.)

    • Anonymous

      D.C. suburbs.

      Pros:

      1) So much to see/do/explore

      2) close to mountains and the ocean

      3) DCA really is an awesome airport haha

      Cons:

      1) HCOL

      2) population density (see mountains and ocean above – we’re outdoorsy types who need a bit more space to breathe)

      3) how hard it is to run errands around here – in an ideal world, yes, everything would be in your neighborhood, but it’s not – everything is a 30 minute drive (all in opposite directions, naturally) because of traffic and neighborhood layouts – Target, Home Goods, Home Depot, etc.

      • PolyD

        OMG yes, the DC Standard Half-Hour. If you’re going 5 miles, it takes half an hour. If you’re going 15 miles, it also might take half an hour (or 2 hours, depending).

        I agree with everything you said. The HCOL and density is a pain, but it means diversity, great restaurants, decent theater scene, and excellent museums. I can get to all three airports within about 40-45 minutes. This region is full of really smart people who have interesting jobs and interesting, er, interests.

        Oh, one other negative – the seemingly endless summer kind of sucks. I really don’t want to be wearing sandals in October.

      • Anon

        idk which suburb you live in, but I grew up in the DC suburbs in an area that is commutable to downtown, though not the closest in, but we were 10-15 minutes from everything (Target, supermarket, mall, etc.) Home Depot was a bit farther, but most errands were super close

    • cat socks

      I live in a Midwest college town too – well actually in a suburb of the town. My likes are the same as yours. Luckily our restaurant scene is decent and there are a lot of smaller, non-chain restaurants. There are some large companies here so there are good job options.

      Our airport doesn’t have a lot of direct flights, but it also doesn’t get very busy so getting through security – especially with TSA pre-check is pretty easy. There is road construction all the time all over town.

    • BabyAssociate

      I’m in DC.

      Favorites: 1) I have an easy walk to work and I’m also in walking distance to a grocery store and tons of bars and restaurants. I hate driving with a passion, so this is incredibly important to me. 2) Food. The DC food scene has changed a LOT in the past few years. I love that I can reasonably walk to amazing Georgian, Laotian, and Afghan restaurants. 3) People. DC attracts a lot of smart and motivated people doing really interesting work. I like that few people who live in DC are from DC. The last city I lived in was kind of the opposite and I was not a local (wasn’t really interested in becoming one either, hence the move) and I found that could be a little isolating. However, also see least favorite thing number 3.

      Least favorite: 1) Weather. I’m used to the heat and humidity so it doesn’t impact my day-to-day life per se, but I still hate it. I’m a cold weather person. 2) Rent. I definitely pay a premium to live in a very walkable area (still worth it for me). 3) The city can be transient. Lots of people come here for work and leave after a few years and it can be tough to see friends move away.

      Overall, positives definitely outweigh the negatives.

      • Anonymous

        In very-close-in DC suburb and largely agree.
        The good:
        1. Aesthetics: It’s a gorgeous city with beautiful monuments, centrally located public spaces and parks, and a decent public transit system (metro problems notwithstanding– going elsewhere makes me realize that we are still relatively lucky).
        2. People. So many incredibly smart, hard-working people from all types of backgrounds, many in public service.
        3. I like the location– so many places to easily visit. Mountains, ocean, lakes, other cities, 3 great airports (one of which is an 8 minute drive from me), and other big cities all within a couple hours’ drive or train ride.

        The bad:
        1. Hate how transient it is! So many of my friends have left. I am down to just a few good friends in the city, and I believe one will leave sometime soon.
        2. The cost of living. Uck. I know it’s worse elsewhere, but it really is discouraging as DH and I try to pay off student loans and save for a down payment on a $900k house.
        Those are really the only two, although those are HUGE for me.

      • DCR

        I’m in DC too, and a lot of my are the same.

        Favorites: (1) Having an easy walk/metro trip to basically everything I need. I love being able to walk to work, walk home from dinner with friends, walk to an exercise class, etc. (2) The variety of activities in the area. There is always a cool museum exhibit to check out or a free event going on in the city. And it is also very easy to get outdoors. I love hiking, kayaking, and other outdoor activities and am able to do one or the other most weekends. (3) The People. DC attracts a lot of smart and interesting people.

        Hate: (1) Transient nature of the city. A ton of my friends have moved away over the past year and I don’t feel like I have many local friends anymore. (2) How wide spread the metro area is. Besides those who have moved away, a lot of my friends have had kids and moved to the suburbs. Some live 45 minutes one direction, when others are an hour the other way. (3) the humidity. I don’t mind the heat, but hate who humid it is for 3 months of the year.

        • DCR

          After reading the others, I want to change my hates. Number 1 is dating. All the guys I meet are just looking for something casual till they move away and the numbers are so in favor of guys that I find it near impossible to meet anyone. I know so many great, amazing single women, and no great, amazing single men.

      • Wow

        I’m in DC as well. Very interesting to read the perspectives here:

        Love:

        1) It’s possible to live in the city with kids and have an urban life. That’s very rare for many big east coast cities, having lived in many in my life at this point. Great public schools, “affordable” at least compared to Boston, NY and SF, and you can walk many places.

        2) So many free things to do with kids! World class museums, zoo, monuments, etc.

        3) Weather. I love that it doesn’t get too cold and I don’t mind the heat at all. I would take DC over Boston or Chicago winters any day.

        4) Really smart people and in my particular niche, some of the most brilliant legal minds I have ever met

        Cons:

        1) Friends live too spread out (some in suburbs 30 miles outside the city, so we don’t see each other often)

        2) Transient

        3) Not enough job diversity (everyone is a lawyer or lobbyist)

    • Anon

      Baltimore.

      Love: 1) Food, we have an amazing restaurant scene. 2) Culture – this is kind of cheating because it encompasses so much but I would say mainly the diversity, art, and history 3) Proximity to other major cities and ease of travel.
      Don’t Love: 1) The violence and crime – not even because of the crime itself, but the rhetoric around it. Everything is Us v. Them and the discussions in and about Baltimore make me so incredibly sad for my city 2) Absolutely no reliable public transportation and no commitment to fix this 3) High cost of living that I think most don’t expect

      This was interesting to actually write out!

      • BabyAssociate

        I always forget how much of a difference the proximity to other major cities and ease of travel makes! That’s a good one.

      • Anonymous

        High cost of living in Baltimore? I am from the Baltimore suburbs but have been in DC for the past 10 years. I dream of moving to Baltimore because I could easily buy a house for $500k. But the job prospects for me are not great there.

      • Anon

        I disagree with #3. I’m in Boston now but was in Bmore for a number of years. It’s actually quite affordable on a relative basis for what the city has to offer (100% agree with your pros and other cons).

        • Anon

          Super interesting! I’m probably thinking in terms of peers from the suburbs not understanding the cost of living in a city, and comparing to more Southern cities. Definitely don’t think it’s on an NY/Boston level

      • Bmore

        Also in Baltimore.

        Love: 1. How easy my life can be. I can afford to live walking distance to my job in a house with a parking pad, and it’s easy to drive anywhere. I would characterize Bmore as MCOL, and great value for the amenities that it offers. 2. Agree that the food is great. 3. Museums & cultural life. We go to the Walters or the BMA every weekend, have symphony tickets – really high quality stuff, and again, way cheaper than the equivalents in other East Coast cities.

        Hate: 1. How segregated the city is, both in terms of race and socioeconomics. So many depressing neighborhoods, and so little vision at the city government level to change any of it. 2. Public transit – we have about five different systems, but none of them are big enough to function well on their own, and they were terribly planned so that they don’t connect well to each other. 3. Mosquitoes.

    • K

      I live in a town that was basically founded by the company that is headquartered there (I work for that company). Favorite things:
      1. There are lots of cute historic houses mixed with apartment complexes for young people that work for The Company.
      2. I’m 20 minutes from the airport, 20 minutes from the City, everything of interest is less than a half hour away.
      3. My commute is less than 10 minutes.

      Least Favorite things:
      1. The restaurants are fine, mostly chains. The most adorable bakery just opened up and I’m in love with it.
      2. Weekends are pretty boring.
      3. Rent is pretty high for the quality of the apartments.

    • Anonymous

      I live in Philly.

      Favorite things: restaurant/bar scene, close proximity to other major cities, close proximity to beaches but also hiking/lakes, extremely walkable (hardly ever use a car), cost of living is still reasonable for professionals. Also, we have no natural disasters to worry about here and the weather is tolerable. Lots of great museums and historical things to do.

      Least favorite things: traffic getting out of the city can be insane, poverty and blight outside center city is way too high, homelessness problem seems to be getting worse in center city, real estate is going up so buying a 3-br house in center city that doesn’t need major work is getting out of reach.

      • Anonymous

        I also live in Philly. I moved here from one of those Midwest college towns myself.

        Love: Things to do! So many restaurants to try, shows, festivals, museums. Only a few hours away from NYC or DC. Beaches. Music. I could go on and on and on. And so many of these sites are free.

        Transportation, we have great buses, trains, light rail, and I can walk almost anywhere in the city, ubering is SO inexpensive, and I can keep my really crappy $1,200 car and don’t worry about it.

        Affordable, my rent isn’t cheap, but its not very much more expensive than I would be charged in a college town. Those towns really mark up the prices, and they are made of cardboard in my experience. But, since I walk to work, shop in Chinatown, I save so much on car costs that its totally worth it. And while, I could have a McMansion on the outside of my college town, I could have a condo in philly for the same price, and I’d rather be here.

        Cons: Definitely the garbage tumble weeds. It can be a very dirty city.
        The homeless problem in philly is pretty bad, but it was bad in my college town too. It does seem to be getting worse. There seems to be more and more people who are not just down on their luck but have serious mental or substance abuse problems. It can be scary to walk home at night. Heroin is a HUGE problem here.

        That being said, I love it here and can see myself spending the rest of my life here.

    • Anon

      Berkeley CA

      1) weather
      2) my cool old 1909 house
      3) being walking distance to restaurants, shopping, and a movie theater

    • Philly!

      Philly here- maybe I havd rose colored glasses on since I recently moved back (grew up here) after a few years in DC (which I did not like)

      Love:
      1) the people. Philly people are my kind of people and DC people are generally not. Yes, everyone j grew up with and lots of people I went to college with and my whole family are here but also new people I’ve met I tend to mesh much better with. And everyone here loves the city, I felt in DC most people tolerated it.
      2) Big city with affordable cost of living. Philly has everything I could want to do, but I can also afford it! I can afford to live walking distance to work/friends/restaurants and bars. I’m not spending as much on rent so I can go to the countless cultural activities. The city itself is beautiful and has a great vibe.
      3) proximity. I’m still near DC and Baltimore to visit frievds there. I’m closer to NYC (where most of my friends are) and Boston. Im much closer to the shore (a big factor in the move). Im not far from the mountains. There are tons of outdoor activities in or very close to the city.

      Dislike:
      1) the opioid epidemic has hit Philly hard and brought an increase of crime/homelessness/poverty. Entire neighborhoods have been decimated by the influx of opioids and so many lives lost. Obviously not all poverty/homelessness/crime etc is a result of this but I’ll lump it in here as well.
      2) weather. The months of grey in the winter wear on you. I hate the cold and we get real cold and real snow.
      3) Hmm I honestly love my city so much it’s hard coming up with a third? Maybe Gritty? Or the Eagles being 2-2?

    • Sunshine and Blue Skies

      Southwestern PA here — outside of Pittsburgh.

      Love:

      Living in a rural area and all that goes along with it. I was a farm kid, the property my house is on was once part of my grandfather’s farm. I can’t see any of my neighbors’ houses from my yard unless I look *REALLY* hard. I can have a garden, I don’t have neighbor drama, and the cost of living is pretty low.

      Fall. It’s awesome here.

      I’m 15-20 minutes away from shopping/restaurants, and only an hour away from Pittsburgh if I want to venture into the city for concerts, sports events, etc. I’m close to everything, but still far enough away that I can enjoy peace and quiet and nature.

      Don’t Love:

      Traffic and road construction. If you want to go to Pittsburgh – or anywhere around here – you’re going to hit both. Nobody thought ahead when they designed most of the highway system here and the infrastructure is a hot mess.

      Winter. Sure there’s a lot to do here in the winter if you are a fan of cold weather. In fact, we’re home to some fantastic ski resorts. But I’m not a fan of cold weather. You want to ski, tube, snowboard — have at it. I’m staying inside where it’s warm.

      If the power goes out or it snows like crazy, we are the last to get our power back on or our road plowed. (Specific to where I live, not Pittsburgh.) We’ve learned to manage, though. I’ve cooked entire meals on a woodburner and kerosene heater and my grill never gets put away for the season. And 4WD is a must.

    • Anon

      Boston area (Somerville)

      Fav:
      1) I can walk or take the subway almost anywhere. We have a car, but drive it twice a month on average.
      2) Amazing and diverse food at all price points
      3) Diverse, smart people

      Least Fav:
      1) Housing is crazy expensive
      2) Airport Uber pickup sucks (okay granted this is super specific but i travel frequently for work and the options are wait 20 min for Uber or hop immediately imto a cab with no shocks, the same vanilla airfreshener, and 9/10 a cabbie who doesnt know where i’m going and wants to use my phone for the GPS).
      3) People are terrible drivers and my car has gotten multiple dents from street parking.

    • Xarcady

      I live in a small city (pop. 26,000) in New Hampshire.

      What I like: 1) Low crime rate–it’s a very safe city in a pretty safe state. 2) Small town feel with easy proximity to Boston and environs, and the shore and the mountains for outdoor activities. Two airports within 45-60 minutes drive, and recently re-established train into Boston. 3) Cultural: Very close to state university for cultural things, plus the aforementioned proximity to Boston. And pretty good local restaurants mixed in with the typical chains. Lots of history/historical sights within a 2 hour drive.

      What I don’t like: 1) The lack of diversity. NH simply does not have a substantial minority population. My area tends heavily towards descendants of Irish and French Canadians, with very little else mixed in. This is slowly changing as parts of NH are becoming bedroom communities for Boston. 2) Vast swathes of open land are sprouting housing developments with expensive houses that are cheaply built and which do not blend in with the rest of this almost 400 year old town with large numbers of colonial and Victorian houses at all. If the new developments were out of sight of the main drag, it wouldn’t bother me so much. My city gained 500 new houses last year, and that’s about the rate for the past several years. 3) Jobs–they are pretty much still farming/agriculture, retail, restaurant/fast food and factory and fishing jobs. Slowly, more companies are moving in, but I’d say there are about 3 major employers in my field in a 75 mile radius, and about 50-100 more who employ 1 person who does what I do. This is pretty much the same for a lot of white collar jobs in the area, unless you can get an in at the state university, so quite a few people live in town and commute an hour or more to Massachusetts daily.

    • Anon

      New Orleans

      Likes:
      1) The food, and especially all of the new and local restaurants that are always popping up.

      2) The strong sense of culture here, especially around music, art, and food.

      3) That there is always something exciting and interesting to do.

      Dislikes:
      1) No reliable and easy public transportation, particularly from the sprawling suburbs. And that the suburbs aren’t very walkable communities.

      2) The weather is getting more hot and humid every year, to the point where I can barely take it. The weather and the lack of walkability/public transportation leads to a pretty sedentary lifestyle.

      3) I hate how long it takes to get everywhere, and that I have to always plan around whatever festival or parade or whatever is going on that day. While it can be nice to have a lot going on, sometimes, I would just like it to be a normal day where I don’t have to say ok I have to leave the office by XX time to miss the roadblocks for the parade. It’s always something, and it gets a bit old.

    • Anon

      San Francisco Bay Area.

      Favorites:
      1) Proximity to natural beauty – Sierra Nevada, redwoods, coastline and opportunities to see wildlife
      2) Good food abounds
      3) Decent job scene

      Least favorites:
      1) The crime
      2) The filth. I have never witnessed any other city with such an abundance of needles and human feces everywhere.
      3) The extreme cost of living
      4) The crowds/traffic

      The negatives outweigh the positives for me so I’m looking to move in the next year or so. I miss living somewhere safe and peaceful with real seasons, but I love the mountains and the West, so it will be somewhere else out here.

      • Anonymous

        I left Palo Alto for some of the same reasons (less crime/filth there but definitely crazy high costs and traffic). I have no regrets, but I do miss the Bay.

    • anon

      DC Area (Northern Virginia)

      Love – 1 – this is a really smart, engaged city. People are very well-read and it’s easy to have conversations with strangers. It’s so transient that it’s easy to make friends and slip in and out of things.
      2 – The food scene is great. And for the most part, it’s not impossible to get into good restaurants (if you are willing to wait/plan ahead), unlike other cities with great food.
      3 – I love having four seasons, even if I hate the peak of summer.

      Hate – 1 – The area is so congested that doing anything is such a pain. The metro is unreliable. Traffic is terrible. It’s 10 minutes to get to Costco but another 10 to get in/out of the parking garage. When I go home to the midwest I am so envious of the ability to just pop in to the grocery store. When our older relatives visit us it becomes even more obvious how hostile the region is to people with disabilities.
      2 – It is SO. EXPENSIVE. to live here. Housing is expensive, food is expensive, daycare is expensive, utilities are expensive.
      3 – it’s a bubble. It’s nice inside the bubble, but too many people I’ve encountered have never left the East Coast big-city bubble and really don’t have any connection to the rest of the country. I want my kids to understand that not everyone lives the way we do, in cities like this, with this privilege.

    • Cookbooks

      Boston.

      Love: 1)Size. It’s walkable, and it makes farm-to-table restaurants very doable. You can get around on foot pretty easily. It. 2) The Youths. I complain about the students a lot, but they keep the city young and tech (and other) industries fresh. 3) Sports. We love sports!

      Don’t love: 1) Sports. As much as I love it, I hate the parades, and game days always clog up the T. 2) The T. So many delays, ever increasing prices, and there are dead zones where only the one bus you never take goes. 3) HCOL.

      • Anonymous

        Having lived in Boston for many years, two more cons:

        1) Rudest strangers I have ever met
        2) WINTERS

    • Anonymous

      Charlotte. Love: (1) low cost of living, but there is strong industry here that will pay NYC/DC level salaries (2) being a short drive to things I love – good college basketball, professional sports, mountains, lakes (I don’t like the beach/ocean, so not being on a coast doesn’t bother me); (3) that the city is growing and there are so many new things happening all the time and opportunities to “get in on the ground floor” of something and you’re not shut out like in a larger city where unless your last name is something famous, you’ll never be on a board of a non profit or able to get on some affinity committee or city committee.

      Least favorite (1) traffic is getting bad. which doesn’t affect my incredibly short commute, but when I need to go somewhere other than my 2 mile radius from home, it’s a bear; (2) I wish it got cooler in the fall faster; I don’t mind the heat for a short time, but by the end of September, I’m ready for it to go; (3) similar to (1), I wish there fixed track public transportation running north and running west to the airport (light rail or commuter rail).

    • Vicky Austin

      I live in a teeny town in a sparsely inhabited Midwestern state, so I won’t out myself too much ;)

      Pluses:
      1. No traffic ever/5 minute commute/minimal lines at the grocery store and everywhere else (also never ever have to fight for parking)
      2. Beautiful scenery (national park 20 minute drive from my house)
      3. Small-town vibe/friendly people/awesome local businesses

      Minuses:
      1. Weather (have yet to live through my first winter here, but it’s trying to snow today)
      2. Things like Target and Ulta are at least 2 hours away
      3. Kinda HCOL considering what the town actually has to offer

    • Anon

      Atlanta
      Best things:
      1/ food scene
      2/ Hartsfield Jackson airport
      3/ affordable costs of living
      Worst things:
      1/ traffic
      2/ traffic
      3/ traffic

    • blueberries

      Palo Alto, CA
      Love
      1) The people! The longer I liv here, the more it feels like a smallish town. I’ll often see someone I know when I’m out. People tend to do all sorts of interesting things and I don’t feel pressure to follow a certain path (probably helps that there aren’t too many fellow lawyers).
      2) Good for cycling. The temperate weather, relatively flat elevation, and decent public policy make it super friendly for getting around by bike, even with young kids.
      3) Food. Excellent produce, great cafe/restaurant options for a small city

      Don’t love
      1) Housing shortage/cost of housing. Housing costs are obscene (hard to find even a mediocre small condo for less than $1.5mm, less than 1,000 square foot houses start well north of $2mm).
      2) The people who stand in the way of building more housing. I don’t know who irks me more—the people who block development because they want the town to feel like the sleepy suburbia they imagine it was decades ago or the people who blame “greedy landlords” for extreme rents while opposing construction.
      3) The way cost of living impacts other services—storefronts converted to offices (which pay higher rent here), losing community-serving businesses, like art stores and toy stores to offices/luxury goods stores/salad shops.

    • Anonymous

      DC
      (1) Cheaper than NYC
      (2) Get to drive

      (1) Weather
      (2) People may have great resumes but nothing else to offer. Never met so many complainers in my life.
      (3) Can’t make money like you can in NYC.
      (4) Homeless people everywhere.

      Guess I’m the only one not on the DC band wagon.

      • January

        I feel like you’re the person who keeps complaining about DC vs. NYC, and it just seems really obvious that you’re an NYC person (apart from the car thing).

    • Nashville

      Nashville

      My favorite things are:
      1) The food scene–it’s really ruined me for other cities of similar size. It is amazing.
      2) Still small enough that you can know a lot of people in your industry and the city.
      3) All the perks of a big city, very little of the bad, and still have that Southern culture.

      My least favorite things are:
      1) Cost of living is out of control (even with a midlaw salary).
      2) Traffic–our lovely neighbors voted no on transit referendum and the city is simply not set up to handle the 100 people that move to the surrounding areas daily.
      3) The income disparities–my family is in the 1% of Nashville earners, but most of my friends who did not pursue law or more conventional careers live very different lives and experience our city in a very different way.

      • Anonymous

        I’m in Southern Indiana and visit Nashville a lot and I agree you guys have the BEST food. It’s ruined me for all other cities, including cities where people rave about the food.

        • Nashville

          So glad you loved it! I come from a humble background, so I had no idea what the James Beard aware was or Zagat, etc. While I still love my Nolensville Road tacos al pastor, I am also incredibly well-versed on all things food now! It’s a side of me that I really love and want to cultivate more (in a non-snobby way, of course).

          We have several new places (just check Eater and see), so come visit soon!

    • Anonymous

      NYC:

      1. The people/diversity: I lived in Boston and now realize how homogeneous and white Boston is (at least, downtown areas – I’m sure there are more diverse parts of the city). I like seeing people who don’t look like me and seeing tourists experiencing the city.
      2. Largely anti-Trump
      3. Weather except for those miserable few weeks in summer

      1. Cost. I’ll never own here and sometimes find myself dreaming of having a dishwasher/laundry. It’s also distressing to see the wealth disparity that exists here.
      2. The crowds can be overwhelming. It’s never enjoyable to start your day with your face in someone’s armpit on a delayed train.
      3. Dating

    • JTX

      Houston

      Best things:
      1) Job market
      2) Cost of living (it can be high in certain areas, but is relatively low when compared to other similarly sized cities)
      3) Diversity of residents

      Worst things:
      1) The weather is horrible 6 months out of the year. Right now it is super hot (87, heat index 97) and humid and muggy. Plus hurricanes.
      2) The scenery. There’s no other way to put it: Houston is ugly. My family loves to hike and camp and enjoy the outdoors, and Houston is sorely lacking in that area.
      3) The traffic. I work from home and we live less than 5 miles from my kid’s daycare, but it still takes me an hour to do pick-up or drop-off.

    • Anonymous

      Central New Jersey
      Pros
      1) Proximity to NYC and all that entails. Can hop on a train and be in the middle of the city in less than an hour. Super easy to see a Broadway play, world class museum or catch the US Open tennis match or the Yankee game.
      2) Great beaches within a half hour ride.
      3) Culturally diverse.
      4) Variety of restaurants. I could eat out every night and never go to a chain restaurant.
      5) Lots of cultural activities due to many local universities (Princeton, Rutgers)
      6) Housing prices are reasonable.

      I love it here can you tell!

      Cons
      1) Property taxes are high. $20k/ year is not unusual for a 3000 new-ish house.
      2) Traffic is terrible.

    • Anon.

      Aspen:
      Like:
      1. Ease to experience nature. Can hike/bike/ski anytime of day.
      2. Very interesting work. There’s money and inclination to pay me to do the interesting things.
      3. Small town character with Unexpected Big City Culture. You will run into multiple people you know at the grocery store whenever you go, but you have unexpected access to cultural events that normally wouldn’t occur in a town of this size.
      Dislike
      1. HCOL. In the top 10 most expensive zip codes in the nation.
      2. Transient nature/difficulty maintaining friendships. Give the HCOL and small town size, friends move for job opportunities or those who don’t move away live further and further away for cheaper housing.
      3. International travel is a pain. It’s either expensive to fly from the local airport with serious change of flight delays given weather or an extra 8 hours of driving to fly from Denver.

    • Anonymous

      I’ll play since I haven’t seen my city represented yet.

      Raleigh

      best:
      1. strong economy — I moved here in 2009 in part because it was one of the few places in the country with solid jobs after the recession. Cost of living is increasing but still reasonable despite all the people moving to the area.
      2. culture — Three major universities and at least a half dozen more small ones in the area; tons of museums, parks, things to do. Shoehorning this in here too: close to the mountains and ocean means a lot of great opportunities to get out and enjoy nature. In addition, although the state is reddish-purple, this area is solidly blue. As mentioned above, a lot of people are locating to the area and whether locals or transplants, I’ve met a lot of wonderful people here. People are super friendly.
      3. weather — I know a lot of people find the South to be too hot, but as a Midwestern transplant, I don’t miss winter one bit. I also appreciate that winter days have more sunshine.

      worst:
      1. traffic — I’ve lived in places with worse traffic, certainly, but the region is spread out enough that traffic is not great and it’s getting dramatically worse without a lot of mass transit options on the horizon.
      2. state politics
      3. Honestly? Can’t think of anything else that really rises to the level of a drawback (although I’m sure there are legit complaints).

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Also in Raleigh and this is basically my list, though my gripe with traffic is really more the lack of good public transit. We’ve got a bus system, but I’d sell my soul for good light rail.

    • CountC

      Harrisburg, PA

      (1) COL. I grew up in NoVA, and it is sooooo cheap to live here.
      (2) small town feel. Yes, it’s a city, but it feels more like a small town. Some people hate it, but I love being able to play the six degrees of Kevin Bacon game and see people I know everywhere.
      (3) Great access to outdoorsy stuff. We have the Appalachian Trail close by, a lot of awesome state and county parks, rural areas 15-20 minutes away, lakes/rivers/creeks for kayaking/boating/SUP.

      Bonus points for a short commute for me (15 mins)!

      (1) Recovery from bad city government decisions. It’s a bit of a mess, but improving with the current mayor.
      (2) High city taxes and terrible city schools (not relevant for me but I still care).
      (3) I actually think the restaurant scene is fine especially with Lancaster near by, but I do wish we had a few more options in town!

      I really like living here!

    • Anonymous

      Salt Lake City

      Love (1) the relative affordability, (2) the strong counterculture (the city’s core is very gay, punk, hipster, etc. – we have an awesome tattoo scene and the liquor laws force our bartenders to really learn their craft and be creative), and (3) the mountains.

      Hate (1) the awful air quality, (2) the car-dependence, and (3) being represented by Mike Lee and Orrin Hatch.

    • Anonymous

      This is a great question!

      Minneapolis

      pros:
      1. fully experience all 4 seasons – I’m excited about the leaves starting to turn, but there will come a time when I’m excited to play in the snow… and I will be more than ready for the snow to melt in March.
      2. lots of cultural options and a strong outdoor culture, so there’s always something to do (too much in fact!)… and lots of great restaurants
      3. reasonable home prices and lots of great neighborhoods

      cons:
      1. why is it so hot and humid here in the summer? I hate this. (I like the seasons, but… we had more than 20 days over 90F here, it is not my thing)
      2. endless highway construction
      3. needing to deal with people who sneer at “flyover country”

    • Anonymous

      Surprised not to see it yet, so here goes – Los Angeles:

      Pros:
      1. Some of the best weather in the country – other than a few weeks of super dry heat in the summer/early fall, near-perfect weather year round. Relatedly, the geography has something for everyone (beaches/mountains)
      2. Racially/socioeconomically diverse.
      3. Amazing food.

      Cons:
      1. COL in the nicer areas (i.e. westside) is prohibitively expensive if you want to own a house.
      2. Traffic gets worse and worse every year.
      3. Public transit is dismal at best.

      • BigLaw Sr Assoc

        Also in LA (westside).

        Pros: Same as above

        Cons:
        1. air quality
        2. traffic and road quality
        3. not a diverse array of jobs for my/my husband

        We moved to LA in part for lower COL, so I can’t really complain about that.

    • Anonymous

      ok responding late but haven’t seen it yet so, Pittsburgh! I love it here despite its flaws, its a grungy city with a heart of gold.

      pros:
      1) it is WEIRD and I love it. I’m not sure how to explain it but its one of those cities with its own specific culture, slang words, etc. its gritty but still calm, sits in a nice intersection of east coast, midwest, and appallachian cultures, people are down to earth and friendly without being sickly sweet, it just hits all the right notes for me.
      2) COL is amazing. I bought a 3 bed renovated house in v central neighborhood for 240k a couple of years ago. kids right out of college can still rent a room w roommates for 300 a month.
      3) size vs stuff to do – there’s a ton going on, I’m never bored, we have amazing libraries and museums plus other cultural stuff, but everything is still pretty central and close, its also easy to get out of the city to beautiful nature. we have great parks, restaurants, a music scene, and nice things like city pools, movies in the park in the summer, etc. that are free or cheap.

      cons:
      1) we have horrible public transport. its almost as expensive as the NY subway and its crappy. I don’t see it improving any time soon which is a problem bc:
      2) traffic – it seems like its getting worse every day. we don’t have the transit infrastructure needed for a city going through the economic revival we are, tons of cars try to smoosh into just a few neighborhoods every weekday and its hell even as a bus commuter. light rail only serves a few very specific neighborhoods and the bus only lane is majorly under utilized.
      3) super segregated – neighborhoods are almost all either 100% white or 100% black. the city treats them very differently (black neighborhoods don’t get the fancy new rental bike stations or have their potholes repaired). people of color are getting displaced in many places where gentrification is setting in fast and end up living in suburban areas with poor transit service, worsening point 2.
      4) UPMC – a giant corporation with tax exempt status bc its tied to Pitt very tangentially – it pays no taxes and our city would be in way better shape to fix the other problems if they did

      • Lobbyist

        Sacramento:

        1) We have an awesome bike trail, paved, no cars, alongside the river.
        2) Cute midtown/ improving downtown with good restaurants and activities.
        3) The people: diversity of California with friendliness of the midwest

        1) Downtown increasingly city-ish with more homeless people and not enough services to help them.
        2) Inequality/ polarization: police killed a black man in his grandmother’s back yard last year.
        3) Not enough business/ industry. Sure it’s the state capitol but we haven’t done a good job of attracting and maintaining other businesses.

    • Anon Mountain Girl

      I live in Bozeman, MT.

      Pros:
      1. Amazing for outdoors activities. Skiing, ice climbing, mountain biking, hiking – it’s endless.
      2. Safe, safe, safe – we often don’t lock our door, I forget the key in the ignition of my car overnight, etc.
      3. University town with a liberal demographic and relatively good food options because it caters to the ex-Californians and tourists coming through.

      Cons:
      1. Not diverse at all.
      2. Town is experiencing some major growing pains and associated friction from people who have been here a long time (it’s a “last one over the bridge” thing since most people here are not Bozeman natives).
      3. Winter drags on and on and on well into May sometimes.

  17. Horse Crazy

    I have a heated blanket on my bed, which has two cords running from the foot of the blanket to the outlet by my nightstand. These cords run under the bed, and our cats try to play with them. What can I do so the cats can’t get to the cords? It’s dangerous to tuck the cords under the mattress, I believe, so does anyone have another suggestion? Thanks!

    • cat socks

      If you search for “cord management” on Amazon or Google you can find plastic sleeves to cover the cords.

  18. Anon

    Just when I thought Trump could sink no lower. How is this real life when a perpetrator of multiple sexual assaults in the world’s most powerful political position gets to mock a survivor of sexual assault? Conservatives here, do you support this? Will you continue to support him and why?

      • anon

        not sure if there is a way to ask this that isn’t aggressive—I’m honestly curious. did you/do you feel this way about Anita Hill? Juanita Broaddrick? Paula Jones? Leigh Corfman? Lauren Greene? how have you determined who you think is credible and who is not?

      • Anon

        not sure if there is a way to ask this that isn’t aggressive—I’m honestly curious. did you/do you feel this way about Anita Hill? Juanita Broaddrick? Paula Jones? Leigh Corfman? Lauren Greene? how have you determined who you think is credible and who is not?

        • Anonymous

          Yes. This was very good. Wittes is a personal friend of Kavanaugh, and also conservative and he says he would vote no. It was a powerful piece.

      • Anonattorney

        Do you think it’s “faux victimhood” because you don’t believe her, or because what happened to her wasn’t significant enough/too long ago to warrant her speaking out?

        I ask because I think that a lot of people actually believe her, but just don’t think what happened to her warrants any reckoning on Kavanaugh. That makes me so sad and hopeless about the world we live in.

      • another anon

        For the record- I do believe her and I think that he shouldn’t get the seat (even if the allegations are all proven false, his behavior during testimony and what appears to be some real partisanship mean we should consider other candidates).
        But, the whole thing does feel weaponized The timing is bad, the optics are bad, both sides of the aisle are using this to advance their own agendas. Politics has felt horrible in this country for a while now and having that overlay on top of widespread personal experiences for so many people makes it that much worse.

      • Rolling My Eyes So Hard I Saw My Brains.

        Anon at 11:11 —

        Generalize much?

        Get over yourself, sweetheart. You libs aren’t perfect, either.

        • anon

          Anon at 11:11 —

          Generalize much?

          Get over yourself, sweetheart. You libs aren’t perfect, either.

    • Anonymous

      They actually think that ‘i love beer’ hysterical dude should be on the SC regardless of what a loser bro he is. But they also thought DT was worthy of voting for so nothing surprises me anymore.

    • Anon

      I’m a fiscal conservative and I have never supported the current president. He is a terrible human being. I believe Dr. Ford and respect the courage it took to do what she did. I look at the whole person when voting, I voted for Hillary and have voted for Democrats before, but on the whole, there a myriad of local, state and federal fiscal issues where I cannot support the plans of the Democrats. I hope that this becomes a rallying cry to bring the many conscientious conservatives together for positive change in our party – something I am actively working towards. Not that most here will believe these people exist. Go ahead and flame me if you want, but there are a lot of women and men out there who’s beliefs fall in line with mine.

      • nutella

        I believe you exist! I very much hope *many* of you exist because so much of the party has been taken hostage by a contingency of officials who are either happy to ride the President’s train or who seem unable to stand up for themselves or their people.

        I have genuine questions for you, if you’d like to shed some light on your thoughts. Assuming you know others that think like you, do you think this has actually been a rallying cry to take back the party? Or not quite yet? What are your thoughts on this nomination? Thoughts about the midterms and the presidency? Above all, I hope that you are engaging with your representatives and senators to tell them your opinions! Genuinely no sarcasm involved and I don’t ask to demean you; I genuinely want to hear your thoughts.

      • Candidate

        The city council I serve on has a mixed bag of people across the political spectrum, and to my surprise, two of the Councillors I trust the most are on the conservative/Republican/right-leaning part of the political spectrum (I’m a staunch liberal democrat with socialist leanings). And, some of the Democrats on the council are absolute trash people I don’t trust at all. It’s been eye-opening, and my opinion of national level Republicans keeps dropping even as my opinion of local Republicans keeps rising.

        I think there are people of good faith at all points along the spectrum, and that getting involved at the local level is the first and best place to start fixing the political culture in this country. I know that there are votes where my more conservative colleague and I will always differ, but there are many others where we share a vision for improving our community and can work together. It helps that they are also by and large frustrated to disgusted with the current administration, there are vast swaths of my family I am no longer speaking to based on their support for POTUS.

        I desperately hope we get more conscientious conservatives in local office, and that the national Republican party gets totally obliterated in November (I’m trying to support that effort as much as I can). I guess, “I contain multitudes”?

        I think that’s a long way of saying, I believe you. And, we are still stronger together.

      • Anon

        I believe you exist and would love to work with you. Can you speak out against the president and make yourselves more well-known? I honestly feel like your crowd has no voice anymore.

    • Anonymous

      Conservative here. Do I want him to mock her – no. But he did – shrug? It’s been 36 years, she can get over it. If she can’t and mocking is going to hurt her — well did you think about that before going public on a 36 year old story from a high school party?

      • Anonymous

        His behavior (mocking her) negatively impacts many people, not just her. She deserves respect because she is a human being. He has a long and strong history of showing disrespect for many many people in our society, Americans and otherwise. It’s shameful and embarrassing.

        • Anonymous

          Right. I have NOT gone public, but it’s being made abundantly clear that if I do, many people will think I’m deserving of mockery, and many more will enable that.

      • Anonymous

        Jesus Christ. He pinned her down on a bed and tried to rape her and possibly almost killed her accidentally. Of course she rememberers it 36 years later. This isn’t like she’s whining about a high school party where the popular girls snubbed her or a drunk guy got a little handsy. I wonder if you’ll change your tune when this happens to you or your sister/mother/daughter/friend, because statistically it will.

      • Anonymous

        yeah, so weird how she went public only because she has to and actually cares about the country and didn’t want a rapey alchoholic dude bro on the court. Unlike DT and his ilk who are only out for personal gain and ego.

        His responses alone to the Committee should have disqualified him based on temperment even to those that don’t believe CBF and all the other victims. Can you imagine a black American or a woman behaving like thatt and still be considered a candidate? He’s a tempermental partisan hack who brings down the value of the Court.

      • Anonymous

        Let’s say she’s fine and she’s over it. Beyond mocking her personally, he is making a mockery of sexual assault survivors and promoting the whole political system that subjugates women … his “it’s a very bad time for young men” comment also discounts the huge percentage of women/men/children who have been victims. Etc, etc. Even if you don’t believe Ford, is it acceptable to treat victims/survivors with disrespect?

        I mean, let’s say Ford totally lied 100% — is that funny? Are we laughing about that? Because that would be serious also.

      • nasty woman

        You’re a horrible person.

        A-hole conservatives: “Yeah you should expect to get mocked and harassed if you come forward. She just needs to get over it. Oh you don’t like the way people are treating you? Shoulda thought about that before you opened your mouth.”

        A-hole conservatives: “Why didn’t she come forward!??!?!”

        See the problem here?

        • Anonymous

          No I don’t say – why didn’t she/anyone come forward. I say when it’s been 36 years, feel free to keep it to yourself and go to therapy if needed.

          • nasty woman

            Are you even capable of thinking abstractly?

            You’ll probably struggle with this concept as well, but you’re aware that her decision to publicly disclose this wasn’t spontaneous, right? It wasn’t like she woke up 36 years later and said “MAN, today I just have an urge to F* up my personal life. I know what I’m gonna do!!” I’m sure if Brett was nominated for SCOTUS after her senior year of college she’d have disclosed then, too. Your desperate insistence on clinging to the 36 years is very stupid— the issue isn’t that she isn’t “over it” by now, the issue is that Bretty Bro EVER behaved this way. You don’t get to just wash away s*xual assault because it happened a long time ago.

            Again, 4chan called.

      • Anonymous

        You, a likely nobody, want to mock her or not mock her, that’s one thing. The most powerful person in the world, holding the (elected) position of leading the most powerful country in the world, and wielding enormous social, economic and political influence want to mock her, that’s another thing. It’s not about being conservative. It’s about the sheer abuse of power and enormous impact of his words.

      • nutella

        Interesting, though, that not mocking but mere questions set Judge Kavanaugh into a tirade of shouting and avoiding simple responses before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Do you think he should just “get over it” too? Also, there weren’t reports of her saying she was hurt. Everyone (including the President) thought she was credible, so if someone mocks someone who is credible, he has clearly abandoned the standard procedure by which adults operate and has resorted to middle school bully. We already know that she was hesitant to go public, so I don’t know what argument you are trying to make.

        Otherwise, I sincerely hope you or those you care about are never in the crosshairs of this President. And I sincerely believe you are on the wrong side of history… and that that realization will come in your lifetime.

        • Anonymous

          Could care less about any realizations of “history.” Sup Ct has less than 0 relevance in my life – a lawyer. I’m not going to remember CBF 6 months from now let alone later in like. You know what I will remember – a 3.9% unemployment rate and a market that’s up 37% since Election Day. Yes Obama started it and I give him credit too but DJT is the one presiding over it now — he can say whatever he wants about a HS party so long as the economy keeps rolling.

          • Anonymous

            Oh god it’s you again. Yes who cares about rapists on the Supreme Court, children in cages, the climate warming past the point of no return, picking twitter fights with a madman with nuclear weapons, tax cuts for the ultra wealthy at the expense of the middle class, etc etc as long as THE MARKET IS GOOD. We get it- you don’t care about ANYTHING except the stock market.

          • Anonymous

            Sup Ct has less than 0 relevance in my life – a lawyer.

            Said no lawyer ever.

          • Anonymous

            Oh, and btw, I’m assuming you meant to say you “couldn’t care less,” not “could care less.” Careful there.

          • Anonymous

            Eh, I’m a patent lawyer and I would say Kavanaugh’s potential appointment has no relevance to my professional life. The court’s patent law decisions certainly do, but it’s a very apolitical area of law and they don’t normally split along party lines. They’re often unanimous decisions and when they split they split in non-traditional ways.

            I believe Dr. Ford and I don’t think he should be confirmed, but not because I’m a lawyer.

          • Anonymous

            This lawyer says it. Sorry I don’t practice in areas where the Sup Ct generally rules.

          • anon

            LOL. Yes, we get it. You’re such a #coolgirl because you don’t care about any living being other than yourself. (Or, just our resident tr0ll, yet again…) What a rancid person.

  19. Computer Shopping

    I am about to replace my seven year old MacBook Pro. The only thing I use it for is photos. I take all my photos on my iPhone and move them from the cloud to my laptop. I only use the laptop for storing photos, backing them up to an external hard drive, organizing them by year, and once a year uploading them to Shutterfly and making an album.

    My laptop has had a good life but is getting really slow, doesn’t handle software updates very well, and is really just ready to be replaced. I have been a Mac user for 15 years but really don’t want to pay nearly a thousand dollars, especially when I only use it for photos and nothing else. I would like to spend under $500. A few questions:

    1) Are there cheaper ways to buy a Mac? If so, which Mac is good for just photos? I think I’d like the Air but don’t know why. Should I look into refurbished ones? I see Walmart has an Air for $389. Why is it so cheap? Is that legit?

    2) Should I just go back to a PC? Not opposed to that except for the inconvenience of the cloud not syncing with a PC. I love, love, love that my photos from my phone automatically sync to my computer. I think they will only do that with an Apple computer, right? If I should switch, what laptop should I get?

      • Anon

        Ugh I’ve had two chrome books in the last 5ish years and I HATE them! Would not recommend for a few reasons. 1) they have very limited memory so you can’t store photos on them without the computer becoming slow as molasses (you could upload to your google drive and save there but that’s a) time consuming and b) not something that requires a computer). 2) one day you’ll need to use Word/Excel etc and you can’t. Google docs don’t always make the cut, some things need to be done in Word (like resumes).

      • OP

        Very interested in this option. Will a chromebook sync to the cloud at all? Or do I have to physically plug my phone into the computer? If I can get a $200 chromebook but have to plug in the phone for uploads, versus a $400 refurbished mac product that will automatically sync, for me personally the sync is worth $200… but am I looking at it wrong?

        • CBG

          You get the Google Photos app and it will sync to your Google drive. You can move all your icloud photos there too. We’ve had Chromebooks for 6 years and the only time their limitations were a problem, were pretty substantial. 1- I lost my job and needed to work on my resume, formatting is so so hard in Google Docs, and 2- my husband’s iphone died and we needed to access itunes to reset it, and that wasn’t possible on the chromebook. We found work-arounds both times through employer computers or friends. Once our kids are in school we might reconsider, but for our everyday online shopping, vacation planning, Christmas card address list needs, they work great.

    • Xarcady

      Not sure if this would work for you, but I’m replacing my 9 year old iMac with an iPad. Now that I’m not freelancing, I don’t need the large monitor, and the iPad will connect with bluetooth keyboards and mice when I need to do lots of typing. Basically it will replace my computer completely and be much easier to lug around than a laptop.

      You can get refurbished Mac products of all types–you need to type “refurbished” in the search bar online at the Apple store to see them. Depending on how much memory you need and the quality of the screen you choose, you could easily get an iPad for less than $500.

    • Macbook on Woot

      Get a MacBook on Woot.com! They are affordable. If you love the convenience of the Cloud and your current setup, don’t switch to a PC. Just my thoughts.

    • Anonymous

      Depending on your back up needs, a Chromebook might work for you. They are cheap, easy to use, but do have some limitations.

      • Anonymous

        a) Do you use a Mac elsewhere in your life (like at work)? If so stay Mac.
        b) I have a Chromebook and love it for many things — but using it with my Dropbox Pro subscription isn’t one of them. Reviewing photos, deleting bad ones, reorienting ones that are upside down, organizing them into different folders — these little tasks are a huge PITA with my Chromebook. I pull out my old laptop for any of those tasks and instead use Chromebook for web-related tasks like organizing photo albums in Shutterfly or shopping online or things like that.

    • anon

      We bought refurbished iPads a couple of years ago from Apple, and they work well.

  20. Anonymous

    I mean this in all earnestness: could someone please guide me on the proper terminology for Americans of African descent?

    I have a work meeting with a community organization and I don’t want to offend. When is it acceptable to use African-American or black or minority or person of color? Are there nuances to the use of those words?

    I’ll be leading a group of old, rich, white men who’ve developed a Thing. Thing will be useful to everyone, but could really benefit the African-American community (and we have specific data to back it up). Rich old white guys talking about how they can help this community could easily strike the wrong note and I want to avoid that as much as possible. Thanks so much.

    • Anonymous

      Black. Unless you mean racial minorities/people of color generally, in which case you should use those terms.

      • Shananana

        Adding on to give some reasoning – depending on where you are in the country, there are a lot of black people who don’t identify as African American. Like large swatches of people whose family hails from the Caribbean and south america.

    • Googlage

      are you talking about black people? Black Americans?

      I don’t know that African-American is necessarily the way to go these days…

    • Anon

      Just throwing in the obvious – not all black Americans are of African descent. It’s not clear from your post if Thing is meant to apply specifically to the African-American diaspora – if so, African-American could be appropriate.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a woman of color, not Black, but don’t like the term “minority”. It sounds dated and positions white as default. People of color are often the majority in a particular area, so it is also inaccurate. People of color=non-white folks.

      Who is your actual audience? I would use Black, as that includes African-American (descendants of enslaved Africans) as well as Black immigrants or their descendants such as Nigerians, Jamaicans, Haitians, etc, who often do not want to be called African-American.

      I hope your presentation includes actual community members attesting to why the community needs Thing, and I also hope community members were involved in its development and implementation. Otherwise, it sounds like a potential problematic “white savior” situation with old, white men knowing what’s best for others.

    • IHHtown

      African-American is a mouthful that most people abandoned years ago because it’s annoying to say and not considered correct by many. IME (as a person that identifies as Black), Black refers to anyone of African descent, no matter their nation of origin, culture or background. If they identify as part of that ethnic group, they are Black.

      However, caution that Black is a term embraced by Black Americans but not necessarily by Black people from different countries. So if you’re referring to Black people from an American background (i.e. 3rd to 4th generation or dating back to slave descendants), use the term Black. If you are referring to a specific sub-community, you would do better referring to them by their cultural or national identifier, i.e. Afro-Caribbean, Afro-Latino (and further into Dominican, Puerto Rican, etc.), Haitian, Jamaican, etc. because many of these sub-groups consider themselves separate and apart from Black Americans and live in their own communities. And even more to consider, though of African descent many people from ethnic Black sub groups may not consider themselves as Black. Yeah, it’s complicated.

    • Anonymous

      say “Black Americans” not “the blacks” or what have you.

      And remember many Black Americans are just as much of European descent as African descent.

      • IHHtown

        Oh dear, I’m definitely guessing OP had never planned on saying “the blacks” but if anyone here ever has or has an inclination to, DON’T! It SCREAMS “I never actually interact with people from this background and am old an out of touch” and is almost universally used by racists who say “but I have a black friend”. You know the way you cringe when your grandma calls it “the Facebook”? Yeah we react the same way when we here someone say “the blacks”. It’s an othering descriptor, grouping people into a “thing” separate from the speaker, as opposed to being an individual descriptor of ethnicity and culture.

      • nutella

        Yes, came here to say that. Avoid saying “the Blacks” or similar nomenclature like “the Jews” or “the gays.” It groups them as objects.

    • Widey

      I am going out on a limb here – this isn’t the answer you want but– you and the ROWM (rich old white men) should really really get multiple people representing of your target market into the group, so that you don’t have to post this question to an internet board.
      There are ROBM, there are rich old African-American Men, there are rich old women who are Black and African-American.

      If there are Representatives aka People of this group, let them lead the terminology and follow suit.

    • anon

      I’m black. It annoys me when I hear people say African-American. It sounds like an old person who’s out of touch.

      • Senior Attorney

        Wow. I am an old person who is out of touch. I’ve been saying African American all this time.

        Now I am mortified.

        • anon

          Sorry SA. It’s really not a big deal. a lot of people don’t mean anything by it and I get that. It just sounds like someone who’s uncomfortable with black people. My husband is white and grew up in an entirely white environment, and he said that he was taught it’s disrespectful to say “black” and he still feels weird saying it.

          Not a big deal :)

      • Anon

        Just know that the old people who say that are trying to be respectful & are just clueless.

        I’m old enough that saying “black” was considered disrespectful when I was a young adult. I switched to AA and have now switched back, though I try not to use terminology at all unless something like “Beyonce is really speaking to black women, not to white women” because I’ve heard her say this. My husband is 10 years older than me and still uses AA.

        • Senior Attorney

          Holy cow now I feel like I’m as bad as the old people who were still saying “Negro” when I was young…

          • Anon

            It’s like the gay community became the LGBT community and now there are a bunch more letters that need to be added to LGBT but I can’t remember them so I hope I am not being horribly offensive when I still say LGBT. I’m a friend/advocate/ally and I want to do the right thing.

    • Anonymous

      Without knowing what the Thing is, you might need to find another way to characterize your audience that is not race or ethnicity or origin based.

    • OP

      Thank you all so much! This was incredibly helpful. I did a little extra reading and really get the issue now. (It’s one of those things that once you understand it, it’s so completely obvious that you can’t possibly forget.)

      And yes, I know the make-up of our group is less than ideal (I’m the only woman, even). Unfortunately, our industry is one of those nichey, nerdy ones where it’s almost exclusively white males, though there are starting to be some younger white women. Thankfully, Thing is simply a useful thing for human beings. We ran calculations that show it will be particularly useful to Black Americans, so we want to flag it for this organization, but it was not designed with any particular group in mind.

    • BigLaw Sr Assoc

      Echoing black. I am not black, but two of my kids are. The oldest broke me of saying “African American” years ago, and flat out told me it makes me sound out of touch.

    • Anne on

      As someone from the group you refer to, Black Americans and African-Americans are ok for more formal discussions. Informally, I use Black people, do not like “blacks,” and cannot stand “the blacks.”

      Given the rise in numbers of Black people in the USA from other ethnic groups, we often use more specific terms for intra-racial discussions.

      I wish we in the USA had an agreed-upon term for my group, because in-house discussion of who or what is Black is a waste of time. For some reason, people forget that we can’t be specific like other people because of the legacy of slavery.

  21. Anon

    He did not “mock” a survivor of sexual assault. He pointed out that she has no evidence, no witnesses, holes in her story that you could fly a plane through (except she’s scared of them)… and the nation ground to a halt over this foolishness.

    How on earth does anyone think she’s a “survivor” of sexual assault, perpetrated by someone she never met at a party that never happened???

    • Anonymous

      He did mock her. Watch the video. He was making a point that he thinks her story has holes, but he made that point by mocking her.

      Also, the party/gathering/skis at __’s house is on Kavanaugh’s calendar–Thursday, July 1.

    • Anonymous

      He mocked her voice and mannerisms. You can say “Dr. Fords story lacks evidence because blah blah blah” without mocking. But he definitely mocked.

    • Anonymous

      The only people who don’t believe her are the kind of people who think it’s only R@pe if a stanger jumps out of the bushes and attacks you. And even then, it’s suspect because women should never be alone outside the house so she must have wanted it.

    • Anonymous

      Even if you believe it didn’t happen … Do you think that IT IS FUNNY? Does your thinking go something like this “She is a total liar who could ruin Kavanaugh’s career LOL. Woman coming forward with false claims even though she is risking her own reputation and receiving death threats … HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT!! … BEER IS GOOD”

      How disrespectful to all sexual assault survivors. How disrespectful to all the men (very very few) who have been subjected to false claims.

  22. Anonymous

    I see Zingerman’s recommended here all the time. Can anyone explain what’s so great about it? I was in Ann Arbor this weekend and went, and I just don’t get the hype at all. The sandwiches were fine? But not $20-a-sandwich fine. And I thought the baked goods were all super dry.

    • Anon

      You know how when you walk in before you order a sandwich, there’s a small deli/supermarket section? Many of the products stocked there are very unique and/or high quality. Similar for the chocolate wall in the dessert room.

    • Anonymous

      You know how when you walk in before you order a sandwich, there’s a small deli/supermarket section? Many of the products stocked there are very unique and/or high quality. Similar for the chocolate wall in the dessert room.

    • Anon

      The catalog selection is great for gift baskets and the roadhouse is where you should go eat not the deli. Try the roadhouse next time you go!

  23. Anon

    Help! I have two job offers (blessedly – it’s been a long search). Option A, my current top choice, offered me 8K less and 1.5 fewer days PTO than Option B. I’m going to talk to them on the phone in an hour. Is this script okay?

    “I’m really excited at the prospect of joining your team, but I was hoping you could match the value of the other offer I received. Is there flexibility to raise the salary to ___ and the number of hours of PTO to ___”?

    The numbers are well within the range I would expect for this region. Any tips (in the next hour) would be most welcome!

    • Anonymous

      I think that sounds good. I used something similar, though I didn’t have a second offer. I said, “I am so excited about this opportunity. It sounds like a wonderful fit and I can’t wait to join the team. But I was hoping for something more like $X. Would that be possible?”

    • Panda Bear

      No specific tips, but congrats on both offers and good luck! I’m the worst negotiator (e.g. I just never do it… I know I should but never have the courage.) So I’m glad for you that you are going for it.

    • Leah

      Your script is good, but why not add a little padding? If you’re going to the trouble, you may as well try to get a better offer instead of a matched offer.

  24. Anon

    Out of curiosity, how many of you work non traditional hours? I just started a 3-11 shift but we’re actuslly transitioning to 12 hour shifts next week and will be 6-6 (I’ll be on days first but we rotate every two months so will also work overnight). I work in emergency management and it’s (mostly) a traditional office job and we (mostly) have advanced degrees but just happen to work off hours. Most people with similar schedules have different types of careers (hospitality, entertainment) so I was curious if anyone else here has an office job with odd hours.

    • Anonymous

      I work in health and safety at an engineering firm and sometimes have had shift hours.
      You are not alone.

    • anon

      I work in an outpatient department at a hospital. 3 days a week, I’m here until about 8:30 pm, and my start time varies. I work longer days in exchange for one day per week off, but the evening hours are not optional.

    • Anonymous

      I work in an outpatient department at a hospital. 3 days a week, I’m here until about 8:30 pm, and my start time varies. I work longer days in exchange for one day per week off, but the evening hours are not optional.

      • another in-house healthcare lawyer

        Curious about being on call! How many attorneys are in your department and how many entities do they cover? Does everyone take call, even your transactional lawyers?

        • Anonymous

          There are about 30 of us total, but only 4 who rotate taking call. I’d be happy to talk about it more if you want to post an email address.

    • Anon

      When I worked in animal health, we had 12 hr shifts. It’s amazing how fast the hours go by. It was exhausting nonetheless but the extra day off was entirely worth it.

    • Early Bird

      Not dramatically non-traditional, but I work 6a-3p in a regular office job. I shifted to these hours when I moved states and switched to remote work, as I continued to support teams in my original time zone. Recently my role has become far less dependent on the hours of my coworkers, but I’m a morning person and it turns out I really like being done at 3, so I’m sticking with it.

    • Weird Hours

      I love 3P-11P.

      10P-6A & 3A-12P was good, too.

      I don’t care for 12A-9A, but can do it.

      3 months of 6P-6A drove me find a new job. I couldn’t adjust to it.

  25. Finger Lakes Recomendations

    I will be in the Finger Lakes area next week (staying half way up and in between Seneca and Cayuga lakes).

    I like to hike, be outdoors, drink wine, and explore cute towns. I will have my dog, and would love to be able to take him as many places as possible (he’s small and goes in a backpack when needed).

    I already have plans to go to Watkins Glen, but please tell me your other favorite things to do/places to go. I am vegan so any restaurant suggestions are also greatly appreciated!

    • K

      Check out 3 Brothers Winery and Hazlitt 1852 Vineyards.
      Walk around downtown Geneva and the Hobart and William Smith Colleges Campus. Hike the gorges in Ithaca.

    • Anonymous

      Where are you staying? Always looking for dog-friendly recommendations. I haven’t been to that region in 10 years, but it was truly beautiful! +1 to Ithaca gorges!

      • OP

        I am sort of a rustic traveler. I rented an older small camper via AirBnB. It’s on a farm and they have other animals. Bathroom is in the main house. I have rented campers like this in other areas and it works well for me, but I realize that it may be more rustic than others are comfortable with! It’s definitely not fancy.

    • MRSKBP

      Geneva has tons of good food now! FLX table, frybird, kindred fare, red dove. Climbing bines is a fun brewery to go to (on west side of seneca lake). Zugibe Vineyard, 3 Brothers

    • Syracuse native

      Moosewood restaurant in Ithaca, Ithaca Bakery, and the Ithaca farmers market. Bit out of your way, but Beak and Skiff has a fantastic tasting room and excellent hard cider (and other spirits made from apples). There’s an outdoor area at the tasting room and I believe you can have dogs there. If you’re driving up to Beak and Skiff then definitely pass through Skaneateles, a great Finger Lakes resort town. The area in general is known for its craft alcohol and local food movement, so it’s worth googling “wine trail,” “beer trail,” “cheese trail” (I know you said you’re vegan but that may still bring up some interesting food stops with vegan options).

      • Jules

        If you’ll be close to Ithaca, definitely go there. It’s a very cute town, lots of nice shops and restaurants, wonderful hiking/gorges/waterfalls and is very vegan-friendly (although IIRC there is no fully vegan restaurant, at least when I was there a year or so ago, other than possibly the little café upstairs in the bookstore that’s on the commons). Moosewood is a bit overrated and usually has only one vegan item at dinner, but essentially everywhere in town has vegan options. Viva has great veggie taco options, the vegan chik’n salad melt at College Town Bagels is so, so good (I still crave it), Waffle Frolic has a vegan waffle and the Thai place on the commons also has lots of choices. The Greenstar co-op – with a small location near the commons one and a bigger one nearby – has good vegan deli options and pastries. There’s also a sub place on the commons, with an affiliated taco/burrito place across the way, whose name I forget, with a really great eggplant sub, just skip the cheese.

        My son went to college in Ithaca; can you tell that basically all we did when I visited was hike and eat?

    • Anonymous

      I like Leidenfrost on Seneca Lake and on Dr. Frank’s on Keuka Lake. I buy Keuka’s wine trail pass — I think it’s still $12 for a bunch of wineries. Robert H Treman park is a good hike after you’re done with Watkins Glen. I think Timber Stone Grill in Hammondsport has vegan options (also a cute but very tiny town), as does Rooster Fish in Watkins Glen.

    • FLX

      Geneva – FLX table if you can get in, Kindred Fare, Microclimate (wine), Linden Street Social (cocktails). Red Dove is ok, but not as good as those. H.J. Stead for quicker/simpler stuff.

      Honestly, most of the wine is pretty bad, but Ravines and Konstantine Frank are decent.

      Other than Watkins Glen, the best hiking is going to be down by Ithaca – Buttermilk Falls, Taughannock Falls, Robert Treman. A bit farther away, but Letchworth is spectacular. The Keuka Lake outlet trail is nice for an easy stroll. And lots of options to hike bits of the Finger Lakes Trail.

  26. Jane

    How do you avoid the awkwardness when switching dentists? My usual dentist is great, but my career is so demanding that I often have to reschedule appointments. I always give a week’s notice, if not more sometimes. I get pulled into last minute travel or mandatory meetings. I just called this morning and they were clearly annoyed with me when I asked to reschedule my appointment for next Wednesday. They wouldn’t put me on the calendar and just told me to call back when I know I can keep the appointment. I decided that this isn’t a good fit for me anymore and have already set up with another dentist. I need my records from them but wanted to avoid an awkward conversation. Any advice on how to go about?

    • Anonymous

      tell the reception at the new dentist to contact your old dentist for your records.

    • Anonymous

      No explanation required :) “Hey, could you send my records over to Other Dentist at [email/fax]? Thanks so much.”

    • Anonymous

      Just do it. It’s a dentist office, not family or close friends. Life is full of awkwardness– just embrace it.

    • Anonymous

      This does not have to be fraught! Go to your new dentist and have her get your records. If you’re that aggravated by their attitude, write a letter or email of complaint but otherwise it’s perfectly fine to sail off into the sunset without any regard for your old dentist.

    • Sunflower

      I’ve been through this. You sign a consent for the release of your records and your new dentist will request your records from your old dentist.

    • Anonymous

      I think you just do it and don’t worry about it. People switch dentists all the time. However, is any dentist really going to be more accommodating about all your cancellations?

      • Eh

        Some dentist will be more accommodating, yes. She’s giving a week’s notice. That’s plenty of time, and she’s doing the best she can. OP, I also do not patronize businesses that treat me like they’re doing me a favor. I don’t blame you for leaving this dentist.

      • BigLaw Sr Assoc

        I had similar issues with a PCP. It would take 3-4 months to get an appointment for a physical, and if I had to reschedule due to something coming up with work, it would take that long again. With my unpredictable work schedule, this wouldn’t work for me. I get it.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not seeing the awkwardness. It doesn’t sound like they’ll be devastated to see you go. Just request to have your records transferred. This kind of thing happens all the time.

      • Anonymous

        That’s true. After you’ve been invited not to return, why worry about telling them you’re not coming back?

  27. anon for this

    I just can’t get up in the mornings. I can if I really, really have to, but otherwise, I just want to stay in bed until about 8:30 AM. Going to bed earlier helps in that I’m more likely to be awake earlier, but if I can stay in bed until about 8:30 (or later, on a bad day), I do. I usually end up getting to the office around 9:30. Most people arrive between 9-9:15, so I would like to fix this. I’m not sure there’s an underlying reason for it – lack of motivation, maybe? I don’t know what to do to fix this and I am frustrated with myself.

    • Anonymous

      It seems a little strange, but this is one of the reasons I started working out in the morning. I cannot for the life of me get out of bed in time to get to work by 9. But I will get up for a 7 am class/run/whatever.

    • Anonymous

      My sleep neurologist said that some people have a later default circadian rhythm, and they just do better on the later schedule.

      There are tricks to fighting your default schedule, however. Here’s what I was advised: go outside as soon as you wake up at the desired wake time and walk for 10-15 minutes in full sunlight. Apparently, nothing sends the “it’s time to be awake” message to the body as powerfully as sunlight, and the combination of sunlight and movement stimulates “wake time” hormones that your body will eventually prepare to produce again at the same hour.

      The sleep neurologist also advised NEVER sleeping in, not even on weekends, since your body wants to revert to that schedule, and it’s easy undo all the hard work of shifting your schedule back.

      Finally, she advised that waking earlier means you need to sleep earlier to get enough sleep. She recommended blocking blue light indoors after sundown (she suggested wearing sunglasses as a cheap and instant solution, but I know smart homes sometimes have red shift evening lighting).

      This advice cost me $$$ and a sleep study at a major research university hospital. If it’s the wrong advice for you, you can get your own advice if you complain to your doctor and get a sleep study of your own!

      • Anonymous

        Snort – And what about during the winter when your normal wake-up time is before dawn? Like, because the days are so short, not because you are getting up ridiculously early.

        • Leah

          So much this. By January, I’m at my desk more than an hour before the sun is fully up.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah I’m not picking on the person you’re responding to but this kind of advice is so common and SO frustrating. I see stuff like this and I’m like… ok great but I have a life? and work? and responsibilities? If I had a lifestyle that allowed me to get up and go to sleep with the sun – year round – and exercise every morning and cook every meal and and and… I wouldn’t be asking for advice! I have issues with sleep/weight/eating habits/mood/exercise because I live in a society that makes it very hard to keep healthy habits! How about giving me solutions that actually work for my life?

    • Anonymous

      You can get up in the mornings. You choose not to. Acknowledge that. Sit with it.

      • Anonymous

        This may be news to you, but many people have limited control over their choices when they are literally unconscious. You may wake easily with an alarm, but not everyone does. And just being “awake”, out of bed, and moving doesn’t mean that a person has full access to their waking memories; some people take a lot of time to wake fully.

    • Anonymous

      What do you do lying in bed? I find I’m scrolling social media; if that’s the case, don’t keep your phone in your room. Or are you sleeping?
      Can you do something before work– like exercise? A class you lose your money where you don’t show up, maybe?

    • Anonymous

      no advice but solidarity. I use up all my energy getting the kids to school on time and seem to have nothing left in the tank to get myself to work on time.

    • Panda Bear

      I have been in the same boat lately. I can and should get up (and get into the office) a good 30-60 minutes earlier than I’ve gotten into the habit of doing. Some things I am planning to try: 1) just got a new mattress; curious to see if a better night’s sleep helps 2) using one of those sunlight alarm clocks 3) having better breakfast food options at my house. We’ll see if any of it helps!

    • AnonInfinity

      This is one of the major symptoms of my depression, and is always to show up/last to leave. The only thing that has helped me is getting treatment for the depression through therapy and medication.

      It may not be depression in your case, but just in case you don’t know this– Mine does not manifest as feeling sad all the time. I feel numb and without motivation, and sometimes irrationally angry. I didn’t know I was depressed for many years because I thought it was always sadness, but apparently that is not the case. My therapist honed in on stuff like being unable to get out of bed and sitting in my car for a really long time without being able to make myself go into work. I thought I was just an irresponsible person and would get so frustrated with myself, but it was all due to my brain chemicals.

      • Anonymous

        I agree that this could be the sign of be a health issue. Besides depression, hypothyroidism and pernicious anemia are two other conditions that can manifest this way (and there are others as well).

      • Anonymous

        This so much. My anti-depression meds mean a world of difference in the morning. For the first time in my life, I was able to wake up naturally before 10:30 on a regular basis.

      • Anon

        Thanks for sharing! I also have depression and have difficulty waking up almost every day. Part of it relates to being in a job that doesn’t suit me. However, when I have an emotionally fulfilling day, it’s easy to get up the next day, but that only happens a couple times per month.

    • Anonymous

      I do this too. I could sleep until noon every day if I let myself, no matter how early I go to bed. No advice but it’s frustrating.

    • Anonymous

      Could it be depression? Very common to have this happen when you’re depressed.

    • Delta Dawn

      Is it because you are tired? I know you said going to bed earlier helps– but it sounds like even if you’re awake, you still want to stay in bed. Can you plan something for the morning that makes you want to get up? Special breakfast, time for Starbucks if you’re early enough to get there by 9:00, etc?

    • K

      I am you. I don’t get out of bed until 8:30, when I should be at work by 9, I don’t roll in until 9:15. If I get up at 8 I can easily get there before 9, but I just don’t. I’m a procrastinator in most aspects of my life, and have been late for things my whole life, so I think its just that I’m a procrastinator (and probably also unmotivated).

    • busybee

      I’m a morning person but have recently gotten into a habit of sleeping in later due to a change at work. I felt sluggish and unmotivated, even though I’ve been sleeping my normal amount. Last week I decided to completely shift gears and got up about 90 minutes earlier than I have been. I felt amazing! Even my commute in feels fresher now. It’s been almost two weeks and I plan to keep it up. Maybe try ripping off the bandaid and making that big change all at once? I have been feeling unmotivated at work and somehow this big morning change renewed my sense of purpose and gave me an “up an at em” attitude.

    • Vicky Austin

      Link to follow, but Dr. Michael Breus’ theory of sleep chronotypes helped me immensely. And +1 to not skimping on your favorite breakfast options and looking into the possibility of depression.

    • Also a sloth

      I set my alarm differently now.
      My FINAL alarm is the time I have to leave the house.
      Then I set the alarm for 5 minutes for before that time.
      Then I have an alarm for 10 minutes before that time.

      So instead of just “waking up” my goal is “getting out the door” — and then, not gonna lie, I do “treat myself” to breakfast on the way to work.

      I have arranged my entire life so that I minimize my morning to-do list – I shower the night before, wear simple outfits, hardly any makeup, that kind of thing. If I’m out of bed, I’m out the door.

      And I drink a heck of a lot of water right before sleep, so I wake up and go to the bathroom and then I’m awake!

      Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      I have had the most success with 1) setting my thermostat to warm up the house before time to get up and 2) dawn mimicking light bulbs in my bedroom. Both help to make the transition less painful. I keep my phone out of the bedroom and use an actual alarm clock, which I keep across the room from my bed. I also set my coffee pot to start automatically, so my house smells like coffee when I wake up.

      • Tippins

        The pre-set coffee pot is my favorite trick! The smell of fresh coffee inspires me to get out of bed like nothing else.

    • Anon

      Related to the sunlight advice above, I’ve done something in a similar vein. I have the same problem getting up in the morning, I could literally sleep for 15 hours straight and am exhausted and cannot get out of bed in the mornings. (I used to workout at 5:00 every morning, but I’ve been dealing with some chronic health issues and medication side effects that make it impossible for me to get out of bed lately.) I got the Phillips sunrise alarm clock, which simulates natural sunrise and sunshine. I really actually love it and do find it helps gently wake me up. You set it for the time you want to wake up, and half an hour before the set time, the light comes on in a deep red and it gradually gets brighter and brighter until it is at full brightness at your wake-up time.

    • Anonymous

      Wow. This could be me. I used to run every morning but now I struggle to get up. In my case its heavily related to depression but I’m going to try these suggestions offered!

    • anony

      This is going to sound silly, but as someone who has had the same problem, my solution: coffee.

      I put a cup of coffee on my bedstand before I go to sleep. As soon as I’m vaguely awake at all, I drink it right in bed (usually through a straw so I can still be lying down). Yes it’s room temperature and not tasty, but that’s not the point. Then I lie in bed and read my phone/feel existential dread after opening twitter/drift back to sleep. And once my alarm does go off, I feel much more awake and ready to start my day for real.

      I know it sounds weird, but it is the only intervention I found to really work for my depression/adhd/general exhaustion in the mornings.

    • TK

      I’m late on this, but I wanted to give my input because I came across a good solution (for me at least). I was having a similar issue, where I would just lay in bed and stare at my phone instead of getting up and going even if I was awake on time. I downloaded an app called Alarmy, which you can set to only be disabled when you take a picture of something, or scan something, in your house. I set it so I have to take a picture of my coffee maker. It has been life changing! Once I’m moving I am fine, so I’ve found that forcing myself immediately out of bed has made a huge difference.

  28. What to wear?

    I’m a midlevel associate traveling next week to visit clients for a high-profile pro bono case and I’m really excited about the trip. I’ll mostly be in non-profit medical centers talking to healthcare professionals. It’s a multi-day trip and I have only one suit that fits my currently pregnant self. What should I wear? I’m thinking I bring the suit to be safe but I might be better off in dresses and blazers instead of fully suited up.

    • Anonymous

      A word of caution that may not be at all applicable, but that I had to learn the hard way: If you will be visiting any mental health facilities, wear pants, not a skirt or a dress. Also, I know they’re not currently in style and it sounds like you’ll be dressed pretty conservatively, but no peep-toes.

      • Anonymous

        So, this is probably naive but … why are pants needed in mental health facility staff areas?

        • Anonymous

          Mental health facilities treat patients of all kinds, including those who are very troubled and admit to having violent tendencies, some sexual in nature. I toured the public mental health hospital in my city as part of a new job and wore a skirt to my knees, a button-down shirt, and a sweater over the shirt (this was 6 years ago, don’t judge my fashion choices :)). I was told quite directly by the head administrator of the facility not to visit in a skirt or dress again, for fear of attracting unwanted attention. Specifically, the ICU was problematic. Everyone is in view of everyone else on purpose, so they could see me and I could see them. That wasn’t the case with the non-ICU patients who were generally in their rooms and who I don’t recall seeing. I’m still a bit haunted by the stalking-like behavior by the ICU patients that I didn’t even notice at the time. The administrator explained exactly what was going on later and it is really creepy. One of them tried to “separate me from the herd” with a faux trip to the trash can.

          No peep-toes –> most medical facilities require staff to wear closed-toed shoes in case a sharp is inadvertently dropped.

  30. Anonymous

    My colleague/business partner has a number of verbal tics that are starting to (in my opinion) impact our deliverables. What’s the right way to approach working on fixing this?

    As background, we are 60/40 (her) partners in a consulting practice. We have a small team that works with/for us, but we are of equal title. We generally run projects separately but recently, I’ve started to be on more projects with her and have heard direct feedback that her recommendations are “unclear” or “get lost in the presentation.” What they’re saying (as I interpret it) is she isn’t polished and rehearsed and takes 10 minutes to make her point. That is all 100% true.

    I tried a tactic of “we as a whole need to work on our polish, let’s take a course/hire a consultant/hire a coach,” which she agreed with but wanted to push more of our work to a graphic designer vs working on how to better polish our presentations. So, she agrees that things aren’t polished, but is only seeing the physical polish deficiency (slideware) not the delivery itself. Nor does she recognize that it isn’t just graphics/prettiness of the slide, but the actual crisp-ness of the recommendations.

    I am sure I could improve as well, but the feedback I’ve heard is on her side. Do I just say “I want to work on this, so let’s do it together?” I’m pretty sure she’ll say “great, let’s price it out and get you signed up” not “i want in too!”

      • Anonymous

        Yes, I’m fine being direct. I want to do it effectively and as tactfully as possible, so would appreciate any advice!

    • Anonymous

      Since you’re actual partners, I think you’ll have to buck up and tell her directly. “Susan, Jim told me afterwards that he had a hard time following your presentation. We’ve cleaned up the slides and done X and Y, but we’re still getting poor feedback, so now I think we need to look at verbal delivery. I’ve found a coach and believe it’s critically important that we both meet with her to further our business.”

    • K

      Have a meeting where you practice presentations, and film yourselves. Go over it with a public speaking coach.
      I don’t think you said how the verbal tics specifically affect the presentations? Does she actually have tics? She may have a tic disorder and be super self conscious about it, so I would be very gentile if that is the case.

      • Anonymous

        I’m using the term generically, I suppose. Words such as “like” and fillers (“uh, um”) make it difficult to follow what she’s saying. It’s far worse than the average presenter. That, plus the lack of rehearsed presenting makes you sit there and silently say “GET TO THE POINT ALREADY.”

        This is an emerging issue because in the past, she’s not been nearly as client-facing for presentations. Her job had historically been to sell/do BD work, while I oversee execution and delivery. However, we have a few projects where her niche industry expertise is critical/got us the work so she’s running lead and is far more visible than normal in the delivery work.

  31. SF in house

    I’ll be in DC for a week at the end of the month, staying with a friend near the Cathedral. At home I do an outdoor bootcamp. Any recommendations for a place that I can get a week long pass or pay by the class?

    • Workout

      Check out November Project. It’s free. And you can probably take Metro to get there.

    • Legally Brunette

      There are a whole bunch of boutique places right near the Cathedral – Solid Core, Pure Barre, and Soul Cycle come to mind.

  32. Cell phone woes

    I purchased a new Galaxy S9+ last night. I also purchased a screen protector ($45), Otterbox case, and pop socket. The Tmobile employee put all of it on my phone. This morning, I was trying to text and the screen protector literally popped off in one piece and fell to the ground. It appears to be made of glass, and it just slid right off. In my surprise and confusion, I dropped the phone. Luckily the cell itself didn’t break, but the Otterbox got scratched in several places.

    I want to return the screen protector, and I already ordered a significantly cheaper wet application screen protector from Amazon. It is Armourguard, the same brand I had on my old phone.

    Can I ask for a new case, too? I know it is my fault for dropping it, but I was so startled to have the screen protector pop right off and fall. Am I being a jerk? I’m disappointed to have a scratched case less than 24 hours after purchasing it.

    I did sign up for the $14/mo insurance, which has no deductible. Tmobile said it also covers accessories purchased there, so perhaps I could get a new case through that?

    • BabyAssociate

      Isn’t this the exact point of a cell phone case though? I wouldn’t ask for a new one.

    • Senior Attorney

      So funny — I purchased an S9+ last night, too! And they went through three screen protectors before they were able to install it correctly! So I am pretty sure they will give you a refund (at least a credit) for the one they installed incorrectly. Certainly no harm in trying!

  33. Verizon phones

    Any recommendations on the currently available Android phones on Verizon Wireless? I’ve finally come around to the need to replace my old Samsung S5. They have Samsung S9’s, Galaxy Note, Google Pixels, and Moto G6’s. I’m not interested in moving to Apple. Key needs are simple – Google Maps, email, and a bunch of easy apps. I don’t do any video/gaming on my phone.

    • Anonymous

      I recently got the Moto X4 (unlocked at Best Buy, then activated on Verizon). It’s my 3rd Moto X, so I’ve been generally pretty happy with the line. Motorola puts a minimum of bloatware on the device, so it’s a pretty clean installation of the Android operating system. Battery has been amazing. The camera is okay (nothing special).

    • BabyAssociate

      I have a Google Pixel and love it. I’ve had other Google phones before this one (Nexus). Super easy interface, no junk aps.

      • Pixel

        I love my Pixel XL. Particularly, the camera, but also awesome for all other tasks. I used to have Galaxies (until the battery fiasco happened around the time I needed a new one).

    • case

      Long time android user. My current Pixel XL is by far my favorite. Husband has the (regular sized) Pixel, and is also happy with it. The operating system just runs really smoothly, and must better to my prior Galaxys.

    • JTM

      +1 on the Google Pixel – I had Galaxys for my last 3 phones, and switched to the Pixel about 3mos ago. Best Android I’ve ever had. I also have Project Fi so I have ZERO bloatware which is awesome.

  34. BelleRose

    HALP!

    What do I get for my mom for her birthday (Oct 14)? When I was growing up, she always said she wanted “time with you, or something you made” rather than bought gifts. Now that we live in different states, she acknowledges that the “time with you” is hard to organize, so I’ve been making her craft projects etc. But now that I’m back in school, I have absolutely no time! I know she’ll understand if I buy her something instead, but I have no idea what to get! She doesn’t really like knickknacks, she has all the “things” she needs….any brilliant ideas?

    • Senior Attorney

      A 2019 calendar with photos of you and the family? One pic per month shouldn’t take too much time and Walgreen’s has a good online calendar maker.

      Failing that, something consumable like wine or chocolate or whatever she likes.

      • anon

        +1 to consumables. A gift basket perhaps? There’s a higher end grocery store in my city that will put together a gift basket and have it delivered.

    • anon

      Semi-related TJ — how does anyone make the digital version of mixtapes to share? I do it on Spotify, but is there a user-friendly way to share with a non-Spotify subscriber? I’m pretty sure my parents would be silly excited if I made them one but they don’t want another subscription.

    • LF

      Make her an album pictures of you and your loved ones (friends, partner, whatever) at your favorite spots!

  35. Anonymous

    How can I support a relatively new partner who is losing a parent? For context, I’ve known this guy for a few years. His mom sadly passed a year ago,and now his dad is very ill and has been hospitalized several times. He’s been in a short term nursing home, and he and his siblings are reluctantly exploring a long term placement for him.

    We haven’t been dating that long (about 4 months). I haven’t had this personal experience of losing a parent or coping with a long term family member’s illness, and I keep worrying I’ll say the wrong thing. I don’t want to come off as too clingy (as I know he has his hands full with his dad) or seem that I’m artificial (“thoughts and prayers”). Today he texted he was taking his dad to the ER. I said, please keep me updated, thinking of you both, and let me know if there’s anything I can do.

    Any other suggestions on things I can say or do?

    • Anonymous

      I’m goi g through this on the other side and tbh you can’t do much but I love “thinking of you texts” offers of easy plans like “Can I bring takeout and sit on the couch with you” and flowers.

    • Anon

      Generally, I think you should follow his lead and let him tell you how much space or attention he needs. I would offer to address specific, practical things for him, but if he says no thanks, let it go. If he is still at the hospital when you’re out of work, text to see if you can bring some takeout to him. Offer to help care for pets if he has them. Maybe ask if he wants a ride to the hospital if parking is difficult or expensive (how it was at a facility where one of my family members was hospitalized).

    • Leah

      Agree with others that you can help by offering specific/concrete things. He is probably exhausted, so putting the emotional labor on him to figure out ways to need you (so to speak) may result in him just blowing it off rather than investing more mental energy.

      Make a precise offer, and state what you need to make it happen. “How about if I pack a few nights’ worth of dinners for you to reheat? Any food allergies we haven’t already discussed?” or “Can I walk Fido for you after work for the next week? I’ll need a key or your garage code.”

      • Anonymous

        OP here- thanks for the 3 suggestions. I will offer to bring takeout and some reheatable meals, plus a no pressure offer of company.

        Anon @ 1:04, I’m sorry to hear you’re on the other end. This Internet stranger sends you hugs.

  36. Anon for this

    SF rent controlled buyout advice needed

    Owner wants to buy us out. I’m assuming owners get MUCH more for selling a 2-unit property vacant versus being occupied by rent controlled tenants (with a baby) in top unit and a vacant bottom unit, and the latter is the current state.
    It’s a 2 unit Victorian in sunny hip neighborhood, bottom flat is currently vacant. We occupy the top flat, rent under market by ~$3K/mo

    Given that an eviction is likely if the building gets sold (though an owner move in couldn’t happen until june / we’d get ~$20K min), how much should we be asking for?

    • anon

      If I understand correctly, you pay $3k below market rent every month. And if you don’t agree to the buy-out, you would have at least 8 more months in the apartment and then receive $20k when you move. I would ask for $75k and be willing to settle for anything over $50k – based on $24k you save by paying below market rent (8 * 3k), $20k you would get regardless, and then an additional amount for agreeing to leave now and making it easier on the landlord.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        Or more, based on the fact that it would sell for more when empty.

        And if you’re interested at all in buying, I’d ask them to knock that 50K off the selling price and let you buy it.

    • Anonymous

      I think you’re being kind of a jerk. You rent, you don’t own, why are you entitled to more because the LL can sell empty? I wouldn’t pay you. I’d just wait you out, evict and pay the required statutory amount.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions