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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Metallic Tweed Blazer

A woman wearing a black top, black pants, and a tweed metallic blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It’s cold, it’s dark, and I need a jazzy blazer to perk up my spirits. Thank you, Tom Ford, for coming to my rescue. This metallic tweed blazer isn’t going to be an everyday piece, but if you’re the boss of an office that does a daytime holiday party, or you’re popping out to a million after-work events between now and New Year’s, this is absolute perfection.

Layer it over a black blouse and black trousers and add some fun jewelry for the perfect “professional” holiday look. 

The blazer is $4,490 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in Italian sizes 36-48. 

Two more affordable blazers are from Anne Klein ($179, lucky sizes) and WAYF ($128, XS-XL), both at Nordstrom — and unfortunately, no apparent quality options in plus sizes.

Sales of note for 12.5

220 Comments

  1. What’s on your holiday wishlist this year? I’m guilty of just buying what I want (unless it is really expensive), so I’m having difficulty coming up with ideas other than books. I’m also brainstorming a splurge gift (up to $1500) from DH, so welcome any ideas on that front.

    1. For the splurge, do you work from home? My husband got me a Herman Miller chair and I know my back will thank him for years to come.

      Other luxuries I’ve been eyeing — a Chappywrap or Lola blanket, Kate McLeod body stone, Lake relax set (their Pima pajamas are amazing), Glossier You lotion, the new color kindle.

    3. I need to replace my beloved Ugg slippers that are very worn out and I want new dishes from Anthropologie. I also want a Le Labo perfume but they $$$

      1. Costco has some of the Le Labo perfumes and they mark them down. I got Rose 31 for a steal.

        1. Dang, maybe it’s only an American thing (I’m Canadian) – I just checked and don’t see any Le Labo.

          1. It might be, on the US site there’s Lys 41, 3.4oz for $229 and on the Le Labo site it’s $335. They also do “buy more save more” with fragrances. I want to say my big bottle of 31 was like $165 or something. They have had Santal a lot but it does sell through.

          2. In Canada check out Fragrance Buy online. My husband is a big cologne collector and he buys a lot from here. They always seem to be legitimate and have good prices.

    4. I suffer from the same problem and so it’s particularly hard for me to come up with <50 or <100 gifts to put on my wish list for in-laws, etc. This year I'm asking for-

      -good quality faux diamond studs for travel – I've been using a Kate Spade pair for like a decade but they are just too big and plastic looking to feel pretty in
      -NB sneakers in another more wintry color
      -sheer black socks (ideally swiss dot) to wear with loafers
      -pretty doorstop to replace the, ahem, old textbook currently serving this purpose
      -JCrew cashmere poncho thing for travel (I must squirm too much to keep a wrap on my shoulders when I'm sleeping) – will likely be in this price point during holiday sale cycles

      for splurge, if there isn't anything you're really lusting after, can you make it a "splurge budget" for the year? like where you find something and say "oh I really shouldn't…" and would walk away but would love to? like for finding the perfect designer shoes 50% off but somehow still $700.

      But, ideas – art? or that would buy the framing expense for making a gallery wall out of personal memorabilia. a weekend getaway at a luxe resort. A plane ticket for 1 for a bucket list Europe thing – like have you always wanted to go to Wimbledon but no one else does?

      1. Cat – my favorite faux diamond studs for travel are ComfyEarrings. They have flat screw-backs so you can wear them for an entire trip and sleep in them if you choose.

    5. Really high quality pearl stud earrings (would love recommendations if anyone has very high luster pearls!)
      Stuff for my needlepoint hobby

      1. For pearls, depends on your budget and how large you want them to be. If you want them the size of a green pea (6-7mm), top grade Akoya is the way to go. Mikimoto is truly superior. Or you can go for a vendor like Pearl Paradise and get AAA. If you want them about the size of a chickpea (8-9mm) Freshwater is a great option. Freshadama from Pearl Paradise is great. If you want a peanut M&M (11-12mm+) it would need to be a south sea variety, and again, I’d go Pearl Paradise (Mikimoto would be eye-popping for South Sea).

        1. Other vendors would be Pearls of Joy or Kojima Pearls for more variety of styles. The reason I cite PP as much above is that basically buying pearls across vendors is somewhat meaningless because they all use their own scale for grading (one vendor’s AAA is another’s AA+, etc).

      2. Mikimoto is the way to go for high quality pearl studs. They are classic and gorgeous.

    6. Red light therapy mask. Looking for recs (and sales!) as this will be my gift to myself.

      I only exchange gifts with my parents and brothers, so I like to keep my wishlist with things in the $50 range, and maybe a single item closer to $100… problem is if I want something in this range I just buy it myself. I’m also finally a point where I have what I need as an adult for my apartment, wardrobe, etc so everything I want is purely fun and it does feel silly asking people to give me purely fun things. Especially since I am an aspiring minimalist but also have bougier tastes and different interests than most people I exchange gifts with.

      1. Think about bougie consumables – you can still be a minimalist, but using a top-end olive oil, or enjoying a great bottle of wine, is best of both worlds!

        1. It’s more that my family doesn’t see the point in bougier things so I don’t like asking them to buy them for me. My mother is very frugal, so even if I ask for something bougie she’ll just get a cheaper version.

          And, as a fully grown adult with my own money, if I want something stupidly expensive that’s on me to buy it! I’m so glad I splurged on my Dyson AirWrap but also if I want a $500 hair dryer then I need to pony up for that – I can’t imagine asking someone to do that for me!

    7. I’ll play along, here’s my spendier Christmas wishes this year:
      – All leather Birkenstocks (Giza, big buckle) – I can make one pair last two summers so I’m coming up on needing another
      – A sterling Tiffany cuff – they’re surprisingly well priced on eBay for retired styles
      – J Crew pajamas, monogrammed

      And frivolous ideas:
      – Huge 4ctw lab diamond studs. I already splurged years ago in getting moissanite set in gold by my jeweler so I really don’t need these.
      – Instant pot electric dutch oven – I have this and it’s life changing, but I already semi-ruined the first pot that came with it, so I’ve been using my Le Creuset in it. I may get another.

        1. I know… I just can’t justify them. I have 7.5mm moissanites (just shy of 2ct each) and they were set superbly with a delicate milgrain bezel. I’m wearing them now. I’m thinking I’ll splurge if I can find them secondhand and if they’re substantially larger than the ones I have now. If I were going to get something lab, a tennis necklace would be next on my list! Their prices are so tempting…

      2. Birkenstocks resole/refresh pretty readily… I’d ask for credit to a good shoe repair place and keep my comfy birks!

      3. Just fyi the JCrew pajamas go on sale all the time and if you buy enough there, they monogram for free.

    8. My list is:
      – sunglasses – I have both a spendier pair (Raybans) and a cheaper pair on my list
      – pajamas – similarly I am open to both a more expensive pair (like print fresh) or a cheaper pair (like Target)
      – physical books (I usually read on kindle/my phone but my toddler is becoming more independent and I need a non screen option)
      – a necklace
      – fancier versions of a few spices I use all the time
      – winter hat + gloves
      – cookbooks (I like to ask for a new one each year – this year my list includes Big Dip Energy and Misunderstood vegetables)

    9. My mom just bought me a nugget ice maker as a birthday gift. It’s not the GE one. It’s a frigidaire version but it is working beautifully and is so fun. I love soft ice

      1. The nugget ice maker is such a good splurge. I got one for Christmas a few years ago. To the above, I also just bought a pair of Print Fresh pajamas–cotton, not satin–and unfortunately, they were very much worth it.

      2. What is cleaning like? I asked for one last Christmas and returned it after reading the instructions (can’t remember the brand). It seemed like it was going to be a major pain to maintain. I was so disappointed.

        1. You have to run through 5 cups of water and a tsp (maybe tbsp) of bleach every week or two to clean it and then once every few months run white vinegar through it to cut down on buildup. I’m using distilled water to help with that too. It doesn’t look like it is going to be that bad

    10. Splurge – new handbag? Really nice winter coat (if you are in an area of the world that has winter)? Getaway spa trip? Season tickets to something you love that your husband doesn’t?

      Otherwise for lesser gifts from family, I try to put perfume/ specific skin care/ practical things like a new winter scarf on there. This works best when people will buy exactly what you ask, less well when they take that as a general category and you end up with a blue synthetic scarf when you asked for black wool.

    11. What about things for your home or yard? Towels, bath mats, sheets, kitchen towels, socks, book ends, coffee table books, really nice hand soap for the bathrooms, wooden spoons, lunch box, travel coffee mug, coffee grinder, compost bin, Rancho Gordo beans, sports equipment, outdoor dining set in a durable material and cute pattern? Gift card to a frame shop?

      1. Ooh I am Anon just above and this is a great idea – my MIL loves to buy us kitchen stuff. A bean gift box is going on my wish list ….

        1. I love the bean gift boxes and have given them many times over the years, but PSA… their shipping gets janky this time of year. Get on the mailing list. They typically do a big website refresh on or just after Black Friday. Order what you want that day or the next. The longer you wait, the more iffy things are about arriving on time, especially if you’re shipping to the east coast.

    12. I have been trying to keep a list because I have kids and assorted extended family that always want to buy me *stuff.* but the top of the list is a pair of XC skis & boots. I also want a really warm blanket for being outside in the cold, a cake decorating setup, a new high quality beach chair, new bike helmet, a small soap dish, and wool ski socks. I also love all plants and always like indoor or outdoor plants, and fancy coffee.

    13. I told my husband I want a nicer new yoga mat. I’m pretty sure he and the kid are planning to get me a spa day gift certificate.

      I’m getting husband the frame TV that he’s been lusting over forever. I have no idea how I’m going to manage to keep this a surprise though… wish me luck.

      1. Enjoy the Frame TV! We got one about a year ago and it is so awesome. The slim profile is great, and we ended up getting the photo membership for $50 so we can display artworks from museums all over the world in our living room. It is fabulous not to have a blank screen on the wall.

    14. I think we are buying bikes this year. Good for exercise and getting around our small city where parking is at a premium, and who knows what gas prices are going to do in the near future.

    15. Splurge: an espresso machine. I have the Breville Bambino Plus and use it to make at least one latte per day. It adds true enjoyment to my life. In your price range I’d consider a super-automatic machine that grinds the beans for you, but I would have some concerns about reliability with that type of machine. Another simple and less messy option that takes up virtually no counter space is the Breville Nespresso Creatista Plus, which is basically the capsule version of the Bambino Plus.

      1. I have used both the Delonghi and Phillips super automatic espresso machines and while neither has shown true 15+ year staying power, I’ve been able to keep each alive for about 5 years with daily use, so for the price point, its totally worth it. I think we paid between $500-700 for each on Black Friday sales. To increase reliability, use only filtered water (we use the water from our fridge filter system) and clean weekly.

        1. Different world (and I have been down the burr grinder/ Italian pressurized portafilter road before) – I asked for and received a Nespresso Vertuo machine for Christmas last year.

          Guess who drinks two Nespresso double espressos a day now? My husband, who bought “me” the machine haha. I am just a PG Tips tea girl, can’t stop won’t stop.

    16. A dainty tennis necklace. I would like to find one that does not flip over. It would drive me nuts having to constantly fix the necklace so that you can see the diamonds.

      Also, a pine candle that smells like I’ve escaped to a peaceful forest. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

        1. GORGEOUS.

          The beauty pie Fir Balsam one is not a bad substitute and certainly cheaper.

      2. I really like the Bath and Body Works Winter candle scent. It’s pine and supposedly has hints of Clementine and clove. I don’t necessarily notice those, but it is the perfect pine candle for me!

        1. I love this one. It reminds me of a forest where you can smell a fire burning in the distance.

      3. Nest Birchwood Pine and Thyme Frasier Fir. I am very picky about candles. These smell real and don’t have the fake vanilla undercurrent that a lot of cheap ones seem to have.

      4. If you want pure pine, Thymes Fraiser Fur smells like a fresh Christmas tree. I buy one every year and light it because we’ve got a plastic one.

        1. I love love love the Thymes candle, but I have also bought the Trader Joe version for $2.99 and I love it. I definitely recommend it, I buy three at a time when it’s here-it’s seasonal.

        2. +1 on the Thyme Frasier Fir candle — really makes an artificial tree seem authentic and gets you in the holiday mood!

    17. My top two things are so weird this year…

      A giant crystal…I love crystals, they’re natural sculptures and I have them everywhere.

      A paintball gun 🤣 I made fun of my husband relentlessly a few months ago for spending $1k on a paintball gun package, and then we’ve done it a few times with a group of friends and yesterday I was looking. There’s a pretty sweet gold paintball gun package that I put together and what do I know – it’s $1k. It’s the specific color/design that gets you.

    18. Every year, earrings from Kojima Pearl. A snuggly winter sweater. Random bits and bobs related to my hobbies. Peace on earth.

    19. I have to create a gift list for my mom and this is what I include:
      -Nice beauty consumables I will eventually use (hair care, favorite body lotion, skincare)
      -Books I can’t easily find at the library
      -Good quality socks
      -Random things for the kitchen or home (extra ice cream scoop, new pillow case liners)
      -Materials for hobby
      Also, starting around October, when you are about to buy something, try to remember to think through if you really need it now or if it’s something you can put on a Christmas list.

    20. My splurge birthday gift this year was skis. Our family gift one Christmas was a Frame TV with a Sonos soundbar, which I love because it cleared up the cable clutter and de-emphasized the TV visually. On my wish list for the future are a paddleboard, bigger diamond solitaire earrings, a piece of art for the bedroom, a fancy full-length mirror to replace the one we have with a dated frame, and an upgrade for the ancient electronic keyboard in my office. If we had space I’d love a FightCamp heavy bag. My husband wants a kayak. Concert, theater, comedy show, and opera tickets are always popular gifts in our house.

    21. If you’re having trouble coming up with something, why not ask for a donation to your favorite charity?

      1. Because sometimes family members insist for DECADES on buying you something physical no matter how many times you ask them to do a donation instead bc you have everything you want and if you don’t it’s because it’s super $$$ and you would never ask for it as a gift.

        LE SIGH

    22. I have a birthday/holiday/bonus wishlist. I’ll buy myself something (or multiple lol) for each.

      I’m stressed for the next two and a half months and the window shopping becomes an outlet so I let myself spend on some nicer thing that I’ve been eyeing between now and end of Jan/Feb. We are hectic prepping for year end at the moment, January will be nonstop for 3 weeks Plus, holiday travel for both Nov and Dec, and I’m having GI symptoms that I’m trying diet changes for and feeling down about.

      A fun subscription for 6-12 months (Done – Last year I did Owlcrate for 6 months. This year I’m doing 2 Stickii club subscriptions, and their 25 day calendar. I’m going to use the calendar in January instead of December, so I have something to look forward to every day when work is busy)
      A Mulberry bag – waffling if the Alexa would be usable for work (used if I can find a bag in a non red or taupe color)
      A pair of boots from All Saints (the Alexias)
      gold station necklace or bracelet
      A dressing gown for lounging (must have full length sleeves, pockets, and more medium weight. I have a fluffy heavy bathrobe for winter, and a light silkier robe that’s more gardening vibes than Saturday morning with coffee vibes)
      A medium grey cashmere knit winter hat (just the right amount of slouchy and that I can wear without folding the brim up)
      A set of gouache paints and a table top or collapsible easel
      a full size bottle of my daily wear perfume

  2. Interested in any experience with fractional ownership of a condo, particularly in NYC.

    Background: was catching up with a longtime friend at dinner recently, and saying that while we try to visit NYC a couple of times a year to spend time with our son, and just because we love the city so much, we had not yet found a hotel that we loved – good location, really clean, quiet, and affordable for more than a couple of nights. The friend said his friends were really happy with their decision to buy into a fractional condo arrangement in NY. You buy a 1/8th ownership in a condo, which allows you to reserve it (or another condo in the same building) for a certain number of nights per year. According to his friends, it hit the (financial) sweet spot between actually owning a place in NYC (they aren’t there enough to justify that) and a hotel of equal “niceness”. Googling and reddit have not given me any recent reviews, so I thought I would ask here before digging in a bit more. Thoughts?

      2. My sister has a couple of timeshares but it seems like she spends an awful lot of time making sure she gets her dates and getting to the right priority level and all of that. I stayed with her in her timeshare a couple of years ago and it wasn’t as nice as a hotel room.

        1. Also she asked me to go in on the money she had to pay for our stay. So even that she nominally owns the place and pays an annual membership fee as well as some sort of a payment plan for the ownership, she also had to pay something in the hundreds of dollars per night range just to stay in the place.

      3. A friend told me her timeshare salesman lied and it was so hard to sell their share or refund their membership or use their time or whatever

        I told this to A friend who went to law school in Florida, who said, “of course they lied! That’s literally their job!”

        Not saying your friend is lying, just saying they might not have gotten to the bad parts yet

    2. I’d be wary of this since it sounds like a lot of risk if you want to sell and can’t. Are you able to look into long term stay apartment rentals in NYC?

      1. Typically those want 30 days or more; what I want is to be able to come for 7 to 10 days at a time, 3 to 4 days a year, but not pay $500 plus her night, which has been my experience lately in booking in NY.

        1. I feel like the hassle of fractional ownership would greatly outweigh the excess of hotel costs over condo costs. I’d rather pay, frankly.

        2. Maybe stay somewhere other than Manhattan, for example, in Westchester County or New Jersey, and take the train in every day/every evening?

    3. I feel like in this case you’re better off splurging on a really nice hotel a few times because this sounds like a timeshare that would hardly be used, inconvenient and difficult to get out of. This is also coming from a commitment phobe.

    4. I work for an NYC nonprofit and think we have a donor who lives in DC but has one of these for their NY culture trips. Is there one in a building right by Lincoln Center? I think they were happy with it. Sorry, very vague memories of the conversation. I do not think it is cheap.

      1. Yes, I think I’ve stayed in that one! A friend’s mom owns a share in that building and I stayed in it with her for a girl’s trip. It was a really nice apartment but I can’t speak to hassle and/or value (this particularly family is very wealthy anyway so I don’t know how much they’d care about those details, they just love being in that location).

      3. I have also heard of this in a building by the Lincoln Center (great location), but do not have any personal experience or first hand knowledge either.

        1. Are you in the financial spot where you can cover part of a major building repair while not getting much equity? I’m not really seeing the benefit here rather than picking a hotel. What happens if someone decides to just stay put (could take ages to get them out)? What do the building reserves look like? What form of insurance will cover the share? Who is liable if someone damages the property? Who is liable if someone gets hurt on the property? Etc.

        2. A “membership fee,” in all likihood, is not going to cover a major capital project. Who covers capital needs? That includes snow removal to elevator repairs (replacement at some point!), and everything in between. You are becoming an owner, albeit “fractional”, of a piece of real estate that needs to be maintained, insured and operable. Unless you’re prepared for that, this is not for you. Is there an outright condo fee that’s paid? A condo reserve that exists and has built up to save for upcoming capital projects?

          There’s a building in Cambridge, MA that just had all residents kicked out last week for at least a year after major structural damage was uncovered. From the limited information in the news, sounds like the damage was the direct result of the work another contractor did at the building (aka: no, someone didn’t miss this in a building inspection – it was new structural deficiencies). That’s insane money to fix something like that. It’s an extreme example, but even still.

          1. I would definitely consult with a NYC property attorney before moving forward with a purchase, ideally someone who works primarily in that neighborhood. At least for co-op purchases, they are used to doing things like looking through property records to get a sense of the building’s financials and whether a major assessment is on the horizon. I realize condos are quite different, and fractional ownership is likely a whole other thing entirely, but it seems like they might at least be able to give you a better sense of the risks, and if local, word of mouth about the building itself.

    7. Sounds like all of the hassle of condo ownership and very little benefits (source: condo owner).

  3. Hello all, I realise I should probably change my user name! I will think on it. (TLDR was going to divorce abusive alcoholic husband but he died before I could)
    Just a short update for those that are interested. The funeral is on Friday. I have got involved in the organisation, and it seems that his family are very supportive of me. It is still a very strange and complicated set of feelings. I’m generallly doing OK, keeping busy, and talking to my real life support system regularly.
    One thing that has come to light over various conversations is that I was not the first of his partners to have had the experience I did. I spoke with one of them and it was uncanny the similarities. This has been sobering, but overall reasurring as it confirms to me that it was not just me, and there was nothing I could have done.
    Onwards, one foot in front of the other…. thank you for listening, xx

    1. Thank you for continuing to keep us posted on your progress – it is so heartening to hear.

    5. Thank you for the updates, I hope you are doing okay. Definitely reassuring and affirming to hear that it wasn’t just you, and you were making the right decision for yourself.

    6. I’m glad you have been able to discuss your experience with others and find commonalities, that must be a real relief on your mental load around all of this. Wishing you peace and grace for the rest of the week — allow yourself to feel the feelings.

  4. Do you think you were a bad manager the first time you were a manager? Why or why not?

    1. No, but only becaause I’d had so many awful managers up until then. Imho elder millenial managers got the worst of all the boomer abuse/misogny coupled with the Gen-X tendency to say ‘I dealt with it, why can’t you?’.
      My oldest is starting to work and asked about my early managers. I shared the stories of screaming, throwing things (phones/blackberries/markers/pens), and sexual abuse and the poor girl was horrified. The truly awful thing is that I DID have it easier in the late 90s/early 2000s – the stories from the boomer and Gen-X women I worked under were worse but that lead to a lot of ‘I survived and so should you’ attitude.

      1. Similar story. I don’t think I was the absolute *best* manager, either (I was a bit too hands-off/conflict avoidant), but I take being a manager very seriously and have always received great feedback from my direct reports.

      2. I agree with this – I had enough bad managers that even just “don’t do anything they did” was enough of a guideline to be a good manager.

      3. I had a very similar experience – I’d had so many bad managers in the past that I worked really hard to do the opposite of them. Looking back though, I realize now that I left the metaphorical training wheels on too long for my new to role team, and once I started managing them as if they were experienced in role, things got so much better on both sides.

    2. Yes, because I worked for a huge, really toxic company and did my best to do things according to their training. Once out and with a little distance I began un-learning their ways.

    3. I am still a bad manager because I am friends with my direct reports and do not enforce my expectations enough.

      1. First time manager here, and a couple people on my team are just ridiculous lollygaggers. If they are left to their own devices, projects take way longer than they should. I am not firm enough with them, and I know it. I went from being their peer to their manager, and it’s still a weird dynamic.

    4. People say that I was, because I worked hard to train and supervise, and set very clear expectations. I still worry that I wasn’t because I ended up having to let that person go.

    5. I don’t think so, but only because I had an excellent manager who helped me through it. My biggest pitfall as a manager is being too hands-off. My general philosophy is hire adults who are competent and capable, and then empower them to do their best work. So if someone turns out to NOT be an adult, competent, or capable, I struggle.

      I’ve managed a bunch of early-career folks, and for the ones who think they’re just going to coast, that doesn’t go well. I expect you to show up and do good work. You can ask a million questions, and I will answer them. You can make a bunch of mistakes, but don’t make the same mistake twice, and laziness is not a mistake. We can do as many rounds of revision as it takes for you to get it, but you need to put in best effort (no typos, turning in work by the deadline, etc.).

      I give my teams a lot of autonomy, but I pay attention to the work, the feedback, etc. I generally receive solid ratings in my 360 feedback, and most of my direct reports from over the years still keep in touch and left on good terms.

    6. No. The first person I ever managed is still on my team and is thriving, having been promoted once since I hired them (as have I!). Factors contributing: I was pretty senior, 10+ years into my career. My direct report more or less “took over” a role I was excelling at, so I was able to guide them very specifically about how to succeed; meanwhile my scope expanded so I was able to hand off as much responsibility as they could handle. Plus I am a very nice, calm, capable, supportive manager, and it helped that they are a star performer so managing them was quite easy. A very fortunate situation for all involved so far!

    7. Since we are an anonymous group I guess I will brag a little. I’m a great manager. Just about every person who ever reported to me has told me I’m the best manager they ever had.

      This does not necessarily make me the darling of senior management above me. My teams get results and tend to have less turnover than other teams, but my own managers would like to see me be more like them, unfortunately.

      But what matters to me is supporting my staff and mentoring people at earlier stages in their careers, all while remembering they are human beings with lives outside of work. Being a good manager and advocate has been the number one most rewarding aspect of my long career.

    8. Probably but mostly because I was young and didn’t consider the building someone else’s career aspect.

  5. For work dresses in 2024, where are hems falling? I used to feel frumpy unless a skirt was knee length or shorter. Now, IDK if that length works. I’m short and now middle-aged, so concerned about a mutton-disguised-as-veal vibe.

    1. It depends on the dress I think. I usually have to try a lot on and see how I feel. A lot depends on where it hits on my leg, and whether it’s a flattering location.

    2. The highest I’m currently wearing hit in that sweet spot just below the knee, before the calf muscle widens out again.

    4. The above-the-knee hem in work dresses/skirts looks dated to me. It is not age-inappropriate (and as a woman of a certain age I appreciate the concern!), it just looks like you have not shopped since before the pandemic. I am mostly seeing shorter skirts in going-out clothes.

      I am wearing a-line skirts and dresses (or something else with some volume) with flats or very low heels because my feet just cannot handle heels. I like the way longer pencil skirts look on other people but I think it really needs a heel higher than I can wear. I live in Southern California where it is just cooling off so I have mostly been wearing them with nice flats with a mild point but am looking forward to transitioning to boots high enough to meet the bottom of the skirt.

      If you have not already, I recommend finding some older people to follow on IG. I have not found anyone in the US whose style really matches mine but for inspiration and trying to stay current it really helps. Just be aware that a lot of them have deals with retailers so take their recommendations with a tiny grain of salt (it was remarkable how half of them were all recommending certain brands at the exact same time!)

    5. I have completely switched to midi-length skirts. I now feel like I am out of touch in the just above the knee length sheaths I used to love. Today I am wearing a pretty fitted midi patterned dress under a jacket.

      1. i agree that shorter look very young and/or dated. I don’t wear midi length, i think it’s incredibly unflattering unless i wear a heel which i don’t. I do have a few longer (right above ankle) skirts that i wear these days, one is knife pleat and one is satin. i mostly wear pants these days.

    7. Depends on the occasion. I’m 50. More formal business, I still aim for slightly above or below the knee. That seems to match my peers. For business casual, I’ll go midi. (For actual casual, I usually wear midi,or, depending on style, mini. But over the past year or two have really liked maxi-in fact, I’m super excited about wearing a plaid maxi dress to friendsgiving this weekend and was realizing it’s new for me in cooler weather since I usually pair maxi dresses with flip flops.

      1. Proportions also come into play. Apron bellies tend to look more prominent with a high-waisted straight midi skirt, for example. Maxi length can be overwhelming if the individual is short, especially if a-line. I think what looks flattering trumps most everything else.

  6. Help me move on. This summer, thanks in large part to the good advice of this board, I left a toxic work situation (TL;DR — C-suite leadership role at an org where I’d worked for 10 years and was HIGHLY visible, was told my job was being eliminated next July, took a severance package and am getting paid for one year). I worked for a community organization and my departure was poorly communicated (many people still don’t know that I left!). Complicating factor is that my kids are still highly involved in this place so I am there often, and we live in small/gossipy town.

    Professionally, I’ve decided that I’m going to consult, most likely working for myself. I have a few clients now (all who’ve approached me rather than vice versa) and love the flexibility and autonomy. So I’m not looking for a different job, and am in the process of evaluating hanging out my own shingle vs. joining a firm…all of that is ongoing.

    My question: HTH do I get over this event and move on with my life? I’m still hurt by the elimination of my role and how everything unfolded. MANY colleagues who I thought would reach out to me did not (and conversely, I certainly had many friends step up to the plate and I’m forever grateful for their support). I feel like I have something to prove, that I need some sort of external validation in order to show my worth, or that I’ve come out OK. In reality, my life is a lot better now than it was: I have way less stress, more boundaries, am super present for my kids/friends/family, am spending my time how I want to, am working less for more money…but this whole thing really rocked my confidence and I’m struggling with how people view me (or I guess, how I believe people are viewing me).

    I need to get over this and get my confidence back — to stop living as though I have an axe to grind/something to prove. Our family is going to remain connected to this organization for the foreseeable future, so moving away from that relationship isn’t an option. Is this a job for therapy?

    1. I went through something similar although I chose to leave due to a toxic boss rather than a job elimination, but I had been in my position for a LONG time and thought I would retire from the place. I do think therapy can help but some thoughts that helped me: one was, you don’t always get to choose how things come to an end, and somehow you have to make peace with that. That’s even true when loved ones die-it hurts and you may resent that it was sudden or they were young and you didn’t have enough time, but you don’t get to choose. The other thing that helped me was something along the lines of, staying mad or resentful is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. My former institution is just fine. My former colleagues may not think of me or even appreciate everything I tried to do to make their work environment better, but staying resentful about that is just harming me-not them. Good luck in your journey.

    3. This is hard. But you’ve learned a few really important things; as painful as learning can be, it’s useful. So try to think of the “lessons” you’ve been offered:
      1. The people you thought were in your corner weren’t really, but there were others that were. Concentrate on them.
      2. You have been habituated to need others to validate your worth. That’s a bridge to nowhere, but it will take some time to undo that habit of mind. So see if you can practice remembering the list of good things — over time, those will get louder and your worries about how you’re perceived will get quieter. But it will take some time.
      3. Confidence is built by practicing doing what you do well, and noting that you’ve done it well. Celebrate your work wins, and walk the walk before you feel it.

      Good luck. Transitions don’t always feel comfortable, but don’t take that as a sign that something is bad!

    4. Time will help. A similar thing happened to me and a few years later, when I was truely en edged in my new role, and also when some of the players in my old org had moved on, I healed. I’m still salty about it 9 years later but the true trauma of it has healed.

    5. Some thoughts from someone who’s seen a bunch of these in my long career. They happen all the time and are rarely about skill or talent. It’s usually a mismatch on a leadership team or a desire to bring on someone else they’ve worked with before. In other words, rarely about you and highly common in the c-suite. Also, your colleagues who haven’t reached out may not know what to say. Some people freeze in the face of awkwardness so you need to make the first move.

      1. Or they may be worried about rocking the boat and/or jeopardizing their own future with the company.

    6. Do you absolutely have to stay connected to the organization? Sometimes mental health is worth some sacrifice.

      I moved industries almost entirely by chance (same work different industry) and was so incredibly fortunate to do so. More so than I recognized initially. If I couldn’t have put that distance, I know I would have struggled a lot more. I get angry just seeing folks from former industry look me up on LI or seeing the company’s posts or catching up over brunch with old colleagues and reports–at a level that I recognize isn’t healthy several years later. Making more money and having a better title has helped. But there still is something that aches when you’re built to be a competitive high-performer and feel like it wasn’t appreciated. They recently wiped an initiative I oversaw off of their website and it feels like all that blood, sweat, and tears was for nothing. I wish I didn’t know about it.

    7. If you want to consult and hang out your own shingle, I have the impression from colleagues that you need to get used to reaching out and being the one to hustle. For a lot of us without that natural mindset, consulting is a huge change. I think most people wish colleagues well but aren’t sure if they should reach out. I’d reach out to check in with people who you enjoyed working with and would be relevant to your future business. If you’re ready to take on clients, I’d also make a post on LinkedIn or Facebook if this will be community word of mouth, letting people know you are consulting now.

  7. Can someone tell me what Lexis Nexis Risk Solutions is?

    Let me start by saying my credit is frozen and has been for a very long time so despite all of this, I’m safe and sound.

    I’ve had someone attempt to open 9 different credit cards, and counting it would seem, since October in my maiden name and current address. This weekend I received a letter from Lexis Nexis Consumer Center saying that I (maiden name) requested my Lexis Nexis Consumer Disclosure Report. I have no idea what this is, and can’t figure it out from searching online. I’ve been on hold for a VERY long time with LN trying to get to someone so I can flag this as fraudulent but I have no clue what this actually is. Any ideas??

    In the case of identity theft I knew to expect credit card applications and unemployment. I’d never heard of this one. I want to understand it so I can better anticipate where else I might have someone attempting to use my information. TIA.

      1. Thank you, and Digby.

        I finally got ahold of a live representative and now have a hold on that report, too. It’s funny (concerning?) how we’re all told to freeze credit but no one ever talks about this report, which would disclose SO MUCH information about you. Le sigh. The continued good news is that nothing has successfully been stolen from me in terms of my assets and I’ve done all the ‘right things’ in anticipation of an event like this. But holy cow, they’ve stolen a lot of my time trying to sort through this.

        Is there a person literally sitting there entering what information they have on me in to any and every thing, trying to open accounts and whatnot? I’m feeling frustrated that I didn’t know about this LN report. Wondering what else is out there I could “freeze” to stay ahead of their next moves.

    3. My understanding is that Lexis compiles demographic and driving data on consumers, and provides that to credit agencies and insurance companies. They also have a service for background checks on job applicants. I got my Lexis report a few months ago, and it has every address and name I’ve used, email addresses, speeding tickets – seemingly everything except credit and loan info.

      I think my letter from Lexis was triggered because I had recently changed my car insurance.

      You can freeze your info with Lexis, just like with the big three credit agencies.

    4. I don’t know exactly but we use this service to find lost clients (move, jail, become unhoused, etc.). I don’t run the search someone else does and it’s called a Lexis Nexis People Search and it gives us addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and other contacts. I usually find them. But we don’t use it for credit purposes.

      If your stuff is blocked won’t they eventually move on?

      Report it to Lexis Nexis also. Sorry what a PIA.

    5. I can’t speak to everything they do but LN is heavily involved in the insurance industry. They collect a lot of data that companies use in your risk profile (exactly what that is varies by type of insurance & state law). It sounds like someone trying to get more info about you to successfully open up those cc’s or whatever.

      generally ins co’s can’t see your individual records, its demographic data / risk profile score. milliman is another company you may want to contact about freezing.

  8. Thanks to the Laurie Colwin fans who responded to the “favorite universe” post on the weekend thread. I borrowed Happy All The Time and am enjoying it.

  9. Would you be willing to help me brainstorm? I have a 13-year-old son and I am coming up mostly blank for gifts for him. He’s not very sporty; he’s a reader (loves graphic novels but will read just about anything); he loves music.

    He’s not into clothes or older-teen type stuff, but he’s not a little kid anymore, either.

    I know I’m asking you for help with someone you don’t know! But even spitballing ideas will help me. Thank you!

    1. Does he like to draw at all? One of my boys is into graphic novels and is taking a comic book class at a local art centre. Age range is 11-14. You could get him a gift certificate for the class and a package of art materials.

      Does he have a record player? Vinyl is back and my 13 yr old daughter asked for a bluetooth enabled record player and some vinyls for Christmas. Really great wireless headphones would also be a good idea if he’s into music. Or concert tickets for a band he likes? Band merch?

    2. Kindle
      Nice headphones
      Since he likes graphic novels, any chance he would like some art supplies or a learn to draw book
      Some small fun instrument to learn to play (kids quality guitars are pretty inexpensive; or possibly he would enjoy something like a ukulele? imo stringed instruments are the easiest to learn by “just poking around” w/out lessons
      Going to a concert

    3. Is there a band or artist he likes that will be in your area? As a kid who was really into music, I would have loved an experience gift to see one of my favorites.

    4. My local independent book store does some really cool author events. I took my similar aged kid to see Kate McKinnon speak about her new book a few weeks ago and it was the coolest thing! Perhaps something similar? If you know your local bookstore, I’d start on their website’s events page and see if anything pops up? For Chicago area folks, the one I use is Anderson’s (mostly western suburbs but they get some great speakers in!)

    5. If he loves music, would he like new headphones or a speaker? A new instrument and/or lessons? Tickets to a concert? Merch from his favorite artist or band?

      Since he’s in this in-between stage, is there anything he might want to make his room feel more grown up or more personal to him? If he likes reading, what about a hammock or cool chair or other fun reading setup?

      Are there any skills he’d like to learn? DIY/handyman stuff, cooking, etc?

      1. I’m a big fan of gifting experiences, and there’s got to be some sort of trip or event or attraction he would enjoy.

    9. Lego retro radio? Not cheap at $100 but can play real music if you put your phone or a Bluetooth speaker in the back!

    10. I’m not usually a gift-card giver, but preteen/13yo is the perfect age for it. They are just starting to really enjoy individuality and exploring their own taste, but haven’t started earning real money yet. You can recognize their preferences by choosing a gift-card to a local music store or bookstore (or a favorite local hangout restaurant for social kids).

    11. Things that my teenage nephew liked a few years ago as gifts:
      – Fortnite v-bucks gift cards
      – Tabletop air hockey game
      – T-shirts and hoodies with characters from his favorite comics and games
      – Gag gift pack from Economy Candy
      – Treat boxes from Universal Yums and Bokksu (Japanese kit-kats FTW!)

    13. I feel your pain. My 12 year old son is so hard. He’s mostly just into video games and completely doesn’t care what he looks like. He kind of likes camping. Recent gifts that he has liked:

      A rotating arm chair–club chair?–for his room. He wanted to be able to slowly turn around and say “I’ve been expecting you…” like an evil mastermind.
      A new laptop

      Kind of liked:
      books
      A water bottle that can filter water; new water bottles in general are good as he is always losing the nice ones
      Custom pillow that looks like our cat
      Hamburger shaped pillow
      Pizza making class

      Since your kid loves music I would definitely get him tickets to some sort of concert. You could also try room decor, like LED lights, beanbag chair, etc.

    14. Echoing the concert or convention suggestions, or at 13 with somewhat nerdy interests, you could let him pick out his gift. Is there a tabletop gaming store or a card store or a comic store anywhere near you? Are his friends into pokemon cards or the like?

    15. Would he be interested in a spy kit? (something related to secret message decoding, invisible ink, that sort of thing). There are also probably graphic novels and plenty of books about spycraft and historical novels that could go with it. At home escape room kit, or tickets to a real escape room? If he doesn’t already have them, the Nathan Hale historical graphic novels were a big hit with my 13 year old.

    16. When my similarly situated son was around that age, he really loved getting a larger/more grown-up desk for his room and doing a general room refresh, like new bedding, pillows, decor, etc.

    17. Are there any music/record stores left in your area? I would get him a gift card and go shopping with him. Learn about the bands/artists.

    18. I have a 14-year-old son. It’s hard! Girls are a lot easier to buy for. A few things that have worked well during the past couple of years:
      – artwork for his room
      – LED strip lights for his room
      – books that line up with his interests – Keeper of the Lost Cities is a popular series among my kid and his friends
      – an advanced paint-by-number canvas, if your kid is into art at all
      – detailed Harry Potter puzzles
      – funny merchandise from his favorite movies or TV shows
      – Funko Pop characters
      – New school sweatshirt
      – Hooded blanket

      Sadly, he is less interested in Lego sets these days, which was my go-to “big” gift for several years running.

    19. These are great ideas. I have a 13 year old boy too and here are things he’s liked:
      – wireless headphones
      – Bluetooth speaker
      – Apple Watch (we have not gotten him a phone yet but the watch was our compromise so he can text /call us if he wants to meet up with friends after school, etc.)
      – Smartwool socks
      – Concert tickets (we saw Ed Sheeran last summer as a family and it was such a great experience)
      – Cooking class (we watch baking shows as a family and he likes to cook/bake)
      – Bike helmet
      – Nice chess set
      – Hooded sweatshirt from a favorite vacation spot

    20. Is there a Dave & Busters type place in his town? Gift cards for him to be able to take a friend or two and just play for an evening.

  10. I’m able to work remotely for the last three weeks of the year and I never take advantage of it because it’s a busy time at work and I’m usually happy to just work from my PJs and catch up on sleep and putter around the house when I’m not working. My bf will be heading to his parents’ for the week of Christmas and I’m thinking about trying to go somewhere myself for about a week with two big dogs. I love the idea of a cute cabin somewhere cold and ideally snowy where I could also venture into a nearby town for food and otherwise just relax and not feel like I should be doing things around my house. Except I live in Texas, so trying to find something in decent driving distance is hard and the idea of spending 16 hours driving someplace like CO by myself seems nuts. I’ve looked into some of the cute TX towns (like Fredericksburg), but then it just starts to feel like I’d be spending a lot of money to be alone somewhere that doesn’t have snow and where everything is going to be closed for Christmas anyway, so I just talk myself out of it. Does anyone have any good ideas or suggestions or should I just enjoy the time at home relaxing?

    1. Have you visited a snowy area with dogs before? It’s a lot of wet messy paws and muddiness because somehow they dig down to the dirt no matter what the season.

    2. Is the ‘bring the dogs and drive’ thing a budget issue or a “who will care for the pets” issue? Because what most people do in your shoes is hire a pet sitter, leave the dogs with family, or board them, and then fly.

    3. Keep in mind that snowy destinations in December are not like the adorable cottage in The Holiday; dealing with snow can be a lot. Do you even have winter tires for driving in the snow? Do you know how to drive in a snowstorm?

      1. Haha, right. This sounds like a way to be miserable. I’d probably just board the dogs and go to Amsterdam and walk a lot for a long weekend.

    4. I think it depends on where in Texas you are. What’s driving distance from Amarillo isn’t driving distance from El Paso.

      If Colorado is about 16 hours away, I’m assuming you’re near Austin. Unfortunately, anything that has snow will be a 15+ hour drive away.

    5. I don’t have dogs and I’m still team stay-at-home-and-relax. I was confused at first by your post because you said you never take advantage of it, but then you say that you work in your PJs and sleep for 3 weeks. To me, that’s taking advantage of it!

      All that said, if you are going to drive, why drive north? Why not find a resort in Mexico within driving distance and check that out for a week?

    6. Texas is a bleak and depressing place to try to take road trips. Hundreds – nearly thousands – of miles of the same.thing.over.and.over. Maybe a cabin in the Ozarks would be a tolerable drive that would fit the bill?

    7. If faced with the decision between staying home alone for a week and going to Fredericksburg (or similar) solo for a week, I’d choose home, because all my creature comforts are there. A solo cabin sounds cute in a romcom way, but if you’re just working during the day, you’d be missing most of the fun, like hiking, wineries, etc. that you can’t do at night, and you won’t have all your STUFF! I’d putt around my house for the week I think, or go somewhere I’d really enjoy, like the beach. It’s super easy to get to Cabo and surrounding areas from Texas, if you are able to board your dogs.

    8. Depending on where in Texas you are, Ruidoso and Taos, New Mexico could be decent options for snowy getaways within road trip distance. If you aren’t familiar with driving in snow and on terrain, a long road trip by yourself with dogs could be more risk than reward. You would normally want your vehicle to have all wheel drive and snow tires, and there is a learning curve to navigating terrain, snow, and ice. As an (expensive) alternative, you could look into flights with JSX. They allow medium/big dogs to fly in the cabin if you buy them a ticket.

      If you’re interested in a woodsy cabin vacation without the winter wonderland vibes, Hot Springs and Little Rock, Arkansas could be decent options. If you would find it relaxing to listen to the waves while you work and walk your dogs along the beach, you might enjoy staying somewhere along the coast like Port Aransas or Galveston.

    9. My small suggestion, take one weekday properly off (leave your email turned off). Then have a “rich housewife day” as I sometimes call it. Go to the spa in the morning, have lunch out on the patio with wine somewhere, maybe go shopping or browse an art gallery. On the dogs, it’s going to be complicated to find a cabin/airbnb that will let you have big dogs and has an adequate fence for them, so I’d focus more on adventures for you.

    10. Make it an adventure. It will be well worth it. I did similar this summer with my dog. I had so much fun hiking new areas and it didn’t feel lonely at all since I had her with me.In fact, it was so much fun that I brought her along to a work conference (8 hour drive) and tacked on an extra day. Is there somewhere closer where elevation can get you snow? (I’m Midwest, so I’m usually trying to avoid it. LOL). In the past, With my prior dog, I split a 12-hour drive over two days to get to my destination in the middle of nowhere Tennessee for a breed meet up event, and it was absolutely worth it. I stopped to walk him along the way and appreciated the travel more than I would have otherwise. He was such a great traveler. Life is short. Take advantage of making memories. I’d give anything to relive that trip again.

    11. Texan with two dogs here. I drive to south CO to do exactly what you describe. Durango or Pagosa Springs. I’d consider Taos, NM, but I’ve never found a good VRBO with dogs option there.

  11. I am receiving an award and am wearing a black/white long-sleeve business dress to the ceremony. I don’t have to give a speech. Just walk across the stage and pose for photos. It’s an evening reception and supposed to be in the 30s that day. Do I wear black opaque tights? Black sheer tights? Nude hose? Bare (pale) legs? I’m not sure what’s appropriate anymore for these types of occasions.

    2. I’d definitely wear hosiery of some type because I’d be worried a professional camera would pick up dry skin or that weird bruise on the back of my calf. My vote is for sheer tights – I think that’s what we’re doing these days?

      1. Yeah, I saw a picture of myself recently with black tights, and they just didn’t photograph well?

    3. No idea witthout knowing your company’s regular dress code. We recently had annual awards, and it was everything from suits and nice dresses, to shorts and hoodies, but we don’t have a dress code to begin with.

      CONGRATS on the award!!

    4. I would do sheer black or very fine nude hose. I like Falke 8 DEN or 12 DEN, which is super sheer and just evens out any imperfections without giving the grandma nude hose look.

  12. I was yesterday years old when I realized I could turn the Target shipping bag inside out and use it to return stuff to Nordstrom… I feel so dumb!! At least then we’re getting two uses out of the bag, right?

      1. unless they’ve changed their policies, the USPS won’t mail something that says TARGET all over it to go to another destination. ditto for Amazon/prime tape — they’ve made me cross off everything in the past.

        1. I don’t think this is true. As long as there aren’t other shipping labels visible, you’re all good.

          1. It’s visible shipping labels or bar codes that are the problem. Think about it–the Target logo doesn’t cause an issue while the bag is on its way to you, so why would it be an issue when you put it back in the mail?

          2. I work for one of the companies that supplies the barcode reading and imaging tunnels for USPS, Target, Fedex, etc. It’s old shipping labels that could possibly route it back to Target. All old labels including anything that looks like a goofy QR code (ex. MaxiCode) on the shipping label needs to be blacked out with permanent marker. Those same companies really demand software to “rebuild” bad barcodes so a simple slash through the code wouldn’t be enough, so it has to be a tad aggressive. So flipping inside out makes total sense to me as well.

        2. This has never happened to me. It doesn’t even make sense. Target or Amazon isn’t the destination when they ship a package to you. Why should the logo have to match the destination.

        3. i agree that it makes no sense, i’m just telling you that i’ve been forced to buy a marker for $3 at the post office counter and scribble out any identifying logos because they wouldn’t accept the package otherwise.

          but if you yourself have returned things with different logos on then maybe it was just one bitchy countergirl

        5. Huh, I routinely ship things in Amazon boxes. I don’t think I’ve used a non-Amazon box for at least 5 years.

          1. Me too, but I always ship UPS, not USPS, so I can’t say for sure they don’t have a more strict policy. If I ever do ship USPS, it’s usually cheaper to use one of their flat rate boxes than my own box anyway.

        6. Your post office is weird. I have never had USPS make me cover anything that couldn’t be mistaken for a shipping label.

        7. I reuse bags with external branding all the time and have not had this issue, ever. You just need to get rid of prior bar codes. Either cover them, peel them off, or sharpie over them thoroughly and you are good to go.

    2. Yes there is usually a silver strip you can pull that reveals a line of adhesive to close it when its inside out.

    3. I also use shipping bags and other large plastic bags (e.g. from toilet paper packages) to line small trash cans e.g. in bathrooms and bedrooms.

    4. I’ve only had an issue when trying to use a liquor box for shipping (thankfully had some grocery bags I could cut up to tape on the sides) – otherwise no problem reusing any branded packaging at USPS, UPS, FedEx!

    1. The rest of your life! Blessed solitude! All the better things! Remarriage, if you’re into that!

      1. So true, girl! I told myself it was my year of “yes” and it’s been awesome
        Yes, I do want to go to dinner. Yes, I do want to go away for a girls weekend. Yes I do want to go flying. Yes, I do want to go try something new. Yes, I do want a new bed! Wooo hooooo!

    2. That depends! How old are you? Do you have children and if so how old are they and what is your co-parenting arrangement (assuming they are minors)? Are you interested in another relationship and, if so, what kind and on what timeline?

      The popular answer would be whatever you want but that is not actually realistic if you have minor children (limits time and ability to move) or you took a big financial hit in the divorce. But within those constraints, the first stop is to decide what you want.

    3. In the middle of a divorce right now, and my first step is figuring out what went wrong. (Super dysfunctional family of origin lead me to be unable to see red flags and put up appropriate boundaries.)

      Next steps? Date? Rebuild my life?

      For you, it probably depends on how much this divorce was wanted by you and what lead to it happening.

    4. The Rest of Your Life!

      What would you like it to be like? Need help brainstorming a bucket list?

    5. Sleeping diagonally to take up the entire bed. New bras. Gardening equipment. Painting the en suite pink. An impractical but glamorous purple chaise lounge. Your cat gets her own bedroom (his former closet).

      1. I mean, there was introspection too, but mostly just delightful single-lady hijinx…

      3. If I got divorced, the first thing I’d do is decorate to let out my inner maximalist. Anthropologie dish sets, patterned table linens, baroque wallpapers, all the decorative pillows.

    6. A life, eventually. It will look different than what you thought it would look like, but I am finding that some how, some way I have created a new life that I kinda like so far.

    8. Only good stuff, in my experience. Lots of friend time, a little sleeping around, all the books I want everywhere, making my own plans without checking with anyone. It’s all great.

    9. I feel you. I’m divorced and have children. It’s been very hard for the children. I decided a long time ago to not date until the children are more settled. That’s not yet and truthfully I’m not impressed with the guys available in my age range and think the quality can’t get worse in the next 5-10 years.

      Right now I’m focused on me, my children , my career and figuring out how I ended up in such a bad relationship.

  14. if you changed your name when you got married, how long did you keep your maiden name in your work signature line?

    currently mine is First Last (Maiden) and email is first.last (emails sent to first.maiden) come through fine as well, indefinitely.

    I got married late spring, changed name at work early summer. FWIW, I’m at a largeish company (3k employees) and do work with a variety of teams but 90% of my work is with folks I’m frequently in contact with. Fairly visible role internally, not customer-facing.

    1. As long as you want. I see a small number of people who use both for years, some who reference (Maiden) for a few months, and (most often) others who never mention the switch at all. The last kind of makes sense if people don’t want to make a big deal about it or draw attention to it, but also throws me for a loop if I didn’t know they had a name-changing event coming because I don’t immediately recognize this new person as the same one I have emailed with for the past 5 years under a different name.

      1. This. I’ve known plenty of women with recognizable maiden names (either established career or think Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd) keep it indefinitely.

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