ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

woman wears navy funnel-neck sweater with beige stripes on bottom 2/3

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

This 100% cotton sweater from Frank & Eileen is a bestseller, and looks so cozy. Nordstrom has it in three colors, but Frank & Eileen has it in 19 colorways, roughly half of them striped. I particularly like it styled with a crisp white shirt beneath it!

The sweater is $398, available in sizes XS-XL.

Looking for something similar? Barbour has several sweaters that are either 100% cotton or cotton/wool blends that are similar but around $130-$160, and Quince has a similar cashmere sweater for $119. On the more sweatshirt-y side of things, this Athleta one looks great (XXS-3X), and Dudley Stephens' preppy fleece options are all 30-50% off today.

(Psst: Hunting for more 100% cotton sweaters? Here's our roundup!)

Sales of note for 12.5

237 Comments

  1. Is it silly to take my hair dryer & diffuser in my carry on for a work trip? I know hotels have hair dryers, but my curly hair really needs a diffuser and mine is not a universal attachment.

    2. Fellow curly lady here: I would take my hair dryer on trips like this if I had room for it.

      Another suggestion, if you travel relatively frequently (as I do) is a collapsible universal diffuser. I bought one on the rainforest site a few years ago and bring it for work and personal travel (~5-10 trips a year beween both). It’s not as good as my home set up, but it’s easier to deal with when packing.

    5. I don’t even have curly hair but BYO dryer. I got a travel size Babyliss and it puts most hotel dryers to shame.

    6. Not silly at all, but if you travel a lot, you might consider getting something that has a small footprint to save room.
      Btw, I bring my shark dryer and make a point of doing a really nice blowout when I’m traveling. It’s one of my small travel luxuries, along with an everything shower, really nice lotion, and fuzzy socks, all in the hotel.

      1. Ha, yes, OP here and mine is a shark. Willing to sacrifice shoe space if necessary in order to take my dryer with me.

    7. I don’t have curly hair and I still take a hairdryer on trips. Hotel dryers are useless.

    8. I have a «universal» silicone diffuser, and it barely fits my home dryer. Would take the whole thing, or a very good curl cream.

  2. Anyone else having a very strange time dealing with all this political chaos?

    On one hand, my day to day life goes on as normal. I am working very hard with my therapist on what I can control (the news I ingest, how I choose to spend my time and energy) and what I can’t (pretty much everything else).

    On the other hand, I see insane political appointees being suggested and I realize that a majority of the voting public chose this. It feels like a hostile takeover even though it was wanted! The cognitive dissonance is scary. I don’t know how to reconcile it. It’s not like disagreeing on tax policy or something. It’s fundamentally disagreeing on facts.

    I am trying to block it out as much as possible. Occasionally I can almost forget… and then it comes rushing back. I feel scared and sick. But I cannot handle staying up to date on this news when I can do so little to change anything …

    1. I feel all the feels. However, the majority of the voting public doesn’t know who Matt Gaetz is. Most people are not terminally online or political. I am also avoiding the news as much as possible.

    2. I am very much not paying attention to the details. I don’t have it in me. I felt a sense of dread on election night as I was going to sleep, but otherwise my emotions around the election have been pretty muted. I think that 1) I exhausted that well in 2016 and 2) there’s too much other stressful stuff happening in my personal life. I don’t have the capacity to have strong feelings about it right now or to pay close attention and I don’t feel guilty about that.

    3. Whether I know Matt Gaetz is our Attorney General will not impact whether he is our Attorney General. So I’m giving myself full permission to not read the news for the next 4 years and be as uninformed as I want to be.

      I donated close to a million dollars to the Dems, phone banked and knocked on doors, and read every NYtimes article there was. I’m gutted and don’t have it in me to read literally anything about it right now. I can’t impact national politics in a meaningful way so I’ll focus on volunteering locally and being a good person, but I’m releasing any attachment to what happens at the national level.

      1. I feel the exact same way as you and as OP. And thank you for donating your money and your time. I’m sure it feels very defeating. In two years hopefully we can impact some change.

        OP- most of the people who voted for Trump likely don’t understand what all of this means. The Dems going forward need to do a much better job thinking of who their audience is when creating their marketing strategy

    4. I recommend having a medical crisis. Not really. No I don’t. But that’s keeping me occupied. I was having an MRI election night. I’ve been at some medical appointment or other nearly every day since. We’re all gonna die! But maybe me first? I don’t know what to say. I still worry about the politics anyway – like OBVIOUSLY I need my healthcare coverage. But I’m just trying to get through each day at this point.

      1. Ugh that sucks. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that on top of (gesturing widely) everything else. I hope nothing stands in the way of you getting the healthcare you need.

        I too am head in the sand about it all for now. Saving myself for when there’s actually something to fight that I can do anything about. It’ll be a marathon.

    5. My suggestion is just to get off the internet (or avoid the discussion). For example, I have largely started collapsing threads here when they turn toward the political because there are only so many times I can read “the sky is falling”, “the sky is not falling; you are overreacting”; “Trump voters are evil/stupid”, “How arrogant do you have to be to dismiss half the country as evil or stupid” over and over and over again. I am looking at Google headlines once a day. But unless I think it will impact my daily life, I have just stopped consuming news or engaging in the conversation.

      It is not that I do not care if people lose their health insurance, or get deported, or cannot get health care. It is not that I do not care about Ukraine or NATO or climate change. But I cannot do anything about any of it, so I am going to focus on my life and my experiences in the world for the next year or so until it is time to start looking at Congressional races. Because it is either going to be horrible or it is going to be fine or it is going to be some combination for the next few years but my agonizing over it will not change it a whit.

      But I am going to increase my homeowner’s insurance this weekend because if California has a fire, I doubt that FEMA under the Trump Administration is going to do much to help us out.

      1. Dude I just did that with the insurance. Basically I’m in the process of opting back into earthquake insurance with an even higher deductible. Same thoughts on FEMA.

      2. +1,000 to your second paragraph. I knew in my bones Trump would be elected and I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I know there is nothing I can do about national politics and it will be what it will be so I keep on keeping on. I help out locally and continue to support the people and causes I always have. I will probably get flames but this all has barely registered for me. It was inevitable in my mind long before it happened and nothing he is doing is surprising me.

        1. That’s how I feel about it. The first time around I was shocked. This time I saw it coming. It’s every man for himself now.

    6. I feel the same way, and I’m very curious to hear how others are going about their days. I haven’t completely disengaged with the news; it isn’t really possible given my work and personal life. But I am choosing how and when to engage with it. I’ve disabled push notifications for all major media organizations on my phone, so that I only receive alerts when I’ve deliberately decided to catch up, rather than receiving random concerning developments in the middle of my day.

    7. I am only going to freak out if something will directly impact me and that is not the case for 99.9% of what’s to come. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about other people or that I won’t continue to vote for a different outcome but I’m not internalizing any of this. I also remind myself that we have seen this show before from 2016-2020. And the world did not end. It is actually hard to “do” a lot in government.

      1. For me it’s that a lot is likely to affect my family. But I won’t need to keep up w/the news every day to know either.

  3. I usually check news sites several times a day but I need a break from the news right now. What are some fun, girly, frivolous sites?

    1. Refinery29, The Cut, any women-centric subreddit (I love r/askwomenover30), Elle, Marie Claire, Glamour, Vogue, C Magazine.

    2. I enjoy the Belladonna for some comedy. However there is some political pieces on the site.

    3. The everygirl is truly frivolous, not always well-written listicles- similar to how buzzfeed used to work.

    4. The Onion. I follow their IG. Especially since they bought Infowars. My favorite thing to happen in a very long time. Including Alex Jones’ live meltdown about it.

      I follow more accounts on IG than check out websites. Some favorites are Fiddysnails, Labmuffinbeautyscience, AlexBorstein, kojimapearl, kamokapearl, salihughes (great recommendation from someone here, thank you!) HannahMartinMakeup, and not girly but I really laugh at/with Garron_Music, who turns out to also be really great at music.

    5. Cup of Jo is always great. I’ve also been falling in love with Reddit? Who’d ‘a thunk…

    6. This question was asked almost the exact same way a few days ago using those same descriptors…..

      1. Well clearly that person wasn’t here and the search feature doesn’t always work so \_(ツ)_/
        Maybe you can add something new to the list?

      2. I remember that. I don’t remember the answers, except someone criticizing the question, and someone else commiserating.

  4. I could use new shirts. I don’t know why, but all my shirts for fall/winter seem to fit weird or look weird with my pants. Maybe because the tops pre-date my pants by a few years? I’ll be in Minneapolis next week, which I guess has the Mall of America – is it insane, or would that actually be a place I could go to multiple stores and try things on?

    1. As someone who used to shop at Mall of America, I’d do exactly that – visit various stores in the mall and try things on.

    2. You can look online and see if there are stores you want to try. That could be an easy way to try new brands and see if they fit you.

    3. But also, as someone who lives in Minnesota, get a map and make a plan so you don’t end up walking 5 miles unnecessarily. :)

    4. Minneapolis resident here. As an alternative to the MOA, and if you’re not looking for designer stuff, try the Rosedale mall (Ann Taylor, Express, etc.) or the Eagan outlet mall (outlet versions of major brands). Both are Twin Cities metro and reliably have fitting rooms and salespeople who leave you in peace.

  5. Any good ideas for front of holiday card messages that aren’t completely tone deaf but also not completely depressing during these crazy times? We are a secular household and like to send a family photo card. Past messages have included “Be Merry!” and “Cheers!” but I’m not feeling the cheerful, everything is fine vibe this year (because it’s not), but it’s also the holidays which are supposed to be inherently cheery. Has anyone come up with something good and willing to share?

    1. we’re just going with a simple Happy Holidays, no punctuation. Boring but doesn’t feel “off” for the mood.

    6. I’ve gone with Peace on Earth during complicated times in the past. I never did a religious message. I was raised Catholic but no longer practice, and fully a third of my friends are Jewish, so I was always a Happy Holidays person before that.

    12. I am actually a happy person, my life is great and I’m not going to send a performatively sad holiday card out. People here are so much more fortunate than the majority of the country it’s astounding that you can let politics take this much out of you.

  6. Best non-fiction book you’ve read, either lately or in general? I’m not particular on genre beyond “literally not fiction,” as I am wrapping up a fiction-focused 2024!

    1. Not the End of the World by Hannah Ritchie, The Wide Wide Sea by Hampton Sides, A Day in the Life of Abed Salama by Nathan Thrall, Fire Weather by John Vaillant, The Country of the Blind by Andrew Leland, The Best Minds by Jonathan Rosen, The Exceptions by Kate Zernike

    2. Some of my non-fiction faves:

      Erik Larson books….my personal fave is Dead Wake. I enjoyed and learned a lot about Churchill from The Splendid & The Vile. Devil in the White City is one of his most popular ones.

      Hidden Valley Road by Robert Kolker – about a large family with 6/12 children diagnosed with schizophrenia

      Under the Banner of Heaven – Jon Krakauer
      Once in a Millennial – Kate Kennedy

      Memoirs I’ve enjoyed:
      Going there – Katie Couric
      Hill Women: Finding Family and a Way Forward in the Appalachian Mountains – Katie Chambers
      The Forgotten Girls: A memoir of Friendship and Lost Promise in Rural America – Monica Potts
      Rocket Boys (also published as October Sky) – Homer Hickam
      I’m Glad my Mom Died – Jennette McCurdy
      Mindy Kaling’s memoir
      Michelle Obama’s

      1. I do not ordinarily enjoy WWII books, but I loved The Splendid and the Vile. It reads like a novel.

    3. The Gift of Fear – Gavin de Becker
      Among the Thugs – Bill Buford
      An Education – Lynn Barber (this was the basis for the movie with Carey Mulligan). It was a book, but I preferred the version that ran in Granta magazine: https://granta.com/an-education/

    4. Timothy Egan, A Fever in the Heartland. Possibly a little too on the nose for right now, but one of the best nonfiction books I’ve read in a long time. All of Timothy Egan’s work is worth reading.

    5. Not recent, but best non-fiction I’ve ever read: Warmth of Other Suns by Isabella Wilkerson.

    6. Anything by John McPhee – he is such a beautiful writer. The Wager, by David Granne. Hampton Sides, as another poster mentioned, has several good books.

    7. You really seem over invested in something you cant control. Do you have anything else to distract you? Im so busy with my job, my husband, my kids, grad school at night. There isnt the time or energy to ruminate on it. Maybe some meds would help.

        1. Ha, same! I was thinking “wait, what, you can definitely control which books you read”

          1. Also loved the idea that I should be distracting myself from…non-fiction books and might need meds to help with this obvious mental health crisis.

    8. George Washington by Ron Chernow. Won a Pulitzer and is a fun read if you like history.

      1. I saw a falconer’s goshawk not long ago and it brought back so many memories of that book!

        1. Ahhh! That’s so cool. I have an interesting algorithm right now after looking up so much falconry content while reading it.

    10. It’s not new but Empire of Pain was so good. I also liked Spare. I have The Best Minds by Jonathan Rosen and Selling Sexy (about Victoria’s Secret) ready next.

    12. Money: The True Story Of A Made Up Thing by Jacob Goldstein (highly recommend the audio version!)

      Two older books I loved:
      Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family – Condoleezza Rice
      The Grace of Silence: A Memoir – Michelle Norris

      1. I read that one with my book group—not depressing or maudlin at all. Everyone loved it, although I wouldn’t recommend it if you have personal experience with cancer that is too raw.

    17. Apollo 13 (aka Lost Moon) by Jim Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger
      Born A Crime by Trevor Noah

    18. Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon
      River of Doubt, Candice Millard
      Invisible Child, Andrea Elliot

    19. Challenger: A True Story of Heroism and Disaster on the Edge of Space, by Adam Higginbotham. Excellent read that clearly spells out how risky the entire shuttle program was. You’ll never look at space travel again in the same way. The author also wrote the book that was the basis for the HBO miniseries, “Chernobyl.” Enjoy!

    20. How big things get done : the surprising factors behind every successful project, from home renovations to space exploration by Bent Flyvbjerg

      Invisible women : exposing data bias in a world designed for men by Caroline Criado-Perez

      The management myth : why the experts keep getting it wrong by Matthew Stewart

      Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant

      Me : Elton John official autobiography by Elton John

    22. If you haven’t read it yet, Braiding Sweetgrass is an amazing and moving book. And if you listen to it on audiobook, the author’s voice is beautiful.

    23. The Chaos Machine, by Max Fisher. It’s a history of how the internet algorithms developed (especially YouTube). Sounds dry, but it’s stuck in my mind this year, especially when thinking about how people become radicalized.

  7. Another holiday card question — if I’ve always sent one, can I just stop entirely? Do you send non-photo ones to friends? I just can’t deal with it all this year.

    1. This internet stranger gives you full permission to opt out of holiday cards this year (and beyond if you also aren’t feeling it in future years).

    2. I opted out last year because I was very sick and just couldn’t get it together. The world did not stop spinning. If people take me off their lists, so be it. I guess this year is the year I’d find out whether they did.

    3. I opted out 2 years ago. I enjoyed doing them because I had a new, busier job, and it was not on the priority list. Now I don’t organize family photos, order cards, reach out to friends for their updated addresses, or write on the cards. (I was already paying for pre-printed addresses.) It frees up a lot of time and money during the holidays.

      This is year 3. I briefly considered sending some non-photo cards to about 20-25 friends and decided I don’t feel like doing even that much.

    4. Yes, of course! Don’t give it another thought. You can pick it up again in a few years if you want to. Or not.

    5. I have always sent out a bunch each year, but last year was the straw that broke the camel’s back: I only received five cards back – from my parents and some elderly relatives. So I’m just sending cards to them this years. Upside: I can splurge on really nice, high-quality cards since I’m only buying a handful.

      1. I totally understand scaling back but I am always happy to receive holiday cards even though I can rarely get it together enough to send out my own.

        1. One thought on this is to be sure you reach out to the sender after to say thanks and what you love about the card. I send a bunch every year and enjoy getting cards in return, but I also really enjoy the little text exchanges to learn I made someone’s day a little brighter. It’s a quick and easy way for the receiver to nurture the relationship in turn!

          1. I never even thought to do this, but I will this year, especially because I just deactivated all social media. I do really love getting them (and always plan to send our own, but I never make it happen).

    6. You can totally just opt out. If you still want to do them but don’t have the energy to organize a professional family photo, I have friends that send cards with just a say or send them with candid photos of their kids or pets

      1. fwiw, the whole professional photo shoot thing is SO regional. Philly here and the only cards I get that are done that way are from southern relatives! Everyone else just uses cute snaps from the year’s highlights, like playing with a new puppy, out to dinner on vacation, etc.

        1. You all can ridicule the southerners with the professional shots all you want (not that you were, Cat!), but I dearly love my yearly professional pics of my kids. Knowing it’s for the cards is the only way to talk my kids into it anymore and they are such lovely memories.

        2. Plenty of people in Philly get professional photo shoots done and send those images on cards. There are a zillion “mini” sessions going on at area parks in autumn and in holiday themed-settings specifically for holiday cards.

      2. I’ve been doing photo cards since my kids were born and they’re in college now. I’ve never done a professional shot. It’s usually three snapshots that capture something we did during the year, or a particularly funny photo (our preference is for the latter.)

    7. I’ve stopped, and it’s fine. When I do get cards, I try to send them a text when I receive the card, and let them know how much I appreciated it. I let them know that I don’t have my act together enough to get them out, but that I love displaying their pictures on my fridge/cards on the mantle. I do receive fewer cards than in the past, but not sure how much of that is being dropped from lists vs people dropping the practice entirely.

    8. I have never sent holiday cards in my life, and it’s okay! I don’t think anyone thinks badly of me because of that, but if they do, that’s their choice, I suppose. I like to think that I’m a warm and social person, and I express that by having parties for various holidays (and sometimes just because) and sending everyone I know birthday cards, but holiday cards just don’t inspire me in any way.

    9. Yes of course! You can always do valentines or wish people a happy groundhog’s day if the mood strikes later.

    10. Of course you can opt out. But I’d consider whether it’s worth it. It’s fun to participate in things that bring joy to others and to be a part of your social world. That’s what holiday cards are about. The more you retreat from the things that connect you, the less connected you’ll eventually become. That’s not an outcome I personally want, so I hassle with the cards.

      1. On the flip side, I’ve never sent holiday cards, and I have plenty of friends and am well connected.

        1. It’s one thing if you e never started, but if you usually do and stop, that’s pulling back.

    11. Instead of holiday cards this year, I bought some nice blank cards and I’m trying to spend a few minutes a day writing an actual catch up note to everyone on my card list. Not the generic “the kids are growing fast” letter, but an actual note about something we’ve done this year. Yeah, some of them will sound very similar to one another. But it let’s me mention what I’m reading to my book loving former flatmate, and a note about fashion to my clothes horse former bestie, etc. They won’t be done by Christmas but hopefully they will brighten someone’s mailbox in the coming months.

      (And yes, I’m the same person who mentioned the 365 notes of gratitude a while back).

    13. If the photo is the hang up, just send a non-photo card. I usually do that with a collage of iPhone photos from the year on the back that are more casual, not posed. Takes all the stress out of the family photo for the card.

    14. Not American but I find the holiday cards you guys send fascinating. We just text our family and friends or call. Never ever sent or received a holiday card.

    15. You can absolutely opt out entirely! If you are presently overwhelmed but still have reservations about ditching the cards altogether, another option is to do New Years cards (after the New Year) or “Warmest Wishes” in Spring/Summer. I did off-season annual cards during years when I still wanted to do something for friends/family, but couldn’t get my act together before the winter holidays.

  8. I’ve opened my own law firm 5 years ago. I am so tired but it is thriving. I have to constantly rework and retool the processes and am always right on the line of payroll clearing (with back up in savings) because I put everything back into development and marketing. Considering the timeline of COVID, it’s a near miracle. Most of my mentors sold their practices or joined bigger firms.

    I shop at TG Maxx like places, no expensive jewelry, no real splurges, and that’s fine. I have a pretty normal Honda car nothing fancy. I still have student loan debt 16 years out of law school in six figures which I pay a lot toward but doesn’t make much of a dent. Only other debt is a mortgage which I’ve paid about half at an accelerated rate making extra payments and I put a ton into repairs of the house. My retirement savings is on track and a mixture of Roth/401k rolled over from other jobs, etc.

    I want a nice pair of shoes. I’m in my 40s and I’ve never cared about nice purses or clothes or shoes, I try to just look professional and polished. I do my own mani pedi, I wear minimal makeup, etc.

    Should I get red bottoms? I want to splurge just one time but there’s also guilt because I have debt. I have no children or pets. I go out maybe once a month and wouldn’t wear them to work but what would you do? I don’t want a bag. I have a frugal vacation planned and already paid for to do a trip I’m excited to do next year.

    Been on this blog since Ellen – since before there were ads. Love ya Kat!

    1. You do you, but CL shoes are not IMO work shoes. If you want solid work shoes, I’ve always been impressed with what’s typically on offer from Brooks Brothers vs anything very spendy.

      If I wanted something less on-the-nose but still a power move, I’d look at Jennifer Chamandi.

      FWIW, it’s 2024, and even Queen Letizia of Spain is wearing flats and low heels, so I am going with that instead of the very over the top heel look of 2018ish.

      2. I have a colleague who has very few clothes for court but her entire wardrobe is expensive including the red soled black patent leather block heels that she wears almost every time I see her. It is her signature, for sure.

    2. By all means get the shoes you want and deserve. J also don’t think those are red bottoms since you’re not a real housewife, but you deserve shoes that feel good on you and look good on you and project the professional image you want to project.

      PS the real housewives re-paint the bottoms of their shoes. Everything about them is fake, and most of them are actually broke.

      1. I am completely in lack on real housewife trivia, never seen an episode. This is very helpful.

    3. CL heels are beautiful but not particularly comfortable IMHO, and so I actually sold the pair I splurged on with a bonus one year bc I literally never wore them. With $1000 I’d probably go for a few pairs of upscale sneakers – those are the MVPs of my casual, going out, and nowadays for days without big meetings, work shoes!

    4. I once saved up for a similarly priced shoe (different recognizable brand) and regretted my purchase immediately. They were so uncomfortable for anything beyond sitting, I am not gentle on my footwear, and I realized that I felt stupid in them. They impressed the admin staff, but if clients, peers, or managers recognized them they certainly didn’t care.

      I feel better and get far more compliments on my canvas Adidas worn with my favorite suit. They fit my style much better and my feet are happy.

    5. Go ahead and splurge! But go to Nordstrom and try on some Manolo Blahniks before you buy a pair of Louboutin heels. Not all designer shoes are equally comfortable and I find Manolos to be far comfier and they are office appropriate.

    6. If it were me, I’d get some Valentino rockstuds. I’ve been covering them for years.

    7. This is your permission from the universe to buy something that makes you feel beautiful.

      If it’s a one-time splurge, the universe suggests that you do listen your gut on whether you are objectively likely to wear the shoes (are they a flash-in-the-pan trend? Do you know in your heart of hearts that they are too uncomfortable?). But carpe diem.

    8. I would splurge but not on red soles, they are the most uncomfortable in my heavily designer closet. My favorites are Jimmy Choo and Manolo.

      1. I got two pairs of unworn Jimmy Choos at a designer consignment shop and even though both have sky high heels, I find them extremely comfortable.

        1. Thanks all! Sounds like a trip to Nordstrom is the move and maybe some Valentino rock studs.

      1. Maybe do a teeny splurge in addition? Like a silk top? I love silk tops from Quince, they feel luxurious and they dont break the bank.

  9. Hello afternoon ladies! Thanks for all your comments on my Christmas party post yesterday. I had to go last night and couldn’t respond to everyone’s comments; I went back this morning and responded to a few more. I’ll add a couple more things to the menu in line with your suggestions. Now for Part 2:

    Please choose 3 :)

    Bourbon pecan brittle
    Costco frozen cream puffs
    Excellent sugar cookies made by the Amish ladies outside of town
    Snickerdoodles
    Chewy chocolate toffee cookies
    Pralines
    Molasses spice cookies

    Thanks!

    1. At a party I prioritize things that don’t look like they’ll stick in my teeth! So I’d go cream puffs, sugar cookies, snickerdoodles.

      Leaving that concern aside, the bourbon brittle would beat out the cream puffs and the chocolate toffee would beat the sugar cookies. I ADORE snickerdoodles.

      1. +1 to avoiding things that look like they’ll stick in my teeth or cause expensive dental work! So snickerdoodles (my favorite), molasses spice cookies, and sugar cookies.

    2. Excellent sugar cookies made by the Amish because that means you don’t have to make them.

      I have a soft spot for pralines but only if that’s low effort for you!

    3. I am having an amazing time reading these menus!

      Molasses spice cookies
      Sugar cookies
      Cream puffs

        1. In my mind, I’m already invited to this party, but unfortunately while I’m scarfing down many (many) ham rolls, my husband will be eating all the cream puffs. Best be quick if you want one!

    4. My hottest food take is that there are 6 dessert chakras:
      – chocolate
      – vanilla/cream
      – caramel/toffee/nuts
      – citrus
      – fruit (non-citrus)
      – spice

      You want a spread that hits different ones, so I would go with either cream puffs + chocolate toffee cookies + molasses spice cookies or pralines +snickerdoodles + chocolate toffee cookies.

      1. +1 to this approach and you’ve basically summarized how I plan dessert for events I’m working on. There is always a chocolate option (most popular), always a vanilla/cream option, and I always pick a citrus option because it’s my fave and criminally underrated.
        Fwiw I’d go with the chocolate cookies but without toffee (mexican hot chocolate cookies maybe?), the amish lady cookies, and the pecan brittle. I’ll also throw in a plug for union sq cafe’s bar nuts and sugared cranberries with lime zest. The cranberries in particular are SO good and very easy.

      2. I would add a seventh, cheese.

        Other than that your dessert shakras show quite perfectly why I don’t get dessert. I’d happily go for spice (or botanical) or non-sour fruit, but there’s rarely anything beyond your first four.

      3. Ooh, this is well said. My faves of these are citrus, chocolate, and spice, but I know the 2nd and 3rd tend to be more crowd pleasers.

      4. interesting framing, I like it. I was the poster saying cookies were boring yesterday. Although those sugar cookies are great if you say they are! I’d probably do sugar cookies, cream puffs because they are my weakness, and add something fruity or chocolate flavored!

    5. Bourbon pecan brittle
      Costco frozen cream puffs
      Excellent sugar cookies made by the Amish ladies outside of town

    7. Cream puffs
      Chewy chocolate toffee cookies (or Amish sugar cookies)
      Molasses spice cookies

    8. Molasses spice cookies
      Costco frozen cream puffs
      Excellent sugar cookeis made by teh Ajish ladies outside of town

  10. A third holiday card question!

    Is it weird to send non-photo cards as a family? The only cards I receive from people (not businesses) are photo cards, but our family is just not big on taking photos.

    1. I get several non-photo cards from real people every year. Mostly older folks whose kids are grown. It’s totally fine. I am going to open the real can of worms…

      To holiday letter or not to holiday letter.

      I am Team Letter!

      1. Given the hate that letters are often received, I am a never letter person. I put a million small pics on something from Shutterfly and let them speak for me.

          1. My aunt writes the loveliest Christmas letters that somehow capture the essence of the year and convey what she and all of her grown children and grandchildren are up to in a real, human way without any boasting or complaining. She even managed it the year her husband suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I envy her gift.

          2. I will never ever write a holiday letter but I LOVE them. I grew up writing actual letters/notes to friends and I think that chatty/friendly tone is a dying art!

        2. Yeah, I like letters and dislike a million small pics because you can’t really see anything in any of them. I mostly get cards from people I haven’t seen in person recently, so I actually want to see what their family looks like these days. If you don’t do a letter or a photo, I’d write at least a few sentences with a quick update or personal note.

      2. We receive two cards each year with letters that are so OTT we figuratively break out the popcorn and bingo cards for the reading of the holiday letters. We are awful people.

        One is an elderly relative who spends HOURS on her letter but just shares TMI (medical ick in full detail, airs petty grievances with whatever cousin wronged her most recently, sprinkles in a healthy dose of neighborhood gossip, etc., and always includes a “cherished” family recipe – usually something involving jello molds). The other is a former coworker who does a whole themed card with self-written matching poetry (she is both very sincere and a very bad writer).

        1. If you do nothing else this year, please update us all on her neighborhood tea, and share that jello recipe!

      3. Well that very much depends on the letter. Some we actually enjoy. Some we hate read.

        1. +1 – we 100% get a family letter every year that we hate read. It’s notorious in our family.

      4. No printed letters, please and thank you.

        Love a non-photo card with a short message the most, and ironic photo cards. Yay!

        Earnest photo cards and letters are appreciated for the thought, if not for the execution.

        (News-) letters are appreciated if they include a peace of family genealogy or grandparent’s heirloom recipe.

        Handwritten letters are lovely, though.

    2. We receive cards like this from a few families on our list. I appreciate that they thought of us, but do miss the natural update that comes with the photos (like seeing how the kids or grandkids are growing) so it would be nice for you to include a (short!) note with kids’ ages and interests – not the whole Johnny won the spelling bee kind of caricature-of-itself note, more like “Sophie started kindergarten and loves learning to read, Maddie’s in third grade and joined the soccer team” kind of thing.

      1. I love when people include kids’ ages on cards. Also the year, because I actually save all these (habit from my mother, who has everyone’s holiday cards in photo albums. Yes, my best friend since we were 6, I do have a copy of that holiday card your mom sent 30+ years ago that I will share to the 40th birthday group chat).

    3. My aunts never sent photo cards. Their style is a religious card with a printed letter inside. One aunt died earlier this year and I will miss the unintentionally snarky message she always scrawled in my card in addition to the letter.

      Like “all that business travel must really get old. Oh well, Merry Christmas”

      Miss you Auntie!

    4. Not weird at all. I do this sometimes if I don’t get a photo card together. I do think for a non-photo card, it’s best to at least physically sign it with a pen so that it feels a little personalized. I write a sentence or two (usually the same sentence or two!) in each one, but thats not necessary if that makes the task insurmountable.

      1. This is a “only if it fits your style” one but my handwritten note is “the dumbest winter themed joke” I can find, like the kind you would find on a popsicle stick

    5. No, of course not! Sending a card at all is just fine; it doesn’t have to be a certain kind of card.

    6. Just posted above, but I do a hybrid version. No formal photo, I just pick a design I like without a picture and a collage of casual pics on the back. Zero stress and easy to do.

  11. Fun question for today: what fictional universe would you most like to live in? (Besides one where HRC won in ’16.)

    1. Assuming I could just visit and not stay more than a month, Tudor England, as some sort of household servant high up enough to see things but not so high up as to be noticed. Or, in GOT, I am Varys.

        1. I love Wolf Hall. Love love love.

          You’ve read the books? If not, I would highly recommend.

          1. Great book, but definitely not the world I want to live in. I’d prefer to keep my head and not have people constantly dropping dead of infectious diseases that are easily prevented or treated today (at least as long as we continue to believe in modern medicine over crackpots).

    3. Maybe I just read grim books, but most of my reading actually makes me pretty happy to be alive in our present reality, even if I’m not a fan of the current political situation. Between historical fiction (most of the past, pretty awful!), murder mysteries (people constantly getting killed), and scifi/fantasy (there’s always an evil dark lord trying to destroy the world), 2024 America gets put in a more reasonable perspective.

      1. have you been to Universal in Orlando? not even kidding – I know adults who were amazed.

    6. This makes me a nerd, but Star Trek. I want to replicate delicious meals in an instant and clean up to consist of unreplicating the dishes. And I want a force field between the kids’ rooms to keep them from physically attacking each other.

      2. This is a really good answer! Peace on Earth. Easy travel plus holodeck. Lots to explore. All the earl grey tea you can drink.

      3. I’ve only read her food books and Gourmet columns, I’ll have to look for her novels.

    9. Easy! West Wing. The ideals, the intellect, the comradery. Plus DC in the 90s was wonderful.

    10. I’d love to be Lisa Turtle in Saved by the Bell. I low key miss the 90s and early aughts pre 9/11.

    11. Ooh! Ooh! I just finished the two Monk and Robot books by Becky Chambers (highly recommend — each book us like a warm sci fi hug) and i most definitely want to live in that universe.

      2. I also adore Becky Chambers’ books. Her Galactic Commons series (starts with A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet) is delightful. I was sobbing with joy at the end of A Closed and Common Orbit.

    12. A Sarah Dessen novel. I am very much not a YA romance novel protagonist and I never had the sort of boy obsessed summers in real life she writes about – but I’d like to give it a shot.

      Or Midsomer county. I think I could hack it as a b tier background character, gossipy church lady, or red herring.

    14. I would like to be part of the Serenity crew. Even though they are constantly on the run and at least one gets sh0t or beat up in every episode, they are a true community.

    15. The universe in which I went to college in NY, or to law school in LA, instead of where I went.

    21. Hawaii, obviously!
      (Oh, you say it is a real place? Then WHY DON”T WE LIVE THERE ALREADY?)

    22. I would like to live in a universe where RBG retired from the Supreme Court in 2009, during Obama’s administration and when the Dems were in majority in the Senate

    23. The one where I’m the protagonist in an early aughts rom com with a cool magazine job :)

  12. I want to use upcoming sales to treat myself to a pair of knee high boots. I’ve never owned a pair due to wide calves and living in a warm climate where I couldn’t justify the cost. What is the most current iteration?

    1. Even when I lost weight to a normal BMI I had wide calves. I bought boots from some online store like wide widths dot com or wide calves dot com – it was years ago.
      Obviously if you measure your calves and they’re “normal” then you have more options

    2. A bit late replying but Naturalizer has boots with wide widths if you’re looking for options. My friend with well developed calves (she lifts) regularly wears styles from them.

  13. Does anyone here own bitcoin (or crypto? Are they different?) where do you invest or buy whatever?

    1. No, absolutely not. And if you don’t even know what bitcoin and/or crypto is, why would you be ready to invest?

      1. Yes, OP, unless this is fun money that you are comfortable losing, please don’t jump on this wagon until you do a lot more research and educate yourself.

        1. Even if fun money it is HORRENDOUS for the environment. All those folks clutching their pearls at Amazon should look at crypto’s impact.

    2. Bitcoin is a type of crypto
      You buy crypto through an exchange; and you can also “store” your crypto on the exchange. The two big ones with relatively good stable reputations are Kraken and Coinbase. Real crypto bros would tell you you have to self host but tbh, you shouldn’t be investing money you can’t lose in crypto. Exchanges are less well regulated than banks – eg. before it fell apart FTX was also a pretty well known, respectable exchange.

      If you just want to have some investment exposure to cryptos, you could also look at crypto-based ETFs (you buy and hold the ETF with regular dollars; and they go and invest in crypto). I know off hand Fidelity has one but I think most major banks would too

      Crypto is under regulated, very risky, and potentially overvalued now (following election spike), terrible for society, and all that jazz – but if you want a slice of something high risk, it’s pretty logistically easy to buy these days

      1. this is very helpful, thank you! i like the idea of an ETF. i’m mostly in safe index funds but every so often I like to throw a few thousand dollars towards whatever the overlords are investing in, and those (mostly tech stock-related) investments have turned out pretty great over the past 20 years.

  14. My mom is losing her hair from cancer treatments. I’m helping her look for h ad coverings of some kind. She isn’t big on hats so is struggling with the weight of ball caps, beanies, etc. Most of her hair loss is on top. if anyone here has ideas, I’d love to hear them. I’m guessing super soft fabric is the way to go.

    1. Check out Headcovers – they have lots of beanies and scarves; some of the beanies are really soft and lightweight. They also have padded, grippy headbands that you can use to make scarves and wigs more comfortable and secure. Maybe one of those would help.

    3. My mom went through this earlier this year. We went wig shopping and she decided against wigs. So, she wears the soft head coverings/wraps and she found one she liked on Amazon. If you shop on that site, there are a lot of options but you can run searches for chemo hats, scarves, and headwear to see options. My mom likes the type made of bamboo rayon. Sending you and your mom the best.

    4. My friend who had breast cancer said that you should get the best wig money can buy because insurance will pay for it — but she mostly just wore a silk scarf. When Raquel Welch died I was intrigued to read that she had mostly worn wigs and had her own line of wigs, and when I looked into them they were like $500… might be nice for dress-up occasions.

  15. ordered 4 items from Talbots.com but no delivery, just a confirmation of the amount I paid from my bank account. anyone know of a talbots scam recently? thanks!

    1. I haven’t heard of a scam, but Talbots is super slow to ship and they frequently ship from stores so it’s entirely possible that all 4 of your items will arrive from different parts of the country. Their customer service people are super friendly and patient — call the 1-800 number or start an online chat and ask them about your order. Did you get an email confirmation of the order? An order number when you completed the purchase?

  16. I posted a few weeks ago asking for your best travel gadget recs. Thanks to all who made suggestions, particularly whoever suggested compression socks for the plane. I was skeptical, but my feet were surprisingly happy the first day of my trip, which involved a LOT of walking after a 10 hour flight.
    In return, here is my travel gadget rec: the Bodyhush portable white noise machine. It’s about the size of a marshmallow and can run on battery if there’s no convenient plug near the bed.

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