Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Mid-Rise Trouser Pant

96 Comments

1. Any advice for dealing with a parent who gets on your nerves? I love my mom, but swear that she basically acts like a toddler now a days. She seems to have lost all of her critical thinking skills and common sense. And whenever she wants something, she wants it right now regardless of what the other person is doing. She very much acts like my toddler — I can deal with this behavior from a 2 year old, but not from a 75 year old. She wasn’t like this when I was growing up. And on top of all that, she has untreated anxiety so she focuses on such irrelevant stuff and won’t listen to us about why none of it is a problem.

   Any advice of dealing with it? Or just commiseration that I’m not alone?

   1. I’m in my 40s, so most of my friends’ parents are over 70. And what you’re saying is so common among what they’re experiencing also. I have no advice, but you are not alone.

   2. I feel like this is the circle of life- as humans age it’s like they go back in time

   3. All I can say is that you are not alone. I find it hopeful to repeat to myself that I am not better than she is, I am only younger. My daughter is watching how I treat my mother and I had best model how I want to be treated when it is my turn.

      1. Yes love this.

         1. Absolutely.

   4. I don’t have any great advice, but you are definitely not alone! A good friend and I regularly commiserate over this exact situation – our parents are behaving more and more like children and our roles are reversing. It helps just to know I’m not alone and that it’s a shared experience.
      I’ve been working on making sure I’m in the right headspace to be patient with them when I’m going to spend time with them, as I’ve found that I lose patience very quickly if I’m already overwhelmed, stressed, or trying to do too many things at once while seeing them. I also try to have activities or conversation topics ready to go to help pass the time and keep conversation going (or redirect as needed). Anxiety seems to be a common development, so I would encourage her to talk to a doctor about treatment, but I know depending on the person that isn’t always productive.
      Finally, I keep reminding myself that there’s a lot of fear involved here. On their part, fear of getting older and losing themselves and their abilities. On my part, fear of losing the parent I love as their behavior changes due to normal aging and, in one case, dementia.

   5. My mom is similar although for her it’s not an aging thing. She’s always been incredibly rigid and lacking in common sense.

   6. I’m having such a hard time with this. What’s worse now is that I’m even more annoyed with me every time I feel like I remind myself of her, like I’m at BEC with myself for resembling her even in innocuous ways? If I make a joke that sounds like something she’d say, or even laugh at someone else’s joke with her laugh, I get this awful feeling. And then I feel guilty for feeling this way about my own mom!

      1. Heh I’m in my 60s and starting to see my mom when I look in the mirror. Horrifying.

         1. …And I see my Dad. And while he was a good looking man, those features doesn’t have the same good result on me (a lady). Ha.

   7. Ugh, commiseration! My mom has always been a bit codependent, but now she’s pathologically helpful. I was just at her house at Christmas with my husband and son. My husband and I had decided to go out to dinner one evening with a childhood friend of my husband’s, who happens to live in the same town as my parents, but we couldn’t get a dinner reservation until 8. So the rest of my family was going to eat seperately – ordering pizza (the pizza ordering process was its own saga). I had gone into a different room to have a snack, as I could not stand to listen to another minute of the pizza perseveration. As I was actively eating my snack, my mother walks into the room and looks at me to ask if my husband and I would like a snack, as she felt so bad that we weren’t going to eat until 8. And I was like, MOM, I AM CURRENTLY HAVING A SNACK! She NEEDS to be helpful, but there is very little she can do for me at this stage, and it is just exhausting. And then I feel guilty for being annoyed because she’s just being “nice.”

   8. Commiseration! My dad (70) seems to me to have gotten meaner and it is really painful! My parents are still married, and I am not close with them. They have always been pretty aloof and distant (hence we are not close) but this mean streak makes it much worse. And then of course I feel bad about my bad feelings. It is hard, commiseration again.

      1. Being mean/meaner is often the manifestation of untreated depression in the elderly – especially men.

   9. Solidarity. I’ve often heard that we all become more, when we age, of whatever we’ve always been. My parents have always been anxious people – and their anxiety has really escalated so much in the past few years and it’s so hard to take sometimes. Love them to death, and also at this point I’m using CBT strategies so I don’t go along for the anxiety ride.

   10. You’re not alone. My mom is still focused on my wearing shorts on Christmas. It was 80+ degrees, my family was dressed super casually in leggings and t-shirts. For what it is worth, the shorts were dressy-ish, almost to my knees and I was wearing a nice top. But, she doesn’t like it when people wear shorts and therefore, everyone should all stop wearing them. I wish I was kidding.

       I try to keep telling myself to act like the daughter I want to be. She’s not going to change, she’s only going to get worse, so I can only focus on how I act.

   11. When you are a baby and you fart and burp, everyone coos at you like you are the best thing ever. Not so when you get old. I had to mentally prepare to baby my mom when she got older before I would see her. It was really hard when I had a two year old and she would come over, acting like a two year old. Just try to treat her like you want to be treated when you are old. It is hard.

   12. More commiseration here too! My dad died last year and my mom has really spiraled into a childlike state since then. I don’t see her in person often, but I do call her weekly. I have learned to just plan “safe” conversation topics to steer her back to when things go off the rails. I do think I will need to visit in person soon and that will be a trial.

   13. My mom and 7 year old broke a window in our house playing baseball indoors last weekend, so… yes. I relate.

   14. You’re not alone. But: what you’re describing can also be symptoms of dementia, unfortunately.

2. I got food poisoning from something i ate for dinner on Saturday and spent all of Sunday vomiting/nauseous. I haven’t vomitted since then, but still feel super nauseous. Is this normal? I’ve been fortunate not to experience food poisoning too many times

   1. Are you sure it is food poisoning rather than norovirus?

      1. +1 norovirus is often spread though food from sick or recently sick food preparers who didn’t wash their hands well enough after using the bathroom. Gross but true! Most “food poisoning” in the developed world is noro

         1. Norovirus is also frequently spread on surfaces, water (including droplets from a sick person coughing or throwing up nearby).

            It is natural to mentally blame stomach issues on whatever food we recently ate, but it’s not necessarily true that food is the carrier. Especially if you live with or work around someone with norovirus…there are so many ways to pick up the virus. It usually has an incubation period of a day or two, so even if you do pick it up through food it’s likely that it was transmitted through a meal you ate the prior day or two, not the most recent one eaten before developing symptoms.

      2. It’s everywhere right now (I currently have it, and all my friends who are healthcare providers say it’s very common right now among patients).

         I’d get a telehealth or urgent care appointment to get some zofran.

         “Funnily” enough, I was actually vomiting on and off throughout my telehealth appointment yesterday. The zofran has really really helped

   2. I’ve only had it once (I know for sure since someone else I dined with who had the same was also really ill). I only vomited the first day, but I definitely felt nauseous and weak for much longer–like a week or so. If there is an IV place near you, it might be worth getting a vitamin drip. I have a coworker who felt a ton better after doing that a conference once (disclaimer: Not sure if it was true food poisoning or her covering for a bad hangover).

   3. I am not a MD and haven’t had food poisoning in a while (knock on wood), but no. IME, usually it’s like 2-4 hours from when you eat to onset of symptoms, then a few hours of intense GI distress and nausea, then when you feel completely wrung out and exhausted, it’s over. Rehydrate and eat bland stuff like toast and rice for a day or two. Add yogurt if you can do dairy, probiotics if not. If the nausea is food aversion, that may make sense as a psychosomatic thing, but you shouldn’t still feel nauseated several days later from one bad meal.

   4. In my experience thats pretty normal. If you happen to have any rubbing alcohol around, it turns out that the smell of rubbing alcohol is as effective as zofran at treating nausea. Just take a sniff from the bottle every few minutes.

   5. This has been me since Saturday. It’s norovirus.

      Post babies, youngest is almost 10…., I vomit when I’m nauseous. I went to the doctor yesterday to get something to stop it because after 4 days of vomiting 6+ times a day I’m exhausted. First tablet was enough to stop the nausea and therefore the vomiting stopped. I’ve taken today and Friday off work to recover.

   6. Get a Zofran prescription. It’s a game changer.

      1. just watch out for constipation

   7. No one else in my family is sick. We were traveling and I ate something different for dinner

      1. We’ve never really spread noro within our household, so it doesn’t mean it’s not that.
         If you’re traveling at a resort or cruise it’s extra likely to be noro. It spreads like wildfire in those environments especially at buffets.

      2. Either way, yes, it’s possible to feel gross several days after the worst of the symptoms subside. If you aren’t seeing any improvement or have new or worse symptoms this many days later, it would be good to call your doctor.

   8. That’s been normal IME. But I rarely vomit much when I’ve gotten good poisoning (or any other time tbh).

3. Recognizing that I may have to repost this next week: what are our opinions on L.K. Bennett shoes? I need stilettos to intimidate a far-shorter male colleague even more, and, as a size 12-12.5 US wearer, my options are limited. Z***s has one, but I don’t want to drop $400+ without soliciting some inputs. Thanks!

   1. No experience with these shoes, but fully support your intimidation crusade and am going to fill a bowl from the giant holiday popcorn tin in anticipation of further details.

      1. +1! OP, I would love to hear the background on this and how it goes with your colleague.

         1. Same!

      2. Intimidation Crusaders would be a great band name.

   2. No experience with that brand. Much lower price point I can recommend: naturalizer has up to 12W

   3. Okay first of all – love this. I’m also a 12, generally a medium width, and the LKBs run too short for my long feet, which makes me sad because they’re beautiful shoes. Good luck – I hope you find what you’re looking for!

   4. They’re very nice but pricy! The Sam Edelman Hazel, which is my workhorse pump, comes in a wide range of sizes at an easier price point.

      1. I love that shoe and have it in multiple colors.

   5. They are very good quality shoes and the price reflects that.

      If you know your European size, order using that, not the U.S. size. I’m a 39 European and a 9 US. They have a 9 US linked to a 40 US, as do most brands.

   6. Looks like they run small, so I’ll look elsewhere. The short version is that I worked with this guy 10 years ago and was underwhelmed by him. Very high opinion of himself that didn’t match his work, and he once tried to physically intimidate me by looming over me while I was sitting. So, I stood up and loomed over him (I have a 6″ height advantage without heels). He recently came back into my life and all my previous observations are still accurate, but he’s become such a d*** to everyone. So, while I shut him down at every possible opportunity, I also want to loom even more over him, because I’m petty like that. :)

      1. All the best wishes on your upcoming looming!

         If your office has hard floors, shoes with soles that click as you walk (whether heels or flats) send a shiver of dread through certain individuals. Very satisfying to notice those people shudder involuntarily when they hear me striding down the hall.

         1. If you take the shoes to a cobbler, you can get plastic taps put on them which protect them and make a nice loud sound. I am just this petty and fully support your shoe journey.

            1. One time I needed tips replaced on a pair of heels, I was dismayed that the cobbler used rubber instead of the hard plastic because he thought I would prefer them to be quiet. The rubber was also weirdly squishy underfoot, so it felt like I was walking on something mushy with every step.

      2. This is weird. I almost always support buying the shoes, I definitely do not support spending $400 to be petty. Maybe just try not caring about him? I am not sure if I should consider myself lucky to have never encountered any of the terrible men everyone here complains about, or if it just that I am too busy with whatever I have going on that I just don’t pay attention to this crap. Either way, I am glad it’s the case.

         1. You remind me of why I left my last job. Those people were horrible bullies who delighted in feeling superior to me. Have a blessed day!

            1. This is such a weird response to an innocuous comment. You’re clearly itching for a fight, no matter what. Not the energy you should be bringing into a new year!

      3. Sending you looming vibes! :)

   7. They were all the rage like 10-15 years ago when Kate Middleton burst on the scene. I see the look as pretty dated now. That said, I still wear the brand in low block styles. I’ve found they run a little big, but I wear an 8.5 so not sure about larger sizes.

      1. Yep, this. And they were widely worn in certain circles prior to that. Their jumpers, jackets, and dresses are also good quality. More of a dressy shoe than a plain work shoe, but in a less formal office it would be appropriate.

         My experience is from the late 90s/early 00s, and kitten heels were very good and lasted literally decades. I’d check where they are made, and whether the company has been sold, just in case they’ve been cheapened.

4. Yes, I like to clean out my closets at the end of the year. Did a session yesterday and ended up with two bags of stuff to pass on to my cleaning lady, who is my size and is always delighted to take my gently-worn things. Also cleaned out my shockingly overstuffed sock drawer and good Lord! Nobody needs that many socks and most of that went in the trash since they were well past their use-by dates. Today’s project is to tackle the cookbook shelf, which has somehow overflowed itself onto the kitchen counter.

   1. I cleaned out our basement storage room, packaged up all our old baby / toddler things (who the next taker will be, unclear, but at least not tucked away in random places cluttering our lives!). Cleaned my desk, and hung some curtains. Love starting the year with a cleaner slate.

   2. Sock related question: I also have a surplus of socks that I need to clear out. Will Goodwill/Salvation Army take clean socks in good condition? Or is that like underwear, not eligible for donation?

      1. I would check homeless shelters too, but my experience is that’s only underwear specific. You can usually donate bras too.

      2. Take the socks to a homeless shelter

      3. You might want to call your local homeless services. I feel like socks are always a need and they would be more likely to want them than Goodwill.

      4. If they are cotton socks, and if you have kids in your life, the socks can be cut into loops for use on a little potholder loom. Elementary schools or libraries with kids programs might be interested in them if you don’t have a place that will take them for wearing purposes.

         1. Some things are just trash. Throw your old nasty socks away.

            1. Yes, trash should be thrown away. Judgy and ignorant comments, for starters.

         2. Can you imagine calling up a library and asking if they want your used socks? I’m sure they’d be super polite, but they’d probably be laughing their asses off internally.

            1. Yes, actually I can! I volunteer at my library and our children’s program hosted a weaving event led by our local fiber arts guild. We specifically put out a call for donations of new or gently used, colorful cotton socks. We took them all to the laundromat where we washed them all in hot water, then used rotary cutters to turn them into loops. The kids had a blast and put them to good use.

      5. Not sure about Goodwill/Salvation Army, but for socks that are in bad shape, you can take them to H&M for textile recycling, if you have a store near you.

5. My New Year’s resolution every year is to try something new. What new things did you try in 2025? Looking for inspiration here.

   1. Not completely new, but I went back to choral singing after… what? 20 years? And took an acting class for the first time in 45 years, and piano lessons for the first time in more than 50 years. And my husband joined the choir with me and it was completely new for him and he LOVES it. Definitely all of the above was the best part of my year.

   2. Lap swimming! I’ve always struggled to swim with my face in the water. Earlier this year, I finally took a few private swim lessons, watch loads of coaching videos, and spent hours in the pool until it all clicked. I am very slow and have not mastered good form yet, but I no longer have to doggy paddle with one arm while plugging my nose. So proud of myself.

      1. So proud of you! Swimming is an important life skill

   3. Surfing! I’ve always wanted to learn but live in an East coast state without good waves. I managed to take 2 lessons while on trips this year. I’d really like to take a week somewhere just to learn. One of these days.

   4. Similar to Senior Attorney, I went to a sing along, and I *loved* it. In DC we have an open to all sing along — you just show up and everyone sings from the organizer’s songbook. Vocal talent isn’t needed.

   5. In 2025: executive coaching and meditation.

   6. Group fitness classes. I finally worked up the nerve to attend a crossfit-type (but not Xfit) class, and I LOVE it. I have not lost much weight, but I am so much stronger, and I feel amazing. Bonus: I have gym friends now!

   7. I did some craft classes at a local studio. I may never do any of them again, but it was fun to try. I want to try some cooking classes this year to make dishes I wouldn’t normally make myself.

   8. A new sport! Started playing drop-in catchball at the county rec center, which is like lower key volleyball. I was shocked to like it and have been going weekly since June!

   9. Not new but I haven’t taken a ballet class in yearssssss. I’m excited to start back next week!

      1. Yay! Enjoy!

   10. Two thoughts for you:

       Try new spices! I was in a rut with my dinner recipes, and I didn’t want to try new recipes with spices I didn’t already know and love, in case I wasted a jar. One year, I set a goal to cook a new recipe each month, with a focus on buying new spices. I found several delicious recipes and added to my spice collection, without feeling bad about buying/trying the spices I didn’t end up liking.

       Buy the basic tools for a new hobby. I got into decorating cakes during covid, and it turns out that a turntable, a scraper, and a few basic piping tips make a HUGE difference in the final product. I bought the cheap versions of these, for a total of ~$50, and it made me feel so fancy when I finished my first cake with semi-decent tools (vs. just trying to spread buttercream with a butter knife, which doesn’t work at all!).

       My biggest takeaway from both of these: If there’s something you’ve been thinking about trying, but you don’t want to waste money on the basic tools, just buy ’em! Pencils and a sketchpad, spices, piping tips, exercise bands, whatever. You can’t do the thing if you don’t have the tools to do it right.

       1. If you need an excuse to decorate more cakes, see if there is a chapter of For Goodness Cakes in your area – you decorate cakes for kids who might otherwise not get a fancy cake for their birthday. I have decided this actually just stresses me out and makes me eat too much frosting, so I am not baking for them much, but it is a nice organization with a relatively strong volunteer infrastructure. And I agree re: equipment!

          1. Thank you for sharing this! I’m not the person you’re replying to but I’m also a serious amateur cake decorator and love this idea.

   11. I want to lose weight and keep my blood sugar in a healthy range.

       1. I also want to lose weight this coming year. I’m at the point where I really need to lose weight for the sake of my health, not where it is a want based on vanity.

       2. After trying to lose weight for years, I finally broke down and started using GLP-1 (Zepbound) this year. It has been life changing. I was not obese but could not lose the weight no matter what I did. I’m now down 15 pounds and have switched to microdosing without any weight gained. The food noise has gone away. I understand that it’s not for everyone but if you’re open to it, consider it. I only pay $150/month at a compounding pharmacy.

          1. Me too! And it reduces inflammation! I get a month’s worth of vials from Lilly for $299

   12. Having a baby. Can’t say that I recommend the actual delivery of the baby part. But getting a baby at the end of it all has been pretty great.

       I’ve never liked babies but I really like this baby. I mean, I love him obviously but I like him a lot too. It’s neat to watch him learn things. Everything is so exciting to him. He’ll start cracking up out of nowhere. It’s indescribably cute.

       1. Love this. The excitement of watching your babies do new things just never gets old. My “baby” is working on buying a house with her husband and having her own baby, and I am not so much excited to have a grandbaby (like you, babies were never really my thing, although I loved my own babies), but I cannot wait for her to get to experience parenthood. I want to see her to be a mom more than I want to be a grandparent.

   13. I tried Pilates and took a ceramics class with my local arts council.

       Hope you find some find ideas for 2026!

       1. I tried trapeze school and it was so fun.

   14. I ran a marathon, which I would not recommend doing on a whim. Glad to say I did it once, but I don’t think I will do it again! (Still trying to recover physically 2 months later). I also took a silk painting class.

       For 2026, I am contemplating trying trail running, more fiber arts, open water swimming (not totally a new thing for me, but have never done it in NYC), and possibly returning to making art and taking dance classes.

   15. My 80-something Dad and I learned to sail at a 5-day sailing camp in Maryland. Pretty incredible to still have adventures together!

       1. What’s the name of the camp?

   16. Learning a new language. Italy is our most common Europe destination and so we’re trying to get beyond simple tourist phrases – Duolingo may not be perfect but it is fun and we had a ball practicing more complete sentences IRL on our most recent visit.

       1. Same! We love traveling there and learning the language has been so fun. I’m also learning Hebrew along with my kid who is beginning to study for her bat mitzvah (DH and I are both ethnically Jewish but not religious and never learned Hebrew or had a bar/mitzvah). Hebrew makes Italian seem sooo easy.

   17. Sewing! Signed up for a couple small group workshops where I don’t have to commit to buying a machine until I’m sure I like it enough to invest.

Comments are closed.