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I'm in the midst of trying to surprise my husband with some celebrations for his upcoming milestone birthday (40!) and I thought it might be a fun open thread today: what have you done to celebrate milestone birthdays? What have your friends done that were really memorable ways to celebrate their milestone birthdays?
We've been batting around the ideas for months — a party with friends? A destination party with friends, like a whiskey distillery? A big trip? Somehow all of this was up in the air until recently, when he decided he did not want a party with friends or some of the other NYC-centered things we'd talked about before. So now I'm pondering what else to do to make it special — I'm thinking whisking him away the morning of to a surprise destination, but still researching which exact surprise destination.
In terms of memorable milestone birthdays, I still fondly remember going to a schmancy spa in Sedona, AZ with some girlfriends for Auntie M‘s 30th birthday. I think there were five women total, so it was very intimate, and because of the nature of the spa our moods were much more contemplative and thoughtful than, say, wild and crazy. Her mom set the whole thing up, and I remember thinking at the time it was lovely, but looking back it's become even more special because it was such an amazing bonding experience with the handful of girls who came, and because it was a time before any of us had caregiving responsibilities (kids, parents) and we all COULD get away and spend the time and energy on the celebrations — and because of the nature of this kind of spa (where so many spa activities are basically located in the restrooms, like hot tubs, aromatherapy showers, hot/cold walkways, etc), it's been difficult to recreate as a couple's experience with my husband. (If anyone knows of any great places for couples, please shout 'em out!) I know readers just had some extensive threadjacks about strongly disliking destination bachelorette parties just like this (and the money and time and energy required), but that getaway still stands in my mind as a perfect vacation.
How about you guys — what have you done to celebrate your milestone birthdays? What memorable milestone events have you been to? What milestones were significant to you? (35 felt significant to me, although the even ones like 30, 40, and 50 are the ones most people think of)
Anon
I went to Vegas for my 30th with my husband (we lived in SF, so it was just a long weekend trip). Totally low-key and perfect for me: we ate a lot of really good food, I did some shopping, we went to the pool, saw a show and did a daytrip to Death Valley NP. I think I would like to do a bucketlist trip for my 40th – my kids will be 7 and 9, which seems old enough to do some of the more adventurous trips like Galapagos or safari that we’ve been delaying during the baby/toddler phase. 35 is my next birthday and feels significant to me too, for some reason (maybe because it’s drilled into us as such a fertility benchmark?), but since my kids are still little I doubt we’ll do anything too exciting, probably just a long weekend in a nearby city.
Pep
I’m celebrating a milestone birthday this year, and my guy took me on a two-week cruise/tour of Alaska.
For his last milestone birthday, I threw a big, catered party. He’s a party kind of guy; that’s what he wanted.
ElisaR
For my 40th birthday I celebrated with a cup of caffeinated tea (i was super pregnant).
I say this to encourage everyone to do something fun if at all possible!
Anonome
If it makes you feel better, I spent my 30th attending my mother-in-law’s funeral.
ElisaR
no, that does not make me feel “better”.
anon
haha, I was also pregnant on my 40th bday.
Ellen
Elisa, Wow, I am so glad both you and Anon celebrated your 40th birthday pregnant!!! There is hope for me!!!! When I get there in a couple of years, I hope I am already MARRIED and have a child already, but if not, I at least can look to you for hope that I will still be fertile enough to get pregnant! YAY for you! Hopefully all has gone well with your kids and will go well for me. My OBGYN says I am doing well with ovulation, so all I need is a decent guy with good sperm that can swim up to find my eggs in my cervix. I do NOT want to do the INVITRO or freezing my e’ggs any more b/c I have just read horror stories in the NY Times about these freezing places mixing up our eggs, and us winding up with kids who are not our own. FOOEY!
JP
I think 40 is the big milestone for me – the only special thing I did for my 30th was get three types of cake to enjoy. My husband is a couple years older, so for his upcoming 40th we’re doing a big night out at a pro sporting event with about 30 people. It made sense to go to a game because he’s a huge fan, our package includes food/beer/wine, and our family members loved the excuse to come in town to celebrate. For my 40th in 2020 we’re planning a big trip abroad with some friend, to a destination that is going to take some extensive planning to see everything, and to be able to visit a close friend who lives there.
Anon
My 16th birthday was the best – a trip to NYC, a concert, a Broadway show, and shopping! I haven’t been able to top it since. Hamilton is coming to my city on my 35th birthday and I would love to go but tickets will probably be impossible to get.
Anon
If season tickets to your city’s theater is an option, you may be able to get those and just use them for Hamilton. I’m in the Midwest but got season tickets (nosebleed seats) for ~$150. I’m sure Hamilton will be more than that on the third party sellers, if I could even get them.
NOLA
I did the VIP lottery for Hamilton tickets here and they were actually not impossible to get and not hideously expensive (really good seats for under $200).
Shell
For my 40th, I went to Bermuda to run the Bermuda Triangle Challenge (1mi race Friday night, 10k Saturday morning, half marathon Sunday). Sunday was my actual birthday so I wore a birthday sash while running and everyone was so wonderful. All the people out spectating, people working the water stops, other runners, a motorcycle policeman all wished me a happy birthday, sang, etc. It was a spectacle and I enjoyed it. There was about 8 or 9 of us that went.
Anon
I do a destination half marathon for my birthday every year. It’s either to someplace I’ve never been, or to visit good friends who live far away. Such fun.
I love birthdays!
For our 40th birthday we threw ourselves a party (my husband and I have birthdays close together). We invited local friends. It was in our house, but we had it catered: heavy appetizers, wine, and a signature cocktail. We made a playlist and danced for hours. It was great.
I had a very different party for my 30th, when I had recently become a mom: I hosted several girlfriends at a pottery painting place. We had snacks and ice cream cake. It allowed us time to sit together and chat for a couple evening hours while we painted.
I realize now that my parties have never included my siblings. Now, as they start to approach 40 there’s a precedent of not celebrating it together, but I’d like to celebrate with them. Will have to figure out how to manage that.
I would really love to do the spa thing with a bunch of women, but it seems really expensive.
Gov in NOVA
I split my 30th birthday celebration over a few events with very close friends: I ran a half marathon on my actual birthday with my running BFF (very fun for us, though not everyone’s cup of tea), did a week long trip to Iceland with by college BFF (in between my birthday and hers…both of us turning 30), and then saw Hamilton with my spouse. All memorable and fun for me, with the people closest to me. We all talked about one big trip, but all of us have different travel styles and didn’t agree on what to do, so separate things worked well.
35 is coming up, but that doesn’t feel quite like a milestone for me, so it will likely be a fancy dinner and a massage for me.
Panda Bear
I’m getting close to celebrating my 40th by finally paying off my student loans. Then I’ll use the money I’m no longer spending on loans to cover my financial-stress-induced grey hairs with better hair color :) Seriously though, it will feel amazing to be done with them, and having my b-day as a landmark goal to get it done by is helping me stay on track.
ElisaR
congratulations!
Senior Attorney
We are Very Very Old so our milestone birthdays are Very Very High Numbers and we went all out for our recent ones.
For my husband’s 70th we had a 70s-themed disco party for about 125 people in a rented space. Everybody dressed up in costume and he and I dressed up like the poster from Saturday Night Fever with the three-piece white suit and red off-the-shoulder dress. We had costume contests and dance contests and it was amazing and everybody loved it. Open bar, of course, and 70s-themed food.
Last year for my 60th we had a destination party — we went to New York and rented a party boat and did a dinner dance while it cruised around NY Harbor including the Statue of Liberty. About 60 people showed up and it was fantastic.
Other than that the biggest milestone birthday I ever had was when my mom invited all my friends over for a surprise pizza-and-cake party on my 16th.
Senior Attorney
After the 70s party my son asked me when we were going to have an 80s party. And I was all, “In ten years, duh!”
I love birthdays!
Senior Attorney, you sound awesome (this post is just the latest to confirm it; you always sound awesome). Can’t wait to read about the 80’s party you throw when your husband turns 80. :)
Anon
Not a criticism of anyone, but SA is describing parties that cost piles of money. Those are in the five figures each, right? Creative and fun, yes, but it’s a lot easier to be creative and fun with a $20,000 budget than a $200 budget.
Skipper
I’m not at all sure what your point is here, anon at 246. The fact that some people have money is hardly news on this board.
Anon
My point is clear.
Worry about yourself
Yeah? There’s nothing inherently wrong with spending that kind of money to celebrate an important birthday or other life milestone. We wouldn’t bat an eye at a wedding that costs 20k – at least I wouldn’t. I realize it’s not do-able for everyone, but if someone wants to rent a space and hire a caterer to celebrate something they feel is worth celebrating, and they have the money to do so, what’s the issue? No one is having a big party at you, and no one is saying you need to spend that much to throw a nice party.
Flats Only
And honestly, having a pricey party at least means you’re entertaining friends, so you’re contributing fun to your own little community. I spent between $15K and $18K for trips for my last two big birthdays, and no-one got to enjoy that spend except my husband and I!
Anon
My first words were “Not a criticism of anyone.” Perhaps you need to readjust your ability to read.
ElisaR
I agree Senior Attorney you sound very cool! (I always thought that but this reinforces it)
Worry about yourself
A few days before my 30th birthday, my mom and dad treated me (and my boyfriend, my sister, and her boyfriend) to a nice steak dinner. I requested rose gold 3 and 0 balloons as I’d seen other people displaying them in restaurants for their 30th birthdays. I also treated myself to a rose gold tiara with rhinestones that said “30” on it. I then taped the 3 and 0 balloons up in my apartment in preparation of my party, I had maybe 10ish friends over to hang out, drink, and play some party games, which was a lot of fun, my two best friends from back home came for the party. Then the next morning my boyfriend and I went on a trip, which included Vegas, and I used that to continue the birthday fun.
Senior Attorney
Sounds great!! I also had a tiara for my big birthday. Tiaras for the win, says I!!
Mrs. Jones
DH and I turned 40 the same year and had a birthday party at our house with a band and catering.
NOLA
For my 40th, we borrowed a karaoke machine and had a catered party at a friend’s house. I wanted an activity and karaoke was perfect. I have a lot of singer friends and some aspiring singers and everyone loved it. Having it catered and somewhere other than my house made it *much* less stressful.
For my 50th, I went to Austria and Germany with my friend whom I met when we were 20 year old college students in school in Vienna. I turned 20 in Vienna and then turned 50 there as well. My friend actually went on three 50th birthday trips that year – mine, hers (to Barcelona) and her SO’s (to Sicily). I think she got the best deal!
Anon
For my 30th I had a 1920s themed party (“Goodbye Roaring ’20s”). It was at my house. Friends dressed up, we played 1920s style music, served food and drink that was popular at the time (e.g. Bees Knees cocktails, fried chicken, etc.).
Legally Brunette
For my 40th I threw myself a party with about 75 people at a nearby restaurant. Food was good, lots of time to chat with friends, and there were some heartfelt speeches. The best thing I did is hire a party planner to handle all of the logistics — it made everything 100% more fun and enjoyable.
Senior Attorney
Amen to the party planner!!
Anon
My girlfriends and I have a tradition of going away for our 30th birthdays. If someone can’t come, that’s fine, no one is offended but we all really love the tradition of going away for a few days and celebrating!
Looking forward to 35
Most of my friend group are all the same age so in our 30th birthday year I went on a girl’s trip to Cancun for my college roommates birthday, my husband threw a surprise Harry Potter themed party for mine, we took a group trip to Vegas in the middle of all of our birthdays for a group celebration and then I threw a video game themed birthday party for my husband at Bar-cade. Looking forward to a few more years when we all turn 35!
Irish Midori
I threw my husband a surprise 39 1/2 year birthday party. He thought he was going to a tap house to meet a few friends, and when he got there, I had beat him there (he biked; I drove), and 50 of our friends were there with a banner and cake. He never saw it coming, and it was fantastic. I had guests write down “bucket list” suggestions for him to accomplish before he turned 40 on index cards and put them in a jar. We had a good laugh about it afterward.
His birthday is close to Christmas, and most of our friends (us too) are not from where we live so travel at the holidays. I knew we’d never get people together for his actual birthday, so this was a good alternative.
Daydreaming
My husband and I will celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary, both turn 40, and should finish my student loans–all within six months of each other–plus our kids will be 2, 5, and 6–so hopefully all out of diapers. I don’t know what we are going to do to celebrate (it’s still 2 years away)–but it’s one of our favorite “games” to play to discuss it with each other. We’ve never been big birthday people. And we planned a very low key (but completely perfect in every way for us) 60 person wedding at a beach house. So we enjoy discussing all the possibilities which range from a big party to a trip to renting the same big beautiful beach house and inviting closest family down for the week. Not sure what we’ll do yet, but it’s one of our favorite fantasy conversations.
Anonymous
For my 40th, I went to Paris/Normandy/Mont St. Michel with my husband. I’m not a big public birthday person. For my husband’s 50th last year we went to Napa with friends and had dinner at The French Laundry.
Victoria
30: Didn’t want to focus on a “big birthday,” so I got my friends together to volunteer at the local food bank for the day. It was a fun way to give back and focus on something other than getting older.
35: Having evolved to love my big birthdays, I took a long weekend trip to Cancun with one of my closest friends. It was all-inclusive and totally lazy. It was wonderful.
Anonymous
For 30 I had a steak dinner with my husband. We had just gotten married and I had just started a new job, so a trip wasn’t in the cards and I’m not a party person. For his 30th, we went to Japan. There was a big difference in finances between those years. For 40, I want a safari trip.
M
For DH’s 30th birthday, we went to a World Series baseball game. For my 30th birthday, we went to Istanbul and Jordan. I turned 30 at a Bedouin Camp in Wadi Rum (one of my favorite experiences ever). For DH’s 35th birthday, we went to a World Series baseball game. We are approaching my 35th birthday in October. I am leaning toward a weekend in NYC with one dinner at a great restaurant and a much more come-as-you-are gathering at our favorite wine bar at home to celebrate with friends.
OMFG LT!
For my upcoming 4-0 we are headed to Hawaii, mostly on the airline miles and hotel points from my business travels. DH is NOT excited about a week of R&R (he is def more of a city vacation kind of guy) but I have lured him with promises of volcanoes and hikes and very little actual cash to be spent. We were unable to take his 40th bday trip due to PTO issues, so next year (after he’s blown past the age of 44) we will head to Scotland to fulfill his milestone bday wish.
For our 15th wedding anniversary last year we went to Portugal, Spain, and Morocco.