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Coffee Break: Double Knot Earrings

mixed metal double knot earrings with gold and silver loops

I've noticed a trend lately of what I'll call “oversized post earrings” — these double knots from Heaven Mayhem, for example, are 2-3x the size of posts and huggies that we've seen before the trend. It almost reminds me of costume jewelry from the '50s, but the styles are much more daytime-appropriate than a lot of the costume jewelry.

My $.02: I think they still have a conservative look, and would be fine for casual days at the office. For bigger/more important days, though, I think you want to ask yourself whether people will remember you or your earrings. (I think there's also maybe an element of, “do you have the personality to match those earrings?”)

The pictured ones are a great example of how to do the trend the right way, and I love the mixed metals. They're $110, at Shopbop.

As of 2024, some of our latest favorite brands of jewelry where you can reliably find mixed metal jewelry include Mejuri's “Duet” line, The Posh Tech, and David Yurman.

Apple Watch band with mixed metals
The Posh Tech
ring with mixed metals from Mejuri
Mejuri (exact)
ring with mixed metals
David Yurman
bracelet with mixed metals
Jenny Bird

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

221 Comments

  1. What is a reasonable end of year bonus for someone who works 15 hours a week at $18/hour (slightly above minimum wage in this state)? They joined the office in April, if that makes a difference.

    1. This is an impossibly open-ended question. What’s the office norm? Was there a contract?

    2. It definitely depends on the contract, but in general I’ve either done nothing (grinch?) or the equivalent of one month’s pay (lots should come up if you google the 13th month).

      1. A whole month sounds like a lot to me, but thinking about it as “one week” or “one paycheck” – so if their paycheck is 2 weeks, that would make sense, but if their paycheck is one month, then maybe that.

    3. Assuming it wasn’t in the offer letter or otherwise you have precedent… what % of annual pay do similarly situated FTEs receive? Like if they’d get a 10% bonus, prorated by start date (a quarter of the way into the year in this case), this person would get (52 weeks x 15 x $18)(0.1)(.75) or about $1000.

    4. If it makes a difference there are no other hourly employees and this is the only staff person. Last year I think I gave the equivalent of two weeks pay, but their hours were a lot more varied. I wasn’t sure what the norm might be.

      1. My high school and college jobs all gave roughly one paycheck’s worth as a holiday bonus, perhaps rounded to a clean number.

      2. If you can afford it, two weeks of pay is a game changer for people in that position.

    5. I don’t think this is bonus territory, this seems like a gift card to acknowledge the holidays situation. With those hours and that rate, it’s unlikely that this person is doing work that has bonus-level impact. Sure, it might be work that you need done, but bonus is usually to confirm that your performance actually resulted in the requisite impact.

      In my workplace, contractors and freelancers don’t receive a bonus. This person sounds like they’re acting in that capacity.

  2. My friend is in a non monogamous relationship. She and her then-long-term-boyfriend-now-fiancée opened it up a little while back. The deal is that they can each go on dates etc but shouldn’t tell the other. Recently he told her that since he’s very busy at work she should go on more of these dates.

    I feel uncomfortable when she tells me about these dates. I know it’s legit but something feels off. I know other poly people but they’re not engaged to any of their partners and generally all know about everyone.

    Would it be massively uncool
    for me to tell her that I’m comfortable with it or just that I’m not interested in talking about it! I’m debating just not engaging too much with it.

    1. I don’t want to hear about anyone’s hunting trip in detail or their MAGA views on vaccination or heck, even just their experiences with potty training as I don’t have children myself so can’t relate. It’s OK to be friends with someone without having to be an open ear to things you find morally difficult or even just ick. I think it’s OK to put guardrails around topics. If you don’t, you find yourself just avoiding them altogether over time.

    2. I’m so fascinated by this – “dates”? like they can keep shopping for someone better? or do they mean dates that are just hookups? how many dates are they allowed to go on with the same person?

      1. Like a dinner + hookup. I’m not sure about how many dates. I don’t think its shopping around since they are actively wedding planning and getting married soon-ish.

        1. Very curious about what those vows are going to entail!

          OP, maybe I’m desperately uncool, but I wouldn’t want to hear about the details. How open is your friend to hearing, “Hey, friend, glad that you and John have found something that works for you and makes you both happy, but I’m not comfortable hearing about the other dating arrangements.” Or … just change the subject when it comes up, though it might be obvious after awhile.

          1. I think she might take it as I don’t approve of it. She is very open about this, defintiely would want to know why I don’t want to hear about it.

          2. The answer to her veruy definitely wanting to know why you don’t want to hear about it is “because I don’t.” She doesn’t get to demand that you approve her choices if you don’t approve her choices. She doesn’t get to control your very human reaction. She gets to control her own reaction, whether or not she’ll accommodate your request and stay friends, or demand too much from you and end the friendship. So it really is all up to her.

          3. I assume you don’t want to hear about the after-dinner portion with her main partners. So, I’d frame it as “hey, I’m happy to hear about the restaurant you went to or any crazy mishaps, but we don’t really talk about x, y, z with [name] so I don’t want to hear about it with your dates.”

    3. It would make it weird for me that I know all these details that her fiancee specifically isn’t to know. It’s okay that she wants to talk about it with someone, but I would not be okay with being the someone at least if I also knew the fiancee.

      1. Yes exactly. I’ve been trying to pinpoint exactly what it is and it’s that I’m friends with the fiancée too, i don’t want to hear about his girlfriends other boyfriend.

        1. Yeah I think this is what makes it a bigger ask. It would probably be easier for someone who only knew her to be the friend for these conversations!

        2. I think this is a great way to bow out of these discussions with her. You know, Susie, I love that John and I are friends with you and Matt, and I think it would be one thing if Matt knew all of these details also. But because you guys have agreed not to talk about them with each other, it feels a little too weird to know about it. I’m so glad you guys found something that works for you though!

    4. I think it’s ok to put boundaries on talking about relationship stuff but you also have to put boundaries on your heteronormative sharing too. Otherwise you are definitely being uncool. There are lots of people in open relationships even after being married. That’s the boundaries for their relationship. I might not personally do it but that’s not my relationship. It sounds a bit like you’re uncomfortable hearing about her activities because you wouldn’t have that kind of relationship which is fine, but make sure the boundary with your friend applies to your relationships too.

      1. I literally never want to talk about or will bring up dating so that’s fine with me.

      2. It’s not about heteronormativity it’s about putting your friend in an awkward situation where they have to keep secrets

        1. +1

          Plus, I don’t necessarily want to discuss the s3xual parts of my friends’ relationships, except in the most general terms possible.

        2. It doesn’t sound like they’re keeping secrets. They are in an open relationship where they have agreed to not share details about their other partners. That’s not a secret, it’s a boundary. You don’t have to agree with what they decided but it’s not like infidelity.

      3. Agree with this. There are other relationship models out there and its worthwhile being a little open-minded not even because you are curious about that model but because you will become a more informed person about the breadth of human experience happening around you. But I can understand not wanting details if you are friends with both members of the couple and THEY aren’t sharing details – that puts you in an awkward omniscient narrator spot.

      4. That’s just another word for cheating and devaluing yourself. Go ahead and pretend that it’s some cool alternative lifestyle if it makes you feel better but if it was my friend, I’d encourage her to value herself more and just DTMFA already.

        1. I didn’t love the vibe of “I’m busy, so go on dates with other people to get out of my hair.” But OP was specifically asking about non-judgmental responses!

    5. I would not like this. I understand why she would want to discuss it but she’s defacto making you responsible for keeping her secrets too which isn’t cool. I also want friends I can just be chill with, constantly having to be ‘on’ to remember the right lie and secrets is hard.

    6. I think you can straight up tell her you don’t want to hear about anything she isn’t sharing with her actual partner.

      1. This is a good framing for not coming off as judgemental. Just say that you’re friends with fiancee too and don’t want to know things that you’re specifically supposed to keep from him.

    7. An old friend sprang his polyamory announcement on me at a dinner we planned for when I was visiting his city. He did it like he was “coming out” as polyamorous. Then it turned into a discussion of how his spouse didn’t meet his needs and … in hindsight I wish I had just left then. I had been a guest at his very small wedding just a few years prior, and was also friends with his spouse. I listened for way too long, in a way that, in hindsight, probably came across as approval rather than the sort of shocked, awkward listening it was.

      So, OP, trust your instincts here. If you’re not comfortable, just move the conversation to another topic.

    8. I would ask her not to tell me anything that shouldn’t be repeated to her fiance because my foot basically lives in my mouth. There is a 100% likelihood that I will let something slip that both of them would rather him not know. Please don’t put me in the position that I have to figure out what is harmless girltalk vs what is a Secret.

      It’s not that I can’t keep a secret, I can, but routine conversation topics just don’t live in the same space in my brain as, Lisa is 4 weeks pregnant, or Cindy snooped in her husband’s phone, or Nancy drunkenly made out with a dude at Hillary’s bachelorette. If it feels like idle chit chat then it’s probably going to come out of my mouth at some point when your fiancé is around.

  3. Maybe it’s not the norm for readers here, but possibly it is for your families: How typical is it for parents to sign / co-sign college loans for their kids? I get that kids can borrow smaller amounts on their own (but I’m not sure how much; not as much as it is for grad school). This is just for amounts where you need a co-signer (which maybe are just private loans?).

    My kids are younger; I’m a bit petrified based on some family holiday chatter. FWIW, we are all first-generation to college / kids in college formerly poor people from the US, so about as unsophisticated as you can be for what norms in this area are. And ripe for being taken advantage of based on the heartstrings of “but this lets Avery go to college, which was meemaw’s dream.”

    I get the the days of being able to put yourself through college are largely over. It’s either the GI bill or scoring well and undershooting for a less-selective college that will give you merit aid in excess of need-based aid (and as a family of teachers and municipal workers, we are not rich but also not currently poor, just not flush with cash).

    1. I don’t think a blog can answer how typical anything is…however, many top private colleges now have much more generous need-based aid to families making less than 200k per year.

    2. It’s predatory and keeps them in a cycle of debt (and often stuck working well past when they should/want to retire) by preying on their love for their children.

      1. Many middle class families’ refusal to accept that 2 years of community college + two years at a university still gets the same degree keeps tuitions high and students deeply in debt.

        1. It’s more like 2 years of community college + 3 years at state U + an extra year of lost income. That’s if there are even any courses at the community college that satisfy prerequisites for the major and that the kid hasn’t already fulfilled with APs. The math just doesn’t math.

          A better path will usually be a cheapo state school like South Carolina or a lower-ranked private college that gives merit aid.

          2. Yes! I certainly know motivated students with sophisticated parents who have successfully transitioned from community college to university and gone on to graduate, usually with at least some loss of credits. But the statistics in California are pretty grim and getting accurate information about what transfers and what does not is much harder than it should be. (And that does not take into account other issues surrounding quality of education and how prepared a student will be for upper division courses.) People keep talking about CC as if it is an obvious and easy solution to the affordability issues but that is not true everywhere or for everyone.

        2. I don’t think that that works for a lot of programs though. In theory yes but not where I live.

          1. I mean lord knows what’s going to happen now given the recent election, but the plan has been to direct more kids to community college for two years and state universities for two years. I can’t speak to how that works for private universities, but this has been the long term educational plan as tuitions have inflated far more steeply than general inflation (which has been bad enough already.) We are already there in California. Community colleges have a guaranteed transfer path into the UCs and the UCs have to accept these students as juniors.

          3. It’s hard to tell what’s true though. It has always been true that many, many community college students drop out somewhere along the line, or stop going to school after getting an associates degree. Many vocational programs work that way. It’s nearly impossible to tease out which students truly were on the path to a UC or CSU transfer from day one.

        3. and the devaluation of this option as something that isn’t “as good” / “for people who can’t afford it” that disadvantage students who sensibly take this approach in the future job market

      1. I don’t think that that’s the option it seems to be. If the EFC is more than a kid can borrow on their own and less than a family has on hand . . . what is the option? Even community college often gets you only 2 years (less if you have done dual enrollment or have AP credits as there is a limit to how much you can advance at a CC). State U with room and board is not inexpensive. If you have multiple kids, your cash runs out quicker.

        IDK what the answer is but outside of my bougie job friends, I hear people discussing it enough to know it’s a thing.

        2. 1. Merit aid.

          2. If they aren’t talented enough for merit aid, live at home and commute to a regional comprehensive. Work part time.

          3. Work during the day (full time admin job if you can swing it), go at night, live at home.

          1. #4. Work entry level grounds/office/janitorial at a college/university that offers free tuition to employees.

          2. Yes, yes, yes. If you can’t swing merit aid do NOT go to a school where you need it – go PT and work and take that route.

        3. Gap year where kid works as hard as possible to save as much money as possible while parents also work extra shifts. Not every kid needs to start college at 18; 19 is just fine.

    4. As the child of a teacher and a municipal worker: my parents didn’t co-sign any student loans. I got good need based financial aid at a non ivy but still very good private college, which made my tuition much cheaper than it would have been to go in state. I took out 30k in loans and my parents covered the balance with a HELOC. This was ~10 years ago (2012-2016), total cost of attendance at the time was roughly 55k. I also worked 2 PT jobs and graduated with like $1,000 to my name. Paid off my loans by 25 by living at home and throwing all my money towards it.

      My brother wasn’t as strong of a student so he did the community college then transfer to a local university all while living at home and working route. He graduated in 6 years (because he was never a FT student) debt free; my parents covered some tuition but he paid most of his way. He also paid $0 for living at home – free rent, utilities, groceries, and use of a car.

      My cousins are also children of teachers and government workers (the not inaccurate joke is that teaching is the family business on my mom’s side and government is the family business on my dad’s side – and my brother is a teacher and I’m a fed so it lives for another generation) went about it differently: some got good aid but still had to take out $$$ loans all in their name, some got decent aid + their loans + their parents took out loans. I know that for one cousin he somehow has no loans but his parents have like 80k of loans for his education…

      Most of us went to really good schools + had plans that made sense and were realistic (one cousin took $$$ loans to go Ivy, but followed it up with a very lucrative ibanking career; my brother kept his expenses lower because he wanted to teach and knew he wouldn’t have a high salary). Another cousin got good aid at an Ivy, went into nursing and then got her NP and does very well… and two cousins made poor choices spending $$$$ and taking out 6 figure loans for good but not great schools and went into fine but not lucrative careers and now in their early 30s they’re still bogged down by loans.

      At a good private school, there’s more money for need based aid than you’d expect. I have several friends from college from similar financial backgrounds and we all ended up at our pricey private school because it was cheaper than going in state public.

      IME, except in a few states flagship state universities aren’t the best deal for families like ours. They’re pricier than smaller state schools but don’t give generous aid like private schools. You have to be careful about smaller public schools though, I’ve adjuncted at one and the quality of education isn’t great.

      1. That’s not really relevant. College is exponentially more expensive now. And most people aren’t the golden gems getting a lot of aid and many people go to schools with little to no endowment money to throw around. Cross-subsidizing of really poor people is a thing, to the point where there aren’t enough rich people paying in and even the middle class is paying a lot of money.

        1. I’m literally explaining the types of colleges to target if this is your plan. There are still plenty of good colleges with money to throw at impressive students, more specifically I would recommend checking out the Patriot League and other schools that fit that profile.

          Using PA as an example, Penn State is too expensive and won’t offer much aid. Some PA state schools are much cheaper but not “worth it” academically or financially or connections-wise so check out a Lehigh/Bucknell/Carnegie Mellon/Haverford/Swathmore – they have money to offer to strong candidates and will open doors and provide opportunities that Kutztown or Bloomsburg won’t.

          Sure college is a lot more expensive than it was when I was a student, but college was still very, very expensive back then (it’s not like my example is 25 years old). My cousins who I referenced are mostly younger, as is my brother.

        2. Agree. I could tell my own tale about how going to a lesser prestige private school ended up being cheaper for me than state school because they gave me more financial aid. But I’m just about done getting two kids through college and the landscape has changed so, so much. It is ridiculously expensive now, even in-state (which is where my kids went save one short graduate program at a private that was basically covered by a grant.)

          1. My daughter is a freshman, and a slightly less prestigious overall (but better in her field) private school is about $8,000 per year cheaper for us than the flagship state U to which she was accepted.

      2. Back when I went to school, I was OOS at a flagship state U and between working as an RA and finagling my way into residency as a junior, was able to pay most of that cost. But OOS tuition was maybe 5K more than in-state. Now it is multiples of in-state tuition and my home-state may give its best students free tuition but room/board costs are enormous. Community college + transfer works well for teachers but not so well for many well-paying majors like accounting and engineering. Also many “impacted” majors mean that kids take an extra year to graduate or have to change majors. The system is seriously broken.

        1. Community college followed by two years at State U worked fine for my STEM degree. My state actually has a program designed to streamline this: pre-reqs and intro level classes at the local CCs slide over to check the necessary boxes for specific majors at any of the top half dozen state U schools. I did have to follow application directions closely and make sure I took the precise collection of classes, but it was a huge savings over taking all four years at state U.

          1. This is what my brother did (Accounting major). Started at CC then transferred to a local private school. Though, with his GPA from the CC had his pick of probably 15 or so public and private universities (some very, very good) that had an agreement offering a) direct admission for CC students with a certain GPA and b) to honor the classes he took at CC, provided he followed the strict, yet clear, guidance.

          2. Yes, it’s that way in CA too. It’s the only way we are going to be able to educate all the kids who want a university education.

    5. Hmm. From what I can tell, most loans are taken out by the child, for all the reasons the posters above mentioned. The caveat is that most people in my social circles are going to public colleges and universities and are not paying private college tuition rates. The kids going to private schools usually get scholarships that bring the cost down to roughly state school levels. I imagine this calculus is much different depending on what schools you’re talking about.

      Then there’s the type of degree in question, and how easy or difficult it will be for the student to eventually repay the loans with on their likely salary. Don’t take out $200K of loans to pursue a teaching degree, KWIM?

      All this to say: this varies so much.

      1. I think we all like to think that our kids are the merit-aid kids who will get money thrown at them and then we wake up to a world where we are damn happy when our kids get into a party school that then expects us to pay full freight for tuition and room/board (so state U can easily be 20-30K/year). That is pretty steep for me and I’m not poor enough for aid but not rich enough that that’s just sitting around.

        1. Yeah, I think most people are in the same boat. There’s only so many scholarships to go around.

        2. Honestly if my kid’s best option is paying full freight at a party school then going straight to a 4 year college isn’t their path.

          I’m very pro education but you have to be reasonable. It’s not worth paying full freight for a party school; they can do a year of Americorps or start at community college or do something else and reevaluate but paying full freight at a party school is not something I’ll do.

          Especially given the jobs that graduates of those schools will likely get, the ROI isn’t there

        3. Not to even mention the complete fantasy of sports based scholarships. Being very very elite at a sport might get you admission, but it’s very unlikely to get you any money.

          1. My brother and I were discussing that this weekend – we were both college athletes, as were many of our cousins, and none of us got money for that. Admittedly, a lot of it was due to choice – like several of us were at Ivys that don’t do athletic scholarships, but still – it’s not like I turned down a scholarship offer to go to my school without money.

          2. Flip side: being really good at sports can get you into a top flight DIII school that meets all demonstrated need.

        4. Given that daycares in my city cost over $25k a year, I don’t think $20 to $30k for tuition and living expenses senses for college is that bad

          2. That’s just over $2k a month for daycare. Literally everyone I know in major cities pays that much

          3. anon at 8:02, we paid that in DC. I think the actual number was $23k when I added it all up and it was pre-pandemic.

          4. We paid $18k/year for infant daycare in a very LCOL area (Midwest college town) more than 5 years ago. I’m sure it’s $20k+ now. $25k-30k in a major city doesn’t shock me at all. And fwiw the local university tuition is less than $10k for in state tuition. I’ve always thought it’s kind of silly that there are loans for college but not daycare because the latter is more expensive.

    6. I think in my similar circle there is an idea that parents should pay for the kids college no matter what – including taking out loans. I don’t think that’s fair, especially since parents need to prepare for retirement too. Although I guess culturally the kids would help take care of the parents in retirement.

      1. Or maybe the kids would make good on the loans co-signed for them. I mean, I’d never expect that (which is why I’m not in favor in general), but I get why a parent would think they know their kid and if there are siblings, there is reinforcement that if one pays, the others follow suit and no one screws over the parents. BUT I think that kids do dumb things and often kids borrow for school and don’t finish degrees, drop out, take 5 years, get pregnant, have other life-happens things going on (and that’s why it’s a bad idea — mom can’t repo your degree but can sell the car she owns or co-owns).

        1. I just thing the kid should have the responsibility of the loans. Parents can help as much as possible, maybe give part of the money to pay back the loan if they have it later. But for all the reasons you listed, it should be in the kids name.

          1. Parent loans are for costs of attendance that are above the max (5K?) that a kid can borrow for undergrad. So the kid is solely on the hook already but this is above and beyond that.

    7. I think it’s not uncommon for parents to take out some loans, but you have to be careful to not shortchange your own retirement savings and be realistic about what the repayment looks like. Ideally, the family should have a shared expectation about how much they can afford and then tailor the college search based on that. And the student should actually do the math on what loan payments look like and what that means as they are starting out in their post-college life.
      The FB group Paying for College 101 is a wealth of information, too.

      1. Thanks — I keep wanting to quit FB but stuff like that group keeps me on it.

    8. I think my extended family is different from most people’s here. Conservative, lower middle class, Dave Ramsey types.

      They don’t co-sign. Kids go to community college, sometimes after taking a gap year to work hard and pile up cash. Parents pick up extra shifts. My aunt moved down in car to free up $10k one year (didn’t need a minivan anymore!). Kids do practical degrees, live off campus (which is cheaper where they are — obviously wouldn’t be at NYU), and work hard.

      Kids might still take out loans! We have one kid who is pre-med, and that kid absolutely will be taking out loans for med school, I’m sure. But there is a sense that the whole family is pitching in to reduce the burden as much as possible for as long as the kid is in school (well, college, none of them have done grad school).

      1. It actually was cheaper to live off campus at NYU! There were 5 of us in a 3 bedroom apartment, but still

        1. Yes, but I think her comment is that off campus at NYU is cheaper than on campus there, but fff campus at Rowan University (NJ state school) is cheaper than any option at NYU

          1. Oh, I was definitely assuming that NYU subsidized! I went to college near family, and one space in an on campus dorm room was like 2x-4x what you could rent a 1 bedroom for.

      2. Also, I have plenty of family where the kid just does a two year community college degree with a general plan to go back for more if their career requires.

    9. It would be helpful if the people responding would mention whether they have children and how old they are.

      I have a 24 year old and in her age bracket and our demographic (upper middle class/lower upper class), parents usually paid for college and our kids graduated debt-free. The conversation about how much parents could/would pay happened but most of us paid what public undergraduate in our state would cost, even if that meant borrowing against our houses (which I did not have to do but I only have one child and a relatively high paying job).

      I think “typical” matters less than setting realistic expectations at an early age. Among my daughter’s friends, there were families that just could not afford it. Their kids went to community college for two years, borrowed money, etc. and everyone understood. But she has another friend whose super-controlling parent refused to pay for anything more than tuition because she wanted her daughter to live at home for the 4 years. There was another whose parents made plenty of money but were not willing to fund their children’s education because they planned on retiring early. And I would not be surprised if those relationships are permanently damaged.

      I did not always max out my 401K but I saved for my daughter’s college. I might have to work another year or two (or three) as a result. And I am OK with that trade-off. My parents paid for my education and I feel like it was my obligation as a parent to do the same for my child if it was practically possible.

      1. I have one who is a senior in college and one who is a year out of college. My older kid graduated debt free thanks to our 529 and a very good Saving for College calculator that was spot-on telling us how much to save every month for in-state tuition, room and board. It was A LOT, not gonna lie, because we obviously have two kids fairly close in age.

        Both of my kids went in-state due to us being honest with them about how much money there would be for college and what we could cover. Second kid is finishing up in-state, but we will end up paying rent in addition to the 529 for about a semester. Even so, the calculator was pretty close.

        When my older kid was applying to universities, we kept talking about money and comparing tuition, room and board estimates, and got some pushback because all of her friends’ parents were saying “go to the best college you can get into, don’t worry about it.” Which I felt kind of bad about at the time, but I was trying to be realistic with both of my kids.

        Now the older kid’s friends are all graduating and getting their first jobs and realizing how huge their loan balances are. I think their parents did them a huge disservice, honestly. Some of these parents are my friends, which is awkward for me now that I know the truth.

        Talk to your kids about money, friends!

    10. I don’t know anyone who is cosigning loans for college kids. But I don’t know anyone who went to a fancy private university who wasn’t on a full scholarship. Everyone else is getting debt in their own name and/or taking 6+ years to finish the 4 year degree because they keep having to work more to get the money for next semester. There’s also some kids who’s parents can subsidize the education so between parent input, student loans, and part-time gigs they can make it through without as much (interest accumulating) debt. Give are the days where you could be undeclared the first year or two and then decide a major, you didn’t go to college unless you have A Plan for what that degree is going to get you.

    11. One thing they have now is better support for first-generation college students and their families. Look for those programs and the parent groups so you have good information – AND to help manage extended family expectations.

      Your children will be individuals. My two youngest – one is extremely frugal, independent, and careful and well, the youngest is more comfortable taking risks. Both make honor roll. We have different ideas about what works best with each student when scholarships and financial aid don’t cover everything.

      There are other ways to make college more affordable, like working as a resident assistant (if your kid is a match for that) to afford housing for years 2, 3, and 4 – yes there are GPA requirements as well as experience living on campus. This is more typical for state schools.

    12. Our large state university offers free tuition for students who graduate from high school in our state and have a minimum GPA. It does not cover fees or room and board. The first year my daughter went to college we paid about $8,000 in fees, dorm rent, and for the required meal plan. The next year, she lived off-campus and we paid about $2,000 in fees per semester, and we paid her share of rent of her apartment ($700/month). My son is looking at much more expensive colleges, but we are in the middle-class spot where we make too much for most need-based aid, but don’t have enough college savings to pay 4 years of expensive private school tuition. I don’t think it is likely we will take out loans though and will discourage him from taking them out. If he doesn’t get much aid, then he will likely go to our state school too.

    13. I grew up in a family that I joke as being “genteel middle class” – we once had money and thus my parents and grandparents were raised A Certain Way and now we’re all middle class because the family money dried up and everyone is a teacher (but also, because we’re all teachers, we all care a LOT about education). We’re still socially New England WASPs, but financially we’re not and we’re very practical about finances.

      Basically the way we’ve approached it is you need a plan with a good ROI; to get a good ROI you need a certain degree/intended profession and a school that will get you there (so don’t study accounting at a school that’s not a feeder for the Big 4; identify where you can do research as an undergrad and apply there). This means both the “name” of the school, but also opportunities that are available there (a 4+1 degree or a certain research lab or study abroad opportunity). Your intended path needs to be something that will pay enough to make the costs of the school worth it: don’t major in education at NYU or GW prices, for example. But also, don’t choose the cheapest school and major in education there if the certification pass rates are low or if the districts where they partner for student teaching aren’t good. Make sure its a place you can graduate from within 4 years. Too many public schools in my state can’t graduate a 4 year graduation because of class availability – do not go to one of those schools.

      I think education for the sake of education is really important and I don’t think college should simply exist as job training, but that being said – I can’t afford to spend 80k a year on education for the sake of education. Use electives for that, go to a school with good breadth and depth requirements, etc. but major in something more or less useful. Make your minor your passion and your major something practical. Or major in something mostly practical and follow that up with a really practical minor or second major. I studied International Relations because I wanted to work at State (*there are other ways I would go about this now, but that’s neither here nor there). My parents insisted I couple that with an education minor so I could teach social studies as a “fall back”.

      There’s nothing wrong with 2 years of community college + transfer to a local university. Before you do that, KNOW the GPA and credit and course requirements for transferring. Don’t do your two years at CC and then get caught with your credits not transferring or being in the wrong courses. Many CCs have direct admission to local universities (public and private, including some really prestigious schools), know what GPA you need to get that direct admission and make sure you get that GPA. Ditto scholarships for CC transfers. CC might seem “easy”, but you need to go into it with a plan just as bulletproof as your plan for a 4 year college.

      If you’re not sold on CC, take a year off to do Americorps or another useful gap year. Or join the military for one enlistment. Find scholarships that align with your gap year – whether its working at Wegman’s because they offer scholarships or its doing Americorps and then in addition to the grant they give (which is not much) finding scholarships for Americorps grads. Use the gap year to make your resume stand out so you are a more competitive applicant (unique work or volunteer experience) but also make sure you’re working and saving in the gap year (rather than making it an unpaid internship or a glorified vacation).

      There’s nothing wrong with going to college funded by the GI Bill or on an ROTC scholarship. Military service really sets you up for life (VA home loans, GI Bill, veteran’s preference in hiring). Make sure whatever you do in the military is applicable to a civilian career – my friend parlayed his time in the Army doing logistics into a great supply chain consulting career as a civilian. Is logistics as “cool” (in the eyes of an 18 year old) as infantry? No, but there’s no civilian infantry (and logistics is safer!). Also, I know we don’t love the idea of our kids in harms way, so choose your branch and job well on that front too – HR in the Air Force or Coast Guard is a lot different than anything in the Marines…

    14. Have they looked into international school options? I work with a lot of folks who come from a working class background and it’s pretty common for them to have gone to Europe or Canada for school. Your money usually goes a lot further and you can get a higher ranked university.

  4. If you have, um, athletic thighs like I do, have you found any cropped flares that are at least semi-flattering? I think the style is cute, especially with boots, but the cropped silhouette on my very curvy hips and thighs looks terrrrible. I get that not everything has to be flattering to the max, but the ones I’ve tried have been laughably bad, like they clearly don’t fit my body well.

    1. This is not an answer, but I’m just chiming in to say the current denim styles feel not unlike the Emperor’s New Clothes. What in heaven’s name are we all doing? “Here are the worst denim ideas from the last 40 years, all in one place?”

      1. Thank you! This and cropped shirts, too. My theory is the clothing factory workers in poor conditions in underdeveloped countries have found a way to get back at the rich consumers. Of course I know that these are actually designed by people in corporate offices, but I wonder sometimes if the factory worker thinks, “hmmm, let’s cut off half the shirt and see if the customer will still pay full price! We can add that fabric somewhere else!”

        1. There was someone on my boyfriend Kai Ryssdal’s show last week talking about how clothing manufacturers cut corners by using less fabric. How you’d be surprised at how making something 1″ shorter can really add up to substantial savings for the manufacturer. That’s one of the reasons everything is cropped, from tops and sweaters to pants. It’s cheaper for them.

          1. +1

            Same with garments that have minimal to no facings, tiny hems and itsy bitsy seams that can’t be let out, or no real pockets.

          2. As a fellow Kai Ryssdal lover, I enjoy that you referred to him as your boyfriend.

    2. I think the trick is that they can’t be that cropped or that flare. I recently bought some gray cropped flares from Loft that look decent on me – I’m a size 6/28 in their pants and always get Curvy fit if that’s an option. I tend to carry weight in my thighs.

    3. I am short with sturdy legs and I have cropped flares/bootcut from Loft and Old Navy that I really like. As per one response, they are just cropped enough.

  5. My husband’s job has great health insurance that is cheap. He is older than me though and may retire while we have kids who are <26 (we had kids late for me and even later for him). [Which is fine; he has some health issues.] I am self-employed at a small law firm, so our health insurance is unsubsidized and very expensive. Would it make sense to do a HDHP for me now (least expensive option) and bank any excess funds (and can any excess be used just by me or me/spouse later or me / family when they are <26)? I'd imagine that if / when he retires, we'd all be on this HDHP but I can get it now just for me. Or just wait and do that if/when he retires. What do you all do?

    1. Make sure to do the math; HDHP + HSA might be a better deal than a low deductible plan with high premiums anyway. HSA can be a lifesaver later on.

      1. Who can use the funds though? Just the original person? Or broader than that (anyone who could have been on the insurance)? Can they be inherited or do they die with you?

        1. There’s an annual cap on contributions ($8550 for a family or $4300 for individuals for 2025) so it’s not like you’re going to pile up such a windfall between now and your retirement that you couldn’t spend it only on yourself. Like you can pay Medicare premiums, costs of assisted living, etc.

          1. But you can invest HSA savings, and that’s how you end up with a few hundred grand in there. (My boss has $200k.) Withdrawals for health purposes are tax free. Congress haaates this loophole, though, so proceed with the knowledge that it might go away someday.

          2. Oh I agree, and am on the way to that myself with our family HSA, but not sure just how far the OP is behind her husband – if it’s say 10 years and she’s starting now, I don’t see it as risky that she couldn’t spend the funds only on herself if she had to.

          3. Now I’m curious. I’m 53 and spouse is 58, so I am retiring at 67 (my normal retirement age). Does it matter when spouse retires (62 vs 65 vs 68)?

        2. You can use the HSA funds for medical expenses for your spouse or dependent children, if you are claiming them on your tax return, even if they’re not covered by your HDHP. So this wrinkle means you can’t use HSA funds for kids who are out of school and working but under age 26, if they’re not dependents on your tax return.

          HSAs are inheritable.

          And to Anon at 3:35 pm, be careful about the nexus of HSAs, Social Security, and Medicare. Many people want to start collecting SS while they’re still working, but under current regs, that means automatic enrollment in Medicare Part A at age 65. And Medicare coverage makes you ineligible for an HSA. I know that’s a long way off for you, and things may change, but it’s good to keep in mind.

  6. What car “extras” are worth it to you? I was just thinking about how I’m glad we splurged for heated seats in our Subaru, and wondering what else we missed out on!

    1. Heated leather seats are worth the splurge, imo. I like how easy it is to clean leather instead of cloth, and heated seats in the winter are so, so nice!

      1. I’d never not get leather seats at this point. Wipe clean is always the answer.

      2. +1. We live in MA and have kids/dogs so heated leather seats plus a heated steering wheel are SO nice.

    2. Spray-off rubber floor mats.
      Cargo net.
      Roof rails and rack.
      Trailer hitch.

      But mainly #1, after heated seats.

    3. ha, as someone who lives in Houston, DH didn’t even realize once we had heated seats, turned them on by mistake and thought the car was going to explode…so in my mind an absolutely worthless extra

      1. LOL! Oh man, that’s probably true that the value of heated seats is entirely dependent on location!

          1. I’m in the Bay Area, so the heated seats aren’t as crucial for me, but they’re such a good heating pad. Any form of cramps or lower back pain is helped so much by about 15 minutes with the lowest level of heated seat on (I have a Volvo so maybe their lowest level is Swedish winter lowest level, IDK.) After about 15 minutes, it becomes annoying to me, but I love it when I first get into the car.

      3. As someone who lives in Texas, heated and air conditioned seats. Depending on the weather and who I’m in the car with, I’m usually using one of these.

    4. In addition to heated seats, the heated steering wheel is so nice that if it ever broke, I would probably get one of those heated wheel covers that plug in.

      1. I always pooh-poohed the heated steering wheel as an over-the-top feature, but once I got one (part of a package) I loooove it. It feels so good on my old hands.

      2. I recently told my husband that I love the heated steering wheel so much, I will never buy a car without one. My hands are always cold – I use it 3 seasons out of the year!

    5. Heated seats
      Sunroof
      Roof rack

      It’s not really an “extra,” as cars are designed that way or not: I love fold-flat front passengers’ seats.

      1. I always get those roof rails put on when I buy a car. You never know when you’re going to have to haul something slightly bigger than your cargo space (looking at you, IKEA) so they really come in handy.

    6. We got our minivan with ALL the extras – leather seats, heated seats, DVD player, etc. etc. We bought it slightly used! Easily saved about $15,000 so it did not feel like a splurge. Sometimes I still think about splurging for remote start, though – I’m in the south and park outside so it’d be great to have the heat start on these dreary winter days, or the A/C cooling the van down in the heat of summer.

    7. 360 camera and heads up display are the things I instantly miss whenever I have to drive a dealership loaner

      1. +1 to the 360 camera. I still actually look, but the cameras are very helpful. Particularly the side ones for on street parking and for backing in and out of tight spots, like parking garages.

      2. I have what I call the “drone cam” — it shows what looks like an aerial view of my car and I guess that’s what you’re referring to as the 360 camera. Can’t get along without it!

    9. Maybe easier if I tell you what I do not use:

      Built in booster seats, where the rear seats can be raised up. I got the car when my kids were in middle school, so that has been useless for us.

      Blind spot indicator light. It’s just annoying and I ignore it because it’s always lit, so now it’s meaningless.

      CD player. Who actually uses CDs in the car now that we have bluetooth to connect our phones?

      Speaking of Bluetooth, the corded USB interface in my 2017 car is hopelessly out of date, so thank goodness for the Bluetooth. And the USB doesn’t really have the juice to make much of a dent in charging my iPhone. Not sure what to say about this because tech inevitably moves forward. It’s just disappointing in a car, which is obviously not as simple to replace as your phone.

      My car automatically brakes when it’s approaching an obstacle. That includes the arm at a parking garage, so thanks car, yes, I see it, don’t need the whiplash. I just want to put my ticket into the machine and need 6 or so more inches to do it.

      I used to feel a sunroof was a necessity, but my sunroof had a leak and it took months and months to get the dealership to deal with it, so now I’m kind of anti-sunroof. It has its moments, but for the most part, I drive around with the cover over it and never think of it being there except to be glad it doesn’t leak anymore.

      Things I do love:
      This is old tech, but a backup camera seems so basic to me now. I am so uncomfortable driving my husband’s 2012 car that doesn’t have one!

      I also like that my passenger side mirror will tilt down when I’m backing up, which helps with parallel parking.

      I love the sound system in my car. I prefer it to any sound system in my house.

      Leather seats in a light beige have been great. They don’t get as hot as dark colored leather seats and have been easy to clean.

      I have both carpeted floor mats and rubber floor mats that my husband changes out for me seasonally.

      1. I’m the person that still uses CDs. Sometimes I just want to the listen to the whole album. Or I’m in a service deadzone.

        Heated steering wheel was something I didn’t know I needed until I got it, and now I will never buy a car without it.

  7. I hemmed some pants and now I think they are too short. Would you wear pants where you can see the top of your ankle / lower shin? They aren’t clam-diggers or pedal-pushers, but I didn’t intend for them to be so short. I could wear them on 50-degree days in winter but just worry that they look too weird (wool flannel, so I can’t wear in summer but in summer I wouldn’t hesitate but still wouldn’t prefer the look).

    1. I generally only wear pants that length in the summer with sandals or boat shoes.
      Quince shows their trousers that way so it must be in fashion – I’d suggest similar styling either with pointy toed shoes or chunky loafers:
      https://www.quince.com/women/women-s-italian-wool-slim-leg-ankle-pant?color=coal-melange&size=12&g_network=g&g_productchannel=online&g_adid=711389259260&g_acctid=978-058-8398&g_keyword=&g_adtype=pla&g_keywordid=pla-2356519238612&g_ifcreative=&g_adgroupid=166120544786&g_productid=45913705349290&g_merchantid=128669708&g_partition=2356519238612&g_campaignid=21641036159&g_ifproduct=product&g_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_campaign=&utm_term=45913705349290&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAx9q6BhCDARIsACwUxu7M7-uUS2T3vlpAROUQfmGDlLnZh-T-LTV_dA1PffV97B9o1zRbBy0aAh4TEALw_wcB

        1. One of my. co-workers is dressed this way today and I think she looks great. Definitely wear interesting shoes to make it look intentional.

      2. I have pants roughly that length but cut a little wider. I’ve been wearing them with boots that have a shaft that just about hits the hem. Might be something to try.

    2. I’d still wear those in the winter when it’s really cold because then I’d wear snow boots to the office and then change into heels/flats when I get there. Just depends on if you have to leave the office for an appointment.

    3. I would wear them in winter with the high “sock” booties or booties cut high enough that you aren’t bothered by a flash of a dark/same color sock.

      Then would wear in summer with flats etc..

  8. Tax/estate planning question:

    DH and I are discussing the option of starting annual gifting for our kids, ages 8 and 10. They’ll both be starting private school either next year or the year after. Is it allowed for us to gift them the annual limit to a custodial account, then use those funds to pay part of their private school tuition? I have a vague memory of a relative doing something similar when I was a kid, but my spouse says that it sounds shady.

    1. Why would you not just pay the school? I feel that if you can afford gifting and private school, you need to talk to an estate planner b/c a custodial account is almost never the right answer (kids get the funds at 18, which is not a good idea for funds of any significance).

      1. +1 to a planner for this question.
        We generally put the next 2-3 years tuition in laddered CD funds and any savings meant for a longer timeline goes in our usual long term savings vehicles.

      2. We would only use the custodial account for tuition. By the time the kids turn 18, the accounts would be depleted. The reason for gifting in the first place is to reduce our taxable estate long-term.

        1. If you have a taxable estate, 10K/year is not material in reducing it. I think you need an advisor and a basic road map.

          1. The gift limit for a married couple is $36k annually per kid, so $72k per year. We’re looking at a minimum of 7 years of private school tuition (combined for both kids), so roughly $0.5M in gifting, possibly more if they stay in private school long term.

            I thought maybe someone here might have considered this strategy but it sounds like that’s not the case. Thanks for the thoughts.

          2. OMG you just write a check directly to the school. You need an advisor and an understanding of the basics.

        2. This makes no sense. You’re going to end up with the same amount of money either way.

      1. But only $10k annually. Private school tuition is a lot more than that in our area.

    3. This doesn’t seem to have any tax benefits for anyone involved so i am confused by why you would not just pay the school directly.

    4. One thing to consider is that UGMA/UTMA accounts ARE considered for financial aid purposes, and starting in January of… sophomore year I think? So there is that. I also hesitate to take money out of my kids’ UTMA accounts because literally only they are supposed to take the money out. I’m still planning on taking money out but I’m going to keep great records.

    5. This doesn’t have any tax benefits for anyone and if you’re this rich pay a professional

    6. Estate planner here. This makes no sense. What’s the difference between paying the private school directly vs making gifts and then paying the private school from those gifts in terms of lowering your taxable estate? You’re literally paying the same amount either way. You should discuss tax/estate planning options with a professional estate planning attorney if you have a potentially taxable estate. A better plan would be to make annual exclusion gifts to trusts for your kids and in addition pay private school tuition directly.

  9. I wore a pair of earrings exactly like these in my first job out of college – in the mid 1980s. Yikes! I may still have them somewhere, but I can’t imagine I’d ever wear them again.

    2. They definitely look like an ’80s throwback (not ’50s) to me. I think the genre is kind of fun, although I don’t like this doorknocker pair. I’ve been wearing some vintage earrings lately, including a pair of large folded/textured sterling studs, about an inch wide and maybe 1.25 inches tall. I get a lot of compliments on them.

      1. I realize that as usual I am hopelessly behind the times, but I know for a fact that I rocked these well into the early 90s and only caught onto 90s minimalism late in the 90s.

  10. help me, hive — i need an ornament to bring to a party this weekend. need something under $20 that will be delivered in time. any ideas?

    1. oh and it’s a group of local liberal ladies, blind holiday ornament exchange

      3. Then shop local — go to your local bookstore or gift store and grab something cute and in budget.

      1. Yes, this. There was a cute one of a chinese takeout container that I just got this weekend on a whim.

    3. Can you get to a Cost Plus/World Market where you are? They have the best ornaments!

  11. Any one have experience leasing EVs? My understanding is that between the tax credits and end of year leasing deals, you can get a deal that’s not necessarily worse than buying for two years. But I’m a little wary of leasing in general. Conversely I’m worried about buying because the technology is advancing so quickly I’m not sure it would hold its value.

    2. Leasing is just paying for interest and depreciation over the course of the lease. At the end of the lease, you’ve put nothing toward the principal, so the residual payment/ converting the lease to ownership should be you paying the depreciated value of the car at that point. However, historically the auto market has not been perfect at forecasting the residual value of the car at the end of the lease.

      I have leased exactly one car in my life, and I did it because I knew I only wanted that kind of car for a few years. It worked out for me because they set the residual value too high at the beginning of my lease, which means I didn’t pay off enough of the depreciation over the life of the lease, so my best option was to walk away and not convert to ownership at that point. At the end of the lease, I could have bought the same car with similar mileage much cheaper elsewhere, which is why I’m saying the residual value was set too high.

      But it only worked for me because I really knew I would not want to buy the car at the end of the lease. And I also work in finance, and sort of knew that there was some concern that residual values were an issue for the type of car I was planning to lease, so I sort of made an informed bet and won it.

  12. The poster from last week warning about lead in vintage china had me down a rabbit hole this weekend.

    I have been trying to find out where different brands of dishes are made. Portmeirion/Spode I cannot be sure about; some items say Stoke-on-Trent and others China. Villeroy & Boch I believe are all made in Germany.

    Open to others – not thrilled about the prices on these but these will become every day as well as holiday dishes. So looking for white dishes.

    1. This is not an answer, but a lot of china manufacturers (Wedgwood, for one) moved their production to China a while back. The Wedgwood that I received for my wedding 25 years ago was made in England, but anything produced in that pattern in the last 10 or 15 years was made in China. It still says “England,” but not “made in England” on the back, and I can tell a difference in quality if I put an old plate next to a new plate. The old plates that say “made in England” have significantly better definition, like it was a better mold or process.

      1. Same – I’ve had to replace a few breaks over the years, and the new Wedgwood just isn’t as finely crafted as the old (plus the plates are a bit bigger), but I still love my pattern.

    2. Are you set on new china? My vintage set is made in France, but I just looked up the company and that’s no longer the case (I bought my china set second hand, I haven’t owned it for it’s whole life)

    3. My Portmeirion says on the back whether it was made in England or China. I have some of both.

    4. I love vintage china. I have three full sets and a tea set that coordinates but does not match with one of them (Johnson Brothers England.) Most of my Spode Christmas Tree is made in England, and says so, but newer pieces are made in China. Some people are fans of the made in China pieces because they’re specifically dishwasher and microwave safe. (That said, I do put my Made in England in the dishwasher, sue me.)

      My more recent concern with vintage china of any sort is that lead paint was routinely used in older dishes, even as recently as the early 2000s. The glaze should be protective, but it wears down over time. So if you’re feeding your kids food from the painted portion of old dishes, you may be introducing lead into their food. I feel pretty bad about this, because my kids have been eating off of Spode Christmas Tree for the entire month of December since they were tiny tots.

      Not sure what to do about it, but for now, I got some green glass plates from Duralex that I know for sure do not contain lead, and they are quite festive.

  13. Kind of late but my brother and his wife life abroad and for Christmas we typically give each other something trendy in our countries (usually clothing). E.g., his wife is into yoga/pilates so I’ve gifted her trendy workout sets from American brands, they are into hiking so I got them a popular hiking hat/Patagonia fleeces a few years ago; we’ve gifted them trendy shoes, etc.

    They are also new parents (as am I) but I couldn’t figure out a hot US specific baby item that they don’t already have, in case someone has a thought.

    This is usually one of my easiest gifts to figure out and I’m totally stumped this year. So for those of you who are more up on the trends this year than I am, suggestions?

    2. If you still want something to wear, stretchy PJs like Little Sleepies are pretty popular for babies. Patagonia also has some cute baby stuff, like their Furry Friends jackets. Toy-wise, Lovevery is popular.

    3. Magnetic Me has the softest sleepwear I’ve found (the modal, not the organic cotton), and the magnetic closures are clutch. Do they have a TushBaby? My husband scoffed at them, but we now have five stored in our cars, strollers, grandma, etc.

    6. Should have clarified that I’m looking for a gift for the parents (I have the baby covered and yes she is getting, along with the Lovevery box for her age, Little Sleepies Christmas pajamas that match my baby’s).

      2. Stanley cups (though based on how frequently water bottles get trendy and then are eclipsed, those are probably on their way out), Yeti wine glasses

        Adidas Gazelles (his and hers)

        Lady jacket (sweater or tweed)

      3. Stash socks if you ask my 20 something kids. Patagonia always. I cannot believe I’m recommending Crocs because I can’t stand them, but everyone seems to love Crocs as house shoes, or even out of the house shoes (gag.)

      4. As a relatively new mom too, please get something not baby related. I love when people acknowledge that I’m still a full person and not just a mom

    7. Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s A Gift from the Sea for the new mom. No idea for the new dad.

  14. I posted late last week about needing to rejuvenate my workout routine. I took an Orange Theory class the next day and liked it so much more than I expected to. So now I’ve joined a cult … I mean, boutique gym!

    1. Fellow cult member here. You won’t regret it! I’ve had major progress on my fitness goals in the 12 months I’ve been there. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

      1. I swear this was in a response to an Orange Theory post that I don’t even see anymore. Not a fan of the new mobile version here…

  15. I’m so annoyed with myself – I backed into DH’s car in the driveway and scratched my car and his. The scratch on my car is about an inch long and 1/4 in wide. I just got a quote from a dealership for $2000 to repair my scratch. That doesn’t include damage to husband’s car. I filed a claim and now we will get a quote from the collision shop that our insurance prefers. The scratches are so small and I feel like most of it can be buffed out. Is there any way this accident doesn’t cost me $1000?

    1. Why do you need to repair the scratches? Unless you are hoping to trade it in, I’d just let some scratches go. A runaway Target cart got my husband’s truck last year and we didn’t bother reporting it because we are going to use it until it’s dead or costing us too much to maintain. Even for trade in, I don’t know that it would actually decrease the trade in value too much. I’d run it through KBB with and without the damage to see an estimate of value.

      1. I would leave the scratch too. By the time I am done with my vehicle, it will be many years old and have 100,000+ miles on the odometer. Minor scratches won’t matter much to the buyer of this thing.

    2. YMMV (I am not a car person), but I wouldn’t get this fixed if its just a scratch. Easy way to save $1,000.

    3. You’re getting the eff off price for thos repairs. Source: my brother is a body shop tech

      1. This. It isn’t worth their time. Body shops around here were literally backed up for six months last year, doing things like collision damage.

        Buy a can of primer, a can of spray paint, a can of clear coat, and some stuff to buff it out.

    4. Rubbing compound (made by Turtle Wax) will remove paint from one car that transferred to another car. If the paint is not truly scratched through, this will clean it up quite well.

    5. My response is in mod, but recommending rubbing compound (made by Turtle Wax) as a quick and easy fix.

    6. You can get tiny containers of paint (google “auto touch up pen” or similar) in most normal car colors. It won’t look like new but it’ll cost $20 not $2000. (and painting over the scratch is a good idea to prevent rust)

      1. OP if you want to go this route you can get a manufacturer color paint pen from the parts department of your local dealership. Don’t order a paint pen online, suck it up and drive down to the dealership and pay $17 in person for it.

    7. I think that ship has sailed now that insurance is involved. Your premiums will go up.

    9. Whyyyy would you contact insurance over this? You just live with scratches, like the rest of the world does.

      1. +100 – not to mention that the increase in insurance would never be worth contacting insurance when it is both your own cars.

    10. Cancel the claim. Go to one of those dent repair places. They’ve got all the goo and things to cosmetically fix a few scratches. Probably $500 total for both cars.

    11. Never go to a dealership for body work. Just go to a body shop. Ask around to see if you know anyone with a personal connection, you’ll get better service.
      I have no idea why you bothered to contact your insurance over this. Take care of it yourself. You don’t file an insurance claim against yourself ffs.
      Most people would just live with this. Idk if your husband is demanding you make it right or if you just feel guilty but seriously if you’ve had the car for more than like a month it probably has other scratches.

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