Suit of the Week: M.M.LaFleur

80 Comments

1. What’s the best color for slip shorts? I can’t decide between skintone or a darker shade like charcoal, black, or navy. I’ll wear whatever but not sure if it’s better for a windy moment for people to squint and wonder if I’m flashing them or if I’m wearing bike shorts. (Finally buying something other than Jockey since Thigh Society has 25% off.)

   1. I prefer black when there’s a chance of exposure.

      If the dress or skirt is slightly see through, then I prefer skin tone.

      I don’t think I have anything that is both slightly see through and has a high risk of exposure!!

   2. I wear a dark color, not skin tone, specifically to eliminate any doubt I’m flashing someone.

   3. Depends on the color of the dress. With dark dresses I wear black. With lighter dresses I wear tan.

      1. +1

      2. +1

      3. Same.

         1. same, but with delicate lace! Simone Perele.

2. What would you wear to a work holiday dinner/party at a country golf club in mid December?

   1. the critical fact you left out is whether you are coming from an office or from home.

      1. I’m going from home. Temp will probably be 20-30s at best. It’s not a black tie event.

   2. probably black pants, a silky top in a festive color, and a velvet jacket.

   3. Sparkly sweater and long skirt.

   4. Velvety dress with sleeves. Fun shoes.

      1. Examples:
         https://tnuck.com/products/black-velvet-elodie-dress-1
         https://tnuck.com/products/navy-burnout-velvet-odette-maxi-dress
         https://us.boden.com/products/cassie-velvet-tea-dress-rumba-red
         https://us.boden.com/products/kate-velvet-shirt-dress-black
         https://www.talbots.com/stretch-velvet-v-neck-dress/P254033704.html
         https://www.talbots.com/effortless-velvet-a-line-dress—black-watch-plaid/P244036631.html
         https://www.talbots.com/velvet-draped-neck-midi-dress/P244036643.html

         1. Ooooo I like the Boden midi with belt!

            I didn’t think of velvet fabrics but definitely a good idea.

            1. Oh, really like the velvet shirtdress

3. A spin-off of a morning question: has anyone who has been together/married for 20+ years felt mostly happy and satisfied (including in the bedroom) the whole time? Especially if you got together young and didn’t have m/any other serious relationships.

   I’m not being flippant or trying to discredit the OP, I am truly curious. I’ve been with DH since we were 19 (ish – off and on at first) and we are now almost 40. There are so many positives to our life, and he is a very good person, partner and father, but I’m definitely feeling stagnation and twinges of “what if”. I feel like everyone probably has grass is greener thoughts as relationships hit the several decades mark….do you?

   1. My strong guess is that you would be having the exact same thought about your career if you had had the same one since 19ish, but that leaving a stable career would also not necessarily be the best idea if you could solve for the grass is greener issue in another way.

      1. I’m close to several couples that started dating in high school or early college. The happiest couple broke up for a few months in their mid twenties (thinking it was likely permanent) and saw other people before getting back together. They’re sure they’re married because they want to be, not because of inertia or a fear of the unknown. They also learned from experience that the grass isn’t greener. I realize this isn’t helpful to OP unfortunately

   2. Met spouse at 18 and have been together now over 20 years. We have had a few ‘dry spells’ over the years but I’ve never second-guessed my choice of partner.

   3. Been together 18 years and there have been a few times I’ve had doubts or frustrations, particularly because my husband has a passive personality and it can be challenging to navigate that together sometimes. He’s a wonderful person, though, and I remind myself that it is a fallacy to think there’s a “perfect” alternative out there.

   4. Not really . Honestly. I have abstract thoughts about marrying a really wealthy person but I can’t even imagine actually being with someone else. My marriage isn’t perfect but when I heard a friend talk about sometimes regretting marrying her husband it left me really upset. I’m sad and kind of shocked that people are walking around like that. I firmly believe you need friends and interests outside your marriage but I would never trade him. It’s like we’ve grown together so much that I know no one else will ever really get me the way he does. I don’t really believe in soul mates. I don’t think I loved him more deeply or passionately than anyone with a failed marriage loved their husband at the outset. I don’t think I was a better wife. But at this point he’s just so firmly my person in a way he really wasn’t at the beginning of our marriage. I should add we don’t have extraordinary lives; we didn’t climb mountains or even build a business together. Just regular jobs and kids and houses and tragic losses and normal messed up families. And somehow just living together that has bonded together in a way that, god forbid he dies or divorces me, will make any other romantic relationship feel hollow.

      1. I agree with you 100%. I met my DH at 19, and we married at 22 & 24. We’re now in our mid-40s. He is my person. We have grown together, and he’s seen me through every life stage, good and bad. If something happened to him, God forbid, I’m not sure I’d ever marry or even date again. Because what is going to compare to that kind of history and life experience together?

         Does it mean our lives our romantic and connected all the time? Heck no! Do I ever wish I’d dated around more? Eh, IDK, it might’ve been fun, but I don’t feel like I missed out on much, given the dudes I knew before him.

         I know I got very, very lucky to find my person early in life, and I don’t take that for granted.

      2. This is spot on.

      3. This is beautifully said.

   5. I’m so glad I didn’t marry any of the people I dated in my teens or 20s.

      1. Same. But I also wish I met my husband sooner. He’s amazing and I’m lucky to spend the time we have together with him. We met later in life (40s) and have been together 15 years. I just didn’t get lucky enough to meet him when we were younger.

         1. I wish I had met my current partner when we were younger so that we could have had children together. (We met in our late 40s, both divorced)

   6. Me.

      Had a few boyfriends including gardening, before I met my husband at age 19, married at 25, I am mid-40s now.
      There have been very happy stretches, and stretches which were challenging (small kid times, job stress, long distance moves). Bedroom-wise, it’s similar – luckily, we both don’t have a huge drive, so dry stretches don’t bother us.

      I think overall we’ve had a mostly satisfying marriage so far. Of course I wonder what life would be like in another universe if I had picked another partner later in life, but then I see the husbands of my friends and they all have their quirks or things that I personally couldn’t handle (huge jobs, slobs, exhausting-for-me social lives or hobbies…). So, in the end, I come back to the partner I have.
      And while in the day-to-day slog of things, we can get lost in petty nagging or annoyances, when it comes to the big things, we’ve always been there for each other when it really mattered.

      I also think it’s unhealthy to strive for perfection over general compatibility. Companionship, extending kindness and grace and assuming the best intentions has helped us master the rough parts.

      1. Same story here. We’re best friends, we know each other super well, and we support each other as a team. The romance comes and goes. We’re starting to make it a priority again as we move out of the little kid years, and I think it’s going well.

         1. +1. Romance ebbs and flows. Right now, with a tween, teen, and aging parents, this is not a very romantic stage for us. But, I also know it’ll come back when life is a teeny bit less chaotic. It always has before.

      2. Agree with this. Met at age 20, together for almost 20 years, married for almost 14 of them. Things are far from perfect and i think it’s easy to look around, especially with social media these days and have twinges of wonder. But day-to-day life isn’t like a Romance novel, rom com or Hallmark Christmas movie

   7. I’ve only been married for 7 years, but from what I know about my family members, every single one has had stagnation and times where they felt less connected to their spouse. Most were able to work through it, some were not. As long as it’s not a mismatch in values, I think those are periods that you just have to wait out if you want a long-term relationship.

   8. If I hadn’t married DH, I really don’t think I would have married anyone. So I haven’t really had any grass is greener thoughts or what ifs about this vs. other paths not taken.

      1. Same here, but my grass-is-greener comparison scenario is remaining single.

         1. Yes, that’s more like it!

   9. mostly. I do wish I’d slept around a bit more though, not because I’m not attracted to DH, just to see… (husband is my only partner)

      1. I slept around a ton. All cats are pretty much the same in the dark. Some better than others but if you’re getting the job done, you’re not missing anything.

   10. met my husband at 18, married as a couple of 21 year old virgins. Married 20 years this year. 4 kids, 4 moves, 2 graduate degrees, and 1 biglaw partnership (mine) and we’ve been mostly happy and satisfied the whole time.

       Ups and downs, yes; mild and passing fancies for others, yes; but thinking realistically, who’s got it better than us? Nobody.

   11. We met in high school. Got married at age 22, after graduating college before starting law school. We have been married 20 years and have three kids. We definitely have gone through phases where we felt disconnected from each other, including when our kids were very young (3 little kids while we both worked big jobs was hard!), and when I had some health issues that made me extremely fatigued. But as our kids have gotten older we really re-prioritized our relationship. We make date nights a priority, traveling alone together every now and then, going to bed at the same time, and finding hobbies to do together (as well as our own hobbies.) We have been together through so much–good and bad things including the death of his father and my mother’s cancer treatment. I can’t imagine life with anyone else. He’s a good husband and we are genuinely friends as well as lovers (and that part is important to keep alive for us anyway).

4. For Christmas, I want an everyday set of earrings and necklace that coordinate but are not matchy-matchy. My usual Kate Spade pendant necklace and studs are starting to get stale and scratched. My style is preppy and clean, but not pearls. Any recommendations? In the past I’ve had a hard time matching gold tones of non-coordinating pieces, hence why I’m considering a set. Budget about $500.

   1. What if you got a jeweler to make something similar to the Cartier trinity series? That mixes tones from the get go!

      1. Do you have any scrap gold pieces you can melt for this effort? That might help with the affordability.

   2. Try Mejuri – really nice semi-fine jewelry in your budget.

5. What happens when you return things: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/mystery-amazon-pallet-unboxing/

   1. This is my absolute favorite genre of YouTube content, for those who find this interesting.

      1. Oh, now I see this is a hand-wringing think piece. Well, if you would like a less depressing take on this, my comment stands!

         1. Overconsumption is bad, it’s not hand-wringing to bring attention to that. There’s enough clothes on the planet to clothe everyone for the next 50 years.

            1. It’s just not well written at all.

         2. Yikes.

      2. You shared an article without having read it first?

         1. No, I was replying without reading the article. Ironically, it was basically the article equivalent of the junk it was complaining about, and I wish I could return the minutes I spent waiting for it to actually say something interesting!

            1. I thought it was interesting (and it also Wirecutter, not the main NYT, so I expect a more chatty tone). It had lots of data, they interviewed a professor who specializes in supply chain management, and provided information about what happens to returned items. It’s not a deep investigative piece eligible for a Pulitzer, but the writer did their homework.

6. For those of you who wear silk scarves who have short necks and also wear sunscreen or makeup, how do you keep them from not getting gunky? I feel like I want to wear them but they are too precious. And cotton feels very yee-haw and bandana adjacent. And yet I long for decoration and a bit of warmth. Help!

   1. I’ve posted these before, but they are cotton and beautiful: https://www.henelle.shop/collections/cotton-bandanas

   2. I wash silk blouses and scarves in mesh bags on delicate. But my scarves are not Hermes level so I wouldn’t be heartbroken if I accidentally damaged one.

      1. I’ve handwashed Hermes scarves dozens of times over the years. They are definitely sturdier than you think.

   3. they are not too precious! use your things and enjoy them! wash them if they get icky.

   4. I handwash them. I also rarely wear foundation (or heavy contour) and my sunscreen sinks in very quickly so that’s not an issue. Silk is sturdier than you think, I have ‘overwashed’ scarves from Hermes that they literally dyed and washed in washing machines.

   5. I make sure not to put sunscreen on my neck when I’m planning to wear a silk scarf, and don’t blend my foundation down onto my neck on those days either. That said, I did finally switch to a long-wearing foundation and it has been a revelation to not have makeup rubbing off onto everything.

      1. Which foundation?? Don’t hold out on us!

         1. Estee Lauder Double-Wear. Without primer. Medium to full coverage and it actually stays on and doesn’t turn orange!

   6. If it’s cold enough to want to wear a scarf, I don’t wear sunscreen, as it’s winter where the days are short and the UV index is low and I’ll be all bundled up every time I go outside, which is never for long, at least not while I’m wearing nice clothes (I still exercise in the winter, but that requires its own clothing, and I’m pretty covered up for that too).

   7. I just wash things when they need it.

      I wear a color correcting mineral sunscreen on my face and only apply enough that it all rubs in; there isn’t anything free to come off on my clothing.

7. Does anyone know anything about quality or sizing on House of Bruar’s clothes (Scottish company)? I randomly got their catalog and they have a tweed skirt I want, but I know nothing about them (may ask again in the morning to see if the UK readers know anything).

   1. Gorgeous quality, runs a little small and classically cut.

   2. I’m scottish. I don’t know much about the sizing, but they are a well regarded company and I would expect the quality to be good.

8. Another take on the relationship discussion, and a real issue for me – Has anyone reunited with an ex after many years (decades here) and realized you maybe missed the train you should have taken? I dated a man for a year in college. We broke up when he graduated and I had years of school left. And then we went on some dates a few years later, and it was quite good, but I was post-bad breakup and didn’t pursue it. I was surprised to see him again recently at a reunion of sorts and it just . . . clicked back like when we were dating in college. I remembered that when we were together was the only time I felt like someone’s true partner/wife and felt it all over as we spent the evening together. Neither of us has been married. I do have a BF currently, though it has been a little rocky this year. I’ve been feeling regret for weeks, thinking maybe I should have pursued this years ago.

   1. I think you should go for it and report back frequently!

      1. break up with the boyfriend first

      2. Is he single? That seems to be a key missing detail. If he is, then yes go for it, but break up with your BF first.

         1. I did not ask, but he definitely behaved as if he is. He could have brought a date and did not. And our mutual friends have never mentioned a GF and it didn’t come up in group conversation and it seems like it would have. Of course I would ask if I were to reach out.

      3. +1, dating is about trying the waters and enjoying yourself. If you’re not having fun, switch it up!

   2. Yes, except we are both married now….

      I am married to a wonderful man whom I met when I was 19. We were off and on for a bit, and I dated someone in grad school with whom I had a great connection on many levels. We broke up when I got back together with my now-husband. But we live in the same city and work in the same field, so still see each other and (at least speaking for myself) I still feel many of those same feelings for him after many years.

      This probably crosses two threads because while I deeply love my husband and we have a great life, we have some bedroom issues. Add in the “one that got away” feelings and it can be a bit problematic. I try to cope by redirecting the energy into my marriage.

      1. I’m sorry. This sounds hard. My circumstances are simpler.

   3. Absolutely give it a shot. And no need to break up with your BF first, hedge your bets. If you wanted to marry him, you would have but that doesn’t mean you need to clear the decks right before the holidays.

      1. Yeah, I am of two minds on this at the moment. (There are some specific circumstances here that complicate things that I don’t want to share here.) But I would of course break it off if ex and I decided to pursue this.

9. Does anyone have one of those infrared sauna sleeping bag type devices? I don’t have room and money for a real sauna but I take a hot bath almost every night. Was wondering if I would like this.

   1. I do not, but the one Current Body makes looks amazing and there are 20% off codes for black friday you can use.

Comments are closed.