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Monday’s Workwear Report: Andie Wool Blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It’s been so hot lately that the very idea of putting on a wool blazer makes me want to melt into the floor.  Fortunately, the rational part of my brain knows that fall and winter will be here eventually and a well-fitting black blazer will be a necessity.  This double-breasted blazer from rag & bone is making me look forward to chilly temperatures and walks outside without the threat of heatstroke.  I might keep this one as an “office blazer,” on hand to toss on for a last-minute meeting or virtual court appearance.

The blazer is $595 at Saks Fifth Avenue and comes in sizes 00-16.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

297 Comments

  1. I’m ready to give my home office an update. Trick is it’s a basement room with one small window, so very limited natural light. I’m going to swap the overhead fixture and get some lamps to brighten things up. What are your favorite paint colors for a dark room? I’m a lawyer and don’t like how my hair looks on virtual backgrounds so needs to be somewhat serious for Zoom (like no bright yellow or pink).

    1. Most of my house is BM Grey Owl, color matched by SW, and it looks good in every room. What material is your ceiling? When we remodeled our three small bathrooms a year or so ago, we had the ceilings, walls and trim all painted the same color in egg shell (or satin), and it looks great, much brighter than before. Two are SW Bright Ceiling White (not a ceiling color–that’s just the white we picked) and one is a slightly creamier version whose name I don’t remember. We flipped a house a couple of years ago and did SW alabaster white on all of the ceilings and trim, and it made a world of difference in turning what had been a cave into a bright, happy house.

    2. YMMV but if it’s my office and I’m in here all day, I say really make it your own. I have fun wallpaper in my home office, never use a virtual background and am also a “serious” lawyer. It’s never been anything other than a conversation point.

      1. I put astroturf in mine and painted one wall hot pink. I have a pink file organizer and a giant flamingo painting. I got tired of my diplomas in there. My zoom wall is not hot pink, it’s a light grey with a painting on it.

    3. I just painted my (north-facing) basement office SW Jersey Cream and am very happy with it.

    4. I might just lean into the darkness of it all and go for a real dark color. It will look good as a background and you can always repaint if you hate it. That said, I have BM Shell Pink in a north facing bedroom and it looks great. It’s a very pale pink and doesn’t really come across as pink at all, esp. once furniture etc is there. I did plenty of serious zoom things from my bedroom desk the last two years and it’s been a good background.

      1. If you go this route, I have BM Gentleman’s Grey in my office and PEOPLE LOVE IT on zoom.

      1. +1 – my office is in our smallest bedroom and I painted it British racing green and have brass/metal furniture so it looks kind of steam punky, it makes me so happy!

      2. Yeah I’m thinking about this! It won’t be a big deal to repaint if it doesn’t work. Has anyone tried Benjamin Moore Knoxville Gray?

    6. Somewhat related–I believe Modsy used to be a site where you could upload photos of your space and change the colors and decor virtually. It looks like they have gone out of business. Does anyone know of a similar tool I could use? I don’t need the help of an interior designer, just want to play around with colors, furniture and layouts.

      1. We used Modsy and liked it but to your point it went out of business. I think Havenly is an alternative.

    7. What dark neutral colors look best on you? Like, a dark forest green makes my eyes pop, and so I know it would be a flattering background.

      Camel, gray, and millennial pink completely wash me out, so I would never pick them to surround me on camera!

  2. Road-tripping through New England next week (CT, MA, RI, NH – no Cape Cod). What are your favorite lesser-known towns and spots to visit that aren’t listed on every tour guide?

    1. Are you mostly following the coast? If you are going to be in western MA at all, Amherst and towns around it are nice – some very pretty college campuses, museums, town centers and so forth.

      1. +1 These lean towards tour guide spots, but the Montague Book Mill (with art gallery, restaurant, and coffee shop overlooking a waterfall), historic Deerfield, the Bridge of Flowers, and Poet’s Seat Tower in Greenfield are all nice to visit in Western Mass.

    3. Clam pizza at Zuppardi’s in West Haven. Hands down better than all the more well-known “New Haven pizza” joints.

    4. In CT I’d suggest Kent (hike the waterfall and have lunch in the charming downtown) and then head up to the ‘quiet corner’ if you like antiques. If you’re hugging the water, old Saybrook is worth a stop (the Saybrook Inn is great but the in-house restaurant is just ok). If you’re swinging through VT both Brattleboro and Windsor are great. In RI the Mill Street Inn has a fantastic location and is $$ but not $$$$

    5. Worcester Art Museum in Worcester, MA (pronounced “WUSS-ter”) and lunch right down the street at the Armsby Abbey. Great beer list and really good cheese plates! Sometimes I stop in just for cheese and beer/wine. The museum has a good collection but it’s also pretty small and approachable; also has a great kids’ engagement program to help them interact with the collection if you’ve got kids in tow.

      Rein’s Deli in Vernon, CT. In a strip mall off the highway but great corned beef and pastrami.

        1. Uh, it’s “WUSS-tuh.”

          Signed,
          A person with family from there on both sides going way back. :)

          2. Yes, I should have put “tuh” for the second syllable… in my head, “ter” sounds like “tuh”!

    6. Not sure if it counts as lesser-known, but I love Waterford CT. The Dock makes a great quick lunch stop – good hot dogs and lobster rolls. Mystic Drawbridge Ice Cream (in the more well known Mystic) nearby is great, too.

      Portsmouth and Wolfeboro in NH are also fun.

  3. Hive, I can’t tell anyone this IRL yet and I’m about to burst. I got a positive pregnancy test over the weekend. AH!

    4. Congratulations! And on another subject, I thought of you when I was reading “Vacationland” recently. It’s just the kind of family saga you like.

      1. Oh hi!! I was about to be like “where have you been???” and realized you could say the same to me!!! Thank you!!

        1. Ha you’re right to say that about me – life has been nuts and then just got back from vaca yesterday. SO thrilled for you!!

    13. Vicky, congratulations!! Hope to be joining you with a similar message in the coming months :)

  4. Does anyone have any good recipes for summery lentil dishes? I have a ton I should really use but I always make soup.

    2. Salad with lentils, feta cheese, pomegranete seeds and cucumber, vinaigrette dressing.

    3. Any room temperature salad works. I like the beet and lentil salad with cheddar from the NYT if you want inspiration. Feta, cucumber, tomato is also classic (i like to add dill and some other veggie like asparagus or green beans).

    5. I know I’m late, but try Smitten Kitchen’s burrata with lentils & zucchini–DELICIOUS

  5. Last week we had a poster who was 5-4 and had gained a bit of weight and several sizes. I am there (but have gained minimal weight; it’s just the slow slide from being minimally active for the past 5 years starting with a failed sinus surgery and a nose that is very good at growing scar tissue). My top is still a size 4. My lower half is now an 8-10. I am now buying size 6 tops with ruffles to increase my top half volume and even out my look (and size 8 blazers if they are cropped and of a fabric that is a bit stiff). I’ve watched the “dressing your shape” MM videos on YouTube (thanks for linking previously). Other tricks? I don’t have big hair, but what else is there? Jewelry?

    1. It is a ‘look’ (see the ‘statement jewelry years’ video from Baroness von sketch) but I like long silk scarves tied into more of a tie/ascot knot for more volume on my top half. I also find some brands are more tummy friendly than others – Kate Spade, Lilly Pullitzer, Vineyard Vines and even a lot of JCrew have ‘trapeze’ or ‘a-line’ tops that skim but don’t hug the body.

    2. Very basic, but darker colors on the bottom, lighter and brighter on top will help. Lipstick and showing your collar bone will help, something that actively draws the eye upwards.

      1. Yes… wide necklines can help a lot (boatneck, square scoop if the scoop is work appropriate).

  6. Any Gainsville FL recommendations? My boyfriend is a lifelong Gators fan – and we are going to our first home game this fall. Places to eat, Gators- focused history, and or lodging that is reasonably priced appreciated!

    1. If it’s still hot out, Ichetucknee Springs is fun.
      If you’re into cycling, there are some really good options.
      http://suwanneebike.org/index.php
      Gainesville itself is a college town and that’s about it. None of the hotels will be reasonably priced on a home game weekend. I’m in Tallahassee and even with our thoroughly mediocre football team, the closest reasonably priced lodging is in Thomasville or Bainbridge GA on a home game weekend (nearly an hour from campus).
      Equestrian stuff abounds between Gainesville and Ocala.

    2. Book your lodging ASAP. Most hotels in college towns are sold out months in advance of football season.

      1. $400/night seems to be the minimum going rate this year for home game weekends. Be wary if you see something available for substantially less. I know it’s tempting to save a couple of bucks, but unless you have a huge sense of adventure (meth lab? flying cockroaches? Deliverance?) spend the money.

    3. Honestly, staying in Ocala is not terrible if everything in town is booked up and/or too expensive. It’s like a 30 minute drive to Gainesville up I-75 and there are a ton of hotels right off the interstate in Ocala that are perfectly serviceable.

      As far as food, everything on Archer Rd is basically a chain, but there are a lot of good restaurants in other parts of town. Satchel’s Pizza on NW 23rd is a must, Las Margaritas on NW 39th if you like Mexican food, the TOP on Main St, and Harry’s in downtown for Seafood/Cajun food are all great. If you’re looking for a bar, Lillian’s is fantastic, and Maude’s has great coffee and dessert (both in downtown).

      And the campus itself is a great place to explore and spend time. It’s huge, but some key sites to visit are Lake Alice, the Bat House (if you’re there around dusk), and the Baughman Center. If you’re going off-campus at all, the springs just north of G’ville (Ichetucknee, Ginnie, Blue, and Poe) are all great; Paynes Prairie is just south of the city is also an awesome experience. Devil’s Millhopper is also pretty cool and worth a visit if you have time.

  7. My work travel is about to ramp up considerably in my new role. Time for luggage upgrade. I’ve always used soft side but open to hard.

    Looking for recs for carryon suitcase that is very durable. Thinking something like Tumi. I know Away gets a lot of good publicity, but not sure if that’s influencer driven or real. I was recently traveling with a senior exec who had a Tumi that had a fabric exterior/top layer but it was definitely a hard suitcase. Can’t seem to find it online, but it caught my eye.
    Any recs? TIA!

    1. I really like clamshell luggage with a hard sided base and a soft sided top half, and best in class of what I’ve tried is the Eastpak carry-on. I have put mine through its paces and it still looks new. I particularly like that there are lots of ways to grab onto it – makes it really easy to lift down from an overhead locker or grab and run along a platform or whatever.

      1. I love my Eastpak, it’s not fancy but I’m super rough on that thing, and it holds up really well. I have the wheelie and the backpack, which I can often sneak through carryon regs, since it’s on your back and fits under the seat.

      2. I prefer TravelPro. I like the smallest carryon size they make, it will fit in the overhead of the small commuter plans. YMMV.

    2. I use Away luggage and am not an influencer, lol. I love it – I have the carry on and a smaller version of it for overnighters. I love their compression sleeve and that the suitcases are lightweight. Initially I got them for the battery but you can’t fly with those anymore but I still love the suitcases. They fit a lot, wear like iron and take up minimal storage room compared to brands I’ve had before.

      1. Cosign. If you’re going to spend money, spend it on the only brand that has a true, no-questions-asked, lifetime warranty. Forever. For any reason. I love my suitcase–it has so many thoughtful details, including an overcoat holder-net thingy for when you don’t want to carry your coat over your arm through the terminal.

    4. I strongly prefer Monos to Away in the ‘mid range’ luggage category. If you’re ok spending more Tumi really does wear like iron and you may be able to snag some pieces in end of summer sales. I wear a lot of dresses/jackets when traveling and I like the Tumi alpha wheeled garment bag as it makes it so easy to just lay 3-4 dresses/jackets/tops in the suitcase vs. having to try to pack them without wrinkling.
      If you’re more of a separates person it probably wouldn’t be a good choice for you but the women I know who have it like it a lot.

    6. TravelPro makes the luggage for over 90 airlines, though their actual airline bags are to-the-trade only. But their high-end bags use some of the same technology.

    7. Rimowa for sure. the wheeling experience is noticeably better and smoother and the body itself stands test of time.

    8. I have the Tumi “International Expandable 4 Wheeled Carry-On”. I think it’s probably what the senior exec had. It’s quite stiff all around, but is covered in their signature ballistic nylon and has front pockets for easy access. It’s been great for the couple of years I’ve been using it!

      My sister got a full size Away suitcase and I was seriously unimpressed. It looked really scuffed and beaten up after just a few uses. Definitely not worth the money or hype in my opinion.

    9. Also not an influencer and I adore my Away bags (have the carry on and others).

    10. I love my Tumi. I have the ultralight hard sided. The good thing about a hard sided carry on is that you can overpack but the hard sides compress and it will always fit in the overhead bin.

      I was a road warrior with a 75% travel schedule for many years pre-pandemic. I tried Briggs and Riley and yes I know they will repair your bag for free, but my bag always needed repairing and then you’re without your bag for 3 ish weeks and have to buy another anyway. I found them heavier than Tumi too.

      The lightest bags are the hard sided ones, generally, not the cloth.

    11. In the same market, but does any brand still make 2-wheeled carry ons? I strongly prefer two wheels to spinner/four wheels but it’s hard to find these days.

      2. You might still find some older Travelpro Rollaboard styles, and Samsonite has at least four different two wheel cabin cases (international size).

      4. I am definitely not an influencer bit I am a frequent flyer and I love my briggs and riley. I have a two-wheeled carry-on and I know they still make that style. I have had mine for probably 10-15 years. It’s showing its age but it still works great. And I sort of like looking like a road warrior veteran at this point… have used the repair service a couple times and it has been excellent.

    12. Samsonite. My family always used them growing up – we did a LOT of international travel – and I don’t remember ever replacing them. Pretty sure my mom still uses them 30 years later. A relative got me a Samsonite for my honeymoon six years ago and it is perfectly sized for carryon and indestructible. And I think they look good too – not flashy, but nicely made, which makes them great for business travel.

  8. Fellow peri and menopause ladies, how has the heat wave been treating you? Even with my AC at 72 I’m sweating and dying.

    2. Waking up at 4AM soaked in sweat, and then failing to fall back asleep for hours. Good times.

    3. I am hiding in a darkened, cool house. I resent anything or anyone that forces me into the oven that is passing for outdoors at the moment.

      Seriously though, figure out which room in your house can be the darkest and the coldest, and in that room do not open the curtains, blinds or shades -leave them closed until this madness passes, and use it as a retreat. In your underwear. With a fan on you. Don’t forget the ice water.

        1. Yes, agreed. 45 and waiting. How long will these hot flashes and night sweats last?

          2. 20-30 years in my family. My aunt is 71 and is still drenched in sweat most days. I ordered a box of folding paper fans (plain white intended to be used for outdoor weddings) on the river and have one in every purse, in every room, in my car, his car…

          3. I’m 45 and started the night sweats a couple of years ago. I wear big t-shirts to bed and when I wake up in the morning, the collar is damp. I don’t experience anything during the day.

        2. I never minded warm weather and greatly preferred it to cold weather. The problem is that for perimenopause I have just had a personal reset on my body. I used to run cold and now, although I don’t much suffer from hot flashes, it’s like my entire body thermostat just went up. For example, I sleep under a top sheet only in a 66-68 degree house. I do not wear wool in the winter and have not in a decade. I’m always a little bit warm, and sometimes a lot warm. So the current heat wave is misery when I’m outside. Thus the flop room.

          1. And to clarify, I’ve now entered the menopause phase, but still have the same body heat issues. Oddly enough, my skin is often cool to the touch while I feel like I’m too warm.

        3. My issue (and I’m thoroughly in meno now) is that I used to get hot and then cool down fairly easily. Since perimenopause, now when I get hot, I have zero control as to when I will cool down. Could be in 5 minutes, could be next week.

    5. Misery. My bf and I were driving somewhere yesterday and he put his hand on my thigh (like he usually does). I started screaming “too hot! too hot!” like a crazy person. That’s how I’m doing.

    6. Our A/C died and isn’t able to be repaired until Friday. I am ‘glowing’ constantly and truly feel faint at times. I’ve been drinking lots of water, sparkling water and a glug of lemonade, and liquid IV for the electrolytes. We were able to (finally!) get window units so that is tonight’s project and I can’t wait.

  9. Does anyone own a respirator like envomask? I can’t get around the feeling of “this is too much you’ll look crazy” but trying to prepare for the fall and for the next pandemic (I’ve been hearing that monkeypox is airborne and lives on surfaces for weeks so we may already be there, whee).

    1. Please don’t exaggerate. We know that monkey pox is primarily spread by 15 minutes of up close and personal contact. Not by touching a railing someone else touched weeks ago.

      1. “Once you have gotten well from monkeypox and new skin has grown over all your monkeypox sores or spots, you should wipe down and clean your home as thoroughly as you can. The virus can live on surfaces such as bedding for as long as 15 days.”

        https://sf.gov/information/monkeypox-faq

        I’ve seen epidemiologists citing it on Twitter too.

        1. The women/children who have gotten MP got it from MSM they are in close contact with. If that’s not you, you should be fine.

          1. I think it clearly will spread more I just don’t think there is any evidence that touching things is going to be the way

          2. I thought there were already some people who don’t know where they caught it.

            There are also people saying that they have been denied testing because they didn’t fit this pattern to begin with. People have really struggled to gain access to tests in general (this isn’t nefarious; there just hasn’t been a lot of testing capacity). But if we correctly prioritize MSM for testing, based on the initial pattern of the outbreak, then it’s also going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy that most people who test positive are MSM until we have more testing capacity and make testing more broadly accessible.

            I think I’ll be fine because there aren’t many cases in absolute terms. But I will be very surprised if it just can’t spread one than one step beyond MSM.

          5. That’s not true. I saw a report of a woman getting it from a vacation rental. They did all the contact tracing but nothing turned up. It turned out the prior tenants of the rental had it, and the whole thing about it living on surfaces is real. In this case, they suspect it was the sofa.

          6. Anon @1:21 – I think the key word is “primarily” – I used to read stories in Seventeen Magazine of teen girls getting pregnant without ever actually having s*x but that’s not how it usually happens! Is it good to be careful? Sure. But is it going to be something I go nuts over? No.

          7. I genuinely thought people could catch orthopox viruses from contaminated surfaces and not as a rare freak accident? I’m not worrying about it because the odds are small because the total case count is small. No matter how it spreads, if not many people are contagious, the odds it reaches me are minuscule.

            But if a whole number percent of my community had monkeypox, I would definitely be thinking twice about sitting on random sofas.

    2. I think airborne transmission of monkeypox must be minimal given the pattern of the outbreak so far? People must have to be breathing right up in people’s faces if it’s transmitting that way in humans at all.

      I’m still waiting for guidelines about food/water and fomite transmission. But I honestly doubt case counts will ever get high enough that I’ll need to know the answer! Even if it spreads that way, the odds are just so, so low.

      As for respirators — I have kind of been wondering, why settle for N95 when N100 is a thing? It’s not like masks are required in most places, so if we’re wearing masks without valves, it’s out of the goodness in our hearts, right? I guess the answer is comfort. The Flo mask doesn’t look crazy to me, but it is expensive. It is goggles that would make me feel like I looked crazy.

      In-hospital transmission is substantial, so I do wonder what we could be doing differently! As a high risk patient advised to avoid C19, I really don’t want to catch it at the hospital.

        1. Not sure how the beak will work with the water bottle. You may need to go with a wide-mouth one.

      2. Didn’t the beaks historically contain aromatic herbs? Now I’m getting my own MLM idea…

    4. Yes, and felt like I stood out for the first couple of times but it’s more comfortable than disposable n95s and fits better (no glasses fogging) so it’s safer for me. I didn’t get any looks, stares or comments.
      With how this pandemic is going, I feel it’s like buying proper plates instead of eating off paper plates long term. I didn’t love buying it but glad I did.

    5. I would not count on the availability of replacement filters. There was an article in the NYT recently about how the federal government’s choice to promote the use of disposable masks instead of elastomeric respirators has led companies to stop producing them.

    6. Is it easier to breathe in those? Are they as protective as N-95? Because I’d be a customer.

      1. That’s the promise (more reliable seal, more comfortable to breathe in). I haven’t tried one yet.

        1. On the one hand, easier to breathe.

          On the other hand, my new KN-95s have a calico pattern.

  10. I’ve always lived by the thought that consistent, persistent hard work and effort will pay off. Intellectually, I know MLMs are evil but I’m starting to wonder if they’re onto something. One friend has dropped 45 pounds in five months thanks to a certain, um, diet food. Now another friend is on the program and has lost 20 pounds in three weeks. Looks noticeably different already. I think there are some real problems with this program (the calorie count seems CRAZY low to me), but my friends are having more success than I have by making modest adjustments to my diet (which are still hard to stick to) and consistent exercise. Another friend is part of an MLM that gives out free vacations for selling a certain number of things. And while I find the practice pretty gross, here I am, toiling away at my public-sector job that had its problems pre-pandemic but now feels downright soul-sucking.

    I’m rambling, but I’m really not sure what to do with this information. I’m not about to quit my stable job to go become a girl boss. But damn, everything feels hard right now, and there’s appeal to going the easy quick-fix route.

    1. Watch the Lula Roe documentary. Most people who participate in MLMs lose some or a lot of money, because that’s the design.

    2. Are these people you’ve known/seen in real life, or are you looking at these things on social media? If social media, the weight loss ones are almost certainly filters.

    3. I know several people who lost weight quickly using a supplement and a low calorie diet. It’s been more than ten years and they haven’t regained the weight. Not a MLM, but it does perplex me, and when I see the stats on successful long-term weight loss, I feel like I know a disproportionate number of people who have lost substantial weight and kept it off. The supplement’s claims are that it reduces hunger and lowers the odds of subsequent rebound weight gain if tapered off gradually. I confess I succumbed to trying it just to see what it was like, and it absolutely suppressed appetite, but I wasn’t up for doing the whole protocol and quit. So it’s just one of those things that irritates me now.

      Anyway there is nothing quick and easy about MLM life; for every person who benefits, a lot of people lose money and suffer, so it’s a big gamble. Because they need to recruit people, they will always, always make it look like they’re doing well and coming out ahead, even when it’s far from true.

      But maybe it’s time to apply to some non-MLM jobs you would like better than the soul-sucking job you have?

    4. Please, please don’t join or buy from a MLM. Or, if you’re going to do so, please watch the deep dive videos Hanna Alonzo does of the company on YouTube.

    5. LOSING the weight in five months and KEEPING it off in another five once she quits buying the “clean” food/1000 calorie a day diet/what have you is the difference.

      MLMs are not onto something. This is exactly what they want you to think. You are falling for their marketing.

      1. +1 to this. Rapid diets can work, rapidly, but it’s rare that the weight loss is maintained. In fact, statistically speaking, going on a weight loss diet is a good indicator that you will weigh at least 5 pounds more than you did at the start of the diet within a relatively short time frame – 1 to 2 years, I recall.

        It certainly worked that way for me!

    6. “but my friends are having more success than I have by making modest adjustments to my diet (which are still hard to stick to)”

      That part in parentheses is where you’re struggling. The point of modest adjustments to your diet is that they are workable. They might not be easy, but they should be well within the realm of doable. Talk to a nutritionist or track using MyFitnessPal.

    7. Wait, what? Are you thinking you want to quit your job and work at a MLM? Or you want to feel okay buying diet foot from your MLM friends?

      I give you permission for the latter. But there is a LOT of space between a public sector job and an MLM. Go work for a corporation! Do sales (or even marketing.) If you are any good, you’ll hit your numbers and go on all the fancy President’s Club trips, get huge bonuses and have a real job with benefits. You’ll have a corporate card, stay at nice hotels, take clients and prospects out to fancy dinners, etc. IDK what your salary is now but I can basically guarantee you you’ll make more doing less and having fancier dinners over in Corporate Land.

      If you want to be an entrepreneur, buy/invest in a franchise of a real business.

      1. No, definitely don’t want to work at an MLM. But I have wondered what the point of hard work is when I could buy an MLM weight loss product and probably have more success.

        The weird vacation “gifts” are a total scam, I realize, but I do get tired of not getting much recognition in my more traditional workplace.

        1. As I read through it seems like we’re conflating two ideas, which I think Anon at 12:03 was trying to separate. To your first para, you can buy the MLM weight loss product without being IN the MLM.

          Like, despite my overall negative feelings towards MLMs, I will buy Pampered Chef products and Young Living essential oils from my friends. I’ve done Beachbody programs and like them. But I’m very clear that I’m always going to be a consumer of these MLM products, never a “coach” or “in the MLM”.

          Regarding recognition, that is a totally separate issue. Get a different job, something more outwardly facing. Outsides sales or account management or project management where you’re working directly with clients will give you good recognition; it’s just part of the nature of the roles that they’re visible. All of the perks that Anon 2:03 named are definitely very real in Corporate Sales. And a lot of sales success at a higher level is asking a ton of questions to zero in on the problem you can solve, and then following up on all the details. It’s not hard selling (like MLMs have to do constantly) it’s being on top of the details and being genuinely helpful. I’m a speciality contractor that has to sell, and also gets sold too by corporate sales people, and if any of them try and hard sell me (vs build a relationship) I’m done with the conversation.

          1. oh and also regarding the first point – whether you SHOULD do the quick success MLM weight loss product – I have no idea or opinion. I’m not sure what product you’re referencing, so nothing I commented on is about whether its a good idea or not. I’m just saying you can be a consumer of MLMs without being IN the MLM.

        2. I anon. I’m sympathetic to the “man I’m working so hard and someone else is just having this “quick fix.” I’ve been that person as I’ve lost first about 90 lbs and then maintained about 70lbs of that loss (I was not eating enough/that low weight was not sustainable for me and my lifestyle). It de finitely took me longer than friends who used supplements and “quick fix” solutions. But I’ve been more successful than these friends in keeping my weight steady in the intervening years, even though I’m not working out nearly as much now. YMMV, of course, and the frustration is understandable.

          I’m also skeptical of the supplements MLMs sell re: long term health effects. While I’ve seen people get great results, but the supplements are usually stimulants with unclear safety, and are paired with extreme calorie restriction. Both of these together can 1) cause lasting health concerns 2) mess up your metabolism and 3) make it hard to maintain a loss/easy to regain the weight (and sometimes more) quite quickly.

    8. are the trips really free if you have to buy so much product yourself to demonstrate that you’re dropping $5K a year on makeup?

      I’d rather just get paid the salary and choose my own vacation.

        1. Big same. Those trips sound like an absolute nightmare. A vacation with my coworkers is not a vacation.

  11. Has anyone done lifeguard training as an adult? It doesn’t look bad — 50 yards of a bunch of strokes, 200 yards of free/breast, a bunch of other tasks. All these years I thought it would be very Hasslehoff baywatch swimming with currents and it really looks do-able. [I told my kids that if they didn’t do swim team this year, that would be fine but they’d need to do lifeguard training and if it helped them, we’d do it together, and here we are.]

    1. Pool lifeguarding is very different than ocean. If you are already a reasonably proficient swimmer, you’ll be fine.

      1. Just curious — for lakes (lots where I live), is there a way to see what that is like? Harder / easier / just different than pools? We live far from the beach, so I imagine that is harder (but where we go to the beach, I’ve never seen an actual lifeguard, so I try to be a very proficient swimmer since we’re on our own out here).

        1. POV: I’m a strong swimmer

          Lakes are harder than pools bc of visibility in the water, depth, and junk underneath that people can get caught up on. But lakes are still easier than ocean IME!

          1. Oh gosh, I didn’t answer your actual question. It’s going to be more similar to pool than ocean bc no currents/riptides and waves.

    3. I did it in college. I was obese, so not your standard young/healthy/active/etc. college student, but I’ve always been a strong swimmer. It’s totally doable. I think it took about a semester’s worth of lessons once or twice a week.

    4. I did it in high school. I also played DI waterpolo, if that give you an idea of my proficiency. At times it was hard–we had to do a one hour continuous swim (harder than you think if you’re used to swim team and stopping at the wall periodically) and treading water for a long time (easy for a waterpolo player). You will need to fish out people in your class, and some are heavy. In thousands of hours of lifeguarding, I never needed to do more than fish a small kid out of an area of the pool they should not have been in, but I did know CPR and how to save people, and I still have a very strong “spidey-sense” of pool safety.

      Protip–if your kids are good enough to do lifeguard training, have them take the Red Cross WSI test instead and be swim instructors. They have better hours (but they have to be in the pool teaching) and get paid considerably more.

  12. Is it unreasonable to expect able bodied adults to be able to walk up and down a flight of stairs? Our house is at the top of a hill. Folks can walk up the outside stairs (six steps and then another two for the stoop) from the driveway or can enter from the garage and mud room where it is a one story flight of stairs. My husband’s relatives came over yesterday and would not stop complaining that the house has stairs to enter. They are in their sixties, not overweight, ambulate without assistive devices, and live in two story houses.

    They also asked for a tour and had no issues climbing the second flight of stairs to our kids’ rooms or walking down the stairs afterward. Then they made another huge deal about walking downstairs when leaving. It’s one flight, well lit with a very sturdy railing. It felt really snobbish to me to constantly complain about one flight of stairs when they were clearly capable of climbing stairs in other contexts. Am I being a jerk or were they being rude?

    1. They’re rude. My parents are generally lovely but I’ve noticed since retirement they often look for things to complain about.

    3. They’re being rude but I’ve also noticed that my retired relatives who don’t have a lot of hobbies ‘make’ a hobby of complaining about minor inconveniences/slights. I just tune it out and along with the unsolicited updates I get about ‘Mrs. so and so from church’s kids’ and ‘the neighbors down the block’s second wife’s new dog’ etc. etc.

      1. This, 100%. I got to listen to a 20 minute complaining from my in-laws about how many places they had to look for FIL’s preferred fiber chew and how the various store brands are all unpalatable and awful and how bad the parking is and woe is them.

      3. Yep, this is my in-laws to a T and I worry my husband will follow in their footsteps. When my son was 5 weeks and cluster feeding, my FIL sat there and waited for me to make him coffee (I’m not a coffee drinker, the aeropress is a mystery to me too) and complained we had milk but no cream. They regularly check out of hotels and complain about restaurant meals.
        My parents made a radical life change and will occasionally complain about Southern European bureaucracy, but aren’t as bad.

      4. +1. We don’t have a ground floor bathroom – there is one in the basement and one on the upper floor. It’s not ideal but we also don’t really care? DH’s aunt came over and would not let it go – so much complaining about the stairs, and then at the end of the visit she was like “your new house is lovely but you need to move because of the bathroom problem”.

      5. lol at ‘the neighbors down the block’s second wife’s new dog’, we must have the same relatives!

        1. My husband now plays in-law bingo when they start a story with ‘do you remember so and so from (church, school, the neighborhood) well let me tell you about (personal scandal, house rennovation, grandchildren, a trip they took, etc.). I rarely (if ever) know these people so I just nod and ‘uh-huh’ along. I don’t even know the names of all the neighbors on my own block!

    6. It’s definitely rude, but I’d be careful about assuming that people are able bodied just because they appear to be. Especially as people get older, there are lots of not readily apparent conditions that can make people less comfortable with stairs. If they were making that big of a deal if it, I might suspect that there really is something going on- maybe early stages of a condition that will get worse, who knows. A close family friend fell on her stairs recently and broke a bone and then found out she has Parkinson’s, so it’s not a trivial issue for aging people.

      1. Yeah, but if they are living in 2-story homes . . . they are just being extra in yours. [BUT my MIL lives in a 2-story house far from us and apparently has been living in the living room on a floor that only has a half bath, so this may be the canary in the coal mine for some older-person mobility issues.]

        1. Yeah, but I think there’s a difference between stairs you know and stairs you don’t know, if there’s an issue with balance or vision. It might also be that they crawl up the stairs, or go very slowly using the railing, but are self conscious about that when in public. I agree that it’s rude, but it seems like a strange enough thing to complain about that I suspect there may be something to it, and I think that’s true of a lot of the things older people complain about. They don’t always want to admit that the real issue is that they’re having a harder time navigating certain situations, so they focus on related things to complain about. That makes it seem like they’re just complaining about trivial things, but there’s something real behind it.

          1. But why are the stairs to the second floor bedroom fine but the stairs to the house were a huge problem? I feel like they were just trying to mean because it was slightly unusual/less than ideal. They live a much cheaper area of the country and I feel like they needed to find something to criticize. Oh well, next time I’ll suggest a handicapped accessible restaurant.

        2. Outside stairs can have a different rise/run than inside stairs. The footing may be less secure (bricks or concrete rather than carpet or wood). If it’s anywhere in the heat wave, walking up a flight of stairs in 90 degree weather isn’t the same as walking up in air conditioning.

          1. I get that… which is why I suggested the interior stairs to the garage I even said “these might be easier because they are interior (absolutely air conditioned) with a handrail” which they scoffed at.

          2. this rise run issue is true plus harder surfaces make it scary.

            they might have felt like they had to use the front door to be polite or proper

    7. Is your house kind of cool and stylish? Is there a chance they were (rudely) asserting their kind of suburban “normal” choices against someone choosing something a bit more alternative? Definitely have relatives who comment a lot on our “unusual” choices, which is really just us preferring walkable neighborhoods and living not solely among white people.

      1. I bet it is this. My ILs who live in a white suburb love to criticize our (much more expensive) urban neighbourhood.

    8. They are being rude. They were probably commenting more like “wow what a pain these steps are, i bet it’s a huge PITA to live here” and not “i cannot handle walking up these stairs.”

    9. What sort of stairs? If their irregular then it might be harder than standard steps with a predictable rise and depth.
      I’m young but with mobility issues and outdoor steps usually have higher rises which are challenging for me.

    10. I think they were just being rude and commenting from the “I want to find something in your house to criticize and it’s going to be the fact that you have to haul your groceries up a flight of stairs” rather than actually unable to climb them.

      To those saying outdoor stairs are tricky – the OP mentioned there is an alternative flight of stairs indoors to use.

    11. I am closer to 70 than to 60 and my morning exercise today included climbing the equivalent of 50 flights of stairs. If they have health problems, that’s one thing, but under those circumstances, they should let you know in advance so you can meet elsewhere because the set up you described does not seem onerous for the able-bodied.

    12. If you don’t use stairs regularly, they can be very hard to manage.

      I say this as someone with 9 steps to get to my front door, and a two story house (13 steps to a landing, a turn, and 4 additional steps to the second floor.) My mom stopped visiting me after she got to be late 60s/early 70s and she wasn’t overweight either.

      Stairs are very common culprits in elderly injuries.

      When we are younger we kind of take it for granted that stairs are easy, but it’s just not true as we age.

      My very fit husband is 66 with mild arthritis in his knee and sometimes the stairs are a problem for him. Aging is no joke!!

      They shouldn’t have complained to you as much as they did, but you also need to show them some grace, because you have no idea what it’s like to be 30ish years older than you are now.

    13. I am 67, and live in a four story house–basement, first floor, second floor, attic. Laundry is in the basement. These people are rude and ridiculous.

    15. This is an inspiring reminder to me to make sure I remain an interesting/active enough person that I have topics to make conversation about other than how hard it is to climb 10 stairs!

    16. It could be rude, but it could also just be a phase of life thing if more and more of their friends are experiencing mobility issues. My dad sometimes uses a wheelchair, which is a pretty recent development for us, and it turns out it has affected what I notice and comment about. I realized that this weekend when I was doing tourist-y things with a friend and she remarked that I pointed out a few times when wheelchair ramps were especially well thought out or, well, not well thought out / inconvenient. I had not consciously realized that this new-ish thing is now on my radar more than it used to be, and that I was doing something unusual by flagging it. If your parents are entering a phase of life where they have friends who are less able bodied than them and complain a lot about things like stairs or uneven sidewalks, then they may just be noticing / talking about it more, and have some concern-by-osmosis from those friends.

  13. Anyone tried the adult version of Native shoes that are so popular for kids right now? I think I’m still scarred from jelly shoes as a kid but they look really comfortable and the kids love them.

    1. I am a big fan of the Arizona Birkenstock. Super comfy! No back to them though, but Crocs likely has a similar thing as the Natives.

    2. I don’t have these, but I grabbed a pair of OOFOS on sale, and I feel spoiled for other shoes now. So soft and comfortable. The only downside is that they’re so soft I land wrong sometimes, but I’m a bit klutzy to begin with.

    3. I bought a pair when I bought natives for my
      kids. I wouldn’t wear them anywhere but the beach, but I’m a socks at all times kind of person. They are very comfortable.

    4. Yes! I have them and they are my yard work and other gross or dirty task shoes. Birks are more supportive but for what I use them for, they are fine.

  14. Besides pinterest boarding or insta, best strategies for wardrobe overhauling? Advice if you’ve actually done a full or partial wardrobe change?

    I think I have enough clothes to get me trough all four midwest seasons without being a massve selection and most levels of formality. Switched jobs last year from business casual to a very casual hybrid situation and have been mixing the business casual into more dressed down looks.

    Ive purged my closet by maybe 40 or 50% in the last 18 months.

    But I’m pretty bored with most of what I have. Im not really loving or inspired by my clothes any more. Trying to slog through pinterest to create a board of anything that remotely excites me or uses similar items I already have and like.

    Interestingly, to me atleast, of what Ive bought in the last 3 years, the items that are second hand thrift store finds get worn most often and I like more than what I bought new.

    1. When I get into moods like this, sometimes it’s helpful to figure out how to remix what you already own. Pinterest can be good for this. Or even look for similar items on a retailer’s website and look at their styling recommendations. I have learned that I am not naturally good at this, and seeing how others have done it often jump-starts something in my brain.

      But also, unless you’ve gone through a huge shift in style, I think it’s normal to feel bored by our wardrobes at times.

    2. I have found using words and phrases to summarise my ‘look’ really helpful in putting together a cohesive wardrobe, whether that’s a character (“Indiana Jones’s granddaughter”) or Allison Bornstein’s 3 words method (academic, soft, functional). It’s when I forget about that that I end up buying things that don’t fit with the rest of my wardrobe.
      (Of course I then find myself with more clothes than I really need, which is a separate issue, as I posted about on Friday)

      1. You should check out the blogger Blue Collar Red Lipstick. She creates style “avatars” and then dresses that way. It’s a fun blog to read. She is also very into thrifting.

    3. Are you me? Op shop finds are the best thing in my wardrobe.
      I find borrowing fashion magazines from the library (hard copy and electronic) give me better inspiration than Pinterest.
      Switching up how you store things so you can see whole outfits or interesting colour schemes also works for me when I feel bored by my wardrobe.
      Also, this is a weird one, but adding in hats has been really fun and surprisingly practical. Maybe not for the office but great for warmth, sun protection and making a great outfit.

    4. My clothes are pretty basic at this point. I try to make it more interesting with accessories – right now, wfh, it’s earrings. I have quite a collection at this point.

      Before WFH, it was necklaces (mostly pearl based), scarves, bags, and shoes.

      I’m also into fragrance, which to me really changes the entire mood of a look.

    5. I have found the “wear this” challenge really fun and inspiring. Basically, as you wear things in your closet, you turn the hanger around and you can’t wear it again until you’ve worn everything else. It’s a good forcing function to make you try and wear less-loved items (or get rid of them if you absolutely refuse).

  15. Happy Monday! (Meh.) Does anyone have recommendations for an accountant who can prepare my taxes? I’m in Virginia and am really unhappy with the accountant I used this year – she has been completely unresponsive to some time-sensitive questions over the past few months – so I’m looking for a replacement for next year’s tax season. I don’t make a ton of money, but I do have investments, a side hustle, and income from renting out a parking spot that came with my condo. All that to say, my taxes are a little complicated, but it’s not like I own a boat or anything. (I wish!) Thanks in advance for any recs!

    1. I used Bill Pilc in Richmond the last few years, and I had no complaints. My taxes are extremely easy though.

  16. Someone posted a very compelling review of Veja sneakers recently and I meant to write down the style of sneakers mentioned and can’t for the life of me find it. If anyone remembers or if OP wants to repost, I’d be grateful. Something I white and good for narrow heel, wider front foot.

    1. Maybe it was me? I know I’ve mentioned them before here in response to people’s questions. I have the Campo style with the white leather and natural (off-white-ish) trim.

        1. I did not size down. I wear a US8.5 and got a size 40 (which is technically a US9).

    2. I didn’t post about them, but I have the V-10 and like them. They are very sturdy. I did use a blow-dryer to soften the leather, and the tongues are unusually long. (I’ve seen people curl them over, I chose to cut mine.)

    3. That was me! I got the Campo style a few weeks ago and really like them. The heel could be smaller but it’s not so generous they slip off my feet. My usual trouble area is pinky toes rubbing, and no issues whatsoever. I do have to lace them all the way up, rather than only to the second-to-last holes as the cool kids do.

      The other style that always works for me is Cole Haan Grandpro’s although the bounty of colors offered has dwindled to only a handful :(

      I’m usually a 7.5 in heels, sometimes a 7 sometimes a 7.5 in sneakers (a 7.5 in the Cole Haans), and the 7 was 100% the right call for the Campo’s. 8’s were falling off my heels.

        1. So they will def feel different than Converse. The sole is thick and while not uncomfortably stiff or heavy, there’s a lot more “base” there. I did read once that Converse were designed for musicians to be able to feel pedals… Vejas would not be their choice. But they are super comfy and I think could accommodate a small insole if you need more arch or heel support.

  17. Thank you Sloan Sabbith,Bluberries, Walnut, Senior Attorney and everyone that offered thoughtful advice over the weekend about my intubated friend.
    She’s made it to today, thankfully, however covid triggered an immune response that has ravaged her body so it will be another month intubated for assistance breathing and months of rehab, so if all goes well (fingers crossed it does) it’s still a long and risky road.
    I recorded a message for her family to play her because I couldn’t trust myself not to cry on her husband, thanks Sloan, and will be here for the long run.
    She’s an amazing woman who ran a community legal centre serving disadvantaged women and worked on human rights for children, an amazing brain and a kind soul.

    1. I was praying for her. Her family was on my mind. Thank you for up-dating.

  18. Need some good vibes, virtual hugs, and stories about ‘its no big deal’.
    Going to the gastroenterologist tomorrow for my first appointment. I am worried about what the outcome will be.
    I have been seeing bright red blood with my p00p every day for over four months. The amount & frequency of it is getting worse. I am worried that something might be really wrong – but trying not to get tangled up in my tendency towards anxiety!

    My PCP referred me for a colonoscopy back in May, but insurance decided I needed to see the GE first. Appointment backlogs meant its taken this long to get in. I’m in my mid-40s with no risk factors related to colorectal health.

    1. So sorry! I’ve had bright red blood in poop at various times and for various reasons. Most benign being just irritation from frequent bathroom usage. The worst being C. Diff. — that was super scary, but it all turned out ok. Your GE may schedule you for a colonoscopy but also might have you perform a stool sample (which was comically difficult to figure out the first time). They were able to diagnose me with C. Diff. pretty quickly with the stool sample, and the colonoscopy was just a formality later and didn’t turn up anything. I think the good thing is that it isn’t black looking blood as that is usually indicative of internal bleeding. Good luck to you!

    2. I had this for a few months, and it turned out to be an internal hemorrhoid that was bleeding frequently, so maybe no need to worry.

    3. When I had bright red blood in my poop it was just hemorrhoids. Good you’re getting it checked out but I think it’s pretty unlikely it’s cancer.

    4. Good luck!! I find it helpful to prep a list of questions I want to ask as well as frequency/cadence of symptoms. Advocate for yourself!

  19. Favorite ponte suit recommendations? I’m looking for comfort for the non-court but long appointment days.

    1. I had a wonderful ponte blazer from Boden for a few years… sadly I ‘grew’ out of it. It had matching pants but I never owned those.

    3. I haven’t tried any bottoms and I’m thinking this is more jersey knit than ponte, but check out Miik for really great stretch blazers, coordinating tops, and bottoms.

  20. Thank you Sloan Sabbith,Bluberries, Walnut, Senior Attorney and everyone that offered thoughtful advice over the weekend about my intubated friend. So far so good. Longer comment in mod.

  21. I engaged a cleaning service to get a small house ready for the new tenant. I accepted a quote for $190. Two ladies showed up at the house on Friday, and the leader took me around and pointed out the range and laundry appliances hadn’t been cleaned well. She asked if I would like to add those on and I apologetically said yes. I learned that this lady was born in the area and had lots of family in the area. I moved here 4 years ago.

    The ladies pulled away exactly 2 hours after they arrived. The house was sparkling. I received an invoice over the weekend for $613. I am floored. I spiraled hard into self-loathing over the weekend: how could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I ask how much it would cost? Why does this seem to happen any time I interact with another human?

    But the real question for this board is: Do I challenge the invoice? I was expecting perhaps $400 tops with the appliances. Do I make a stink about $200 more, and possibly risk retaliation or a smear campaign in my small town?

    Maybe I should quit my job in small law and start cleaning homes.

    1. No advice but I’m shocked! $150 an hour for cleaning is outrageous. I’d call and ask why it was so much more than the quote and considering the time it took.

      Also, cut yourself some slack, that was a mean trick to pull on you.

    2. You were taken advantage of, I’m sorry. It happens to me too and I always feel like such a fool.

    3. Challenge it. That’s $150 per hour. Say that it was $190 per quote and pay that.

      Shouldn’t they be worried about their reputations, too?

    4. I’d call the owner and complain. If they don’t lower your bill I would leave a bad review on yelp and google. The amount of your bill is so outrageous in comparison to the initial amount and she probably didn’t tell you the cost on purpose. I wouldn’t feel bad about leaving a bad review in all the places If this isn’t corrected!

    5. At the very least, call or e-mail them and ask them if this was sent to you by mistake. I know it sounds unlikely, but I received an invoice for some electrical work and it turns out that they sent me the wrong invoice and they corrected it right away and it was all no big deal. If it was not a mistake, ask for an explanation of how they quoted you $190, but the bill ended up at more than 3 times that amount. I would argue that you expected the add-ons to be less than the cost for the base services or else they should have told you exactly what the higher amount would be. This is just bad business practice for them. And lastly, this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Do not “spiral into self-loathing” when someone is trying to take advantage of you. If anything, you should be going on the offensive and telling them that you are giving them a chance to “make this right” before you post something on Yelp/social media and see what they have to say about that.

    6. Do not beat yourself up. Take a deep breath and be as kind and straightforward as possible when you call and ask her to explain the bill. There is a not-zero chance that this is a mistake. I’d also mention that you’re a local landlord and thought they did a great job but can’t use them going forward without a clear understanding of the fees. If she spreads the word that you’re very nice but not a pushover with prices then this will probably stop happening to you. Good luck!

    7. Yikes.

      1. are you sure the quote was $190 total, not per hour? I ask because around $225 is what I pay for about 2-3 hours of one lady’s time, and you effectively had 4 hours of cleaning.
      2. Even if it was per hour, you could write back and politely state “when you offered to add those tasks, I didn’t expect it to be an X% increase in the bill without you explaining that to me first. could you please check and clarify?” or similar.

      1. Even $225/3 hours is steep for cleaning. That’s $75/hr.

        I live in the $$ suburbs of Boston. I pay $150 to get my house cleaned which takes one person 4 hours, two people 1.5-2 hours, or 3 people ~1 hour. Neighbors pay closer to $200 for the same service. Even still, it’s about $50/hr.

        OP, I would follow up with the company. Be polite and curious. They may charge $50/appliance which isn’t unreasonable but also seems like it would take more than 2 hours to do all that deep cleaning of appliances on top of the basic clean.

    8. I would politely and calmly challenge the invoice. “I had the service on xx date; the women who came did a wonderful job. I was surprised to set the invoice for $613 since the original quote was $190. I realize we added a few areas, but I didn’t expect it to more than double the quoted amount. Would you be able to take a look at this with me?”

      I had to work through some surprise billing issues with my small town hometown plumbing and HVAC contractor, and always approaching it from a) we’re happy with the work b) we’re going to be friendly and neighborly still at the end of this – really went a long way to solving the issues where we both felt good at the end.

      Also, regarding the small town politics. I live in a small town I didn’t grow up in, and at this point am pretty plugged into the network; chances are that if this is the lady’s standard MO and she really is trying to pull a fast trick on you, then the other locals know about it already and a lot of them probably quietly don’t use her themselves.

    9. Echoing the advice to politely question the invoice, and please don’t beat yourself up. I’ve been on the phone with a company that charged double the quote for a service, so you are definitely not alone!

  22. For those of you who have done a fairly significant remodel, how did you pay for it, I.e., cash flow, home equity loan, etc? I am very debt sensitive and have cash flowed our remodels so far, but we need to redo our kitchen, which is another scale from what we already have done. Anything about your experience, budget, tips, etc would also be appreciated!

    Thank you!

    1. I’m also interested in this! We had planned on potentially doing a cashout refi but now I don’t want to mess with our mortgage rate if I don’t have to!

    2. We’ve done all our renos DIY with cash. It works because we’re handy and I have a good eye for design. Also allows us to have champagne on a beer budget. We swung solid brass hardware and Carrara marble on a plastic and laminate budget.

      1. Can you expand on this? I’m trying to purchase a 1950s ranch that needs updating. I want to DIY it, and have some good design, but I’d love to be pointed towards resources.

        1. Yeah absolutely. The way I typically go about designing is figuring out what I want and then work backwards to the budget to make it fit. For example I wanted solid wood cabinets & boxes (Ikea is just…nope) but that would not have been in budget so I sourced a full set of kitchen cabinets for $1k coming out of a mansion on FB marketplace, the mansion was way bigger than my house so I just reconfigured the boxes to my space. We are members of our local tool library so we can rent all the specialty tools for the low membership price of $200/year. We do have our own drills and other common tools, but the library really saves costs and clutter! To figure out how to do the actual work a lot of it’s pretty self explanatory (like demo) but for things that are less straightforward we use YouTube tutorials or we ask the experts who work at the tool library for their advice. The key is really just going slowly and measuring carefully, attention to detail really differentiates a meh space from an awesome one. I use a lot of second hand materials (construction waste is a big passion of mine) and it saves huge amounts of money, you might have a ‘habitat restore’ near you which is a thrift store for construction supplies run by habitat for humanity.

          1. This is really interesting, thanks for sharing. The flies in chipboard make me sick so I’m always looking for other ways to do things.

    3. I had what I call an “emergency” kitchen remodel – we thought we were going to have to move and sell, and we’d been living with the hilariously outdated and bad kitchen that was one of the reasons we’d been able to afford our house. We used a HELOC, paid about 1/2 off, then mortgage interest rates took a big tumble down and we refinanced and rolled the rest of the HELOC into our new mortgage (which the lender required.) – obviously we didn’t end up moving and many years later we are still here and still enjoying our quickie remodeled kitchen.

      1. I just want to mention, though, in an era of rising rates, don’t get a HELOC you have to refinance your house to make the payments doable. We fully planned to just pay off the HELOC on a pretty tight schedule, and were well on track to do so.

        Also, I should have mentioned that a lot of our kitchen came from Home Cheapo (did I mention quickie remodel?) and we applied for their credit card and put everything we could on that, because they had a zero interest for 12 months deal. We paid that off within the 12 months. We shopped with our contractor so we were able to get the contractor price even though the charges went to our card.

        The HELOC funds were used for the contractor labor costs and everything not bought at HD.

    4. Cash flow-that’s our only rule really. We lived in our old house for a while we renovated this one’s interior. So we lived in our “starter” house for years after we paid the mortgage off and just saved for our down payment and renovation. It took longer than we thought but the extra time allowed us to have more money than we’d thought. (So by the end of the project we’d wished we spent more than we had on a lot of things.) We’re also currently renovating the outside and the yard which, while much more pleasant than living through an interior renovation, is still unpleasant.

      My big advice is to just focus on making your home beautiful and lovely for you. It’s 100% worth it.

      With regard to kitchens (I’ve done two complete remodels since the start of the pandemic) you begin with appliances and then pick cabinets. I think high end appliances and middle quality inset cabinets make for a more high end looking kitchen for resale than the opposite if you have to choose. (I did).

      I put a prep sink in our island and I LOVE it. You can rinse produce while your partner does the dishes. I wished I had had sconces installed on either side of the window about my sink. I’d consider that or under cabinet lighting.

      Also as for hardwood floors, I’ve had real success refinishing the run of the mill narrow red oak from the 1970s. Two coats of country white and a matte bona finish and they look modern and Scandinavian. It was also really easy to patch them and fill in areas that were originally tiled, like my kitchen.

      Oh and if you’re replacing doors, make sure to specify that the hinges match the doorknobs. Matte black hardware and shiny brass hinges are a bummer (dont ask me how I know).

      I can talk all day so let me know if you have more specific questions!

    5. We used a cash out refi. The process could not have been more simple. We owed about $200k and it was valued at about $500k. We took out about $60k to redo the kitchen. We worked with our existing bank, they only needed proof of our current income and the process was done in 30 days. We have saved up for every project before this and were planning on saving up for this one, but we had an ARM that would have started adjusting this year and we wanted to lock in to a low fixed rate. Our monthly mortgage payment actually went down because our new interest rate was lower.

      1. +1 cash out refi is what we did in our first house when we did a bigger exterior project. It was the right move for us and paid off when we sold; the interest rates worked in our favor as well at the time. We tend to have quite a bit of equity in our homes though because we put more toward each payment and/or have 15 year mortgages. Whether it’s the right move for OP would probably depend on the amount of equity built up and the interest rate situation, but I generally think this is a great way to finance bigger house projects and worked out for us quite well.

    6. Hi! We’re starting a remodel now that will be about $150,000 and are using a credit line/a loan against our stock portfolio because the interest rate is dirt cheap, no closing costs, took only about a day or two to set up (we were quoted 90+ days for a HELOC to close) and we can easily directly any capital gains from our our portfolio there as well as making monthly payments to pay down the balance. For us, the amount we’re borrowing is a small percentage of our overall stock assets (even in the recent downturn), and we’re well below the borrowing threshold. It’s perhaps riskier than a HELOC and certainly riskier than paying all cash, but we’re comfortable with the risks. It’s not a loan on any retirement accounts, just stocks.

    7. We bought a home for $650k and owned it for 4 years before undertaking a $350k renovation/addition.

      $150k was cash savings, $150k was a home equity loan and the last $50k was paid from “rolling income” eg money we earned as we were doing through the project. It was a 2 year project. Our home appraised for about $800k when we applied for the home equity loan.

    8. Cash our refi here. The interest rate cut was such that the payment stayed the same even though we took out enough cash to do the project, and we were still left with 70% equity.

  23. Any advice from those who have dealt with intrusive thoughts? Not for me but for a loved one. There is a therapist involved and a workbook they are working through, but it’s summer and between therapist vacation and other vacations, I am getting leaned on for moral support (which I am happy to provide in a pinch). I know enough to encourage loved one to “work through the steps” done with the therapist and respond with love, but is there anything practical to do? I understand that intrusive thoughts can be very scary to experience but I don’t seem to be wired this way (so far).

    1. I have intrusive thoughts and try not to express them to my loved ones very often, but sometimes it happens.

      I would start by picking a time when they’re not having the thoughts and asking them what would be most helpful. What usually helps for me is for my loved one to say something like, “That sounds really hard/scary/etc.” Then a gentle reminder to “check the facts” or do a quick breathing exercise or similar. For me, it’s important for my friend not to engage with the thought themselves (so, they shouldn’t tell me the reasons why I’m not having a stroke, just remind me of the coping strategies I use to realize that I’m not having a stroke). This strategy also helps with what I’ve learned through therapy that I need to develop resilience and coping strategies that don’t depend on others’ reassurance.

      I have one particular friend who gets the same type of therapy as I do (DBT), and we will sometimes tell the other that they’re doing a good job of using their coping skills or they’ve come a long way honoring emotions, and encourage that way when things are getting hard. But I think that mostly works well for us because we have a shared framework and vocabulary.

  24. Need help selecting indoor paint colors for house. We are in SF Bay Area. Most of the room get good amount of sunlight. Our living room has a big painting with lot of colors (base is orange), grey couch and rug. Family room had teal couch and a very colorful rug with base of burnt orange (yes, I really love orange). We have a long hallway leading to the rooms. The rooms are neutral. My husband really like southwest colors (he really like the colors on Breaking Bad) and would like a muted version of that. Neither of us know if this will actually look good.
    Specific questions – 1) Do southwest colors work well inside? 2) What are good default colors that are no brainer?
    Thank you!

    1. Look at Su Casa magazine. https://www.sucasamagazine.com/. It is a magazine for Albuquerque/Santa Fe/Taos home design (I live in Albuquerque and get it with the newspaper every so often, although I really don’t like Southwestern design).

    2. burnt orange and teal sounds like a nice combo for a southwest look. typical paint colors are tan, pale gold, taupe, some pale pinks. I think a light soft brown or warm grey can work well too. key is to make sure it doesnt clash with the oranges but is still a warm tone. aim for colors that look like if a white or pale grey wall was lit up only by a desert sunrise.

    3. No specific suggestion but there’s a lot of interior designers on Etsy that will make recommendations/palettes for you. I paid $75 for a personalized cabin exterior and it was worth all the mental energy I saved

    4. Also in the Bay Area – I love a terra cotta hued wall. I did that in my bedroom for years. I don’t have a specific name for you – we got a bunch of swatches from Home Depot by comparing them to an actual terra cotta pot, and went home and hung the swatches up with double sided tape. We looked at them in all phases of light and picked the one we liked the best, then went a shade lighter because of how dark colors look even darker on a whole wall, and we didn’t want our bedroom to feel too dark. That said, the color we used was pretty saturated, not a pastel, and we loved it.

      Our bedroom is green now because we redecorated but the terra-cotta was the color for 10+ years.

      The colors we were looking to avoid were “bandaid” and “apricot” (from the crayola box). We eliminated a lot of swatches that way.

      Enjoy! I’m sure it will look great. And earth tones are very California.

  25. What would you do in this situation?

    My husband, kids, and I have been invited to a kid’s birthday party by a family we were formerly close with. My husband is still friends with the dad in that family, but the mom and I had a falling out nearly a decade ago and haven’t seen each other since. I’m not angry with her and would be happy to go with my husband and kids to the party (they are definitely going), but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do. My goal is to not rock the boat- so I want to go if that’s the most polite thing to do or to stay home if my presence will be inappropriate.

    Now for the back story: My husband and I used to be very close with the couple who invited us until the wife confided to me that she was cheating on her husband. I had been friends with the husband for longer than I’d known the wife, and though I struggled with what to do, I ultimately told my husband, who then told her husband, who was at the time his closest friend. Massive fallout ensued, obviously, but the end result was that the couple stayed together and our friendships frayed. The husbands have kept theirs limping along for ten years now but are nowhere near as close as they were, though her husband has told us we did the right thing in telling him. Wife and I have not spoken since her confession, with the exception of an angry text she sent me in the aftermath.

    For what it’s worth, I’m not sure I did the right thing by telling, but what’s done is done. What I sorely, sorely regret is the breakdown of my husband’s friendship. Which is why I’d like to go to the kid’s party if it can possibly play a role in the reknitting of that friendship. However, if me going will reopen an old wound, I think I should stay home.

    What do the ‘rettes think?

    1. Go, for the husband if you and your husband value that friendship. Tell the wife you’d like to repair the friendship. They did it with their marriage so it’s possible.

    2. If you were invited, it’s fine to go. I’d go. It’s been 10 years and they are together still. Go and be polite and see what happens.

      2. This is a good point. The fact that they invited you may be their way of extending the olive branch to you. They are clearly willing to move past the infidelity, so they should also move past whatever they felt about you and your DH sharing her secret. In fact, you did them a favor – you shed light into their secrecy and they are no longer living in deception. I think you should go and basically act like none of this stuff happened in the past. They have a right to move on from cheating and stay together. There must still be some positive thoughts on their side if they invited you. Try to overlook the angry text to you – they must have been intensely embarrassed and humiliated by all of it since it was obviously a low point in their marriage and lives.

        2. +1 I’d go and just let this be a new time; see what happens, but I would expect it to be fine. Don’t make yourself the only person who’s living in this 10 year old drama if they’ve repaired their relationship and want to move on from it.

    3. 1. She never should have told you that. WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO SHARE THERE SECRETS? ESPECIALLY WITH PEOPLE WHO KNOW THE OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED?! JUST KEEP YO MOUTH SHUT!
      2. It’s foreseeable that a wife confides in her husband (FWIW, I would not have done this — some secrets should die with the holder but she let the genie out of the bottle).
      3. I would “have a conflict,” as there is a chance of a non-zero chance that this will go horribly sideways with your kids there to watch.

    4. That is rough! If they’ve stayed together, I would think it is reasonable for you to go. In my view (although I don’t know how the wife feels), sometimes relationships remain awkward/frayed because both parties assume the other is still mad. If you go, you’re signaling that there are no hard feelings on your end. If there are still hard feelings on her end, that’s up to her to communicate or set boundaries around. Especially since she’s invited you! I would think at this point, that was her extending an olive branch, and you going would be accepting the amends and normalizing the relationship a bit.

      Pointedly not going after being invited, to my mind, would seem like a rebuff and an indication you were still upset and not willing to reconcile.

      1. +1, to your last sentence. If you were invited – the full family was invited – go.

        1. I feel like I’d follow the husband’s lead here. A friendship that has limped along and suddenly includes you and kids seems a bit like a set-up (to me; to me) if she hasn’t reached out to you directly. Maybe she’s not able? Could you text her something benign like “What’s Mindy into these days for her b-day present? Kandace wants to go shopping for her and is very excited.” and see if it’s warm or frosty?

      3. OP- Your last line is what I’m worried about. The idea of going makes me incredibly anxious, but I absolutely don’t want to give off the impression that I’m holding a grudge. I don’t necessarily want to be friends, but on my end at least I have no hard feelings and could certainly be friendLY for my husband’s sake.

    7. I would one million percent not go unless you talk/connect first, because a child’s birthday party is not the place I would want to reconnect for the first time.
      Was your name actually on the invitation? Or did it say “the Smiths”? If your name was actually on the invitation I would email the friend and say you are pleased to be invited and would love to attend, would she be open to getting coffee first/in advance of the party?

      2. I’m not opposed to this except that I truly don’t know what I’d say to her. I can’t imagine I could sincerely apologize because I maintain deep conflict about whether I did the right thing. It seems like the only thing to say is, “Did you really mean to invite me to this? And if so, are we cool?”- in which case maybe I’m better off sending a text.

        The invitation was a text to my husband that said something like, “We’d love for you all to come to Sally’s party on this date!” So no, I was not specifically invited, but I don’t think my husband is wrong to interpret it that way. It’s the first invite of that kind we’ve received from them.

    8. There’s no way in hell I would go to this, but I also have severe social anxiety and it wouldn’t be worth it for me.

    9. hang on…she told you she was cheating, and then…what…expected you to pretend everything was normal? to hang out with them and watch her play the happy wife and *know* that her husband had no idea!? and then *got mad at you* when you didn’t?
      yeah…there is no way i would ever spend time with this person.
      i would leave my husband’s friendship to my husband and do something else that day.

  26. Are tops with criss-crosses across the front super dated now? If so, is it better to snip those and wear as is or does that make it an overly wide neckline and I just need to donate them?

    2. do you mean tops that lace up across the chest? I think they are super dated since I wore them in college in the early 00’s…. which means they’re probably about to be super trendy on Tiktok

  27. Do we believe Elon when he says he did not have an affair with Sergei’s now-ex-wife? Seems weird that it’s coming up now when the brief affair happened late last year, so I think someone is trying to make the Twitter situation more difficult for Elon by painting him as the bad guy. Then again, I’m not sure if I believe Elon…

    2. My loathing for Elon is reaching Kardashian proportions. WHYYYY are all of us subjected to the details of their messed up personal lives as headline news?

        1. Yeah Kardashians are vapid but harmless (except in the sense that all uber wealthy people are villains). Elon is evil!

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