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Updated: Dec 18, 2023 403 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Nancy Wool-Blend Rib-Knit Cardigan

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a black top black pants, and ivory-and-black cardigan

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Saks Fifth Avenue continues its winning streak with the best curated shops. This time we’re looking into an “It Girl’s Closet,” and the first thing to catch my eye was this gorgeous cardigan from rag & bone.

I don’t think I’m an It Girl, but I would happily wear this to my business casual office with a pair of black trousers or layered over a black sheath. A more committed It Girl might select this mesh feather-cuff top from Alice + Olivia, but I don’t think I can recommend it for the office.

The sweater is $395 and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in solid black.

This Anne Klein cardigan is a nice alternative at a more affordable price of $119; sizes still in stock are S–XL. This tweed option from Talbots is available in X–3X for $74.99 (discount taken at checkout).

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    On Friday evening my office had the holiday party /annual awards ceremony. My team, that has brought in more money this year than every other team *combined* and is keeping the whole org afloat, did not get a single award. The CEO really doesn’t like that we’re more successful than their pet project, the lack of awards just seems like a very intentional eff you.

    • Anon

      I feel your disappointment, but consider another viewpoint. In my office, if you really know what is going on, the awards are consolation prizes given for various reasons. For example, someone who was not selected for a position they wanted might get a Great Worker Bee award. Knowing what I know, I don’t put a great deal of weight on these awards.

    • Anon

      My company doesn’t do awards, but my team has been busting their ***** implementing a project and working around the clock on reduced capacity. At the yearly dinner speech they were like “And we would like to thank the teams who have been so instrumental in implementing project ABC: Marketing, Accounting, and Teapot Operations”. Absolutely no mention of Legal. I knew we weren’t really valued by leadership, but it stung and honestly makes me want to find a new job.

      • Anon

        I gave up hope legal would get outside of function recognition a long time ago!

        • Anon

          I guess I was hoping our CEO would have noticed because this project actually meant we got a lot of face time with the executive management team, more than usual. But alas, nope.

      • anon

        I posted below, but I understand the sting and wanting to find a new job as a result.

      • Anonymous

        but isn’t that always the case — Legal has to be the parent of the company and tell companies what they can’t do, right?

    • Anon

      Love peanut butter myself, but as a parent of a peanut allergy kid, please limit the peanut cookies to adult only events. And label it!

      As I understand it, it’s more likely than other allergies for peanut allergies to cause anaphylaxis.

    • anon

      I understand. We had an awards ceremony last week and my team was completely overlooked, after having a year in which we went above and beyond, and didn’t miss a beat despite lots of factors outside our control. It felt very sh!tty.

    • Anon

      So most of my team members won an award this year for being part of a project that we really had to work hard and push to get done in an absurdly short period of time. A couple of others got awards for being involved in a cross-functional project that ended up being really successful. BUT, come performance-review time, every single one of us got “meets expectations” in our reviews, AND I found out a person on another team in our department, who is the biggest pain in the rear, constantly complaining about being overworked, basically did nothing all year and won no awards, got the only Exceeds Expectations rating in the entire department, and will be getting a hefty raise/bonus as a result. Because she’s juiced in with one of the senior execs who “feels bad for her because she’s been having a tough time this year” (not really any tougher than anyone else, honestly).

      Just sharing this because I think there are all kinds of ways companies can reward people – and all kinds of ways they can withhold recognition from people who deserve it. And also all kinds of ways to reward people they’re friends with, regardless of their actual job performance.

    • Anon

      Ugh commiseration. It was a long time ago, but I brought in the largest deal of the year when I had just moved into a production role. One of my work besties happened to chat with the big boss and said “Anon is pretty excited about landing that deal,” to which boss responded, “That deal would have come to us anyway, it didn’t really have anything to do with her.”

      I have never forgotten. Nor have I forgiven that asshole boss, and I never worked for him again, though there were many opportunities. What is that saying “people remember how you made them feel.”

      Hugs to you and because you need to hear this – you rock!!

      • Anon

        “That deal would have come to us anyway, it didn’t really have anything to do with her.”

        There’s a term for this, which I forget. But I also have a supervisor who absorbs every new fact into their own world view in a way that fortifies their world view, even when the new fact totally disproves their world view. Among other things, it makes it useless to share facts with them.

    • NYNY

      I hear you, and have been there. But this also sounds like a political failure. Whoever oversees your team and reports up to the CEO should have advocated for your team’s recognition. Awards – even meaningless ones – don’t just materialize. Someone needs to push for it, and if your team deserves appreciation that they aren’t getting, it’s probably not just at holiday award ceremonies and is absolutely a reason to look for a new role.

      • Anonymous

        +1 I don’t understand how corporate award ceremonies work (they sound awful), but if not being included in it leads you to the view that your CEO is actively jealous of and deliberately alienating a top-producing team, then it sounds like the award is just one piece of a much larger backstory.

        • Anon OP

          I am on the council for my function’s awards. How it works here is someone had to nominate the person or the team (anyone can do it, but they don’t materialize from nowhere and the exec who leads our function stays out of the nomination process), the nomination goes before the council for votes (sometimes we ask for more details), and then we vote and voila. Getting nominations is like pulling teeth. We eventually get enough but it’s painful. This is a global awards gala! You get press all over the internal pages even if you only get nominated!

          But I know exactly why we struggle to get nominations – the BUs are silo’d so no one outside those BUs know about the excellent work and we are understaffed and this is another thing for them to do without a charge code (everyone hates tasks without charge codes).

      • Anonymous

        This was the issue at my previous job. My department brought in the most revenue, and I was the highest producer in the department, but our management was not cozy with the C-suite so we never got any recognition. I was actually targeted for bullying by management and executives because I dared to ask for unreasonable things such as promotions for my staff, functional software, etc. They were shocked–shocked!–when I left.

        • Anon

          Shocked!! Yeah, I stopped bringing in those big numbers for my prior employer, then brought them in for a new employer. HOW DARE I?

  2. Cookie exchange

    What are everyone’s favorite cookies to bring (or to receive!) at holiday cookie exchanges? I was invited to a last minute cookie exchange this coming weekend and looking for some inspiration!

    • An.On.

      Fancier but still doable for a baker without a kitchenaid: double chocolate peppermint cookies or Smitten Kitchen’s marbled cheesecake hamantaschen
      If you’re in the mood for old favorites/don’t have tons of time: peanut butter kiss cookies or gooey butter cake cookies

      • Anonymous

        Every recipe is doable without a Kitchenaid, lol.
        Signed, someone who has one but never uses it for baking.

    • anon

      I love to make…Alison ronan salted chocolate shortbread cookies, eggnog frosted chai snickerdoodle snowmen by half baked harvest (it is fun to make the snowmen, but i also will just make the cookies as a normal circle and not do the decorations), and butterscotch toffee chocolate fudge cookies by Sally’s baking recipes. I love to receive: christmas crack (mine never turns out lol), peanut butter blossoms, and chocolate crinkle cookies

    • Anonymous

      I make shortbread, eatmore bars, and gingerbread every year and then change it up with three to five of the following depending on what my family wants…
      -cinnamon stars
      -linzer cookies
      -springerle
      -speculoos
      -custard creams
      -chocolate cardamom ammonia cookies
      -pfeffernusse
      -ginger nuts

      • Lydia

        can you say more about these “chocolate cardamom ammonia cookies”?? it looks like they actually contain (baking) ammonia??

        • Anonymous

          Not the poster you replied to, but baking ammonia is a common raising agent in older European recipes.

        • Anonymous

          Hi, yes they do!
          A couple of the other recipes I mentioned do as well, it’s a really common leavening agent in some parts of Europe.

        • Anon

          You can also buy it in the US, but not at every grocery store. You generally use it to make hard or crispy cookies, mostly old-fashioned types.

    • Anon

      To receive – peanut butter blossoms. I like the NYT recipe. My friend made a batch recently that had mini Reese’s peanut butter cups in lieu of Hershey kisses!

      I also love a basic rolled sugar cookie with the sparkly kind of sugar sprinkles. I personally don’t love the frosted kind.

    • Christmas crackle

      I got some Christmas crackle at a cookie swap and it was the best! I have been searching for the best recipes for it since then and it looks like an easy recipe!

    • Anonymous

      Magic bars…. Graham cracker crumbs mixed with melted butter in the bottom of a 9×13 baking dish, then pour a whole bag of chocolate chips, then sprinkle coconut on top and bake for like 10 minutes. Suuuuuper easy and always a crowd pleaser. My hats off to everyone else who puts more effort into these things!

    • Anon

      Chocolate rumballs are my favorite, but I also really like those almond snowballs.

    • Anonymous

      If non-cookies are allowed, Malted Forever Brownies by Claire Saffitz

      If cookies only, I’ve wanted to try out Sohla’s Rainbow Rave Cookies this year but haven’t gotten to it!

    • NYNY

      The only holiday cookies I reliably make are biscochitos, which are a traditional New Mexican treat. They’re not-to-sweet sugar cookies made with lard, which makes them super-flaky, and anise seed, and are sprinkled with cinnamon sugar. Obviously have to label them as containing lard at a swap, but people who know them love them.

    • Anon

      You can cut shortbread into whatever shape you like, then after it’s baked and cooled, you can dip it into melted chocolate – Ghirardelli sells “melts” just for this. Regular milk chocolate or white chocolate. Then you can sprinkle on things to stick to the chocolate while it’s still wet – crushed nuts, sprinkles or jimmies, crushed candy canes, etc. they’re so pretty. My favorite design is shortbread rectangles with just the top 1/3 or one deep corner dipped.

      Mold your shortbread dough into a long tube for round shapes, or into a long rectangle as if you extruded it from one of those play doh things. Chill and then slice and bake. So pretty and yummy.

    • Senior Attorney

      Millionaire’s Shortbread (kind of a lot of trouble but SO GOOD)
      Thumbprint cookies
      Smitten Kitchen’s confetti cookies (super easy and so colorful!)

      • EE

        Was just coming on here to recommend Smitten Kitchen’s confetti cookies! And if you can find a real vanilla bean, go ahead and use it. You won’t regret it!

    • Seventh Sister

      English toffee. Not technically a cookie, but delicious and always a hit. I’ve made a few kinds of homemade candy and it is by far the easiest kind.

        • Seventh Sister

          This one is pretty good, though I usually do stir it during the process (it says not to in this recipe). If you are making it for a big group, it’s better not to double the recipe but just make two batches. I’ve definitely scorched/ruined it a couple times, but once you see the dark amber color in person a couple times, you’ll know when to take it off the burner.

          https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/73412/best-toffee-ever-super-easy/

    • Laura

      I make a bunch of Sally’s Baking Addiction recipes, which always turn out well. My favorites include the Magic 5 holiday cookies and the iced gingerbread oatmeal cookies.

  3. Anon

    If you are a size 8-10-12 who is a flat-chested pear and bought a work dress you love recently, please post links. I am finding a lot of fashion dresses that aren’t suitable for work (business-casual, but I’m more senior and a lot of current offerings are what I’d wear to a strictly social event). As I get older, I am finding that I can gain inches due to shape-shifting without gaining weight and all of it is in my stomach and thighs, so last year’s items are straining to fit. This part of aging / perimenopause was not what I signed up for.

      • Anon

        Shoot — dresses are my way to not have to think about what to wear. Separates are the death of half an hour of free time (for me until I get combinations down).

        • Anon

          Just hang the separates together. That’s what I do. It’s basically as easy as a dress that way.

      • anon

        Brooks Brothers is terrible for the OP shape.
        She’d have to tailor the heck out of that dress.

        OP choose forgiving fabrics.
        Search for shift, or fit and flare. Sometimes empire waist or drop waist work depending upon your other proportions.

        Choose your preferred skirt length and do searches for these on Macy’s or Nordstrom’s to get ideas.

    • No Problem

      I am exactly this shape and size and while I don’t have my eye on any dresses at the moment, you should take a look at Boden if you haven’t already. They typically have a lot of dresses in a fit and flare cut. Most of their patterns would probably not work, but most of their dresses come in black and navy and maybe one more solid color. The other nice thing is that they actually include the measurements of the garment, so you can tell whether something has a a chance of fitting.

      Would love to see what others suggest!

    • Anon

      I second the recommendation for Boden. Also weirdly the Tommy Bahama Clara wrap dress. I am a 10/12 pear and the M fits and is very flattering.

  4. Anonymous

    We stayed in an air BNB recently and my daughter fell in love with the sheets. They were fuzzy- like sort of a nappy velux?

    Im trying to hunt them down for Christmas. They are not flannel or micro fleece. Any other ideas? I emailed the air bnb host but never heard back. It wasn’t high end, so I figured target, Walmart, kohls? But have come up empty.

    • Anonymous

      Check out the chamois sheets from PB Teen. My daughter had one of the pillowcases and it looked and felt new for years even with weekly washing.

  5. Anon

    I’m team drugstore skincare for financial reasons. Any opinions re: Neutrogena vs. Olay (I’m intrigued by Olay’s new Super Serum)? Other skincare brands found at Target/CVS I should consider? I’ve been using Neutrogena’s Hydrogel and retinol products.

    • Anon

      I’m a Vanicream stan. Great basic moisturizer that will keep you nice and hydrated without being greasy and will never irritate your skin.

      • Anon

        +1 to Vanicream. I used to use Neutrogena and CeraVe, but now Vanicream is the only thing my skin can tolerate.

        • Anon

          I feel like a lot of times when people think they need a new serum or whatever, they’re trying to fix a problem caused by low level irritation. Vanicream was a game changer for me.

    • Anon

      I’ve never had a dud with a Neutrogena product, nor for that matter, Target’s version of Neutrogena.

      • Anon

        Same–there’s something in Neutrogena that breaks me out, and I’ve never figured out what.

    • Anonymous

      Ponds cold cream followed by any non-oil cleanser like your neutregena. Removes sunscreen and makeup so well. My acne disappeared. Even though I was cleaning my face it wasn’t getting truly clean without the oil from the Ponds loosening everything first.

    • Anonymous

      The Ordinary isn’t at Target/CVS, but it is at Ulta or online and aren’t expensive (less than Olay), and I think their products are really great. This actually reminded me that I need to get some of their hyaluronic acid – I should use it year round but especially noticeable in the winter. They have all kinds of targeted products, which is overwhelming at first but a few years ago I just kind of experimented with them slowly.

      For a home chemical peel, I really like their AHA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution. Although I tried Versed Doctor’s Visit Instant Resurfacing Mask and have been reaching for that much more often.

      I’ve seen a bunch of dermatologists over the yeas and they all have recommended CeraVe, Vanicream, or Cetaphil moisturizer. When my derm emphasized that I should use one of those three when I was on Accutane. I like the Olay whip moisturizers sometimes, but they’re much more expensive than CeraVe and I think back to the derms recs and wonder why I’m spending the money for it.

    • anon a mouse

      They now carry La Roche Posay at Target and I really like the moisturizer and cleanser.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Nuetrogena Clear Pore toner and Neutrogena Ultra Sheer sunscreen (sometimes AS moisturizer) are excellent products. After L’Oreal discontinued Active Daily Moisture, I’ve been on a search for an adequate replacement. I’ve temporarily landed on Clinique Smart custom-repair moisturizer but sweet Jesus it is costly!

    • anon

      You could go to Costco and get their large sized Cetaphil skin cleansers and moisturizers. They also have some CeraVe at times too.

      I used to get Olay stuff at Costco as well, but Cetaphil and CeraVe are better and are what my dermatologist recommends.

      Just order online. The cost savings because of the Costco prices makes it worth it.

    • Anon

      Olay. My mom was strictly Olay and her skin was beautiful in her 90s, so I’ve stuck to the brand as well.

      • Anon

        My friend’s mom, an immigrant from Central America, has the most amazing eternally youthful skin. Her secret is Vaseline. From her hair line all the way down the upper chest. Every single night of her adult life!

        • Anon

          Is she Indigenous? People with more melanin in our skin age slower. But beloved “Vaporub” *is* the Latino cure-all :)

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I don’t have a specific answer to this question, I just wanted to say that I discovered this week that my Target has added an in-store Ulta, so their skincare offerings just expanded and it honestly made my day to not have to make a separate trip to Ulta or the mall at peak Christmas shopping time to get my Clinique moisturizer.

    • Anonymous

      I have used Olay for years. I haven’t used the serum, but I use the retinol 24 at night and the regenerist during the day.

  6. Anon

    Has anyone noticed water spots on their ceiling and then nothing catastrophic seems to happen? I noticed some when I want to see my parents. They had their 30YO roof replaced recently, so I’m thinking that the stains are now older than the roof. But it’s concerning that they are there. After this weekend, I will recheck and compare to the pictures I took to make sure it’s nothing ongoing. Would you do anything else? How long would you wait to repaint? I climbed up on a ladder (something they don’t do now) and the area wasn’t wet (and may not be even if new rain came in by the time I get there). Is this how roofs go — 99.99% effective and some extreme weather may let some things get past the goalie?

    • Anon

      No, good roofs should keep out all water. If the spots are new (sounds like you can’t really tell?), they are a problem. Could it be from indoor plumbing? Can you go into the attic and check the joists around it? Do you parents recall when they appeared?

    • Anon

      Water spots are a sign of an issue. I would get a contractor out to do some testing and figure out the source. Don’t ignore it and paint over it.

      • Anonymous

        I would start by calling the company that installed the new roof to inspect it under the warranty. Once you’ve verified that the stains are from old leaks that have been resolved and there isn’t a mold or mildew issue, use a stain-blocking primer such as Kilz before you paint.

      • Anon

        What sort of contractor does this? Roofer? General contractor? In my next life, I will move into a concrete house with a flat but pitched roof (no valleys of roofs, which seem to need more TLC).

        • Anonymous

          What is a flat but pitched roof? At least where I live these are separate things.

          • Cat

            I’m guessing OP means a simple A-frame type of shape (two simple rectangles, each pitched) as opposed to a more complicated roofline with angles, joints, etc.

        • Anon

          I’m picturing the kind of complicated roof lines that McMansionHell used to relentlessly mock (and criticize as inviting future roof damage)

    • Anon

      I have a couple but they’re old. I’m 99% it’s old damage from when we had a pipe issue – a really bad water hammer that ran for a while, and I think it shook some water loose from plumbing joints.

      But your roof should not be leaking even 1% of the time.

      • anonshmanon

        another thing to check even if the roof is doing it’s job, are blocked gutters. If water stands where it should be flowing, the oddest leaks can form. If you have a drone, or a gadget loving family member with a drone, that’s a good way to check gutters that are difficult to access.
        If it’s a truly one time thing, it *might* be harmless but usually it isn’t. Best case, the drywall/plaster deteriorates over time and will need to be replaced. Worst case the wood underneath gets wet repeatedly, and you could have mold, rot, or termites hidden in there.

    • Cat

      we live in a super old house and – BEFORE replacing our roof – used to get some water in one room if it was a nor’easter. I think the water would get blown up between the shingles by the wind because they were old and not well sealed anymore. Note my emphasis on BEFORE, though.

    • Anon

      Honest question: how can you tell you if a leak is old if it’s not currently wet? I may go in each room in my house each day, but I’m not actively scanning the ceiling. Do you scan the ceilings during / after each big storm? Forgive my ignorance — I grew up in an apartment and there was no handbook for me once I moved into an older SF house. [I’m also a bit terrified of the attic — it has rafters in a lot of it (vs a floor) and even with a headlamp, the light either isn’t great or there is a lot of balacing I feel like I’m going to eventually get wrong and go through to the floor below (like Christmas Vacation, but I won’t have a bunkbed to catch me before falling all the way to the floor).

      • Anon

        Yeah, I regularly scan the ceiling and check windows for leaks after storms. In general I do a ceiling scan pretty often. I’m not that neurotic but I’ve had enough leaks and issues to fix that I do pay attention, it’s just so much cheaper to fix if you find things early.

      • Anon

        I have had a few leaks in my homeowner days (once from a roof, twice bathroom plumbing) and I literally do scan the walls and ceilings throughout my house everyday – it’s like a subconscious habit, born from experience. I also think you may just register something is different, especially if you have white ceilings. I noticed a sudden yellow spot on my son’s ceiling, and it turns out there was a Yellowjacket nest in the roof eave leaking goo. And yes, after big storms we purposely check out the basement.

        In short, I would advise checking over your house with a discerning eye on a regular basis, but if a big spot appears on the ceiling you’ll probably notice it.

      • Anon

        I don’t consciously look every day. But know that there are no spots on my ceiling today. If I see one in a month, it has to be new. I may not know when in the month it appeared, but it was during those 30 days and whatever caused it is still there because I haven’t fixed anything during that time.

    • Anon

      Behind the water stain is wet wood and an “ingression” point for water, which can cause a LOT of damage over time (not to mention mold). You have to find the source of the leak and fix it right now, period. No other choice/options. Leaks can cause visible marks on drywall far from where the hole/crack actually exists. This is a good time to call a professional. Do it before things get worse and the ceiling comes down on your parents.

    • No Problem

      You can use a moisture meter (available online for under $50) to check the relative moisture of the spots vs. other areas of the ceiling. Get the “pinless” kind that you lay flat on the surface. A spot might feel dry to the touch, but the moisture meter will do a better job of telling you whether there is actually more moisture in the spot than surrounding areas. This was how I identified that a ceiling spot was an ongoing leak from plumbing above and not an old leak. For reference, the spot was giving me a reading around 20-30% moisture, while surrounding areas were well under 10%. 20% is still considered “dry” but it was clear that it was more damp than surrounding areas. Ideally you’ll be able to do this shortly after it rains, since a minor leak can dry up within a few days or a week.

  7. Love it or List it

    Home reno help. I need step by step guidance on how to go about a home renovation plan. I know what doesn’t work in my home at a high level but need someone to come in and suggest solutions/look holistically at the house and make a plan. Then I need the work done. Am I looking for “design build” firms? Or a designer and then a GC? Design is absolutely not my thing but I would like to invest a significant amount in my home (about 20 percent of current value allocated to updates) and am at loss on where to start. For context, the house is 125 years old and I’d like someone to help design improvements to the flow and look of the kitchen/dining, plan for how better to use our space for the needs of our family (kids entering pre-teen stage) and help come up with ideas we haven’t thought of. A small addition is not off the table. Given backlogs I expect it will take more than a year to identify, plan and execute and so would like to get going. How do people do this? In the SW burbs of Chicagoland for any local readers who have specific recommendations…

    • Cat

      you’ll either need an architect and a builder, or a design-build firm. The latter charge a premium for being a one-stop shop but will make the project easier for you to manage since you only have one company to deal with.

    • Anon

      In your shoes, I’d go design build specializing in older homes. I’d also budget and plan to move out during construction if you haven’t already, and add another 10% to your budget for random things you’ll discover in the process. I renovated our 100+ year home and it’s awesome and fun. If you want to get in the mood, I recommend the book on renovating by Remodelista, it has great tips and an overview for older homes. We kept all the original details that we could and the same floor plan, but updated too and it’s wonderful living in an old home with modern conveniences. Have so much fun!

    • Anonymous

      We have a 100 year old home and for our recent renovation this past year, we started with an architect. Note that we did NOT do a kitchen renovation – reconfigure some spaces, add a small addition, and re do a bathroom. Specifically, we hired an architect who only works on old homes in our city. There is a chance our experience was unusual, but when our architect came over to do the initial walk through, and we pointed out what we were planning to do/things that specifically didn’t work, he really spent time talking those through with us and then walking the house himself/putting himself in the space. Like, we planned to make one space a permanent office and one a permanent guest room. After he walked through, he thought it should be switched around because the space we were going to use as an office was closer to the bathroom, so he said for a guests privacy, that room should be the guest room. He happened to also draw up a proposed idea for redoing our kitchen (which we did not ask for) because he measured our whole house and thought changing some items around would maximize flow and efficiency. We just didn’t have it in our budget to redo the kitchen, but his idea is genius and something we never would have thought of. So for the “design aspect” of what you’re looking for, this is what our architect helped with. If we were doing a more involved renovation, I also would have consulted with an interior designer for optimal lighting, outlet placement, etc.

      Then we asked him for his builder recommendations and met with all three of them. All of them work 80%+ exclusively in old homes. This was important because we needed someone who could handle non-level floors and who, if there was a surprise behind the wall, would say “how can we work with this?” Rather than panic.

      Our architect is definitely the “idea guy” and the builder helped make a lot of the visions come to life. However, our builder, who has worked with the architect for decades, would point out when something was truly a design feature and would cost $$$ and perhaps not worth it.
      If I was going to do our kitchen, I would bring in a specific kitchen designer. I wouldn’t rely just on what our architect prepared. Kitchens are just a whole different ballgame..

    • anon

      I am in the Oak Park area.

      This is the team I was going to hire until we decided to move and sell

      Oak Design and Construction. the owner is Dave Brady, a great guy. They do things right and, of course, they are not cheap. 708-383-2244. But they specialize in older houses and work with you.

      • Chl

        Also in oak park and would recommend Chris bremer at compass architecture if you decide to do architect

    • Anonymous

      Any similar recommendations in the greater Boston area for a home in Somerville? Just starting to think about this myself.

  8. Anon

    Help me shop!

    I am looking for a very soft long sleeve tee to wear when I am lounging around. I bought the Vuori one but it was cut too baggy for me and wasn’t as soft as some of their other items.

    Requirements: soft, long sleeves, long torso cut (I hate shirts that ride up over my waist), slightly shaped cut vs giant box.

    Any personal recommendations?

    • Anon OP

      Oh, I also looked at Athleta and all the long sleeve tees looked either too short, too fitted, or both. I want it a little bit loose but not a square tent, if that makes sense.

      Lululemon looks like it might have a couple which fit the bill but still interested in other options!

    • anon

      Cuddl duds, their softwear tops are seriously so soft, and they are plenty long. i also like the athleta coaster sweatershirt, and it isn’t super heavy so works for me as a top.

    • Anon88

      I’m a fan of Uniqlo Heat Tech. Personally my favorite is the “HEATTECH SCOOP NECK LONG SLEEVE T-SHIRT”

      • Anon

        I like the turtlenecks because the scoop neck was too scoopy and left my skin either exposed / cold or touching wool (I layer underneath b/c my skin hates wool lately).

        • Anon

          I love the scoop neck because I wear them under all sorts of things in the winter. I have some Costco long underwear that has a high neck and they poke through even on some of my crewneck sweaters.

    • Anonymous

      Gap’s Favorite T-shirt comes in a long-sleeve tall option that would probably check all of your boxes. It is a rib knit so slightly fitted and a modal cotton blend that is super soft. They do stretch out a bit with wear, which I think is an issue with all modal blends. I have the regular version and find them plenty long, but I am short-waisted so probably not the best judge of length. It’s definitely not cropped though.

    • Anonymous

      I generally don’t find Outdoor Voices to be worth the hype EXCEPT for their CloudKnit stuff. I gave a set to my husband years ago now and it is exactly as soft as it was the day I gave it to him.

      I also love the Sunday Sleep stuff at Old Navy but I don’t see any long sleeves available

      • Anon

        I love my cloudknit long sleeve shirt- I think this would fit what you’re looking for.

    • Anonymous

      Rag and Bone long-sleeve slub tee. Pricey but so very good and fits your exact specifications.

    • Anonymous

      After a long search, I ended up with 32degrees base layers, in both light weight and medium weight. Various colors. Suspiciously inexpensive but I’m very happy with the quality.

  9. Anon

    I am looking for somewhat warmer pants. I don’t want leggings or anything that fits like leggings, and prefer to wear something that looks like “real” pants. The chinos are not cutting it at current temps. What are you wearing lately?

    • Anon

      check out Eddie Bauer fleece lined pants…not leggings, casual pants that are warm. I don’t have them but I like this brand and they have great reviews

    • Anonymous

      Look for just about any other fabric in the cut you prefer. For winter, I like velvet corduroy, thick denim, or ponte pants. From that list, you can tell that i don’t work in a formal office. If I worked from home, I’d go for thick ponte pants, or stretch velvet corduroy.

    • Anonymous

      cords or silk long johns

      when my office was more formal, flannel wool trousers

      • Anon

        I had some cords I loved the look of when I first put them on. Then they bagged out by the middle of the day and felt like giant saggy pants. I’m thinking of ordering a smaller size now – I wonder if them being tight in the morning would be the right move.

        • Anonymous

          The J Crew Factory all cotton cords don’t stretch much. Rayon blends tend to stretch a lot IME

    • Anon

      I actually wear a base layer under my jeans and chinos. I recently bought a bunch of the mid weight ones from 32 Degrees, but I’ve also had Cuddleduds.

      • Anon

        I literally just went and ordered some of the lightweight base layers from 32 degrees. Thank you so much!

    • Anonymous

      I either wear base layers under my jeans (either Uniqlo heattech, a silk base layer from I think Land’s End, or smartwool), or for outdoorsy activities, I have a pair of flannel lined pants from llbean.

    • Josie P

      LL Bean lined hiking pants (I think they are “Cresta”?). They are not fancy but are warm!

  10. Anonymous

    I’ve been using Lume stick deodorant (unscented) for about two months now. This morning I got out of the shower and put it on and noticed I smell…like animal estrus. Has this happened to anyone else?

    • Anonymous

      Yes girl. Just use the Dove stuff. Wear real deoderant we are all begging you.

      • Anonymous

        Lume isn’t a natural deodorant. It’s meant to be heavy duty “real stuff.”

    • S in Chicago

      Is it possible you’re not washing off the film enough? I’ve had that with other deodorants. I use an oil wash and then an aha/bha wash to remove all residue.

      For what it’s worth, I really like the Lume bar soap and have stayed with regular deodorant. Might be a better option.

      • Anne-on

        If you are strongly against using regular deodorant there is good evidence that using acids on your underarms works very well to kill stink (stridex wipes/ordinary aha/bha on cotton pads, etc.).

        • s in Chicago

          Lume is a regular deodorant. I’m recommending the oil followed by acid wash because any type of deodorant can kind of form a film with hard water. Sort of like how you need a clarifying shampoo every now and then for your hair.

    • Anonymous

      i can’t comment on whether i smelled like animal estrus, but yeah, i stank when i used natural deodorant. i stopped and i don’t notice any smell now, using the clinical suave i think.

    • PolyD

      I agree with the calls for using “unnatural” deodorants but another thing to try is using a loofah or scrubby washcloth to scrub your pits. I use regular old chemical-laden antiperspirant and never had a problem, but I find that the scrubbing seems to help it last longer – I guess you get rid of any build-up so the stuff can work better.

    • Anonymous

      Natural deodorant makes you stinky. If you are unwilling to use real deodorant/antiperspirant, it’s better to go without.

    • OP

      So…I’m an idiot. I thought Lume was supposed to be STRONGER than regular deodorant. No wonder it doesn’t work! Off I go to get some clinical strength stuff.

    • Anon

      I’ve seen a lot of complaints about Lume not working as well long term as short term. I’ve never tried it myself though!

    • Anon

      I threw up in my mouth reading this. I’m as crunchy as they come but for the love of god, go buy some Dove.

    • Anon

      Lume isn’t a natural deodorant.

      I’ve used Lume for about 3 years. I find some of the scents to be gross, including the unscented. I bought several small ones in a gift set to find what works for me. Now I have no problems, and none of the natural ones ever worked even for a few hours.

  11. Shoes

    What shoes should I wear in Vegas? I’ll be there end of January. I’ll wear my allbirds during the day but stumped as to what to wear in the evenings. Need something that can we worn with dresses but comfortable enough to walk between the hotels for dinner and the shows we’re seeing. Budget up to $250. I’m generally ok with heels under 3 inches but don’t usually walk long distances in my heels.

    • NY CPA

      I wore the most comfortable black flats I own. Especially if you’re going to be walking between hotels and not just within one hotel, it will be critical. I wore very sparkly dresses and got lots of compliments on my dresses from strangers, so focus on that and no one will be looking at your feet :)

    • Anon

      I wore really comfy 2-inch block heel boots from Cole Haan, with thin socks underneath to prevent blisters.

    • Carrots

      I’ve found that Naturalizer’s block heels are comfy enough to walk a bit in and stand in for an evening. I’m definitely not running in them, or walking at a brisk pace, but for walking between hotel, dinner, and a show location, I think they’d be okay.

    • KP

      Eileen fisher knit fabric booties. Over 1,000 five star reviews on Nordstrom. I had to size up, but my feet are wide.

    • NaoNao

      I’d go with a sparkly block heel bootie or a mule of some kind with a shorter kitten heel maybe?
      If you can at *all* avoid it, don’t walk long distances especially in nice shoes. The sidewalks, escalators, and flyways are very, very unforgiving on feet/shoes. I’m about to embark on my 6th trip to Vegas tomorrow and I’m bringing a pair of suede block heel mules, a pair of Zara fancy impractical evening shoes, and a pair of Phoebe Philo-era Celine glove-leather slingbacks with a 2″ heel.

  12. Anon

    ideas for food gift for parents in 80s who have everything? I usually do nice chocolates, local apples, cheeses, tea or and/or coffee….would love some new ideas

    • Senior Attorney

      This year I discovered Harry & David has an ice cream gift box and sent that to a couple of people for a change.

      • Anon

        Love this idea as they make oil and vinegar salad dressing…too late to order online but I can pick up fancy vinegar locally at gourmet shop

    • Digby

      If they eat nuts, Koeze has great cashews and mixed nuts, and Feridies has a wide variety of nuts and trail mixes. And seconding Zingerman’s – they have some nice food gift baskets.

  13. Anon

    So her birthday came and went and T. Swift is not apparently engaged. I feel like each day I open my phone and I’ve stepped into some hype about her. I like her music, and I get that all the other news is pretty awful these days, but are we trying to anesthetize ourselves with a daily dose of her dating life?

    I remember reading that Allison Sweeney (Sami from DOOL, if that doesn’t date me) is married to a guy on California Highway Patrol (like CHiPs, but in a car) and I feel like sometimes women entertainers get so famous that they do better dating outside of their industry (which they live in 24/7 it seems). Dolly Parton has also been married forever and it is to some random guy she loves (e.g., Jolene) but you never hear from; Parton is her maiden name, so he’s not even some guy named Parton).

    • Anon

      She is in the midst of one of the most successful tours in history, so I think a lot of people are just interested in her and her life. Every now and then we get a celebrity story that sticks around for whatever reason, and I think this is the one for now. Maybe it’s because people are tired of hearing bad news all the time, or maybe it’s something else.

      Dating in general would be very difficult for someone with Swift’s level of fame, so I don’t blame her for wanting to date someone who already kind of gets it.

      • Anon

        I wonder which celebrities are celebrities in their own houses and private lives. I know there are some with a heavy hand out in the wild (like clearing people away from them at restaurants and such) and some who are lovely and even invisible.

        • Anon

          That is an interesting question! I have no idea which camp TS falls into, but I will say that at a certain level of fame, it is not possible to exist in a public space without “acting like a celebrity” to some extent. I think she’s at that level right now.

          • Anon

            She’s absolutely at that level. I think clearing restaurants and whatnot is the only way she can go out in public without being completely swarmed all the time, and that does not sound pleasant.

          • Anon

            I think there’s no level of celebrity fame higher than TS’s current level. She’s already BTS level.

    • Anonymous

      I mean you see content about her because you engage with it. If you don’t want to, start checking the NYTimes first thing. I promise she isn’t daily front page news.

      • NY CPA

        +1 I never get any content related to her. I know she’s dating that football guy from some articles the first time she went to one of his games and broke the internet because mainstream media reported on it, but since then, I havent heard a thing about it. I’m shocked people would think they were getting engaged this soon–wasn’t that first game only like 2 months ago?

      • anon

        Agreed. I have no knowledge of TS’s relationship status other than that it involves some football guy, because I don’t engage with celebrity news content. You are free to opt out of this.

      • Anon

        This. I’m aware of who she’s dating, but it’s not the focus of my news feeds and it doesn’t need to be the focus of yours unless you want it to be.

      • internet-use-literacy

        Not to mention every time you type out her name, your computer is watching your keystrokes, ready to pump you more content. When you pause browsing/scrolling/clicking for even a moment, consider yourself engaged.

      • Anonymous

        This.
        I’m aware of who she is, like some of her music, and vaguely remember something about her and this guy who plays some sport or something? Other than that, nothing. I’m not interested in celebrity gossip, though.

    • Anon

      Taylor Swift is clearly kicking ass on all levels. Why should anyone’s definition of success for her depend on whether she bags a man?

      • Anon

        Preach!

        Also, can we please for the love of all that is holy stop with “ring watch”? Birthday, Valentine m’s Day, Christmas, dating anniversary – everyone’s eyeballing a woman’s hand, looking for a ring. It’s exhausting.

        Not to mention, they have only been publicly dating since September. September! It’s December!

      • joan wilder

        In her Time Person of the Year article, she says the first football game was not their first date, but that they had connected after he called her out on his podcast. I read the NYT every day thoroughly and I still love reading about her. She is a talented artist and breaking business models in a way that are pro-artist and also I wish I was still in a flirty early stage of a new relationship, so it’s fun to follow along.

      • Anon

        No, they met in July. She appeared publicly at his game for the first time in September but they had already been dating for a while then.

      • Anon

        IMO even if the game was not the first date, it’s too soon for them to get engaged. I feel bad for both of them, having all this pressure put on their relationship from fans and the press. Let the poor lady really get to know this person and figure out if there’s long-term compatibility! She doesn’t have to get engaged the second she meets someone. If she gets married too fast and then gets divorced, everyone will shade her for that.

        • Anonymous

          People want her to get engaged and then have a giant showy wedding and then have a scandal and get divorced within a couple of years all for their entertainment.

    • Anonymous

      isn’t TS well into the 100-billion club by now? i can see how she would take a union seriously! also isn’t she still touring and he’s still playing? better to not have a long distance engagement, i would think…

    • Anon

      They’ve been going out max 6 months and don’t even live together yet. Why would they be engaged?!

      • Anon

        Sometimes people get engaged before they move in together! How quaint. (If I were T Swift, I would not give up any of my fabulous houses or independence until I had a firm commitment).

      • Anon

        They actually are reportedly living together, as much as celebrities who own multiple properties can live in one place. She is living in his house in KC between various commitments elsewhere (tour dates, appearances, etc.)

        I think they will be engaged by Valentine’s Day because Taylor seems really salty that Joe never proposed and I think she wants to be engaged quickly. To be fair, they’re mid-30s and getting engaged after less than a year of dating isn’t unheard of at this age.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think that qualifies as living together. That’s sleeping over between gigs.

          • Anon

            They’re both so busy though I’m not sure when they would have the chance to live together in the normal sense. Even if he retired and followed her on tour, it would still be more like a vacation (staying in different luxury hotels every week) than what most of us think of as “living together.” But they are so wealthy and presumably both have large household staffs at every house, they’re never going to be bickering about housework the way normal people do.

    • Anonymous

      I’d be shocked if she gets engaged before the end of her tour. I think next Christmas is more likely. I suspect she wants to see if he has staying power and the tour is a perfect way to see how accepting he is of when she is busy with her career. She doesn’t rush into big moves. Heck she trained for 6 months before starting the tour.

      She’s business savvy – the prenup negotiations will eat up time. I suspect she’ll finish the tour, get engaged, have fun planning a wedding, wedding, baby then new music in a couple years.

  14. Anon

    I’m in my mid-40s. I’ve gained <10 pounds since high school and have gone from a 4/6 to a 10. I am an awfully lot less fit (used to play 2 seasons of sports and tennis just for fun), but it's all shifted around in a way that is hard to dress for. I thought it was fibroids, but my OB says it's not. Are their brands that are better for my age / shape? I'm not my size 6 shape proportionally sized up, but it's all below my waist and above my knees. I am not sure how to dress and this all came up over COVID and just sort of stuck. I used to be pretty straight up and down but even if I were a curvy person, I am pretty flat up top, plus, I think curvy is more for pants than things like suits and dresses.

    I've been wearing rufflepuffs because they seem to be more fitted above the waist and have enough of a crazy skirt that it just flows over everything else. I'm not really a rufflepuff person otherwise, but any port in a storm. I bought new pants this summer, but can't make them (a lot of crops, since full-length pants aren't a 2023 thing) work in winter.

    • Anonymous

      I think you’re over complicating. Full length pants absolutely exist. As do a line dresses and skirts. Being a size 10 means than you can shop basically any brand. This isn’t hard.

      • Anon

        I thought this was OP’s point: it is a LOT easier to find well fitting clothes at size 6 than it is at size 10. The more weight we carry, the more our weight distribution can vary, which makes it harder to fit in any clothes right off the rack.

        • Anon

          And if you are used to being an up-and-down 6, that is wildly different than a 10 who is a pear — brands are starting to top out around a 10-12 and everything good sells out in a hot minute. I don’t know where to shop for this shape, but I feel that there isn’t a lot out there for 10s that isn’t for a 6 but larger (so meant for the same shape, as opposed to different shapes).

        • Anon

          I think it’s more likely that OP just doesn’t like the way she looks as much when she’s a size 10 vs a size 6. Size 10 is not big. The clothes are fine.

          • Anon

            Maybe? I’ve been both sizes, and for me fit was way more of an issue at size 10.

            I have more of an hour glass figure that becomes pear like when I gain weight in my hips, but my waist tends to stay small. So at a size 10, if a skirt or pair of pants fits my hips, it will almost certainly be too big for my waist (with gapping beyond what a belt can handle). If it fits my waist, my hips and stomach are an issue. Dresses won’t work because I’m a totally different size on top than on bottom.

            I can also often get away with normal sized clothing at size 6, but can only wear petites at size 10, which is its own (significant) hassle. Maybe a taller size 10 would have less trouble.

        • Anon

          Maybe? I’ve been both sizes, and for me fit was way more of an issue at size 10.

          I have more of an hour glass figure that becomes pear like when I gain weight in my hips, but my waist tends to stay small. So at a size 10, if a skirt or pair of pants fits my hips, it will almost certainly be too big for my waist (with gapping beyond what a belt can handle). If it fits my waist, my hips and stomach are an issue. Dresses won’t work because I’m a totally different size on top than on bottom.

          I can also often get away with normal sized clothing at size 6, but can only wear petites at size 10, which is its own (significant) hassle. Maybe a taller size 10 would have less trouble.

      • Anon

        Go back and read again, this time for comprehension, 11:03. She is not stressing about her actual size or weight. She wants to know how to dress her new body shape. That is what this board is for.

    • anon

      I have similar proportions to this but in a smaller size. It is quite hard to shop for. For pants, anything with a lower rise is your friend. High waist is a disaster on me. I’d also recommend that when you wear separates, you keep the top layer pretty streamlined and fitted. Not tight but not boxy or a chunky knit. Otherwise you then look bigger all over with a tiny head. Dresses are a good idea but I’d move away from rufflepuffs. I find shirtdresses or shift dresses work for me.

      • PolyD

        Good point about the rise.

        As I have gotten thicker in the middle, I find pants difficult because I’m too short for the rise in the bigger size, and haven’t gained enough in the middle to fill it out. Yet the size down is too tight.

        I still find pants from Loft to work okay for me. Also jeans from Banana Republic Factory – I have a couple of pairs that are midrise and, thankfully, mostly cotton (i do not like a lot of synthetic fibers in my jeans).

    • A

      Same size progression as you — I’ve actually gone the opposite route and embraced the tucked in shirt high-waisted current look. Yeah a little bulge shows underneath but it’s flattering and put together. I use croptuck to be more comfortable with sweaters etc.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a pear and I have no trouble at all finding nice full-length pants. They are a thing in 2023.
      I think I was 8 the last time I wore anything rufflepuff, but I have seen some very nice A-line dresses and skirts when I shop.

    • Anon

      I think shopping these days is just hard. Stores aren’t well stocked, so the old, just go and try things on until you find your fit, doesn’t work anymore. You could order multiple sizes and then return to a store … that’s my jam these days. There are definitely full lenght pants available, and pretty much anything is better than a rufflepuff. If the pants you bought this summer fit, then look at those brands and sizes as a starting point and look for full length pants at those stores. It’s really hard to dress a changing body, since the old formulas don’t work anymore.

    • Anon

      Are you asking for advice, or commiseration? I’m just post-menopausal, and I had to go out and buy an outfit for a wedding because the perfectly reasonably items in my wardrobe don’t fit at all (technically I can zip them up, but they don’t look good). Also used to be a 6, now 8-10. And don’t get me started on shoes – aside from athletic shoes, supportive sandals and moto boots, I own almost no actual “shoes” since even flats are uncomfortable for me (and I never ruined my feet wearing heels – I just inherited weak feet).

    • Anonymous

      Cropped flare legs work awesome over heeled boots.
      Fun body shape fact: if your top and bottom are balanced. you’ll like the outfit better. We can only minimize our bigger parts so much, at some point we have to make our smaller parts look bigger. So I’m shaped the opposite as you: bigger on top without much of a waist or hips and skinny legs. When I was a size four I’d just emphasize those skinny legs; it looked good even if it wasn’t balanced. At size 10, I’m an ice cream cone if I wear leggings. I’ve got to add volume on the bottom balance my belly and broad torso. So flares and wide legs and full skirts work great. You need to bulk up your upper half. Puff at the shoulders and lighter colors on top will be really helpful. It sounds like you have a waist. I bet something with a tie or belted waist would look great in a top or a dress.

    • JD

      I feel you. I’m relatively thin but apple shaped, and gained weight after kids. I’ve always had a smaller bust and a small tummy, so my stomach always feels prominent to me. I never tuck in my shirt and find my stomach sticks out in most fitted dresses. The current 90s look (crop tops, narrow sheaths, etc) is very trying. I miss fitted pants and oversized shirts being on trend as that was flattering.

    • NaoNao

      Shop the “Old Lady” stores: J. Jill, Talbots, Land’s End, Boden, Soft Surroundings, Eileen Fisher, Vince, Lafayette 148, St. John, Ports 1961 (if they’re still around!), etc.

      They absolutely have full length pants and regular outfits for a pear/apple size 10–and I’ve gotten full length pants, which by the way, are absolutely “in” and a “thing” right now! The look is wide, full trousers with pleats, or low-slung cargo pants that drape over your strappy 90s club kid sandals, and those are in trendy “high street” stores as well as boring department stores.

      Is Ann Taylor still showing fitted ankle cropped pants? Sure, because that’s a flattering look for most women and most women are 5’4″ or so, and full length pants drag and need tailoring on them.

  15. Anon

    Hey, so I’m the Anon whose husband wanted to spend a lot of money on a nice vacation for his parents’ anniversary. Fortunately when he floated the idea past his parents, MIL was like “great!”, but FIL said are you insane, save your money. So the fancy vacation plan is not happening and I didn’t need to be the one to put a pin in it. But the responses on this board prompted me to have a long talk with my therapist, then my husband, about money and boundaries, which did make me feel better about the whole thing. So thanks to everyone for their input! Money and relationships are so hard sometimes.

  16. Anon

    Happy last monday of 2023! Anyone want to talk 2024 travel plans? I want to daydream rather than work :)

    • Carrots

      My friend and I have a reading weekend to Miami planned for mid-March. Late enough that we’ll both be sick of the cold weather, but it won’t be super hot in Miami to sit under an umbrella and read by a pool all day. I haven’t figured out any other trips yet, but I’d like to book one with my mom soon to Prince Edward Island.

      • Cb

        Legoland Billund at Easter, and then our normal trips to Portugal to my parents. My husband will make the journey to British Columbia to see his dad which will eat a decent chunk of our travel budget/his annual leave.

        • all over anon

          Legoland sounds great. We are tentatively planning to go there in September with the grandkids, staying at the in-park hotel, but worry they might be too young (5,3,0).

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes! We are going to Argentina/Antarctica in February, and Morocco in October. Also planning to squeeze in a girls’ trip to NYC with my daughter in the spring. And maybe one other big trip because we’re not getting any younger and those trips won’t take themselves!

    • Anon

      Our big family vacation is two weeks in Turkey, which has been on my list for a long time so I’m really excited about that one. We’re also going to Turks and Caicos as a family (with my parents) for spring break and I’m going to Aruba with DH to celebrate our anniversary, somewhere in Europe (probably Greece or Italy) with my mom to celebrate her retirement and San Diego with my kid for her fall break.

      And it doesn’t involve travel for us, but my city is in the path of totality for the solar eclipse in April and we have lots of extended family coming into town for it, so I’m really excited about that.

      • Anon

        Next Monday is Christmas Day so I expect we will have a Holiday Weekend post rather than a regular Monday post. I suspect that is what OP was talking about.

    • Anon

      Just a quick one, but a rental cabin on the Northern California coast for a long weekend around my January birthday. No, we do not care whether it rains all weekend. Redwoods nearby, long walks on gravel roads, and a small fireplace. That’s all we need. No kids coming along this time!

      • Anon

        Highly recommend a trip to the Andersen Valley for some wine tasting if you’re talking about Mendocino. My favorites are Navarro, Roederer (mmm bubbles!) and Foursight. Enjoy!

        • Anon

          Sonoma. But we already have our favorite wine-buying places!! Thanks for the rec.

      • Anon

        I’d love to know where you’re staying if you’d care to share! Sounds epic

    • Anonymous

      Italy for a friend’s milestone birthday. I’m very excited. And 2025 is New Zealand for my milestone birthday.

    • anon

      From New Orleans, family of 3 with one 8-year-old:
      – Visiting friends in Minnesota in February, specifically to give my kid a chance to see and play in snow. We haven’t actually purchased tickets yet, and I’m still wondering if we’re absolutely insane for considering this.
      – Boston with my parents in May. This will be our “big” family vacation.
      – Asheville in July. Primarily to pick DS up from sleepaway camp, but DH and I rented a 2-bedroom cottage to stay in for a few nights before we pick up DS. We rented the same place last year, and it’s beautiful and relaxing but only 10 minutes from downtown.
      – Destin in the summer. We go with DH’s mom every year and stay in her sister’s place.
      – Maybe D.C. in the summer (I have a work conference that I go to every year, and we have good friends in the area.)

      • Anonymous

        MN in February is actually fun — but fair warning that the end of the month could actually be relatively warm and snow-free (at least fresh snow). I went for a cousin’s wedding in 2020 – right before the world shut down– and most of the golf course at the wedding venue was free of snow. If you’re going, I suggest you try to go during the Winter Carnival in St Paul in early February.

        • Anon

          Yeah, I live in a warmer part of the Midwest than Minneapolis, but we often have 50 degree days in the second half of February these days. I don’t think you can count on snow on the ground in late February.
          But yes it will be super fun for your kids if they’ve grown up without snow!

    • anoncat

      Portugal, with the majority of time spent in the Douro and Minho regions so we can focus on wine tasting :)

  17. Anon

    I saw an insta reel for decor inspired by Outlander and OMG it was not really attainable by me but such a nice refresh after going through the gray 2010s and then now when it seems that so much house/home-related is all white outside and mainly white inside. I like white, but had forgotten about how great colors are. Maybe we’re just scared and all-white is the home equivalent of all-black for clothing choices?

    • Anon

      I have an old house with eye-level high old growth wainscoting and picture rails and elaborate trim everywhere (dark wood colored.) It’s never going to be a minimal looking space. I lean into it – my inspiration is arts & crafts and hygge. Hygge feels just right for me right now.

      • Anon

        I’m jealous! And good for you for working with your architecture instead of trying to make it something that it isn’t.

    • Eliza

      House and Garden UK is my Insta choice to escape the gray/whiteout that’s been a thing for so long. I have an old house and it’s been nice to stand outside the trends and enjoy classic decor.

    • Cb

      I have forest green dining room and a terracotta sitting room (with a green couch) and I love the colour.

        • Cb

          We hosted this weekend and everyone raved about how cozy feeling it was. The painter thought I’d lost the plot but then admitted loving the pinky terracotta. We’ve got terrible pine skirting and doors and it really helps them blend.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know what an “insta reel” is, but I love colour! My kitchen is red! Every room in our house is a different colour!

  18. Anonymous

    Tell me if this is a terrible idea. DH finished a contract last year and decided he doesn’t want to keep doing what he was doing but he doesn’t know what to do next. From what I can tell he’s not doing much of anything to find a job or volunteer or anything that would get him out of the house. I think he’s depressed and I’ve tried to get him to go to therapy; he says he will but then he doesn’t. This lack of purpose is becoming increasingly hard on our marriage. He does 99% of household stuff, which I think he finds frustrating at times, and to me it sometimes feels like an employee vibe even though I really try to avoid asking him to do stuff. I’m a bit resentful that he’s had a year off to reinvent himself but he’s done nothing with this time. I think of all the things I would do if I had a year off. I’m not particularly happy with my job (biglaw) and I fantasize daily about quitting to pursue some creative outlet. I have a bunch of creative hobbies but all my stuff just sort of collects around the house.

    Would it be a terrible idea to see if he is willing to do all the business side stuff of getting a creative endeavor off the ground? I’d love to start like a website or Etsy shop or something but I don’t have the bandwidth to order prints and deal with customers and handle finances and whatever. Having him monetize the stuff I already do for stress relief seems like a good set up in theory. But I’m concerned it’ll create an employee dynamic and more opportunities for conflict. It also feels like shining a spotlight on my feeling that, if I had a year with no responsibilities I’d have taken over the world by now; you’ve done nothing so now you can make my dream happen. I don’t want to even suggest it if it might come off as offensive. What do you all think?

    • Anon

      It sounds like you want to make a job for him. I think that is a bad idea. Husband needs to find a job of his own volition because he needs to understand that he is half of supporting your family. You need marriage counseling stat.

      In case you needed to hear it today, I do not blame you one bit for feeling fed up at this situation he has put you in.

    • Anon

      I understand your frustration that he seems to have “squandered” a year off that most of us would be very happy to have. I will say that a lot of people I know who have had significant time off (early retirement or a year/many months between jobs) have intended to do something creative or productive, and they end up mostly resting or puttering around. So, it’s not just him!

      I would personally want to either have a purposeful arrangement where one spouse is doing the domestic labor and the other is working outside the home OR both work outside the home. This seems like an accidental situation that no one is happy with. The year mark is a perfect time to address this with him in a conversation (not that anyone tells anyone else what to do exactly).

      The idea of him selling your stuff would not work for me. It feels kind of infantilizing toward him unless that’s the kind of thing he’s actually expressed an interest in doing. I don’t think that’s going to set up a good dynamic for you.

    • Anon

      Do not do this.

      Your Etsy shop will not make you any money, and if it does, you’re the one whose stress relief hobby will turn into a business. You know that sucks right? You’ll work a stressful job, come home, and *again* be under the financial gun.

      Your husband needs to, between now and the new year, develop a concrete action plan. It does not have to involve success (ie landing a certain job); it does have to involve a certain level of effort (eg apply to 5+ jobs per week, every week, and take a class in an area that interests him).

      • anon

        THIS.

        I tried turning my hobby into a business. I realized pretty quickly that it was going to suck all the fun out of my hobby. So I will sell things on a very limited basis, to people who know my product and abilities, but I am not about to turn this into another thing I have to manage.

        OK, not about me, but I don’t think turning your DH into an Etsy partner is going to be good for your marital dynamic unless he has specifically expressed an interest. He does need a plan for getting a job. Address that.

        • Anon

          Raising my hand as another person who tried to turn a hobby into a business and realized quickly “this sucks.” The only thing that could have made it suck more is if I’d tried to start the business so my husband could have a job.

          OP – your husband needs to put a plan together, pronto. If the plan ends up as “be a househusband” that’s fine – people do that – but then he needs to keep on top of things without being reminded and have a good attitude about it. He can’t be an accidental househusband who needs micromanagement and has a crappy attitude about his lot in life. Sit down with him and make a plan, with deadlines, about how he’s going to get out of this rut. The longer he sits at home doing nothing, the harder it will be for him to get going again, and if you guys decide to divorce in the middle of him “reinventing himself” when he has no income? Guess who will be on the hook for spousal support for years, if not indefinitely. Get him into some kind of income-earning endeavor, STAT.

    • Anonymous

      I would never, ever ask my husband to participate in an Etsy endeavor. You need to do it yourself and accept the fact that you are almost certainly not going to make any money from it.

      If you both haven’t agreed to his becoming a full-time homemaker, and you aren’t willing to let him run the household himself without trying to manage him, you need to get on the same page about his job search. If he can’t figure out how to switch fields he needs to suck it up and take a new contract or find a permanent job in his old field even if he doesn’t like it.

      • OP

        I’m definitely not on board with him staying home. I wasn’t on board with him taking any time off nevertheless a year, but here we are. I do my best to avoid managing household stuff. We have a cleaning person so I don’t criticize his cleaning. I do my own laundry. There’s only a couple of points of contention of things I can’t or won’t do that he doesn’t like to do. For example, I’m under doctors orders to stay away from the litter box, DH hates cleaning it, but the cat refuses to use a dirty litter box and pees on anything that’s on the floor if the litter box is dirty (yes I have taken him to the vet and he gets regular check ups, there is nothing wrong other than not having a clean place to pee). Usually I just keep my stuff tidy and let DH suffer the consequences of leaving his laundry on the floor. But now we have presents under the tree (no space for them anywhere else and we can’t block off the area) and I do not want them to get ruined. I could get our cat sitter to come but I really don’t think I should have to pay almost $200/week when DH is sitting around doing nothing all day. I try to remind him gently but I think we’re both getting annoyed by my nagging.

        • Anonymous

          I’m really hoping you’re not pregnant Op. You’re not ok with him staying home but he’s doing it anyway? I’d be reevaluating my marriage, not making him ceo of my side hustle.

        • Anon

          Oh, my goodness.
          – Your husband is unemployed and is home all day and you still pay for a housecleaner?
          – Your husband is unemployed and is home all day, and you’re contemplating hiring a catsitter to come and clean the litter box because he won’t do it?
          Girl. What is this? You don’t have a spouse, you have a parasite that has latched onto you and is sucking you dry. You deserve better than this.

        • Anonymous

          Stop making your cat suffer because your too much of a doormat to get divorced. Put on a mask and gloves and scoop the box. Call a lawyer. Be better than this.

        • Anon

          I know this is besides the point, but there are automatic/self-cleaning litter boxes. That may solve the immediate problem.

        • anecdata

          OP – even if your husband DID have a job, I’d be concerned about him not being able to take care of the litter box when you have A MEDICAL NEED not to be the one doing that, especially to the point where the cat is regularly peeing on the floor.

          That’s outside the realm of normal “sometimes puts off unpleasant chores” — if that is normal for your husband, call a lawyer; if that’s wildly out of character for your husband, I would insist he see a doctor – and call the doctor’s office and use those words, that his behavior has changed in XYZ ways that are very not normal for him and you’re worried (doctors can’t tell you stuff, but they can listen to you)

    • Anonymous

      Yes this is a terrible idea. It means you managing him more not less whilst not getting him back to work or addressing the root issues at all. Just schedule couples therapy and tell him he is going.

    • Betsy

      Agree with the rest, bad idea.

      Unsolicited advice, I know that there is this idea that if you make your husband’s doctor’s appointments you are overstepping or enabling, but I don’t personally think that holds true for a first therapy appointment. If he’s depressed it can be really hard to make that first appointment. If it were me, I would be focusing my energy on getting therapy started for him.

      • Anon

        I agree. Sometimes it’s really hard to make that appointment or even figure out where to go.

  19. Anon

    Super specific question – has anybody been to National Retail Conference in New York in January? How do people dress in terms of formality vs fashion vs comfort? Not my usual industry but I will be going with a tech vendor.

  20. Anonymous

    Posture correcting bras are following me all over the internet. Do they work? I’ve been doing Pilates for about a year and it’s helped my posture but not as much as I hoped.

    • Anonymous

      For what it’s worth, I think Pilates definitely helps but what really helps is exercises specific for your posture issues. I’ve done series of stretches/exercises off YouTube for 10 minutes a day that helped me more with my posture in 2 months than Pilates did in a year. This is not a knock on Pilates, which I love and is great for core strength, but depending on the type you are doing, etc. it may not be as targeted as you need.

      • Anon

        Not the OP but thanks in advance for sharing this. Any specific recommendations for instructors or video series to watch? I too have thought about using posture correction bras but don’t relish the idea of lots of discomfort, especially since I’m larger chested. If I did consider the bras, any recommendations for those?

    • Anon

      Garments that improve posture can definitely work (both as a “reminder” and as trainer/support). Think of corsets! Or soft braces.

      Not sure about the bra type products though.

    • Reformed

      Only in the moment, and I never wear mine because it’s so hard to put on. Also, if pilates hasn’t corrected your posture, I would recommend finding a new instructor. I did group pilates for over a year at one place with minimal improvement, but when I switched to private and small classes at a studio with classical pilates instruction I had an almost immediate and lasting improvement. I had to stop going because they no longer have availability at the time I can go and it makes me sad.

    • Anon

      Are you doing private/semi-private pilates lessons or a class? I do a private pilates lesson one a week and the targeted instruction has totally changed how I carry myself. I don’t think I would have gotten the same results from a group class.

    • Anon

      I think posture-correcting clothing is bit of a gimmick. If you’re looking for another form of exercise to try though, I can recommend Loa Movement. She’s a physical therapist with a cert from the Postural Restoration Institute and Loa is her online at-home workout program. It compliments what I did in physical therapy. There should be a free trial.

  21. Anonymous

    shot in the dark, but i know a few people have mentioned using compounded semaglutides on here… has anyone had an incident with gastritis? i think that’s what i’m going through. have eaten very little but BRAT since 12/1. (i gave myself another (lower dose) shot on 12/6, but nothing since. gastro appointment is tomorrow.

    • Anonymous

      shot in the dark, but i know a few people have mentioned using compounded semaglutides on here… has anyone had an incident with gastritis? i think that’s what i’m going through. have eaten very little but BRAT since 12/1. (i gave myself another (lower dose) shot on 12/6, but nothing since. gastro appointment is tomorrow.

      • Anonymous

        oh man you just blew my mind! i’ve had a number of episodes over the past few weeks though and all of them came right after starting to eat foods other than brat, so i wasn’t sure about that. just had a single metamucil cookie, i’ll see how that goes.

      • No Problem

        This exactly. The BRAT diet is only meant to be followed for a couple days at most while you’re having an acute GI illness. Many docs would say to never follow it, to just eat whatever you can tolerate or feel like eating. It definitely shouldn’t be followed for 18 days! Eat some normal food. The GI doc will hopefully be able to tell you what to eat or avoid for your specific condition.

    • anon

      this totally does not answer your q, but do you mind sharing how you got your compounded semaglutide? I am very interested in getting it; I’m pre-diabetic (but normal BMI) and my endo wasn’t able to get prior auth for me. So now I’m looking into other options and it seems like there are a lot out there, and it’s super confusing.

      • Anon

        I got it from my naturopath MD doctor. But I didn’t go through insurance since it is such a pain (although my plan covers it and I probably would have been approved), and the cost at the maximum dose (something like 1.0 or maybe higher) will be only $300 max a month in my LCOL area.

      • Anonymous

        i went to a med spa near me because my insurance wouldn’t cover it either. zepbound is going to be about $500 a month if that’s doable for you. (my compounded version was $700 for about 3 months worth — i got a vial that i keep in the freezer, and inject myself using an insulin syringe. i think there are powdered forms out there also, i would not do those.)

      • Anon

        Prescribing a semaglutide to a prediabetic with normal BMI seems really aggressive to me! I was prescribed metformin and referred to a dietician this situation, and I haven’t developed diabetes yet even 15+ years later. I’m glad I’ve been able to delay the need for diabetes meds so far.

      • Anon

        I use RenewMD out of Denver. They are real doctors and NPs. They do concierge medicine plus this. I really liked the practitioner I spoke with–we had an in-depth convo about my health and needs. I felt confident that they were legit and were using an FDA-approved compounding pharmacy. My friend used to own a compounding pharmacy and concurred that they were using a good pharmacy.

        • Anon

          Oh, and I got tirzepatide, which is Mounjaro/Zepbound, supposedly less stomach issues than wegovy/semaglutide.

        • Anon

          There is no such thing as a FDA approved compounding pharmacy. The FDA does not regulate compounded drugs. The FDA does publish best practice guidance for compounding pharmacies but those are basically suggestions. There are some outsourcing pharmacies that are inspected by the FDA. Compounding pharmacies are regulated by the state board of pharmacy.

        • Anon

          Can you post a link to Renew MD? I see one out of CA and one out of NV but nothing out of Denver. Thank you!

        • Anon

          Sorry–It’s MobileCare LLC. RenewMD is a medspa that keeps sending me stalking ads everywhere.

          MobileCareLLC out of Denver.

    • Anon

      I am on week 5 of the semaglutide compound (just went up to next level) and I have not had any gastro symptoms. As you probably know, gastro symptoms are common, but gastritis sounds severe.

    • Anon

      Any compounding pharmacies that have Wegovy in stock? I’ve been trying to get it since my doctor prescribed it in Sept…it’s sold out everywhere.

        • Anon

          Do you have a name of the pharmacy? Is off-brand generic Wegovy, like I could I use my Wegovy rx there? I have morbid obesity BMI (awkward) but no other health issues like pre-diabetes or high BP, so my doctor said I can’t get Ozempic/Mounjaro/etc.

          • Trixie

            I think your doctor is wrong on this….obesity is a disease/illness and a health risk. Do you live near a hospital that has a weight loss clinic with a variety of services? Go talk to someone there, as they are more familiar with prescription weight loss meds.

          • Anonymous

            there are three issues here – 1) do you have a Wegovy rx, 2) will your insurance pay for it, and 3) can you find it.

            1 – it’s no issue to get a rx, Sequence/WW will get you one within a day. my doctor gave me rx for Saxenda, Ozempic, and Wegovy.
            2 – my insurance wouldn’t pay for any of them, they all would have been $1300-$1500 per month
            3 – even if my insurance would have paid for them, no one has them in stock

            Compounding pharmacies are totally off label. No rx required, no insurance accepted, but you don’t 100% know what you’re getting or whether it’s safe (because not FDA approved and Novopharm or whatever says their raw materials are not available to the public) but for a much much less price.

            (This isn’t a note to OP but just an FYI to anyone else reading this thread – the current thinking is that you have to take them for life, so don’t take them for a 20-30 lb weight loss goal.)

          • Anon

            My doctor is actually at a weight loss clinic at the local hospital in a large Northeastern city. My PCP referred me there in Feb., and I couldn’t get a weight loss clinic appointment until Sept. That specialist then claimed I could only get Wegovy, after she did a full blood workup, because I’m “only” morbidly obese. She told me in early Sept. that there’s no Wegovy anywhere and to call in Nov. I did, still nothing. I was told try in January.

            These questions are helpful.
            1) yes I have a script
            2) good question about insurance coverage. I haven’t gotten to that part yet as there hasn’t been any to buy. I’ll call to see if it’s even covered!

            Thanks for clarifying about the compounding pharmacy! Time for more googling…

    • Anon

      Did you start out at the lowest dosage? I’ve been seeing some very concerning posts in other areas of the web where people are saying that their doctor has prescribed higher doses to start. That can, and will, cause gastritis symptoms.

  22. Anonymous

    I know that fit and comfort are very subjective but looking for a comfortable pair of white sneakers that look a little less like sneakers than a real athletic shoe. I have a pair of the vejas and they are comfortable enough for errands and work but they are pretty stiff… looking for a pair to wear while sight seeing. if it matters my foot runs narrow….

    • Anonymous

      I have a narrow foot and can wear P448s with thick socks. They are squishy and comfortable for walking.

      • ALT

        P448s are super comfy but run small—I consistently wear a 7 and bought a size 38 and they were too small!

        • Anon

          Huh! I did not have this experience so I guess YMMV!

          I am anywhere from a 7.5 to a 9 (running shoes) and I wear size 38 P448s

        • Anonymous

          The platform styles run super small. I am a 7.5-8 and found the 39 in the platform style to be too short. The regular style (“John”) fit well in a 39.

      • anonypotamus

        This is always my answer to this – Cole Haan makes the best, lightweight, sleek sneakers. I have so many pairs.

    • Anonymous

      I like Josef Seibel for this. The pair I wore on three trips, last in 2017 (I never get to travel) are still in excellent shape, though I chose black which might be easier to maintain.

    • Marie

      Someone on this board recommended Plae sneakers and I ordered a pair of their Ecols Waterproof and love them. Some of the reviews complained they were too narrow, but I have a narrow foot, so figured they would be perfect for me. I guessed right: my regular size fits great.

  23. Anon

    Thank you to everyone who recommended Remarkably Bright Creatures. I read it over the weekend and I don’t think I’ve been so moved by a book since Anxious People.

    • Anon

      It’s such a sweet little book. I loved it too, and bought it as a Christmas present for several folks.

  24. Anon

    I’m 20 years into my career, and outwardly I appear to be successful. I’ve had a great career. But I still doubt myself constantly. I consistently get feedback like, “you’re great and doing everything right, but you question yourself too much.” How can I stop doing this? I wish I could be someone who boldly stated her case, but that’s just not who I am. Half the time I don’t have a case to state! It takes me longer to develop a strong POV and I know this is hurting me professionally.

    How can I start believing in myself more? I know it has to come from within.

    • Anonymous

      Seek treatment for your depression/anxiety. Women are under diagnosed because it’s assumed that our nature is to be meek and to lack confidence. If a man told a doctor what you’ve said here, he would receive treatment right away.

      • Anon

        This is such a stretch! I don’t see anything in this comment that looks like a red flag for depression/anxiety in either a man or a woman. Just because talk therapy may help doesn’t mean there’s an underlying illness.

    • Anon88

      This is the classic “fake it till you make it” scenario. Think of someone you know who acts in the confident, self-assured way you want to, and ask yourself “what would they do in this situation,” and then do that instead of what you’d normally do. Eventually it will become more natural.

    • Anonymous

      Start practicing outside of work so you know what it feels like to have a POV and state it. Use scenarios where your career isn’t at stake to practice. Depending on how ingrained your habit of self-doubt is, you may have to start with something as low-stakes as clearly knowing what restaurant you want to go to and “boldly stating it” when someone asks where you want to go to eat. Or, if that’s easy for you, pick the next level up from there that’s not easy, and practice on that.

    • Anon

      So for me, it took really being introspective (mostly in therapy and through therapy homework) to work through this. I had deeply internalized messaging from my childhood that caused me to second guess and doubt myself. I didn’t think I was smart enough or X enough or whatever. I had to work through the exercise of what if you did Y, what would be the worst that could happen (news flash, my worst case scenario was always about how others perceived me and if I was good enough for them). I worked really hard with my therapist and on my own to learn that I was and always had been good enough and that even if I messed up or made a mistake, it didn’t mean I was a bad person or not worthy of love/respect/recognition, etc.

  25. Anonymous

    looking for lighthearted show to watch w my tween boy. free on prime or net flix. can be a rerun or something current and streaming. We loved Ted Lasso, the office, the simpsons…. was thinking modern family but i’m not interesting in paying for it.

    • anon

      we loved “Family Reunion” on Netflix – bigger societal issues do get brought up but are handled in an educational and family-friendly way. Also big fans of “Abbott Elementary” but I think that’s only on HBO Max and Hulu at the moment.

      • anonshmanon

        I feel like Gilmore Girls is still fun to watch, and the perspective changes from when I watched it first as a teen.

        • Anon

          Probably generally more appealing to girls than boys though. I almost suggested this, but I figured most boys wouldn’t be into it.

    • Anon

      A tween might be too cool for it, but my 6 year old loves watching Great British Bake Off with me.

    • Mid West

      Have you tried the Good Place? My teen and tween love it and want to rewatch often. Also check out Psych on Prime!

    • Anon

      Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Lots of violence, but they’re monsters, so it’s okay.
      BattleBots, each season of which follows a fighting robot tournament. It’s MMA (one of the announcers is an MMA announcer) but with robots designed and operated by super geeky real people, so no real people are hurt.

    • Trixie

      The Detectorists. A BBC show, 3 seasons, sweet and funny, featuring 2 men who are friends who are metal detector hobbiests. Have to stick with the first few episodes…it is slow to start.

    • Anon

      Arrested Development? Some of the jokes may not have aged well (but you watched The Office, so … )

      Is Stranger Things too scary? Might be ok for older tweens.

      30 Rock

    • Anon

      I’m watching Gilmore Girls with tween daughter and teen son, they love it.

    • Anon

      We been watching LEGO Masters and the Great British Baking Show with our tween boys.

  26. Duckles

    Reposting in case anyone has suggestions— resorts/destinations you recommend that are good for a relaxing long weekend solo trip in January? Coming from the east coast but would go west coast for the right spot. Prefer non-international for this trip.

    • Cat

      what kind of weather do you want? Luxe and snowy – the White Barn Auberge in Maine. Warm and beachy, PR or the USVIs don’t require a passport!

    • Anon

      Woodstock Vermont. It’s dreamy.

      Burlington Vermont and Lake Champlain area.

      If you want warmer, Palm Springs.

    • Anon

      I saw that and was surprised somebody was trying to wear that as outerwear. I’m so glad I work in an office where people don’t think bathrobes are acceptable attire.

      • Anon

        What other people choose to wear to the office has zero effect on my happiness or satisfaction, whatsoever.

  28. anon

    Perioral dermatitis is so much fun. I have a nasty outbreak that is hanging on, and unfortunately, I can’t get to the dermatologist until the end of the month. In addition to being ugly, it is so itchy and uncomfortable. Have already tried azaleic acid and it did not help and if anything, made things worse. Is doing nothing except basic moisturizer the best course of action?

    • Anon

      Ugh, it’s the worst. Can you got to your PCP? That’s what I did when I had it. And yes, basic moisturizer only is the best course of action.

    • No Problem

      Have you tried hydrocortisone cream? That’s my go-to first thing for all skin irritation (I have a lot of eczema).

    • Anne-on

      In addition to basic moisturizer I found that tea tree oil or sulfur cream applied as a mask worked best. I’d put on the sulfur cream as long as I could manage it, wipe it off with warm water/gentle cloth, rinse with face wash, and then cover it with a hyrdocollodial bandage. The bandage always seemed to speed healing faster than leaving it uncovered. Good luck.

    • Anne-on

      In mod but sulfur cream applied as a mask and then pimple patches to cover it at night will help a ton.

    • HFB

      washing with diluted dandruff shampoo and avoiding any kind of creams or makeup (other than the derm prescribed stuff) helps my sebhorretic dermatitis… not sure if that’s the same as what you’re dealing with. i’ve also been getting ads for a cream called marin or something like that, from maine and supposedly made with lobster shell, that is supposed to take the place of the steroid creams you get from the derm. but i haven’t tried that.

    • Anon

      Same issue, just signed up with Curology to see if they can send something that will help before I can get to the derm.

    • Anon

      Sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been through lots of facial eczema and perioral dermatitis. One thing that might help is a hypochlorous spray like Skin Smart, just in case there is a bacterial component. It’s mild and safe. Good luck

  29. Moose

    Non-parent looking for favorite kid book recs for Xmas gifts. My niece is 4, and my nephew is 7.
    Thanks so much! (Also posted this on the Moms page)

    • Anon

      There is a Monster in Your book was a huge hit with my friend’s 4 yo recently. He had me read it over and over and over. Other favorites–Round Trip (you flip the book and go home again backwards–very cool), A Chair for my Mother, Miss Rumphius.

    • Anonymous

      I saw this for the first time over the weekend so idk if this is so common everyone has one or if it’s a unique thing – but a local to me bookstore has a version of night before Christmas specific to nearby towns/states. I thought it was so cute. If I had a small child on my list I would definitely have gotten it.

    • Anon

      Dory Phantasmagory. Great for first graders. Perfect for your 4 yr old niece to grow into.

      Love the Elephant and Piggie books and the Olivia books for pre-K. Elephant and piggie is particularly great for the first few months of learning to read but a lot of fun in the year beforehand too.

      For 7 year old boy, will depend on the grade and reading level he’s in. Dog Man is hysterical for the 1st grade set, probably 2nd graders too. This is the perfect question for an independent children’s bookstore. I love shopping for books for kids of these ages.

    • Anon

      My good friend’s son (now 7) still loves the Super Sloth by Robert Starling book I gave him years ago!

    • Anon

      The Book with No Pictures for the four year old and Fortunately, the Milk for the seven year old.

      • Anon

        The recent movie is super cute for that age too! It was my then-4 year old’s first movie theater movie.

    • Anon

      Free To Be You and Me.
      (Or anything from the age-appropriate section of the Caldecott Medal list, the Newberry Book Award or the ALA challenged book lists.)

    • Runcible Spoon

      The Snowy Day
      Where the Wild Things Are
      Curious George books
      Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile
      Richard Scarry books
      Winnie the Pooh books
      A Child’s Garden of Verse
      Mike Mulligan and his Steamshovel
      Harold and the Purple Crayon
      The Berenstain Bears books

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