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Updated: Oct 8, 2019 67 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Danerys Bag

Coffee Break

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I was actually hunting for another interesting French tote that I'd seen on social recently but couldn't remember the brand, and searches brought me to this cute little company (a second, totally different French company). I like that many of the bags are inspired by what sure feels like literary references (this bag is the Danerys, this is the Hermione) and the leather looks supple and interesting. (The sisters who started the brand, which apparently has been around for almost 15 years, tout themselves as “second generation leather craftsmen.”) I like very much much, particularly the starburst pattern on some of the suede versions of this bag, the Danerys. The pictured bag is H 11.8″ x L 12.8″ x W 4.9″, and $315.

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Comments

  2. Beard Rash

    Any guidance or advice on keeping my face from breaking out now that I’m making out with a new guy who happens to have stubble? (I know, ask him to shave before we get together, and I do, but it isn’t always easy for him to pop in to shave before we get together and I don’t want to not kiss him when the opportunity arises!)

    • Monday

      If you’re already on terms where you can ask him to shave, then suggest beard oil to soften his stubble! If you’re on gifting terms, you can even buy him some yourself. Jojoba oil is just fine if he would feel vain or whatever using a special product.

      For yourself, a soothing mask afterward.

      • BeenThatGuy

        +1 to beard oil. My boyfriend uses the Jack Black line. It’s fantastic at making his facial hair smooth.

  3. Gardening without the dog

    Help please… DH and I have always had trouble finding time for gardening. It’s been a source of consternation but we’re working on it. We now have a 14 month old, and we have a small dog. After a series of events without gardening for some time, we’re getting back to it and making time for ‘us’. However!! The dog will.not.have.it. She jumps on us whenever we look like we’re about to garden and barks incessantly if we don’t stop. This is distracting at best, and wakes the baby at worst. We used to give her high value treat toys – the ones where she had to work to get the treat out. It distracted her long enough. But now she’s on to us – the treat toy trick no longer works. We’re going to try some new treats, but I’m looking for any other suggestions for needy/jealous animals that don’t involve letting them bark?

    • Anon

      We put our dog outside (in good weather) or in the basement (in bad weather).

      • OP

        No basement… I suggested outside but DH didn’t think it was a good idea. A lot of places she can get in trouble out there (eating things she shouldn’t, blah blah).

    • anon

      maybe im missing something.. can’t you just close the door on the dog? with the high value treat?

    • Abby

      There are “licking” mats for dogs, you can spread peanut butter or yogurt and freeze it. It takes my dog 20ish minutes to finish one. Rotate different treat toys, but add those to the mix. I bought mine on amazon and they’re great.

    • Anonymous

      Is the dog crate trained? Can you put her in her crate in a room outside of the bedroom (as you would if you were going to leave the house)?

    • anon

      Does the dog get enough exercise/stimulation generally? I find that all annoying behaviors are reduced when my dog goes to twice-weekly daycare.

      • Ellen

        My dad had this issue with Bowser, but he solved it right away when just put the dog in the garage whenever he wanted to do bedroom stuff with mom. Rosa and I knew exactly what was going to be going on with them in the bedroom b/c the dog usually spent evening time in their bedroom or the den watching TV, but when dad wanted to do any kind of gardening with mom, the dog immediately wound up in the garage and stayed there all night.

  4. Sleepovers

    Finally reached the point of having sleepovers with a new partner. It’s too new to discuss leaving things there and it has been a casual decision to stay over (we’re hanging out and it happens to get late and he offers and sometimes his work morning is late enough that I don’t mind and it happens that my dog is taken care of for the night), so it’s not as if I should pack a bag yet since this is more spontaneous and I do not want to come across as expecting to have been asked or as someone who always happens to have a bag in the car.

    I don’t really need much (I don’t wear much makeup so sleeping in a bit isn’t so bad and when I go over, it’s typically in comfy clothes or we sleep sans clothes). But sleeping somewhere new and sharing a bed is keeping me from falling asleep and staying asleep.

    Any advice or guidance? I don’t want to turn down the invite when I -can- stay but I don’t want to be exhausted existing on sugar the next day to mitigate a total lack of sleep!

    • Anonymous

      What does all your stuff about a bag have to do with anything? Is it loud? Hot? Bad pillows?

    • eertmeert

      Have you tried melatonin for sleeping? It didn;t work for me because it gave me bad dreams, but my cousin uses it all the time for herself and her 6 year old who is a night owl with great success.

      • Anon

        Please talk to a doctor about melatonin. The optimal dose for sleep onset insomnia is around 0.3 mg. The higher doses can affect reproductive hormones in ways that can be beneficial for adults with certain endocrine conditions, but which may not be developmentally appropriate for a 6 year old girl.

      • Anonymous

        Yikes. Does the kid have a diagnosed sleep disorder? Is the pediatrician aware? If not, they should not be on nightly scheduled melatonin.

        • Anon

          This seems fearmonger-y. Lots of peds (including mine) recommend daily melatonin for kids who are natural night owls and have to wake up early for school, which is a lot of kids.

      • eertmeert

        thanks for concern, cousin has consulted pediatrician and is on top of it.

    • Skipper

      I am a married lady who is sleeping at my own house, but I still carry around in my everyday bag makeup wipes, deodorant wipes, moisturizer, lotion, mouthwash, and Benadryl. I think those items would get you where you need to be without looking like you presumed. If you don’t like Benadryl, you could also throw some of those Olly sleep gummies in your bag. In general, I think it’s just hard to really relax in a strange bed with a new guy, but I think it’s also worth considering whether you’re cold/hot/disturbed by noise, etc.

    • Anon

      I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with keeping a bag in your car. It’s better to be prepared.

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree. If you and he both know that sleeping over is a possibility, then having a bag in the car is just smart. I did it when my husband and I were in the early stages.

      • Anon

        +1 if you’re super embarrassed about being presumptuous, say it’s your gym bag

      • NOLA

        My purse is a giant Kate Spade tote. I put a bag of stuff in it. When I knew I was sleeping over (he asked me to), I took a separate bag with clothes, but otherwise just use my purse.

    • eertmeert

      Couple other ideas: travel toothbrush, travel makeup wipes, lip balm, extra underwear in small cosmetic bag that can live in your purse or backpack. Having these items to get ready for bed with signals the brain that it’s bedtime.
      Also, some relaxation tequniques can help. I have trouble falling asleep, and when nothing else works I visualize a gate to a path running between two Irish meadows with lush green grass, and I have a flock of 99 sheep on one side of the gate that I let through the gate one at a time as I count each sheep walking through the gate. It lulls me to sleep before I hit the mid 80s.
      Note – the imaginary sheep are super cute and walk through the gate/across the path one by one very politely. There is no jumping or pushing involved.

    • Anonymous

      I keep a gym bag in my car with toiletries, black yoga pants, nice white t-shirt. It’s not like you packed a suitcase expecting to stay but in the morning you can just grab the gym bag that you happen to always have in the car anyway.

    • Anonymous

      Listening to lectures (on work related topics) on my phone puts me to sleep :)

    • Anon

      I think it just takes time to get comfortable enough to sleep well with a new partner. Unfortunately.

      • NOLA

        This, exactly. I’ve always had that issue. Especially when I’m used to sleeping with my own blankets and pillows and at a temperature I’m comfortable with. I was shocked when, first sleepover with new guy, I slept like the dead, as did he. I think we were just both exhausted after a long work week and we feel really comfortable with each other. At his new apartment, he has a million pillows and brand new sheets so it’s really comfortable.

    • Anon

      In my experience it just takes time to get used to sleeping with a new person.

    • Anon

      Quite honestly (and I’m lucky this is possible), I will sometimes go sleep on my boyfriend’s couch. I’m an early bird (like, 6 am even on the weekends after drinking) and on the weekends, he can sleep until 1 PM if uninterrupted. I don’t want to take that away from him, so I go put on the Food Channel and usually dose back off within a couple of hours. If it’s night and his roommate is home, I keep headphones in my bag (transit commuter) and will put on a podcast or a YT vid that calms me down. If sleep aids haven’t worked for you in the past (they don’t always for me), I find the stress of not being able to sleep and waking up your partner actually does cause them to wake up…so it’s better to just sometimes accept defeat and watch BA Test Kitchen vids. Also, if you have a routine you normally do at your own place that you can implement as his place, it will make your body think it’s time for sleep. I started doing a quick mediation session and making a cup of tea when I’m over my guy’s place, something I often do at my own place. As for a bag, I always have a travel toothbrush/tooth paste, concealer and powder, and a travel eyelash curler in my work emergency bag. Through in a travel sized face wash and moisturizer and no one has to be the wiser. Again though, from my own experience, within like two weeks of us spending the night at each other’s places, we both had toothbrushes at the other (and I had an almost empty bottle of face wash and moisturizer). He might not mind, especially if you guys are seeing each other exclusively. No one likes bad breath or having a dirty face, something both genders can agree on.

  5. Shootirs?

    I have a coworker who has a cute pair of shooties (black leather with a heel) but she didn’t get them recently. Any good current versions to check out? I want something I can wear with dresses and tights as a heeled shoe replacement for my usual mod heel black leather pumps.

  6. Diana Barry

    Can anyone recommend a men’s knit blazer? DH is looking for something a step up from his LL Bean zip-up fleeces but not a full suit jacket or navy blazer. I looked at Banana and J Crew and didn’t see anything great, any suggestions?

  7. Small Law Partner

    Theory has some great knit blazers for men. Tends to run on the slim side.
    Boss is also a good option.

  8. anon

    I’m going to a concert Friday night. Genre is country; the crowd is going to be 90% female, lol. What the heck do I wear? I do not draw my style inspiration from boho OR country, which are the predominant options recommended by Pinterest. I’m more preppy/sporty and am completely drawing a blank on how to dress. That doesn’t seem quite right, but I don’t want to feel like I’m wearing a costume, either.

    • Abby

      Depending on age…Jean shorts, white tank top & button up flannel with sneakers or a corduroy skirt, tank or tee with a jacket?

    • Anonymous

      Jeans, tank top (I personally am into the j.crew spaghetti strap ones right now – they have an interesting neckline, but hit at a nice place at my hip), and ankle boots. Maybe throw on a utility jacket. Do not feel like you have to “dress the part.” Lots of people won’t.

  9. Rant about rides

    Pretty petty rant, but hey, that’s what the internet is for sometimes, right? I do a hobby that requires us to be at a specific place, at a specific time, several days each week. I live in the South Bay (SF Bay Area), and hobby takes place in the South Bay. One of the participants doesn’t own a car, and has started asking me for rides after hobby finishes (I assume they have been asking other people for rides?). I gave them a ride once because I was getting food near their place, but it seems like now it’s an expectation. I have no problem telling them no, but it’s just annoying. They are an engineer at a Big Tech company, living, working, hobbying, etc. in the South Bay. Get a freaking car. Or take a Lyft. Or get a bicycle. But seriously, stop assuming that people can just give you a ride at the last minute. If I wanted to be responsible for another person, I would have kids or offer to carpool. But you’re a grown person with a good job, living in a place with terrible public transit. Don’t shift your transportation responsibilities onto other people. /rant

    • Anonymous

      Boundaries! Just tell her “Sorry, I am not going that way this afternoon.”

    • Anonymous

      I totally get it but also “sorry, can’t do rides after this ever, I gotta get home.”

    • Anon

      Not sure if it’s a petty rant. I’m sure that Lyft gets expensive after a while, but an adult should factor in the costs of getting to and from a place before signing up for the activity.

    • Wow

      Assuming his place isn’t too out of your way, is this that big of a deal? There are too many cars on the road (esp. in the Bay Area). If he expects you to do it regularly, maybe you can ask him to throw in some gas money.

      • Senior Attorney

        No. Adult human beings are responsible for their own transportation. If he wants to set up a ride or carpool in advance, that’s one thing. But bumming rides at the last minute (thereby shifting the cost of your ride to the other person) as a consistent strategy? No.

        • Rant about rides

          This is really the crux of the issue. It shouldn’t matter whether they live close (it’s out of my way) or whether I’m capable of enforcing boundaries to say no to driving them (I am). It’s the fact that this person is shifting that responsibility onto others. It seems like they’re asking other people in our activity, some of which might not feel like they can say no. I think it’s more just the entitlement that it’s someone else’s job to handle the cost, time, and awkwardness of constantly being “rude” by not giving a ride. It’s also pretty fascinating that this seems to be much more acceptable with rides vs. asking for food or something. Like I said, pretty petty rant, but it irks me nonetheless.

    • Anonymous

      Oh man I dated this guy. He had two – TWO – cars that didn’t work. Both needed the engine replaced. He also lived quite a hike from work. He would bum rides off everyone to get to and from work and all over the place. We stopped dating in part because I didn’t want to drive over an hour out of my way to pick him up every time we hung out, and he wouldn’t take an (expensive, due to distance) uber to get to me.

      Oh and guess what the guy’s job was? Mechanic.

    • Anon

      Totally get it. I have a car but rarely drive it because I choose to take public transportation. The operative word there is “choose” — having chosen of my own adult free will to use public transportation rather than drive, I’m careful not to impose on others to drive me places.

    • Anonymous

      For insurance reasons I wouldn’t want some random in my car, especially not in winter. Basically I get nothing out of it and run the risk of someone suing me if we get into an accident.

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