ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Newbury Blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Ann Taylor, are you trying to get me excited about business formal dress codes again? There are SO many good suiting options available at Ann Taylor right now (I might need this light green one in my closet immediately), but I’m also finding a whole bunch of beautiful separates.

This pink tweed number is at the top of my list because of the cut, color, and functional pockets. I’m waiting on a sale, but I’ve been burned in the past, so learn from my mistakes, folks!

The jacket is $169 at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes 00–18.

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Sales of note for 12.5

343 Comments

  1. What shoes would you wear with a knee-length denim skirt with a 1 mile walking commute to a casual office? I’m bored with my black Clarks, and all my other shoes are wearing out. Budget up to 200 but aiming for very very low cost per wear.

      2. Am I the only person that thinks white sneakers are incredibly impractical if you have to do any amount of walking? To me, unless you’re ok with them looking super beat up quickly, or unless you drive everywhere and only spend time inside, stay away from white sneakers.

        1. I agree it’s not easy to manage! I’ve walked many miles in mine and have found a few things help keep them looking clean: only wear them on dry days and generally not in the winter, stick to pavement (no grass or trails, even if it’s a giant PITA to take the long way around), and give the uppers a quick brush using a toothbrush with water and soap every now and then. But looking around the city I also see a lot of people wearing beat up sneakers, and it’s actually kind of a trendy look.

        2. if they’re leather, an occasional light scrub with a damp cloth + using a Magic Eraser on the rubber (lightly) keeps them looking new!

        3. No, you aren’t. My cousin was very into white shoe polish on his sneakers in the 90s. But I am a dirt magnet who never keeps anything white.

        4. Golden Gooses are still trending and they come pre-beat up, maybe factoring this in. It’s like how a used car is OK b/c it’s already got its first few dings.

        5. I toss my in the washing machine from time to time and air dry, and they come out looking new.

  2. It’s a great day in Kansas! That awful horrible amendment re abortion was soundly defeated.

    1. Yes, we won. I can now take a deep breath.

      The next battle is to re-elect our governor. I am taking a few days to enjoy the victory, then I will dive back into the fray.

      I have marched and yelled and donated and texted. I voted. Now I will remain vigilant, because there will always be another attempt to deny us civil rights.

      The Supreme Court handed Republicans a victory in the battle, but they may find that in the end they will have lost the war.

      1. Thank you for all your hard work KS IT Chick!! I don’t live in KS but I really appreciate your hard work as it be before so many.
        I’ve not done as much this year (beyond donating) and need to refocus before November. Thank you for working hard so consistently.

      4. Thank you for all your hard work!! I appreciate all the incredibly hard work you and your friends have had to do over the past months/years and I am so happy for you (and all of us) today.

    2. It’s also a great example of when you make it about the issue – choice – versus the party, the pro-choice side comes out soundly ahead. Despite the GOP having 60% of the Gubernatorial primary turnout, the amendment still lost soundly – basically a ton of Republicans voted against it.

      I think the messaging was so well done.

        1. Look at the website for Kansans for Constitutional Freedom. They have been doing the a lot of the heavy lifting on messaging and advertising. They recruited a multitude of individuals who look like the average person, and they got them on TV to talk about why people should vote no.

          The two that probably made the most difference were a middle class Hispanic woman in a Kansas City suburb and a Catholic grandmother from Wichita. The former talked about needing to end a wanted pregnancy at 11 weeks when it became obvious that it was not viable and would kill her. The latter said that while she was personally pro-life, her granddaughters deserved to be able to make their own choices.

          1. There was also quite a few ads outside of KC talking about how you shouldn’t want “another mandate” which I think definitely got through to some GOP voters.

          2. I am a life-long Republican and am personally pro-life (but politically, very pro-choice) and agree with this. I’m glad to see it working.

          3. Super helpful. Thank you. I was reading the NARAL talking points but appreciate the real-life examples. Side note, my mom is basically that grandmother and has been madder about this than I expected. She keeps asking when we’re going to outlaw vasectomies (as opposed to birth control that acts on female bodies).

      2. I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately about voting for issues vs people/party. DH and I both have a lot of family in rural areas where responsible hunting is a way of life. They are hard core gun rights types. They are also big on environmental protections. They didn’t really pay attention to abortion rights until recently and they act totally perplexed why we’re even talking about this, like of course a woman can do whatever she wants until the baby comes out. (They also think late term abortion means infanticide – not that the actual procedure is infanticide but that late term abortion literally means killing the baby as soon as it’s born… but that’s a whole other thing). It’s infuriating that they keep voting R. I so wish we could vote issue by issue, the country would be much better off.

        1. Yeah, environmental protections are a strong unifying issue in many parts of the country. The hunters I know are some of the most environmentally conscious people in my social circle.

          1. Yeah, I think people who’ve only ever lived in rural areas don’t understand the intersection of hunters & sportsmen and environmentalists in a lot of the west – they’re very much on the same page.

    3. As someone from a neighboring state, this gives me a small amount of hope. Thank you for your advocacy KS IT Chick!

    4. i just came on here to post, Thank You Kansas!!! I live in TX (blech) and am grateful that a nearby state still has some sense

    5. What’s so horrible about the amendment? The twenty week law that was struck down by the Kansas Supreme Court was far more liberal than almost every country’s abortion laws.

      1. The text of the Kansas law is below. No wonder it’s important to focus the message on “choice”!

        “[W]ith the purpose of causing the death of an unborn child, knowingly dismembering a living unborn child and extracting such unborn child one piece at a time from the uterus through the use of clamps, grasping forceps, tongs, scissors or similar instruments that, through the convergence of two rigid levers, slice, crush or grasp a portion of the unborn child’s body in order to cut or rip it off.” K.S.A. 65-6742(b)(1)

        1. I know you’re a troll, but that’s not what was being voted on.

          As for later abortions (which this would apply to), I hope neither you nor your loved ones ever have to make a decision to undergo such a procedure. No one wakes up at 24 weeks and just says “YOLO!! Nvrmd on that bb thing!!!!”

      2. They weren’t voting on a 20-week ban. They were voting on whether the legislature can pass crazy bills, including total abortion bans that have no exceptions for rape or incest.

        2. The Kansas Supreme Court struck down a 20 week ban. This amendment was written in response to such. So get your facts right – this is actually about banning late term abortions.

      3. I’m going to assume you are asking this on good faith.

        The snippet you posted was the legislation that the Kansas State Supreme Court found to be unconstitutional, in that they found a fundamental right to medical choice, including abortion, in the state constitution. That was what led conservatives and reactionaries in the Kansas legislature to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot that would specifically allow the legislature to create unlimited restrictions on abortion, up to and including banning the procedure without regard for the health or life of the pregnant individual.

        I am tired of being lied to and lied about. The people of Kansas spoke overwhelmingly on August 2 that women have the right to determine their lives without unwarranted interference. The multitude of restrictions that already existed and that passed judicial review still exist.

        1. You’re absolutely right, and thank you for what you did to defeat the amendment in Kansas. However, your logic and facts are lost on our resident forced-birthers, who care to listen to neither in maintaining their stranglehold on their own “creative” and fact-free interpretation of current events. I wouldn’t waste any more of your time trying to explain things to them.

    6. I wrote Postcards To Voters for this election; handwritten postcards to encourage voter turnout. You supply your own postcards and postage; Postcards To Voters supplies the talking points and addresses. We write for all sorts of campaigns: state, local, federal, signing up for vote by mail, etc. Check it out if you are so inclined. As an introvert, I love that this is something that doesn’t involve talking to people, and I can do it at home on my couch on my own schedule.

  3. What store do you find has the best prices on toiletries/household basics? I just moved to temporary housing, will be here for 2 months and then will move to my real apartment in the fall. I just realized a lot of toiletries, basic beauty products, and household basics are all in storage so I need to temporarily replenish. Normally I’d just run to Target or CVS, but given inflation I’d like to find the cheapest option. I’d prefer one stop shopping but am ok with in person, order online and pickup in store or maybe online shopping (but that’s my last resort)

    1. I think Target is by far the cheapest of the bricks and mortar stores (on average). I don’t shop at Walmart though and it could be cheaper, not sure.

      1. Target (Up&Up) hits the sweet spot of private label stuff that’s cheaper than name brand, but still maintains good quality. I’m so pale I’m practically transparent, and theirs is the only private label sunscreen I’ll use. Their other products I’ve bought and used have also been good.

      2. Thanks! My mom was just complaining about how expensive target was so wasn’t sure if there was a better alternative

        1. Our grocery store is sometimes cheaper than target for this, if target isn’t having a sale.

          1. For us Target is always cheaper than the grocery store. Walmart is occasionally a bit cheaper than Target.

    2. Sally Beauty or Ulta have pretty good basic beauty and hair products. When I lived in summer housing, I got household essentials at Bed Bath and Beyond from their dorm room collections.

      1. Just a word to the wise to anyone thinking about ordering online from Ulta — their shipping department is loaded with idiots and their customer service department sucks. Read the reviews and the complaints on their FB page. It’s insane. They are constantly getting people’s orders wrong and won’t correct their mistakes. Getting refunds or the correct items that were ordered is a nightmare. And I can absolutely 100% vouch for this. Placed an order as I do not have an Ulta store near me. What I received was NOTHING I had ordered. The packing slip had somebody else’s name and address from about 3 states away. When I called I was told to mail the products to that person ON MY DIME. Nope. Send me a shipping label, I’ll send this stuff back to you, you get it to the right person and you send me my stuff. I only got half of my stuff, including a half-empty bottle. Called to complain again. Several times. They just will not resolve the issue. As for the incorrect stuff I got in the first place? They told me it was UPS’s fault – THEY switched the products in the package. Really? UPS doesn’t pack your orders, they just ship them!!!!! I kept trying to explain that to the little moron that took my call and she just couldn’t wrap her head around the concept.

        Just be warned. I have no idea how this place manages to stay in business.

      1. I’ve always heard to not buy toiletries on Amazon for safety reasons? Unfortunately I live somewhere with 2-3 day delivery and I’d love to pick up this stuff tonight after work

        1. I buy lots of toiletries from Amazon and have never gotten something that seems fake or otherwise off. I only buy drugstore brands (so not necessarily worth faking) and from Amazon itself, not third party sellers. Prices on Amazon and Walmart are generally comparable but will sometimes be much cheaper on one or the other, so I buy accordingly.

        2. I have no qualms generally about Amazon but they are overpriced for toiletries. I’d go to Walmart, Target, or similar.

          1. Amazon is typically a market place so even if you are buying from Amazon it will come from manufacturer in most cases.

      1. oh for things like drugstore makeup or haircare, comparison shop, sometimes CVS has sales on those things, other times Target does a “spend 15 get $5” type of promo, etc.

      2. Oh yeah I always buy store brand for this kind of thing, and I agree that I tend to like Target’s options better than others

    5. Walmart is the cheapest in my area (SEUS), and I am less likely to spend on random stuff while I am there than when I am at Target.

    6. For consistent lowest prices, Walmart. In my experience, Walmart, Target, Amazon are usually ~10% less expensive than CVS. Walmart has broader selection than Target. Amazon will save you a few cents here or there, but makes up for it with several very anomalous-ly high prices on other products, so the whole basket is typically least expensive at Walmart. Since I don’t want to price shop extensively for recurring needs and/or split my basket across multiple stores, Walmart it is. I’m in the Northeast in an urban area.

      1. Yes! I always buy in the app and do a pickup because the prices are cheaper in the app and this stuff is not fun to shop for.

        2. I recently found that the app’s prices were higher for store pickup in a HCOL area than where I live.

      2. Oh I didn’t know that – thanks for the heads up!

        I also use Target brands for body and face lotion, face wash, sunscreen, etc. Good old Suave for shampoo and conditioner, but I have “easy” hair. I also like Dove bar soap – lasts longer than body wash but doesn’t desiccate me.

  4. Favorite glass water bottle? I’m a Nalgene devotee but I’m trying to get away from plastics. I’m clumsy so definitely something with a silicone wrap, and hopefully not too heavy.

    Not interested in a metal bottle – I like room temp water so I don’t want anything insulated.

      2. I bought one when they first became popular years ago. It was so pretty, but SUCH a pain to clean. Yes, I used a bottle brush, but that opening is tiny! The silicone sleeve held onto lint and looked almost greasy after I touched it (maybe because I had a very light color?). The sleeve was also annoying to take on/off to wash since it was tapered. I’m surprised so many like them!

    2. There are uninsulated metal bottles. I have several from klean kanteen and some other brands. I like that they’re light and not breakable, but also prefer room temp water so I don’t really understand why these are now much less common than the insulated kind (I’ve had mine for many years).

      1. Agreed on klean kanteen. When I was really weight sensitive pregnant and taking the subway, I actually used a silicone “bottle” that collapsed down to almost nothing. Not as convenient for full-time usage, but I think they’ve advanced in terms of being more sturdy. I’ve seen glass go wrong too many times.

      2. I also like being able to see into my bottle. I know it’s just water so should be fine but I’m paranoid about mold and mildew in bottles (very anti ones with straws, like camelbacks, for that reason)

        1. I agree about mold with the straws and also avoid them for that reason. With my metal ones, they do get a little gross around the mouth (on the outside), but haven’t had issues with the insides. I just make sure to wash them and allow them to completely dry once a week or so. You can look inside them pretty easily to make sure they’re clean.

      3. +1 for Klean Kanteen. I have both uninsulated and insulated, but only use the insulated for hot tea, the uninsulated is perfect for water.

      4. Agree.

        Not helpful for OP it they just really want glass instead of metal, but I love my stainless steel Contigo. It is insulated but since I fill it with room temp water to start with, the water just stays room temp. No spills, no leaks, no straws, one-handed operation, fits my car cupholder, and it’s snug but I can fit my hand down inside to wash it out.

      2. I’m the other person who commented above about preferring room temp water, but beyond that, the uninsulated water bottles hold more for the same size bottle and are a fair amount lighter than the insulated ones, so if you’re actually carrying the water bottle around all day in places where you don’t have easy access to water, they’re much better.

        1. I don’t like ice-cold water, but I like it to stay the temperature it was when it came out of the filtered tap, so I still use an insulated bottle. 80-degree water is gross.

      3. I am also on team Room Temperature Water. Cold water is too shocking to my innards!

    4. I’d wait until you’ve lost / broken your Nalgenes before replacing? Unless there are health concerns around the plastics. I’ve broken 2 of the glass ones which I feel like environmentally might outweigh the environmental benefit of glass vs plastics.

      2. I still have a Nalgene that is 20+ years old, so this could be a long wait. I did have to get a new lid recently.

      3. I don’t know about this… Nalgenes last forever, but drinking out of plastic every day probably isn’t great for you (I’m a scientist and the data on this are complicated, but I personally try to avoid storing my food or water in plastic for prolonged periods and definitely never heat anything in plastic). Keep the Nalgenes for hiking trips, but switch to something else for everyday use.

    5. Bkr probably fits your bill. I believe they’re currently doing a mystery bag where you get 2-3 bottles for $48, could be different sizes.

    6. Use the plastics you already have. Once they are past their serviceable life, replace with non-plastics. Don’t throw away a plastic water bottle you already bought to replace with something “greener” :)

      1. Oh I’d never throw away – would give away or donate. I’m trying to get away from plastics for both health and environmental reasons.

      1. +1 to Life Factory. I have a couple of them now. Being able to buy caps separately has also made them last a long time for me.

  5. About to order the long coveted Cuyana Leather Backpack for an upcoming trip and would love to hear from anyone that has this bag — specifically the size and version they have and if they like it. I love the croc pattern from the earlier edition but I’ve read that the earlier edition is harder to use. I”ll be carrying a laptop (12.5 inches length) that supposedly fits in either size, but I haven’t actually seen any of these bags in person so any insight is much appreciated. TIA!

    1. I have the large size of the earlier edition in a stone color. I love it. I get compliments on it all the time and despite frequent use still looks new. The front magnetic pockets keep things stowed better than I expected. The tie around the top is awful and things spill out constantly, especially if I lean over and there is no where to safely stow my laptop (it’s just loose). I believe they changed both those issues with the current version though.

    2. No experience with this bag but wanted to point out that laptop measurements are taken on the diagonal, not lengthwise. A laptop that is 12.5″ long is not going to fit into a 13″ laptop sleeve.

    3. I got the smaller of the two full-size backpacks, the 13″ one, two months ago and absolutely love it. I got the cappuccino color pebbled leather though I was tempted by the stone. The cappuccino is less like a camel and more of a soft beige color, which I wanted because I don’t like camel or saddle color very much. I don’t wear true brown or camel and in my wardrobe I wear “summer” season colors – soft blues, purples, pinks, greys, aquas. The cappuccino seemed to be better for fall/winter than the stone and I wanted the darker color for durability. I don’t wear black anymore.

      I love everything – the two outside pockets are perfect, one for car keys, one for my phone. The internal big pocket is for my iPad and the smaller for my Kindle. The tiny one fits my AirPods which makes them easier to find. It does seem rather cavernous but I needed that for my long days at the hospital/chemo infusion. So I use a leather pouch to corral loose items but want the Cuyana one to go with. It fits my wallet on a strap (Baggallini) and my eyeglasses case. I often fit in a water bottle and some prescription bottles and snacks and there is still plenty of room for a collapsible umbrella or something else. That makes it heavy but that is my choice and the shoulder straps work. For me, the larger one would have been too big, both in use and on my 5’2″ frame.

      The magnetic snaps are really a great feature. The carry handle works great and the shoulder straps – which at first were uncomfortable – have now broken in a bit and are great to walk a few blocks. It might not be good to walk a couple miles but otherwise ok.

      The internal snaps that replaced the ties work really well. I usually have them closed and only open wide for cleanout. The brass snap at the top makes the bag hang really well. I love the brass hardware.

      The only drawback is that it doesn’t have a key leash inside, which saves me from having to dig in the bottom for house keys.

  6. I am stuck as to where I want to go for my late September vacation and y’all are so good at this.

    I aim to fly out of Dulles and would like to spend around $3k all in. I do not need luxury accommodations and will stay in Airbnbs or glamping type situations. I stayed in a van on an air mattress for a week for example. Happy to make pbjs and pasta for food.

    Goals for this vacation: RELAX. I love being out in nature with few people and having the chance to hike but honestly also just want to sit around and be lazy. Gorgeous mountain/lake/river views are great. Don’t care for cities but like small towns to have as a base or just as an option to see another human. Would prefer to go outside the US, but would like travel days to stay under 10 or 11 hrs. Don’t love super hot and am fine with cooler fall temps here.

    Right now, Golden Canada (near Banff) is on my list. But then I also have gotten sucked into looking at Cinque Terre.

    Any other suggestions?

    1. I love Cinque Terre (I love all of Italy), but for what you’re looking for I would stay closer to home. Banff is perfect. If you just want beautiful mountains and a chance to relax and hike there’s no need to haul yourself all the way to Europe.

          1. there could be snow, though, in the mountains…definitely a risk at Waterton then, and that’s a bit south of Banff. just something to keep in mind!

          2. Oh well then also consider Winthrop in the North Cascades (hike the Maple Leaf loop). Larch season! Or Leavenworth (hike Colchuck) or Lake Diablo.

        2. It’s actually usually pretty mild in September. I was there mid-October last year, and it was pretty cold (highs in the upper 30s/low 40s) and everyone kept talking about how unseasonably cold it was. It was in the upper 60s the week before I arrived. And honestly, 40ish and brilliantly sunny was surprisingly great hiking weather. And I am NOT a person who likes cold weather at home. But exercising and having intense sunshine make a big difference.

      2. Would also add, having just come back from Italy, including Cinque Terre, that Cinque Terre is beautiful but SOOOOOOOOO crowded. Wouldn’t be my choice for relaxation.

        2. Cinque Terre is much, much less crowded in the fall. We went in October a few years ago, and it was amazing. Obviously a different vibe than summer, but great for hiking and way less crowded!

          That being said, I am not sure you could swing it for under $3k.

          1. I went in early May which I’m guessing is comparable to September and it was quite crowded. Not unbearable but not a place I’d go for relaxation. October is quite a bit less crowded than September in most of Europe. I’m not sure exactly when the cruise ships stop calling on the Italian Riviera but I’m guessing sometime in October? That will make a big difference.

    2. Arenal in Costa Rica? Baños and Chimborazo in Ecuador? I’m mostly throwing out mountain names :)

    3. For what you describe, a resort in Costa Rica sounds up your alley, and you can fly direct from Dulles. Maybe find one that’s like an eco-retreat where the accommodations are not luxury but there’s good access to nature and beach. A friend did a combo yoga/surfing retreat one year (she was a very novice surfer) and said it was extremely restorative.

    4. Banff was going to be my suggestion, so I think that’s a good idea! Also Iceland. Otherworldly beauty and lots of options for admiring nature. It can be expensive but when I went I stayed at an Airbnb and mostly cooked my own food which helped a lot.

    5. Does the $3K include airfare? Flights are bananas right now so I’d get on skyscanner to “anywhere” for a rough sense of where you might find a good deal.

      1. Yes I planned flights in that. In scoping out Golden, Canada, I can get a perfectly nice cabin for $1100/wk and a flight for around $600. Plenty of budget wiggle room even adding on a rental car!

          1. I’ve been traveling regularly for the last year and have not one issue getting a reservation.

        2. Check out Purcell Mountain Lodge. Helicopter from Golden to secluded lodge, delicious food, no internet. We just went, it was an amazing getaway.

    8. Ireland/Scotland? I’d base myself in a cute small town and spend days walking around the town, hanging in pubs, and hiking with the idea that due to elevation it’s easier hiking than Banff.

      I know you said you wanted international but I’d also consider some US National Parks. Moab is decent sized town and is right by Arches and Canyonlands. Jackson Hole is too crowded for my taste but Grand Tetons is my favorite park and absolutely gorgeous (Victor, ID is reasonably cute but small).

      1. Thank you! I LOVE a hiking elevation and already did my national park trip this year but those are definitely great suggestions! I aim to do one NP and one intl trip a year :)

    9. Thanks all! So far the Banff area (staying a little drive away to save $$) seems to be the front runner!

    10. Scottish highlands? Not sure how the weather would be in late September, but there’s a couple of Scots on here, so maybe they can chime in. Or maybe somewhere else in the UK, though I’m not as familiar (Lake district, maybe?) Also, the National Trust rents historic cottages and the like for surprisingly cheap if you can find an available date (my UK friends rented a small castle one weekend…). There’s a separate website for the Scottish national trust and National Trust for the rest of the UK.

    14. Not sure if this is quite what you’re looking for, but I’ve dreamed about staying in several of the Under Canvas glamping locations.

    15. Gros Morne, Newfoundland. Fly via Toronto into Deer Lake, then east 1 hr drive. Post back if this interests you and I’ll pass on our restaurant and air Bnb tips.

        1. I had never been pre Covid but staycation meant checking it out for the first time instead of our go-to visit with European family. Good food, theatre and writers festivals, beach walks and tons of hiking options and boat tours from easy to hard has turned it into an annual destination for us.

    16. I feel like when I lived in DC, I never visited St. Michael’s, Maryland as often as I should have. That as a fallback?

    17. We went to Cinque Terre at the end of September awhile back and it was definitely still quite warm (high 70s and low 80s) but not quite warm enough to dip in the water though some people were in. I think being able to go in the water is a big part of the Cinque Terre experience though so that was a bummer. It was not super crowded but still busy

      1. Depends what you’re looking for. We went in early May and did not expect to swim. The draw for us was the hiking and scenery (and food and wine in Italy, although that’s not specific to the region) and we were not disappointed at all. I’ve visited other parts of the Mediterranean and other Italian coastal areas in summer and gone swimming, and I didn’t feel like I was missing anything by not swimming in Cinque Terre. We were glad we avoided the heat of summer and the crowds. Ymmv of course, but generally because of weather you have to prioritize either hiking or swimming and it’s not illogical to prioritize hiking in that region.

    18. Burlington, VT/Lake Champlain area is gorgeous that time of year and is a major airport. Great hiking nearby. Great food scene, cute walkable downtown.

    19. Quebec City and the surrounding region. Fall colours should be great at that time and you benefit from a cheaper cdn dollar. Check out Charlevoix.

      1. +1 We did a rambling road trip starting in Quebec City and flying out of Halifax in early September about five years ago. Lovely hiking, great food, and minimal crowds.

  7. Who do you talk to when you need help figuring out what choices to make in life? I feel like I need to change something about my life but for every change I come up with, I also come up with several reasons why that would not / might not be a good change. This is all leaving me stuck in a way that’s driving me crazy. I don’t have any friends who would be great sounding boards in this situation, so absent that, who would you talk to to help sort this out?

    3. A close friend, spouse, or therapist. I don’t use a therapist but in most cases my spouse acts like one when it’s work related or non-spouse related.

      Or…post here :)

    4. Depends what the situation is. If it is something career-wise, I talk to former colleagues I trust or one of my first bosses who has been a great mentor. They understand the industry in ways my friends or family don’t. If it’s something personal relationship-wise, I have a trusted friend. Sometimes spouse or parent is the right call, but it’s highly dependent on the situation since I know they’re very firm in views. If it feels like a lot of decisions, I’d go with a therapist. I’d tend to avoid anyone claiming to be a life coach. But maybe that’s colored by judgment of a former colleague (who I really, really dislike) who does this as a side gig that’s completely unrelated to our field (picture digital marketing or the like). Literally putting faith in someone without training who just claims to have all the solutions. No thanks.

      1. +1 to being skeptical of life coaches. Anyone can call themselves a coach.

        OP, we just did a big move + career change. We talked in circles for a while but realized that if we didn’t at least try, we’d look back in five years and wish we had. Think about what matters most to you, and what will add joy to your daily life, and chase that. Good luck :)

        1. +1 to all of this. When DH went back to grad school, I agreed because I knew that he would spend the rest of his life regretting it if he didn’t. Identifying what you’ll regret not doing is a good way to figure out what you should do!

    5. If it’s work related, this is exactly what someone like a career coach is for. They can probably give more practical/realistic advice than a therapist and help you think more in terms of goals/outcomes, if that’s what you’re seeking.

    6. Any tips on finding a therapist for something like this? It just seems like they deal with people with much bigger problems and I’d feel silly for complaining about my life given what they normally deal with.

      1. You’d be surprised at how many of their clients are what they call “the worried well.” Also, as my therapist told me years ago when I voiced a similar thought, “your pain is your pain.”

        Look at the psychology today dot com therapist finder. They break down the therapists six ways from Sunday and it’s quite helpful.

      2. Therapists are therapists. They deal with everything and anything. There is no best patient. I talk to mine probably twice a year now and by the time I actually end up talking to her, I have sorted my issue out myself and it’s a social catch up session. Trust me, a therapist will be happy to talk to you.

        Personal referrals is the way to go. One of my good girlfriends now goes to mine and sent another good friend to a friend who is a therapist bc I knew they would gel better than with my own therapist. I’m always happy to help people with recommendations!

        1. +1 to personal referrals. It’s hard to tell until you meet and talk to them but a good therapist will be happy to listen to any issues you have without minimizing your trouble. If you find one who tells you your problem is too trivial (like my first one did) then it’s time to find another one.

    7. I find weighted pro/con’s list helpful when I’m needing help managing my swirling thoughts. Something about seeing it in writing is soothing.
      Also I agree therapy can help.

  8. You want teuxdeux.com . Actually, everyone should want it. Can move items around, set recurring items, set items to pop up on later dates, just park items on long term lists. It’s fantastic, can’t recommend it more highly. I’ll be in trouble if they ever go under!

    1. Between teuxdeux for (tasks), workflowy (for collaboration), and qlist.cc (for groceries), I’m in list heaven.

  9. Y’all, I threw out my back. I did this once and for the first time in April and I was unable to move for almost two days (big job + 4 year old = not great). I was jogging this morning and took one very normal step and felt a weird sensation – it wasn’t a pop but almost like a release of some kind, which resulted in shooting pain through my b u t t and down my legs. It’s reminiscent of sciatica pain I had while pregnant, but somehow still lightly different. When it happened in April there was no pop/release sensation, came on out of absolutely no where. This time there was absolutely an “event” at the onset of the pain.

    What do I need? PCP? Chiropractor? Stretching? Just rest and nothing else will actually help? Searching online is giving me a million different possible remedies.

    I came in to the office because I have a big meeting this morning but the 40-min drive in the car on the way in nearly killed me. Sitting at my desk now is somewhat tolerable but I have incessant 6/10 aches down my b u t t and right leg. Thinking I’ll head out after the meeting and do heating pad at home or something. Any good remedies? I didn’t know I was old enough for this, but here we are.

    1. I would definitely take ibuprofen as frequently as the label advises, if you aren’t contraindicated for that. A similar thing happened to be 20+ years ago as my family was heading to the airport for a Disney trip. I was ready to hit Disney the next morning, believe it or not.

      1. This is a terrible comment and I hope Kat removes it. But also want to say: if you have never had to drive in to work because you had to be at a big meeting, or do a big presentation, or some high-level mucky-muck was visiting the office and you needed to be there to greet them? You must not have ever had a very high-level position. I don’t fault the OP for doing what she felt she needed to do. Sometimes it’s necessary.

    3. When I threw out my back, a combo of pain meds, heating pad/ice rotation, and light movement helped. I hated it, but moving to work out the crunched muscles helped. I also had some muscle relaxers but unsure if they helped, but worth a try!

      1. +1. If I can’t get in to my chiropractor right away, I take 400 mg of ibuprofen every six hours, alternate heat and ice packs on my back, and use my TENS device 15 minutes out of every hour, with the leads on the spot where the pain or tension is worst. The TENS device was an impulse purchase to spend down flex account dollars but has been extremely helpful for sports injuries, for our entire family.

    5. I would go to PCP first, as you’ll likely get a quicker medical appointment if you have an established provider. I always choose physical therapist over chiropractors.

    6. I’ve thrown my back out and took Aleve for the pain. You could check with your doc about a muscle relaxer. Also a heating bad. Mine went away with rest and minimal movement, which I know is tough when you still have to deal with real life.

    8. First go your primary care physician. You might need some combination of prescription strength anti-inflammatories, steroids, and/or muscle relaxers. But they can also help determine whether this is muscular or you have an issue with a disc. (Frankly sounds like the latter given the radiating pain). In any event, it sounds like you might need physical therapy and your PCP can refer you.

    9. I threw out my back a week and a half ago. I barely moved for the first two days, took advil and iced it periodically. After that I started moving around (very carefully) with lots of rest in between. Nine days in I’ve felt improvement every day but still not 100%. Still using advil periodically and have switched to a heating pad. It definitely feels better after light exercise (ie 30 min walk) and worse when I have to sit for awhile (commuting). Good luck.

    10. Orthopedist. The fact that it’s going down one leg makes me wonder if you have a herniated disc. There is a simple test you can do to check. It’s demonstrated by two very hokey you tubers here: https://youtu.be/R05IYRFkEjM. I strongly recommend pushing for an orthopedist referral from your PCP, since this is the second occurrence. PCP are great for many things, but they see so many cases of a mildly hurt back many are a little blind to when things are really out-of-whack.

  10. Any advice on how to handle this situation with my folks?

    Parents are late 70s, in mediocre health (the types that retired to yell at the tv on the couch and not exercise, one in a wheelchair) My father has a reasonable pension, together they have $300k in savings. They rent an apartment in a small city, close to the hospital & wheelchair accessible. no home equity. The pension covers rent & food & normal expenses.

    My brother lives about an hour away in the country and they’re talking about spending their savings to build a granny suite on his house so that they have somewhere to stay when they visit and can spend the summers there. I think there’s also a thought that if they wanted to leave their apartment, they could move in and he’d take care of them. They paid for most his house in the first place; he works part time in retail.

    I feel like this is a horrible idea, because if they ever need actual professional care, all of their money is in a completely illiquid asset. He’s also an hour away from the hospital and there’s nothing to do for someone in a wheelchair out there. They have decided that they aren’t going to need care and that this is a way to use the money that’s just sitting in the bank account “not doing anything” in a way that builds my brother’s equity in his home.

    We have an ok relationship, they struggle with understanding that I want a career and not kids. I do love them but I also don’t really want to be on the hook to pay for long term care if they need it. I’ve known for a while they’re not giving me anything material in inheritance because my brother “needs” it, which is hurtful emotionally but I’ve always assumed there wouldn’t be any money anyways so doesn’t impact me materially. Paying for their care home would.

    WWYD? Not my circus?

    1. It sound like they would have no assets if they do this, so they wouldn’t have to deplete any assets to qualify for Medicare long term care? I agree with you it sounds like a bad idea, but not sure if it is a disaster or just unwise. Do they have any friends or activities in their current city? Would they have any in your brother’s location? Do they want to do this, or is your brother pressuring them? There’s not enough information but I don’t think you can tell them what to do, largely because they wouldn’t be inclined to listen. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

    2. Use your words and tell them now why it is a bad idea. Explain that you cannot be on the hook for long term care if they need it. Set up a meeting with an elder care attorney with expertise in financial planning.

      Then allow them all to figure it out if it is a massive disaster. Your brother could sell the house and use the proceeds for long term care, for example.

    3. I would tell them “what happens if you do need care? You won’t be able to sell a fancy shed. Brother can’t afford it. I won’t pay for it.”

      1. This. Also does your father’s pension continue to pay your mom after he dies? If not, your mom is going to be in a world of hurt if he goes first.

    4. I’d sit down with brother and parents and make it very, very clear what costs/care you’re concerned about and what will happen if they’re out of money because of their choices.

      Ie, if they give this big gift to brother, Medicaid lookback may make them ineligible for Medicaid-funded nursing home care in the next X years. Do they have any other options to pay for such care? Do they understand the expense of such care?

      The limits of what you might be able to provide are Y care and Z financial help (whatever you can provide without feeling resentful; for me it’d be super limited). Is brother taking on this care? Is he qualified? Will he sell the house to fund care? What if he loses the house to a large judgment, divorce, etc?

    5. I would tell them what is up on no uncertain terms, something like the following:
      Mom and Dad, I love you and you are free to do as you please with your own money. However, if you spend your money on an addition to brother’s house I will not finance any medical costs as you age, that will be your and brother’s responsibility to sort out. I can not put my own financial future in jeopardy.

    6. Oh jeez. How is your relationship with brother? Can you relay your concerns to him via a him-centered approach? For example, “how do you feel about this plan? I’m worried if their health declines and they need long term care there won’t be any money to pay for it and you’ll be stuck as their primary caregiver.” If he thinks you’ll bail them out financially- “I can’t do that”/“unfortunately I’m not in a place I can do that” on repeat. Same if he thinks they’ll move in with you. Do not get into the details, just say no.

      After that conversation, I’d say not your circus and start mentally preparing to hold your boundaries when the time comes.

    7. You can definitely suggest alternatives or point out other ways they might want to use their savings. For example, they could use the 300k to make a down payment on a property of their own, then use the money they’re currently spending on an apartment to cover the mortgage, rather than sinking it all into your brother’s home. They could even look for a property right near his if they want to. Either way, it seems obvious they should finance the addition on your brother’s home; that way, to the extent it increases the value, if/when brother sells, it will go to pay off the loan rather than into his pocket.
      Or similarly, if your brother’s place is too small for your parents to come stay, would it make more sense for him to sell his home and then for him and your parents to jointly buy something slightly larger? Unless you have a unique/amazing location, or a strong idea of how you want to customize, IMO it’s always more sensible to sell what you have and buy what you want, rather than build onto what you currently have to make it into what you want.

    8. I would encourage them to buy their own home near your brother rather than pay for the in law suite. Construction projects have a lot of hidden costs, especially if you’re not there to oversee the project and get other opinions. Home buying comes with its own surprises but they strike me as a bit more manageable, at least before closing. They would also have their own equity rather than essentially giving your brother the gift of an improvement on his property that they have no ownership of.

    9. Others have good advice about how to try to convince them not to do this. In a similar situation (parents making questionable financial decisions that hurt them and helped a sibling), I told them that I would not be any type of safety net or provide any type of financial support, in any situation. I gave examples of things they may have assumed I’d cover even if I wasn’t paying big expenses like a nursing home. I did not use terms like “can’t afford”, which in their mind would have left the door open if they really needed help. After that I’ve treated it as not my decision to make and certainly not my mistake to clean up.

    10. I think they (or you) should talk to an estate planning lawyer about this to understand the impact on whether Medicare would cover long term care, etc. if they need it. My understanding is that there is a look back of a few years to ensure people don’t give gifts away to family members to deplete their assets so they can use Medicare for these costs. This is a technical area that I know nothing about but I’d be worried that your brother’s home could be foreclosed on or they would not be eligible for Medicare for long term care if they need it, shifting costs to you.

      Otherwise, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It’s a hard problem.

    11. It’s not true that they’d owe gift tax to your brother in this situation, but it might be worth pausing them with “maybe you should talk to an attorney and accountant about the tax implications of this and to make sure it doesn’t mess up your Medicaid down the road” and then steer them to a good local person who might give them some facts. At least they could file the right paperwork so they don’t get dinged for gift tax on this.

    12. I am going to start with “not your circus “. Depending on your state and circumstances, it is exceedingly unlikely you would be on the hook for their long-term care costs in any event. Like almost everyone in the US, they would spend down their assets and then have Medicaid pay the remainder if they need long term care.

      In fact, and assuming your brother is willing to take care of them as long as they do not need professional help, this could work. Medicaid would make them pay down liquid assets. Their investment in his house might escape that.

      However, and this is critical, if I were your brother I would be concerned about the possibility that either of them goes into assisted living during the look back. And the government comes calling looking for him to give them the money as it could be considered a preferential transfer (This is a bit complicated if they are living there full-time and only one of them requires residential care because of the primary residence rule, but that is getting a bit into the weeds). This is not your problem, but you might gently suggest to him that he consider their health and the look back. In his state.

      1. I am going to add that this COULD work out. A lot depends on your brother and his actual willingness to take care of them as they age. You said that there was some thought they could move into their granny flat if they need to. Is he going to be willing to do the work needed to allow them to remain on his property as long as possible? The reality is that most older adults do not end up in long term care – the help they need can be provided at home as long as someone is willing to do the work. If he can and will do that (or has a spouse who will do it) then I have seen these types of arrangements work well. The nightmare scenario is that they reach the point that they cannot live independently, he is not willing to put in that work, and they have exhausted their assets.

        The reality is also that $300K is not going to go far for two people if they DO end up needing nursing home care for any considerable length of time. And if they do not need Medicaid for at least 5 years (or 2.5 if they live in California) then they are sheltering their liquid assets from the government. So there are some rational reasons for them to walk this path – but a lot depends on your brother.

    13. You need to get your parents talking to an Eldercare attorney. We had a somewhat similar situation with my mother when she was nearing the point where she was going to need full time care. I had to take over her bill paying while she was in a temporary care situation after a hospital stay, and was shocked to find out how much of her money had been going to a couple of her adult grandkids who were sponging off of her. It was terrible. She was living on social security and skipping expensive medications to make ends meet while paying for her granddaughter’s cell phone bill, which included payments on a top-of-the-line new iPhone, and she had paid for her grandson’s used car – he had promised to make her payments but of course wasn’t doing that, meanwhile he went on a guys trip to Vegas – lord knows how much that cost.

      So while I was doing my mom’s bills I got to be the mean aunt and cut them all off. My mom objected, and I understood that it was her money, but I showed her the numbers and that she simply could not afford it.

      The truth is, my other sibling (not the grandkids’ parent) and I were talking to each other and acknowledged that we would eventually pay for our mom’s care – I realize we weren’t legally obligated but we felt morally obligated – and any money she gave her grandkids was coming out of our pockets in the long run.

      Sounds like that’s similar to the situation with your brother and your parents. You can wash your hands of the whole situation, but if you think there’s a possibility you’re going to get pulled back into this financially once they run out of money, as my sibling and I were, then you do need to get everything in order now.

    14. You have a lot of good advice here. I’ll add one note: I think the “hour away from the hospital” argument is the weakest among them. Most of the free world is an hour away from care, I’d venture to guess. Focus on the finances – THAT is the one that makes me seriously concerned.

    15. I think this is first a you and your brother conversation. Based on my (unfortunately somewhat deep) experience with these sorts of things, he is trying to do right by your parents. It seems like it’s time for “so what are we going to do about mom and dad?”

      TBH, their $300k in savings will go by in a year or two if they need to move into assisted living. If they can stay somewhere with assistance in their living (your brother cooks meals, drives them to doctors appts, deals with intermittent health emergencies, etc) they will save a LOT of money. That means though that your brother is on the hook for all this care, an hour away.

      Key questions I would ask your brother:
      – Are you willing to take them to/from doctors appointments? if their doctors are in their current city, will you be going there, or finding new docs closer to new home?
      – Are you willing to help them out with grocery shopping, etc?
      – what are you expecting me to do (physically, financially, emotionally)

      I have two siblings and we have already talked high level about this even though our (divorced) parents are mid 60s. My sister is going to deal with my mom, my brother is going to deal with my dad, and I am going to fund where there are gaps, as money allows. Right now, my dad is long-term coupled with a woman a bit younger than him and the odds are good that they will age together. My brother lives in their same neighborhood and is generally helpful, and also on standby if my dad is single again to be more useful. My mom and I are like oil and water and despite her lack of savings and my very large house, my marriage/sanity would not survive if she lived here.

      On the actual construction, as someone who has explored these options for my grandmother on behalf of my relatives as well as someone who has done major construction:
      1) a full on in-law type suite (BR, bath, kitchenette, etc) of about 400-500 sq ft is going to be $200k++
      2) the timeline to build this is a year from the day you decide you want to do it, if not more. You need an engineer, architect, permitting, the whole shebaang. Then you need contractor(s) who are available. Is your brother going to GC this build or do you need a GC too ($$). When we looked at this as an option for my grandmother in 2020/2021, a simple extra bedroom on the first floor, widening of a few doors and rejiggering an existing full bathroom to make it an en suite was nearly $100k. I don’t know how their health is but I’m assuming if you are talking about it now, it’s fairly pressing.

      Without knowing any of the rest of the key facts, or where you live, I’d recommend Brother, Mom & Dad all move into one place together that can accomodate them. Homes with in-law suites exist and can be moved into in <4 months. I don't know if you do it as a trust, joint owners, or what, but there can be a more formal agreement in place on the living situation. And I'd recommend you try and keep a good portion of M&D's savings in tact.

      –

  11. DC crew, any experience with Well Paid Maids, or other recommendations for house cleaners? I have three kids under three, and I’m realizing that having everything coated in a thin layer of yogurt and graham cracker crumbs is perhaps not the only way to live but is an uphill battle I don’t have bandwidth for. I’m on the DC side of Takoma, if it matters. Hoping for maybe every other week, or maybe once a month, depending on what’s available. Haven’t hired anyone like this before so not sure what to bear in mind; any guidance would be appreciated. Thanks!

    1. We used them a couple of times when we lived in DC, and they did a great job. We found they were at the top of the market, price-wise, though. I currently use Fresh Home Cleaning in Silver Spring, which is also great and slightly less expensive.

    2. I’m in Arlington and have used Paula’s Organic Cleaning service for years. The website says they serve Maryland, DC, and Virginia.

    3. We live in Northeast DC relatively close to Takoma and have used iQ Cleaning for 4+ years. We do once a month just as an easy maintenance vacuum/mop/bathroom/kitchen clean. The quality varies a little from month to month, but it’s always been at least pretty good and is often fantastic. They have always been very trustworthy and conscientious, and I’d definitely recommend them.

  12. What are your favorite Costco buys? I live alone in a one bedroom apartment with a ton of storage, and don’t belong to Costco (I’ve actually never been!) but am going to Costco with my cousin (who is a member) this weekend. I figure I’ll likely stock up on cleaning supplies, toiletries, and some non-perishable food. My cousin also likes to bring people with her to split perishable food with, since it’s just her and her husband, so if there are any must tries let me know!

    1. I buy toilet paper (Kirkland brand) because then I don’t have to remember to buy it any time soon. Eggs have been consistently cheaper at Costco and they last forever. The Kirkland brand of yogurt is also good and lasts. I find their produce to generally be of better quality than at most grocery stores by me, so I buy a fair amount of fruit. I can finish a thing of raspberries in 2-3 days. I buy blueberries and rinse them in 1:4 vinegar and water, let them dry and then freeze some and eat the rest.

      I also buy the pre-cooked bacon. I’m not sure if it’s any cheaper than regular bacon, but when you just want to make a couple of slices for yourself, it’s nice. It lasts pretty long (months) if you keep it in a cold part of the fridge. I buy their mozzarella chunks (two logs in separate packages connected together) and eat that with tomatoes and basil in the summer. I also really, really like their whole grain bakery bread, it comes in a package of 2 loaves. When I get home I immediately cut one of the loaves in half and wrap each half with plastic wrap and put it in the freezer. It’s pretty decent thawed, not as good as fresh, but still nice.

      I also try to remember to buy things like ibuprofen, vitamins, and antacids there, things that can hang around for a while.

      Oh, and since you might be splitting with your cousin – Costco sells smoked salmon in a set of 2 packages. One package is kind of a lot for one person, but worth it if you love smoked salmon!

    2. Think about household consumables that is annoying to replace often so you can buy in bulk. Costco is not well known for huge savings on items (may a few pennies per item cheaper than grocery store, sometimes not), but rather the convenience of getting a bunch at once. You will find some pretty good deals on clothing basics (sweatpants, work out clothes, socks) and furniture.

      1. Costco is not a “few pennies cheaper.” Rao’s is $3/bottle cheaper than at Kroger. Almond butter is 2/3ds the price of Trader Joe’s. Coffee is about half the price. Diapers, bell peppers, yogurt are all 25% cheaper. Eggs are about 40% cheaper.

    3. Peanut butter, olive oil, Pinot noir, spices we use a lot (red pepper flakes, cinnamon, cumin, black peppercorns), Dave’s bread, berries, garbage bags, butter, pasta sauce. Their prepared Mediterranean chicken is very good too.

    4. Food:
      Eggs
      Coffee
      Bell peppers
      Tomatoes
      Cheese – their cheese boards are fun and last
      Greek yogurt

      Household goods:
      Razors
      Shampoo and conditioner (a Pureology dupe?)
      Dish soap, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent

      Durable goods:
      Glass mixing bowls with lids
      Tupperware
      Trash barrels
      Beach towels

      Other:
      Gas
      Alcohol

    5. Kerrygold butter- store it in the freezer and take out as needed. Babybel cheeses, giant bags of things like chia seeds, flax seeds, sprouted pumpkin seeds, hemp hearts, and oats. Triple-washed spinach for smoothies, they sometimes have pre-cut, pre-washed celery sticks that are great for snacking. Frozen fruit, real maple syrup, giant jar of pesto sauce that you can keep in the freezer and scoop out like icecream when needed, Kirkland canned coldbrew, Rao’s marinara sauce. Vitamins, supplements, OTC meds, Kirkland brand shampoo and conditioner, protein powder. Bandaids, batteries. Also doesn’t miss the clothes, they have great deals on high quality lounge clothes, socks, underwear packs, etc.

    8. Do you watch tik tok videos? There are people who rate Costco purchases on there, which you can probably find through hashtags. My absolute favorite is @neverendingfall where they rate Kirkland vs name brand booze. You have to see one of their videos, I can’t describe it properly.

      1. I’m probably the one 20-something not on tiktok! Unfortunately I’m in PA, so to my knowledge no alcohol at Costco (much like no TJs wine).

    9. They have these egg bites that are a knockoff of Starbuck’s that are delicious. I am blanking on the brand (it’s not a Kirkland product), but so good.

  13. Some of you may remember that I’m getting married in a couple months. Well I have a friend who is trying to start an event design business offer to help me with some things and exchange for some exposure, including hand calligraphy-ing all of my invitation envelopes. She unfortunately made multiple mistakes it’s while addressing the invitations – 15 out of the 89 invites had some kind of mistake on them that I had to fix with white out, including name misspellings and zip code errors. It’s not logistically feasible for her to re-do them – we don’t live near each other and I need to mail them ASAP. I’m trying to figure out if I should say something to her – she’s a very sensitive person, and I can imagine she might get upset if I say something about the mistakes, but I really feel like I should. I’m also not paying her (I’m her first client), but I certainly wouldn’t be happy if I was. Also, she is supposed to help me with other things, including printing the seating chart, and I’m worried that there will be more typos. What are the hive’s thoughts?

    1. I would not put my friend’s ego above my wedding invites, but maybe I am a terrible friend. I would get other invitations and say hey, i think i want to move in a different direction with this, let me compensate you for your time. This way she at least gets paid for her efforts.

      1. +1 she needs to know this now before she has any paying clients so she can put a system in place to reduce/eliminate errors moving forward. And definitely don’t give her any more work.

    4. Honestly I would tell her “hey thanks for the invites super pretty. 15 of them were wrong and I had to fix them just thought you should know.” And I wouldn’t let her touch a single other aspect of the wedding.

      1. 100% to this. You only get one wedding. Don’t jeopardize it to placate a friend.

    5. I think you should tell her she needs a better system. But if it were me I might wait until after the wedding…

    6. Message like – Friend – just a headsup, I noticed a few errors in the invitations that I took care of – things like minor name misspellings or transposed numbers in zip code. I wanted to mention in case that helps you for your future paying gigs. I really appreciate you doing this and participating in the wedding and all your support, and I’ve taken care of the issues. Thank you!
      ***
      For her future help, I would be really careful to build in time for you to fix errors/potentially phase her out of parts if it’s going to be more work for you to check. I think keeping her involved may be needed for the relationship, in some capacity.

    7. I would tell her gently with the framing of “Hey I don’t mind this cause I’m your friend but I’m telling you because a paying client would care.” Even if you actually do care I think that will be softer approach if she’s sensitive.

      2. This sounds good and make a note to never let her near any event of yours ever again.

    8. I would approach it with the assumption that she didn’t devote the time she normally would because she’s not getting paid. I hand calligraphed my own invites and it is very time consuming. You’re talking about hours upon hours of work. I would probably still say something, but with an air of, I’m so grateful for your time and I’m sure this was a total outlier but I just wanted to give you a heads up.

    9. I feel like you should be able to mention the mistakes and it not cause too much trouble. Approach it by saying something like “hey, loved your work on my invites/they’re beautiful, but wanted to let you know so you’re aware for future clients that there were a few errors on zip codes, etc. ” then drop it. This will make her more aware for future projects too.

    10. Misspelled names is awkward but messed up zip codes could mean Invitations don’t arrive, that’s kind of important!

      1. Yeah, at first I thought it was just names, but luckily I decided to check all the addresses against my own list before mailing them, which is when I found all the zip code mistakes.

    11. Thank you all – I appreciate the responses, and the confidence boost to say something. I appreciate this community!

  14. Threadjack – I am a lawyer who has met a man who is not gainfully employed. He is applying for minimum wage jobs because he only has a college diploma and it is tough to find work in his field (think nonprofit stuff). We have been dating for a few months now and call each other bf/gf.

    This man is a 10/10 in our emotional, intellectual, physical match – which is SO RARE to find in my city. He is kind and caring and validating and everything I have hoped for emotionally. He has told me he is crazy about me. If he pulled in even $50K it would be a “eff yes.”

    Do I keep dating him and waiting for the job issue to resolve itself? I really want to, frankly. Any tips on income disparities in relationships?

    1. Ehhh I wouldn’t keep going. This has been, famously, a great period for job seekers and he still couldn’t find anything? There are issues there that he clearly needs to figure out.

      1. How long has he been unemployed and how long has he been applying? How did he lose his most recent job?

      2. This is not 2008. Unemployment rate is < 4%. Something is wrong, hugest of red flags. Of course he "appears" perfect. He needs to mooch off you. He is working you. Get out before you get in too deep.

    2. How is he managing to have a place to live and food to eat? Rich parents? Adequate but diminishing savings? He is not freaked out about this? Does he have a habit of this? A blip vs a decade of this matters. I’d definitely not marry him (but if you are right out of school, oddly, his net worth may be greater or less negative than yours, but you have upside potential). I hope that with being unemployed he is at laundry inbox zero and has a spotless apartment but I would be so depressed it would likely be messy squalor with a side of despair.

      1. Oof. Now I’m having flashbacks of doing my ex-boyfriends laundry/grocery shopping for him because ‘he was so sad and just needed time to decompress and work on himself’ on the weekends. If I could go back and shake 22 year old me I would…

    3. What is his age and how has he been supporting himself up until now? If you’re both in your early 20s I’d give it a bit more time, but if you’re late 20’s, early 30’s and you’re looking to buy a home/condo, or even live alone and he’s still in a multiple roommate type of situation I think it’ll get old fast.
      Also if you want to see this dynamic done really well – season 1 of Love Life with Anna Kendrick was great. I had to turn some episodes off as I was cringing so hard at the memories it brought back of trying to make it work SO HARD with my underemployed live-in boyfriend in my early 20’s and how much better it felt to just not carry the weight of trying to support us both and assauge his ego at how he’d get that dream job ‘any day now’.

    4. I don’t think being unemployed or making less money is the issue. It’s the attitude. Why is he applying for minimum wage jobs with a college degree? Is that the long term plan? What skills does he have from working at a non-profit that are transferable to another salaried job (even if the job isn’t high paying). How old is this person?

    5. I don’t know where you live, but in Dallas you could walk down any street in town, apply at 5 different places and if you speak English (to some degree) and aren’t actively waving a gun you will get job offers. That’s how desperate businesses are right now. How has he not found something?

      1. Right? I could probably get a minimum wage FT job if you give me an hour. US citizen, native English speaker with some Spanish, college degree and good office/typing skills and can lift 25+ pounds. That lets you access most entry-level jobs and based on the college-aged kids of friends, I could be promoted pretty quickly (one kid was gunning for supervisor / promotion at an Amazon warehouse and TBH it would be a respectable amount of $ for a 20YO kid who decided to return to college).

        1. The Amazon warehouse in my city is doing immediate hiring – you can apply and start the same day or the next day – and starting hourly wage is $22/hr. Is it a job I would objectively want, or want to do for very long? Absolutely not. Is it better than being unemployed? Absolutely.

    6. Keep dating if you’re having fun but don’t think of him as a long term prospect unless and until he is fully functional.

      Most Americans don’t even have college degrees. Many of my family members don’t and they are gainfully employed. I don’t buy the whole “applying to min wage jobs” thing because those jobs are really easy to get right now!

      1. I mean keep dating as in keep dating him and other people. Are you expressly exclusive?

    8. How hard is he trying to find nonprofit jobs? I feel like with remote work, there are plenty of roles at nonprofits available around the country that he could apply for that may make $50-60k. In my city (SF), there are tons of entry-level $60k a year nonprofit roles that teams have trouble filling because cost of living is so high.

      I feel like there are also many other steps before applying for minimum wage. There are huge teacher shortages and programs to get you teacher-credentialed, and also many jobs at tech companies in non-tech roles like sales/marketing/HR that pay well. It seems like maybe he isn’t thinking broadly about the options there?

      I feel like I would keep dating him if he really meets all your other needs, but just make sure he’s not going to be unemployed forever and do not take care of him financially in any way. Maybe try to talk to him about how he is planning to job search and give him guidance where it’s appropriate?

      1. In my city, even teen sitters get > minimum wage. A person who can commit to any FT job can make good $, especially if they speak English and are authorized work in the US (never mind that college degree). Cities are expensive though — has he just been couch surfing with friends? That could be awkward in dating — you aren’t teens still. Hooking up in cars b/c he lives on a couch . . . no thanks. Seriously though — he could work at Target and make more than minimum wage. He would get an admin job in BigLaw and make a good salary with benefits. What is the hold up? He could volunteer with his ample free time — you don’t need to support the mission with your job but can also contribute as a volunteer.

      2. OP here. Your last paragraph is essentially what I am thinking. It is not a dealbreaker right now but might be in 6-8 months. Thanks for the great advice.

    9. Keep dating – I have zero issues with a dude making significantly less than me. The issue in this case is that he is not even working a minimum wage job (Starbucks?) and looking into going to school part time or similar to upgrade his skills so he is more employable. He does not seem that concerned by his lack of employment.

      Is he expecting you to pay for dates or is he playing free/low cost dates (free concert in a park, picnic in a park, art gallery visit on their free night, etc) That also says a lot.

    10. I’ve been in the position of struggling to get my career going, like many people who graduated into the 2008 recession. It took a tremendous amount of effort; people looked down on me for volunteering to get experience while answering phones to pay rent; and I really don’t wish it on anyone.

      If this guy is hustling, I would wait it out. What does hustling look like? Applying to a range of jobs, from his dream job to basic office jobs to retail. Developing a side gig to gain skills – any skills. Volunteering. Joining civic groups or groups related to his field.

      Otherwise, don’t bother. “Only” a college degree is enough to get an entry level office job, even if it isn’t his dream career, and figure it out from there.

        1. I agree; 2008-2011 was hell.

          However, some very specific fields have been hit pretty hard by the pandemic, and I want to leave open the possibility that the OP’s boyfriend is in one of those fields. Also wanted to make the point that the overall effort and trajectory are what is important – people who fight hard for what they want will, over time, weather setbacks better.

        2. Agreed. And there, a college degree might work against you b/c of the sense that you’d quickly leave if you got anything better (b/c people are assumed to be ambitious, which doesn’t seem to be at issue here). I remember reading stories about people ticking the “some college” box to seem less qualified for some non-college-type jobs.

    11. I’d be out. He ONLY has a college diploma and thus has to apply for minimum wage jobs? You realize that the majority of the US does NOT have a masters or grad degree right and that doesn’t mean they can only work at Target. This sounds like – I’m only going to work in my tiny non profit field and unless I get a job in that field I’ll just sit around, instead of thinking maybe that field just isn’t big enough, how can I diversify out into another industry? And how hard is he applying for these min wage jobs because in every city I’ve been in this year, it appears that you can get a job at Target almost instantly. And if you have a bit more ambition you can even get a skilled trade job, where they will pay you as they teach you the skill. That’s how desperate employers are. Something doesn’t sound right about his situation.

      1. Agree with all of this.

        Also, one of my hard and fast rules for dating is “everybody has to be self-supporting.” So I’d be nopeing right out.

    12. He may need someone to look over his application materials and/or broaden his job search. If he hasn’t had someone look over his application materials yet, he should probably start there. People who are 10/10 in a lot of areas can easily not notice the stuff they’re weak on!

    13. “Only has a college diploma”? Is that a typo? A college degree and being competent at being competent still opens up opportunities beyond minimum wage jobs.

      1. +100

        It’s not “only” a college degree! That’s still an impressive accomplishment that many don’t achieve

    14. I met a 31 year old man who was living with his parents. 5 years later, we’re happily married, have a beautiful daughter, 2 great jobs, own our own home etc etc. So I definitely don’t think you can judge someone by one “red flag”.

      That being said, the true underlying reasons for these red flags matter. My husband is brilliant, driven, and struggles with anxiety and alcoholism. He is in a much, much better place now than ever before, hopefully it stays that way, but I’m not going to lie and say it hasn’t affected our marriage. 1000% worth it to me, maybe not worth it to someone else. You get to decide that.

      My best advice is to try and fully understand the underlying reason and decide if it’s a deal killer for you or not.

      1. I also married a man who was living with his parents until we got married; he was 30 when we started dating. He lived with his parents because he traveled 80 percent of the time for his job, he got along well with his parents, they appreciated the rent money he paid to them, and it was a win-win for everyone’s finances. If he had been 30 years old and not employed for a decent period of time, I would not have considered him marriage material.

        1. It’s fine when it’s a choice and not a symptom of some failing at adulting (but I’m OK if it’s a temporary rebooting, like after divorce or going back to school locally). I grew up in an area where people from many cultures lived at home until they were married, even if they had been to college. And also many divorced women with kids moved home because they were mutually helping each other (at first, helping daughter get back on her feet and with childcare, then kids helping grandparents and providing companionship, then daughter helping elderly parents once they stopped driving or had medical issues).

    15. You refer to income disparity but it’s really an ambition disparity. “Only” having a college diploma is not a barrier to gainful employment. It sounds like there will always be an income disparity, which you would be okay with if he had some ambition. Think long and hard about how he acts and handles this stage of life because he is telling you who he is.

      1. Yes. HVAC people in my MCOL salary make a lot more than many lawyers (and have no school debt).

    16. Reevaluate why a man who can’t manage to be employed is someone you think is your equal. He’s not. He’s lazy and coasting.

    17. If he can’t get a minimum wage job with a college diploma right now, he’s either not applying to many jobs or he’s got something coming up in a background check that you probably want to know about…

      2. Or can’t (or won’t) pass a drug test. Stated as someone in a recreationally legal state who had to abstain for two months in order to get employed in a white collar professional job. Cause I’m an adult who may not like it but will play the game when it benefits me. If I could insert the eye roll emoji here I would.

    18. If you feel strongly about continuing to date him then do. But maybe have a timeline in the back of your mind (for yourself). As in, if he isn’t gainfully employed in X time, then it may be time to reconsider the relationship. The only thing I would advise is don’t lend him any money – none at all – no matter what. I made the mistake (in my early 20s) of lending an unemployed boyfriend money . . . no surprise, I would never do it again.

    19. I have so many questions! How long has he been unemployed? How old is he? How is he supporting himself? Are you paying for all the dates? Are you feeding him every time you go out? Are you okay with supporting him for the foreseeable future? Also, if you’re unsuccessfully applying to jobs in a certain area (non profit), eventually you need to pivot your focus because hey, we all gotta eat right? I’m hesitant to say keep dating him and have fun because I don’t want you to get attached and fall in love with him, which I think you may be already! I dated someone for years in my 20’s who was a complete Peter Pan and borrowed money from me. I’d give it a deadline of something like Labor Day or Halloween at the very latest. If he doesn’t have a job or a plan in place, I’d break up with him. Also, my current bf doesn’t have a college degree, works a decent paying job but not a great job and always says he’d never be unemployed. He would walk ducking dogs if he had to in order to pay rent. Please find a man with a little bit of pride in himself.

  15. Y’all, July was exhausting, but a lake at the week is coming. What books should I take with me?

    I’ve recently read and liked: “The Farm” by Joanne Ramos, “The Invention of Nature: Alexander von Humboldt’s New World” by Andrea Wulf, “The Dark Horse” by Craig Johnson and “The Hidden Palace” by Helene Wecker.

    2. ** week at the lake, not lake at the week. Sigh. That vacation can’t come soon enough.

    3. Ooh, The Farm was awesome. Thanks for reminding me.

      My recent hits: The Most Fun We’ve Ever Had by Claire Lombardo
      This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub
      Rereading a huge Lucy Maud Montgomery anthology
      Just started Her Royal Spyness by Rhys Bowen which is SO fun

      Current stack I can’t wait to get to:
      Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason
      Manderley Forever by Tatiana de Rosnay
      Blue Plate Special by Kate Christensen (reread; I love this book a lot; it’s excellent if you like food memoirs but also reminiscent of The Glass Castle)
      The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah
      The Latecomer by Jean Hanff Korelitz (recommended here by…an anon, I think??? This one is on my holds list and I CANNOT wait)

    5. I haven’t read any of your books, but Book Lovers was a fun, lighter read for me recently. She also wrote People We Meet on Vacation (similar vibe) and Beach Read (haven’t read it yet.)
      Enjoy the Lake at the Week :) I am headed into a similar trip and can’t wait.

    6. Lessons in Chemistry, Flying Solo, When Women Were Dragons, and Book Lovers were all great vacation reads. Enjoy!

    7. The Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel. And if by some crazy chance you’ve missed her Station Eleven, that one first.

    8. If you like nonfiction, I recently enjoyed An Immense World by Ed Yong (about animal senses) and The High Sierra by Kim Stanley Robinson (about the Sierra). For fiction, I liked The Midcoast by Adam White (mysteryish set in Maine), Slow Horses by Mick Herron (British spy/mystery, basis of new Apple series that I also liked), and Forbidden City by Vanessa Hua (Chinese peasant girl meets Chairman Mao at the beginning of the cultural revolution). All of these are a little heavier than typical beach reads, but not too dense (comparable to the other books you listed).

    9. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin
      Young Jane Young (also Gabrielle Zevin)
      Olga Dies Dreaming, by Xochitl Gonzalez

  16. Does anyone use a non-big 4 cell phone provider? I keep seeing things about how I’m a sucker for continuing to pay ATT all my money but I get service about moving to something else. Would love to hear others’ experience on coverage, data, support, challenges, etc.

    1. I’ve been using Boost for a decade with absolutely no issues! I pay $30/month for unlimited everything. They use the Verizon network for coverage. Only hitch is that you need to use one of their phones (or at least, I’m pretty sure you have to).

      1. Nope – posted below but when I got a new phone last year I bought it directly from Apple and brought it to a boost store to be set up. In the past I bought from Boost and it was shipped to me set up.

        1. Good to know! I’ve always bought one of Boost’s refurb phones in the past, glad I can look elsewhere.

      2. I will also add that I’ve rarely had to contact customer service, but they were great the two times I can remember calling.

    2. I have Boost and I have nothing but great things to say about it. Am on a family plan with my parents and my sister – it’s $100/mo for the 4 lines with unlimited data. I’ve never had issues with service. I buy my phone outright from Boost, Apple, or Best Buy (basically just buy a phone anywhere).

    3. I use Cricket Wireless. I’m happy with their data plan costs and no contract required. I brought my own iphone. I chose them based on friend recs who say they have good coverage in the DMV area in addition to a good price, so you might want to ask around locally about service. No complaints. In 2020 they gave me extra data for several months in response to the pandemic. I’m on the cheapest plan and they recently increased the data limit without having to ask.

    4. I use Mint Mobile. I don’t adore it but it’s $15 a month for my usage, so I keep renewing it.

    5. Can anyone speak to how well these plans work in areas with poor coverage? Large parts of my city (including my house) have poor coverage even on the major networks and I spend a lot of time doing outdoorsy stuff in other places with poor coverage.

      1. They rely on cell towers owned by other companies (I use Boost and they use Verizon’s towers), so coverage shouldn’t be any more of an issue than it would be with one of the major carriers.

        1. Yeah, I understand that, but I’ve also heard that the carriers give priority to their subscribers over others and don’t know what that means in practice. When the power goes out at my house and I can’t use wifi, cell service still works reasonably well very early in the morning when presumably very few people are trying to use it. But by 9 am, I can barely even load a web page and checking email takes a few minutes. Would that be worse if I was on one of the other plans and not getting prioritized? We lose power somewhat frequently, so it does actually matter a lot for choosing a plan and everyone who reviews these plans seems to live places with good coverage.

          1. I’ve lived in and around Chicago the past ten years while using it and have never had reception issues.

    6. I’ve been using ATT prepaid, which as far as I can tell is half the price, but comes with same call quality/uses same networks etc.

    7. I use Google Fi and I absolutely love it. I switched back in 2018 and I will never go back to the big companies again. They support a variety of phones but I’m also a Pixel devotee (and overall a big Android fan).

    8. I use Republic Wireless and it’s super cheap, and I was pretty okay with it, but they recently changed some of their contracts and I wouldn’t recommend it anymore. I also use google fi for a work phone, and that’s pretty inexpensive too, I was having issues with call clarity yesterday, but I’m not sure if that’s on my end or not.

    9. I’ve been happy with both Google Fi and Visible. I like Visible’s up front all inclusive monthly price without the additional fees and taxes tacked on. And their unlimited data. I like Google for their international coverage, it’s super seamless and convenient if you travel a lot.

  18. Random question, but does anyone play the Kalimba? It is billed as easy to learn, but I am the sort of accountant-brained person who needs sheet music to plan an instrument (but can play at least violin, mandolin if I have it). Will my SATB music translate to the Kalimba? If not, is there sheet music? I can pick out tunes by ear, but then I need to write it down (do not understand how Keith Richards is able to play without sheet music, or anyone, but especially Keith).

    1. ??? Once you learn which keys correspond to which notes, of course you can play written music.

      To play SATB music I imagine you would need four thumbs, one for each voice.

    2. It looks like there’s tabulature specifically for kalimba, and if you can play the violin I’m sure you could play the kalimba! Sounds fun.

  19. I have to say, I was super turned on by the notebook organization thread yesterday, and now I wish I had a use for the Remarkable tablet because it looks amazing.

  20. Does anyone have recommendations for non-dairy cheese and “milk” and cream (or something to make a smoothie creamy and seem like one with ice cream in it). We usually just have dairy at home, but the doctor wants to try a 1-week elimination diet. It is for a picky kid — if for a grownup, we’d just tough it out. I got some non-whey protein powder that a friend thought would add bulk / calories to other foods that are allowable.

    1. My favorite readily available grocery store non-dairy cheese is the Violife brand. I won’t touch anything else. Everything else is gross to me. Violife has a cheddar that is good enough to put on crackers and a parmesan that I use on pasta dishes. They also have feta and cream cheese! This is my go to outside of the local stuff.

      2. +1 for Violife. Their feta is sooo good.

        Oatley is the best non-dairy milk IMO, with other brands of oat milk second.

        I like Daiya cheese but get why a lot of people don’t. I especially love daiya mac and cheese and I think it’s also gluten free.

        Ben and Jerry’s makes the BEST non-dairy ice cream.

        Also, sorry but vegan protein powder is gross, even the expensive ones! Most are so bad I literally can’t swallow them and even the more palatable ones upset my stomach so I would proceed with caution there. If nuts are allowed on the elimination diet I would add peanut butter or raw cashews to a smoothie. There are tons of ways to get a lot of calories in a smoothie without adding protein powder.

    3. I use almond milk in my smoothies. But you should also think about other things in the smoothie besides the fake dairy that can increase creaminess: bananas, avocado, oats, etc. Non dairy cheese I find generally gross. I’d rather eat real french fries than mediocre pizza. That being said, the Amy’s frozen dairy free pizza is edible. For cream cheese, the toffuti brand is good.

    4. I like oat milk and the miyokos lox flavored cream cheese, but most other vegan cheeses just aren’t that good and I suspect that a picky kid won’t like them (I say this as a somewhat picky adult, very sensitive to smell and textures that seem “wrong”). I do really like homemade cashew cheese as a sub for ricotta on pasta and pizza, but not sure how well hat works in things kids like. If you can come up with naturally non dairy stuff most of the time, that might go over better.

    6. Ripple milk or Good Karma Flax milk have the most protein and the least sugar. Forager yogurt is delicious. SO delicious cashew milk ice cream (only the cashew milk). Kite Hill cream cheese. And for actual cheese, I’ve never had luck.

    8. Frozen banana makes a smoothie super creamy and dessert-y to me! Whenever I buy a bunch, I peel a couple, halve them, and toss them in a bag in the freezer for this purpose.

    9. Vegan products can bother your stomach sometimes. I have to experiment with different brands. If you are doing an elimination diet for only one week, I would not focus on non-dairy alternatives, but merely on feeding him yummy food that naturally is dairy free. Otherwise you may not get an accurate picture from the elimination diet. As in rather than giving him some non-dairy ice cream as a treat, just give him an oreo. Hot dog instead of pizza, etc. Or ideally, healthy things.

    10. Ripple or soy milk are nutritionally closest to milk, if it’s for a little kid. Other plant-based milks fill different nutrition roles.

    12. My dairy free kid (severe allergy), likes soy and oat for milk, almond for yoghurt and coconut for dessert stuff (whipped cream etc). But you don’t need a replacement if it’s just a week. Meal ideas: Toast/jam/egg for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch (mustard and mayo are dairy free), Dinners – tacos with guac/salsa but not cheese as toppings or pasta with tomato sauce and meatballs, or BBQ chicken and potatoes (drizzle olive oil and sprinkle salt on potatoes), hamburgers with lettuce/tomato, chicken fingers and fries baked in the oven with guac or sweet and sour sauce to dip and side salad. We use balsamic/olive oil/salt/pepper for salad dressing.

      I feel like going dairy free is the lazy answer lots of docs give when they don’t know what to do about skin or gut problems. What kind of dairy and how much dairy are the more impt questions. A probiotic yoghurt once a day is a million times more digestible than like kid marketed string cheese.

    13. I like the Silk Protein milk (almond and cashew); it’s creamy enough to use in coffee and makes a good smoothie, also 10 gm. of protein per cup. If you do want protein powder, I think Orgain tastes best.

    14. Are you even supposed to add in new foods during an elimination diet? That would be manipulating multiple variables at the same time, which would mess up the experiment.

    15. One more data point – I am lactose intolerant, but there’s also something in almond and (frequently, but not always), oat milk that really upsets my stomach. I would just leave out the dairy substitute during the elimination period if at all possible.

    16. My veggie-averse daughter and I love this smoothie with berries and avocado. The avocado makes it creamy, and you can’t taste it at all. I use oat milk for the extra liquid. You really can’t taste the spinach either, but it’s delicious with or without.

  21. Florida Keys recs, please!
    Going there on my honeymoon in early October. Already have a great place to stay on Key Largo but would love any Keys recs in general for restaurants, activities, etc. that would be fun for a couple (vs families with kids). Thanks!

    1. My partner and I just went in April and had a great time. We flew directly into Key West from NYC. Stayed at the Margaritaville Resort and loved it. The resort had a shuttle that ran every half an hour to downtown and back. Touristy things we did were Ernest Hemingway’s house, The Butterfly Garden, The Little White House, Ghosts and Graveyard tour and the Southernmost Point. We ate at Hot Tin Roof, Prime Steakhouse, Two Friends, The Breakfast Club, and Tavern N Town, among other places. Definitely get key lime pie from somewhere and do not miss coffee from Cuban Coffee Queen.

    2. Key lime pie at Blond Giraffe in Tavernier—while I’m sure there are many excellent places, we thought the pie at BG was auh-mazing!! Keys’ Meads in Key Largo is a fun tasting experience and the owner, Jeff, is super-passionate about his craft and product. The Laura Quinn Wild Bird Sanctuary at the Florida Wild Bird Rehabilitation Center gets you up close to lots of feathered friends and was a fun outdoor activity. Have a great time!

    3. You can tour Ernest Hemingway’s house in Key West (which happened to appear in the James Bond movie License to Kill, prompting a very subtle inside joke where James says “I guess it’s a farewell to arms”).

  22. Advice please. In early July, I hired an out-of-state family friend who’s a designer to consult on an addition we’re putting on our house. We made plans for designer-friend to visit the house and meet the architect in mid-August. Well, in late July, we got Major News, and now not only are we not putting on the addition, we’re selling the house and moving elsewhere. I called designer-friend last night to tell him the news. This was going to be a major project, and I feel terrible about designer-friend – getting him all excited about the project and the loss of income to him – and want to keep him as a friend and future designer. For severance, I paid him 50% of what he would have charged for the August visit including travel (he had just sent me a preliminary bill), but should I have paid more to account for the scope of the project?

    2. No, I think you are being more than fair, unless your contract with friend (did you or didn’t you have one? what was he billing against?) stipulated something more? Projects fall through all the time.

    4. Nope, unless your contract stated otherwise. Cancellations and changes are part of the job.

    6. Wait–you didn’t specify–what if his travel is not-refundable? He might be out of pocket for that/50% might not cover it. I would make sure that you covered his costs PLUS paid him a break fee, not just that you paid 50% of what it would have cost him to come. He might be in the red here if he booked non-refundable flights.

  23. Does anyone walk with light weights (like small ankle or wrist weights)? Any tips? I’ve been walking a lot and thought it might be a good way to boost the effort level. Any recs for good ones that will hold up?

    1. I don’t, but I have walked/hiked with weights in a backpack. It’s a good free solution if you’re looking to try it out.

    2. I’ve always heard that you should avoid this. It can contribute to injuries because you walk differently with weights on. If you want to up effort, go faster or find a route with more hills.

    3. fwiw, although they are all over insta sometimes, I have read they aren’t actually that great for joint health.

      1. +1 – my dad did this for a long time and regrets it intensely after having an ortho tell him it ruined his knees.

      2. This. I’d use a weighted backpack instead of ankle/wrist weights, or walk faster or up hills.

    4. I see people here walking a lot with those grippable hand weights. I’m not an ortho, but maybe that’s an ok alternative?

    6. I wear a weight vest for some hikes and runs with DH. Going his speed is not a workout for me; adding the weight vest makes both a workout at his speeds (also eliminated a lot of frustration on our different exercise speeds).

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