Coffee Break: Nude-for-You Apple Watch Band
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After watching an old Audrey Hepburn movie, I've always admired a “nude-for-me” look for watch straps — and I found a seller on Etsy with a ton of great nubuck leather Apple Watch straps in a variety of beiges and browns.
The pictured watch strap (“tan”) is $67.50 at Etsy, from seller HANDDN. (They also have a light beige, a cream, a taupe, and a dark brown — as well as a ton of other colors.)
Sales of note for 3/26/25:
- Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
- J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
- M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else
Can anyone recommend a mid-range robot vac? Don’t need tons of bells and whistles, just something that could quietly run every other day or so to collect crumbs, random tiny pebbles and leaf crumbles and other street detritus that collects on our entry mat, and dust bunnies away in between more thorough cleans. There are SO many models and reviews online. Looking to spend under $300 but open to refurbished models from last year or whatever if that makes more sense.
Following, because curious if a quiet one actually exists. Our two have both been quite loud. Effective, but loud.
I like my Roomba 675. It’s probably the most basic model available now and works fine. I have a small house, but I have long hair and I also have a dog. As long as I run it regularly, it keeps up just fine.
I have a 600 series Roomba and a 900 series Roomba and I like my basic 600 series so much more!
I have the Liectroux xr500 and I love it, it even mops the house! I have 3 dogs and it cleans perfectly.
I love my Roborock S4. It was $400 when I bought it and now it’s under $200.
Thanks all – just checked back and saw the evening replies.
Let me clarify that I’m a healthy weight, I have no dietary restrictions, I don’t regularly workout but know that I should, I do not have a disorder, no history of weight or disordered eating issues, etc.
I’m in a super stressful period at work – this happens every year, I know it’s coming, but this year we’re short staffed so it feels more “hair on fire” than usual. I keep forgetting to eat during the day. I’m not hungry, at all. I get wrapped up in meetings and calls and emails and then I get home at night with a headache and I know I need to eat but I don’t feel hungry. Then I start picking at fruit and nuts and cheese but it just isn’t appetizing. Any suggestions for how to better eat during the day, or what to eat at night when I do not want food? We have a “no food at your desk or in meetings” rule due to fear of mice… but I have zero minutes to spare to go to the break room, especially if I’m in a different building. I swear everything tastes gray when I’m this stressed, not even ice cream is appetizing!
I would get Ensure and keep it at my desk for those days. Keep packages of nuts or crackers in your bag that you can at on the go. When I was a public defender, I would stuff my face with a snack bar in the bathroom because there were no breaks. Set a time to remind you to drink one in the late morning and then you might feel like eating the crackers later. It does not have to be appetizing – it is medicine to prevent your headache later!
How do you feel about eating in the morning? Can you eat a more substantive breakfast before you get to the office and the real stress sets in? Are you drinking regularly throughout the day and can you replace any of that intake with a protein shake or similar?
You need to take five minutes between calls and eat, if you’re not allowed to eat at your desk. You’re not eating for taste, you’re eating for fuel. String cheese, yogurt, PB&celery, hummus, protein or KIND bars, nuts–you need to get some nutritious daytime cals in your body.
You can also block your calendar for half an hour around lunchtime. Surely no job doesn’t expect you not to eat. I say this an ex-banker who did M&A. If the whole day is crazy, then you need to carve out a mealtime.
For home at night, consider meal delivery or getting a few pre-made meals on Sunday evening from somewhere like Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods. That should get you through Weds dinner at least. And you can buy even more of those and have healthy pre-made lunches too.
This is how I react to extreme stress. When I realize this is happening, I force myself to eat a good breakfast at least. If you can handle liquids more easily, try a protein shake. The no food at your desk rule sounds tough – I’ve worked in buildings with mice but we weren’t so strict that we couldn’t eat.
Honestly, I would inquire with HR or leadership or whomever is best about making exceptions to this rule. I’ve been in 12 straight hours of meetings (literally scheduled 7AM-8AM, 8AM-9AM, and so on until 7PM) but I was allowed to eat in meetings (or at my desk if they were Zoom meetings). They need to either adjust schedules or loosen up on the rule, because not giving people an opportunity to eat is not okay.
I have a touchy stomach and if I don’t eat regularly I lose all appetite (apparently because I get a buildup of excess stomach acid? ). So, even when I’m not hungry I have to force myself to eat.
Are you allowed to drink non-water drinks in meetings or at your desk? If so, smoothies are great (especially if you add protein powder), but there are also plenty of meal-replacement drinks (Soylent, Carnation, Ensure). You could also do drinkable yogurts (I know Chobani has a good one!) or protein shakes. Heck, you can even stir in protein powder or collagen powder into your coffee or tea if other drinks are banned (and no coffee in hours of back to back meetings is a war crime!).
Make sure even if you aren’t eating much you’re drinking plenty of water and staying hydrated.
Yeah, I understand not storing food at your desk to keep pests at bay but not being allowed to eat at your desk at all in a situation like this seems draconian. Unless the natives are very restless, I would think eating a protein bar from your purse while at your desk is not going to cause critter issues.
Agree. This rule is overkill with this schedule.
I have felt this way and for me (not saying this is you!) it is deeply connected to my ADHD and anxiety. There are real connections between food and ADHD that screw me up, esp. when I’m stressed tf out.
My solution is eating like a teenager/toddler just to get calories: prepackaged snacks and “sensible” convenience foods. The single serve pkgs of trail mix, apple sauce cups, frozen waffles (whole grain), triscuits and cracker cut cheese, apples, bags of baby carrots, etc.
but also? that policy is stupid. If you are able to, proactively block your calendar for breaks at the end of every week for the next week, and don’t budge. A girl’s gotta pee and eat!
I feed myself like a toddler when I’m very busy and stressed too! I eat a lot of air-fried frozen protein (usually chicken) with baby carrots or celery sticks with ranch as my veggie is honestly one of my most common meals. Also, chickpea or WW pasta, frozen meatballs and jarred sauce with some microwaved steamed broccoli on the side (also frozen). I also eat cereal (even though I know it has no nutritional value), oatmeal w/ microwaved frozen berries, or sandwich (lots of PB or turkey sandwiches on WW English muffins). Frozen pizza with a side salad too.
For snacks I do a lot of easy food too: bananas, oranges, or apples that I can easily just throw in my work bag, single serve trail mix, PB crackers, single serve hummus with single serve pretzels, the aforementioned celery sticks, what I call adult lunchables (hillshire farms single serve packs or Sargent balanced breaks), smoothie packs (I add protein powder). Honestly, one of the best things I do is eat a pouch of squeezable apple sauce while running between meetings.
When things are really bad with work (I have had multiple 1-4 week spurts of 12-18 hour days, 7 days a week over the past few years) I tell myself I need one serving of fruit or veggie a day. Ideally, I ‘d have a serving of each but that’s not always realistic. My job technically doesn’t provide food, but usually people will chip in and have someone go out and grab a pizza or other similar takeout for the group. So, I usually mostly eat pizza and it does not do good things for my digestive tract unless I make sure I’m getting fiber too. This is when I lean heavily on applesauce pouches.
+1 to this same reaction being deeply connected to my ADHD. I look at eating during these times as trying to cram in as many nutrients as I can in an acceptable form. What are your general preferences? I learned in feeding therapy for my kiddo that asking ‘what do you want to eat’ is too big a question at times. So – texture – do you want crunchy, soft, chewy, or liquid? After that – do you want sweet, savory, or a mix? Temperature – hot or cold? Then go from there.
Personally I prefer crunchy, cold, sweet or savory foods (never sweet/savory at the same time, ick) and rarely ever soft/liquidy things. So – baby carrots, pepper strips, apples or pinpeapple/mango chunks, cheese sticks, salami/deli meat, crackers/pretzels. I often slice up veggies on the weekend and make myself an appetizer plate for lunch with some combo of the above but they sell cracker/cheese/salami packs too!
Oh that is such an interesting way of thinking about food! Thank you for sharing.
Don’t go for appetizing, but the foods that you would be able to handle if you had the flu and was sick with fever but just had to eat to get better.
Do you have a freezer? Can you make some bone broth and freeze in cup sizes? Warm in microwave, add some fresh herbs, drink like a bouillon at night.
Days you can stomach some simple carbs, have small portions of premade, frozen rice or add vermicelli or instant noodles to add to your broth. If you can stomach a little more, add a pre-boiled egg, or even half a boiled egg. Another day, add a fistful of frozen peas.
Days you can’t stomach the broth, have a can of tuna or some cottage cheese with black pepper and a few cherry tomatoes, or maybe some plain cheese quesadillas from frozen grated cheese and frozen tortillas.
Breakfast: low GI smoothie with protein, fat and green leafy vegetables to keep you going throughout the day: peanut butter, cream, avocado, Greek yogurt, kale, spinach…
Smoothies. I find it easier to drink when I am too stressed to eat. Get those prepackaged ones with fruit and protein.
+1 to this! I have a stack of frozen smoothie cubes in my office freezer and a bottle I keep at work just for smoothies. In the morning, I add water and smoothie cubes to the bottle and drink that throughout the AM. I then repeat the process in the afternoon.
I just joined a group on Facebook called “executive dysfunction meal ideas” – it’s a real thing. I end up going for Lean Cuisine mac n ‘cheese when I need to eat something but don’t know what.
Also: if you can think about it in the morning, pack snacks to place in front of you at your desk. A washed apple, an RX or Fiber1 bar, that kind of thing.
Oh my gosh, I just logged into facebook to join this group. Logged in, forgot why I was on Facebook, spent 10 minutes scrolling instead, and logged back off and came here, saw your comment and now logging back into facebook again to join the group. This is why I need to join that group!!!
lol! same, girl, same.
hahahah
laughing in solidarity bc that is a THING i do regularly.
Yes, this used to happen to me, during my busiest years working in the hospital. We literally had zero time for meals on many days, so you had to explicitly make time or not eat. And if you make time, you have to make it up later in the day obviously. And the stress is so high that sometimes you can’t make time because if you are being paged that has to be attended to. And anything I ate seemed to just come out the other end immediately. It’s amazing the effects stress produces on the GI system!
So I would carry an energy bar with me, and force myself to eat that. You have time. You can eat walking. You can step away from your desk for 5 minutes to eat. You have to force yourself. Set an alarm on your watch if you have to. Because your headaches may start to get worse with age if you continue to ignore this. And saying you can’t keep food at your desk is an excuse. You can keep sealed food in your bag and you have time to eat.
You just have to keep the habits. Keep a routine. Hydrating during the day is important too, or you will give yourself kidney stones! I also would keep easy to eat/heat up trader joe’s frozen meals during that time or literally any semi-healthy thing I wanted to eat. If you know for sure the period of time where you will do this just get through this period with the most appealing/healthy foods you prefer.
If this persists, you need to look into getting some additional mental health support, as the malnutrition your body will suffer from this habit is real.
That’s a wild rule but anyways, I can relate — when I get very upset or anxious my appetite disappears. The last time this happened, I relied on RX bars, smoothies (like you literally just have to eat something), and ordering WHATEVER sounded appetizing to me. Like if I was going to live off of chicken tika masala and Tropical Smoothie Cafe for a week, then so be it! I hope this stressful period passes for you soon!
Snickers & full calorie soda. Chocolate milk. Frappuccinos. Not the best answer but it gets me over the hump in situations like this.
This reminds me of when I was working on a political campaign and regularly ate trader joes miso soup with an egg stirred in for dinner because I was too stressed out and tired to eat anything else.
Agree with the other comment, its about eating something not about taste. For me at times like that I can eat yogurt, bananas. In the sick / what would you feed a toddler category.
I agree with eating a better breakfast. At those times a solid breakfast with 10 minutes to read a book really helped my overall stress level. At night I would either eat a small portion of something simple and reasonable, like pasta with tomato sauce and gvegetables.
Is there a way to attack the stress better? I would not only follow the advice here to work in a protein drink or snack food like a medicine but also explore how to combat the situation or your reaction. Lack of staffing or resources isn’t a reason to be wrecking your health with this level of stress. Your blood pressure and immune system and a host of other things are probably being put through the wringer. The problem sounds bigger than lack of appetite.
But this is temporary during one period of time during the year.
Set lunchtime meetings at a cafe in the building/downstairs/nearby and have lunch during the meeting.
At the office: Kind bars and hard boiled eggs in your purse; fill a water bottle and carry it around and sip from it.
At home: Plain Greek yogurt with a sliced bananas/handful of blueberries; oatmeal for breakfast and dinner. Two handfuls of cherries, plus some cottage cheese or chunks of cheddar cheese. Microwave a mug of water and spoon in some “Better than Bullion” chicken or beef broth paste, and sip the resulting broth. Grape tomatoes dipped in hummus, or hummus spread on ten ritz crackers.
My husband is generally a supportive and helpful partner, although there are times when he becomes quite sensitive when I bring up any issues. I would appreciate some guidance on how to navigate these situations and determine when it is necessary to address certain matters (basically, how to pick my battles).
For instance, recently my husband kindly offered to pick up sandwiches for the family. I promptly texted him my order as well as our son’s. Unfortunately, he got my son’s order correct but made a mistake with mine. He responded with a hint of annoyance, claiming he bought exactly what I had requested. In an effort to maintain peace, I refrained from pointing out that my text message clearly conveyed the correct order. After all, I still had a sandwich to eat, and it was up to me whether I wanted to consume it or not.
“Babe, it’s exhausting to be walking on egg shells because you can’t handle me pointing out you got my sandwich order wrong. I’m tired of it. We’ve discussed this a bunch, nothing has changed, and I want to speak to a therapist together.”
I would only pick this particular battle if it is a consistent problem – we all have bad days, or misread a text, but it’s difficult if someone is defensive all the time.
+1 Based on just this example, it seems like the kind of thing to shake off and ignore for the benefit of the greater peace.
I agree. If the guy is to sensitive, to bad. He should get it right or not at all. If he can’t read, call it out to him. No sense pussy footing around with this oaf. My ex was like that and I regret not calling him to the carpet for being such a doosh. FOOEY on him!
So, what you’re saying is you pick your battles bc he’s a man-baby that gets stuff wrong. How about having a more grown-up conversation such as, “honey, I really appreciate you getting the sandwiches, but I definitely said no turkey with no mayo, not ham with mayo?” This isn’t about who’s right, it’s about how he handles conflict. Have you said, “Honey, sometimes the way you shut down when we’re discussing things is hurtful to me. Do you shut down like this at work when something is awry? I want us to have open communication and no tip-toeing around one another. Can you agree to at least talk to me when we’re discussing things?”
Right! This sounds like a communication problem to me, and I’d be more interested in addressing that than the specific sandwich.
Forgive me if this is unhelpful as I’m admittedly in a mood and I’m sure others will offer better opinions, but I would bring up issues whether he is sensitive about it or not assuming HE brings up issues with you. If he would’ve had no problem harping on the fact that you got him the wrong sandwich, pointing out the text – then I would do the same. I frankly would lose the attitude of – he so kindly offered to pick up sandwiches and at least I had a sandwich to eat at all. I’m sorry but how many times are women expected to make or provide a meal? How many husbands think that is kind? How many times do people STILL complain that meal isn’t what they wanted? He’s not doing anyone a favor getting sandwiches – it’s his job to do that as much as yours and he can get it right. Would he have gotten it wrong if he was picking up sandwiches for the office and the boss had mentioned a specific thing he didn’t eat?
I realize this doesn’t apply in all households. I have read posts here where husbands and wives seem equally to provide meals, thank each other for meals, and don’t complain if someone else has put a meal in front of them. But assuming that isn’t the case in your household, I would drop this routine of being thankful for any little thing a husband does as if it isn’t his job to do anything in his own home.
So my reaction to stuff like this depends on the attitude of the person who made the mistake. Husband accidentally threw a linty towel in with dark colors and we have to run a second wash to get it off? He just gets a loving side-eye because hello I do dumb things occasionally too. He misreads a text and then gets huffy and pretends you told him something different? No dude, I’m pulling my phone out to show you.
+1. He’s being obnoxious. The fact that it’s such a minor issue makes it worse, not better–it would have been so easy for him to scroll up, see what OP asked for, and recognize that that isn’t what she got. Oops! Instead he’s insisting he got it “exactly” right. Any hint of gaslighting or condescension is a huge problem for me, so I agree with the suggestion of counseling above. I don’t care if this sounds like an overreaction. He is the one overreacting to the fact that he bought the wrong sandwich.
What would be the point of proving you are right?
To ratchet down his hostility, now and going forward. He should not speak to her like that, and I hope this was not in front of the child. Such disrespect!
In this scenario I would have assume he got the order right but the sandwich place got it wrong, but maybe that’s not possibly what happened.
Same. For sure. Unless there is some reason to think otherwise.
Yeah this would be my initial reaction too, but then he apparently insisted that it was the right sandwich.
I agree that my answer would be different depending on whether it was a frequent occurrence or a one off. Sometimes we just need to let things go, and I have to turn off my lawyer brain that wants to win every argument. His mistake was not made at me.
But if he frequently makes these sorts of mistakes through benign neglect of basic competence, then there is a bigger problem to confront. In that case, I find it helps to bring it up not immediately after the “thing” has just happened. Less chance of a defensive reaction if you address later when everyone is chill and potentially receptive. If he can’t even take it then, oof, time to move to professional help.
Agree with this. If it’s a one off and he really truly is generally a good guy, I’d let it go and presume good intentions. But if it became a pattern my warning lights would start to flash.
I don’t want to catastrophize, but it kind of reminds me of my bad husband. When I was married to him I let a LOT of things go on the theory that it was best to “pick my battles.” Eventually I got tired of it and stared speaking up for myself, and holy guacamole that created all kinds of new problems because he could. not. be. wrong. and couldn’t tolerate being challenged. So. I put that out there FWIW.
We have issues like this, though it’s less about battle-picking than my generally negative nature. I’ll have some knee jerk reaction like, oh no this is the wrong sandwich! And he’ll look crestfallen because he was trying to do a nice thing. I’ll feel badly for making him feel badly because chances are, I don’t even care about the sandwich. Roast beef is just as good as turkey (or whatever)! I didn’t mean to make it a big deal!
In your example, I’d be annoyed by the defensiveness. But I’d also be not happy with myself for being critical, so long as I had an edible meal. Now if you’re vegan and he got you a turkey sandwich that’s another bag of worms.
I can be very sensitive towards criticism and tend towards defensiveness in my interpersonal relationships. Thanks to therapy I understand why and am working on it. I grew up in an extremely critical household where everyone was constantly criticizing everyone else for perceived mistakes and slights and imperfections, and one “wrong” move could put my dad into a terrible mood/screaming rage for hours. So having a mistake or shortcoming brought to my attention feels way, way, way worse than it really is. There’s lots of stories about self-worth and lovability attached to it for me. I have to be super conscious of my reaction to real or perceived criticism. I’ve explained the issue to my partner, not to make an excuse, but to give him a heads up that this is a “me” problem and not a “him” problem, I know it’s a “me” problem and am working on it, and to please not take it personally.
I’m totally projecting onto your partner, but I wonder there is a similar dynamic at play? I doubt he’s just a total egomaniac that can’t stand being wrong, ever, right? It may be worth having a conversation with him where you explore this from a place of curiosity — i.e., I’ve noticed that you seem hurt/upset/annoyed/whatever if I bring up [X], and I’m curious about why that is. Can you tell me about how you feel when [X] happens?
Of course he may just be being a man baby who is patting himself on the back that he even bothered to go get sandwiches, in which case, he’s just being rude and needs to be called on it. But maybe consider another reason first.
Does anyone have tips for organizing a medicine cabinet? Ours is all just thrown into a big basket and pills fall out of boxes and we buy things we already have . . . .
Smaller baskets for specific uses? I have a single deep shelf with bins that contain items that have similar purposes: fever reducers and pain relief in one, cold meds and cough drops in another, Tums and Imodium in a third, and one family member with multiple prescriptions gets their own bin.
+1
Yup this.
I’m in the process of overhauling ours. I’m finding lots of ideas on pinterest that I may or may not use. You might want to look there and see if anything catches your eye.
I’m also planning to include an inventory sheet in my overhaul, so I know at a glance how much given product we have on hand.
I use the colorful Hay folding crates for this. They are portable, and I know which basket has what because I’ve color-categorized them (makeup, skincare, cleaning, replacement shower items, etc).
Depending on the size of your space, maybe look at spice organizers. I also use hanging clear jewelry/shoe organizers on the backs of doors or cupboards for all kinds of things. I need things visible and easily found or I will also buy duplicates. I also use labels so if a space is blank, I know the Motrin got taken to another room and not returned.
When we talk about saving for college someone usually brings up the very good point that you should save for retirement first because you can borrow for college but not for retirement. But how do you know how much to save for retirement? My grandfather is 100 and still going strong, but my dad died at 71. How can you predict how much you will need to live on after you stop working? I feel like no matter how much I save it may never be enough, and I will end up not saving anything for my kid’s education.
I don’t think there are easy answers to this question. As you note, the amount of money you’ll need in retirement is hugely unpredictable. I would say that for most married couples you should be contributing the max to two 401ks before you think about savings for college.
We max out all the retirement accounts we have available (one 401k and one IRA each), then max out our HSA account. This is enough retirement focus for us at the moment; we then make 529 contributions. Our kid is a HS senior who has committed to in-state U so anticipated college expenses are pretty dialed-in at this point.
Once college saving is done, we will focus on further retirement funding outside our formal retirement accounts (i.e., general broker accounts).
I mean, none of us have a crystal ball. Genetics are only a part of the equation, so there’s really no way to know how long you will live or how healthy you will be. Nor do any of us know what the economy/world will look like when we finally reach retirement age (or even what that age will be in the future). I max out my 410(k) and always have, but I otherwise live my life. I’ve contributed smaller amounts to my kids 529s, but recognize that if the trajectory continues on like it has, it won’t be enough on its own to cover college. And I then I let it go and choose not to worry.
+1
Max out what you can for retirement – there are set limits for 401k, roth, etc.
Then max out what you can in tax-advantaged college savings like 529s.
After that, save generally (preferably in the market if you can). You’re saving for retirement, for college, for travel, etc, etc.
When the time comes to make the withdrawals for college, then you worry about what comes from where, but it’s going to be a game-time decision based on how much you have saved, what interest rates are like, etc, etc.
The vast majority of Americans don’t come close to maxing their tax advantaged accounts, let alone saving beyond that. This is a 1%er answer and I imagine most at that income level aren’t too stressed about retirement.
True, but that is the exact audience that needs to hear they should prioritize retirement over their kids’ college savings.
+1
much less saving for an eventual wedding! Yes, everyone needs to hear this message over and over.
Asking on behalf of DH – how do you approach a salary negotiation if you are asking for the near the top of the range? To be clear, very initial stages so no offer yet but I want to help him be prepared for this. The job posting gives a 30K range span but he would need near the upper end of this to accept and make the move worth it. Should he ask for the very top and hope they give it? Ask for the absolute min he could take, say 5K under max? FWIW, my job is partially commission so I am not as familiar with these set salary range negotiations.
He should practice justifying why he should receive the high end. Like – is he at the higher end of experience for the role? Have a skill set that’s hard to find?
Ask for 10k over the top of the range.
+1
+ 1
The way they post ranges is not an exact science (unless government or similar ) and many post something that just covers like 25-80% of the budget. Ask for what he wants.
Yup, and there’s variation in state rules – for eg. Colorado actually requires employers to post the “range of MINIMUM salaries” for the role. Don’t ask me what a range of minimums even means; and certainly some companies actually post the range for the whole role, and some companies post the range of starting salaries they might actually offer; and some companies post a range but for the right candidate they’d bump up the seniority. Ask for what you’re worth and you’d be excited about taking the job at.
Can anyone recommend a really good sweeping historical fiction set in the caucuses or Central Asia?
How about M. M. Kaye’s The Far Pavilions, which is set in and around northern India and Afghanistan in the 1860s/70s.
Lol I just finished that and I want more
Similarly, the Raj Quartet (starting with The Jewel in the Crown) by Paul Scott. Although caveat: I haven’t read it in more than 20 years so not sure how it holds up.
It’s non-fiction but The Great Game by Hopkirk is fascinating and readable. It might fit the bill.
Agree! This is a GREAT book. Almost does read like sweeping historical fiction at times.
I’m taking a one-month, solo, working vacation. In the mountains, no kids, no spouse. Just me (because I don’t have kids or a husband!)
I plan to focus on exercise, chilling out at night (no TV!), cooking healthfully, and reading some great books.
What else would you do? Field trips on weekends? Other things? Books you could read if you could take such a vacation? Would love suggestions and out-of-the-box ideas so I don’t get lonely. My friends can’t visit for various reasons (surgery, weddings, back-to-school, etc.).
Really fun idea. To avoid loneliness, could you join an exercise class that has live online sessions? I was just looking at this, I think Physique 57 has some like that. (Or Peloton, or whatever — maybe your friends could join you so you at least see their screen names?)
I’d probably also try to do a writing project or a research project – like if you’ve ever been curious about something specific, whether it’s the Silk Road or the Romanovs or something basic like decluttering, just read a bunch of books about that at once.
Maybe also get a self-help book like the Happiness Project to try to follow along with?
What is a working vacation?
I’m guessing working from a fun location and having nights and weekends to be a tourist? Very common for childless couples with remote-friendly jobs. Kids complicate things.
It’s doable with elementary age kids! We’re doing a month in Maine next summer. 1 week of vacation + 3 weeks of remote work and day camp for the kids. I imagine teens might be less happy about being uprooted, and childcare is hard to find for kids under 5 unless you have the budget for a nanny. But there’s a window where it’s manageable for sure.
This sounds amazing. I would definitely plan some weekend field trips, like you mentioned – are there any cute towns around, etc. Hiking if you’re into that.
When I go on a trip, I like to buy cheap used paperbacks and leave them behind when I’m finished – either in the vacation rental (they usually have some books already) or in one of those little free libraries.
Is there a craft that you’ve been interested in getting into? Those sound like the kind of nights where I pull out knitting or needlework of some type and there’s definitely some beginner kits you could bring with you that provide all (or the majority) of the supplies.
I also like to visit yarn shops when I travel for my various crafts.
This sounds so lovely. I took a sailing trip last year where I read a book a day. It was so restorative. Lots of good book threads here. If you name the destination people might have specific ideas.
Could you go to a local bar or whatever that has trivia and do that? A weekly trivia night would be fun, would get you out of the house, and would be social.
Maybe work from a coffee shop for a couple hours a week. Is there a body of water nearby where you can rent a kayak or canoe or something?
Join a local exercise class. I did this: a yogalates class at the surf club with a magnificent view over the beach.
Get massages.
Have Zoom dinners with friends if they can’t come out.
I just did this for a month! On the weekends I did a lot of long meandering walks and hikes with the fact in mind that I had nothing else to do that day or anywhere else to be! So great! I did some shopping in stores I did not have access to in my home town, and some that I did have access to but never enough time to simply roam through them. I cooked or BBQed a lot of delicious meals for myself, or ate a bowl of cereal for dinner. I visited a lot of local bookstores and read a ton!
I love yoga, so I would try and find a yoga studio, buy a month pass, and go to as many classes a week as I could – ideally 5 a week. If one isn’t nearby I would leave my mat out and practice every day.
I would find a coffeeshop and get coffee there and work there 2-3 times a week.
I’d make sure I listened to fun Spotify playlists every day. So dumb but my days are better and happier when I listen to music vs podcasts all day.
Shopping as locally as possible – eggs from the farm down the road, veggies from the farmers market, bread from a local bakery, meat from the butcher, etc. Basically taking my time and finding the best local stuff, following the random signs on the side of the road.
I would also schedule weekly appointments – facial one week, hair the next, nails the next, massage the next, etc.
Books – if you haven’t read The Outlander series, that’ll take all your time. Or Taylor Jenkins Reid’s four books that take place in the same Hollywood universe are pretty great.
Fun! Keep us posted, would love to hear more about it.
I would pick a bunch of incredible albums and listen to them straight through in the evenings while knitting
I’d love some recommendations for albums?
Sunrise yoga class? Take a break at sunset to enjoy your surroundings.
Lots of great suggestions here! My general tip is to schedule at least one activity each weekend. Something that gets you out of the house or requires you to socialize. It can be easy to fall into a rut and get lonely. I find that things that require a purchase (and that I lose that money if I bail) are really good for making sure I follow through.
So far, I’ve been following the “mind my business” approach, but I’m wondering if any of you think I should say or do something here.
I have a half-sibling — same dad, different mom. Sibling dropped out of college after a year, then hung around their mom’s house, sometimes working a retail job for a month or two and sometimes taking a college class or two as a guest student. Sibling quit every job because they were “too stressful” and refused to enroll in college because they “didn’t know what to study.” At around age 25, their mom got sibling into some sort of job training program that got sibling into a professional job that would normally require a degree. Sibling is really smart and did really well at the job, was promoted multiple times and got raises. I encouraged sibling to pursue school part time in the evenings so that they would have a degree. Sibling insisted that they could do their job fine without a degree and that the requirement for a degree was ridiculous for most jobs. Sibling also said that going to school while working is too stressful. Then came the pandemic, and sibling got sacked in a giant round of layoffs. A year before that, our shared parent died and left a substantial inheritance to sibling. Once sibling was laid off, I encouraged them to go back to school and get a degree since they had enough money to live on for a few years while studying without having to work at the same time, and sibling was receptive to the idea but then decided to not pursue it. I know sibling was job searching right after the layoff, and I offered to read over their resume or materials and help any way I could. They thanked me profusely but never sent me anything. I sent sibling listings and government job test announcements that they could potentially be qualified for, but they rejected all of them as not paying enough. It’s now been 2.5 years since sibling has worked. I know they are in therapy, but other than that I have no idea what they do all day. They constantly have health scares and go to doctors to get whatever it is checked out, and I always provide emotional support (and sometimes rides to and from appointments). It always turns out to be nothing. They definitely have enough money to live on modestly for 5-10 years, but I’m getting more and more worried about what’s going to happen to them down the road. The only thing harder than getting a job as a 30 year old with no degree and only one job on your resume is getting a job as a 40 year old with no degree and only one job on your resume from a decade ago.
So… is there anything here that I should be doing? I’ve offered help, provide a listening ear, check in regularly just to say hi, and don’t ask pushy questions.
Leave them alone.
+100 but I’d also stop trying to be the greatest half-sibling ever routine. This person doesn’t want your help with anything job related. Leave them alone!
I’d find a way to stop being their transportation too if it was inconvenient for me. They have a nice inheritance and surely can figure out an Uber to the doctor’s office.
Eh, leave them alone is a lot easier to say if you’re absolutely sure you’ll never be asked to help them.
In my family at least that would not be the case. If younger sib is going to ask for rides, and in 10 years depend on older sib for money or advice or whatever, I think older sib is allowed to care from now.
That being said, I’m not sure if younger sib would take any advice. I would probably tell the that they need a plan – doesn’t have to be the same plan I would do, but they need a plan. And after that tough love unless they come to me asking for help. This does mean that if they spent 10 years doing nothing – no studying, no minimum wage job, no explanation – I would not be helping them after 10 years. But I would at least make that clear from the start.
As harsh as it sounds, not your circus. Of course you’re worried about them but it’s not your problem to solve and the inevitable results of their choices are also not your problem to solve.
I feel like when it’s not family, that is so easy for me to say. But this is getting very circus-adjacent. [I guess minor children are the only circus that is mandatory, but first degree relatives are the next closest thing.]
You can’t make another adult do what you think is best for them, even a sibling.
This. The sooner you accept that, the better.
I agree that this has potential to become your circus, or try to–as in if this sibling eventually asks you for money or housing. But what you’ve done, and continue to do, sound like as much as you can help. I’d stay on the present course and not give any advice unless asked.
This is one of the things I’m struggling with. I would not be in a position to provide material support or take sibling in, except on a very temporary basis. I’m already responsible for my kid (single parent) and my mom, who is retiring with nothing but social security and a paid off studio apartment.
You’re creating problems that may never exist at all and definitely don’t exist right now. If your sibling hasn’t turned to you for support so far, you don’t need to assume that they will in the future. And if they do, you will deal with it then.
Noooo. Adults are adults, even if you think they are acting like children.
From your description you have enough of a relationship to express concern, but only once. Maybe tell them you are worried what they will happen to them when their cushion runs out, but recognize they are an adult with agency who has made it this far in life, then let it go.
This sounds like my SIL to a tee and she is 63!!! There’s nothing you can do. Let it go.
And she’s not like… homeless? How has she managed? This actually makes me feel better a bit, maybe…
She rents a room occasionally and also ‘visits” a lot of friends and family. It’s pretty awful but there is no changing it. She is definitely used to being enabled. Hence my complaining about her here.
+1 to “There’s nothing you can do. Let it go.” This is who your half-sibling is. Your half-sibling will not lead a meaningful life. They will probably work as a grocery store cashier later in life and rely on public benefits. You can’t change who they are wired to be. Since you aren’t prepared / don’t want to support them, stick with platitudes.
I would leave them alone. My husband’s brother is just like this, but with no inheritance. We tried to give him advice, but we were just seen as pushy, so we backed off.
Umm, what you described above does not fall into the category that you have been minding your own business so far. You have been trying to micromanage your siblings life. Just stop. You need to accept that not every person will follow the life path you think they should. This is a smart adult who is making their own life choices. Let them live their choices.
Agree. Just stop. Sibling is not your child. None of your business.
Yeah you sound incredibly enmeshed!
I do think it sounds like anxiety or ADHD or something. Hopefully the therapist will be able to help. But I have ADHD too, and none of this negates hard fact like that you have to support yourself somehow.
Yup. I was reading this thinking of my adhd sister, and one of my kids who is only 8 but clearly headed down this path (wildly smart, also adhd). My other two kids are cookie cutter mainstream kids. But this other kid…never gonna want to do years of schooling. She may be an inventor though! :)
This is the entire “lead a horse to water” thing. You can offer all the help and advice you possibly can, until the world stops turning, but you cannot make your sibling take any of it.
The only thing you should be doing, as harsh as this sounds, is backing off and letting them live the life they want to live. Their choices are not your responsibility and whatever consequences result from their choices are not your problem.
At some point we have to cut the apron strings, as it were, and let them live their own lives whether we like it or not.
I have a lifelong habit of crossing my legs whenever I sit. At my desk, at the dinner table, in meetings, all the time. I feel uncomfortably unfinished otherwise. Any advice on how to break this habit? I am starting to experience low back issues and I think sitting like this contributes to it.
Make sure your chairs are good, and your desk set-up is ergonomic. If you spend most of your workday sitting, be sure you get up and walk around every hour.
Start doing some sort of exercise that helps the core/back-pain. Yoga/pilates/physical therapy and/or go online and look up “back pain exercises” and find a YouTube video to follow. Try to choose one given by a rehabilitation chain or a hospital system/physical therapist.
I try to not cross my legs because I have a rare type of neuropathy (nerve problem) where my legs fall asleep constantly when I cross my legs from pinching the nerves, and I get blood clots in my legs more easily, It is actually a hard habit to break.
Yes, thank you, I do have a regular PT regimen and thankfully a great ergonomic setup (that I destroy by crossing my legs). I also have a fairly active meeting schedule that means I have enforced stand up and walk times at least every hour. The habit is definitely hard to break!
Are you short? I do this because my legs are short and both feet don’t comfortably reach the ground if I’m sitting all the way back on my chair and it feels more comfortable to have one leg tucked under me or my legs crossed. It’s hard to avoid when you can’t control the size of the chairs in most places, though a footrest might help at home or work.
Actually I am on the taller side. I do find if I sit forward on the edge of my chair, almost mimicking the position from one of those 90s kneeling chairs, I don’t feel compelled to cross my legs. Maybe a footrest will help anyhow?
At home, I have yoga blocks that I use when I’m sitting on the couch watching tv and just need something to elevate my feet a few inches and then can be easily moved away when I’m not using them. My husband has a little step stool from Ikea under his desk. There are two levels he moves his feet between. Just having something different to do with your feet might help break the habit.
Chronic ankle-crosser, and I find that a footrest helps a ton. I also set a calendar reminder for a couple times a day for a few different habits I’m working on, and that helps me reset if I’m in the zone and forget.
In case it helps discourage you, I had some pretty severe nerve damage that resulted from crossing my legs for long periods. Turns out you can damage the peroneal nerve, which runs down your leg and controls lifting your forefoot. I developed a bad case of foot drop as a result. After a work up with a neurologist and about 6 months of never crossing my legs, I reversed most of the damage, but it will come back if I’m not careful. I unfortunately don’t have a helpful strategy, I just have to be super conscious about it. I try to Kate Middleton it and cross gracefully at the ankles, but I’m not that graceful lol
Ouch! Scare tactics may be what I need most. I am glad to hear you have been able to reverse your nerve damage.
Another story to help you quit: I developed pretty painful iliopsoas and piriformis issues from sitting either with my legs crossed at the knee, or sitting with my leg crossed under me, and had to go to PT and do PT at home to deal with it. My PT told me that everyone should be taught at an early age to sit with their feet flat on the floor, or crossed at the ankles only, and that she sees a lot of older women with serious hip problems from sitting for years with their legs crossed.
I’m trying to do the exact same thing for the exact same reasons. I need my husband’s help to take videos and adjust, but the ergonomics side is relatively simple – 90 degree angles at your knees and at your wrists. Then I think I’m going to focus on getting a better chair.
I haven’t made a full adjustment yet, but just guestimating where a 90 degree angle is puts my chair way, way lower than it ever was before – and it’s much more comfortable.
Get a little stool and put it under your desk for your feet.
Not sure about ideas, but I totally understand what you were saying, and I feel the exact same way
I am also a perpetual leg crosser. At this point I think my hips are uncomfortable in a feet flat on the floor situation. What works for me is having my feet elevated and able to pitch my knees out or together. I keep an IKEA step stool in the office under my desk
Has anyone experienced worse seasonal allergies after Covid? I had Covid a little over a month ago, very mild symptoms except ever since then my seasonal allergies are absolutely out of control. Ragweed is normally my big outdoor trigger and it’s not ragweed season yet in my area, but I’m sneezing non-stop and regularly waking up at night with allergy attacks. I bought an air purifier for my bedroom and it didn’t help. Claritin helps a lot if I take it every day but I don’t love the idea of being on medication daily. (And no I don’t have a Covid rebound or reinfection – I’ve tested negative a bunch.)
I don’t know where you are located but something sneeze-inducing spiked in the Great Lakes region this week so I had to start up the Claritin again, presumably through October based on prior years. Perhaps your symptoms are completely unrelated to Covid.
That’s totally possible — it could just be a coincidence.
I’ve taken claritin every day for about 15 years now. In theory I get why you don’t want to take something daily, but I’ve literally suffered no ill effects, and plenty of benefits, from doing so. I take the cheap generic version from Costco so it’s less than a penny a day. Don’t suffer just because of a silly idea that you don’t want to take an OTC med.
Plenty of people take allergy medicine every day, there’s nothing wrong with that. Take the drugs that were designed to make you feel better, you’re not morally superior or healthier in any way by depriving yourself of that.
It’s not about being “morally superior” – long term antihistimine use is strongly linked to dementia, which runs in my family. It’s a real health concern for me.
Some people get mast cell activation post COVID. But this has been a bad year for allergies even for people who have never had COVID at all.
If you don’t want daily medication, see an allergist about your options. You may need to rely on medication for now, but you may be able to get allergy shots to prevent needing it in future years.
You may be experiencing Covid related inflammation in your lungs, even though you didn’t notice it at the time. For me at manifested as coughing over very minor things. No prior history of allergies. It’s finally lifting after several months.
Have you tried accupuncture? I don’t know if my allergies worsened post covid or not, but a friend swore by her accupuncture treatments for allergies and I got desperate enough to try it when my allergies were just getting worse and worse and nothing was helping. I didn’t expect it to work but it helped tremendously. I almost never take pills anymore and just go a few times a year. It might be worth a shot.
Not with Covid (I had it outside of allergy season), but I’ve had this happen immediately after other bugs multiple times. I don’t normally need to take allergy medication daily, but I usually do right after being sick, and then the need dissipates.