Coffee Break: Vitamin C Serum

87 Comments

1. What is your opinion of Lindsey Halligan?

   1. I think she’ll make a great Vanna White in hell.

      1. Ok that was the laugh I needed.

      2. Lol!

   2. That she lacked the professional experience necessary to be a US Attorney and made stupid mistakes in her role.

      1. Agree. However, continuing to act as us attorney when her appointment was ruled unlawful demonstrates complete disregard for the judicial system and the rule of law. I really don’t understand why she’s not being disciplined by the bar. People have been disbarred for less in my opinion.

         1. She is, as are others at the DOJ. Thus, Bondi is attempting to get authority for the DOJ to intervene and snatch cases away from state bars involving DOJ lawyers. The stench is pervasive and growing.

   3. Based on these comments, I’m thrilled that I am not online enough to know who tf she is.

      1. Some of us had to deal with her/her office professionally and know her from that context, not from reading the news

2. Has anyone seen bedspreads around lately? I’m shopping for a new duvet cover but we don’t like to put the duvet in it, so a longer bedspread would be nice. I haven’t seen them anywhere!

   1. Pottery Barn has lots in their Belgian Flax linen – lightly quilted. Also look at Annie Selke and The Company Store

   2. I bought a quilt from Jungalow and I love it.

   3. Quince has some. They’re listed as quilts on their site, I think, but they look a lot like bedspreads to me (and on my guest beds).

   4. The “quilts” at The Company Store are great. They take a bit to dry in a regular sized home laundry dryer (they bunch up) but they wash and wear very well.

      I also buy kantha-style spreads on Etsy from India and those are the perfect summer top layer for me.

   5. What? Why are you shopping for a duvet cover? Or is this instead of the duvet?

   6. I’ve found some at Kohls, Macy’s and TJ Maxx.

3. My father (72) and I text regularly but he’s been giving me nothing but emojis and stock phrases for several days now. I haven’t managed to catch him on the phone. Am I silly to be worried?

   1. I think you should trust your gut!

   2. Trust your gut. Do you know any of his neighbors? Could you call them to pop over? If not, the non-emergency line of the police department is also an option.

   3. Start having regular phone calls.

   4. adding a vote for not silly, and to check with other family members / local friends.

   5. I would wonder if he’s totally fine but his phone number has somehow been hijacked. Worth calling either a neighbor or a non-emergency police for a wellness check if you sense something has changed.

   6. Try asking him a question that requires a specific answer that he would know “what was that restaurant we went to on vacation” or “what is Aunt Sally’s favorite color” or something to help you tell if it is him responding or if he still has his wits. Or do you have a different concern?

      Also text him to schedule a phone call so you don’t miss each other. I do this with pretty much everyone.

      1. +1 to all of this.

      2. Agree with all of this.

   7. You are not silly.

4. I need to meal-prep 4-5 dinners per week for the next 10 weeks, with a keto option for my husband and a non-keto option for me. No red meat, no beans. No green salads, since I already prep those for lunches. I have keto options available for pasta, bread, tortillas, and “rice.” Please help me out with your suggestions!

   1. Can you get meal kits delivered? You’re actually prepping 8-10 dinners with the keto/non-keto needs.

      1. Seriously this sounds rough.

   2. Cabbage of all kinds for crunch – fridge side salads with a vinaigrette or mayo, or cabbage instead of pasta in a casserole.

      Chicken curries freeze well. Chicken or turkey meatballs freeze well.

      Tinned salmon, mackerel, tuna and sardines are great.

      Egg cups freeze well.

   3. can you do something like chicken + salsa in a crockpot and then do your own things with the resulting meat?
      or just baked salmon? I’m not that familiar with keto but i think you just need to make it pretty simple

   4. Would Whole 30 style meals work? Basically a baked, braised, or pan seared protein – chicken, salmon, shrimp – with a rotation of vegetables that had been tumbled together and baked in the oven?

      Other ideas:
      – eggplant parmesan or zucchini lasagna with a side of pasta for you
      – golumpki made with ground turkey
      – turkey meatloaf with steamed green beans and mashed cauliflower
      – quinoa chili with a side of cornbread for you
      – keto friendly broccoli cheddar soup
      – sole meuniere with creamed spinach

   5. The secret to doing the keto/non keto with less effort is to make things like tacos where most of the ingredients are the same between the two. It’s generally easier to start with something keto and then add on things you would prefer. But I have no experience with keto beyond feeding an actual epileptic child, and he was content to eat modified pbj sandwiches and fat bombs all day long.

      1. This is great advice. I hope your child is doing well, and that the diet is effective for them.

   6. If you are doing all the cooking yourself, I would be tempted to eat Keto for these weeks too in order to eliminate the need to make two different meals. Or just make all keto meals and then have a separate add on for yourself that is non-keto? I honestly do not exactly what keto requirements are, but it seems easiest to just prep one actual meal per day.

      1. OP here. I handle regular meals this way, but I’m coming up short on keto base meals that are good for advance prep. We eat a lot of chicken or fish main dishes with roasted vegetables on the side, but those meals get dry and rubbery when reheated. Saucy things seem to work better for meal prep.

5. Anyone feel inspired to make some clothing suggestions for me?

   I used to dress more like “elegant therapist” in Eileen Fisher and MM La Fleur for my corporate job 5 days a week in the office.

   Since 2020 I’ve been working from home (started my own consultancy) and have adopted two active dogs. So my clothing choices are a little more “preppy mom headed into retirement” – everything is washable, my shoes are sneakers and not heels, and nothing is so precious I’d lose it if my dog ruined it. I’m ready to take the dogs on a walk any time.

   Basic uniform – v or ballet necked tee, chino pants, some sort of cardigan or zip front hoodie. Warmer sweaters in the winter, more “big shirt” kind of linen layers in the summer.

   Any tips for me to zjuzh it up a bit? Any key pieces that you think are enough to make me feel a little more polished?

   1. Suggestions based on the brands you mentioned before, I’m a fan Frank + Eileen which my family refers to as the rich auntie look (adjacent to elegant therapist but with more champagne). The button down shirts (while pricier) wear well and are not precious. The pants are sized forgivingly, but have good size notes on when to size up or down. I also really like the colored denim from AMO, fits true to size.

      1. + Frank & Eileen and maybe Dudley Stephens too? Fleece so washable but rich auntie look.

   2. For starters, swap the cardigan or hoodie for an oversized jean jacket.

      Honestly, all of this sounds very grandma to me–chinos, v-neck tees, big shirts. Even if it’s polished, it’s stuffy and not fresh. I would switch to jeans, in black/white/grey denim if you just can’t do blue, and flowy linen pants or cotton knit dresses for summer. Fitted crewneck tees either tucked or ending slightly below the waist. Throw on a blazer for video meetings.

      1. Strange that a crew neck vs V neck is considered grandma, as crew can be very unflattering depending upon your neck/shoulder/bust situation.

   3. Is the chinos/t-shirt/cardigan outfit your style sweet spot, or just something you fell into? I wear at home the more durable and comfortable versions of what I’d be wearing out and around. If the chinos/cardigan look is your sweet spot, I’d start to seek out the really well-fitting versions of it, in good colors and updated cuts.

      Personally, I’ve never felt stylish in chinos, so I have a hard time imagining how to zjuzh them up, and would have you swap them out for something else. But YMMV.

   4. I love the Air something pants from Spanx but hate that they don’t have pockets.
      Maybe the sweatpant denim from Rag & Bone?

      Honestly I live in yoga pants and sweatshirts on the days I work from home.

   5. I love dresses in the summer. Instant polish, even if they are made of a casual fabric. Comfortable + cute (in a way that large shirt or zip-up hoodie are not).

   6. I’m probably the exception to the rule but as I age I think it’s important that my clothes look a little more on trend. I’d keep the uniform but update the cuts. Try tees in a boxy cut with a crew neck. I like them cropped enough to get below the top my higher rise pants but still be above my hips.
      Polo tees seem to be having a moment in lightweight sweater knits rather than pique. The cardigans I’m gravitating toward have more buttons placed closer together than traditionally seen. So like Alex mill but lots of retailers are doing it. I’m opting for boxy pullover sweatshirts over hoodies right now. Also I think the sweater over the shoulder look is back and maybe your preppy heart will like that styling.

      As for chinos; don’t come for me but I found the mild barrel legs very wearable and fresh. I got some at gap. The trick is you need them a bit cropped. I’d also consider the wider leg drawstring type as an option.

      For sneaks I have my eye on very low profile ones with cute colors over plain white ones. They’re kind of everywhere right now. For flats I’m considering the kind with v shaped vamps. I also picked up flats sling backs.

      For accessories I’m layering a few delicate necklaces and opting for small gold hoops over diamond studs. I’m experimenting with a claw shaped clip and a center part in my ponytail.

      Anyway it’s the little things I think. Hope this helps.

   7. I feel like “elegant therapist” usually transitions to “refined hippie” not “preppy mom.” Maybe lean into Eileen Fisher’s casual machine washable vibes?

6. Thanks for the thread this morning about exercise. I was going to cancel my noon class, but I went after reading the thread and now I feel great!

   1. I enjoyed it too. I’m the new(er) mom who is sick all the time but I’m going to at least do some easy bodyweight exercises until I can get back to the gym. I’m also very proud of myself for getting outside every single day for the last five years or so (in all weather) for even short walks, if nothing else. It’s super important to me and I’ve held strong on the habit even when the number on the scale isn’t where I’d like it to be – when I was younger, I had more of a “f it, why even bother then” attitude.

7. kinda continuing this am’s discussion – I’m finally getting into a consistent workout regimen. I’ve always done the ‘lower weights, higher repetitions’ but wondering – how do you know when you’re ready to move to a higher weight? (talking like 7.5 to 10 to 12 lbs here, baby steps!) not having any soreness the next day? workout feeling easyish until the last rep?

   I’ve generally liked cardio or classes like yoga more, but know some degree of strength training is important..

   1. Generally you should be progressing or at least trying to progress in lifting more weight or for more reps. You do that by making sure the last few reps are difficult with good form each time.

      1. +1 to this. If I don’t feel any muscle fatigue in the last 2-3 reps then that is a good indication to move on and start incorporating drop sets.
         I use the heavier weight as many times as I can and then go to the lighter weight. So if I am doing 10 reps, I would start with 3-5 at the heavier weight and then go to the lighter weight to complete the rep count and then each week increase the heavier weight rep count until the full set can be done.

   2. If it’s easy to finish your set then you should be lifting heavier. Look up RPE and that concept – even when I was doing Les Mills or Jari Love it should be burning at the end. If you have sets with lower reps go as heavy as you can.

8. Huh – a few weeks ago I asked about freezing/canceling a card my husband lost; our new one just arrived. (Good tip on freezing but it never turned up.) But now with Chase Preferred “authorized users” have unique numbers so you can freeze/cancel each card individually. Hoping this will be more convenient for me since my husband is always the one to lose it.

9. Is anyone else freaking out about the Leavitt quotes about compulsory service? I know it’s part of project 2025 so I hate it.

   1. No idea what you’re talking about, so happily not freaking out over whatever it is.

      1. Project 2025, what even is that. Nothing to see here, why would anyone worry.

         1. Enjoy being anxious over something you cannot control.

            1. If I were feeling anxious, maybe I’d be sticking my head in the sand while announcing my proud blissful ignorance to the world. As it is, I’m most comfortable living in the world as it is and not pretending it away.

               Meanwhile there are a lot of people who had a choice over whether to support Project 2025, but chose to remain ignorant or in denial while voting for it anyway.

            2. are you the person who asked if anyone else was “freaking out” or nah, bc that person sounds pretty anxious over something they can’t control.

      2. Doesn’t mean you’ll be immune from the consequences.

         1. Duh. I just am confident in my ability to weather whatever storm comes, so why stress over something I can’t control and will be able to handle? Seems silly.

            1. What a life. Caring about no one other than yourself.

            2. Not wasting time worrying about things I cannot control allows me more time to care for those I love and the community I’m a part of. I wonder how much more of an actual impact you could have on the world if you did the same.

            3. There are plenty of people who need help right now. I’m going to spend my capacity on real needs that already exist; not “freaking out” about potential future ones.

               Also, the present administration gets A Lot of value out of suggesting something wild to gin up outrage and distract from present problems. So I am 0% surprised to see “gas prices vertical; ooh let’s tease a draft”. Why would I make that tactic easy for them?

            4. Exactly. The only people who worry about things like this are the people who haven’t questioned who gets value out of them worrying about things like this.

         2. This exactly.

            And pride about being ignorant is a lot of the reason we got here. It’s not the flex you think.

            1. You have confused ignorance with the
               having the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and — and this is the most important one — the wisdom to know the difference.

   2. I’m not holding my breath – there hasn’t been a draft since the 1970s. Anything is possible, but the military has been all-volunteer for so long I don’t think they’d want soldiers who were conscripted.

   3. No. Trump’s MO: refuse to rule anything out, no matter how absurd or how little he wants it; listen to responses; and either do what he was going to do anyway or adjust based on criticism.

      Here? He doesn’t rule anything out, so this is likely some sort of negotiation tactic.

10. My mom (70) had cancer about a year ago. The effects of surgery and treatment have continued to affect her cognitively. She is thankfully doing well overall, but her energy and conversational style is just different now. It’s hard to explain, but she speaks in much less detail and has less memory for things we’ve talked about before. Some days are better than others.

    I miss long phone conversations with my mom, but that’s beside the point. When we call each other, unless I have a bunch of things to say about my life and the kids, it’s harder to keep the conversation going than it used to be. Wise women, do you have any ideas for conversational topics that aren’t big and emotional, but prompt a little more back-and-forth between us? I really hope this isn’t coming across as me criticizing her. It’s more that I try to check in a few times a week because she doesn’t text, but it sometimes feels awkward and unnatural if I don’t have things in mind to talk to her about. I wouldn’t worry about it so much except that I think she’s really lonely. She doesn’t have many close friends, lives in a rural area, and my dad is kind of driving her nuts these days. My siblings have similar concerns, fwiw.

    1. You sound like a good daughter. I would maybe look at my calendar to remember what has been going on and mentally note a few things to share. You can’t go wrong with little stories about your kids. Also, maybe just be okay with having short conversations. My mom used to call my grandmother every day at 7am to check on her (since she lived alone). They enjoyed each other but rarely talked long.

    2. Maybe skim the headlines for her local newspaper or go to the website for her local news channel for ideas? More frequent but shorter chats might help if you’re not already doing that.

    3. do you share an interest in any hobbies or even celebrities, however trivial? Like, my mom enjoys British royal family fashion and so if Kate has been out and about she likes discussing the outfit.

    4. Would she/you be interested in watching the same show or reading a book together? It could be a nice neutral topic to discuss. Does she follow any sports teams that you could commiserate/celebrate with her? I’m trying to think of shared interests here

       1. Sometimes I swear something to talk about with the parents is what keeps The Voice and American Idol on air.

          On a different note, I’ve recommended it before but, Ambiguous Loss is a really good book for helping name your emotions with your mom being there but not there like she was with cognitive decline.

          1. Thank you. I’ve been looking for a good book about this, so I will check this one out.

    5. Could she take up a local hobby of volunteer role that wouldn’t be too taxing? Then you could talk about that. I really enjoy hearing about my mom’s volunteer work.

       1. I like this idea.

       2. OP here. My mom used to be the super volunteer in her community. She is no longer interested, and I can’t say I blame her. She was holding things up for years. I do miss hearing about that part of her life. :\

    6. Ask her a question with each call about her childhood/life/early interests or something from your childhood that you would like to reminisce. And short calls are good too.

       Is she depressed? This is very common after a difficult course of cancer treatment. I worry that her isolation and irritability with your Dad could increase the chances of this. Even one friend that could get

       Next call, ask her “how is your mood these days?”

       Sadly, many of our parents are slowly changing by your Mom’s age. People on this site talk about their active healthy 85 year old parents not infrequently, but most of us are not so lucky to have parents that move carefree late in life.

    7. Is she up for a Zoom or other video call? Sometimes seeing facial expressions or her background can spark more topics. They make a lot of simple devices if she’s not into technology.

       I sometimes go for shared memories – like upcoming holidays, talking about things we’ve done, or might do again, like visit nearby city gardens in Spring, holiday plans and memories.

       Does she get out socially? My mom found a nearby aquacize class that kept her moving and after seeing the same people over time, more socialization happened. I do ask about that.

       Does she have a pet? Plenty of people talk to their pets, and it gives them routines and sometimes gets them out of the house (dogs) and you something to talk about.

    8. Commiseration – my mom is having similar issues following a transplant surgery that included cardiac arrest. She also won’t wear hearing aides which may mask or worsen the cognitive things we think we see. For her, fatigue seems to be a big factor – could that be the case with your mom too? It’s helpful to connect after she’s napped or rested.

    9. What about shared genealogy or family or local history project? Could she help you make a family history, with some stories and memories about your family, something for you to save for the kids, together? Add some family recipes or anecdotes – you could use one of those services to get prompts, but maybe keep track yourself and make notes yourself?

       If she was a super volunteer, she probably cares about community and people.This could translate to enjoying good-natured craft or skill based tv shows like the Great british baking show or sewing show, or Queer eye, something where you follow a small group of people being nice to each other. Maybe you could watch an episode a week together, with a cup of tea.

       Does she enjoy being outside and hiking or puttering about in the garden? Walking in the forest/fields/desert/mountains or whatever her rural area is like? Maybe encourage a nature diary, and have some small conversations about the weather, flowers, birds or how the magnolia tree is doing. Get a farmer’s almanac for your area?

       Does she like music? Maybe she’d like an opera podcast, or an Iron maiden playlist?

       Does she do any crafting? Ask about her projects, or tell her about yours.

       Don’t be afraid to have what might feel like the same conversation over and over, if the connection is there and you talk warmly to each other.

    10. You do sound like a good daughter. I got my dad a NYT games subscription a few years ago and it’s been a surprising source of connection – we text almost every day to share results and we often discuss the puzzles when we chat on the phone. Would something like that work – if not NYT games then something else that you both could do on a regular basis? Even something like the same daily calendar might work, or listen to the same podcast?

        1. What a great idea. My Dad was the same. He used to share his Wordle scores daily with his granddaughter.

    11. Recipes or what you’re having for dinner. I love sending my mom off to find a good recipe. We also both tremendously hate Trump. Pretty much every day there is something new to chat about sadly.

    12. Just here as a voice of support and to say you sound like a very good daughter. I also want to offer a seed of hope
        – I’m not in my 70’s but I’m headed in that direction and here to tell you that major surgery at this life stage is huge.

        It took me probably closer to two years to recover to about 85-90% physically and mentally once it was all over. Cognitive issues, fatigue and weakness, and I think an inclination to disengage as a result of those are something that I think should be better addressed in elder patients. We and our family ought to at least be informed of the likely issues, but that doesn’t seem to happen.

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