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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Slim Collared Cardigan

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A woman wearing a brown cardigan, white top , and blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A cozy cardigan is a must-have for the next few months when I leave the house in the depths of winter and come home to a perfect spring day. (And for the months after that when I walk out of the house to the warm sunshine and walk into the office refrigerator.) This chunky knit sweater from Me + Em has some great details — a collared neckline, ribbed trim, and contrasting buttons.

Wear with a great blouse and some trousers for a fabulous business casual look.

The sweater is $345 at Me + Em and comes in sizes XS-XL. It also comes in navy. 

Sales of note for 4/24:

236 Comments

  1. Has anyone flown in the past week? How bad are current TSA lines, especially for international flights? Apparently we aren’t paying them again. Ugh.

    2. Boston and Savannah were fine this weekend, but TSA agents were definitely salty about the lack of pay and grateful when people recognized it.

    3. would love to hear if anyone has flown out of Seattle recently and has a TSA update there!

    5. My family and I missed a flight out of jfk a few weeks ago. We spent an hour and forty five minutes in the security line. It was complete chaos and there wasn’t even a line to try to skip; just a sea of angry people who all insisted their flights were also boarding. Our friends with pre check made it but that line was also crazy looking. We ran to the gate and the doors were open but they gave away our seats. On our return from phoenix we did not wait for even a moment. So I guess know your airport?

      1. It all seems so random. Summer/spring break travel has broken me in normal times. I have had to run after over an hour in line to get on a flight that was boarding (to see a parent in the ER). So stressful. IDK if we should cancel plans to fly for my teens’ spring break and instead do a road trip to visit colleges, which we should do anyway.

      1. I just flew out of LGA for domestic flights – precheck lines were fine for me. 5 minutes wait only. But we were going through at 5:30 am.

    7. Unfortunately, I think it’s just a day by day thing. It depends how many people called out on any given day.

      Many airports have information on the tsa waistlines on their websites. I would see if you could find that for your airport

    8. I flew out of the international terminal at O’Hare this weekend with pre-check and was through in ~10 minutes. The regular line looked slower, but not noticeably so.

      1. To be fair, the regular line at ORD is an absolute nightmare even when TSA is being paid.

    11. Updating a bit to add that recent may not matter vs now:
      TSA’s most recent paycheck was partial because funding dried up.
      This coming one will be a completely missed paycheck, so they are working without pay starting now, so we are in the “finding out” phase even though we weren’t the FA in FAFO.

    13. San Diego airport was easy yesterday. Five minute wait in the TSA Pre-Check line, ten minutes in the regular line.

  2. I’m always so excited for spring and then my allergies hit. Ugh.

    Somewhat related question: If you have major grass allergies do you do any outside exercise in spring/summer or no?

    1. I keep an eye on pollen counts in my area and have developed a good sense for what I can handle before the symptoms become too much.

    2. DH has miserable allergies but loves to be outside. He keeps them mostly at bay with daily zyrtec-D plus flonase. Also showering every day (sometimes twice a day in peak season) to get pollen off skin and hair.

      1. This is my routine in the spring. I’m not going to give up being outdoors, so I take either Zyrtec or Claritin daily. I use Flonase if I’m really stuffy but try not to do it too often. Hair gets washed daily.

    3. I have major grass allergies so I moved to the desert :)
      Of course there are other, new plants and I manage okay with daily zyrtec and fluticasone.

    4. For most of my life I had no seasonal allergies, and it’s so frustrating to have them now! I’ve considered the desensitization shots or trying to get on Xolair.

    5. I do, but I assess daily pollen levels, skip exercise on the worst days, and make sure I take my meds.

      For yard work/mowing, I wear an N95 mask and long sleeves/pants, and tie my hair up under a hat. It’s a look, but I don’t care. I remove my clothes at the door and put them in the wash immediately, then have a shower. It helps tremendously with not bringing the pollen into my bedroom or other living areas.

    6. New doctor suggested adding Astelpro and eyedrops when my allergies really hit. That has really helped me. But I don’t hike when it’s bad. With videos and some basic equipment I can still get a decent workout in of some some of the things I tend to neglect: core, strength.

  3. I recently read the phrase blind mind’s eye, about a person who does not involuntarily picture or visualize anything. And I feel that way! Anyone else? It seems so hard to visualize for me, or picture things. I also have a hard time describing how things look.

    1. I have so many questions, are you creative? Do you have a good sense of direction? How do you make power points? What about interior design?

      For all these things I have visual pop ups in my brain and idk how I would do them otherwise.

      1. Not the OP. But I’m not someone who really forms mental pictures. Like if you asked me to describe my kids, I could give you the basics but I wouldn’t really see them in my mind.

        I have an amazing sense of direction, am good at spatial reasoning, can make power points with no problems. I’m not creative (in the traditional sense), but I think that’s more personality. I don’t see the directions in my mind, I just know the right way to go, if something will fit, and similar stuff.

        1. Same. I have an amazing sense of direction, for driving and walking. But I need to live furniture around in a space. I can’t see how it looks without seeing how it looks. I’m much better at visualizing outfits.

        2. People are so different! I have zero sense of direction and am so bad at spatial reasoning it’s a problem. I can measure a space and still buy the wrong size for the space (so frustrating!). So clearly I must not be picturing spaces correctly in my mind’s eye (or in person while I am physically there really!).

          But if I read a book I can see everything that’s happening in the book as if I’m really there, like a dream. It’s one reason I prefer books to movies since movies are less real. And if I try to remember something I’ve read, I remember the position of the words on a page in the specific edition of the book that I owned and the surrounding space where I read it. Even abstract memories are colors and shapes for me, and I think in vague sensory auras and have to put extra effort to translate thoughts into words (other people have told me that they think in words to begin with or at least don’t experience it as a separate step).

          I was always considered talented in drawing/painting, but I always found it frustrating since I couldn’t make things look the way I was picturing them in my mind well enough. As a kid this was even distressing. I’m more comfortable giving feedback on things that already exist (and am often asked to do this) vs. creating anything from scratch.

          1. This is exactly how I am! I have zero sense of direction, but can picture everything in books.

          2. I think sense of direction and visual memory are separate. My husband and daughter both have strong visual memories, probably stronger than mine, but when I refer to the map in my head that allows me to navigate they are bewildered. They know where they are by their visual memory of road signs and features. My daughter in particular has no idea how anything is laid out or connects.

          3. Same, to all of this! Except that I think in words as well and easily translate thoughts into words.

            I find this topic so fascinating. It’s amazing how different everyone is.

        3. Same. It’s called “aphantasia.” I did not realize until I was in my 40s that “minds eye” was not just poetic language and that some people really can conjure up images.

          I am also a great map reader, have good spatial reasoning skills, and am a very strong systems thinker.

          I have noticed that my biographical memory is poor. I think its because I cant relive events the same way that others can in my mind. I have young kids now and am very intentional about taking photos and keeping a journey to aide my memory of this time.

          1. I have hyperphantasia, and memory can be a little strange with this too; already as a small child I was anxious about “overwriting” my real memories with imagined elaborations. So I basically avoided remembering things to keep the memories reliable for when I could really focus and make sure not to embellish visually.

    2. It’s called aphantasia. I also only learned it was a THING recently but it explains a lot about why guided meditations don’t work for me

    3. I can do this. But I’m not great at it if that makes sense? I’m definitely not a “visual person.”

      Is there such thing as being an audio learner? I remember as a kid, teachers would tell us to remember the blackboard chart or whatever. They always said some kids were visual learners. I can’t remember it as well as I can sort of “replay” the teachers’ words in my head. I’m pretty great at song lyrics. Podcasts are heaven for me.

      Please don’t ask me what size container is appropriate for the leftovers. I get it wrong with embarrassing frequency.

      2. The leftovers thing is so real. I am sometimes off by like a magnitude of 5x.

        This is fascinating. I think I’m in the aphantasia side of things, and also have strong systems thinking and a great sense of direction.

  4. BB and CC creams used to be all the rage on this board. I am taking a cruise to the Bahamas and looking for a rec for something not as heavy as my Estee Lauder Double Wear. I get really flushed in the heat. Any recs?

    1. Not a BB/CC cream, but I love my L’Oréal “tinted serum”m- it’s very light!

      2. I love the newer “Dewy” version, and hat tip for all the pale, cool-toned ladies out there, the shade Cameo 1c is perfect for us!

    3. I love the Missha Perfect Cover BB cream – it has SPF but not sure if it’ll be enough for cruising.

      1. It’s not. No one is willing to cake on enough makeup to get the label SPF. Always wear a “real” sunscreen under makeup. My preference is asian sunscreen, but to get real asian sunscreen, don’t buy it from amazon. Buy from an AB site like Olive Young or Yami Buy.

    4. You probably need a real sunscreen under anything tinted. So you can get enough SPF product onto your skin to protect it against high UV exposure. Also hats.

    5. Hourglass Veil skin tint (no SPF), or Saie slip tint (SPF 35). Really like them both.

      I’ve also tried the Ilia super serum skin tint (SPF 40) but can’t recommend it – to me, it smells terrible.

      1. I threw away a nearly full bottle of the Ilia due to the smell. Smelled like guinea pig bedding to me–both the sawdust and the urine. Blech.

          1. I don’t know why they don’t address this. Admit it, or try to fix it. I bought it once, liked it, and held my breath the whole time I used it.

        2. Ha! My notes said it smelled like it had been aged in a cedar chest that had been dowsed in Pine-Sol and janitorial solvent, so I think you and I had the same experience!

      2. I like the Saie sliptint! But I do wear moisturizer with sunscreen underneath. I need the extra moisturizing and would need the extra SPF if outside for long periods in the sun (instead of my windowless office). I’m 49, so younger skin might not need the additional moisturizing.

      1. This is what I use as well and it does just fine in the Caribbean sun, assuming I’m not swimming. If I’m going in the water, I give up on tinted BB/CC creams and go straight sunscreen (MD SolarSciences for that)

      2. I alternate between this and Supergoop’s mineral matte sunscreen. I find that Revision better for when I need additional moisture and the Supergoop matte for when I’m in a combo/oily phase.

    8. for a cruise/beach vacation I love a spray tan and then reapply on my face with a face sunless tanner like the jergens one or tanology.

  5. I had to leave early yesterday, but I wanted to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and good ideas about conversations with my mom. Gardening season is upon us, so that will give us a natural conversation topic. And, I appreciate that several of you acknowledged the ambiguous loss that this is. Given how robust and healthy my mom has been her entire life, this is not what she, or any of us, expected at 70. Truly, every day is a gift.

    1. It is. My Mom had passed long before age 70. I have so many regrets about not asking her more stories about her early life and her hopes/dreams. And how I wish I had recorded her telling all the stories.

  6. Questionfor my more tech savvy friends here. I’m retiring after using Microsoft and Outlook email and calendar forever, but my longtime personal email is a “mac.com” address. I’ll purchase Office 365 for Mac because I hate the mac calendar feature. But if I use Outlook for email and calendar on my mac, can I keep my “mac.com” email address? Or do I need to set up a new email addressing using an “outlook.com” address? Hoping someone has been through this conundrum ahead of me….

    1. You can keep your Mac.com address. Outlook is just the email handling software, it isn’t the email server.

    2. I have the desktop version of Outlook for Mac (no ongoing fees for online Outlook 365), and I use it to handle all of my personal and work email addresses. You can add gmail, aol, mac, your personal web domain, and any other kind of email address.

    3. You can keep it. Outlook is just email-handling software, like your corporate email address ends in something that isn’t outlook (dot) com. The fact that Microsoft also offers email service at outlook (dot) com is irrelevant to you.

  7. Anyone have a magnesium cream they like? I have one I’m playing with and think it helps with sleep and neuropathy in my feet, but looking at other possibilities. Soaking in epsom salts just isn’t going to fit into my life.

    1. not a cream, but a spray that I use on legs and feet before bed. Sorry I don’t have the bottle handy so don’t know brand, but I bought at Target.

    2. I really like Theraworx for muscle tension/Charley horse pain. It’s a foam.

      For sleep and neuropathy, I rely more on oral magnesium (magnesium lactate is what my endocrinologist recommended), along with benfotiamine to get full benefit (I’m not sure what your neuropathy is from, but this is supposed to help if it’s diabetes related or if it’s alcohol related, which are different enough that it may just be generally helpful). I don’t think topical magnesium helps replenish bones the way oral does.

      1. The neuropathy is a side effect of a pulmonary medication I’m on. I’ve tried oral Magnesium glycinate and it makes me extremely nauseous, despite it’s rep for being easy on the stomach.

      2. OP here, Sweet Bee is what I’m using right now. I would just prefer something that wasn’t subscription based.

  8. I have some Vuori joggers that are comfortable except that the crotch hangs a little low – I don’t want to pull them up super high-rise to make it sit where it’s supposed to be. Are there any other similar ones you like that have more of a natural mid rise? I’m 5’4”.

    2. You might want to size down then. I used to be a size small in Vuori and now am an XS; I noticed my S still fit but are low hanging in the crotch.

  9. Silly debate from the group chat this morning: are you willing to start a load in the washer before bed and move it to the dryer in the morning? Or do you think it is gross to leave the clothes in the washer for 6-8 hours? Both sides of the (friendly) debate think the other side is weird.

    1. I won’t leave the clothing in the washer overnight, but will start the dryer and leave them for the next day. Don’t they get musty if you leave them wet for 6-8 hours? Plus, I would probably forget about them and not actually move them to the dryer till the next evening.

      2. The people who do this say they don’t get musty, and the people who don’t do this appear not to believe them.

        1. Maybe it depends on your washer. I’m the 10:21 poster, and I know that when I’ve forgotten about a load in the washer, it gets musty.

          Or maybe some of us just have a better sense of smell than others

          1. it may be a sign that your washer is already musty. I don’t have this problem unless I leave them for a few days, but I have already done the work to make sure there’s no mildew residue in my washer.

    2. Split the difference – use the delay start function – if our washing machine is to go on the blitz, it will do it during the drain / spin (thanks to kid’s habit of having lego + rocks in his pockets). I want to be awake if it starts making alarming noises.

    3. Given how I lived in college, I’m OK leaving it in my house for longer than ideal, but within the overnight hours.

    4. I do this often with zero regrets. I will neither leave the house nor go to bed with the dryer running.

      1. Agreed on being awake and present with dryer running. I do not (intentionally) leave wet clothes in the washer for multiple hours. Sometimes it’s inevitable though or I just forget.

      2. I have a top loader. Even before we had central air, I would not hesitate to leave a wet load overnight or from morning until evening. During hot humid summer weather I wouldn’t leave it much longer than that. In the winter, our house is so cold and dry that I’ve forgotten jeans for days and other than being dried with wrinkles baked in, they are none the worse for the neglect.

        Now that our house has central air, stuff can easily go 24 hours in the washer without any problem.

    5. Yes, because I can get around both problems by having a delay wash setting on my machine. (This is the first time I’ve had that feature, though, and I used to do the wash at night/throw in the dryer in the morning routine pretty frequently with no real issues.)

    6. Gross. I hate front load washers already and it’s even worse if you let a load get musty.

    7. No, I always take clothes out of the washer right away. I would never leave them overnight.

      Like another poster, I also will not leave the house or go to bed with the dryer running. Have heard too many stories of fires starting in the dryer vents!

        1. Of course I do. But I still do not leave the dryer running when sleeping or not home. YMMV.

      2. I’ll go to bed with it running but not leave the house. The risk may be small but it’s also a very easy one to avoid.

        1. TBH, I’d rather be gone if the house is going to go up in flames. Being home does mean I may notice if a fire starts, but doesn’t guarantee I will. It also does not mean I can do anything to stop it and also introduces the risk that I don’t get out in time, either because I sleep through it or because it moves faster than I realize.

          That said, I clean out my dryer vent regularly enough and have good batteries in my smoke detectors. I have never worried about running the dryer while either sleeping or gone and do both frequently.

      3. I wonder if these are the same people who are mentally tired/discuss the mental load of things. I would never give any mental space to when my laundry needs to be switched. I do it when it suits me.

        1. I’ve contributed to the recent threads about the mental load of cooking and I do not perceive any tiresome mental load from starting laundry when I’m around to finish it. It would be a much bigger PITA to me to have to rewash a musty load.

        2. This is such a weird take. It literally takes almost zero mental energy to change the laundry when it is done. I just do not start the laundry if I am not going to be home when it is done.

          1. It does have a mental cost, for many of us. You need to set aside the time in x minutes in order to move it over, in theory (in practice, I definitely leave things overnight), decide if you have time to start another task in the interim, etc. If these aren’t things you think about or slow you down, congrats on not having depression or ADHD or anxiety, I guess.

          3. I truly did not know that people found doing laundry to be mentally taxing. You learn something new every day on this board.

          4. I find laundry to be mentally taxing and I hate it. I have no such issue preparing daily meals. To each their own.

    8. Definitely not. A It’s gross. B. I’d forget about them and they’d be there for days and for sure get disgusting. C. I don’t trust the washing machine to behave unattended (leaks or spin problems). D. I don’t put most of my clothes in the dryer anyway, so this doesn’t really help me that much.

      1. I mean, they just dry out if you leave them in the washer for days. It’s not like they start to develop mold, assuming you have a climate controlled house.

        1. Have you never accidentally left wet clothes or towels somewhere sealed? They definitely get gross after a couple days and that mildew smell is difficult to impossible to get rid of.

          1. It happens very frequently, which is why I felt compelled to comment. I don’t experience the mildew smell you reference.

        2. I have a climate controlled house. I forgot a load in the washer for two days last week and they were damp and had the funk. The washer had the funk. I had to de-funk all of it. Maybe you just can’t smell the funk but I sure can.

        3. I think this is dependent on climate and the machine (and of course some are more sensitive). I know when I lived in Europe my washer had a crazy long spin cycle that got clothes pretty dry compared to any American machine I had. My current (Amrixan) top loader is able to breathe a bit and my house doesn’t otherwise have damp issues, but I have had the issue with other washers and homes in the past.

    10. Yes I will leave clothes wet overnight and start the dryer in the morning. I have a top loader and a cold basement so the clothes feel refrigerated in the AM, they certainly have not become musty.

    11. I don’t think it’s gross (granted, I have a top loader), but I do know someone whose house flooded this way and so I am not willing to do it.

      1. But like…would you really notice if you were awake? My w/d is in the room between the garage and the house, and I just don’t think I’d notice a flood until it was too late even if I was in the kitchen on the same floor.

        2. I can hear the washing machine, so I feel like I’d hear it if something really went wrong. And worse case scenario, I’d catch a flood within 40 minutes, which is way better than overnight. I also had a friend who had to rebuild half their kitchen because they flooded their house this way, and it was such a nightmare, I’d rather not risk it.

    13. I’ll do this with things that are going into the dryer on high heat anyway, like sheets and towels. I figure the heat will kill any mustiness. I don’t do this with my clothes because a lot of it is line dry only. If you leave it in the wash even for a couple of hours, the wrinkles get really set in.

      But I’m not sure clothes really get musty or moldy in only 6-8 hours. It takes that long for clothes to dry; even if I hang them right away they’re going to be wet for a time. And the washing machine is pretty sterile right after it’s been run, ant least until you open it.

      1. I think there is not much more bacteria ridden in your house than your wet laundry after the washing machine has been run! Definitely not close to sterile at all.

          1. Please look this up. Your wash machine is not sanitizing your laundry. There’s a reason hospitals have to use special launderers so that even linens that have been washed AND dried doesn’t transmit infections to patients.

            There is a ton of bacteria on your wet laundry.

          2. Duh, you’d destroy your clothes if they were sanitized with each wash. But it is absolutely insane to say that leaving them in a washer after a wash cycle is the most bacteria ridden place in your house. I wonder if you’d feel better about leaving them soaking in your toilet bowl.

          4. People, the bacteria in laundry are the same as the bacteria in your toilet.

            Be thankful you have a fully functioning immune system, because this is a whole thing for people who don’t.

      2. This is my system. I wash the sheets/towels on the sanitize cycle with bleach which takes like two hours. So I put it on when I go to bed and DH moves it to the dryer in the morning as he’s up first. My washer sends alerts to my phone so I don’t forget a load in there.

        I wouldn’t do it with my hang to dry work clothes as they’d get wrinkly. Front loader mustiness is from not leaving the door open to dry fully between loads and from making sure the washer is emptied as soon as the door is open. Once the door has been opened even a tiny bit, it needs to go in the dryer right away or it will get musty. Don’t close the door on a finished load!

    16. I love these minor drama threads so much. They always start off normally and they start to get hostile after about half an hour.

      1. It’s true. It’s usually due to the heavy heavy judgement “your laundry gets GROSS” and “I can SMELL your FUNK.” And everyone else is like…it’s fine, you are way overthinking your laundry.

        1. We should revisit “how often do you wash your hair” and “are morning or evening showers better” next.

          1. “How often do you wash your bra” seems like it would fit in here. Does it even count as washing your bra if it sits in the washer for 27 minutes???

    17. Yes, except from Memorial Day-Labor Day, give or take. SEUS here, and that is roughly when it gets hot enough for them to sour overnight.

      2. This is what I was thinking. SEUS, thermostat is at 62 in the winter and AC struggles to achieve 74 in the summer, and apparently that makes a difference.

      3. I was just thinking this is so climate dependent! When I lived in the South, I would never have left my laundry in the washing machine overnight, especially during the summer. I am in Southern California now and all that will happen if I leave it overnight is that it will be 50% dry when I open the (top loading) machine in the morning.

    18. Prefer to do it when I can switch promptly, but will leave overnight if I have to. (Have a top-loader that is most definitely not hermetically sealed.) And I can sniff a moldy front-loader a country mile away.

    19. I have a top loader and I will definitely start a load as I go to bed and switch it in the morning. I think I have a sensitive sense of smell and they have never smelled musty to me at all after just overnight. I also run the dryer while I am gone and while I am sleeping.

    20. Have a top loader. Never had an issue with the morning after, and sometimes it can make it a full day. For those worried about water leaks while you sleep, you can buy sensors to put on the floor that will scream like a fire alarm if it gets wet.

    21. I do not run the washer or dryer while I sleep, for fire safety reasons.

      The only things that normally go in my dryer are towel/bedding washes. I prefer to dry immediately, but I’m okay with leaving wet towels in a closed dryer overnight, and push the button when I wake up. If there’s even a chance of mildew, I rewash.

      I don’t leave clothes in the washing machine, but hang dry immediately.

    22. I bet the Venn diagram of people who think wet laundry becomes gross in 6 hours has a significant overlap with the people who feel compelled to use bleach to clean their kitchen counters.

        2. +1. I basically never use bleach. But I also never leave my laundry in the machine overnight. I also do not care if other people leave laundry in the machine overnight though. I feel like this is “you do you” territory.

        3. How often do you notice this “gross” on anyone whose laundry habits you are not privy to?

          1. I’ve smelled many a musty washer when visiting people’s homes, that’s for sure.

      2. I think it depends on where you live/where your washer is. I live in the southeast and my washer is in my not-climate controlled garage. When I’ve accidentally forgotten to move things, it will a little funky in that time, even with a top loader.

    23. I currently have a load of towels sitting in my top load washing machine since I ran them yesterday morning. They will probably go in the dryer tonight, because I need to start a load of work clothes before bed. Those will go in the dryer tomorrow evening. I’m going to wear those clothes to the office on Thursday, and I am going to secretly enjoy thumbing my nose at the biddies who think this is gross and also have no way of knowing this is my normal and routine habit.

    24. I’m one of the people who says it’s gross, but definitely more in the gross for me, because I’m afraid I’d forget about them for days then gross for you, as long as you dry them within a reasonable time period. The bigger reason for me is that it just seems like MORE work to remember that I have laundry in the machine the next day than it is to just do it all at once while it’s already on my mind. Plus most of the things I actually dry, I want to finish up so I can use again- sheets go back on the bed, towels go back on the racks. My clothes don’t go in the dryer anyway, so if I leave them in the washing machine too long, they’ll get too wrinkled. It just wouldn’t make my life any easier to do this and it comes with the risk of loosing a load to mold if I forget about them.

    26. I have an all-in-one washer-dryer that solves this problem entirely. Put a load in when you go to bed and wake up to clean, dry clothes. Plus it’s ventless — no lint buildup, no fire hazard. It’s probably not a good choice for a big family where you want multiple loads going at once, but it’s great for me.

  10. Has anyone treated their allergies when there’s a hormonal element to the severity of the allergies? What exactly is the hormonal issue and how do you treat it? What kind of doctor do I go to who will take me seriously?

    I know my “seasonal” allergies have a hormonal component; during my first and second trimesters, my nose was running so badly that I couldn’t sleep without a decongestant. After I delivered, my eyes became extremely irritated and only improved with a combo of decongestant and allergy eye drops. I’m continuing to use decongestant daily to keep the eye irritation and runny nose at bay, but it’s been months now with no improvement. I haven’t worn contacts in months. My PCP and OB both insist it’s “just allergies” so keep taking decongestant. My eye dr just retired and the soonest a new dr can see me is July. I’m so frustrated. It is not just allergies. My allergies have never been this bad before, and all of these allergy changes have queued off of major hormonal swings. I’ve never needed an allergist but I hesitate to go to one because I’m not sure they’re going to take into account the hormonal issues that seem to be at the root of this. How do I get a doctor to take me seriously and treat the cause not the symptoms?

    1. I think an allergist makes the most sense here. Your eye doctor doesn’t treat allergies and your GP isn’t helping you.

    2. It is just allergies. Allergies commonly get worse in pregnancy, as do many other conditions. That can linger postpartum. That doesn’t make it a hormonal issue. That’s not a thing. And even if it was a thing, no one is going to, like, put you on hormonal suppressants to treat your allergies. They’re going to give you better allergy drugs.

      Go see an allergist. They can give you better drug options. But this isn’t a hormonal issue.

      1. To expand on this — some women experience a higher risk of anaphylaxis during their menstrual cycle, and for those women, treatment might include hormonal suppression because they are at a risk of dying. You aren’t.

        1. That is so interesting to me!

          I experienced exercise-induced anaphylaxis twice in my life and have to carry an epipen. Despite all the food and allergen logging, I have not been able to find the trigger, except that I suspect a combination of exercise and food might be the cause.
          Now I wonder whether my cycle played a role…

    3. Women’s hormones affect EVERYTHING, especially our immune systems, but this doesn’t mean they’re a treatable underlying cause of every condition they affect. It’s very common to have immune conditions like allergies or autoimmune disease behave differently because of hormonal swings, and it’s common for pregnancy to precipitate new conditions like allergies and autoimmunity that don’t just go away after. So I’m not sure you’re thinking about it right if you think a specialist in women’s reproductive hormones is who you need to help you.

      If I were you, I would try a good ENT. I’m honestly not sure how your PCP knows it’s allergies (allergy meds helping doesn’t confirm allergies; they help with stuff like sinus infections too).

      1. Yes, this. I’d also consider that you may be dealing with non-allergic rhinitis, which isn’t immune mediated, so it isn’t going to respond to antihistamines, but can be treated by other medications (some of the same ones used to treat allergies). It is often affected by hormonal fluctuations.

        1. +1 on the non-allergic rhinitis possibility. Ask your PCP if she is willing to prescribe you ipratropium nasal spray 0.03% to use as needed. You’ll know pretty quickly if it helps. This was recommended by my allergist for my chronically runny nose, and it’s made a big difference in my QOL.

          1. I’m the one who suggested this, and I also find ipratropium helpful (my nose still runs a lot, but much less than before).

    4. It’s very common for hormonal swings to affect allergies. Allergists know this. Pregnancy suppresses your immune system which actually helped my allergies but some people find the swings worsen theirs.

      You can find a board certified allergist on the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology website – just click on the ‘find an allergist’ button under the ‘tools for the public’ tab.

    5. Yeah, pregnancy can cause all sorts of weird body resets that last the rest of your life, but that doesn’t mean they’re hormonal issues. I know people who have had hair texture change, developed motion sickness, increased vision problems, and, yes, worsened or improved allergies. So you are right that this wasn’t an issue cause by pregnancy, but your OB is also right that it’s allergies. The right person to help is an allergist.

    6. I would go to an allergist because you may think something is a “seasonal” allergy and it isn’t. I have a dust mite allergy. Most dust mite allergies get worse with humidity. It might have a seasonal component to it, but that isn’t a seasonal allergy. The allergist can give you an allergy test to see what you’re actually allergic too.

      You have hormone receptors throughout your body so it’s not actually true that it doesn’t have a hormonal connection. Once you have identified the issue with an allergist, the only other kind of doctor that might be helpful is a gynecologist who also treats menopause or an endocrinologist who gives gender-affirming care because they usually have done the specific training on hormones that most pcps and obgyns simply haven’t done.

  11. I’m feeling a little blue now that the weather is warming up. To me, it’s the start of a chaotic season. Being invited to bbqs wondering what to bring, being left out of others. Long days alone with younger kid while everyone else is golfing. Bug bites, white wine that tastes like cat pee, or worse hard seltzer, food that’s light and healthy, worrying about kids near pools and sunburn, being in a bathing suit, wet towels, sand in the house. Dealing with the landscaping, keeping flowers alive and weeding and begging them to put down more mulch.

    Is it just pure laziness that makes me want to eat cozy food and drink excellent red wine and just hole up with the people that love me in a safe warm place? I feel like I have no capacity for spring and summer anymore. Does anyone have tips to look on the bright side? I swear this time of year used to really feel great but now I hate it.

    1. You are me between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Being an NPC and workhorse for everyone else’s fun is soul crushing. Spend extra time/effort on any parts that do mean something to you, opt out of what you can. I don’t drink anymore, so bringing my own beverages and trying new things is something that gets me through the interminable box wine. Also, spend time with the folks who care about you, regardless of the weather. Hugs, friend.

    2. So a lot of commenters are going to tell you to get screened for depression. I’m not one of them. Sometimes people like to romanticize various times of year as A-MAAAAZING, when like anything else, there are long periods of loneliness, disappointment, and wishing things were different.

      But! Get some sun with a good rose, maybe with a good deli sandwich. Ease into it.

      2. Wanting to “hole up with people that love you in a safe warm place” makes me think that summer activities that make you feel unloved, lonely, or unsafe. I’d take a stronger look at that reaction and find out more of what’s going on. Do you dislike the activities themselves? Have you fallen in with a social group that doesn’t have any real friendship in it for you? Are you socially anxious in general, or do you just feel out of place at summer gatherings? Are you tired and burned out, and adding summer activities is just one more thing to do? Are you angry about it all?

        I personally dislike summer because I hate being outside in the heat, I hate sweat, and our climate is miserable. Outdoor gatherings are about sweating and swatting bugs, neither of which I enjoy. So I’m certainly not going to talk you into being cheery about it all. BUT . . . something happened to make you go from enjoying it all to dreading/hating it all. Address that and fix what you can. Find out what would make a real difference for you. Opt out of everything you can opt out of that you’re only doing for social conventions.

        1. Wow thank you for this.

          Now that I reflect, I think a part of it is the dread around warm weather is stuff because we got rejected from a beach and pool club we wanted to join. In a way, it’s fine, I’m a grown up. There are public beaches. It’s ten grand at least per year that we can spend on whatever or save it I guess. I think I’ve gotten my wires crossed because my kid’s friends’ parents are super welcoming and kind to him but don’t really want friendships with me or my husband. Which is fine obviously but I think there’s a little embarrassment and some anxiety there.

          We also opted not to join country club that would have had us so maybe I’m bummed that the boys are golfing and I wish I was by the pool with a good friend.

          It’s time for me to reach out to the amazing college kids who will be happy to watch my younger kid and sign up for golf lessons at the muni course and maybe a spa day or two. Get my meal planning roster to look better and maybe plan a Kentucky derby or cinco de mayo party where I only invite couples who actually like us and enthusiastically want to be our friends. Thank you.

          1. “The boys are golfing”–that’s your problem right there. I have so much contempt for the husbands who spend all day golfing while their wives are wrangling young children. I gave up my time-consuming hobby when I had kids and only picked it up again when they were in college. The menfolk can do the same.

          2. Oh dear, you dodged a bullet with that club! Those folks aren’t your friends. I hope you find your people.

          3. Join the country club! Hang by the pool while everyone else golfs. You tried “not joining,” and it was the wrong choice. So join.

          4. I’m a different Anon than above, but this is such a lovely reflection that you did, and a great action plan for how to make yourself feel better (even if summer isn’t ever your favorite).

            FWIW: DH and I are DINKs with demanding jobs and I sometimes feel this way too – like I’m not really connected to social events around me. This has been a wake up call for me to make some efforts in the same vein to make my summer more enjoyable.

            Thanks for sharing the thread, and your thoughts/reflections!

          5. Thanks 12:53! Its so nice that to think this might have helped someone. I feel totally self-indulgent crowd sourcing my feelings but everyone was so kind and helpful. I actually feel a little more optimistic already. Appreciate every single comment here.

          6. I get that this stings, and I’m sorry that happened to you. I once sent my husband to go get information from what I thought was a local pool/tennis club, only for him to come home and tell me that while they were very polite to him, we would need six recommendations from current members. We live in Northern Virginia–I had no idea this level of snobbery existed here. My husband was a bit embarrassed over the experience for weeks.

          8. Op here. Honestly it’s fine about the clubs. Like I said, it stings a bit and I guess people are a little more snobbish or less interested in our friendship than we thought.

            Ultimately, my husband and are a reflecting that beach club and country club probably life isn’t for us. When we get invited into certain exclusive clubs and groups we often find out quickly that we’d rather not be there. I wonder if we’d gotten in we might have hated it.

            We love a party, we love meeting new people. I’d love to hang by a pool. But we hate unwritten rules, boring gossip, anything involving a committee and the very weird energy of people trying to prove something to others. Ultimately, it’s a little rough and a little lonely but probably better feeling lonely in a crowded room we paid good money to be in. The municipal beaches and golf courses better look out of us this summer because we’re hitting them hard.

          9. No, don’t give up your time-consuming hobby and make your husband do it too! Bad advice. Find ways to make it work and balance everyone’s needs.

    3. I always felt this way about summer, but I have always been really low energy from some health stuff I have.

      What do you think changed for you?

    4. I think summer is what you make it. I have a signature BBQ dish, I bring that for every invitation, to the point people actually expect it. I HATE sand, I’m a pool girl, so I don’t do the beach. I am not a garden person, so I have planted unkillable things which only require weeding once every month-6 weeks and no other maintenance. There are ways to downgrade things you don’t care about and opt out. It’s hard, I get it I’m a perfectionist in recovery, but sometimes you need to put yourself first even if you aren’t keeping up with the Joneses.

      1. Yes to a standard dish and bring your own drink! No need to drink someone’s bad moscato when you buy a case of your preferred wine or canned beverages.

        It sounds like you have some great winter routines, so lean into establishing some good summer ones. For summers with your kiddo, can you into an iced coffee, trip to a playground with good benches in the shade and consistent traffic for the kid to make a friend? The grab some lunch and head home. You can easily stretch this routine out to fill as much time as needed to pass a day.

        Hire someone to handle your flowers.

    5. It’s ok to be a winter person! My husband is. He takes the kids out sledding and skiing, and I take them to the beach in the summer.

      Also, if you’re a wine person, you can get good summer wine! Try a chilled Lambrusco.

    6. How do you know what cat pee tastes like? Kidding :)

      I love spring, summer and warm weather but they do come with annoyances. What is truly necessary, what can you automate, and what can you skip entirely? For bbqs, you could automatically bring a veggie tray + a drink that you actually like. Put your kids in rashguard-style suits so there’s less surface area to burn. See if your landscapers can spray for mosquitos and/or improve drainage so you don’t get as many. Etc. And think about what you can opt out of entirely, and do so without guilt.

      1. Haha ok thank god I don’t. :) this is helpful advice I am going to take to heart.

        Just taking things off my plate and scheduling some rest time should help me have things to look forward to things until beef stew and chocolate cake and Cabernet season is back.

    7. Don’t you enjoy the warmer weather? Breaking out summer dresses? Getting a pedicure? All those BBQs give you a chance to catch up with other people and get out of your own head. You hate wet towels, but isn’t there something nice about seeing the sunlight glimmer on blue water? Come on, girl. Warmer weather gives you more options for activities with your young child. Check out some new parks and trails. Go to a family-friendly farm. Throw rocks into a lake. Take bike rides, or get them a scooter. Buy a little bug-catcher for your child so they can collect roly polies. There are positives!

      1. Haha, the idea of summer dresses, bbq’s, and pedicures gives me hives. And I generally like summer. My problem with suggestions like these is not that they aren’t good for many people, but it’s a variant of “Hey! Be normal! Dress like normal people! Do normal people things!” with no understanding of “this normal thing sucks the soul out of me.”

        1. I prefer winter too – I genuinely feel exhausted and uncomfortable in our increasingly intense summer heat and I go stir-crazy staying inside in AC. I do love swimming and I make the most of early mornings etc. but I much prefer winter. I love to ski and cannot wait to take my kid next year.

        2. Haha, I had the same reaction. Those are all things that just sound so terrible to me- sun, heat, smoke, meat, and people touching my feet – they all just totally gross me out! It’s one thing to say that you enjoy those things, but much more obnoxious to imply that everyone should when obviously they don’t, which is exactly why OP is feeling bad. It’s fine if OP hates those things, she just needs to find enough she does like about summer to not be miserable rather than try to force herself to do all the cliche summer stuff she doesn’t like.

        3. Hey OP, this poster’s trifecta of sun dresses, bbq’s, and pedicures is not everyone’s cup of tea, but what about finding your own trifecta for some warm weather moments that you would enjoy? For me it would be yoga pants/tank top/flip flops, a book I want to read, and in the shade. There would be no one else around to interrupt my book or judge my attire. I do in fact do this on my back porch with the ceiling fan on high to keep the bugs at bay and an icy tumbler of mint tea. Perhaps you can envision a lovely summer moment that you like and make it work from time to time.

      2. Why would I buy a contraption to let my child capture and probably kill bugs? LEAVE THE BUGS ALONE.

    8. I’m a summer hater too. But I just nope out of most of the stuff I dislike and focus on the stuff I do. I agree white wine is gross, so I don’t drink it, I enjoy the occasional cold beer on a hot day. I couldn’t care less about flowers, so I don’t bother with them, but I do like my little herb garden, which doesn’t require much work to generate more than we can eat and freeze. I hate the sun, so I avoid pools and swimsuits, and going outside in the middle of the day, but I get out in the early morning when it’s cooler. It’s not as nice as winter, but I appreciate the abundance of the natural world in this season and some fun seasonal events in my city.

      1. Same. I compromise with rose, a sauvignon blanc, and german varietals (not everyone’s thing.) I love the sun, so make sure I can get an hour laying out each day.

    9. Find indoor things to do: museums, indoor concerts in cool dark churches, etc.

      Find places with good screened porches for coffee and meals.

      Offer to bring something you like to potlucks. I always do pasta salad; I can always throw one together and know there will be one dish I like. I also always bring a bottle of wine I like. Some of my family members really like Italian wines that I don’t enjoy at all. They will take a sip of mine, decide they don’t like it and I am set.

    10. I hear you. Do you have summer shortcuts?
      – have a unique-ish side that is easy to make and you always bring to BBQs. Mine is cut watermelon with mint, lime, salt, and cayenne (I buy precut). Or store bought cookies. Everyone likes cookies. Absolve yourself of guilt for bringing the same thing as someone else.
      – find a summer drink you enjoy and bring it. I’ve been liking the hard uncarbonated iced teas/lemonades. Bonus that they’re not totally gross when they get warm. I stock up on 12-packs and grab one on my way out the door (or, um, leave it in the trunk of my car).
      – keep a summer survival kit/pouch in both cars and a smaller one in my bag: bug spray, sunscreen, spare sunglasses, hats, towels, koozies
      – hire out for mowing the lawn and mulching. If you can find a good weeding company bless you, but I haven’t found one that doesn’t pull up my flowers and saplings (???).
      – everyone splashes their feet in the garden hose before they go inside. Leave a towel on the floor near the hose-adjacent door (or a slightly larger than welcome mat rug if you’re fancy like that.

    11. I understand what you mean. I can feel a little overwhelming when everyone wants do to things all the time, and you feel pressure to be out and about as much as possible, living your best life. I have always dreaded the feeling of guilt that I was either missing out on fun stuff by working a lot, or because I was left out (this fear honestly stems from childhood. I felt very lonely and adrift in the summers without the structure of school. I didn’t have that many friends and summer day cares filled me with anxiety. I still have some degree of social anxiety but it’s gotten better.) That chaos and pressure doesn’t exist as much when it’s cold and dark and everyone is hibernating. So you’re not alone there, and I don’t think anything is weird about wanting to feel cozy and safe with people who love you. But it sounds like a lot of what is vexing you about summer is having to put in logistics and effort for things you just don’t enjoy that much. It’s okay to set boundaries or opt out. You don’t have to drink terrible white wine or seltzer. And get your partner off the golf course, or make him watch your child while you take a day doing something that you want.

      1. Echoing you aren’t alone over feeling left out. I do best with structured activities, too, like work, sports teams, etc. I hate bbqs or anything where you just sort of stand there and try to be interesting enough for people to keep talking to you, or left awkwardly standing alone. So I don’t do these things. The world can be a lonely place, even when you have your people.

    12. If Cab is your thing, who cares what season it is? I like oatmeal stout in July. Stores sell it year-round, why can’t I enjoy it when I please?

    13. I’m really fair-skinned with really fair-skinned kids and I hate summer because of needing to be constantly vigilant about sun exposure. I also really hate heat and humidity. Everyone talks about retiring to Florida or Arizona and I genuinely want to retire to Maine or Alaska.

  12. I posted earlier this week about how I got through a period of burnout at work but I’m starting to feel burned out again. I had a call with my manager today and I’m getting promoted (and a big raise). It feels so good to feel like you’ve been working really hard and for that to be recognized!

    2. Congratulations! Please treat yourself appropriately! You earned this, you deserve this. Celebrate!

  13. Does anyone have pensions from previous employers and what do you do with them? I am an old and I have two pensions from former employers, both with about $50k (est lump sum). I’m trying to figure out whether to leave them where they are or bring the lump sum over to an IRA. I don’t have particular concerns about either company going under but I guess you don’t know. Our financial advisor gave some thoughts about calculating the estimated payout if left where they are vs moving. There’s also an element of admin simplicity /mental load about having everything together. I know this is a fortunate and increasingly rare problem to have and was wondering if anyone had experience or advice.

    1. I rolled the lump sum/s into my IRA because I didn’t want to chase it down when I moved all the time, and I wanted to simplify my retirement savings.

    2. Are you talking about pensions (defined benefit) or are you talking about retirement accounts such as a 401(k) or 403(b), with a set balance that you can rollover?

  14. I really need to plan a vacation but all of my summer plans are a bit up in the air because of what’s going on in the Middle East, so I’d like to plan a long weekend somewhere relaxing with my boyfriend in April. We’re in Houston, so ordinarily we’d just hop down to Mexico and stay at an all-inclusive. Given what’s going on in Mexico, that’s off the table. I’m considering Belize or Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, so looking for recommendations. I know a lot of the Belize locations require taking another small plane, so it might be too much for a long weekend. Thoughts or suggestions on a place to stay or if there are any other locations we should consider? Looking for relaxation with a little bit of exploration/culture. TIA!

    1. If you want the ease and relaxation of a Mexican all-inclusive, the DR and Jamaica have a lot of options. Most of the big Mexico brands (Secrets, Excellence, Live Aqua etc.) have properties in one or both of these countries. Although peronally I think Jamaica is less safe than Mexico, even given the current situation.

      I enjoyed Belize but I don’t think the kind of trip you’re describing will be very relaxing, especially on a shorter timeframe.

    2. It is a 2.5 hour flight from Houston to Belize City. Whether you need another flight depends on whether you are going to one of the cays. In your place, I would fly into Belize City, get a driver and go the Black Rock Lodge (another 2 hours – maybe with a stop at the Belize Zoo on the way), and then spend the weekend bird watching, rafting and exploring the Mayan sites. However, that is not a beach destination so would not work if you are looking for that.

      1. I used to work in Kidnap & Ransom security/insurance & would not go to Mexico now. Believe me, that is not something you want to live through.

    4. I did Belize in 6 days (though cried about wishing we had more time). I drove to Placencia (recommend Chabil Mar resort) in a rental, then the third day returned the rental and went to Ambergris Cay via ferry. Took the ferry back and stayed the last night in Belize City so we’d be close to the airport. This might feel too pedestrian to some but I enjoyed every bit of it and would have missed out on some of the best parts without the drives, the car, and the ferry.

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