Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Baxter Dress
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Lets say you work around 50 hours a week, Monday through Friday 8 to 5:30 and without a lunch break. You then have a household issue and need to get your A/C fixed at the last minute. You tell your boss you will work from home, something that you do only once or twice a year. Later, you boss tells you that if you do this again, you need to take some of your formal time off even though you are working from home because you wouldn’t be as efficient at home (which is debatable).
Is this fair? When you are on a salary and you gladly work ‘overtime’, I wish companies would treat you with respect in regards to your life outside of work.
Agreed. That’s what being exempt is all about.
this is not very smart by your management. I can understand that it demotivates you. But he’s the boss, so I would take the time off and actually not work on that day.
I’m not sure it’s an issue of fairness. But it’s definitely an issue of respect and priorities.
I’ve found that the values of the person I report to have been far more meaningful to my work-life balance than the values of the company I work for. Good bosses who understand life outside of work can overcome bad company policies, and good company policies can be lost to managers who don’t “get it.” Now, when I look for jobs, I always look at the schedule of the person I’ll be working for. If he/she works 90 hour weeks and takes pride in working nights and weekends, and hasn’t taken a vacation in years, I know that no company-wide approach to balance is going to make this the job for me.
Yes, this is so true. My job is great precisely because my manager understands that I am a real person with a life outside of work. He understands that sometimes I have to go wait for the HVAC guy or the Comcast guy or that I want to take a vacation. The flexibility in my schedule that he allows me is so so so important to me, and is a major reason I will stay at my current workplace.
I have spoken to two recruiters in the past months about jobs that would pay about $30K more than I make now. But after I did the math, I realized that it probably is not worth it to risk going back to a bad boss. I have a fabulous boss now – I work from home whenever I need to (my husband and I have just one car, so when he needs the car, I work from home – far better than my husband’s idea of spending $20K on a new car) and whenever my boss is out of town, which is often.
I also like and respect my boss. I had a horrible CEO/grandboss at my previous job, so I am willing to sacrifice some cash to stay in a good situation.
Total agreement. I work for a large, rigid, bureaucratic organization, but my boss is wonderful about running interference and helping all of her team find the flexibility around the margins that helps us all stay sane.
Also this. I actually had something similar happen (found out last night they would be doing work in my apartment today and I just strongly prefer to be here) so shot my boss a note apologizing and saying I’d try to be in for the PM, and that I was working from home but I’d take PTO if she preferred. She emailed me back not to worry about it and just telework the whole day.
I came from a very micromanaging job and it is a complete 180. A good manager can cover an amazing amount of sins in a position or organization. I love what I do, but having a great manager (lead by a great VP) is really what makes it. She told me my first week that we are professionals and she trusts us until we give her a reason not to trust us. The implication being you are screwed if you get to that point, but it is a great approach for hard-working adults.
+1 My company is extremely unfriendly to families and, particularly, women (moreso for mothers). But my head boss is not a micromanager and my immediate boss is also a working mom and gives me absolute control over my schedule and doesn’t even ask questions if I need to come in late, leave early or leave for a few hours for an appointment. In return, I get my work done and am willing to work “overtime” if it is necessary. She is the reason I will stay despite the company policies.
Very true. I work for a law firm that is generally totally fine about attorneys working from home if necessary, but the partner who I work with most pretty much does not allow this even though I am a very reliable employee and put in around 55-65 hours in the office every week. It makes my life miserable.
“Sorry, boss. You do not get to treat me like a salaried employee by not paying overtime and then also treat me like an hourly employee when it benefits you. If I am working over 40 hours in a week, I am not taking PTO.”
Check your state laws before you say this. In my state, being salaried does not mean you automatically get a flexible schedule and can put in your 40 hours whenever you want. A company can legally tell an employee they have to work specified hours and require them to use PTO if they want to take off during those hours.
But she’s not taking off – she’s still working.
But an employee doesn’t get to decide where they will work. A boss is well within their rights to say employees, even salaried ones, have to be in the office from 9-5 M-F or use paid time off.
But Anonymous @12:37, it sounds like her boss expects her to take PTO in addition to working from home.
If I take PTO, I’m certainly not working.
No, the boss said “You can’t work from home in this circumstance, you have to take PTO.” I agree you don’t work and take PTO but I don’t think that’s what happened here.
Oh, I read it the opposite way.
The boss said, “Of course you can work from home but you will still need to take an hour or two off PTO to compensate for not being as efficient as you would be had you come to the office.”
Yup, same. It sucks, but I do get a lot of other benefits at my job that make the trade off worth it.
This is why people find new jobs. I personally think her rule is ridiculous, but if it does happen in the future, make it clear that if you are taking time off, you will not be working. No way should a supervisor suggest you use your paid leave and still work.
Shoot. I meant to post this not as a response! I fail at Wednesdays.
I don’t think it’s fair, but I also think you have to respect those rules, however stupid they may be, or find a new job.
I’m a little confused by the way the post is worded. Is the boss saying in the future, you would need to take time off instead of working from home? Or that even though you worked from home, you’ll need to use a vacation/personal day for the day, already past, because s/he doesn’t think your work from home is as efficient?
Either way, sounds like a bad situation. Does your company have a formal policy on working from home? If not, is there a precedent of other people working from home on occasion?
You’ll need to use a few vacation/personal hours for the time that you were not in the office, because she doesn’t think your work from home is as efficient…
In that case, look for a new job. You can protest, but it’s probably not worth it.
This would frustrate me too, but if you have plenty of vacation/personal leave can you just look at it as a day off? The AC appointment probably won’t take that long, so plan some other fun stuff to do that day. (This is assuming you have generous PTO. If you don’t, yeah I’d start job-hunting.)
Er, are you getting paid for that overtime? If so, then I think it’s fair (although still kind of petty and annoying). If not, then it’s poor management and I’d quietly add this to a mental tally of ‘hmm, is it time to find a new job?’
I would leave that job (maybe not right away), but over time. Blanket policies that don’t allow for hard workers to have a life have no place in your permanent future. Sure, it’s just a few hours now, but what happens when you get docked for being 20 minutes late from a doctor’s appointment after pulling a 60-hour week the week before? How about when you need to take a quick personal phone call at 7:30 pm and your boss reprimands you? It’s never enough for those types of companies and you will never feel as respected as you would at a place that knows how to back off its top performers and let them live their lives.
It depends. Is there a formal approval process for time off? Do you have to give a certain amount of time for approval and can boss turn it down? Can you deduct vacation time for time that you’re actually working? I’m just imagining how this works in real life. Let’s say you come home from work one night to discover that your water heater leaked so you need to take the next morning off to get it replaced. You call boss and say you’ll take vacation time for the morning. Can boss say, well you didn’t give the requisite 48 hours (or whatever) notice for taking vacation time, so you can’t take that time? Alternatively, can boss approve the time off and say, you still have to be on this call at 10 a.m., and then give you heck because you deducted the time you were on the call from the vacation time you took?
Fwiw I had partners in biglaw who got pretty huffy about working from home to take care of household emergencies. The logic was, if you’re dealing with contractors then you’re not actually working. That ignores the fact that the vast majority of my time is sitting around waiting (and working). Dealing with the contractor takes 5? 10? minutes. I point them to the water heater, they do stuff, then I pay them. I also routinely deducted work time from actual vacation hours and people sometimes got huffy about that. No, I am not claiming 8 hours of vacation time when I worked a 12-hour day in my hotel room while my family played at the beach.
When I was in Big Law, I wouldn’t even enter vacation time on day I had at least a couple of hours billed (including days I was actually “on vacation”). I would just enter the time. I worked a lot on vacation so sometimes I’d take a week of vacation and my timecard would look like:
Monday – 7 hours vacation time
Tuesday – 2.5 hours Matter X
Wednesday – 4 hours Matter Y
Thursday – 3 hours Matter Y, 1 hour Matter X
Friday – 3.5 hours Matter Z
Nobody ever gave me any grief.
+1 My firm had an official policy that if you billed over an hour, it wasn’t a vacation day. The downside of this was that if you were in the office but had no work to do and thus didn’t have any time to write down, you would sometimes burn a vacation day sitting at your desk.
My firms requires 8 hours entered into the time entry software every day, but it can be billable, nonbillable or vacation. So on a no-work-to-do day, I could split the 8 hours between billable/nonbillable or leave early and put in “vacation” time. On a working vacation day, I could do the same. It seems like a fair way to handle it.
@10:25 – that’s when you do non-billable “industry research” or the like.
No, that’s not fair. If you are working from home, you are working, presumably connected, etc, and should not have to use vacation time.
Yay Kat! I love this dress and the pumps!
As for the OP, your boss is in need of counseling! You need a little flexibility and he is like this? He needs to reflect on his value’s and what is really a small matter. I can work from home anytime as long as I get my hours billed. Tell him my story and say you want to be like me. If he’s smart he will let you work from home ?. I have to go back inside b/c grandma Trudy was scowling at me for p’osting instead of reflecting. FOOEY b/c the hive is my virtual family! Yay!
To play devil’s advocate: If an employee wrote to inform me she would be working from home — something that was normally a very rare occurrence — I might not be thrilled either. If the person said “I’m sorry but I either can’t come in or need to work from home” or just “Is it ok if I work from home?” I might respond differently.
Obviously this depends on a lot of factors — how senior are you? Have there been issues with other people working from home? etc. My boss has had problems with remote workers so when employees not hired as remote workers want to work from him, she is leery until you’ve proven yourself. My predecessor batched calls and emails (didn’t answer calls or emails during certain blocks of time so she could focus) and the result is that if I don’t answer or respond to emails for a couple of hours at a time, my boss wonders what I’m up to. Given what happened with my predecessor and with a couple of other employees fired for not actually working from home, I understand it.
Yes, I am a manager and sometimes you need to take a hard line non an issue with all employees if one employee is abusing the policy and you are having to discipline him/her.
So say another employee in the unit is working from home and not getting work done. The manager may be addressing this with that employee by putting more emphasis on accountability. Therefore, the manager needs to be consistent in that accountability effort to make sure there isn’t a selective enforcement issue.
I’ve never worked somewhere where you can arbitrarily work from home or the office with little to no notice/approval. Very few places I’ve worked allowed tele-working at all and those that did typically had an approval process and some sort of agreed upon schedule.
Unless they give you comp hours for overtime, they shouldn’t force you to take leave time in that situation.
Sorry, I meant that to be a reply to the post above.
Building on our discussion of the Skimm, are there any email newsletters that people like? I’ve been enjoying Broadsheet and really like the Lenny Letter. Ideally, they’d be longer reads (something for the commute) and maybe focused on women? I may just need to renew my New Yorker subscription but it is pricey in the UK.
I just got a New Yorker subscription for the first time. I had no idea the project I was signing up for! It’s such a #FirstWorldProblem, but I can’t get through each magazine before the next one arrives, even setting aside hours on a Sunday morning to read through it. That being said, it’s the best and I’m better for reading it each week, even if I’m not able to read every article.
There’s nothing as good as the New Yorker. I subscribe on my Kindle for ~$3/month. Is that available to you in the UK?
There should be a digital only subscription. Also, even if you don’t subscribe you can sign up for their email and they will send you a few shorter articles gratis.
For something else to read on the commute, I really like longreads & they have a weekly newsletter.
That’s a good idea, my husband has appropriated my kindle so might need to steal it back. I don’t like using my ipad on the bus and my phone is too old and clunky.
Piggybacking off this… Does anyone know if the Texture app works on a kindle? I have a subscription (and the premium subscription includes the New Yorker) but I don’t want to carry my ipad with me. I usually just read Lenny Letter on my phone or check messages/play games but my commute is generally not that long (20-30 mins).
Do you think Athleta dresses are work appropriate? There’s a pretty purple dress (with pockets!) that I have my eye on, but I’m not sure I could get away with wearing it to the office. If you didn’t have meetings, would you wear it? It has a hood; is that a definite no?
I wouldn’t wear anything with a hood to the office, but I think that really depends on how casual your office is.
I work in a business casual office with casual Fridays, where people interpret the “business” part of “business casual” very loosely. For reference, on a recent Tuesday I saw mom jeans with a patterned sweater from the 1980s (yes, the wearer told me it actually was from the 1980s), Birkenstocks with black socks, and a baggy t-shirt with a picture on it. I sometimes wear dressier athleisure dresses during the week and have worn a hooded sweater dress from Athleta on Fridays, which felt like I was pushing the boundaries a little. A hooded sweatshirt dress would feel even more iffy to me, but I’m sure others would be comfortable with it.
I would consider wearing one to work, but then my workplace is pretty casual (jeans, hoodie sweatshirts, maxi skirts in the summer, athletic shoes)
A hood?
I wouldn’t.
What is your dress code?
Sounds like a great weekend dress!
Business casual in theory, more casual than business in practice. I was afraid the hood would push it over the edge. I think everyone is right.
I think that this is one that is for the time in b/w Christmas and New Year’s.
I have the other Athleta purple dress with pockets (no hood and ponte fabric) and will wear it to work (if it works with tights — may need to have more of an A-line skirt to pull it off tho).
I have last year’s hoodie dress and would wear it at night (I go home for kid stuff and come back sometimes) and when IDGAF. I’m pretty senior so I would not recommend to all.
BUT I see people wearing what is very very similar (sans hood). Sooo tempted.
Is it this dress? http://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1063511&vid=1&pid=362815032
If so, nooooo. Totally looks like post-yoga wear, which has no place in the office.
Yes, it is the dress equivalent of sweatpants.
+1 Totally inappropriate for the office, even in my business casual office.
+2 I work in a casual office where people wear jeans every day, but this is more like yoga pants than jeans. Totally not appropriate.
I really love this dress.
Plus tights and boots it would totally fly in my business casual office ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
God no. Are you a gym teacher?
You’re a delight.
A hooded dress? That’s not appropriate for any workplace. No…just no…
I’m glad you have surveyed them all for us….
Hello! IT worker in SoCal! It would totally fly here. People show up in those athletic pants with the snaps down the sides and giant white sneakers!
That said, I would save it for the weekend cos it looks a bit short for me. Super cute though!
I think I have the same dress. I love it, but I wouldn’t wear it to work.
I’m having a baby soon and my husband and I have been debating names. I feel like I’m losing my mind on Nameberry and some of the names I’ve loved for a long time I no longer want to use because they’ve become so trendy (Charlotte, I’m looking at you!)
What do you think of Louisa with the nickname Lulu? My husband loves it and it’s growing on me. I’m not looking for opinions from people I know, but want to get some thoughts generally! Last name is LeBoyer.
Louisa is lovely. I would skip the nickname. It’s cute for a baby but they have a bad habit of lingering.
Honest opinion? Lulu LeBoyer is a little too cute.
Do you know the Supreme Court Justice test for naming girls? Does the first name go with “Day O’Connor?” This is a way of figuring out if the name has grown-up gravitas, in my mind. It eliminates cutesy little girl names. I have no problem with names that pass the test but have cute little girl nicknames. Louisa passes the Supreme Court Justice test, but I just think all the alliteration with Lulu is over-cutesy.
I admire Sandra Day O’Connor greatly, but I hope you realize that’s a pretty racist test. Any name that’s not English is going to sound strange with those two English/Irish last names.
Then use Sotomayor, or Ginsburg, or any other name of an adult woman doing an adult’s job.
I think of it as the stripper (also an adult job) vs surgeon test, and it’s a 51-49 test, so it’s not saying it is a surgeon name, just that it leans that way. Spelling – hyphenation – etc. all count.
Britnee = does not lean “surgeon”
So I have an affinity for the name Magnolia… yeah it’s a pretty flower, but also seems like it could be a stately/sophisticated name, and the nickname is Maggie. Thoughts? Is it leaning more stripper than surgeon??
For SD: I’d say Yes to flower names used on Keeping Up Appearances (Rose, Hyacynth, Violet, and the other one) or Vogue editors (Plum). And maybe Lilly. You’d be breaking new ground with Magnolia. Not 51% stripper (to me).
Flower names read BBC to me, so I’d also consider Mags as a short version. Easier to yell, at least.
The name “Maggie” carries a lot of gravitas.
It sure does!
To me “Magnolia” is 51% stripper.
I like Louisa and I’m not mad at Lulu as a nickname.
I love Magnolia but I’m totally biased from Hart of Dixie.
Maggie always makes me think of maggot… sorry. My sister said it once and now I can’t unthink it.
We used a similar test, saying out loud: “Announcing the newest member of the Supreme Court, Justice ___.” Or “President ___.” Or Doctor ____.
Alliterative names is one of my naming personal pet peeves. Along with, naming all of your children with the same letter, or in alphabetical order.
OTOH When people with the same first initial marry (Joseph and Julia Smith) I get so sad when they don’t give their kid a J name. And I love when there is like P1, P2, P3 for kiddos with the same letter.
Pauline, Peter, Patricia, Pamela, Paul and Polly were neighbors growing up.
As a child of a Rick and a Ruth, I’m thankful i’m not Rebecca, or Rachel, etc. It has always sounded like a badly scripted sit com family.
FYI, the “same letter” or starting with the same syllable is a cultural tradition in some Asian cultures.
I didn’t know that and to be honest all of the multiple members same letter families have been standard multi euporean descent american middle class sets
My husband’s family was all J’s. Even if I like a name starting with a “J” I can’t bring myself to use it. Every kid in my family gets a different letter for their first name. For our boys names we asked ourselves what would look good on a doctoral thesis and (for me) what name could grow with them from baby to adult.
seriously, you have pet peeves about what other people name their kids? I cant even …
The test I have heard of is to stand at the back door and yell the first name, middle name, and last name together as if you are calling a recalcitrant kid in for dinner.
I love Magnolia. I know one (an acquaintance’s daughter), and she sometimes goes my Maggie or Mags. I do live in the South, though, so I think that makes it lean more surgeon.
I love Louisa. Beautiful name. I would call her Lou instead of Lulu. I work with older donors a lot, and I know a lot of female Louisas nicknamed Lou.
+1.
Love it too, my second would have Louisa if he was a girl. And I like names that have several nickname potentials, so the options we heard were: Lou, Lulu, Izzy, Isa, Lucy, Louie, Weezy, and Lolly. All awesome nicknames and lots of options for kid to pick from if she wanted a change when she got older.
Yes, I love Louisa and really appreciate nicknames where the person could be of either gender.
I have a friend whose parents chose names for their three daughters that could have variants that are not gender specific that they could also use. They were also specifically chose names that are ethnically neutral to American ears, despite the fact that they are from a racial sub-group in America.
All three woman have fantastic careers and do tactically use their names to their advantage given specific scenarios.
Love it!!! Like lula as a nickname better than lulu, but theyre both pretty and have a sort of retro, country club feel to me. I like the alliteration; it’s a huge advantage to have a name people can remember easily.
I think louisa is sophisticated enough to be a senator or surgeon. I worked for an attorney name loisa once and she was a true class act. I love talking names bc they are subjective but totally polarizing.
+ 1. Love Lousia. Don’t like Lulu.
A word of caution about nicknames – your kid may not like the nickname and not want to use it. I think there’s always a risk if you go with one name intending to call the kid something else that s/he will end up being known by the name you don’t prefer.
I’m also not personally a huge fan of alliterative names but to each their own.
I’m also not a fan of alliterative names, but one of my kids has one, and it doesn’t bother me anymore. Honestly, long as you don’t name your kid something totally ridiculous that will get eyerolls from future hiring managers, once it is a name for a person and not just a collection of syllables, it doesn’t seem so important. I think Louisa is a beautiful name, and Lulu is cute for a little girl. She’ll either grow out of it or own it, and either way, she still has a “grown up” name to use for Important Things.
This, I was called nickname middlename my entire life. As I grew through college, I realized I was truly suited to firstname as given. I had to wait until I entered graduate school to change it. That being said, it took my parents another 20 years after that choice point to even make an effort. MIL simply refuses even though all correspondence from me is done with firstname. Darling Husband announces that firstname is too long for the house conversations, but always uses it in public with me as I wish.
So, that’s a cautionary tale about assuming children will want to use the nickname you give them.
Signed, Not Queen Elizabeth
I think Louisa is a beautiful name, but I think it’s weird when expecting parents plan a nickname. Nicknames should happen organically.
I don’t agree with this at all. My youngest is Elizabeth, and there are a ton of short versions of the name. We picked the one we wanted and went with it. She’s still Elizabeth, so she has options when she is older, but we controlled the short form that she generally uses.
Something like “Anna Banana,” yeah, I agree that it’s weird to plan in advance. But, planning that your Louisa will be Lou or Lulu doesn’t seem weird to me at all.
Tell that to my city. People here are forever giving a kid a name and either using the middle name or something else entirely (e.g., Loulie). To the point of having stuff monogrammed so it can be in hospital pictures.
Why do you think it is weird for parents to choose a name with a nickname in mind? My daughter’s name is Margaret and we’ve always call her Maisie. She’s in high school now and she knows she can use Margaret or another nickname if she wants, but she likes Maisie. I also think Louisa is a lovely name and that Lulu is cute, especially for a little girl. If you name her that, she might decide to shorten it to Lou or drop it on her own when she gets older.
I think it’s strange to pick one name and never use it, and I dislike diminishing girls with diminutive names.
+1
I think it’s especially weird when the nickname has no obvious relation to the full name. Why not just name your daughter Maisie?
Yes — I am a “Victoria” and hated people calling to call me Vicki or Tori or anything like that. My name is Victoria.
My favorite nickname is a kid who was bald for a long time a long time ago. Sputnik went up and was big news, even in his farm town. He was called “Sput” into adulthood. I want to get one of those Sputnik-style lights just b/c I love the story so much (and have relatives at NASA).
I know the intent is that the kid can choose to go by a different name as an adult if they want, but it just feels weird to me to go by a different name than what I’ve been called all my life. I also haaaaate correcting people who call me my full name instead of nickname, or when people decide to guess and guess other wrong nicknames. It’s not a big deal, but it would be nice to have a name like Anna or something with no explanation necessary.
With adults, I agree but with children, boys and girls names are equally made diminutive. Bobby, Joey, Dougie, Billy, Johnny.
Your mileage may vary, but as a person who has always been called by a nickname with (I think) the intent to use my full name as an adult, it doesn’t always work that way. After 20+ years of going by said nickname 95% of the time, I never really felt like my full name was “me”, so nickname it is. I did have one rude coworker tell me I was too old to go by my name, but I don’t think it’s anything too childish or cutesy.
I have always been called full name by my family and nickname (but not the cutesy one my name could generate) in school/by friends. Both feel like “me,” I use full name in my signature block but often introduce myself by nickname. It does weird me out a little if my family uses my nickname, though.
My kids have names with many possible nicknames. We use full name and preferred nickname pretty equally, so hopefully they’ll grow up feeling comfortable with both and can choose their preference for any situation.
In my case, my Elizabeth’s older sister insists on only calling her Elizabeth so that she knows her name. So, it does get used.
Responding to “why not just name your daughter Maisie” – I wanted a distinguished name for her to use as an adult and Margaret is a family name. I also have a first name that has a common nickname. I went by the nickname when I was a child and began using my full name in college. No big deal.
Also, Maisie is a traditional nickname for Margaret. One of my relatives also used it.
I know a million Margarets. I know a Maizie (parents are hippies — maybe they love corn) and a cat with that name (not a nickname — cats gets this right at least).
Easier said than done. My nickname is Katy, but I’m a Kathryn. It was really hard to make the transition in high school, and it’s still an issue with my family who have never been able to make the change. I hate being called Katy because it doesn’t feel like ‘me’ and to me, because I don’t want to use it, also feels cutesy and infantilizing.
I think Louisa is lovely and agree with nixing the planned nickname. Maybe Lulu will happen, maybe it won’t–let it be organic.
Signed (not the real names but same principle),
A Mary Katherine who was supposed to go by Mary or Mary Kate, and ended up as Katie within one year of birth because “you just looked like a Katie”
I almost had a Mary Catherine but decided that I would probably call her MC and then MC Hammer and then Hammertime and then . . . no.
When I yell, half of the time I use her sister’s name anyway.
My initials are definitely MCH with a middle name of Catherine.
Only drunk friends have ever tried the MC Hammer thing.
I’m MC and it’s never been a problem. I’ve gotten MC Hammer on occasion (mostly in the early 90s) and it’s never bothered me, or advanced to hammertime.
Disagree. I love the name Clementine but HATE Tina. It’s good to think these things through.
And Tamara is lovely but Tammy is horrible.
I love that name! But I also had a great aunt named Louise and was seriously pushing my husband to name our daughter after her…b/c my great aunt’s nickname was “Weezy” which I also thought was adorable. For the record, all of my kids have super old fashioned names so I’m an easy sell. I do prefer name versions that don’t end in “a” (ex: Isabelle instead of Isabella, Louise instead of Louisa), but that’s a matter of personal taste and Louisa is a great name!
Only if you use the middle name Lemon.
Seconded.
I love Louisa. Really classic but still feels like it could be a little girl’s name and an adult’s name. I love timeless names that could work equally well for a grandmother and a 2-year-old.
I like Louise better than Louisa, but my dear aunt Louise told me it’s a big pain because a lot of people these days don’t know how to spell the name and she ends up with a lot of “Louis” and even “Louse” a few times. That being said, it’s a beautiful, classic name.
So funny – my 3 month old niece has a somewhat unusual French name (BIL is French) and got a middle name inspired by my mother, who is Louise. Somehow, everyone has ended up calling her Lulu. It’s really cute for a baby but she has some other options as she grows up and wants to be something else. My mother will be thrilled that the Corporette community is thinking about Louise-ish names!
If my husband and I have a second girl that’s the name I’ve been pushing for. Louisa is my grandmother’s name, and I think Lulu as a nickname is adorable.
I love Louisa as a name. It’s fresh/classic/not overdone but still on trend with girl names ending in ‘a’ or an ‘a’ sound (Ella, Emma, Maria, Nora(h), Sara(h), Hanna(h), Lila, Maya etc).
BUT…I don’t love it for your baby’s name. Especially if you want to go with the nickname Lulu. Lulu LeBoyer is really alliterative to the point of confusion. (lu lu le)
What about Amelia or Cecilia? Gives you Cece or Lia as nicknames and a similar feel but much less alliterative.
Louisa is beautiful, but give her a more grown up nickname. Lou was suggested and it’s both cute for a little one and appropriate for an adult woman.
Lulu is too cutesy. I work with several associates trying to ditch their cutesy nicknames (that they used during law school because that’s what they’ve been called their entire lives), but it’s a mess because a lot of us went to school together, so we always catch ourselves saying (to older attorneys), “Lulu said that . . . ” and correcting to “Louisa said that . . . “
Has anyone else noticed that NPR’s Lourdes Garcia-Navarro has recently started signing off as Lulu? The anchors used to call her Lulu, but she always signed off as Lourdes until a few months ago. It sounds too juvenile for a reporter.
I like the name Louisa because of Louisa May Alcott.
Check out this recent name nerd column for similar suggestions (the wife likes Louise and her husband isn’t into it).
http://www.laineygossip.com/Duana-Names-I-Like-It–But-Dont-Love-It/Lifestyle/29766?categoryId=1284
Wow, I love Louisa (and have never considered it even though Sound of Music is my favorite movie). And now I want to steal it. Especially since our other intended girl’s name is Clara and those are super cute together.
But yea, would not go with Lulu, even if your last name didn’t start with “L”. “Lou” is way better, but I really think just going by Louisa would work too… that’s as great a name for a newborn as it is for an adult woman.
I actually think Lulu LeBoyer, while cute, is better than Lou LeBoyer. If I heard “Lou LeBoyer” quickly I’d probably mistake if for Lulu Boyer…at least with Lulu I’d get your last name right!
Lulu LeBoyer sounds like the heroine of a young adult book series, or a Southern stripper.
Yeah, my first thought with Lulu was “stripper”.
P.S. the dress featured today is PERFECTION.
A concealed zipper and long sleeves that are actually long? Be still my heart.
Love the sleeves/pockets, but I do agree that crew neck usually gives me pause.
Full length sleeves and crew neck combo is very unflattering /dowdy on many shapes.
Perhaps, but I’m tired of freezing in the winter. I can add a scarf to a neckline, but the shorter sleeves bunch when you put on a jacket and leave you freezing otherwise.
LOVE this dress. Even scoopnecks can be a little too low-cut on me and my ridiculous chest, so I LOVE crewneck/boatneck dresses.
Me too. But I can tell that the model is short and that it wouldn’t look good on nearly six foot tall me. Le sigh. Back to Boden, where they carry talls.
They have midi pencil skirts that might be worth checking out.
I was a VS Pink boyshort loyalist – 7 for $27.50 had me stocked up for years. They have seriously cut back on a specific style of boyshort (cotton bottom/lace band). The all lace ones or the ones with a band around the top just don’t work for me as they cut into me, and don’t offer an XL size so sizing up isn’t an option.
Size 12-14 ladies out there, what do you wear? I haven’t worn anything else for probably 15 years and I’m looking for something of a similar style with full coverage, but not too expensive/high end. TIA!
I’m the same size as you and all I wear are Jockey “no panty line promise” undies. They are like a silky nylon/spandex and totally invisible under clothes. They come in different cuts – bikini, high cut, boyshorts, etc and many patterns and colours. I have like 20 pairs. They’re not sexy but they get the job done. And they wash and wear really well – I only recently replaced all my pairs after wearing my old ones for almost 10 years, no joke.
Thanks!! Do they roll under your tummy?
Nope!
VS has some better boyshort options in the non-pink line. Same price.
I’m the same size and I’ve switched to the VS low-rise cheeky. Size up and it doesn’t roll at all.
aerie cotton boy briefs! They also have other styles but I love the classic boybriefs – low rise with full coverage, comfortable, cotton, cute. Similar pricing to VS. I believe they have an XL size (would be surprised if they didn’t given all of their body positive marketing) – I wear an L as a bottom heavy 8/10.
Soma Vanishing Edge all the time!
I wear almost exclusively VS lace thongs. (And usually purchased free, one at a time.) They’re equally comfortable.
I love these: http://xylemclothing.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=34_11&products_id=33
How would you feel about being invited to a wedding on Mother’s Day weekend, assuming most guests are coming from out of town and some guests will be recent new mothers? It’s basically the only good date my venue has left for next year and fiance doesn’t want to wait another year. I’m polling a few of my friends, but I’m worried they wouldn’t actually tell me if they were going to be unhappy about traveling on mother’s day weekend. Mother’s day is not a big deal in my family, but I really don’t know if this is one of those “never put a wedding on this weekend” holidays or not. My only other option is Easter weekend, which I definitely don’t want to do.
Do it. It’s a Saturday wedding right? Mothers Day is Sunday. They will either figure it out or RSVP no.
Totally acceptable. If someone skipped a wedding because they wanted to spend the WHOLE weekend with their mom, I would give them major side eye.
I wouldn’t side eye someone for skipping, but I also wouldn’t side eye a bride for having it that weekend.
This. Pick the date that works for you and people who want to come will come, and if they choose to do something else, the world will keep spinning.
I think the concern is the friends who are new moms celebrating their first mother’s day, not adults wanting to see their own moms.
You could honor them in some special way – e.g., dedicate a song to all the recent mothers, give them each a flower etc.
+1 OP, will you be inviting kids/babies or otherwise going way above and beyond to provide childcare? It strikes me as pretty inconsiderate to make your parent friends choose between attending your wedding versus being with their kids on Mother’s Day, especially for new moms.
Also, I would really counsel against having a day after brunch. Mother’s Day doesn’t get to encroach on your Saturday night fun, but don’t encroach on Mother’s Day brunch either.
Parents aren’t super special snowflakes who absolutely must be accommodated above everyone else. There are Mother’s Days every year but this is OP’s only wedding.
Oh please. They can celebrate Mother’s Day on Sunday. It’s easy. If you’re invited to a wedding brunch, and you don’t want to go, you say no. Grow up.
I would advise against a day-after brunch not because of Mother’s Day but because day-after brunches are wicked obnoxious and make your guests feel guilty if they want to fly out at a reasonable time on Sunday.
A good friend of mine hosted a day-after buffet breakfast, and it was a lovely balance. Guests who wanted to could grab a bite and say goodbye to the B&G and each other before flying out, but there was no specific structure, so it was easy to come and go. DH and I stopped by for coffee and said our good-byes, then met another friend (who lived in the same city but didn’t know the couple) for brunch in a different part of town.
….providing childcare? Going “way above and beyond?” Christ on the cross. When did becoming a parent elevate your whims to platinum status above everyone else’s? (We’re not talking about actual physical needs of mom and baby here; we’re literally talking about sentimentality and whimsy).
If my friend chose not to attend my wedding because she needed to spend the Saturday before Mother’s day with her infant after I a) went to her wedding shower/ wedding b) went to her baby shower and got her a gift c) visited and dropped off food, etc. after the baby was born and d) looked at 900 pictures of her child over the course of the past year, I’d be pretty irked.
I assume the child care suggestion is assuming people will be traveling to the wedding, and may want to both attend your wedding AND see their kiddos on Sunday, even though they will be spending Sunday in a different city in order to attend your wedding. That seems like a really helpful suggestion if a lot of your out of town guests are relatively-new moms. And I say that as a non-mom who hates over the top wedding sh*t.
This will be my first mothers day. Know what I’d like to do? Party hard at your wedding Saturday and then sleep it off while the hubs takes care of the baby all morning and brings me waffles and a bloody Mary. Because its my special day….
+1
As a mom of two who spent her first mother’s day away at a wedding I vote that it’s no big deal. I was just as happy to spend my first mother’s day at a wedding + weekend away (with sleep!) with the hubby than to spend it at home with my baby. I think the previous ideas of doing something special for the new moms is adorable but of course not necessary.
Many colleges have graduations or move-out days on Mothers Day weekend. And the ABA tax section always meets then in DC. Only a first-timer would probably make a stink. Otherwise, it’s just another weekend (and their day technically is Sunday only).
Yup, my law school graduation was definitely on mother’s day weekend.
Undergrad graduation was that weekend.
Oh, that’s a good point. Now that I think about it, my college graduation was on mother’s day. The day of, not just the weekend.
If your venue is near a college, you might have a hard time getting a hotel block. You might want to look into that before booking the venue.
I don’t think it’s a “never put a wedding on this weekend” holiday, but based on my circle it does seem to be one of those things that’s become elevated in importance in recent years. My recent new mom friends have made HUGE to-dos about their first mothers day, so I can’t promise your new mom friends won’t be annoyed about it.
Yes agreed that it seems to be a bigger and bigger thing. I blame Instagram. We did breakfast in bed and flowers and called it a day.
+1 My last few friends to have kids have hosted their in-laws, parents and adult siblings on their first Mother’s Day and everyone has made the weekend all about the new mom. Many have hired professional photogs for the occasion (which sounds a little cray but I think they’re doing it more because they have all the family in the same place and they want photos with both sets of grandparents). I definitely think people now see the first Mother’s Day as a very special milestone that needs to be celebrated and documented, and I’m pretty sure my friends would not have attended a wedding that weekend unless it was a super close BFF.
Those girls be cray.
Word.
Right? Professional photos?
I feel like have a wedding on this date would be more beneficial in that it would help you weed out the cray cray friends who can’t come because they’ve already booked their mother’s day professional photography!
Yup. I got a potted flower and no cooking on my first Mother’s day. Professional photos? Really!?!?
Couldn’t care less. I hate Mothers Day and send my mom a card only because she would be hurt if I didn’t.
I hate mandatory holidays. When we first started dating, I told my now-husband that I didn’t care if he did anything for Valentine’s Day. And now, my husband is running for the state house, so is super busy with his campaign. My birthday is next week – I told him we can celebrate after the election.
Do you plan to have kids? How do you feel about never having a true “anniversary” celebration or a true “mothers day” celebration after you have kids because they get lumped together? /no judgment, just something to think about.
My mom had my sister on Mother’s Day. I don’t think that Dads get bent out of shape about June weddings. I think there is a concept called “other weekends” available in both months.
Moms sacrifice way more and get way less thanks for it than dads – discrimination in the workplace, side eyes for not living up to some superwoman impossible standard, the expectation that all things child- and home-centric are women’s work. Moms have more of a claim to a day that’s all about thanking them than dads do, that’s why Mother’s Day is a bigger deal.
Srsly? B/w the proms and graduations, it’s as much of a guarantee of an abbreviated menu and bad service as valentine’s day dinners.
Eyeroll.
My wedding anniversary is right around father’s day, and it never occurred to me to even think about it.
Well, Mother’s Day moves around so they’ll only be the same day every 6 years or so. I would also think the activities you do to celebrate are different enough (anniversary = adults only celebration like a date night, Mother’s Day = breakfast in bed for the mom and a family celebration) that they wouldn’t get lumped in together.
Also it would be kind of fun because you’d kind of have two anniversaries: the calendar date and “the day before Mother’s Day.”
My wedding was the day after thanksgiving and while my ex and I were married we often celebrated on that day as opposed to the date.
Mother’s day doesn’t fall on the same date every year.
Doesn’t Mother’s Day shift weekends every year?
No, we aren’t having kids. And it moves around, so my only concern is our mothers thinking we need to do something with them on our anniversary once every however many years.
Send them flowers and take them out the weekend before or after. They will live.
I’d poll your friends and family who you most want to be there. I got married on the 4th of July and did a check with those people to make sure that I wasn’t infringing on some longstanding tradition that they’d either be sad to miss or wouldn’t be able to make it to the wedding. Luckily for us, all those people were totally fine with our 4th of July plans.
I’d be fine with it. People can always go to brunch on Sunday. A wedding vent though, I hate Friday out-of-town weddings. I know it’s cheaper but it’s super inconvenient to guests. This is my 3rd Friday night wedding in a row.
Yeah…I skip those. So inconvenient.
It’s not always just about cost savings. I really wanted to get married in my family church but I live in a small city and needed a hotel with large enough reception area. Needed a hotel to accommodate my autistic cousin who is very close to my family (he spent a lot of time in the hotel room when he got overwhelmed). Many people who have moved away come back to get married because it’s family and very scenic/popular travel location. There were only two hotels that fit the bill and the only available of my church + one of the hotels was a Friday even though I booked a year in advance.
Assume good intentions and all that. Friday weddings are not just about being cheap.
Assume random general comments are personal attacks on your very special situation.
I didn’t feel personally attacked – I was providing an example where most wedding guests would not have known why it was a Friday wedding. And agree with Anon below that we saved zero dollars at our venue by going with a Friday. Maybe in non-high season Fridays are cheaper?
I don’t understand the whole “Friday weddings are cheaper” thing. Our venue had set pricing for food and drinks. The other vendors’ rates didn’t seem likely to depend on the day (DJ, photographer, florist, baker, etc.). The only cost that could possibly vary by day would be the room charge, and that’s not a huge share of the bill.
Many venues around here charge less for Friday than Saturday.
It’s really venue-specific. Ime the savings was generally something like $2k, which doesn’t seem worth it to me to impose that kind of inconvenience on your guests. It’s not as if you’re paying $10k for a wedding that would’ve been $20k if it were on Saturday.
The savings can be quite big. The venues charge less as do photographers, DJs, etc. A few brides have specifically told me that they picked Fridays to save $$$. Two of the weddings were on Fridays of long weekends and required sitting in beach traffic for hours. Not every one does it for the $ of course.
The intentions are not relevant to me. I’m still probably not going to an out-of-town wedding on a Friday, regardless of the reason.
My comment wasn’t about implying the reasons for the date matter to your decision to go or not go, totally understandable to not go if inconvenient. I was replying to Bonnie’s suggestion that brides pick Fridays to save money.
If you try to avoid every possible weekend to which one of your guests might object, you will end up waiting six years to get married.
Mother’s Day is not a big deal. I am a mom and in my house Mother’s Day is not about me, it’s all about the grandmas.
Signed, a mom who will be spending the next Mother’s Day sitting in the bleachers for 5 hours at her daughter’s state sports championship
This might be a slightly unpopular opinion, but… do it anyway. It’s a Saturday, not a Sunday, and you can celebrate Mother’s Day while travelling just as easily as you could at home.
The bigger issue is that the friends who get married later often end up getting the shaft. They go to their friends’ weddings and baby showers and baby birthday parties, but when it’s their turn, their friends are all busy with husbands and families. Maybe the message should be “I went to your wedding when I was broke, single, and didn’t know if I would ever find anyone. My wedding isn’t less important because you have the Perfect Pinterest Mother’s Day planned or because it came after yours.”
Well, adjust to be less blunt, but yeah. Late-in-life weddings aren’t less important than the ones that happen when you’re 25 and first in the girl pack to get married.
Yes. Agreed completely.
+1. As one of the earlier wedded in my group of friends it has been sad to watch some of my friends get the shaft. Less friends at their baby showers, etc. I make a big point of trying to attend everything even though I live the furthest away. I find it is really appreciated.
Wouldn’t bother me. I’m a mom, FWIW.
The only thing I would do, if you’re going to be going ahead with this is to get a florist NOW. Mothers day is one of the busiest times of the year for florists, so make that a priority in your planning.
I hadn’t even thought of that! Thanks! (and thanks, everyone else!)
I have two kids and Mother’s Day is really not my favorite. I’d be delighted to attend a friend’s wedding instead of having to deal with my MIL (because the day is All.About.Her.For.All.Eternity).
Do look into the florist situation – I think some florists may take on fewer wedding orders that weekend, depending on capacity.
Also, at least one family member or friend will complain about any day, date, weekend, time, ceremony, or venue you pick. I *still* think I have a relative who is angry that our Communion wine was actual wine so her 16 yo had a sip of screw-top Episcopal port.
I’d be more worried about the celebrations getting rolled together in future years. My birthday and wedding anniversary are in the same week, so I know this firsthand. To make the month extra celebratory (or not, as is the case most years) Mother’s Day and my ordination anniversary are the following week.
If I had to travel to your wedding and/or it was not in the same home town as my mom, I would RSVP no, but I wouldn’t be mad at you. If it were all in the same town, then no issue!
One thing you should note, though, from one bride-to-be to another, is that your flowers may have surge pricing that weekend. Typically, flowers are more expensive (and florists less available) Mother’s day weekend and Valentine’s Day. Not sure how much you were budgeting for flowers or if you had your heart set on a specific type or if you had a lot of guests and thus a lot of centerpieces or bridesmaid bouquets.
Oh, that is an excellent point!!
I say do it. I think Mother’s Day is one of those annoying obligatory holidays. And I am a mom saying this. Weddings are way more fun. I would not hesitate to attend a wedding that weekend.
Yeah, I agree. I’m a mom and would totally go to a wedding that weekend (with the caveat that my own mom lives across the country and we don’t spend Mother’s Day together usually)
I say go ahead and plan your wedding then. I would not even consider Mother’s Day in my plans to attend or not. If I did consider it, I would think, “Yay, an opportunity to sleep in in a hotel and go out for a boozy brunch, sounds like a perfect Mother’s Day.” I think all holidays, as well as birthdays, have become a bigger deal, and in ny area you also have to plan weddings around football games. It’s at the point where there are no days that please everyone.
FWIW, I am a mom. But I also planned my wedding for Memorial Day and have happily attended weddings on Labor Day, Halloween, my bday weekend, St. Patrick’s Day (a big deal and a traffic nightmare in my city), and the day after Christmas. Basically, I may be in the minority.
When you say “recent new mothers” do you mean you have a decent number of friends who are pregnant now or had a baby in the last year? If so and they have to travel, honestly, I think it’s highly likely that a lot of them will choose to skip the wedding regardless. With a baby under 1 (or even 2), it’s hard to travel with them to a wedding and then leave them in a hotel with a sitter you don’t know, and even with local family it’s hard to find someone that you trust enough to leave the baby overnight with (or even if you do have family that can handle it, you save that favor for super special occasions).
If it’s travel as in a couple hours drive, I think you’ll get more turnout, or if its travel to an area where they have family, perhaps – but if it’s travel as in fly in, I don’t think it really matters what weekend it is, it will be hard for some people. Which stinks after you’ve probably flow all over to attend their weddings, but I’m afraid it’s possible.
Are there 2-3 people you would be sad if they didn’t come? Or are you thinking about people you’d specifically have in your wedding party? You can ask them about it specifically. But all wedding decisions are trade-offs, and you can’t make everyone happy, and no date will be perfect for everyone so at some point you just have to pick one and go with it.
Am I a terrible person to say that now I’m a few years out I think leaving the kids with Grandma so I can go to a friend’s wedding and then sleep in the next day and not have to spend Mother’s Day shuffling between events for my mother and mother-in-law sounds like a pretty good deal to me?
Not at all. See my comment above.
My wedding was on Mother’s Day weekend (I liked the 5/12/12 date). It was not a big deal for anyone attending and my feelings were not hurt if someone could not make it (every “No” was a relief for a wedding that had gotten out of control). We even did an optional brunch the day after for close friends of the family who had come in from out of town for the wedding. Most of my bridal party had their own Mother’s Day plans and I was fine with most of them missing the brunch. The friends who were moms had a GREAT time, but probably felt like crap the next day while taking care of their kids.
Fast-forward four years and two kids later, Mothers Day has become a pain in the ass. Not because of my anniversary, but because we live in the same city as both sets of grandparents so I need to fit in Mother’s Day events/acknowledgments for both grandmothers, myself and then my anniversary. We don’t do anniversary presents since we try to get in a weekend or dinner away. May is a very exhausting month for us.
On the flowers front, my florist told me (in 2012) to avoid using pink flowers around Mother’s Day, but the rest of the prices stayed stable that weekend. Not sure if that is still the same, but that was my experience.
For a different perspective, I got married the Saturday before mother’s day, and it was a total non-issue. Our RSVPs were statistically right on for attending / not attending and it didn’t seem to have any effect. We did honor our own mothers and grandmothers at the rehearsal dinner but didn’t do anything special for the moms in attendance at the wedding. Admittedly, I got married before most of my peer group had kids, but I don’t think its that big of a deal.
Also – consider that if your anniversary is on mothers day and you want to have kids someday, your husband gets a pass on one of “your” holidays every year more or less. :)
Do you purchase food for your pet/house sitter? This is a pet sitter who is staying overnight in the house for 5 nights. We typically give her permission to eat or drink anything in the house. However, we just lost power for 4 days. We have cleaned out the fridge and freezer – which are now completely empty. I was planning on buying bread, milk, and eggs just to have something in the house. We do have a fully stocked pantry. A coworker just told me she typically buys food for her pet sitter. The sitter lives about 10 minutes from my house and has access to a car.
No absolutely not.
I normally make sure there are snacks, tea, and coffee and tell themselves to eat anything in the cupboards. I think bread, milk, and eggs is a nice gesture but I wouldn’t worry about it much.
+1. Nice gesture, in my family we would definitely restock the bread/milk/eggs/maybe a couple frozen pizzas to be nice, but would not do a full restock.
Let your pet sitter know that you had to clean out the fridge and she should bring any specific foods she wants.
+1.
I would buy some food. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but some bread, eggs, yogurts, or other easily edible food would go a long way.
My husband does pet-sitting full-time, so his perspective:
If you are not going to stock the fridge, make sure you explicitly let the sitter know that he/she can leave the house to go grocery shopping. A lot of my husband’s clients have pets that have extreme separation anxiety, so if he were to leave to go get dinner for a half hour, the dog might hurt itself in the crate or damage something. When he’s staying overnight (rather than doing several stop-in visits throughout the day), it’ usually because the pet cannot be left alone. Unless told by the owner, he would think he couldn’t leave and would be left scrounging for food or ordering delivery constantly.
If your pet is okay being left alone so your sitter can go get food, just make sure you tell them that so they can plan accordingly.
If your pet can’t be left alone, I’d leave food. At least cereal, bananas,bread, eggs, maybe chips and water or tea. And let him know so he can bring food if necessary.
We left a gift card to a local grocery store for a pet sitter when we were gone for two weeks. If we hadn’t done that, I would have asked what she usually had for breakfast or what kind of snack food she liked and stocked up on that for her before we left.
I’d say the opposite – I would assume short trips out of the house are perfectly fine unless the client specifically stated otherwise.
We stock up on Dr. Pepper and that’s it. Our sitter has a car and seems to subsist solely on fast food so we like to make the gesture of “here’s something we know you like and want you to enjoy” without worrying too much about it. Sometimes we’ll throw in a bottle of his favorite booze but that’s only on occasion.
What color shoes do you wear with a navy interview suit? I’d like to get a new one that isn’t black, but have no idea how to match the shoes. Also, if anyone has recommendations for a cream blouse to wear underneath, those would be welcome too!
I’d wear black, but burgundy would be gorgeous.
Black, burgundy, nude, leopard!
I love leopard and I would not wear leopard shoes to an interview.
I’d go with nude-for-me, snake-skin, grey, burgundy, or tortoise-shell. Those are my navy go-to shoes.
I wear nude-for-me pumps, or my suede plum Via Spigas.
I just saw those exact shoes the other day at Nordstom Rack and almost bought them! Do you like them?
Yes! Most comfortable pumps I’ve ever owned. I think they are the Carolas?
Nude.
I do dark brown with my navy suit.
I’d say navy or nude.
everything below is good (except that I don’t like black with navy, but that’s a personal preference), but I generally wear navy or red. There are lots and lots of options for navy shoes these days. I now have 3 pair (low heel, high heel, and wedge) and I wear the heck out of them.
Gray or brown. I don’t like black with navy, definitely not if it’s a dark navy, but I think it’s acceptable (just not what I would wear) to wear black with a lighter navy.
For interviews, navy, brown, or burgundy. Any other time, also nude, tortoiseshell, and hunter green.
Just a vent – I will be impacted by the new Fair Labor Standards Act changes, but I don’t know how yet. I have followed this closely, asked my supervisor and his boss and still no real answer. We did get word that the decisions will be made company-wide, but the “updates” from HR keep getting pushed back. It went from “in the coming weeks” to “sometime in October”. I mean, one way or another, this is going to drastically change my job and/or my salary. The law takes effect on December 1, so I could get as a little as 31 days’ notice.
Most people won’t have a drastic change. Companies are working pretty hard at that. And the deadlines to implement keep moving.
I’m sure they are working hard at it, but they aren’t communicating anything to impacted employees. Maybe drastic was a bit much, but it will be a big change for me, either in hours and duties if they make me hourly, or in salary if they bump me up.
I think a lot of people will have a drastic change, actually. I’m not sure why you would say they wouldn’t. There are a ton of people who are going to be switched from exempt to non-exempt and lose benefits, responsibilities etc. as a result.
OP, I feel you. We’re in limbo too and it’s very frustrating.
I am affected by it, and I certainly feel like the implications are drastic. My employer has significant differences in benefits between exempt and non exempt employees. My currently exempt position is becoming non exempt. While my salary won’t change and I’ll be eligible for overtime I will be losing almost three weeks of leave a year. Not to mention that unless my boss really shifts her attitude I will be still facing the same pressure to work longer hours while my organization has already said overtime will not be available, so I’ll be dealing with that stress. I fully support the law change and think it is a good thing for society, but it is impacting me negatively.
My SO is in the same boat, and this will also be huge in my field (although I won’t personally be affected since I’m already non-exempt). My SO is slightly under the salary cap (~$2k) and I’m almost positive they’ll just bump him up, since he’s in a job with a lot of often-unpredictable overtime that his employer is contractually obligated to staff…but I really don’t know. They seem to be sticking their heads in the sand and pretending that the new laws aren’t happening.
Our employer just straight up doesn’t know how it’s going to be handled for our affected employees yet. The timeline is being pushed back by a few months, so they just keep kicking the can on a plan.
I have never been good at makeup and I feel more and more in need of some help as I get older. I’ve been thinking I’d like to develop a relationship with someone at a makeup counter (or a store like Sephora) as a way of getting to know what’s good for me. Does anyone have a suggestion for someone in either DC or NYC, or have you found another way of doing this? I do look online a lot – Lisa Eldridge, etc., but really want to do this in the real world.
Skip the MAC counters, IME they go a bit overboard.
Honestly, I eventually paid around $150 for a make up lesson from a pro. I now feel generally confident applying makeup and expanding my palette.
You just need to go have your makeup done a few times and find the girl or guy who “gets” your face. For me, that happened to be a Laura Mercier counter lady.
I took one or two makeup lessons. Do you have Glam Squad in your area? They come to your home to do makeup and hair. They came and gave me lessons
walk around bloomingdales or saks or macys to see someone whose make up you like during a slow period and have them help you. rinse, repeat.
Not a makeup artist, but I find Blue Mercury to be MUCH better than Sephora. The products are more expensive but I literally have never bought something there that I don’t then use everyday, bc they are so much more helpful and don’t try to style your makeup like you are going to a club everyday.
Thanks, all. A lot of good ideas. I am not sure what “having makeup done” means – I ask for my face to be made up and in return I pay a flat fee? or I buy one product. I didn’t know Glam Squad did lessons – this could be huge if they’re good at that and willing to talk about different brands/options. Thanks.
It’s free to get your makeup done at department store counters or in Sephora, but it’s expected that you’ll buy some of the products.
I’ve made appointments at Sephora so you have the full attention of a person and can talk through what you like. They’ll make you up and then you can buy any / all / none of what they used on you. I’ve done this a few times and it was really helpful. I don’t have a Blue Mercury near me though.
+1 Bluemercury. They often bring in guest artists from specific lines. So you could call and ask when they are having the next event with a line you like – say, Laura Mercier. (You can look at the makeup line sites to see if there are certain looks you are more drawn to.)
I love Blue Mercury. I went to the one at Union Station and asked for help finding the right eye liner. The associate was so friendly, but not salesy, and he ended up doing my entire makeup so I could see how it looked on my skin. I ended up buying lip gloss, eye liner and mascara. The way he did me up was very natural, which I appreciated. I’ve been to other make-up counters at department stores where they helped me with make-up and I came out looking like an alien, so I was very happy with his low-key, knowledgeable approach. He gave me a ton of free samples as well including skin care items that were very nice.
If I were you, I’d just go to Blue Mercury and tell them you’d like a new makeup routine or something along those lines. They also offer makeup classes I believe.
I would call makeup artists in town that do events or weddings and ask for a lesson. A lot of them have them for brides that are having destination weddings. It sounds like you could really benefit from a lesson. If you need products, I would try a Blue Mercury or Sephora, so they aren’t pushing only one line’s product. I find the Blue Mercury people to be a little better at natural whereas if I am going to Sephora I will look for the one who focuses on what I like to focus on. (There is always one that is brows! eyes! lips! and that is not me. I am more of an eyes only person, so I look for that person at Sephora.)
Seattle restaurant recommendations? Looking for breakfast/brunch, lunch, dinner. I’m preg so no raw fish (sadface) but otherwise no restrictions. We try to stay away from trendy, but enjoy good food done right – at whatever price point.
What else is must see vs skip it? We’ve got about a day and a half of free time. First time in Seattle for both of us.
Where are you staying? The Mecca Cafe in Queen Anne has a yummy breakfast. Crepe de France in Pike Place market is also good.
Staying at the hilton downtown if I remember correctly. Thanks!
The Space Needle and Chihuly Gardens are in the same area for sight seeing. I think you can buy a combo ticket for both. You could take the bus or Uber from the downtown area. There’s tons of food choices in Pike Place also if you just want to wander around and see what looks good.
The blog Annie’s Eats did a post on Seattle a while back with some recommendations for restaurants.
Have fun!
We were in Seattle last year, stayed at that hotel and had a nice dinner at the Purple Cafe. However, it is a wine bar, so maybe not the best option if pregnant? Food was very good though.
We were there in August and loved Shaker & Spear, Etta’s, and Dahlia’s. All walkable if you’re near Pike’s Street Market.
I would skip the space needle, but we went to the Chihouly museum (glass-blowing, based on recommendations from here) and LOVED it.
Staple and Fancy in Ballard is my favorite, although you really can’t go wrong with Ethan Stowell Restaurants or Tom Douglas Restaurants. The chef’s menu at Staple and Fancy is delicious, they bring you 5-6 little appetizers, a pasta course, a meat course, and a dessert. You can let them know if you have any dietary restrictions and they’ll work with that.
My perfect north Seattle day is the Ballard Farmer’s Market (on Sundays all year round), Ballard Locks, Theo Chocolate Factory tour in Fremont, and maybe take in one of the big parks (Gas Works, Golden Gardens, or Discovery Park).
Suggestions for a black pencil skirt under $50?
Calvin Klein, they really hold up well and they just seem to lay correctly. I think the ones I like the most are in the essentials line or something? They are sold at Macy’s and Dillard’s. Not under $50, but close and completely worth it IMHO.
This Calvin Klein one is $34.99: http://ow.ly/amfT3056MPS
In sizes 2-16 and four different colors
Wow thank you!!!
What do you do when you come home from work? Netflix and wine? Pass out? Go to the gym? Something else productive?
And what time do you come home from work?
“The Skirt” at Nordstrom is currently on sale for $41.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-seamed-pencil-skirt-regular-petite/4218111?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=DARK%20CAMEL
If you like JCrew, try eBay. I’ve bought nwt pencil skirts from sellers for $30-35.
I’m having trouble getting over a breakup for what is probably a terrible reason, but I can’t seem to shake it. My ex is a big deal in his field–this is tweaked for privacy but let’s say he’s a highly-decorated journalist at a prestigious magazine. I loved him as a person very much, and I also really loved talking to him about his work and hanging out socially with the other brilliant/slightly famous people in his field. I felt like I had met my match in both my ex and in his friends, that I had finally found my fellow weird geniuses who cared deeply about things and really liked me. It was exactly the life I always wanted for myself: intellectually stimulating and fun and important-feeling. But now it’s over.
I don’t know how to go from this high point back to dating “normal” men. I’m sure many of them would make much nicer boyfriends than my ex, who turned out to be a bit of a jerk. But I miss the stimulation and satisfaction of being surrounded by truly extraordinary people so much. When I get a message from a man with a perfectly normal/stable job like a real estate agent, my heart sinks. I’m not proud of this snobby reaction, but I want something so much less ordinary than that.
I’ve never considered myself a status seeker…I’ve never been excited about celebrities or handsome rich bankers/CEOs in nice suits. But I think what I’ve learned is that I just never experienced the kind of status that appealed to me. I don’t know how to forget how good I felt when I finally had this thing I didn’t realize I wanted.
But he was kind of a jerk. You don’t want him, you want his friends.
1. you can find these people (new ones) without him – “hanging out socially with the other brilliant/slightly famous people in his field. I felt like I had met my match in both my ex and in his friends, that I had finally found my fellow weird geniuses who cared deeply about things and really liked me.”
2. depending on what you want out of your relationship – normal and stable can be amazing – see yesterday’s thread on the lawyers happily married to firefighters and teachers.
3. don’t make your relationship the focus of your intellectual life – cultivate your own weird genius circle
Thanks, this is helpful. I wish I knew how to cultivate my own weird genius circle!
What are your weird genius activities? Can you start a book club for Sci Fi books? Trivia team for local trivia night? Cultivate individual friendships and start inviting people to do stuff together in small groups.
This is so crucial when it comes to making friends/meeting potential partners as adults. I hear a lot of moaning about how it’s so much harder to meet peers after college and it’s true, because now we all have to go looking for our people actively. I approached it as a problem to be solved. I thought about what I liked about the people I enjoyed. Then I figured out what those people liked to do and I found ways to do that. The trick is that to be part of a community of weird geniuses (or whatever else), you have to see the same people over and over. That’s what made it easy for you to get in with your ex’s friends. Your ex was your ticket in, and now your own interests will be your ticket.
So, you were living on your Ex’s coat tails eh? Yes, it can be fun. But if his circle included people who were truly your peers and friends, wouldn’t they continue to be?
I think you need some time alone to figure out who you are.
The ones I was close to are still around/want to be my friends, but right now at least it’s too painful for me and I don’t think I could really be part of a social circle that my ex is part of.
I’m not sure how time alone is going to give me a better idea of who I am, but in any case I certainly have it right now…
But it is not normal to not want to see ANY friend that knows an ex, which you can easily do without seeing him as well. That tells me they were not real friends, and perhaps you need to talk this out with someone.
You were living through your partner, and unfortunately this happens and can be very rough to recover from.
But you can do it.
I can’t really see them without at least hearing about him, unfortunately. Anyway, thanks.
Sure you can, you tell them that you want to hang out with them but right now because the breakup is still fresh, you don’t want to discuss him. If they are truly your friends, they will respect that.
Well, you’ll have to figure out how to be your own person. Which is always good. I missed the intellectual chats of law school, so I started a local civics happy hour and bingo, lots of people who love nerdy policy talk. I like to get all fancy, so I joined the junior league.
This jumped out at me: “I had finally found my fellow weird geniuses who cared deeply about things and really liked me.” It sounds like you miss the friendships more than the status. You had a group of people who shared your interests and were warm and welcoming to you. You found a community. Now that community is gone (query: do you think you could keep any of those friends?). That’s HARD and it has nothing to do with their status.
I’ve had several breakups where I missed his friends more than him. I felt that same sinking feeling when I looked at other guys. BUT HE’S NOT AN ENGINEER SO HE WON’T HAVE COOL ENGINEER FRIENDS. You’re looking to swap out the guy but have the same dynamic with his friends. That’s just not possible, though. Even if you found a guy in the same position in life, his friend group will be different because they’re different people. It’s time to move on a find a new awesome guy who has friends who will be great in their own unique way.
There are a couple of the friends that I could keep and who’ve been in touch with me, but right now it’s too painful and I’m worried that even once that initial pain is over I’ll still feel like I’m the only one who isn’t in this magical circle anymore while they go to all these fun conferences and get together in the group I wish I was still a part of.
And yes, I definitely feel like BUT HE’S NOT AN ENGINEER SO HE WON’T HAVE COOL ENGINEER FRIENDS.
You are sad about the guy, not the friends. You have said that they want to keep in touch; it’s you who is pushing back because it is too painful right now. You can’t complain about losing the friends when they want to keep in touch with you. Keep hanging out with them and still do your own thing.
And don’t be so closed minded; you don’t know what kind of interesting stories people have and what kind of interesting friends and family people have. Celebrities, athletes, cool nerd geniuses all have friends and family that are not in the same occupation.
Also, you said he was a jerk. A guy that treats you right and is loving is a bazillion times better than a jerk, no matter how cool he is. (Just ask all those failed celebrity couples or even non-celebs that date celebs.) Be your own cool person.
I know…he had to go because he was a jerk. I’m just sad about losing all the good parts I had to jettison because of the jerkdom (the good parts of him and the feeling of being a part of this circle).
I might keep a couple of the friends but it certainly won’t/can’t be like it was before, being a part of a group. But individual relationships are good, too.
How about you get that status/nerd feeling in your own career or with your own friend group, instead of having a guy provide it for you?
I think you need to figure out how to meet that need for yourself, and not rely on a man. Join a fancy Friends of Charity XYZ group, volunteer for your political party of choice, get yourself a more exciting job.
I’m going anon for this, not to protect my own privacy but so as to avoid outing my ex and his friends. I had an ex like this. He was a private equity guy, and a lot of his social circle and friends were his clients, many of whom were private-jet-level rich, frequently in Vanity Fair/the New York Times Style section/etc., and on top of that, were well-traveled, interesting, smart, and (because of their money) influential. They sound less intellectual than your ex’s crowd, but nonetheless – it was a fascinating and fun world to be a part of, not just because it was interesting to see what people who are that wealthy and well-known are actually like, but because they tended to be similar to me in terms of their cultural/artistic interests (note: I also met some dreadful, boring, boorish super-wealthy people, but they weren’t my ex’s friends). Like, I finally met people who didn’t think I was strange for being super interested in the cultural implications of the popularity of Ralph Lauren, even though I was a lawyer.
But over time, it was no longer so fun, because I knew that I was part of their world only because of my ex – I was invited in by virtue of his status, not because of who I was, even though they liked me once I was in the door. I felt like the trailing spouse, if that makes sense, and eventually, that chafed. After we broke up, I missed being a part of that for a while, but eventually I realized what I really missed was that golden time in my relationship. Sure, I missed feeling like I “fit”, and what that told me was that I should seek out people and places where I would be more likely to have that feeling again. Which is what I ultimately did. My current social circle is less likely to appear in Town and Country, but an even better “home” for me. For what all of that is worth.
Also, if you haven’t read Brideshead Revisited, I recommend it. It’s an excellent study in nostalgia of this type.
Absolutely yes to Brideshead Revisited as reading material in getting over this sort of thing.
I love Brideshead Revisited. Maybe it’s time for a reread. Thanks. And I was absolutely a trailing spouse in the same way, makes perfect sense.
What a great book…
I think I know a little bit about how you feel, and I’ll try to tell you what the recovery was like for me.
I had a best friend for many years who was incredibly dynamic, eccentric and in some ways brilliant, and together we found ourselves in many highly charged, overwhelmingly interesting situations surrounded by gorgeous, wealthy, fascinating characters. My falling out with her coincided with my backing off from the group, and suddenly everything felt so… mundane. I fell into a depression. I craved similarly stimulating situations and intense friendships again, and I felt like on my own I was ‘unworthy’ or incapable, so I’d be doomed to settle for a non-sparkly life.
But you know what? She was a jerk, too. And so were many, many of these ‘interesting’ people, which I ignored at the time because I was so taken with their glamour, and I realized that a lot of why they were that way was because they prioritized being glamorous and interesting over being decent and stable. I took my space, dealt with the insecurities and existential anxieties that caused me to overlook being treated poorly in favor of superficial things, and got into a wonderful relationship with a much more humble (he’s amazing!! He just doesn’t scream it from the rooftops) man who’s also a bit of a homebody. I changed my priorities, and I choose “good” over “interesting” every time I have the choice. I had a couple of quiet years there to rebuild and lick my wounds.
So now I have a solid base of stability, love and decency to work with, and all of a sudden, GOOD people who also happen to be interesting (but not so in-your-face about it) are coming out of the woodwork, and life seems to have opened up again. I’ve even reconnected with some of the ‘interesting’ people from my past, the ones who were worth it, though I maintain a greater distance and skepticism now.
Basically, I think you’re a little addicted to the high that comes from having a seemingly objective external source of validation, and that doesn’t make you a bad or inherently superficial person. It probably does mean you need to take your space and figure out 1) the gaps in your own self worth that are hurting right now, and 2) what YOU can do as an individual to be fulfilling and build your very own social network of extraordinary people, and 3) what about THOSE people felt extraordinary and whether it actually meshes with your value system
It will take time and introspection. But trust me, getting your worth and fulfillment from ANY sort of pursuit of status has a way of corrupting people and ultimately making them miserable. The friend I lost… she kept all the status and excitement, and she is neither happy nor healthy.
Not the OP but this is great advice!! Glad you had a happy ending =)
Thanks a lot for commenting. The situation does seem quite similar at the root (if not in the details), especially when you mention the high that comes from having a seemingly objective external source of validation.
It’s a high that can cover up something lacking in self esteem or identity, which means you can spend your entire life chasing it if you’re not careful!
This is a great and insightful comment – thank you, especially for this: “you’re a little addicted to the high that comes from having a seemingly objective external source of validation, and that doesn’t make you a bad or inherently superficial person. It probably does mean you need to take your space and figure out 1) the gaps in your own self worth that are hurting right now, and 2) what YOU can do as an individual to be fulfilling and build your very own social network of extraordinary people, and 3) what about THOSE people felt extraordinary and whether it actually meshes with your value system.”
I’m realizing that I have this same kind of relationship with my job…and it’s very hard to let go, even knowing that.
Just because you aren’t in a high profile career doesn’t mean you can’t have intellectual discussions. That real estate agent might be a phd, bookworm, he might tinker with electronics in his basement for all you know.
I agree with H. Also, I think you are confusing friendship and romantic partner. Your romantic parter does not have to fulfill all of your needs, but you shouldn’t be able to describe him as being a jerk. You can have friends who enjoy intellectual conversations too.
I’ve been having a lot of fun dating Professors, who usually have other Professor friends. They would meet your esoteric nerd needs!
I also date someone who is highly successful in his field. I also love this person for reasons completely unrelated to his professional endeavors. He could be a real estate agent and I think I’d still love him (although, then, not sure how we would have met). Professional success does not make you coffee in the morning, stick by you through medical problems, raise your kids with love and attention. Sexy smart friends are AWESOME for dinner parties but not always awesome when you’re caring for a sick parent, struggling in your career. I’d rethink what you want out of your romantic relationships. Keep in mind sexy brilliant men can make great friends, and you’ll get all of the benefits of fun dinner parties/engaging conversation/feeling of intellectual conversation.
I’ve polled some friends about this and have gotten mixed results, so I’m asking you ladies. I lost a bracelet that I bought for about ~$100. I figured it must’ve come off at home or in my car, but when I didn’t find it there I called my parking garage. They informed me it wasn’t in the lost and found. The next morning, a parking attendant told me she had found it but she took it home the night before and would have her husband bring it back when he picked her up. I said OK and as I was walking away I heard her call her husband and tell him to get it out of her dresser to bring it. He brought it back that evening and now I have the bracelet. The parking attendant seemed like she expected me to give her a tip or reward or something for returning the bracelet.
My question is, should I give her something for returning it? I wasn’t prepared to give her anything before because it just didn’t occur to me. I’ve asked some friends and the split of opinions has been – yes, because she returned it and she didn’t have to do that; or no, either because (a) you don’t tip for getting something back from lost and found, or (b) she was dishonest by taking it home rather than leaving it in the lost and found like she was supposed to. What do you think?
No tip. There are likely surveillance cameras and she probably returned it because she knew she risked getting caught otherwise.
I didn’t even consider (b) until you mentioned it, but that does rub me the wrong way. On the other hand, she was honest and prompt about returning it. I think I would say thank you but skip the tip on this one, but I could see going either way… That being said, if she expects a tip and you don’t, would she be less willing to return a future lost item? Or maybe not. Just something to consider.
No. Not at all. People don’t get tipped for not stealing. You don’t get tipped for doing something that is a part of your job (returning something from lost and found), and that is not going above and beyond and has no “service” element.
When you say “she didn’t have to do that,” you mean “she could have gotten away with it without getting caught.”*
*But see, surveillance video.
I know tipping culture is out of control in this country, but this chick stole from you. She does not deserve a tip.
I’d smile at her and ask her how her day is going in the future if you feel the need to display gratitude. Offer human kindness/decency in exchange for human kindness/decency.
I wouldn’t tip in this case. I’m sure you thanked her profusely, and that’s really all you can expect when you return a lost item.
A time when a tip was more appropriate – my husband lost his wallet one day and didn’t realize it until I called him later to say I’d been in a car accident (not a great day). Turns out someone in the next complex over had found it near the parking lot, but she spoke exclusively Spanish. She called the work number on his business card and miraculously reached the only receptionist who knew any Spanish at all. She got a tip – $40 or so, all the cash that was in there.
No tip or reward, it sounds like she was trying to steal it.
I’d consider a reward something that’s nice, but optional. Obviously if you promise one you should deliver, but people shouldn’t expect it, so I wouldn’t proactively offer one. But in that situation, I’d probably keep some cash on me in case she says something like “you know, it’s customary to give a reward . . .”
To me, giving something back to its rightful owner is the right thing to do, and keeping something when you know the original owner is looking for it is wrong. People shouldn’t expect to get money for doing the right thing.
I would give her $10. Although that’s out of kindness and good will rather than something you have to do. To me its more about you doing the right thing and being a good example in the world. And she did partially do the right thing in telling you she had it.
Also this. Just for the karma.
OMG no. She clearly took your bracelet. I get that people may think finders, keepers…but you shouldn’t reward someone who took your item home instead of turning it into lost and found.
ORRRR, she didn’t trust the otherwise wide open/not secure Lost & Found basket/drawer/container/system, took it home and promptly returned it to you. I’ve done this before – found a really expensive ring at a gym. It had a lost and found managed by lunk personal trainers that only sometimes monitored the front desk where it was located. I wasn’t going to drop it in that box behind the desk! I made a sign, found the rightful owner, and returned it. Assume good intentions, people. Sheesh.
Still, no tip.
Yeah I agree with this. If I found a valuable piece of jewelry I would put it where I put my other valuable jewelry while I searched for the owner. And that’d be in my drawer. Especially if she has kids and animals she probably wouldn’t want to put it like, on the table where she drops random crap and it might get grabbed by little humans who like shiny things.
My next-door neighbor smokes (inside her apartment, which is allowed by our coop rules). But I can smell it inside my apartment and it makes me worry about second hand smoke health effects, plus I hate the smell.
Is there something I can say to her that’s not unreasonable on my part, or do I just have to deal? In a perfect world I’d want her to either smoke less or smoke outside, but she is doing something that’s she’s allowed to do in a space that she owns.
She’s also annoyingly loud at night, so I bought a white noise machine for that. But I don’t think there’s anything similar I can do with the smoking issue.
No, you have no right to bother her.
You get an air purifier, you insulate your door better by going to the hardware store and buying foam etc to fill the cracks.
This is apartment living.
Nothing to do but move. Or try and change the coop rules.
What state are you in? I’m surprised indoor smoking is legal…. (but perhaps I am just young and naive.)
Most indoor smoking laws only apply to businesses, not homes.
NYC
I would just talk to her. Even if she is allowed to do this there may be a way to reduce its effect on you. Approach her nicely and say that you can smell her cigarettes in your apartment and that you’d like to try to reduce it. I once had a neighbor who smoked outside of a window underneath mine late at night so all summer long. I asked him about it very nicely and he moved to another window so his smoke didn’t blow into my bedroom. Your neighbor may not be as accommodating and you may not have such an easy solution but when you approach most people nicely, I think they will usually try to meet you half way.
Thanks. I once talked to her about the noise and she acted really hurt and wounded, so I’m not super optimistic (also I haaaate this kind of interaction), but might be worth a try.
Yeah, I’d avoid it. I suspect your style with these encounters doesn’t come off well, and/or she is not sympathetic/annoyed. You sound a bit picky….. Not a good combo.
It doesn’t sound like she is very loud, if simply a white noise machine is a solution you decided on. Your expectations for silence are not realistic, and you really cannot ask someone not to smoke in their apartment.
And if this is condos, you will ruffle a lot of feathers trying to change the rules to dis-allow smoking for an owner likely living there before you.
Have you spent much time living in apartments?
Maybe time to start saving for a down-payment on a townhouse. Or a house.
I have lived in apartments my entire adult life. I don’t think of myself as picky but if not wanting to smell someone else’s cigarettes or hear them shouting across their apartment at 2am is picky…then guilty.
It was difficult enough for me to buy this 1-bedroom apartment…a house in my neighborhood in NYC would be millions of dollars. So that’s unfortunately not an option anytime soon, or likely ever.
Nope, if the coop allows smoking, she’s allowed to smoke in her own home. Asking her to smoke less or go outside is unreasonable.
Buy an air filter for your place? See if she is willing to buy an air filter for her place (or buy one for her)? At this point however, I would be focused on trying to change the coop rules by lobbying the board. I suspect that others would support you in a smoke free building in this day and age. Good luck.
I was going to suggest offering to buy an air filter for her place.
Aren’t there some legal cases about this in NYC right now? Whether she has the right to it or not, she’s endangering your health and contaminating your apartment with carcinogens. I would double check to see if there are any current lawsuits on the matter and the coop should also change the rules.
Smokers are honestly so inconsiderate and it should not be easy/part of the policy for them to endanger others’ health. If I had my way, cigarettes would cost $50/pack by prescription only and would come with self-contained bubbles covering the entire head of the user so the smoke can’t go anywhere other than into the lungs of the user. Sure, smoke all you want – smoke yourself silly if that makes you happy. Just don’t give me cancer doing it.
You might want to look at whether there’s any guidance from Denver’s experience? After Colorado legalized pot they had this problem arise in apartment buildings in Denver. And it’s possible some of them addressed it while others didn’t. But there may be some advice in there somewhere.
Did Gap discontinue its perfect trouser line (or its entire trouser line?) I can’t find any of the dress pants I used to buy from there anymore.
I had this same exact question!
Same, I’m really missing their work pants. My pair from last season are looking shabby.
Yes, and their modern boot pants too. SADFACE.
I am currently living in their bistretch skinny pants, though, at work and I LOVE THEM. I have the “ankle” length in regular, but I’m super short, so they’re just normal length skinny pants. I have them in four colors now and might go buy more…
They changed the (amazing) fit and people revolted against the new (terrible) fit, and so rather than go back to the old fit, they apparently just stopped making it entirely.
I need a life uniform for work (dressy business casual, law firm). Please advise.
Right now I’m doing a lot of slim pants and silky utility blouses, untucked with either block heels or flats. I’ll add (usually longer) cardigans to make it more casual or blazers to make it less and switch up jewelry accordingly.
Skinny/slim pants in a solid colour, interesting top, cardigan, cute flats. This is my outfit every single day.
Where do you get said interesting tops?
Lots of places! My office is business casual. Most of my tops are from J Crew, Banana Republic, and Nordstrom (I like the Pleione line). I like poly or silk henley blouses, or knit tops that have interesting details/embellishments like a ruffle sleeve or peplum hem or cute pattern. And believe it or not, I get a ton of nice stuff from Old Navy.
I’ve had good luck at TJMaxx/Marshalls if you like to hunt.
And my uniform is a combination of AIMS’ and Anonymous @11:00 am. Pare down your color palette by picking one or two neutrals. People notice less if you wear the same bottoms frequently.
I’m anon @11am, and I want to add that this is huge for me. My neutral is black and everything I own works with black. No navy. The other colours in my palette are cream, olive, grey, and sometimes oxblood. It makes getting dressed for work really easy.
Mine are black and gray. Accent colors are dark teal, cobalt, and I’m trying to add more wine-colored items.
+1
These are my colors too. Also white (not cream) and navy fill out my black/gray neutrals.
Yep, most people I know who dress well at work (including myself? I think?) pick a few neutrals for bottoms and stick to those colors and then choose tops that go with those colors. My palette is generally grey green blue and black with a little wine. It’s really easy to find those colors at discounts stores like Marshall’s and they look good together. I give myself some wiggle room with colors because I’m pretty confident with color mixing, but if you’re not, just pick a few and stick to them.
I wear black or grey dresses almost every day. About once every two weeks I’ll throw in pants and a silky blouse. I’m never going to win “Most Fashionable” but it’s the best system for me.
Sheath dress FTW! Leave a couple unstructured or knit blazers at work that you can throw on as needed. I have a black Halogen open front blazer and a black MMLaFleur jardigan. All my sheath dresses are black, navy, black/white patterned, or aubergine, so a black blazer works well. I carry a black or red bag and wear black pumps or flats with a 1 inch wedge. Makes getting dressed in the morning incredibly easy.
+1. I just bought 5 sheath dresses with matching suit jackets and matching pencil skirts from the Limited. They’re all machine-washable (not the blazers, obv), comfy, and easy to layer up underneath if I need to.
THIS. I love my collection of black/navy/gray sheath dresses and complementing blazers and structured cardigans. and scarves
pencil skirt, top, sweater
Any recommendations for a wireless phone headset? Bluetooth ear pieces have worked well enough for me, but they sometimes fall out of my ears and it’s easier to hang up by accident — so I would be interested in more traditional headsets as well. Thanks!
Is this for driving or for work calls?
I do a lot of video conferences that go on for hours, so I like to stand/walk on the treadmill during them.
I have a Kavoxii headset and it’s a champ. Long battery life, comfortable, and very clear sound.
http://ow.ly/Omx43056PGk
Sorry, work calls.
What do you do when you come home from work? Netflix and wine? Pass out? Go to the gym? Something else productive?
And what time do you come home from work?
7ish. Eat dinner with SO, watch something, catch up on the day. Friday is date night.
(I workout really early in the morning before work.)
Between 7:30-8. Cook dinner (never more than 25 mins, usually significantly less), eat dinner, watch TV, talk on the phone, load the dishwasher.
Unless I have plans, my routine is get home around 5, eat something, watch TV, take a shower or bath, read, go to bed around 10. I’m super exciting.
Around 7 and then some combination of pilates, cooking, and TV. One weeknight I might go get dinner with friends after work and I like to do pub trivia once a week too (still try to fit in my pilates).
Married, no kids. I’m trying to remember what my life was like pre-travel but I think this was it.
Monday – Yoga from 5-6, home at 6:45, make dinner, hang out with husband, shower and in bed by 9 or so for snuggles, tv watching, reading, asleep by 10
Tuesday – Home at 5:30, see above
Wednesday – teach until 8:30, home by 9:15, drink a cup of tea, shower, bed
Thursday – Yoga from 5-6, see above or see friends
Friday – 5, meet husband for drink, walk, coffee, home by 6:30 or so, make dinner, hang out
At the moment, I’m travelling 3-5 days a week and when I’m away, it’s 5:30 bus back into town, hang out in a cafe or go for a walk, go to yoga from 7:30-9:00, head home, shower, talk to husband, and bed. It’s a bit of a lonely existence but the regular exercise classes help.
Depends what time I get home and the kind of day I had! Typical night is to get home around 7 (could be 6:30, could be 7:30), catch up on day with hubby and hang out with dog, cook and eat dinner. Then around 8, we walk the dog together. A few days a week, I’ll go for a run around 8:30, but otherwise we turn on some Netflix, watch an episode or two while one of us cleans up the kitchen and puts together lunches for the next day, then I have a bath (sometimes with wine) and head to bed between 10 and 11.
Get home around 6:15. Deal with mail, empty lunchboxes, change into PJs, and make dinner while spouse picks up child. Dinner at 7:30. Check homework, get everyone in bed by 8:30. Watch 1/2 hour show before passing out from exhaustion. Wake up at 5:00 a.m. to repeat the whole cycle.
630ish. Put baby to bed. Pour myself a glass of wine. Figure out dinner while mindlessly watching cable news. Eat dinner. Watch something dumb on TV while on the iPad. Realize I wasted all evening and could have been at least reading a book. Go to bed while playing candy crush and hope baby doesn’t wake up till morning.
If I am “productive” I will have also tidied a bit at some point and picked out what I’m wearing the next day. If I did that and remembered to moisturize I consider the night a success.
Single and no kids. Home around 5 or 6. Immediately work out, either fitness blender at home, a run outside, or a class at the gym. Done by 7 and eat supper, and to be totally honest I usually watch an episode on netflix while I eat. By then, it’s 7:30 or 8 depending on how well I meal planned for the week. Then I study (grad school) for a few hours, sometimes 1.5 sometimes 2.5, all depends on how much I need to get done. If I finish that and still have time before bed, I pick up a little bit. In bed by 11.
Married w a 2 year old. I pick up the toddler on my way home from work, typically get home around 5. I have a full time but lean out job with a short commute, typically leave work around 4:30. Husband is already home cooking dinner. We chill with the toddler for a bit, eat dinner together around 5:30. Then we go sit outside on our back porch or play in the front yard with the kid. She goes to bed around 7.
Tuesday nights I have a tennis lesson. Wednesday nights my husband plays cards with his buddies. Most other nights we just sit around and do nothing– sipping a glass of wine while playing around on the internet, reading articles, watching stupid videos on youtube, chatting with my sister or friends. A couple times a month we’ll have people over or will meet friends for dinner. Very occasionally we’ll have date night, but trying to do better on that. We get in bed around 8:30 and watch TV on my laptop until around 9, and then go to bed. Living the dream.
+1. You just described my life.
this sounds like my dream life. it seems very pleasant.
It depends on the day. I leave the office at 5:30 and am home by around 6-6:15. I always shower when I get home and eat dinner with my husband. After that, I either log back in and work or tidy the apartment and lay out my clothes and lunch for the next day then relax by reading a book or watching tv/messing around on the internet. I feel more productive and it seems like the evening lasts longer when I read, but really I only wind up doing that about 1-2 times per week.
Married, no kids. This is what happens, but not my ideal:
7:00-7:30 – get home from work, unload any groceries/wine I picked up, change into lounge clothes
7:30-8:30 – chat with DH about day, read/delete personal email, check news app
8:30 – 9:00 – realize it’s late, make dinner
9:00-10:30 – eat dinner with DH on couch, watch tv/Netflix, pausing to talk a lot
10:30-11:30 – fall asleep on couch while watching tv/Netflix (or worse, while DH is talking!)
11:30 – wake up with crick in neck, go to bed
Sometimes there are phone calls with family in the pre-dinner time slot. If we’re going out, it’s totally different. But this is pretty typical. I need to stop falling asleep on the couch!
I fall asleep on the couch (or in bed while reading a book) at least once a week. I’m surprised I didn’t give myself a black eye this week when I dropped my ipad on my face when I fell asleep. It instantly woke me up though.
This has been a typical week. I’m married, no kids, live in the city, and my husband and I tend to have people over (or go over to friends’ places) a lot.
Monday, left work at 5, went to an event with DH and friends, then out to dinner, home around 9:30, puttered around and got in bed at 10:30.
Last night, left work at 6, worked out with a friend, home at 8, made dinner, hung out with DH and read a book for a bit, bed at 10:30.
Tonight, leaving work around 6, running a couple errands on the way home, eating a light dinner of leftovers from last night, and then DH and I are heading to a friend’s place for drinks and snacks around 7:30.
I get home around 5. From 5-7 I clean bottles and prepare my baby’s bottles and food for the next day, play with baby, feed him, and put him to bed. During this time I may also take the dogs for a walk, start/make dinner, and/or chat with my husband. From 7-9 I finish making dinner, play with the dogs, do some light cleaning, and maybe tackle a project.
Single mother of a dog, get home anywhere from 6:30-8:30. On a more “normal” night (home around 7):
-dog receives his snuggles and belly rubs, and possibly there is some wrestling, then we head out for his walk
-return home, feed dog, and I head out to run 5-7 miles
-back home, dinner of some sort gets made
-I work until forever (on a bad night) or do an hour of work and then background-watch TV while I tidy/fold laundry/water plants/talk to friends on the phone/email people
-dog gets his final potty break
-bed
This is me, minus the running!
Married with an almost two-year-old.
Leave work at 5, leave daycare by 5:15
5:15-5:45(ish) commute home
5:45-6:15 – dinner / pack tomorrow’s lunches
6:15-7:00 – playing/books/light chores/walk/bath with baby
7:00-7:30 – bedtime routine and tucking in
7:30-9:30 – GLORIOUS QUIET ALONE TIME. usually squandered with HGTV and crafts, sometimes spent going to therapy or the gym, ideally there’s 15-30 minutes of journaling and reading in there too.
9:30 – zzzz
Recently married, no kids.
M and W, get home about 5:00, change and meet Lovely Husband at the gym (trainer session) at 5:30, then come home and cook dinner together, then maybe a little TV or just sit outside by the fire pit if it’s nice
T, LH has boys’ night so I run errands or whatever and then have my tap dance lesson at 8. I get home shortly after 9, he gets home a little after that, we chat a bit and then early to bed.
Th, get home a bit after 5 (or maybe a post-work errand or two), cook dinner together, a little TV and early to bed. We have theatre/concert subscriptions maybe one or two Thursdays a month.
F, generally the same as Th unless we are going out.
Generally we save chores for the weekends but it’s early days yet and we are still figuring out our post-wedding, post-honeymoon routine.
Oh, and I am trying to add a boot camp class at the gym on Thursdays at 5:15!
I love that you take tap! :-)
Married, no kids, one dog. I’m in Biglaw so schedule is unpredictable but usually get home between 6:45 and 8. Husband has dinner ready. We either eat first then walk the dog, or when it starts getting dark earlier, we walk the dog before dinner for 30 min. Go to gym together at 8:30 or 9pm on about 2 work days a week. Read or watch tv by myself on non gym nights or work if necessary. Maybe meet girlfriend for late drinks/dessert. Husband spends the time in his office working on hobbies. We watch House Hunters or the news together before falling asleep by 11. Every Thursday, my friend comes over for dinner and to watch Grey’s. Husband stays upstairs by choice. Friday nights are usually date nights. Saturdays are for friends (although many weeks Fridays are too) and outdoor activities with dog. Sundays are usually family dinners with parents/in-laws or theater/orchestra nights (season tickets).
I pick my kids up from school and we are home around 4:15. We usually hang out outside or head to the park for about 30 minutes. Or if everyone is tired, we cuddle on the couch and watch a show or read books. Sometimes the kids go off and play/draw/make a mess (haha). Around 5 I start making dinner. My husband usually gets home around 6. Usually while I am making dinner I also try to make all three kids’ lunches for the next day. We eat, clean up the kitchen, finish making lunches (why is this such a task??), and then the kids start homework. A couple of days a week, my teenage daughter and I go to the gym together around 8pm. If it is my night at the gym, my husband bathes the little kids and starts reading bedtime stories. if it is his night at the gym, then I do those things. Sometimes he goes to the gym after I get back. I pack backpacks and set out clothes for the kids the night before. Then once the kids are asleep my husband and I try to hang out together watching a show or we will sit out on the patio and have a drink. Some nights we are exhausted and just go to sleep. We try to go to bed around 10:30/11 most nights.
Oh I should also say now that my teenager can drive that has been a game-changer for us. I used to drive her to and from her sports practice in between trying to make dinner, do bath time, etc. My husband also used to work really late then and wasn’t home to help either drive or do stuff at home. (He has a different job with better hours now.)
Married, no kids. I get home around 6; 7 if I walk home (2.7 miles). Some days I walk, other days I get home and make/reheat dinner, sit in the bath, play some video games, and read. I do yoga once a week, go to trivia sometimes with friends, and sometimes my husband’s friends will come over and we’ll sit around the fire pit. Yesterday, my cat grabbed my ankles until I sat on the couch. He sat on my lap for 3 hours. It was awesome.
I’m surprised that no one has responded with networking events/charity stuff in the evening. I usually have 1 or 2 after work committee meetings for this or that, and fill in the rest of the evenings with 1 night of workout class, and meeting people for drinks or attending happy hours/fundraisers/lectures, etc. It’s weird when I go home straight from work.
Yeah, I thought about this after I posted. I very frequently have after-work events (this week, an activity with a group I mentor and a board meeting), although I’ve limited myself to no more than two per week.
I’m a bit surprised too by that. Or the general lack of concerts, lectures, museum openings etc. I find there are too many activities (often free) to chose from. I noticed most respondents are married so that could be a factor. And if of course kids are the priority. Different strokes for different folks : )
I leave work at 4:00 and if I go straight home, get home in 15 – 20 minutes.
M/W – gym or run after work (these are also the days I schedule hair appointments and run errands) actually get home between 5:30 – 7:00 depending on where I am running, take the dog for a walk, nibble on something, read or browse the interwebs, do dishes, prep coffee, dog potty break, upstairs to get ready for bed by 9.
T/Th – barn after work to ride, might squeak a quick run in before riding out there, home around 8:00/8:30 from the barn, do dishes, prep coffee, dog potty break, bed ASAP
F – gym or run unless there is a HH scheduled or I have a race the next day, same timeline as M/W for actual arrival home, then home to hang with dog and cats and read. Bed at 10 p.m. because I am LAME and loving it.
Walk the dog or take her to the park, eat dinner, read or watch TV, shower, bed. I live a life of scandal.
Obvi supposed to be above, sorry!
I’m looking for a new work tote, and I think that Dagne Dover has everything that I want (zipper top, internal organization, waterproof exterior, still looks professional). But I keep reading that the totes are “heavy” when you put stuff in it. Can anyone here speak to whether or not that’s an issue for them? I have a Longchamp Le Pliage right now, and I usually carry my lunch, yoga clothes, and other necessities (eg wallet, phone). I metro/walk to work, so I need a combo of durability and comfort.
They really aren’t that heavy. I just bought one and I LOVE it.
Then again, I was carrying a purse and a laptop bag, so for me it’s been a lovely change. Probably a bit heavier than the Longchamp but definitely not overly heavy.
I have both a nylon pliage and a dagne dover 13” tote. While the pliage is super light I haven’t found the DD to excessively heavy. It’s actually fairly light with my laptop, purse essentials, etc. I think DD may have re-vamped the tote to make it lighter in recent models. Also, my DD tote has padded shoulder straps which is definitely nice. As another comparison point I also have the Lo&Sons OG which is talked about a lot here. I find, of all three bags, this one to be the most heavy (with all my stuff in it) and the least comfortable on my shoulder.
Apparently I have lots of thoughts on this issue…I will say the DD is much more ‘structured’ than the pliage so packing in yoga clothes, lunch, etc. is a much tighter fit in my 13” DD than in my pliage. YMMV :)
This is super random and weird but…
Does having a TV in your bedroom have an impact on your s3x life?
My husband and I tend to watch TV in the living room until we’re on the verge of falling asleep and then stumble to bed and fall asleep immediately. I know we could make a conscious effort to turn the TV off earlier and get in bed before being totally exhausted, but I am curious about whether anyone has noticed a change in their s3x life, either more or less, after bringing a TV into the bedroom?
following because I’ve been wondering this as well. I like the idea of getting into jammies and cuddling up to watch a show together.
I think going to bed before you’re exhausted is key here. My husband and I take a shower together around 8 and then climb into bed. The shower time winds us down a bit, lets us talk without distraction, and means we end the day looking after one another. People think it is a bit weird but it’s actually my favourite time of day. From there, we crawl into bed and talk, read, watch tv, or have LGPs.
I read somewhere that if you were too tired to do anything except for watching tv, you should probably just go to bed.
That sounds incredibly intimate! What an amazing daily habit.
It is really lovely! We have all our best discussions in the shower and even if we don’t shower together, we’ll come and keep each other company. I’m sure it’ll change when we have kids but for now, it is great. We have a small flat and a weirdly giant bathroom so it is putting the space to good use.
Yeah it got worse. Because we would just watch tv I. Bed until we passed out. Never ever ever again would I have a tv in the bedroom. It’s terrible for your sleep health. Be adults. Get better about turning off the TV. I made a rule. At 10, it goes off. Middle of a show? Hit record.
+1
TV in bedroom is very bad for sleep hygiene, sex life and more. Never, never….. And your sleep hygiene issues become more important as you get older, let me tell you….
I’ll be different and say we love it. Usually we get ready for bed and watch something funny (right now we are working our way through “Bob’s Burgers”), and I love on nights where we don’t garden we fall asleep having just laughed together.
I’ve never understood this mentality. I guess I’m lucky because watching TV in bed doesn’t seem to affect my sleep. Watching TV (or doing anything in bed, like eating!) in bed is one of my greatest pleasures. I just feel so comfy and cozy and relaxed.
Totally agree. When I work from home, I work in bed and eat lunch there and basically don’t move. But we don’t watch TV at night in bed together and I’m always asleep by 10ish because I get up so early.
Same. And throughout high school and university I always did my studying and work in bed. Never used a desk. Just one of my quirks. I love my bed!
Winston Churchill wrote in bed. (Actually, quite a few famous authors wrote in bed!) I sit in my bed and write, paint my toenails, eat, read a book, go over homework with the kids. Even as a middle school kid I preferred sitting on my bed to do homework rather than sitting at a desk–drove my mother crazy.
I’m a fan of using the bedroom as my personal sitting room, so of course I have a TV. Some times I *really* want to watch a horrible, not kid-appropriate Netflix binge (ex, The White Queen) on a Saturday afternoon while folding laundry. The living room is out, so I escape to the bedroom.
We shower in the evenings (after gym/dinner), have LGPs, and then watch to tv/go to bed. So I don’t think it would affect ours but we don’t have one in the bedroom because I’ve heard its bad for it.
When my SO and I moved in together, I firmly stipulated that I didn’t want a TV in our bedroom. I purposely didn’t have one in my bedroom when I lived alone, as I noticed that it made a big difference in my sleep hygiene. He, on the other hand, would watch mindless TV/Netflix until all hours because he had a TV in his room. Now that we live together, sometimes he’ll still stay up late watching his shows or playing a video game in the other room, but I’m able to go to bed at a time that works for me, which, regardless of whether there’s a TV or not, is naturally earlier than his bedtime is. Usually I can convince him to take a break from the TV to come snuggle for a bit when I head to bed, which sometimes leads to LGPs. I can’t really say that it’s had any effect on LGPs, but we’re both fine with this setup.
I’m out in the field a lot and need a printer to keep in my car. Color not necessary. Any recommendations or models to steer clear of in the portable printer department?
Completely off-topic: favorite online florists or fake flowers? I want to cover an ugly door, or at least a 25×35″ portion of it, with something attractive, seasonal (fall, going past Halloween) and not too expensive.
I have used JennysFlowerShop on Etsy to get a large quantity of fake flowers. She has tons of variety, and cut me a deal on shipping because I needed a large order. Quality was very nice for what I bought (odd colored “silk” hydrangeas).
Grandin Road has some nice-looking wreathes and swags.
2nd Grandin Road.
Try save-on-crafts.com (the website includes the hypens). Lots of decor in neutral colors and good prices.
Anonymous for this. attend many local and regional civic and political events. By attending events, I struck up a friendship with an elected official who’s my age. “Friend” and I share many similar views and have become good friends, nothing more. Nothing romantic. I’m married, he is divorced.
On social media, I’m now often referred to as his girlfriend, Mrs. Friend, Future Mrs. Friend at best, or a parrot for him at worst. Friend and I have discussed it, and he laughs it off as people thinking men and women can’t be friends. My husband also doesn’t care, and he and Friend get along well. They both tell me to ignore it.
However, I get quite offended. I feel its sexist that his critics (1) think I’m fair game for attack (2) think that I, a woman, can’t have my own opinions.
I know he’s an elected official and fair game for online trolling. However, I think its wrong to attack me (or any other friends of elected officials). I’ve literally went on social media and seen strangers take pictures of me, either alone, with Friend, or in a group, and insulted my appearance or ideas. Its very hurtful to me.
What would you do? Respond to the online trolls? Ignore it? Stop hanging out with Friend? The thing is, we run in the same circle. My general tactic is reminding people I’m married and have my own opinions. Am I overreacting?
Do nothing.
NEVER get involved online. Totally ignore online.
Although, how in the world with a job/marriage/life do you have so much time to attend all these events where you are by his side (without husband) so much that this has even happened?
Yeah, I think totally ignore may be best.
Most of the events are work related. DH comes sometimes if its non-work related or we can afford an extra ticket. My employer buys my tickets, but not a +1.
I guess I’d ignore it, although it would really annoy me that Friend laughs it off. It is totally an invasion of your privacy and creepy and he should at least recognize that. The fact that he brushes it off makes me think that he kind of wants it to be true, but who knows?
This is what happens when you have friends who are public figures. Is it cool? No. Can you do anything but make it worse by addressing it? No. Stop looking for it online and ignore it.
You are taking something personally that has nothing to do with you. That’s not good for you.
If you feel the need to “respond,” then develop a nice twitter account wherein your bio mentions that your husband is awesome and that you’re a politico type by employment. Tweet fun pictures, news articles from reputable sources, and pretty vacation pictures. The normal people will eventually figure out that Friend is a friend and the trolls will get boredd.
My SO is a candidate for our state legislature, we live together & aren’t married and live in a very conservative southern state, so it’s a thing for some folks. Never engage online, because they will always find the worst photos of you & more trolls will crawl out of the woodwork.
Ignore it, don’t read the comments & understand that while being around elected officials doesn’t make you a public figure, I’ve found that people have an odd sense of entitlement to women’s private lives and would never treat men the way women get treated in the public.
Anyone ever had joint/muscle pain that turned out the be a potassium deficiency? I’ve had persistent knee pain and leg cramps for a while now (I’m 32 and unfortunately don’t get THAT much exercise!) and I started looking into it last night after I realized I ate two bananas yesterday and my knee felt the best it has in weeks. Dumb, anecdotal, I know. But it got the wheels turning and I just wondered if anyone else had had a similar experience? Obviously I’ll call my doctor, just seeking out additional info. TIA!
It’s probably an individual sensitivity thing. Some people just have naturally low potassium. My DH is a runner and if he doesn’t drink both coconut water and eat a banana before and after a long run, he will consistently get a headache and muscle cramps.
Have not been diagnosed with such a sensitivity, but I get alot of pain in my feet whenever I wear heels (my feet cramp the next day). I also get terrible cramps in my calves and feet when cycling when I don’t drink enough. Eating a banana is a recipe for almost instant relief.
I have become very diligent about drinking Nuun always during workouts & at least one during the day even if I don’t workout, and those issues have been all but eliminated.
I get horrible leg cramps frequently. In my case it is a combination of hydration, potassium, and magnesium. I do my best to stay hydrated, take magnesium supplements, and do eat bananas more frequently, all of which my doctor supports. Be careful with potassium though. I’ve read messing with potassium levels can be really dangerous. I wouldn’t mess around with that without a doctor’s supervision.
Yes, potassium, magnesium, and water. In a pinch I can eat salt, but better with regular supplements and Epsom salt baths
Interestingly, at a recent a race, a nurse told a friend of mine that V-8 and pineapple is more effective than bananas.
Nope.
Total coincidence.
Potassium deficiency significant enough to cause symptoms would be very low, and a banana gives you negligible potassium (10% or so of daily rec). Never would be anywhere close to replenishing you.
And people just don’t randomly get low potassium. Unless you are an undiagnosed severe diabetic or on a bunch of diuretics not being managed appropriately by your doc.
Total coincidence.
Sounds like you need some exercise/quad strengthening/stretching of quads and hamstrings/Achilles .
Not worthy of a call to the doc to ask this question. If you want to see the doc about chronic knee pain, then that’s appropriate for an appointment.