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Frugal Wednesday’s TPS Report: Office Lady Blazer

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Office Lady BlazerI just learned about this company, Rose Wholesale, the other day — a friend had liked the page so the ad was showing in my FB feed with some alluring title like “Women's coats for under $25.” I clicked, and while a lot of the pieces look a bit costume-y, there are some pieces for work that I might give a shot if I was tired of the usual budget offerings. Take, for example, this black and white blazer, which has a very Chanel-esque look about it. Reviews seeem positive, too, and for $15.37 it's hard to go wrong. It's available in sizes S-XL in white and black. Office Lady Blazer For bargains for plus sizes, check out the “curvy young contemporary” section at Red Dress Boutique — I recently saw an episode of Shark Tank featuring the founder and was impressed enough by her story to click through to check out the boutique. Most of it isn't my taste, but I though this plum blazer for $46 looked nice… (Psst: interested in more plus-size content from Corporette? Sign up for the newsletter, or check out our Pinterest board.) Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

167 Comments

  1. This is cute, but I only like it un-clasped. There’s a photo showing it that way through the link, looking awesome with jeans. I also wonder if it’s possible for something that costs $15 to not look cheap in real life…

    1. I looked at Rose Wholesale before and if you look up reviews for the company, they are really terrible. A lot of really cheap products and people who just never get their orders.

      1. I ordered from rosegal, which is the same as this site somehow, it was super shady, and the dress I got in “medium” was the equivalent of a size 00, and I’m usually a small.

    2. Doesn’t the existence of a $15 blazer scream child labor in China? I realize it’s unrealistic to avoid all expolitative purchases but I would hope we all draw the line somewhere.

      1. Good point, and according to comments from other posters they’re clearly a somewhat sketchy company in general.

  2. Hosting an open house this weekend, just sparkling wine, tea and coffee and pie. But how much pie? We’re expecting 15 – 20 people. I thought I’d do pumpkin pie and apple / blueberry crumble. How many pies do I need? A friend came for Thanksgiving last year and ate half a 10 inch pie (!!!) but I expect most people have better manners than this.

      1. If there’s one weekend where it’s acceptable to eat half a pie, guilt-free, it’s this weekend!

        1. It normally isn’t! She just wasn’t the most gracious guest in general so I was a bit bitter about my lack of leftovers.

          2. She sat down at the table, took a few bites of the main course (made to accommodate her current gluten free / dairy free diet) and said, ‘at least it tastes better than it looks!’ Absolutely no filter! I’m used to it now but at that time, I had only met her once or twice.

        2. Generally I agree with you BUT …..It depends on how much pie is available and how many people there are… I am not the food police, people can choose what and how much to eat, but you should be considerate of whether you are leaving enough for others. I think that may be what Cb was referring to.

      2. Yay! Great to have a short weekend, so this is Fruegel Wednesday! I realy love Fruegel Wednesday, tho dad has blocked my credit card through December 1, so there will be NO black Friday for me this year, even if it would be a Fruegel Friday! FOOEY!

        But I agree with Tesyaa, again — I think we MUST be soul sister’s b/c we ALWAYS agree on thing’s, b/c I am bakeing a pie with Myrna (and she is bakeing one too) and we both plan on eating at least 1/2 of a pie each, especialy if they turn out well. Myrna is an excelent baker (and a great cook generally), so I am planning on eating and eating and eating at Rosa’s, even if Dad start’s to tell me to stop b/c it is my Thank’sgiving and I still have alot to be thankful for — tuchuses aside!

        The manageing partner told us we could stay home today (as long as we stay checked in on the computer), so I can relax. I checked my e-mail and submitted my billeings for November, and am on plan for 7200 hour’s this year. YAY!!! So, I realy hope the ENTIRE hive has a great Thank’sgiving and we all eat alot of pie’s and turkey’s and for the vegeatarian’s amongst us, alot of veggie meals that are delicius! We have all of December to work off the extra pound’s b/f New Year’s, and now that it is cold, the guy’s won’t even be abel to see our tuchuses with all of the clotheing we can wear. DOUBEL YAY!!

        For now, it’s on to the Pumkin Pie so that we will have our quota of calorie’s when Myrna drives us up to Chapaqua tomorrow. I have a nice dress to wear that will NOT show anything if I start eating all the trimming’s to the Turkey! YAY!!!!!!

        2. I can’t help but take the bait and comment that to bil 7200 hours you would have to work 19 hours every single da for 365 days…..And I think Ellen has told us about some trips she made to the Hamptons this year? Hmmm, I think she just *might* be exaggerating or her firm has some serious double billing issues…

          1. There is one firm where I practice that still bills in .25 increments when everyone else in town is at .1 increments. Perhaps Ellen’s firm rounds up to 1.0.

    2. I would count on two pieces per person, plus a few extra just in case. So maybe 4 pies? Are you baking or buying the pies? I’d recommend rounding out the pies with some crackers and fruit or cheese.

      1. (Note: I tend to overserve and worry I don’t have enough, so my estimates may be off!)

      2. I’m baking…thought I’d do pretty thick pies (gingerbread crust) and then a substantial crumble. I have ice cream as well.

        Had thought about cheese and crackers but am really trying to rein in my going overboard tendencies.

        2. I don’t think cheese and crackers would be overboard – and a nice change of pace for people who don’t just want sweets.

        3. I don’t think its going overboard- I do think you need something else besides pie.

          1. Yeah, will give a ponder. It was expressly billed as a ‘drop in, come and eat pie for an hour or two’ and is between meal times but maybe some little nibbles are in order.

          3. I think some cheese and crackers plus veggie tray and/ or fruit would go great and give some options.

        4. Gingerbread crust?! That sounds amazing. I’ve never had pie with that crust before!

      3. Four pies sounds about right to me, but I’m also a chronic overserver! You can always send leftovers home with people if you don’t want them yourself.

    3. I would estimate 6 medium size pieces from each pie, so I think you need at least three if everyone only has one slice…but people will probably want to try the different ones so I would go with four or even five and plan on having leftovers :) I would suggest adding some type of what I think of as “candy” pie like pecan, lemon meringue , maple walnut…. and maybe also a cheesecake OR something tart (like an actual tart, or just tart flavored like raspberry or cherry).

      ETA: Sorry I am so all over this thread, guys. I just got out of court on what was supposed to be my firs trial but ended up getting continued at the last possible second today….I am all hyped up and need to direct that energy somewhere, plus I am super hungry and thinking/talking about pie is a very engaging topic for me!!

    4. My opinion, for what it’s worth, is to over-pie because there’s nothing wrong with leftover pie. Breakfast for a week!

  3. Reporting back on the Dorothy Perkins teal colored sheath that was featured on the Friday TPS report a few weeks ago. I finally got it in the mail this week. The dress is gorgeous, but ran quite small. I got the US4/UK8, and it probably ran a size and a half smaller than J Crew, Banana, and other US brands.

    Not so much in a narrow cut/tighter as it just seemed to be cut for petites (the torso was short, shoulders were narrow, armholes were cut very high, etc.). I love it too much to return it (plus shipping back to UK is pretty cost prohibitive), so now to figure out if it can be altered or just gifted to a smaller proportioned friend…

    1. I got it too. It’s gorgeous but the tall that claimed to be 43″ was more like 39″ or 40″. I can wear it but it’s not nearly as long as the ad indicated.

  5. Any thoughts on Boden sizing? I have $150 to spend there and have never shopped the brand before. I’m loving the looks but the fact that it’s a European company makes me nervous about what size to order.

    1. I think their charts with measurements are accurate. I do think they now use US sizes, but follow the measurements and you should be fine.

    2. I find that it runs TTS or a little large. They tend to cut their tops a little boxy, which works for me as a short, busty, apple shape, but I know a lot people find their cuts to be frumpy or too maternity-esque. I love it, though, and have tons of their items. I have multiples of the Ravello blouse that I wear all the time. I like their lightweight t shirts for casual wear too.

    3. They post measurements for every garment, and the measurements are accurate. Just go by the charts and order the corresponding size.

      1. Yes, look at the actual garments measurement section. It’s why I love Boden so much.

    4. I’ve only purchased dresses and shoes from Boden, but I agree with what people have said on other threads about how the dresses run: my normal J.Crew/Banana/mall store size, but a bit narrower through the hips and a bit larger at the bust. They seem built for apple shapes. Everything I’ve gotten has been great quality, though.

    5. I also find it runs a tiny bit larger than JCrew/Banana, but I looooooooooove everything I’ve ever purchased from them. So jealous you have $150 to spend there!

    6. The size chart is very accurate and it’s TTS. They also have free returns, so no worries if you order the wrong size or would rather just order two.

    7. I’ve returned a dress because it was too high-waisted, which is a complaint I see a lot about Boden. The waist hit me in a weird spot near the bottom of my ribcage and made me look kind of rectangular. Too high to be true waist, too low to be empire waist.

    8. +1 on TTS or a little large. Pennsylvanians, did you know there is a true Boden outlet (like random pieces that I’m guessing are overstocks or leftovers or something, not factory-store cheap versions of the regular stuff) just outside of Scranton? It’s in a cute little town called Pittston PA, and totally worth checking out if you are in the area. Dresses are $40 a piece.

  6. For the person who asked yesterday about the Le Pliage for international travel – just wanted to say that I bought one from Eagle Creek for my recent international trip. I originally intended it to be an extra carry-on for coming home. I packed in folded in the bottom of my suitcase. But, it turned out I needed a tote for walking around cities to carry little things I bought, a cardigan, an umbrella, a water bottle. And this one was perfect. It zips at the top, it’s heavy enough to have a little structure, it was lightweight, and had inside side pockets that would hold something like a camera or a water bottle so they wouldn’t get lost in the bag. I would highly recommend!

      1. Ooh, nice. The wipe down fabric also makes me think this would be a good diaper/mom bag that isn’t too girly for the husband to carry. Kat, might make a good rec for c-moms.

        1. Right! Not girly at all. I think mine is more navy than this bright blue. But it was a really versatile travel bag.

  7. Outfit help! I didn’t have any meetings scheduled today so I wore a more casual outfit (gray pencil skirt, black tights, red pin dot button up with a black sweater over it).

    My boss just called, he is running late and wants me to start with his client meeting (estate planning attorney).
    Here is what I have in my office:
    Navy Blazer –does that work with black tights? I can lose the black sweater
    Red Blazer–a different red than the shirt–should I lose the shirt and wear the sweater and blazer.
    Birds eye blazer
    Beige and black bracelet sleeve embroidered jacket
    Or go as is?

    Thanks in advance. The meeting is in 20 minutes.

    2. I’d go as-is. You’re covered up, put together and wearing a cardigan and didn’t have advance notice of the meeting.

      1. +1 It’s the day before Thanksgiving (assuming you’re in the U.S.) Everyone who bothered to come into the office is dressed semi-casually today :)

    3. Thanks! Going as is, tomorrow is a holiday and today is a snow storm, so they are lucky I changed out of my bean boots, right?

  8. I saw the photo of the above blazer opened with jeans, as another poster pointed out, and it does look pretty sweet.

    I am a little concerned, however, that the Stylish Cowl Necked Butt0cks Tight Long Blouse may not be appropriate for work. It may be a little awkward. “That’s a nice looking cowl necked butt0cks tight long blouse you’re wearing”

    Snow falling fast and furious here. I don’t have a pair of full snow boots, and so my jeans hem is dragging in the wet, since my Bean boots are just the slip-on shoe type (they’re the strormchasers, so a little more coverage than the old style gum shoe). But, this (and last) winter have made me pretty convinced that I need some legit winter boots. Beans or Sorrels, I think. Now to just find without breaking the bank!

    1. I vote bean boots. If budget is an issue, and thrift store shoes aren’t an issue for you (many are new) and you’re in New England: hit up thrift stores in Maine. There is lots of LL Bean to be found. Some is donated by private parties, but much by LL Bean itself. It will have a black X on it, so you won’t be able to return it in store, but its still quality.

      Or Beans will probably have a sale of some sort on Friday and you can order then. I love my thinsulate lined bean boots.

  9. Go with the NAVY blazer, and leave the tight’s on! You will look fine and do fine. Good luck, and report back on the meeting, b/c I am at home reading the INTERNET! YAY!!!

  10. Interesting site — but I am skeptical. The site clearly states that it gives “points” for posting reviews. I guess if you really hated what you received you wouldn’t want “points” but it still seems suspect. Depending on shipping it might be worth trying a few things.

  11. Winter boot suggestions: I do have a pair of Sorrels that I use for shoveling and things like that (they are great, but I have one of the bulkier/heavier pairs). But I LOVE love love my Ugg Belcloud boots. I’m not a fan of the classic Ugg look, but these don’t look like Uggs at all. They are really cute knee high duck boots, and they are 100% waterproof. They also have excellent traction. They are the best commuting footwear I have ever owned. And they look adorable so I can wear them on weekends or whatever. I had the brown pair for a year before I bought the black pair as well. I’m going on three or four years with them and they look great. HIGHLY recommend! I’ll post a link below.

    (ETA they appear to now have a similar pair called Elsa.)

      2. +1. I’m moving to Denver– is that a good enough excuse? (Apparently the snow melts fast there, but someone talk me into this…)

        1. I live in Denver — the snow does melt fast, usually, but you still need snow boots! Thanks lsw for the recs.

    3. These look amazing. Does the lining go all the way through the boot including the footbed? It seems like some of the Ugg styles have shearling lining only on the calf.

  13. I was worried about the DC traffic and am paying a fortune for a tiny older apartment that is very close in. I have a co-worker who keeps bragging about how large and new her house is and she just can’t get to work because of the HOV restrictions (I think she comes in from out past Dulles). And she is always leaving early. Or the roads are bad. Or they might get bad. I know that people can work from home, but when you’re out of pocket on your drive twice a day, it gets super annoying.

    And I know it’s about Thanksgiving, but I feel like I am always stuck at work b/c I made a housing choice that made it easy to get to/from work. I should be grateful I have a job and can pay for the convenience I’m getting (but, yeah, maybe some day I’d like no roaches and a laundry in my unit; I’m still ok with Formica as I figure it gets my loans paid off faster than any place with better fixings).

    2. This happens a lot in my city too. It’s really annoying that I have a small+close to work home, and many people I work with have huge houses 1.5 hours away, and then work alternate or reduced schedules because of their commute. I know it’s great when workplaces offer flexibility, but somehow it feels like I’m always the one getting the short end of the stick.

    3. Honestly, I think that has more to do with people wanting to be at work than actual travel restrictions.

      FWIW, I live within walking distance from work and when there are snow storms, I can still come into work while people who have a longer commute make excuses (sometimes justified, sometimes just not wanting to go out in the cold) but trust me, the lack of a commute is worth it!

      1. True, I also have a fairly decent commute compared to a lot of my co-workers, and I enjoy being in the office when it’s so quiet and everyone is working from home.

    4. I also live in the center of my city and, in my experience, a decent percentage of the people who live in far-flung suburbs are somewhat resentful of how far away they live (despite the bigger homes, yards, etc). You can’t have everything.

      1. A lot of times it’s cheaper to live out in the far-flung suburbs (hello SF Bay), but you end up hitting horrendous traffic. Moving closer doesn’t bring much financial benefit either, especially if you live in a high COL area. I hate living so far from where I work and do the same thing that OP’s complaining, but legitimately multiple accidents can back up the highways 30 minutes or more. Ridic.

    5. Have you recommended to her that she pick up carpoolers so she can take the HOV highway (I forget which one it is.)

      But yeah, this would annoy me. DC traffic is bad, literally everyone knows this. People who choose to live that far out should plan for how they are going to commute (like, I’m going to drive to the Metro and take it or whatever) – but consistently working fewer hours than others because of your commute is pretty unfair.

      On the other hand, if her absences don’t impact you (like, if you don’t consistently need things from her) then I’d just put it into your “things that peeve me off but I can’t do anything about” bank. And hope that one day if you have a medical issue or a child or whatever that you will be able to take advantage of this same flexibility.

      1. Agree. It’s a huge waste of time and emotional energy to worry about how much or little someone else works, as long as it doesn’t affect your workload. These things have a way of working themselves out at performance appraisal time and unless the person reports to you, it’s not your problem.

        1. We are supposed to be peers, so of the two juniors, the one who is in the office or available has (surprise!) more work to do. And all of our hours are posted and neither of us is on reduced hours. I would just like for her to not duck out at 4 on Fridays to get on HOV when I am here, working until whenever. And then I get to get e-mails over the weekend of “can you handle? I can’t make it in back to my computer for a few” when the partners need help.

          I’d like to tell the summers that they’d better not plan to do this or I will hate them and give them horrible reviews.

          I think she’s committed to her lifestyle and I feel like I’m committed to my job (but dislike doing my job + about 1/4 of her job).

          1. I don’t think this has anything to do with the commute. Sounds like your co-worker either has a better handle on how to set boundaries than you do, or you have no idea how she’s actually working – she could be more efficient or doing work at home. Focus on yourself and stop obsessing over someone else’s hours and your own life will probably improve. Time in chair has nothing to do with how “good” someone is.

  14. Would you guys buy Brooks Brothers’ cashmere sweaters at 30% off? I feel like their stuff doesn’t really go on sale unless it’s like 2 seasons later, but I also wonder if christmas season/ after christmas sales might be better

    1. I’ve seen the cashmere cable knit crewnecks as low as $150 starting price (with a pretty good variety of sizes and colors), if you can wait until January. Other styles are hit or miss how far they make it into the sales.

    2. If you don’t have a store near you and you really need it, I’d go for it. Usually the day after xmas, they do a 50% off everything in-store sale, but not sure about this year. 30% off is decent for them. You can wait until it goes to 50 or 70% online, but they might be out of your size at that point.

  15. Any idea what J. Crew sales will be like for Black Friday online? They have free ship plus 40% off sale, 30% off regular right now and I’m tempted to get a few things…

    1. 1. Order now and check back – if the price drops on Black Friday you can get a price adjustment. They will honor price drops within 7 days of purchase I believe.

      2. if (1) fails, re-order the cheaper items and return today’s purchases. I’ve also used this theory as a way to get a price adjustment after the 7-day window (that I would re-order and return, costing JCrew more money than if they just credited me the difference immediately).

  16. I really love the idea of this blazer, particularly with the hooks undone with skinny jeans, heels, and pearls. In fact, I just saw a very similar outfit on Pinterest last night that I will have to give a second look! However, I am skeptical about ordering from this site. Has anyone seen anything similar from a more reputable store? TIA.

  17. Holiday Tipping TJ: This is the first year we’ve lived in a very large apartment building in DC, and it’s almost tipping season (…or, at least, “budgeting for tipping season” time). Our building does not, to our knowledge, have a central pool, so we are to tip individually if at all. I have a list of the building staff and we want to tip those that have been helpful and wonderful; we cannot afford to tip everyone.

    What are the holiday tipping norms in DC and what would you tip, say, for the following:
    -daytime and evening front desk people (handle packages and any deliveries, smiling and friendly every day)
    -the maintenance guy (who comes to fix little stuff, but puts up with our two tiny but loud dogs)
    -morning and evening building shuttle drivers (always smiling and happy and helpful, carrying groceries and helping in and out of shuttle, making special trips just for you)

    Generally, I think that the staff in our building is underappreciated and gets a lot of complaints from the older population in the building. The older folks are not always pleasant and have not adjusted gracefully to changes in the building, and I’m a very empathetic person. They loved the old owners, who sold to this company in 2012, but don’t realize that the old company essentially ran the building/company into the ground while they were being so nice. As such, they really treat the newer staff terribly, but probably get the most assistance from them. I want to sort of make up for those grinches if possible!

    TIA!

  18. Sometimes I realize that I actually really ENJOY drafting nasty complicated financial contracts and working through complicated definitions and getting them to fit together “just so.”

    And then I worry about what I’ve become…

    1. You’re not alone! Litigation here, but I feel the same way about working through nasty complicated contracts and figuring out exactly where the puzzle can be poked apart in my favor… Even though I often think the world would be better off without both of our work, since no matter how watertight the contract, people will still sue each other if they get ticked off enough – and litigation is ultimately a c r a p shoot no matter what the contract says or who your lawyers are. The solution? Clearly we both need more pie. Happy Thanksgiving!

    2. I once drafted a really complicated adjustment provision that was dreamed up by an investor with a PhD in mathematics. He gave me formulas and I had to translate it into actual English that could be filed in Delaware. I was so proud of myself when I was finished, and got great feedback from the partner I was working for at the time, but it’s not the type of thing I can go home and brag to my family about (none of them are lawyers and, while they are smart enough that I could explain what I did, their eyes would gloss over in boredom about 20 second into the explanation).

      What you have become is a successful professional who enjoys a good challenge – own it!

      1. And add it to your personal Reasons Why I’m Awesome (and might deserve a raise) List.

  19. Good morning ladies and happy pre-thanksgiving!

    Does anyone else feel stressed out about spending money during the holidays? My little sister just texted me and said my mom wants a dyson vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I just googled and they’re about 400 dollars. That’s not in the budget this year. Perhaps in another year it would be, but I am pregnant with my first and my husband and I already decided we’re scaling back on Christmas gifts this year b/c we need to save money for the baby. We also just bought a car (we live in Chicago and haven’t had a car in about 7 years but we got one for the upcoming baby), and we also bought a condo earlier this year, AND, we probably spent about 7k this year on people’s weddings. So long story short, I just feel really tapped out financially right now and I don’t want to feel guilty about lowering my Christmas budget for my family but I kind of do.

    Anyone else feeling similarly? :-\

    1. Don’t feel guilty at all. Scale back, and once you do, you’ll feel like you can exhale a little.

      As for the magic $400 vacuum, can you split it with little sister or someone else? Otherwise, totally fine to say “not in the budget this year, sorry.”

      1. I love my Dyson; it really is magic (but I wouldn’t expect someone else to buy one for me.)

      2. Dyson keeps emailing me about signing up (by today) at the website for info on Black Friday deals. So, if that helps you swing it, its worth a try to see if it pulls you into a more reasonable realm.

        But its totally okay to say $400 isn’t doable. To me, Christmas lists are wish lists, not order forms.

      3. My mom told everyone she wanted “contributions toward a Dyson” for Christmas one year. We gave her some money along with something more fun to open on Christmas morning. Between my siblings and me and her parents, I think she covered most of the cost. My family doesn’t spend $400 on gifts for anyone, ever, though.

        1. “My family doesn’t spend $400 on gifts for anyone, ever, though.”

          Same here. No-one, I repeat no-one, needs a $400 gift. I might spend $200 on my SO, maybe. Otherwise, if people want pricey items, they get combined gifts.

          This is not a “pain” and “cutting back” question in my view. This is a question of realistic expectations and a reflection of the overly consumerist society we live in.

          1. “This is a question of realistic expectations and a reflection of the overly consumerist society we live in.” Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss well put thank you Nonny.

    2. Honestly I think it’s fine to cut back at Christmas, but maybe not by cheaping out on your gift to your mom. Can’t you split the cost of the vacuum with your sister? And agree that you and she won’t exchange gifts at all? Honestly, “we spent a ton of money on ourselves and our friends this year so no Dyson for you, Mom!” is not the most defensible position in the world.

      And I do feel your pain. I have spent all teh moneys on my house purchase and remodel this year and am feeling pinched as hell. But I spent that money on myself, and because I wanted to, and I can’t bring myself to try and make it up on the backs of my family at Christmas.

      1. Ugh, I know Senior Attorney that sounds really awful. You are right. I told my husband I felt stressed and he suggested the same thing, asking my sister and my dad to go in on it with me. My little sister is only 17 though so she’s definitely not rolling in the dough but she does have a part time job at Five guys! ;)

        I think part of it has to do with my relationship in general with my mom. we’re just not close for a variety of reasons so she’s not someone I really want to shower with gifts. But typing that out makes me feel bad and obviously she raised me and supported me for over 20 years so I need to be more generous with my family!

      2. Usually I agree with Senior Attorney, so I’m so surprised by this response. I don’t think it’s necessary to have a “defensible position” — it’s a gift. Buying a home and car in preparation of a first child — not exactly the most selfish purchases.

        2. Yup , you don’t owe anyone a gift. If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

        3. Agree. Gifts aren’t owed to anyone. Expensive gifts in a year you are setting up your own household? not owed to anyone. If she wants a Dyson, she should buy one. Your gift to her should be as thoughtful and caring as you can make it, but shouldn’t be about how much money you can spend. I, for one, would never ever want my children to be financially irresponsible or feel uncomfortable because they think they “owed” me an expensive present. I know some people really do feel entitled and are just clueless, but …wow, no need to feed that beast.

          1. Away Game, I think “clueless” is a good way to describe my family’s finances. My parents have filed for bankruptcy two times and they live paycheck to paycheck. I was just texting my sister that we shouldn’t focus so much on gifts and more just about spending time with each other. So much pressure to get amazing gifts for Christmas but the older I get the more I realize how irresponsible my parents have been financially!

        4. Same here. Give what you want to and what you can afford. A parent more than anyone else ought to understand that instead of imposing some unaffordable wish list on their children.

      3. Geeze, cheaping out? I’m really glad my mom doesn’t expect $400 Christmas presents from me, especially with a new baby on the way.

        The backs of her family? She’s not taking anything from them. An overpriced vacuum cleaner is a gift, not an obligation.

      4. A “defensible position”? Make it up “on the backs of my family.” My goodness, is this the wrong way to think about Christmas!

    3. As my mother used to say whenever we would go through the toy catalogue and put what we wanted for Christmas on our Christmas lists: “You can wish for anything you want for Christmas, but that does not mean you definitely will get it.”

      I feel like this should definitely be something all adults should know.

      1. It’s funny, because I totally agree with this, too. My mom is always making these crazy demands at Christmas (last year it was a “festive Christmas sweater” (what the rest of us call an “ugly Christmas sweater”) in a tiny size, one week before Christmas) and I am always scrambling around trying to accommodate her.

        So maybe the OP should take my advice above with a grain of salt…

        1. No I think you’re right Senior Attorney. I mean I would have appreciated them telling me this sooner when I was making my Christmas budget. Another part of me feels weird b/c I feel like they (my family) think that me and my husband are “rich”. My family is definitely NOT wealthy but my husband and I are both big law attorneys. But I feel like what they don’t understand is how much student debt we have. So I think that’s why a part of me feels guilty b/c I assume that they expect us to spend more. But like you said originally, why would we spend a crap ton of money on weddings but not our own families.

          1. Weddings are (theoretically at least) once. You have one chance to go and see it, Christmas comes every year. It’s not your fault all of your friends decided to get married in the same year.

    4. I’m having the same problem. Without consulting me, my brother and stepmother planned a Christmas trip to a resort town near my brother. He was pressuring me about going and I finally reminded him that I had a big international trip planned for my *big* birthday in October and he just needed to leave me alone and let me enjoy the trip. But then he asked again in November and I said no. I don’t want to travel between Christmas and New Years and the flights are expensive for what amounts to a two day trip. My stepmother paid $800 for her ticket! It’s a tricky time to fly back here because of the college football playoffs. So I just said no – and now my brother has been silent for the past month.

    5. No guilt. Spend what you can afford. You’re giving them a grandchild – hard to be upset over a vacuum when there’s a snuggly little grandbaby on the way! And they were in your shoes once – surely they can understand cutting back on discretionary spending when your fixed costs have taken a sudden jump.

      That said, I understand wanting to give someone what they want. Can you share the cost of the vacuum with your sister / other siblings or Dad? When my mom wanted a $250 handbag for Christmas, Dad and I split it because my normal Christmas budget is $100 per family member.

    6. Yes. Not pregnant, but have had a lot of similar expenses this year. Even splitting the vacuum with your sister could be steep. (Yeah maybe it’s “only” $200, but then you have to get Dad a present for $200, plus do your in-laws know what you got for your parents?, can’t spend less on them – there’s anther $400).

      Set a reasonable budget based on what you can afford – I’m sure your mother doesn’t want you to be financially irresponsible – you’re giving her a grandchild – that’s a gift that can’t be topped anyway.

      (I will say – I have the DC animal dyson and it is awesome. If you didn’t have concerns about money, I would encourage you to get one too!)

    7. Do not stretch yourself financially for the holidays. Do not feel guilty about living within your means, ever, including around the holidays.

    8. Stick to your budget. People should be able to respect that. But for when the Dyson is in the budget, if you have Bed Bath and Beyond where you live, they allow you to use their 20% off coupons on Dyson vacuums (while excluding really stupid little stuff). It will save you a huge chunk of change!

    9. Why don’t you just let your mom know that you’d love to give her the vacuum, but perhaps it will have to wait a bit until you’re in a better position to do so? If your mom is anything like mine, she would be upset to discover that you spent more than you’re comfortable spending on something for her.

    10. Try Bed, Bath & Beyond. My sister bought her Dyson there using a 20% off coupon. That might help.

    11. My brother and I are both recent college graduates. He makes a really really nice living (easily into the 6 figures) and I (happily) work at a non-profit, and do a little better than making ends meet. We have just started buying gifts for our parents together, and we will combine Christmas with birthdays/mother/fathers/etc holidays to match the amount the we are comfortable spending. So for example I am comfortable spending 30-40 for each occasion, he is comfortable around 100-$150. This year we bought my parents a $800 TV, I pitched in $175 my brother covered the rest, and we’ll just send cards for the next three holidays to show that we remembered. My parents appreciate the larger gift as it is typically something that needs replacing around the house (I’m fairly sure next year will be an oven or a new laptop for our mom) and it makes it easier on my brother and I not having to find the /perfect/ gift 6 times a year. I typically handle the logistics of the gifts/ wrapping/ shipping/ etc. and my brother just has to sign his name on the tag.

      So maybe just tell your mom that it’s also her birthday gift? If that isn’t an option or isn’t within your family dynamics to do, then maybe just give a gift card to somewhere that sells the vacuum and say you want to buy her the vacuum, but with a baby on the way it isn’t in the cards.

      I disagree with the above poster, if anything it should be easier to tell parents that money is tight and such a large gift isn’t in the cards. They know full well how expensive kids and getting ready for kids is, I’m sure she would understand. Personally a $400 gift from one person, especially a soon-to-be mother is a very extravagant gift (although I know that this depends on lifestyle and income), but even growing up in a very well off family, I could count on single hand the number of times that a $400 gift was given without it being desperately needed (laptop for college, diamond fell out of mom’s wedding ring, new appliances, etc).

    12. For me the issue is that anyone wants a vaccuum cleaner for Christmas. I’m perhaps drawing too fine a distinction but asking for a household maintenance item like a vaccuum cleaner is like asking for a contribution to your rent, or just asking for money. It’s not really a gift.

      Gifts should be heartfelt and thoughtful, something the gift-giver thinks would surprise and delight the recipient, and very importantly, something the gift giver can afford and genuinely wants to give. Thoughtful gifts should be appreciated by anyone with even a smidgen of grace.

      So – vaccuum cleaners, cash, even most gift registries: not really thoughtful gifts. Earrings chosen to match a necklace the recipient already owns, a handknit scarf, a pair of fuzzy socks to warm the recpient’s always-cold feet.. these are thoughtful gifts. And if the gift is thoughtful, it doesn’t have a price tag attached.

      1. Yeah, not everyone is great at imaginative gift-giving. What’s thoughtful from the recipient’s perspective is often very different from the giver’s. My idea of thoughtful is when someone buys me something I’ve said I wanted – and if that’s a vacuum that costs more than I’d like to spend myself, it would certainly be a gift from my perspective!

        1. Clarifying that I did not mean recipients are entitled to demand an expensive gift – just that I disagree with objecting to a Dyson as a thoughtful gift. In my perfect world, people would supply wish lists with items in a range of prices!

      2. Eh, anon I’ve got to disagree with you there. I would prefer someone get me a gift card than what they think might be a “thoughtful” gift but turns out to be something I don’t need or want.

      3. Completely disagree. One of my favorite gifts (combined Christmas and birthday) was my Kitchenaid mixer. Other great gifts have included fancy knives and a Lo and Sons OG bag. My mom usually adds a surprise gift or two, but in general we’re a ask what the recipient wants kind of family. We’d all rather get something that we actually want than for the giver to waste money on something that eventually gets donated to Goodwill (tons of gifts over the years).

      4. Yeah, I don’t need any “thoughtful” gifts, thank you very much. Better no gift at all than stuff I don’t need or want.

      5. While I generally agree with this sentiment, if you have a big dog that sheds a lot, a Dyson kind of IS a thoughtful gift. :)

      6. but definitely a know-your-recipient situation. this pattern of gift-giving results in me accumulating superfluous stuff I don’t need or want that I feel obligated to hold on to no matter how little use I have for it in my life. The joy of using an item I selected and know I want is only heightened when I additionally think of the loved one who provided it for me. I don’t like receiving gifts that much to begin with so I’m probably a little out there, but would honestly rather not receive anything than the “creative, surprise” type of gift.

      7. No no no, I love my oven mitts that my mother gave me for my birthday one year significantly more than some ‘thoughtful gifts’. I remember her every time I use them. Same with when she bought me huggable hangers for a birthday. I would much rather have gifts that either upgrade something I use all the time or gifts that I need than something superfluous. Not so much with significant others, then I would rather have jewelry or thoughtful, but from family I want what I need. My favorite part of Christmas for many many years was the years worth of toothbrushes, toothpaste, acne cream, lotion, etc that came in my stocking every year. The year my mother switched to ‘fun’ stocking stuffers my whole family commented to each other how much we missed the toothpaste.

      8. Uh, no. A gift is something given without being asked and without expectation of compensation in return. Household appliances can totally be thoughtful – you know X is an awesome baker, so you get them a Kitchen Aid mixer. Maybe they never would have bought it on their own, maybe they have always wanted one – doesn’t matter. You are still thinking of them.

        My parents gave me a Dyson vacuum cleaner for Christmas. They also gave me rent money in school and didn’t make me pay it back. Both are gifts.

        ETA: I mean, those aren’t the only examples of gift and one is certainly not obligated to give rent money or household appliances, but that doesn’t negate them as being gifts. I guess I just bristle at someone trying to arbitrarily defining “gifts” when there is already a definition out there.

    13. Just writing to commiserate. It is tough when family assumes you are “rich” because of a high salary. I make more than my parents but I have massive student loans, live in an extremely HCOL area (which I have to live in to make my salary!) and pay more than what my parents pay for a mortgage every month for childcare. Yet, the expectation is that I can afford to buy lavish gifts, travel to them, etc. for the holidays. I still don’t know how to handle this situation because I have a very hard time just saying no and giving less pricey gifts. At this point, I feel like I’ve set a precedent of over-generosity and I can’t back off it. December is always a very stressful financial month. I just try to focus on how nice it feels to give great gifts and figure that I’ll just pay it off in January or so.

    14. I think it’s all about expectations. We were the first in both of our families to have kids and it does change things. I think it helps if you “telegraph” holiday transitions early, so call your sister (not text) and explain that maternity leave, baby equipment and new car have reduced all of your discretionary spending including gifts. You are comfortable with X amount for your mother. Perhaps you can each contribute $50-75 to a Bed Bath and Beyond gift card or Costco gift card.

  20. I drew my 23 year old cousin’s name in our gift grab this year. I’m not that much older than her, but feel like I’m out of touch. What’s a good $50 or less gift for her? Trying to stay away from gift cards or booze because those are such obvious answers knowing her. Any incredible or creative ideas out there?

      1. In that same vein, I just found a Tiffany’s beer stein. Probably not as practical as contributing to her new apartment, but I also think I would have loved that at her age….. Thanks for the suggestion!

      2. Maybe a set of the copper moscow mule mugs (or one really nice one)? Those seem to be in this year.

    2. Does she pinterest? Look to see if she pinned anything in this range. If you know her style, jewelry from Etsy or a local jeweler?
      Otherwise, ask her parents – maybe she’s setting up a new apartment post college and could use a skillet or other basic cookware?

    3. Without knowing her, I find this a little challenging – but I think jewelry is always appreciated. Or a nice pair of headphones or a fun purse could be cool. If you know she’s a big fan of a certain author or movie or something, you could go on CafePress or a similar website and get her a couple funny shirts or a funny mug or something.

      Is she working her first job? Then perhaps you could get her a nice, framed print or something to put up in her office (or even her first “big girl” apartment?)

      1. Can you provide a few recommendations? I’d like to start wearing makeup, but I don’t know where to start and I hate to spend lots of money buying a full size item when I just want to try it out.

    5. One of those fancy candles from Anthropologie or Jonathan Adler – they’re beautiful and they smell delicious. I love them but always feel ridiculous spending $40 on a candle, so I love getting them as gifts.

    6. She is 23, not 73. Don’t buy her a julep cup, seriously. A Sephora gift card is infinitely more appropriate.

    7. Does she like makeup? You could try an Ipsy subscription (like Birchbox, but makeup focused). I know you said you don’t want to do a gift card, but she’d probably appreciate one to somewhere like Sephora, J. Crew, where ever she shops, etc. I’m in her age range and I appreciate those gift cards – they allow me to splurge on myself when I might otherwise might not make that kind of discretionary purchase.

      Alternatively, a Chromecast? They’re on sale for ~$35 around Black Friday.

      Or, if she lives in a cold climate, nice touch screen gloves so she can use her phone easily while wearing them.

    8. I was in the same boat last year and bought a 6 month birchbox subscription—she loved it!

    9. Bobbi Brown eye shadow palette? Or a combo lash plumper and mascara set? I’d just buy from Nordstrom so she can easily exchange if you get the colors wrong.

    10. I’m 21 (but graduated from college, living on my own, and supporting myself, so probably generally living the same early 20’s life)and have no idea what I would ever do with a julep cup. I would kill for a $50 sehpora card as mentioned above. Also if you know a particular handbag she’s looking at then maybe a gift card to that store. Also always a good place for a gift card is target. Clothes and home stuff= winner.

      If you don’t want to do a gift card, then I would suggest a nice skillet or some other upgraded kitchen appliance if she likes cooking. I have the basics, but I definitely wish I had extra money for a nice chef’s knife or a nicer large skillet. Maybe a gift certificate or a promise to take her to get her nails done?

      I personally wouldn’t buy a candle, scents are too personal. Booze is much better, but probably not family appropriate. Maybe a nicer bottle of wine/ wine glasses? I feel like I should start learning more about wine.

      Also what about a jewelry cleaner? I have a couple of nice pieces, and am starting to slowly accrue more, and that is definitely something I wouldn’t by myself but would love to have.

      1. +1 to basic kitchen items. One of my very favorite gifts when I was around that age was a set of about a dozen spices and seasonings. At that point in my life I had salt, pepper, and cinnamon. I’d want to use more but buying 3-4 at one time *seemed* so expensive.

  21. You guys! I just wanted to share that after four months of remodeling, the last of the RAM board came up off the floor yesterday, most of the furniture is in, most of the curtains are up, the TVs are in and working (and isn’t that really what makes a house a home? ;) ), and it looks like I will be reasonably ready to host Thanksgiving tomorrow! (Assuming the painter finishes the interior doors today and the shower glass actually shows up!) The decorating isn’t finished but it still looks pretty darned good.

    I’m particularly excited because my parents are coming and they will be seeing the house for the first time. And my son the Marine will be home after being far away for the past three Thanksgivings. And, uh, my new man friend is also joining us! Gah!!

    I am feeling pretty thankful today. I hope you all have plenty for which to be thankful, too!

    2. Hooray for you! My first Thanksgiving with my family after being tied up with military stuff for a few years in a row was so great – I bet your son is as thrilled to be coming back home as you are to have him celebrating with you. Happy Thanksgiving!

  22. Today, I was told by a friend at the office that our mutual colleague blew up at me behind my back about an e-mail I sent. In the e-mail in question I asked for additional data. That’s it. I was sent an excel file, and upon reading the file, I replied back with “Hey X, can we get the data for x y z dates as well? Thank you, Me.” Apparently the main issue is this colleague’s boss was also copied on the email, so in his opinion I was “throwing him under the bus”. Also I ask “too many questions”. I replayed an apology through our friend, but frankly I am still fuming. Why didn’t this colleague just say something to me instead of behind my back? And the fact that all of those involved in this scenario (colleague, boss, friend) are men except for me really rubs me the wrong way, like, as a women I should know “not to ask questions” over email.

    Any thoughts? How would you handle this?

    1. Ignore it. You didn’t do anything remotely wrong. It’s possible the colleague is just on edge due to the holidays and blowing up at any little thing.

      Also, if I’m mad but know I’m being unreasonable, I usually vent about it to someone I trust and go back to work, doesn’t make sense to talk to the person directly when I know I’m not being reasonable.

      1. I’d actually try to learn from it – I get upset when people copy my boss and it’s unnecessary. Why did you do that? Step away from the gender issue and try to learn your office’s politics here.

    2. Did he overreact? Probably. However, I would be vigilant about keeping people on CC if it is not absolutely required. He probably felt you were pointing out a mistake he had made regarding the scope of data, and letting his boss know. It’s not the case, but I think you could see how he could feel that way.

      As a consultant, I get to ask people for data all the time. If I do not get what I expected, it is usually because there was a miscommunication in the ‘ask’. In these cases, I either 1) email asking for more, with an apology for the miscommunication (even if I was very clear), or 2) call them and clarify the ask.

      Why should I be the one to apologize? To make sure that the relationship stays in place. For what it is worth, it is not a gender driven point of view, my male colleagues do the same. I feel like it also is how I approach managing others (both peers and subordinates). My responsibility as a manager is to make sure my team understands me; if they do not, it was probably my fault.

      When he does send the data, I would say thank you and apologize for the miscommunication on the request, with his boss in CC.

    3. No apology. Ignore. Work. And eat pie because pies are a thing apparently (team cake here, RAWR).

  23. Hi ladies, my husband and I recently bought a car (I haven’t had one in over 7 years!) What is the appropriate tipping amount for valet parking? I live in Chicago. Thanks!

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