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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This oversized coatigan from Anrabess would make a gorgeous topper for any fall outfit. This green color is really calling out to me, but it comes in 12 (!) other shades, including several lovely neutrals.
Wear it with your favorite work-appropriate tee and some comfy high-waisted trousers for an easy business casual look.
The sweater is available at Amazon and comes in sizes S-X
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
This is the sort of thing that I feel wears me (shorter, very narrow shoulders).
BUT I have a question about pants. They are all cropped now. I’m fine with that. As a shorter person (5-4), cropped pants are fine because I don’t have to pay to hem them and can wear flat / flatter shoes with them. But how do cropped pants hit on your leg / foot? At most, I am showing a bit of ankle bone (so these are more ankle pants vs cropped pants on me), except for a pair I shrank that shows both ankle and a few inches of shin. I think I prefer the longer length? This sounds so Victorian, but how much leg / ankle are you showing in 2023 pants?
Anon
What I love about 2023 pants is warm weather months where they work with flats. I cannot figure out how they work with boots — everything I see seems overly styled and going back to heels or rolling bottom cuffs like the late 1980s. That may be where I go back to Team Dress and just give up or stop caring.
anon
This is my dilemma. I really enjoy the exposed ankle look when the weather is nice. As soon as it gets chilly, no thank you. I want all the coverage. And if the boot shaft isn’t the perfect height for the jeans, it looks really weird to my eye. I try to avoid flares and bootcuts because of the snow and ice issue but they look so much better. I guess I will adjust, just like I eventually did with skinnies, though it took several years.
Anon
Last year I switched over to Doc Martin-type boots (similar to ones Gwynneth wore at her trial) with funky Nordic patterned socks that were peeking out and that sort of worked (also doing that with cuffed skinny jeans, flipped up to show ankle). IDK if it is fashion but it is warm and comfy. If I owned Chelsea boots I might try them, but I don’t (no problem with the style, but I already seem to own 10 pairs of boots/booties that I can’t figure out with pants right now).
Anon
I feel like the current trends (wider jeans with a short fitted shirt, light and mid wash denim, cropped pants, cuffed jeans with chunky boots) were invented for Gen Z youngsters in casual settings. What on earth am I supposed to wear to my casual-ish office, particularly during winter? These pants require a specific top and shoes to look somewhat flattering on a pear shape. If I’m navigating slush and need to look polished too I have no idea what to wear.
anon
Yes, that is the problem exactly. The proportions are kind of impossible.
Anonymous
I mostly ignore fashion influencers in warmer climates for the six to eight months of long winter in the Midwest. Instead I try to follow some European and Canadian style bloggers. Those parts of the world tend to dress more sensibly for the weather and keep their ankles covered.
Anon
Any specific ones you follow? I would love to see how people who prefer to avoid frostbite are styling their winter ankles this year.
anon
+1 to looking for some of these recommendations. Every year I search on Pinterest for “winter outfits” and am irrationally annoyed when it’s full of exposed ankles!
Anonymous
Booties with a narrow, taller shaft that fit under the pants.
anon
Would love some recommendations!
Anonymous
mariedanker @ insta world
carolineblomst @ instaworld -> and then look at the people/brands she follows for further inspo.
dianasaldean @ tube land
kaitiyoo @ tubeland
amber scott @ tube land
Anonymous
There is no one right way. It’s a proportion thing . . . the proportion how narrow or wide the bottom of the pants are, your shoes, and what the pants length does to how your overall frame looks (if you care about such things). Do what looks right to your eyes. What you describe would be too short for me and contribute to me feeling stumpy. Take a photo if you need to, so you can see more clearly.
Cat
Just above the ankle bone is the magic spot for me. For winter though I prefer longer jeans and will be wearing either slouchy cuffed styles with sneakers or gentle flares hemmed for my boots.
Pants that end higher on the calf are stumpifying with any footwear. No one needs to go back to the early 2000’s capri land.
Anonymous
I like the ankle-ish length with boots especially in winter months. I hate getting the hem of my pants wet; if we’re doing away with skinny jeans that go inside the boots then at least our wider leg pants can be a bit shorter and out of the snow and puddles. But when worn with sneakers or sandals, I admit I feel a bit like a kid in the 80s/early 90s that just had a growth spurt. All I need is a shirt with wide horizontal stripes in garish colors.
Shelle
Like another commenter I also prefer the pants to hit at the ankle or just above it to balance out the wider silhouettes we’re wearing now. But I see the younger and trendier set are very much not wearing cropped pants. They’re back to full on 90s/00s pants that are baggy around the ankles, and straight leg or wide leg, to pair with their lug soles and chunky sneakers. If you prefer a longer length you are actually more on trend. And if you like it, go for it!
Anon
Yup, I see plenty of full-length straight or wide-leg pants.
Anon
+1 ankle pants all summer, full length trousers all winter. I pack away the ankle length chinos with the rest of my summer weight items when it gets cold & bring out the heavier weight trousers. (Old house, small closet)
Anonymous
I absolutely have to buy petite sizes for anything cropped or else they don’t hit me correctly at all. I got some in the NAS that are wide leg crops and tried to style them yesterday with no-show socks and sneakers and they did not look good. I’m going to give it another go with combat boots in a few weeks I think.
Anonymous
None, unless I decide to wear shorts which rarely happens.
Cropped pants make me look like I’m the kid who hit a growth spurt a week before Mom gets paid, so I avoid them.
I’m wearing boot cut and straight leg because those cuts are the ones that work the best on me.
Anonymous
Did anyone see the NYT article about Julia Allison & Noah Feldman? So many questions – did that dinner party include drugs? Is this why Neal Katyal went to Burning Man? How long do the couple in general?
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/20/style/julia-allison-noah-feldman.html?unlocked_article_code=7jDneCT_2l4DyrPQTv8QvCCNPtzsZ9dDVnWH53D9hbdSMWz9tEiQTNPjSLIfvWtis_xzFG5Voc4ctUj5_igNH9kLM7SVJJNu1is7g9352L2OLBmPTg3YhlhexWfquYhYJDY3mRIpCZzWxaB1LvXirnfmbevqSEYucFFjkVt5APWmyH7sQVK_ue4W2k4PtHbAKnUAf_WOJN6oECRJbV1Lxg45tXTV3Cka_HCRJPI1irq6OBdtl333SJZlq_mG9D4RU_062JsQvNRHfJixT0i1KnIvcFjBSVdJxnTUby7HDBL26I42en-9FlkZm4nOp3OFbff8eXlbWrA3Y_AHa8M2fzk&smid=url-share
why did he do this?
the whole article is so amazing…clearly he must have thought it would be flattering/to his benefit to participate, and yet he comes off so badly? the whole thing reminds me of how Gawker used to rate NYT vows columns…
Anonymous
Yes!! He sounds like he just got a new pet or something.
Anon
Yes! This article made me feel very uncomfortable.
Anon
Shoot — I do not have access. I am eating up the Joe Jonas drama in the DM though (but have no time for its Kanye coverage, except to note that I would like to be in Italy for weeks on end after the summer tourists have left).
Anonymous
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/20/style/julia-allison-noah-feldman.html?unlocked_article_code=xqaO8I4Kw6PZezDBsCIsP8h7ochzchMnM0AiV53pT9cRlXjOlnEdrmvZbdKeDWHvivU26CwxwU5fkC9Dujix5lEJdyGAZhUc5jUFaz5r7grLRhZQEZKZ_KSEX1n5Evwtdt8Kb6d5yZau9HsAbPV_bHw453MCIUFkFZh0yjX5X4tCaxmah9c355K6bTVotfNNuNIvcCc_gzI1tj-AtFrf3kViFgLUEahhH9pzdH975To6CbvQEYSeS5UA9sp-kL6zjw_4Qq3lclcxTKzDMV1xFRpH4xowTDzuKVJ3mZA-LH76O1K67JM8BU_00kbUnxuwaUIL1kLO0pStSu4l-fwDAoTl&smid=url-share
Gift link
Anon
It’s an unlocked article, you should be able to use the link OP posted.
Anon
Thanks for sharing the link. It seems so random yet they are happy. Their wedding guest list will be fascinating!
Anon
Does he not speak? It’s so cringe — “he’s learning to have fun”.
Anon
He is also beige and sad in a sad beige house. [This is like the high-degree version of the blue-collar boyfriend saga earlier in the week.]
anon a mouse
I kept thinking of his teenage children, and what they must think of him. And if they’ve noticed a big change in him, or if a lot of this is posturing for the article.
Anon
I can’t imagine my childhood home going from sad and beige (mine was definititely earth-toned, down to the almond appliances) to what is in the pictures. Especially if I still lived there or was in college.
Anon
I’d be thrilled to see it decorated like that, personally
Anon
I like the decor personally, but i think it would be weird for kids to have their not-yet-stepmother redecorating their childhood home.
Anon
I think the house looks great and I also think it’s weird the power children are given, psychically if not legally or financially, over their childhood homes. Once I moved out, I didn’t feel like I had any say over what my parents did with their house.
Anon
Have never heard of them but that was an interesting read! You never know who your person will be until you find them!
Anon
What a throwback! JA finally got her Jewish Harvard intellectual. She was chasing this kind of guy so hard during her “lifecasting” days. And it doesn’t surprise me at all that he’s over a decade older.
I thought the author was lightly snarky to them and it was hilarious, like they put “join Judaism” in quotes presumably because that’s how Julia phrased it.
I wouldn’t have expected them to last very long, but if it’s already been 3+ years maybe they’ll go the distance? The thought of Julia as a step-mother is terrifying though. I hope his kids will be in college soon if they’re not already there.
Anon
I know one couple featured in an article like this. It omitted a lot. Like I would not have signed a 10b5 on that article. IDK what fact checkers do at the NYT, and nothing was untrue in it, but it omitted a lot of material items IMO. I guess some people drink their own Kool-Aid and the NYT lovingly gazes at them and imbibes it, too?
Anon
He has a 5000 sq ft house as a bachelor? He heats and cools it? Then lets her redecorate it? Can someone explain the money tree that seems to fund this and how, if you are really liberal, the waste of $ and materials is OK? It’s just so much needlessly burning through $.
Anonymous
That’s in addition to his house in Maine.
Anon
She is starting a master’s program at Harvard — is this something she gets to do for free as his fiance? That the rest of us would have to pay $$$ for?
Anon
Probably. Although the guy has so much money it doesn’t matter either way. He owns a 5,000 square foot home in Cambridge so he’s obviously loaded.
Anonymous
No. No university gives tuition remission for fiancé’s.
Anon
Actually that’s not true. Lots of universities, including Harvard, give tuition discounts for domestic partners, and if they’ve lived together for a while she may qualify. Not that they need it.
Anon
Actually it seems like Harvard doesn’t have tuition benefits for professor’s families. I’m not personally familiar with Harvard’s rules and my googling was too cursory when I first posted. But universities that have spousal benefits normally extend them to domestic partners as well so it’s definitely not true that “no university gives tuition remission for fiances.”
Anonymous
Domestic partner is different than fiancée
Anon
If anything, fiance is domestic partner status with a whiff of “on the promotion list.”
Anon
This is surprising. I had long thought that Harvard and similar schools didn’t have a lot of slots for students from Flyover US because so many of them were likely going to children of faculty/staff and also to legacies, donors, and recruited athletes. Even if not formally, informally.
I know at other good but not in this tier have to use that to recruit people to leave behind higher-paying private sector jobs. That and housing in $$$ areas (NYU, at least for some types of very high-value professors).
Whatever, I’m sure she got in on her own merits and it looks like this is not really needed as some sort of credential for retooling, the way a masters program would be for the rest of us.
Anon
Admission preference is totally separate from tuition remission. You can have one without the other (in either direction). But for Harvard and other Ivies, it’s mainly the children of undergrad alumni taking slots, not children of faculty. There are way more alumni kids than faculty kids.
Anon
At least at the university I work at (not Harvard) if you live together in a romantic partnership you can normally get the domestic partner benefits, including tuition discounts. There might be some paperwork involved with the university, but you don’t need to be legally civil union-ed or anything like that. I know people who’ve done it.
Anon
Yes, tuition benefits are a common way of attracting faculty and compensating for the fact that academic salaries don’t go very far, especially in HCOL areas. I know some private schools that pay college tuition for professors’ kids at any university in the country, which is an astounding benefit, especially if you have three or more kids you expect to send to private college. I work at a public university so we “only” get half off in-state tuition at our home institution, but even that is nothing to sneeze at and will likely save us tens of thousands of dollars per kid.
Anon
Wow, Julia Allison is a throwback.
anon
I spent a fair amount of time with him personally back in the day (can’t explain why without outing myself) and he is insufferable. I was, frankly, always surprised that he could deal with being married to someone as accomplished as Jeanne Suk; he was very much the type that you would expect to be married to person to whom he could feel superior. Not surprised his second wife is a manic pixie dream girl type – just that it took this long to find her and that she wasn’t one of his students.
Anon
Ooh Thanks for the info. I was reading this and thinking he seemed like the type to have a dating-a-student scandal.
anon
I don’t know that an actual dating a student scandal ever happened, but when I knew him he was freshly off writing the Iraqi constitution and was young and decent looking (which is enough to constitute hotness for a law professor…). There were definitely a population of female law students who fawned over him, and he ate it up.
I thought he was very smart but not as smart as he thought, and deeply tiresome. He was also the type that can tell you’re not overawed by him, and reacts negatively to that. So he didn’t like me very much because I was insufficiently impressed by him, but he had to be nice for Reasons.
Anon
Yeah that all tracks. Thanks for the tea!
Anonymous
“He was also the type that can tell you’re not overawed by him, and reacts negatively to that.”
OMG I’ve encountered so many of these in my life and I can’t stand them
Anon
This kind of goss is why I keep coming here!
Anon
Same same! Great distraction on a Friday morning!!
Anon
” manic pixie dream girl type”
OMG. Nailed it. As I was reading the story I kept thinking “this whole thing is being framed as some kind of later-life romcom thing” but “romcom” wasn’t quite it. This is Garden State or Elizabethtown with slightly older, more-insufferable people. Cameron Crowe could have written this, and there’d be some big blow-up/denouement at the end and I would walk away from the movie feeling like – that was okay but I really didn’t like either of the main characters.
Anon
I lived this (and in my crowd, I’m the math nerd who is boring). I (state U, wrong side of the tracks, but smart and a hard worker) dated a guy who had two Harvard degrees. Everything in his eyes was manic pixie dream girl. “You are so into the vernacular” was actually said about me (dude, I read the WSJ).
In the end, I just couldn’t. I had to jump his car once, and while I don’t love rescue fantasies (like the SATC episode of yore), I really hate them when I am starring in it as the rescuer of a romantic interest. He did not understand why it didn’t work out. It was never going to work out. I am a real person and not some 2-D woman coming to reinvent you. That is the plot of Big Bang Theory and I am not Penny.
Anon
This totally tracks just from the way he’s presented in the article.
Anonymous
We probably went to law school together and YES I agree with everything you said. This is a guy who always had to be the smartest guy in the room and at my law school that was a hotly contested title!
Anon
Ugh. I feel like I see those kids in middle and high school (it is a family affair generally, with the parents doing a FT job as being a puppetmaster). IDK what happens when they go off to HYP and are no longer the smartest kid in the room, but I’m expecting it to be like WWE. I want to know where they retire to so that I can go elsewhere. Would not want that in the villa with me.
anon
OMG I bet we did!
Anon
How does saying you went to Harvard or NYU law school and had this guy as a prof “out” you? That describes thousands of people!
Anonymous
Lol main character syndrome even among anonymous thousands? :)
anon
Because my relationship to him was not solely that I was a student – I knew him personally outside of that, for reasons I can’t go into because they are, indeed, specific only to me.
anon
Hit submit too soon – he actually wasn’t even my professor when I was at the school. I interacted extensively with him socially outside of the school and after graduation, and that’s the primary basis of my opinion of him although obviously I also observed how he was at the school, which was eye-rolly.
Anon
Never been happier to have gone to BU, where people were normal(ish). Lolz.
I also concur that any halfway decent looking youngish man who is a law professor thinks he is a God. Checks out totally with my experience, both at law school and in biglaw.
He’s a law firm 10 (real world 5).
Anon
I think he’s actually pretty attractive, at least in his Wiki photo! But yeah even male profs who are pretty mediocre looking seem to get groupies if they’re relatively young.
Runcible Spoon
Yes, as I read this breathless feature, I kept thinking this guy is such a cliché, acquiring a much-younger second-wife who is the adorable “fun” girl. Manic pixie dream girl, indeed. These guys are all just pathetically trying to avoid getting older, and scared of dying. They also both seem just full of it. Just too much. Just ugh.
Anon
Working in the same academic department as your ex-spouse is so awkward (my husband knows two people in this situation) and add in that the ex’s new spouse is also a Harvard Law prof and it gets even more awkward. I’m so curious what Jeannie and her new husband think of this pair.
Anon
Anyone else put off by the first picture? Everything looks so polished, yet she has her heels on his lap. Along with the other pictures, it seems like NYT is trying to showcase the contrast in their background/personality. I still think the pose is odd…
Anon
IT’s 2023. Who wears heels, let alone in their own house?
Anon
Julia Allison. This is the least surprising thing about the story ;) She used to traipse all over Manhattan in 6″ stilletos.
Anon
I’d wear that outfit, including the heels, today. I love it.
Anon
Lots of people who didn’t give up in 2020.
Anon
I feel ancient but also perfectly satisfied to not know who either of these people are.
Anon
Oh Julia was “famous” (microfamous in certain very online circles) 15+ years ago – I feel like I’m old because I know who she is!
Anon
You realize you don’t have to comment on threads where you aren’t interested in (or don’t understand) the topic, right? Like, you can let some discussions just go by without commenting.
Anon
You realize you didn’t have to respond to this comment, right?
Anon
I would love to be a fly on the wall at the next Harvard Law faculty meeting, lol.
Anonymous
Today is my birthday. My partner and I recently broke up. We made really fun plans for this day and the breakup combined with my birthday has me feeling really sad. I have plans to take a half day off work and get a massage. My family is having a little get together for me later in the weekend when people are available but I’m kind of at a loss today. What would you tell a good friend in this situation?
Anon
I’ve been there, first up, happy birthday! I would take the day off, call a friend to join you for dinner tonight (I promise you have someone who will go out with you). Spend the day doing things you love doing and get a mani pedi.
anon
(Assuming I couldn’t be with the friend) I would tell the friend to get the massage, then a mani/pedi, and then get the best fanciest takeout with multiple apps that is actually too much food but will be awesome leftovers all night and also it’s your birthday so get all of the things that sound good. Then I would buy Barbie off of Amazon Prime and watch it at home, eating all the delicious takeout.
anon
wait change the last sentence to me recommending to my friend that she buy Barbie and watch it with all of the takeout. I got looped up in creating a perfect evening that I switched it to myself. :D
Sasha
I would tell that friend to get the massage, go for a long walk with a fancy coffee, stop by the store and get a face mask and maybe a new cozy blanket, order the most self indulgent take out she wants, and enjoy a night in with a glass of wine and said cozy blanket and face mask watching something funny and mindless. I’d also tell that friend that better days are ahead, and to think about how great next birthday will be, and that sometimes a birthday celebration with yourself is a good reminder that even when it feels like you lost the person in your corner, you are always in your own corner. Hugs from the hive–this sucks, but it will get better. Happy birthday !
Anonymous
Love this! Thank you!
Anon
Not the OP but I love this reply! Will have to remember that – you are always in your corner!!
Anon
Treat Yo Self.
Get the massage, get a fancy coffee or beverage, get your favourite takeout, buy yourself that pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing. Happy birthday!!
Anon
I’m so sorry! I would tell a friend to get their favorite takeout, rent whatever movie their heart desires, no matter how silly the rental price, and then go to bed EARLY. No need to stay up late ruminating — try to end your night in a cozy way, maybe with tea, candlelight, a book or audiobook.
anon
I know haircuts are really cliche for breakups and this may sound weird, but … I like to get a haircut when I need a mental reset because I think about all the disappointments and tribulations that happened when I was growing that hair out as it is being cut and once the cut is over, poof! I can move on from them and not think about them anymore.
It’s a new year for you! Think about all the great things that are coming to you this year. And happy birthday!
Anon
Happy birthday!!
Anon
I would tell a friend what I would tell myself: a birthday is a milemarker, not a finish line. Our lives are a journey, sometimes big changes happen that are so painful. This is where you are right now in your life. You were born, you have aged X many years, and at X year you are in a season of big change. Your whole life will be a beautiful, meaningful story filled with so many positive and negative experiences, so much change, so much unexpected, so much growth. Take care of yourself today. A birthday can be looking out at the sunset with new eyes. It doesn’t have to be a carefree, happy moment.
OP
Oh my gosh this is so beautiful! Thank you. This is what I needed to read right now.
Anon
Happy birthday! Great ideas on this post – hope you pick a few to celebrate!
Anonymous
Thoughts about the one-year suspension of a lawyer who tried to get credit for attending two online CLEs simultaneously? I agree that it was a dumb move, you can’t possibly pay attention to two webcasts at the same time. But every time I go to a CLE, people are working. Are people really not billing that time? Or deducting billable time from their CLE submission?
Anon
Link? How did this even come up?
anon
Not a lawyer and don’t know the situation, but from your description – that sounds like a pretty harsh punishment. Also a dumb thing to try and pull off.
Anon
Harsh enough that I suspect it might not be his first rodeo with the ethics board.
Anon
More detail here:
https://www.jdjournal.com/2023/09/21/jason-r-buckley-faces-maine-law-license-suspension-for-unusual-cle-credit-attempt/amp/
I’m not the Anon who posted about this. It’s easy for me to see why this is a problem: the guy’s law license was in administrative suspension, and he needed CLE credit to get that reinstated. Twice, he took two simultaneous CLEs, using a computer and an iPad. The Court relied on a prior case in which a lawyer’s license was suspended after he delegated his CLEs to his assistant.
While we cannot police people during CLEs, we can at least ask for some modicum of evidence that they are attending and paying at least some attention.
dummy
oh this is much better context. states like ME and NH loathe carpetbagger attorneys and this guy seems like a loser anyway.
Anon
Not sure about the carpetbagger attorney aspect. At least from what I have seen, when the court tells an attorney that he is skating in thin ice and he *will* do these things, they want absolutely zero pushback or deviation from the orders. What they want to see is “I screwed up and I did this properly,” not more shenanigans.
Cat
of course people multitask during CLEs but doing two online ones at once seems like an exceptionally great way to get caught by the state board. And if you’re not at a firm, keeping tabs on email during a CLE is just work, not billable time :)
Anon
Even at a firm, keeping tabs on email isn’t billable work.
Cat
you don’t bill for answering email?
Cat
sorry, I mean during a CLE I do want to pay attention to the material, so that would be more like quick scheduling responses or similar, not detailed & billable. I was seeing your response and reacting generally.
Anon
I left Big Law before I was having a lot of direct client contact, and to internal people I didn’t write long emails normally, so yeah not usually? Obviously if I researched and analyzed an issue I would bill the time spent working on it, but I wouldn’t bill time for responding “will do” to a request for the research.
Anonymous
I guess it depends what you mean by “keeping tabs on.” I suspect but don’t know for sure that men tend to bill more hours because they bill every single second of brainpower they devote to a matter, whereas women trend in the opposite direction, they don’t bill things they really should.
If I’m watching emails come in but they require nothing from me, I’m probably not billing, with the caveat that if it’s a LOT of emails such that I have to spend time going back through a huge volume to make sure I’m not missing something, then I’m capturing that time. If I’m responding to emails then yeah that’s absolutely billable time. I don’t subscribe to the notion that you should bill at least 0.1 per email but I’ll bill the cumulative time spent on email traffic each day.
Anon
People are probably billing that time. I never do that because it’s rude to the presenters. But I think the argument is that the CLE authorities aren’t monitoring such a thing. But they can monitor when people are so blatantly violating the rules as to simultaneously watch two at a time, and they have to address it. I’m not sure what they were supposed to do other than some sort of punishment?
Anonymous
I’m ok with this. I’m my state you need to affirm you actually watched it and I do make a good faith effort to understand them. Call me corny but I actually believe in high standards of integrity for attorneys. I’m not the best lawyer but I’m honest one.
anon
Thanks for saying this! I’m also a lawyer and believe in high standards of integrity for our profession and more generally.
Anon
Thank you!
Anonymous
Same!
Cb
Week 2 of teaching at the new institution and experienced every academic’s nightmare here…
I realised at 10:40 that the class I was teaching at 11 actually started at 10… I was a 15 minute walk away and had to assume the 20 students had left by that point. Sent a very apologetic email saying I’d be available this afternoon for questions and have had no replies.
Anon
You probably made those kids’ morning tbh.
Cb
I mean, notably no one emailed to say “where are you?” I assume they all went for coffee.
Anon
Yeah, we had a 15 minute rule and then left class and it was THE BEST.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
I’m in higher ed and would agree. You gave everyone a much needed mental health break!
Anon
Yeah, I doubt it. I’d be annoyed, but willing to look past it if otherwise the professor is with it. Not a very good first impression to make, though.
Nesprin
That’s your version of an academic’s nightmare?!? Mine involves overdue accreditation paperwork with the the most mediocre of the old white guys on the faculty and an acute lack of pants.
Forgetting a class is just a thing that happens.
Anon
Yeah, birthing Sam Bankman-Fried would be my academic nightmare . . .
Anon
I’m in a multinational corporate, and this happened to me too (pottering around at home when I realized my important 1:1 with a senior mentor that I had set up, was an hour ago!). I lived.
Anon
Any comments on the relative merits of CZ earrings from Crislu versus Birkat Elyon?
Anon
I feel that if it is <= 1 carat equivalent, no one can see much. If it is 5 ct, it will always look like CZ. FWIW, I like Herkhimer diamonds (which are quartz) and they can come in some edgy styles, if that is how you roll. Etsy has a lot.
Anon
Looking for some DC area real estate and neighborhood advice. I’d like to buy a house because I’m tired of condo life, and I want a dog and a garden and both will be easier in a house. What neighborhoods in DC or close suburbs should I look in? My budget is $650k, I’m single, mid-30s, work in downtown DC one day a week, want a neighborhood that’s not filled with traffic and siren noises, safe, and one mile or less to the metro. Where should I look? I’ve spent a lot of time on redfin over the past couple of years so I know this is a lot to ask but I’m wondering if (hoping) there are hidden gem areas that I’m missing?
Anonymous
This is a unicorn at your budget, unfortunately. Are townhouses on your list? There are enclaves of town houses further out like Fairfax that might work, although maybe not at that price.
OP
I know you’re probably right but it just sucks. It’s one more thing I can’t do because I don’t have a partner (and thus don’t have double the budget), despite being a lawyer who works hard and does the right things. Life feels so frustrating.
Anon
I hear you. Also single and I’ll never be able to afford a house.
anon
It’s normal to feel that way but even if you have a partner, buying a single family house in a HCOL place is just really hard. I have a spouse with a PhD who works super hard but frankly, his job doesn’t come remotely close to doubling our budget. I know it seems like everyone in DC is a two high income family, but that just isn’t the case. For you to even be able to buy the condo puts you in a very fortunate position. Be proud of yourself! Your options are to go east of the park, but as a single woman I’d be very picky about where you are looking, or go to maryland or maybe someplace like Burke in VA?
Anona
That’s… though. Maybe Forest Glen, on the Holy Cross side of Georgia Ave? Or on the side of Homewood Park closer to Georgia? I have family in Kensington, which is more MARC train than metro accessible, but does have some smaller, older homes in your price range.
anon
+1 Forest Glen/Silver Spring. I just bought there for a bit more than your budget, but there are smaller/older SFHs and townhouses in that range.
anon a mouse
Are you okay with a townhouse/duplex or do you want a SFH? The latter is a pretty tall ask unless you go far out on the Red Line (Rockville, North Kensington, etc). If you are okay with an attached home, Jefferson Manor in Fairfax County by the Huntington station would probably work for you. Also look at Fairlington or Shirlington – they might be a little more than a mile to the Metro but there are express buses to Pentagon that are frequent and easy.
anon
I used to live in a townhouse in Shirlington and think this is a good idea. You take the bus like 8 minutes to the pentagon metro. Assuming you’re only doing it once a week for work, it’s very easy. Those townhouses have individual decks in the back and big shared greenspaces. You can easily have a dog and some raised garden beds. Also, owning a SFH isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
anon
I think you would love Takoma Park, and I do see multiple listings for <$720k, some even in the 600s. As you head over into Silver Spring, there are modest brick homes east of Sligo Creek Parkway that will fit nicely in your budget. The area is well served by bus lines that connect you to the Metro. Otherwise, head out to Greenbelt or College Park on the green line. So long as you avoid the students – vet your location carefully – there are plenty of nice SFHs out that way with great transportation options.
Flats Only
Look around the Huntington Metro station (end of the Yellow line) south of Alexandria. Prices there are up, but there are several neighborhoods close by with smaller homes that would be great for 1 person. You might even be able to afford one that’s been flipped. There are also new town home and condos. Slightly longer Metro ride to DC, but a lot of it is above-ground (you get to see the airport and the river, so it’s interesting). Just a few minutes metro or Uber to Old Town Alexandria restaurants/nightlife if that’s appealing to you.
Anon
I’ve sung the praises of my old neighborhood here before, but it’s worth a look. Check out ParkFairfax in Alexandria and Fairlington in Arlington (they’re on opposites of Quaker Rd from one another; Quaker Rd is the dividing line). I bought in PF when I was single with a dog – in fact, PF is full of smart, single women with pets ha. I know ParkFairfax is legally set up as condos, but there’s nothing condo-like about them. They have patios and/or front porches, the neighborhood is full of beautiful old trees and great sidewalks, there are pocket parks behind every cluster of units, and you’re a quick bus ride to Pentagon metro. You’re also walking distance (depending where you are in the neighborhood) to a CVS. A nice Safeway and garden center are close by.
PF units are smaller and mostly 1-2 bdrms; Fairlington units are bigger, and I’m not sure what they are legally – attached SFHs? condos? I loved my time living there so much.
Anon
Agreed — coming here to suggest Annandale or Sleepy Hollow (although Sleepy Hollow has gotten super pricey the last few years). Annandale has good food and you can still get to the Falls Church Metro stations pretty easily. Nice yards, nice people.
GC
Look at Riggs Park. It’s safe for the city, it’s quiet, and it’s less than a mile from three metro lines (Ft. Totten- Red, Yellow, Green lines). Your budget will buy a remodeled semi-detached rowhouse with a small but totally adequate yard for gardening and a dog. The tradeoff is that the houses are 1950s boxes, but it’s a steal in DC proper.
Runcible Spoon
Perhaps consider Vienna, Virginia or Falls Church. Takoma Park is great. Maybe look at the 16th Street corridor? Good luck!
oldladylawyer
cardigan and photo– am i alone in thinking this silhouette looks very dated? skinny pants with a long lean cardigan? seems to me the look is wider pants with shorter tops….
Anon
I feel like in 2023, it’s done with all neutral hues and ones in the same color family, so the white pants, but with a camel cardigan, maybe white camisole, and camel shoes or birks. It’s too many colors for 2023 (maybe too many colors overall, even if white and black are neutrals).
Anonymous
This. I could totally see Fashion Jackson wearing this outfit in cream and camel.
Anon
Has anyone who teaches run into students who cannot emotionally handle a class like Environmental Science? Like they are so empathetic to the planet is dying (maybe a bit of hyperbole, but not how they see it) that they cannot emotionally handle it and need to withdraw, and then scramble to find a more neutral-to-them science to satisfy requirements (like Biology or Chemistry vs something like some Ecology classes and some Earth Science classes; Geology might). IDK if this student is on the spectrum or has some MH needs, but this is a new one; student seems to be bright and not trying to avoid doing the work, says this isn’t generally an issue and feels a bit surprised at all this.
Anon
Yes. As long as they can satisfy their requirements with a different class I don’t think it’s a big deal, and it’s not something I’d worry about (assuming you’re the Environmental prof).
Anonymous
+1. My campus services team/advisor had to get involved and help me pull out of a psych class in college. I had just been assaulted and while it wasn’t a ‘human sexuality 101’ course there was a fair amount of discussion of assault/trauma responses/etc. After running out of one course during a panic attack I realized I couldn’t handle it. The prof was a HUGE jerk about it hence getting campus services involved – thank you for being kind and thoughtful to this student!
Anonymous
Same. I once had to pull out of the class for several weeks because the material triggered panic attacks. Really, everything did at that point, but there was not a reason I needed to read that book and set another one. I’m so grateful that the teacher was amenable to replacement lessons for me.
Cb
Oof, I teach politics (so grim in different ways) and I see students very anxious about things. I think if there is a good alternative, they should swap.
Anon
Wow life is gonna be a challenge for that kid.
Anon
IDK — yes, if you wanted to go into that field; no if it’s just “take this if you are premed” or for other general ed requirements. Assuming it’s a one-issue thing and not with every single thing
anon
Seriously! Sounds like they need to get a grip quickly
Anon
Yeah this seems overly sensitive
Anon
Nah. There are certain topics that upset me and I just avoid them. I don’t watch shows about the universe because they make me fearful. Other than that, I function just fine.
Anon
Same, I have a hard time reading or watching anything where kids die. I don’t think that makes me a “weak” person, it’s just not something I choose to consume. I function fine in general.
Anon
I like Agatha Christie, where there is murder and violence, but you aren’t forced to watch it, blow by blow. At a certain point, some things are inhumane. Others, much less so. How the professor handles material and student is likely what makes come classes positively transformative and others transformative in the opposite way.
Anon
I’ve been teaching classes like this for almost 20 years and haven’t run into this yet, at least not that a student has told me (many classes are quite large, so I’d believe that it’s happened, if not to the point of dropping the class). But I very much make a point of teaching my classes not from the perspective that the planet is dying. The earth and its many forms of life are beautiful and resilient and have survived many changes in their 4.6 billion years (I’m a geologist by training). It’s people who will pay the price for their actions, though there are many things we can do to improve things if we want to, and I emphasize these.
Anon
This is a good point. I could see a lot of psychology classes being traumatizing for some students, but the exact messaging matters. I was molested as a kid and probably could not do some of them but others with the right teacher would likely be very different experiences.
Runcible Spoon
Just want to say I am so sorry that happened in your childhood, and glad you have made your way in the world nevertheless.
anon
I feel like the whole “the planet is dying” framework is so, so counterproductive. It encourages helplessness and passivity, rather than engagement, and it makes people think that there’s nothing worth protecting left. Especially for people who don’t have a lot of day to day engagement with the natural world.
I’ve spent much of my life engaged with environmental issues in one form or another (from straightforward activism to my early legal career in natural resources law to my life now as a passionate hiker/camper/fisherwoman), and I try to communicate to people the richness and beauty of the natural world that remains (and can be found everywhere – even in city parks!). If you think it’s already gone, what’s the value in fighting for it? If you know what’s there, you’ll treasure it and work for it.
anon
I can’t speak to the mental health state of a person I don’t know, but I have generalized anxiety disorder, and at times that has manifested as overwhelming anxiety about climate change. Generally speaking, simply avoiding the thing that causes the anxiety response isn’t a good long-term strategy – even if right now, it’s only in response to this one thing, it likely will not always be. Not sure if this is a high school or college student, but therapy is generally what people need for this (CBT was great for me, but approach depends on the individual person).
If you are talking to this student, encouraging them to access mental health resources would be a good thing. Even if it seems like overkill because it’s “just this one thing,” you can let them know that the tools they would learn in a short course of therapy are super helpful for managing any anxiety that they encounter in life – and will help them get to a place where they can actually take meaningful action on the climate front if it’s something they really care about.
Anonymous
Oh, dear. This reminds me of an article in The Atlantic that argues the use of trigger warnings is actually making people, esp. women, less resilient, and thus the practice should be reconsidered.
Anon
Yep, we are raising the weakest generation yet.
Anon
Agree.
Anon
OMG, eye roll. I guarantee you every generation in all of human history has felt this way about younger generations.
Anon
Trigger warnings can be counterproductive. But instructors springing violent and graphic content of questionable pedagogical relevance on students was never okay (it was also invariably male egdelord types doing this), and we shouldn’t go back to that culture either. Environmental science is a bit different, but it can still be taught in different ways. Peter Sandman has some good writing on how precaution advocacy can become counterproductive if it leads an overwhelmed audience to shut down.
Anonymous
Bro why are you sharing this?! If the student or your colleagues are reading this is identifiable student information.
Anon
No it isn’t. There are hundreds (thousands?) of colleges in the US with environmental science classes. We don’t even know if this person teaches in the US.
Anon
Thousands of colleges. And could be high school also.
Anonymous
Nothing in this thread is identifying.
Read bit about the whole ‘earthshot’ thing recently and like the idea of a hopeful perspective on ingenuity to address the problem. Some cool solutions out there.
Anon
Um wut? No it isn’t. There’s nothing personally identifying here.
Anonymous
High school or college? Are you the instructor, the advisor, or someone else? Assuming college because the parent is not involved, why are they telling anyone this and not just changing their schedule? It does sound like something a kid with generalized anxiety might do. I would refer them to campus mental health services. If they are saying this because they are trying to drop after the deadline, I would get the proper administrators involved and let them deal with it.
AnonAnon
Turning 40 and health challenges with my partner and friends seem to have flipped a switch intensity-wise (infertility, cancer, back injuries, aging parents.)
How have you approached aging, what investments (e.g. exercise, sleep, eating well, beauty/seem treatments) have helped you to stay happy as you age and what do you appreciate about getting older/what are you having the hardest time with about getting older?
Anon
I’m 45 and things are still getting better. Sure, I have to be a bit more careful about doing stupid stuff (physically overdoing it hurts a lot more the next day now than it did 20 years ago), but the capacity is still there, along with the wisdom to know when it is or isn’t worth it.
Anon
Completely co-sign all of this, at 46. I work out 3x a week (1x is yoga, 1 is gym, 1 is at-home HIIT) and I can do as much, or more even, than I did when I was younger. Yes, I have had some health stuff come up but at the end of most doctor appointments the doctor tells me some variation of “this is a minor issue in the scheme of things; you’re doing great.” I also agree about the “doing stupid stuff that isn’t worth it” comment. I am in a routine that doesn’t feel like a rut. I change things up sometimes, but no longer push myself physically the way I did in my teens/20s (that resulted in some pretty gnarly injuries).
My recommendation to anyone approaching their 40s is – if you have not already started exercising, do so now. It’s never too late to start. Start with walking 20 minutes once a week and go from there. I see people in their 50s and 60s who are energetic and flexible and can do all kinds of things and live big lives, and when I talk to them – it’s because they started and kept with an exercise routine, so they headed off problems with physical resilience and stamina. The folks I know in their 50s and 60s who never exercise are more like 70 and 80-year-olds in terms of what they’re able to do. Physical ability is absolutely “use it or lose it” IMO.
Anon
I think that one of the most important things you can do is strength training so that you can maintain muscle mass as you age.
anon
I’m 43. I take my physical fitness very seriously. It doesn’t mean I’m an amazing athlete who is spending hours in the gym every day. But I do make a point of getting movement every single day. I want to be mobile for many more decades. The older people I know who have not been physically active tend to have many more issues in their 50s, 60s and beyond.
I have paid a lot more attention to making sure my diet includes a variety of things, and have paid a lot more attention to protein and fiber intake. I would like to lose a few pounds, but I will not go on any crazy restrictive diets to lose weight. I have enough going on with my body without stressing it further.
Sleep: we probably all need more of it. There is a strong link between lack of sleep and cognitive, mental, and emotional difficulties.
Anon
+1 to ALL of this.
Anon
Wear sunscreen!
The hardest part of getting older for me is that the choice about having children will be taken away from me. I cruised through my twenties and thirties putting kids on the backburner, thinking it would happen someday. Right now at 38 I could still probably have kids, but in a few more years that may not be an option. I’m chronically single but still do have hopes I could get married and have a family…I need to work on accepting that it most likely won’t happen.
Anon
You can always get some donor sperm and be a single mother by choice. I have yet to meet a woman who regretted doing that. I have met women who regretted not having a child, or trying harder to have one. (And also plenty of women who never wanted kids, never had them, and are happy as clams.) Don’t pass up the chance to do something you really want to do just because the circumstances didn’t work out exactly how you expected.
Anon
I think it’s valid to want to be a parent but not want to do it alone though. Yes, there are lots of happy SMBC and there are lots of happy childless women, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that OP may want a child *with a partner* and there’s no easy way to solve that.
Runcible Spoon
This is why I never had a child. I just didn’t want to raise a child on my own, and the right partner never came along. Sure, I have regrets, but I feel I would have had regrets if I became a single mom, too. It’s impossible to have a regret-free life!
anon
You might also consider freezing your eggs, if you have the resources. You’ll have a better chance of success using eggs you froze at 38 than trying to do IVF at 42.
ManagementConsultant
I’m the same age and have the same dilemma. I’ve always wanted kids BUT am very unsure about having them on my own. Everyone loves to tell me I’m “still young”, but 38 is pretty old from a fertility perspective. I’ve frozen my eggs so I have a bit of flexibility, but I also don’t want to be raising a toddler in my 60s. It’s now getting close to an age where I probably have to decide between having kids on my own or not having them at all, and I have no idea which way I’m going to go.
Anonymous
Hardest time with alcohol really not working for me any more. At least in the same way.
Honestly, the biggest thing I’m changing the way I prioritize relationships. I’m prioritizing social and family connections over almost anything. It’s a huge predictor of happiness in one’s later years.
I’m also giving myself permission to focus on my wardrobe and personal style. It’s really fun and makes me feel good about myself. It lets me focus on something other than my aging body and face each morning.
I suffered an awful personal loss a few years ago and had to actively give myself permission to focus on fun and positive things. So I try to do that every day. Maybe venting works for others.
For me, it starts an awful spiral so I just don’t go there.
Anon
Perspective. Sure things are hard sometimes but overall we are much better equipped to handle things as we age. It’s just all part of life. I also just let things go. Taking recent posts as examples, I’d never call and complain to my cleaning company or really almost anything. I might not use he service again, but the elevated confrontation isn’t worth it. I don’t care what my neighbors do, I just engage in and live my life. I make time for what matters. I also eat the pasta and the cake. Life is short and obsessing over every little thing is just a recipe for misery.
Anon
Sure, obsessing can be a really bad thing, but taking time to promptly address issues is a different matter.
Anon
My point is there’s a lot you actually don’t even need to address. I’m pretty ruthless about what I let even get my time and energy.
Anon
Agree completely. A whole lot of things in life are only problems because we make them a problem. I prefer to give energy to things that give me joy. Complaining about things that can’t be changed or fixed does not bring me joy. Nor does creating problems for people who are less privileged/advantaged than I am. So I just move on with my life – which trust me, if you’re busy enough, that’s not hard to do. If someone does get joy from complaining or going after people – they might want to really think about that.
Anon
Following. I’m 38 and both my husband and I feel like our bodies are falling apart. So many random aches and pains, although thankfully no serious health issues. My mom (who is currently a spry 71!) said 40 was when she started feeling old.
IL
I’m probably not the right person to answer at age 35, but I want to chime in that taking exercise class with older women who are serious about their physical activity is amazing. There’s a 50s-ish woman at my Pure Barre studio who just hit her 1,000th class, and attending class with her and her friends is just so nice. I feel like I don’t have many role models anymore and I didn’t think I would find them in a barre class as a casual attendee. But I can’t recommend finding an exercise group that includes older women highly enough!
anon
The most athletic and fit person I know in real life is in her 50s. Her yoga inversion practice is insane, and she is constantly taking new fitness style classes. She is 100% my goals.
Anon
I’m 58 and I feel like you just pick up new things as you age and don’t drop any of the old ones. So now I have a shoulder that is always going to give me trouble, but I finally also know what my autoimmune disease is (I have two with overlapping symptoms so it took 4 years to get diagnosed) and can medicate it. Speaking of medication, I now have three I will be on for the rest of my like no matter what happens.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is. I’ve also had a handful of friends die from longer illnesses and one very close friend just drop dead, so I’m just happy to still be here, even though I miss my friends a lot. As my dad used to say, getting old sure beats the alternative.
Anon
On the cusp of mid-50s/late-50s. I agree with Anon at 11:38 that you accumulate “things to keep in mind” and that we are lucky to have the time we have and to live when we do.
In response to your direct question, here are some things I do:
* Sleep 8 hours/night on a pretty rigid schedule.
* Up early every morning to exercise 6 days/week.
* Don’t smoke (never did).
* Moderate drinking (mostly wine with dinner).
* Hats, UPF clothing, strong sunscreen. This is a twofer because you avoid skin cancer *and* you keep your skin looking young.
* Establish relationship(s) with doctors you trust for their expertise, whose front/back office staff is competent and who have or make time for your issues. This is VERY difficult. I decided to go concierge this year with my GP and have changed various specialists until I go the panel of experts I needed.
* Be smart about preventive care: eat more vegetables and fruit and eggs than cake and ice cream and packaged garbage, get your vaccines, wear a mask indoors, wash your hands (you know, all the stuff your grandma taught you).
Until the pandemic started, we were traveling internationally a lot and never had to not do something because of age or health (so, we hiked up a steep portion of the Great Wall in China in our early 50s, for example). I assume that when we resume traveling that will still be true because we have carefully and strategically kept up on our health.
Anonymous
I’m 47 and my husband is 55. My parents are late 70s. The thing I am most focused on is exercise and maintaining relationships and anything else that supports mental health. My mother’s siblings seem a lot healthier than her, and the obvious difference is that they are more physically active. All that said, yes, things do seem to ramp up in your 40s and it sucks.
Monte
I’m 45 and life is progressively better each year. That said, the one thing I need more of is yoga/flexibility work. I just can’t fake it like when I was younger. I run and lift and have always been into fitness, but my flexibility has fallen off a cliff. Unfortunately, I hate yoga but I need to do it. If nothing else, keeping my hip flexors strong helps in the bedroom, which is what I really care about.
jinnybunny
Late 40’s, and I can definitely tell that it takes me longer to restitute as well as build stamina/muscle. But I still bike 150+ km a week, as well as a bit of yoga and run in the summer. I even have a bit of visible abs (not so much the six-pack, but the bit that you often see at the hip on greek statues, called athletes fold in Danish.
So go-go-go, just be careful:-)
Anon
I have posted this video here a couple times, but it is still my all-time favorite for what I want aging to look like. This woman only started mountain biking at 45 and she is far better than me at 73. I love how she never thought she was too old to start and how she emphasizes that no matter what speed you go, you always feel fast. She gets time in nature, social time, and physical activity. I also looked at her Instagram and she said that her surgeon did not want to repair her torn tendon from a gardening accident because of her age, but she pushed back and emphasized that she is still mountain biking at a high level and she needs full functionality. I thought that was a really effective lesson in self advocacy against ageism.
Link: https://www dot youtube.com/watch?v=D9iuSVnfisI
All that said, it also makes me sad to think about how aging has been so much harder and even terrible for some family members. I want to follow the mountain biking example and do what I can but I know it’s not all in my control.
Anonymous
47 here, and I *love* getting older.
I do nothing in the way of beauty treatments, because it’s just not my thing. If I’m passed over for a job or anything else because I happen to look my age, then so be it. I’m not going to change who I am to satisfy someone else. I am completely comfortable in my skin and have fully embraced my sense of style. I think this is the thing that has made me happiest as I age, being true to myself.
I prioritize sleep and family life. Now that I’m done parenting it’s great to be able to enjoy their transition to complete independence and spend time with them as friends instead of parent/child, if that makes sense.
I think the hardest part of getting older is knowing that everyone around me is getting older too…
H13
Movement! I’m 43 and just get so much joy out of moving my body. I do all different kinds of things and am finding so much joy and empowerment in pushing myself (gently) whether in a new running distance or new balancing yoga posture or a new sport (pickleball!). I’ve never considered myself an athlete and yet I almost do now for the very first time. The wisdom of age is also knowing when to stop or pull back.
I’ll also echo the things others have said: I can’t really drink alcohol much anymore, I have to be mindful of what will cause reflux, I always wear sunscreen, and just generally feel much more chilled out most of the time which I think has a positive outcome on so many other aspects of my life (sleep! relationships! work/life balance!). What a wonderful ride.
ISO Podcast Recs
I’d love to hear your spooky season podcast recommendations! Here’s what I’m looking for:
– A complete series rather than one-off episodes
– True crime/mystery
– Well researched and reported
– Set in the woods or a small town, related to myths/folklore, the supernatural, etc.
Podcasts I’ve enjoyed:
– Up and Vanished (the first season was SO good)
– Dr. Death
– Counter Clock
– Serial
– S Town
– Sweet Bobby
– The Girlfriends
– Dear Alana
Anon
No myths or folklore, but Missing in Alaska ticks the other boxes. You might also like Gone South.
The one that does cover myths/folklore/supernatural but does not tick the other boxes is Spooked, the seasonal ghost story version of Snapped. It is amazing. I used to listen to it as I ran trails in the early, near-dark hours at a Civil War battlefield national park. It was so fun.
Anon
Lore
anonchicago
Sold A Story
The Trojan Horse Affair
I learned a few new ones from this list I’ll have to check out. Sweet Bobby was soo weird.
New Here
I’ve enjoyed American Hauntings in the past! There are a ton of episodes. I love the New Orleans ones because I love New Orleans.
Following along. I’m always wanting spooky season listens and reads.
Anon
Communist Plot. Episodes include:
-Necrogeography and Mary Shelley’s Dad
-Goth AMSR
-Sitting Up With the Dead: Appalachian Death Customs
-California Cemeteries: John Brown’s Widow & the Donner Party
Anon
Ghosts in the Burbs is my favorite. start at the begining – while it is more single stories there’s a lot of overarching themes/stories.
the Clearing is a fascinating and complete true crime + family story.
Anon
1) Dirty John
2) Conviction
3) Vigilante
4) Suspect (This has been my favorite true-crime podcast by far)
5) Stolen (season 2)
6) Believable: The coco berthman story
7) Lost in Panama
Teapot
Death in Ice Valley – I found it gripping.
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend blogs or other sources of inspiration for macro/fitness-friendly recipes? Specifically, I’m looking for recipes for main dishes that are relatively high in protein and moderate-low in fat and carbs. Not keto, not necessarily low calorie, and I don’t care about gluten, dairy, etc. Bonus points for family-friendly, make-ahead, and one-dish meals.
anon
Have you tried Skinny Taste? She has many cookbooks but also a lot is available on her blog. I don’t love the name, but I have really enjoyed her recipes and have found them adaptable for my family.
anon
Skinnytaste. You can filter on different types of meals/diets.
Anonymous
Thanks, I’ve been a longtime fan of Skinnytaste, just looking for some more options that are a little more low carb.
Anonymous
StayfitMom
Rachel’s real food
Lillie eats and tells
Lauren fit foodie
I also like zach coen and stealth health but lots of rice and pasta for both.
anon
Sweet Savory and Steph. Her insta is great, too.
anon
The real food dieticians
Anonymous
Moms of busy teens, how do you handle dinner when schedules are constantly in flux? This school year my daughter has changed her plans at the very last minute at least once a week. I am forever planning meals that I can’t cook, counting on her to go out or have dinner at someone’s house and having her home instead, running to pick her up when I was supposed to be cooking, grabbing fast food, etc. It’s never the result of poor planning on her part. She is very good about telling me what her plans are for each day at the beginning of the week, but then a teacher will cancel a rehearsal or her friends will decide to meet on a different day and everything blows up. It would be easier if she had her own car and/or if I didn’t have my own things going on in the evenings, but neither of those things is going to change in the near future. And it’s not like I can just say “cook for yourself” because the last-minute pivots are making it impossible for me to eat. Other parents, how do you handle this? I could just set a before-dinner curfew on weeknights but that seems awfully restrictive.
Anon
Meals should be one pot casserolles or soupor food like chili that can be made and heated or reheated for a few days. Can’t do the meat, starch, veggie thing in a busy house! We had the same issue when our son was a teenager.
Anon
+1. Slow cooker all the way.
Cat
I think you have a few different types of problems to solve.
1. unexpectedly home for dinner. If the family dinner isn’t something that has extra portions (like you made burgers, not a big thing of chili) then she can have a sandwich or something. You don’t need to scramble to get her takeout or make more food.
2. unexpectedly needing to be picked up during prep time. maybe she can cool her heels a bit while you get dinner to a place where you can pause it? or do any of her friends live close enough that it could minimize your drive time if she gets a ride to their house?
Anon
IDK but I feel your pain. Last week I threw out groceries I had bought for a family dinner that didn’t happen b/c I was driving at rush hour and then not planning to be home for dinner for several other nights (working late, other driving time for teen with no license, a project meeting for other kid that got moved).
I feel like it will just be a lot of takeout pizza until they (two non-driving teens) are at least driving or in college.
Cerulean
Maybe I’m missing something, but why not make enough portions in case she is around, and then just have some leftovers remaining if she isn’t? You can even pop them in the freezer if they’re freeze-able and then you have backup for days like this later on. I’m not sure I understand your explanation why you can’t tell her to cook for herself occasionally. I remember a dinner or two per week being fend-for-yourself nights growing up.
If you’re in the middle of an activity like cooking dinner, let her know that you’ll pick her up when you’re done. It’s okay for teens to wait and be bored for a bit.
Anon
+1. Make meals that are easily reheated and don’t need to be assembled per person. A sheet pan dinner or veggie-heavy lasagna is great, a salad with fish and fresh bread isn’t. She can eat whenever she gets home. A teen is capable of cooking their own dinner too, I did this all the time if I didn’t like what my mom was making. Keep quick options like eggs and frozen Trader Joes meals on hand.
It’s fair to say that she can’t hang out with friends on school nights. Scrambling because a teacher or coach canceled is one thing. But there’s no reason you should be beholden to her friends’ whims.
Anonymous
The issue is that she inevitably calls to be picked up while I am in the middle of cooking and can’t just drop everything. She typically has to be picked up immediately because there is a teacher who can’t leave until all the kids are gone or the library is closing etc. Delaying dinner or having her cook for herself is usually not an option because one or both of us have to be somewhere else immediately after dinner.
Anon
Are you a single parent? If not, where is her other parent in all this?
Anon
If a teacher decides, without any advanced planning or notification, that your kid’s schedule has suddenly changed and that the kid cannot leave her custody until she is picked up by a parent, then maybe making that teacher wait will inspire him or her not to pull that nonsense next time.
Vicky Austin
Can you use the slow cooker or Instant Pot (with keep warm function) so dinner can wait for you?
Anon
If her school activities have an unpredictable end time, she doesn’t have her own car or carpool, you’re not willing to eliminate the post dinner activities…there’s no magical solution other than batch cooking on weekends and eating leftovers all week. Either you stop overscheduling yourselves or settle for freezer meals.
It’s reasonable to limit your daughter to one activity per day, and friend hangouts are on weekends only. This isn’t worth sacrificing your health or sanity over.
Anon
+1 I know kids today tend to be way more overscheduled, but this all sounds like way way way too much stuff for me. Out until 10 pm every night?! With kids having to wake up at 6-7 am for school? When does she do homework?
No Problem
Is there any other way for her to get home? Can a friend drive her? What about the parents of another friend who is being picked up? Do you have a spouse or other family member who can drive her? Is Uber available in your area? Can she call a taxi? Is the distance bikeable? Or maybe she can go home with a friend for a little bit and do some homework until you can pick her up?
I’m also a little skeptical that she has literally zero idea that she needs to be picked up early until the moment she needs a ride and also needs to leave immediately. I get that plans change or things can get cancelled, but I don’t see why she can’t stay in the school building for another 20 or 30 minutes at that hour (there was always some activity or sport practice going on in the evenings when I was in high school). Or if she does need to leave the building, is there an athletic activity going on nearby outside that she can walk to and sit in the stands for a bit (soccer practice or something)? If it’s the library closing (I’m assuming you mean the public library), that’s a known closing time and surely she wasn’t going to be staying past the closing time anyway?
anonshmanon
Maybe the time of being ‘in the middle of cooking’ can be reduced. Weeknight meals are 20 mins or under. Leftovers, spaghetti (sauce from scratch takes 15 mins), scrambled eggs, grilled cheese and salad, stir fry…
Then, worst case is, you start dinner, she calls in the middle of it, and you just take 10 more minutes to finish cooking, and pick her up then.
Cerulean
Is she in high school? Surely there’s somewhere in the building she can wait, even if it’s a bench outside.
LawDawg
When my kids were teens, we tended to eat dinner late. If you eat at 8 or later, then you are not starting to cook until you know the schedule for the evening. It also means that daughter might be home from events before dinner. This might not be an every night thing, but being flexible about when you eat also means that you and your family still benefit from shared time at the table and healthier meals.
Anon
My one kid who gets home at 2:30 or needs a ride at 3:30 would have snacked herself silly. The other one gets home around 5 (or 6:30).
anonshmanon
I don’t know why but this phrase is delightful. Snacking myself silly – that’s me!
Anon
I had a busy schedule in high school and the solution was basically that I cooked for myself when I was home. This was also partially because I was vegetarian and my family was not, so I just had a mix of things I could easily make without too much prep or hassle. I went grocery shopping with my mom each week and made sure we got the food I needed to have on hand. Most of it was variations on sandwiches, burritos, salads, hummus, and pasta, so it was either shelf stable or stuff that would last long enough in the fridge that it didn’t matter exactly when it got eaten or someone else would eat it if I didn’t.
anon for this
We lowered our expectations, significantly.
The best thing we do is to batch cook one day a week. Usually that’s on the grill – we’ll do sausages, a couple steaks, a half-dozen chicken breasts. Then those get worked into meals for the week. We also keep deli meat on hand for easy sandwiches. If not on the grill then I’ll make pulled pork in the instant pot or bake some chicken. I’m fortunate that no one minds eating the same thing several days in a row if we need to.
No Problem
Honestly, this is where meal prepping and embracing leftovers comes into play. If you’ve never made freezer meals, this might be the time to see if it might work for your family. Most of the time, all you have to do is take it out of the freezer that morning (put it in the fridge) and then throw it in the oven for an hour to bake. Depending on how far away you have to drive to pick her up, you (or another family member) could put it in the oven before you leave to get her and it will be ready when you get home. And if it’s the opposite, where she ends up not eating at home when you though she would: congratulations! You have leftovers for somebody’s lunch or dinner the next day.
If you’re meal prepping (aka planning a menu for the week and doing the prep work in advance such as chopping vegetables or preparing marinades, NOT actually cooking multiple meals and portioning them out), it means your time from starting to cook until eating can be well under 30 minutes a night.
If you’re in some weird situation where you end up spending the time driving to pick her up that you had planned to spend cooking and eating for yourself and you have to run to your own activity, you need to have some things you can grab and eat on the go so you don’t go without dinner. Granola bars, fruit, PB&J, etc.
And honestly, if she’s in high school, she is old enough to do some cooking on her own. She can make rice, boil pasta, reheat frozen chili on the stove, bake a potato in the microwave, reheat leftovers in the microwave or on the stove, and monitor a casserole baking in the oven.
Anon
Make dinner normally and put the leftovers in the fridge to be reheated. If you have to run out, cook dinner when you’re back. It’s ok if dinner isn’t at the exact same time every night, everyone is old enough to handle it.
BeenThatGuy
On Sunday’s, my least busy day, I try to cook 2 meals. One in the crockpot and something in the oven or on the grill. We eat one of them for dinner that night and portion everything else out for the fridge or freezer for the following days. There’s always mixed greens in the fridge for a veggie to go with it. That usually gets our family thru 3-4 days of the week. The other days are take out or a sandwich. We do our best to eat together but it feels like someone is always running off to somewhere.
Anon
She’s old enough to figure out dinner for herself if she’s home unexpectedly, no?
Anon
Yup.
Anon
I think you have to also accept that you’re not going to be eating together as a family and that’s ok. My family never did when I was growing up. My brother and I ate after school because we were always hungry then. My mom ate some time after that. My dad always worked late so he ate then. You don’t need to eat with your daughter.
Anonymous
The problem is that I never get to eat at all! I work have to leave for other obligations between 6:00 and 6:30 every weeknight. So if I get a call to pick her up at 5:30 then everything is wrecked. When she was younger and had sports every day and I didn’t do anything in the late evening we just had dinner at 8:30 every night and it was great. This is no longer possible because I often don’t get home until 9:30 or 10.
Lily
What are you doing on multiple (all?) weeknights that you don’t get home until 9:30 or 10? Seems like the obvious solution is that both you and your daughter need to cut way back on weeknight commitments.
Anon
Yeah, this is bonkers to me. Teens should not be having commitments that late on school nights! Maaaybe one night for something that’s really special, but every night!?
Anonymous
Right?!?
Anonymous
“I am forever planning meals I can’t cook.”
My suggestion would be also to plan for some meals that are nearly instant. What can you keep in your freezer that can go into the microwave? Either actual microwave dinners from the grocery store or your own version (I keep meal-sized portions of soup and pasta in the freezer).
Or think through at least 4 “instant” meals that you guys like and be sure to always have the ingredients on hand. Mine include omelets or quesadillas.
Anon
I eat a lot of yogurt. I wish I could convince my husband and kids that that could work for them in a pinch when they are hungry, even if it is at dinner time.
anon
IDK, because I have 2 kids who have after-school and evening things, and while we can get them where they need to be, mealtime has become such a moving target because of the activities’ start and end times. I think I’m going to have to do more casserole-type things that can be made in advance (which are not their favorite) because they reheat or keep a lot better than other options.
Anon
My husband and I make dinner for ourselves, whatever we want to make, and eat when we want to eat. And then we put a plate of dinner in the fridge, and whenever our son gets home, he eats it (or not, and then one of us eats the leftovers for lunch the next day).
We do still sit down to family dinner 2-3x per week but very honestly – I feel like now that he is 17, whatever habits and values we tried to instill in him at family dinner have been instilled, or we will not ever accomplish that. We get “family time” in different ways now – sometimes by going to lunch on the weekends together, or having movie night later on a Thursday or Friday night, after he gets home from whatever. There just is not a lot of predictability at this stage and we’ve learned to roll with it.
Anonymous
I’ve gotten less ambitious with my weekday meals, which is a bummer because I enjoy cooking and eating a variety of foods. In my house growing up, we were very busy with activities, and my mom would make chilis, stews, meatloafs, etc — meals that could be flexible on portions and could be eaten for 2 days in a row. My husband hates eating that way, so I’ve gone more in the direction of only planning 1-2 meals a week that aren’t either quick to prep, flexible on portion size or easily reheated. We also rely more on having options like packaged pulled pork or precooked meatballs that are okay in their unopened packages for 2-3 weeks in the fridge and sturdy fresh veggies (broccoli, peppers, etc) so we have much more flexibility on the timing of when we make the meals without risking throwing away spoiled ingredients.
Sasha
Not a mom but was the child of a working parents and my siblings and I all had crazy schedules. If my mom planned to cook that night, she cooked, regardless of who was home for dinner. Those leftovers were available for kids coming home late, or for the next day. If we were home on a night when she wasn’t cooking, it was leftovers, or a bagged salad + a stouffers lasagna or something similar.
That doesn’t solve the “needing to go pick her up during planned cooking time” issue, but could still work depending on how far those drives tend to be.
Anon
I was an ingredient house. My kids had things available to make a sandwich or a quesadilla, heat up some soup or chili, or make a quick frozen dinner. I gave up on family dinner most nights when I had two teens in different before & after school activities.
They survived. They’re both in college now and cook for themselves regularly. My son even sends me pics of things he made and asks for things like a good chef’s knife for his birthday.
anon
(Possible double post. Edited slightly to avoid mod.)
One problem here seems to be the the same person responsible for picking up the kid is the one who is also responsible for dinner. Can you outsource the picking up – to a partner, to a neighbor/parent friend, or put it on your kid to hitch a ride ( that’s what my parents made me do). Bus/train? Uber? Can she wait at school or the activity and do homework until the originally planned time?
You’ve gotten a lot of great ideas on the food front. I’d also suggest having some “brown bag dinner” ingredients handy to put together an on the go healthy-ish dinner for yourself or your daughter as it sounds like you are stretched super thin. Like cheese and crackers and fruit, hummus and veggies, etc. basically grown up Lunchables.
Anon
Yes, this. My kid is a lot younger, but we eat early and trying to prep meals would conflict with activity pickup, so whoever is not picking the kid up is responsible for dinner. If you have a spouse, they’re the problem. If you’re single, look into outsourcing or carpooling. I think most teens could also take the city bus? I started riding it in middle school.
Anonymous
I mean…this happens with my family (my kids are much younger). They have leftovers, a sandwich, soup, cereal etc.
Can’t your daughter just make a quesadilla and eat an apple or something? My 10 year old can and does.
Re pickups, this should be your daughters problem to solve. Tell her to start walking home and you’ll drive as soon as you can put dinner down. And/or don’t cook such labor intensive dinners.
Anon
This is why frozen pizzas exist!
Anonymous
Do you live where public transit is a thing? Does your daughter own a bike?
Those were solutions here when schedules suddenly changed or conflicted. On nights I cooked I made what I wanted and everyone who was not home helped themselves to leftovers. We also kept easy ingredients on hand for make-your-own, as well as frozen things that could be tossed in the microwave or toaster oven…
Anon
Whats the least self-centered thing to do here? Need to tell my parents I’m pregnant with #2. Would ideally tell in person, and before any other family, and before friends/colleagues can tell. I probably have ~2-3 weeks before people will be able to guess. Complication: brother’s wedding is next week. If I tell over the phone now (but ask that it stay private), is that too close to his big day? Would it be preferable to tell them in person as we’re leaving next weekend after no more planned wedding related events? Or should I gamble and just wait an extra week or two after the wedding knowing there’s a good chance that the broader family that live near us will be able to piece together recent illness patterns, my appearance, and drinking behavior at the wedding to uncover the fact pattern (sounds crazy but has happened before and usually fuels a gossip loop which could get to my parents before we did). In case this impacts the thinking, it will be a totally non dramatic statement of fact / our personal excitement, no grandparent gifts, no big announcement, nor gender reveal type thing.
Anon
I believe two happy things can happen at one time and would tell them before the wedding in person if that’s what you want to do. Not , like, as you’re getting ready on the day. But if you’ll be in town beforehand, I’d tell then and swear them to secrecy as long as they can be trusted not to tell everyone and make the wedding all about your pregnancy.
Otherwise, I’d tell them on the phone before. It seems odd to me to keep it until after the wedding, assuming everyone here is a rational actor.
Anonymous
Wait until after the wedding. People gossiping about you maybe being pregnant is different than announcing it.
Cat
I wouldn’t prioritize telling in person over telling now. I’d tell your brother and fiancee now. The drama comes with the is-she-or-isn’t-she based on appearance and behavior at the wedding, not sharing happy news privately and separately from the actual event.
Anonymous
Agreed.
Anonymous
I would probably call and tell them now. Idk how observant your mom is, but mine would definitely notice any change in weight, skin, how puffy my face is, and so forth. In other words she would either think I’m gaining weight and would criticize me for it, or she’d know I was pregnant and confront/confirm at the wedding because she has no filter. Ymmv though! And congrats!
Anonymous
I would tell your parents by phone before the wedding hoopla begins and ask them to keep it quiet so as not to distract from the wedding. People are totally going to guess at the wedding.
Anon
I would tell your parents over the phone now, and would also tell your brother and soon to be SIL. Just give it a bit of a break before the wedding; people understand that you can’t avoid a pregnancy until after they are married, but you can avoid having it be A Thing at the wedding.
Also, I would have someone tell the nosy family to knock it off. It’s immature, inappropriate, and has the massive potential to cause a lot of pain and issues. Not drinking and bloated because you’re doing IVF? You don’t need someone in your face tittering about your pregnancy. You just miscarried and feel too crummy to drink? “When’s the baby coming?” is horrific. Someone who is working through body-image issues has everyone talking about how huuuuuuge her (still relatively flat) stomach is? Super-duper hilarious if you’re not the target; horribly cruel if you’re the target.
(This crap is why neither my husband nor I really deal with his family any more. Anyone with half a brain knows that you just sit back and wait for the announcement, even if you’re “certain.” Not your uterus, not your business.)
Anonymous
tell your parents and the bride/groom now but let them know that you are not sharing the news more widely until a week after the wedding
Anon
I think any of those things is basically fine – the only thing that seems bad to me is announcing *at* the wedding. Personally I’d tell them over the phone ASAP.
anon
I say tell your parents and sib before, on the phone. YMMV but my family was way less excited for the pregnancy of kid #2 than for #1 (they were excited about her once she got here, of course), so it wouldn’t take away from the wedding excitement and make it clear as you said you are not trying to do that.
Of course that doesn’t solve the speculation at the wedding problem, which is just ugh, but nothing you do short of a public announcement will stop that, which you indicate it is too early for. I would seriously consider holding rotating half cans of beer all night to ward off such comments, mostly on your brother’s behalf, but that depends on what your family would expect from non-pregnant you.
Anon
Agreed with this – first baby, especially if it’s the first grandchild for the grandparents, is a BIG DEAL. After that, not so much. They’ll love the kid when s/he gets here, but I wouldn’t expect this to overshadow the wedding.
Anon
I’d tell them over the phone, but my family is not dramatic. Nobody would take it as a slight and they’d be happy for me.
Anon
Same. I’m not even really following what the issue would be.
Anonymous
Tell them now! Tell your brother too! It’s happy news and it’s not your first. You’ll be making idle chit chat all weekend at the wedding so maybe as well talk baby.
No Problem
Another good reason to tell your parents and brother/SIL before the wedding: it will keep any of them from asking why you’re not drinking and perhaps reduce the fact pattern speculation from other family members. Tell them you’re expecting, tell them you’ll take a glass of bubbly for the toasts but will only pretend to drink, and they won’t be adding to the chorus of “why aren’t you drinking anything?” If anybody else asks or gives you the side eye for noticing you’re not drinking, you’re on antibiotics from a sinus infection/strep throat/whatever that thankfully isn’t contagious anymore but doesn’t it suck that you still have to take 10 whole days of antibiotics and aren’t supposed to drink while on it? Such bad timing for the wedding, right? Bonus points if antibiotics have a history of making you nauseous – nice cover for any morning sickness you might be experiencing.