Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Painter Stripe Poplin Shirtdress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This cute painter-stripe dress reminds me of one I had years ago from Uniqlo (although it was a lot more affordable than this one). I love the stripe, the cuffs, and the belt, especially styled as a bow — it’s a cute and classic look. The dress is $990 at Bergdorf Goodman (and there’s a Tomas Maier shirt in this pattern at Neiman Marcus for $650). Tomas Maier Painter Stripe Poplin Shirtdress, Blue Pattern

Here are a few more affordable options, in regular sizes and plus sizes.

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  1. Victoria Beckham for Target :

    I was really looking forward to her collection because I like her style generally but there wasn’t much I liked and haven’t bought anything. A few of the pieces I did like – the scalloped edge black top – seem to be in-store only which is a pain. Disappointed. It does look like the plus sized versions are well fitted though. Actually look nicer on the models than the regular sized versions. Anyone else buy anything in store that they would recommend?

    • Anonymous :

      Yeah I was underwhelmed. I loved the orange romper on the model, but I know I don’t have the skin tone or body fat percentage to pull it off (and I’m guessing a lot of women are in the same boat).

    • Seattle Freeze :

      I bought three of the dresses – the pink jacquard shift, the calla lily with ruffled hem, and the black with floral print. They’re all an inch or two shorter than I’d prefer but will work for summer. Fit was standard Target sizing so no issues there, but I wear a straight size no don’t know how that goes for the whole range. I found the brighter colors a bit garish and most of the designs pretty juvenile. Idol like the dresses I bought, though!

      • What’s the material like on the black with floral print? TIA.

        • Seattle Freeze :

          It’s kind of a lightweight scuba – I wouldn’t wear it on a really hot day, but we don’t have too many of those here. Some crosswise stretch so pretty comfortable to move in. The calla lily shift is a similar fabric.

      • SF in House :

        That was my issue — everything looks short!

        • Seattle Freeze :

          I just measured the dresses and they’re 32.5 – 33.25 inches from the back neck in an XS. I’m 5’6″ and a little short-waisted so they’re workable for me.

    • Wintery Bridal Shower Looks :

      I’m gushing over the kids stuff – I love the bee pattern and bunny bibs.

    • i agree – underwhelming. The fabrics and prints looked nice in pics but in person they were heavy and lumpy. I liked the floral print dress well enough, it seemed Ted Baker-esque but not in scuba fabric (neoprene) but I didn’t love it enough to bring it home. I tried on the orange ruffled hem dress with the black scalloped trim on top in a Small, which is my usual Target size, and it was tight in the chest. The orange was not flattering on me either. I liked that there were matching adult and child dresses (not for everyone but my daughter is at an age where she would love it), but none of them seemed worth it. Sea foam green with beige lining? Meh.

  2. I’ve been considering a transition from traditional law practice to financial crime compliance. Has anyone made this type of change or work in this area? I’m trying to gage what I should expect, any problems I may encounter and helpful suggestions. TIA.

    • Are you looking to work in-house somewhere or for the government?

    • I worked at a large banks that rhymes with Shmells Largo. Most of our AML-Compliance folks had accounting backgrounds, not legal ones. Not sure if you’re talking about something else, but they really wanted people with forensic accounting skills to ferret stuff out. There were more “regular” compliance jobs for attorneys, but for what you’re mentioning–mostly accountants.

      • What type of regular compliance jobs?

        • PrettyPrimadonna :

          I’m interested in the answer to this question as well. What type of experience would be appealing to land a “regular” compliance job for an attorney at a large bank?

      • Two of my classmates from law school work in AML at a big bank. Both previously worked at the DA’s office where some of their work involved prosecuting financial crimes.

        I think they both found the transition fairly easy, and it was an increase in pay from the DA’s office (though still quite a bit lower than biglaw or even midlaw, at least in NYC).

    • I work at a non-bank financial institution. If you want to do legal work, I would learn AML/BSA laws and regulations very well. For international companies, FCPA knowledge would be important, as well.

      For compliance, most of our positions are in “testing.” Which means you need to know a passing familiarity with the law’s requirements, but be able to audit and test processes and procedures well. You could also look at a company’s Fraud/Risk group and become an investigator in that and work your way up.

      • I was considering AML compliance and the CAMS certification to get my foot in the door. Private practice is definitely not for me!

  3. Anonymous :

    I’m having a blah moment of singledom. No one answers me when I message them on Bumble. No one matches with me on Hinge. And tips to get out of the doldrums?

    • Anonymous :

      Plan to do something new and fun on the weekend. Celebrate getting to do what you want when you want! I’m married with three kids and I’d love to be able to take a random class and go to brunch at a new place without it having to be a logistical negotiation with DH and kids. Or heck, even wander around a bookstore with no fixed time to go home!

      • The thing is, and I know you mean well, I actually do all that stuff. I always get to do what I want when I want it! And I do appreciate it, I really do, but I’ve been “enjoying” that freedom for so long, and at them moment I’m just feeling lonely. The same way it would prob drive you crazy if every time a mom posted about being stressed someone replied with “be grateful you have kids” this advice doesn’t necessarily help. Even though I know from the other side it really is well meaning.

        • Yeah, I re-read and realized I kind of made it about me. My main point was in the first line – try something new. I met my DH at a beginner scuba diving course that I spontaneously signed up for. Worse case you learn a new skill/interest and best case you meet someone great.

      • Ugh. This sort of “advice” makes me feel so crappy. We know we can do “whatever we want.” That does not negate or compensate for the fact that we want partners. There is no universe in which wandering around a book store can possibly substitute for having the relationship that you want.

        Attention, smugmarrieds: I suspect I speak for most women here when we say that we have “filled up our lives” with wonderful fun hobbies and interests and travel and great careers and friends and blah blah blah. I’ve so thoroughly filled my schedule with awesome hobbies and travel and other indicia of being a [email protected] single woman that it’s actually really hard to find time to date. And it’s super great and all, and I *do* appreciate not having to get a sign-off from anyone, but it doesn’t mean that I still don’t want a partner.

        • I already apologized for the tone.

          Sorry that sharing my story of how I met my DH is apparently completely irrelevant to someone finding that online dating isn’t working. It’s not about how full or not full your life is, you can have a full life and still want to try new activities on occasion. It’s about trying new things so you meet new people in person if online isn’t working.

          • Anonymous :

            Yeah, your first post said none of that. You are smugmarried, and that’s totally fine….just don’t try to give advice to singles.

          • Anonymous :

            “Plan to do something new and fun on the weekend.” Was literally the first line on my first post so it actually said exactly that.

          • “‘Plan to do something new and fun on the weekend.’ Was literally the first line on my first post so it actually said exactly that.”

            LOL. It said NOTHING about how you met your husband. Unreal. Give it up.

        • Yup.

        • First Year Anon :


        • Anonymous at 12:16- I posted this reply before your apology posted. For whatever reason, it took hours to show up.

          Now, please quit trying to make this all about you. You say that your point in your original post was that you should do new things to meet some great guy, but your entire original post was that you should celebrate the fact that you can do whatever you want and how you wish you could do the same, except that you have a family to attend to. You *did not* write your original post to share the story of meeting your husband. This is obvious.

          Really not sure why you feel the need to snark at me.

          • Anonymous :

            OMG – sorry I tried for a positive spin on being single when someone was complaining about being down about being single. Much better to wallow in despair. That will definitely help to meet someone.

            And I wasn’t snarking. I was defending myself from unnecessarily mean poster but mean girl me all you want. Not surprising you’re single if this is how you act towards someone that was well intentioned.

          • Anonymous :

            Wowwwww…..so you’re like a cray-cray smugmarried. LOL.

            Ladies, any bets on when her husband is going to check out of this funhouse?

          • Anonymous :

            “Wowwwww…..so you’re like a cray-cray smugmarried. LOL.

            Ladies, any bets on when her husband is going to check out of this funhouse?”

            So, Anonymous – how would you like it if I said to you, “the reason you’re single is because being bitter, combative and angry doesn’t make you attractive to men” or “you’re singleness has nothing to do with your looks, it’s your personality”? You would think I was rude AF, right? You would tell me where I could get off. Your statement above isn’t any less rude and hurtful. Maybe think before you type. Unless you’re just here to stir up trouble, which – mission accomplished, I guess.

          • “So, Anonymous – how would you like it if I said to you, “the reason you’re single is because being bitter, combative and angry doesn’t make you attractive to men” or “you’re singleness has nothing to do with your looks, it’s your personality”?”

            Not sure why you’re whining as you think that’s an acceptable way to treat people. I mean, you basically said this to me–why is why anonymous at 3:21 said what she said– so you’re pretty much just getting what you’re dishing out. I don’t get how you can be this oblivious.

            I’m anon at 1:34. And anon at 10:18. Maybe re-read this thread in its entirety and figure out why people are reacting to you like they are.

          • Anon 2:49 :

            @Anon 3:28

            I appreciate the support but I’m not too bothered by the dig. Based on her responses, she’s pretty wound up about this and doesn’t have a lot of empathy for well-intentioned married folks unlike the Anon at 10:13 who originally more gently pointed out that my tone wasn’t great on my first post.

            And I stand by the main point of my comment which is that trying something new and meeting new people is a great way to meet a partner if online isn’t working out.

          • Anonymous :

            Um, remember the part where you said “Not surprising you’re single “?

            You’re not doing much to look more reasonable or sane.

            Wait a minute….. is this X?! I knew the Bunkster would be back.

          • Anon Single :

            Anonymous married, you didn’t try to “put a positive spin” on being single; you said something that was rather horrible for a grown adult to hear. I would tell a teenager who is hurt about being single to have fun over the weekend; I would not tell a grown woman that.

            People eventually want to find a partner and ache deeply for the lack of it. You obviously don’t understand that pain, and that’s fine – but have the maturity to STFU and not opine about how a facial is totes the equivalent of a life partner who will support you through the bad times and celebrate the good times with you.

            That advice is only good to the most shallow of women. She’s right to be mad at it. Grow up and count your blessings.

        • Anon at 10:18 am–so much this. Thank you for saying this and standing up.

    • The worst is when you match with someone on Bumble and then they un-match you.

      • I know!!!! Srsly, why did you match with me at all then?!? I know I have to keep trying but man the rejection is getting me down even though I tell myself that guys sometimes swipe right on everyone and it’s not a big personal rejection. But still.

    • Shopaholic :

      It is really frustrating – I get it. I haven’t been having much luck with bumble either lately. I’m trying to take a break for a couple weeks, hoping that once I get back on, there will be more men around.

      “Doing something new” doesn’t exactly help since the point is that you want to date and find a partner, not celebrate the fact that you’re single. Yes it’s nice to have that kind of flexibility but it’s not helpful advice to feel better about the fact that you’re not getting matches/responses while online dating.

      • Anonymous :

        Sorry if this rocks anyone’s world. But unless you are thin and gorgeous, I don’t think the swipe apps work, and even then they only “work” to the extent that guys will hit you up for a date, not that they help people find long-term relationships. I say that based on what I’ve heard from my single female friends, and what I’ve heard from my single male friends who use those apps. The guys are definitely not looking for their future wives on Bumble; it is about getting digits or a date from the hottest woman they can possibly find on the site. Like a game. They shop Bumble and Tinder the way we shop the Nordstrom Semi-Annual sale. Nope, nope, nope, maybe, nope, yes. That’s it. So unless someone is traditionally model-gorgeous and has profile pictures to prove it, I would stick with the traditional online dating sites. And p.s., the advice to get out and do something different isn’t the worst advice ever. The last guy friend of mine who got married met his wife in a rock-climbing club.

        • BabyAssociate :

          Strongly disagree, this is a very outdated perception of dating apps. There are plenty of people (men and women) on Bumble/Tinder/Hinge looking for something serious. Are there people who are just there to get a “date from the hottest woman they can possibly find on the site”? Sure, but those people exist on “traditional online dating sites” too.

          • Anonymous :

            All I know is what I hear. My friends are older (mid-thirties) so maybe it’s different for them than it is for people in their early 20s. If your perception is based on what you’ve experienced, I can’t discount that. I just know that my mid-thirties single female friends have had nothing but grief using the swipe apps, and much more luck using other approaches.

          • Anonymous :

            My interest in Bumble went out the door when I realized it was developed and is run by a woman who is certifiably cray-cray when it comes to dating.

          • I met my fiance on Tinder :

            Disagree- I met my fiancé on Tinder. He was definitely looking for a relationship. When we were on it (a few years ago) people were pretty upfront with what they wanted (hookup, casual, or maybe a relationship). I found it refreshing.

        • Shopaholic :

          I don’t agree with this at all. I’ve met a lot of great men on tinder/bumble, and one I was in a relationship with for over a year. I’ve also met some not so decent guys but I’ve also had that experience in real life so I don’t think it’s app related.

          I also disagree with the characterization of the bumble founder – I follow their instagram account and I really like the message it sends.

        • So to put another spin on this, I am a lawyer who is a former model. I get a lot of matches but they all assume I must be crazy if I am hot and single still at this age (36). That’s their opener. (Mine’s like “Hi! It’s so nice out today. Love that pic of your 5k.”) The great guys I did meet up with (or seemingly so who knows) mostly ended up ghosting me and later would say I was too intimidating. And I was definitely like smiling, having so much fun – honestly. I am in the exact same boat as the OP. I have been turned away from therapy so many times telling me there is nothing wrong with me (because after so many people calling you crazy…you begin to wonder).

          I feel for the OP and how people who are married have the attitude of it must be you, that you aren’t happy and that in an of itself can make you snap. My point is, it’s hard for everyone. The only guys I meet in real life are all married, trying to have affairs. The single ones think I am crazy. So don’t let your belief of what you should look like (or what you don’t look like) stop you either. Cause the grass ain’t greener over here ladies.

          Lastly, my brother who’s a total dog would use those sites like that until he met his now GF and they are totally cute and in love. MAKES ME WANNA PUKE. No really she’s a dear and I can’t wait to call her sister one day soon.

    • In your shoes (and oh I have been there/am totally there right now…), I would either ask a friend for help taking some new springtime profile photos to shake things up, or, more likely, give myself permission to take an online dating break for a few weeks. I can handle online dating in spurts, but when it stops being enjoyable and starts feeling like a slog, I find the only way through is to put it aside for a bit, focus on other aspects of my life, and come back refreshed a little later.

      Caveat: this certainly isn’t a cure for loneliness, but it does give me back a sense of control over my own time, and over how others (men) are treating me, which is 100% worth it in my book.

      • Anonymous :

        I was in a totally similar boat a couple months ago, and deleted all the apps for about 2 months. I’ve done this a couple times now when I’m feeling totally burnt out on online dating. I usually make some sort of personal goal to do with my extra time instead of dating — one time it was try to learn how to cook a couple of new meals, another time it was to go to the gym two more times a week than I had been. Doing that usually makes me feel more confident, so when I get back on the apps I seem to have a lot more success than when I left because I’m a happier person overall. The online dating thing can suck so much energy out of you, sometimes it’s okay to take a bit of a break (even if it’s only a week or two) to re-focus on you.

    • I feel you – no one matches with me on Bumble. :(

      I second the advice to take a little online dating break! I pulled down my profiles about a month ago after a handful of “dud” dates, and I’m really glad I did.

      • This has been my strategy the past few years. I meet someone, it doesnt work out, then I take a break from the apps, focus on myself, move on, think of what I can learn from it, then try again. Since using that strategy each person has been much much better than the last and I’ve become less bitter/feel a sense of scarcity.

        However, I think the first commentor made a good point about getting off the apps and finding co-ed activities/hobbies. A friend of a friend randomly signed up for one of those language classes in DC and met a great girl on there and now they are happily dating. Another friend attended a mixer for her building geared towards young professionals and met a great guy from there. And I have a few friends that have met on tinder, OKC, etc and a few are engaged/married!

        The IRL meet-cutes do still happen. For a while I wasnt really a believer of it but I’m seeing it happen more in my own circle. Dont lose hope on the apps completely but make sure youre open and willing to put yourself out there to meet men in real life too!

    • I’d suggest trying a different site – I did OK Cupid most recently, and Match once upon a time, but both of those require people to say a lot more about themselves, so I think you get to pick based on a lot more than photos and a couple of lines of text. I never got into the swipe apps for that reason and had a lot more success with online dating where there was a lot more effort involved online. Just a thought – I know bumble, hinge, etc are trendy but I did OKC as recently as 2014, and there were still tons of people on there.

      • God, this. I *hate* the swipe/text apps with a fiery passion. Oh, you’re “laid back, smart, like traveling and outdoor adventures?” Wow, I’ve learned so much about you. It seems that in my area all dudes have filled out their “profiles” with the same 5 sentences. When you get no information about a person, not only do you lack the ability to screen for deal-breakers and get excited about cool, interesting things, there’s no way to start a decent conversation. Dudes on these apps seem to rely on a “hey how’s your day going?” which is lame as f* and leaves no where to go. Contemporaneous chatting is hard when you have a job that requires attention. Worse, texting in real time with a stranger seems to keep the conversation at a small talk level which doesn’t give you much chance to get to know someone. Despite my attempts to steer the conversation to actual substantive things, dudes so often seem to want to hang out in the “any fun weekend plans?” territory. Cringe.

        OKC has worked much much better for me for this reason.

        • Ha – bonus, “any fun weekend plans?” is apparently usually never a lead-up to “do you want to do something fun this weekend, with me?” Just shooting the breeze, via text.

        • +100 When I was on Bumble last year I wouldn’t swipe on anyone who didn’t write something interesting about themselves because: 1. it gave me nothing to ask them about, 2. they apparently expect women to flock to them due to pictures of abs/caught fish/sibling’s child/puppy, 3. if they’re not going to bother – why should I?

          Take a break from online when it stops being fun. I’m off the sites for now – while a relationship would be great, I don’t want “finding a guy” to be on my list of chores.

          Hang in there Anonymous @ 9:25 – eventually the winds will carry you out of the doldrums!

      • My comment got lost but I had great success with Match and generally preferred the format for my schedule, comfort level, and laziness. Simply create a short but informative and fun profile of yourself, wait for messages to come in, and I would go through them every couple of days and then probably only respond to 1% of them.

        • +1 – that was my approach too. It was a nice lazy way to date – way less effort on my end & I ended up only going out w/ people that at least on paper were really potential partners for me, it was just a question of “real life,” but dating didn’t really get old or feel like a hassle because of that. I mean I still had my share of crazy dates and stories, but I’d say 90% of the time, I had a decent evening, if not a love connection.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 on trying a new site/app. Bumble was feeling really blah for me, so I got back on Tinder and tried Happn and The League for the first time, and they’ve all been like a breath of fresh air because I didn’t have to think of any more stupid opening lines.

    • So been there. It’s especially awesome when you’ve been online dating long enough to keep seeing the same 15 single dudes over and over – groan.

      I actually met my guy on Tinder. We’re both church-going liberals with Master’s degrees in our late 30s, so definitely not what you’d think of as the stereotypical Tinder crowd! Worth a shot.

      And I rarely had convos on Hinge and Bumble – I feel you there.

    • Have you tried any meetup groups or singles events?

      Sounds awful, I know. But my recently divorced mid-40s brother got fed up with the dating apps pretty quickly and signed up for some meetup events and had good reviews of them (in mid-size American city). Recently went on some riverboat cruise for singles (which I personally thought sounded like entrapment), but he ran into a woman he met at a previous event and they spent an extra couple hours after the cruise hanging out. So… meeting people in person isn’t outdate?

    • No advice for you, OP–just commiseration! It seems to come and go in waves, though I can’t say I’ve been particularly successful in turning into any of the waves of dates into actual relationships (and neither have my gorgeous, brilliant, hilarious, fun-loving friends). If you’re in LA, I’d be happy to hang out in solidarity.

    • If your politics support it, how about attending the March for Science on the 22nd? You can meet all kinds of smart and engaged folks (male and female).

  4. We are moving to Seattle from Washington DC with two young children (5 years and 2 months respectively) for DH’s job. I know nothing about the city so any and all feedback and input are welcome. We plan to visit to check out neighborhoods and schools later this month, but at the onset:

    1) Which neighborhoods are good for families, especially those with young kids? Are there some areas we should avoid? We’re looking at family friendly areas, fairly accessible to downtown Seattle (less than 45 min commute), close to urban centers w/shopping/restaurants, etc. (as I’ll be working from home ~50% of the time), and associated with a good school district (older one starts kindergarten this fall).
    2) Friends have told us about the following areas: Bellevue, Redmond, Issquah, Bothell, Newcastle, Kirkland. I’ve also looked at Kent, Lynnwood, and Renton based on what I’ve read about schools. Any feedback on these areas?
    3) We are looking to buy a house fairly quickly – I was surprised how expensive the market is in some areas. Any tips for buying a house in the area?

    This is all moving very quickly so it’s overwhelming but I’m trying to take things one step at a time. TIA for your help!

    • JuniorMinion :

      No advice but jealous! I would love to live in Seattle – I tried to get a job there but the universe had other plans

    • Anonymous :

      No advice, but you’re definitely right about the crazy housing market. Friends have fled the Bay Area for Seattle and been very surprised that the market is almost as insane there. All cash, over asking is the norm in many of the nice neighborhoods in good school districts.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      1. Wallingford (20 minutes from downtown, 30 in traffic), West Seattle (about the same, but has a real neighborhood/town feel), Ravenna (a bit farther, but very family friendly- 50 minutes by metro, 20-30 minutes by car during rush hour), Queen Anne (walkable to downtown, twenty minutes by bus, 10-15 by car- but expensive). All of these are in the Seattle school district. I can’t speak to it personally, but I haven’t heard anything bad from friends I know who have kids.
      Personally, I would choose west Seattle. It’s got a ton of distinct neighborhoods, sooooo much to do, is gorgeous, and has multiple town-like areas with food, coffee, grocery, etc.
      2. None of those are Seattle proper, and you’re going to have a terrible commute. My colleague who lives in Issaquah and works downtown spends 3+ hours commuting some days. I can’t speak to schools, but be aware your commute will be awful, and traffic just keeps getting worse.
      3. Be ready to buy the moment you see a house; be prepared to rent and search like crazy, and do all the awful things everyone hates- have a family portfolio, write letters about your family, etc.

      I absolutely love Seattle. It’s a wonderful city with so much to do. Sometimes I see the sound or the Olympics or the Space Needle and am just in awe I live in such a beautiful place. Welcome!

    • Tech Comm Geek :

      Good friends lived in Kent for several years and they still rave about the school district. Their oldest was very advanced for his age and they did a great job of accommodating him.

    • I have family in Seattle, and I live in DC. It’s a great city — lots to do in the area especially if you are an outdoorsy family. I don’t have any specific neighborhood recommendations to add, but my advice is to go out and spend time driving around the city before you buy. Maybe even rent short-term? Much like the neighborhoods surrounding DC, each neighborhood has a really different feel, and it’s really, really easy to end up with a soul sucking commute. I think even easier to end up with a terrible commute than DC. Also, the neighborhoods are really different (much like the neighborhoods around DC – I can’t imagine buying in DC without actually spending time appreciating the commute and feel of each area, and needs of your specific family. A great example – I had a friend who was investigating moving to DC, and she became convinced from online research that Sterling was the place to settle, while her husband would commute to DC every day. Sterling works great for some people commuting into/out of the city, but she believed her husband could be home by 5:45 every day, when he had a very 9 to 5 job. It’s just hard to appreciate how truly bad the commute would be at that time unless you’ve seen it – online, it seems a lot of folks love it b/c they can stagger their schedules to make the commute work).

      I think Seattle, in particular, catches people unaware b/c commuting wasn’t always so bad, and historically had a reputation for being a laid-back PNW city, but it’s really not set up that way for business folks (maybe it never was, unclear).

      • Sorry – I got distracted by thinking about a commute from Sterling! I forgot to add that my very specific advice would be to find AirBnBs in your desired neighborhood rather than staying in a hotel downtown. Maybe narrow down to two, and split the trip between those Airbnbs? I think you’ll have a much better feel for the neighborhood if you are waking up in the desired neighborhood on a weekday. You can send your husband to his new office from the neighborhood to see what the commute is really like. Also, it won’t be as fun to do touristy things, but you can also see what the neighborhoods feel like at 3PM and see if that works for your family. Is the neighborhood totally empty b/c most of the kids are in aftercare and the parents are working? Or, do most kids come home and run around the yards and most of the houses have a stay at home parent? Or is it largely nannies at home? What will your day to day look like, and what do you want your neighborhood to look like?

        Another personal example – I also work from home, and I love my current neighborhood b/c there is a solid mix of other “work from homers” and stay at home parents. I love having friends around during the day, and knowing my child can go meet up with a neighborhood kid after school if he wants. In my old neighborhood, there were hardly any parents who were at home during the day. It worked great for us (b/c my husband and I were both working out of the house at that time), but looking back now, I think I would have missed the daily camaraderie I now need as I work from home. Also, I’ve heard from friends that if your kids are the only neighborhood kid not in after-care, they will be missing their friends and asking to stay at school!!

        Oh, and if you REALLY want to be in the know on your new neighborhood, ask to get added to the local listserve. You’ll get to see the real story, quirks and all.

    • 1. If you want something close to downtown but not in the Seattle school district, Shoreline is great. Most neighborhoods in Seattle north of the ship canal (except for the UDistrict) are pretty family friendly and walkable. I live in North Seattle and love it. I don’t have as much experience with neighborhoods farther south, but I do love West Seattle. I’d recommend doing a short-term rental, and exploring a little before settling on a neighborhood or suburb.

      2. Those neighborhoods are across the lake from Seattle, and will definitely be a very long commute. Don’t be fooled by the distance on the map, it can take an hour to go 10 miles. They do have consistently top ranked schools though.

      3. There aren’t enough houses on the market for the number of people who want to buy. There are a lot of bidding wars, so get your ducks in a row. Be prepared to do a pre-inspection on a house so you can waive the inspection contingency.

    • Housing is going to be just as expensive as DC, if not more so. It’s one of the most expensive cities in the country.

    • I grew up in Bellevue and Bothell…if you have any specific questions, feel free to reply and I’ll get back to you.

      Bellevue and Newcastle are great areas, but it’s getting increasingly expensive to live there. Same with Redmond and Medina. Issaquah is further from Seattle, but has everything you’re looking for – good schools, good for young kids, accessible to downtown, etc. Prices are probably about the same as Bellevue, especially on Cougar Mountain.

      Bothell is basically Bellevue except more suburban, also good schools, good for young kids, etc. Maybe slightly cheaper than Bellevue but still kind of pricey.

      All the super competitive schools are pretty much in Bellevue School District (Newport High and Bellevue High are popular – also International School is super competitive), and mainly in one area of Seattle (everyone wants to go to Garfield for their APP program), but I think Bellevue School District, Issaquah School District, and Northshore School District are all good public school districts. I would pick Bellevue or Northshore school districts over anywhere in Seattle proper. Inglemoor in the Northshore School District (in Kenmore) has a great IB program. When I was in Northshore School District there was also some leeway for being able to attend other junior highs or high schools that your area’s school doesn’t feed into (whereas there is pretty much little to no leeway in Bellevue S.D.).

      Lynnwood is a great area for buying a house. There are actually a lot of new neighborhoods sprouting in Lynnwood right now which is way more affordable than anything you can get in Bellevue/Bothell. Lynnwood’s close to the freeways, decent commute to downtown, and the schools are pretty good. I don’t think they’re as competitive as the Bellevue schools but I think they are great schools too. I’d look at both Lynnwood, Edmonds, and some areas of Everett (though Everett is getting pretty far north, making the commute to downtown Seattle much longer). Plenty of good shopping and restaurants in Lynnwood/Edmonds area – Alderwood Mall is a big shopping center, lots of stuff nearby – Costco, etc.

      Also, commute-wise, you might want to look into park and rides and taking transit unless you have carpool/toll pass. I moved out of WA after college, but I hear the commute is getting worse (used to take me about 1 hr to get from Lynnwood to downtown Seattle.. now idk). But I moved to LA where the traffic is the worst so anything in Seattle is just normal traffic to me…

    • Bensonrabble :

      It would narrow it down by where your husband works. Traffic is brutal pretty much any direction and even between proper downtown neighborhoods. You could take a look at Sound Transit 3 to see where the light rail is building out to in the North. In the city it is much more walkable and probably more entertaining for you working for Home. Prices are really high though. West Seaattle is good but I would also look at Burien. Close commute and better prices

  5. We recently moved into a bigger place and need some new furniture. I know you can’t decorate a place overnight and frankly even if I could, my budget doesn’t allow for it, but we really do need some items like bookshelves, a dining room table, etc.. The trouble is that I’m not finding anything I love and the things I just like are very expensive. Should I just buy some things at IKEA that are serviceable for the time being, function wise, and then slowly replace as I find the right pieces or is that a waste of money? I’m also worried that if we spend $1-2K on so-so furniture we don’t really love, we’ll be stuck with it for a long time because the motivation to find stuff we love will disappear. This is a dumb problem but I’m really having decision fatigue and would love some input.

    • I would buy what you ‘need’ right now at IKEA – like you need a table to eat at and somewhere to sit. Spend some time thinking about what you really want/how you want rooms to be set up. I find it takes at least a month of living somewhere to decide how I want to organize the space. For IKEA stuff buy something in solid wood (repaintable) or white so it can be more easily incorporated into different designs.

    • I wouldn’t. You’ll end up stuck with it for a long time. Try to do a mix – some things from ikea/wayfair/world market that you’d be happy living with for the next five years, and some nicer items from room and board/crate and barrel/local stores.

    • I’m assuming you already have the basics – bed, couch, kitchen table. I think your hunch is correct that you should wait until you find things you love. And, the more you love it, the more it can withstand the test of time.

      Also, I recommend focusing on one room at a time. Furnishing an entire house is daunting so it helps to break it up. If the budget allows, even give yourself a deadline. I recently redecorated my office area and gave myself a deadline and a budget. Have that concrete goal in mind really helped.

    • Frozen Peach :

      I would thrift something you can stand until you can buy things to keep forever. I’ve always regretted it when I buy “fast furniture” instead of something used that works and is easily donated later.

      • +1
        Really good furniture can last you a long time (and can even last you several moves), and the big price tag is worth it.

    • Entire floors of my house remained empty for a couple years after we bought it. It wasn’t classy to have our patio furniture in our dining room, but it was worth it to not buy a crappy table that we didn’t want.

    • Craigslist can be an even better option that Ikea.

      I’ve slapped a coat of paint on several Craigslist finds to make them work until we find something better. I also don’t feel like it’s as wasteful as buying something from Ikea which will only be a temporary item.

    • I’m a he fan of overstock for cheap but still nice furniture and other home goods. It can be overwhelming but their search tool is really good if you can describe he style you’re looking for.

    • anon a mouse :

      Are you me? We moved almost a year ago and have been hunting for furniture. It’s exhausting. I have an idea of what I want but I really don’t want to pay premium (Ethan Allen etc) prices. As much as I would like to drop $20K to furnish my house and be done in one fell swoop, I just can’t.

      No advice, just commiseration.

    • Agree with the Craigslist suggestion. You can download the app and then set an alert for a particular item in your area to get notified whenever someone posts new bookshelves, for example. You may find some really nice pieces–like a dining room set that you know you will keep around for a long time–as well as some things that you feel like you really need but don’t want to spend a lot on and intend to upgrade.

      I get what you are saying about not wanting to spend on furniture that is expensive but you don’t love. Not sure where you are geographically, but we ended up getting bookshelves from an Amish & Mennonite company in Lancaster, PA. Solid wood, exactly the style/finish we wanted (we got to pick everything), and so much cheaper than Room & Board, which is where we were looking and having serious trouble justifying the price for what I’m sure is better construction than Ikea, but still not solid wood.

      • Also not sure if there’s one in your area, but I’ve been very pleasantly surprised with furniture from Nadeau. It’s sort of World Market-like in style, and the quality is really excellent for the price. No wasting money on particleboard.

    • The finance people are going to be all over for me for this, BUT….I financed Ethan Allen. At the time I was buying furniture, you could choose between a discount or “free” (yes, I know it wasn’t free) financing for 48 months. I chose the latter. I bought all the stuff I needed and made small payments each month. I paid it off last month, and the furniture is still gorgeous and perfect. I loved it then, and I love it now. And this is with 2 toddlers. (I don’t let them eat on the furniture and art projects stay in a designated area)

    • Check out estate auctions. Wish I would have known about this sooner. We’ve gotten some beautiful mid-century and classic pieces for less than what you’d pay at Target for fiberboard! We picked up a farmhouse table that seats 10 for $600. I could easily sell it for well above what we paid for it should we ever move / change our style / etc. This is also a great way to buy artwork, cookware, whatever. It’s fun and competitive and there’s always some good people watching material :)

      • How do you find them? That would be great but I don’t know where to start.

        Thanks to everyone else. I am not opposed to CL but it’s been 2 months since we moved and I haven’t found anything really worth the hassle. In our area it seems to be mostly ikea stuff with $50 knocked off or old PB/crate and barrel pieces that people want way too much money for. And we have a baby which limits my time to go shopping in physical stores so I’m basically just looking online and not loving anything I can afford.

        • Look up auction houses in your area; depending on how they operate they may have estate sales at their own location (which are often a mix of multiple estates at the same time, and can be a gold mine of stuff). They may also be billed as household or household goods sales. I’ve found auctions at one particular location, where they’re selling off only one estate, to not be as successful, mainly because unless the person was a packrat you’re out of luck if you don’t like their style.

          The auction houses around here have great stuff, but their websites are terrible, so sometimes you have to be persistent (like downloading individual flyers to see what they actually have; they don’t post in on the site itself). And like Stati says, it’s prime people watching fodder. :)

        • I’ve been to auctions two different ways. The first is on-site, at the actual home. These are best found in your local newspaper’s classified section. Usually they are listed a week or so in advance. These aren’t my favorite, though, since you have to read through a listing and what sounds great (ex: “cherry dining room set”) might turn out to be a bust in person. Sometimes you can get overwhelmed by being in someone’s house and not see items for what they are, in isolation. A piece that looks hideous next to Aunt Gertrude’s psychedelic curtains from the 1960’s might look perfect somewhere else. Smells, family photos, etc can be interesting yet also distracting.

          The second way is by looking for an auctioneer or auction house in your area. This is my favorite way to auction. Usually these guys have a large building / warehouse that they have items from multiple estates in. They’ll do the newspaper listing too, but many have a website with photos or will allow you to make an appointment and preview the items before the auction date. This helps you do some research ahead of time.

          Don’t let the bidding discourage you from participating. If you’re antisocial or shy (like me), you can always place a left or blind bid on an item before the date of the auction. You just state what you’re willing to pay and that’s it. If someone during the live auction offers $1 more than your left bid, you lose it. So that can be a bummer. But, if you go in person, all you have to do is hold up your card. There’s usually a catered lunch / breakfast / etc and it’s a lot of fun.

          It’s typical to be charged a 10% premium plus tax on top of your winning bid. But still… I mean, we’ve gotten some real steals. I have a set of two solid wood twin beds with some mark from France on them that we got for $35 each. A console table from the late 1800’s w/ original hardware that’s beat up but looks amazing for $100.

          The only thing I would avoid getting at an auction would be lamps. Usually you can’t test them to see if the wiring works, and they almost always need a new lampshade. So, by the time you buy the new wiring and lampshade, it’s usually not more of a deal than what you could get a TJ Maxx.

          Good luck! If nothing else, it’s a fun way to do something different on a Saturday or Sunday morning.

    • For bookshelves: Ikea Billy, they are great. Last a long time. Customizable. If you decide you don’t want later, they are easy to get rid of on craigslist/swapcity etc
      For a table/somewhere to eat. Buy the really nice patio furniture, then (if you have an outdoor space) you can transition it there after. Or sell if you don’t.

  6. Hawaii with young kids :

    I’m sorry for yet another Hawaii thread but I checking the archives and I don’t see one applicable to going to Hawaii with young kids. We’re planning to go in August with a 2 year old, 4 year old, DH, and my active 70 year old mom as a birthday gift to celebrate’s my mom’s recent milestone bday. DH and I have been to Oahu, Kauii, and Lanai. I would be fine returning to one of these islands (except Lanai, which we did not like). No one else in the group has been to Hawaii. Mom loves the ocean and nature, doesn’t care as much about museums and such. Kids will likely have fun anywhere.

    Which island(s) should be visit? Thinking of going for 10 days (flying from the east coast). Willing to splurge on a really nice condo/airbnb right on the water (would prefer that to a hotel, since we will probably want to cook some at the rental).

    Thank you!

    • Anonymous :

      Big Island is the most kid-friendly I think. Volcanoes National Park would be fun for kids. If you want to add a second island, I’d do Maui. Big Island and Maui have the nicest snorkeling, in my opinion.

    • JuniorMinion :

      I love Maui personally – it has pretty good infrastructure (restaurants, Costco, grocery stores) and a lot of outdoor opportunities / nice hikes at a variety of different levels. I think it threads the needle between tropical island and place with amenities. I would personally look into renting a place in Kaanapali Beach / Napili area.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Kauai, near Poipu. We’ve been to Kiahuna a half dozen times with grandkids ranging from 2-24 and adults/grandparents and everyone loves it. Kiahuna is condos, and we usually cook meals. It’s on Poipu beach, which is a great place for kids and adults, with lots to do in the area. Waimea canyon is stunning.

      • Second. Poipu beach is a great place for little ones to hang out. They’ll see chickens and sea turtles and play in the shady sand and swim or just wade in shallow water. There’s an area that is as close to a natural kiddie pool as I’ve ever seen.

  7. I picked up a new set of the Puma Zandy ballet flats for commuting this summer, but I forgot how much work and blisters it took me to break in my old pair! Any tips for breaking in new flats without shredding my heels more than I already have? (I’m already buying a new box of bandaids for my desk.)

    • Anonymous :

      Are they the right shoes? I very rarely have had to break in new flats.

      • Shopaholic :

        I’ve had to break in almost every pair of flats so you’re lucky.

      • Maddie Ross :

        This. I totally agree. After years of “breaking in” shoes, I’ve discovered that the ones that fit me best, both heels and flats, do not need to be broken in. I may get a blister if I walk like 2+ miles in them, but for a normal day, new shoes should pretty much fit. Dispel the myth!

    • Anonymous :


    • No Problem :

      Get yourself some friction block or body glide. Saved me from so many blisters.

    • I just got some of these. I sized up 1/2 size. They are a little stiff in the back but no blisters. Maybe try that?

    • Wildkitten :

      blister band aids

    • I love the Zandy, but it is always hell on my feet while breaking in. It’s the suede patch at the back of the heel, it kills my feet. I think they’re a little less awful to break in if you wear them with tights the first few days.

    • liquid bandage ftw

  8. Off-key Valkyrie :

    Is anyone else liking the new releases from Clarks? I’m particularly considering the Wendy Lehi in brown-multi or the Blanche Cacee in sand.

    Of course, I’ll be waiting 3 months till they’re marked half off, but the brown would still be wearable for fall.

    • Marie Curie :

      I had an earlier version of the Wendy Lehi. It was extremely comfortable and I was able to wear it on days when we did a lot of walking. My only complaint was that the vamp went straight across my foot instead of having a curve. I have wide feet and the straight line really accentuated that. Although the photos make it look like there is a curve to the vamp I’d keep it in mind.

  9. Shirtdresses are one of those things that can either be fine for the office or way too casual, and it’s hard to describe why but some are just obviously no good and some totally fine. I think the two plus size picks are actually a bit more work appropriate. The boden dress, I wouldn’t wear to work. This Gap has a similar vibe and is also on sale: http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1008444&vid=1&pid=525319002

    • Anonymous :

      The Boden dress dips in on either side at the bottom, so it looks like you forgot to put on pants. The plus size shirt dresses have a skirt that is flared, which is a much better look. I don’t really want to look like I’m wearing a shirt that’s too long, I want to look like I’m wearing a dress!

    • Agreed. For me, the dresses with the curved hem and side slits read much more casual than ones that are straight.

    • I have never managed to look good in a shirt dress or any straight up and down dress pulled in with a sash belt. What is the secret? Being 5’11” and a size 2?

  10. Anonymous :

    How expensive/feasible is it to get lining in a jacket fixed? My much beloved and pretty expensive Pink Tartan blazer has had its lining ripped to shreds after years of heavy use.

    • Following. I’ve got a coat that I adore, but after 10 years the sleeve lining was in tatters and I actually cut it out. The other sleeve is in decent shape, and the rest of the lining is still in good shape. (#oldschoolJcrew). Who do I ask for a new sleeve!?

    • Totally feasible; cost will depend upon the structure of the jacket and how nice a lining you put in. I have an old school Anne Klein cropped swing jacket that cost $35 to reline; getting my dad’s vintage 1970 wool gab blazer (works great as a “boyfriend” jacket on me and the outside fabric is impeccable) fully relined (including saving the custom name tag that was inside of it from when it was made in Taiwan and keeping the inside chest pockets) cost about $100. Either way, well worth it to save a jacket you love. Go to a real tailor or seamstress, though, to get quality work done.

      • housecounsel :

        I haven’t had it done personally, but the excellent seamstress I use has a sign displayed indicating she charges $150 to reline a coat.

  11. Lilly-looking PJs? :

    Any advice for getting adult pajamas that have a Lilly Pulitzer look? Lilly doesn’t actually make any. Other PJ sets look a bit less fantastic than I was wanting.

    • Veronica Mars :

      I’d check out Tommy Hilfiger pajamas, I’ve seen some with brighter colors and patterns. And once I had some Vera Bradley pj pants, although I’m not sure if those have been discontinued.

    • I am kind of drooling over these sets, and seriously considering requesting a kimono for a mother’s day gift.

    • Josie and Bedhead tend to have fun prints.

    • You could check out Bedhead Pajamas or Garnet Hill.

    • Lilly actually DID offer PJs (last year I think) but I’m sure they sold out quickly. Keep an eye out – they may do another release!

    • I’ve definitely bought LP pajamas before. I think at L&T. Maybe this is just a temporary thing?

      I’d check out Ralph Lauren PJs and Vera Bradley still makes pajama pants that are very similar in vibe.

      These LRL are v. similar to the LP PJs I bought a few years ago: http://www.zappos.com/p/lauren-ralph-lauren-sateen-3-4-sleeve-pajama-pink-multi-paisley/product/8675732/color/675276

    • I’ve been intending to get a lightweight robe for summer from Needham Lane. Cute prints, classic styles, and nice fabric.

    • I think this has a total LP look — http://www.zappos.com/p/jockey-printed-chemise-spring-paisley/product/8565748/color/333241

    • Marigot, I love them and very much a LP look.

    • Ralph Lauren always comes out with some sets in tropical pastels and bold prints in spring and summer. You can find them at Macy’s or TJ Maxx.

    • I have great PJ’s that I wear around my apartement. They are silk and very soft. I have to wear a robe when the manageing partner’s brother pop’s in b/c they tend to be to loose and I really do NOT want him getting any ideas. He has a girlfreind, but he says the relationship is “open”. FOOEY! I told him I am not interested in dateing him, or even anything else b/c his brother is my boss. I think there would be a conflict of interest some how. What does the HIVE think?

    • Pinecone Hill

  12. Settling Down vs Ambition :

    How many of you planned out for when you wanted to settle down? Ill be moving for law school in the fall then plan on moving to another city after that for my particular industry (and traveling to other cities for fellowships during my program). While I’m aware I’m definitely borrowing tomorrow’s troubles, I cant help but think about how my ambition and likely moves will impact my dating life. I’m happily single now but I’ll be 31 at the end of all this and having a healthy LTR and family is important to me. Some of my personal heroes were able to find someone, make it work, while having a fulfilling career. Is it just luck, sacrifice, planning? All of the above?

    • All of the above. I met DH on an internship program that I almost turned down so that was luck He moved to where I was going to law school which was sacrifice and then we moved again when I got an articling job which was planning.

    • JuniorMinion :

      Totally unplanned. Met husband while working 80-90 hours a week. We met in a city we both sort of ended up in due to job situations. Going forward, we have a few options 1) stay in this city 2) move together for jobs in another city 3) stay in this city with one of us working in a city ~3-4 hours away if necessary in order to both have jobs.

      I would totally be willing to do a long distance marriage (within reason) and we are actually contemplating this now if husband gets this really good job he is interviewing for. I think some of this is cultural though – I was a scholarship kid in a fancy private school and I saw a lot of friends’ parents do whatever it took to maintain both people’s careers (think one person working in DC one in NYC). In contrast the people I grew up with were much more “I want spouse home everyday at 5:30 PM.”

      I do think if you want to have a fulfilling career that may require occasional late nights / travel you have to sort of screen for that when you date – I noped out of any dating situations where it became clear that the gentleman had more traditional views of life.

    • I attribute a lot to luck. I met the hubs when I was working in a government law gig in my law school city and studying for the New York bar so I could move east; he was planning to move back to his southern state where he had a job lined up at a top firm in the capital city for after his federal clerkship. I knew things had gotten serious with him when he got upset after I passed the bar (because it meant that I would be starting interviews to try to find a NY job). After figuring out where we were going relationship-wise and visits to each other’s intended destinations, we ended up staying in my law school city (and that’s called compromise).

    • Lol. You can’t plan this. You just can’t. Curious what law career has multiple fellowships though?

    • Once you find the right guy, you find ways to make it work. My DH and I have managed a PhD, JD, MS, and clerkship. You just find a way. You don’t really need to be settled in one place until you have small kids. Don’t worry about it now. It can be managed.

      • Lilly-looking PJs? :

        I would say that being settled is something I’d want by when the oldest one starts kindergarten.

        FWIW, I had been in 6 schools by 4th grade and found it to have been a great adventure (one that I feel like my settled kids are missing out on (but, hey, they have the internet and DVDs, so we try to let them get exposed to something besides the usual kid shows)).

    • Marie Curie :

      I did a PhD in town A, a postdoc in city B and then took a job in a city C at the age of 31. City B was really tough for me. I knew I was there for the short term so it was really hard to get myself to make an effort to find friends and put down any kind of root. When I got to city C I made friends more easily. In retrospect, I wish that when I had arrived in city C (or at least within a few months of arrival) I had signed up for match, etc and made a significant effort to date. (I ultimately did that, but waited a few years needlessly.)

    • Wildkitten :

      I’m 31 and not remotely stressed about settling down immediately. You’ll still have plenty of time.

      • I’m 37 and not stressed about it.

        • Wildkitten :

          I also had a major break up last year and one of my take-aways was like, okay, so let’s say I never get married. How can I still achieve my life goals? It’s been liberating to have a Plan B if Prince Charming never comes.

    • For me, luck. In the form of finding a guy who could (and would!) follow my career. We’ve moved 3 times in five years for my job. He is less ambitious, and his work is also more flexible, at least in the sense that he can find a good job in any midsize city.

    • I tried to plan it all out (I went to law school at 28) and my life had completely, dramatically changed by the time I finished. I’m 35 now and all I can say is roll with the punches. You have no idea what’s coming next, so don’t bother using the brain cells if you can help it :) It all works out in a way you never would have foreseen.

  13. YOU GUYS.

    I was trying to plan out my CPE for the year, and I filtered my state association’s catalog on my region, for in-person courses. The very first thing that popped up? A networking event (no CPE) – on “how to create those gorgeous curls and beach waves.”

    I emailed the organizer to express my displeasure, but seriously, WTF? No wonder no one takes women seriously. Ugh.

    • I went to a CLE on “Women’s Leadership” and among the advice offered was to accessorize every day because you’ll just feel better about yourself. The same lady also said you should be home in time to cook dinner from scratch every night and you should make time for daily pilates or yoga for stress reduction, and of course, you should spend a lot of quality time with your family because that’s what really matters.

      That’s when I realized that lady’s job was doing this kind of workshop and not practicing law, because that advice boiled down to “look pretty and have a perfect life.”

    • Wildkitten :

      Sorry to be the person who plays the devil’s advocate, I totally get where you are coming from, but ALSO – Women should be able to have gorgeous curls AND still be taken seriously!

      • I agree. But CPEs are continuing ed courses to keep your certification. Gorgeous curls don’t belong in that course catalog, credit or no credit.

  14. I went through my closet this weekend and plucked a lot of pieces to donate to the thrift shop. I understand that the baggy suit jacket from 2006 has to go, but what’s killing me are saying good bye to my beloved Revas. They’re worn beyond repair–leather coming off, discolored, etc.

    Thanks to many of you ladies, I’ve come to understand the importance of not ruining a lovely outfit with worn out shoes, but it’s still hard to toss hundreds of dollars out! Someone reassure me that this is the right move!!! It’s not in the budget to just buy more pairs.

    • They’re not worth hundreds of dollars anymore, so you’re not throwing that sum away by throwing them away.

    • Reframe: You got $100 (or probably more) worth of use out of them. $100 buys you a couple years of wearing a good shoe, not a lifetime of owning a pristine shoe. (Alas.)

    • Don’t look at it as tossing hundreds of dollars out. You spend the hundreds of dollars when you were wearing them. Take an honest look at what they would sell for now in a thrift show. $5? Maybe $10? Be realistic. That’s what you’re *donating* not throwing out.

      • Thanks everyone! That is a helpful mindset. I definitely got a lot of use out of them. And boy did it feel good to clean out my closet.

        • anon in SV :

          Cost per wear. You spent $300 on them and, for example, wore them once a week for 3 years? i.e. you wore them 150 times and paid $2 to wear them each time. Did you enjoy them $2 worth each time you wore them? If so, you got your money’s worth already.

    • My step-mother has a thing she likes to say in cases like this: “That [whatever item] owes me no money” – I find it really useful to think about how many times you’ve worn it and what your cost per wear was.

    • I hope you mean you tossed them in the garbage can and not donated them. Nobody wants your worn out shoes, not even the poors.

      • SFAttorney :

        I hope she didn’t toss them in the garbage. Not all cities sort for reuse and they will end up in landfill. Find an I:CO collection box: http://www.ico-spirit.com/en/services/

        In San Francisco, they’re at Levi’s, H&M, Forever 21, Puma, and many other retailers and other drop off points.

  15. Looking for Anniversary Ideas :

    Looking for somewhere near the Poconos to celebrate our anniversary. Has anyone been to the Lodge at Woodloch – is it worth the $$$? Also looking at the French Manor Inn.Would love to hear any reviews or other places to check out!

    • For my 50th birthday weekend we are going to Lovelace Manor in Lancaster. It is a lovely B&B, and the owners, Lark and Michael, are super-nice. I’d be happy to share my itinerary if you are interested!

    • Woodloch Pines is VERY family oriented–not where I’d go to celebrate an anniversary unless I was bringing my kids!!!!

      • The Lodge at Woodloch is different than Woodloch Pines… it’s a luxury spa resort and we are definitely not bringing our kid!

  16. Input needed. It was my kid’s prom this weekend and one parent organized a dinner at their country club for the kids. We paid for kids to attend dinner. Parents were invited to club to take pictures. Parent who organized paid for open bar for parents, and then invited about 10 parents to stay for dinner. Country club does not allow outside payment, so this was all charged to parent’s account. I really, really want to do something to thank parent. Flowers seem routine but appropriate. Any other thoughts? Parent has 4 kids total, prom kid is eldest, so I was also thinking about sending nice food basket to house. Clearly, they can afford the dinner/drinks, but I want to do something nice in return!

    • Do you have a nice picture of the group of kids? What about putting the photo in a nice frame with a signature mat. Then all the kids could sign to remember the occassion. You could enlist your kid to get the signatures.

    • Flowers are lovely and appropriate. Don’t overthink it.

    • Personally I love flowers, so I’d just send those. Not the most original, but always a treat.

  17. housecounsel :

    This dress is terrible.

  18. New Tampanian :

    United Airlines you guys…. WTAF…. google flight #3411 if you don’t get the reference.

    • housecounsel :

      I am just horrified.

    • Like how is it that they offered just money and a hotel stay? Get a seat on a competitor then offer cash and same day arrival. So easy to save themselves this PR nightmare. Also strange that they allowed the computer to randomly select who would be deplaned. I always thought it was done based on last to check in.

    • No way a white woman is treated like this. Not by the airline and not by security.

    • Hawaii with young kids :

      Oh my gosh…WHAT????? So disturbing. That poor man!!!

    • I just… I fly United all the time and I’m always flirting with the idea of switching airlines but this time I’m going to get serious.

    • Wildkitten :

      Terrifying. Totally completely terrifying.

    • OMG. What did I just watch?

    • Mind boggling.

    • Horrible. I don’t understand – he was seated. Why were they removing passengers who were already sitting? Why not stop the ones who didn’t have seats or board yet? Regardless, incredibly inappropriate.

    • The whole thing is really weird. Normally when flights are oversold they’ll start offering progressively higher amounts to get off. I’ve seen them go up to $1,000 before they had a taker. So I’m not sure why they stopped at $400 and just elected to remove someone.

      • You mean like this? https://www.forbes.com/sites/laurabegleybloom/2017/04/09/why-delta-air-lines-paid-me-11000-not-to-fly-to-florida-this-weekend/#6627f2114de1
        Delta had their own PR issue last week with the storms and whatever internal issue they had that they aren’t talking about. United did a nice job taking the spotlight for this week.

      • I read an article that said they did go up to $800, but still, so crazy and awful.

      • I was on an American flight once where they got up to TWO $800 vouchers, one for you and one for a friend or family member. You can believe hands shot up at that offer. I’ve never been on an overbooked flight where people wouldn’t leave if the price was right. This could have been solved with a $1000 voucher; now the publicity nightmare will cost them hundreds of thousands.

        I feel so sorry for that poor guy. I never, ever want to set foot on a United flight, ever again. SMH.

      • I had a not entirely dissimilar situation with United. My husband had already boarded and I was following with our infant after he got our bags situated. It turns out that they’d bumped me from the flight because it had been oversold. I already had a boarding pass with a seat. They had never made an announcement. They just wouldn’t let me on the plane. I had my husband’s phone in the diaper bag and couldn’t reach him. He had no idea why I wasn’t boarding. I was going to be stranded at the airport without a carseat or car keys, but with an infant. They wouldn’t give him a message or tell him to get off the plane. I had to make a scene until they called security. He eventually heard me screaming and got off the plane against the objections of the flight attendants, who tried to block his way.

        They gave us nothing for the circumstance. They said that if we’d voluntarily taken the bump we would have each gotten money, but that they didn’t have to offer us anything for an involuntary bump. We missed my sister’s professional debut performance. I’m still pissed.

        • Anonymous :

          That is INSANE. Like what is the harm in telling your DH that you are being bumped so he can deplane? Avoiding United for sure as I regularly travel with my kids and board after DH has their stuff loaded and organized. It’s like classic travel advice for one parent to board first and get everything organized so the kids are on the plane for as short a time as possible.

        • Anonymous :

          OH MY G-D. That is the craziest travel story I’ve ever heard and I’ve heard a lot. I would have honestly gotten a lawyer to negotiate with them on my behalf to get me some compensation for that ordeal.

          • You should have seen my head explode when we had to buy him a new plane ticket for the next day. They claimed that he’d voluntarily given up his ticket. I at least got rebooked for free.

            We filed several complaints to no avail.

          • Anonymous :

            Thanks for sharing your story. No more flying United for me.

        • It’s only true that they don’t have to give you anything for an involuntary bump if they get you on your way within an hour.


          • They cited a mechanical issue from earlier in the day that had caused them to switch planes for our route (and there was overbooking on top of the fact the new plane was several seat smaller). If there’s a mechanical issue, then they don’t have to offer anything.

      • Wildkitten :

        They only went up to $800. This is going to cost them SO MUCH MORE MONEY.

        • Anonymous :


          How hard is it to bump someone to a first class seat on a same day flight or a same day competitor flight? It’s like they forget people have phones with video and these things will go viral.

    • Sloan Sabbith :


    • This is completely insane.

    • Anonymous :

      The same airlines who banned teenagers from wearing leggings? Yes, I believe this.

    • a milenial :

      this is crazy, if you watch the video they literally knock him unconscious and drag his limp body (with blood on his face) down the aisl.e WHAT IS THIS

    • No reason :

      I don’t understand why he fought with them though. They offered money then increased it. When there were no takers they randomly picked people to bump. He refused to go even when asked to by police and tried to get back on the plane even after he was removed. I understand that he had somewhere to go and the flight should not have been oversold but there was no reason to refuse to cooperate like that.

      • Wildkitten :

        Sure there is. He’s a Doctor and had appointments with patients the next day. What there is no reason to do is drag someone down the aisle and bloody their face because you’d rather have your employees on a flight instead of paying customers who bought tickets.

  19. Day three of Whole30. Being an overachiever, I have reached Kill All The Things a day early.

    Anyone else on this right now? Any tips to get me through this stage (from the safe anonymity of your keyboard where I can’t actually kill you)

    I dreamed of bread dipped in ranch dressing last night.

    • My lifesaver was a burger wrapped in lettuce with avocado for lunch when I just couldn’t take one more salad. Also chia pudding with bananas, dates and almonds helped me through many afternoons.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer :

      Lots of black coffee or tea, treat yourself to a LaCroix or perrier or some fancy nuts. Read some whole30 blogs or experiences, join a FB group etc. If you’re in Kill all the Things, I cannot recommend reading the actual whole30 forums because those make me full of rage on the best of days (and I’m a pretty seasoned whole30er).

    • No advice but commiseration — trying to stave off gestational diabetes AND morning sickness that makes me only want to eat white food. Yeck, this is awful. I prrrrobably should have tried adjusting to the low carb thing *before* getting knocked up.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      I was in that phase the whole 30 days. Not even kidding you. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t cry. I’m actually angry at myself that I didn’t quit midway. My whole30 triggered major disordered eating issues for me that I thought I was past. Not saying you’ll feel that way, but if you do, pay attention to your body and mind.

      • I’ve never had eating issues other than just eating too much. But thanks for the heads up.

        I’m actually doing this for health. It’s pretty clear I have some issues with inflammation and I am finally motivated to see if I can figure out the root cause.

      • Anonymous :

        I’m glad to hear you say this. I get tired of these evangelical food people who honestly seem more obsessed with food than your run-of-the-mill over-eater. Like, it’s all they talk and think about to OCD levels. I think its a disorder in and of itself (not everyone, obviously, but enough)

        I find it akin to minimalists who are constantly talking about….material possessions. Granted, it’s how few they have but still, the obsession seems unhealthy.

    • been there done that :

      I’ve found there is no moment of hanger/irritation/irrationality on a Whole30 that cannot be served by a serving of fat (guacamole? almond butter?) and a cold sparkling water.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I second the suggestion for protein-style burgers (lettuce instead of bun) with avocado. Also when you get tired of eggs and meat for breakfast, fresh pineapple and berries is a great thing to switch to for a day or two. Sprinkle a few chopped nuts over the top for a little crunch. And if you’re out at a bar, cub soda in a champagne flute is more fun than in a regular glass. Oh, and bananas. Sweet, starchy bananas.

      I hated Whole30 right up until the end but Lovely husband and I had ridiculously great results. We finished a couple of weeks ago but are still mostly off grains, sugar, and dairy. He’s lost a boatload of weight and I’ve lost a good amount, too. So hang in there!

  20. Found a mistake in my taxes :

    Reposting from the weekend thread –

    Any suggestions for last minute tax help? I found a mistake in mine this weekend and now want a professional to review the rest before I file. I’m in NYC but have to file in multiple states due to the nature of my job. I travel during the week, including this week so can’t physically go into an office to meet with a professional. I really shot myself in the foot here timing wise, so would be extremely grateful for any helpful suggestions.

    • Wildkitten :

      IANACPA. I’ve had mistakes in my taxes before and had them fixed long after they had originally been filed.

    • Can you file for an extension?

      • Yes, just file for an extension. Free. No penalty.

        Pay anything you think you might owe before April 15th though. Then you have until October to correct/file.

    • Definitively file for a extension. Realistically you won’t be able to get capable help before the 18th, so no point in stressing.

      • Found a mistake in my taxes :

        In response to AZCPA & Clara’s advice to pay anything I might owe & file an extension: my current self-done taxes show that I owe in 2 out of 5 states in which I have to file – should I pay now and then file an extension? And do I do that in all 5 states and federally? I didn’t even know extensions were an option barring emergency type circumstances!

        • baseballfan :

          CPA here. You can file an extension for any reason, or no reason. If you have to pay, pay with the extension.

          Some states accept a federal extension for state purposes as well. Their Dept of Revenue websites should clarify this.

          Not all states are due the same date as the federal either; some are due the following month or on another day.

  21. Last week my DH brought up the idea of moving to another city. We’ve kicked around this idea before but never got very far with it, because the timing never seemed right with jobs, family, etc. Now he’s taking the idea pretty seriously because I’m in a contract position that may not last longer than this year, and he’s anticipating being laid off in about two months. Neither one of those things is for-sure right now, but seem likely. Also, our son will be starting middle school in the fall, and my parents – who live near us – have announced they are looking at moving closer to my brother this summer, as he and his fiancee are expecting. Moving seems pretty viable at this point.

    The thing is, I have no clue how to make it happen. We moved to where we are now straight out of college and after living in a couple of apartments, bought our house and never moved again. That was 16 years ago. I know that theoretically, one spouse gets a new job in the new city and then you sell your house and move, but we’re contemplating that if he gets laid off and gets a severance package (which would be pretty decent, based on historical precedent, because he has good tenure with his company), we’d just move without getting jobs first. Is that a crazy idea? He’s started applying to jobs where we want to move but when people call, they seem reluctant to move him forward to an in-person interview because he’s not local. He’s in IT and has a very particular skillset that’s in demand; he gets calls from recruiters about once a week, so I think he wouldn’t have much trouble finding something pretty fast. We have equity in our house (about $50,000) and houses here are selling relatively quickly if they’re well-priced. He wants to list our house, sell, pack up and move by July, so our son can start middle school in the new city in August. That seems really fast to me, but I’m so inexperienced with this, I admit I don’t know. I would appreciate hearing any stories from people with kids and two careers making a big move – how’d you do it, and how’d it work out for you?

    • Wildkitten :

      I think moving in the summer sounds like a good idea. I think trying to have one of you get a job in City B sounds like a good idea, but using the severance opportunity to move is a good Plan B, but sounds very stressful.

      It also sounds like it might be a good idea for him to be traveling to City B to meet with folks and/or paying his own way for interviews if the distance is the only thing stopping him from getting called back to City B. If he has a specific skill set he can be meeting with folks in the new city starting before you move to make sure he knows the market and has connections and can get a job even faster.

      • Good suggestions. We’ve talked about him setting up some interviews and then going to the new city for a week on our own dime to see if he can get something lined up in terms of a job offer, before committing to make a move. It seems like for what he’s doing, there’s reluctance to pay for interview trips, do there may not be much choice.

    • When I had to move for my husband’s career, it took me more than two years to find a job I liked, and I ended up switching careers to do so. I certainly understand moving to follow a spouse’s job or to be near family members who need your help or something like that, but I’m not sure why you’d undertake this kind of career and life disruption basically unprompted, especially if there’s a kid in the picture. I definitely wouldn’t move until you both have solid career prospects, and ideally jobs, in the new place.

      • We’re interested in moving because job prospects where we are are not great and not getting better. We live in an area with two major industries, one of which has collapsed and the other of which is suffering. My DH has heard from several recruiters, at this point, that he could potentially make double what he’s making now in another city, and that’s backed up by co-workers who have moved and reported back to him. The job market for my chosen field is really small where I am; hence my current job as a contractor. We’re also facing a situation of very subpar public schools and increasing crime, which I do realize is the situation a lot of places. Basically, we’re not super-flammable here any more and feel like our careers have stalled out. In addition, once my parents leave we will have no family or close friends left near us – literally everyone we’re close to, family and friends, has moved to another state in the last 5 years.

    • Since DH can get a job easily, I would focus on your job hunt. I would be reluctant to move without a job in place unless you are like your DH with multiple offers. What you if you don’t find something and have to move again? That’s hard on your kid.

      Are you set on location? Is moving nearish to your brother an option? A new city, and a new school plus not seeing grandparents is a lot of change for your kid.

      It’s a tight timeline so focus on jobs. Rent a house in the area where you want your kid to go to school and then you have a year to find a house in that school zone.

      • +1

        Totally agree with renting in this scenario.

        Your situation and reasons for moving sound very good to me. Your plan sounds very do-able. Good luck!

  22. Happy Passover, all.


  23. I think I complain more than I should. Not to everyone, just my husband and one other close family member. Both of them say this doesn’t really bother them, and I know they would be honest with me, but I would like to stop doing it. Any thoughts on how I can stop?

    • Wildkitten :

      Work to replace it with super-intentional gratitude.

      • This. I gave up complaining for Lent one year. Every time I caught myself complaining, I stopped and made myself find something specific to be thankful for. I think I drew inspiration for this from a section of The Happiness Project. It did wonders for my attitude generally. I’m not an overly negative person, but I really appreciated the increased attitude of gratefulness.

      • This. I gave up complaining for Lent one year. Every time I caught myself complaining, I stopped and made myself find something specific to be thankful for. I think I drew inspiration for this from a section of The Happiness Project. It did wonders for my attitude generally. I’m not an overly negative person, but I really appreciated the increased attitude of gratefulness.

      • Along those lines, for every complaint have a gratitude. Also, if you need to get them out, maybe type them into a note on your phone.

        • I have a former friend (yes, former. I got dumped. It was for the best) who tried to get over her complainy-ness by making herself post 10 gratitudes on Facebook every day. She had gone back to her old ways but it definitely made her cheerier for a while.

          I think she stopped doing the grants because she is hooked on everyone feeling sorry for her. her life objectively is pretty normal (no major health issues or tragedies) but she thrives on the attention her complaining gets her. Could that be you?

    • I found myself being really negative a couple years ago. I started writing about things that were bothering me instead of talking to DH about it (unless it really did concern him, which most if the time it didn’t). Writing really helps me sort through my feelings and once it’s out, I don’t feel the need to discuss it with anyone.

    • Senior Attorney :

      A Complaint-Free World: http://www.willbowen.com/

      Kind of sappy, but I did it and it worked.

  24. *has not had, *grats not grants New iPad (not complaining tho!)

  25. I have a somewhat enviable problem, and I really need advice on how to navigate it.
    I found out I had a shot at a dream job, let’s call it Company A, and went for one interview. I was referred by someone I consider a mentor, who’d be my boss. After that interview, I spoke to someone from Company B, and they pitched me on an opportunity that it turns out is actually really stellar, and also a dream opportunity. I’d be making good money, building strong connections, and having a lot of freedom, get equity, and it’s a small company and I like everyone. I’m expecting a generous offer today from Company B. I’m really excited about it. They know I’m in the middle of other interviews but I’ve implied I’m very excited (which I am) and that I’ll accept, and they’re expecting me to.

    Now I get an email from Company A asking if I’d like to come in for a second round of interviews. I don’t want to lead them on, but I still don’t have an offer in hand from Company B, though I know it’s coming. And if I got BOTH offers, I honestly don’t know how I’d choose, so it’s almost easier to just take what I have now and not worry about it. If I end up getting and accepting Company A, then Company B will be a little bit in the lurch and very disappointed. If I interview with Company A and still go with Company B, I’m worried about leading them on and wasting my mentor’s time and social capital.

    What to do? Thanks!

    • Breathe. Continue interviewing with both companies. If you do get an offer from Company B that you’re accepting, you can cancel the interview with Company A or keep it, just for practice. Also, it’s just business.

  26. Anonymous :

    My advice would be to continue the process with Company A, at least until you have a written offer from Company B. Re-evaluate your position once the offer has come in.

    • This. Also if you’re expecting an offer from Company B today but don’t hear from them for several days, call them and ask them when you can expect to hear. You might consider mentioning at that time that the process with A is continuing.

  27. Sloan Sabbith :

    Praying that San Bernardino isn’t another Newtown. :(

  28. I read this article and wondered if anyone has found themselves downplaying their ambitions/career goals to make themselves more attractive to potential partners.


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