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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Lynnet
Any advice for dealing with bullying at work by someone who’s been around longer than you have and makes sure never to do it when anyone else is around? I can give as good as I get, but I don’t want to get into a ‘he said, she said’ situation with someone who has a lot more credibility than I do around the office. I’m particularly concerned because I’m fairly certain this person is badmouthing me to other attorneys in the office by not lying about me, but representing all of our interactions in the worst possible light.
Ellen
I would tell the manageing partner right away, other wize, she will continue to do it. When I first started, all 3 of the women thought I was brought in to work here b/c the manageing partner thought I was cute, but not savvy. So they acted jelous and did NOT help me on thing’s like finding out where the supplie’s were and how I could FED EX things and other stuff. I figured out that they were some how mad at me b/c I was very cute then (not so much any more unfortuneately), and said to them I could be mean to, but I did NOT want to be. My dad said I should be nice and also bring in cookie’s and cupcakes, so it was VERY easy for me b/c there is a CRUMB’s Store near the office that I decided to get cupcake’s from. Every Tuesday, I would bring in 10 cupcakes (for them and the men) and they got to be nice VERY quickly. We also got fat tuchuse’s out of it at the same time so they are NOT that jelous of me any more. That is how I would handel that! YAY!!!!!!!
Ellen
I would tell the manageing partner right away, other wize, she will continue to do it, or as my dad say’s “SMOTHER HER WITH KINDNESS.” When I first started, all 3 of the women thought I was brought in to work here b/c the manageing partner thought I was cute, but not savvy. So they acted jelous and did NOT help me on thing’s like finding out where the supplie’s were and how I could FED EX things and other stuff. I figured out that they were some how mad at me b/c I was very cute then (not so much any more unfortuneately), and said to them I could be mean to, but I did NOT want to be. My dad said I should be nice and also bring in cookie’s and cupcakes, so it was VERY easy for me b/c there is a CRUMB’s Store near the office that I decided to get cupcake’s from. Every Tuesday, I would bring in 10 cupcakes (for them and the men) and they got to be nice VERY quickly. We also got fat tuchuse’s out of it at the same time so they are NOT that jelous of me any more. That is how I would handel that! YAY!!!!!!!
L
Omg double ellen post. WOW
Houston Attny
I’m trying to put myself in your situation, and I’m not sure what I’d do. (Thankfully, I haven’t been in this predicament.) So here are some thoughts:
– When Big Bully says ugly things, you could take the high road. Seriously smile right at BB when BB is saying crazy Big Bully things and just say, “thank you so much for your perspective” or “what a great thought for the day!” or “I was thinking the same thing! Great minds!” even if it’s something completely rude.
– Snarky and biting. “You know, my 7-year-old neighbor was saying the same thing just last week!” or just a pity smile and maybe a “feel better now? I’m sorry you keep having such bad days. Hopefully you’ll start feeling happier soon.” My personal favorite is, “and to think I’ve managed to keep my opinions about your work product/clothes/hair/whatever-BB-is-ranting-about to myself!” (I realize this idea is the most fun but probably the least professional. One can dream.)
– Call BB out for the behavior. I’m not sure it needs to be super confronational but even a “I’m not sure if you know what you’re saying is unprofessional and undeserved or worse, if you don’t. But it is. So if there is a problem with any aspect of my work/wardrobe/whatever-BB-rants-about, please go to my boss.” I think it shows you are not afraid, and it might give you a way to go to your boss with a simple heads up about the situation.
Also, I noticed that I wrote this response thinking Big Bully was a woman. But then I read “he said/she said” in your post, so I reread my reply and wondered if I’d change my advice depending on if BB is a man or a woman. I think the most professional way if BB is a man or a woman is to go route 3 – mention it directly to BB, give your boss the heads up and continue to show yourself as being professional and competent to everyone in your office. That’s your best defense in showing how crazy BB really is.
Good luck. I hope you’ll keep us posted.
ER
I’ve never been in your situation either. You could try saying something like, “Wow, that’s very hurtful,” or “Why would you say something like that?” Hopefully that will shame BB and acknowledge his/her rudeness without the confrontational side effect that Houston Attny noted.
Also, I’m sure you’re already doing this, but I would try to develop relationships with your other coworkers so that BB has less of an opportunity to shape how your coworkers perceive you.
In-House Optimist
I actually had a BB I had to deal with recently. She was pretty awful on a regular basis. Then she made the mistake of losing her shiz at me in front of a LOT of people (including the head of HR), which gave me some high ground.
Regardless, I didn’t want to go straight to HR after the Incident (trust me, it was so over the top I didn’t even know what to do with myself) because I didn’t exactly look awesome in the situation (I lost my cool in response to her ridiculousness … which somehow people didn’t see, but I thought they had) and I also wanted to handle it on a person-to-person level. I pulled her aside the next day and set her straight in the nicest way possible. The BB and I are on the same level on the org chart, just diff departments (though we work together a lot), but I definitely talked to her like I would a subordinate who had done something wrong. I told her (in a very level, unemotional voice) that she owed me an apology for how she treated me, that it was completely unprofessional and rude, and that it made both of us look bad, so it had to stop. And once she apologized (I think she was stunned someone actually called her on her bullying), I apologized for losing my cool and told her we’d just rewrite the book and start over and not mention the Incident ever again. It seemed to work, so far no new bullying, but I’m not sure this will work with everyone, so YMMV? I will say I really expected her to be combative when I confronted her, but she wasn’t (again, I think she was stunned and kind of embarrassed, but hey, I’ll take it).
Anyway, hopefully this novel I just wrote helps. It really stinks to have someone make you miserable somewhere where you’re stuck spending so much time!!
Bling
Is there a limit to how much jewelry you’d wear to work / with clients?
Like I love the look of giant South Sea pearls (think: Nancy Pelosi), but they cost a fortune, so I don’t have them. But I have a big engagement ring and my one of my few pairs of earrings is fairly big studs. I find myself often leaving one or both behind (wedding band is plain metal) because they just seem to be Too Much (although whenever I am in front of a bunch of b1tchy women, I seem to throw them all on as . . . armor?).
AIMS
I think it depends on who your clients are/where you work. Region probably matters, too.
In NYC, it doesn’t really look out of place to see a woman wear large diamond studs, a big diamond engagement ring and, say, a nice watch (and who knows if all those diamonds are even real). But, if I was working at Legal Aid, as an example, I would probably feel uncomfortable wearing that to meet my clients. I’d take my cues from your co-workers and clients.
mascot
+1
Senior Attorney
I love the look of Nancy Pelosi mega-pearls, so I got myself a string of fakes, which I wear all the time. I also wore my big engagement ring until The Split, and I wear my big diamond stud earrings regularly.
However, I am Of A Certain Age. If I were in my 20s I might not wear the big bling to work.
Solo Practitioner
Agree with the other advice. I used to represent indigent juveniles at a public defender office. One of my colleagues would wear a diamond tennis bracelet. I thought it was in bad taste. Most of our clients didn’t make that much money in a year, and were on food stamps, etc.
I’d say don’t wear more than your clients could afford, and don’t wear more bling than most others in your office. Unless you are senior or the boss.
Anonymous
Forgive me if this was discussed earlier, but I was really excited to see the news of the judge’s ruling on unpaid internships in the Glatt vs. Fox Searchlight case. I hope that means there will finally be some protections for unpaid internships, as companies see that they can’t just ignore the rules and use their unpaid internships as free labor and de facto “employees” who you don’t have to give even minimum wage (in case you hadn’t guessed, I’ve got a big ethical issue with unpaid internships).
For more info:
http://www.boston.com/business/news/2013/06/13/unpaid-internships-jeopardy-after-court-ruling/H57lpnqoxT8X2zcINuRTKN/story.html
Susie
I say let the market decide. No one has to take a free internship – if a young person feels they will get some experience and is willing to do it for free why not let them? (Speaking as someone who interned 32 hours a week while attending school and working food service part time)
Anonymous
Then why have minimum wage laws at all? Why not say “if people want to work for free, they should be able to?”
Susie
Yes I agree with this, I am against minimum wage laws.
Godzilla
This is a very privileged viewpoint. There are many disadvantaged people (generally people of color but not always) who literally cannot afford to spend their time in unpaid situations. Who can afford to work for free in order to gain valuable experience and networking opportunities? People who have someone to pay for their expenses and generally don’t have to support others.
Susie
I consider myself fortunate, not privileged. My parents immigrated here (political asylum) with literally the clothes on their backs and a wheel of cheese (truly!) and without speaking any English. They assimilated and now run a successful small business. As I mentioned above, I interned while also working a pay job. I am the first in my entire extended family to finish university. I worked after finishing undergrad to save up money for law school. It can be done.
Godzilla
Props to you. However, you and people like you are the exception, not the norm. It’s unfair to assume that everyone has the same opportunities and capabilities.
momentsofabsurdity
The attitude of “I can do it so everyone else can and should” is IMO, problematic. You are not everyone else, and everyone else is not you. You may have a lot of wealth, or not much, you may have pulled yourself up by your bootstraps, or not, but there is no denying that everyone who achieves success catches a few lucky breaks and benefits from advantages somewhere along the line. No one is completely self-made because our world is not wholly individual, we are social animals and part of a collective community.
There are all sort of stories of Homeless to Harvard, etc, but the fact is, 99.99% of people who are homeless never go on to Harvard. Does that mean we should just get rid of social programs which help the homeless, just because SOME homeless people manage to get out of it on their own?
In other words, there will always be people who find a way to do well in a bad system. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fix the system.
Ellie
@momentsofabsurdity: Thank you. You said exactly what I was thinking, only 100 times better than I could have.
Anonymous
Your privilege is having parents willing and able to do that for you
Ginjury
In general, unpaid internships work to further increase class divides. Those who can afford to work unpaid reap the benefits of that expeirience gained when entering the job market. Those who cannot are set further back by lack of experience when looking for paid work. It’s very problematic.
L
MOA – well said. Very well said. Could be applied to so many things in life.
Darby
MOA – you have been one of my favorite commenters & I couldn’t agree with you more here. So well put.
Jo March
Everything MoA said.
AnonBK
I’m seconding this. In my experience – NYC undegrad/grad – literally everyone I know who was able to do an unpaid internship was either in school (and on loans) or being supported by their parents, or both. Some industries, like publishing, seem set up such that a person who has not done one or several unpaid internships simply won’t be evaluated. This means anyone who is out of school or supporting themselves will find starting out in the field extremely challenging.
IDK
When I was younger, my friends and I all had “resume” jobs / internships and then night / weekend paying jobs to make ends meet. I worked at a nursing home (yay shift work!) and did typing. My friends waited tables and worked retail. You have to hustle, but when don’t you? I wouldn’t want these resume-building jobs to vanish for lack of funding.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t mind if these resume-building jobs vanished for lack of funding. If the intern is doing things a company would otherwise pay an employee to do (which is one of the criteria you use when determining whether an internship should be paid or unpaid), then the work is there and SOMEONE will do it. The company will either fork over the dough for an intern to do it, or hire more entry level workers. Either is a good thing.
TCFKAG
Of course – now these shift work jobs frequently don’t exist anymore either AND don’t pay nearly enough to “make ends meet” or even come close to paying tuition at at state schools let along private schools. Even if a student had a full time day internship and miraculously found a nights and weekend waitressing job willing to take them and not already filled by someone with a LOT more experience – they would need to work essentially 80 hours a week and still probably couldn’t make rent and pay for college in most places.
Times have changed a lot (and the cost of college has increased quite a bit more quickly then minimum wage or inflation.). Not to mention that shift jobs are in much higher demand and this less likely to go to young inexperienced people.
SoCalAtty
Agreed. I think this happens with new law school graduates, too – the people that either don’t have student loans, or can live with and/or get additional support from parents/relatives take jobs for very low salaries, and then people with student loans that NEED the higher salaries can’t get them.
The Los Angeles City Attorney’s office has this going on with admitted attorneys now…you basically can’t get a job there unless you do their 1 year internship program first, for free…where you do everything a regular attorney would do, just without the pay.
Solo Practitioner
When I applied a few years ago (pre-recession), this was the case in Maryland Public Defender’s office, too. But I think it was like 3-6 months.
I am a banana.
I have seen this too and find it extremely irritating. When admitted attorneys work for free, it cheapens the value of the degree. I’m sure that sounds horrible, but that’s how I’ve always felt (at the college level, too).
chi squared
So, why shouldn’t such (admittedly) fortunate people have additional networking and educational opportunities?
Ella
sarcasm?
AnonBK
Because equity, in a word.
Anon
Let me guess, your parents supported you through college?
Susie
Although my finances aren’t really any of your business, I will indulge you. Yes my parents contributed to my higher education – I also attended a relatively low cost state school, had academic scholarships, and started working at 15 and worked through college so I paid some of it myself. I also graduated half a year early thus saving on tuition, and borrowed a lot of books from the library instead of buying textbooks. But yes, my parents support me 100% to this day, not financially but in so many other ways.
Anonymous
It’s easy for someone who has supportive parents to say they’re against minimum wages, and that people should pull themselve up by their bootstraps.
Even just emotional support can mean a lot for someone who is working X number of jobs and doing an unpaid internship, settin aside finacial help.
I recognize how lucky I was to have parents that supported me financially until I could do so myself, and who continue to support me emotionally in all my endeavours. It is luck to be born into a family that can provide support, and I suppose in your case, it’s given you a viewpoint of “well, if I can do it, so can everyone else”, whereas in my case, I recongnize that I had/have it pretty good.
anonie
As a college professor on a campus with an extremely large proportion of first generation college students, I have been watching this development with a lot of interest and optimism. I myself went to a private college (combo of scholarships, grants, working part time during the year and full time in the summer, and my parents’ assistance). Once I realized that I wanted to go to grad school, I took a research assistantship that I knew would be invaluable for me (and it was) but where I would be paid barely above minimum wage. I would have made more money doing almost any other job on campus, but I took it as an opportunity because I was making an investment and because I knew that if I came up short during the academic year (not enough for food, etc.), my parents would help me. Not until I started teaching did I realize how lucky I was. I am surrounded by talented students who I know need to get internship experience, but most internships are unpaid and they simply can not afford to do that. Not in the summer, when they work full time. Not during the academic year, when they often work too close to full time (for my comfort). They can not afford to invest in themselves, which drives me bonkers, but they do have to eat and pay for school, etc., and many of them simply can not count on their parents to make up the difference. And then, when they graduate, they will be competing with students from more prestigious institutions with more prestigious (unpaid) internships on their resumes/CVs. It absolutely breaks my heart because they start from a position of disadvantage and it’s a gap that can’t be closed. I am certainly not advocating equality of outcome, but it would be nice to see at least a slightly more level playing field.
IDK
I worked for a government agency that would had no budget for anything (like good pens). I talked them into letting me intern for them for free to gain experience and it was invaluable. So it wouldn’t have been unpaid v. paid for me; it would have been unpaid v. nothing at all.
Anonymous
The ruling doesn’t say “no unpaid internships” though. It says that if you are going to have unpaid interns, it has to be primarily a learning experience for them, not a benefit to you. So publishing, for example, could take interns and teach them about the business, have them write things to learn from it, see different aspects of the job, but can’t have them spend all day photocopying for free.
Jules
This is correct, and also keep in mind that the rules are different for government agencies and non-profits. There is no reason in the world why for-profit companies (movie studios?!) should have free labor like this.
And I agree 100 percent with MoA and Godzilla (as usual, because they are smart and insightful and not just because Godzilla could squash me like a bug).
Godzilla
RAWR ;)
IDK
Did you notice that one of the plaintiffs had an MBA and then did the complained-of unpaid interest and is now in law school? That’s a lot of expensive schooling (nothing wrong with that) — maybe this is more of a test case or something?
2013
Plessy v. Ferguson was a test case. Just because something is a test case doesn’t mean the law it is challenging is valid or right.
Equity's Darling
Does anyone have tips/ideas for balcony gardening?
I’m west facing, so I get a ton of afternoon sun, and hopefully I can get a few plants that will be able to weather the harsh Canadian winter (though I’m not sure if coniferous trees can grow in pots?). I’d also love to do some flowers, and possibly herbs.
I’d also love ideas to generally make my balcony more welcoming and private from my neighbours.
A Nonny Moose
This book is a great starting point. http://www.amazon.com/Vegetable-Gardeners-Container-Bible-ebook/dp/B004XJP9J6
We do herbs as well as some ornamental plants on our balcony railing. I’m excited to get more potted plants that can survive year round.
BankrAtty
Also check out “Grow Great Grub” by Gayla Trail.
Nonny
In your climate, you’ll probably have to do 3-season gardening, or bring things inside in the winter. Coniferous trees do grow in pots – my sister has a gorgeous Norwegian pine that is now enormous but sat in my grandparents’ kitchen for years. But where you are, you would either have to really protect it (straw, burlap, etc.) in the winter, or bring it inside. I would be surprised if you’d be able to keep anything else outside in the winter. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. I have an uncle in Toronto who creates a brand-new balcony garden every spring and has a different theme every time. It’s kind of fun. He even has a small fountain.
Otherwise, growing things in pots is easy, and herbs are great to have around. I like growing herbs in a strawberry pot (Google it) – looks great and you only have to water one container.
For a Western Canadian source, I suggest looking for Marjorie Harris’ book, “Gardening in Small Spaces”. Great ideas, and very inspirational.
Equity's Darling
I’m glad to hear coniferous trees can grow in pots- I think you’re right, I would at least have to wrap it in burlap, but I’d be okay with that- I think my worry is that even in burlap, when it hits -40C, it will die, just because its roots aren’t underground and somewhat protected from the dry cold.
I have a one bedroom, and I want a lush balcony, but realize that I can’t have half my apartment taken-over in the winter by greenery (well, I could, but it would be weird), so maybe just planting annuals is the way to go, because then I won’t expect them to return, and as long a the pots I buy are sturdy, they’ll be fine on the balcony all winter.
I’m going to look for the book, and buy a strawberry plant this weekend. :)
How’s the pregnancy going?!
Nonny
Good so far, except for debilitating nausea/fatigue. Had my first ultrasound last week and saw/heard a heartbeat, so phew. Work wardrobe is down to 4 pieces (serves me right for preferring tailored clothing) but hoping to remedy that this weekend in….LAS VEGAS!!! Woohoo!
AND I made a reservation yesterday for a 2 Michelin starred restaurant in Vegas, so life is great. It’s really all about the food, after all.
CKB
You could also check out any books by Lois Hole. I’m not sure if she wrote any specific to container or small space gardening, but the Holes have owned a very successful greenhouse/nursery just outside Edmonton for many, many years.
Anon
Perennials do fine over the winter in pots, as long as it is appropriate for your zone. You can probably grow most things you’d plant in a bed in a container. I have a rose bush, hydrangea, salvia, and columbines that do just fine, and you can always plant annuals (some annuals, like snapdragons, will reseed themselves). Many vegetables are fine in containers – you could plant tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, zucchini, lettuce, etc. You can do strawberries. If you want something fancy, like a hibiscus, you can bring it inside in the winter and let it out in the summer. To do that, you’re supposed to temper it – I will take mine out for the day and bring it in at night when the seasons change.
Senior Attorney
Heh. I thought this was going to be a post about having sex on the balcony…
/mind in the gutter
Equity's Darling
Hah. My balcony is wayyyyyyy to exposed to even consider that. And it faces the backyards of families with young children that play outside. Bad idea all around.
SoCalAtty
You can even look for specific varieties of veggies that are for growing in containers – I know there are varieties of tomato made to be happy in containers, and herbs are easy, as are bell peppers. Do a quick search on the web for veggie companion planting – it will tell you what you can plant in the same container, and what will help keep pests out. Good luck! I’ve grown some great veg in containers.
BankrAtty
I grew a variety of eggplant that was designed for containers. The aubergines were the size of marbles! Almost too cute to eat. Burpee has a variety of plants like this.
Solo Practitioner
I’ve grown lettuce and spinach in a big bowl-style pot on my balcony. Pulled a few leaves each night to add to salad. Yum!
My mom grows peas on her balcony, in window-ledge pots. If you hang strings or wire above them, they’ll grow up them.
In-House Optimist
This this this! I’m doing a ton of container gardening with veggies this year — I have tomatoes and peppers and brussels sprouts growing on my balcony. I put them in big plastic tubs you can get from Target (just remember to poke some holes in the bottom for drainage! I made that mistake last year…) and I already have more serrano peppers than I know what to do with, and one delicious tomato. The tomatoes also grow really tall, so you’ll get some privacy from that.
I’ve learned that pretty much anything can grow in a tub/container, it just might not grow as fast as it will in the ground.
New Clueless Summer
I’m a new summer associate at a mid-sized firm in a fairly large city. One of the partners I work with has asked for my feedback on a few documents — letters, short memos, etc. — that I drafted and he revised. Obviously his version is better: cleaner, crisper, more tactful. What do I say when he asks for my feedback? Thanks ladies :)
S
If the changes look great, and there are no further changes needed that you see, I’d just say something like “these changes look great, thank you.” If you see a further edit needed (that isn’t stylistic) go ahead and suggest it.
LH
+1. Everyone’s different but I personally wouldn’t say what Gus suggested – it sounds a little brown-nosey to me. I think he’s just looking for a confirmation that the changes are ok with you since you authored the document.
Ginjury
Agree with everything S and LH are saying. It’s understood that his version is better. If it weren’t, he wouldn’t have made the changes.
Gus
I’d also take the opportunity to tell the partner that you learned something from the experience. “I see how that made the memo flow better by changing the organization” or “I read the edits you made, and now I think I have a better sense of the tone to use in this kind of letter.”
Parfait
+1. I bet you anything that’s why he’s asking, more than in case you spot a typo.
Senior Attorney
+1 He wants to see that you understand why he made the changes he did. Tell him what you told us: “I can see that your versions are cleaner, crisper, and more tactful, and I will definitely work on trying to hit that tone going forward.”
Anonymous
Agreed. And if there are changes he made that you don’t understand, ask him to explain. It sounds like he actually wants to teach you something, and not every partner will take the time to do that. Take advantage of it while you can.
Equity's Darling
Yeah, I’d agree with this. I had a partner that would do that, and he was basically trying to see if I was learning, if I was understanding why he made the changes, so that the next time around, I’d do better. And a lot of partners won’t take the time to do it, so, take advantage of it. My partner was also totally cool when would I would ask him “why” on certain changes- not “why” in a challenging way, but in a “I want to understand so I can do it right” way.
TBK
He wants to see that you’re thoughtful and engaged, and not just pushing forward whatever he does without question. A lawyer’s greatest fear is missing something and seriously hurting the client. Partners want to feel that associates are looking over their shoulders to catch anything they miss (especially details like facts from the case). Also, partners often work on many more matters than associates do with the assumption that the associates are the ones in the weeds and will alert the partners if the partners seem to forget some detail or other. My guess is the partner wants to know if you’re the kind of associate he can trust to have his back like this. At this point, it’s unlikely you have enough knowledge to actually add anything. But this is the time to show your work (just like you did in math class in elementary school). So if you have nothing to add, explain briefly how you came to that conclusion. At this point, I second what Gus says. You might say “I think your edits help with the flow without affecting the memo’s accuracy” or something like that. Basically, show you’re learning and show that you can add value down the line.
TO Lawyer
Yes this exactly. One of the partners here constantly tells me that it’s my job to tell him when he’s wrong (which seems counter-intuitive to me) and that it’s my job to think of both everything he wants and everything he won’t think of. As juniors, we are often closer to both the facts and the law so while he may be adept at putting it all together and the correct tone of letters etc, you may have a better handle on the details.
TBK may also be right in that you may not have the requisite knowledge now but guaranteed you will in the future and it’s a good skill to start learning!
OP
Thanks all! This is very helpful. Going forward, I’ll have a better idea what to say!
Teeth
So my new firm has health but no dental insurance. I’ve generally got pretty lousy teeth so paying out of pocket may get scary expensive, has anyone had any luck picking up a separate dental plan through a bar association or elsewhere? I’m in NY if that matters.
Middle Coast
Ask your dentist if they offer any insurance plans. Mine does and its pretty inexpensive.
mascot
Is there a school of dentristry in your area? That may be another option. I agree about looking for local dentists that offer discount plans. They aren’t true insurance, but can provide cheaper care if you find a practice you like.
misc
I had a similar problem (my workplace only offered HMO and I need more coverage than that) and I was able to find group rates through my graduate school’s alumni association.
Solo Practitioner
Are you able to get a Health Savings or Flex Savings Account? I used my HSA on some out-of-pocket expenses last year, and it was very handy. It covers dental and vision.
Middle Coast
I am starting a new position on Monday. Yeah! With this change, I am going from a private sector 70 hours per weeks position to a public sector strictly 40 hours per week position. Yeah! My question – what do I do with all my new found time? I know I want to work out more, become active in a professional organization, and complete about 4 weeks worth of delayed projects (decluttering!) but what do I do after that?
Anon
Take advantage and learn to enjoy your free time and stop worrying! ;)
Godzilla
Volunteer. Or sleep. Cook at home?
Kathryn
Do you like to do any artsy things? I joined a choir last fall because I missed singing so much, and it’s helped with my stress levels (and I made a bunch of new friends)! Some other options I’m thinking of are pottery classes, creative writing, crafting or theater classes (could help you with public speaking). You could even try to learn a new language.
Do you like cooking? You could spend more time cooking a healthy dinner for yourself each night after work.
AIMS
I have a friend who just went through this and she is learning Italian.
LH
Spend more time with family/friends. Cook at home more and try new recipes and different cuisines. Sleep. Travel (since I assume taking long weekends on holidays will be easier). Read (more) for pleasure. Watch a good guilty pleasure TV show (The Good Wife is my current fave). Go to more mani/pedi/spa appointments if you find that relaxing. Go wine-tasting. Get some of your favorite pictures framed or stretched on canvas and hang them in your home. Go shopping at an outlet mall, if you have one within driving distance. Go on a day hike. Try new restaurants that are farther from home. Go swimming. These are all things I’d do if I got a 40-hour a week job :)
Senior Attorney
I’ve been dipping my toes into meetup dot com and so far I’ve found a very nice group of local ladies with whom to have dinner twice a month. They have events for everything from cooking to hiking to art and music.
Senior Attorney
“They” = meetup dot com
TCFKAG
Sleep?
Re-fi referrals?
We’re in the process of re-financing our mortgage, but looking for another lender as the assessor completely low balled us (70k less than zillow’s valuation). We’d like to pay off our second line of credit completely and free up some cash flow. A potential problem is that my husband was an IC for the past 1.5 years, until May. This is a stab in the dark, but does anyone know of any specific banks where this wouldn’t be a problem? We’re in the metro DC area, but willing to gp into MD and VA if needed.
Anon
Zillow isn’t the best at accurately estimating property values. I’d take their estimate with a grain of salt.
Re-fi referrals?
Sure, but it just happens to reflect the comps in our area. We could protest her selection of the absolute lowest comps in our general area -which she searched high and low for – but the lender said it wouldn’t make a difference. Oh well.
SoCalAtty
You may want to wait until your appraisal expires, and make a lot of noise about getting someone qualified. We had one that low balled us about $100k, so we waited until it expired, made a stink about the incompetence of the appraisal (actually appealed, but the appeal took so long the thing expired at the same time we won. What a waste of time!), and got a new person out. Original appraisal was at about $400k, qualified person came in at $500k. Sometimes it is worth shopping.
For a regular refi, I would check with your local credit union. Their fees tend to be lower, process faster, and you can actually talk to someone, rather than playing telphone with someoone like a Wells Fargo or something.
DC Wonkette
Frank Perna or Renee Voyta are great lenders in the area who can give you advice. I’m working with them now.
Anon
We used George Mason to do our refi, and their estimate was above what we expected. I think the loan officer’s name was Danny Ott, but I feel like he moved on to somewhere else. You could maybe google him and find him – he was a super nice guy and really helpful!!
Cornellian
I did not get my dream apartment on the park I bid on. Anyone have advice for letting it go a bit, as I’ve been moving imaginary furniture around in my head for a month? Inventory is so low, too. Sad.
momentsofabsurdity
Aw I’m sorry! Bummer. I’m sure you’ll find something you like soon though!
Anonymous
super bummer, indeed. Thanks, all. Hoping I can get my second favorite, as it’s the only other place I can afford right now.
January
Oh no!! Sorry to hear that – I was hoping you’d report back with good news this afternoon. :(
Merabella
Super Bummer! Your move inspired me to move around my imaginary furniture as well. Maybe move the stuff around your current place a bit to give it new life? Or even change up the art/decor a bit to freshen up in the mean time?
Transition time
After five years of stressing in BigLaw, I just accepted a position to go in-house on a part-time basis (wanted more flexibility to be with kids). I don’t do change well, and even though I really felt ready to leave BigLaw and move away from litigation, the idea of the transition is suddenly terrifying me (being very risk adverse, all I can think is “dang, I have a full time, well paying job, with colleagues I respect, I’m crazy to walk away given how difficult legal jobs are to come by, etc.”). Could use some success stories – or just stories where quality of life really improved after leaving BigLaw, if you feel like sharing.
Greensleeves
I went in-house about a year ago and it’s been a huge improvement in my quality of life! I am full-time still, but full-time here is a lot fewer hours than full-time at my former firm. It’s amazing to no longer count every minute of every day and stress over whether I’m using it in the best possible way. For example, where before I would stress every time I had to wait on someone or otherwise “wasted” time, because it was time I wasn’t billing or seeing my family, now I no longer sweat those inevitable delays and lost minutes. (Ok, sure, I still get annoyed about them sometimes! But I frequently find myself pretty relaxed about things that would have made me crazy before.) And those events that threw life into complete chaos before, like a sick kid or my husband going on a business trip, are a much smaller disruption now. I am much better able to enjoy time with my kids now, and evenings and weekends in general, without that billable target hanging over my head. The pace and feel of a day at work, even a very busy one, is completely different. Obviously part of that may be office culture, but I believe part of it is simply no longer working in a billable environment. I’m also not great with change and was a little terrified about what I’d decided to do, but it turned out to be a great move. Here’s hoping you have the same experience!
TBK
No specific stories, but I have never, ever heard anyone who walked away from biglaw say “D—n, I wish I’d never left the firm.” Ever.
erin
*raises hand*
I’ll bite on this: I left my Biglaw firm to go in house a year ago and I regret it all the time. My hourly compensation has taken a nosedive, as I work all.the.time. for less money. All my internal clients have my cell phone number and they use it.
Back in Biglaw a deal would close and I could go home and sleep for a day. Or grab dinner with friends. Or something. In my new role, I close a huge deal and the NEXT huge deal closes in 2 days. I feel totally screwed, but because I allowed my significant other to convince me to buy a home in my new city I am trapped here for another 2-3 years.
Oh and my SO left me because my inhouse hours and lifestyle were so much worse than the law firm.
DAR
Uhmmm… ERIN. the OP (Transition Time) specifically asked for success stories and improved quality of life examples. You spewing your story helped how, exactly?
NYCMomof2
Hi! I went inhouse about 5 years ago. Best move I ever made. I work full time and have a family. (I was pregnant when I made the switch and went on maternity leave a few months later, due largely to a great GC.) I sometimes work late and often come in early (after kindergarten drop off), but I have found the workplace more collegial, the work really interesting and the calendar more flexible and under my control. I had to take a pay cut but was worth it. Congrats on the change!
In-House Optimist
This was me for sure (also, I’m all over the comments today). I actually really liked my BigLaw job before I left – I love the work, loved my colleagues… and I was also switching from litigation to something else. But moving inhouse has been FANTASTIC. I work pretty much 9-5, no one calls me in the middle of the night, I barely check emails before I go to bed. I’m still doing really interesting, “big” work, and my new colleagues are even better than my old ones. Honestly, the hardest part of the transition was figuring out what to do with all the free time! Obviously, you won’t have to worry about filling your time, since you’ll be spending it with the kiddos, but I can tell you there’s no darn way I’d go back to BigLaw unless it was the only job I could find and I was going to start starving tomorrow.
Transition time
Thanks for all the stories! I think I’ll be nervous until it’s done, but it’s always great to hear other people’s experiences :)
Anon
Any large (34 H cup) busted ladies have a recommended nursing bra?
NYCMomof2
Try Linda the Bra Lady. She has two stores in Manhattan and an online shop. When I was pregnant and nursing, I bought all of my bras (underwire and not, sports and nursing) there as I became very busty in the process. They have a good selection and if you are local can help fit you too. The website has a fitting help button or something, but I’ve never tried it.
Genevieve
I have some la mystere nursing bras that I like. They are underwire, but I think it’s fine since they fit perfectly. For reference I’m currently a 34f.
help
I’ve gotten myself into a bad situation and I need some help. If anyone has any recommendations for a NYC or phone based therapist/counselor/relationship specialist, i would really, really, really appreciate it.
L
If your employer has an EAP, start there. Call your primary care doc and ask for recommendations or tell them your situation and say you need to see someone urgently. If there’s a specific concern (abuse, suicide, etc) there are a number of hotlines you can call that will get you through to people with training and can help you locate on the ground resources. The hardest part of anything is realizing you need help and you’ve already done that.
Senior Attorney
I don’t have any recommendations but I’m sending you a big internet hug. I’m sorry you’re in a bad spot. This, too, shall pass.
Lyssa
Senior Attorney said what I was going to say. Hugs and take care of yourself there.
eek
This. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down and I hope you get some relief very soon.
Godzilla
Hugs and rawrs
TBK
No recommendations, but here’s the number for the national domestic violence hotline, if that’s what you’re dealing with 1-800-799-SAFE. Also the phone number for the national institute of mental health is 1-800-950-NAMI. Either one should be able to tell you where to find the help you need. Please check back in and tell us how you are, if you feel you’re able.
anon
K…in transition does this work (via phone or skype). I know at least a couple of people here have mentioned working with her and liking the results. Maybe you can get her contact info from someone and reach out to her? I hope you get better!
here is her contact info
munchkin 16 16 at juno dot com
I saw this posting and realized I had her personal email saved. I do not know her work email (I’m sure this isn’t it) but I hope you reach out to her or to someone else to get your needs met!
SoCalAtty
Hive, I need a kick in the right direction. What do you do when a hobby / sport just gets too expensive and all consuming? I’ve mentioned on here before that I ride horses. We make enough money for me to do it, but not comfortably. It costs about $2k / month to keep a show horse (jumping), and then $500-$1000 every time I want to do a competition…which, in my ideal world, is 5-10 a year. I’ve done well, won some ribbons, and I love it (like sitting on a horse makes me incredibly happy love it), but with my husband’s income fluctuating a bit, which then curbs our ability to save because of the horse, I feel like it doesn’t fit my budget. To make matters worse, my barn is now in the opposite direction from my office. I can make riding during the week work, but it is really rough….which would then make me a “weekend only” rider, and I feel like that wouldn’t be worth it.
To make matters worse, my goal of doing a specific event looks like it won’t happen for me. I had planned on buying a horse young and bringing it up, because the buy in for a horse like that “ready to go” is in the low six figures, but now I feel like I can’t wait 2-3 years to do that. In 2-3 years I’ll be 35…and if we are really going to start TTC, we better do it and not wait another 2-3 years, I think.
Logic says sell and take a break, right? Then why do I want to cry every time I think about it? (Additional info: selling means taking the proceeds and paying off roughly 60% of my credit card debt, and being able to use the additional $2k a month towards the tear down / rebuild of our house that is starting within the next year. It also means being able to elminate all debt but my student loan and mortgage within about 6 months of selling the horse.)
Senior Attorney
It does seem like logic says sell and take a break.
I don’t know if this helps, but taking a break now doesn’t mean giving up riding forever. Life has seasons and maybe this is your season to pay off the debt and work on the house and get your family started. Horses will still be there when you have more resources to devote to your hobby. In the meantime, maybe you can put some money away towards your return to horses — say, $500 a month or so. That would be a commitment to yourself that says you’re not giving it up for good.
In the alternative, is there a way to keep up with the hobby without being “all in?”
L
Oh lady, I can so relate. If you want to talk offline about horse options in particular, I’m happy to. Specific horse recommendations aside, you should find a happy medium. If it brings you joy, figure out a way to make it work for your lifestyle.
L
you can email me at la_thissite at the mail of yahoo
A Nonny Moose
Ugh, no real advice, but I’m sorry. I grew up riding and miss it oh-so-much. I can’t justify continuing to do it because of the crazy expense involved.
Maybe book an absolutely amazing over-the-top vacation or something else to enjoy and look forward to? Something that costs the same as the first month or two of riding would have?
Godzilla
Hugs and rawrs. I think you know what you need to do.
Pest
I think you know the answer to your question.
Remember that sometimes giving things up doesn’t mean giving them up completely forever. Maybe there is some way that you can keep riding now to get it out of your system periodically, like on a monthly basis or devoting one vacation a year to riding daily at a ranch or something. I feel your pain. I grew up on a farm with a lot of acreage and horses. I miss riding and even more than that I miss the farm itself and so many other things about my life back then. I can’t have it now, but I will again one day. That’s what I tell myself when I think about it and miss it.
SoCalAtty
Yep, Godzilla is right. Moose – I think that’s a great idea. Once my girl sells, book something crazy that I wouldn’t have been able to do, like a week in one of those over water bungalows in Tahiti or something.
Senior Attorney – that’s a good idea too! Maybe even give it its own account, or use the account that I use for show expenses now. I think there might be a way to stay involved…a good friend that was a professional left due to the expense, and over the last year she has started barrel racing. Instead of a $100k buy in, it is more like a $20k buy in. Maybe even only like an $8000 buy in if I’m willing to work with something green, which, I have to be honest, I really like doing. Instead of $2k/month for board/training, it is a little under $500/month. Instead of $1000 per show, it is more like $200 per show and you win money.
Maybe I can live without jumping, at least for a little while…
L, I’m totally going to email you. I feel like we need a “r e t t e s who ride” group, because there are at least a few of us!!
Senior Attorney
Definitely give it its own account, and make it untouchable for any other reason. I have separate savings accounts for everything and I love watching the balances grow!
Anne Shirley
Tough love: for me, any credit card debt means no- you can’t afford it. Where “it” is any luxury item. I really can’t see paying for something this expensive when you’re in debt like that.
I’m not a horsewoman, so no idea if these ideas are feasible, but can you just ride once or twice a month? Move part of that budget towards a horse vacation- like a 4 day horse weekend?
Good luck, and hugs.
SoCalAtty
Anne, you’re right about the credit card debt. It was one thing back in the day when it was a fixed balance transfer rate at like 3%, but that’s no longer the case! If I take a year off of jumping, I would absolutely be able to pay off every penny of my credit card debt, the last little bit that is on my car (husband’s is paid off), and maybe one of my student loans.
If it is only once or twice a month, I can always hop on a friend’s horse. I have several friends with multiple horses and exercising them can be a chore, so she is always happy for help. I also possibly could do a once a week lesson for not a terrible amount of money per month, but that would be no jumping…which isn’t that horrible I guess! I could definately do the horse weekend. Actually, there are a few vacations in Italy and Ireland where you go for about 10 days and ride between Inns, on really nice horses, while they port your luggage. That could be a possibility!
A Nonny Moose
Oh man, I used to get catalogs for the horseback vacations and just drool over them for hours. I can’t remember exactly which company– possibly http://www.equitours.com/. The trips look incredible.
Gail the Goldfish
I did an Equitours trip to Belize one time. Highly recommend, it was awesome. I really want to do some of the European ones, or Iceland.
TT
Another rider here and I don’t envy your situation. A few people at my current barn who couldn’t ride every day but didn’t want to sell their horses have found people to do a half lease so they can still enjoy the horse but don’t have to get out to the barn every day. Might work in your situation or you could look for a half lease if you decide to sell.
I’m not sure about your region, but for the past two years I’ve been lucky enough to find some catch riding opportunities through friends and my trainer. If you’re open to riding whatever is available, it can be a great opportunity to keep riding and avoid the expense. Most of my catch rides have lasted for several months to over a year in one situation. Good luck with your decision, it’s tough to be logical about horses when it’s a true source of happiness.
Susie
+1, I was going to suggest trying a half lease (or possibly a full) first. You won’t get the cash to pay off the loans, but maybe keeping the horse is worth more to your happiness. I had an OTTB project horse I sold before going to college and often regretted it. Alternatively, if you’re open to it, maybe your trainer can use your horse in some lessons and that would defray some of your costs and reduce the number of times you have to go out to the barn.
Gail the Goldfish
Ah, yes, the expensive hobby. I think my parents are still regretting that horseback riding is the one hobby that stuck with me, instead of something nice and cheap.
But I don’t think this is an all-or-nothing thing and there are plenty of ways you can keep riding that are way cheaper than owning a very nice show horse and doing A-rated shows, which it sounds like is what you’re doing now. Sell the show horse to someone who has the time and money for high-level showing, and then try to find a horse for a half-lease and do the local shows. You still get to ride and jump, just not at the same level.
SoCalAtty
Yep, doing the As. I was quite excited, thinking I was going to move up …my current prospect was supposed to be my A/A, and then eventually A/O, horse. Maybe something for my trainer to ride in a hunter derby or two. Drat. I guess there are other horsie opportunities that may or may not involve jumping!
TackyMum
I can so relate. I rode. My kids rode. We had really suitable and great horses. We were at the best barn for training and collegiality. But, it got to the point where something had to give and it was the horse expenses. One horse was sold (and then eventually came back to me on a free lease so I could retire him) and the other went to a wonderful family who have reaped the benefits of a talented, yet people-centered horse.
It was very sad, but in the end it was a relief. All of our horsey friends continue to offer rides to my kids and me, so we haven’t lost our connection to that world. And even if you re-enter later, you’re not that old (although you may change your goals). I came back to it in my late 40s.
SoCalAtty
That’s good to hear! Yep, I’m 32 now, so re-entry is a possibility! Heck, I’m so happy with my current position that actually has a real bonus structure, in 3-4 years when my debt is paid off and my house is built, it may not be a financial strain at all, even with kids!
Anonymous
Offer a partial lease on the horse. It’s a win-win solution. You’ll save money and likely help bring along a younger, intermediate rider who isn’t quite ready for full-time ownership of a horse at that competitive level.
Anon
Ladies, can you help solve a debate I’m having with some friends about dating? I recently picked up online dating and some of my friends say that one of my criteria for sifting through profiles is silly. I have severe dog allergies. Even with medicine, I can spend maybe an hour or two in the presence of a dog before I start having breathing problems. I’m not open to trying allergy shots for a number of reasons. So, I automatically eliminate anyone who has a dog.
My friends think this is ridiculous and I need to be more open (“You’re missing out on so many good guys! Guys who love dogs are great and proven to be responsible!). I get that it seems like a superficial criterion, but the last thing I would want to do is be the reason that a good, loved animal gets rehomed or, worse, put in a shelter. I really don’t see why I should be open to dating someone if I can never spend any time at his house and we can never live together. I’m not dating just to have fun; I want to get married. Is there some way around this I’m not seeing? If not, any suggestions on how to shut this down with my friends? Thanks!
Senior Attorney
I think you are absolutely right and your friends are being totally inappropriate. How about just saying “Sorry, this isn’t up for discussion” as many time as necessary until they start minding their own business?
Anonymous
I automatically eliminate men with cats. I don’t like cats, and my dog eats cats and won’t play nice. It could never work. One of us would have to give up our pet. Plus – and here’s where I get really offensive – I am automatically suspicious of a single guy with a cat. Just a gut reaction and probably based on my dislike of cats.
So no, I don’t think you’re unreasonable. But if you are, we’re in solidarity at least.
L
Since I’m just avoiding all work today, I don’t think it’s ridiculous. I am a huge animal lover and I’d honestly never be able to be in a serious relationship with someone who couldn’t be around animals (or animal of my choosing). Maybe some people aren’t as pro-pet, and maybe there is a way to word it, so people who are really pro-dog/animal see that off the bat?
Also, end of the day, your life. Your friends don’t get final say about everything. That’s the answer to the last question.
LH
I think its very reasonable to eliminate people who have a pet to which you are allergic, and I’m generally of the mindset that you should be open-minded about things that might initially put you off (height, lack of education, etc). Unlike those things, this isn’t something that his other wonderful qualities could make up for. I don’t see any scenario in which you and a guy who has a dog and doesn’t want to give it up could get married, and since that’s what you’re looking for it makes perfect sense to restrict your search to guys without dogs. Your friends are 100% wrong here, in my opinion.
Lyssa
I think that you’re totally fine and reasonable. But I would make sure that you are making it entirely clear that this is because of allergies, not that you just hate dogs that much. I think that a lot of people, even if they don’t own dogs themselves, are really, really put off by people who actively hate dogs.
OP
They know I love animals, so I think that’s a lot of the pushback – they see how I could be compatible with someone who also loves animals. I just think it’s tough for people who’ve never known anyone with severe allergies to understand how bad an allergy can be. Like, I was hospitalized as a child after spending 15 minutes playing with a lab. Puppies are super cute and all, but I like to breathe more than I like puppies. And thanks also for the comments saying that I AM ACTUALLY being reasonable; sometimes you just need to hear that.
SoCalAtty
I think that’s really smart. I have the same problem with cats. Why torture yourself? There are too many good candidates out there. What if you found one you really loved and he wouldn’t give up the dog? Would you really do allergy shots for the rest of your life? (It’s ok to torture yourself that way if you REALLY want a cat/dog, but for someone you haven’t even met yet? Eh)
AIMS
Your friends are being shortsighted. Your goal is to meet a man to marry. How are you going to marry a man who has a dog unless you make him give up that dog? I for one wouldn’t want someone to give up a pet for me, so why go down this road? Yes, men with dogs can be great. But men with dogs are not the only great, responsible guys out there. It’s sort of like if you made a decision to not have kids and rejected any profile of a guy who said he wanted to have a child. Why go down that road?
As for how to shut down the debate, print out these responses and give them to your friends. Or tell them you will reconsider any guy who seems great and has a dog older than 14.
Cornellian
Yeah, your friends are crazy. I have hospital-inducing reactions to cats, and I know I can’t hug someone who’s been around a cat, let alone go to their house, so… why bother? With my lesser dog allergy, I definitely would consider it.
Fiona
From the other side, I’ve had a dog for many years, and I can tell you that it just never worked out with guys who didn’t like / were allergic to dogs. I dated a few along the way, and it was always a problem. They would always want me to stay at their place (hard to do that when you have a dog), or lock the dog out of whatever room we were hanging out in, or generally fear the dog (corgi!) and not want to touch it. It always ended up being a deal-breaker a few weeks/months in. So I think you are wise to have it as a deal-breaker criteria from the beginning.
Wannabe Runner
Not being crazy at all.
I’m in a small city in the northwest, though, where just about every person has a dog, especially single men. If you’re in a similar area, the dog-less men might be rare.
onehsancare
I agree with everything everyone else has said, with one tiny refinement.
I have had Portuguese Water Dogs. Before we got our first dog, my VERY allergic sister and I visited a breeder (not ours) and spent two hours on the floor with five dogs, letting them cuddle and lick us, to test their so-called hypo-allergenic nature. (I know that there’s supposed to be no such thing as a hypo-allergenic dog, but we were told these qualified.) She had absolutely no reaction. We got our first puppy that year and our second a couple of years later, and in our fifteen years with those wonderful PWDs, none of our allergic friends or family have had any reaction at all to either of them.
Check out the breed, and you might open the door to the one guy who is perfect, and meet your own animal-loving needs.
Intern :(
I recently started a new intenship, and to my dismay, it is mostly paperwork. Today I reformatted a 75 page PowerPoint and made mailings. I am not learning anything here. At least I have another internship which is more educational, and I am being paid. I’ve decided that the two things I want out of this internship are networking contacts and experience with a certain software, something I will have to approach my supervisor about. At least this is only part time, but it feels pointless. I understand someone has to do these tasks, but one commenter had said se gives interns one stupid task combined with one intelligent one – wish my boss would do that. This is petty, but I also don’t want to tell ppl what I’m Doug exactly when they ask what I’m doing in my internship.
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s fair you aren’t being paid for what sounds like it should be paid work. I was lucky enough to only take paid internships (which were a PITA to find in my industry) and part of the reason I hustled so much is that I felt unpaid internships were unethical, and I didn’t want to be part of propagating a system I found morally dubious. Even more than that, I felt I would be devaluing myself and the quality of my work if I agreed to work for free, when I really do believe I contributed things of value in my internship (maybe not much value, but value nonetheless).
So personally, I would quit this internship.
However, I recognize not everyone feels that way and you may want to continue at this internship. I certainly think the first step is to approach your boss and ASK her to give you more “career development” work. Say you are happy to continue with the administrative work, but you would also like to spend some time at the internship learning. Give her concrete suggestions of things you’d like to do – she may not know WHAT to use you for, aside from grunt work. Say “I’d like to shadow the head of marketing for a day” or “I’d like to do some research into our raw materials costs, since I have a hunch we could be saving money” or “I’d like to get stronger Google Adwords experience – could we maybe set up a meeting where you go over what Our Company’s SEM strategy is?”
If all that fails, you could remind her that since you are not being paid, and the company is for profit, your internship is legally required to provide you with career development activities, not solely grunt work. But this is pretty adversarial, and probably would not help you with networking contacts in the future.
Anonymous
The thing is, I am being paid. This is a job which has a lot of stupid work, but also substantive work. I will do what you mentioned. I think I should have been more precise when he asked what I was interested in doing.
It is a paid internship, but I guess the duties were never clearly defined.
Anonymous
Ah okay. I read it as you have one paid internship you liked, and one unpaid one you don’t, so I thought the choice was easy.
If you are being paid, then I agree with the below commenter – sometimes, work is boring. But I do think as you prove yourself, you can ask to be assigned more challenging things and generally, when someone asks to take on more work without asking for more pay, the answer is usually “oh heck yes” from the higher ups.
anon
I sympathize. I did a couple internships. They were both incredibly boring. One was better than the other. It can be frustrating.
The main thing you want to get out of an internship is a positive reference. You will need these in the future when you apply for jobs. Making a positive impression now is key. Although it may seem like you aren’t doing anything requiring brain power, you can still list these projects in a way that sounds important on a resume, so it’s not a waste. Also, pay attention to how things are done, how things are said, and how things are organized. You will pick up on important things that will help you adapt to office life.
Also, remember that regular jobs can be boring too. Just because your work is mundane doesn’t mean it isn’t important. Learning how to have a positive attitude is everything in the working world. Try to start that now.
WJM-TV
“recently started a new internship” — I’ve done so many internships (paid and unpaid) and all of them start out with some grunt work. You do that work so well and ask if you can do anything else. You’re not going to start out doing substantial things because who knows if you have the knowledge to do it correctly. Do the easy stuff first and then as time goes on you’ll have more opportunity (and ask for more assignments) to do the more complicated tasks.
V
Anybody have suggestions for places to buy professional looking, moderately priced (under $50) earring for stretched ear piercings? I’ve got 8 gauge holes, and everything nice seems to be expensive.
Jo March
I just typed “8 gauge piercings” into Google…while this page is kind of annoying because it doesn’t let you search *just* for the 8 gauges, there seem to be some nice choices!
http://www.spencersonline.com/jewelry_gauge/
Anonymous
I think stretched lobes and professional are mutually exclusive, unfortunately.
Cornellian
Maybe I’m missing something, but I’m not sure what she can do if they’re already stretched. Filling them seems more professional than not, for sure.
Mighty Mouse
For folks who are reaaaaallly stretched, there is a relatively-easy (but usually cash-only) plastic surgery procedure to reshape earlobes.
V
At 8 gauge, they’re under 1/4″ holes. I would agree with you on the huge inch plus holes that distort the shape of the earlobe (one of the reasons I haven’t gone any larger), but with solid studs in these you can’t tell that they’re stretched at all. Here’s an example of an 8 gauge ear piercing: http://i33.tinypic.com/veslmh.jpg
Miss Behaved
Ladies, I know that one blue nail is a no-no, but what about one toenail in a slightly different color. I’m going to my 25th HS reunion tomorrow and just realized that the polish on my big toe had chipped. So I touched it up, but it turns out the color I used is one shade lighter.
I knew I should have just let it go. Should I say it’s the hot new trend? Blame a niece?
AIMS
I bet no one will even notice. Enjoy your reunion!
Miss Behaved
Thanks. That’s my hope, but there’s always a mean girl or two.
Senior Attorney
Mean girls gonna be mean. Don’t give it another thought!