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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 148 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Side Pleat Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Adrianna Papell Side Pleat Sheath DressOooh — love this promising sheath dress from Adrianna Papell. The jewel neck plus steep, deep V is super flattering, as are the side ruching and cap sleeves. The neckline, while lovely, presents a bit of a challenge: what necklace to wear with it? I still like a brooch with this kind of look, or I think 16″ or 18″ pearls would look great — but a more modern take might be some delicate, layered pendant necklaces. Ladies, how would you accessorize the dress? It's available in navy and red, in regular and petite sizes, at Nordstrom for $118. Adrianna Papell Side Pleat Sheath Dress 2017 Update: We're adding this dress to our Workwear Hall of Fame because after two years it keeps coming out in more colors, as well as different fabrics and sleeve lengths, and getting rave reviews. Nordstrom has a number of options in regular and plus sizes, but occasionally Amazon has the dress as well, sometimes as low as $45. Note that some versions are a matte crepe, and some are a shinier jacquard — there are also floral prints as well — so keep an eye on whether the fabric for the dress is right for your office before you buy. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Miss Behaved

    Vieques!

    I’m heading there tomorrow. I’m staying in a small guesthouse right in Esperanza, that supposedly has a very good restaurant. I will not be renting a car, though. I mostly plan to read, sleep, lie on the beach and swim. I’m also going to do the Bio Bay kayak tour.

    For those who have been there, do you have any other recommendations? I’m going to be there for a week and I can’t wait…

    And, on topic… that dress is gorgeous in the red color!

    • marise

      Vieques is beautiful, but last time I went there (13 years ago), it was a very sleepy little place. Bring a lot of books and enjoy the weather. If you get bored, you can always island hop to Culebra.
      Enjoy!

    • Cat

      Are you sure about not renting a car? The main roads were not hard to navigate although the dirt paths to the more remote beaches were trickier. My favorite part of the trip was trying a different beach every day. Favorites were Secret Beach (secluded, as promised) and Navio (perfect sand).

      • Miss Behaved

        First of all, I gather you have to book a car far in advance so I wouldn’t be able to at this point anyway. But, secondly, I just don’t want to. I don’t really like to drive. I was in an accident a couple of years ago. And I really like walking. So I’ll walk to some beaches and just chill.

        • Anonymous

          If you are adamant about not driving, consider using a publico (taxi) to get to Sun Bay and Caracas. Although there’s a beach in Esparanza, it’s mostly used for boats and snorkeling.

          • Miss Behaved

            I know. I think I’m going to walk each day to Sun Bay. It’s about a mile away. I really do walk a lot so that’s no problem.

          • Anonymous

            Okay. Be careful as there aren’t sidewalks and some people drive very quickly. Also watch out for horse poop.

        • EEK

          I was just there and I highly recommend renting a bike. You can get them from Black Beard, which is also a great location to rent snorkeling fins, which I highly recommend doing.

          Have a great time.

    • skd

      This is the exact trip we did over Thanksgiving last year and we had a fantastic time! We did not have a car and did not miss it for the time we were there. The roads can be narrow but we had no problems walking around. From Esperanza, in the opposite direction from Sun Bay, is a black sand beach that is awesome – about a half mile off the road, through the woods, that just opens up to the beach. We found it in a visitor’s book we bought – I am sure someone in town can tell you about it as well. The Bio Bay tour is a must. Have a wonderful time!

    • la vie en bleu

      no advice but I’m glad you are getting a vacation from the snow and cold. Have a great time!!

      • January

        +1. Enjoy your getaway – I bet you didn’t even know how bad the winter was going to be when you booked it!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Try a different beach every day. If you’re walking distance from Sun Bay, there are several other beaches just past it that are walking distance–there’s a path at the end of the beach, just follow it. We were supposed to have a car rental to go to some of the further beaches, but when we got there, they wouldn’t rent it to us because we were just short of 25 at the time. We ended up renting bicycles and biking out to Blue Beach, which is out in the old naval base. It’s not really that far from Esperanza (6 or 7 miles, I think), but I more or less thought I was going to die from exhaustation on that bike ride (Vieques has a lot of hills), but if you’re in better shape than me (and used to the heat), it’s worth it. As for food, there was a really good restaurant on the main strip in Esperanza–looking at yelp now, I think it was El Quenepo. It’s more expensive than most restaurants there, but it was delicious. Vieques is really the best place to just sit and do nothing (and the Bio Bay was very interesting). When we went there, there were about 15 people on the entire beach at Sun Bay and one of the locals called it crowded. It’s been a little over 5 years since we went, and I think it’s more popular now, but there should still be plenty of space to do nothing.

    • Miss Behaved

      My flight from JFK to San Juan was just cancelled so I’m not sure what’s going to happen…

  2. anon

    Does anyone have recs for inexpensive (but not absolutely terrible quality) deep pocket sheets? I’m discouraged by most of the options on Amazon after reading the reviews.

  3. BB

    Has anyone had luck negotiating rent in one of these big managed buildings where your “landlord” is a national corporation (like Avalon, Gables, Archstone, etc.)? Is it even possible or are their hands tied by pricing algorithms and corporate office and such?

    I’d ideally like to extend my lease by a month (trying to buy, but nothing on market thanks to snow), but the rate they quoted for month-to-month are ridiculous. Its $600 more than the already above-market rent I pay now AND $200 more than the month-to-month rate they quoted me just 2 months ago. I’m totally willing to just move and find a new, much cheaper rental with a friendly-ish lease break penalty and give myself more time to buy. But obviously would like to avoid having to move twice in a year.

    • CHJ

      I lived in a Related building for a few years, and in my experience, those numbers were very negotiable. I would definitely respond with a much lower counteroffer and see how it goes. They are banking on the fact that you won’t want to move in the middle of winter, but keep in mind that no one else wants to move now, either, so they are facing a trade-off between an empty unit versus an established tenant. You might be able to strike a compromise if they have a waiting list and will be able to fill your unit immediately, but it is at least worth calling their bluff.

      • BB

        Thanks, I’m going to respond with “give me the rent I have now or I leave.” I’m already paying extra rent by being on a less than 12 month lease. I’m fine with an extra $100 or something, but $600 was extortionate!

    • CRE

      Is there a waiting list for units or is your building more than 10% vacant? What market are you in? Hands are pretty tightly tied, but those factors will come in to play in what they are ultimately willing to do.

      • BB

        Boston market where there’s currently a massive glut of new apartment buildings offering things like free months of rent, so really, they shouldn’t even be getting away with the rate I’m paying now. I just checked and there’s a double-digit number of vacancies right now, so looks promising! :)

      • CRE

        Ha. This is my market. The advice above isn’t wrong – there is flexibility, but the Boston multifam market is so hot right now and things are moving fast (both up AND down). If your building has a waiting list or is more than 95% leased, I’d say you’re SOL. If not there should be room to push, but probably only a bit.

    • A Nonny Moose

      My building is managed by a regional chain and we were able to negotiate our annual rent increase. In 2014, they said rent would be going up $100 and DH got them down to $50. This year, it only went up $40 so we didn’t bother to negotiate.

      I agree that the number of vacancies is a big factor. We have a 2 br in a building that always has 2 brs available. Definitely worth asking, though. Nothing to lose!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I lived in an Avalon building for several years. When the rental market was crap, we successfully negotiated. Once it recovered, they wouldn’t. The last year we were there, they initially were going to raise our rate like 15 or 20% and then the next day lowered it again without us saying anything (I think there must have been a mass outcry. Or notices of people vacating). If it’s Avalon, they’re a pretty terrible company and we had a lot of issues with them (it took us 6 months and a lot of fighting to get our security deposit back), though the staff that were actually in our building were competent and easy to deal with.

      • Anon

        I worked in their corporate HQ briefly – they run the entire business from informally created databases in an old version of lotus notes.

    • Anon

      Most of the large apartment operators/landlords have pretty sophisticated revenue management systems in place now, so negotiating is getting harder and harder. If your building is 90-95% leased, you’re likely SOL.

  4. Cat

    Flattering, maybe, but that V means that I’d have to wear a camisole unless I planned to sit perfectly upright, facing forward, and not move or talk to anyone taller than me all day. Extra laundry + annoying layers? Pass…

    • Baconpancakes

      Phew, thanks for pointing that out. I was about to go into full-blown “but I neeeeeed it” mode, but you’re right, that V is so low it would probably show most of my bras.

    • A Nonny Moose

      I bought a very similar dress last year and LOVE it, but the notch was much smaller. It was Boden’s Miranda ponte dress in navy, although I think it’s now only available in a taupe-ish shade.

    • Bonnie

      I don’t think this V is deep enough to require a camisole. My only hesitation with the dress is that the neckline would look odd with a jacket.

    • Rogue Banker

      MTE. I’d have to either wear a cami underneath (no thank you for 8 months of the year) or stitch the V up by about two or three inches. It’s a great dress, but that deep of a V means it’s nowhere near work appropriate on a figure like mine. :(

    • la vie en bleu

      I wear camisoles under everything I wear for warmth anyway so that wouldn’t change anything for me. I love this neckline i feel like it goes with anything!

  5. Sarah

    As one who has inherited a number of brooches, from vintage to modern, but has never actually worn any of them, any advice of where one would pin a brooch on this style dress?

    • platinomad

      I dont have a thought for dresses but I have a friend who has pinned broaches to some of her clutches and other more structured purses and they look like natural pieces of the bags and totally beautiful. Another way to perhaps incorporate them!

    • NYNY

      Caveat: The last time I wore a brooch, it was the ’80’s, and it was at the collar of a buttoned to the top shirt, because I’m that old.

      With the pleats and two-part neckline, I think the top of this dress has too much going on for a brooch to look good. But simpler sheath dresses, with or without sleeves, look lovely with a brooch pinned on the shoulder.

    • Anon4This

      Once I pinned a brooch to the bottom of the V in the v-neck, but my husband said that drew too much attention to my chest-line (he said this because he often complains of esp. younger women at his office wearing too-revealing work-inappropriate clothes, not because he is a controlling bastard).

      So, I don’t know. I wore a Christmas pin on a dress but that was in traditional pin place – like, upper-my-left of my chest, above my where my breast was, and that got ok’d by both Husband and my co-workers.

    • BankrAtty

      I’m a 20-something who inherited quite a collection of brooches from my grandmothers. I wear them with sheath dresses and collar-less, chanel-style jackets, usually higher up toward my shoulder. This placement is supposed to create the illusion of height by drawing the eye up (I guess?), and at my height I need all the elongation I can get!

    • Clementine

      A nice brooch (mine are from my grandmother) can really dress up a cardigan to look more jacket-like. I wear mine on jackets, cardigans, blazers, etc. I also wear them at the waist of cocktail dresses or attached to the center of a piece of black grosgrain ribbon that I wear as a belt.

      I also wear the smaller ones on a plan chain as pendant necklaces and have worn them in my hair when I do updo’s for fancier events.

  6. CV/resume format?

    I’m looking to apply for a job with a US-based investment bank, but based in Europe, for a junior position. I know Americans typically prefer a shorter resume and I’m wondering whether this is the way to go? For reference, CVs don’t have much of a limit in my home country and I’ve only applied for entry-level/graduate programme type jobs. If anyone has any templates I could use it would be much appreciated!

    • BB

      Generally, the rule of thumb for junior positions is a 1 page resume. This does change however depending on the position, seniority, etc, but usually 2 pages max. Do you know if the first round of resume screening is being done in the U.S. or by Europe? That might mean you are better off conforming to the European country. Also, what type of role are you applying for? If it’s a generic “analyst” type job, you should stick to 1 page.

    • MJ

      I worked in investment banking in Europe. The Euros for analyst positions always had 2+ page resumes (often with photos!), the Americans all had 1-pagers. There was even someone in my analyst class that noted he was a sailing champion when he was 11 years old. Not sure how relevant that was a decade later, but…good to know.

      I would try very hard to do a one pager as long as it would not put you at a disadvantage against similar candidates from your own country.

    • Tammy

      Be careful because as a Yank in an overseas branch, you will very likely be expected to have sex with the senior bankers.

  7. Anon

    I just signed up for a beginners women-only bootcamp but now I’m nervous. I feel like I’m so out of shape and will have difficulty keeping up. Any advice on what to do in a week to make it easier?

    • Anonymous

      Nope! You don’t need to do anything to prep for beginners boot camp physically. That’s the point. Get you mental game in gear, sort out your work out clothes, but don’t try and solve your anxiety by feeding it. It will just grow.

    • Anonymous

      I think you don’t have to do anything–you’re probably in the same boat as most people starting the beginners bootcamp. If it would make you feel more confident, you could do some light exercise, as even a few times will start to build up your stamina and muscle strength. Not so much that it will make you sore, but enough to get your heart rate up and breaking a sweat. Jogging, the elliptical, lunges, push-ups.

    • mascot

      You can’t cram for fitness so there aren’t that many gains to be had in a week . There are probably other women who feel just as nervous as you do; it’s a beginner class.
      My suggestion would be to figure out your gear/clothing. If you have shoes that need some breaking in, do that. Make sure your sports bras are in good shape. Figure out your routine for getting the class, if you need to eat, etc.
      Just showing up is often the hardest step.

      • ace

        Ditto this. Also, depending on how new you are to exercising, there may be a steep learning curve as you learn the moves. I tend to ask a lot of questions of the instructors as I learn to moves to ensure I’m doing them correctly (and as a result get a lot of corrections/advice on form) which I think is really helpful.

      • Wildkitten

        Get a water bottle to bring to class, and plan to drink extra water at work throughout the day as well.

    • Hildegarde

      What bad thing are you concerned will happen if you have difficulty keeping up? Is it that you’re afraid you’ll injure yourself, faint, etc.? The instructor will almost certainly give an easy and more difficult version for exercises where that might be a concern, so you can do the easier one. Don’t hesitate to take a break if you feel ill, in danger, or thirsty.

      Is it that you’re afraid other people will judge you? In every exercise class I’ve been in, I’ve been too focused on what I was doing to notice who was taking a break, getting water, or doing the easier version of whatever we were doing. If they’re taking a beginner class, they’re probably also beginners, and in no position to judge anyway (not that anyone is).

      It’s great that you’re doing this, if it’s something you want, and I’m sure you’ll do fine. Remember to drink water before and during the class, and rest if you get too tired. I doubt there’s much you need to (or can) do over the next week to prepare, but maybe taking a couple of brisk walks, if you’re not used to exercising, would get your heart rate up a bit and increase your confidence about this. In any case, good luck and have fun!

    • Clementine

      1. Everyone has to start somewhere! You’ll do great.
      2. Get a good pair of sneakers, a good sports bra and clothes you plan on working out in. Then take that outfit and do old school calisthenics like you’re in gym class. Do 20 jumping jacks, 10 situps, 10 pushups, etc. Make sure your clothes/shoes aren’t going to be working against you.
      3. Accept that you will be a little sore, but it will be okay.
      4. Try and move more this week- park your car far away, take the stairs, do some squats while you’re on a conference call. Ramp it up a bit.

      I’m excited for you!!

    • emeralds

      First of all, way to go! I’ve never done a boot camp so I don’t have any specific advice, but I started a totally new-to-me kind of exercise class–barre–in November. I remember being SO nervous and feeling like everyone else knew what they were doing, while I was just cluelessly flailing along, getting corrected by the instructor every pose, feeling so out of place, etc. I probably would have quit if I hadn’t already paid for a whole month. I can’t find the actual post now, but my barre studio linked to a really great blog post from another beginner. This was the theme: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f2/9a/9f/f29a9f0ffeb6188c1540b6d519d4ed2a.jpg

      And that really resonated with me. You’re a beginner! It’s okay to do things wrong, get corrected, and sometimes have to take a break when it feels like everyone else is cruising through. If you end up next to someone that’s killing the workout–well, that woman was almost certainly out of shape and struggling to get it right at some point in her life. And the fact that your class is geared towards beginners means that the instructors will probably be creating an environment that is welcoming to people who are out of shape, nervous, and new to boot camp. My barre classes were geared towards none of those things (although the instructors were individually very welcoming and helpful) but I managed to stick with it and now I am SO glad that I did–I’m stronger, more flexible, and can sometimes go 2-3 classes without getting corrected for something. It’s all a learning curve. Way to go by taking a positive step for yourself :)

    • Anon4This

      You could find out about the trainer. A good trainer will take your needs into account, even in a group setting. Think about your strengths and weaknesses, physically – what will you be good at – for me, flexibility! and what will you need to get better at – for me, endurance, arm strength.

    • countc

      That’s fantastic! Boot camp style workouts are some of my favorites. Everyone has already given you very good advice. If your instructor is a good one, he/she will offer up alternatives for each exercise that will work with different levels of fitness. However, I am guessing that they will start out slowly since it is marketed as a beginner’s boot camp. I have always made friends in the boot camp classes I have taken as you are often paired up or in groups. Go in with an open mind and have fun!

    • Betsy

      Good for you! I started a boot camp class last summer. I was super out of shape when I started, and I was terribly sore for the first week or so of the class. I pushed through it and by the end of week 2 I got past that. Don’t be surprised if you don’t see weight loss immediately. Personally I saw inches change, but almost no weight loss from my boot camp class. It took adding in straight cardio (running, in my case) to see actual weight loss. Before doing the class I would never have run, but after doing a month of the class I felt like I could do anything! Hopefully your class will have you writing down the exercises/weights that you do each time – it feels amazing to compare what you’re able to do after a month with what you did in your first class!

    • Annie

      Fun! Be prepared to hurt for the first couple days. You’ll be sore, but it’ll go away after 2-3 days. My boot camp instructor works out muscles I didn’t know I had! Drink lots of water in the week leading up, and make sure you have a sports bra that passes the jump up and down test (very very very important). Since it is a beginners bootcamp, everyone else will be in the same boat as you.

  10. LinkedIn Etiquette

    Thoughts on this? A colleague emailed me to ask for a recommendation on LinkedIn. We used to work together very closely – he was basically my right-hand man – and I feel very strongly about the high quality of his work and about his caliber as a person. So this isn’t a question of whether I would write him a recommendation – I definitely would, and I even nominated him for an award in the past (which he received).

    Here’s my question – what the is the appropriate timing to “recommend” someone on LinkedIn? Are you supposed to do it while you both still work together (maybe not as closely as in the past)? Or, are you supposed to wait until one of you has either left the firm or moved to a much different work area? An old boss of mine once told me you only are supposed to recommend people on LinkedIn once you no longer work together.

    I might be making this too big of a deal – but if we still work together loosely – is this the right time to do it, or later? I haven’t written anyone else recommendations and I’m not sure if I want my other colleagues to see I recommended one specific person and not others.

    Thanks in advance!

    • Former Partner, Now In-House

      I’m pretty sure everyone knows that those endorsements are meaningless. People who have never read anything I have written have endorsed me for my writing, for example.

      • ace

        Yeah, but endorsements and recommendations are actually different on Linked In. Recommendations are an actual, personally written statement about why this person is good at what they do. The endorsements (which I agree are completely meaningless) are a multiple choice thing that anyone (whether they’ve actually worked with you or not) can — and is prompted by LI — to do.

        OP, I think you may be overthinking it a little. If you really like this person and the quality of his work, I think it’s fine to recommend him now. IME (law), written LI recommendations aren’t particularly worthwhile, but if he’s asking and you’re willing to recommend him enthusiastically, I’d go for it.

      • Baconpancakes

        The endorsements are pretty meaningless, I agree, but the written recommendations are clutch. Fortunately, it’s LinkedIn, so I would assume that if it came after we’d worked together, LinkedIn had just prompted you to recommend me. If you’re actually taking the time out to write a real recommendation to my strengths, I don’t care when you do it, I’m grateful either way.

    • Anon

      You’re over thinking it. Make the recommendation or don’t – that’s all you have to decide.

  11. SH

    SO has been working himself to the bone on this project at work, so I want to surprise him with a long weekend (Thursday or Friday to Sunday) away around his birthday (end of April). He likes the beach, regardless of the weather, and recharges through quiet activities – reading, playing video games on his computer, etc. Hopefully not too long outside DC (no more than 4-5 hours or so).

    I was looking at Cape Charles, Chincoteague Island, and the like. Max would be about $150/night. Any ideas?

    • la vie en bleu

      the drive is on the high end of your range but I just want to recommend Chesapeake or ‘Chicks’ beach near VA Beach. it’s a little, more residential beach on the bay side and its quiet and yet you’re still close enough to go to Virginia Beach for dinner. You can find good deals on people’s beach rentals there and I just love the vibe.

    • countc

      I can personally recommend The Tides Inn on the Chesapeake in VA. It has a small beach on the property, as well as a pool and there are wineries and other things nearby. It’s a very peaceful place if you just want to sit and relax. The food is very good and it shouldn’t be too busy in April. I would guess the rates will also be cheaper. I really loved it.

    • Anon

      my sister/BIL/nieces have done eastern shore for several vacations from DC and they love it. They say it is super relaxed and quiet. I don’t know where they stay, but I am quite certain they rent a house, rather than a hotel/B&B.

  12. Senior Attorney

    I just found out that my parents have been royally ripped off my a timeshare company in Nevada. I would like to see if I can get the transaction rescinded, but the complicating factor is that I am in California and am not familiar with Nevada law. Does anybody know of a lawyer in Nevada with experience in either timeshares or elder financial abuse? Any leads would be much appreciated.

    Gah. This is awful…

    • LF

      Often, timeshare contracts can be rescinded within X days. Has that period already passed?

      I know that Greenberg Traurig has a timeshare practice but not sure where that practice is based out of and if they only represent developers. Sorry, not super helpful…

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, the period has passed. This happened in September and I am only finding about it now.

    • cbackson

      I would try reaching out to the consumer protection division at the Nevada AG’s office. They’re often set up to assist laypeople, so even though you’re not one, I bet they have a variety of resources that would be useful.

  13. DC Q -- hose or tights in march

    I’m not in DC but have to go there next week to meet with lawyers at a govt agency.

    I know March can be cold, but if I wear a black skirt suit, are black tights OK or just wear hose b/c it’s more formal?

    • DC Wonkette

      Everyone in my building is wearing black tights as an alternative to hose because it’s been so cold! I’m a fed and work with a lot of lawyers…

    • L in DC

      I’m wearing tights today and so are all the other attorneys I’ve seen. No one will be wearing hose.

    • Bonnie

      Definitely tights. If you’re worried about it being too much black, look at tights with some texture.

  14. la vie en bleu

    I was just in DC for a few days, and it was so cold and gross and the freezing rain, ahh! I don’t know how you east coasters have made it through this winter. I could barely make it thru the weekend. sending warm thoughts from California!

  15. ANP

    Does anyone have experience ordering/using foam mattresses, specifically from Amazon? I’m going to post the link to the item I’m talking about in my reply to avoid moderation. This would be for a young child’s bed (our 2-year-old-son) though it would do double-duty as guest sleeping space from time to time so I want the quality to be halfway decent.

  16. MJ

    Anyone have a parent who did a knee or hip replacement?

    My pops is getting his knee done in a month and I want to help (from across the country). Should I get him workout clothes for PT? Something for the hospital (he’s gonna be in for 4 days). Anything to help my mom, who will be his primary caretaker.

    Any suggestions appreciated!

    • Marilla

      If new, comfy workout clothes will motivate him to do his PT (so important!) then that’s a great idea. My dad had a hip replacement and I think what he needed most of all was regular phone calls to keep him cheered up and reminders to do his PT regularly. Your mom may need someone to install grab bars in the shower (he won’t need them forever, but they’ll help during the 6-8 weeks of recovery) and she may need to buy a raised toilet seat as well (not expensive). My dad didn’t want ANYTHING that made him feel elderly or invalid – the fall/surgery terrified him so anything that made him feel like a frail patient was out (so no fuzzy lap blankets, for example, but maybe a documentary on a subject he’s passionate about).

      If your parents will eat restaurant food (mine largely won’t), sending meals once a week or so might help your mom with balancing caregiving/house/other responsibilities. I also found sending my mom plain-language info about the surgery and recovery process helped her understand what they were in for, allowing her to explain things to my dad and maintain a sense of control. Google NHS patient information on knee replacements – they have the best layman’s info, clear and understandable and thorough.

      Also, just for your own peace of mind, I want to add that these surgeries (whether planned or emergency) are so common and surgeons are so quick and expert at these now. There is no reason for fear or trepidation. You might know this already, but it helped me a lot to remind myself of this. The most important is keeping up with PT and staying cheerful during recovery.

      • Sydney Bristow

        My dad has had both hips replaced through separate surgeries years apart. He felt pretty sick from the anesthesia while he was in the hospital. I didn’t live in town so I just called him a lot. He got pretty bored after awhile. My dad really likes to read when he’s out of commission so books would be a good gift idea to help him pass the time.

        I don’t remember my dad having any issue completing his PT. He was really active before the surgeries, is a doctor so he truly understood how important it was, and really wanted to get back to skiing ASAP. If you think workout clothes would help encourage him to do the PT then that’s a good idea too.

        But lots of phone calls are my real suggestion!

    • platinomad

      My dad had his hip done and really the worst thing for him, like some other people mentioned, was boredom/feeling a little depressed about being out of commission for awhile. My dad traveled a lot for work and likes to get out of the house, and his recovery was really limiting for him and made him really down. Something that was helpful was calling him more frequently and us reading books/articles together during that time so that he felt engaged in something and we had topics to discuss. If your dad has any hobbies or interests that you can help him get more into during this time I think that would be really nice.

    • Scout

      I just visited my aunt who had a total knee over the weekend and she was about 2 weeks post op.

      They had my aunt and uncle remove all the rugs to avoid any tripping hazards, so if they have large area rugs or something, maybe hire a cleaning service to help them deal with that.

      I would send over a care package with movies or books and some track sweats. Hiring a cleaning person for a few weeks might be nice for your mom since she’s handling a lot of the care, same with having meals delivered.

      They told my aunt that the PT was super important and they had someone come to the house for the first week or so and now she’s going to be doing outpatient. She’s also been doing the exercises on her own. So maybe a friendly phone call to check in might brighten his spirits and encourage him to keep on it :)

    • Lilac

      I had a hip arthroscopy done last year, so I’m giving advice based on my similar, but not the same as a full replacement, experience. He’ll need shorts for PT, so that the physical therapists have better access to his knee. I also wore wind pants over my shorts when it was cold out (I’m on the east coast and it is too cold for shorts walking to my car, etc.), but YMMV depending on his location. PT is critical for recovery, so any way to encourage that will be huge. A shower chair will also be very helpful once he gets home for the first couple weeks. Grocery delivery would also be wonderful, if possible. If he has hobbies that are less active, send things related to those. I got a lot of knitting and reading done for the first few weeks post-op. Best of luck to your dad!

    • Scandia

      I hope everything will go as planned and that your dad will recover fast.
      My dad had hip surgery and I also found it reasuring to know, that these procedures are so common.
      He is doing great now. Still, I was a wreck when he was in surgery.

      I think that to him, the idea, “does this mean I am old?”, was the hardest part.
      So I called him a lot and talked shop ( he had the same profession as I have).

  17. Ciao, pues

    Anyone know what the commute is like from Saratoga Springs to Albany? Thinking of making a move…

    • Saratoga

      Grr… I typed a response but it got eaten.

      Yes! Plan for an hour with traffic from downtown to downtown. For comparison, it’s 35 to 40 minutes without traffic. I love both of these cities and it’s a really lovely area for quality of life. Good bookstores, lots of free concerts, great parks, close to lots of hiking, easy driving distance from NY/Boston, reasonable cost of living.

      Page me if you have any more questions about the area. I love it here.

      • Ciao, pues

        Thanks for this! Glad to hear your enthusiasm for the area. Husband’s job is in Saratoga, but I have more options in Albany. An hour is a long commute, though, since we have a 1 year old…

    • Anonyc

      Depending on how far away from the main highway (the Northway–I-87) you’d live in Saratoga, I’d expect at least 45 minutes and often an hour or more, realistically, each way in the car.

      Saratoga is lovely; the downtown is very cute (if hideously overpriced these days) and there are nice suburban/rural areas, but that commute would be tough. Is the move motivated by wanting to be in Saratoga? I’d try hard to try for something closer, work-wise, or if the job was definitely in Albany, try to live closer to work (Delmar/Bethlehem, Loudonville, Guilderland all have good public schools, for example, or Niskayuna if you want to venture a bit further). I haven’t done the commute in years but it was tough to get from closer-than-Saratoga to Albany and would take at least 45 minutes.

      • Ciao, pues

        Uf, yes, that is a long commute. Thanks for the ideas on other towns to consider!

        • Saratoga

          Adding to this, a lot of people have one spouse working in ‘toga and one working in Albany. There are parts of Colonie/Loudonville/Halfmoon where you are both looking at a 20-25 minute commute – different distances but similar travel times.

          This is a very doable thing.

          • Ciao, pues

            Is the reverse commute significantly better? I.e. living in Albany, commuting to Saratoga?

        • Anonyc

          This might out me (and show my bias), but I went to Niskayuna and it was a great, high-achieving school and wonderful place to grow up. It’s between Saratoga and Albany, probably closer to the former (especially because we lived at the northern edge of the district, so part of Saratoga County but in Nisky schools). If you’re looking for a house, I’m trying to get my folks to stop redoing and start selling… ;-)

          Srly, also happy to answer questions if you have ’em.

  18. petty?

    TJ: How do you resolve / dismiss feelings of resentment when your “thunder” is stolen?

    I am a younger associate at a small firm. We allow our student law clerks to draft boilerplate motions, generally from templates. There is a male clerk here who is the same age as I am. He is a classic “gunner” to the next level. Unfortunately, his work product does not support his braggadocio. Every motion he has drafted has had to be completely rewritten by me, usually at the last minute. When the motions are then granted, he loudly takes all the credit and “educates” the undergraduate file clerks as to his winning arguments. The partners know that this is my work product. This is not the issue. I recently discovered that he is touting these successful motions on LinkedIn, even going so far as implying that his involvement was crucial in settling a large case (it was not).

    My issue isn’t recognition. I just need advice as to how to get over my feelings of resentment, as I am feeling very petty right now. We will have him the entire summer, and his desk is right outside my door, so any little coping strategy is much appreciated.

    • LF

      I agree he sounds annoying, but if you can reframe your mindset and think of him as free entertainment (look at that doooooosh go!), you might feel better about the situation.

      • tesyaa

        +1. Bonus points if you have a like-minded co-worker so you can laugh together about the guy.

        In this case, though, he will sooooon be gone. If only all our annoying (and worse) co-workers could be!

        • sweetknee

          Does your firm have a policy about what kinds of stuff can go on LinkedIn ? If not, might be a good time to think about that. I would be uncomfortable if any of the lawyers or clerks in my firm were making statements similar to the one you describe on a social media site. In my state, there are also ethics opinions on what you can say on social media without it being considered advertising.

          • petty?

            These are all great suggestions. Thank you! Off to make some bingo cards…

    • Anon

      I had a law school classmate/friend who greatly exaggerated his accomplishments and it irked me, especially because we were always applying for the same positions. For example, he interned for half a summer with a Federal COA judge, and he got this opportunity basically through networking. Ok, fine. However, on his first firm bio, he wrote “prior to joining Law Firm, LLC, [braggart] clerked for Judge So and So.”

      Seriously!??!?! No.

      My coping mechanism was to imagine the conversation that would happen when someone asked him about this noteworthy accomplishment and how sheepish he would (should) feel when people realized he was misleading people into thinking he had been a COA clerk. This sort of embellishment catches up to people. I hope.

      • Anonymous

        A summer intern for my Federal COA judge put in his LinkedIn profile that he had more responsibility than a law clerk and that he independently authored opinions. Seriously. Anyone who knows anything knows that there is no way he put out an opinion without extreme editing by my judge–he has a very specific style. It’s like claiming you ghost wrote for Scalia or Posner as a 2L summer intern. So stupid.

  19. Newbie Runner Question

    Running shorts with the built-in panties: underwear underneath or not?

      • Scarlett

        I’d do a hanky panky-style thong, but I wear those under skimmies and hose. I don’t like the feeling of built-in stuff. Not “close” enough for comfort for me.

    • CHJ

      Nope. Embrace your commando. They are designed that way so you don’t have to wear underwear and deal with chafing. (Although I will admit that I wore underwear with them for about 10 years because I thought it was weird not to, but now I’ll never go back!)

    • Anon

      No panties, the point is to avoid chafing. The same is also true for bicycle shorts – they are meant to be worn sans underwear.

    • Newbie Runner Question

      Glad to hear the vote for no underwear. I sweat a lot, so I really don’t want that extra layer. Commando it is!

  20. cammando

    I say no to the extra pair of underwear–too many shifting layers. I’m not sure why wearing underwear will make the shorts last longer, assuming you plan on rinsing them out after use and washing them regularly?

  21. Lobbyist

    Just bought this dress. And two other cute navy blue dresses that Nordstrom recommended too.

  22. Rust

    My Dad had his knee replaced last month, and since I work remotely I went out to help with his recovery. I was surprised that they had him up and moving the very same day as the surgery. He will be in the hospital for 2-4 days following the surgery, and they won’t send him home until his pain is under control (with something he can bring home — for my Dad giving up the IV anti-inflammatory was hard, but Norco worked). Your mom should know that the pain meds will make him nauseated and constipated. Have a bag in case he gets sick in the car on the way home (we didn’t…) and prune juice and laxatives on hand at home. His insurance company will probably provide a circulating ice machine, but it is absolutely worth borrowing or buying one if they don’t. That thing was our saving grace the first 2 weeks. I would buy bags of ice and keep them in a cooler in the garage, refilling his machine about 5 x per day. It was the only thing that gave him real relief — he even wore it while sleeping. He can (and should) ice it 24/7 for the first 2 weeks.

    On his nurse’s recommendation, we wrapped his leg in Glad Press & Seal before showers to keep the incision site dry — it worked great. He deals with frequent urination, so we got him a bedside urinal from a med supply store (like a specially shaped pitcher) so he didn’t have to get up so much in the night. If you get him workout clothes for PT, remember that he will need loose fitting shorts. Other helpful items would be a foam roller (not to actively roll on, but it is the same size as a foam prop he will use in PT), a stretching strap, and a kitchen timer.

    The best thing we did, was to keep a list of “meds taken” each day. For example,
    9am: norco (2), naproxen (1), anti nausea (1/2),
    2pm:norco (2), laxative (2), stool softener(2)
    Etc, throughout each day.
    I would write out his med schedule each morning and highlight things as we gave them to him. I would lay out a day and night’s worth of meds at a time in Dixie cups with post-it’s to remind me what time to give it to him. For my dad, we did 9am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm, & 3am, so all the 9am meds were in a cup together and so on. This was helpful to keep myself straight, and so I didn’t worry or forget anything. It took some time to figure out the first couple days, because different meds are taken at different intervals — some with food, some not, etc. Eventually we could just duplicate the day before, but it was still helpful. Now he takes care of his own meds, using the same system so he won’t forget if he has done it.

    The hardest part as his caretaker was maintaining my sympathy, so I would say you should focus on being a sounding board to your mom, and call your dad frequently, asking about all the details so that he gets some of that nurturing from you (freeing up your mom). My brother called him every day and it was such a relief to me, and made my dad feel great. Your mom will be exhausted — she’ll have to always be around, and she’ll be up in the night every single night filling his ice machine and giving him meds. Providing meals would be helpful, and encouraging him to do his PT (twice a day, every day) would be helpful.

    It was a grizzley procedure, but I’ll say that my dad (4 weeks out) is now in less pain than he was before the replacement. He can walk without crutches and do stairs really well. He only needs 1 Norco at bedtime, and can manage the days with just Naproxen. Will be hoping for the same for your dad!

  23. Wedding Q

    What’s the right way to handle the following: a couple (my parents’ friends) who was invited to my upcoming wedding also rsvp’d for their 27 year old son, who was clearly not invited (no mention of him on the envelope, no “To Mr. and Mrs. Friends and Family”). I’ve never had a conversation with the son that lasted more than ten seconds, and have had literally no contact with this person since probably junior year of high school (ten years ago). This seems so rude to me. I get if someone has a plus one they want to invite, but that’s not the case here. Part of me wants to ask our wedding planner to please advise couple that space is extremely limited (true), and that son was not on the list. But I don’t want this couple to be offended and take it out on my parents. Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      If you don’t want the son there, be a big girl and write them or call them yourself.

      “We were delighted to receive your RSVP where you indicated you and Mr. Rudepants will be attending our wedding. Unfortunately, due to space constraints, we are not able to accommodate additional guests during the dinner portion of the reception. If Rudepants, Jr. wants to join us for a cocktail after dinner, we anticipate that the dinner portion of the evening will be over by xx:xx.”

    • Bonnie

      I’d ask your parents how they want it handled. If they’re paying, I’d let the guy come. Instead of doing it through the wedding planner, let your parents handle it if these are their friends.

    • mascot

      I’d maybe mention it to your parents so they have a heads up. Paying or not, I assume that they gave you a list of who they wanted to invite and that Rudepants Jr. wasn’t on the list. These guests are being rude, your family doesn’t have to bend to them.

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