Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Papercut Flower Cotton Knit Sweater

163 Comments

1. Talk to me about carpet steamers. We are moving and the new place has carpet just on the stairs (don’t ask) and it definitely needs to be shampooed. I know that you can rent steamers, but are there any that are a lot easier to use than others for awkward stairs? I also want to use a non-fragranced shampoo so it couldn’t be any brand that requires a proprietary shampoo. Any tips and tricks welcome.

   1. Are you open to hiring someone? A professional would already have all the equipment needed to do this quickly and easily.

   2. My only good experience with carpet cleaning was hiring a company that used Vorwerk Kobosan Snow to dry clean, but that may be overkill if it’s not really filthy.

      1. And my goal was to avoid fragrance but also mold (for asthma + migraine reasons), and not damage the carpet.

   3. I don’t know much about carpet, but isn’t it somewhat common to have a runner on the stairs but not elsewhere? Mostly asking out of curiosity for our future home ownership / decorating choices.

      1. Yeah, the “(don’t ask)” seemed unnecessary to me. Lots of homes have stair runners only to avoid slippery wood stairs. However, if it’s wall-to-wall carpet on the stairs but hardwood elsewhere… yeah, that is not the look.

         1. Yes, that is what it is. And it’s ugly as hell too.

            1. Should you bother cleaning it if you want to rip it out?

            2. We can’t rip it out right now (don’t know what’s underneath it and we don’t have any more budget for repairs/renovations for a while).

            3. I have upstairs and stairs carpet. I will say you’re probably hyperfocused on someone else’s old carpet now…. but the carpeted stairs have saved my kids from slipping all the time and probably me too. I’ve definitely slipped on stairs before. Also, I know this is a mixed opinion and not very trend-forward, it’s so nice on my feet having carpet upstairs and in the bedrooms. We put in cheaper kid/pet friendly carpet but a thicker carpet pad. We all happily lay around on the upstairs carpet.

            4. I find carpeted stairs really slippery! Maybe it all depends how they’re carpeted (my friend’s old place had really plush carpeting and I was clinging to the rail).

         2. That’s my situation. House was wall-to-wall carpet including stairs when I bought it. I removed the carpet and restored the century-old fir floors, but left the existing (20-year-old) carpet on the stairs as traction for me and my dog. Whoever buys this place when I’m dead can do what they want with the stair carpet!

            1. Replying to my own comment to add that the stairs are not original but the same age as the carpet, so removing the carpet will result in even greater ugliness lol.

      2. It is quite common if you have an old dog. My favorite gift ever from my husband was when he added a carpet runner on our twisty wooden steps to help with my beloved dog’s stair mobility. I was involved in the choice, of course.

   4. Unfortunately, the rental machines and the ones you buy for home use don’t suck out enough water and the carpet stays sopping wet for a long time. Hiring a professional just to clean the stairs won’t cost much more than renting a machine.

      1. I’m concerned about a professional using a super strong fragrance. This happened to us once before (we didn’t hire or choose the professional, landlord did) and the smell was awful and contributing to migraines for weeks.

         1. You can tell them what you want, you know.

         2. When you call the pro, tell them you have a fragrance sensitivity and need to use unscented soap. If they don’t take it seriously, call someone else.

         3. IIRC, Stanley steamer uses just steam without any scented product. I’m pretty sensitive to fragrance but I don’t remember there being any scent after. I have also had success with using a Bissell green machine with Folex, which isn’t scented.

   5. maybe a Bissell Little Green – small size being both a pro and a con for this.

      1. I was going to say this. Won’t get you nearly as clean as a pro probably would but might be a good first step – and then you have the machine for any spills. Bought one recently on Amazon it was like 100 bucks

   6. I would just hire this done. Rental carpet extractors are notorious for being filthy with whatever prior customers slurped up and not being terribly strong. And with just one carpeted staircase, the cost to buy an extractor of your own doesn’t make sense to me.

      Handheld extractors may seem like a good idea but they take FOREVER and are too weak to do a quality job. They are good for things like gentle spot cleaning, touch ups on car upholstery or small rugs, but not for doing an entire room or staircase.

      1. The rentals can also stink like previously cleaners, so I wouldn’t want to use one with fragrance sensitivity.

      2. I have a little green machine and use it a lot on non-carpet things such as the sofa, upholstered chairs, etc. Caveat I have small kids and a dog.

   7. Are you like mildly handy?

      Ripping out stair carpet is easy, like I did both my staircases in an afternoon including staple removal. Even if the stairs underneath are a hot mess you can simply paint them with some porch paint as a stop gap until you fix it properly.

      1. If the stairs were designed for wall-to-wall carpet they will not be paintable or usable without full recarpeting.

      2. Sure, but then you’re giving your house the landlord special. Sanding, cleaning, priming, painting multiple coats, etc. would take more time than just a few hours. Plus then you have plan plan around not using your stairs.

   8. For future reference, if you decide to rip the carpet off, I have also done this with excellent results. If your stair treads have a rounded front (you can feel through the carpet) vs. one that is square, your treads are probably paintable. I tore off the carpet to find pine treads (not stain-worthy), pulled a thousand staples, sanded and filled everything, and painted the treads black and the risers white. There are plenty of examples of painted stairs out there, and many of the tutorials make it seem harder than it is. It will be obvious that you painted your old treads, but it will look just fine. Maybe you want to eventually have the treads replaced by a professional, but this is a respectable intermediate step. (You can paint every other step to keep access to your upstairs during this process.)

2. I love Akris and Akris Punto. IRL, you can see how much better the fabrics are. And the construction.

   And yet. And yet. There is almost a Devo vibe sometimes (which I love, but I feel like it is best done by someone tall and trim). Or this, which I feel that my gran had a knitting pattern for and wore both as a warm-weather sweater and a vest in the winter. I feel that the women who can buy Akris just DNGAF about what you think about their clothes (so I would love to meet them or see in the wild).

   I found an Akris piece at a thrift store a decade ago and bought it instantly even through it is not a color I prefer and had no room for a spare sandwich in sizing. It was not-itchy heavy cashmere and has not pilled or snagged. It’s an heirloom piece for me (so it boggles my mind how someone would buy this and then donate it when it no longer suited her).

   1. Agree. I have a bunch of Akris that I bought on TRR. It’s fabulous clothing (especially the knitwear) but you definitely have to be picky – half the line is great and half is a little too funky. You definitely need to know your measurements if thrifting. It’s very well tailored and I’ve been able to wear every piece without alterations but the sizing is precise.

   2. With respect to your last sentence, why is it so surprising that someone would declutter by donating pieces they don’t wear anymore? Maybe they didn’t have a friend or relative who could use it. Yes, even expensive items get donated.

      1. I get that. I’m like that with AT and BR pieces. Something with a wedding dress budget would be hard to casually part with. I can’t imagine a world buying something like that at retail and then letting it go. Like I can’t imagine having servants, even though I know people do.

         1. I’m guessing there are people who can’t imagine what you buy and get rid of too.

            But you also don’t know how things end up at the thrift shop vs. consignment.

         2. Realistically, if you can’t wear the sweater due to weight change or any other reason, what can you do with it? Frame it under glass and hang it? Take it out once a year and sigh happily? Honestly, that seems weird to me.

            1. If something was expensive but I don’t wear it I don’t understand why I’m in the wrong for donating it. Things, even expensive things, are just not that precious to me. I’m not saddling my kids with expensive clothes that I didn’t wear because they’re too tight or the wrong color. They can have my engagement ring (itself a hand me down) my wedding dress and perhaps my worn to death stainless steel Cartier tank watch. Other than some art painted by family members, some real estate and a an extremely corny sense of humor I’m not handing down much.

               Btw have you ever splurged on something and not worn it and then felt guilty looking at it? It’s such negative energy. You need to donate that.

      2. Yeah that boggled my mind. Jewelry, the real stuff, is an heirloom, not an old sweater.

   3. Spare sandwich…?

   4. An old sweater is not an heirloom.

3. What is everybody doing about sock tans in the summer? I hate feeling like my feet are so much lighter than my legs on the rare times I want to wear sandals

   1. Sunscreen

      1. +1 a natural tan is sun damage and I try my best to avoid them.

   2. I’m not outside that much, TBH. My feet are lighter but not shockingly so.

   3. Wear sandals more often? Change up the height of your socks so the line isn’t so crisp?

   4. I wear Birks so I have a Birk tan. If I cared I would use the Jergens gradual self-tanning lotion to fill in the pale spots.

   5. I’ve never had this issue, I suppose because it’s all or nothing for me: if it’s warm enough for shorts and skirts, then sandals, flip flops or bare feet most of the time. Closed toed shoes with long pants. Fairly even tanning. A dress with sneakers might happen but it’s rare.

      1. same, I usually only wear dresses or shorts with sneakers as (1) a styled ‘europe touring in summer’ outfit, or (2) a short-duration exercise outfit.

   6. I avoid getting tan in the first place, either by wearing pants, using sunscreen, or mostly doing outdoor activities in the morning or evening.

   7. I wear sandals almost exclusively in the summer – really only wear socks and shoes if I’m on a run.

   8. I just appreciate my tan lines – tan on the legs, paler on the feet, and ghostly under the sandal lines. They’re a badge of honor that I’ve been outside a lot.

      1. Ahh yes, molecular damage to your body, something to be so proud of.

4. Has anyone had their gallbladder removed? What was the recovery like? Do you remember what your restrictions on lifting and food after the surgery were?

   I developed acute pancreatitis from gallstones, and need to have my gallbladder removed. I have a 2 month old and a toddler, and they want the surgery to happen soon. I’ll obviously ask the surgeon these questions, but I’m trying to start thinking through what kind of help we’re gonna need.

   1. My mom did and was totally fine. She was 70, in good health otherwise. She was told not to lift more than 5 or 10 pounds (I forget which) for a week. She lives alone and had a friend stay with her the night of surgery just in case, but needed no assistance.
      That was nearly a year ago and she’s had zero problems since.

      1. Oh also food- she was told generally to eat a lower fat diet with easily digested foods for a little bit.
         She had laparoscopic surgery and honestly it was a total non-issue for her. She had some minor discomfort day 2, but didn’t take any type of painkiller

      2. Had a good friend who had the surgery, and she had the same experience as this (other than being early 40s vs 70).

      3. I had mine removed laparoscopically 5 years ago. Recovery was very easy, dealing with gallstones was far worse than this. I didn’t have kids yet so lifting wasn’t an issue but I don’t remember any problems with my abs. The incisions they make are tiny. I think I was told not to lift heavy for a week. So the toddler might need to be redirected for a few days but the baby shouldn’t be an issue. I terms of food, after the first day I could pretty much eat anything without issue. A few years on (and older), I do notice that I don’t tolerate heavy meals well anymore – but that could also be the case even if I still had my gallbladder. When I eat too much fat, I get acid reflux but it’s mild and honestly a reminder to eat better :-) Since I was quite young, it took a few years to identify that the stomach issues I was having were in fact due to gallstones, I could have avoided a lot of pain had I had the gallbladder removed earlier.

   2. Similar to Anon at 10:02am. Had a friend who had the surgery in the last two years – couldn’t lift for a week or two (I think hers was closer to two weeks because I had to help with some Thanksgiving prep) and the lower fat diet for a while. Otherwise, her recovery seemed to be pretty easy after the first three days or so. Our friend group rotated who hung out with her for about 24 hours after her surgery since she couldn’t lift things, but after that it was mostly ad hoc assistance as she requested it.

   3. Calling back to the weekend but this is the kind of info R3ddit is great for.

   4. To add some more detail — the lifting restriction is what I’m really worried about. With a 2 month old baby, I’m consistently picking her up and holding her but she is at least light. The toddler weights a lot more, also wants to be picked up, but at least there are ways to work around that.

   5. Your ability to process high fat foods may last for a while. I am one of the people who still can’t have dairy years later. There were some other things that I couldn’t eat for the first year, but that’s just a mild inconvenience.

   6. this is very timely. my colleague’s wife had emergency gallbladder surgery last month. our nanny had it last week, and my sister had it a few years ago when she had a 3 month old.
      you can’t lift more than 20 pounds initially. stairs are also somewhat challenging. i think the lifting is really limited for a week, maybe 2. my sister said she was in pain for a while bc she definitely pushed it too much. the 2 month old i’m assuming weighs less than 20lbs, but might be challenging getting reaching into the crib to get the baby? my colleague’s wife was back at work after a week, though she has a desk job. i think as far as surgeries go, it is fairly easy, assuming no complications.

      1. I feel like with an infant, do they envision you nursing during recovery (if you are doing that now)? I had kids who were heavy and had big giant heads. It might be a time I looked into having DH take the week of recovery off or looked into getting an emergency backup child care person to come to the house to help me then. I know some friend post-partum had night nurses and it might make sense to have that sort of help during the day with a very young child who will need to be lifted to be fed, to be changed, and to cuddle.

   7. I got mine out a month ago after developing pancreatitis, and having it out is much easier than trying to deal with avoiding attacks. The day after was hard (although I was pregnant at the time, have since lost that pregnancy but that was not related to the gallbladder or surgery) so there were some meds they weren’t giving me that may have made that harder. Ibuprofen for a few days was all I needed for painkillers. Honestly the most painful part was the referred shoulder pain from being pumped with air, but that went away after maybe 3 days. I would think that shoulder pain, if you get it, would affect holding your baby more than anything else.

      I took eating easy for like 2 weeks and stayed mostly low fat, but now I am eating ice cream and other high fat foods with no issues. BMs were loose, to say the least, for about 2 days but since then have been fine. I have some small to medium scars on my torso but no issues with healing.

      I would say you will want help for the first week with your kids, but after that I was pretty close to normal. I definitely picked up my friends’ elementary school age kids like 2 days later when I forgot I was supposed to be taking it easy and was fine, so a newborn shouldn’t be a big issue. I do think on paper they wanted me not to pick up anything more than 20 lbs for the first two weeks.

   8. You got a lot of answers, but I’ll chime in because my surgeon was apparently more conservative than average, so a different perspective. I had the surgery done last year, being only 25, and he told me not to drive or lift anything for the first week. Then back to driving, but no gym or lifting anything above 25 pounds for a month (in my case, that meant grocery delivery and asking for help at the airport). He said the biggest danger with modern surgery sans complications is that recoveries go so well people feel totally fine and overextend themselves, getting injured.
      So I’d definitely have your partner or someone else be the primary carer for the baby that first week and be strict about not lifting the toddler for the first month.
      Food was totally normal after day 2; pain also totally gone by then (and manageable with ibuprofen before that). The first visit to the toilet was a challenge.

5. Possibly a weird question, but: people with adult siblings, how much physical contact do you have with them? I’m an only child so I don’t have any perspective on this. But my SIL (DH’s younger sister – he is 33, she is 27) sometimes makes me uncomfortable. For example, if we are all sitting on the couch watching a movie, she will cuddle with him while I sit like a normal person. She once tried to come along with him on a business trip and apparently saw no issues with them sharing a bed – I told my husband I was really uncomfortable with that so he told her no. But maybe I’m overreacting? He has another sister who doesn’t do this, but she’s married so maybe it’s different.

   1. unless you think they are romantically involved?! then some people are just ‘touch’-ier than others, especially if they hang out all the time.

      for the business trip I don’t see why DH couldn’t have requested a double-queen room instead of a single king or whatever, but I wouldn’t have been so uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a king that I would put my foot down about it.

   2. I’m reminded of the Friends episode where Rachel dates a guy who takes a bath with his sister, lol.

      Sharing a bed is weird!

      1. weird is in the eye of the beholder. my brother and I shared a bed several times in our 20s – young adults on family vacations in 2BR condos. Sometimes we got twin beds and sometimes the guest room had a queen or king. We preferred our own beds but had no issue staying on our ‘sides’ when sharing.

         we aren’t so close that I would invite myself on one of his business trips, but in a super-close-knit group I can see someone asking!

         1. I just can’t imagine cuddling with an adult sibling, especially if their spouse is there. It might be cute when they are in diapers, but not when they are old enough to have a 401k.

            1. Agreed. I find the cuddling weirder than sharing a bed.

            2. Yeah, I don’t cuddle with my sisters now that they are adults. Only cuddle with kiddos.

      2. I view sharing my bed with my brother the same way i would view sharing a bed with one of my close female friends. Not my preference. But if a room with two beds isn’t available, I would do it with no reservations.

         1. So you cozy up though? My kids could share a bed but would get icked out by actual contact.

            1. No, I wouldn’t cozy up with my brother in a bed. But I wouldn’t cozy up with a close friend in a bed either we would just both have our sides.

               I just strongly disagree that is sharing a bed with a sibling is fundamentally weird

         2. But would you invite yourself on his business trip to share a bed with him?

         3. Joining your adult brother on his business trip and then sharing a single bed in his hotel room is weird. “If a room with two beds isn’t available” isn’t the issue here.

            1. 11:08 poster here and I have technically joined my brother on a business trip. He went to a conference in Vegas, I flew out two days before it ended, stayed in his room with him (although he got one with 2 beds), and then we went to Death Valley together for five days. The main point was the Death Valley trip, but I figured spending one full day in Vegas would be fun too.

               I think it was a mutual decision, and I don’t think I technically invited myself on his business trip. But if someone described it that way, I would not say they were wrong. We were both single at the time, but I would have still done it if partnered.

               We live in different parts of the country and it’s fun to travel together instead of just visiting one respective cities all the time. People complain about not having a village or being close to their family, but visits are how you maintain that closeness.

      3. Ross and Monica were wayyyy more physically affectionate than I thought was normal, and I’m pretty physically affectionate with my family

   3. I’m not at all touchy with my brothers, but also wouldn’t think twice about sharing a bed if for some reason it seemed necessary. If we were sharing a hotel room somewhere, I’d certainly opt for two beds over one, but if that wasn’t available, I wouldn’t think it was a big deal. They’re my brothers, I’ve known them their entire lives and nothing’s going to happen! I’m in my 40s and married, brothers are a few years younger, one married, one not.

   4. I feel like it’s both weird and normal for the two of them. Has she ever had a boyfriend?

      1. She is single. Might have had a few flings over time but hasn’t been seriously involved with anyone that I know of in the past seven years. DH is very much the “man in her life” if that makes sense? She will call him when she’s sad, when she needs a lift home from the airport, when she needs shelves drilled into the wall. To be clear, I don’t think anything untoward is happening, I just feel a bit like she is invading my personal space. But I also acknowledge that I might be overreacting.

         1. Ok that’s kind of weird.

            1. Why is that weird? She’s 27. Not everyone has serious relationships in their 20s. Also, it’s not weird to ask for help with that sort of stuff in many families. If anything, I think there is a divide between people who think it’s weird to take their loved ones to/from the airport or come over to help put together IKEA furniture and those who don’t, but there is no inherently right answer.

               As to the original question, I think it depends on what cuddling describes in that situation. Agree re: sharing a room – not sure why they couldn’t ask for two beds, but not otherwise weird to have a younger sister want a free hotel stay in a fun location in that situation. Weird would be requesting one bed (I once observed a mother and grown son who moved two twin beds together in a bed room – that was weird!)

            2. Why is any of that weird? My brother helps me with those things. I’m single now but even when I was partnered, I often asked him to help with stuff around the house. He is handy, and none of the guys I have dated are.

               If it was two sisters, I don’t think anyone would think these kinds of asks were weird. (I put the cuddling in a separate bucket.) just because they’re opposite gender, doesn’t mean siblings can’t stay close.

            3. I disagree. I am single and those are absolutely things I would call my brother about.

   5. I find this super weird. Does his mom do this too?

      1. He is from a cuddly family and I’m not. His mom will also do things that are a bit weird to me – if we are all walking together, she will basically embrace him and walk while holding his waist or shoulders or whatever for a prolonged period of time while I walk alone in front. I can’t imagine my parents doing that – I have a loving relationship with my parents, just not in that way, and now that I’m married I would feel very weird cuddling with my dad while watching a movie. I realize different families have different cultures on this, but I get a bit territorial about it to be honest.

         1. Ok, so I think the issue is not that it’s necessarily weird to be physically close to siblings, but in this specific family it sounds like his mom and sister have boundary issues. Just a hunch, do they try to interfere in his life/your marriage in other ways?

            1. Yes, they have boundary issues. They are a big close family and that’s nice, but they also expect a level of proximity/having a say in our lives, important decisions, etc that I just don’t agree with. I spent the early years pushing back on that. I love my family but I moved out at 18, had an established career by the time we met, and make my own decisions. DH has generally followed my lead but I’m very much breaking from his family culture and although we are friendly I wonder if they resent me for it.

         2. Is his dad in the picture?

            1. He is. He’s kind of quiet and usually just hangs out in a corner. We get along well in a quiet sort of way. His mom has a big personality and can be a lot.

         3. If his mom is like this too there isn’t a great solution. Your DH and SIL have been conditioned to see this as normal. You can tell DH it makes you uncomfortable and ask him to gently break away when it happens, but he might not be willing to.

            I get why you feel territorial. My MIL is like this and from a “my precious adult son” culture. Even though it comes from a place of love it feels like she’s asserting her ownership over DH in front of me. Thankfully his sister isn’t cuddly- I would find that too creepy to stomach.

   6. My brother and I were more touchy feely around college age I think? we hated each other in high school and then finally bonded over our weird parents as I was leaving for college. I remember a friend being weirded out that I took his arm while we were walking or something. We did travel together a few times, don’t remember the bed situation tbh but I don’t htink it wouldve been weird to share a bed unless it was a really small bed. actually when he visited me in college we may have shared a twin XL but just slept head to toe.

      1. I hate head to toe. I’m always worried I will get kicked in the face.

         1. I don’t understand head to toe. Aside from the risk of getting kicked in the face, it doesn’t seem like a more platonic sleeping position. The issue isn’t your faces being near each other.

   7. FWIW, I am also an only child, and I find her behavior pretty weird. My husband will give his sister hugs, but I cannot imagine them cuddling on the sofa like you described. I suppose I could imagine a scenario where they would share a bed, but it would only be as a last resort, not like “hey I am choosing to join your business trip and share a bed”.

   8. The cuddling is super weird to me. I haven’t cuddled with my brothers (similar age gap) since I was probably 5, and I’m very cuddly otherwise. Bed sharing on its own – not ideal but not something I’d get worked up over. Presumably she just wanted free lodging at the destination? But her cuddliness makes the bed sharing idea weirder.

   9. The cuddling is very weird. Sharing a bed — depends on the circumstances, I guess; but I will say that as adults, get your own bed. Especially if he’s on a business trip. I mean, come on.

   10. Is her personality off in other ways? My MIL will try to cuddle up to my husband on the couch (especially when drinking) but we think she has BPD (and I don’t say this lightly). Despite being nearly 60 she acts like she is permanently 16 years old and seeks out male attention even from inappropriate sources. One memorable thanksgiving she lay down on the carpet in the living room after dinner and started doing yoga in front of my dad. Suffice to say it makes my husband uncomfortable.

       1. I also wondered if maybe this is what OP could be picking up on that is making it weird.

       2. She is a little off. It’s hard to explain. She’s a nice girl, but she is very much “the baby of the family” and they all seem to act like she is 12 and adorable but she is in fact 27. She still lives at home, doesn’t seem to have much going on in her life – few friends, no boyfriend that I know of, few hobbies, she is painfully finishing a master’s degree that she doesn’t seem particularly passionate about, no job. I think she was one of those people who started college in the COVID era and completely shut down after that. So her family is her whole life, and she seems to rely on DH a lot. I think DH was very much raised with the idea that he always needs to be there for her and now that he has a wife and kids of his own that’s causing the occasional conflict of loyalty. And we have a friendly relationship and I don’t want to be unkind, but I also wish she would take her life into her own hands more and rely on my husband less.

          1. Emotionally incestuous families are fun /s. I accidentally married into one too.

          2. So maybe “acting like she’s twelve” is part of it if she’s generally failed to launch.

             1. Oh, it definitely is.

             2. It sounds like she’s at least doing a bit better than the average twelve year old, so I’d try not to let it get to me too much!

          3. You need to get better at setting boundaries with your husband now OP or you will be dealing with this for the rest of your life (or marriage).

          4. It sounds like a lot going on there. Ultimately your husband would need to be the one to change the relationship, but you could focus on helping him support things that build her confidence and independence. If she gets her life going, then she won’t be as entangled in yours and you don’t have to be the “mean” one cringing at snuggling and such.

   11. I think it’s weirder to see an issue with sharing a bed than to share a bed!

       I don’t want anyone in my personal bubble, but my sisters are pretty cuddly as adults. I feel like with my brother it’s touchy but more like hitting, but he’s also married.

   12. You’re being the weird on here. Why are you acting like they’re hooking up? (And if it is because they are, lead with that info!!)

       1. They are not hooking up! I don’t think anything inappropriate has ever happened, and that’s not what I mean at all. But it’s still mean to be, and I realize I might be overreacting, which is why I asked. Based on the responses, opinions on this are split, I think different families have different cultures around this sort of thing.

       2. Totally disagree. Something’s off with this sister, and OP is noticing it. I feel like there are other lines besides “Is it inc•st? If not, then it’s normal and fine!”

          1. +1

          2. +2

          3. Totally agree. The other comments indicate there is way more going on than just being a little touchy-feely!

   13. I am not immune to the dominant US cultural messaging that cuddling is romantic, so I wouldn’t do it with a sibling. But I also realize that it doesn’t have to be inherently romantic and doesn’t have to be weird. Depends on the personality and cultural context of the person doing it. As for bed sharing, I am an imminently practical person and I will bedshare with anyone that I 1) trust enough to share a room with and 2) think won’t keep me up at night, if there’s a good reason to. (And saving $$ counts as a good reason. $20 for my own bed, sure, but $50-$100 and I’d rather just share.) I recognize that I am an outlier on that front though.

   14. I think it’s weird, but I’m not in your marriage.

       Some random thoughts:

       What does the other sister think about this? What is her unfiltered view of the cuddly sister?

       What does your husband really think about this? Would he be happier if she stopped, or is he truly neutral about it?

       It sounds like your husband puts you first, which is good. You aren’t being unreasonable, and IMHO, the wishes of a not-unreasonable spouse should take precedence over the wishes of siblings.

       A lot of people are telling you that this behaviour is weird, but you wonder if you’re overreacting. We can’t see the nuances that are caught in person and trip someone’s radar, and we think it’s weird. Yet you wonder if you’re overreacting.

       1. I get along well with the older sister. She sort of rolls her eyes and says “oh Jane is such a baby” but I haven’t addressed the cuddling think explicitly.

          He thinks I am little on edge when it comes to his family (which is true – they are nice but I find that they generally lack boundaries and we had very different family cultures). When I have voiced that I am uncomfortable (ie, the bed thing) he has respected that. The last time we were all on the couch watching a movie I think he noticed me staring at the cuddling because a few minutes later he came over to me. But I don’t raise it every time because I don’t want to make a huge thing out of it. I think he is trying his best to navigate this and put me first, but again we were raised with different expectations on family stuff.

          1. It’s good he is trying to understand how to navigate his (frankly very strange) family culture with yours and that’s the most important thing

             The sister will unfortunately likely always be trying to push the boundary so he will need to keep practicing it. I’m curious how she is with you?

             1. She is perfectly friendly, but we have never really connected. I’m closer with the older sister, I think we have more compatible personalities, but I also don’t think I’m completely imagining a slight rivalry with the younger sister based on the fact that I’m the one who “took away” her beloved big brother and now he doesn’t have as much time or availability for her.

   15. I’m sorry you suspect your sister in law of trying to do some incest?

       1. No, absolutely not. But I still find her lack of boundaries uncomfortable.

          1. But DH lacks boundaries too, no? He’s willingly participating.

       2. Clearly not. Also, “trying to do some incest”???

          1. I think this person was using that construct to point out that OP is being pretty ridiculous.

   16. Is he uncomfortable? Does he think it is weird? Because it would not be odd in my family (although more between my brother and younger sister because they are closer in age) and none of us would react well to someone else (even a spouse) coming in to police our interactions.

       Also, all three of us have “invited” ourselves to the others’ trips as a chance to spend a long weekend together in a fun location more times than I can count. We all get along with each other’s spouses but sometimes it is fun to hang out with just each other. And I have shared a bed with both of my siblings but if we have a double room, he and I would much rather share with each other than with our sister (she thrashes in her sleep).

       1. I don’t think he is uncomfortable, no, I think it was the norm for him growing up. I don’t think I have “policed” his interactions so much as voice that some things make me uncomfortable, which I think is fair. But I’m finding these responses interesting in that there is definitely a big range of what people think is normal for this stuff.

   17. The thing that jumped out at me the most in this was when you said that your SIL cuddles with her brother while you “sit like a normal person.” There’s a lot of judgement in that phrase, and you may want to spend some time thinking about what you meant.

       It sounds like his family is touchier than you’re used to. Do you ever cuddle with your husband? If you don’t, has he tried to and you rejected it? Are you uncomfortable because he seems closer with his sister than he is with you?

       1. Fair enough. We definitely cuddle all the time, just not when his family is around. I’m a little uncomfortable with PDA. But yes, in that specific scenario, I find it odd that they are doing something that I personally would not feel comfortable doing in front of his parents, and it does make me feel like the odd one out.

   18. I’m an only child too, but I am also not a hugger or touchy/feely person. But it sounds like what you’re mostly taking issue with is the lack of boundaries and you have just used the personal space examples. It sounds like the bigger conversation is around directing her to other activities/relationships so you can have her around less. I don’t know that I would want my family hanging around on vacations, for movie nights, etc. either. That’s a lot of family time if your family of origin isn’t like that.

   19. I just want to add something that doesn’t seem to have come up. The issue isn’t whether *this* is objectively weird. The point is, you feel uncomfortable. You feel like there are some boundaries crossed — maybe not huge ones, and certainly not from malice. But your discomfort counts, and you should both think about it and talk to your DH so you can come up with boundaries *which work for your marriage* — that is, boundaries to which you both agree as a team, not defending what is currently going on or demanding something that will make DH unhappy, either. You’ll both have to compromise, probably.

6. is there a better feeling than a newly clean/decluterred office? the time i spent on friday was so worth it.

   1. Woo hoo! Go, you!

   2. Nice!

7. I need to improve my conference packing (roll-aboard) skills. Are the compression cubes worth it?

   And, I have thin, brittle nails that I keep very short, and polish with a translucent undercoat / gel overcoat, so they shine. I’d like my hands to look nicer. Do the glue on nails like Olive & June stay on? Or are they easily replaceable if they fall off mid-travel?

   Thank you!

   1. I love them, not so much because I can pack more, but because everything stays neat and organized vs. slipping around in tr-sit and wrinkling up. Also makes it easier to wrap things like a blazer around a zipped cube.

      My biggest challenge is always shoes as my feet loathe wearing the same pair 2 days in a row, so I usually wear cute exercise shoes on the plane, and pack two slim pairs of flats and a pair of flip flops for around the room.

   2. Packing cubes are enormously worth it. They make packing so much simpler + so much more compact + so much simpler to grab exactly what you need without disrupting everything else in the suitcase.

   3. I love packing cubes. Even the non-compression ones still give you enough “squish” to fit a little more in your carry-on.
      For nails – I have the best results with the Kiss Impress line – no glue, but a sticky adhesive. They last up to a full week for me. I’ve also been obsessively applying cuticle oil and it’s made a difference in my nails (mine are soft/peely).

   4. I loathe packing cubes – I find they take up way more room than they save. The trick to business travel is everything must match everything else. Plus different accessories.

      1. +1. Interchangeable items and lightweight fabric are key. I roll my clothes instead of folding so I can grab a shirt without unpacking everything. Cubes serve no purpose IMO.

   5. I don’t like compression cubes (or any of them). I pack in carry ons the majority of time, and I find packing first and then weeding out what you truly don’t need helps more. You are not going to need 3 options for every outfit, shoe, bag, etc you plan to take with you.

   6. Lesson that took me too long to learn – if you plan to work out, the carryon will not work. Just get an airline credit card and check the bag.

   7. Compression cubes, yes. Regular packing cubes, no (at least in terms of saving space, but I do like them for staying organized on longer trips). After years of regular non-compression cubes, I finally bought a sets of the Eagle Creek and Thule compression cubes for a trip earlier this year and was kind of amazed how much you could actually fit in one. Also, rolling your clothes will help fit more.

   8. I’ve been usingDoonails. They use an adhesive, which is non damaging. I appreciate that, because I don’t always wear something on my nails and I want them to be in good condition between times. For me, they last generally around two weeks before they start to feel a little loose or I want to change the color. I’ve never lost one, but I bring the extra sizes and extra adhesive so I can fix something if it seems to be getting a little loose. Candidly, it took me a minute to get over my own stigma about “press ons,” but I get so many compliments.

   9. I love packing cubes for my checked luggage but hate them for my carry on. They are better at organizing–and preventing clothes from falling to the bottom of a big open bag–than they are space saving. In my carry on, I want every possible square inch to be usable.

      For nails, I throw a bottle of whatever color I’m wearing + top coat in my toiletries bag and touch up as needed. I also have very breakable nails, and I find that keeping them well polished with base + 2-3 layers of color + top coat really protects them and stops breaking. And regularly oiling my cuticles and the underside of my free edge with a jojoba-based nail oil helps a lot with preventing breakage as well. Travel is the time when my nails are most prone to breaking, so I’m very careful when lifting my suitcase. When I rush, I tend to jam a finger and break a nail.

8. This shirt is ugly, right?

   1. the price tag says it’s divine, lol.

   2. I sincerely love it.

   3. It is not my personal style and not in my budget, but I think this sweater is lovely.

   4. I don’t think it’s worth paying that price point, but think it’s cute in a retro-punchy way.

   5. It’s not something I’d personally wear but I like it.

   6. Yes, hideous.

   7. Not my taste at all.

   8. Horrible.

   9. If it were cheap, I could maybe see it as a little bit shlubby-cute to wear to an ultra-casual get together in early fall, but as any sort of professional wear or anything you would spend real money on -yes, I don’t see the appeal at all.

   10. Yes, very.

   11. It’s cute retro. But for the price, I’d want it to be cashmere.

   12. Thumbs down from me.

   13. I often don’t like the picks here! But the links to sales have saved me a ton.

   14. very extremely

9. How do you find a reputable cleaning service without a personal recommendation? My local friends clean their own homes or use an individual that isn’t taking on new clients. Aside from being fully insured are there any green or red flags to be aware of?

   1. Often realtors have lists of tradespeople and servicepeople — you might want to reach out to a real estate office and see if they have any recs.

   2. I’d expand beyond my friends to asking on local Facebook groups for referrals.

   3. your friends’ cleaners may have recommendations of their own

   4. For cleaners, I look for honesty, reliability, affordable cost, and cleaning skills, in that order. I find most services and private cleaners don’t do as good of a job as I would do myself, but my expectations aren’t that high. As long as they’re getting my house reasonably clean, I don’t expect much else.

Comments are closed.