Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Parke Blazer in Stretch Linen Blend

359 Comments

1. Are there are any speech-to-text software you would recommend? I’m horrible at taking meeting notes but having a transcript would be so useful.
   (I know about otter.ai, there are some concerns about it at my company)

   1. Your company will likely be concerned about any software that records and transcribes meetings. I’d figure out a different solution.

      1. +1

   2. I’m honestly blown away with apple’s built in speech-to-text. I’ve been dictating into my notes app and it’s doing a great job, even correctly putting question marks without having to literally say “question mark.” It’s obviously not perfect but gets it 80% of the way there.

      1. Nuance is best-in-class speech to text. Any of their products (including Siri) will be great.

   3. Your company will likely be concerned about any software that records meetings. I’d figure out a different solution.

   4. I’m hearing impaired so I’ve tried them all. My favorite is Microsoft’s Group Transcribe on my phone. It’s free.

   5. Your company’s legal department does not want you recording meetings.

      1. Yeah. You would probably have to get consent each time from each person in the meeting.

2. Super specific, but worth a shot. Has anyone been to a Lauryn Hill show recently? She has been notoriously late to shows in the last few years (3 hours!), but I cant find any info about recent shows. Im going to see her this weekend and am trying to plan out what time to show up.

   1. She played at the Roots Festival in Philly last weekend. If you find a review of that it might mention how late she was.

   2. She is notorious for showing up hours late, but for waaaay linger than the last few years.

   3. I think she was 2+ hrs late in Atlanta a few days ago, causing the show to be cut after only 40 min, due to the venue’s curfew.
      IMO, it’s incredibly disrespectful to fans who paid money to see the artist. You earn money with music, and barring some health or other emergencies, you get your s*t together and show up, no?

      1. Yeah, why would you even go to a show like that? Listen to an album if you like the music, but that’s not a good experience worth spending concert prices on.

      2. I would not want to go to that show, even though Lauryn Hill is amazing. Get your sh*t together and show up is exactly right.

         1. She’s rumored to have some pretty significant issues with her mental health.

            1. Then she should stop giving concerts and concentrate on her health. You don’t get to sell tickets to a concert and then show up late or cut it short unless something unanticipated happens. By now she knows she doesn’t have her sh*t together and is not capable of handling the demands of touring and performing.

      3. Her excuse:

         “The challenge is aligning my energy with the time, taking something that isn’t easily classified or contained, and trying to make it available for others. I don’t have an on/off switch. I am at my best when I am open, rested, sensitive and liberated to express myself as truthfully as possible.”

         It’s not like her fans are demanding something of her. She is selling tickets.

         1. That is some self-aggrandizing b.s.
            I appreciate her as a singer, but in concert she is just that – a singer performing existing music – she isn’t channeling spirits or even creating art on stage.

            1. That makes me roll my eyes, too. Like I can understand that when you’re writing music or recording. But come on.

         2. With this information, I vote NTA on being late, and I’m a stickler for punctuality. The artist has publicly stated that her process is such that she isn’t going to be beholden to a start time. If you don’t want to go to a show that will start “sometime that evening” versus at a particular time, then don’t go to her show. And no I don’t care that your ticket says 7:30 pm or whatever, the venue is issuing the ticket not the artist, and she has been very clear that the time printed on your ticket is meaningless.

            All that said, I would never go to a show like this.

            1. Yeah, it is her schtick. I will pass.

            2. “The venue is issuing the ticket and not the artist”? The venue is issuing the ticket based on what the artist says. They’re not picking a start time and then surprising her with it.

               But yes, she’s made it very clear she doesn’t give a rip whether she shows up on time or whether her show gets cut short because of that.

         3. Yeah then I don’t think touring and selling tickets to shows that have a defined start time (and end time, in places with curfews) is the right choice for her. She should make music and do whatever else she does and not tour.

         4. It is what it is — any amount of irritation with her practices isn’t going to go anywhere. If you can’t tolerate her casual approach to concerts, then don’t go. For the OP, just figure out based on the information available what time might work best for you, understanding that an on-time performance is unlikely, but also that the show itself might be cut shorter than you anticipated.

      4. I mean I do agree that fans are not entitled to demand of an artist.
         For example, if an artist decides not to publish any music any more, or to publish it in certain ways limiting access, or not performing etc, that’s their choice.
         But if you agree to a tour, sell tickets to people and take their money, there is an expectation that you fulfill your part of the deal! If you can’t fulfill your side of the deal, you give the money back.

         1. Right. There are some artists that don’t tour because they find tours too grueling. Springsteen does residencies, rather than tours, because it’s easier on him to do multiple shows in one place vs. traveling around the country/world to play shows. Lauryn Hill has other choices.

            1. I know this isn’t your point – but Springsteen is in the middle of a world tour right now. He and the band play 3 hours straight without an opener. His broadway show wasn’t a concert- it was a show based on his memoir.

         2. I’m just wondering if the roadies get overtime. I work for a non-profit theatre, and our crew are all unionized and have strict overtime rules. When our gala was running long people were losing their minds about the increased cost for the stage crew.

            1. Maybe that’s the reason the one venue had a hard stop?

   4. Not recent, but I attended a show that she ended early (three songs in, in the middle of a song). This was back in her Fugees days. I really do love her music, and I hope you get the full experience. If it were me, I’d probably show up on time and plan to wait.

3. Looking for advice and suggestions. I am scheduled for a complex knee surgery later this month. I won’t be able to put weight on the injured knee or bend it for 6 weeks and will be in a full leg brace 24/7. I won’t be allowed to drive during the 6 weeks. I live alone but have awesome friends and family to help. What can I do to make this recovery time bearable?

   1. I would use food and other deliveries as needed. This is just a thought, but is there a teenager you know who you could hire to come by for a couple of hours a couple times a week? Maybe they could help with household tasks like laundry, unloading the dishwasher etc. or if you need someone to drive you somewhere (although I guess Uber works for that too). Good luck!! I hope all goes well.

   2. For me, once the logistics are managed, I would use this time to do a fun sit-down craft project, like knitting. Would be something I can pick up and put down when I feel like it, and have some sense of productivity.
      Also, think about clothing – what will be easy to get on and off during recovery? Maybe you rely on easy skirts and dresses during this time instead of pants. I know from experience getting dressed around an immobile/painful limb can get frustrating, so have that ready.

      1. I agree with this. This is the time to do that sit-down craft, or even make a serious dent in your TBR pile/list. If possible, try to get some movement-involved tasks completed before the surgery – like if there’s a closet you’ve been meaning to clean out, or some shelves you need to clean and organize, do that now. For me at least it would really suck to be immobilized as you describe but be unable to do that sort of stuff when the whim hits me.

         Definitely hire a cleaning service to come once or twice during the 6 weeks to do all the major cleaning. Friends and family can probably help with the more daily stuff like laundry and dishes.

         I also agree on the clothing. Make sure you have undies that have big enough leg holes to get over whatever kind of cast you will have (you might have more than one cast during this time, so they might change sizes) and practice getting them on and off with a straight leg (you don’t want to do this for the very first time the day after your surgery when you’re still in a lot of pain/on painkillers). Loose skirts/dresses/shorts will be your friend. Luckily you’re doing this in summer so you don’t have to worry too much about keeping warm.

         Lastly, can you find a way to get out of your home on a regular basis? Even if it’s just getting to an outdoor bench and sitting in the shade for a bit will be wonderful for your mood. Getting anywhere on crutches is obviously very tiring, but if you’re able to borrow a wheelchair maybe a friend can take you for a walk a few times a week.

         Good luck! Recovery from surgery can be rather miserable, but I’m sure your knee will feel so much better when it’s all done!

         1. On the undies front, get some long-length panty liners to keep the undies cleaner for longer.

   3. You’ll still want to get some sort of limited activity as best you can – maybe get some light arm weights that you can do short workouts with while sitting?

      This is the time to lean into sedentary hobbies, obviously. Knitting. Crochet. Painting. Needlepoint. Do you like video games? Borrow or buy a console and spend hours doing that. Puzzles. Organize/streamline all the photos in your phone, order albums if you want. Plan your Thanksgiving menu, your Christmas shopping, and your next two vacations.

      If there are any organizations that you support, consider reaching out and asking if they have any online volunteer work you could do – weeding donor lists, maybe writing a newsletter, etc. Write postcards in advance to send in the next political election.

   4. Little over a month ago I was hit by a car while running and had a big shoulder dislocation with several fractures. Surgery 3 weeks later. Minimal use of my arm for 6 weeks. Also live alone. Not going to lie, it totally sucks. Grocery and everything else delivered. I scheduled friends to come over every few days in the beginning to help. I would try to safe up all the things I needed help with for these visits (opening meds, jars, hanging clothes, etc). It was also good to have them there as a distraction. I am a very clean, neat person so I had my house cleaner come weekly. Since I had a few weeks prior to surgery I was able to figure out partially what I would and wouldn’t be able to do so tried to find solutions (new clothes that I can put on and that me feel normal, all premade food). I am also very active and the thought of going 3 months without working out was hard, so I rented a peloton bike (not an option for your surgery). .

   5. I had an ACL repaired a few years ago – I slept on the couch downstairs until I felt comfortable going upstairs. If you live by yourself you might want to have electronic door locks put on the house so a) your friends can visit without having to wait for you to get up, and b) you can check them remotely. (i don’t have electronic locks but I think this is a feature?) depends how big your place is I guess.

   6. When my husbnd had ACL surgery, one of the tricky things was how to carry stuff in our apartment from A to B. Think mug of coffee, snacks etc, since he was on crutches and hobbling on one leg is not an option when you have hot coffee in one hand.
      So, I’d recommend getting some sort of shoulder/cross-body bag and a good thermos that closes tightly so that you can make it from your kitchen to your sitting place without spills. You could even do that with your hot food in a thermo container.
      Also, figure out shower/bath logistics. How do you get in and out the shower/tub? How will you dry and dress yourself? A shower chair might be a good purchase.

      1. When I had knee surgery some time ago, I used a plastic two-step step stool in the shower as a bench to sit on while using a hand-held shower head, something like this: https://giftiks.com/product/extra-safe-non-slip-18-75-inch-tall-rubber-2-step-home-step-stool-white-supports-300-pounds/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoazFhKiw_wIVtejjBx2eJwbfEAQYFyABEgIgfvD_BwE. Also, I used a backpack with breast strap to carry stuff while using crutches, and as this was pre-COVID, I arranged for car pooling with colleagues to get into the office. I would suggest playing by ear any efforts to work on hobbies or make headway into a backlog of reading — you will be concentrating on healing, and your pain meds and general exhaustion might preclude focusing on anything but daytime TV. Take it easy, you have a lot of healing to do!

   7. These are all such great suggestions! Thank you! I am really dreading it – especially not being able to do any cardio for so long. I’m lucky to have a pretty back yard, downstairs bedroom/bath, and access to a therapy pool when I’m cleared for it. Thanks for all the encouragement !

      1. You can do cardio–just not weight bearing cardio. When i was in college, anyone with a knee injury used the hand bike (literally pedals on a table) for a long time each day to get some good exercise. Look into getting one of those.

   8. Will you be using a walker? If so, order a wire basket with a cup holder for it. You can carry a small load of laundry in the basket.

4. I need help finding a shirt to go with this skirt for a cocktail-ish event:
   https://www.ebay.com/itm/304890143400
   The skirt fits snuggly in my waist and for this event I can be a bit on the playful side. Any ideas?

   1. I would go with something simple and form fitting, like a shell/tank that takes up one of the neutrals in the skirt pattern.

   2. Maybe a silk top? Equipment makes beautiful silk blouses and tops, and also lilysilk and Mulberry. As the waist band is snug, silk won’t be too bulky. Or a crop top?!

   3. how about this: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=545493012&vid=1&searchText=eyelet#pdp-page-content

   4. Black cap sleeve fitted crop tee. That’s what my 22 year old daughter would wear with it.

5. Favorite recommendations for a hearty, healthy and packable snack.

   On Wednesdays I have a club soccer game at 7pm which is closer to my work than my house, so I plan on just working late those days. I want a hearty snack that will both fuel me for my game and tide me over until I eat dinner (8:30pm).

   I try to eat “whole” foods that are a good balance of fats, protein, and carbs. Aside from a peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat bread, I’m a little stuck.

   1. Hummus, crackers and veggie sticks?

   2. I like to use a divided container like Easy Lunch Boxes for this. Fill the compartments with a variety of things such as a hard-boiled egg, cheese cubes, hummus, pita rounds, veggie sticks, fresh fruit, dried fruit, and nuts. Perfect Bars are also tasty and full of protein, but probably more processed than you are looking for.

   3. Cheese and crackers? Yogurt and toppings?

   4. Adult lunchable – whole wheat crackers, some kind of spread (hummus, jam), meat and cheese of choice. You could also pack hardboiled eggs. I’d enjoy (but probably never make for myself) a fruit salad on the side. Lazy me would bring a couple of clementines.

   5. Sliced avocado and a hard boiled egg

   6. I pack myself nuts/raisins/choc chips for an afternoon snack quite often. It feels like a treat but is filling.

   7. Overnight oats with chia? I add protein powder to mine but you could also do PB2 instead or just make it with ffgy.

   8. Those tuna snack packs that come with crackers.

   9. The burrito bowls at Costco are my go to. They come in the fridge section, are fairly well macro balanced, and about the same calories as most snacks. Just think of it as pre-packaged whole foods – beans, rice, etc.

   10. On days when I won’t get home for an early dinner, I pack a thermos with frozen cherries, greek yogurt, nuts (sliced almonds or walnuts), drizzle of honey. Also throw in chia seeds or hemp hearts if I have them. Other things I might carry on days like these- string cheese, hard boiled eggs (or Taiwanese tea eggs if I have the time), spicy nuts, roasted veggies topped with kimchi. Onigiri.

   11. If you’re okay with Starb*cks, they have several protein boxes that might fit your needs. I use them for fuel when I’m zooming between work and workouts.
       (I realize this is not as healthy or inexpensive as making your own, but the convenience factor works great for me.)

   12. A Kind bar is nutritious and convenient.

6. I like to keep clothes that work for me, but rises keep changing to the point where prior year shorts feel scandalously low this year pulling them out of storage. I guess I am used to all of my tummy being contained in current-era pants and I just feel exposed now in the older shorts. It feels so wasteful, but after a few attempts, I am just not emotionally (not sure if that is the right word; it’s not physical discomfort) comfortable wearing these items (and I do the thing where if something works for me, I will buy multiples in other available colors). Ugh.

   1. It’s okay to buy new clothes.

   2. I think there is a difference between being prey to every little fashion cycle and keeping up with the big swings — rise is one of the big swings I think and you’re safe shifting your shorts for the next many years.

7. What is a hysterectomy vs a radical hysterectomy? I didn’t know that there were varieties. WSJ today noted that the first kind involved fewer bladder issues for women. I barely get time with my OB/GYN for problems I actually have vs problems I don’t have, but this is on my radar due to so many women in my family eventually getting hysterectomies after years of losing the battle to massive second-trimester-sized fibroids. Ugh. All of the above problems and now bladder problems (which I guess no women talk about — ladies, let’s talk) to worry about on top of that.

   1. This is all getting talked about more, but what I don’t see getting talked about enough (although NYT did a piece recently) is the vital importance of taking HRT after ovarian removal. Otherwise, the risk of dementia is dramatically increased and many women don’t realize it.

      1. I googled the risk and found sources saying it increased by 8%. E.g., for every 1 woman with a uterus who develops dementia, 1.08 of women who’ve undergone hysterectomies will. I wouldn’t really call that dramatic. Also there seems to be similar (actually higher) risk for women who get their periods late and/or go through menopause early, because it’s about lifetime estrogen exposure, but I’ve never heard anyone say you need HRT because you didn’t start your period until 16.

      2. Also, IIRC osteoporosis risks and some other unpleasant side effects. People rightly want to help men with ED. But functioning for women is also important! Estrogen does things and without it, I hear from others that even moving around (like walking) can be uncomfortable because internally it can feel like sandpaper scraping your remaining lady parts. Why am I hearing about this only now?!

         1. Because it was a taboo subject entirely until the 1960s and because medical research for women still has not even barely caught up to medical research for men and because women’s procreative function has been prioritized and continues to be prioritized over all else. I am a bit salty.

   2. There are different names depending on what exactly is removed. A hysterectomy is just the uterus. A total hysterectomy is uterus and cervix. A radical hysterectomy is uterus, cervix, ovaries, Fallopian tubes, part of the vagina and other surrounding tissues. The more you remove, the more likelihood there is of issues including bladder issues and prolapse issues.

      1. Just make sure the surgeon doesn’t decide on his own to take out some more stuff while he’s in there that you never agreed to, not because he saw something wrong, but just because “why not.” (Yes this is a real issue that has happened and caused major scandals.)

         1. My friend had breast cancer and went for a reconstruction consultation in which her husband was urging her to get DD implants and my friend wanted C. (Plastic surgery lingo cup sizes, not accurate bra sizes). Friend insisted on C. While she was still coming out from anesthesia, doc told husband “you’re going to be really happy with me.” He gave her the DDs.

            1. Omg! I hope she sued him.

            2. Did your friend divorce the husband and sue the doctor? Order doesn’t matter, but FFS.

            3. This is outrageous! I have a friend who had a breast reduction and the surgeon did not size her to a c, as she had requested. Men think they own our bodies.

            4. Wowwwww.

               I had a male OBGYN strip my membranes during labor without my consent, which really p1ssed me off, but the risk of a bad outcome (infection) was relatively low and thankfully did not happen. I would be livid in your friend’s situation. I hope she complained to the medical board and/or sued him.

   3. I had a total hysterectomy. I kept my ovaries but the uterus, cervix, and tubes were removed. The cervix was optional but my doctor opted for removal because I also have a history of endometriosis. So far, no bladder issues. But if you get to the point where you need a hysterectomy, definitely talk to your doctor about all your options and the pros and cons.

   4. I’m not a physician, but isn’t a radical hysterectomy only used in cases of cancer? Did they perhaps mean “complete”?
      I had a complete hysterectomy and oophrectomy last year, including my cervix and have zero regrets. My surgeon said she’d leave an ovary if possible, but once in there, both were stuck to the sides of my uterus by adhesions, so out they came. Given that I’d already had several abnormal Pap smears, I was glad for my cervix to be gone as well.
      I have had no bladder issues before or since my life has improved more than I expected since I ad my hysterectomy. Estradiol patches are mildly annoying, and I wish there was a long-term implant, but whatevs.
      I did know bladder issues were a possibility, but was fine with the small risk. I wish I had my hysterectomy the very minute I got good health insurance and an office job rather than waiting several more years.

   5. You might want to talk to the women in your family about what other issues they’ve had, but if they have had bladder or prolapse issues, it usually runs in families. They will probably not talk about it unless you ask directly since it’s somewhat taboo and medical care from OB/GYNs for those conditions is often pretty pathetic. If you ever are looking at getting a hysterectomy, I personally would use a fellowship trained urogynecologist rather than my OB/GYN. A shockingly high percentage of women (well over 50%) have some form of pelvic organ prolapse and hysterectomy makes it more likely to happen. You want someone well versed in the pelvic floor who will know if it’s necessary to do something like a suspension to prevent future prolapse issues. This is especially true if you have risk factors (vaginal births especially if you’re had multiple births or instrumental delivery, chronic cough, chronic constipation, obesity, hypermobility).

8. Looking for recommendations for a weekend in Kansas City. DH got me really great tickets to see Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks in concert for Christmas – VERY excited for the concert, I know that’s going to be amazing. I’m at a total loss for the rest of the weekend. We’ll probably arrive on Friday evening, concert is Saturday evening, and leave on Sunday morning, so we don’t have time for a ton – but would love to use Saturday well.

   would love recommendations for:
   Brunch
   Lunch
   Dinner
   Donuts
   Outdoor activity
   Unique shopping
   Any can’t miss things
   Airbnb or hotel
   Other ideas/thoughts

   1. Union Station.

   2. The Nelson-Atkins Art Museum is my favorite place in KC. It’s also near a Country Club Plaza which is an outdoor shopping mall with several restaurants. Between the two that would make a really nice morning or afternoon.

   3. Raphael Hotel. Just got back from three nights there.

   4. Dinner: I really liked Extra Virgin or Corvino

      Can’t miss: if you/DH are interested in war museums, the National WWI Museum is top notch.

      BBQ: My favorite is Arthur Bryant’s, personally.

      Union Station at Christmas is beautiful.

      1. Oh interesting about the WWI museum! – every time we go to New Orleans we re-visit the National WWII Museum there.

   5. Negro League Baseball Museum is fantastic.

   6. Hotel Philips is a cool art deco hotel. Loews was more modern but also really nice and might also be close to the concert location. The Brewery district is a lot of fun (Casual Animal Brewing Co is my favorite), more chill than the Power and Light District. P&L is also fun but definitely a bachelorette party vibe. The Dueling Pianos bar was fun. Mission Taco Joint has good tacos and salsas.

9. Tell me, oh wise ones, is my husband’s current infatuation with the Air Fryer going to last? He thinks that this must be the tipping point for him losing the weight and getting in shape (but he can’t really do anything with it but reheat pizza although he wants to make chicken nuggets from scratch). FWIW, chicken nuggets not from scratch weren’t even where the problem was, IMO, but too many junky carbs like Hostess products.

   1. Air fryers are great and extremely versatile. Whether or not it will help with weight loss of course is dependent on what he cooks in it. I love vegetables from the air fryer and it’s a great healthier alternative for things like nuggets or fries (homemade nuggets, sweet potato fries or potato wedges)

      1. +1. We love our air fryer. No idea if it will help your husband lose weight though.

   2. I use the air fryer pretty much exclusively to heat up frozen things from Trader Joe’s (pizza, egg rolls, gnocchi, hash browns, etc.). Not really healthy but fast and delicious! Very popular with my preschooler too. I have also cooked salmon in it with great success (just make sure you line with foil so the drippings don’t get everywhere).

   3. It’s a super easy way to cook a couple of pieces of salmon, or some shrimp, or pork chops, or chicken breasts. I find its value is in the ease of getting good results on a piece of protein, which tends to keep me from pivoting over to garbage for supper.

      1. Agree with this. Depending on your air fryer type, Mason Fit has some excellent recipes using the Ninja Foodi style air fryer.

         I don’t like small appliances generally and I was initially VERY unenthused about getting an air fryer and made my husband get a version that could do multiple things (hence the Foodi) but it’s become an absolute staple the last two years.

   4. Air fryers are marvelous, but he should probably see a doctor and a dietician if he wants to lose weight and get in shape.

      1. +100. I love working with a dietician. I always recommend it to anyone looking to lose weight or change their body composition.

         1. this is always recommended here but i have to say i HATED the dietician I worked with while I was pregnant. it was like reading a SELF magazine article. “you had wonton soup last night? ew, disgusting, maybe have a sweet potato and avocado instead.” way to meet me where i am.

            1. I’ve tried so many different ones and same. They are clueless. Maybe because weight loss isn’t about willpower like they all seem to believe. Can’t wait to try Wegovy and actually get some support.

            2. I have hated every dietician I’ve ever worked with. Dieticians act like the issue is that you don’t know what to eat, when usually that’s not the issue at all. I also can’t stand how dieticians treat me like an idiot. I’m not an idiot. I just struggle with emotional eating and a totally outsized hunger mechanism.

            3. Same–we worked with two for our kid who was underweight and an extremely picky eater. They gave me photocopied handouts geared towards the parents of overweight kids (don’t feed your kid fast food!) and then told me to give her Ensure (processed, gross, she refused it), to hide coconut oil in her peanut butter sandwich (she found it and then refused to eat peanut butter ever again), and to “just serve healthy food and she’ll eat when she’s hungry” (no, the issue was that she was willfully starving herself because she hated most flavors and textures). Biggest waste of money ever.

               Anyone with the slightest bit of common sense can figure out how to eat for weight loss. If eating healthy real foods in reasonable portions while getting exercise and quality sleep doesn’t result in weight loss, I would see a doctor, not a dietician.

         2. I’ve always hated it. I’ve never found one that offered any useful advice whatsoever.

            1. I think there are two generations of dietician out there (the old prescriptivist calorie counting ones, and the new ones who start with the diet we’re already on, and then work with us on coming up with adjustments that will be sustainable and nutritionally adequate). Some of the new ones are too “anything goes” for me. I can’t find a place for Hostess cupcakes in my diet no matter what I budge elsewhere for instance!

               But if someone already has good foundational knowledge of nutrition and knows how to use cronometer, a dietician is probably not necessary. “I’ll surely lose weight thanks to air frying chicken nuggets” is what made me think that maybe a dietician could actually be helpful (and I mean, maybe he’s right, but I’d want more of a plan than that).

            2. That’s kinda like my friends and I thinking we could eat all the Snackwells cookies we wanted since they were low fat.

               That turned out to be very not true.

   5. Get him this – https://www.amazon.com/Skinnytaste-Air-Fryer-Cookbook-Healthy

   6. I agree with you that an appliance is not going to make one lose weight. But, the appliance in question has absolutely aided my own weight loss efforts. If his mindset and other habits are in check, I think it’s a tremendous purchase. I like the Cuisinart one that looks like a toaster oven. I find it way more versatile than the original one I had that was more of a “fry bin” style.

   7. we have both an air fryer and a toaster oven that is supposed to be as good as an air fryer – the air fryer is much better for a lot of stuff. (but we still love our toaster oven.)

   8. I made some excellent crispy tofu that only used a teaspoon or two of oil for 2+ servings. It does make excellent roast potatoes, too.

      But yeah, I don’t know that it will be a great weight loss tool unless it encourages cooking more vegetables, fish, etc.

      1. Hmm can’t wait to see why my comment about crispy tofu was in mod.

         1. Oh, because of the synonym for very good. Bah.

            1. Oh weird – which one, ex cellent or gre at? Why are they in the m0d bucket?

            2. E l l e n

   9. I hate any single-use appliance other than the toaster. Nothing else has been used enough to justify the counter space.

      1. FWIW, we don’t keep our air fryer (or toaster) on the counter. We have a small one and just bring it out when we use it. Caveat that we have tons of storage space in our kitchen, so plenty of room in cupboards or drawers for these type of appliances.

      2. I generally agree, as I have very little counter space or storage space. But I have room to store the air fryer (it’s not huge) and bring it out when needed. I like it enough to justify the space.

         And it’s nice to use when you have things that need two different oven temperatures (I don’t have a toaster oven).

         1. OP: I hadn’t thought of this but it may just be a handy Thanksgiving and Christmas thing.

      3. I generally totally agree with you but the Ninja Foodi ended up being my exception to the rule. However I guess ours is an 11 in 1 appliance, I do actually uses the other settings, and we don’t have a microwave so I use it to heat up some leftovers too. If it was ONLY an air fryer, it probably wouldn’t have lasted in our kitchen as long as it has.

      4. We have an air fryer that is also a microwave, so that makes the counter space sacrifice more tolerable.

   10. My skepticism is that if you can’t or won’t cook tasty healthy food without the air fryer, are you likely to learn how to cook things you will actually eat (daily!) with the AF? The AF won’t fix bad eating or help you exercise. But if it inspires major changes, great. Sometimes new sneakers or gear inspire a workout but aren’t enough spark to make it a habit (that work, is just a grind until you have a new habit you have knot into your actual life in a way that works for you vs being a joyless forever chore).

       1. +1

          I mean, continuing to eat pizza and chicken nuggets made in the air fryer instead of the ?oven ?straight from the restaurant, is still not going to help with weight loss.

          And I agree with you on the hostess stuff. That is likely the bigger problem.

   11. Not sure what you mean, as my elem school aged kid call ours ‘the chicken nugget cooker’ and that’s the only way we’ve referred to it for a couple years now.

   12. I love crispy almost burnt vegetables but I don’t like waiting 45+ minutes to bake them in the oven and I don’t want to use the amount of oil necessary to pan fry. Brussel sprouts in particular are great in the air fryer, they get crispy without a ton of oil. In the summer we grill veggies almost every day but the air fryer is great for when we don’t want to/the weather doesn’t allow us to fire up the grill.

   13. I love my air fryer, but gently, this sounds like the Streetlight Fallacy – your husband is seizing on the cool new thing (air fryer) instead of addressing the real problem (cutting out junk food and doing uncomfortable exercise). Making chicken nuggets from scratch isn’t a positive lifestyle change, it’s playing with a new kitchen gadget.

10. What are the small things you do for yourself when you are feeling very emotionally depleted? I may need some help on that front.

    1. Paint my nails, eat pizza/other comfort food, watch mindless content on YouTube. That’s if I’m kind of looking to wallow. If I’m looking to get out of a funk, I get outside for some exercise, clean a bathroom, or tackle that “thing” that’s been hovering on the edge of my awareness for awhile (pay a bill, call to schedule that appointment, send that email, etc.).

       Hugs.

    2. Time outside, a novel that makes me cry, in person friend interaction.

    3. Nap without setting an alarm after reading in bed.

    4. I take a walk, a shower, a nap. Any or all of the above.

    5. I find a walk, particularly first thing in the morning or later at night (basically when it’s not crowded) to be supremely restorative.

       Also laughter. A funny movie, comedy special or podcast can be fantastic.

       A phone conversation (or even better in person) with a friend.

       If you have a bit more time, someone told me about the idea of a once a month Sabbath recently that seems like a great idea. All traditional jewish sabbath rules apply – no to-do list, stay off electronics, make no decisions, no financial transactions, and just be. It can be great to even know you have that on your calendar.

    6. Take a Friday off (at least a half day). Get a fancy coffee and pastry and read a magazine while you enjoy it. Go to a botanical garden; if you don’t have one close go to the biggest greenhouse/garden store in you area and wander around. New lipstick/nail polish/your makeup of choice. Reach out to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Watch funny video compilations.
       I hope you start feeling better soon.

       1. Small suggestion – taking Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday off brings me more joy. Less crowded and your inner rebellious teenager is happier playing hookey for the day.

          1. That’s a good idea! I was thinking Friday bc you get a 3-day weekend. OP should try both, so she can decide which way she likes best :)

    7. Hydrate, paint my nails, bullet journal

    8. I would set aside some time to do anything I really enjoy like a hot bath, massage, mani pedi, read outside or a good workout. I also think talking to a therapist or close friend is helpful and at some point, taking a long weekend away by yourself is always so nice.

    9. Take a day off work to do my hobby (in my case sewing).

    10. If the weather is nice, I take a day or half day off and spend as much time as I can. (With spf! In the shade!)

        During the winter, I might cook a big comforting meal then watch a movie.

11. What are your favorite recipes/dishes for using fresh basil? My basil plant is currently going gangbusters and I need to harvest a bunch this week. Current possibilities include stir fry (chicken or beef plus onions and basil) and adding some to a pasta sauce.

    Please nothing with whole or large chunks of tomatoes. I love tomato sauce on pasta, but can’t stand the texture of tomato chunks. No caprese salads for me!

    1. I make pesto from a starch and freeze it in silicone ice cube trays.

       1. +1

    2. Basic, but I just made pasta with a fresh basil pesto (garlic, basil, pine nuts, Parmesan cheese, olive oil) and put grilled chicken on top – it was amazing. Trying to keep on top of my basil plants too!

    3. Pesto is the obvious possibility. You can make a batch and freeze what you don’t use.

       1. Duh, I don’t know why I didn’t think about pesto. I never think to use it on pasta, but I love it in place of pizza sauce on a homemade pizza!

          1. also great in a pasta salad dressing – easy lunch option.

       2. You can also keep a jar in the fridge for months this way: pack the pesto in the jar eliminating air pockets as much as possible; smooth the top of the pesto; wipe down the inside of the jar cleaning it off from the lip of the jar to the top of the pesto; float about a half inch of olive oil on top of the pesto – it should completely cover it and then some; refrigerate.

          To use it, scoop off the olive oil layer and discard; spoon out the pesto you need, and repeat the smoothing, wiping, olive oil thing.

          I keep some inexpensive olive oil on hand to do this. I normally take my late summer basil harvest to make pesto and using this technique I have pesto until the holidays. You will know it is getting too old to use when it oxidates when you take it out of the jar. Got this technique from “La Vera Cucina” by Carlo Middione.

          1. Not Anon above, but wanted to add that the point of this method is to avoid bacterial growth that can give botulism. Unless you are really excellent at this, it’s better to keep the pesto in the freezer.

    4. I have also chopped up basil with olive oil and put the ice cube trays when I have too much basil.

    5. As others have said, pesto.
       Adding to tomato soup, margherita pizza, whatever!
       Adding it to salad for extra flavor
       Crushing it and having a basil martini mmmm

    6. Alllll the pesto and then I’d put it on anything—pasta, use as a marinade for chicken, put on sandwiches, mix with mayo for more of an aioli….

       I make an orzo salad with roasted cherry tomatoes (you could use sun dried tomatoes in oil too), corn, roasted zucchini, chopped basil, diced red onion, chopped spinach and feta. It’s delicious and uses a ton of basil. I don’t like raw tomato chunks but roasted cherry tomatoes burst and form their own sauce that’s delicious. You could halve the tomatoes and then roast too. You could also sub out the orzo for chickpeas or add in grilled chicken for a heartier dish.

    7. Chopped up add added to pasta salad, green salad, pasta, slaw. Also, make a basil simple syrup for iced tea and cocktails. :)

    8. Basil simple syrup for cocktails. I can’t find it, but I once had a really good recipe for a basil lemonade something (vodka, maybe?).

       1. Basil smash is a great basil gin drink.
          (Muddled fresh basil.)

    9. What is everyone’s favorite classic pesto recipe?

       My herb garden is thriving and can’t wait to use my basil.

    10. We had the same issue with our aero garden basil. We did the budget bytes pepperoni/pesto/mozzarella pizza rolls and are sad we can’t make more now that the basil is all used up!

        1. Those are so good! I had forgotten about that recipe. Now I need to add it to next week’s menu. I am lazy and use TJ’s jarred pesto for this. I only make fresh pesto for pasta and salads.

    11. Taiwanese three cup chicken, which technically calls for Thai basil but sweet or regular basil works just fine too.

    12. Drunken noodles. Italian basil isn’t perfect for thai dishes, but close enough.

        Other options: add to watermelon and feta salad, basil chicken

    13. Slice fresh peaches into wedges, top with a slice of basil, wrap with prosciutto – one of my favorite summer snacks.

    14. Ooo how did you get your basil to do so well? Our parsley is going nuts but our basil looks sad.

        1. This is my first time succeeding with basil. I bought a small but healthy plant at my local garden center and put it in my container outside with other flowers. It gets lots of sun and I water the containers about every other day. So I would say sun, water, and lots of luck.

    15. Pesto all the way. Not only on pasta, but as a sandwich spread and a topping for just-grilled meats and veggies.

    16. Fresh strawberries with basil leaves and balsamico is great.

        Basil panna cotta is fab. Bonus for basil syrup jello on top of wobbly panna cotta.

12. What are some fun things to do together when you’re in a long distance relationship? my husband just moved for a job and I’d like for us to build a set of things we do together remotely when we’re not able to be in person. Watch an episode from a show and talk about it? cook the same recipe? I would just love for our activities to not be limited to just talking.

    1. I had a LD BF in grad school. We (gasp) wrote short notes and postcards daily and it was so fun to get mail and postcards from each home city and random restaurants and places we’d like to go.

    2. When my husband travels for work, we play phone app games together, like words with friends or online pool or chess.

    3. My spouse and I did grad school long distance (so 9 months, with summers together) and 1.5 years long distance after we were married. We did play games on our phones (Words with friends, etc). We were different time zones, so I would skype with him while he made dinner and catch up – just like we would at home.
       Everyone is different, so I liked talking b/c there’s more of their day that you are just not a part of when long distance. We would “walk” the dog together, in that I would call him and have one ear bud in while I walked the dog and he would also go for a walk.
       If it’s a new job, there’s a degree of patience too where they may be more tired/exhausted from learning the new job + living solo. We did a lot of meal prep kits during that time period and it was when I first started using a house cleaner as it was a lot to take care of two places individually, while managing our jobs, health, seeing friends, and traveling back-and-forth.
       Sounds like your situation is temporary – so I hope the time flies quickly!

    4. I saw a feature on Amazon Prime (I think, otherwise it was Netflix) called “watch party.” Don’t know how long it’s been there. Did not try it, but I imagine it is some kind of “we can watch the same thing together and communicate about the funny lines” tool.

    5. one of those app-controlled v*bes is great. can attest from my own formerly LD relationship!

13. My sweet dog is in the hospital for 24 hours as she ate raisins! Raisins and grapes are highly toxic to dogs. The vet induced vomiting, started an IV line for kidney support, and did blood work. She looked so bereft last night when I left her and headed home. Fingers crossed that her blood work at 5 pm today is OK and she can come home. I feel so sad. So, PSA–don’t let your doggie get near raisins or grapes!

    1. ughhh dog health problems are the WORST. Our puppy ate a couple tulip leaves a few weeks ago – heads up those are toxic to dogs too. Ughh. We called our vet, gave the pup some activated charcoal, and cuddled for a few hours and he was fine. Then I proceeded to cut down all the tulips for the season. (The bulbs are really bad too but the dogs weren’t digging in the bulbs, just munching on the the leaves).

    2. Oh no! I hope the bloodwork comes in clear and she’s good to come home.
       Onions are also really bad for dogs!

    3. Oh no! I’m so sorry! Fingers crossed for your sweet girl. Leaving them at the vet, especially overnight is so hard (I cry every time – it’s like I can’t help myself when she gives me those eyes!)

    4. Oh that happened to our pup, it’s traumatizing but you did the right thing taking her in. Fingers crossed she’ll be just fine.

    5. My husbands dog climbed on the kitchen table and ate an entire bowl of grapes when he was a puppy.
       We are like 5 minutes from the vet so we ran him down and they induced vomiting and now 4 years later he’s still a rambunctious trouble maker.
       Hope your dog gets to come home soon!

    6. I am not an animal person, so I have a stupid question: is this pretty common that stuff we love is totally toxic to other mammals (that have bodies so similar to ours)? I know dogs can’t have chocolate either, and some houseplants are bad for cats, but it sounds like there are tons of examples that you just have to know? (I’m hoping there are 101 manuals for first time pet owners out there) Can they eat anything that would be toxic to humans? Just curious…

       1. There are a bunch of things to know, yes.

          Cats in particular aren’t all that relevantly similar (they are obligate carnivores whose livers aren’t good at detoxing, since their preferred food sources don’t really have much to detox from), which is why so few medications are safe for cats. But they can also handle things that we can’t (my cat had a form of lymphoma and was treated with a mustard gas based form of chemo that is almost never used in humans because it’s so horrifically hard on humans; it barely has side effects in cats and he did really well on it). I think there are a lot of examples of meds that mostly didn’t pan out for one species but actually did pan out for another?

          Dogs are more similar to humans, but raisins, chocolate, and Xylitol are some of the big ones to be careful with for different reasons.

          Both cats and dogs can get anemic from onion/garlic. As far as I know, these have the same effect on humans but very mildly, so it doesn’t matter, whereas the effect is severe in dogs and cats? There are a lot of “dose makes the poison” foods in the human diet (avocadoes, cucumbers, even lettuce) that contain toxins or drugs that we can handle, but animals can’t always. So for example, I think you could poison a human with tartaric acid, but it just takes so much less to poison a dog.

    7. Onions, avocados and chocolate are also big no-nos for dogs.

       1. Avocado is generally ok as long as they don’t get large quantities of it.

14. My husband’s nephew goes to catholic school and is doing a fund raiser. They’re asking us for money. My sister in law doesn’t work but her husband is a doctor and they have plenty of money. They’re also notoriously stingy people. So much so that they send their kid to a catholic school when they’re not Catholic because it’s cheaper than any other private schools, but they are morally opposed to a lot of the church’s teachings. (Their words.) My husband also is morally outraged by the politics of the church, the history of abuse by clergy AND the fact that they not only send their kid there but are now asking him to support it.

    Sister in law is mad that my husband won’t support the new hvac system at her son’s school, husband said if she sent him to a non-religious school he would, but he can’t fathom why an organization as rich as the catholic church has kids sitting in sub-par schools. I kind of see her perspective; it feels like he’s taking his issues with a religion that none of us believe in out on his nephew. Otoh, I am kind of resentful that an organization this rich has school children passing the hat, but if my sister in law was poor and devout I’d probably write the check. Thoughts?

    1. Good grief. If you hate Catholicism, don’t donate. Just say to your in laws that the eg chose to send their kid to a school with lower tuition, but part of that expectation is that those who can spend more will donate to these fundraisers.

       I am going to take issue with the whole business if you all bring so arrogant and entitled as to think you know how to spend the Church’a money better than they do. By worldwide standards – not “rich American doctor standards” – the school is fine. It should be supported by Americans with money. The money the Church has is best devoted to third world countries, medical care for those who cannot afford it, keeping churches open in underserved areas, disaster relief efforts, and impoverished areas of America.

       1. When the pedophili@ scand@ls broke oh so many years ago, it broke my heart that the Catholic Church decided to close parishes so as to pay the victims and survivors their funds. Let’s punish the faithful by making them go somewhere else to worship. Meanwhile, the Vatican could have sold ONE piece of art and righted the whole thing. As a former Catholic, the church does many good things re: poverty, etc., but makes many many mistakes re: the treatment of its own parishioners. And, “just say no” is a good strategy when you do not want to make a donation. full stop.

          1. I don’t disagree at all re the abuse scandals.

             Re-reading, my point was garbled… the appropriate people to pay for upgrades to an American Catholic school, which keeps its tuition low so that middle class kids can afford it, are wealthy Americans who send their kids there and/or wealthy American Catholics. The Church’s money can go to a whole host of places besides “subsidies for the kid of a wealthy American doctor,” and it irks me that the OP and her family act like the Church is wrong for doing things this way.

          2. That is NOT the thing that broke my heart about that scandal.

       2. Yeah! And don’t forget, the Catholic Church still needs billions of dollars to pay off those pesky abuse settlements that keep popping up from all the times when priests raped and abused kids and women and got away with it!

          1. This is a wildly inappropriate comment. Take your bashing elsewhere.

             1. Where’s the lie though? Nothing said here isn’t factual.

             2. There’s nothing inappropriate about that comment at all.

             3. I mean, take your offense at criticizing the indefensible elsewhere. I say this as a former Catholic who understands why so many of my family members stay, but there’s no way to spin this as Catholic bashing when it’s reality. It is part and parcel of the Church.

          2. True!!

       3. Yeah you took that pretty personally, but I agree with OP. The Catholic Church is not getting one cent of my money. I was tangentially involved in the sexual abuse litigation in several diocese and I am fully convinced the evil has not left. (The attitude that the kids brought this on themselves.)

    2. It’s not my responsibility to ensure other people’s kids have xyz, especially when those people have means.

       I know I sound very stingy and I actually do donate time and money to charities, but the charities I support are for those who truly need the help.

       I live in Philly where many schools don’t have AC and have to close school on hot days. Generally schools in nicer neighborhoods have AC funded through their PTA (parents there have the means (financially and otherwise to make those schools nice) and thus don’t have to close. This only widens the gap between the haves and the have nots here. I’d gladly donate to help get all of the schools AC to prevent those closings but I wouldn’t donate to your nephews school.

       1. I tend to agree with this. But if I wanted to keep the peace, I’d donate a nominal amount and call it good.

          And yeah, the Catholic Church has money. Don’t tell me it doesn’t.

    3. I think your whole family is too much headache. Donate or don’t. But just decline don’t make it into a whole massive judgmental teaching moment.

       1. Amen.

       2. Amen.

       3. This. Not everything has to be a discussion.

       4. 1000%.

    4. I think this is between your husband and his sister and strongly suggest you stay clear of this.

    5. I would never donate to the Catholic church but I agree you’re overthinking this. Just say you’re not donating and move on.

    6. Wild! They are not entitled to your money. The end.

    7. There’s no way I would donate to this fundraiser, as I have multiple levels of problems with this ask:

       – It’s for an HVAC system for the school, which a PRIVATE school, regardless of who owns it, should be able to pay for out of tuition income or from an endowment from well-managed investments. This is not a situation where, like, some kids won’t be able to go on a fun field trip if enough money can’t be raised and thus the kids will feel left out and miss out on an important formative experience. The school should have a capital improvements fund for things like this, and fundraised money should go to something students need to further their education.

       – The parents are wealthy and could donate themselves.

       – It’s the Catholic Church; enough said. Perhaps if so many priests and nuns had not rampantly abused children for generations, the church would have more money to buy HVAC systems for schools vs. spending it on legal defense and abuse settlements.

       – It sounds like the SIL is a pill and I don’t like rewarding “do this or I’m going to throw a fit” behavior.

       OP – just say no. No is a complete sentence. Your nephew will be fine, your BIL and SIL will be fine, everyone will eventually move on. “Sorry, we can’t do that” is all you needed to say.

    8. As a parent, a lot of schools ask parents to solicit relatives when the school is doing fundraising. My relatives have donated a few times to our public school and the private preschool, but it’s super, duper optional and I genuinely can’t imagine Getting Into It with my relatives if they declined.

       To me, asking non-parent relatives to donate money to a relative’s school is a bit like those nail “parties” where a high school acquaintance asks me to buy a bunch of stuff while she’s on FB Live. Pass, unless I really want some new fake nails.

       While I’m about the most anti-Catholic-Church person you could imagine, my sense from friends is that parochial schools get the barest of institutional support (e.g., free rent) so the carnival or the raffle drive or whatever is the way they get to keep the science teacher. And they *do* have a science teacher, unlike some of the “Christian” schools.

       1. In my small city, the local schools are “good” by our state’s standards, which means they are actually pretty terrible by American standards. The local Catholic K-8 is outstanding, head and shoulders above the publics. They charge $7k a year.

          1. Our local Catholic parish school is about the same price and is very well-regarded. It’s also part of a larger ecosystem in our city that feeds into not-very-expensive Catholic high schools that send kids to college. It seems like a really good option for kids and families that can afford it (plenty can) and able to handle the “Catholic-ness” of it – which varies widely. The schools are also the most diverse of the city’s private schools in terms of race and income.

             I’m cheap, Episcopalian, and not particularly well-compensated for my city. Both of my kids are doing quite well in their public schools. But if that wasn’t the case, I’d probably start out by looking at the Catholic privates, then the Episcopal schools (which aren’t convenient to me), then the secular privates. As middle and high school students, I’m less worried about my kid being an outsider in terms of the school’s religion, which was a concern I had when they were younger and I was choosing a K-8.

       2. I am not a fan of Catholicism, but agree there is a huge difference between Catholic schools and Christian schools. Catholic schools teach solid academics with a dose of religion. “Christian” schools are often totally anti-science and don’t teach much academic curriculum even in the non-controversial subjects.

          1. A good Catholic prep school can be relatively religiously inclusive too (as in no one bats an eye at students who are religious but not Christian attending). I am not sure about “convert from Protestantism” Catholic type charter schools these days though.

             1. In our city, there are a lot of non-Catholics at the Catholic prep schools. Several of my Black church friends (Episcopal church) sent their kids to the local all-girls’ Catholic school and thought it was a good experience. The Catholic schools are also relatively popular with non-Christian Middle Eastern families.

       3. I ignore all requests to solicit donations from my family and friends. When school groups are selling stuff as fundraisers I sometimes buy extras and give them away.

    9. (This is a total shot in the dark but our Catholic school is also doing fundraising for HVAC – but our school is only for neurodiverse children and accepts the state’s autism scholarship. Is it possible you’re not close enough with the nephew’s family to know those factors? Former Catholic who chose to send her child because it’s one of the few SpEd schools that focuses on academics, not behaviors.)

       1. Interesting! I’ve never heard of a Catholic school that is for neurodivergent children. The ones I’m familiar with are run-of-the-mill parochial schools that generally don’t provide much (or any) special education support for students beyond simple interventions for things like reading difficulties or ADHD, and then a few more elite non-parochial ones like an all-girls boarding school in my neck of the woods. As a former Catholic and an educator, I don’t think that it’s statistically very likely that this is the type of school OP’s nephew attends.

          1. I have a relative whose child attends one of these schools. It’s truly a great school for special needs kids. Though it doesn’t sound like the Op’s nephew’s school, I agree.

    10. Is this some kind of one-off pledge? I have 3 kids in elem and I really pick and choose what I let them solicit family members for. Just say “no thanks!” and leave it at that. Why do you have to contribute to a family member’s school’s HVAC? Why is this even a family argument?

        1. Op here. I think sil has really few options for because her husband is cheap and controls the money. Now I think she’s feeling judged by the school because she can’t contribute and judged by us because my husband doesn’t want to contribute. None of this is my problem but I feel sad for her. I hope my husband’s nephew isn’t made to feel bad about this at school.

           My kid goes to an amazing public school. I wish it was an option for every kid.

           1. This sounds like a BIL problem that she’s trying to make your problem.

           2. I think my kids’ public schools are pretty great for my kids and I wish every kid had such a good experience. Sure, they could use a non-crumbling physical plant and the emails from the school are terrible, but my kids will be fine in the end.

    11. Your nephew was likely told to ask friends and relatives. I would donate 10 dollars for his sake and be done with it. Not everything is a hill to die on.

15. I have finally come around to the idea of having a job I like that allows me to pursue my interests and passions outside of work, rather than an all-consuming job that is my passion.

    However, after I work and do the basic life tasks I need to do (which are definitely streamlined!), I often don’t have enough time to pursue my hobbies.

    Admittedly my hobbies are “intense”, currently I’m training for 2 off-road / trail triathalons and then once tri season wraps up I’ll transition to training for a half marathon. Other interests I have include hiking, camping, skiing and kayaking but I have to drive 1-2+ hours to pursue those so they’re only done on weekends where I don’t have social plans (which are rare).

    I train to do well enough in my hobbies, but don’t have the time ir energy to train how I’d like. How do I reconcile leaving the consuming but passion stirring job for a 9-5 that’s meh that on paper let’s me pursue hobbies but not to the extent I’d prefer.

    1. Adjust your expectations. I’m around the triathlon & distance running community and the only people who train the way you describe are people who retire early or have wealthy spouses that enable them to train full time, travel and have household help. These are people who can treat a hobby as a full-time job (as opposed to going pro in the sport). That is simply not realistic for most of us.

       1. I’m not trying to be someone who trains 3 hours a day or anything crazy.

          Plenty of people have full time jobs and run marathons, for example. I know marathon training is often all-consuming but I don’t know who has time to go on 8-10 mile runs mid-week (I understand how to carve out time for a 20 mile Saturday run, but not a 9 mile Wednesday run!)

          1. This is where it matters what level you’re training at. I know people who run marathons who don’t do set marathon training schedules. They are fine taking 5-6 hours, or more, and their basic formula is about 30 miles per week, one long run every weekend, and they get through the race on cumulative aerobic gains plus lots of walking.

             The people who seriously train wake up before dawn to get those long runs in. Many of them run 9 miles a day, not just on their long runs.

          2. They wake up at 4:30 a.m. to get in a 9-mile run before work. Doesn’t sound appealing to me, but that’s how people are doing it.

             1. Also, 9 mile runs for some people are only 60-90 minutes. Not a terrible time commitment.

          3. I know plenty of triathletes who place, if not win, their age groups with 5-10 hours of training a week.

             They all are pretty (but not amazingly!) fit before training. So, training isn’t “getting in shape” it’s getting in shape to place. Workouts are usually 45-75 mins a day with a longer block (usually 2 hours, with a few longer weeks here and there) on one weekend day.

          4. Speedwork. Get faster before going longer. I wouldn’t want to train for a marathon right now because a those 10 mile weekday runs would take too long. Once I have some speed back, sure, but getting there takes some time.

    2. I think this is adulthood, unless you’re independently wealthy.

       1. This. You really can’t lifehack your way out of the responsibilities of living.

       2. Yeah, this is just…life. Unless you can afford to work part-time, you will spend most of your waking hours working and taking care of life business.

    3. What is the actual issue? There’s no reason why you can’t fit running during the week into your schedule? If you want to do weekend hobbies you need to schedule them and prioritize them and turn down social plans. Also all of the things you listed can be social.

       1. I do run / bike during the week but can only get 2-3 45 minute workouts in which isn’t really enough.

          I do frequently run with friends, but only a handful of friends can do this.

          1. Ok, you don’t say whether you have kids and/or are married, but I am assuming you do not because you would have said so. If you can only manage to get in a 45 min workout 2-3 times during a 5 day workweek you need to radically rethink your schedule and what “basic life tasks” are taking up your time. Get up at 6 am for your run or bike – you have time for a full hour’s workout before it gets too hot, and you can still get home and shower in time to get to work by 9 am. If mornings aren’t your jam, go straight to your workout after you finish work at 5 pm. You can still do an hour workout and shower before dinner time (just have a hefty snack at 3 or 4 pm to get you through). Or if you have access to a shower at your office (or if you work from home) you can do a workout during your work day and just have your work day be longer on one end or the other. I don’t know what “life” things besides work you have going on, but they are taking up way too much of your time if you can’t manage a full hour of exercise every day. Unless you have very small kids, in which case you just have to suck it up and do the early morning workout and have your partner get the kids up in the morning. If you can’t manage to make time for a full hour most days a week, then these hobbies are clearly not a priority for you. Which is FINE. But you can’t spend the majority of non-work hours on non-hobby things and still call the hobby your priority. “Basic life tasks” like preparing food and keeping your home in order should not be taking more than an hour or two on a work day.

             1. I guess when I followed the advice of “have a job that’s fine and pursue your passions on your own time” I thought I’d have more time for my interests.

                5ish hours a week to devote to an interest doesn’t come close to scratching the itch for me, unfortunately

             2. Literally what is wrong with you? If you only have 5 hours for hobbies that’s because you’re not using your time well. You have agency and choices here.

             3. Right, why did you think you’d have more time? What is the delta in hours between your previous job and the current job? If it’s more than 5 hours, and that’s why you thought you’d have more time, what are you spending the time on? This is figure-out-able.

             4. I work 8.5-9.5 hours a day and commute 30-45 mins. I sleep 8 hours a night. Let’s say 45 mins in the morning and evening to get ready for work / for bed. An hour for dinner (to cook, clean up and eat) and an hour for other life maintenance (errands, cleaning, packing lunch, whatever).

                That gives me 2.5 hours a day to train but also do anything else I’d want to do: watch tv, read, see a friend, etc. So yes, I fit in about an hour a day to workout but not too much more. I need time to wind down post-workout before bed.

                That hour workout doesn’t include warm up / cool down, stretching, or mobility work. I can run or bike at home or a gym on my way home but I have to travel 20 minutes to a pool.

                So yeah, I can fit in an hour a day of training and I usually do. But an hour a day on hobbies really feels low for me.

             5. I pretty regularly worked 60 hour weeks + commuting. I also was really passionate about my job so didn’t feel the need to dedicate much time or energy to other hobbies because my work fulfilled me. Now I have a fine but unfulfilling job that yes gives me better work-life balance but doesn’t set my soul on fire.

                I thought I could make up the lack passion from my job with the passion for my hobbies, but that doesn’t appear to be the case.

             6. If you’re choosing to spend an hour a day on dinner (wild) and an hour a day on chores (why?) then that is your choice. Stop whining about having no time for hobbies when you choose to use it on other things.

             7. Sleep 7 hours a night, cut your AM and PM routines down to 30 minutes each, and enjoy the extra hour to dedicate to your hobby.

                You have to make decisions (just like everyone else does) about what you value most. Your description makes it sound like you really prefer operating at a leisurely pace over hobby time and I don’t think you are being honest with yourself about that.

          2. You’re not managing your time well if you are only getting in 2-3 45 minute workouts during the week. Sorry, but it’s true. I’m an attorney, with 2 kids elementary school kids, who bills 160+ hours a month and I work out at least 4 week days each week for at least 1.5 hours (so either orangetheory + a run, hot yoga, or a long run). I get up at 5:30 to do it. It’s totally possible.

          3. Yeah, I think you are pretty optimized already, there isn’t that much more you can squeeze out unless you do some radical prioritizing. That could be
             -making more triathlon/hiking/skiing friends so you can combine social time with workout
             -cutting hours at work or getting a more flexible schedule (like working 4 days/week for 10 hours)
             -outsource all housework and grocery shopping and errands

             It sounds like you are getting in 2-3 workouts during the week, plus all errands and chores, and your weekend is completely yours (no work or house work). That is much more than a lot of people have.

          4. Why tho? Seems like you have plenty of time for a 1.5 hour run at least once during the work week.

          5. I have three kids, a spouse, a houseful of pets, and a big job. I run 5 days/week and do yoga or strength training on the sixth day. I do this by getting up very early before kids are awake (if I’m out the door at 5:45 I can run for an hour and shower before I have children to wrangle) or working out during my lunch break.

             It sounds like when you talk about life tasks, you’re also including social obligations. That’s fully in your control – you’re making a choice to prioritize those activities, which is fine! Very few people who work full time also have time for an extremely active social life and very interesting hobbies, unless the hobbies and the social life overlap.

             1. This. If OP is Anon at 12.51, it’s that you are prioritizing other needs ahead of your hobbies. You want to have time for TV or reading – which is fine – but you won’t have time for a long workout AND an hour to read/watch TV in the same evening. You want to spend 1 hour on dinner, and 45 minutes getting ready for bed, rather than 30 mins on dinner and 15 mins to get ready for bed. None of those are wrong choices, but you’re deciding to do things other than your hobbies. You could pick two nights where your 2.5 hr hobby is what you do that evening, and on the OTHER nights you read, go to dinner with friends, veg in front of the TV, do a long skin-care routine. You just don’t have time to do everything that you’re “prioritizing” in the very same evening.

             2. Agreed. Hanging out with friends is a hobby. Reading is a hobby. Watching TV is a hobby. Cooking a nice meal is a hobby. Triathlon is 3 hobbies in one.

       2. +1

          I mean, you use your weeknights for exercise/basic training, social activities and doing all the errands, and save your weekends for big trips away. 1.5hrs to kayaking is pretty amazing/lucky. Most of us don’t have that ability. You’re living a pretty great life if this is your big concern. Maybe you don’t see that?

          There are only so many hours in the day. You could work like crazy, save your $ and retire early? Then you’ll have more free time for hobbies.

          1. Huge jump to “your life is already great why don’t you see that”…

          2. Unfortunately (at least for me) so many of my social activities are hard to move when they are.

             People are happy to meet up for a drink or grab dinner mid-week but anything more than that (parties, celebrations, birthdays, wedding or baby related stuff) is kind of curved to be on the weekends.

             I do my cleaning and minor errands or chores on weekdays, but so many stores near me close at 6pm still and I can’t run errands on weeknights anymore.

             1. Well, again. You have a pretty great life, if you have that many invitations to fun things you want to do on weekends too. You can say no to some of them. You can travel to kayak on just one weekend day, and do social things on the other day.

                What do you actually need to go to stores for in person? What are these errands?

                Be organized about your cooking/meal planning. At the beginning of each week, quickly write your meal plan for the week. Shop for 10-14 days at once, and plan your meals accordingly so you use produce before it goes bad. Don’t dry clean anything. Don’t go to a post office. Weigh your packages at home, pay for them online, leave them for your postal person or schedule a pick up. Do shopping online, and then pick up your groceries in person or have them delivered. Buy from Costco in bulk and have it delivered to decrease. Do errands during your work lunch. Occasionally go into work a few yours early and take a break during the day to get personal things done, if your mellow job would allow that. Combine some errands with walks with friends. Many of your customer service phone calls you can do at 8am. Cluster errands for the month on one day/half day on the weekend. Have medicines delivered.

                What do you really expect us to say?

             2. For those who only food shop once every 10-14 days, do you just not eat fresh food after day 5 or 6?

                I usually only shop once a week and even by the end of the week my produce either looks grim or has already gone bad. Likewise I wouldn’t cook chicken that had been in my fridge that long and even some dairy might be out of date by day 14

             3. Decline showers they are boring and get stuff delivered. I love my friends but my life is my priority

             4. I’m not the OP but living in a city means that I can’t get packages delivered or leave returns out for the mail to pick up. I either walk or take the bus to the grocery store so can only get what I can carry.

                I’m in the office 4 days a week in a very “butts in seats” office so can’t pop out to run an errand during work. I don’t dry clean much but my nicer work outfits like suits (which I do wear on occasion still!) are definitely dry clean only.

                I have a car but with city parking I usually park about a mile away from my 500 sq Ft condo so a Costco trip isn’t practical.

             5. So I feel like what you’re asking us to do is figure out how you can do everything you want to do in the finite number of hours a day/week we all have, without making any compromises. And that’s just not possible. To live your life as an adult human in the world, you have to set priorities and say “no” to things you might want to do, but simply can’t make time for, because there are only 24 hours in a day/7 days in a week. Either you turn down social events so you can train the way you want/need to train to be at the athletic level you want to be at. Or you decide you are happy doing your athletics at a more recreational level so you have more time for social stuff. That’s it; those are the choices. You don’t have a Harry Potter Time-Turner; you have to make choices.

                I’m going to suggest that you might want to examine why you feel the need to stay this busy and active all the time. Sometimes being busy is good and can be healthy. It can also be a way for us to avoid having “empty time” where we have to sit with our feelings and thoughts, and we can’t avoid them by being otherwise occupied. This is why so many people had big life revelations during Covid lockdown: some people had literally been running from one achievement or event to another for so long that they had never given themselves time to sit with their thoughts and feelings and really investigate why they were making the choices they were making.

                Also: life is a marathon, not a sprint. If you’re not in peak triathlon shape this year, you will have next year, the year after that, etc. when you will have more time to get there. If you’re in a season of life where there are lots of social events for your friends’ big life events, it may make more sense to lean into that and plan to do fitness as a fun thing (vs. competitive) and save the competition stuff for a season of life when you have more free time on the weekends.

             6. Anon at 12:39 – we shop roughly every 10 days. I’ll plan meals that involve short-term perishables (fish, chicken, delicate veggies) for the first few days after a shop, and then use more stable ingredients later in the week (tofu, frozen veg, etc).

          3. I’m single and shop every 10-14 days. I have a bunch of really really simple meals I rotate amongst and only do a more intensive recipe type cooking like once or twice a week. Breakfasts/lunches always the same. When I really “cook, I make in bulk and freeze some or happily eat left overs for a few days. I know know exactly what I like to keep in stock at all times to give me flexibility in cooking (emphasize on south asian/east asian/mexican flavors, when I cook/marinate). And I pick up a rotisserie chicken every time I go to Costco (or get delivery from Costco) or whole foods.

             2 vegetables with every dinner. One more leafy one more starchy or tomatoes. Most vegs I eat simply – raw, steamed with seasoning, or roasted. 1 protein with every dinner + skim milk. I always have a bunch of relatively stable proteins at hand that keep – Frozen fish (salmon, white fish), tofu, soy beans, lentils/black beans, eggs, cheese, canned tuna fish … even protein powder if I want to make high protein pancakes for dinner.

             Simple meals (add your veg x2 as a side) include rotisserie chicken (warm one night, then in a stew or mixed with an indian lentil pack, asian chicken salad etc..), eggs (hard boiled, scrambled), Shaksuka, baked fish (asian flavors) + sweet potato fries, simple tofu stir fry, tuna fish, black bean quesadillas etc…

             In general, I try to eat fewer carbs. I keep some whole wheat quesadillas, breads in the fridge/freezer, some enriched pastas/alternative pastas. Rice is a treat.

             Some veg/fruits keep > 7 days easily, so you prioritize what you eat in order of what expires. I always buy whatever is on sale/really fresh. I always check dates on items that are bagged and get the freshest I can. I sometimes eat things that are slightly wilted, but who cares? By the time I’ve steamed it and seasoned, it tastes great.

             For example, bagged triple washed spinach will last a week or two easily in my fridge. But I eat the fresh bundle of spinach within a few days. I only buy broccoli when it is very fresh, and it often keeps > 10 days, as does a nice eggplant. Beets keep literally months. Carrots, squash are always in my fridge/counter. Tomatoes are always ripening on counter and often last for 2 weeks. Mangoes often take a week or two to ripen. Oranges/apples keep for ages. Onions/garlic/sweet potato/purple potato kept in a cool dry place for months. Frozen corn/green beans/sweet peas are always in the freezer, as well as some pre-cut mixed root veg etc.. mixes I can roast at a moments notice. The things I eat more quickly are lots of berries (but I wash all of them immediately and keep in the fridge – blueberries are often good for a couple of weeks!), or other veg that are more limited. I watch my herbs and clean up as they start to wilt, but often I get > 1 week.

             And once a month or two I make a trip to Trader’s. And once a month or two I make a trip to Costco (or have them deliver), and I know what staples to bulk up on.

       3. We all have the same amount of time but not the same energy or attention capacity. I have difficulty switching from one task to another so I am baffled by how much other people can get done in their day.

    4. When it comes to hobbies you want to prioritize, I recommend reading Laura Vanderkam. She really helped me see that I have WAY more time available than I’m acknowledging – simply making that realization helped me “feel” that my hobbies are going to be doable with a full-time job, giving me a nice positive mindset from which to make routine changes.

       Otherwise, I like the concept of “do the hobby first” – let the chores and other life admin fall into the time that’s left, instead of the other way around. If you know that on a given Saturday, you need to do a 3-hour bike ride, return a package to UPS, and pick up a Mother’s Day card, you go do the bike ride first and then the other things second. If you do it the other way around, you’ll find that the UPS run turns into a parking lot clusterf*ck and you spend longer than you thought picking out cards and then while you’re there you may as well get groceries and then your energy is depleted right when it’s time to psych up for the bike ride. Flipping the order of operations is key to making hobbies work when you’re also balancing full-time work and life.

       1. I like a lot of Laura’s advice and agree with the order of operations scenario, but one thing that is constantly left out of her advice is that energy is not finite!

       2. So, I’ve never read Laura Vanderkam but this is how my husband and I have operated for years and it works out well for us. If we want to take a long ride on the weekends and then go to the pool for a post-ride cooldown swim, but we have other responsibilities/errands also, we go for a ride and go to the pool and then cram in the other responsibilities later. And everything always gets done. Work expands to fill the time available and it’s easy, when I clean the bathroom first, to let that work expand into the time available and then as you say – I take more time than is necessary and then I run out of energy and feel grumpy that I didn’t do the fun thing first. When I do the fun thing first, I can do a darn good job cleaning the bathroom in 20 minutes with my available energy, rather than doing a Martha-Stewart-Perfect job of cleaning the bathroom in an hour. And I don’t care if the bathroom isn’t pristinely sparkling clean every week.

          If you have shorter available time for the non-fun stuff like errands and chores, you figure out how to do what needs to get done in the small amount of time available. And, I have learned to let go of doing things like cleaning to the standard my mother thinks is acceptable (i.e., you could literally eat off the floor) and instead cleaning to the standard my family and I think is acceptable (it’s clean but not perfect). Hobbies first, absolutely!

    5. I have a time intensive hobby that I spend ~3.5 hours 3x a week on (which includes considerable travel time to get to said activity). I do this by having a flexible job (so I work 9:30-5ish, go do hobby, log back on for an hour or two in the evening), not having kids, and barely hanging on with life things like cleaning my house (I really need to outsource this).

    6. If you really want to commit that much to long distance running, then other intense runners would need to be most of your social circle. You can’t do all things at once. If you want to really deep dive into a hobby, you’ll probably end up having similar people be your main group and social time will be the workouts :) Is that what you want? Also pay someone to clean and for grocery delivery if you can.

16. I’m doing that thing I do every summer where I enjoy the weekend so much that I struggle hard with my energy at the beginning of the following week. I spent a ton of time outdoors this weekend doing work in the yard and going to the pool with my kids. I also socialized a bunch. I seriously feel hungover and tired even though I had exactly one drink all weekend. Maybe I’m not acclimated to the heat? It’s like all my good sense about pacing myself goes away in the summer because it’s such a short season. I went to bed early last night and tried to sleep in a bit this morning, and I’m still dragging. Blech.

    1. Don’t forget to hydrate! And wear sunscreen and long sleeved shirts and sun hats.

    2. I definitely “overdo” it in the summer too. Literally all of my favorite activities are summer activities, and like you said it’s such a short season to fit everything into.

       I’ve accepted that I’d rather be tired but “live my life” than be rested but miss out on things I enjoy. I try to have one night a week where I can just go to bed after dinner to recover and that staves off the bleh pretty well.

       As I get older the sun bothers me way more than it used to. I lather up in SPF, wear a hat and clothes that block the sun and try to do as much in the shade as possible. I also hydrate a TON.

       1. YES. All my favorite things happen in the summer, and thus, I overdo it. I feel like I’m constantly drinking water and putting on sunscreen, but I may need to double down on how I take care of myself and pay more attention to what I’m wearing. Because clearly, something isn’t working.

       2. This is also me. I am a summer girl; I love the summer. I want to spend my early mornings, evenings and days off June – August doing all the summer things. That means I spend a lot of my summer bouncing from one activity to the next activity and then sometimes I feel tired, but I also get to look back in the depths of winter and be like “man, that was fun! Can’t wait to do that again next year.”

    3. Wearing lightweight, long sleeve sunshirts has really helped me overcome this problem. I’m the type of person that really gets “sun tired” and these help so much. I still target my outdoor activities to be either early or late, but wearing a sun shirt even for walking around town keeps me so protected and helps keep my energy up. I also always wear a cap and sunglasses.

       1. Do you have any favorites?

          1. Yes, the Patagonia capilene cool sun hoody. I have it in all colors. They wash up great and look almost new after two years of HEAVY use. I’m 5’4”, 165 lbs, and the large is perfect.

             1. Ah, shoot. Patagonia doesn’t fit me well.

             2. There are so many sunshirts on the market, I’m sure you can find ones that fit you.

             3. I’m a pear that also struggles with Patagonia clothes. Whenever I’ve tried to search for sun shirts in the past, Google just pulls up rash guards which is not what I’m looking for. Any recommendations on better search terms?

             4. A lot of Patagonia doesn’t fit me well, but trust me on the shirts. Buy one from REI so you can return it if it doesn’t work out!

             5. Here’s a whole thread on sunshirts for those interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/141ux9q/who_runs_with_sun_shirts_tell_me_your_favorite/

             6. I went looking for these in response to this comment and noticed there was a recall for failure to provide the promised UPF protection. Just FYI. https://www.patagonia.com/voluntary-recall-of-capilene-cool-daily-and-tropic-comfort-upf-products/

          2. Not the person you’re responding to, but I use an oversized linen shirt for this.

             1. +1 sure it’s not UPF rated, but natural fibers feel so much more breathable and comfortable to me! Add a cute wide brim straw hat and that’s my summer uniform.

17. what is your go-to date / date night outfit when you know there will be some walking (so nothing requiring very high heels) – thank you!

    1. Cute simple dress with white sneakers. Make it a little nicer with hair, makeup and accessories. Comfort is key as I found out Memorial Day weekend when I ended up with blister on my feet.

    2. I have a pair of comfortable clog sandals – kind of a hippy vibe from Sundance but they are cute and have a nice platform heal.

       I wear them with a sundress and Jean jacket, or a skirt and blouse.

       If it’s cooler, I wear jeans, with a pair of block heals that are also comfortable with a blouse and blazer.

18. What is the best credit card company right now for honoring disputes? I had an issues with an ama$on return to Whole Foods, basically the item was either lost or stolen after I dropped it off at Whole Foods but before it got back to the ama$on warehouse, I was charged for “not returning it”. Citi sided with ama$on.

    Anyone doing better these days? I’m open to anyone at this point.

    1. I’ve had nothing but good experiences with Chase.

       1. Cosign. Wildly, around Christmas, someone order a WHOLE BUNCH of baby furniture to Ohio. I live in San Francisco. They used my Chase card. Chase refunded all of it, no problem, when I flagged it as fraud.

    2. Too late now, but I always get receipts for when I return something. If nobody had any evidence you returned something, they’re going to say you didn’t return it.

    3. You would switch credit card companies over this? That would be a giant PITA that would not be worth it for me.

    4. Amex has always been good to me. If I ever have doubts that the merchant will honor a request for refund, I pay with my Amex, because their customer service will side with the cardholder (assuming the dispute is reasonably brought). This was particularly useful at the beginning of the COVID-19 situation when an airline insisted on providing a credit, rather than a refund, for fully refundable flight tix that I had to cancel. Amex shut that whole thing down and my money was refunded.

19. Looking for some mindless yet entertaining reads. Think beach reads not for the beach but for someone that just needs some escape. I’ve enjoyed The Royal We, Emily Giffin and the like. At the other end of the spectrum, I’ve enjoyed suspense types (Gone Girl, Defending Jacob, etc) and even the occasional James Pattinson.

    Can anyone suggest another handful that I can grab from my library over the next few months?

    1. Anything by Taylor Jenkins Reid

       1. Second this!! I love all her books.

    2. Oh you’re my reading twin. Following for more recs. I love Elin Hilderbrand for the sheer prolific nature of her work and fun summer reads. On the suspense side, I loved Alex Michaeledes’ The Silent Patient and The Maidens.

    3. For suspense, I like anything from Riley Sager, Ruth Ware or Alice Feeney. The Good Girl from Mary Kubica is also good.

    4. Just blitzed through Small Mercies by Dennis Lehane and would recommend it.

    5. Emily Henry also fills my “escapist” needs.

    6. If you want to read some books that are ridiculous but entertaining, pick up the ones from May Cobb. She will write her main characters doing six vodka shots and drinking four beers and then going for a jog at 2 AM.

    7. I really enjoyed the Finlay Donovan series. Very light and funny, but with a dash of mystery/intrigue. They’re very reminiscent of the Stephanie Plum books, if you remember those.

    8. The Hillary Clinton and Louise Penny novel.

       1. Yup I enjoyed that one too.

    9. I tore through the Stella Rimington spy novels, which were a rec from Cb. I also enjoy Ken Follett books. I would especially recommend Code to Zero for you. His latest, Never, is good but kind of anxiety-inducing (it’s set in the present day) so I wouldn’t really call it a beach read. The historical stuff is more escapist.

       1. I just read the first Stella Rimington and would second the recommendation. A kind of John le Carre meets the better sort of british detective/crime series. Great use of locations and places, interesting plot.

    10. Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld.

    11. Hi reading twin! On the romance side I love Abby Jimenez’s books; Part of Your World was great as are all of her others (some of her books deal with some heavy topics so might not be that light depending on your definition). For suspense try Lisa Scottoline.

    12. Beatriz Williams.

    13. For suspense Tana French! All time favorite mystery author, and so well written.

    14. anything Fated Mates recommend if you like romance. 2 of my more recent favorites, both by kate canterbary i think:
        – the worst guy
        – in a jam

    15. Nora Goes Off Script. Loved it!!!

        1. I also enjoyed this one.

20. I’m going to see Taylor Swift and have caught little references to trading bracelets at the show, anyone know what that’s all about? Do you just get them on Amazon or what?

    1. If you’re not really into the bracelets, I wouldn’t bother. No need to buy more junk.

       1. Bracelets are hardly “junk”; I can think of a hundred worse forms of swag originating in much less meaningful corporate contexts like conferences.

          1. Well the Taylor swift friendship bracelets are not bracelets you’d wear in any other setting, so I do agree they’re junk. Totally fine if you want a momento of the concert but its junk.

             1. I guess I have bad fashion sense, since I don’t see the issue with wearing these with a t-shirt and shorts and flip flops. But maybe they’re mainly for wearing at Taylor Swift events, like people who only wear sports stuff at games?

             2. LOL agree with anon 12:18. I totally would wear the bracelets in a casual outfit like you described.. Bad fashion sense or not, they’re just fun.

                These are wayyyyyy more cool than conference swag. I won’t even pick up conference swag.

          2. I don’t take home conference swag either? I’m not sure why you’re being so defensive. I just meant I would want that stuff in my house since it’s not of interest to me. OP has responded that she feels differently, so my advice does not apply to her.

       2. I actually love bracelets, I’m just curious what the deal is at the show.

       3. Agreed, I went to a show and didn’t notice anyone over 20 doing the bracelet thing. I think it mostly appeals to teens. I’ve seen it on tiktok and they look like bracelets you would make at summer camp as a kid, definitely not something i would ever wear IRL

    2. It’s a reference to a lyric in You’re on Your Own, Kid (though I’ve seen some people say the tradition started with hardcore Swifties for earlier tours and is now just more widespread, don’t know how true that is.) People generally make their own bracelets with beads, often with the names of songs or album titles on them. It was usually teenagers that had them – I went with another mid-30s friend and we got offered some bracelets by a group of teens that had made a bunch but it wasn’t like anyone was angry that we didn’t have any to trade back. It’s a cute part of the crowd but you don’t need to buy any to have.

       1. That’s rather adorable, I can’t see myself making bracelets though, bad form to buy some to bring?

          1. Nope! You can buy them and trade. Signed 35-year-old consultant ;)

          2. I bet you could find some awesome ones on Etsy.

             1. I’m laughing…I can sign mine “35 year old project manager” – us plus the 35 year old big law attorney anon below – make three 35 year old millennials very into the friendship bracelets.

    3. You make the friendship bracelets! Lots of guides if you google it, most people are doing stretchy elastic string with colored beads and letter beads that reference a song somehow.

    4. There’s a lyric in You’re On Your Own Kid that goes, “so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it, you’ve got no reason to be afraid.” So I think that’s what started it.

       And it was so much fun to trade bracelets before and after the show! I (35-year old biglaw attorney) bought a bracelet kit on Amazon and made 30 Taylor Swift-themed bracelets by hand. Some with colored beads coordinating with different album covers. Some with letter beads writing out song lyrics. My husband walked in on me frantically finishing the bracelets the night before the concert and asked, “is Taylor Swift a cult leader?” Yes, yes she is.

       1. I love this!! 💕

       2. I think this is so cute and fun, and if I were a Taylor Swift fan going to a concert I would totally make or get some bracelets to trade.

    5. Made some this week with my ten year old for the Chicago show out of pony beads and similar sized letter beads. It was generally teens/young 20s aged women who invited her to trade. If you’re into it, yay, if you’re not it’s not something you need to participate. My kid only had a few and decided to only trade with her friends, another kid attending had ~20 and traded with several young adults.

21. For Morocco with tweens from yesterday, I think its a great idea! I traveled with a 10 and 8 year old last year and they loved it. I would for sure do a desert tour, that was a huge hit. The girls I was with also loved shopping in the medinas and buying jewelry/gifts for their friends, but in larger medinas it might be worth it to get a tour guide if you want to go deep in because you could very easily get lost. For example, Rabat’s medina was fine but Fez’s was overwhelming for sure. Buying rugs was one of my favorite activities, and don’t be afraid to haggle the price down! I also bought a ton of pottery and wish I’d bought even more. The food can get repetitive so try to seek out non-Moroccan restaurants after a few days – I love Moroccan food but even I tired of the same dishes and flavors after a few days, and the kids definitely craved other kinds of food than tagines. I don’t think you can go wrong there, I went to what people describe as typically less interesting cities and had a fantastic time.

    1. Ooh, I missed that thread but we are considering doing a trip to Morocco with our 11 year old next April so would love any other advice. Did you use a guide? How did you get from city to city?

       1. OP here – I was in a bit of a unique situation, visiting family friends whose parents are diplomats stationed there and they had access to a driver. (The kids I was traveling with were the family friends, not mine – we also had a baby, one year old, and three year old with us, but the older kids definitely got the most out of it.) Highly recommend guides in every place, and drivers if you can get them – I’m pretty well traveled and didn’t find it easy to get around when I was on my own. If you speak French or Arabic you’d have a much easier time. I’m not usually a guided tour person but I think Morocco is the kind of place where taking the stress out of the logistics would be invaluable.

          The other thing I would say is that I found it much more pleasant to travel with kids than as a solo female traveler (and that’s as someone in my 30s, friends who went in their 20s said it was an even worse experience with catcalling). It’s one of the only places I’ve ever been where I would say you’d have a better experience traveling there with children, because people treat you better and its such a unique place with so much history and beauty that it kept the kids entertained easily.

    2. We went a decade ago as a couple and had a blast. Flew into Marrakesh, stayed in a riad, spent one day exploring the souks, another day having a luxe lunch and a hammam session, another day we went outside the city to the Majorelle Gardens (striking). We also spent a few days in Essouira on the coast, which was a more pleasant shopping experience since it isn’t SUCH a tourist hub. We got there by the SupraTours bus service, didn’t use a guide. At the time, the SATC movie had recently finished shooting there (Morocco stood in for Dubai) and locals kept saying Sarah Jessica Parker whenever they found out we were American.

       We didn’t have time for a desert trip but you’d for sure want a tour company for that rather than attempting a DIY.

    3. That’s me! We are thinking of going with a travel company called Intrepid, rather than planning it ourselves. I am thrilled to hear all the good reviews – it’s not a place I had dreamed of going, but we have an opportunity to go with dear friends and I’m getting excited!

       1. I did an Intrepid tour of Russia/Mongolia/China on the Transsiberian, and I really enjoyed it and would recommend them as a tour company. I found it to be just the right mix of organized (some bus transfers but sometimes taking the metro together, some scheduled tours) and free-wheeling (so I had time to do my own thing). I can’t speak to their Morocco tours but there were a couple people on my tour who were expecting more of a luxury experience and were a little thrown by some aspects of it (like the ger in Mongolia that was heated only by a wood stove, and was freezing in the middle of the night), but it was just my speed. Everyone else on my tour was Australian, which was fun, I think Intrepid is an Australian company.

       2. I went on an Intrepid trip Morocco in 2019 (the one they now call Morocco Uncovered), and I loved it. It was the first organized tour I’d done, and it really worked out. It was less effort than planning my own trip and transportation, and the small group was so much nicer than the big tour buses we saw. Plus we did some activities, like tea in a local home, that I wouldn’t been able to arrange on my own. We had a great guide and driver, and the government apparently requires local guides be used as well, so we really got to meet different people and learn more about the areas we visited. I added on a couple of days on my own to spend more time in Marrakech and visit Essaouira.

    4. I post again here my yest reply: I’ve been there twice and I love it. First time in the north at Easter visiting Tetouan and Chefchaouen doing a bit of hiking in the Riff area. Chefchaouen is super beautiful and I remember eating the best “pastela” of my life. The second time at New Year’s I went from Marrakech to Ouarzate (where have been shot a lot of movies) to spend a few days in the desert (incredible to wake up on New Year’s Day in the middle of the desert) and from there to the Atlas to climb a Jebel to end up in Esaouira (super pretty coastal town).
       The first time I was in a large organized group and the second time in a small one (8), mostly women (but one man). We had our guide and our driver and a cook and zero problems moving in our own in the cities. Only be carefull choosing the accomodation.

22. Can anyone reference a specific couch to 5K app that will (1) work with apple watch, (2) cue you to switch from walking to running, and (3) let you listen to your own music?

    1. I cant comment on the Apple Watch aspect since i a) have a Garmin and b) always run with my phone. That being said, I really liked the c25k app as it both dings to tell me when I’m off / on and also works very well with my Spotify.

    2. “C25K 5K Run Trainer & Coach” does all of this. I believe you need the premium version to connect to an Apple Watch but it’s cheap.

       1. I have the app and it’s about $50 a year for the premium. I’ve been using it for years and started with the 5K and went up to the half marathon program.

23. Has anyone been to St Lucia recently? Is express entry at the airport worth paying for?

    1. Yes, my parents just went a couple weeks ago and said it’s very worth it. They did arrive on Saturday though, which is peak arrival day across the Caribbean (many air routes only operate on Saturdays). If you’re arriving on a different day of the week, it may be less necessary.

    2. I was there last November during Thanksgiving week. I don’t think express entry is worth it unless you’re in a huge hurry. There can be a long line if multiple flights land at the same time, but it moved at a decent pace. It gives you a chance to slow down and get on island time!

       1. Great thanks!

    3. I went last summer. Idk if they had an express option, but if they did then I didn’t get it. The line was long but moved quickly.

24. As a people pleaser, I just did something really hard: set a boundary with a friend. She asked me to do something I absolutely did not want to, and I originally said yes. But this morning I told her that I could not do the thing. I am equal parts proud of myself and feeling guilty/bad (see: people pleaser). But just setting a boundary is a big deal for me, so I am focusing on that!

    1. Nice!! I’m feeling very proud of myself because I (politely) left a meeting yesterday with an old man known in my professional circles to be a belligerent jerk when the things he was saying started crossing a line. Just a few years ago I know I wouldn’t have had the confidence to get up and excuse myself and I would have just sat there letting him talk at me.

    2. Congrats! Boundaries are so important.

    3. Good for you! I have tried to lean away from my people-pleasing tendencies this year and set more boundaries, and I have so much more peace of mind and mental calm, now that I don’t feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions all the time.

25. So, after being on an SSRI for four years, I weaned off, and the process sucked, but the worst is over, and I’ve been completely off for 3-ish months. My goal was to see where my baseline was and hopefully, be able to move on without it – my life has changed a lot since I started on meds. Unfortunately, I just feel…not the greatest. Anxiety levels and reactivity are not great. Feel like my emotions are difficult to manage. I’m frustrated thinking that this is my default. I have no hard diagnosis, was prescribed for anxiety management.
    I think I just need help with my expectations – have you been able to get of SSRIs successfully long-term? Maybe I just need to accept that I am the kind of person who needs the extra help.

    1. I wanted to get off SSRIs when I was first on them. And I tried a few times. But then I realized I could be my best self with meds or a less than stellar version without. For me, the chance to be the best version of myself far beat out any idea of not “needing help” or whatever narrative was in my mind. On meds, I’m the kind, thoughtful person I always knew I was inside; without meds, I’m short-tempered and high-strung.

    2. I started taking Celexa about 4 months ago, and my gardening desire has completely disappeared. It’s very dry down there too. Is this typical of SSRIs? I told my doctor who basically blew me off.

       1. Sexual side effects are very common, yes.

       2. Yes, very typical. Some people add or switch to Wellbutrin. Other people are fine with it or can’t avoid it.

    3. Have you talked to a therapist about this? I also just did a very long wean off my SSRI, and I’m discovering that I need to work on better boundaries and coping tools to manage my anxiety. The SSRI was doing a lot of that work for me. I’m also discovering that my emotions feel a little more present to me. In some ways, that’s nice – I laugh more and also cry more. But it definitely is more intense.

       Having said all of that, SSRIs are miraculous and can be lifelong friends :) My mom weaned off Lexapro for a time and then went back to it because she decided it was making her life better, and why would she give that up? I may go back to it as well; it’s all still new so the jury is out. But honestly, people take statins or blood pressure medications for life and there is no reason you shouldn’t also take the SSRI for life if that’s what your body needs.

    4. Who prescribed the initial med for you? A primary care doctor?

       Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist helping you now? Was it ever thought that any of your issues might be hormonal (ex. thyroid, related to birth control etc..)?

       I wouldn’t get discouraged. The important thing is getting some advice from someone who knows you and can help you figure out what your baseline is now, and whether you can address how you are feeling with non-med options (therapy, exercise, yoga/mindfulness, etc…)

       Maybe get the anxiety workbook, and give it a try? You could try to optimize things by thinking about exercise, watching caffeine and alcohol intake, optimizing sleep.

       Also, by seeing a better specialist/doctor, they may help you evaluate down the road if there is a different medicine or strategy that may help you long term.

       And honestly, figuring out that you might need a medicine long term for mood is actually a great thing, as most people who need one never get one. And since we know the bad impact untreated anxiety/depression can have on your stress level (and general medical health, as a result), risk for dementia, sleep, personal relationships, work and general quality of life, treating how you are feeling with medicine seems like an amazing thing.

    5. There’s nothing wrong with taking a medication for life if that’s what’s right for you. I know a lot of people who are weirdly biased against that and would rather suffer but it doesn’t seem like a good way to live life. I would talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and what the risks and benefits are.

       1. +1. I have accepted that SSRIs are likely to be a lifetime thing for me. They are what allow me to access the other coping tools and skills I’ve learned.

    6. I think your last sentence is key: “Maybe I just need to accept that I am the kind of person who needs the extra help.” There are so many conditions that can theoretically be treated with lifestyle/diet changes (like high blood pressure and the beginning stages of T2 diabetes) but that doesn’t mean that anyone who DOES need the medication should feel bad about it or be shamed for it. For the same reason, you shouldn’t feel bad about needing an SSRI to feel your best. Brain chemistry that is not functioning optimally is a condition that can be helped by medication, and ALSO by therapy and lifestyle changes, but that doesn’t mean that anyone who finds the medication to be the best solution for them is less-than in any way. As someone else said, the long-term effects of anxiety can impact your body in so many ways; take the medicine and feel better and also lower your risk for other chronic illnesses caused by stress. Modern medicine is amazing! Let it help you feel your best.

    7. I weaned off my SSRI in January, then decided I couldn’t deal without it and went back on a smaller dose for a few months…and just got back off. I’m surprisingly feeling great now. I think the anxiety that led me to go right back on the SSRI was like “rebound” anxiety of getting off meds (obviously this is anecdotal and not scientific). If I were to go back to February-March time, I think I’d tell myself to stick it out without the meds a few more months and see how it feels before jumping right back on.

       At one point I thought I’d be on Lexapro for life because it was working well for me, but honestly I just couldn’t deal with the side effects anymore. For me that was weight gain, brain fog and sleepiness.

    8. I appreciate everyone’s thoughts and encouragement. I have a lot to think about, and some ideas of how to move forward – thanks!

26. Help with southern Spain!

    I have my 50th birthday coming up and after finally getting out of a 20 year bad marriage I have a new boyfriend and a sexy black bikini…

    We are doing a last minute trip to southern Spain in early august.
    Is anyone familiar with the area?
    We planned to meet friends who have a Vrbo in Rincon de la Victoria.
    Is this a good town to stay in 5 nights – with day trips to neighboring towns?

    Also flying out of SFO so thought we’d fly direct into Barcelona (only way to fly direct) – stay there a few nights then take the bullet train to Malaga for the Southern Spain portion.

    Bad idea? Any other thoughts??

    1. * Ponte Rotto resort in Marbella
       * Toledo (amazing El Greco painting and one of the only preserved synagogues in Spain)
       * Grenada (if you can get a room in the “parador” inside the reserve, take it immediately. One of the most romantic places I have ever been. If not, have dinner at sunset at the main restaurant there.)

       1. Came back to add:
          * Gazpacho
          * Sangria
          * Sherry
          * Tapas
          * Paella
          * Marzipan
          * White gazpacho

          In case you , like me, plan travel around food.

    2. Inland southern Spain is brutally hot in August. Malaga should be fine, but I would not go to Seville, Granada or Cordoba, although they are all great towns to visit when the weather is cooler. I’d also look at Mallorca, which would require a flight from BCN, not a train, but is really nice.

    3. Alicante is a nice place to stop – book a room at the Melia hotel on the harbor.
       I’d probably avoid Benidorm, although it has changed a lot.

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