ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 348 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Patch-Pocket Sweater Blazer

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This sweater blazer from Talbots looks like an elevated version of my typical “back of the chair” office cardigan. Lately, I’ve been pairing longer sweaters with leggings and a tank top so I can take a break for a midday (non-sweaty) workout without missing a beat. When I’m back in the office, I would wear this with my beloved Eileen Fisher pants and a patterned blouse.

The blazer is $99 (marked down from $159) and available in plus sizes 0X–3X, plus petite sizes 1X–3X, misses sizes XS–XL, and petite sizes P–XL. It also comes in black, navy, gray, pink, and blue heather. Patch-Pocket Sweater Blazer

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Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

348 Comments

  1. Paging the commenter yesterday looking for childcare ideas – I wonder if what you need is a “mother’s help” rather than a nanny – to come in the afternoon, make your kids run around in the yard, do some light housework and maybe schoolwork help, and get the evening meal started. As a college student I’d have taken a job like that in a heartbeat.

    1. In my city, many people live in city houses and you may have school friends living next door to school friends. I see a lot of families just having their kids go back and forth between houses so that they have some new faces and places for playing and exploring. One or both grownups are WFH anyway, so they aren’t unsupervised and just need feeding. I think that the thinking is that this is more age-appropriate than a nanny, free, and you’d be adding to the germ share anyway with a nanny. Sadly, our only neighbors with non-baby kids are moving out to do work on a house. I may pay the middle school girls on the street to “watch” them just to break up the monotony (and they are not $20/hour like other sitters).

      I joke that the childcare I’m currently providing would ordinarily constitute neglect.

    2. +1 – I hired a local college kid to do that when my son was smaller – I think it was 3 hours a day, 3 days a week? She fed him dinner in the highchair when I prepped adult dinner and helped with bath time so I could manage luxurious tasks like a solo shower! getting multiple loads of laundry folded and put away! do 30 minutes of yoga!
      But it was ridiculously easy to find someone and I looked for CPR certified/prior experience/the whole 9 yards as my kiddo was smaller and had serious allergies requiring epi-pen knowledge. I asked for someone to come in the 3-6pm range – I think they could easily run your kids around, make sure they shower, load/unload a dishawaser, prep their dinner (and possibly give them dinner and clean up the kitchen), etc. I would have been ALL over this as a college kid. Someone with experience as a counselor/youth sports coach would be ideal.

    3. I read that late as well. I would hire someone and expect your kids to do more around the house, with the hired help supervising/making sure it gets done. Your kids should be making their own lunches and dinners and cleaning up the messes from both. They should be doing their own laundry, washing their own beds, vacuuming, etc. And yard work. I don’t mean turn them into little Cinderellas but over the course of the week they should be doing all of this with their hired supervisor to be the one nagging them.

      I would think about hiring someone that could: 1- make sure they get their $hit done around the house 2- really engage them learning them to cook new fun things (recipes/meal plan, etc) 3- play daytrips that are within the guidelines of your area’s restrictions (bike ride/hike + picnic lunch an hour away). If y’all are on full “lockdown” then I would put all the hiring of sitters on hold and save your money.

    4. I had a job as a mother’s helper in college. I picked the little kids up from daycare in the family van, helped with dinner and baths, accompanied the family (sans dad) on evening excursions (sometimes shopping, sometimes fun), and acted as a confidante to the older tween and teen girls. I also helped with things like birthday parties and went with them on vacation. I loved the job and the family and when it was time for me to move on I helped find someone else responsible to pick up the job.

  2. Elizabeth, I LOVE this sweater in Blue Heather! This is exactly the kind of sweater we need once we return to the office as it provides warmth, with cold air conditioning in the summer, as well as provides us with cover, after sitting at home for months b/c of the corona virus. BTW, there was an excellent article in the NY Times on Monday where they wrote that being stuck at home causes top athletes to face anxiety about eating. Well it’s not just top athletes like Madison Keys (who bakes cookies) and Gracie Gold (a figure skater). It also covers people like us who are also cooped up b/c of the virus and wind up eating and getting depressed. HIVE, we can beat this virus thing, as long as we keep our focus and stick together! YAY!!!!

  3. I need to develop a modicum of core strength, and flexibility wouldn’t hurt either. I’ve ridden my Peloton religiously since I got it in January so I’m creeping my way back in to shape. I know they have great non-bike class offerings but I I look like a total dope doing their yoga or strength classes because of said lacking core strength. It’s demoralizing to see how low I actually CAN’T squat, for example, and how much assistance I need getting up and down from various yoga poses (leaning on my couch, for example). How long before I might see any kind of result? Do I stick to yoga for a month+? Anyone able to do this on their own, at home? I’ve always relied on a trainer or group fitness for this.

    For context, I’m an athlete at my core who is now lost in her mid 30s with a demanding job and toddler. I’ve run half marathons, done crossfit and boot camp classes for years but pregnancy and kiddo hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m easily 40 lbs overweight currently though even at my lightest weight and most in shape days I never had the physique of a ‘fit’ person. I’m not hunting for abs or even weight loss as the lead question here – I know that will come with time, but I’d love to just ache a whole lot less and would love to see any sign of athleticism again.

    1. Do the yoga – no one can see you modify or take a break midway through. I’ve found an enormous increase in my core strength from yoga 2-3 times a week, went from not being able to do a sit up or a plank to being much much stronger.

    2. Peloton has specific core focused classes. Who cares about looking like a dope? For me the difference with yoga is very slow, although steady. I improve much more quickly with a focused class.

      1. This. I would start with the “Crush Your Core,” in the “programs” section of the classes. It’s a 5 (?) week program with Emma. Despite the the obnoxious name, it’s actually very beginner friendly but progresses over the course of the program as you get stronger and more coordinated. If it ever becomes too much, you can repeat the earlier classes in the series until you feel more capable.

    3. I’ve been doing Barre workouts through the Down Dog app three times a week since mid-March and feel noticeably stronger and more flexible. I’ve recently decided that I can’t be bothered with midweek runs anymore (I’d rather take my fresh air time after work in the evening) and have added their yoga practice on what used to be my run days. Again, tough, but I can feel the strength building.

      1. Is this available on YouTube or something? I like to watch on my tv vs. phone. My strength and flexibility are shot! I’m doing Yoga with Adrienne, but I need more.

        1. It’s not, but you can view it through a computer, if that helps? What I like about it is that it’s an app that auto-generates a fresh workout every time within the parameters I set, so I don’t waste time/brainspace choosing a video.
          Also I did one through Zoom with my mum last week (I brought it up in my laptop and then screen-shared with her) which was fun!

    4. Just keep going! I might also consider something like Mommastrong, which may or might not meet your needs but specifically targets some of the core dysfunction that happens as part of having babies. The exercises are not your traditional “cross fit” athlete core work but made a big difference for me and then allowed me to get in a place where I could take on harder core exercise.

    5. Keep the yoga for flexibility, definitely. I think if you stick with only yoga and peleton though, core strength and stability are going to take longer than you want. I would look up specific core and stability exercise to speed that up. Sohee lee, brianna mari fitnesss, katie crewe on instagram have great stability and core exercises and in depth explanations on form. Take a browse there.

    6. I would definitely keep the yoga – like others have said, no one can see you now, so it’s a great time to do things you would feel self-conscious about in a live class. I have actually tried some of the harder poses (which I absolutely cannot do well) that I’m too nervous to try in class.

      I also completely understand the de-moralizing feeling of not being able to do something, which can then lead me to want to give up entirely. Sometimes, when I feel like that, I try to do something small and build up, so then I get the sense of accomplishment rather than a feeling of defeat. For example, this week, just do ten squats a day for five days. Take a couple days break, and then next week do 15 a day. (Or plank for 15 seconds, or 5 push-ups, etc.) I think if you slowly increase, at the end of 6 weeks, you will be impressed with your own progress and give you a little morale boost.

      1. Echoing the others re: yoga for flexibility.
        I picked up on your squat issue – this is likely a combo of stiff ankles and hip flexors. It’s fairly common – in fact, weightlifting shoes have a slight lift to the heel for this reason. To duplicate that effect for your needs, you can place something under your heels before you start squatting – two thin-ish paperbacks or folded hand towels would work if they won’t slide around.

    7. Beachbody’s PiYo is great for strength and flexibility. And there’s always a “model” doing modified exercises if you can’t do the full move.

    8. answering on your question – how long before you get results, because that’s also one of my weak spots. Ideally, you’d do the workout twice a week, minimum. In my experience, within 4 weeks, you should notice some changes in your strength, ie, some exercise that used to be impossible, is now only excruciating. Or you can do more reps or hold a pose longer. After 2-3 months, I’d expect visible results. If you do it only once a week, it will take longer.
      Whatever you pick, stick with it!

    9. I recommend Denis Morton’s Peloton yoga classes. Start with his beginner classes or even a basics class to get a sense of his style, which is low-key, unlike his energetic cycling classes (which I also like). He offers modifications and makes all poses seem attainable.

  4. I’ve been thinking about hair. My blond highlights have grown out to my normal mousy brown. I’m not going to try and fix then myself, but eventually it will be safe enough to go get a haircut. However, applying highlights takes so much time and that extra time sharing air may not be worth the extra risk beyond the time to cut the hair. Any advice about growing them out gracefully?

    1. No advice but I’m in a similar boat. I’m considering glossing my half-highlighted hair down to a light/medium brown, just to de-emphasize the major line right now, and then staying closer to that browner color family for a while.

    2. a color depositing conditioner nearer the color of your roots can help blend in the highlights for now. then when you can get your haircut, ask them to apply a toner to blend the highlights into your roots. you’ll have to sit with it on your hair for about 10 minutes at the sink, but no one needs to be breathing on you while you’re doing that

    3. This is just magical thinking. If you’re going to get corona in a hair salon you’re getting it in the time of a haircut. Whether or not you stay for highlights makes no difference.

      That being said I’m growing mine out because my pay got cut and I can’t afford them. As for gracefully, idk you just do it? And don’t dwell on it?

      1. I don’t know – when I get highlights I’m in the salon for 4 hours vs 1 hour for a cut. A lot of people are coming in and out during that time.

      2. My state’s reopening plan allows for cuts and one color only. No highlights. No blow drying.

        1. Are you kidding? The state has differentiated different types of hair services?

      3. This. Not to mention 95% of the time it takes me to get my hair colored I’m just sitting there by myself waiting, it’s not like my stylist is there breathing on me the whole time.

    4. I think we need to just embrace it as is and make “pandemic” hair the next big fashion trend.

    5. When I have grown out dyed hair in the past, I would get semi permanent box dye in the same color as my roots and dye the part of my hair that was growing out. Worked pretty well to blend everything together. I would redo it once the semi permanent color started to fade (every 8ish weeks or so?) It wasn’t perfect but it helped a lot.

      1. Would this work with silver grey on the dyed bits? My roots came in silver and with 5 months of grow in under my belt I am going to go with it.

    6. Can you get a to-go color from your salon? Mine mixed up my color and put it in a nice little packet with instructions, applicator, and I made an appointment to go pick it up. I was in and out of the salon in 5 minutes and there was no one else there. It worked quite nicely for the $40-50 they charged me. No highlights but at least I got color to cover up the grays.

    7. I bought a violet shampoo, it tones down the yellow in my highlights so they blend in a bit better.

  5. We’re a lively bunch! My husband, who has never really grasped the fact that Mother’s Day is my day too (he’s not THAT bad) because we have always included my mom and his (who are both within driving distance)… told me I had to stop planning things to do on Sunday because I’m busy from 8am-8pm…. I am shocked and wondering WTF he has planned. Also please note, the things I was “planning” were driving to the grandmas’ to drop off their gifts and watching the Outlander season finale (Where do you think Bri and Rodger went? I think they went where they wanted but Ian left them rock presents to say “hi”). So I’m excited! In these corona-cation times I have NO clue what I am doing from 8am-8pm. Maybe sleeping.

  6. I have been slated to make partner at the end of 2020. Mid size firm, central US. Thanks to COVID, I’m nervous about losing my salary and transitioning to my firm’s eat what you kill system. I haven’t heard from my mentor about this. Is it appropriate for me to bring it up? I haven’t seen projections based on 2019 numbers yet, let alone accounting for this crazy year.

    2. Don’t raise. Do save as much of your last quarter of associate pay and last associate bonus as you can, as you will be transitioning to paying estimated taxes, and the first quarterly payment after the transition can be painful.

  7. If anyone is looking for a last minute mother’s day gift, Bloomie’s is doing basically 50% plus free shipping on Lightbox lab grown diamonds (stack the rewards and sign up for emails for 15% off). If I hadn’t already gotten my mom her gift, I would’ve gotten her a pink or white diamond pendant. So pretty!

  8. I’d like to hear from the single, extroverts who live alone.

    I hate this. My emotions vacillate wildly – but generally are a big mass of mad/sad. I’m glad that some people are finding they prefer working from home and that people with partners and kids are using this time to get closer, but I’m in a place mentally where hearing about that just twists the knife. I do better work around people. I want a relationship. I want to be a mom. But each week I’m getting older and am still sitting alone in my small apartment, doing mediocre work, unable to go find a partner, with my eggs aging, and this is just making everything I want from life harder and further away.

    But living like this is awful, so I’d love to hear what’s working for other people. People in my situation, what things are bringing you joy?

    1. I’m right with you. Could’ve written your post. It’s so hard and I have days where I just say f*ck it and allow myself to wallow, but I find that doing an exercise helps (I’ve been using the down dog apps and every now and again have been doing paid zoom yoga classes because the live classes help me pretend I am interacting with others). I have also been swiping on dating apps, not taking it that seriously because obviously can’t meet up right now, but it helps me to remember that my potential partner could be sitting in his apartment also waiting for this to be over to meet me. I have been trying to pursue creative goals, but this has also proven frustrating because I’m not productive at all right now, so instead of treating them as goals, I have just tried to treat them as hobbies to bring some pleasure and a break from screens into my days. When all else fails I delve into books to escape reality. It really depends on the day because, as you’ve noted, every day brings a completely different mood. On hard days I try to be compassionate with myself – i if I just want to spend the day being sad watching Netflix on the couch, I allow myself to do so guilt free.

    2. Hi I’m quite similar! I’m feeling better not trying to fix things overall but just doing the best I can with each day. I get outside for a walk or run every day, rain or shine. I take Zoom dance class. I spend time cooking. I walk with friends. I watch a lot of Drag Race. I’m sewing masks.

      I also try really hard to get offline when I’m down. Yes, some people are describing isolation with families as a time of bonding. Many are describing absolutely useless husbands and really great challenges with homeschooling. This is hard for everyone in different ways and when I find myself only seeing everyone else as better off than me that’s a sign I need to read a book and make a cup of tea.

      1. Thanks! Good point, I’ll go get tea.

        As for getting offline, I totally agree. However, what’s driven me to post is that my office keeps asking us to discuss what’s making us happy specific to this time and sharing the responses, restarting the mad/sad cycle. Pro tip, bosses don’t do this.

        2. My office asks that every team meeting and its getting really old. What did I do? The last thing I cooked is my answer from now on. At least people are okay with just hearing about food/baking/tv shows. But I find it bizarre that we’re all adults and we’re telling each other “1 fun thing we did over the weekend”

        3. I keep saying “cookies “ and “my cat” and “wine” for the happiness question. Today, I could add the cool Mexican restaurant we got takeout from last night. I don’t care if they think I am weird. They aren’t living in my house or brain, so they don’t get a vote on what makes me happy!

        4. My 76-year-old mother learned how to use FaceTime and is practicing by randomly FaceTiming any relatives or friends she can think of. And accidentally FaceTiming me and my sister. Her goal is to see how many people she can FaceTime in a single call. I share this because it’s hilarious to me.

          But yeah, I’m with you about not a lot that makes me “happy” right now.

    3. Same boat. I feel you. The only thing that has been helping me is exercise. If/when we leave, I want to be hot (or you know in shape and presentable). That has helped my mental health in giving me a goal. I also have had fun pinning vacation and travel ideas on pinterest. My best self would be leaning in to all of the CBT workbooks I have for relationship anxiety but for now I have been drinking, texting ex’s, and crying (do not recommend). I’m glad other people are having fun but some of us really aren’t.

        1. The one i have dl’ed is “Love Me, Don’t Leave Me” by Michelle Skeen. My friend who has actually cracked the book open highly recommended it to me. :)

      2. “If/when we leave, I want to be hot” I love that. Can someone make tshirts with this logo? This is now my new goal haha.

    4. Even introverts who live alone are at the breaking point. One friend is considering going across country to stay with her parents, even though it would mean essentially locking herself in her room once she got there for 2-weeks to avoid exposing them. Another is still going to the office although the company is encouraging WFH. Our office allows a few volunteers to come in to deal with any in-person issues.

      We had a driveway hangout a couple weeks ago, where a few friends sat in lawn chairs 6 feet apart. Everyone, even the couples, felt better afterwards. We’re discussing possibly combining “households”, so that even though we live in separate houses, we interact with each other like normal. It requires a lot of conversations about how strict each person has been social distancing, and what choices each person will make going forward that could affect the new “household.”

      1. +1 – I am someone who likes being alone, but also craves the engagement of an office. I had a complete meltdown yesterday about WFH and am now coming to the office. We have temp scanners at the door and you are required to wear a mask and social distance. I have only seen 7 other people in the building today, and that includes our custodial and mail room staff. The risk of me being here as someone who lives alone and does not interact with anyone other than at the grocery store and now at the office is, for me, low. I am willing to take the risk and will, of course, continue to follow the proper precautions and minimize interacting with people as much as possible. My mental health was in dire shape and this is what I needed. I feel so much better being in the office today.

        I know this is not possible for everyone, nor should everyone be willing to accept the same risk level that I do. What helped a bit while I was at home was getting outside every day, which mostly consisted of me sitting on the back patio or the front porch and getting on the treadmill every day even if all I did was walk. Sometimes I also put the dogs in the car and we drove around with the windows cracked for some fresh air – we didn’t stop anywhere and didn’t interact with others.

        I also met someone on an online dating app and we have been having video dates and texting a lot. Who knows if things will work out when we meet in person when it’s safe, but it’s been really nice to have someone to talk to and to flirt with.

        1. May I ask, how does going into the office help if you don’t even interact with anyone & have to take precautions (which keep you alerted to the risk all the time)? Is it somehow the change of scenery or the old routine?

          1. Not OP, but I’ve done what she has done and for me it’s the change of scenery, the feeling of normalcy, and knowing that you’re in a communal space. It reminds me that I am a part of a community, there is life outside of my apartment, my brain falls back into at least some of its usual thought patterns. I personally never felt that reminded of the risk, but I’m also a lawyer with a big office so I very much felt like I was in my own space.

          2. Stop thinking about the precautions as risk mitigation and as our new standard for basic hygiene. One friend says her whole family takes their temperature every morning when they brush their teeth. They started because she has a nanny come, but she says its now no big deal, it only takes a few seconds. Even before covid it was normal for some people to open public doors with a paper towel. Masks are the new graphic-tee (my Star Wars mask is hugely popular). In Asian cultures it was always appropriate to wear a mask if you felt under the weather, I hope we adopt that.

          3. Not OP, but regarding the sense of community: I’m an introvert, so I’m fine staying at home, but interestingly, I find that walking around the downtown of a neighboring town that has a real downtown shopping area — even though all the stores are closed right now except for restaurants offering take-out — perks my mood up immeasurably compared to walking around my suburban residential streets. There’s just something about feeling part of a greater community / civilization.

          4. @LaurenB – same. And even just driving somewhere in the car makes a difference for me right now. We drove to mail a check the other day and I was surprised that seeing shops and other neighborhoods elevated my mood, even though most things were closed.

          5. It’s much of what other posters have already mentioned. I can see other people and wave and say hi from a distance, I’m back in a community of sorts, there is some feeling or normalcy/regular routine, and the change of scenery really really helps me. I was very good at boundaries between home and work and that’s much harder for me when working in my home and that greatly affects my mental state.

          6. I should note that I don’t feel stressed by the risks or the virus itself. I have no anxiety about going in public or interacting with people (per CDC guidance). My mental state was linked to WFH which I absolutely hate and being separated from my communities.

        2. @Jeffinner … Maybe other people have more bandwidth for this, but I just can’t do all the million risk mitigation tactics all the time without being purely exhausted. And the amount of things you should do in a public space to stay safe is extensive if you actually do them properly/every time. I’m also confused by all the people constantly touching their masks, eating with their gloves on & touching their phones while at the supermarket, etc. I can’t even guess at what they’re thinking unless they’ve really bought into security theatre.

    5. I am in a similar situation, and it is really, truly difficult. It is scary to think that this time period may really impact the course of my life (particularly, whether we get to go out and about in time for me to find a relationship and have kids…). I work really, really hard to keep myself from going there in thinking these thoughts, because if I let myself linger on them it is bad news bears. When I catch myself thinking these thoughts I try to notice and actively search for something else to think about or distract myself with – tv, call a friend, make a cup of tea, put on music, clean something (my apartment is scrubbed within an inch of its life right now…), anything.

      I also try to think a lot about what my future self would want for my current self. Obviously I don’t know for sure, but my hunch is that for right now she would want me to be safe and cozy, to find enjoyment in small things, and to try to be kind and patient with myself. I don’t remember who suggested this exercise to me, but it’s been super helpful for me over the years and I hope it helps, you too!

    6. I have persuaded a few of my single friends to friend each other on FB and get to ‘know’ each other in a low-key way during quarantine, hopefully to meet in person after if they enjoy their FB conversations.

      Next plan is to get a group Zoom with a mix of single and married friends and see if anyone hits it off.

      1. Please be my friend. I’m 36, kind, an excellent cook, intelligent, funny, a great friend, and I’m fun to garden with. Wish I could figure out how to convey this to single straight men!

    7. It is incredibly hard! I’m sure I will get flamed for this, but if you are not high risk, I would consider extending your “household” to include another friend who lives alone. I’m in a different situation, but I’m in my mid-30s, live alone, and have been single for years. I started dating someone immediately before the stay at home orders were issued (met in February through friends, first date in March), and we are spending our weekends together. We acknowledge that it is a risk, but one that we are willing to take. I still find spending four days alone extremely hard, but I know that my mental health would be completely shattered if we were not doing this – I would have either moved in with friends by now or decided to do a similar weekend pattern with a friend.

      At some point, you have to weigh the tread offs of increasing your risk to the benefits to your mental health. For me, I know that I get seriously depressed when I have extended periods alone. If you are combing households with someone who is also taking reasonable precautions, I personally think the benefits to your mental health are worth it and think that it’s not that different from the many friends I know who moved back to their parents’ house over the last 4-6 weeks.

    8. Some pandemic days are fine, some are even good, and some are just shitty and it’s like playing roulette every morning what kind of day you’re going to get. I hate it so, so much and I am so lonely.

    9. First time poster here – also a single extrovert here and your post really resonated. No advice, just commiseration. We’ll get through this (I hope).

  9. One of my children walks like the has the mass of . . . an elephant? Some giant animal? Sooooo hoping that cotillion classes aren’t cancelled this fall. I skipped ballet for her as a kid (city ballet program mandated buns for practice and I was all “I have to leave my office at 4 to just get her here” and all of the more reasonable ones were out of rush-hour driving range; #cityparenting).

    Also, husband is really a wet-mouth chewer. I can’t describe it better than that but I hope he just like that at home.

    1. Ballet buns are not ridiculous, they are a safety requirement. A loose ponytail will whack you in the face when you spot turns.

      Cotillion will not make your child graceful. If you want to fix her posture, put her in ballet or marching band.

      1. Ballet buns are not a safety requirement for young kids who have barely-there wispy hair. This was for preschool. I called just to be sure and they were very clear that I could use spray and pins and make it happen. I didn’t think that this would be the right ballet place for us and decided that swim lessons were a better fit.

        1. Pre-ballet doesn’t make preschoolers graceful. It just teaches them to line up, pay attention, and count to 4. If you want your daughter to move like a ballerina, she needs to take real ballet classes, which don’t begin until age 7 or so.

      2. Yeah any ballet school that doesn’t require buns isn’t more reasonable, it’s just not a good ballet school. Ballet will help her grace and body awareness at least somewhat, and if she’s over six/seven or so she can learn to put her own hair in a bun.

        1. For preschool? That seems to be a bit much. My kids were bald or merely fuzzy-headed until they were 2, so even at 4 they didn’t have hair long enough to pull back. One kid’s hair was so slick that nothing short of a rubber band (nightmare to get out) would have held for more than a minute.

          I get it for kids with substantial hair, but when a kid naturally has a pixie with some mullet bits, it seems like they are being deliberately exclusionary.

          1. No legit ballet school is actually going to enforce the bun requirement for preschoolers without enough hair.

          2. Your reply about preschool didn’t post until after I had typed my reply. You said you skipped it for her “as a kid” so I assumed she was older. For preschool no a bun probably wouldn’t be enforced. By kindergarten I would expect it to be.

          3. My kids’ very legit ballet school asks that the preschoolers with long hair to at least wear a ponytail, but they aren’t militant about it. When they are seven or so and doing real ballet instruction, they do ask for buns, but I’ve also seen girls with pixie cuts and no one bats an eyelash. FWIW, the pageboy bob seems to be the hardest for the teachers – it flops around enough that it’s in the girl’s face, but I can’t really be pulled back very easily.

            To be frank, I do think that the bun thing can get kind of exclusionary. I don’t pretend to know much about how to style curly hair, but requiring a tight bun does lead to breakage and “off the face” is the important part for lessons. My 12-year-old is pretty serious and has always had bangs. I wouldn’t be averse to having her comb the bangs back for a recital, but I would probably switch schools if they wanted her to have no bangs for class.

      3. Ha…ballet buns have nothing to do with safety. The “bun” is about control and discipline. Just thinking about it makes me excited for the Black Widow movie release…

        1. Some degree of discipline is not a bad thing for children. We are not talking about Maggie Haney here.

          Also I have never seen a professional dancer take class without her hair fully secured.

    2. UGH my husband is a “hmm”-er when he’s chewing. He makes like audible little gasps when he’s taking a bite and sighs then once he’s swallowed. I have no context if he does this in polite company, as it’s just started driving my bonkers in the last several weeks and we haven’t eaten with anyone but each other in that time. Meanwhile, I keep leaving water glasses and coffee cups around the house, so he has plenty of reason to vent about me on the internet.

      We could all use some cotillion classes around here.

        1. Hate to be Debbie Downer, but we did cotillion and it did not work for either of my kids. They both still have horrible table manners and my daughter is not at all graceful, though she *ahem* comes by it honestly. My two are pretty social jokesters and fooled around at every class, so maybe it would work for a more serious kid. I know that as a kid I would have LOVED it.

          1. I don’t know, I’m not a parent so I do admit I don’t know what I’m talking about, but the horrible table manners part seems like something you can and should have some control over? Why would cotillion classes magically change what your kids are doing the rest of the time? Don’t you have more influence over that?

          2. I think it’s like some people can pull it together when the eyes of others are on you but not otherwise. Like people who tidy up for company but otherwise don’t. This is like at least forcing them to have a show time for their social skills and manners and not just let them collect dust.

            FWIW, I made my kids waffles for years in part so they would have to learn how to cut with a knife. But when it gets tough the hold everything with fists and my neighbor is probably wondering why he hears me go “no fists!” periodically. He must have Questions about us.

          3. Well, to put it simply, we’ve tried. We have corrected them countless times but at some point, it’s not worth it to continue correcting them, esp. now that they are both teens and we have so many bigger issues to deal with.

      2. My dad chomps at his food like he doesn’t know how to chew. And slurps his coffee. And just generally makes nonstop f-ing unnecessary noise while he eats. It irritates me to no end. And he knows that so he does it on purpose.

    3. We are filthy beasts. Home bathrooms and kitchen seem to use in use 24/7. But you’d think someone would not the filth and clean. No, b/c I apparently also live with people with visual accuity worse than me (+2 readers).

      Yuck yuck yuck

      1. I’m just so tired of the dishes. There are only two of us. How are we going through this many spoons????

        3. The amount of dishes we go through is insane as well! I feel like I’m running the dishwasher every single day. To say nothing of the wine glasses stacking up on the side waiting to be handwashed…

        5. And napkins! We switched to reusable cloth napkins awhile ago and despite the staggering amount I *thought* we had, we seem to always be needing to wash them. I can barely keep up.

        6. My husband is (mostly) a SAHD. Typically, that means part-time childcare, with enough time to do almost everything around the house. Now that he’s doing full-time childcare, I offered to do the dishes, which are his least favortie chore.

          Omg, we have SO many dishes. I don’t understand how 3 people use so many cups! Everyday, the entire top dish rack is full of cups.

    4. Ugh, sorry. I’m your child all grown up. I am a petite small person by any standard but for some reason my natural gait is just heavy on the heels so I stomp when I go up and down stairs, my hardwood floors, etc. I just can’t help it. Posting so you can temper expectations with your kid. Yoga helped me with body control and awareness but I also just not coordinated and have bad peripheral vision so my hips and shoulders are just bumping into doorframes when I’m not paying attention. Shrug.

      1. +1 I am petite person who is a loud walker (who also did ballet for 10 years btw). I don’t GAF. People get out of my way and I like it.

        1. I get that. But right now, I am my kid’s downstairs neighbor 24/7, including during working hours. :(

          1. Ah yea, that stinks. Would your child buy into some sort of game where they pretend to walk as a X, Y, Z (not elephant) or where the floor is sheet of ice? I am clearly not a parent, so feel free to laugh at my suggestions!

        2. Same. I am somehow a very loud (I call it “purposeful” haha) walker, despite being an objectively tiny person. Mom also put me in ballet because I was such a klutz as a kid. Never outgrew that either. I also did marching band, which really is great for posture. As I write this, I am wondering whether my loud walking is attributable to the heel-to-toe step drilled into me by marching band…anyway, all this to say, in the dance studio and on the field, I was able to be graceful and coordinated. Outside those constructs, not so much, and I still walk loudly and trip falling up the stairs, as an adult.

      2. This was my mom. She was never over 4’10” on her best day but she STRODE through the house like a herd of elephants!

      3. Same. One time I was walking on my grandparents floor, just normally, and my normal gait shook the light fixture downstairs loose and it fell and broke. I walk with my heels.

        My colleague called it an “intimidating” walk, which is hilarious because I’m a petite woman.

        No amount of ballet would have made me able to change how I naturally walk.

    5. It’s called ‘misphonia’ (certain sounds cause actual rage/anxiety/physical discomfort). I can deal with chewing sounds well enough, but my husband CONSTANTLY clears his throat. Loudly. So loudly that is is how I find him in stores when we are separated. My kiddo started doing it in imitation when he was younger and I shut that down with a quickness.
      I remind him to sip water when it goes on more than once or twice in a row (or I can hear it from ANOTHER FLOOR) and OMG it is reallllllly annoying.

      1. My desk neighbor does that at work all day, and I continually wonder how his wife has avoided murdering him in his sleep.

      2. I definitely have misophonia. I rationally know my dad doesn’t sneeze like he’s acting in a goddamn allergy commercial on purpose…but it still makes me ragey. And he gets sneezing attacks that are 3-4 in a row. So loud. So horrible.

        I also do not like/detest the sound of people drinking, eating soup, or slurping anything ever. One of my cousins opens his sodas just a tiny bit and slurps the soda out of the minuscule opening for the whole can. I feel angry just thinking about it.

        I know it’s irrational and I try to ignore it but sometimes I just want to wear earplugs when I eat. It’s mostly with my family. I don’t notice it as much when I’m out, except for slurping soup, which makes me murdery.

    6. My 9 year old boy who does hip hop dance is also an elephant. The things we learn in quarantine!

    7. How do we go through so much toilet paper? One of my children isn’t even potty trained.
      I did ballet for 12 years growing up and couldn’t care less about the bun at preschool level – at this age (with my own kid in ballet now) what I’m looking for is a school that emphasizes movement, musicality and a little bit of socialization to be conscious of order (lining up, listening to the teacher, neat uniforms – my son is otherwise a tiny high-energy hooligan). Sadly, it did not make me a more graceful human being.

    8. I’m not from America, but I have never heard of cotillion until today. I googled it and I still don’t really get what it is.

      Anyways I did ballet all my life until my mid-20s, and if you don’t have enough hair to put in a bun, you don’t do it. I had a pixie cut for part of the time I was a professional dancer. I cannot image some ballet school insisting this is done for little sub age 5 girls, especially those without enough hair or for those it doesn’t stay well.

  10. Looking for any creative exercise ideas one can do in an apartment without driving downstairs neighbors insane. I’m doing pushups and yoga when I can but I need some cardio and variety. I have no equipment but could improvise with household stuff.

    2. Are you in a place where you can go for a run outside? If not, I believe Kayla Itsines has a no-jumping routine somewhere.

    3. March in place (raising your knees high) while raising/lowering arms. Try it at a walking pace/step gently. It’s less floor pounding than jumping/running, good for practicing balance. You can even do it on your yoga mat to stifle the noise. Work your way up to 50 steps or whatever & it does raise your heart rate after a bit.

    4. Dance class! I’m taking salsa and rumba and cha cha- wearing soft practice shoes instead of my fancy heels and skipping any isolated jumps, my neighbors haven’t complained.

    5. You could do mountain climbers, especially if you do them near an exterior wall it will likely absorb some of the bounce. I wouldn’t bother trying burpees, jumping jacks, or any other true jumping activities, but you might be able to get away with the mountain climbers.
      The risk of contracting something during a run outside is pretty low, so I would give that a go, even if just once a week during non-peak hours.

    7. look up “no jumping HIIT” or any workout with just weights (laundry detergent, backpack full of hardback books). You don’t need to sweat a ton or jump to get a good workout.

    9. As long as it’s limited to like 45 mins a day I’m sure they would understand – drop a note under the door asking if there are times they prefer you do or don’t jump around

  11. Is it unprofessional for a bed to be in the background of a video conference? Bed is made, bedding is neutral and basic (no throw pillows or personalisation).

    3. Not at all, and I actually am enjoying seeing a little glimpse into how my colleagues live – I wouldn’t worry about personalization at all either

    4. No way, especially now. At least one-third of my colleagues are clearly working from bedrooms. One seems to be working from a child’s bedroom in active use (bed unmade, toys, etc.). We’re all just doing the best we can right now, and no one with an ounce of sense will think less of you for it.

        1. One of my co workers took a picture of her bookshelf, which is not actually in her home office area (which I believe is the dining room) and made it her zoom background so it always just looks like she’s in front of a bookshelf full of books.

    7. Nope. We have two working parents and 1 office. My kid has ‘school’ downstairs. When I’m not using the office my options are kitchen table with zoom classes/dog in the background or bedroom desk. The bedroom desk usually wins.

    8. I misread this as “from bed” and even then I was going to stay that if you’re sitting up in bed, against a wall or neutral background, with no obvious pillows or comforters in view, it’d be fine.

    9. As long as you aren’t my colleague who at 29 has never moved out of her parents’ home (and apparently hasn’t updated one iota of the decor since she was 12), Zooming in front her frilly canopy bed complete with Harry Potter posters and grade school trophies. And then her mom brought her cookies and milk in the middle of it.

      In all seriousness, I love glimpses of my colleagues’ homes (though I’m the “Zoom in front of a blank wall” type).

      1. Oh god, at first reading this I felt awkward because I moved back in with my parents during this (…..which is a whole thing in and of itself, jfc) and thought people might be judging me but then I finished reading. When I got to the milk and cookies I legit laughed out loud.

        1. Well this colleague has never moved out, so the fact that her childhood bedroom is still intact is A Choice. I know plenty of fully-functioning adults who are staying with parents for a number of reasons, this is… not that situation :-)

          1. Yeah, that’s pretty bad. I am generally a fully-functioning adult whose mental health was going downhill being at home alone, plus I’m high-risk and the logistics of getting groceries, etc was getting really difficult. So, here I am. Hiding in their basement. Working at a card table.

    10. Some Florida judge sent out a notice that he wants no beds in virtual court. My client and I both found through practice zoom meetings that if sit upright on our respective beds, backs against the headboard, with some throw pillows, it looks like we are sitting on a couch and not a bed.

        2. Oh well! That’s how the cookie crumbles in pandemic times, Anonymous at 12:21.

          1. I don’t care if someone’s zooming from bed, but it’s a true fact that it’s not a secret from anyone. The poster I was responding to does care to hide it, so that is relevant unlike your post Lauren.

      3. I think the problem was that the person was actually IN BED, like under the covers.

    11. Not a business, but I am on the board of directors of our synagogue and we’ve been having Zoom meetings, and our rabbi was clearly sitting against a headboard (and acknowledged it when someone lightly teased her about it). Good enough for her, good enough for me. I don’t see a problem with it as long as it’s neat. I wouldn’t do it if I were an anchor on national television broadcasting from home, but for most meetings – esp internal ones – I think it’s fine.

    12. This is anecdotal but yesterday the Artistic Creative Director of the Center Theatre Group in Los Angeles did a whole Zoom donor chat in his guest room in front of the bed. So.

    13. Nope.
      I sit with my back to my closet and I do make sure the door is closed during Zoom calls. They already know that my entire wardrobe is black and gray, but they don’t need to see it all at once.

  12. We have an old house and kept the window seat cushions that came with it. 10 years ago. After 2 kids, they need a refresh. I doubt that they are standard sizes. Not sure this is a DIY job (I love the fancy cushions; in a pinch I could acquire fabric and wrap/tack, but I think that good grade fabric is not something I am familiar with and would likely get the wrong thing the first 1-3 times). Has anyone found a good place on Etsy or maybe the custom-type options at someplace like Ballard Designs (there is a local store; mall is reopening; not sure when this becomes a non-telephone/e-mail option though).

    1. If you have a large enough city to have some sort of a fashion/garment/design district there will likely be a foam and cushion store which will do custom orders in house, on the very off chance they don’t do in house orders they will 100% have the name of someone who does. This type of project is really best if someone can come into your home and do the measuring to make sure it’s the perfect size.

      1. If you still have the cushions and just want new versions of the same cushions in different fabrics, just take the existing cushions to whatever vendor you choose. They can use them as a template.

    3. Now that I think about it, how long does one keep cloth-covered furniture? Like is it time for a refresh for all of the dust mites and general gunk that may be inside the cushions and just start over? Or is that two trades to get involved (in which case it may take until 2021)? Or should one have maybe sets of cases (and maybe some sort of mattress cover thing so nothing soaks through if there is a spill)? We are so nasty sometimes that I’d skip but the wood seats are hard to sit on for a long time.

      1. We’re working our way through spring deep cleaning, and I do the following for our sofa, which worked really well. First – spray with vodka or alcohol to kill any smells. Flip cushions to get backs/undersides. Bonus points if you can do this on a sunny nice day so the windows help air everything out.
        Second – sprinkle with baking soda – our large-ish sectional took up most of a box of baking soda. Let it sit for 30 minutes at least, more if you have time.
        Vacuum up with the ‘mattress’ attachment. Repeat on alternate side of cushions. Also I try to rotate our couch cushions (or at least flip them) every few months so they wear evenly.

      2. Dust mites are a fact of life on any upholstered surface (even new-ish ones), and shouldn’t ever be a consideration when considering upholstery replacement unless you or someone you live with has allergies.

        I think upholstery needs replacing once it’s unacceptably stained, worn out, or isn’t holding its structure to your liking even after maintenance cleaning/flipping cushions/repair, which could be 10 years or 25. Basically you’ll know it when you see or feel it. There’s no hard and fast rule, especially since quality of materials and construction and frequency of use vary so much. I don’t think many people opt to reupholster much these days aside from heirloom-quality furniture, both because reupholstery is quite expensive and the quality of furniture has degraded so much in recent years, so the frame and wood parts wear out much faster and aren’t as repairable as they used to be.

    4. Look for an upholstery place locally, or even a fabric store like Calico. They’ll do stuff like this all the time. If you’re not sure of local recs, try joining a local Facebook group and ask there.

      1. Second an upholstery repair/furniture repair place locally, this is how my mom recovers/restuffs all her antiques. It would be easier to take in the old cushion with the fabric that you want and they can work their magic!

  13. Does anyone have a storage solution for those little baggies with extra buttons that come with clothes? If yes, have you actually used any of them? I’ve thrown them away for years, but in my quarantine cleaning I’ve found several and wondering if I should just keep chucking them.

    2. In a tin, with my sewing supplies.

      (Sadly, not a royal blue Danish butter cookies tin…)

      1. Gonna have to just bite the bullet and buy some of those cookies next Christmas so I can have the tin.

      2. Sadly, my button tin is also not a royal blue Danish butter cookie tin, but it has a wild and crazy animal design and it did once hold cookies. I think I started saving buttons just so I’d have an excuse to keep the tin.

    4. I write on the baggie what garment they belong to. I keep them in a box next to my sewing kit.

      2. I don’t know why this has never occurred to me and I am unreasonably excited about doing this starting today. Thank you for the idea!

    6. I have a little plastic storage box just for those that I keep in my closet. When one of my blazers’ buttons broke because my 12 year old decided to…use the blazer to smash a bug on the floor (you can’t make this stuff up)….I fished the buttons out and was able to get it repaired.

    7. I have a shoebox sized lidded basket that I stash them in, under the guest bathroom sink. I feel certain that I have used them at some point in my life, but not for many, many years (and the basket is nearly full and probably 75% for clothes I no longer own). I don’t label them, so I’d really have to search if I ever do need one.

    8. I kept them in a small gift bag in the vanity in my master bath and threw them all out about 6 months before quarantine. Now I’m crocheting ear savers for health care workers and first responders and struggling to find buttons! People are donating them to me. I’m really kicking myself.

    10. I save them all in a drawstring bag and have never used a single one. Probably should stop saving them.

    11. I date and write a brief description of the garment they belong to on the bag with a sharpie. You’d be surprised how many buttons I found for clothes long since thrown our or donated. Also good to know what button goes with what if actually needed.

    12. I found the baggie to be the part that is hard to store. Now, I take the button out of the bag and store all the buttons in Ziplock snack baggies sorted by color (and the black ones, of which there are many, by size as well). I do keep the extra threads in the baggies and note the garment in Sharpie. I believe I have used the threads more than the buttons over time.

  14. You guys, I know there have been SO MANY posts on vacuums (and I went back and read them), but I guess this is my isolation hobby- agonizing over purchases. I need to buy 2 vacuums. I want one cordless stick vacuum for the main floor and one that’s really good on carpet (for the 2nd floor/bedrooms). We have young kids and will be getting a dog soon. I’m fine buying a pricey vacuum, but I don’t want to spend $2k buying TWO pricey vacuums. Do I spend the big money on the Dyson stick and just by a whatever for upstairs? Do I get a $100 good enough stick vacuum and get a Miele for upstairs? I’d like to keep my total vacuum expenses closer to $500 than $1000 but somewhere in that range is ok. Also, of note, I don’t have a great place to set up a charging station for the cordless. It’ll have to be on a wall somewhere annoying or charged then put away.

      1. +1 for the Shark. I loved mine (it finally bit the dust after I used it constantly when my house was under construction).

      2. +1 to a Shark. Ours is a similar model that we got for a steal at Home Depot. We have a pug (obviously) who sheds like crazy and it does great. The newer models have anti-hair wrap which is nice if there are long-haired members of your household.

    2. Kenmore vacuums were great and like 1/4 of the price of a Miele, but highly doubt they’re being made anymore. For ease though I love my Roomba.

    4. FWIW, I find the Dyson stick vacuum way more useful than our upright Dyson since it’s light enough that I actually use all the attachments and clean the things you normally only clean once or twice a year. It is WAY easier to do things like vacuum sofas and mattresses with the stick vacuum and I’m actually now vacuuming our cloth sofas weekly instead of bi-yearly which makes a HUGE difference. Also, I was fully shocked and disgusted at how much dust and dirt came out of our sofa the first time I vacuumed it during quarantine….

    5. Yes, I would pay more for the cordless and get a cheaper corded vac. You don’t need to spend a lot.

    6. we got a dyson cordless (v7? v8?) for upstairs and dock it in a closet. we are mostly hardwood upstairs with a few rugs. we got a shark corded vacuum that is sufficiently strong for downstairs where we have a few big thicker rugs and it is just higher traffic.

    7. we have a dyson stick (v6) and a Shark Liftaway (around 200). the cleaners use the Shark, we use the dyson for quick pickups. We don’t have carpet, but 2 floors, lots of rugs, hardwood, tile and a dog that sheds.

    8. Thank you for asking this! I am making the exact same decision now. I think I will get a dyson stick for downstairs (we also have a dog and we have a cat who mostly stays upstairs) and am considering a Shark for the carpet upstairs.

    9. We love our Miele canister vac. It’s lightweight enough that it’s easy to move upstairs or downstairs when needed, and came with attachments to get a deep clean on both hardwood and shag rugs. We have a cordless handheld vac on our main levels for crumbs and small dry spills, and then just use the Miele for everything else.

  15. What have you learned about your partner, children, flatmates, neighbours during lockdown?
    I’ve learned that my husband doesn’t know how to make a peanut butter and celery snack (cut the celery lengthwise), my son eats huge volumes of food during the day, and one of my neighbours is up to some sort of monkey business.

      1. So he’s always worked off the books and sometimes has dodgy friends stop by. His wife very rarely leaves the house/garden, I’ve seen her out a handful of times in the 7 years I’ve lived here. But he’s never really talked on the phone before, and now he often gets or makes calls en route to the shop for beer (this is a 2-3 time a day occurrence, why he doesn’t buy more beer in one go is a source of rampant speculation in our household as well). Either affair or some sort of black market, I assume? He’s much cheerier than normal, so I’m assuming affair. The neighbour opposite came to ask another neighbour if she had an extra remote for a TV he had stolen. Definitely a colourful cast of characters around here.

        I am nosy, but this is happening directly in front of my face, our house is en route to the shop and my desk faces the patio doors.

        1. I love this story. I wish we had more interesting neighbors.
          Our next-door neighbors and our diagonal-across-the-street neighbors have FOUR cars each. And no garage. For two people in each house. Why.

          1. There are SEVEN cars parked on the street that belong to one house. I’ve only ever seen one person leave it. Each car has a distinctive anti-theft device and the owner moves each car about a foot every couple months.

        3. So funny, seems like a bad time to start an affair, too. I’ve been thinking about how many people having affairs have probably been forced to stop because they can’t travel/socialize after work/go many places for longer than it takes to pick up groceries.

          1. The UK Government’s scientific advisor just had to resign because he was visiting his mistress in lockdown. Idiots, all of them.

          2. It’s better than that – she was visiting him, and she’s the one who’s married. Making him her mistress, I guess???

          4. I think it’s more – individuals who understand the science making risk-assessed decisions which are actually perfectly fine if just a few people do them, but forgetting that optics are a thing.

        4. I work with self-identified alcoholics. They often report making multiple trips to multiple stores to buy alcohol within a given day, to avoid shame from picking up their whole supply in one place.

      1. This is me but my dog is not a puppy. Just walks walks walks. Every coffee break is a walk. Review a document? respond to emails? Walk to pretty spot with dog, sit and look at phone. Walk back and digest the content I just read. Walk. Walk. Walk.

      2. Ha! Our dog (also a lab) now thinks every time we take a break she gets a walk. I can see how a puppy would be even worse, but tired puppy=good puppy.

      3. There’s a woman on my street who is constantly walking her dog! I mean, I don’t really blame her, it’s something to do.

    3. Husband and I have both now heard each other’s work phone call voices — mine is fakely chipper and his is very businessy in a way I didn’t expect.

      Not much is happening with my neighbors, but my friend thinks her next door neighbor is either a s&x worker or a dru g dealer. They live in a nice neighborhood in giant mc mansions. The neighbor has five kids, partially owns a bbq restaurant, and has a never ending stream of men stopping by her house and staying a while. We’re all living vicariously through my friend’s updates.

      1. I had a neighbor like that once. I could not figure out what she did. Never left the house regularly for work. Seemed to travel a bit. Single mom, so kid and dog there sometimes. Yoga during the day. No one was stopping by ever that I saw.

        Something for an airline?
        Spy (too much Americans)?

        Turned out she had a WFH sales job with occasional travel. But the bored mind loves to speculate!

        I friend did disrupt a small done-by-FedEx-drops-at-vacant-rental-house drug ring by noticing random things, a la Rear Window.

      2. My neighbor has a dog, but she only seems to take the dog out 2x a day to directly across the street from our apartments (townhomes). I’ve never seen her walk the dog, and other than once in a blue moon, she never comes out of her apartment. I see my other neighbors at the store, at coffee shops, etc. but I never see her. Never hear her in her apartment, either (which, hopefully, means she can’t hear me/my dog?). She’s perfectly nice, but I tried to make friends with her when I moved in and she was not interested. Although she did pick up stuff at the store for me in the early stages of this nightmare.

    4. Y’all should watch “The ‘Burbs” and get your neighbor nosiness on with Tom Hanks and cast. It’s old but truly relatable right now..you will laugh…

    5. We’ve learned that we all have nothing better to do than (creepily) watch each other. I went to the grocery store, got TP, and the neighbors commented on it during virtual happy hour! And the air bnb nearby is now just a house for sale. Another neighbor has nice dogs that escape and a parent with dementia who escapes with the dogs. All are quickly found and brought back. I feel like I am living in a harmless version of Rear Window…

    6. I’ve been married for 20 years so I didn’t think there was a ton to learn about my husband. But I did learn that he always has another screen open while he’s “working”, reading news or watching videos or something. It was kind of surprising to me, because he’s Mr. Work Ethic and is kind of judgmental about how everyone else works.

      Because of this discovery, I am no longer accepting comments about my own work habits.

    7. My neighbor had a baby about two weeks into the lockdown! I asked the father how it was going and he said you’re under lockdown with a newborn regardless of government edicts. Baby is extremely cute and her older sibling is still happy and sassy.

    8. I’ve learned that even though my husband has a partner, he is the guy who makes everything happen at/for/with his law firm. Also he really is the best person in the world on pretty much every level.

    10. One of my neighbors is extremely elderly and does entirely too much yardwork. My desk faces his house and I hold my breath every time he teeters down his steps.
      I’ve gone out and asked if he needs help twice. He said no. I continue my vigil.

    11. My neighbor is a professional classical pianist. She practices all morning every morning on weekdays. It is the most wonderful thing ever.

      She occasionally asks us if her playing is bothering us. We’re like ARE YOU KIDDING?

      Free concerts every morning. The sun is shining finally. Things are looking up.

    12. I have learned that my husband talks really loudly on videoconferences.

      Because he talks so loudly that I can hear him through two closed doors, I have learned that he tells everyone he meets the same stories he told me on our first date.

    13. I have learned that my husband cannot sit down while talking on the phone. I have also learned that he’s very, very tough and sort of mean on calls. (Not with his direct co workers, he’s very great with them and he got stellar annual review this year and got a promotion and a huge stock bonus when no one else did. The heads of the business units he advises also gave stellar reviews, this is to all the people down the totem pole). He’s in house counsel for a large bank and I have heard him say all of the following: “Actually, that was not rhetorical. It was a real question and I am looking for an answer. I am happy to stay on this call until someone provides one.” “A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” (in response to getting a 20 page document at 4:30 on a Friday (that he had never seen before) and being asked to turn it by 4:45 pm so they could send it to regulators to meet a 5:00 pm deadline) “I did not review the document you sent. I took a quick scan of it and here’s what I saw. The first sentence was 6 lines long. There was punctuation missing. There were spelling errors. I will review it and provide comments when it looks more like English. I’m not here to be your copy editor.”

          1. Yeah, when you said he’s mean to “people down the totem pole” was when I cringed. That’s not something to highlight. Being crappy to people who rank below you is the worst possible way to behave.

          2. I am sure I probably won’t be able to adequately explain to you that he’s not a jerk or anything remotely like that, but think what you will (he’s one of the most generous and caring people I’ve ever encountered). To clarify what I said, the calls he seems to have with his coworkers in the legal department don’t seem to require him to say things like what I quoted above. Nor do the calls with the heads of and higher ups in the various lines of business he works with seem to require this, mostly because those people seem to understand you can’t adequately review a document in 15 minutes, they know how to write competently, and they are prepared to answer questions they are asked. When I’ve asked “who did you say that to?” the story is always that someone who is at the mid or lower ends of the hierarchy in that line of business is the one who he was talking to or the one that dumped something on his desk 15 minutes before a deadline that that person has had for a week. He’s not “being crappy” or “an ass” to people because he thinks he’s superior in any way- he’s asking them to do their job with a certain level of competence so that he can do his.

          3. Re totem pole, I read that as he’s tough on the people above him. The “bottom of the totem pole” is the most revered, highest ranking person; the top of the totem pole is the lowest. The old saying gets it backwards.

            Of course I could be reading into OP’s meaning.

    14. My neighborhood isn’t nearly as quiet as I thought. Someone is always cutting their grass. If it is between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm, you are guaranteed to hear a lawn mower. Also, my new next door neighbors (renters) have one very very loud car that they take on joyrides and then hand wash basically every day. They also have 4 more cars that they park all up and down our street even though they have a garage and a driveway – but apparently the other cars are not fit to be near the one zoomy car. I still don’t know how many people live there.

  16. Best t-shirts and tank tops for hot, humid weather? I live in the SEUS where the humidity is brutal. The summer weather is starting. Someone posted the other day about certain Uniqlo t-shirts that are light and absorbent, but I can’t find the thread anymore.

        1. I think so — also in SEUS. Light, wicking material. I got a ton last year to split with my kid (now in adult sizes) and ordered some more for this year (tanks vs tees).

    4. You didn’t ask for this type of advice, but i got bust dust from ulta last year and it’s great. It’s a body powder that help with sweat. I live in the SEUS too.

    5. Requirements for me (a fellow SEUS person): loose, light-colored, and the best for me – linen! But I like the linen knit, not the woven kind, which wrinkles and doesn’t stretch. Like these:
      https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=530320112&vid=1#pdp-page-content
      Or this:
      https://www.loft.com/garden-henley-linen-tee/533840?selectedColor=2222
      Or these tanks:
      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens_category/tshirts_tanktops/tanktopsandcamisoles/linen-vneck-pocket-tank/L7484?color_name=frosty-olive

      1. Thanks! I’ve avoided linen for years due to my hatred of ironing. Never knew there was a kind that didn’t wrinkle. I’m always learning new things from this site!

  17. I remember these overalls/slouchy jumpsuits that one or both of you linked to a few weeks ago and would like to pick up a pair for a friend but I’ve lost the link! Can you remind me of the name of them? How is the sizing?

    2. Yes, it was Lucy and Yak! I bought the XL tall and have measurements vaguely around 41/35/48 and am very long waisted. They fit well, with enough positive ease to be super comfortable. I bought the green corduroy, because I’m sick of buying black ‘because it goes with everything and is flattering’ when I’ll barely be leaving the house this year.

      1. Lucy and Yak is also super transparent about their supply chain and ethical, fair treatment of their employees. I want a pair so bad! I’m just gonna bite the bullet and pay the shipping. Life is short.

        The jumpsuit I’m obsessed with isn’t super slouchy – it’s the All In Motion woven jumpsuit from Target.

        Last year I bought the DuluthFlex Fire Hose Coolmax Coveralls from Duluth Trading company and I LOVE them. Do I kinda look like I wandered off the set of Top Gun II? Yeah but I’ve got pockets galore and I don’t care.

  18. Does anyone live in Bend, Oregon? Or is close with anyone that lives in Bend, Oregon?
    We were there last Summer & when I get down about where I live I fantasize about moving there. It will most likely never happen. Especially b/c when I do a quick perusal of jobs there there doesn’t seem to be too many cos. there besides the breweries. Yet the housing isn’t THAT cheap (but it’s cheaper than where I am, part of the appeal…). What do people do there? And can I do whatever that is? (Kidding, kind of). Anyway, just curious.

    1. I’m in the same boat as you, in that I visited one summer and dreamed of relocating there. I was randomly searching a few months ago and a job did come up in my field, but I was overqualified for it (entry level vs mid/senior). I suppose you would have to be part of the small town team (tourism, doctor, dentist, local utilities and maintenance), or have work that you can freelance or do remotely. Hard to imagine a big employer out there. In my case, I compromised and moved to another Pacific NW city still with plenty of nature and the outdoors

    2. I love Bend! My sister used to live there. From what I understand its hard to find a 35+ hour week professional position. She ended up working in high end retail and loved living there but the numbers didn’t work. I have met a few professionals who were able to telework and fly/drive back to the company office in California, Portland, or Seattle 1-2xs per month. I dream about living there too! Such a great spot!

      1. This is what our friend does: She flies to Central California for a week or so at a time and works, then flies back for a week or two.

    3. We have friends who live there. We were discussing visiting last night and my husband made the astounding contention that the people who live there pronounce it “Bent.” Can anyone confirm?

      1. Can confirm that is not right! Source: I grew up one town over. Also can confirm it is a great place to retire or live if you have independent means…not a great place for the young professional

    4. I know a couple people who live there. One is my friend’s mom who retired a few years ago. Another moved there from California after their house burned down in a wild fire. Her husband works from home, she sells stuff on Etsy. The winters are long and cold, but they love it.

    5. Your assessment is pretty much correct. It’s a tourist town with attractive quality of life, so COL is vastly out of proportion to the available jobs.

    6. I live in portland. Bend is very very lovely and very expensive. Might i suggest hood river? also close to skiing, cute little town, actually closer to the gorge too. it is also not cheap but i think marginally less than bend. Anyway if DH and I could be fully remote I’d love to move to hood river though I will say I’m not white and have had one iffy experience that made me feel really bad there.

    7. Bend had a huge RE boom 2005-2008 with out of town people buying second homes and wanting to live there permanently. I spent a large part of 2008-2012 disposing of RE that people bought and then couldn’t sell. It was always overpriced in my opinion.

    8. I lived in Bend for 18 years (all of it as an adult). Now in Portland.
      My parents also moved there and still live there. My mother hates it. My dad just doesn’t want to deal with moving. They are retired so the job thing is not an issue.

      The locals call Bend “poverty with a view”. It’s an ongoing local joke. A ton of the houses are second homes owned by wealthy people who live other places. you are correct that there is not much of a job market, the largest employer is the hospital.

      I have a lot of thoughts about Bend, but I’ll sum it up that it’s a lovely place to visit, it always smells like camping which is nice, and that you could not pay me to live there again.

  19. Would I be crazy to plan a trip to Glacier National Park in August? Coming from the SEUS. I have a family member’s wedding in Chicago in mid-August and pre-pandemic was tentatively planning to just continue out West after the wedding to Glacier. As of right now, the wedding is still on and we’re still planning on going to that, but unsure about Glacier.

    2. in my opinion yes, unless everything is refundable. there is still no guarantee the wedding will happen.

    3. I would be optimistic if it was a trip I could drive to, but for flying/leaving the state, you never know. I still am a little optimistic about doing something like this, just depends on your risk tolerance level/refundable nature of it & how much you care about that/will you still want to go if the wedding doesn’t happen… etc. etc.

    4. I went to Glacier in August 2 years ago. It’s the perfect time of year to go and Glacier is amazing and won’t be around in its current form much longer, so I’d lean towards making the trip. Most reservations in national parks are refundable up to 30 days out, however I’ve read and noticed that many parks are limiting reservations due to COVID. I think it’s fine to keep planning for this but be prepared to pull out.

      You didn’t ask this, but I hope you’re not planning to drive from Chicago as that trip would take a few days through very sparse terrain. I flew into Kalispell, via Denver, though there are other airports in MT or even Salt Lake City that are cheaper but require a longer drive.

      1. Nah, was going to just fly from Chicago since I’d already be two hours in that direction. But from below, sounds like wedding may not happen. Sigh. I was holding out hope. Maybe next year. I want to see Glacier before it lacks glaciers…

    5. Yesterday, the IL governor laid out a 5 step program for reopening IL, and gatherings over 50 people aren’t permitted until Phase 5–vaccine or enhanced treatment. If the wedding is greater than 50, likely won’t happen.

      1. Was just going to post this. I think it’s optimistic that we’ll be in Stage 4 (50 people max allowed) in August anyway.

    6. Montana has like almost no cases. They were the first (and probably only) state in the US to resume school this academic year. So its safe to travel there. The flip side of that is that they may ban out of state visitors. Maine (which also has low numbers) has done that. It’s technically a 14 day quarantine for out-of-staters, not a ban, but it includes the closure of all lodging, so unless you own a home there it’s basically impossible to visit.

  21. Please vote-

    One of my neighbors (never met them) has a patio, and they hang out outside and feed the squirrels. They also never close their patio door, leaving it propped open (I assume, for air circulation).

    Yesterday, as I looked out the window, I saw an intrepid squirrel approach their open door and eventually saunter in. I did not see it come out.

    Do I tell them?

    On the one hand, it probably left at some point, and telling them might only upset them.

    On the other hand, it’s true, and could provide hours of amusement for me as they search for the squirrel.

    1. No. People who feed squirrels and leave their doors open are weird people you don’t need in your life.

      1. Yeah, and you don’t want to give the impression that you are spying on them/their door. It would be one thing if you all were friends, but since your not…

    2. Nay. Well, it would beg the question why didn’t you tell them at the time? I think you missed your window. But also, yes they’re weird and courting squirrels.

    3. If you see it happen again, tell them right away – don’t wait a day. Sure they may be quirky but quirky people can make good friends. And it’s always good to be on good terms with neighbors.

    4. If you’re dumb enough to leave a door open and feed squirrels (yard rats,) you deserve the mayhem you just invited into your house.

      If you’re the neighbor who witnessed this, my suggestion is to make popcorn and sit back and watch said mayhem ensue. And then report back to us. It’s going to be one hell of a story!!!!

    5. I agree that telling them would be the right thing, but that I would have wanted to be told immediately. The day delay is the only thing to me that makes this slightly awkward.

    6. Not about the squirrel but you reminded me of another “unusual” neighbor story. My former neighbor was a hoarder. Her yard/garden was neat and tidy, but her hour, which I only ever saw through a tiny crack in the door if she absolutely had to open it, was piled high with newspapers, bags of stuff, lots knows what. When she moved to assisted care, her family had to rent TWO dumpsters to throw everything out of her relatively small house. Sad, I know.

      But once my cat didn’t come home for the night. I searched the neighborhood and heard her faintly meowing and then finally saw her peeking out from behind a blind at my neighbor’s house. It was after 10 pm at this point and all my neighbor’s lights were off, so I decided after a bit of stewing not to wake her and to ask her for my cat in the morning.

      In the morning once I could see she finally was up and about, I went over and knocked on her door. My cat darted out as soon as she opened the door a crack. I said “I’m sorry my cat got locked in your house yesterday, she’s out now, do you want me to come in and clean up any messes she might have made?”

      And my neighbor said no, but how are you going to get your other cat to come out?

      I only had the one cat. My neighbor had not one but two strange cats locked in her house, accidentally.

    9. No, do you think they won’t notice if a squirrel takes up residence in their house?

  22. How early would you take a day off in a new job?
    I started a new job about a month ago, and it’s been going well. We have unlimited vacation days, and were given a company wide day off around Easter.

    My family is all on vacation (school vacation, etc) a particular day next week, and I’m thinking about whether I could also take the day off with them. Would like to go on a (rural, socially distanced, like a large field, promise it’s safe don’t focus on that) day trip with them

    1. If you are in a system where you have earned a day or don’t have to earn at all, take it! I think taking one day, especially during this crazy mentally exhausting time, is very different than taking two weeks of after a month.

      1. +1

        And even though you don’t want us to focus on whether it’s safe, I feel like people would give you side-eye if you breathed even a word of getting together with family.

        1. But she doesn’t say it’s family that she doesn’t live with… I took it to mean her kids

        2. I took that comment to mean she doesn’t need the people here to jump all over her, as y’all are wont to do.

    4. Unless I had a pre-scheduled trip I’d cleared before starting, I’d probably wait 6 months before taking vacation at a new job. In some jobs, where coverage isn’t needed, I might make an exception for a day before/after a holiday when lots of people are off anyways–like when the 4th of July falls on a Thursday or the day before Thanksgiving.

    5. I work in a law firm (not known for being super vacation friendly) and would not think worse of someone who sent an email asking if they could take x day off (especially right now when we are quarantined). The exception would be if you were in a job that would require me to find someone to cover for you.

      Send an email and ask. Be sure to say you will understand if it is too soon. Also, if you are not hourly, offer to make up any work later in the week or on the weekend.

    6. I would take it, large engineering/tech company. People here value work life balance.

  23. Just found a thread I’d bookmarked on here from last July — my husband and I had been TTC for months and I asked for advice about how to proceed and for specific recommendations for a GYN in Boston. I found the thread so helpful — several of you recommended Dr. Khachadoorian at MGH. In case anyone’s interested, I saw someone at Vincent OB/GYN, had a referral all set for the fertility clinic for the beginning of December. And then, when I’d basically given up on the idea of it happening naturally, I got pregnant in October and am now seeing Dr. Khachadoorian for my prenatal care, due in July. Just wanted to thank this community for being so reassuring and generous with your time and recommendations.

    4. I LOVE KHACH! Seriously. I was singing her praises on that thread. She referred me to the fertility clinic definitely earlier than any guideline allowed but her hunch and combined willingness to not try to solve it herself (as some GYNs would try) saved us so much time in a scenario where time was already very lost and wasted. I won’t rehash it all here but I’m so, so happy for you. She’s outstanding, and so are so many of the doctors and nurses in the practice.

      1. 3rd trimester in the time of COVID-19 has been a weird experience so far, but I’ve been very grateful for her guidance and empathy so far.

        1. This might out me, but my FIL passed away very suddenly/tragically when I was 35 weeks. She called me to just check in on ME (I’m not sure she even asked about the baby) at 8pm one night and we talked for 20 mins. She’s truly wonderful.

    7. I don’t know you, but this news made my day markedly better. Congratulations to you and your family!

  24. DH needs a haircut and it looks like i’m going to be the hairdresser. What kind of tool have people purchased to cut their spouse’s hair?

    2. My husband bought a Wahl trimmer. I’ve cut his hair twice, and it looks fine – there’s definitely a bit of a learning curve (How short should this section be? How should this be tapered?), but he looks reasonable. His hair is curly and he keeps it super-short, and his hair grows fast, so there’s not much damage even if I do a bad job.

    3. I cut my husband’s hair two week ago and I used a pair of haircutting scissors (that I’ve had for years), spray bottle for water, and a comb. I wish I had clippers because his hairdresser uses those too. It wasn’t great, but good enough for Zoom. Two things things I discovered:
      – man hair is very coarse and gets into everything and is hard to get out! It’s like having tiny cactus needles in my clothes. So definitely choose what you wear for the job wisely. (And don’t do it outside on a windy day…)
      – I watched a bunch of tutorials, but the most helpful resource was my husband himself. He talked me through how his hairdresser did things. Also as we went along, he would coach me based on how similar what I was doing felt to what he was used to.

    4. Check out some YouTube tutorials. I liked the ones from The Small Things blog. Sharp scissors and a trimmer with attachments. I cut my husband’s hair the other day and no blood was shed and he was happy with the results. Just go slow and you can always trim more later.

    6. My husband had me use clippers on his hair a two weekends ago. I was terrified of blowing it and watched a bunch of youtube videos of what he wanted done before I agreed to do it. If you have the guard on the electric clippers, you really can’t bungle this too badly. Does my husband’s cut look professional? No. Does it look clean and decent? Yes. I’m a lawyer with no stylist training and my husband does not need to wear a bag over his head from shame, so I put this in the wins column.

    7. A coworker of my husband’s had extra clippers she didn’t need and gave them to us. My husband’s hair gets curly when it gets long. I was pleased with how I trimmed the back and sideburns; I probably left the front a little too long but I was afraid of going too short there.

    8. with the type of hair DH has we need clippers. can someone recommend tell me exactly which ones they have? not in the mood to do hours of research

      1. There’s a wahl set on you know where for like $35 we have used for a solid 3+ years now and it’s still going strong. My husband is in the military and we bought them to save money on the required regular haircuts.
        I don’t see the exact set we have, but this one looks like the next generation version: Wahl Color Pro Cordless Rechargeable Hair Clipper & Trimmer – Easy Color-Coded Guide Combs – For Men, Women & Children – Model 9649
        It comes with scissors and a flimsy comb, but they work well enough.

      2. My husband got the Wahl Clip ‘N’ Trim Hair Clipper with Built-in Trimmer. I think he ordered directly from Wahl.

    9. We were broke enough that I did this for several years. I got a set of wahl clippers that came with some barbering scissors.

      I cut his hair either in the tub or on the patio for easy clean up. Always start a little longer than you think – it’s easy to make it shorter than to un-cut something. I watched a couple YouTube videos at the time, but the key was to do a pattern of horizontal first so that my ‘levels’ of cut were even around, then move vertical with a slight angle to it (don’t want it to look like mown grass), then trim really carefully around the ears to make it look neat.

      Not gonna lie, it was really stressful at first (he needed a military precision haircut and he’s picky), but he looked better than most cheap places.

  25. i’m clearly an old lady, but can someone please explain to me what exactly tik tok is and what its purpose is. i truly don’t get it

    1. I think it’s the same thing Vine was. I am also an old, though. Perhaps someone younger and hipper can clarify.

    2. It’s sort of a video only version of Instagram. Very algorithm driven “for you” page shows you creators based on what you like/watch. Lots of different types of content on it, probably most known right now for gen z people making dances that other people copy and post their version of, which is called a “duet”. It’s also got other ages on it, i follow lots of other millennials. Most of the content i watch are short cooking demos, makeup being done to john mullaney skits (don’t ask me why it’s entertaining, it just is), crafters, and people talking about books/movies. I think it’s entertaining to watch, but I don’t post.

    4. You can’t get it until you try it. Just try it. Seriously. It’s so addictive and oddly satisfying. It’s really hard to describe because there are jokes and memes that build on each other. TikTok has helped me keep my sanity during this pandemic, I’m not even joking.

      1. Yeah TikTok compilations on YouTube are replacing the Vine compilations I rely on for a dose of absurdist humor. So dumb. So funny. It’s hard to explain.

    5. It’s videos 1 minute or shorter that you scroll through. I am 36 and I love how funny and creative it is. You can pick your topics up front so you can tailor the sort of content you see. You don’t have to create content to have an account, you can just look at other people’s stuff. I love the micro glimpses into other peoples lives and the random stuff people are doing during quarantine. My topics are something like dancing, funny stuff, and pets. So that’s mostly what I see.

    6. If you don’t get it, it’s probably not for you so don’t waste your time trying to understand it.

  26. Am I the only one who really dislikes Mother’s Day? It’s just full of obligations and expectations, although less so this year, for obvious reasons. Also, for obvious reasons, I won’t be getting a spa day.

    Cue the person saying I should appreciate it because my mom won’t be around forever. I lost my amazing dad; believe me, I understand that. I can still say that my Mother’s Day experiences are unpleasant, and that Mother’s Day is a day of chores more than celebration.

    1. I can’t stand all the advertising. My birthday is on a close-by date, and I don’t speak to my mother, so the ALL THE ADS are so grating!

      Although, I guess the shopping lists have been helpful for me to look for birthday presents…

    2. I really hate it, but that’s mostly because we’ve been dealing with infertility for nearly two years now. I grew up in a very un-demonstrative home and my mom didn’t enjoy being the center of attention or “pampered.” Lots of people don’t like Mother’s Day, I think.

    3. No, you’re not the only one. It’s stupid. I feel the same about Valentine’s Day and the other “Hallmark” holidays.

    5. honestly, I”m sure the only person out there like this, but i literally like zero holidays. Xmas is my absolute least fave, but in general, I don’t celebrate any holidays (or expect to be celebrated, for the ones that apply to me). I’ve also never liked celebrating my birthday, so this is not that surprising. I do make a point of calling my mom on mother’s day and under normal circumstances we’d do brunch or something similar, but nothing more than that.

      1. You know what? Now that I think about it I’m not a big holiday-liker, either. My family of origin is problematic and my last marriage pretty much ruined the rest of the holidays for me. I like to cook Thanksgiving dinner but it’s always stressful to try to get a group together so it’s just not, like, three of us around the table.

      3. Me too, I dislike all of them, with an extra layer of hatred for Mother’s Day (mine’s dead, don’t have kids nor do I particularly want) and Valentine’s Day (perpetually single, not thrilled about it). They all seem designed to make people on different life schedules feel like crap.

    6. Mother’s day is definitely about trying to make my mother happy even though nothing I could ever do is good enough and then also going back and forth on whether I care about making sure my husband does something for my mother in law because if he doesn’t do enough then I get the blame for it. I have been a mother for 19 years too, and although my husband does a good job of making me feel appreciated I just dislike the day all together.

      1. My mother is one of those people for whom things are never good enough. For a long, long time, it made me work harder to try to be good enough; about five years ago, I just stopped caring. Exact situation was that I posted somethng on Facebook about making bourbon balls; she asked for homemade bourbon balls for Mother’s Day; I made her bourbon balls, packed them with ice, and overnight mailed them to her. Apparently they arrived a bit melted and she complained. I so stopped GAF.

        1. I’m so sorry she complained – that must have really stung. Bourbon balls, in any condition, are an excellent gift.

      2. I eventually just stopped doing things for the mothers in my life as they weirdly competed with each other over who got more recognition from me & also hated everything & complained about it. Amazingly, doing nothing garnered less complaints & years later the day is finally free of baggage. So maybe just drop the rope or scale it back to a card or the same gift every year or something so you waste less energy on it.

    7. I used to find it somewhat frustrating because my mom didn’t need or want any gifts, and lived too far for me to visit every Mother’s Day, and I was always a little stressed out hoping she had something going on that day – she lived close to my sister but my sister doesn’t always, uh, “prioritize people other than herself” is the nicest way I can put it.

      I felt like Mother’s Day ought to be little kids giving mom a sticky breakfast in bed and handmade construction paper cards. But with social media, and my mom was on Facebook constantly, it became sort of a competition to post whose adult kids did the most for their moms. I never felt like I measured up with my flower delivery and phone call.

      My mom didn’t pressure me to make the perfect Mother’s Day for her, I did that and social media and advertising helped.

      I hope not to put that same pressure on my own kids but I already realize about myself that I’d be sad if they didn’t do something, so I realize I’ve gotten caught up in the whole thing. That’s how Hallmark gets us, I guess.

    8. I am a new mom and am actually kind of excited for it this year, but it kind of makes me think that it is a good holiday for young drama-free families. Not really sure if I would need my child to send me a card well into adulthood. Then there is the mess of families who do not get along.

    9. I don’t love it. I get along great with my mom, my MIL, and DH’s step-mom. I have a child. DH usually does something nice. I should have no complaints, but honestly, Mother’s Day just feels like a chore.

      I also feel like a lot of the advertising around Mother’s Day treats motherhood as an accomplishment. I don’t agree with that message, or really the celebration of motherhood as its own status. Plenty of wonderful people choose not to have kids or struggle with fertility. Plenty of moms are terrible people and terrible mothers.

    10. I hate it bc I am a mother of 3 but instead fuss about my mom, MIL and grandma. Ugh.

    11. Wow I am definitely the outlier. I am both a (single)mom and a daughter and I love Mother’s Day. We are having a socially distanced picnic dinner with my parents on Sunday and I am looking forward to having all three living generations of my family together. But my Mom is the easiest and most loving person on the planet whose stated desire for a gift is “spending some time with you” and my daughter will make me a card and wash the (easy to make) brunch dishes and that is all I need to be happy.

    12. I’m excited about my first Mother’s Day this year! Honestly though I don’t feel obligated to live up to some social media standard, I get my mom a nice gift and we have dinner or something and that’s that. I don’t have any baggage about it.

    13. I hate Mother’s Day. It is all about making my mother and MIL happy and pretending to appreciate the messes and hassle my husband and children create, when all I really want is to be left alone.

      1. Drop the kids off with your mother or MIL for “a fun Mother’s Day with Grandma” while you get a cup of fancy coffee at the drive-through and go for a bike ride by yourself.

    14. This afternoon’s tea break spent reading the replies from all who, too, hate Mothers’ Day has been wonderful. :) I feel like I’m in a great club.
      Especially appreciate hearing from the women who learned that when your Mom for whatever reason finds fault with everything, it’s time to lean out. The maker of bourbon balls — (first, I’m going to figure out how to do that!) and second, good for you. Your talent and generosity should go to someone who’ll appreciate them.

      1. My mom is deceased and although I miss her terribly on every holiday, but especially Mother’s Day, I still like the holiday. I think it’s because my husband is so sweet and always cooks a meal and does something nice. I like the recognition of what I do as a mother because I don’t always get it other times of the year. My mom is the only person I remember giving me “atta girl” and “way to go” pep talks; she always expressed her support and recognition of my efforts, even about little things, and I really miss that. My husband is generally supportive, but not as expressive. My MIL is… not supportive, as she finds it hard to focus on people other than herself. Luckily, my husband is sensitive to the fact that I like to do brunch with just our nuclear family, so I can have “my” time with him and the kids, and then later we’ll usually have dinner with his mother. So even though there is a tinge of sadness every year, I’m still happy to celebrate with my little family.

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