ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Peplum Rib Tank

A woman wearing a green short sleeve tank top and black pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The peplum top is back, whether we’re ready for it or not. I’m leaning towards a more subtle peplum than I wore 10 years ago, and this ribbed tank from Halogen is right up my alley. To make the look more 2024 than 2014, I would pair it with some wider-leg trousers (not brightly-colored skinny jeans), skip the statement bubble necklace, and go with some more delicate jewelry. 

The “Miami green” color of this top is on sale for $47.40 at Nordstrom ($79 for navy blue) and comes in sizes 1X–3X. It also comes in more color options in straight sizes.

Sales of note for 12.5

259 Comments

  1. Did AI generate this chest ribbing?? I have always liked a peplum and rolled my eyes at the distaste for them, but that ribbing design looks horrible.

    1. I actually like this pick but that is a baaaaadd picture. The neckline isn’t laying straight on her. I’m hopeful it would look better on an actual person. I’d order it if I could get it a size smaller (CL rather than 1x)

      2. If you click through it comes in a whole range of sizes. Other colors show the texture better. It is…interesting.

      3. I have this same top in black (I got it a year ago) and it looks muuuuch better in person this picture of the green.

  2. So, when men in their mid/late 30s or early 40s say they’re “Not Sure” about kids, they mean they don’t want them, right?

    Back on the apps in my late 30s. No kids but definitely want them. (Have done egg freezing, but not ready to do it myself.) I can’t imagine being this age, single and sincerely not knowing if I wanted kids?

    1. I think it means that they may accept kids in their lives if someone else is doing all the hard work of raising the kid and that the kid is a cute, photographic, fun child, so no chronic illnesses, ND, academic struggles, health problems, etc.

      1. It could also mean that they’re open to committing to someone who already struggles with health issues or disabilities that could make it difficult to have children.

        Not everyone decides whether they want kids and dates accordingly; some people want a partner and then kids if it makes sense.

        1. Yeah, my husband and I were on the fence about kids and ultimately decided not to because I have a chronic illness that has gotten worse in my later 30s and 40s and would have made taking care of a child very difficult. But he’s been a wonderful caregiver to me and our elderly pets. Nothing in his ambivalence about having kids was about selfishness or unwillingness to put in the hard work. He was more committed to me than to hypothetical children, luckily for me!

        2. The men I’ve meet in that situation say that they are willing to have them or not or they would be happy either way. They have made up their minds that other outcome would be good.

          IME, as someone dating in my late 30s, guys who are “not sure” are
          Peter pans who are not ready to settle down

          1. Yeah “not sure” means you’re going to have to wade through a bunch of guys your age who aren’t really into a long relationship for some time until they finally feel old and meet a nice twenty something who really does want kids. Some of the guys probably are fine, but I don’t think you can tell from just a profile.

          2. But there often isn’t space to type all of that out. The options are often yes, no or not sure. “Not sure” can cover a multitude for situations.

        3. +1 this was me. I love my kids and being a mom. But also if I had ended up with someone other than my husband I doubt I would have had kids and would have been perfectly happy with that.

          I absolutely would not have wanted to have kids with someone who didn’t enthusiastically want kids though. It was always clear with us that my husband would be primary caregiver.

          That’s a long way of saying this could be a huge red flag or not depending on how much of a priority having kids is to OP and how important or not important having an equal partner in parenting is

    2. I feel like you are mostly right but maybe guys muddy the water b/c they don’t want to seem all Handmaid’s Tale by also wanting to just demand kids especially when they don’t carry them or put their career on the backburner? But most guys that age have friends with kids and may be the odd guy left out by being uncoupled and not a parent. TBF, many single guys are already parents from their starter marriage by that age and may not want more (but are not wanting to date anyone with kids). Some might be open to more of their kids but not your kid with some other guy who will cause trouble. It’s complicated when you are that old.

      TL;DR:
      75% maybe means never
      25% may feel that this is too complicated to encapsulate with a checkbox answer

      1. This. For many of them, they probably don’t want kids or don’t want them now or it depends a lot on the person they’d have kids with, but this is a complicated issue, and you should at least have a conversation about it before you come to judgy conclusions about them being selfish man-children. I know my feelings on this question can’t be summed up in one word, and I don’t think we should expect that of men either. But if you definitely want kids and want them soon, it’s also fair to pass on those those guys.

    3. It means they want to trick a pretty young 20 something into being their mommy bang maid.

    4. I tend to agree with you, but it might just mean they’re not sure until they find the right person.

      1. Same – I tend to agree most of the time, but I do think it’s okay for both men and women to be open to having a child but not necessarily actively pursuing it, and there isn’t necessarily a great way of putting that on my the apps. When I met my husband, his view was that he could see himself happy either with or without kids, really wanted to find the right person and fall in love, and would be open to what that partner thought and wanted. I did want to have a child, we eventually did, and he’s a fantastic, equal parent.

    5. What it means is that if you want to have kids they are ok with it but don’t expect much input from them.

      Next. Every woman deserves a guy who is honest about this. At 35+ a lot of single women will have children and a lot will want a child or children. If this is how they communicate what is a simple decision I move on because the thought of picking a restaurant fills me with dread.

    6. I think it means that they are not ready to settle down and that they are signaling that. They don’t want to get involved with anyone who is ready to have kids in the foreseeable future, or they want an easy out if they do get involved. In 10 years, many of these guys will decide they want kids and seek and find a much younger partner.

      2. I think there are a lot of these dudes out there. They don’t feel the same timeline pressure and so don’t have to decide now. But at 45 or 50, they realize they do want a family and they date accordingly.

    7. No, I do not think that is right.

      It is wonderful that you know. Many, many people (men and women) hit 30s/40s and are still not sure. This board often has questions from women in their late 30s who are not sure whether to take the plunge (single and coupled women). From a dating app perspective I 100% agree with the comment above: that’s a very complicated question for a lot of people to answer. (Examples: only with the right person, only if kid is biologically ours, only if partner is ok with my family history of X, only if we adopt.) That said, brace yourself for people to also not know and be not sure in person. I suspect some men say “not sure” on the apps to broaden their audience. Anecdotally, many who say “yes” already have them. It’s online dating – there’s a lot happening! Wish you the best.

      1. Agreed, as a longtime veteran of the apps (now married). I also think that men are more likely than women to fall into the “would want kids with the right person, but would be emotionally okay not having them” camp.

      2. Agreed, I didn’t know until I met my husband. I happened to meet him in my mid-20s but I’m pretty confident I’d have remained about ambivalent about kids if he or another incredible partner hadn’t come along until my late 30s.

    8. Eh, in my mid-30s I could have gone either way on kids assuming a strong and loving partnership with a man who was in favor. It was very hard for me to consider that issue seriously outside of a relationship. I had no “clock” nor any sort of familial/cultural pressure, grew up always considering it an option not a mandate. For a man, I can see this even moreso, especially if they’ve reached mid-30s without kids and have to contemplate it never being a real option, combined with a very long remaining runway to make the decision. Not everyone focuses on this. If this is a checkbox-on-an-app situation (is that how this works?), I’d I’d investigate further if the rest seems to be a match.

    9. My take: men in that age range on the apps don’t want to seem like jerks by setting their age limits to 24-30, but they also don’t want to be on the typical 35-year old woman’s timeline of “I need to get married within the next two years and then get pregnant on my honeymoon.” So they set the kids question to “not sure” to weed out older women without it seeming like it a younger woman was their goal from the beginning. They want kids, but not for at least 5 years or so.

    10. Both my husband and I said that on our profiles because we didn’t want to rule out someone great who really wanted kids, but neither of us did. We discussed on our first date. If you like the rest of the profile, go on a date and see and be really up front early about what you want. I didn’t see the point in dancing around major issues and neither did my husband. We covered pretty much all the major life topics by date 3.

      1. And PS, if we’d met someone we couldn’t live without who wanted kids, both of us would have gone all in. We just feel lucky we aligned on the issue completely.

    11. It means one of two very different things:
      1. They don’t want kids but they are happy to waste your time.
      2. They want kids, they really do, but they understand that women their own age might not be able to have kids. If that’s what happens, they are okay with it. You’re 42 and smart and beautiful and amazing – they are okay with the fact that the pregnancy ship has sailed. They aren’t going to sketch on some 28 year old woman to have kids.

    12. I think it can mean one of two things. Most of the time it means no, buuuuut, my sweet husband said that when we were first dating. What it meant for him was “I’m good at living in the present, and adaptable to a variety of circumstances, and more focused on loving people in my present than on an idealized future”. One of my best friends is married to a guy who is similar. They are two of the most involved dads I know. I really wanted kids. My husband would have been fine with or without them. When we’d been dating about 3 months, I mentioned I really wanted children and had already taken steps to pursue that even as a single person (I was 39). He took a few days to think about it, and then said he’d like to do that adventure with me. So, in addition to asking whether he wants kids, I’d look at how he relates to others in his life (is he fundamentally a bit selfish, or fundamentally giving?), and see how he reacts to your saying it’s something important to you. Now we’ve got 2 kids, and a super joyful family. (Come back and ask more questions about how to optimize your chances of conceiving as an older mom! There’s tons you can do to improve your odds).

      1. Oh, one more thing – for my husband, wanting kids was something that really came out of loving ME. Kids flowed from the relationship. Having kids with ME sounded fun. And now he’s so attached and bonded to them, and does probably 70% of the active work (due to me currently having a very demanding job). Whereas for me, wanting kids was an independent thing. But I think there are a lot of people like him.

        1. I posted above that both my husband and I said not sure and I think you’re spot on. We’re also both adaptable people who don’t have idealized fantasies about life, we take it as it comes. I also think it’s SO easy to get cynical when online dating (I did it for a decade before I met my husband) but I would encourage OP to not buy into the “it’s means something super negative” – it could, it might but it’s also a one word answer to a complicated issue. My advice is get right to the date, don’t waste time messaging back and forth, you won’t have any real idea about the actual person until you’re meeting IRL.

        2. I wrote something similar above about my husband. I really wanted to be a parent and would have probably become a single mom by choice eventually if I hadn’t met the right person. He really wanted to find the right person; having a child eventually flowed from that. We love each other and our kid and are really good parenting partners together.

    13. I think it means more along the line of “I would want kids with the right person if she wanted them, but also would be okay not having them if I met someone who didn’t want kids.”

    14. My approach to dating in my 30s was to be pretty explicit about wanting kids, and the bad ones tended to weed themselves out. I ended up with a guy three years younger, lol. He told me on our second date that he wanted kids and never wavered from that (and he is a fantastic father).

    15. I think it’s worth asking. But you’d need to be a date or three in to get to that point.

    16. In my experience, it means they plan on stringing along the appropriate-age cohort with vague promises and “next year” or “when [milestone that never comes or shifting goalposts]” and then as soon as that person is too old to have children biologically, they will dump that wife/partner and find a 25 year old barista they can date and marry for 5 years and then have kids with. When they’re 52.

      1. +1. But I’m cynical today, because I had to listen to my amazing friend complain at dinner last night about how her 43-year-old boyfriend of five years is still not ready for marriage.

        2. He is, just not to her. After she dumps him he’ll find a 35-year-old and have four children.

    17. Unfortunately, I think it can mean a lot of things. For sure there are the men who are going to be noncommittal until you’re too old but I think for a lot there’s just factors I think for some they really have to be the right person or they could go either way on kids, So if their partner really wants them, they will be an enthusiastic parent, but if their partner doesn’t want them, they’re not going to break up over that. I think for some, they want kids, but they don’t want to put it out there in fear of scaring off women who have gotten very comfortable being child free and they’re late 30s or who are concerned they may not be able to have children at this point or who are willing to Take some stuff to have kids but not others. Others might personally not want to have biological children, but if they are dating a divorced woman with children, they’re fine with that. I have some friends who want kids if they can make it happen naturally or with minor intervention, but do not want it so badly that they will put themselves through IVF or adoption. my friend, really really wanted kids, but she also drew a hard line for herself at IVF because she knew how hard on her it would be both physically and emotionally and she and her husband were not in a financial place to spend a lot on IVF anyways. So for them, it was want kids if we can conceive naturally or minor intervention, but not beyond that.

    18. They don’t want to commit either way. It’s like the guy who says he doesn’t believe in marriage and gets married to his new girlfriend a year after ending a 5 year relationship. If you 100% want kids, date someone who 100% wants kids.

  3. I’m going to be spending a week at a cabin in early summer with a few friends. We’ll do hikes and other things together but I’ll also have a lot of free solo time while I’m there. Other than reading, what are some good solo, relaxing activities? I’ve always struggled with these kinds of low key vacations so I’m trying to fill the time with relaxing activities rather than just “relaxing.”

      1. This is perfect for knitting and recipies that call for braising (if not too hot to use the oven).

        “Adult coloring book” always makes me snicker. In English, “adult” is such an interesting adjective (ditto “special”). But how about going outside to draw en plein aire? Get some good art supplies and a sketchbook and go draw.

    2. Do you craft? I’m not a big crafter, but I took a Christmas ornament kit with us on vacation one year, and it was a surprise hit. My kids and I worked on these little hand-sewn stockings, and we still talk about it every time we pull those ornaments out. It wasn’t something I would ever have gotten them to sit still long enough, together, to do otherwise. So that is my suggestion-some sort of craft. Needle, art, etc.

      1. That’s a really good idea for my upcoming vacation with young adult kids and husband. Care to drop a link to the kit?

    3. A puzzle was a surprisingly big hit on my family’s recent beach house vacation. I cross stitch, so, that and reading are my two big relaxing activities.

      1. +1 puzzles are a great idea. I’d also bring board/card games if you think your friends would be into that. I’m not a big board game person but would enjoy playing them in a situation like this.

    6. Swimming, paddle boarding, biking, sketching outside. Get outside. It won’t feel like a vacation if you just sit.

      1. Depends on your personality. The best vacation I ever had was one where I spent 80% of my awake time reading. I read 10 books in 7 days. I had a preschool aged child at the time, so this kind of focused reading time was hard to come by at home. It was incredibly blissful.

        1. As a reader this question is mystifying to me. I would just read as many books as I can.
          Preferably on a comfortable chair outside.

      2. +1. This would be my ideal vacation. After a couple of family vacations where we exhausted ourselves doing all the things, I’ve told my DH that I need a very chill summer vacation that includes lots of outdoor time.

        1. I’m wary of being too chill for outdoor-oriented trips. We used to vacation with family growing up and it was like the world’s biggest effort to get them off the couch to get to the lake and then off the beach towels to get on the water. They had a blast once they got moving but man, I’ve never seen the inertia issue be as bad as that before or since. It definitely changed the way I approach vacations in that area (a gorgeous spot known for its ample opportunities – as long as you get up and do them).

          2. Of course they should be voluntary (for adults). But it’s a drag to vacation with people who can’t be bothered to get off the couch for even a minority of the time.

          3. Imagine vacationing with someone who judges you for relaxing on vacation. Definitely find a new group to vacation within the future.

    7. Knitting, those puzzle books (word searches, crosswords, sudoku, whatever), stretching, yoga, needlepointing or embroidery, puzzles, paint by number sets. For me personally I’d use it as an opportunity to do a craft with tiny pieces without the “help” of my cat.

      My ideal vacation is one where I read all day and then move on to a puzzle when it’s too dark to read.

    9. If you’re near any kind of town, I like to go explore and poke around Main Street.

    11. I always get my Libby and wait list started before the vacation. I tend to read novels. It’s typical for me to read one a day while on vacation.

    13. Bike ride – can be a nice switch from hiking and works better solo
      Campfire night with s’mores if the cabin has a ring?
      Stargazing night?

      IMO, in addition to “ideas” for me the key to enjoying that kind of vacation is being comfortable saying “I’m going out for XYZ hike/to swim at the lake/to walk around downtown, leaving in 15 min, anyone want to with?” I really don’t like when it becomes a “hey should we go for a hike/which hike/I want to eat lunch first/3 hour discussion”

    14. Knitting while listening to music, reading, paddleboarding, walking, kayaking, exploring the cute little town, mayyyybe baking.

      For group activities, my extended family always does Youtube karaoke or a musicial or Disney movie singalong.

  4. My glasses have never given me a problem until now, where they are squeezing my head above my ears. I just need a long weekend and a break from screentime (they are Rx progressive readers). In the meantime, I have a sh*tton of work to do today. What are easy in-office hacks to cushion the ends? I’ve tried putting them on top of my ears but then they slide so the progression doesn’t line up. Callus pads? Moleskin?

    1. I got these a few years ago, they work pretty well. Apparently “temple tips” is the keyword to use:
      https://www.amazon.com/Temple-Tips-Eyewear-Comfort-Pair/dp/B00GLZACSS/ref=sr_1_1?crid=26UK1YPRSQJZT&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.q78qfqzJzAIpK1N12t91cEjXa2iUOt4r6wKriSJn82JXsu6VlCiJs-UxfuyllSk7ivWMSxs2LhraYqMz-Fsfox3j1dlPpReLKjkkAXfNIBVtk6zMBEMJNFOgsT6P0I91MR7d_GvqI3eStO92quJnxPheP4hNYQx4R1Q5QtTkdBRiFCprSzjbMUhXHBa3LbNDpTo8XMXbHmt-U5bimrmizjmzwm0gmr6cQRMcacFZE0thlVj4UNAvbPUyL7Tat77K0E22PKOfthNBj1rt-uZ2_a4sAXaHIB5aHyP9K8WC8E4.xcJdQWdVOB-iJ1op7ViJl_5yDI6M0Elw6osIlsML8ig&dib_tag=se&keywords=eyewear+comfort&qid=1716555697&s=hpc&sprefix=eyewear+comfor%2Chpc%2C91&sr=1-1

    2. If they’re acrylic, you can heat them up with a restroom hand drier and they’ll become pliable enough to adjust.

    3. Go to LensCrafters or any glasses place on your lunch break and they will adjust them for free.

    4. You may need to purchase new wider glasses. Warby Parker now has Wide and Extra Wide models just for this reason. DH recently had to do this and suddenly he no longer suffered from headaches, so it is worth it!

  5. I’m reading the book Bad Therapy right now and boy, is it resonating in a way I didn’t expect. I picked it up out of mild interest but I’m seeing myself and family on every page. It’s explaining so much – why I’ve always hated people coming up to me with sad eyes and “how are you feeling” during a hard time, why my father seemed to get drastically worse instead of better when he found a therapist who would probe his childhood extensively, why my nephew seems to get more enraged, not less, when his mom asks him to explain his feelings and really feel them, why kids’ mental health continues to worsen when their rates of treatment are sky high, why my young coworkers felt OK mentioning mental health days as a reason for poor performance, and more. I’ve seen several posts here lately wondering when it’s time to stop therapy or how to break up with a therapist. You might want to read this book.

    1. I’m very interested in reading! This and “The Anxious Generation”. I know in the back of my mind this isn’t hard science and there may be some level of “agenda”, but it’s good to read things that go against the prevailing wisdom of the day. Because yes, Gen Z is having a time of it so something is not working. (I’m a parent of Gen Alpha and think these books could be very helpful both for them and my millennial self)

      1. I have some white coat syndrome at doctor’s appointments that may be attributable to being strong armed and pinned down as a child by medical teams who had 0% time or interest in even explaining what they were doing. (Could just be that like many people, I associate hospital settings with emergencies, illness, and losing people, but I definitely do remember those experiences of being physically overcome, injected, and force fed medications.)

        So I was enthusiastic about consent based care and cooperative care. I guess I still am? But I’ve seen some situations where it’s been 60+ minutes of fretting, bribing, wheedling, and pleading before a simple blood draw. That sounds like torture in a different way to me!

    2. My personal experience has been (1) the world is full of really bad therapists with their own issues and (2) talk therapy might well have its place but it can do substantially more harm than good for some people. Sometimes people are better off “processing their trauma” [God I hated the phrase] on their own. Or – in my case – just deciding to get over it already and move on.

      1. I also have a real problem with how many things are labeled trauma these days. The bar seems, um, quite low.

        1. I’ve gotten in arguments over this because of the idea that “everyone has trauma.” My adverse child event score is zero. I feel it trivializes the experience of people with actual trauma to characterize near universal experiences to the same level. Maybe it’s surprising what different people can experience as traumatic, but something is not adding up.

          1. Yeah. I look at what my grandfather experienced as a child (real, actual trauma) and what I experienced (run-of-the-mill childhood growing pains and experiences) and they are not remotely the same. Now, I understand the idea of generational trauma, but let’s not pretend that my loving but imperfect parents were failing on the level that his mom was. She abandoned the family for a couple of years and then returned.

          2. I have a very high ACE score, but my family name can also be found on buildings. So I just don’t talk about my childhood since most folks believe trauma doesn’t exist at certain socioeconomic level

          4. I have a fairly high ACE score, but I’m not revealing it and/or the circumstances surrounding it to anyone in a casual way. The people I know who go on and on about their trauma would just determine that what happened to them and what happened to me are exactly the same or (even better) what happened to them was worse because they are highly sensitive people.

          5. @SeventhSister – agree completely.

            I’ve also found that that the people who go on and on about their own trauma will continuously try to bring up your trauma if you do happen to share with them. And if they’re talking to you about someone else’s trauma they’re also talking about your trauma to someone else.

          6. I have a very high ACE score and no one but my husband knows. IME the people who broadcast their ACEs are usually train wrecks in their adult lives. The resilient ones have other, less public ways of dealing with it. I am also white and highly educated and appear to have come from a middle-class background, so no one would believe me anyway. Privacy is rather isolating but the alternative is worse.

            Honestly the worst thing about it is hearing my privileged child who has two loving, supportive parents, a stable, comfortable home, plentiful gourmet food, all the extracurriculars she wants, nice clothes, a room from Pottery Barn, unlimited health care, and a fully funded college education complain about how hard her life is because she is expected to turn in her homework on time and her public school isn’t the absolute best and “everyone else” has an annual beach trip and a fancier house and a Jeep for their 16th birthday. Sure, she’s had her fair share of normal little childhood challenges, but she has plenty to eat and goes to the doctor when she’s sick and no one ever threatened to ki11 her.

      2. 100%. I’ve been in the mental health field for nearly 30 years. Really bad therapists feels like the norm, honestly. Good ones are hard to find.

    3. I read Bad Therapy as well as was shocked at the level of “therapy” that elementary-grade teachers are providing. I would be incensed if my kid were taught to focus on his feelings above everything else by an unqualified second-grade teacher.

      1. Thank the gentle parenting movement for this, as a lot of that language has entered other spaces. I don’t think it’s all negative, as long as the teacher is just giving a place to process feelings and isn’t trying to “fix” things.

      2. I know! That baffled me as well, especially the part about how it’s an ethical violation to provide therapy in a “dual relationship.” Teachers are so involved in the rest of their kids’ lives – it’s so inappropriate to also give them therapy. I honestly didn’t realize how common it was for that to be happening in the elementary school grades.

      3. Unlicensed “therapy” … do not get me started. It is based in an insane level of arrogance, is counterproductive, and fraught with legal and ethical issues.

      4. I haven’t read the book yet, but there is definitely a big focus on “social emotional learning” in schools. Which to an extent sounds great. But I watched a school budget hearing and every parent/student except one who spoke in favor of increasing the budget went on and on about how anxious and depressed the kids are, and they need counselors and mental health support. I remember thinking the town council surely does not care and does not believe this is the job of schools, and sure enough the budget got cut…for other factors, too I bet, as school funding is never popular, but I was shocked that absolutely no one talked about academics!

        1. My daughter is a newly branded public school teacher (elementary.) The parents of the current early grades are VERY involved. Most of her fellow teachers think too involved, or rather too anxiously attached to their kids. They blame COVID and lockdowns for that.

          There was an absolutely absolutely ridiculous situation at the school she teaches at where one parent got a lot of the other parents all riled up about a field trip the grade has been going on for decades (to a local conservation area) and managed to get the entire trip cancelled. I feel so bad for the kids.

          2. I have older kids and I’ve noticed that kind of thing as well. I know some of it is COVID/lockdown related, but some of it seems to be generational. As a GenX, I’m on the older end of parents with school-age kids. While I don’t want my kids to flounder the way I was expected to in the 1980s, I don’t feel like every experience has to be perfectly calibrated to my kids’ preferences or abilities. It’s OK to wait, be a little bored, be nervous about a new experience, etc.

          1. True! But even as a parent I was feeling like “there has to be a better way than making the schools responsible for dealing with and paying for this.” Whereas I will happily pay taxes to hire math or gym teachers or keep the library stocked or whatever. It’s extra alienating.

        3. The problem is that it sounds great, but the book presents a lot of evidence about how it can be harmful. People think “oh what’s wrong with talking about feelings, that doesn’t sound bad at all” – but the second you probe deeper, it has risks just like any other intervention.

        4. As a budget item at my kids’ schools, “social emotional learning” seems to be about expensive consultants, which seems wasteful, and teacher trainings, which seem more useful but are probably less effective than upping social worker / psychologist hours. Also (hot take incoming) our district isn’t interested in funding special education and I do wonder whether spending more money in that area would help the general educational atmosphere.

    4. This. People are encouraged now to talk endlessly about everything that bothers them, big or small. Dwelling and ruminating on the small stuff especially generally causes more harm than good. I hope to see a renewed focus on resiliency. Gen Z needs to, literally, touch grass.

    5. I find the science, or perhaps lack of science, in psychology really interesting. We can do so much with medical treatments nowadays, and I think most people assume psych care has some sort of similar underpinnings, but the more I see, the more I think we’re still in the bloodletting and balancing humors stages of it. There are definitely things that make a huge difference for some people, but we really don’t understand why or how to manage them, or even what does more harm than good.

      1. It is bad. There is the replication crisis, to begin with, but even the psychiatric research has issues. Most notoriously, now that SSRI discontinuation syndrome is acknowledged as real, this has had implications for every RCT of SSRIs on people who were previously on SSRIs (no kidding another SSRI can help treat discontinuation symptoms!). The percentage of people benefited long term vs. never taking them at all is a lot smaller than people realize.

        It’s great that we have drugs that are life saving for those who need them, but we don’t always know which patients those are, and the majority may not benefit (or have any effective treatments at all).

    6. I think the internet, social media, and the constant expectation of connection have really messed with people and we’re turning to therapy to try and fix it. Ultimately I’m not convinced that it’s a solvable problem because we can’t put the cat back in the bag. Personally I think I’d be pretty well adjusted as an adult in the 90s, today not so much.

    8. I’ve already commented (about teachers providing therapy) but remembered that the other shocking part, to me, was that the study (“study”) on which The Body Keeps Score was based, is garbage. I’ve never read TBKS but am aware of the general premise, as well as that it is accepted as gospel.

      1. OP here and that struck me too. My aforementioned father thinks that book is gospel. I had no idea it was so controversial.

      2. The Body Keeps the Score has so, so much wrong with it.

        And we already know that interrupted sleep, inadequate nutrition, and neglect of medical issues affect health and can be a component of unsafe living situations. I really do not want my physician trying to get inside my head to unearth some repressed traumatic experience instead of treating what’s physiologically wrong. And I especially do not want to be referred for talk therapy instead of diagnosed and treated.

        I bring up nutrition because my own medical team tried to treat an undiagnosed deficiency with talk therapy for more than a year. Apparently some of the history of nutrition science goes back to studies on soldiers’ rations. US soldiers had worse survival rates when interred in prison camps abroad than European soldiers did. Pop psychology latched onto this and blamed poor parenting for poor resilience and “psychogenic death.” Meanwhile actual researchers discovered that the European soldiers (who were fighting closer to home) had had more nutritionally complete rations. This was in the early days of nutrition science when minimal intake requirements were still being sorted out. I’m still angry that grieving parents were blamed for raising “weak” children!

      3. MMmmm. I just ordered this book and have been looking forward to reading it, primarily because it is the basis for mitigaiton in criminal defense work. What is often missing in discussions about traumatic events or ACES is the presence of protective factors in a child’s life.

  6. Just called PayPal customer service about an issue and not only did they fix it, they were soooo nice! It was a real refresher when so many customer service interactions don’t go well. I recommend calling them if you ever have an issue!

    1. I’ve had a series of really great customer service interactions lately with various companies. A theme seemed to be that the people had real names (like I could Google them and their LinkedIn page with the company would come up), so maybe it’s just the difference between getting an employee vs. a service?

    2. I just bought a bachelorette gift for my SIL from Honeydew Intimates (found then on Nordstrom, but went to their site to see what else they had and ended up ordering directly). I signed up for the 10% off my first order by giving them my email address and didn’t see a way to apply the discount, so emailed them right after placing the order. They fixed it right away; it was awesome.

    3. I filled out a “contact us” form on a chain restaurant’s website last week about an incident I witnessed on Mother’s Day, when another customer (a woman) touched someone else’s child. (She fondled the little girl’s face as she walked past. The dad saw and slapped her hand away, so good for him.) The woman was well-dressed but clearly had some sort of mental impairment or illness. I thought she might be a regular, so I wanted to try to let them know. And someone in corporate responded to ask about the time range so they could review video footage and see if they recognized her. I was so impressed. And they send me a gift card for my troubles.
      And FYI, if you ever accidentally Venmo a stranger $500, Venmo can get it back for you. Not that I would ever do that….

        2. I think it is weird that you think it is weird. She acted like she was a regular there, and if they have a regular patron who is fondling strangers’ children on their premises, they need to know. And, in fact, they did look for her, found her on their video and determined that she does not regularly hang out on their premises. Would you think it was weird if it had been a man?

      2. I accidentally DID venmo a stranger $500 exactly. They gave it back, restoring my faith in humanity!

  7. My job was eliminated this week. My job was pretty toxic and I saw this coming, so I am not sad or surprised, but I’ve also never been in this spot before. What practical things should I be thinking about? Anything I need to do immediately? Is it worth having an employment lawyer look over the severance agreement before I sign it?

    The company policy on severance changed this year to be much less generous, but I get about 6 months of severance pay, & outplacement services for 9 months. I forfeit all unvested equity. We use my husband’s benefits for health insurance & FSA, so I’m not worried about those.

    1. I would talk to a lawyer if you have any noncompete or other restrictive covenants, either in that agreement or from before. Otherwise, unless you feel you want to pursue some kind of discrimination or other claim, the severance is probably worth whatever you are waiving by signing.

    2. I got laid off about a month ago. I didn’t have a lawyer review the severance agreement. It got deposited as one lump sum payment. A big chunk got taken out for taxes.

      File for unemployment. It varies by state on whether you are eligible if you get a severance, but it’s still good to get the process started.

      The outplacement services provided by my company were fairly useless. I found better resume advice online. Start updating your resume or documenting projects/achievements from your work while they are still fresh in your mind.

      Some people told me to take time off before job searching, but I started immediately. I don’t know what industry you’re in but it feels like the market is not great now so it could take some time to find something new.

      Job searching can be really difficult and mentally taxing. I treat it as a job and search during the weeks and take weekends off. Good luck!

    3. Have an employment attorney look it over. You might have a non-disparagement clause in there. Not sure what your plan is regarding explaining the layoff, but it’s good to understand what you’re looking at.

      If there are potential discrimination issues, you might be able to get your unvested equity. That’s also going to tie in to your offer letter, I imagine.

    4. I had an employment attorney look over my severance agreement and it was well worth the few thousand she charged. They had made some very one-sided terms in the agreement which we got changed to be at least two-sided if not in my favor.

        2. Yes, same.

          OP, definitely have an employment lawyer look at the agreement. The severance amount and any accompanying benefits like continued health insurance may or may not be subject to negotiation, but the attorney might find problematic areas that need to be revised or might be able to add things that are to your benefit (positive reference instead of neutral, a provision that helps protect your unemployment benefits, outplacement assistance, etc.).

      2. I assumed this would be a “few hundred” thing, not a “few thousand” thing too – but this is making me realize I’ve never actually figured out how to go about finding and pricing something like this. Assuming it’s just a read through, not something like: I have evidence of discrimination and am debating whether to sue them or accept the severance complex situation.

        1. I wouldn’t bother unless you have a friend who will do this for free (or dinner). I say this as an employment lawyer but basically they’re all just designed so you can’t sue. You can get caught up in this or that provision, but in a mass layoff, the company isn’t following up on you. Just get the money and buy a pair of shoes with what you’ve have spent on a lawyer.

    5. Thanks everyone! I’ll find someone to look it over for peace of mind. (Recommendations in Maryland are welcome, none of my friends practice this type of law)

  8. Thanks for everyone’s suggestions yesterday regarding my search for a dining room table. I LOVE the Evansview one.

    1. Oh I suggested that! I love that one too (not that I have it, personally). I hope you really enjoy it.

  9. For those of you who walk on a treadmill while using a computer, are you tracking your exercise using a watch and, if so, how? I wear an Apple watch, which understandably doesn’t track my mileage while walking because my hands are stationary on the keyboard. I’ve been manually inputting my walks into the app, but that isn’t incorporated into my distance traveled each day. I’ve experimented with putting the watch various places on my legs, but those numbers are inaccurate when I compare them with the mileage on my treadmill. Any suggestions?

    1. I use an Apple Watch, but not a treadmill desk. Could you fasten it to your ankle?

    2. I use a treadmill desk and just use my treadmill to track those miles (or if you track steps it is 2k steps per mile).

    3. Do you use the Fitness app on your watch? If so, can you also keep your phone in your pocket while walking? For me, that combo gives more accurate numbers than if I try to rely on my watch alone.

      1. Oooh interesting. I haven’t tried having the phone on me as well. Thanks!

        1. To clarify, I have to have the Fitness app active on my watch, set it to track an Indoor Walk, and have the phone on my body. It doesn’t seem to care whether it is in my front pocket, back pocket, waist-level pocket, or a fanny pack, though. Just not sitting on my desk next to me.

    4. I use a Garmin, not an Apple Watch so please feel free to ignore if this doesn’t translate. Could you turn on an activity, like walking/running/hiking, and have it track that way? I find it better captures my steps on a treadmill walk than just leaving it in regular watch mode.
      Also +1 for putting it on your ankle. I do that when pushing a stroller.

      1. You can turn on an activity (indoor walking is an option), but it still doesn’t log steps and distanced traveled unless an arm is swinging. My ankle is one of the various places I’ve tried on my legs. It’s better than nothing, but the distance is usually off by about 20%. I’ve tried both my walking pad and a treadmill at my gym to make sure it wasn’t my walking pad that was off.

        Thanks for the ideas, everyone.

        1. In my experience, tracking distance on a treadmill isn’t necessarily equal to tracking distance covered on solid ground. Something to do with the motor pushing the belt behind you, possibly? I treat treadmill walking/running as different from outside activity, even though it’s all good movement and burns energy.

    5. You could try a Garmin or other fitness watch with a footpod, or possibly a Stryd footpod with the Apple watch (a quick google suggests that Stryd might be both overkill–I think it’s really a running power meter, which is way more than anyone needs just to calculate distance–and underfeatured–seems to connect only with Stryd app, not the Apple Workout app).

  10. Any experiences with at-home eyelash tinting? I’ve had my eyelashes professionally tinted without issue. I tint my own eyebrows and find it easy. Is tinting your own eyelashes significantly more complicated?

    1. I tint my own brows and lashes. Lashes are more difficult because I get dye on my skin around my lashes, particularly an issue if one has long lashes. I put a thick layer of Eucerin on the skin around my eyes and then use tissue crescents under my eyes. You will also need to be more careful when rinsing afterwards; be sure to keep a dry cloth nearby to blot quickly. I also find that I need to leave the tint on my lashes longer than on my brows, so I do my lashes first, wait 5 minutes, then do my brows and take everythin off when my brows are ready.

  11. The sign in pop up has made it so I can’t read the blog anymore. I can still access comments, but even my pop up blocker isn’t helping anymore. I actually started to provide my email on the theory that I probably already have in the past ten years, but it basically tells you it’s going to spam you with crap. Is this really how Kat wants to proceed? I’ve been reading this blog every day since the beginning, and generating income by buying things. But I think I’m going to die on the hill of email spam being a requirement.

      1. I have it. At first, I was able to block the specific elements, and it worked great. But now, it’s causing the posts to not load. I can navigate the comments fine, but I can’t see the actual posts, with links to sales, etc.

        1. Is it possible that you blocked non-ad frames (i.e., was the post area shaded red when you tried to block a specific element)? If so, you may need to unblock the site and start over.

          1. Good tips. I’ll try. I’m new to the blocking specific elements, so I may have messed up that way.

    6. I get then ALL the time on my iPad (and I have pop up ad and spam blockers). But it is fine in my MacBook.

    7. I usually access this s*te on a laptop using Chrome, haven’t had any problems like this.

    8. I say this every time someone complains about pop-ups. I use the Brave browser and never ever have any of the problems discussed. It’s easy and free.

  12. I know a number of readers have mentioned doing an African safari. That’s something I’m interested in but am having difficulty choosing a country, a tour group, a travel agent etc. I would say we are looking at a middle of the road price point-would love to go high end but that’s probably not in the budget right now. Flying from Chicago. Recommendations please!

    1. I’m going next July/August, also from Chicago and staying in South Africa for 10 days, four full days in Cape Town and five on safari in Madikwe Game Reserve. I’m traveling with my 70-something mom and young child so really wanted to stay in malaria-free regions, and Madikwe is supposed to be the best reserve for that. We haven’t made hotel bookings since it’s too far out but were looking at Madikwe Safari Lodge. It’s $$$$ though. We’ve had bad experiences with group tours, so we wanted to do everything independently. I wouldn’t be opposed to a travel agent, but it doesn’t seem overly complicated to just book everything online.

    2. We used Access2Tanzania for our honeymoon (this was 2018), which is US based but with regular employees in Tanzania (not contractors, which is what a lot of companies do) and had a great time and definitely recommend them. It’s a private guide situation, so no sharing a jeep with random people. Quotes we got for Tanzania were cheaper than South Africa. We also went in the end of May, which is technically still the “rainy season” so low season pricing, but we had great weather (high season starts June 1). We went to Tarangire, Lake Manyara, Ngorongoro Crater, and the Serengeti. You could probably skip Lake Manyara depending on itinerary length but the others were great and all had a very different feel from eahc other.

      1. Oh, and highly recommend staying in tent camps in Seregenti instead of a hotel (stay in hotel in Ngorongoro Crater–you stay above the crater and it gets cold).

    4. I went on safari in Tanzania from Chicago in February. We did 10 days of safari in Serengeti, Ngorongoro, Lake Manyara and Tarangire. All amazing. We ended up booking it through Costco travel. It was a full-service travel agent and everything was great. There were four of us (me, my brother, SIL and my daughter). Our budget was officially middle of the road, I think, but some of our hotels were amazing (look up Tarangire Treetops) and others were just fine (Serena lodges, but hose varied too). Honestly, we had so little free time that the hotels themselves didn’t matter much. And everyone is in the same Toyota LandCruisers to drive around. I’d be glad to share more, if you want to post an email.

    5. We used Mahlatini for our honeymoon in South Africa in 2018 and they were wonderful!

    6. I just came back from a safari in Serengeti park in Tanzania a couple weeks ago. It was amazing. The Four Seasons hotel was spectacular.
      I used the Mauly Tour group, and they did an amazing job. Highly recommend, they handled everything from food, hotel, flights (domestic). It was so easy for me.

  13. Actual career question: my boss (in-house legal department) put a recurring bimonthly meeting on my calendar when we started working together maybe three years ago. At that time, there was a lot of turmoil in the company and the department. We were understaffed and I was losing my mind, and there were always things we needed to discuss. Fast forward until now. Thanks to efforts of boss, we are fully staffed and the department is running like a well-oiled machine. I rarely need boss’ input and when I do, I reach out and he responds promptly. Our meetings end up being mostly social.

    I have started letting him know a day before every other meeting or so that I have no agenda to bring so I am fine if we skip it, and he always agrees. Is this a dumb move? Should I be finding a reason to meet and have the meetings just for the face time? Boss already knows me and my work, my reviews are always good, and he knows I want a promotion when there is an opening.

    1. If you’re remote or in a different office, I would keep the meetings. On site, maybe switch to monthly.

    2. can you talk to him live about it at the next meeting? I’d phrase it neutrally as something like “since we have cancelled a few meetings due to not needing them and we have a good cadence outside of the meetings, I’m wondering if you’re finding the biweekly meetings helpful or we should rethink the timing? I’m open to whatever you want to do.”
      I had bimonthly meetings to start with my GC boss and then they shifted into monthly – and briefly fell off after a year in between (whoops). we’ve found the right cadence is monthly, usually the week before he meets with his boss to go over all things legal.
      if your boss is happy with your work and responsive when you need him, I don’t think a bimonthly meeting will make ot break your relationship with him.

    3. Keep meeting with your boss. It’s important to have a great relationship with the person who is deciding your performance appraisals and promotions.

    4. Is there value in maintaining the contact frequency but changing the purpose or length of the meetings? If department oversight and project workloads don’t need to be discussed, maybe shift the focus to mentoring or career growth planning, or make them 10 minute check-ins rather than 30 minute discussions.

        1. Biweekly is every other week, which is different from semi-monthly. Bi-weekly will sometimes be three times a week

    6. I would keep it for the facetime, or at least monthly. Use it to highlight achievements, or ask about bigger picture strategy stuff, or check in on where you are in relation to that promotion.

      Some things I ask my boss in one on ones when I don’t have urgent project questions:
      – What did you think about the earnings call / any other recent public statements from our ELT (and I have my own notes/thoughts – eg. CEO is really emphasizing ABC, and here’s how our team could get ready to be involved in ABC)
      – I saw XYZ move from a competitor or a regulator agency etc; here’s how I think it could affect us, what do you think?
      – What can you tell me about historical project ABC (when it’s something that sounds relevant to a project I’m currently working, but was before my time)
      – We’re working with Team X on whatever project, it’s going well so far, but do you have any insight into how X Exec likes to work, anything we should keep an eye on

      Basically anything that might fall into the “important but not urgent” bucket is good

      1. Agree with this approach.

        I went through a leadership development program last year and one of the things that stuck with me was making 1:1s with your direct reports less task focused. To that end, I’ve encouraged them to do what you’re doing – email, ping me with questions instead of waiting for that time every week. I prefer to use the weekly time talking about how things are going overall, discuss/problem solve big picture issues, get their feedback on what’s not working , and just generally know them as people.

      2. +1. I rarely have an agenda for my bimonthly 1:1s with the boss, but I get good insights into bigger things going on behind the scenes, such as why that restructuring was postponed, and how the grandboss is thinking about our strategic direction, and how the onboarding for that new director is progressing. It’s very useful.

    7. GC here. Absolutely keep your meetings on calendar. My reports who regularly fill me in on what’s going on are my right hands and who I will seek out for strategic input and just to brainstorm. I don’t need to supervise tasks, but I want to keep my team aligned on what the principals are thinking, company strategy, internal politics. You don’t get that input if you don’t meet regularly and you become out of sight out of mind. My one report who runs her area well is the person I consider the least for advancement because she doesn’t ever meet or check in on big picture issues and is solely task focused.

    8. I would do a monthly work catch-up and use the second meeting for social. If you’re really slammed, then yes, ask for permission to cancel. But do that only when you really have no time.

  14. Received a job offer letter today! Woot! It’s great and I’m pumped. I’m being laid off as of July 12 as my current company is being acquired. I’ve been there 10 years and have known since the fall this was coming. If I stay employed at current job through July 12, I’m due to receive in the ballpark $60k of separation/severance/bonus.

    The new job has not prescribed a date certain for start but they are looking for soon-ish. I will have a background check and all that. My #1 priority is to get this job, clearly… CLEARLY. But $60k is not nothing. Without July 12 taken in to consideration at all, I think after background check (2 weeks?) and giving a two week notice I’d start at the earliest the last week of June.

    How do I message that I want an extra ~two weeks beyond the otherwise “standard” timeline? Do I admit it’s the money? Do I make up some story about wanting to resign according to the above, but then also take 2 weeks off between jobs, blame some pre-scheduled vacation? I’ve helped with hiring a lot over the years and feel like we make gives like this a lot to candidates, and we’ve definitely never rescinded an offer over someone asking for a slightly delayed start date, but somehow it feels more risky/anxiety-inducing when I’m on the employee end of it.

    Sidebar: let’s disregard for a moment the specifics of the severance agreement and whether or not I can accept a job while still employed and also earn the severance (I’ve had agreement reviewed and I can. I just HAVE to be employed as of July 12.)

    1. ooo July 12 is a bit of a stretch, so I think you have to come up with something. I wouldn’t lie, but I would say something a little vague implying something along the lines of stock options maturing or pension vesting, maybe?
      But you could also go back to the new job and explain you’re losing 60k by coming aboard (unless the new job would make you 60k in-between now and July 12) and ask if there’s anything they could do to make you whole there.

      1. Maybe it’s a finance/tech/consulting thing but it is SO common for people to delay start dates to make sure they are getting their year end bonus/stock options/pension payment/etc. With the holiday, and background check I think it’s reasonable to go back to them and let them know that given your circumstances you’ll either need to start on or after July 12th OR ask if they can make you whole if they can’t wait until then. I would bet they’d be perfectly happy to wait till the 12th, especially over the summer.

    2. Did the pending layoff not come up at all during your interviews? I would just say that you are available to start on July 15 and not say anything more unless asked. If you are asked, you can mention that you are committed to staying at your current role until your company’s acquisition is complete, so as not to burn any bridges with your current management team.

      1. Yes. They know why I’m job seeking and the acquisition has been in local news, too.

        New job doesn’t know the July 12 date. July 12 had been a bit of a moving target until just the last week but it’s now firm. Two weeks ago I was told it was being moved to 9/1, so severance wasn’t even on the brain – I would have just taken the new job, but then this week they just committed to July 12 putting this all just barely within reach.

        1. Then just tell them the truth. You’ll lose $60k if you don’t stay through July 12, and unless new company can make you whole, you’d like to stay at your current place through then.

          Don’t put yourself in a position where you’re telling some kind of white lie when there’s a completely bona fide reason to request a later start date staring you in the face.

          3. This. Unnecessary white lies are a huge pet peeve of mine. If you don’t want someone to know something, put on your big-kid pants and hold a boundary.

          4. K. This was my instinct but I’m really gunshy for some reason. They’ve really been wonderful through my interview process so I have no reason to believe this would be poorly received. Thanks for the gut check!

          6. FWIW, I have also had good luck talking about my need to wrap projects and complete a transition at the current employer. Without fail, companies that ended up being good places to work at understood (and want to hire employees who are conscientious!), and places that were dysfunctional got their panties in a wad over it.

          7. Also some hiring managers would be skeptical of various personal reasons and some wouldn’t. No one’s going to be skeptical of $60K.

    3. I would frankly say that you have benefits that best on July 12. Would it be okay to start after that? Honestly, a good job is usually not so desperate for someone to start that they can’t wait.

      3. I’d do this and wouldn’t worry about being honest. It’s basically only 6 weeks from now, which is a quick start. The timing will probably work out anyway – 2 weeks plus for the background check, 2 weeks notice (which you skip but is normal timing), couple weeks vacation and you’re at 7-12. Plus the 4th of July week is not a great time to start at most places anyway.

    4. Just tell the new employer. You need to stay until July 12. Another few weeks is nothing in terms of a long term employment relationship.

    4. I have had both the Oral B and the Sonicare and prefer the Oral B by far. The Sonicare had a weird vibration to it that tickled my mouth, lips and gums so it made it uncomfortable to use. Plus my Oral B has lasted for years.

  16. Paging Russian/ Pan Euro Baby Name Searcher from yesterday:
    You got great advice with the most obvious answers. Here are few more obscure ones that I think fit your bill. I have bold taste and my kids pull a few of these off without many raised eye brows (it helps their surname is always the weirdest part and sets the bar high). I also know a bunch of these in real life: Kaspar, a Cyril, a Cedric, a Gregor, a Roman, a Konstantin, a Valentin and think they are easy to say and recognize and yet remain uncommon.
    Benedict/Benedikt
    August (Au is a problem in Russian but otherwise feels right)
    Roman
    Felix
    Ivan
    Caspar/Kaspar
    Konstantin
    Cyril
    Leopold
    Frederick
    Gregory/Gregor
    Gabriel
    Cedric
    Balthazar
    Otto
    Oskar/Oscar
    Valentin
    Dominic
    Magnus
    Henrik

    2. I personally love Felix and Oscar! Theodore was high on our list, you could use Fyodor as the Russian equivalent.

      1. Haha my kitties are Felix and Oscar and my daughter is Theodora!

        I also love Cyril.

          2. My husband’s GGF was Theodosius so it worked for us. We actually used two other male names for the other girls, in an unintentional pattern.

    3. Thanks so much for coming back!! My husband already has one of the names on your list :) I actually really like Valentin.

      1. I love the name Valentin!
        I descended from a Valentin, which was interchangeably spelled as Walentin, Walentyn, Walentyne, Walentine, Valentyn, Valentin, Valentyne, and Valentine in records as he moved throughout Europe and the US. I’ve never come across his birth certificate and I’ve always wondered how his parents intended for his name to be spelled.

      2. But do you like Val? Because you and he will have to fight very hard to avoid that nickname if not.

      3. We were posted for two years in Hamburg, Germany and lived in the most unusual neighbourhood because almost every house had three or four kids. It was really upper class with lost of cross-Euro families. There were three brothers named Maximilian, Valentin, and Ferdinand. I loved that sibset. (We also heard it probably on another four little boys while we lived there. I think it translates so well!)

    5. I’d also take a look at some of these:

      Andrei
      Ivan
      Lev
      Maxim
      Daniil
      Ilya
      Sergey
      Nikolai

    6. I’m going to be the hater about Felix. It’s a name that is super cute on a kid but might not be great on an adult. It’s also a “love it or hate it” name with no good nicknames, and, as someone saddled with a “love it or hate it” name with no nicknames available… it’s rough.

      1. I think it works great for adults, we just aren’t used to seeing it for adults these days. OTOH, it seems to have become very popular. There are two boys named Felix in my daughter’s daycare class.

        1. It’s quite a bit more popular in Canada because it works so well in French and English. All my kids have one in their grade and my godson is an 18 year old Felix.

        2. If you think it works great for adults, would you:
          Choose to interview a Felix?
          Vote for a Felix who is running for Congress?
          Ahem, garden with a Felix?

          If the answer is “yes,” then go and name your kid Felix! It’s just that quirky names often don’t age as well as you would think.

          1. I would answer yes to all of the above. It was old fashioned until 15-20 years ago when it resurged but was an old man name until then; hence the well know Felix and Oscar duo. I don’t think of it is as quirky, at all. Just one of those names on the return 100 year cycle.

          2. Felix is not a quirky name. It’s a classic name. I know more than one adult Felix.

          3. Agree Anon at 2:13.

            I just checked the stats out of curiosity to see if my impression was born out in facts and I was correct. It has been really consistent over the last 120 years. It peaked at #154 in 1902 and very, very slowly became less popular over a hundred years until it’s all time low in 2006 of 395 and now it is back up 192, which is a pretty classic trajectory based on the hundred year rule I mentioned above.

          5. Cerulean: the purpose of the question was to get a gut-level reaction to the name. There are plenty of parents out there who pick oh-it’s-so-cuuutte names for their kids and don’t really think of what it would be like to live with that name.

            Again, meant to trigger a gut-level reaction, not as a mom, as a peer/potential date/potential employer.

          6. I would not be wild about gardening with a Felix, Val or Oscar. None of those have any sex appeal.

  17. What are the best places to look for in-house counsel jobs currently? Is it still indeed and ACC or is there something else/new I should look at, as well? The maze of job sites is truly overwhelming at this point.

  18. What is the current juicy long read?! Like remember that couple who was in 100s of thousands of debt but still had their kids in private school and ordered sushi delivery constantly? Or the lady who gave away all her cash in a shoe box? Something along those lines.

    3. NYMag’s recent series is on how terrible therapy is. I’m sure you could find something there.

  19. Has anyone taken an all-day deposition while pumping? I’m pumping 3-4 times during the workday. The depositions would probably be remote but it’s not guaranteed.

    When I pump I’m basically unable to do anything else, my brain just shuts off (hoping this changes soon and am glad I don’t have to bill). So a wearable might not be a good idea. I think I could squeeze in two pumps, one before it started and one at lunch, but don’t see how I could fit in the third. But if I went from lunch until the end I’d be very uncomfortable, and probably not on my A game (as if I am on it now lol). I’d probably also be very uncomfortable that last hour before lunch. It just overall seems impossible until I’m down to one pump a day? Anyways, I’d love to hear what others did, even if it is that you declined to take any until you’d weaned!

    1. I’ve done this. I just emailed opposing counsel and said I just had a. baby and I need a place to pump and several breaks during the depo. I also suggested I would call the magistrate if they had a problem with it. I’m sure it made the dude awkward, but they got me a room (actually a supply closet… but it locked) and I took extra breaks. it was fine! I would try to pump just before the depo starts, at lunch and then once in the mid afternoon. then you can pump when it’s over. don’t make yourself uncomfortable just because it feels weird to ask the other lawyers to accommodate.

    2. I have not. But do you have a relationship with opposing counsel where you could raise this and say you need a break of a specific number of minutes around a certain time in the afternoon to pump? In case this sounds super tone deaf, I apologize. I don’t have kids, so I also do not know how long you’d need to break to pump. I assume it’s about 20 minutes and the ask for a 30 minute break would be reasonable. But I may be way off.

    3. When you come back from lunch, I would just say that you will need to take a 15-minute break at 2:30 p.m. (or whatever you need). Aren’t breaks during depositions pretty normal? If you don’t think you can do that, maybe you could give a 3rd or 4th year associate an opportunity to ask some wrap-up questions during the last hour? You could step out, pump, and step back in for the end.

      1. Yeah, you can’t do that. Only one attorney can ask questions during a deposition

    4. This seems like a pretty straightforward request to make when the deposition is being scheduled. I would not bring up the option of going to the court about it until they said no, which seems unlikely. I made a similar request for a client at trial and the court bent over backwards to accommodate with zero friction from opposing counsel (who were otherwise rather misogynistic).

  20. Kat, there seems to be no way to leave a comment on the weekend open thread. Either that, or my phone is glitching somehow.

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