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Yesterday, The Washington Post published a guide to phone etiquette in 2023: “The new phone call etiquette: Text first and never leave a voice mail” (gift link). In the article, technology reporter Heather Kelly explained that she “spoke to an etiquette expert and people of all ages about their own phone pet peeves to come up with the following guidance to help everyone navigate phone calls in 2023.” (The Post also recently shared “Texting do’s and don’t’s for 2023.”)
The phone “rules” the Post presented, which were written for personal, not professional, communication, seem guaranteed to spark debate (and have already resulted in 5,000+ comments), so let's discuss: What are your thoughts about phone call, text, and voice mail etiquette at the moment? What aspects of phone etiquette do you think are simply generation-specific? (Kelly does acknowledge that applying these rules varies by age, relationship, and context.)
The New Rules for Phone Etiquette
Some of The Post's phone guidelines seem pretty straightforward, like “Don’t use speakerphone in public” (yes pleeaase); “Don’t stop talking on the phone,” because phone calls still have value; “Use video voice mails judiciously,” because yes, they're a thing now; and “You don’t need to answer the phone” when it's not a good time.
Others on the list are likely to be more controversial, like “Don't leave a message”; “Text before calling,” especially for video calls; “Stay still for video calls”; and, possibly, “Emotions are for voice, facts are for text.”
My Personal Phone Etiquette Rules
I'm sure we've all developed our own little phone etiquette rules or habits… For example, I often unnecessarily give my phone number twice when leaving a voice mail for a business, because I grew up when caller ID wasn't ubiquitous and robocalls weren't such a big problem.
I almost never answer calls from unknown numbers unless a quick google turns up a recognizable business (which occasionally makes me miss important calls); and I try to avoid actually listening to voice mails, instead reading the transcription whenever possible.
Also, I will never in a million years send a voice note to a friend or family member.
Let's hear it from you, readers: What do you think of The Post's phone etiquette guidelines? What personal phone etiquette rules do you follow? (Mention your age if you think it's relevant!)
Have you developed your own phone etiquette rules or habits?
Stock photo via Stencil.
Anon
Know your audience. My great aunt prefers email and the occasional FaceTime. My mother texts nonstop. Some of my friends are burnt out on any type of video call. A lot prefer FB messenger, which keeps the conversations stored even if your phone bites the dust. Some of my friends love Signal.
anon
I never answer calls from unknown numbers and haven’t in years. I do call my family without prior notice (and they call me), but for my close friends (who all live far away) I text in advance to arrange a good time since it’s usually intended as a longer catch-up and it’s nice to pick a time when we both know we won’t be disturbed by small kids, spouses, etc.
I leave voicemails when it makes sense to leave voicemails and I don’t when it doesn’t – it’s pretty situational.
On the work front, there are a few people that I call and who call me without prior notice (our CEO, our CFO, our chief risk officer). I always answer those calls unless I’m tied up. Beyond that, I never (ever!) make impromptu video calls to anyone, and with extremely rare exceptions, don’t make impromptu voice-only Teams calls to anyone. I find that a Teams call is more disruptive (especially to a recipient who is on another Teams meeting) and so I message first if I need to quickly catch someone.
Anon
The only people I call without texting first are close friends and family, and even then sometimes if I need to talk for more than 5-10 minutes, I’ll text and say – I need about 20 minutes, is now a good time? Just so I don’t catch them off-guard.
I never, ever pick up numbers I don’t recognize – if it’s important, they’ll leave a voicemail. And at work – unless you’re c-suite or one of my customers, if you don’t text/email first to see if I’m free, or send a meeting notice for more than 15 minutes in the future – they better not get upset if I don’t pick up the phone. Sometimes I’m able to talk and sometimes I’m not; I will let you know if you text me first.
Hootster
Older millennial here – I’ve stopped leaving voicemails unless it’s for an older person
Anisette
[deleted by mgmt]
anon
Is this satire? If not, it seems unethical to bill 0.2 (12 minutes) for a task that takes one minute.
Anonymous
So make you 60 calls in an hour (aka actually do 60min of work), but invoice clients for 720 min total? That “reviewing the file” only takes a minute but you can bill for 6minutes part is especially suspect….seems like your clients should get their 5min worth of your full undivided attention.
How the heck is that ethical? IANAL but that seems to perpetuate your profession’s shady reputation.
JTM
My phone (Pixel) is able to screen calls for me, and it’s a feature I use a lot on unknown numbers – basically it plays a message asking the caller to state their name, and then once I hear it, I can select if I want to connect the call or not. I’m able to weed out scammers/telemarketers without missing actual calls that I need.
Anon
I’d be afraid to have a heart attack on the sidewalk in front of Gen Z. They’d be too terrified to speak to someone on the phone and won’t call 911.
Anon
Yeah, they’d probably film you and post it online instead.
Anon
Eyeroll.
Anon
I always say that when I ask my kids to call someone, they look at me like I’ve just asked them to molest someone.
Anon
These seems out of touch since I thought the whole deal for younger people was that phones are mainly for emergency situations.
Anon
The people in that generation that I know say they do not talk on the phone under any circumstances. They joke about it, but it seems like it’s really not a joke (since I’ve seen a few refuse to call the doctor for routine health needs). I can only hope that they would do the right thing in an emergency.
Anon
Clearly you do not know many people “in that generation” who are healthy, functional adults with common sense. Because that’s really the key here, yes?
Anon
There’s no need to call a doctor over a routine health need though; you can always use a patient portal to ask a question or set up an appt. That’s not comparable to an emergency at all.
Anonymous
Two weeks ago a college dorm in Atlanta flooded. There is excellent video of three women in the hallway filling with water up to their knees where one woman’s leg was caught in a door, with rushing water (and per the video commentary a fridge) pushing it shut, and the others were halfheartedly pressing on the door but wholeheartedly reporting on the subject. No one was on their phone calling for assistance.
Anon
Wow, you’re so edgy and cool, grandma! It’s so great when boomers make jokes about Gen Z thinking that it makes them look like they’re in touch with literally anything going on in society today. More cringe jokes pls! We can’t get enough of that boomer cringe
Anon
I mean, I’m a Millenial/Gen Z cusper and this is just accurate. Saying it’s not makes you seem like the one that’s out of touch. I’m guessing that you are older than me.
Anon
Yep, it’s definitely based in truth and Gen Z is the first to admit it.
Anon
I’m a millennial actually, born in the late 80s. I have actually been really surprised at just how different the generation immediately behind me is on matters relating to phone use.
Anon
She just wanted an opportunity to sh!t on the boomer generation. It’s getting tiresome.
“Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex.”
1972
You’re welcome.
Anon
Wow, you don’t sound defensive at all, Zoomer!
Anon
I love how many old people post here thinking they’re funny, it’s hilarious. I’m GenX and I screenshot things and send the screenshots to my friends and say “we can’t let this happen to us.”
LA Law
Calling Millennials old? That is a bit harsh.
I love how everyone assumes that every generational criticism is coming from a Boomer. I just read one of those stupid “How this Generation is Changing the Workplace” articles and almost all the managers who were being critical were Millennials talking about Gen Z. Every generation has criticized the generation that followed since time immemorial (I almost choked when somewhere here suggested that Baby Boomers were not criticized by their elders.)
AIMS
I think it’s just most people these days. I had to call 911 when I saw someone was having a seizure in the sidewalk not that long ago because even though there were at least 7-8 people there, not one of them thought to call an ambulance.
I have 40 year old friends who can’t order a pizza if it’s not through an app. It’s not just generational.
Anon
Please for the love of god don’t video call someone without a head’s up first…looking at my old boomer boss who loved to video call me out of the blue on Teams multiple times a day.
Anon
I just have to comment on this pic. I had this phone in light blue with a rotary dial when I was a teenager. I thought I was so sophisticated.
Anon
I don’t leave a voicemail unless I’m calling a business, and even then I’m looking for a way to email or text them rather than leaving a voicemal.
I know better than to even try leaving a voicemail (much less calling at all) anyone younger than say 35. They’re not going to listen to it.
Runcible Spoon
I’m an old and I don’t listen to voice mails anymore, I just call people back if I’ve missed their call. Well, maybe every three or four months I might listen to and clear out my voice mails on my mobile phone. I don’t leave voice mails, either, except to some businesses.
Anon
I answer the phone whenever it rings. I’m self-employed and so I never know if it’s a client’s employee, a potential client or someone from a bank. I also volunteer for a couple of non-profits, and I have to talk to lots of people I’ll never need to again (or until next year). Geez, if I never answered the phone, I’d be out of work! And have nothing raised for my organizations! I just wish people would actually LISTEN to their voice mail!