Thursday’s Workwear Report: Pinstripe Pencil Skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This pinstriped pencil skirt from White House Black Market looks like a great basic for work. I like the sort of flip at the hem — it’s not too much and it makes it fun. Note that the lack of a hem means you don’t have to worry about the skirt seeming a lot shorter when you sit down. I can’t find the jacket that’s shown in one of the pictures, but if you’re on the hunt, check with a store near you, because they may have it. The skirt also comes in straight sizes and petite sizes and is the same price for each, $89. WHBM offers free shipping and free returns on plus sizes — this could be something they’re doing because their plus-size line is relatively new, so take advantage of it now! Pinstripe Pencil Skirt

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  1. Something about calling a higher up “grandboss” or “great-grandboss” is just grating to me. Ive seen it used here and a few women at my firm have started to use this too. Oddly no men so far.

    Can you guys help me think of a nice sounding alternative?

    • I usually just go with boss/big boss/[insert highest boss’s title here instead of a name]

      So, my boss, “big boss” or “her boss”, and the CEO.

      • Dad says this is what they used to use in the CIA, where they do NOT want to give the names of the bosses. He said you had a boss, the big boss, the big big boss, the big big big boss, the big big big big boss, and the big big big big big boss, and finally the Chief. Tho dad was never the chief, he was the big big big big big boss for 3 years b/f he took a leave of absence to complete his PHD at Stanford. YAY Dad! Dad did NOT want to be the Chief, but he admits he would not have gotten that job b/c you had to be friend’s with the President! FOOEY! I would have loved to be the daughter of the Chief!

    • Idk, I’ve never seen the problem with “boss’ boss”.

    • anon a mouse :

      I’ve always heard one-over boss, two-over boss, etc.

    • “ my boss’s boss.”

      I hate it. It’s childish and cutesy and like work wife it turns a professional relationship familial for no reason.

      • Agree on the work wife/husband. That really makes me cringe. Less so with grandboss because it’s a useful shorthand for the relationship hierarchy.

      • Reminds me of being in a sorority- big, grand-big, etc. I don’t like using it for a professional situation; sounds too familiar/not very professional.

      • Anonymous :

        +1000 Some of these posters sound like they are fresh out of college and totally childish.

    • “My boss’ boss” makes me think of Fifty Shades of Grey when Anastasia calls Christian “my boss’ boss’ boss.”

    • I don’t understand why people don’t just use the actual titles, or say exec/higher-up.

      • This is what I do. And the person’s actual name.

      • Full of ideas :


      • Anonymous :

        In the office, that works. But on a message board/with friends, they have no way of knowing if the CEO is my boss, my boss’ boss, my boss’ boss’ boss, my boss’ boss’ boss’ boss, etc. It just doesn’t tell you anything

      • District Attorney :

        In some situations it’s not practical and can be confusing.

        My job title is “Assistant District Attorney;” my boss’s title is “District Attorney.” Obviously lots of people refer to me and my role as “district attorney.” If I’m talking about directions I got from him, it’s confusing to refer to him as “the District Attorney.” It would sound very much like I’m talking about just another colleague.

    • I don’t really have a boss, but I dislike it as well because of the familial overtone. Like “work mom” or “work husband.”

    • Always heard big boss

    • So glad I’m not the only one. It is so grating. I like the one over, two over verbiage suggested above.

    • Tech Comm Geek :

      I try to avoid using it in a professional context, but I use it socially regularly. In a social context, the titles don’t help.

      • That’s kind of how I feel. In a professional context, everyone knows the level of Dean and Provost, but socially, not so much.

    • This is a pet peeve of mine too. I see it a lot in Ask a Manager comments. I just say boss’ boss or second-level supervisor.

    • Anonymous :

      I use L+1,L+2, etc, where L = level.

  2. This skirt is great except for that stupid ruffle.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Counterpoint – the ruffle adds a small bit of interest which some of us prefer. Otherwise it is just a pencil skirt.

      • I’m definitely not on team ruffle but I agree that this one is fairly benign and adds interest without looking cutesy. I think subtle ruffles on the bottom of pencil skirts have been around for longer than this egregious ruffle-fest we’re currently enduring.

      • Lana Del Raygun :

        I like it, but I wouldn’t wear it to work (I work in a sartorially very boring office, sigh). I would wear it to church, though!

        • A pinstripe skirt with a small ruffle is too much? But pinstripes are good for church? I struggle to imagine either scenario.

          • Lana Del Raygun :

            Hm, yeah, it would be a pretty businessy church outfit with the pinstripes. If it were solid I would do it.

            The ruffle would be “too much” for my office mostly because almost no one ever wears skirts to begin with. :(

      • I like it and would totally wear it to work. I love a good pinstripe and the ruffle is cute. I’m generally not a fan of ruffles but this one doesn’t bother me at all.

    • The ruffle makes even a model look stumpy.

      • Housecounsel :

        I didn’t think about that – I liked the ruffle but I think you might be right.

      • what? how does it make her look stumpy? I hate comments like this. such ridiculous, impossible standards being set by women themselves.

        • It cuts her leg line in the middle of the knee. Without the ruffle, it stops just above the knee (creating a longer leg line). It’s not an impossible standard for the woman, who looks fine– it’s just a standard for the skirt, which could look better on the woman. I’m all for realistic standards for people, but we shouldn’t feel bad for wanting our clothes to make us look our best. This skirt doesn’t.

          • Eh – skirts that hit me just below the knee actually look better (to me) on me. So I don’t think this is a universal standard.

            And is pretty arbitrary – I don’t see why middle of the knee should really be that much different than just above the knee. I mean, really? It’s still visually cutting you off at or around a joint. There’s no hard/fast rule here.

          • Agree as a tall and not small, middle of the knee is the most flattering length on me.

      • I also got a bit of a stumpy vibe, but I think it’s due to the length of the skirt and where it hits the model, rather than the presence of the ruffle.

      • Anonymous :

        The model is stumpy.

  3. Too much time working :

    Hi hive. Looking for a little advice/guidance. I’m an attorney in what was always a lifestyle gig; attorney in house at an insurance company. The last year has been crazy busy in what we were told was a crunch. However, it seems evident that these crazy hours are here to stay. The work assigned is just more than could possibly fit in my 38 hour work week.

    I just had my review and, while it was stellar, it was the result of some intense leaning in. I make about 100k and I’m told there is a small promotion on the horizon. I love my work, but in order to thrive I’m putting in lots of nights and weekends. My husband is pitching in with lots of child care, even though he has a big commute (nyc from Suffolk county), and I get frustrated bc he makes about 3x what I do and I’m doing less than half the care of our toddler.

    I’m feeling a loss because it seems like my job just changed so drastically in the last year ( it’s my sixth at the company). I feel like I can no longer be successful with humane hours. I swore off billing and private firms six years ago for lifestyle but now I’m feeling like I’d be better off at a firm. There is of course the option of “leaning out” just doing the bare minimum and sticking around, but in the past that has messed with my self esteem. Not sure what I’m asking but any advice
    or commiseration would be greatly appreciated. Thanks:)

    • You have 6 years experience in-house- why not just start looking for roles at another company?

      IANAL but I have 3 that report to me. They are mid-level management at best (they are actually highly compensated individual contributors, but comp’d similar to middle mgmt) and make about $100k in a medium COLA. None of them are officially or in-house legal team, but they are all barred JDs. Two do compliance type stuff (one is more technical/internally focused and the other works the external circuits), one does contracting type work.

      • And they work 40 hour weeks. No/minimal travel (and any travelnis optional, but they like it).

        Our in-house corporate legal team works way harder and is compensated signifantly higher, more at the senior director/Vice President level (~180-230 after bonus).

        • Too much time working :

          Thanks jen. This is worth considering, although probably should have mentioned that I’m a litigator and get pretty jumpy when confined to an office for too long. (Counterpoint being that I’m pretty darn jumpy working nights and weekends after spending the week running around the island and five boroughs.)

    • Agree with the advice to look for a new job, but also I don’t think it’s such a big deal that your husband is doing more than half the childcare even though he makes more. I don’t think childcare responsibilities should be allocated proportional to salary. That would really hurt women in general. If he’s doing 75% and isn’t happy about it, that’s one thing, but otherwise I would lean in and be grateful you have a supportive spouse.

      • Delta Dawn :

        Agree completely. My husband makes three times what I do, and he does half (ok, maybe more than half sometimes) of the childcare. Plus, he enjoys it anyway. (It sounds like maybe you enjoy it and are frustrated not that DH is doing 75% but that you aren’t getting to spend that time with your kids, which is understandable.)

        • Too much time working :

          Yes. This exactly. I am very grateful for him. It just seems to spread us all pretty thin, and I can’t see the upside. If I was making great money, or building skills, the child care spread wouldn’t bug me as much. Does that make sense?

          • Delta Dawn :

            Yes it does. If work is going to take more time away from your kids, they can at least compensate you for that with more money– I know exactly what you mean.

    • I work for a NYC-area insurance company (not a lawyer) and the workload/hours have really ramped up the last several years, without a commensurate increase in salary (my total comp is actually down the last couple of years). I also don’t want to lean out and I don’t even feel it’s an option – it’s more like “keep working harder without any prospect of much salary increase”. The location of the job really works for me, though, and I like the kind of work I’m doing, just have too much workload and pressure.

      • Too much time working :

        Exactly! I’m sorry this is happening to you too! Maybe we work at the same company and there’s hope for us at a competitor?

    • I would third the advice to look for another in house position. I make just under $100k in house in a very LCOL area and only work 40 hours a week with no travel.

    • Instead of leaning out, if you generally like your company and they like you, is there any way to achieve this promotion and make it work in your favor to focus your time more? I’m not an attorney so my thoughts may be worth less than the modicum of internet space they’re typed on: I made $110k last year and was feeling this way for about 12 months – that if I didn’t put in several hours on the weekend, I was failing. I was in fear of missing a call or email from 5-7pm during my weekly volunteer shifts, where phones are not allowed, and had a hard time scheduling any sort of social life. 8 months ago, I made the conscious decision to focus and reevaluate my time, which meant for two months, I tracked in detail the time I allotted to each project and how I spent my time each day. I found places where I was being inefficient and worked on fixing those. I was able to cut some weekly meetings that weren’t really pertinent to me, and help restructure some where I did need to participate. I found a few items that could be handled by support staff. Within the last 6 months I feel freer, I spend less hours working and I don’t answer emails on the weekend – and I’m making the company more money than I was when I felt like I was working myself into a black hole. Turnover is costly, they may be willing to work with you on workload if you can prove your plate is too full.

    • Is there any way to ask for assistance since your work now requires that you do the work of more than one person? Can you fight to bring in a paralegal or junior attorney, or spread work throughout your team? There are other ways to lean in without absorbing all your time and still getting the work done.

  4. Anonymous :

    I posted a few weeks ago about being unhappy at my new job (see the sidebar under threadjacks). It’s been about 2 months now and it hasn’t changed and now I’m constantly annoyed and resentful of my boss because I’m so unhappy here and feel misled about my responsibilities. Every single morning I lie in bed contemplating calling in sick. So as an update, I’m going to say screw it and look for new work even if my resume takes a hit. If I start now, maybe I’ll be out of here in a few months.

    • I’ve been in a similar situation before. Started a new job and pretty much immediately knew it was not a good fit on every possible level. I tried really hard to stick it out. I really wanted to make it at least one year to give it a good chance, but I honestly knew really early on that it wasn’t just a case of needing to give it time and get up to speed. It truly was a terrible fit. I started putting feelers out and interviewing after about 6 months and was out of there after 9 and into a job that I absolutely love. I did need to explain why I was looking for a job after such a short amount of time, and had several prepared answers up my sleeve (job was fundamentally different than what was described to me while interviewing, that kind of thing). It was fine.

      Life is too short to feel the way you’re feeling. Good luck to you.

    • I worked at one job for 6 months. Since it was less than a year, it was easy enough to leave off my resume after I found my next job – I just put in the years I worked at each place but not month and year. (I would eventually bring it up once I was well into the interview process so there were no surprises in reference checks). As long as you don’t make a habit of short stints you should be okay in the long run. Also, my previous boss, who really liked me, helped me find the next job when I was in my terrible job – maybe that is an option for you too? Good luck!

  5. Edna Mazur :

    Meal idea help please!

    I’d like to bring dinner to a friend going through medical issues and could use some help with ideas.

    They have three kids age five and under and recently went vegan as a family. Cooking vegan is outside of my wheelhouse but I’d really like to honor this requirement for them. I’d prefer if it is something I could make a bit in advanced so I can freeze it or put it in the fridge and drop it off after work and they can quickly reheat. I made them a meal recently (prior to them going vegan) of chicken enchiladas, rice, corn, salad, chips and salsa so I’d like to go a little different this time. I’d love to include brownies, if anyone has a good vegan recipe as well!

    • Smitten Kitchen chocolate olive oil cake – it’s vegan and delicious. I make this really nice African peanut stew which is vegan. I haven’t frozen it but I imagine it would come out nicely. Or chili.

      • SK also has a freezer friendly category.

        I’d also check out NYT Recipes for Health. Not all vegan, but lots of options and always delicious. My go to make ahead meal in these situations is this orzo bake, except I usually sub the orzo for quinoa (both good though) and double all the veggies, inc. the tomatoes (1 28 oz can). The recipe calls for goat cheese or parm, but it’s good without, too.

      • Legally Brunette :

        + 1 African peanut stew.

        Back when we used Blue Apron, this was my favorite of their recipes. You probably already have most if not all of the ingredients at home. It might be time to make this again, actually!

    • Assuming they are not GF, I recommend this leek and bean cassoulet from Veganomicon. The biscuits might not be as amazing if it was reheated / frozen, but I have made this for meat eating people and eaten it as leftovers. It’s filling, hearty, and tasty!

    • cat socks :

      How about soup? The Spicy Peanut Soup with Sweet Potato & Kale and the Summery Chipotle Corn Chowder from Pinch of Yum are both good. For the chowder, I’ve used frozen corn with good results.


      Leave out the pepper flakes and jalapeno unless you’re sure that the little kids are OK with spice. It’s still delicious, and freezes well. I like to freeze the rice separately to add when re-heating, but that’s not necessary. With a salad and bread, it’s a very complete and filling meal.

    • Lana Del Raygun :

      I would look for Ethiopan recipes–I discovered while looking for vegetarian restaurants that the Ethiopian Orthodox are very strict about Lenten fasting and have a lot of great vegan food! IME it’s pretty spicy though, so I dunno how the little kids will feel about.

    • Anonymous :

      Smitten Kitchen baked ziti, subbing mushrooms for the meat and omitting the cheese. It freezes well.

    • Minimalist baker black bean brownies recipe.

    • Check out recipes from Thug Kitchen! Just a warning, lots of F-bombs, swears, and humor. You could do their alfredo sauce, noodles, and the SK olive oil cake (SO GOOD). Or the vegetable pot pies?

    • How about a chick pea curry? I make this one but sub several cans of chick peas for the chicken. It’s really tasty. Since they are vegan you’d need to sub something for the honey-maybe agave?

      • I was going to suggest this. This one is my favorite:

    • I think smitten kitchen’s pizza beans would qualify if you use a vegan cheese substitute? It’s delicious and super hearty, you can make it in a foil pan, drop it off, and they may well get more than one meal out of it.

    • Check for peanut & other allergies before making African peanut stew! Otherwise, it’s a great vegan recipe.

      I also love this chickpea stew: – it’s delicious, reheats well, and my picky 2yo loves it over rice or quinoa.

    • Shepherd’s Pie! Here’s my favorite recipe:

    • Anon in NYC :

      Check out Oh She Glows for vegan recipes.

    • There are so many things! We eat a lot of vegan/vegetarian dinners at home.

      This is fantastic, especially if you roast the garlic first:

      If they’re not adverse to mushrooms, this vegan shepherd’s pie is amazing:

      Enchiladas! Omit the cheese or sub vegan cheese to vegan-ize (I use squash or sweet potato instead of the broccoli/cauilfower) The sauce is great with other fillings, too.

    • Edna Mazur :

      I want that SK olive oil cake now! Love all these suggestions. I may work some of these into my normal rotation too but definitely see some that should work out well! Thanks everyone!

    • The first thing that comes to mind is veggie “fried” (sauteed rice and veggies) rice. I have no idea how well rice freezes, but it reheats pretty well.

      Also, pinch of yum has a great red curry lentil recipe. Use olive oil instead of butter.


      Delicious with roasted tofu (marinate first in some soy sauce, honey, and chili garlic sauce).

    • Anonymous :

      The “Next Level Vegan Enchiladas” from Oh She Glows are wonderful. Highly recommend.

    • Chili!

  6. You guys I was up way too late gardening last night and now I’m exhausted and like trying to hide a gardening bruise on my chin and what is my life even?

  7. rachelellen :

    Can anyone recommend a hair stylist in New York City, ideally Manhattan, who’s good with wavy hair, ideally <$100? Or share some suggestions on where to look for such recommendations? Yelp is no help.

  8. My cleaning service fired me as a client yesterday after I asked for a refund for that day’s service because they left an exterior door to my house open and moved my cat’s water bowl somewhere he couldn’t reach it. I work long hours (biglaw) and got home after 10 last night. They usually come in the morning. That means my elderly cat who has a history of urinary tract issues was without water for about 12 hours — that’s aside from the fact that my house was left open. Fortunately the cat seems fine but I’m working from home today to keep an eye on him.

    When I contacted the owner he was condescending and dismissive. He denied that the door was left open (I live alone – did my cat grow thumbs? do I have a ghost?). He thought it was nbd that the cat didn’t have water. He said, exasperated, well what do you want me to do about it. I asked for a refund for that day’s service. He said he’d mail me a refund along with my key.

    Obviously I’m going to post honest reviews after the refund check clears. Is there anywhere else I should report this kind of behavior? Is it too extra to report him to animal control or the attorney general? I don’t want to come off as a crazy cat lady but I was really scared for my cat when I came home last night. I really want someone to explain to this guy that leaving an animal without water for that long is a big deal, and I don’t think a bad y e l p review is going to have that impact. Apologies for the length.

    • I would post on any local pet owner FB groups that you’re in.

    • Omg. No. Stop it. You can’t report him to the attorney general or animal control. Get a grip.

    • The exterior door part is super scary too. What a d*ck. I’m so sorry that happened and hope your cat is ok. I had one in renal failure and I would be so mad too.

    • lodge a complaint with the BBB

    • Does your area have a Nextdoor s!te? Ours is pretty active for stuff like this.

    • Ok leaving the door open is a big deal and you shouldn’t want to use them again after that. But the cat – um it’s a CAT?! If I were him I’d have laughed at you and hung up. You realize you can buy another right?? And I seriously hope you told your partners you’re working from home to babysit your cat. Lmao.

      • stop. I don’t even like cats but I can see why she’s upset.

      • You can BUY another cat? Seriously, stop being an a$$. The cat could have gotten out or become ill and, aside from worrying about the cat, veterinary care is $$$ and not easy to handle in an emergency situation.

      • T R O L L (or just not very bright)

        • Yep. I pretty much don’t take any comment that involves an ‘LMAO’ seriously as a general rule, but this one is especially obvious at trying to provoke outrage.

      • Not a cat person but this comment is really rude. Even if you can buy a new cat, that’s no reason to have such little respect for the life of a living creature.

      • People used this logic when I was sad about a miscarriage. “Cheer up, you can get pregnant again!” Uh, my baby isn’t a shoe I can just replace. Cats aren’t people, but most people with pets love them as individuals and consider them family members. Reread what you wrote with that in mind and think about the life choices that led you to be this callous and rude.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          This! I was thinking this is just like the @$$hats that tell parents, oh, you can have another.

      • Linda from HR :

        Wow, seriously? It’s not a lamp for crying out loud. Most people love their pets like part of the family, what’s wrong with you? I’d ask if you were the woman who flushed her hamster down an airport toilet, but even she at least claimed to be upset about the whole thing.

    • I would have been super angry too! If a cleaning service is coming to a place with animals, they should know now to move the water bowl out of reach. That really is not rocket science. And, um, lock the freaking door!!!

      I agree, leave reviews multiple places, including yelp, google, and angie’s list, and report them to the BBB.

    • Animal control is not going to do anything because a cat was accidentially left without water for 12 hours. And your suggestion about calling the AG is so silly is makes me wonder if this is a tr0ll. What offence would the AG investigate? There is literally no reason to call the AG.

      A bad yelp review and a BBB complaint is about all that outcome you should expect.

      • the yellow one is the sun :

        At least my state AG has a division of consumer affairs that investigates complaints against companies (I know because I review some of the ones my company receives!) similar to the way the BBB does. I’m not saying it’s warranted in this case, just FYI that it’s not totally out in left field as recourse for an unhappy customer.

        • Yeah my local AG has a civil division and a consumer affairs division. You see them all the time on the news or in the paper helping people with various things. For example, a local wedding venue closed and left a lot of couples scrambling to find a new venue at the last minute. The AG’s office got involved and helped the couples to navigate the situation somehow. Idk if this is serious enough to bother them with?

      • Also, if his business is listed on Google My Business (search it and if the business name comes up in the knowledge box on the left, click to leave a review), now’s the time to a leave a review there, even if he hasn’t “claimed” his listing. I’d be straightforward about it: “Had to fire this service after he left the exterior door of my home open and left my cat’s water bowl out of reach. Since I work long hours, this could have been for up to 12 hours that day. When I brought these issues to his attention, he laughed at me for my concern my (and my animal’s) welfare and safety.”

    • Horse Crazy :

      I’d definitely be really upset! But honestly, the AG and Animal Control won’t do anything (speaking as someone who works in government…). The Better Business Bureau and Yelp are probably your best bets.

    • This guy sounds extraordinarily callous. I might have my locks re-keyed, especially before leaving a bad Yelp review.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m a prosecutor and a good friend in my office works closely with animal control handling a number of animal cruelty cases. Animal control isn’t going to do anything. Like any government agency, they’re overworked and underpaid and dealing with real cruelty and emergencies (dogs left outside overnight in 15 degree weather, people starving their pets, dogfighting, animal hoarding).

      You have every right to be upset, but I’m sure that moving the bowl to a bad location wasn’t done maliciously…

      • Exactly.

        I think this thread has gone off the deep end.

        Mistakes happen. You know. Mistakes.

        We have a wonderful cleaning woman that has worked with us for many years. And yes, sometimes she leaves something in the wrong place. Yes, it is frustrating to my paralyzed father, because then he can’t reach it. No one is perfect. And 98% of the things she does are very good. And yes, she has lost the house keys once. And yes, she has left the door open at least once. But she does good work, tries to correct mistakes, and is not lazy or intentionally sloppy. No one is perfect.

        Not all people are evil and deserve punishment from the attorney general (!).

        Sure, complain. Fire them, if you don’t have a long history of good work and see this as a pattern of concern. Post a complaint on Yelp about the rude behavior of the person you spoke to on the phone (was that the cleaner? or a supervisor who has no idea and is now going to go fire the cleaner who is probably a minimum wage earning immigrant?). But try to step back, and think about it for a second….

  9. I want to start using a retinol. I am early 30s and want to use it mostly for prevention– and, if possible, to smooth some horizontal forehead wrinkles. I want to be fairly aggressive, so should I go to my derm for an Rx? Or can I get something just as effective over the counter? Any product recs?

    • The best wrinkle prevention is sunscreen (and maybe genetics). For OTC, Differin is an option and seems to be making my wrinkles a bit less noticeable.

      • Housecounsel :

        Agree on sunscreen. I would go get a prescription; your derm will know which formulation is best for you and can counsel you on side effects (expect to be dry and peel-y for a bit).

      • Can I ask how you use it? Just all over your face? I used prescription differin back in my 20s, but it was for acne only at that point and I used primarily on my chin (the least wrinkle-prone place on me). Do I just put a thin layer all over? Concentrate on wrinkles?

    • Legally Brunette :

      Honestly, I would make an appointment with a derm and a get a retin-a prescription (just the generic kind). I think it’s only $15, last several months, and works so well. If you want retinol, Paula’s Choice is a a great brand generally and affordable (but have not used her retinol specifically).

      • generic retin-a :

        I agree with the generic retin-a. Ask for the highest strength available. It can make your face red and flaky but that means it’s working and you can back off as necessary. It is suspended in a creamy solution which I find to be a bit moisturizing. I use it at 48 and my 15 year old daughter uses it, too. We both have acne prone skin but retin-a plus the the third step of the 3-part Acne Free kit keeps our skin presentable.

      • +1

        It’s great to have input from a Derm at least once. They can look at your skin, help guide you to the best retinol for you if you have sensitive skin, remind you to start very slowly to adjust to using it (I started once a week for a couple weeks, then twice a week etc…) and what to do if you skin gets red/irritated/peels.

        Also, they can give you realistic expectations with regard to your goals.

        For most people, this will be helpful more for resurfacing/small imperfects/large pores, some small wrinkle ?prevention/modification….. but will not be very helpful if you are prone to the large forehead lines, that are more due to muscle movement. Botox my dear….

    • Just a warning: know your skin! If your skin reacts to retinol, treating it aggressively is going to make your skin red and flaky.

    • Anonymous :

      I tried a prescription retinoid, and even the lowest strength made my face red and peely, which I thought defeated the purpose. If I’m going to trade good skin now for good skin later, what’s the point? I now use the Ordinary 2% retinoid – I see good results in terms of skin renewal and evenness, and no peeling.

      If you want to try a prescription-strength first (in case your skin isn’t as sensitive) I would ask your GP for the lowest-strength generic prescription, and then you can work your way up or down from there.

  10. As someone who eats vegan meals semi-regularly, I heartily recommend Shepherd’s Pie (made with lentils instead of meat) as a dish that will please both kids and adults. It’s also super comforting and filling. Link to follow. Serve with a salad and rolls.

  11. Long post in mod. Short version: if your cleaning people unapologetically left your cat without water for 12 hours and left the door to your house open all day, and then fired you as a client when you asked for a refund for that day, where would you report that? Just leave an honest review? Or should this get elevated somewhere else?

    • Better Business Bureau, Yelp. This isn’t a crime, you can’t elevate it anywhere else.

    • Agree with BBB and Yelp, or other places where they have their business located. Is it a chain service that you could elevate it up?

    • You may have startled them with the intensity of your reaction to the point that they feel better off without your business. Anyone in your place would be mad but there is really nothing the service can do to change things or guarantee that another accident will not happen in the future. Cleaning services are imperfect at best, and I know a handful of people who clean their own houses for this reason. It’s never been worth it to me. As far as elevating, I’m not what recourse you have except leaving a bad review. Thank goodness the cat did not exit through the open door. That would be a real problem.

      • Oh I get that accidents happen. It’s not just that it happened in the first place, it’s the owner’s reaction to it too. Like if the owner had said — I’m so sorry I can’t believe that happened, are your house and cat ok, let me refund you for today’s service — I probably would’ve stayed with them or I’d at least not have left them a bad review. But to deny that the door was left open, then act exasperated that I dare question where the cat’s water was placed, and then fire me as a client when I ask for a refund? No. People should be aware of the kind of (dis)service they can expect from this person before they allow him into their homes.

  12. Rather Be Painting :

    Anyone have good or bad experiences with lash extensions, lash lifts or lash tinting? I’m considering. Also, 16 year old daughter wants the lash lift, but I think she may be too young.

    • What’s a lash lift?

    • I’ve done tinting, which I think of as completely different than extensions (I have no idea what a “lift” is). Tinting was quick and easy. Not very expensive. I did it about 5-7 years ago though – before the extensions/lash boost/lash craze of late. It made my blonde lashes noticeable without mascara. It did not add volume and did not give you the crazy Bambi eyes that are so popular right now.

      • I really hate the prevalence of lash boosters and extensions. Super long lashes hit my glasses and I get a little self conscious about my regular occasional drugstore mascara applied lashes!

    • I would make the 16 year old save up her own money if she wants a lash lift (and if she’s old enough – maybe it’s an 18+ thing because of liability).

    • cake batter :

      I got lash extensions done for the holidays and loved the look. I got nonstop compliments, but most people couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly what I had done differently. My husband thought I just put on eye makeup (which I rarely do), and a few people asked me if I changed mascaras. The extensions lasted about month on me before they started to look a little sparse (at which point you can get fills – I just got too busy at work to go).

      Downsides for me: the initial installation was time consuming because I apparently have a ton of lashes, and they adhere a falsie to each individual lash. Took about 3 hours total, maybe slightly less. It made me a little antsy to lie there for that long without being able to open my eyes. It didn’t hurt, just kind of itched because of the glue.

      My place offers a lash tint and lift (i.e. curl and dye) which I’m planning to try next.

      • Housecounsel :

        Does anyone have any experience with last extensions and contacts? I keep wondering if they would bother my eyes.

        • cake batter :

          I’ve had lasik and am prone to dryness, but I was only bothered the first day. I think a tiny bit of the glue must’ve gotten into my eyes and irritated them a bit – but it was nothing that eye drops couldn’t fix.

        • i have contacts and have been doing lash extensions no problem. just dont put in your contacts before you fall asleep for the additions.

    • Lots to Learn :

      Piggybacking, because I was thinking about asking a similar question this morning. I have upper eyelashes that grow straight and down. Although I curl them every morning and use mascara to help the curl hold, they straighten out by the end of the workday – it’s a constant battle. And I LOATHE curling my lashes – I’m always worried that I’ll get bumped or will twitch and will yank my eyelashes right out. So I was wondering if there are any other options for curling my lashes and making them stay. Will look into this lash lift mentioned above, but any other tips or suggestions? Do the lash lifts actually work and if so, for how long? TIA

      • cake batter :

        That’s what the last lift is supposed to fix. Haven’t tried it yet but am planning to in the next couple weeks – will report back to the hive! My place says it lasts 4-6 weeks.

    • Had a terrible experience with lash extensions. I wanted to get them for my brother’s wedding. Researched thoroughly, read many online reviews, and picked a well-reviewed salon. Showed the technician pictures and told her that I wanted to look “realistic but amazing” for a wedding. Two hours later, I had the biggest, most ridiculous, most obvious false lashes I have ever seen. I looked like one of those old school blinking dolls with a big black fringe of lashes. Technician claimed I just needed time to get used to them. Tried to live with them for a day but hated them. My sister confirmed they were crazy distracting. Called the salon to try and get them modified or removed but they couldn’t fit me into the schedule. Removed them myself with a product I bought on Amazon. My natural lashes haven’t been the same since. But, had they been a success, they would have required frequent and expensive maintenance, so maybe I dodged a bullet.

      • I have a post in mod about mine all falling out, but this reminds me that I forgot to mention how my natural lashes were so thin and short when the extensions fell out. I guess it’s because the extensions pulled out my natural lashes when they came out, and they were typically glued to older lashes that were longer. I ended up buying a product like NeuLash/Revitalash to get them to grow back in faster.

    • I had a bad experience with extensions. Getting them applied was easy (1 hour) and relatively painless (just a little stinging) but they were pretty sparse after just two weeks. I got them filled at that point and then 5 days after that fill, every. single. lash. had fallen out. I don’t know if I was allergic to the glue they used (but this salon had tons of reviews from people saying they’d had allergic reactions elsewhere and no issues at this salon), if my workout lifestyle wasn’t compatible, I touch my eyes too much, or what. I was sad because I really did like the look, but it was way too much money to spend for them to fall out like that. And even if they hadn’t fallen out, having to go every two weeks for fills was going to be kind of a pain…they said typical was 3-4 and showed me a regular who was in for her fill after 4 weeks, but I apparently shed the lashes like crazy.

    • Yes, I have lash extensions, they are AMAZING and so-so worth every penny. I get them touched up every 2-3 weeks. I always get “russian volume” lashes. Literally life-changing. Oh, and contacts are a non-issue.
      16 is not too young for a lash lift.

      • biglawanon :

        Basically all of this. I used to get 2D Russian Volume, but now up to 4D. Mine are 8mm-11mm. I tend to prefer synthetic, both for looks and animal reasons.

        Sometimes I get too busy to get them filled and then I will use falsies. Love Lilly Lashes.

    • Anonymous :

      I would let her, she’s old enough to have autonomy over her own body. I have to say that having extensions applied was miserable for me, personally. They tape your eyes and you have to lay there for hours. My lashes look great but it was so claustrophobic, maybe because I have deep set eyes? And I say this as someone who has had multiple eye surgeries, so I’m no stranger to being stuck in the eye. Mine looked wonderful and lasted a really long time, but I let them all grow out because I couldn’t face going back after my first refill.

  13. Moms – what was your 1 year old’s favorite book? Our niece’s 1st birthday is in a couple weeks, and we’re going to contribute to her 529 as her main gift, but wanted to get her a book as a token. Any recs?

    • anon a mouse :

      Freight Train

      Dear Zoo

      Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

    • My favourite book for little kids (and big kids) is Goodnight Gorilla. Also anything Sandra Boynton, my favourite is Moo Baa La La La.

      • Never too many shoes... :

        I *love* Sandra Boynton. Moo Baa, Pyjama Time, and my personal fave, But Not The Hippopotamus.

    • I think at 12 months my daughter was still chewing on books more than appreciating them, but we liked books with texture (e.g. That’s Not MY Fox/Cow/Other Animal), Sandra Boynton books, and some of the Bright Baby board books – they have small ones and a jumbo one with an ABC page, numbers, colours, etc.

      • My little one likes dinsaur dance by Sandra boynton and the original “where’s spot?” Because he loves lifting the flaps and saying “no!”

    • At that age, mine loved all the Sandra Boynton books, especially Blue Hat, Green Hat.

      • Housecounsel :

        I have a huge smile on my face thinking of Sandra Boynton books. One daughter loved The Belly Button Book best. Also, Eric Carle books (Brown Bear, Brown Bear, etc., The Very Hungry Caterpillar) were great.

      • My daughter is 24 and she had those as a baby/toddler and loooooved them.

      • That Turkey in Blue Hat Green Hat is my spirit animal.

      • My son is almost 3, but Blue Hat Green Hat was the first book he could “read” by himself, and he loves yelling “Ooooops!” It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside thinking about it.

    • The Chris haughton books – oh no George and shh we have a plan

    • If I Were a Rabbit is a fave in our house (because you can feel it). Or any Sandra Boynton.

    • Delta Dawn :

      Brown Bear, Goodnight Gorilla, and the Little Blue Truck books (we are STILL reading Little Blue Truck’s Halloween, and occasionally Little Dawn will just shout “Lil bwue twuck goes Beep Beep Boo!”… but he also won’t give up his skeleton pajamas)– there are Little Blue Truck books that are not seasonal, too.

    • The “100 First Words” 3 pack of board books.

    • Not a mom, but at 1, my nieces and nephews loved “Pat the Bunny” and “I am a Bunny” in addition to all the ones mentioned above.

    • At one, all the Karen Katz lift up books were hits. The Kid loved Boynton as two came on, followed rapidly by Good Night, Good Night, Construction Site.

    • Doting Aunt :

      Hippos Go Berserk by Sandra Boynton.

    • Goodnight Gorilla
      The Belly Button Book
      Sheep in a Jeep
      Hand Hand Fingers Thumb, but the pictures are creepy
      10 Apples Up on Top
      Time for Bed
      Freight Train
      Ten Nine Eight
      The Going to Bed Book
      But Not the Hippopotamus

    • My son loved ABC Alphabet Fun, which is a touch and feel book. He received it for his first birthday, but it really took off around 18 months. We read it so often, it fell apart (and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the sturdiness of the book). I’ve bought it for several one-year-olds since then.

    • Away Game :

      Sheep in a Jeep, Dear Zoo, Peek a Who (has a mirror at the end – kids LOVED it), and anything Sandra Boynton.

    • Anonymous :

      Very hungry caterpillar

  14. I’m a relatively new consultant at an MBB. I’ve been here 5 months and I’m about 30 so this is not my first job. While I feel good about how much I’m growing, I really hate how it feels to not know things and never get anything right. I have indications that those I’ve worked with are happy with my performance and no signs of any issues. Will it feel this way forever? Is that just the price of professional development? Or does it just suck because I’m new?

    • Boutique consultant here. My understanding is that that’s a very normal feeling when someone starts at MBB, and it takes a solid year to start to feel like you know what to do some of the time. As long as the external feedback is positive, I would try to silence the internal worries.

      When I go through (admittedly less intense) periods like this, I try to keep a log of things I learned. Being able to look at the list and see that I have improved so much helps.

    • You are probably doing great.
      My first couple months I was not billed so felt really bad, almost like a burden. The following months, every time I’d feel like I start to understand something, I’d be hit with a hairier challenge.
      I came to the conclusion that you’ll never be completely comfortable, you’ll always be stretched but what happens is that you get used to feeling uncomfortable especially once you realize everyone else is struggling with something.
      Since this is not your first job, you have a lot to bring to the table, most likely your maturity. Case in point: I am amazing at client skills so took my “gift” for granted until I was complaining to baby consultants about not knowing how to use excel and they pointed out that most clients think I am in the leadership team and treat me accordingly, and gravitas is something they struggle with.
      P.S. baby consultant is a term referring to consultants who joined straight from college to be shaped by the firm

      • How long does it take to get used to feeling uncomfortable?

        • It varies on your personality, how open people around you are and the office culture.
          I find that discussing it with some people from the cohort right before you helps if they are open to share. I always ask more tenured people for their horror stories, partners are (hopefully) more comfortable telling you about the time they messed up a model or forgot the adapter for a presentation.
          One particular thing that helped was a sharing session over lunch where people of roughly the same level could discuss their ideas, insecurities etc. it was moderated by a partner and a lady from HR.
          The partner started one of the sections by saying: “we’re all summa cum laude …” then a couple jokes ensued. It was very interesting to have the perspective of the PHD/industry hires from one side and the straight from college consultants.
          We did small focus groups with just the experienced hires to see how well everyone is integrating and support as needed.

    • At a smaller consulting firm and it takes awhile to feel like you are hitting your stride but one day it will be like Boom! I’ve got this. If your bosses seem happy with your performance I would assume you are doing well for your experience. One thing new hires at our firm have to get used to because we hire a lot of high achievers/Masters/PhDs is that it’s ok/expected to suddenly be “normal” because everyone is working at such a high level.

    • I think this is an intentional strategy of MBB – keep high achievers continually anxious about their performance to ensure long hours etc. As the role continually shifts as you move up the ranks, you rarely get ‘comfortable’ – as soon as you do, it’s time for a new role/promotion.

  15. Long story short- DH and I bought our dream home a couple of years ago. We have had nothing but problems, some small (leaking toilet, leaking door, etc), some big (replacing tile shower, needing crawlspace dehumidifier, etc.). Yesterday we found out our foundation is settling an unusual amount and we need expensive repairs. DH wants to fix it and stay put, under the premise that we’ve fixed all the big stuff already. I’m feeling anxious and am terrified that something else big will go wrong or there will be more foundation issues, and so want to fix it but sell. I don’t know what I’m asking here just wondering if anyone has been through something similar or has words of wisdom to share.

    • Is he familiar with the sunk cost fallacy?

      It’s not always wrong to make the final repairs after a lot of expensive repairs have already been made. (I did this with my car recently, and, knock on wood, have had a great experience since.)

      The big questions:

      1. What are you getting after repairs (i.e., is your house now in good condition?)?

      2. What else could you get with the money you would put into it *from now going forward*? Ignore what has already been spent.

      3. What else can go wrong that is likely to go wrong?

    • How old is your house? Did you have a home inspection when you purchased the home? If not, hire a home inspector to assess what might be going on and what future issues may cost. At least you’ll get an unbiased picture of your home’s condition (if it’s an old house, it might be normal, if it’s a newer home there may be defects you can address with the builder) and possibly a better handle on what to expect in the future in terms of work and its cost.

      • Even if you had a home inspection before, it may make sense to get another opinion since you have seen so many issues after buying. That would give you an idea of whether there really are other gotchas waiting.

    • Yes, I did. We ultimately ended up moving. Very similar story. Lots of big expensive repairs and we felt like we never really could make improvements bc the repairs decimated our house budget. We also were facing foundation issues, but were able to sell without massive repairs luckily. Honestly, I had nightmares at night about the house sliding down the hill we were on or waking up in the morning to find that a wall had crumbled. I couldn’t get comfortable. We had other reasons to move as well (mainly commute-based), so even though we loved our neighborhood and had to leave completely to afford another place, we moved. I no longer have nightmares about my window falling out of the wall. It was worth it to me. (FWIW, the house is still standing strong, but I know the new owner has also done work on the place…)

    • If you move, can you find a house in your price range and location that won’t have similar issues? For example, if a neighborhood you want is mostly older homes, can you be sure of avoiding the same problems?

    • RecentSeller :

      I moved recently and had to fill out a disclosure on the place we sold, which was given to the buyers, indicating if I knew of any issues. We received one from the seller of our current house too. For me, unfixed foundation issues would probably have soured the deal, so you may end up doing the work either way. (We live in IL and laws and practices may vary.)

    • Pen and Pencil :

      Maybe I’m just being overly skeptical, but with the exception of the crawl space dehumidifier, all of the things you listed seem like fairly typical home repairs and/or upgrades. I would evaluate if you really want the lifestyle that comes with owning a home and if you can really afford the home you are in, because I would say most homes in my area need their foundations shored up in one way or another at some point in time, will face a termite issue, will need a roof replaced due to hail, get flooded, and a dozen other more expensive repairs. Sometimes nothing will happen for a couple of years and sometimes you get hit with termites and foundation issues in the same year and need to spend $10k+ in the span of a couple of months.

      • I agree – trading one set of issues for another. If it’s fixed properly and you also address any drainage issues, it should be good.

      • Expensive repairs that seem ridiculous are par for the course. Honestly, home ownership just doesn’t live up to the hype. Our home has only appreciated about 10-15% in value over the 14 years we’ve owned it. In that time we’ve sunk well over $50K in repairs and maintenance, and it is currently in desperate need of about $50K worth of renovations. We would have been much better off financially if we’d kept renting.

        I would fix the foundation, sell, and become a renter for life.

      • While I agree that the things the OP listed seem pretty standard, I would be hesitant about a foundation problem because that is structural and complicated.
        We have replaced shingles on our roof, replaced our windows, replaced our furnaces and AC, and each project costs thousands of dollars. But I would be hesitant about foundation and water damage. Those typically lead to more problems.

      • Anonymous :


    • No answers for you, but I looked at a house recently that was a new build and it had a bunch of small/somewhat larger issues. They held me back from being comfortable making an offer, but the house sold the next day. I recently asked my realtor to put out some feelers because two other new houses are being built in the same block and I thought I might have the opportunity to get in before they brought in an expensive designer and made design decisions that I thought weren’t worth the money or that I just plain didn’t care for. Turns out one house was already under contract (in-demand neighborhood) and the other is larger than I can afford. BUT, my realtor also told me that one of his clients had bought a house near there with the same contractor and they didn’t discover some really annoying problems (some small/some large) until after they were living in the house. He has advised me not to consider a house from this builder. This kind of thing is just crazy – this builder is the only one buying up property in that neighborhood, but I don’t want to get into a situation like yours.

    • Thanks everyone. This is helpful. I think I left out a really important part. The house was brand new when we bought it. I would definitely expect issues like this in an older home, but being brand new is what worries me there are more issues. I plan to fix it either way, so this repair is a sunk cost, just trying to decide if it’s worth risking even more problems. Again, I expect problems in any home, just not this many this fast in a brand new home. And no, unfortunately none of this is covered by our warranty.

      • Sometimes you just get a lemon. We have recurring issues on a house that is very young (less than 10 yrs) on the roof, AC, gas and water leaks, fridge going out, washing machine, drain back ups, exterior rotting. If the house is new, it was just poorly built so you will essentially rebuild a quality house over time with good repairs if you stay…but it will cost a lot. Hubby and I are making this choice now on how much time we want to put into a house that is nothing but trouble. Or up the coverage on your insurance policy if you know this sort of thing will happen frequently.

      • You’re right, knowing it’s new construction changes the equation. I would still investigate whether you can find another house in which you can be confident that unexpected repairs won’t happen, especially if this was your dream house in other ways.

      • This really stinks.

        If you feel comfortable sharing… how much did the house cost and how much have you sunk in for repairs, and what is the anticipated foundation work expected to cost?

        This is one reason I am wary of new construction in my area. In general, the quality is not as good. I would rather take my 100 year old house that has been upgraded.

        Are there other homes by this builder near you? Can you walk by and talk to other owners and see what experiences they have?

        And honestly, I would also call the builder just to give them feedback and see what they say.

        I have decided to become a renter “for life”, as in my experience it has made sense financially and for my quality of life (and anxiety). I will only buy in retirement, a condo, in a well run building. Maybe….

        • We spent about 500k in a moderate cost of living area. It is a “luxury” home in one of the most upscale neighborhoods in our town. The builder is an award winning builder and supposed to be very good. He has been very difficult to deal with on warranty issues and we have paid for things that should have been covered out of pocket because he wouldn’t. Repair costs so far are just about 5K, which isn’t much, and the foundation is going to be about 6k depending on what we do.

          I thought about asking neighbors but even if they have the same problem it doesn’t really help me. Just bummed this stuff keeps happening. The whole reason we bought a new house was to avoid this.

          • No structural warranty in place?

          • Home Woes :

            No, not that I’ve been able to discern. Builder’s warranty expired and the statutory warranty covering foundations in my state covers only structural defects. From what I understand, earth settling and movement is generally excluded, same with homeowners insurance.

          • brokentoe :

            After reading your home warranty again, do you think the foundation issue should be covered under what likely had some clause relating to “major structural issues”? If you aren’t getting help from your builder, what about complaining to the Better Business Bureau? Yelp? Contacting your state’s attorney general or what ever government agency has a consumer protection division? A luxury home that’s just a few years old shouldn’t have structural issues that necessitate multi-thousand dollar fixes. That’s a flaw that should be covered by warranty or the builder if he/she cares about their reputation. Definitely talk to your neighbors to see if they are experiencing similar problems. If so, use the power of numbers to help push for a solution. The builder maybe able to ignore one cranky customer, but he/she may react differently if there are several unhappy customers who aren’t afraid to make their problems known.

          • 11k of repairs on a 500k house is ~2%. This doesn’t seem like an unreasonable about of home maintenance cost per year, IMO.

          • Anonymous :

            It’s unclear how long you have been in the home, but those seem like very reasonable repair costs if its been a few years

          • Most builders are $hit. Doesn’t matter if it’s a high-end builder or a low-end one. Working in real estate convinced me to never buy a new house. Let the first owner deal with the crap from the builder, no thank you!

            Your builder is never going to be easier to deal with. You’ll have to fix the foundation before you sell regardless, so fix that and then decide if you want to stay now that you have put this work into it or buy a slightly older home which has had recent fixes like roof, etc. You’re never going to have a house without issue, obviously, but I find that new builds are way more of a headache than slightly used homes. Very old homes are a different ball game, but most people understand that going in on those.

      • Anonymous :

        If you’re having that many issues, I would consult with your neighbors. Sometimes it’s appropriate to sue the builder. That happens quite often for things like stucco issues.

        • Anonymous :

          Also wanted to add that my HOA sued our builder and won for another construction issue. He then had to pay us a settlement for repairs.

    • If the news came from one of those firms that only does foundation repair, get a second opinion from an actual engineer (that doesn’t have a vested interest in selling you foundation services). Not all settling requires repairs.

      • Home Woes :

        Thanks. I had planned to do that, but I showed it to a builder I know and they agreed it needed to be fixed.

  16. Jobhunting :

    I hate job hunting but it’s mandatory at this point because I have to get out of this job because it’s killing my health.

    I got lucky and had two interviews last week.

    Job 1 a followed up with me on Friday and the position availability changed so HR was trying to get more info and would get back to me. So I know the job description has changed (I can see it in the system I applied in and it’s attached to my application) but it’s not externally posted and I haven’t gotten any updates.

    Job 2 – had a kick butt 2.5 hour interview last Thursday and was told I’d hear something mid this week. Also no update yet.

    I know it’s still too early to follow up on either of these but it’s so hard. I’ve already looked at new postings today, and there’s nothing else I can do but wait.

    • Anonymous :

      Put them out of your mind, and keep looking. Unsure what field you are in, but it is unusual to get a new job after only two interviews. If they call and offer you a position, great. In the mean time, submit more applications for other jobs that look appropriate

  17. Ask a Manager podcast :

    Wanted to share that I just saw Ask a Manager now has a podcast. Haven’t listened to the first episode yet but looking forward to it.

  18. Need advice. Trying to hire a lawyer in a big city to do a deal for me to buy a small business. The lawyer I was going to meet with has an office in the suburbs and in the city.

    We had an appointment scheduled for last week late-afternoon in the city. The afternoon of the day before, lawyer emailed to cancel. Fine, we rescheduled for this week. He had sent a Google calendar invitation to me last week, so I asked if he could please update it. He didn’t. I didn’t realize it.

    It didn’t get changed in my calendar, so I missed the appointment yesterday. As soon as I realized it, I emailed and apologized. I asked if we could just meet via phone to avoid him needing to come into the city to meet with me.

    Got back an email last night telling me that he had come into the city and thinks initial meetings need to be in person. (He also had a reference that felt snide to how I had represented that my business was expanding. Well, yeah — I’m trying to buy a competitor to add to my business, so it is expanding.) He wasn’t coming in solely to meet with me and he didn’t update the calendar invitation. I’m a professional and should not have relied on him, but his handling felt like a red flag. If he doesn’t have my business yet and is like this, what will he be like as an attorney?

    Am I overreacting to think I should just go with another lawyer?

    • I personally have zero tolerance for snide remarks, rude behavior, etc. in a situation like this. If it doesn’t feel right, why not move on to someone easier to work with?

      • Anon in NYC :

        100% this. Don’t settle for a lawyer who is rude and can’t be bothered with the detail of updating appointments (or send you a reminder before the meeting!).

    • I think it’s on you to keep your calendar up to date.

    • he obviously doesn’t want your business. Move on and find someone that will act in your best interest.

    • Anonymous :

      I would never treat a client like this, yet alone treat a potential client like this. I would reach out to some other attorneys, and see if you find someone who is good and that you click with.

    • Blueberries :

      This might just be my big law training, but I think it’s on the lawyer to update the invitation as requested (or say that he won’t, but I’d raise eyebrows at that). M&A is a field where most clients need someone competent and experienced in the relevant kind of acquisition. An M&A lawyer must take responsibility for staying on top of a million details and then present the client with tidy packages of what the client needs to do/consider.

      That the lawyer not only failed to stay on top of one tiny detail, but was also snide about it, rather than apologetic. You’re not only hiring an M&A lawyer for legal advice, but also to take care of crap for you. If the target company doesn’t turn over requested diligence, or does so in a sloppy way, is this guy going to just not have it reviewed?

      I’d remove this guy from consideration.

    • Anonymous :

      You are the client–you do not need an attorney that is not going to respect and value you as a client. This is an easy pass–the red flag is there.

  19. This might be a “cool story bro” but want to see if anyone has thoughts around this.

    Watching the Olympics, I’m amazed at two things:

    1, that someone’s parents would be so supportive of their child’s sport that they would move, spend every day driving to venues, for years and years. There’s like zero chance that if I had been good at something, my parents would have done that. Especially for some of the newer sports like snowboarding. They would have said “you can play in the snow on your own time”.

    2, that some of the athletes are in their thirties and some are on their fourth Olympics. I sense that they are not filing TPS reports during the day and working on the sport during their off time but I may be wrong. I don’t know whether that’s good, or if they’re kind of Peter Pan. Does the Olympics or their sport federation cover their expenses for years upon years or do endorsements cover that?

    Not really a point to this, just kind of curious how this all works.

    • There is a ton written about this but the vast majority of Olympic athletes cobble together a living with work and very limited outside support

    • Don’t many U.S. Olympic athletes actually work at places like Home Depot to pay their bills? They may get some funding but I don’t think enough to live on. Other countries may provide more/substantial funding but aren’t Olympians technically amateurs for most events?

      • Yep while USOC will proudly say that olympians are employed it’s places like Home Depot and FedEx. So these people are well into their 30s with little savings or 401ks. The amateur rules are gone though so they all live by getting on the professional circuit for their sport (x games; in swimming there’s a pro series etc) bc those meets involve prize money and if you’re winning enough of those, there’s a good chance you pick up a few endorsements. That’s really what allows ppl to continue training – endorsement $$$ to live, pay coaches, save. But obviously not everyone gets that – and for the younger kids you arent stars yet you have plenty of parents stupidly cashing out their retirement, taking 3rd mortgages on the house and living in commuter marriages bc they are convinced their kid is the next Michael Phelps. Great for the 0.1% of the time it works out – kid becomes an Olympic sweetheart with $50 mil in endorsements and parents retirement and mortgages are set. But then there’s the 99.9% whose parents did the same but the kid didn’t qualify for the Olympics or qualified but didn’t even make it into final rounds at the Olympics and leaves a virtual unknown with no endorsements. Those are the people who tout “life experience” but hopefully get a clue and move on though often they’ll continue the pipe dream for another 4 or 8 yrs – and these are the ones who’ll end up working at Home Depot etc.

    • On 2. – many atheletes do not have sponsorship or make big money either before or after the Olympics. The gold medalist from my home town is now a real estate agent in small town. It’s the same position he had when he was competing – he worked his hours around his training. Didn’t Home Depot even have an ad campaign a few years ago featuring their store associates who were competing at the summer games?

      • Yup. Amy Chow (of the 1996 gold medal women’s gymnastics team known as the “Magnificent Seven”) is now a pediatrician and I believe Kerri Strug is a schoolteacher. So even being a gold medalist that gets a lot of media attention doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily end up with much money afterward.

        • And they may be in the minority in the sense of having actual careers. Shawn Johnson appears to be getting by as an Insta star.

        • I met Sarah Hughes at a 1L reception! She’s at Penn Law!

    • Regarding #1, if you have your own kids, would you move, give up or change your career, and uproot your other kids if you had them for something that seemed like a crapshoot at best? I fully admire parents who do that, but I’m not sure it’s bad parenting not to do it.

      • I wouldn’t do it and I don’t admire parents who do. It’s an extremely risky choice and irresponsible in my view. Sure it works out fir a tiny percentage of ppl (as discussed above). For many it’s going to suck and they’re going to lose that house they mortgaged and be destitute in their elder years. fwiw im also not someone who finds athletic achievements particularly neaningful or impressive so i might have an extreme position here.

        • Agree. It comes down to money for me. DH and I are not independently wealthy and typically at least one parent can’t work. Plus the expense of lessons, gear, uniforms, traveling to competitions, etc. And yes, the likelihood of striking it big with sponsorships to support yourself for the rest of your life is very slim.

          If I were wealthy enough to where I didn’t have to work, and lived in a location where my child could train, I’d probably do it. But I’d also make the child go to college afterwards, or work it around training like some do. Eventually, he’ll need to be self-sufficient.

          Even Lindsey Vonn “only” has a net worth of around $2 mil. She’s only 33. That likely won’t support her the rest of her life.

          • More like $6mil was Vonn (3m at the last Olympics) with big time sponsorships – Under Armor; Rolex; P&G; Hershey’s; Red Bull. She never has to work again. But on this yrs Olympic team there are like 6-10 people max who’ll make out big. Meaning the other 234 go back to hourly jobs and/or training to qualify for pro races and praying they win prize money. Post Rio there was an article where some long time swimmer who didn’t make the team that time talked about how hard it is to get a mortgage bc no bank wants to loan to someone whose income could be a few hundred thousand for the yr if they win on the pro tour or zero if they don’t.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        I hope this isn’t too much of a tangent, but so many parents I know who have slightly older kids completely put their (the parents’) lives on hold for the kid’s sports, and I just don’t wanna. Sure, play high school baseball, but I don’t want my summer weekends, for the indefinite future, to be like, “Well, we can come to your BBQ unless Junior’s team wins next weekend and Neighboring Team loses, then they’ll be a playoff in OtherCounty, and I guess there’s a chance that TravelTeam will have another practice…”

        I feel guilty for thinking it, but it just sounds like an awful way to live. I’m the grownup! Sometimes I want to come first!

        • Yeah, those club sports that travel are a nightmare. I hear. Because I don’t have kids.
          I just found it fascinating because I basically couldn’t do much of anything that didn’t allow me to walk to it or minimal driving.

        • I used to feel this way too. But, the thing is, once your kid is competing and loving it, there is a good chance that, despite how you feel now, there will be no place on earth you’d rather be then watching junior’s baseball tournament.

          • Rainbow Hair :

            I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re right. Even now, when she’s three, I’m like, “Wow, I can definitely sit at the kitchen table and play playdoh with you all evening. This is completely engaging and you are a brilliant playdoh genius!” … but I also suspect I’m higher on the “needs to interact with adults to feel fulfilled” spectrum than other people (my husband) so that’s a pretty strong pull in the opposite direction for me.

          • Oh, I love that my kid is a gymnast, but I guarantee you that there is nothing I enjoy less than spending a total of 12 hours every other weekend to do her hair, drive to the meet, watch the same routine literally 100 times, spend an hour standing in the back of a convention center conference room listening to the announcer try to get the awards straight, and then driving home.

          • Maybe I’m lucky, but I generally find other adults to talk to at the games, and I genuinely enjoy that aspect as well. I laughed more than I have in I cant remember how long talking to two other working moms at kid sport event last Sunday.

        • I wasn’t in competitive sports as a kid, but was deeply involved in a regional ballet company, and I’m forever grateful that my parents were supportive. By the time I was 14, it involved:

          – Daily (7 days/wk) classes – 1-2 hours
          – Daily (7 days/wk) rehearsals – 1-2 hours on weekdays, 4-6 hours on weekends
          – Travel for 2-3 weeks/year for festivals and master classes
          – Travel for out-of-town auditions and performances, commitment varied
          – Financial donations to the company
          – Serving on the board of the company
          – Designing and sewing costumes for some performances
          – Helping backstage at performances
          – Thousands of dollars in gear, especially pointe shoes (which were ~$50/pair and wore out every 4-6 weeks)

          There was a lot of carpooling, so no one parent did everything, and as soon as we were old enough to drive, the dancers took over a lot of the driving. And there were definitely things my parents said no to. If they told me I would have to miss something because of a family commitment, there was no argument.

          Every family has to determine their priorities. I got so much out of my experience, so I’m fortunate that my parents had the will and ability to support it. I’m sure the Olympic parents find rewards in their children’s achievements which make up for the sacrifices, or they wouldn’t be doing it.

          • Anonymous :

            You gained what exactly? Did you ever dance professionally? Do you work in the industry now in a job you couldn’t have had without 15 yrs of time and money? Or are you sitting in an office someplace? Do you have siblings and did they get similar time and money for their hobbies?

          • Anonymous :

            It sounds like it gave her a lot of joy and satisfaction. That’s worth something. It’s just too bad that as adults we have to give up everything that gives us joy so we can sit in offices someplace and make money.

          • The comment “you gained what exactly” reflects a total misunderstanding of what ballet and other high-commitment sports or arts practices can give children and young adults. I did ballet for 20 years, and my schedule was pretty close to what NYNY described. Ballet taught me more than simply how to dance; it gave me poise and confidence, taught me respect for my body and bodily autonomy, demonstrated to me my own physical, emotional, and intellectual strength, and instilled in me loyalty, good work ethics, how to work as a team and support my fellow teammates, an appreciation for the arts, and so much more–and I got all of those things in addition to doing something I loved.

            I’m a lawyer now, and I can confidently say that I use many of the skills and qualities I developed in ballet on a daily basis. Confidence in court? No problem, even though I am a short woman. I’ve been told I have gravitas when I walk into a room, though I would never phrase it that way myself. Perseverance through hard and stressful times? I’m an ace at it. Endurance? Guess where I honed that quality. Logical thinking and attention to detail? I learned those in ballet class–precision is key and the intellectual rigors of balancing and performing something extremely complicated while anticipating the next step and any fluctuation in movement around me all at the same time most certainly helped me develop the ability to multitask and solve problems on the fly. So let’s not deride talents or hobbies we developed as children simply because we didn’t become professional artists/athletes.

            And I don’t know about NYNY’s siblings, but mine got just as much attention in their commitments to baseball and jazz band as I did with ballet. We were extremely lucky that our parents were willing to make those sacrifices for us (though I cannot say I’d be willing to do the same if I had children!).

      • Parent of a competitive athlete here. We have willingly spent thousands of dollars a year, dealt with the hassles of getting our kid to practice every day even though we both work, and spent way too many weekends at competitions because we love how happy and fit the sport has made our kid, and we can see her learning lessons that will help her be successful in life long after her days in the sport have ended. On the other hand, our kid is not Olympic or NCAA material, but I don’t think we’d be willing to go down that road even if she had the talent. The risks and tradeoffs are just too great. For one thing, elite athletes in sports where kids peak young tend to be homeschooled. That is a dealbreaker for our family. For another thing, the risk of injury and other factors make it too much of a [email protected]

      • Another tangent –> and then there are kids who are so determined that they would move on their own to a strange city/state to learn from a specific coach. You hear about this a lot for gymnastics and figure skating. If that were to be my kid, then there’s no denying them. But I wouldn’t on my own suggest we move to pursue some sports.

        • Anonymous :

          They move on their own at 16 or 18 which is way too late to start things like figure skating. Reality is if they are adamant on being a star at 10 and you suppprt it but it turns out the best coach for them is in Minn, it’s off to Minn you go with them bc most people aren’t going to let their 10 yr old move alone.

    • Lots to Learn :

      I had a similar question after hearing a story on NPR about the bobsledder who won a medal recently and she just took up sledding 3 years before. She quit a high-powered, post-MBA job to sled full time. She was saying that she wants to become a motivational speaker to help people realize that they can always follow their dream and not do what everyone else is doing. And my thought was: that’s great for her because she won an Olympic medal when she followed her dream, but for 99.9% of people who do that, it’s not a smart decision, at least financially…

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Outing myself — I went to high school with her, and everyone I know is kvelling, but I think the story is likely spinning a little “woooo quit everything and follow your dreams!” when (1) she has always been an unusually talented athlete, so this isn’t like a total amateur taking up a sport for the first time in pursuit of a dream, and (2) she’s got plenty to fall back on, like an ivy league degree and business management experience. Like let’s say she didn’t even make the team, she’d still be able to apply to jobs and say, “I took 2 years off to compete in a sport at a semi-pro level” — it’s not a horrible resume gap.

      • Recently retired pro cyclist Phil Gaimon’s book Draft Animals has an excellent section about this where he basically says, Look, you can sacrifice everything for years to follow your dreams and make it to the top level of your sport…and fail. (Which is basically what happened to him – he finally made it to top-level pro cycling, lasted only a few years, and ended up without a contract and out of pro side of the sport.) It’s a helpful corrective to the idea that following your dreams always means you’ll achieve them.

        That doesn’t mean I don’t think the pursuit of dreams is worth it, but the real benefit, for most people, will be in what they learn along the way, because by definition, we can’t all be Olympic medalists.

    • Linda from HR :

      A lot of athletes get income from sponsors, appearances, speaking gigs, games and competitions throughout the usual season each year, ad hoc coaching jobs at camps and weekend workshops, or full-time coaching jobs at colleges, stuff like that. Many of them, I’m sure, have spouses that act as primary breadwinners for much or all of the year. You don’t need to work a full-time office job to be a “real” adult.

      As for parents of younger athletes, I’m sure the ones willing to uproot the family and work around their kids’ schedule have a solid nest egg in place, and they (as well as coaches) see a lot of potential in their kids. I don’t think anyone would do it if their kid was just mediocre or bad at the sport they wanna play. They also probably know that Olympics or no Olympics, their kid has a good chance at a full athletic scholarship, which in this day and age is nothing to sneeze at.

      • Anonymous :

        Every kid training with those kinds of coaches is excellent yet only 3-4 make it to the Olympic team in each sport. Just bc you make financial and family sacrifices, there’s no guarantee that your kid makes or or even if they do, they could go to the Olympics and not even make it out of qualifying. Given that more than 1/2 of Americans don’t even have $1000 laying around and the average 401k balance is like 95k, don’t be so confident that these parents have a nest egg. And hate to break it to you but there are almost no full scholarships in any sport but football and basketball these days and I’m fairly sure there’s no partial scholarship to a college bobsled or luge or speed skating team.

        • Linda from HR :

          Did I say *I* was gonna give up everything to put my kid in the Olympics? No! I don’t have any kids! I just don’t think it’s fair to judge other people for doing it, especially when you don’t know every detail of their situation, or what their backup plan might be. And you’re right, niche sports like bobsled and curling don’t give out scholarships, but I’m almost certain there are colleges in the Northeast that give hockey scholarships.

          • Anonymous :

            there are also colleges in the midwest and west that also give out hockey scholarships.

    • So glad this topic was raised. I was shocked when I read that Chloe Kim’s dad got her in the car in the middle of the night every weekend (at 2 am) so he could drive 5 hours outside of Los Angeles so she could practice her sport. And then he permanently quit his job when she was 8 so he can could take her around everywhere to practice, competitions, etc.. Um, what??? I absolutely understand why she loves so much because of his incredible sacrifice but just….no. I don’t see doing that.

      • Housecounsel :

        I would not split up my family, let my child move away from me or force all of my children to give up opportunities so that one kid could live out a sports dream. I know one famly where the boy is trying to make it to the NHL and the daughter is essentially neglected. All that said, I am 100% invested in the life of travel sports parenting. I travel all over the country with my teen athletes. My weekends are not my own, and that’s fine at this stage of my life. I complain, sure, but I think it’s great for my daughters to be on the court or on team outings learning teamwork, resilience, leadership, and Girl Power in general. I think of every dollar I spend on their sport as an investment in their self-esteem and every minute spent as a minute that they’re not worrying about how their hair looks or whether some stupid boy likes them. I grew up with fragile self-esteem and body image issues that persist to this day. My girls seem to be avoiding these, and I give travel sports and our immersion in it a lot of credit.

        • I was the kid whose sibling was trying to make it as an elite athlete (gymnastics, in our case). Until he quit, there was absolutely no time for me to do a sport myself – even casually – and my weekends were all about his meets, practices, etc. It was pretty non-positive for me – I felt invisible for a solid chunk of my childhood.

          • Anonymous :

            There is a girl on my daughter’s gymnastics team, not elite track, whose “career” has taken over the whole family’s lives. The older sister and younger brother were forced to quit their activities so they could come along to all of her meets. The parents even pull the other kids from school to watch their sister. She’s good, but not as good as her parents think she is.

      • That is what started me thinking about it, and throughout the games all of the 30 something skaters had me wondering about the whole thing! I guess also a little jealousy too just that someone supported their dreams.

        • Linda from HR :

          I can see being jealous, and I can also see wondering what some parents are thinking, but it’s a choice, albeit a risky one, and I think ultimately only a small percentage of parents make it. No one is asking anyone here to do it for their kids, no one would call you a bad parent for not doing it, and no one’s making you watch the Olympics if the thought of what those parents did for their kids fills you with rage and incredulity.

    • Anonymous :

      Not Olypics related, but at a family wedding a few weeks before I left for college, my uncles sat down on either side of me and jokingly advised me, “no matter what, no matter how lucrative it seems at the time, don’t drop out of school to take a union job at (local thriving industry) or become a pro snowboarder.”
      With the irony of the great recession, I’ll probably never catch up with them financially. But it’s interesting to know they somewhat regretted their choices.

    • A friend of mine is a 2 and likely 3 time Olympian (no medal and not a sport the US is generally good at; you’ve never seen or heard of him) and just turned 30. He has an Ivy League degree and played this sport in college. Since college he’s built a life around his sport. For the past 5-7 years he’s been working at an Olympic center, on Olympic committees, etc. he does all kinds of competitions in the US circuits.

      When he’s aged out (probably in 2020) , he says he plans to go to law school, like the rest of his family. He is married and his wife works a “normal” job.

    • I have a friend who is a two-time olympic medalist and he’s a firefighter the rest of the year.

  20. Rainbow Hair :

    Building on the lash question above: are all the magnetic fake lashes a scam? I really want them to work, but all the reviews (except the one here) seem to say they’re trash.

    • Yes. They do not lay flat on your lash line IME.

    • Yes, you’re going to have a terrible time. If you want a similar concept look for the Kiss lashes trios. Exceptionally easy to put on since they are clusters and not singles that flip around, or strips where the corners lift up

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Oh, interesting! Do you just stick those trios on the outside half of your lash line? Is it tricky to get them lined up straight?

        • I’ve done both! Just the outside for a cat eye, and a few throughout for a mroe round look. And not really! It’s super easy to kind of push them into the crease between lashes and lashline

  21. Flu question :

    DH hasn’t been feeling well for a few days and today we realized it is definitely the flu. We were really dense about it because we both work from home and got flu shots, didn’t even consider he was at risk, oops! I feel fine but we’ve been in such close proximity this whole time, have probably unconsciously shared drinks etc., as we normally do. I took my first tamiflu dose this morning. Should I quarantine myself as a precaution to others? I don’t want to get anyone sick.

    • Our nanny’s husband had the flu; she took tamiflu and she did not catch it. Today 2 of my kids are sick; both had the flu shot (and I have no reason to think it’s the flu, but now I’m curious). How did realize your husband had the flu.

      • He has body aches, headache, runny nose, cough, chills, fever, zero appetite and zero energy… all the classic symptoms, for some reason we didn’t make the connection. It seems it started one symptom at a time.

        • Aaand he just threw up for the first time

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          It might not be the flu. I had every symptom a month or two ago and was tested and tested negative. That doesn’t mean it’s not contagious it just means it might not be influenza.

          • Full of ideas :

            Just like the flu shot was off this year, the rapid flu tests are also having unusually high false negative rates this year

    • Yes, you should if at all possible. It’s super likely you have it and you’re most contagious before you show symptoms.

    • Ask the doctor

    • Betty White :

      Have your husband go to his doc or urgent care to get tested for the flu — if he tests positive, get on Tamiflu yourself if you can. That said, there have been a lot of flu-like viruses that act a lot like the flu but aren’t.

  22. Tax Accountant :

    I have this young client who I don’t think understands the concept of a billable hour. She is always sending me these very involved questions that I’m happy to answer, but her bill last year was like $600 for something she could have done on turbtax in 30 minutes. Her dad pays the bill.

    Is there a non b*tchy way to explain to her how this works? She’s sent me her fourth multiple paragraph email of the last week. I don’t want to blow her off and I’m completely happy to answer her questions as long as she’s aware of how billing works, but I also don’t want her dad to freak out when he gets an $800 bill for an even simpler return this year.

    • Copy her dad on the response (if ethically allowed)?

      Or “You know, that’s a pretty involved question. It’s going to take me X hours to do some research, which will end up being and $Y bill. Since I charge an hourly rate for answering these questions, it will affect the bill. I can still do the research if you want, but just wanted to make sure the bill doesn’t surprise you (or your dad).”

    • Did dad freak out last year? Did the bill get paid? Then continue on. Maybe dad is telling her to ask you any questions she has – get her used to relying on the advice of an expert and not whatever google says.

    • I would just respond “Client, those are great questions and I’d be happy to work through them with you. As a heads up, I anticipate the fees for this to be in the range of ___ to ____. Would you like me to proceed?”

      That’s a pretty common e-mail we send to fee-sensitive start up clients (legal).

    • Someone I k kw who does divorces and has a lot of clients who basically call hr to b*tch about their soon to be ex or fwd. a million petty emails, just tells them that she is charging them at her hourly rate and to be aware of that when they do this. She’s very matter of fact about it so it doesn’t come across rude, at least I don’t think it does and no one has ever really gotten upset about it.

    • She paid it last year, so clearly she understands how billing works. I would not worry about it. It would be kind to alert her if researching the question will take significant time and what it might cost her.

      When I call my accountant, honestly she can answer the questions in usually 2 minutes. Since we are regular customers, she does not charge for that. Do you think she should? I would be ok with that.

      • Tax Accountant :

        Her dad paid it last year.

        I don’t mind answering a truly 2 minute question without charging, but these are much more in depth– some things I have to research, others just require a longer explanation. And she always has follow up questions.

        I think it’s complicated by the fact that the partner on this client does the billing, not me. I would write off a 2 minute phone call. I can’t make the decision to write off 45 minutes of research, nor would I.

  23. I was laid off from my job (small law firm). I am currently seeking new opportunities.

    Does my LinkedIn profile have to match my resume? Or should I just list the job, title, and years?

    Do I list interests on my resume? I have 2 years of work experience so I am inclined not to list any hobbies. Also, do attorneys put a summary on top on their resume? Thanks!!

    • My LinkedIn is considerably skimpier than my resume. I didn’t want all that information out there in the public space anyways.

      No, you should not list hobbies. List school clubs and volunteering efforts if you need to take up space, but don’t list hobbies.

      No summary.

      • Unless your hobby is being an Olympic athlete . . .

      • Full of ideas :

        Disagree about hobbies – you never know what will catch someone’s attention, set you apart from the rest, or make the interviewer think you’d be a good cultural fit. Keep it short, but keep it in would be my advice.

    • I’m generally on team “no hobbies.” A possible exception might be if you have a unique or interesting hobby that you actually devote time to and would talk about in an interview. “Reading, hiking and knitting” will not set you apart. “Organizing drive to knit 1000 hats for cancer patients” might.

  24. Recently my office co-hosted a computer coding program. Our office took pictures of the kids attending the event (middle schoolers) and posted it to social media. Is the office required to have parents of those kids consent to having their photos shared online? It wasn’t in a public place; it was a classroom, and it was posted on a public social media account. Thoughts on this?

    • Yes, absolutely you should get consent. It’s standard now in schools for parents to consent to that sort of thing.

    • That’s suspect. I wouldn’t be happy if I were the parent. I’m curious if it’s legal though, so following.

    • yes. you likely require consent unless the parents signed a broad consent with the school covering these types of activities.

      I would be particularly cautious if you identify any students by name or which school they come from. Sometimes there are custody issues and they are trying to ensure that a non-custodial parent is not aware of where a particular child attends school.

      As an alternative, next time have the photographs show the activity in a non-identifying manner. Our daycare does this with the daycare FB group – feet, back of heads etc.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Yeah I wouldn’t like it and we don’t do it. When my company does outreach type stuff in middle schools we only post sort of back-of-head group pictures with only the faces of adults (who’ve consented to be photographed) showing. It’s probably a bit over-cautious, but better than the alternative.

    • As a parent, I’d be pissed. No idea about legality, but presumably your office is in it for the goodwill? Using my kid in your advertisements without permission would make any goodwill evaporate on my end.

    • Anon for this :

      I took a research ethics class in law school and there was a real case study about a kid whose parents did not consent to have him photographed. The rest of the school did consent. One photo with the non-consenting kid ended up published. Turns out the kid’s family was in witness protection and the whole family had to be relocated.

      That said, usually parents in extreme situations will alert you ahead of time to not photograph their child. Technically, you should be getting releases but I don’t know if there is an actual law governing it.

      • Anon in NYC :

        Holy cow.

      • Anonymous :

        I work in child protection law and we had a similar issue where the kid had to move both schools and foster homes when the abusive parent saw an online picture that associated the kid with a specific school in a small town.

        If kids are in situations where they can’t be identified online, it’s likely their lives are pretty hard and this is the last thing they need.

    • Anonymous :

      As someone who works in media – this is a big no no. You never know when someone has an estranged parent, is a foster child or another safety concern with having their faces and location shown on social media. I’d take it down ASAP just to be safe and take photos of backs of heads/non-identifying features and would not use names.

    • I’m in communications. Do NOT do this. Include a release form in the registration packet. If a parent doesn’t sign it, you shouldn’t photograph their kid, period. Or if that kid is the background, too bad, you don’t use that photo on social media.

      • Being the classroom makes no difference — if anything, it should make you more wary about publishing without a release form. If it’s an event that’s open to the general public, you can sometimes hide behind that (even then, I wouldn’t recommend it in today’s environment). But for a private, closed event? No.

  25. Wondering what you all think of working full time while going to school part time for a law degree or master’s degree (or dual degree program). I read on here a day or two ago on an MBA thread that it’s better to attend a full time program but I don’t see why. First, I would be cash flowing the tuition so I don’t have to take out another loan. Second, wouldn’t it be odd to leave my full time job to only attend school for several years? I feel like I would be putting my entire professional life on pause. I’m thinking about applying to Georgetown, FWIW.

    • People in MBA programs benefit a lot from networking and being in a cohort, which apparently is more present in full-time programs vs part time night programs. I don’t have an MBA but that’s what I’ve gathered from reading this thread.

    • can depend a lot on your personal situation and your goals. the thread from the other day about part-time MBA programs suggested that if your MBA is being funded by your current job or you are using it to get ahead at your current company or to gain a certain skill set, then it can be worth it. But at a lot of top tier MBA programs the part-time students have a different career services office and are not eligible to participate in on-campus recruiting activity, so it is harder to use that part-time MBA to make a total career switch. A lot of the gain from the top MBA programs is also your network – you will not have access to the same network if you are part time.

      Law school is a bit different since it is geared towards a specific profession, assuming you actually intend on becoming a lawyer. I would spend some time looking into the career services and recruiting options available to part time students at Georgetown. Are you currently in a job where a JD could give you a leg up or are you looking to switch fields entirely?

      • Somewhat looking to switch fields but stay on the general topic for what I do. I currently work in a banking compliance program where I investigate financial crime and t e r r o r i s t financing but I’ve been trying to take my investigative skills to an intelligence agency with the government for several years with no luck. I’m thinking about getting a law degree or a master’s degree and going into national security law. I’m just trying to think of ways to make myself a more attractive candidate to the intelligence community.

        • do some networking in the intelligence community to see what skills you are lacking and whether the degrees you are considering will actually help you make the switch. would hate for you to go through all of this schooling and still not achieve your goal. i am by no means an expert, but my understanding is that due to the veterans preference it can be hard to get into government intelligence agencies and many people start out working for government contractors.

          • I have tried this but in 3 years I haven’t landed with a contractor either. Everything I encounter wants you to have the clearance already. I will try more networking.

    • Particularly for MBAs, a massive portion of the value of the degree is the network you build while in school. It’s much harder to do that in a part-time program.

      How far along in your career are you? It’s not particularly odd to become a full-time business student if you’re earlier in your career; if you’re mid-career, it’s less common unless you’re switching careers. For law, full-time programs are the default and attending part-time is much less common than it is in business.

    • Anonymous :

      I think most people get more out of the experience if they are 100% dedicated to the schooling and can fully participate in out-of-class opportunities. That’s hard or impossible to do if you are also working.

      And unless your income is extremely high, you can’t cash flow tuition. Most law schools are over $60k a year. I don’t think MBAs are that much less. If you actually have that much extra money each year, why are you going back to school? In the end, most people are better off dedicating 3 years to school instead of paying more to go part time for 4 years (unless your current job is paying or it will advance you in your current company).

    • Full of ideas :

      i wouldn’t work part-time while going to law school full-time, unless i was working at the firm i wanted to be at post-law school. otherwise just invest your efforts into school full time so you have a better chance of getting the job you want post graduation

    • Anonymous :

      I replied and it got posted below.

    • Anonymous :

      If it’s a top program, go full time. There are a lot of opportunities that part timers miss out on.

      If it is not one of the top programs, it’s fine to go part time. Your life will suck, but it’s s better option.

  26. Looking into high yield savings accounts – what interest rates are people getting these days?

  27. Anonymous :

    I recently transitioned from a 100% litigation role to a broad in-house role, and I am having a hard time organizing my notes and papers. Before I used to have a binder for each active case where I would keep key docs (eg pleadings, scheduling orders) then tear pages of notes taken on legal pads and add in chron order. Now, I am still taking notes on legal pads but they cover many discrete / small issues so my previous system does not work well. Tips?

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I made the same change and I’m still working to invent a system.

      I look for coherent divisions, so I have files like “Employment” and “IP” and “Marketing” and “Litigation” then files related to particular business units, and if an issue gets big — like say there’s a thorny employment issue — that gets expanded into its own sub-file. Of course, what if there’s a litigation involving just a particular business unit, or how do I deal with marketing’s IP questions? Unclear.

    • I have legal notepads filled with notes (I am on #17 for one project that has spanned several years) but I am starting to prefer to type up all notes into a Google Doc (or Word doc) after the meeting/discussion. It’s extra work because I am typing up what I already wrote but 1) my handwriting is getting really bad and it can be hard to read and 2) it is so much easier to search for something. This also allows you to split out notes for different items that were taken in the same meeting or copy the same set of notes into multiple project files.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Yeah, I keep everything digital to the extent I can for just this reason — I have a hard-copy to-do list but I try to make my notes into a digital something ASAP.

    • Reply in m0d but I have started typing up my notes after the fact into a G00gle D0c that acts a running list of notes for each project/item.

  28. Why in the world is my post about applying to Georgetown in mod?! Ugh expect a repost another time if I get no responses when it finally posts…

  29. Curly Hair :

    Does anyone have advice on the type of extensions that work best on curly hair? I’ve seen tape in and the kind that they (fuse? glue?) like little sticks of hair, but that is all I know. Looking to fake length while I grow my hair out. But I’ve only ever seen extensions that are bone straight and my hair is very curly (think 3b/3c texture). Any hope?

    • I. Forgive my english, not my natural language. I’m in Europe and have kinkier hair ( 4b). Look for “natural hair” extensions:
      ( have used both with good results)

  30. Anonymous :

    I did this, at GW Law. Working FT and going to school at night while trying to do well is really, really hard. I was away from home 8a-10p twice a week and 8a-9p twice a week. And lots of time reading and studying on weekends. I was glad not to have the extra debt, but it really takes a huge hit on your social life for four years. You can’t participate in things like summer associate programs and internships if you’re working FT, and it really limited which classes I could take with certain professors. Journal and other extra curriculars only take away from your limited free time.

    All this to say, it worked out well for me. I graduated with less debt than I would have and didn’t want to go into big law, so didn’t need the summer program. Our professors had a lot of respect for night students (and said as much in classes), and several years of working before school made for really interesting classmates– almost everyone had several years of work experience already, which provided interesting perspectives for both class discussions and getting to know people on a personal level.

  31. I’m looking to leave my current job: my boss is not the best (when she shows up to work at all) and I’m pretty sure the project I’m on will be cancelled soon. Our team of 7 is down to three including me and the other two people have both said they’re actively looking to leave the group. About a month ago I interviewed for a lateral move at my current company – same pay, similar title, more work, but more autonomy. Yesterday I had a phone interview with a company I really want to work for. The hiring manager was honest and said I’m not a perfect fit for the job but I’m still in the running, and he thinks he may have an opening that’s an even better fit for me soon. Today my current company offered me the lateral job. My first instinct is to turn down the lateral move and wait for new company, but is that shooting myself in the foot? Would appreciate any advice or things I should think about this weekend while I decide.

    • As someone who has turned down offers in hopes that I get a different one that never came, take the current offer you have. You sound unhappy and unsure of your future with your current position. If in a few months you get the offer from the external company, there’s nothing wrong with taking that either.

    • I’d take the lateral move. Dream company may move quickly or may never materialize. At least with the lateral move, you are in a better temporary situation that may end up working out better than expected. I think this is distinguishable from taking a short term job at a third company and then explaining that hop.

    • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

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