Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Pleat-Front Cotton-Knit Sheath Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This emerald green sheath dress from eShakti is gawgeous, and I really like the pleated waist. I also like it as styled here with the roundneck and the sleeves, but as with all eShakti styles, you can change the neckline to a V-neck or scoopneck or U-neck, and so on, and you can change the sleeves to puffed, or long, or elbow length, or whatever you want. (Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like you can add pockets.) The dress is machine washable and has a hidden back zip and bra strap keeps, too. It comes in sizes XS–6X in green, black, red, and a yellow floral — all are $59.95 except for the floral, which is on sale for $38.95. Pleat-Front Cotton Knit Sheath Dress

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  1. Anonymous :

    This dress is gorgeous and I’m feeling very tempted. Anybody have any experience with eShakti? What’s the quality like?

    • I have this exact dress! I like it, but the fabric is a little bit more casual than it looks. It’s a medium-thick jersey knit, not as thick as ponte. Generally I’ve been happy with eShakti quality, particularly at that price point.

      • nylon girl :

        Thanks, Tetra. This looks like a very nice dress. May need to give it a try.

      • It’s fruegel, but I am not in love with the folds. I think men will think we did NOT have it dry cleaned properly b/c of all of the lines and folds. FOOEY! I think haveing so many dresses can be a liability b/c we can never make up our mind’s about what to wear if we have to many clothes! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I am always shilling this dress but I can’t say enough good things about it:

      Similar waist detailing, definitely wear-to-work quality, and available sometimes in other colors.

      • Thanks for the reminder :

        I meant to order this dress last time I saw your recommendation and just did so. thanks!

      • I got this dress at your rec…and then got 3 more Ellen Tracy dresses because they fit me like they were made for my body. Thank you! There’s a sleeveless and a short sleeve version of this dress too

  2. Tailoring :

    I need to get some dresses tailored. Will the tailor know the necessary alterations once I try on the dress, or should I direct her/him? I’m not sure how to describe what I need.

    I have a larger bottom than top, although I have a large cup size, so I buy a dress to fit my bottom half. As a result, I never need to unzip dresses. There’s often extra fabric in the armpit of sheath dresses, which shows my bra if I’m not wearing something over it. I also have somewhat narrow shoulders. Are these issues a tailor could correct?

    • Anonymous :

      I ALWAYS need to nip in the side seams under the armholes of sheath dresses and sleeveless tops. I do it myself, and I’m not that skiled, so yes, a tailor can do this for you.

    • Flats Only :

      Yes! And the tailor will probably spot the problems immediately when you try the dress on. You can also point out where it’s too loose and they’ll start there. I’ve found that most dedicated tailors (vs. the one at the dry cleaner) have a good eye for what’s wrong, and know what they can fix and how best to do it.

  3. Anonymous :

    Pockets would ruin the way this drapes at the side, which is why you probably can’t add them here.

    There is a nice piping detail at the waistline – more evident in the back.

  4. I work on a very specialized niche project that doesn’t naturally fall under the purview of my department. But we approach it from our angle, and we have, after years of working that angle, become the experts on that niche within our organization. About 6 months ago, a different department decided they wanted to hire a niche specialist.

    I was really proud to be presenting a poster at an upcoming conference- turns out she has a 30 minute speaking slot.
    If this woman were more experienced or knowledgeable, I would probably have an easier time getting over it- but she’s not. She has told me, “I don’t understand the science, that’s your job.” I’m bringing my own original research, and she’s summarizing work that was done 5 years ago.

    I secretly want her to crash and burn, and I feel guilty about that. At least we’re not traveling together, but I will probably see quite a bit of her. Do I need to give myself a slap on the wrist and not judge her for self-promotion? Or is this just healthy competition that I’m second-guessing because I’ve been socialized against it?

    • Anonymous :

      Competition is fine. It sounds like you’re more jealous though, or your nose is out of joint because she was hired in the first place. What’s your take on what’s going on — was there something about her being hired that made you angry, envious, or jealous?

      • Anonymous :

        I guess I didn’t explain the organizational relationship very well. Because this topic should be handled by her department (although for years they have not done so), she has now declared herself the clearinghouse for all content related to niche- including my project. But she’s not supervisory, more senior, or even better at communications (although that’s probably what she thinks she’s doing).

    • There are so few women in your field. Can you flip the script and find a way to make her your ally? For example, offer to help with the science.

    • It doesn’t sound like healthy competition to me, it sounds like a turf war with a little bit of jealousy. Which I get, it’s an understandable human reaction. But it’s not this woman’s fault personally that your company is changing direction here.

    • I have been trying hard, and I am still trying, to find a way to shift my thinking. Until this conference came up, I really haven’t felt much jealousy, but I feel hugely contemptuous. Incompetence, and especially when people are arrogant and don’t want to improve, really really push my buttons.
      Has anyone overcome this? Any advice on how I can shift my thinking if this isn’t a train of thought I can afford to indulge in myself?

      • I think you just have to do your personal best at the speaking engagement and not worry about how you look in comparison to her. If she really doesn’t know what she is doing it will come out over time.

        When I was early in my career and a first time manager, the company rotated someone to report to me whom I didn’t pick. We started out as very collegial, even friends, but it didn’t last. She was extremely competitive and went out of her way to position herself as equal to me to our internal customers. She went behind my back and tried to take over my projects, and oven spoke to my boss one on one in order to try to assert her position/ maybe get promoted to my peer. She was also very attractive physically and it opened a lot of doors for her in our male dominated field.

        I spent a lot of time stewing about it and mostly rose above, but I definitely had some petty AF moments with my closest work friends b1tchjng about her. In hindsight I should have just kept my mouth shut and i definitely advise you to do that.

        The real advice is to rise above, like I tried to do. Because eventually incompetence outs itself. In my case, the competitive coworker eventually f*cked up a couple of high profile projects, one of which she stole from me, and people learned that she really didn’t know what she was doing. Manangement reorganized again and we were no longer in the same department, and all my high profile projects came back to me. She now works at another company in more of a marketing role rather than the technical role we were both in, and it’s probably a better fit for her.

    • No, this isn’t a line of thought you can afford to indulge in. Do you really want to become a more contemptuous person? Or do you want to become more generous? I’d vote for generosity.

    • It’s hard for me to understand the exact thing she is doing wrong here.
      – Is it an internal to your organization conference? Is she summarizing and taking credit for work that you have actually done? Are you presenting that exact same work at the same conference?
      At the same time you mention that you are the technical expert in this field, so that’s confusing to me. Is she a marketing person taking credit for product improvements you have made?

      – For example, this scenario sounds quite reasonable to me: A company has no risk management department and it was handled by Accounting. Then they hired a Risk Manager and she (lets say) set up a structure for risk management, took over some things that had been done by Accounting, and made them part of a larger program. Now she is presenting her work – is that what is happening?

      • Anonymous :

        I think a very powerful takeaway for me is: I’m not quite sure what I think she’s doing wrong here. Maybe I am both angry at the people who are giving her such a big megaphone and frustrated with her for not using it to make a difference. But that is food for thought for me–this field is a passion for me, so I’m constantly caught between my introverted tendencies and my desire to be heard.

        To extend your metaphor though: we hired risk management consultants, who, by all accounts, did a poor job at a general risk assessment report. But they interviewed lots of stakeholders in the community and reported that, your town on a river is at risk of flooding! So a few people (me and my boss) are working on very technical flooding predictions. She was hired as a flood specialist–but doesn’t want to learn anything about rivers-0r building codes–or weather. I’ve heard this presentation a couple of times now, in smaller events, and she’s going to stand up and present the consultants’ report, and claim we’re leaders in community risk assessment.

        • Anonymous :

          I cone from IT. Here it’s common for Marketing to do general marketing presentations and the technical team members to present technical developments. That doesn’t undercut the technical team members, we can all tell who they are.

  5. Anonymous :

    All of these fashion bloggers are so proud of themselves for not following the no white after Labor Day rule! So edgy! Just put on a black moto jacket!

    But really, what rules DO you follow? Seersucker? Gingham? Types of fabric?

    I live in Texas, so it’ll be hot for a while now.

    • Anonymous :

      Velvet Season ends after Valentine’s Day

    • Veronica Mars :

      I will wear my spring/summer clothes until it gets cold enough to wear jeans, and then I’ll transition into fall. I’m not pretending it’s fall when it’s still 95 degrees outside.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 – I wear summer clothes when it feels like summer. Follow the forecast, not the calendar.

        • Yeah, I’m not going to bust out my tweed, but I do mean more like what kind of fabrics are off limits. I’ll still wear shorts and sundresses but is gingham or seersucker off limits?

          • What people are saying is that ‘off limits” doesn’t exist. It depends on the weather where you live, the fashion conservatism of the people around you, and how much you care about whether you fit in with their views.

            But since you want guidance: Where do you live? How hot is it where you are? And are you wearing these fabrics to work at a conservative rigid bank or are you wondering if you can wear them out with friends on a Saturday morning?

          • Anonymous :

            Are you the OP? If you’re in Texas, apply the weather as your rule. Wear what you want. Wear seersucker in December, if you want. UNLESS you are feeling social pressure from women / men around you to measure up to their clothing standards, and then either decide to go along with them (look at what they’re wearing, and wear the same thing, or ask one of them). Or, disregard them and wear what you want.

      • Anonymous :

        The day it dropped from 105 to 90, most of my office pretended it was fall, resulting in some pretty hysterical outfits. I may still be wearing a maxi, but I’m wearing it with BOOTS.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m not sure what you’re talking about — are you seeing a blogger say that what used to be a rule is now outdated? Honestly, I don’t think there are rules anymore. Your guidelines are more based on your particular subculture and your climate. What makes sense for New England in September doesn’t make any sense for South Texas.

    • For me, Labor Day is a cue to start phasing out my super summery stuff and bringing in a few fall things, not a hard change between the two. For example, I’ll shift from shorts or skirt with a cute summery top to jeans with the same top. Sandals get switched for flats. I might start adding a lightweight scarf or cardigan as a third piece. I probably won’t wear a bright floral cotton sundress, but I’ll keep my sleeveless knit swing dresses in rotation. Overall, it’s a gradual change to ease into Fall as the weather starts to change a bit. Obviously, if you live somewhere that is still topping 90 or is already dropping into the 50s, this is more weather-driven. My Fall climate is ridiculously variable. We’ll get highs in the 80s and highs in the 60s within 2 weeks of each other.

      • +1

      • I don’t understand the blogger comment, because I think “rules” should have to do with fabric and your comfortability more than color. Winter white is great. Wear what fits the weather and the season in your geography.
        ‘Variable fall’ hits me so acutely right now. It’s 75 degrees in the Twin Cities but has been raining and I’m running my AC to keep the humidity out, or my hair will never dry. Ha, I’m working from home and trying to pack for a weekend in the woods in Minnesota. There’s rain in the forecast tonight, so one now needs all the accouterment for rain, hiking, canoeing, swimming, and the distinct possibility that all those clothes will get wet, so more dry socks and more dry layers of clothes. Then, it might be 80 tomorrow, or maybe not. It might be 52 or 70 overnight temp, the weather app keeps changing it’s mind. In short, I have both a swimsuit and Teva sandals, as well as long johns and Bean Boots packed.

        • I was just saying that everyone knows the no white after Labor Day rule doesn’t exist anymore, but these bloggers act like they’re being so edgy and groundbreaking.

          • Ah, misread, and in the spirit of snark, I salute you :)

            I may be inspired to take a stereotypical Minnesotan picture this weekend in my bean boots/swimsuit combo, and make a go at being a fashion influencer.

    • Coastal south here- it’s going to be hot here too and sweaters and jackets are a long ways off. I’m not quite ready to put away all things remotely white, but I’ll probably try to incorporate “fall” colors in lightweight fabrics. Open toed shoes and sandals are still happening.

    • I phase out seersucker and white shorts and jeans, but honestly it’s more because I’m tired of them by September, not because I think there are rules. I’m in the south. I’ll still wear linen shorts until October or whenever it’s not hot anymore, but probably ones in darker colors. I wear suede shoes year round.

    • In southern Texas. Rule I disregard: I don’t have seasonal items. I wear my summer and spring stuff in the winter and just layer – I think I own four sweaters. There’s no point to rotate when it could be anywhere between 20 and 70 degrees on Christmas day. Because of our psycho weather, I wear both boots and open toed sandals all the way into the end of November, and break the sandals back out in early March.

      • Me too. My winter-only clothes are a couple of jackets and some pull-over sweaters. Otherwise I wear the same stuff year round, just more items at a time in winter. I live in Texas. The weather doesn’t follow the rules (sometimes it’s 85 on Christmas) so I don’t see why I should either.

    • Diana Barry :

      I don’t wear white jeans or seersucker after Labor Day, and I also stop wearing my super pale grey suit, but otherwise I follow the weather – next week will be hot too! (Boston)

      • I’m in the Boston area, too, and I’ve had enough of this weather. I’m ready for fall to really kick in!

      • Team: dress for the weather also. And I am so psyched for fall so I can bust out my fall wardrobe, you have no idea. (Well since you both live in here, maybe you do).

        I don’t really follow any rules but I think just due to the nature of clothing marketing and personal preference that the colors I wear in the summer and spring tend to be pastels or colorful prints whereas in the fall and winter I’m more prone to jewel tones and things like plaids and stripes and stuff.

    • I live in the Bay Area so am looking forward to our real summer, which is September and early October. (Fogust has sucked this year)

      I don’t have a large closet so I can either have warm weather clothes in there or cool weather clothes, but not both. So I won’t change out my wardrobe till mid October or even early November, depending on the weather.

      I don’t wear a lot of white white to begin with, but I do have some spectator shoes in off white and black. Since I took a self imposed break from black this summer, I will probably start wearing the spectator shoes again for a while this fall as I add black back in. I can’t see myself wearing them on a cold and dreary day, but for a warm fall (Bay Area summer) day, absolutely.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Toronto here – I absolutely dress for the weather and not the calendar. We had an ice storm on April 17th this year and hot weather can last into October.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Another hot-climate-r checking in. I don’t do any conscious changes, but just this morning I was looking forward to evenings being cool enough that I can get back into my LJ (ok waxed denim moto) habit. But I’ll be wearing them over my skimpy summer sundresses all winter.

  6. Banana Republic wool suiting :

    I have a two-day VIP meeting next month and my BR suit pants fit but the skirt is a squeeze now. I’m flying and don’t want to bring two different suits (would prefer suit jacket + pants + skirt and wear the jacket twice). The suit is from a few years ago. And it seems like they’ve changed their lineup a bit. Any thoughts on the likelihood of getting a new wool suiting skirt from BR at the mall this weekend (the wool, not the washable wool) that will actually match the other pieces I have? Or do I just need all 3 pieces new b/c the skirt won’t possibly match?

    All pieces are black.

    • Sorry, you will need to start from scratch. Could you instead get a contrasting skirt or sheath dress?

    • Could you wear the black jacket over a gray sheath or suiting-type dress? Or is that not formal enough for this VIP meeting? If it works, I’d consider something along those lines.

      • I may have to do this. I have a charcoal sleeveless sheath dress that would work with the black suiting jacket. Or maybe something like my MMLF black Etsuko dress by itself.

  7. Grand Canyon :

    Any suggestion for a successful three day visit to the Grand Canyon this November?

    • Be aware that it can, in fact, snow in November, in which case the burro rides to the floor will be cancelled. Ask me how I know.

    • Have a great time! Will you be on the South Rim or the North Rim?

      Assuming you’re on the South Rim, definitely do the Rim Trail to take in the most views possible. It’s also flat and paved, so an easy option if you aren’t big hikers.

      We did Rim to Rim as a day hike (do not recommend, seriously, we were the dumbest) and then did a chunk of Rim Trail the day after, so I’m not super-familiar with the day hike options. But I would definitely be cautious about doing something like South Rim to Phantom Ranch as a day hike…the elevation change at the end was HARD. We are extremely fit, athletic, runner-people-types, experienced hikers/backpackers/etc., and climbing out of the canyon on tired legs was the single hardest physical thing I have EVER done. My SO is a former DI athlete and concurs. All of the NPS materials say something to the effect of, “there is no easy way out of the Grand Canyon.” Believe them and prepare yourself appropriately.

      Other than that, familiarize yourself with the South Rim shuttle bus routes. Renting a bike looked fun, but we didn’t have the time to do it. The cafe in the bike shop had really good green chile chicken burritos; food overall is pretty meh and overpriced. Try to catch a sunrise/sunset if you can. Probably be prepared for a wide variety of temperature and weather permutations.

      Have a great time! And I hope my second paragraph isn’t a giant downer–we were just totally unprepared for the physical challenge, and would do things very differently if we ever go back.

  8. Anonymous :

    How do y’all handle rage? I just have SO MUCH right now.

    • Anonymous :

      You’re going to have to give us more help. Rage at your abusive husband would be a very good thing, and we’d say to use it to get yourself out. Selfish rage at everyday inconveniences …huge issue that you need to own up to and get help with. Rage as a cover up for anxiety or stress or depression…different kind of issue.

      • Anonymous :

        My mother is gravely ill, and the stress is making itself felt as rage. Just trying to figure out how to get through it! I’m not venting my rage to others at all.

        • My therapist suggested to me that “blood boiling” rage usually means you feel like someone is messing with you. In your case, though, I would say your rage is probably a mask for grief and stress. Try to go easy on yourself and do whatever helps you de-stress.

          • Yasssss all the medical staff. I know, rationally, they are not. But that is how I feel. Thanks for the reminder to de stress. Honestly just writing this out helped.

        • Intense exercise. And honestly, you may need to vent. Phone call or in-person time with a good friend that isn’t involved in mom’s care and can be solely in your corner. Giving a voice to all those “horrible” thoughts you are having to a non-judgmental person helps me process them. Go cry in the shower.

          • Never too many shoes... :

            When my father was dying, I remember regularly taking a Body Attack class where I just punched and kicked out all my stress and anger until I ended up crying. It felt so cathartic and I was far better able to handle things for at least a day after each time.

            I am so sorry, OP.

          • +1 to intense exercise. I need to be challenged hard enough to NEED to concentrate on the exercise and not be able to think about anything else. So, super hard Pilates reformer class, HIT, kickboxing, etc. etc. all work well. Yoga, running or rowing machine by myself are not as effective.
            I hope you’re able to get some of this out, good luck!

        • anxiety can often appear as rage, which i bet is what is happening. I would talk to a doctor. Either a therapy session or even some anti anxiety medicine would help. You are obviously going through a lot. Take care of your mental health.

          I had awful anxiety in grad school, and I also would have insane road rage and end up angry all the time. :/ Its important to take care of.

        • I’m so sorry. When my mother was dying last fall, I had so much rage. I didn’t even know exactly where it was coming from because the medical community told us she was stable and my own eyes told me otherwise.

          Maybe it was suppressed rage at her doctors and nurses, I don’t know. But it spilled over into road rage, silent but seething rage at work, snapping at my husband and kids, and just generally miserable behavior.

          I probably self medicated too much with wine, but what really helped was getting out of my routine. Going out to dinner with friends. Even a lunch with coworkers off campus. A little shopping therapy (although I have just donated everything I bought in that period because of the memories)

          My mother ended up dying, and though I did have the normal angry stage of grief, it wasn’t the sheer rage I had when she was alive and sick.

          One way or another you will get though this. Take time for yourself, do things that make you happy and yes, just for a while, blow off the stuff that doesn’t. It will be there waiting for you when you’re ready to deal with it.

      • Ah. Then it sounds like the rage is how you’re expressing the anxiety, fear, grief, sadness, vulnerability, anger, irritation, and distress of your mom’s situation. So you deal with those underlying emotions — the rage is just a more powerful thing that feels more ‘in control’ than feeling sad or lonely or angry at her or vulnerable about life or stressed about the overwhelming number of decisions, or whatever is actually going on underneath the rage.

    • Anonymous :

      Weekly Friday 6pm yoga class helps

    • pugsnbourbon :

      Lifting weights. Gonna channel my fury at Louis CK into a deadlift PR attempt tomorrow.

    • Exercise and sleep. And if that doesn’t work, prescription for anxiety medication. I had anxiety that manifested itself as rage, and medication worked absolute wonders for me after I had tried all of the traditional self-care methods.

    • Yoga. Hard vinyasa flow classes, not restorative. This is hands down the most effective thing for me, both short term and long term. Better than distance running.

      Writing down my rage/sadness/over analysis. I try to tell myself that I wrote it down, therefore I don’t have to think about it. It’s over there, tabled.

    • Exercise is what helps me.

    • Equestrian Attorney :

      No idea. I got into a pointless argument with a jerk would tried to cut me off and then proceed to drive along next to me and yell for the next 15 minutes. I’m really, really mad and shaken right now – and I’m usually a pretty chill person.
      My personal plan is 6pm wine. But I’m not sure what I will be doing until then. My hands are shaking as I type this.

      • Go take a longer walk and self-medicate with tea. Even if you dislike tea. For me just taking a walk over to the break room (one on another floor so I have a longer walk), making a ritual over a cup of tea, telling myself it’s soothing, take deep breaths etc. and sitting next to a window looking out at the trees for a bit with a cup of tea in my hand and maybe a gentle song in my headphones… really helps me relax.
        P.S. The rest of the chamomile tea has been known to sit on my desk until the end of the day when I drain it into my plant… but by then it has achieved its purpose.
        Or download the Headspace app. Or distract yourself with something requiring all your concentration.

    • Clementine :

      I’m so so sorry. That sounds like justifiable rage.

      I would suggest a long walk or run through a nature preserve or park or other green setting while talking with a trusted friend. Let a little bit out, specifically while walking. The reason for this specific suggestion is there’s something called EMDR which is something trauma therapists use which basically helps your brain process intense memories and one way to do it is to have your eyes moving back and forth (which you’re doing walking through a nature preserve) while talking. This is basically DIY EMDR-lite.

      Be kind and forgiving to yourself – you’re going through a lot.

    • Running and wine. And a vent session with someone non-judgmental.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Hugs, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

      I’m in therapy, and I have noticed myself translating a lot of what I’m learning to talk to my daughter. Like, “You have big feelings for a reason. Is there a way your body is trying to help you, here?” For me, rage is a really powerful feeling, like RAAAR I could punch through a f*cking wall. It can be helpful for me to look at the good side of rage like that, like “I am powerful and I can do hard things, and my rage is telling me that.”

  9. Thrifting in DC :

    DC people- where are the best places to go thrift shopping? A friend and I want to hit up some thrift stores. We both work in pretty casual creative work environments, so looking for comfy, colorful, polished looking clothes. Prefer DC or MD suburbs, but willing to go to VA if it’s somewhere worth the trip.

    • Ok, not exactly thrift, but Secondi in Dupont has beautiful things.

    • The Bethesda Goodwill is amazing. I have also found good stuff at the Georgia Avenue Thrift Store (which is more chaotic but also cheaper than Goodwill). However most of the thrift stores in DC are a hike without a car, if that’s relevant to you.

    • Secondi in Dupont Circle is fun. Chic to Chic in Gaithersburg has a lot of stuff including high end bags and jewelry. Not a fan of Inga’s Once is Not Enough in the Palisades. Smells like mothballs. Intrigued by Via Gypset on Calvert St. but haven’t tried it yet. Has anyone else?

    • Current Boutique is the only one I really know of — they have locations in DC and VA, the selection will vary based on the location. You can scope out their website for some ideas of what they have!

  10. Can we talk about paint?

    An artist friend swore by Benjamin Moore. [I love their scrubbable flat for my plaster walls.]

    A friend who is never wrong swears by Behr at the Home Despot. [Ditto their scrubbable flat.]

    I have been pleased with both.

    My city’s paint contractors seem to like Sherwin Williams. I don’t get that.

    But some designer friend insists on Farrow & Ball, which is shockingly expensive to me. Is it made with unicorn tears or something? Can anyone explain why it seems that fancy people love it? Is there some magic there that I’m not aware of?

    • Can’t help. I’ve repainted my entire interior with Behr (in anything BUT flat finish though – personal blech). Mostly because HD is where I got my paint chips – I wasn’t so particular that i was going to shop around for colors.

    • It’s sort of like the difference between a high end luminizing makeup, which is really sheer and glows, and a low end one with big particles of metallics. I, however, would rather have the $$ for retirement than on either my face or walls, so. I go with Benjamin Moore. They have a line that doesn’t outgass.

      • Yes this. Paint is paint in my book, and I’d rather save my money for stuff that will bring me joy. The brand of the color on my walls is not bringing me joy. We do Behr because that’s what Home Depot sells and that was convenient to this house (and we were already there to buy the other stuff for our house). If we move and are closer to a Lowes maybe we’d use Valspar or whatever they sell.

    • All of these paint brands have high end and low end options – the people in your favor what they’ve used and what worked well for them, usually from using the high end/ high quality version of those, whereas others who used the same brand but a low quality hate it. I’d just go with the upper middle price ranged line of any of these brands, but test the color you want in each, with a special eye to coverage, drippiness (i.e. there shouldn’t be any), and secondary color in different lights (ex. some whites can skew purple, blue, or green depending on the light).

      I will give a shout out to Benjamin Moore (except the cheapest line), as their paint doesn’t drip and has full coverage, so you end up using less.

    • Not sure. If I’m buying paint I’m buying Kelly Moore, because they gave me a fan deck and it is my favorite thing ever, and yes they bought my loyalty forever which that thing.

      If my husband is buying paint he heads straight to Home Depot to buy Behr because he buys those claims that the primer is included in the paint (the occasional peeling spot must be from something else, I guess)

      My Kelly Moore painted rooms have held up better than his behr painted rooms, but that could have more to do with his faith in the primer included claims than the actual paint. I do use primer under the Kelly Moore

      • Interior paint should not peel. If it does, that probably means you have latex paint over oil paint or a moisture problem.

        • It’s a latex over oil problem.

          • You can check for a potential latex over oil problem by using some rubbing alcohol on a test spot. If the paint doesn’t come off, it’s oil-based, and you need an oil-based primer before using regular latex paint.

        • I have always interpreted those primer claims to relate to color coverage. Like, I’m painting over a red wall and I don’t need to do a primer to cut the red before putting on the paint. So the paint is thicker and better coverage.

          I would NOT consider it primer to address rust/mold/oil/etc issues that would keep the paint from adhere. I see no reason to include that sort of additive to EVERY can of paint.

          But maybe I’ve been interpreting it wrong?

    • While I do believe F&B paint is probably nicer than our hardware store formulas, I think a lot of it is the, “And here’s the shade the 7th Earl of Hotdogshire used to paint the folly where he met with his mistress” appeal of it. I’ve been sucked in, too – I have a fan deck – but I’m never going to pay their prices. I just have their colors color-matched into HD or Lowe’s.

      Ok, and I’ve moved a LOT. A lot a lot. I’ve painted more rooms and chosen more colors than anyone should ever have to. So I say with conviction that, for interior purposes, the premium lines of paint at all the stores are comparable. Using apples to apples (aka, “super premium washable primer 2-in-1 you’ll die before you have to repaint!” vs the same), they all perform equally well. I have always been really pleased with HD’s Behr Premium Plus Ultra and Lowe’s Valspar Ultra, and I go there because HD and Lowe’s are easy to find and reasonably priced. If you like SW or BM, great, go there. But it’s 2018. If you’re painting drywall and using a reasonably good can of paint, you’ll be fine. You’ll tire of the color before you need to redo it.

      PS – Buying a $20 fan deck for every company is the way to go. Never have to go to the store for chips again.

    • I’m an artist and swear by Behr – does that make me a peacemaker? Consumer Reports agrees. I will say we like the Premium Plus Ultra better than the Premium Plus – noticeable difference. I think there are multiple good paints out there. Professional painters are probably not as particular about cost, since the customer is paying for the paint, and they also may get discounts consumers don’t. Also keep in mind that some colors are going to cover better than others due to the pigments involved – anything with a little white in it, for example, will likely be more opaque than a really saturated color. I once had some deep purpley fuschia paint that just would not cover, and the store explained that it was just a tricky shade due to the pigment makeup. (Other colors in the same brand of paint were fine). Designers seem to love Farrow & Ball. Again, I suspect the cost is less of an issue for them, and they may have really cool colors and better marketing to the trade than Home Depot does – HD is obviously focused on do it yourselfers.

    • Anon in NYC :

      FWIW, I’m painting my apartment and cabinets now and chose Farrow & Ball colors, but my contractor said to get it in Benjamin Moore paint. He said he has F&B paint colors on his cabinets in Benjamin Moore paint and it’s completely fine.

      I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews about F&B paint (the application, etc.) but it’s shockingly expensive and it’s just not worth it to me.

    • I own a triplex and live in one unit. When we renovated the unit we live in, we used Benjamin Moore. I don’t know if it’s really worth the extra cost, but we are happy with it.

      When we renovated one of the rental units, we used Sherwin Williams. It’s significantly less expensive, especially when you factor in their frequent % off coupons for regular retail purchasers (it’s like Ann Taylor of the paint world), or their discount for contractors. Our contractor also liked it because it applies easily and smoothly and (if the color isn’t super dark) doesn’t need extra coats–if the paint is too cheap, you may need more paint, and, more importantly, the labor costs go up.

      Several contractors have also told us that cheap paint is OK for white ceilings, and average paint is OK for glossy white trim.

      • Pale Girl Snorkeling :

        My contractor dad always buys Sherwin Williams paint. We used a dark peach to cover up an appalling bile green color in my bedroom and two coats later you would have no idea of what was lurking underneath. Now I have a light and pretty bedroom which makes me very happy, which is important as my fibromylagia means I spend a lot of time in there.

    • Consumer Reports says Behr is better than Farrow & Ball. I have never tried F&B but I love Behr and repainted my entire house in it before selling. I dislike Valspar.

    • I repainted my whole house using Behr, inside and out using the paint and primer in one formula. Excellent coverage, even covering a dark color with a light color. Scrubs clean easily and still looks great years later.

    • Maybe it is different in Canada, but my contactor who specializes in paint, says Sherwin Williams is the best. He has a custom colour we did our whole house in and you only get it SW stores. Here it is more expensive than anything else other than maybe F&B? I am really happy with it and it holds up to three kids.

    • Designers have colors they like, Benjamin Moore and Behr usually have nice colors but you have to dig through junk. Farrow and Ball colors are no-brainless, they’re gorgeous with depth so you can’t screw up. There is a woman who took the time to match the Farrow and Ball catalogue to Benjamin Moore’s, which is half the price. I personally use her color matched Ben Moore paints, and they are pretty close if/almost exact:

      Your contractor probably has a deal with Sherrington Williams, most have a source that cuts them a better deal than list price, so they’ll just tell you the brand you like will cost more.

      • Oh the auto corrects, sorry!
        Another way to think about it is Essie and Orly are about the same quality but different colors (ie, BM, SW, Behr, etc…) and the top coats (ie. how high or low end you go make a difference), and Chanel is like Farrow and Ball, going to be nice but can be copied.

    • I like Benjamin Moore for quality, but also because I suffer from migraines, and it is the only paint that doesn’t make me ill, or trigger a migraine while using or drying. I’ve painted rooms myself, and bought their higher quality paint, and the colours and finish have held up beautifully. I find two coats gives robust coverage, although I have used three coats for some rooms and it does give a rich glow…especially since I lean towards warm creamy colours.

    • So, the ONE big selling point for Farrow and Ball for us is that it is water based and DOES NOT SMELL. Like, at all. My husband/dog (sigh, yes, the dog) and son all have bad allergies and some degree of asthma. So, if we’re going to paint while we’re in the house (vs. having the painter come in while we’re on vacation) we use Farrow & Ball. Our house painter LOVES F&B, but is also very clear with us that it is not easy to apply correctly, so not the best option if you’re going to paint yourself. He’s had no problem color matching them to Benjamin Moore paint base either, so that’s a great option if you like the color palette.

    • Used to be in the industry – Sherwin-Williams is good paint (at least, the upper tier stuff is good), but the stores are also set up well for contractors and they offer discount cards to them since they’re buying so much, so often.

      Designers are often looking for rich color and ‘texture’ in their paint – how it reads on the wall, the sheen, etc. They love F&B because it’s very curated and modern. I’ve never been more impressed by it than well-chosen colors in a different line. I’ve owned paint fans and the S-W boxes of all the color cards, and to be honest, it’s an overwhelming amount of options. I haven’t noticed much difference personally between BM and Behr, or really Valspar. Like others have stated, you can color match if you can’t find the perfect shade, and I always recommend getting testers and hang full-sheet samples of the paint in different spots in your room and look at it morning, afternoon and night and make sure you like the color in all the different lights.

      To be brutally honest, I get paint from where it’s closest, which is S-W, because I’m a terrible estimator and it’s easier to run back to the place that’s close to you vs. the place that’s inconvenient but maybe had marginally better paint.

  11. Anonymous :

    What would you do? Age 45, mutually monongamous with my male partner, my IUD is about to turn 10, i really don’t want any more kids, I am a candidate for endometrial ablation, , should I arrange and go through with that or get a new IUD or what? Hormonal BC like the mini-pill or nuvaring make me spot constantly.

    • If IUD is working for you, why mess with a known thing? I’d stick with that.

      • +1. I’m 42 with an IUD. I wouldn’t switch to another method if this works for you.

      • BigLaw Sr Assoc :

        Yeah, this. From your post, I assume you have Paragard. You could switch to Mirena if you want to try to reduce or eliminate periods.

    • I would just get another IUD and then talk to my gyn at our annual visit about when to have it removed for menopausal reasons.

    • I thought that you had to have a back-up birth control with ablation because you could still get pregnant, but the pregnancy would likely end in miscarriage.

    • I had a tubal ligation at age 39 and have absolutely loved it ever since.

    • How significant of a procedure is the ablation, I’m not familiar with it? But if you and your partner are in a committed relationship that you both view as permanent and neither of you want children, would you consider talking to your spouse about a vasectomy? I feel like I’ve always heard that vasectomies are much easier procedures and don’t have the potential side-effects of long term birth control, but (as mentioned) I guess I don’t know how invasive the ablation is.

      • Another Anon :

        Vasectomies are less invasive than ablation, which is less invasive than tubal ligation, but I still opted for a tubal and highly recommend them. Ablation isn’t fool proof as permanent birth control, and if your endometrium does grow back after a few years you may not even realise at what point you become fertile again. I opted for a tubal over a vasectomy because it’s covered under the ACA and vasectomies aren’t, and I also wanted *me* to be sterile for my own peace of mind. If I get divorced or my husband dies and I end up in another relationship, or am assaulted, (or lose control over my own body a la The Handmaid’s Tale) I don’t want to have to worry about birth control.

    • Another Anon :

      If you only have a problems with spotting when you’re on hormonal birth control, I’d highly recommend a tubal. I got mine at 32 and couldn’t be happier. The procedure itself was a breeze, and thanks to the ACA it was 100% covered. I’m not super comfortable with the idea of permanent internal foreign bodies and opted for no clips, just removal of the majority of the tubes plus cauterization. As a bonus, since many reproductive cancers originate in the fallopian tubes this theoretically reduces your risk. (A total salpingectomy would’ve been better, but my insurance doesn’t consider that to be birth control, so it wouldn’t have been covered.)

    • Thanks all! Hadn’t considered the tubal ligation, nor that ablation would not be reliable birth control. To the gyn I go!

      I considered the ablation because I am so. sick. of menses but I guess i’ll wait until menopause like a normal person.

  12. Styling help plzzz! :

    Since it was the only color on sale in my size, I ended up getting the ef pants in “russet” color. It’s less red toned than appears online… almost a wood brown which looks a bit weird/ too close to nude for me on my dark skin tone. How’d you style it for work and casual?

    • KateMiddletown :

      I love russet and navy or other “fallish” colors. Navy or tweed blazer for work, sweater in a deeper fall color for weekend, or even just a white tee with a denim jacket until it starts to get chilly.

    • Mustard would be really pretty, or olive, if you like those colors near your face.

    • I would style it with boots of a contrasting color and a jewel green or light blue shirt. Basically earth tones. Embrace the tree its color makes you. I’ve been there. I once had a dress that, once I put it on, was almost an exact color match. It has gorgeous black embroidery on it, but I had to give it away as it made me look like I was naked with black paint on.

    • If it’s truly not your color, I’d just return them.

    • I’d buy a matching top to the pants and wear them as a column of color, then wear a contrasting third piece – blazer or a long cardigan. I can see burgundy, green, or pink looking particularly good with Russet.

  13. Shopping help needed – I have purchased this dress to wear to a few upcoming weddings/events in September/October (events are in Texas and North Carolina, so it will still be plenty warm outside).

    Now, I need shoes. However, I recently had back surgery and can’t wear high heels – any thoughts? The weddings are all in churches, so definitely looking for something on the more conservative side, and looking for something under $150. Thanks in advance for any thoughts/suggestions!!

    • That is a GORGEOUS dress. I feel like a pointed toe flat/very low box heel would look great with this. I like this one if you want to keep the black look all the way down.

      But I’d also think that a metallic would be a fun way to add visual interest (I have another one I’ll post in a separate post).

      • pugsnbourbon :

        I agree wholeheartedly to TCFKAG’s comments – the dress is so lovely. And a pointy toe will look great with that length.

    • This brand has a bunch of different shoes similar to this one in metallics as well, but I kind of thought the red patent leather would go great with the black dress, especially with a nice red lip. I don’t know much about the quality of this brand though.

    • Okay, I lied, here’s one more though I’m not quite convinced they’re dressy enough for this dress, they are super cute and reusable for work or going out on the weekends.

      (Note, the similar shoes recommended with these are also great options).

    • You just had major surgery, you can wear whatever shoes you want. Did they give you orthotic shoes to wear for the time being?

    • Never too many shoes... :

      The dress is gorgeous.

      I would either go with a pointy flat (maybe velvet or lace) or something sparkly and a great pedicure if you like a little more flash.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Aaah what a pretty dress! Agree with the suggestions for a fancy black pointy toed flat.

    • Going to pile on and say I LOVE that dress. What about these shoes – I bought a different Badgely Mischka flat recently to be in a bridal party, and can’t say enough abut the fit and quality. While a lot of them run over $200, select size style/color combos are easily found under $100.

      • Anonymous :

        a little over budget, but if it’s your lucky size….

      • I don’t know if you’ll see this Anonymous but those Badgley Mischka flats are GORGEOUS, I rarely love dressy flats but those are perfect. I love love love the beading. Are they comfortable?

  14. I dated a really controlling person for 6 years but that was almost 2 decades ago. What is striking to me is that once in awhile, I recall something he said and it gives me pause. Like i just started getting into my local sports teams and I remember him stopping me one time when I said something while watching a game on T.V. together and him telling me how he thought it wasn’t very feminine for women to cheer out loud during sports games.

    He also had a real issue with me getting lunch/coffee/drinks with a another guy one on one (he got jealous easily and he thought I should be flattered by his jealousy), and given that i work with all guys and we go to work conferences together i feel weird, like I’m doing something wrong, when I’m out one on one with a colleague when my DH does not care and actually encourages me going to work conferences.

    Anyway, I know everyone’s going to say I need therapy and I’ve tried it but it is almost as if dating someone for that long during my formative years (ages 18 to 24) messed up my thinking so much and I still have these weird ingrained ideas that did not originate from me or my own values. Does anyone relate to this? How do I get to a point where I DGAF what the ex- thought, what he said, what he would say now, etc? I’m so tired of the flashbacks.

    • I relate. This is a common issue for people who have experienced abusive relationships–in my case, with a parent. But therapy is really the way to address it. I promise you there are lots of techniques therapists can use to help you with this. If the first one you tried didn’t work, try a different therapist if one is available in your area.

      • Pale Girl Snorkeling :

        Keep at the therapy and in time you may still have these thoughts but they wont matter as much to you. 3 years of continuous therapy after years of an emotionally abusive marriage and I still have some of these thoughts but I’ve learned how to lessen their impact. I was married at 21 so was with the abusive one for the same formative years as you. It does make a bigger impact, but it doesn’t have to be with you forever

    • Flats Only :

      For specific weird stuff like the cheering for sports on TV, could you deliberately do the opposite of what your ex would have approved of, so you can enjoy the positive results and get a mental counter point in place? For the sports I would suggest going to a sports bar to watch a game you’re interested in, either alone or with a girlfriend or two, have a beer, and make a point of yelling at the TV, cheering, etc. Note the positive reactions of those around you.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        I agree with the suggestion to get therapy, but also, somewhere (here?) I read the suggestion of thinking of the sh*ttalking voice in your head like it was the current prez. So I yell (in my head) at that voice, “I’m a [email protected] woman, I can wear these shorts/scream for my team/network with men if I want to!” It can help to just clearly identify that voice/those thoughts as not-who-you-are and to explicitly fight them.

    • Therapy. You are probably right that it messed up your thinking, and the way to correct that is therapy.

    • Oh hey, is this the same guy I then dated for 5 years? (I mean, probably not, but just want to say that I’ve been there and I know what you’re feeling.) Years later I STILL feel weird if I get a ride home from a work even with a male coworker, because it used to lead a big fight and lots of stone walling. This was also my longest relationship so unfortunately it has affected me a lot.

    • Basically group everything he ever said as useless. When you find yourself thinking about his opinion on anything, imagine a big red stop sign followed by a sign that says ‘that was a long time ago, and he was an idiot, his opinion is useless’ or similar.

      Don’t think about the merit or specifics of his opinions – it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t matter. I’m pretty sure they are all basically useless anyway if they are anything like the two opinions you described here.

    • Here’s a book recommendation for exploring and refuting some of the damaging messages that occur: Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft.

      (reposting in correct place due to nesting fail)

    • I was in a relationship like that for only a couple of months, and it still did bad things to my psyche.

      One of the ways in which abuse works is that it’s not *completely* irrational. The abuser lies to you, of course, but the lies work because they are grounded in a little bit of truth.

      Let’s take your work lunch example. If a person is having an affair, they probably have meals alone with the person they are cheating with. But that doesn’t mean that every person, or even most people, having lunch with members of the opposite sex are having affairs. The lie is effective because it’s touching on a tiny bit of truth, but then it distorts it. It messes with your sense of reality because it takes a tremendous amount of mental energy to discount only parts of what he was saying to you.

    • Therapy is how you fix that.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I was married to that guy for 15 years and when I first started dating my current Lovely Husband, I was having flashbacks all the time. Like, something would happen and I’d think “wow, in my former life this would totally be a huge fight.” It took a very long time for a good relationship to feel normal but it happened eventually. I just kept reminding myself how happy I was to be out of it, and how not-okay it was, and eventually it faded.

      • Yes, this mirrors my experience. I had those thoughts pretty frequently for the first couple years of dating my now-husband and they gradually faded over time. Given that you’re still experiencing this 20 years later, I would definitely suggest therapy. Try going to a therapist who specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).

  15. Any suggestions for vintage/thrift shopping spots in NYC (Manhattan, Brooklyn). Thanks!

  16. Brooklyn recommendations :

    Have heard SO many great unique things about Brooklyn… passing through this weekend and unfortunately can do only two meals. A late brunch/ lunch and may be dinner. Okay may be a coffee/treat. What’d you recommend?

    • Where in Brooklyn will you be? It’s huge and it isn’t easy/fast to get from one side to the other quickly.

      • I’ll have a car and have no preferences right now, so I’m flexible. Any particular areas I should be looking at?

    • If you like asian food you should try Pok Pok. I have the cook book and it is so inspirational. I’ve been trying to plan a trip to NYC where I go to the restaurant, but haven’t had a chance yet. My aunt a chef in seattle has bee to their Portland Oregon Restaurant and its awesome.

    • Anonymous :

      You really don’t want to be driving around Brooklyn looking for parking. I’d choose either Williamsburg/Greenpoint or Cobble Hill/Boerum Hill, just for the density of cute shops and restaurants to wander around. Eater and Grub Street have good neighborhood-by-neighborhood recommendations.

  17. Anyone up for a little styling help before the weekend? I’m wearing a pleated, tie-neck, sage green dress to an outdoor wedding in a few weeks and I can’t decide how to style it. I can’t find the exact dress online (it was from a little boutique while I was on vacation), but I’m linking the most similar thing I could find below. My first instinct was to do a brown braided belt over the waist tie with gold sandals and gold jewelry, but that feels a little off. What would you wear?

    • This shape, but knee length and sage green, with a tie waist instead of a sewn one, and not quite as high a neckline.

    • Flats Only :

      A dress like that will not need a belt. Just do the dress and gold jewelry and sandals and you’ll look amazing.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      High heeled metallic (gold but like, pale gold) sandals and pretty, long sparkly gold earrings!

    • I vote no belt.

  18. I need new quick breakfast ideas, preferably not sugary stuff. What’s your favorite breakfast for workday mornings? (Cook at home or buy somewhere)

    I am thinking of it today because someone always brings in donuts on Fridays and i don’t want to be tempted when i get there (west coast here)

    • I eat granola and yogurt every morning. Boring but I’m not a person who is interested in thinking early in the morning, and it’s tasty and nutritious.

    • I usually eat oatmeal. Heat water in the kettle, pour over a scoop of plain oats, slice banana on top, sprinkle with cinnamon. It only takes me about 10 minutes to make and eat.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Starbucks sous vide egg bites are my favourite readily available treat breakfast. Low carb, 19 grams of protein and so delicious and creamy.

      • housecounsel :

        I am obsessed with the sous vide egg bites!

      • Just in case you don’t want to go to Starbs all the time these easily made in the IP if you have one! Or apparently they are starting to sell a a similar version at Costco.

    • I eat steel cut oats with brown sugar (cook large batch 1-2x/week then reheat) and sometimes strawberries, an apple with a tablespoon of peanut butter, and plain 2% greek yogurt with a spoon of brown sugar (and sometimes berries). Then I have 2 snacks before lunch. I am just famished in the morning and eat 50% of my calories for the day before noon.

    • I bring cereal in a pyrex and milk in a commuter mug and just eat cereal at my desk, with a stick of cheddar to nibble on in the car. I’m not really a breakfast person though, and I detest eggs and most forms of breakfast meats (including bacon, I know).

    • If you’re looking for something you can do batch cooking, I love making a bunch of breakfast burritos, throwing them in the freezer, and then microwaving them in the morning. They freeze and heat up pretty well and you can do whatever kind of combo you like.

    • Egg cups. For something hearty, I make sausage or bacon egg cups. For something lighter, veggies and egg.

    • Chia pudding with lots of fresh fruit and either peanut or almond butter on the bottom – super easy and nutritious

    • Maudie Atkinson :

      My favorite new savory breakfast is an avocado with “everything” seasoning sprinkled on top.
      All credit goes to Alison Roman’s “Dining In” cookbook, which is worth all the hype and includes that suggestion (it can hardly be called a recipe).

    • Eggs over easy on buttered toast, with some fresh fruit.

    • I’m also a big fan of oatmeal, and I’m loving it lately with 14/c of Trader Joe’s omega trail mix on top (mix of walnuts, almonds, some seeds, and dried fruit). I also like making a batch of egg muffins with some veggies thrown in that are super easy to grab and go. Or even easier … just hard boil some eggs and add your carb of choice (if I were really in a hurry I’d just grab a slice of whole wheat bread to eat in the car).

    • Senior Attorney :

      I am obsessed with tomato/avocado toast these days: Cut a small (very ripe) tomato in half and rub it on a piece of toast so the toast is nicely coated with juice and seeds. Smash some avocado on top of that. Sprinkle with coarse salt and eat. You could also add a sliced hard-boiled egg if you like. But OMG the tomato on the bread just takes it to another level!

      • Definitely going to try this!!

        • Senior Attorney :

          It’s divine. You don’t even need the avocado.

          And for an easy dinner party app, toast slices of a baguette in the oven and rub with olive oil, garlic, and tomato, then sprinkle with salt. Apparently it’s a Catalan thing and it’s fab.

      • I do something similar with avocado spread on toast and then scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese mixed in on top, sort of like an open face sandwich. Sometimes add a heirloom tomato or something if we have one in the house (we always have avocado and eggs and shredded cheddar – other ingredients can vary).

        I also like doing scrambled egg wraps with whatever I have in the house thrown in. Sometimes I will fry up some sausage or through cherry tomatoes in the oven if I have time.

        I like this because the protein and healthy fat and carbs make a nice package and it keeps me full until lunchtime and since I leave for work really early, most breakfasts I eat at home (as opposed to something picked up right before walking into the office like a bagel or breakfast sandwich from Starbucks) don’t last until a normal lunchtime meaning I need to have a snack mid-morning.

    • I eat hummus and triscuits for breakfast whenever I’m craving something savory.

  19. running shorts? :

    Posted too late yesterday, hoping to get some guidance/links by trying again

    I ran a 5k last month and am running my 2nd one next month… the problem at the first was that my behind bounced while running, so much so that it felt like I should have been wearing a sports [email protected] for my rump. (I’m super hourglass, 12 inch difference between hip and waist measurement.) Is there such a thing? How do I know what works? I’ve been visiting thrift stores but nothing seems to be anything different than yoga pants… but this can’t just be a me problem, right?

    • You could try running shorts with a liner.

      Kinda crazy, but I’m a pear as well (though my weight is in my thighs) and I love running in these lined men’s swim trunks:

    • Have you tried compression shorts? It seems like they’d help in this situation.

    • Try running in compression tights instead of yoga pants. I don’t personally run in them but I know people who do.

      • Late posting, but I only run in comp shorts/tights, because it’s so nice to have everything compacted and compressed. (Also less sliding around/bunching than I get with running shorts, because I have, ahem, athletic thighs.)

        Go to your local specialty running store (or Lululemon, I guess), or order online from someplace like Brooks or Oiselle that specializes in running gear. I don’t think you are going to be able to thrift store your way through this one.

    • For example:

    • alexisfaye :

      I do not have a running short suggestion, but as a fellow 12 inch difference person (yay, us!) I will say that weight lifting will help your booty be more muscular and less jiggly. I notice a big difference when I’m lifting versus not. Good for you on the 5k!

    • I think you probably need something in a thicker fabric. I have some leggings from Lucy that are soft but don’t stop things from jiggling. I have some from Athleta that are thicker and sturdier and hold everything in. You may or may not like the thicker fabric in hot weather, but I do feel like they keep things from jiggling.

    • I think you got a bunch of suggestions yesterday – just get some compression shorts.

  20. Talk to me about San Diego. I’m heading out there for a conference in November – would arriving by noon and leaving later in the day on the ends of my trip, plus any open evenings be enough to see the “must see” places? I’ve been to Sea World and don’t plan to go back on this trip, but is the zoo worth it?

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I love Balboa Park (one or two worlds fairs held there!) — great place to wander.

      Modern Times brewery is fun, and they have shockingly delicious coffee too. Bring some swag home for your beer-loving friends!

      There’s a pretty great tiki speakeasy if that’s your jam.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I always recommend a show at the Old Globe Theatre in Balboa Park. In November they’ve got a couple of Christmas shows if that’s your thing. Also the museums at Balboa Park are worth a look. And yes, if you like zoos the San Diego Zoo is one of the best.

    • I live here and second the recommendations above – but it would be helpful to know where you are staying and whether you will have a car.

      The Zoo is 100% worth it. The Safari Park is also very nice, but quite a drive out of town and so probably not viable for a short trip. The Zoo is also in Balboa Park which makes it easy to see or do other things there. Unfortunately by November the Zoo closes at 5:00 so you may only be able to go the day you arrive.

      If you let me know about the questions above and what you are interested in, I can make more recommendations.

    • Nudibranch :

      The zoo is great. You’ll need a day to do it justice. If you have extra time left, Balboa Park itself is well worth spending the rest of your time. (Museums, gardens, restaurant/s…?)

    • Rare Commenter :

      If you don’t live on the water, you can take a sunset cruise on the bay. The Hotel Del over the bridge on Coronado will have Christmas-y stuff, and you can walk the beach. It’s 50:50 if it’ll be cold (for San Diego) or unseasonably warm in November. I like Little Italy for restaurants downtown. Liberty Market near Point Loma has a really fun, upscale “food court” and shopping. Old Town is a tourist trap, but fun if you’ve never done it. North Park generally has a lot of restaurants, breweries and coffee shops.

  21. Sephora Insider Sale :

    What are people getting? Based on people’s recommendation here, I got the Drunk Elephant Vitamin C serum, Drunk Elephant sunscreen and Urban Decay eye primer. I’m thinking of trying the La Mer creams and getting more Nest candles. Anything else? Any good recommendations for a deep cleaning face mask or eye serum?

    • Anonymous :

      I was tempted by the Summer Fridays Jet Lag mask, seemed very creamy and nice. You might want to check out Drunk Elephant baby facial mask. I got Commodity Book perfume, because I love it and some Hourglass makeup.

    • Def get the baby facial mask! Love it!

  22. Maudie Atkinson :

    Does anyone have favorite Etsy (or similar online) shops for art? In particular, I’m looking for two broad categories of things for my home and my office, respectively: (1) spare figure drawings with lots of negative space; and (2) larger scale portraits with lots of saturated color and intensity, i.e., not photorealistic and slightly abstract or impressionistic (a la Boscoe Holder).

  23. Has anyone been to Bogota, Colombia? I’ll be there for a few days in September and have 1 day free. What could I see in that time? I’m particularly interested in natural/landscape sights, so if there is anything nearby the city that’s worth getting a taxi too, interested in those recs too. No museums.

    • Yes! Hike or take the cable car up Monserrate. Beautiful views of the city and landscape from the top. There’s a church and some market stalls plus restaurant to explore while you’re up their.

      We also did a bike tour of the city by Bogota Bike Tours while we were there that I would highly recommend. We got some history, some culture, a stop at a market to try all the interesting fruits and some exercise.

  24. Here’s a book recommendation for exploring and refuting some of the damaging messages that occur: Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft.

  25. Anonymous :

    I’ve been very unproductive at work for a few months now (which unfortunately roughly coincided with my return from maternity leave) because I haven’t been feeling well and have had a lot of trouble concentrating. No one has said anything but I’d be shocked if people haven’t noticed. I was recently diagnosed with a relatively serious medical condition that causes extreme fatigue and inability to concentrate. I’m being treated and am already noticing an improvement in my ability to focus. Should I say something to explain my poor performance? Or should I just put my head down and work hard going forward?

    • In your specific case, I think it would be worthwhile to say something to your supervisor/manager. I think many people have biases against women returning from maternity leave, and attribute performance issues and trouble concentrating to being a mom/not being as motivated or focused on work. Since you’ve been diagnosed with a serious medical condition, and treatment is improving the condition and making it easier to work, I think you should tell the people who evaluate your performance that.

  26. rug shopping - help! :

    Where do people buy rugs these days? I have a entryway that needs a runner – by my research on the “proper” runner length, approximately 12′. My favorite runner only goes to 7’6″ (linked below); I want a low-to-no-pile rug that stands up to heavy wear. Preferably blue/ivory/white in a more traditional medallion-type pattern, but open to all options and appreciate any vicarious shopping suggestions!

  27. calling all decorators :

    We’re doing a VERY slow, one-piece-per-month-or-so redecoration of our living room. We recently painted it in Sherwin Williams’ Mindful Gray (link below), which I see as warm-toned and kind of…well, “fuzzy.” (The internet varies on whether or not it thinks Mindful Gray is warm, cool, or neutral.) We have white trim paint, one wall of exposed red brick, light wood floors, a dark gray armchair (visibly much darker than the paint), and a teal-ish green couch. It’s a west-facing room with one window, so it gets lots of warm sun in the late afternoons, but indirect light at all other times.

    I can’t decide on 1-2 accent colors – first I think all blues and greens for a semi-aquatic vibe (and to mesh with the couch), but then I think how much nicer it would be with a touch of something punchier to liven it up. Maybe some light coral? A touch of orange or yellow? According to the wide array of people who disagree with me whenever I describe a given color (that whole “is the dress blue or gold??” picture didn’t give me pause in the slightest – it was blue, why were we even discussing it?!), I’m probably missing a few rods/cones in my eyes, so I don’t trust my own taste when it comes to finding complementary color combinations.


    Mindful Gray:

    • Anonymous :

      You might look at palettes on Pinterest.

    • I think a touch of rusty toned orange accents would look lovely. How about some patterned items, such as cushions for the sofa in a variety of prints and solids that pick up the brick, and blue greys.

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