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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m not sure if I would have worn this skirt to the office three years ago, but in 2022, it feels like anything goes, so I’m going with this gorgeous pleated skirt from Tory Burch.
For an office look, I would wear this with a black turtleneck or slim-fitting blazer. For weekends, I would do a black tee and sandals.
The skirt is $998 at Tory Burch and Saks Fifth Avenue and comes in sizes 00-12.
A few eyelet skirts at lower price points are from Anne Klein (XXS–L, $90.30 on sale), Loft (XXS–XXL, $89.50), and Unique Vintage (XS–XL and 2X–5X, $94).
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anonymous
Confession: I have a hall closet (fairly large) that is just … stuff. I honestly don’t know what’s in there anymore. It has boxes and piles of stuff I’ve apparently not been ok throwing away over the years, but also don’t have a place for (or the time to make a place for it). I added a pile to it a few weeks ago and am pretty ashamed. Any tips for how to start cleaning it out? The rest of my house is fairly organized but it is like a large closet-sized junk drawer.
Cat
to start- you really have to get the stuff out of there to see what you’re dealing with! we had a similar closet and found it was like 4 types of stuff:
-Odds and ends of things used only semi-regularly, but that we didn’t want to store in a non-climate-controlled area due to material. Think seasonal wreaths, gift wrap, etc. Solution – buy appropriately sized Rubbermaids so it can go in the attic / basement and come out with the rest of the decor
-Random old tech that we were hanging onto for who knows why – took half an hour to look up how to wipe the memories and put in a bag for the next tech drop off day at work
-Gifts that we didn’t like but feel obligated to put out when the person visits. Kept *one* of these per donor so they can focus on the thing they gave us rather than seeing *nothing* they gave us.
-Stuff we use only when entertaining guests. Even though we’ve never had more than 4 other people over at a time, we were keeping 12 of everything at arm’s reach. Storing half of each set in the basement instead is much better use of real estate!
-OK, category 5 – vases. Somehow ended up with like 20 of them over the years, and most were the inexpensive clear glass “stock florist vase” type. We offered a bunch that coordinated to our church since they do run through them for events, and recycled the rest.
Cb
That’s hilarious, all those vases! Good shout on the church donation. This would also be a good freecycle item, someone might want them for wedding decor or something.
anon2
Or take them to any random florist. I do it all the time and they are very grateful – even offered me a discount on my flower purchase.
Anon.
This. I get quite a few flower deliveries from a specific local flower shop since my family abroad orders flowers for our family’s birthdays. When I know a birthday is imminent, I pack a box with vases and just give them to the delivery person (I call the shop first to let them know).
Bonnie Kate
+1 my local florist is happy to take back vases.
Anne-on
This is a great framework! And once you know what you’re dealing with and what you want to keep I’d suggest a few things. First, donate to the easiest place you can – personally, I am never going to be able to donate the vases to the florist, the clothes to dress for success, list the baby stuff on freecycle, etc. It all goes to Goodwill or it all stays in a pile – Goodwill is better than a messy pile!
I then take a look at the space – most closets are empty boxes so you need to add storage solutions so you don’t end up with a pile of stuff again. Do you need shelving? Do you need hooks/bars? Do you need open boxes? A bit of everything? Home depot/Target/the container store have good options to make the space more usable – just measure how much room you have FIRST and don’t buy anything until you’ve sorted out what stays and what goes.
Anon
Do the thing now! Or don’t be like me: smell like something died in my similar closet, cleaning it out with fear and trembling as to what I’d find (critter died in the wall), and then you spent days killing the flies that also know you have a dead critter somewhere in your house. Best to do it now before a mouse or something larger takes up residence there.
The Lone Ranger
Or, do 15 minutes or 1 box at a time. Schedule a donation pick up for the end of the week on Green Drop or something similiar. Pull a box out, sort it into keep, toss, donate. Then move the stuff in the keep pile to it’s rightful place. If it doesn’t have a rightful place, then it belongs in the donate or toss pile. Bag up the donate pile and label it for pick up. Put the toss pile in garbage bags and put it out with the trash. Repeat the next evening.
Anonymous
I love Dana K White for this kind of stuff. Look up her videos on YouTube, especially the “one hour better” videos where she helps someone clean out a space; it will show you her process/questions in actions. She’s a self-identified slob and developed her decluttering process gradually while trying to deal with her own personal frustration, embarrassment, and feeling ashamed.
Anonymous
+1 just what I wanted to recommend. Dana’s method is perfect for this project.
Dawn at the Minimal Mom tests out the method in a video in July 2020, on her own hall closet, and that might be inspirational as well. Her Dana-video is called How to Declutter WITHOUT Making a Mess.
Cb
I think sometimes voicing my shame helps me confront things. “I’m super embarrassed I let things get this bad, I feel like I’m a dirty/disorganised person, but I can’t go back and change things, I can only control things moving forward”. Sometimes telling a loved one helps. I didn’t do my taxes for …many years… and was so embarrassed and freaked out about it. I told this board and a good friend who also lives abroad as well, and gave me a step by step list. And I got up to date.
A hall cupboard isn’t nearly as bad as negligent approaches to taxes???
Anonymous
When I have a similar situation I start by thinking about how I would like to use the space. I want my hall closet to contain coats, winter accessories, my vacuum, towels, and my Christmas decorations. I write that down. Then I take everything out and go through it- do I need 10 coats, 4 of which don’t fit? Do I, a single woman, need 14 blue towels and six beach towels? I start with the stuff I know I want to put back but really look at it not just as “could this someday be useful” but “does this deserve space in my tiny closet.” Then I go through the piles of other stuff, and tbh a lot of it just goes in the trash immediately. Other stuff I assess and consider whether I really need it and whether it belongs in the closet. If I do need it and there’s no better home for it, I set those things aside to the end to at least put back with better organization.
Lily
Gently… it’s not that hard? I mean, it’s annoying to actually do it, but it doesn’t require some elaborate plan. Set aside 15 minutes a day for the next week, or however long it takes, and get some large bags or boxes to sort things into. Donate, keep, trash. If you actually haven’t used any of this stuff in years, then you should be pretty ruthless about donating and trashing stuff.
Anonymous
Gently, this phrasing just makes you sound condescending.
Lily
Well, I intended it to sound a bit condescending but not mean. I think a lot of people (including women on this board) tend to overthink things like this or think there’s some magic wand you can wave (or buy) to solve problems that are really not that big of a deal. I was trying to say “put on your big girl pants” but in a nice way.
Anonymous
Gently, both those phrases are a form of infantilism to women and we would all be served better to drop them.
Lily
Yes, which is why I did not use that phrase.
Anon
Lily, are you having a tough Monday or something? I hope your day gets better from here.
anonymous
There is no nice way to be condescending. There is no nice way to put down someone who is seeking guidance and/or support. There is no nice way to dismiss or diminish someone’s struggles or concerns. “Overthinking” (even if this does qualify as overthinking–it’s not like having a messy, too full closet is a rare affliction) is not some crime or wrong that deserves to be met with condescension, dismissal, or insults.
The phrase “put on your big girl pants” is infantilizing, snide, and insulting. You appear to have had enough self-awareness to stop yourself from saying something so noxious. Please apply that same self-awareness to your next urge to be condescending.
Anonymous
Lots of things are ‘not that hard’ but feel hard. If you have never felt mental resistance to doing a task you know objectively is easy, you are very lucky. Being told a task is not hard doesn’t actually make it easier if it feels hard. Particularly if, like me, you have ADHD or another reason why executive function is not your friend.
Lily
Sure, but OP didn’t say anything about ADHD, ADD, or anything else indicating she had issues with executive function.
Cleaning out a closet (we’re talking about a coat closet, not a storage unit or an entire house, or what have you) is objectively not hard, particularly if you break it up into chunks (as I suggested).
Sometimes you just need a kick in the pants to do something.
Anonymous
You’re rude
Monday Energy
Lily, gently:
go away.
anonymous
Who said she needed a kick in the pants? Who are you to decide that and give it to her? She asked for tips to get started, which clearly indicates that she’s planning on doing something about the closet. Your comments are rude AF and entirely unhelpful. Does OP need to reveal issues with executive dysfunction for you not to be a total jerk?
Anon
I think it seems harder when there’s a history of trying and failing (getting rid of stuff and really regretting it later, organizing in a way that made things harder to find, taking everything out of the closet and not getting through all of the sorting in time and having to shove it back before the sorting was finished, etc.).
Anon
If you have a friend who is non judgmental and good at decluttering, invite them over and go through everything. This helped me get rid of at least two boxes of junk that I would have otherwise kept.
Anon
When I have junk that I don’t think I need, but I have trouble giving away, it helps me not to donate it right away. Go through it, put things in a donate box and keep it there for a few more weeks. I find that I am much more likely to put things in the “donate” box (rather than the “keep” box) if I know it won’t be gone immediately and I’ll have a chance to change my mind. Then, I’ll look through it again a month later before donating. Every so often I hold something back, but 95% of the time I donate the whole box.
Walnut
I tell myself that I don’t have to do all of it at once. When I have a stash of crap built up, I usually poke through and get rid of the low hanging fruit. I consolidate down into fewer boxes, shut the closet and call it a day. Sometimes I score and happen upon a half full box or one that contains something bulky (the utter Joy when a giant box stowed away contained lamp shades and packing paper!) and other times I get motivated and clear out a bunch.
The benefit of going through crap is you refresh your memory on the random odds and ends (“Oh hey, that’s where the glue gun is. Let me move it to where I keep the glue sticks.”) so you don’t re-buy them later.
Anon
Devote half a day to this. Take everything out. Be in the mindset of making decisions, and do not put off making a decision until later. Do not put anything back into the closet that you’re not sure whether you want it or not. Only for sure keeper things go back in. Donate or toss everything else.
Anonymous
Give yourself permission to just throw it all out. If you didn’t need anything in there for X years then you don’t really need it. I know this group will clutch their pearls about putting stuff in a landfill that could be donated or recycled. But really, that’s the whole reason it got this bad to begin with, because sorting through stuff is too daunting. Just get it out of your house, in the regular landfill-bound trash if necessary.
Anonymous
I would not just throw it all out without looking. I’d assume you are throwing it all out but sort through it just to be sure that nothing of actual importance or sentimental value is mixed in. Chances are there won’t be, but better safe than sorry.
Anon
No shame, I think most people who have enough space for this kind of clutter have somewhere that it piles up (a closet or a shed). If you have room for it in that hallway or nearby I would get three large boxes and label them keep, donate, trash (and buy a few extra). Set aside 30 minutes a day to commit to going through the closet and sorting things—once you start it might feel like you can keep going for longer or if not, that’s okay. Hopefully by the end you’ll have thinned it out enough that then”keep” items can go back in a more organized way. If getting the “donate” or “trash” out the door is a barrier, try hiring a neighborhood teen or Taskrabbit to just get it done.
SSJD
Seeking Charleston, SC shopping recs. I will be there for an extended family trip in April and will have time to do some shopping. In particular, I’m interested in:
1) second hand women’s clothing (relatively high end)
2) clothing for a 12 year old girl–we need some party dresses and sun dresses for upcoming special events
3) woman’s clothing boutiques that I might not find on my own
Other Charleston ideas are welcome (except food, we do not need food ideas), but these in particular would be useful. Thanks!
Anon
We don’t do a ton of shopping when we go, so no recs there, but we love renting kayaks from Charleston Outdoor Adventures. You can do tours, or if you’re experienced you can just rent kayaks and take a chart and have fun. Definitely a family friendly place. Unfortunately all the rest of my recommendations are definitely food :)
Thistle
Am I late to the party on this? Oh to be this confident.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-10618387/Men-armchair-experts-think-land-plane-watching-YouTube-video.html
Cb
Haha, I’d believe it! The amount of armchair generalling I hear around Ukraine…
Anonymous
Ok what on earth was that will smith nonsense and why was he not removed by security?!
Anon
Right? And he gets to go to the after parties?
Anonymous
JPS has been open about having alopecia, and CR was clearly in the wrong. Good for WS.
Anon
Since when do we get to hit people though?
Cat
+1000
Thistle whistle
Explaining violence as a demonstration of love is the classic excuse of a domestic abuser (not saying WS is an abuser btw).
As a child you are taught to rise above provocation and turn the other cheek, not slap it.
Anon
“Love makes us do crazy things” – 100% abuser language
Anon 2.0
Well, unless you’re a child, then our society still allows you to be hit. If you’re an adult, hit by another adult, it’s a travesty. We need to end it ALL, children included.
Anon
Adults ask children to put up with an awful lot of things that adults won’t put up with themselves.
Anonymous
Ok wow
Lily
So anytime someone says something offensive, you have the right to physically assault them? I really hope you are a troll, and regardless, hope you do not have children.
Anon
I know someone (female) who was arrested for smacking a woman at a PTA meeting a while back (before PTA and school meetings became COVID-era things of drama). People aren’t adulting well in 2022. Use your words, people!
Seventh Sister
I admit I have often wished for the passive-aggressive drama at my PTA to go into straight-up aggressive drama, but more in the “I want everyone to tell everyone exactly what they think of everyone” as opposed to battery.
When I think of the times I’ve been the angriest in my life at someone and lashed out, it was me yelling. Really, really, vicious, I don’t expect that person to ever speak to me again yelling.
Anonymous
Wow ok that’s incredibly offensive and a wild personal attack. Are you ok today?!
Lily
I’m fine, thanks, but dismayed to see people condoning, even encouraging, the use of physical violence in response to a verbal slight, and (selfishly since I have to live in the same world, perhaps even country or state, as them) hope that those people are not also raising children with that mindset.
Anon
Eh i wouldn’t want someone who things Will Smith was in the right raising kids to also have that attitude. And, I’d be concerned that someone who thinks this was ok is probably using physical discipline with their children which is also not ok.
Anon
I don’t think it’s a personal attack to say you hope someone who uses physical violence to solve problems isn’t raising children. I feel the same way.
Anon
I’m not sure someone who lives in a world where hitting is absolutely unthinkable is ready for parenting either. Doesn’t it take ages for babies/children to learn not to hit?
Anon
Come on. Will Smith is not a toddler and saying adults shouldn’t solve problems by hitting doesn’t mean you’re ill-equipped to parent a toddler.
Anon
Hitting someone because you don’t like what they said is unthinkable to those who know better (aka all mentally capable people over 4?). Will smith knows that’s not an acceptable solution.
When a toddler hits because they don’t get their way you correct them. If my toddler was hitting me, he’d be put in timeout and we’d have a discussion on why we don’t hit, how we can solve this with words, what’s a better way to show our emotions. Will Smith faced no consequences his actions, while my toddler would. I really can’t believe he wasn’t escorted out and that he was later allowed to accept his Oscar.
Toddlers do a lot of things that are unacceptable for adults to do. Of course I think a grown man hitting someone is unacceptable. Of course I expect my toddler to do unacceptable things, but of course I will correct my toddler and teach them to do better.
Anon
Not really the point, but I think it’s a misconception that all children hit others intentionally. Mine never did. And she was not a perfect child by any means, she had plenty of horrific screaming meltdowns and disobeyed and talked back plenty. But hitting wasn’t an issue.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s “clear” In the way you think at all. CR is a standup comic doing his job with a joke he may not have even written that was approved by producers. This is not the same as someone on the street. Just because you don’t like a comic’s or actor’s material doesn’t give you the right to go up on stage and get physical. Just like some drunk guy at your local Zanies shouldn’t. Was the joke in bad taste? Yes—absolutely. But that doesn’t make the response anywhere near appropriate. Ever heard of “sticks and stones…” I feel like there is a whole place of privilege if you think words and physical violence equate the same.
Anon
I say this as someone who is not completely against violence is response to “jokes:*” Will Smith was in the wrong. There are responses between just sitting there and punching the guy, such as, I dunno, standing up and saying, quite firmly, “My wife’s body is NOT the subject of your jokes.”
*There are “jokes” that are basically threats dressed up as a laughing matter, and I don’t judge someone who throws a punch in response to a threat.
Anon
Agreed. 100% right to call him out publicly for the stupid “joke.” 100% wrong to hit.
Anonymous
100%. You fight words with words.
Anon
I look at it from this perspective:
– I’m at a professional event with fellow professionals, we are at the event because we’re at the top of our game and we’re recognizing people for accomplishments in our field.
– One of my fellow professionals makes a joke, and another of my fellow professionals – who is himself nominated for outstanding accomplishments in his profession! – gets up and ***hits*** him for it.
If this had happened at event little ol’ non-famous me was attending, the hitter would have been ejected from the event and likely the cops would have been called. That person would have a really hard time living down their action and unless there was a later explanation of “sorry everyone, his mom just died” or “he has a brain tumor” they would probably get fired and not be able to get another job for awhile.
I have been at events and in situations where someone has pulled another person aside OFF STAGE, out of public view and said things like “that joke was in poor taste, man” or “please don’t joke about things like that.” That is always an option.
Will made a series of bad choices last night. Getting up from his seat was a bad choice. Every step he took toward Chris Rock was a bad choice. Raising his hand up was a bad choice; delivering the blow was a bad choice. At any point during that series of events he could have stopped himself. But he didn’t. I legit, seriously worry that either A. all the ayahuasca he talked about doing in his book has seriously affected his executive functioning or B. he really does have a brain tumor or frontotemporal dementia or something. This isn’t about someone who is normally barely contained (see: Mike Tyson, Vince Neil, etc.) making a series of bad decisions that are stupid, but still somewhat predictable; this is way out of character for Will and something I think the people around him should be concerned about.
Anon
The cops were called, I think. I saw a headline that said LAPD said Chris Rock declined to press charges.
Anonymous
I don’t think Chris Rock’s cooperation was needed in order to file charges. There were an awful lot of other witnesses.
Anonymous
Yeah–a woman I worked with was fired for throwing a coffee cup. Yet somehow a famous man is allowed to hit people at work?
Anon234
This is the best response I have seen to this incident. I also was appalled that he went up and hit him. I thought it was a skit at first. When he shouted at him to “KEEP MY WIFE ‘s F@#….NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH” it became clear he was offended. This was what he should have done in the beginning– with this words it was clear he was not okay with the joke. The slap overshadowed him winning. He screwed up.
Anon
Chris Rock would have looked like the bad guy if Will had just used his words.
Anon
Nope physical violence is never ok
Anon
I 100% guarantee that you think physical violence is sometimes acceptable and even required.
Anon
You guarantee what I think?
Anon
Yes, I do! Unless you’re a psychopath who thinks that self defense is wrong, you support the use of physical violence in certain circumstances.
Anonymous
No. Violence is never a proper response to hurtful words. This is like basic third grade stuff.
Woof
It is never ok to hit people! Punch, slap, smack, whatever–never ok.
Anon
It’s never okay in my world, and it wasn’t okay last night at the Oscar’s, but I do think there are worse things (including worse things that people can say).
Seventh Sister
I’m a GenXer, so there was plenty of physical fighting (in and out of school) that was considered acceptable when I was a kid, though by high school most of it had petered out at least in my circle. I don’t think this is the end of the world, but it’s interesting to me that this happened. The one time I put my hands on a stranger as an adult, it was to push them out of my way because I was running for a bus.
Anon
I don’t necessarily condone the method, but I condone the message.
Anon
+1 It’s not funny to laugh at someone who has alopecia. Just like it’s not funny to mock someone with a stutter.
Anon
Seems like there are different standards for different people. He clearly thinks the rules don’t apply to him and obviously there were no repercussions for him. I think they should have removed him.
Thistle whistle
If it had been a female comedian that had been hit then the reaction would have been totally different.
We should be past the point of treating people differently based on sex/race/other.
Anon
And the reaction would have been different if it was Kanye that jumped from his seat rather than Will Smith.
Kanye would have been pummeled by security.
Anon
True.
Anon
Why are we sure the whole thing wasn’t scripted? The Oscars needed a viral event this year.
Anonymous
Will Smith is not that good of an actor
AIMS
And Chris Rock isn’t for sure. He was stunned.
Anon
Ha!
Anonymous
This is perfect shade the morning after he won an acting Oscar.
Anon
Omg. I’ve seen so many people on Twitter defending Will Smith and/or saying what Chris Rock said was worse.
No joke, even if it’s in poor taste, warrants violence.
anon
I can’t stand Chris Rock and thought the joke was in poor taste, but yeah, Will Smith should’ve been escorted out. Seriously over the line.
Anonymous
Both of those guys are horrible people who get away with way too much because they are famous. Any normal person would have been cancelled for what Rock said and would have been arrested for what Smith did.
Anon
If I had a dollar for every “retarded person” joke I’ve heard, I’d be rich. I have a sibling who had a cord accident at birth and that was standard joke fodder for years. I never hit anyone and my parents haven’t, either. I think we shake our head with sadness b/c the burden is great and the understanding of that burden just isn’t there for people until the burden is right there with it.
Anon
Yeah, I definitely haven’t forgotten the year Chris Rock hosted the Oscars and complained constantly about how the Oscars are so racist… only to make a gross joke mocking Asians. The joke right before the ableist one that got him in trouble was sexist (a man better not win if his wife loses her category). He’s a bigot and not very funny.
But none of that justifies violence, and especially not violence draped in the language of abuse (love makes me do crazy things). I’m disgusted that people are supporting Will Smith and find the whole thing so selfish- it completely overtook the spotlight from all of the other deserving winners and made it just about him and his ego. I’m definitely never watching another Will Smith movie.
Pep
You’d think of all people, Chris Rock (producer of the 2009 film “Good Hair” which is about black women, and the role of hair in that culture) would have been more sensitive to Jada’s situation and would have steered clear of joking about it. That said, I don’t condone Will Smith’s reaction, either.
Anonymous
Whole writing teams get together for these things. It’s gross no one in the room saw how tasteless it was. That said, I seriously doubt anyone realized it was alopecia, however, and not just preferred style since she has been rockin the look for decades while only commenting recently. Doesn’t make it right. But also doesn’t fall solely on CR’s shoulders or fair to assume he acted without sensitivity to her “situation.”
I also think there is a big difference in a comedian versus average joe that everyone in this seems to be very obtuse about. “Roasting” isn’t meant to be sensitive and often crosses the line. You can like it or not (I actually don’t like it), but it’s also not meant to be policed by standard conventions of PC. That’s actually what is supposed to be the “funny” part–you’re saying something extremely rude that normal convention doesn’t allow. “He’s fat, he’s so cheap, his mother…”
Anon
But they didn’t sign up for a roast – this wasn’t a comedy central show. They went to an awards show where he was nominated. Why does that have to come with a side of public humiliation that everyone across the world can see?
NYNY
My take on the whole shebang is ESH. Jokes about bodies, even celebrity bodies, are neither cool nor funny. And violence should never be the response.
Anon
Yes, both of these things can be true at the same time:
– Don’t make jokes about other people’s bodies
– Don’t hit people for saying something you don’t like
It’s like the rules my kid had posted in his preschool classroom or something
Anona
I so wish he would have stood up and walked out. The joke was inappropriate and unkind, but the physical violence was wrong. Period. This cannot be the way of the world. He would have kept the conversation focused on his wife, not his act, if they had both stood up and walked out. Especially if he didn’t return when they announced him as winner. That would have steered the conversation in a more positive direction regarding how to proceed in the future.
anon
Agreed. The joke was inappropriate, unkind, and also not funny (like…nobody even really remembers GI Jane at this point), but the violence was wrong. I will also say that, as a woman, my husband hitting someone who made a hurtful joke about me would not make me feel safer. I would find that frightening. And now she is going to be placed in a position where she will very likely feel the need to defend his actions.
Standing up and walking out or addressing it verbally would have made clear that the joke was beyond the pale and would have ensured the conversation remained on *why* that was the case, rather than it now be centered on Smith’s own reaction
AIMS
And when he didn’t walk out he should have been removed. Period. It’s insane to me that he gets to go on stage after that and get all that applause even if half the people looked like their were horrified and watching a train wreck. And he had over an hour to come up with a speech and the best he could do was to compare himself to Richard Williams and apologize to everyone BUT Chris Rock? I hope he isn’t allowed to come back next year unless he gets help and makes serious amends. This is just not an acceptable way to behave in public at what is essentially a work event if you’re an adult, period. Zero tolerance.
I am also shocked – shocked – that anyone is defending it. Alopecia or not (and I sincerely doubt CR knew about it) – this is not anywhere near an acceptable reaction. WS can complain about it all he wants but yes when you’re a celebrity, you will end up having to go to some award shows and you will have to hear some jokes about you and your famous partner. You don’t have to be famous if you don’t want to, and you can be one of those actors that does not attend (plenty of those). But you don’t get to pick and choose which bullsh*t you like and don’t.
Also – good for CR for behaving like a professional through the whole thing, for which I don’t think he is getting enough credit. I feel like there is a lot of “I like WS and therefore he gets a pass” and “I don’t like CR’s humor and so maybe he kind of deserved it” — and that is seriously unfortunate.
Anon
This.
Anon
100% agree
I cannot believe that they allowed Will Smith to remain on the premises AND accept an award after hitting someone.
I think Chris Rock handled the situation so well. I would have been freaking the f out.
I’m shocked that so many people seem to think Will Smiths actions were justified or that Chris Rock was somehow more in the wrong.
The joke was in poor taste and jokes about appearance and medical conditions should be off limits, but yes the jokes at these events do tend to take aim at the attendees and that is to be expected.
Long story short I’m kind of appalled that anyone thinks that Will Smiths actions were ok/justified in any circumstance. Chris Rock shouldn’t have made the joke but violence is never the answer.
anon
I agree, and also their appearance is meat and drink to anyone in the public eye (why else so many un-pretty but attention-getting gowns??) and once you put yourself in the public eye, to me you are opening yourself up to having your appearance mentioned. In addition, there’s a kind of a “roast” atmosphere to award shows, where teasing/joking-telling is part of the deal.Her hair’s been short before; not sure if everyone was [previously] aware of her alopecia. It seems to me to have been a very typical awards show-type ribbing.
Yes, in private life, talking about people’s appearance is cancelled. But for those in SHOW biz, nope, it’s part and parcel of it.
AIMS
I always get nervous when we skirt too close to the “they are asking for it” or “it’s all part of the bargain” type commentary (not saying that’s what you’re saying necessarily) because I do think it’s a bridge too far to say “person is an actor/actress therefore the public should feel free to engage in unlimited commentary about their life/appearance” but at the same time an award show where we shower famous rich people with all these accolades and things like “lifetime achievement awards” and talk about their “art,” etc., would be wholly insufferable without a bit of comedy to take the air out. Again, there are plenty of actors who chose not to attend probably for this very reason.
slap
My first thought was – a man who would do something like this in front of millions of people…. what in the world could be happening behind closed doors with his family.
It made me scared for them.
Anonymous
This! 100%. Will Smith clearly acted out of anger without really thinking or processing his emotions. He lashed out in a violent manner. If he is capable of that what else is he capable of. I’d be scared to be around him. Adults have control over their behavior especially in a professional setting that is televised. If you cannot behave like an adult then you shouldn’t be in places that require that level of decorum and professionalism. Also, I don’t think the joke was that bad. Saying she looked like GI Jane isn’t that bad. She looked good! (from neck up at least!) Also, there have been countless jokes made at celebrities’ expense at award shows (Paris Hilton, Kim K, Taylor Swift, etc) and they never got up to slap the comedian.
Anon
By this standard alone, any Kardashian > Will Smith.
Anon
Yeah I’m a little confused by that too. I thought GI Jane was considered a sex symbol in the 90s. It seemed like a compliment??
Bonnie Kate
Completely agree. I really don’t follow JPS so I didn’t know about her experiences with alopecia and I just thought that the style was a fantastic bold choice, so was confused on why Will got so upset because she looks fantastic and it was a joke comparing her to someone who looked fantastic. It came across quite complimentary to me, not knowing the backstory. I now understand the sensitivity and why it’s tasteless, but it certainly wasn’t the worst thing ever said about an actress’ appearance by far.
slap
That was exactly what I thought.
Jada is one of the most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion, and she is the most beautiful bald woman I have ever seen. I actually thought her hair was like that by choice and I was like… GI Jane! She sure is! She is a bad-A$$, $exy and looks amazing.
I am losing my hair dramatically this year due to some health issues, and it has been really upsetting for me. I can’t hide it, and I will probably need to wear a wig in the near future.
Anonymous
+1
What else gives him that reaction? If that’s how he behaves in public, how is life at home? For his family to watch the world basically approve of his appalling behavior is terrible! If they need help, where are they going to dare to go, if he seems that untouchable.
Doodles
That joke was approved by producers. Chris Rock may never have known that Jada has some medical condition. I had no idea. Will Smith was totally wrong. What if other celebrities didn’t like the jokes of the three women hosts and decided to go slap them? Some of their jokes were about appearances. And his speech was even worse. Basically saying “I was violent out of love.” Classic domestic abuse justification. He also totally ruined the moment for the winner of the award that Chris was presenting.
I also thought the skit with Regina performing “covid tests” and pat downs of the male celebrities was in really poor taste. If Chris Rock was hosting, would he be allowed to do that to Jennifer Lawrence or Jessica Chastain?
Anon
I saw somewhere that the joke was actually adlibbed and not approved by the producers, though not sure if that’s accurate. But I definitely agree about the covid test groping joke feeling icky and not being funny. I love Regina Hall, but there’s no way that would work at all if the genders were reversed and it’s not like sexual harassment doesn’t affect plenty of men in Hollywood as well.
Anonymous
So both of these guys are impulsive and have bad judgment.
anon
It hasn’t been mentioned yet but WS grew up in an abusive household so while I certainly am not excusing it, it’s not a shock to me that he made the statement about love making him do crazy things just based on that childhood alone.
Anon
Yes, I did know that, which is exactly what bothered me so much about that statement. My experience with people who make statements like that and act to “defend” family members against others is that they are exactly the type of people who are most likely to be abusive to their own family members. I really hope that’s not the case here, but at minimum it seems like he could use a good therapist.
anon
What have been the best changes you’ve made recently for your own health and wellness? I have been prioritizing sleeping well and it’s a life changer. Looking to adopt more healthy habits.
Anonymous
Stopped drinking on week nights. I really enjoy a glass of wine but it just doesn’t support my health.
Anon.
Same.
And now, when I have a glass or two on weekend days, I end up having the weirdest dreams and worse sleep quality. I’m debating giving up drinking altogether, but a sundowner sounds way to nice for me especially in summer…
Anon
I’ve found that if I have a good hour or two between my last drink and going to bed it makes a massive difference in my sleep quality. For me that meant I could keep my glass of wine while cooking dinner, but had to nix the one I would drink while watching the TV before bed. I replaced the later with fun flavored sparkling water and it helped my sleep quality immensely.
AIMS
+1. I end with dinner and then I have herbal tea before bed. It works!
Anon.
That makes sense. Will try!
Cat
Drinking enough water. I have always been terrible at this but keeping a clear pitcher on my desk means I will finish it!
Cb
I used to be such a good water drinker pre-pandemic with a big jug on my desk and am terrible at it now. I need to reprioritise this.
Cb
Outside time! I have always struggled with SAD and this year, after a warm Christmas break, I started tracking my outside time, with the goal of an hour a day over the course of the month. And I am getting plenty of exercise – walking, working in the garden – and feel mentally so much happier than I normally would at this point in the year.
Social events – I am decently extroverted and need two social events a week to feel ok. These are often pretty simple things – a walk with a friend (ticking off outside time), a coffee with a colleague.
Yoda nidra meditation – helps me sleep and really focus on my breathing.
I have a little counter app on my phone and track outside time, books read with my son, meaningful moments of connection with my husband, meditation, social events, calls with my mom, bike miles, and it feels silly but it helps keep me accountable.
Anon
What’s the app you use?
Cb
It is just called Counter. I didn’t like the formal habit trackers, this just has a running count.
Nina
I think getting enough sleep possibly works better than my antidepressant. It’s life changing.
I was just talking to a friend about how dating, and weeknight dates, really messes up both of these healthy changes – drinking on weeknights and sleeping on time.
Anonymous
That is so true. I did dry January and just told dates I wasn’t drinking but was still happy to meet at a bar and I want to go back to that.
Nina
We decided that its fine to tell the people we’re dating that we have to leave at 10:30pm latest on weeknight dates.
Anonymous
Oh absolutely I’m much more aggressive than this. If it’s a weeknight I am out by 9:30 because I am an adult with a job.
Anon
Not eating processed food, sugar, and diet soda makes me feel much better but I have such a hard time sticking to it.
anon
Focusing on starting with veggies, then filling the rest of my plate. I haven’t lost much weight, but I can tell I’m less bloated and I feel better overall.
Now that the weather is getting nicer, I am committing to taking a walk after dinner every night. I easily meet my step count on the days I work out, but on the days I don’t, I’m way too sedentary.
Anon
Eating dinner earlier. Sick and tired of waiting for my night-owl spouse to finally agree to sit down for a meal at 9:00 or later. Now I eat when I’m hungry, to h3ll with him. No more frantically stuffing my face with snacks for six hours across the evenings.
Anon
I have been doing this for the last couple of years. If I’m hungry, I eat with the kids at 7. If I had snacks or didn’t have much activity and am not too hungry, I eat with my spouse after 9.
I don’t keep waiting until I get hangry and/or too tired to eat after 9.
Bonnie Kate
I re-dedicated myself to a daily meditation and have stuck to it since the beginning of the year. It just works better for me if it’s every day vs. a couple times a week. I simplified it and decided to do the exact same 12 minute loving kindness meditation for all of 2022, and by taking the selection task out of the process it made it way easier.
Current goal is to get back into daily workouts. I typically like a mix of yoga, weightlifting, and boxing but may need to simplify that to just get back into the habit.
Anon
Bedtime routine. Down dog yoga app (which channels my competitive instincts for good!). Everything else followed from those two.
MagicUnicorn
Regular exercise. Even though I hate working out, I like the feeling of accomplishment after having worked out.
anon
I was plagued by sleep issues and burn-out, these are changes that made me feel better:
*stopped drinking alcohol (13+ months), it started as a “let’s see if my sleep will get better” and it did and after 1m, I never looked back
*switched to decaf some 3m ago, I now use decaf Illy and can tell no difference in taste (I drink coffee for taste, not as a booster). I drink tons of coffee with vanilla-soya milk.
*started watching fat content and eliminating processed food where possible. I am permanently WFH, I cook daily, have a smallish garden with fresh produce. I don’t fret if I eat processed food, but my digestion is better when I stay off of it
*daily 4km walk during daylight hours (often, I call family members or friends to catch up, or connect to a work call)
*long walk every weekend (10-15km) and regular spinning and weights (30mins when lazy, 50min otherwise)
*daily quick core workout prescribed by my physio (to prevent back issues)
*daily magnesium & vitamin B pill, daily probiotics pill. Keeps cramps away and I am calmer.
*announced my resignation at work last week :) my mood is great since then
*planned and stick to my medical visits (vaccinations, GP preventive exam, gyn preventive exam, dental hygiene, dentist)
*physio massage every few months
Anonymous
If I could quit my job, I would certainly sleep a lot better.
anon
+1 on the alcohol, caffeine, and quitting my job
Anon
Keep an extra toothbrush in the shower so I can brush my teeth while I condition. Encourages me to kill two birds with one stone and keep up with my personal hygiene more.
Anon
I love brushing my teeth in the shower.
Anonymous
how hard is light brown suede to take care of? I just bought Cole Haan OTK boots in light brown and can’t decide if they’ll be smudged if I wear them once or get caught in the rain.
London (formerly NY) CPA
I would 100% recommend using a good waterproofing spray on them before you ever wear them. That should help to minimize damage. I’ve used Scotchguard suede protector on my suede items.
Anon
Are spring boots a thing? I am seeing some late winter / early spring dresses styled with a heeled below-the-knee but slouchy lighter-colored suede-looking boot at many places and could dig this as a look (and would let me continue wearing socks on the DL with footwear). OTOH, I seem to be a sloppy person and I’m one spaghetti meal away from ruining them possibly.
Tall flat boots, which I have, I just don’t see in current pictures anymore.
Anonymous
Really? You frequently spill food on your shoes?!
Anon
FWIW, I was lifting a slice of pizza onto a plate at home last week and oil cascaded off of it onto a sneaker. Fortunately they are dark and fairly old, but an oily red stain is forever.
Anonymous
Tables exist
Anon
Quit being a d1ck
Anonymous
Perhaps you need a DIY boot bib. Just tuck a large napkin over the tops of the boots. Voila. Or eat at a table. Or remove shoes prior to eating!
Anon
This is why I change into Crocs as soon as I get home. Comfy and they wipe clean. Some of us can’t have nice things.
TBH, when I start going back to bars, my guess is it’s not with my cool new white sneakers.
Anon
Yes I do …
Anon
I do. Mine is mainly from cooking.
Ellen
I am like you, Anon. Things tend to get on my shoes or boots, even if I try my best. My ex thought it was actually one of my endearing qualities, and I guess compared to him (who was slovenly), I could see why he liked me being less than perfect. I do not understand the Anonymous poster who is on our cases for being less than perfect?! As my Dad says, in edited language: “since when did her poopie stop smelling bad?” I suspect she is not perfect either, but is very critical because of some unknown personal issues in her life. I would forgive her, for she knows not what effect she is having.
Anonymous
Booties or midcalf boots can be spring-y in a light color.
Anonymous
spring boots are definitely a thing – super light mid-calf boots (i can’t make them look good)
i noticed last spring all of the socialite pictures women were wearing heeled tan/caramel boots that went to the knee. was kind of a fresh look.
Anon
What are your best OTC or home remedies for an extremely sore throat? I’m going on day 5 of this, and it’s the worst I can remember in my adult life. I have an appointment with my doctor this afternoon.
Anonymous
Lots of tea and salt water gargles. I’m glad you’re seeing the doctor
Anon
The pharmacy has throat sprays that have topical analgesics. A pharmacist or the doctor can help you pick which one to try.
Anon
The worst sore throat I ever had was when I had mono as an adult. It’s unusual to get it as an adult so it may be something to ask your doctor to check for. My doctor gave me prednisone for the mono/sore throat and I felt much better a few hours after the first dose. Cough drops sometimes help me but they’re a very temporary fix.
pugsnbourbon
I had a sore throat for WEEKS once, and it wasn’t strep. I have no idea what it was. I had to take ibuprofen to get the pain down enough to sleep.
Anon
I had the worst sore throat of my life when I had mono!
Anon
Liquid acetaminophen (Tylenol Sore Throat) works well for me.
Nina
Green tea with honey can help
Go for it
Health food store throat coat tea. Works wonders.
Saguaro
Tea with honey and lemon.
anon
This sounds like strep. Glad you’re going to the doctor!
Anon
+1. An extremely sore throat has always ended up being strep, in my experience.
Anonymous
+1 – strep or mono. Strep is highly contagious, so stay home from the office!
Anon
Tea with honey to coat your throat a bit. Salt water gargle. Some cough drops can help temporarily. Lots of fluids even if they hurt going down, but staying hydrated helps overall. Parents were smokers and I had a chronic sore throat as a kid. Hope you feel better soon!
Anonymous
+1 for the tea with honey and salt water gargle. I have always been shocked at how much a good salt water gargle can help a sore throat feel better. Make sure the water is really, really salty.
PolyD
Along those lines, hot cheap ramen that is mostly salt is BLISSFUL on a sore throat. I had a bad throat some years ago and all I wanted to eat was piping hot Maruchan chicken ramen. I used the entire flavoring packet and added nothing else to it – no eggs, no veggies, just hot delicious salty chicken water and noodles.
AIMS
I do tea with honey, particularly tea intended for sore throats. Double the tea bag. I also like to take a spoonful of honey and kind of balance it on my tea cup as it steeps which basically warms it up and then I eat it (i think I could probably warm up honey some other way but this is easy enough and never burns my throat).
Gargling with baking soda helps.
Anonymous
A few drops of Oil of Oregano oil several times a day.
Bonnie Kate
I always forget about cough drops until I’m days into sore throats. So just a reminder in case you’re like me – get cough drops! They help so much.
I really like Yogi Tea Throat Comfort tea.
I also like honey + lemon juice + hot water. It’s also my mother’s home remedy for almost all ailments.
My cure for almost all ailments is a hot bath with epsom salts. Breathing in hot steam gives at least some temporary comfort.
Anonymous
Spoonful of raw honey. Kombucha. Hot and sour soup.
Anon
Currently have a covid sore throat, not the worst I’ve ever had but does feel like someone cut my throat open with shards of glass. You’ve gotten a lot of good ideas (esp the numbing spray which IIRC is OTC at drugstores). But I would give addendums to say that only some teas help – tannin-y teas like green, black, and even chamomile are too painful for me. What works is a cinnamon/orange peel mix tea with some honey added. Warm showers/bath helps bc of the steam, sleeping with a humidifier helps. Likewise round the clock menthol eucalyptus cough drops. Lightly warm salt water gargle but don’t get it TOO salty because that will try out the skin in your throat and really hurt afterward (ask me how I know). Finally, painkillers and a warm compress on the outside of your throat.
Anon
Would you feel comfortable going to an indoor workout class where nobody including you is wearing a mask? I really miss group fitness but am trying figure out what’s a reasonable risk right now. I’m in a large city with case numbers that are low-ish but not as low as they were at the low point last summer.
Anonymous
Yes
Cb
Ugh, I was all set to go back to yoga during some downtime last week and then balked when it came time to book. 1 in 11 people in my country has Covid at the moment… so assuming a yoga class of 20, it felt like the odds weren’t great?
I’m kicking myself for not going last summer and autumn when cases were low.
Anonymous
That statistic is horrifying.
Cb
I know! Death rates are low, hospitalisation is down, but infections are through the roof. Nearly everyone we know has had it in the last 6 weeks…we are are outliers. I fly every week but it’s a short flight so I leave my FFP mask on the whole time and have been lucky thus far.
anon
Yes I’ve been going since my city lifted the mask mandate in early March. It’s so great- I really hated working out in a mask.
Anon
For me this would depend a lot on how good I think the ventilation/filtration is.
The rubbery, sweaty “gym smell” at the gyms near me doesn’t make me optimistic about their CO2 levels. But it also means I don’t miss the gym!
Anon
Yes, as long as I’m vaccinated.
Anonymous
This morning I attended my first group fitness class since February of 2020. I am more COVID-cautious than most because I still haven’t had omicron and am relying entirely on vaccination for immunity, am at increased risk for long COVID, and just don’t have time to be sick with anything right now. I wore a mask; no one else did. The entire back wall of the studio is a roll-up door that was halfway open. Our current daily infection rate is running at 5-10 cases per 100K. Without the ventilation and the low caseloads, I would not have been comfortable.
Anon
no, but that is also because i have unvaccinated kids at home. i would feel more comfortable if it was a studio that was requiring proof of vax, or i am still on the email list for a studio in a city in which i used to live and they are having some mask required classes for the people who are more comfortable in that setting
Anon
Yes. You can still wear a mask however if that makes you more comfortable.
Anon
Absolutely
anon
Yes. I have been going to group fitness HIIT classes since they reopened the gym last year without a mask (post vaccination) and I haven’t had a symptomatic case since. I live in a Trump happy area so take that for what it’s worth.
Anon
As a healthy woman who’s triple vaxxed with no high-risk people in my immediate circle, yes. I had COVID over Christmas and it was just a cold, so unless a more virulent variant comes along, I’m not worrying about it. A privilege, I realize.
IL
Yes, I’ve been going to one intermittently for over a year and I’ve never caught COVID, there or anywhere else.
Anon
No but I would be comfortable going if I were masked myself even if others weren’t.
Anon
Is that really evidence based though? I thought one-way masking was most effective for short-term interactions.
Anon
I’m assuming this workout class is 30-60 minutes, which is a relatively short amount of time. Also you’re not continuously exposed to the virus unless you’re quite close to the infected person. If the infected person is on the other side of the room, you’re only exposed periodically and briefly when their air blows by you. I don’t think a mask is fullproof but I think there’s a lot of evidence that wearing a KN95 or equivalent can substantially reduce your risk of infection. I haven’t had Covid yet and would prefer not to get it if possible, and in my view there’s little cost to wearing a mask, so I would wear one. YMMV.
Anonymous
from a public health standpoint i thought one-way masking was inefficient (like waiter -> diner) — but for the person who is masked it still provides protection.
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/does-it-help-wear-mask-if-no-one-else/621177/
Anon
No way
anonymous
[removed by management]
PolyD
I feel like this comment should be removed for false information.
AIMS
I think it’s pretty clear it’s a joke (even if it’s one I don’t necessarily agree with).
Anon
[removed by management]
Curious
Um, no, I’m not surprised by what’s true and what’s false, and I don’t appreciate your attempts to insinuate that there’s some big conspiracy here. I also don’t appreciate the “I’m usually a Democrat/liberal but” parade. Please stop brigading this s!te.
Anon
I don’t think there’s a big conspiracy, but I do many people are misunderstanding the significance of changing guidelines and changing CDC recommendations. And I think the CDC could save a lot of lives if they would recommend airborne contagion protocols in places like infusion centers and hospitals (we know that current protocols are not preventing hospital-acquired cases).
Curious
Yeah, I agree. But you’re being specific. There’s a person or group of people who likes to vague book trust-diminishing commentary and then reply to themselves/ the group, in a technique known as brigading that’s used to make it seem like a minority opinion is a majority opinion. Specifics are fine; “you’d be surprised by how many experts disagree with [the CDC, global warming, etc]” with no specifics is social engineering and I’m not here for it. Appreciate that Kat had those comments removed.
Curious
(second reply to Anon at 2:34)
Anonymous
Yes. I have been going all thru the pandemic, masked during class until the county lifted the mandate in mid-Feb. That being said, I am single no kids, in good health, and triple vaccinated so my risks are low. In addition, our county (heavily Democratic county & state) has a high vaccination & booster rate for adults. Also, there are still some people who mask in the classes I’ve attended, and no one’s given them trouble for it. I just assume they have small kids or living with immunocompromised people.
Cat
yes, but I’m low risk, boosted, no contact with anyone high risk, and nothing in the near term that would be screwed up – i.e., no international travel that requires a test.
Anon
Along the same lines, my answer is no, but it’s not because I’m worried about getting the virus myself. It’s because I basically always have travel planned within a few weeks that could be messed up by a positive test.
Anonymous
This is what I don’t understand. Even if you don’t believe COVID is a risk to your health, there is no question that it’s a risk to your travel plans, child care, etc. I can’t afford to catch COVID simply because I have a kid in school who’s already missed 5 days for non-COVID illnesses and I just got a threatening letter from the school about excessive absences. She can’t be quarantined at home for 10+ days or she’ll automatically fail all her courses.
Anon
But not everyone has kids or travel planned. I wfh, so a mild case (which is likely since I’m Vaxxed and boosted) would have little impact on me
Anon
You don’t understand that some people don’t have children or travel plans coming up?
Anonymous
You honestly have nothing going on that COVID would interfere with? Nothing at all?
Anon
I honestly have nothing going on that Covid would interfere with any more than any other small illness (triple vaxed). I don’t avoid indoor activities during normal cold and flu season, so I’m at a point where I’m treating Covid the same way. Others’ calculus might be different, and I respect that.
Cat
Yeah, this is my point. My level of Covid caution is directly proportional to whether I have upcoming international travel, not any fear for personal health. At this point, my next trip is mid-summer, so any Covid would be long gone by the time I’m needing to test. At 2-3 weeks prior to the trip, I’ll be reverting to my KN95’s!
Anon.
No.
Bonnie Kate
Yes. I’ve been intermediately going based on case numbers (stopped in Jan when numbers spiked, went back in March). Depending on where you’re at, you may be able to find a vax-only class. A friend wanted to try out yoga last weekend so I drove to her and the class we went to at a large-ish studio was vax only. This isn’t common in my more rural area, but wasn’t surprised to see it in the larger city.
Anon
Omg yes!! I went to outdoor classes even before vaccines and felt totally fine. I’m waiting for it to get warm enough and praying my yoga studio resumes outdoor classes. They are so nice! I won’t do indoor classes though.
Anon
My bad! Misread the post! Outdoor maskless, yes. Indoor maskless no way!!!
Anon
I really wish there were outdoor yoga in my city, but it doesn’t exist (very Trump-y area). I’m Covid cautious but Covid risk aside, I just think doing yoga outdoors is so lovely and peaceful.
Anon
One of my favorite instructors does class on a rooftop of a 4 story building and in the backyard garden of a cafe. It’s absolute bliss!!
Anon
I went to my first yoga class this weekend — indoor, maskless. The studio had several enormous heppa filters. It’s not 1000% safe but no worse than indoor dining and I’ve started doing that too. In NYC, so our numbers are ok. Tripple vaccinated, and everyone in my household is maximally vaccinated and low risk.
Anon
No I wouldn’t. Outdoor yes. Indoor masked maybe (depends on the stats where you are). Indoor unmasked, no way.
Anon
I don’t do group fitness classes ever but was back in the gym when ours reopened in May 2020, masked and have continued going unmasked since our restrictions were lifted. I’m triple vaxxed and our county vaccination rate is pretty high, and also, my gym is never that crowded. Have not gotten symptomatic Covid or anything else that entire time.
Anonymous
Yes. I do daily. I have for probably 18 months now, since my Orangetheory reopened. It is important for both my physical and mental health. At what point are you all who say no planning to return to normal life? Because it’s not going to get any better than it is now…
Anon
I’m ok not doing indoor dining and indoor exercise indefinitely. Outdoor exercise and outdoor dining are fine substitutes for me. I’m traveling and seeing friends and doing other higher risk things that don’t have acceptable substitutes. Maybe I will change my tune if/when I get Covid and it’s mild, but for now the risk of long Covid or longterm organ damage (especially brain damage) is enough to deter me from higher risk things I don’t really care about.
Anon
I’m never going to return to normal life, because normal life left the world susceptible to a dangerous respiratory pandemic.
I’ll return right now to businesses with air filtration, ventilation, and ideally CO2 monitoring.
Anonymous
This. Until we get adequate ventilation and air filtration in public spaces, I’m keeping my mask on and avoiding indoor dining. I occasionally unmask for brief periods in public, but only for high-value activities (e.g., public speaking, singing) and only when infection rates are very low. I am back in a well-ventilated gym with a mask for the time being, but I won’t be going to class when rates tick back up.
Anon
What do you care? People are going to behave in ways that are in line with their own personal comfort level given their own personal circumstances. You don’t know everything that people are dealing with health wise and it’s not your right to say when they “return to normal life”. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions without judgment from you or anyone else. It’s not hurting you. In fact, it’s benefiting you and making your activities less crowded! Stop being so judgmental and nasty.
Anonymous
I’ve been in the gym since summer 2020. We wore masks at first and donned them again when cases surged last year, but we are back with masks off now. We have very high ceilings, a garage door that is often but not always open, and separate spaces. It is not a group class. I am not aware of any spread/outbreak at the gym. So if I were you, yes, I’d go.
Anonymous
Hive. Help!
Searching low cut socks that actually stay on?! I have a wide foot in the front – like a duck foot. I’ve purchased every brand I can find at W Mart and Target and no luck. They either roll down my narrow heel, slip down to my toes, or both. Sticky stuff doesn’t seem to help. I have sweatier feet as I age and can’t stand the barefoot feeling any more.
Anonymous
Bombas
Bonnie Kate
+1 always bombas. They’re worth it.
Senior Attorney
Yup. Just got my first Bombas and was shocked at the price and then shocked that they lived up to the hype and were worth it.
JustmeintheSouth
Another vote for Bombas.
Curious
I’ll be the fifth.
Anonymous
I don’t like Bombas. For me, they bunch terribly at the heel.
Anon
I love Gap’s athletic low sock. They stay up really well on me but YMMV.
anon
I ordered some from Ondo after getting sucked in by ads on the ‘gram, and they’re actually great!
Anonymous
Muji right angle socks.
Seattle Freeze
Feetures! I like the very thin no-cushion ones with a tab on the back.
Anon
Does anyone get blowouts regularly? How often? My hair can be a lot sometimes and it takes me a long time to get it to look good, and I love the feeling of a blowout, but can’t get it to last more than a few days. Would love to find a way to be able to get a blowout once every 5 days or so and always have my hair looking great.
Anon
Are you talking about getting hour hair blown straight or styled like at Dry Bar? I feel like if you have styled hair, sleeping on it crushes it plus it gets oily, so unless you sleep with your hair in a turban or on one of those silky pillow cases, it is a losing battle unless you restyle into a half-up-half down look as the days pass. And you sort of need to add more gunk to your hair if it is oily and IMO it isn’t touchable at that point nearish to your scalp.
Anonymous Grouch
Have you tried a revlon one-step or similar dryer? W/ proper technique and products that thing gets my thick, curly, shoulder length hair into a very passable blow out style in 15 minutes. If it were convenient and I could spluge I would do pro-blowout once a week and once with the revlon in between.
Anon
+1 to the Revlon blow dryer brush. I have incredibly thick hair so I have to use a regular blow dryer to get my hair 80% dry first, then I use the Revlon to pull it smooth and straight and add volume. It’s the only way I can do a blowout at home because I’m not talented enough to use a blow dryer and round brush at the same time. It’s a miracle worker.
PolyD
Co-sign. That Revlon brush dryer is amazing. Doesn’t tangle in your hair and it gets pretty hot, so I can get my hair (fine but lots, generally straight but with some inconvenient waves) styled quickly.
Clementine
Agreed – I have a similar brush (maybe John Frieda Brand?) and also am a big fan of letting it air dry (even – gasp – sleeping on wet hair) and then using the brush to make it look fab in the morning.
Anonymous
I just can’t see how you can do your hair once, not wash it for 5 days, and still expect it to look good.
anon
+1. Wash your damn hair, people.
Anonymous
Certainly not with the type of hair that requires a blowout.
I have a ridiculous amount of fine hair that is neither wavy or straight and needs to be blown out in order to be presentable. I got tired of spending 25 minutes a day blow-drying it only to have it get wrecked the minute I stepped outside. I now have a pixie cut that takes 5 minutes to dry and style and loves humidity. Some of us just weren’t meant to wear our hair long.
anon
Same, girl, same. Fine hair, lots of it, but it’s not completely straight nor really wavy. I have a pixie bob and it is super low maintenance. It takes me 10 minutes to blow dry, and I’m done. I hate having long hair. It’s so much work for meh results.
Anon
I also have lots of fine hair (looks thick but each strand is very fine), and I have to wash daily. Even if I shower in the morning on one day and shower after work the next day it looks so greasy.
Another anon
I think I have your hair. I’m always afraid that going shorter than my current shoulder length will accentuate the poofy triangle effect when it’s humid. How short did you go? Is there a celeb I can google for comparison?
anon at 10:20
The poofy triangle, or poofy ball, risk is real when you have a lot of hair. I had to go quite short with a ton of texture in order to avoid the poof, and I had to try several stylists to find one who would texturize it enough. I also have to get it trimmed every 4 weeks. Right now it looks like one of Anne Hathaway’s shorter cuts: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/health-fitness/news/a10777/get-short-hair-like-anne-hathaway/ For fancy occasions I can spike it up like Halle Berry: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/health-fitness/news/a10777/get-short-hair-like-anne-hathaway/
If you get it cut short and don’t like it, try going shorter and more textured.
Anonymous
Suck in mod, apparently because I linked photos.
Yes, a poofy triangle or poofy ball is a huge risk. I had to go quite short with a ridiculous amount of texture, and I have to get it trimmed quite often. If it’s poofy, go shorter and add more texture. You can never have enough texture.
Another anon
Thank you!
anonymous
Is that was women in the 50s did? Wouldn’t they get their hair “set” at the hairdressers? I never understood how that worked from a practical perspective. Was there enough product/hair spray used to keep in place all week/
Anonymous
They put it in curlers and slept with a bonnet over the curlers. At least that’s what my grandmother did.
Anon
My grandma did this! She would sleep on a silk pillow case and would sometimes have to redo the curls a bit with a curling iron on Wednesday (she got hers “done” on Thursday mornings). But yeah she had extremely dry hair and the hairdresser would put a TON of hairspray on it. Then the next day when she’d get up, she’d fluff with a pick and spray it down again. The curls wouldn’t be perfect after a few days, but there would still be a lot of volume due to teasing, picking, and spraying.
Anon
No, I have a ton of thick wavy hair and have gone a week without washing. No one notices and it’s fine. I actually ask friends and family if my hair looks ok and they would give me an honest answer. It all depends on hair type.
Blowout Queen
This depends on your hair situation, but it works for me to do blowouts every 5ish days. I have very very thick hair, and very little oil builds up. A few days after a blowout, I refresh my hair using a good dry shampoo (like the Living Proof advanced clean one or IGK has a good charcoal one). Sometimes I also then add waves using a wand styler and that helps too. This can buy a few extra days of the blowout for me.
I tried the Revlon styler after seeing recs here but I just couldn’t get it to work for my really thick hair. I like ethe Dyson airwrap much better – I just use the brush attachment to dry it straight and it looks pretty close to a blowout. It’s faster than a regular hair dryer and makes my hair look like 75% of a blowout.
Anon
I refuse to spend $45 for a blowout. I have long thick wavy hair. I either shower in the morning and let it air dry most of the day or shower at night and let it dry overnight. Then I use the Revlon dry brush which gets it mostly straight and dry and use a straightener to either straighten or curl it. I can also go 5-7 days without washing.
Lizbet
I also can do one every five days or so — lots of thick, coarse hair and the blowout makes it look one million times better. It helps enormously to put my hair up in a loose, scrunchy-tied topknot before sleeping every night. Keeps it fluffy.
Anonymous
how often do you wash your hair when you don’t have a blowout? if you wash every day you’ll never get a blowout to last more than two days.
i wash my hair with shampoo every 4-8 days (sometimes i co-wash at day 4, sometimes i shampoo)
Anon
I’m a side sleeper and lately, my hips just hurt, even the hip that doesn’t have my weight resting on it. That may be linked to WFH many days a week on my bed (no home office); office days seem a little bit better maybe b/c of the chair and b/c of moving more. I’m going back to the office FT but b/c of kids, often work at home some each day (so pre-COVID 1-2 hours was fine). In the meantime, what sort of massage will help loosen up / help in this area? Friends have recommended infrared thingies, salt baths, all sort of things. I’m less active (thanks to schools not re-opening, gyms being closed, and losing that habit), but hoping to ramp up as the days get longer and maybe I can do more tennis / hiking / stuff than just walking around.
Anonymous
Any massage will help but what you, like me, need to do is recognize you’re old and just need to take better care of yourself. Ten minutes walking a day plus pick up a stretching or yoga for hips practice and my hip is fine.
anon
Stretches and yoga targeted at your hips will help.
Anonymous
Yes. Specifically pigeon pose.
anonshmanon
I also recommend hamstring stretches. Sleeping with a pillow between your knees, or under your upper knee when you are on the side, can help with pain in the night.
Bonnie Kate
And if pigeon pose feels like too much, do figure four, with which is pigeon pose on your back without the pressure of your body.
Anon.
I would look into improving your WFH setup. I can’t imagine working from my bed for an extended period of time.
Do you have a chair and a table somewhere in your house? Kitchen table? There are also desks/boards you can attach to a wall with a hinge and fold them up like a murphy bed, maybe that’s an option to install a desk in your bedroom.
Even a kids’ bedroom could be an office with a small corner desk if need be (and while kids are at school/daycare).
Bonnie Kate
When this happens to me, I see if I can fix it with yoga for about a week then I go to the chiropractor to get adjusted. Almost always the chiro fixes the issue in one visit.
Anon
This is interesting. I had been dim on chiropractors b/c of reading that they claim it can cure allergies, etc. But if it can actually fix musculo-skeletal things, I might investigate. I thought they were sort of this side of quacks.
Anon
I would rather get adjusted by an osteopath if available. I think chiropractors are pretty “buyer beware” and I won’t let them near my neck (no aortic dissections for me, thank you!). But PTs are pretty hit or miss too in my experience.
But some of this stuff works no matter who is doing it: it’s more about risk/reward when the degree somebody has isn’t very reassuring.
Bonnie Kate
Of course make your own decisions, but musculoskeletal things are literally all I go to the chiropractor for, because that’s exactly what they’re trained in. My chiro is very professional, extremely knowledgable in body mechanics. I generally am pretty aware of what’s going on in my body, and I go it, describe the issue, we talk it through, and he adjusts me.
I have a lot of neck issues, and almost always get the “scary” adjustments and they absolutely help.
They certainly have more training that massage therapists (re OP’s request for specific kinds of massage). I’m not knocking massage therapists at all, but a chiropractor’s career path is undergrad plus 3-4 years grad degree. Basically the same amount of education as a Physician Assistant.
Of course you have weirdos who say they can cure everything, but you have that in every profession. I’ve been to 4 different ones over the years (different places I’ve lived) and never have I had one that has processed to cure allergies or cancer or whatever. I know they exist, but I don’t think it’s fair to paint the entire profession based on the outliers or discourage people from trying it.
Maybe it’s a regional thing and chiros are more accepted where I live…it seems like people on this board has the weirdest hangups about chiropractors.
Anonymous
Sleeping with a pillow between my knees helps with this.
Anonymous
this
Anon
I have this problem too, have been dealing with it for a few years. What works best for me is finding the right pillow to use between your knees (or me actual knee pillows were uncomfortable) and not sleeping in the same spot 7 nights per week- my pain is a lot better when I sleep on the couch a few nights a week.
Anonymous
I eventually saw a good PT who analyzed the cause and taught me some exercises to help. I do the exercises every morning. They only take about 10 minutes. Understanding the cause and being diligent about doing the exercises has made a world of difference. If I neglect to do them I can really feel it.
Anon
I just need to vent. Being single in your thirties sucks financially. My friends who make about as much money as I do can afford to spend twice as much on a house as I can because they all have partners. I don’t know how I will ever be able to buy a house myself in an area where I’d actually want to live unless I find a partner which feels basically impossible. I am grateful for a lot of things but this is really frustrating right now.
Anon
The housing market in most major cities is out of hand right now, even for couples. Hugs! I hope you find a home you love soon.
Anon
Commiserations. I also hate that I end up spending almost twice as much on vacations bc of single occupancy of hotel rooms or cruise ship cabins… Even cruises or hotels with “single” rooms are more like 75% of a double room, not 50%.
Anon
Single people buy houses all the time. Focus on buying within your means. Also, comparison is the thief of joy.
Anon
I got married three years ago, in my very late 30s. Years of being single really do wear on a person, and it is easier to save and build wealth as a married couple. (This is intended to be Sympathetic Married and not Smug Married.)
We see people who earn about what we do and got married much younger; they are better off. Even if they “only” save a few hundred dollars a month in living expenses, it adds up. They are able to leverage their careers such that one provides stability and benefits, while the other person takes strategic risks. I know several solo practitioners who made the early years work by being married to someone whose job provided a level income and solid benefits.
Anon
But it is true that couples with the same salary as her have double the buying power. I get her frustration and I don’t think being told “some single people can afford houses” – while true – is helpful.
anon
+1 as a long time single person who has bought two houssa on my own, my buying power is more restricted than two earner couples. The tax code also benefits married couples over single people and like someone already mentioned, things like hotel rooms are geared to be more economical for couples. It’s frustrating. While I am definitely financially well off compared to most, I could be even better off if I was part of a dual-income household.
Anonymous
You are not correct about the tax code. Two relatively high earners are objectively worse off than a single earner.
Anonymous
Actually, the tax code penalizes two-earner couples. My husband and I earn comparable salaries, and our combined tax burden is much higher than it would be if we were both single. Only single-earner couples or those where the distribution of income is very unequal benefit from lower tax rates.
anon
Cool, take it up with this journalist
https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/01/the-high-price-of-being-single-in-america/267043/
Anonymous
I don’t know where the Atlantic is getting its numbers, but they don’t look right to me. I actually wrote a paper where I calculated federal income taxes for hypothetical couples at a whole different range of incomes. In these scenarios, the wife (who is the “secondary earner” because she earns less) actually pays a much higher rate of taxes than she would if single. The husband pays somewhat less than he would as a single person because he is the “primary earner” and benefits from the widening of the rate brackets for married couples. In a scenario like the two presented in the article, where the wife’s and husband’s income are not wildly different, when you add the husband’s lower taxes to the wife’s much higher taxes, the couple ends up paying more than they would if each were a single filer. The more equal the couple’s incomes, the higher the marriage penalty. My guess is that if these numbers are actually right, the income scenarios were cherry-picked so that the combination of the larger standard deduction and the marginal rate structure made it work out so there was still a marriage penalty (I wrote my paper when the standard deduction was lower), but in any case it’s a unicorn scenario. A couple where the wife earns 78% of her husband’s salary is nearly always going to get hit with the marriage penalty.
As to health insurance, my husband and I don’t pay any less for health insurance as a couple than we would if we were single. Both of our employers charge huge penalties to have an employed spouse on your policy, so we each have an individual policy.
Anonymous
The tax code has changed since 2013, when this was written. In the past several years, again, two income married couples have an objectively higher tax burden. Not to say being single is not a financial burden; you are simply incorrect about the tax code.
Anonymous
The authors of the Atlantic article appear to have taken the couple’s combined tax burden and split it, then compared that to what the woman would have paid if single. That’s deceptive, because 1) the couple’s combined tax burden is still higher than what they’d pay combined if single and 2) as the lower earner in a two-earner couple, the woman is subject to a much higher marginal rate than she would be if single, which has a distorting effect on her decisions about whether to work and how much to work.
Anon
OP makes it sound like it is impossible to buy a house as a single person, which simply isn’t true. If the goal is to buy a house, focus on a house that works and is affordable for you as a single person. Housing needs for one person can be quite different from housing needs for a couple.
Anon
It might be possible for some single people, but certainly there are many single people (myself and OP included) who are unable to buy due to the housing market, cost of living, salary. It is absolutely easier for most couples to buy than most single people.
Anon
She’s saying she’s priced out of the markets she wants to live in but wouldn’t be if she had a partner earning the same. That could be true, you don’t know her financial situation. The fact that some single people buy houses in some places doesn’t disprove her point.
Anonymous
Well right now, esp in HCOL cities, it’s pretty damn hard. I’m a single person, but I bought a house in 2015, when prices here were still relatively “affordable.” I certainly couldn’t buy a house/condo in my suburbs now unless I wanted to buy something falling apart.
Anon
Exactly. I say this so often it might out me to people who know me: two working class incomes means a middle class HHI. Two middle class incomes result in a very comfortable middle/upper middle class HHI.
Anonymous
Single person here trying to buy a $500K 1 or 2 BR condo…trying for over a year. Please don’t think we single people have unreasonable expectations about what works for us. We simply cannot make the same competitive offers that a 2 income household can, in terms of a large down payment or cash offer, which is what competitive markets demand.
Anonymous
Yes! I was able to buy a house on my own, but it was harder, and I had to make many more compromises so that I wasn’t getting something I couldn’t support on my on own. The cost of entry is so high, but it doesn’t escalate linearly. Some of them gaul me, because if I’d been partnered and could have swung 1.33 times what I paid without any of the compromises.
(Yes yes, comparison is the thief of joy, but it hurts.)
Anon for this
Someone is entirely missing the point.
Anon for this
Sorry, wrong place. Responding to Anon at 10:41
Anon
Yes. Absolutely.
FWIW, a friend who teaches school bought a small townhouse where she had roommates into her mid-30s. Only one was really psycho, but it was not that different to her than sharing an apartment with roommates with rent going up every year and people having BF or GF over and having your room be your private space. It’s not for everyone, but it let her get her foot in the door building equity in a place she knew she’d be for the foreseeable future.
Anonymous
Yeah same but also I don’t have to deal with a husband sad tbh my friends don’t all have great ones. I will be buying a house later but I also get to do what I want.
Anon
Yeah – as a single person in her 30s watching her first close friend getting divorced…I’ve never felt so validated by my choice to wait for the right guy rather than get married because I want to be married, but maybe not to that person…
Anon
Single people want to believe that all marriages that end were doomed from the start or there was some obvious red flag one person ignored. But in my experience, many (I’d argue most) people who end up divorced thought they were marrying the right person.
Anon
This is a subject worthy of its own thread.
Anonymous
No I don’t believe this at all. I’m just saying, some of my friends husbands suck!
Anon
Yeah I thought a lot of my friends were dating jerks since they started dating. I see a lot of people in such a rush to check the box and get married they settle down with bad partners
anon
Oh, not just single people. Many *people*, full stop, want to believe that. Including many insecure married people who are secretly worried about their relationship and have the cling to the belief that it’s easy to spot a marriage that will end in divorce. I speak as someone who was one of those insecure married people at one point in my life and have known others.
Anon
I know a couple women in miserable relationships because they are too afraid to be single and I’m so glad that’s not me.
Anon
I’m mid fifties and I’m so jaded at this point. I love my husband and we get along pretty well most days (no one is perfect) but we are each other’s second spouses so we’ve learned a lot of tough lessons. I have SO many friends, though, who are just gritting their teeth and barely tolerating their spouses – and I don’t blame them for not liking their spouses, they’re variously lazy or cheating or bitingly cruel – but I do question why they stay.
Ellen
Yes, Hugs. I am in the same boat, tho at least my dad is bankrolling my new place for me, since I have no husband and no prospects now that I am 40. Ptooey! I could have had any number of guys that wanted to marry me in the last 10 years, but they each had major imperfections. They were either slovenly, had bad teeth and breathe, wanted me only for the paycheck I brought home, and/or just wanted s-x on demand, and may not have stuck with me once I popped out a kid or 2, because they were so vain. Also, there were guys who had some qualities, but were only interested in pleasing themselves in bed (or having me please them first), but not reciprocating in any way to satisfy my needs, leaving me with nothing after they rolled over to sleep.
I suppose with such a collection of losers, I have valid excuses for being single, but still, I see my freinds with similar schlubs, but they at least seem somewhat happy, except for my freinds who have already dumped and/or divorced their husbands by now b/c of their incompatibilities.
I guess at the end of the day if I could do it over, I’d have married one of my law school professors, who was dorky, but at least worshipped me. He had a good sense of humor and was generally interested in what I had to say. I never slept with him tho I am positive he would have pulled his pants down in a nanosecond if I had given him one bit of encouragement. I do not know if I could have stomached him huffeing and puffeing on top of me though, as he had a big moustache that always had food in it. FOOEY!
Anon
I feel this so hard. I will never be able to afford a house. Just no way. (I’m not a fancy lawyer like most people here.) Meanwhile my married friends spend like $200 more a month on their mortgage then I do on rent but they could afford the down payment and they have someone to share expenses with. It sucks.
Anon
+1
Mortgages are usually slightly cheaper than rent here, but as a single government employee I cannot afford a downpayment so I still rent.
Anon
Forgive me if this is entirely inapplicable to your situation, but consider whether your employer sponsored retirement plans allows you to take out retirement money penalty free for a “first home purchase” and whether there are any low-down-payment mortgages available to you as a government employee. I’ve worked for local government my whole career and there are a lot of benefits like this, which sometimes are helpful in making that leap to homeownership. Taking money out of retirement is usually a Bad Thing, but if it helps you buy a home a couple of years sooner, it might not be SO bad.
Anonnie
Also early 30s and feeling this. It’s not even about what I can afford, but it’s the fact that because of my salary versus other things I have had focus it on (student loans), I haven’t been able to save up the needed down payment. The “single tax” is real.
Anonymous
I’m there with you, feeling the exact same concerns after being outbid on several offers. My mom keeps saying “you make good money! How come you can’t get a house?” Because successful offers have TWO people making good money in my HCOL city. It’s hard.
Anonymous
Yes! I am in the exact situation the OP describes. Not only do I make decent money but I have been saving for a LONG time for the down payment (less disposable income as a single person). And I genuinely feel like the offers coming in from couples simply look better than mine, combined with the fact that they can put 50% down, whereas I really can only do 25% and be comfortable, because I still need a decent amount of cash sitting around, since everything rests on my one income.
Anon
Just an FYI, even with a partner it’s hard. My bf makes a lot less than me and it can be a struggle.
Bloedel Babe
Hi. I felt exactly the same way when I was early 30s. When I was 31, I was the high bidder for my dream home. The sellers elected to sell their house for $15k less to a married couple, for “sentimental reasons” (they said to my agent). I was gutted for years over that, and ping ponged around in much less nice housing for many years.
Almost 10 years later, I am still single. After living very frugally for this period, I successfully closed on a gorgeous home last year. I was only able to do this because of my out-sized savings relative to my income. As my double income peers started having children, I think those costs really add up and allowed me to outpace them in terms of savings and therefore buying power.
Just wanted to offer you some hope. Stay the course, keep saving, and eventually the odds could turn in your favor beyond what you could have imagined.
Anonymous
It’s so hard. I can only hope that the next generation of men is more capable and mature on average than most of the 30- and 40-something men I know. It’s like they have totally abdicated all adult responsibility to women. “Oh women want to enter the workforce so men have to bring more to the table than just a paycheck? Well screw them, they can do it all while we go drink amirite boys!”
Until I met my husband (at 36), all prior relationships were a financial loss for me, including the one time a man “supported” me for a couple years while I was in school. Even the last guy before DH – owned his home, made 6 figures, supposedly wanted to travel. As soon as he moved in with me, he went back on his word and refused to pay a fair share of our joint expenses (because I shouldn’t earn equity on his money – even though he rented out his place at a profit that I didn’t share in), but still insisted on 50/50 for entertainment, meals out, and alcohol – which he consumed far more of. DH makes far less than I or most of my exes and he is still the only man I’ve ever dated who is a net financial positive.
Anonymous
Just adding that as someone who is married but lives in a different state than my husband I feel this as well. We don’t get to enjoy the DINK lifestyle since we currently live apart and it’s not going to change anytime soon thanks to our jobs. The housing part is the hardest. Currently looking to buy a house where I would live fulltime and he could be there on the weekends but it’s basically me buying the house since he also has to pay for an apartment where he works. And all the tiny homes that would fit us are being snatched up by people with larger families who don’t want to pay the ridiculous house prices for larger houses (understandable). It for sure opened my eyes to how single people get screwed over.
Anonymous
Chiming in to say that the single tax is very real, but if those couples have kids, the kid tax is even higher so you’ll come out on top!
Anonymous
Fifteen years ago, I was a size 2. I was healthy, active, and didn’t love my body as much as I probably should’ve. I stayed the same size, plus/minus some muscle through the years, for about a decade.
Six years ago, I became really ill. Due to hospital stays and meds, I lost a ton of weight, dropping down to size “00.” (my 2s hung off me, and people who didn’t know I was ill would comment that I should stop my diet. I had a hard time finding clothes thanks to vanity sizing and my lack of a shape.) I stayed a 00 up to the pandemic, got healthier but never got much weight back. More like, got a little more shape to fill out clothes. I purchased a lot of XXS clothing during this time.
Since Covid, I am back to almost my old size. Sizing is different now so it’s more like a “0” at Loft, etc. XXS no longer fits well, and I can’t button 00 pants.
I have several lovely items now in the smaller size, including suits/dresses/jeans. I feel pretty confident I’m back at my old size for a while – unless I get bad news this fall. Every time I try to purge this smaller size, I am struck with a terrible fear that I’ll get sick again. Sort of like, keeping it wards off the bad. I donated a couple boxes items to a women’s charity store in my area, but the items did not sell. (I took a box last fall and they gently advised I donate to Goodwill as that size range isn’t in need).
I don’t know what I’m looking for. I guess, maybe advice on whether to keep any of the smaller size? How to decide what to do with the stuff that I am scared I might need again?
Anonymous
Even though it doesn’t seem that way now, purging the “sick” clothes will probably help you feel free and move on.
From a practical standpoint, if you ever need those clothes again they’ll be out of style and make you feel sad wearing them. Get rid of them and buy new ones if the need arises.
Anonymous
You can let this go. If you were to get sick, stores will have clothes. It is ok to not maximize this decision. You do not need to individually place your clothes with loving homes. Put them in a bag, drop it at goodwill. I think you’re underestimating the stress that having them in your home is causing you.
Anonymous
There are two factors going on here. One is the practical question of what to do with the clothes. The other is the fear and trauma related to your illness. Since there’s so much emotion attached to all this, I’d just box the stupid things up and stick them in the back of the closet and go on with your life; or box them up and take them all to Goodwill and just plan on buying a new set if/when you need them. Your fear will still be around and you can deal with that in other ways, but the clothes themselves aren’t a talisman that carry all kinds of meaning or power. They’re just clothing items. Whichever option you choose, you’re demoting them from magical items that can/can’t make you ill or take care of you when you get ill or that carry emotional residue from when you were ill.
Anon
What if you keep a few favorite pieces from your old size but give the rest to goodwill?
AIMS
I completely understand the feeling of “jinxing” yourself if you get rid of them. The fact that it’s irrational is irrelevant.
I would say that you can “safely” get rid of most of the stuff because it will be outdated, as others have pointed out, and if you feel the need, keep a few classic/cozy/favorite items to ward off the bad juju just in case in a box somewhere.
Anon
Sounds like you have been through a lot. A different situation, but I had a hard time giving away pre-pregnancy clothes and then ended up giving them to a bunch of junior staffers at work and that felt really good. They would wear them in the office, for grad school interviews, and beyond, and really appreciated having nice and well-cared Glen professional clothes that were beyond what they could afford. You could reach out to a college career services or women’s campus pre-med or pre-law or similar org and see if they might be interested in them for students.
Angie
Corporettes, I have a kind of odd problem – I will be going on a work trip in June where, for budget reasons (we’re a small state university), I will be sharing a room with one or more people. Normally, at home, I sleep in just my underwear (and socks if it’s cold). This is obviously not okay while sharing a room with a colleague – I need some kind of sleepwear.
I do not own any sleepwear qua sleepwear. Can I use some clean workout gear? I have tank top or short-sleeved shirt and shorts sets, which cover everything that needs covering and are comfortable enough to sleep in; I also have a hoodie and leggings, in case the air conditioning’s being overactive. Does that cut it, or do I need to go track down something that’s slightly “nicer” because this is a work event? (I don’t care if my roommate thinks I’m ugly or unfashionable, but I do care if they think I’m not taking this seriously.)
Anon
That is fine sleepwear.
Anon
Can you afford to just get your own room? I would do that before I’d share with coworkers.
Anonymous
Same. I can’t sleep if I’m on edge, and I’d definitely be on edge sharing a room with co-workers.
Anon
Why? I can see being nervous about being in the same room as the boss, but sharing a room with a same level female co-worker is just not that weird or uncomfortable to me, and I’m a shy introvert.
Anonymous
I don’t even like sharing a room with my own family members. I just can’t relax because I know that they might move around and make noise at any time and wake me up, and I’m worried about disturbing them. My dog doesn’t even get to sleep in my bedroom for this reason.
Cat
I would loathe this too – the vulnerability of sleeping and pre-shower appearance are not something that coworkers should be able to invade.
Anon
A bedroom is a sanctuary. Randos do not belong next to me while I am unconscious. Having to explain this is bizarre.
Anon
A co-worker is not a ‘rando’ and they’re not ‘next’ to you. You always have separate beds.
Anon
It’s not my favorite thing to do but it’s not awful
Anon
Cool, cool that you feel that way. I think I would rather stick my hand in a blender and hit “frappe” than do this. Would 100% pay for my own room. I have not roomed with strangers since college, 20+ years ago, and am not about to re-start doing that now, when I am old and cranky.
Anon
Agreed. I would never be okay with this.
kitten
Yea I can’t believe work places still do this. I would literally go into credit card debt to get my own room or even stay somewhere cheaper nearby and uber.
Anon
Not an ideal situation but I’ve done it before and it’s certainly not terrible by any means
Anonymous
Your co-workers must not snore.
Anon
Yes. I always pack comfy street clothes (workout clothes or athleisure) when staying overnight w/colleagues, since I don’t really want to wear even very sedate and modest pajamas in front of people I work with. (I don’t mind if they want to wear flannel PJs; I just feel more comfortable wearing something I’d wear to the store.)
Anon
What you described is fine sleepwear. You don’t need to purchase “pajamas” and I would argue it’s more comfortable to sleep in front of coworkers in athletic gear than anything actually intended for sleeping.
Anon
+1
Anon
Cotton t-shirt and old shorts is my normal sleepwear.
Check with your uni if airbnb/VRBO is an option. Depending on your destination, you may be able to rent a house that’ll give everyone their own bedroom for the same price as the hotel room.
pugsnbourbon
I shared a hotel room with my boss once (that nonprofit life) and I wore soft bike shorts and a tank top to bed. I don’t remember what she wore.
I did accidentally mix up my hair gel and shampoo that morning – had to sneakily rinse my hair out again so she wouldn’t think I was a complete idiot …
Anonymous
Do not do this. Pay to upgrade to your own room or stay home. Do not be part of normalizing this.
Anon
This is totally normal though. For many industries.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
What industries are those? I work for a nonprofit. I don’t get to stay at fancy hotels, but I do get my own room.
Anon
When I worked at an NGO this was normal
anonshmanon
For universities, this is not uncommon. However, it totally sucks and is part of the bigger picture of no work-life-boundaries in that world. Fine for some, but prohibitive for lots of people.
Anon
I’m university staff. We often have to share rooms when traveling, but at least for me I see it as a budget thing and not a reflection of greater work-life balance problems (I work 9-5 and am almost never expected to work evenings or weekends; I know faculty have a different situation). I know my employer has limited funds for travel and I’d much rather travel and share rooms than not travel at all!
anonshmanon
Yeah but the fact that ‘there is no budget’ for people to have some privacy during business travel, shows that it is not a priority of the people who plan the budgets and the funding agencies that grant the budgets. It makes business travel that much more draining for lots of people. You either have the choice to be ‘on’ 24 hours a day, because even your evening and sleeping hours are shared with a work colleague. Or you might not feel that way, because your colleague is also a personal friend, and sharing a room is no big deal. I.e. no defined work life balance. Or you might just personally not have such an issue with sharing the room, but again, that’s not true for everyone, and this particular personality trait or personal/cultural background shouldn’t be a factor in professional success, in my opinion, because I want academia to be more diverse.
Anon
I could totally understand and accept that due to budget concerns, in order to travel, I may have to share a room with someone. I would never, ever share a room with someone. I would just budget the money and stay in my own room (or with a friend who had a guest room, if one happened to be in the area). I could totally accept that as a “cost of doing business” for my professional development or whatever.
Anon
See I think rooming with someone isn’t fun but I’d do it if I had to. I would NEVER pay my own money for a business trip. A week at a conference hotel can be $1-2k. To me that’s insane to o op at out if your own pocket, but I make a lot less than many here. $1k is 2% of my annual pre-tax salary.
Shenandoah
I am so thankful now that my company does not ever expect us to share rooms. I had no idea this was commonplace in other industries. I definitely need my own space on travel.
Anonymous
We don’t even sit together on the plane. Rooming together is awful.
Anon
Water under the bridge in some contexts where it’s already normalized.
Anonymous
When I worked in the fed government, junior staff had to share. I hated it.
Anon
you definitely do not need to purchase anything else, and as someone who also works in a lower budget setting, i personally think it is absurd that grown adults are expected to share a room during travel and i try to get myself out of any of such trips, especially in a pandemic world
Anon
Often though, the budget is X and either half as many people get to do what is generally a good / valuable thing (conferences, retreats) and stay solo or twice as many people can go if the room expense is lower. Often, I’ve stayed with friends to get to go to things but I’d rather go than not (pre-COVID, at least).
Anon
Same thing here. I’d rather everyone get to participate even if it means room-sharing.
Angie
Thanks for the advice, everyone!
On the “sharing rooms is unreasonable thing” – I’m not thrilled about it, but the project does not have a large travel budget, and I’m an undergrad assistant (I know the travel budget because I’m the one who did the paperwork to get it). If they had to start cutting people to make room numbers work, I have no illusions about who’d be on the chopping block. I also don’t have $500 to cover my own room for the duration – and that’s at the conference discount rate. So room sharing is the order of the day, at least for right now.
Another anon
Your sleepwear sounds fine, and sharing a hotel room with a same gender, approximate same level colleague is common in academia. (If not that, we often stay in dorms with common bathrooms!)
Anonymous
Lifelong nonprofit employee…this is pretty common. I’ve shared a room with direct reports and colleagues at my level. I think your athletic wear is fine for PJs.
Anon
For all the people completely horrified by this, it is incredibly common in many industries (especially in academia where students and students athletes are routinely required to share rooms and nonprofits where we are spending money that we could be using for our mission). I realize there are people with phobias but the outrage is honestly puzzling and completely out of touch.
But then I suspect the people who would rather go into debt that share a room with a co-worker are not the kind of people who end up in fields where this is quite common.
Anonymous
Students and student-athletes are not the same as adult professionals. We still expect college kids to share dorm rooms (which I think we ought to question, but that’s a separate issue). Once you have a bachelor’s degree, you are an adult and deserve your own room.
Anon
Curious as to why you’re against college students sharing rooms?
Anonymous
Because all people need their own space to sleep, study, etc. Even when I roomed with a friend and not a random roommate, I never got enough sleep or solo downtime. It was exhausting and stressful.
Everyone should have a room of one’s own. It’s a matter of basic human dignity.
Anon
Lots of kids grow up sharing rooms with siblings. Do you think that’s cruel too!? It’s quite privileged and American-centric to say that a room of one’s own is a basic human right, considering that in much of the world people live three or four generations in one house.
Anonymous
Yes, I think it’s shocking that there are people taking recreational flights to space when there are kids all over the world who don’t have their own rooms, clean water, etc. Individual dignity requires some privacy.
Anon
Not the OP, but there’s a big difference between kids sharing rooms when they all live on pretty much the same schedule and there are are parents who can step in to make sure everyone is being treated fairly and college students who are often living totally different lives on wildly different schedules while trying to share a room. For me it comes down to the necessity of getting adequate sleep, which I really struggled with when I had roommates in college- I was so run down that I probably spent 40% of my time in college with some kind of respiratory infection. Also, kids don’t usually have to live their entire life in a bedroom the way college students do, which just makes it a lot harder when one person needs to stay up late to study and another needs to sleep so that they can get up for their 8 am class. Even having separate bedrooms doesn’t solve the noise issue, but it would help a lot.
Anonymous
What’s completely out of touch is that room-sharing is normalized at these employers.
I work for a nonprofit. My travel does further the mission; in fact, it’s essential to the mission. We have never, ever been asked to share rooms.
Anon
+1 that the outrage and puzzling is out of touch, but that those who would rather go into debt than share a room are not going into fields where this happens.
My (low paid but fulfilling) public safety job has me doing all sorts of stuff that people on this board object to on a salary that would shock most of you. We always say, it’s not called public service for nothing.
Anon
Admittedly I work in a different field than most of you but I’ve been in work trips sleeping on a cot in a mixed gendered room with 10 people in it. Just some perspective
Anonymous
That might be reasonable for disaster response or military training/deployment. Not for a conference, even in one of those fields.
anonshmanon
I just think that you can acknowledge that something is practiced widely, while also acknowledging that it is not ideal for many reasons, and look for ways to shift the needle. As a recovering academic, I find it hilarious that it’s our business to question and push the boundaries of knowledge, but questioning academic systems themselves hardly ever leads anywhere.
Woof
First off, I would get my own room, no question. I need some space and privacy, and my mouth guard and night time hair “up in a pony at the top of my head” is no one’s business. But, buy yourself some nice pajamas. They are everywhere, my favorite are garnet hill’s asian wrap pjs, but it is easy to find something. I wear pjs for 3-4 nights, so you may need more or you may need to do laundry–you did not say how long the trip is. TJ Max and Target and Walmart–so easy to find pjs.
Anonymous
Now in addition to “Is my water bottle professional” and “Is my scrunchie professional” we have to worry about “Are my pajamas professional”?
Coach Laura
I did this in my late 20s. I was managing a call center in Seattle at Christmas time and Seattle does not do well in the snow. A huge blizzard was predicted with tempuratures in the low 20s. My two bosses and I were all living in the suburbs and wouldn’t have been likely been able to get in even if we tried. The snow was already falling at 12noon when the company tried to book hotel rooms. They got one for the three of us. They got another room for four smokers. My two bosses, who were friends, shared a bed. I probably would have slept in a chair rather than share a bed as my bosses were not my favorite people. We were able to buy big t-shirts to sleep in and toothpaste/toothbrush and all had to wash our undies in the sink.
The next morning, they Hyatt had about 30 people that they had allowed to sleep in the lobby and public areas. It literally would have been deadly for people to sleep outside or in a car and I guess the people without beds closed down the bars at 2a.m., so maybe Hyatt made enough money on it but it was nice that they were human about it.
Monday
I’m feeling smug AF about a work situation and will share in case it helps anyone else in advocating for themselves.
I’m in health care, and in my last job (at a hospital) there were glaring safety problems that I kept raising, and that management kept ignoring. I announced that I was quitting over these safety problems, and left a sturdy paper trail both to help my colleagues who stayed, and hopefully to make management afraid of being sued successfully in the future. Well, I had coffee with a former coworker over the weekend, and despite being posted since I gave notice in October, my job is still unfilled. Indeed, not one person has applied. Meanwhile, several specific safety measures that I requested, that management wouldn’t even discuss with me, have now been implemented. But these resources are more or less wasted right now, because they’re there to protect my replacement, and there is no replacement!
I think health care workers are just starting to realize how much leverage we have now….even I was surprised.
anonshmanon
More power to you!
Anon
Every story like this is encouraging to me. Sometimes I feel like the reason healthcare workers are kept down as much as they are is because the vision and values of this kind of work could change the world.
khc
Anyone have a good resource for stylish shoes that either run very narrow or actually come in a narrow width? Specifically I’m looking for a pair of the woven mules that are popular this season and I need to be able to hold them on without clenching my toes!
Anonymous
No one can keep mules on without toe clenching they are trash shoes.
Anon
Totally agree.
ElisaR
that is a fact.
Anon
M. Gemi runs very narrow, as do a lot of other higher-end European brands.
Anon
I am having great success with a pair of Naot mules. They fit my custom orthotics, are leather (so not woven, but very nice), and I have had zero issues keeping them on comfortably. I have very bad feet and am very picky about shoes.
Anon
How do you keep your orthotics in place with a backless shoe? I’m having a hard time imagining it. I wear orthotics too, but I just figured mules are not for me.
Anon
The insole on the Naots is removable and my orthotics don’t budge once I put them in there. I actually have to work at it to get them out. I think it works because while the shoe is backless, there is a little leather lip that goes around the back. It’s the Naot Lodos and I have them in the Cheetah Suede. They seem to go with 90% of what I normally wear to work.
https://www.zappos.com/p/naot-lodos-cheetah-suede/product/9224344/color/138608
Anon
I have a comment in mod with the link but I was also shocked.
Anonymous
I have a work thing to go to in a month and need a haircut. I can’t decide if I want to get a curly cut – i’ve been trying to embrace curls over the past 2 years but it’s still a work in progress, especially over multiple days. should i just get a straight cut and blow it out?
event is LA if that matters, i’m in midwest currently.
Anon
I wouldn’t let a work thing dictate your whole haircut; go for the curly cut!
Anonymous
Look up Emily Henderson’s recent post on going with her natural curls. It looks so nice and so much easier than blowing it out.
Anonymous
Your hair is not unprofessional the way it grows out of your head. No one cares. Get the cut you want.
Anonymous
OP here – the problem is that i look like a poodle on a bad day
vs the glamorous, confident person i feel like when i get a blowout
AnonATL
I’ve been embracing my curls during the pandemic. On days it is truly out of control, I do half up half down and use heat to tidy the bottom half (even if that’s against the cgm)
The top half I basically twist back off my face the curls fall neatly in the back.
No Problem
FWIW, I’ve never had an official “curly” cut, but I get my hair cut into layers that make it look good both when curly and when straightened. Any competent stylist who says they cut curly hair should be able to do this. Then it’s your choice whether to wear it curly or straight at the event.
Also, second day (and third day…) curls are a total crapshoot. Once you’ve slept on them once, they are never going to look the same. So just wash your hair again to get them to curl again (or at least wet them in the shower as if washing, even if you don’t use shampoo).
Ribena
I’m also in this boat. I get my hair cut mostly one length with a very few layers for shape and around the front, and it looks good blown-out straight or worn curly.
Anon
FWIW I paid big bucks for a Deva Cut and HATED it. I looked like a 1980s AquaNet victim. I’ve since sought out layered tapered cuts that work for all textures.
Anon
This. An actual curly cut was horrific for my hair. Just a regular long layered cut and my hair looks good straight or curly.
Anon
Same for my kid. When she was a young teen she wanted a curly cut so I shelled out for one, and it looked very helmet-y. They’re trying to avoid the triangle look, but instead trim you like a topiary so you’re more or less a uniform thickness from crown to root. It was definitely not the look for a 14 year old, it was more like 1980s mom.
Anonymous
The topiary look is a deadly accurate way of describing curly cuts gone wrong!
OP, I have long, fine, low density 3b curls. I keep long layers that I cut myself using ManesbyMell’s tutorial (a combination of unicorn and cocker spaniel cuts) and it looks great both natural and straightened.
Anne-on
This. I had a ‘curly cut’ in the early 2000’s at an Aveda Salon in Soho and I hated it SO MUCH. The topiary comment was spot on. I grew it out until I could bob it and the most I’ve done since is long layers. I have 2c hair that can be 3a hair depending on humidity and regular long layers are the most flattering on me.
Anon
My daughter (I made the topiary comment) spent about a year with her hair in a bun after her curly cut. Then a shoulder length curly bob that I cut myself to get rid of all the bad layers once they were long enough. She didn’t trust any pros cutting her hair at that point.
Anon
I have lob-length fine 2c/3a hair that I wear straight a lot, and feel like I go through this same dilemma almost every time I get my hair cut. Honestly, I’ve been happier with my hair when I stopped getting curly cuts. The amount of layering in curly cuts made my hair look thinner overall, and the cut looked dated when I straightened it (a la the 90’s “Rachel” haircut). YMMV if your hair is thicker and/or longer than mine.
Looks like some other commenters are suggesting long layers with perhaps a shorter face-framing piece in front. I think that’s a good strategy if you plan to wear it both curly and straight.
Deedee
Just a vent: I recently completed a course of antibiotics and am preparing for —count them— TWO root canals/crowns.
in the meantime I just got shingles for the second time in 6 years, so now I need to take a pause to deal with that treatment.
And in the meantime all I want is to get through a normal month without antibiotics or antivirals so my LGBTQ spouse and I can finish fertility testing & begin TTC! Ugh!
If you have any experiences to share about prednisone (specifically for shingles), 8
I’d love to know. unfortunately I need to take a short course and I’m nervous about side effects.
Cornellian
I don’t know about for shingles, but I’d be prepared for some serious mood swings. I’m not a very angry person and I sort of swung between feeling very depressed and having to really restrain myself from throwing things against the wall. If you can try the lowest recommended dose, I definitely recommend it! Otherwise, I think everyone tells you about weight gain but I can’t imagine that will be too bad during a short course. But the moods kicked in like on day 1 for me. Good luck!
Anonymous
On the other hand, I was terrified of turning into the Incredible Hulk, but I’d been so sick that the steroids actually allowed me to relax and sleep.
Anonymous
You may want to apologize to your spouse in advance. Prednisone made me rather angry.
Cornellian
So angry! A man once grabbed me on the street by my cr*tch, and i kneed him between the legs. That powerful blind rage feeling that immediately followed was basically my entire week on prednisone.
Anon
At first I read this as you saying you kneed the crotch-grabber because you were on predisone and I was gonna say it was completely justified regardless of whether or not you were on any drugs!
Anon
Didn’t have it for shingles but did have it when bad mono led to several concomitant infections while my immune system was destroyed and my system was just overwhelmed. I was definitely very cranky and I craved very very strange things.
Anon
I had a course of prednisone recently for a bad poison oak reaction – maybe they’ll give you more for shingles, I don’t know – but my reaction was not being able to sleep and not feeling like I needed sleep, plus feeling weepy at everything even slightly emotional, like a cat food commercial in one instance. It was ridiculous! But it worked and my leg finally healed.
Anon
I had prednisone often as a kid for asthma. I didn’t notice a ton of side effects, although kids generally have much higher energy than adults do so an energy boost would have been less obvious. I know they were worried about it stunting my growth, but I ended up 5’11” so if my growth was stunted it wasn’t a big deal.
Senior Attorney
I can’t remember what they called it, but I had a course of prednisone for shingles where they started out with a moderate dose and then tapered down to pretty much nothing. It worked very fast on the symptoms and I was so happy and relieved that if it made me angry I didn’t even notice!! I was also worried about side effects but overall i was just ridiculously grateful for the relief. I hope your expeience is the same.
Anonymous
Same experience except with bronchitis, not shingles.
You will want to disclose any mental health conditions to the doctor prescribing the steroids, because some of these conditions increase the probability of side effects.
Curious
If you can, swallow all the pills together at once, and try not to let them touch your tongue. They taste like crap. Other than that, prednisone messes with the way your body processes sugar, so be prepared that foods you can normally handle might spike your blood sugar . For me, that presents as dizziness after any meal not containing protein — I have to have sandwiches or eggs or something with breakfast. Best of luck.
Chicago Filler Recs
Hi Hive! I need recommendations for where to get filler for my nasolabial folds in Chicago.
Blue Line accessible / Loop preferred.
TIA!
Anon
Hi! I have had filler/botox at a few places and I recommend Gold Coast Plastic Surgery. A nurse does it, not the surgeon, but she is VERY good.
Anon
I need to order some kn-95 masks. Any recommendations for best online stores that still have some in stock?
Anon
Lowes carries them on the shelf. No need to order.
Anon
I ordered from MASKC based on a recommendation here and have been happy with them.
anon
Second this. Maskc is my go to. There are always some on sale, they ship super fast, and the masks seem good.
Anon
They have a 65% off sale today until midnight with code: VIP65
Anon.
I liked both
https://koreamaskcenter.com/
https://behealthyusa.net/
Anon
MASKC – Theirs are the best the best the best. If you follow them on FB, they have been posting 50% off codes lately.
job Q
I graduated law school 12 years ago and worked my first 2 years as a law clerk for a trial court and the last 10 years as a career clerk for a state appellate court. Now that my loans will be forgiven soon (thanks to the waiver – I consolidated at one point, resulting in my PSLF count starting over), I’m rethinking my job. Is this really what I want to do until I retire? I love writing and researching, but I’m getting kind of bored and don’t make much money. But I’m not sure what else I could do. Any thoughts?
AIMS
You could go to an appellate firm maybe? I have a friend whose job is basically writing all the briefs for an appellate practice.
Or do you want to maybe try to become a judge/ALJ? A lot of former career clerks in NY do that (not sure where you are).
Probably a number of agencies you could go to as well. If you post your state, you may get more concrete suggestions.
Anon
This is my dream job (not OP) but there are no appellate boutiques I know of in my city.
AIMS
You may be able to find something remote these days!
Senior Attorney
You may be able to find something remote these days!
Anonymous
My job is literally to study the work of judges. Being an appellate clerk is very, very different from being a trial court judge. Especially in limited jurisdiction courts, the dockets can be very fast-paced and the work is demanding. In some places, courts are short on judges and judges have to put in a lot of after-hours work reviewing files and writing findings and orders. In other places, judges are on call for warrants and initial appearances 24/7 for days on end. It’s not necessarily a nice cushy 9-to-5 job like clerking.
Senior Attorney
Uh, OP said she was getting bored with her nice cushy 9-to-5 job.
Anon
Do you have a pension? Think carefully about how that factors into any income decision.
slap
I have a friend who was in your position.
She considered becoming a law librarian. She became a specialist in ?law tech/data bases etc.. and ran some programs for implementing them. And later she started stepping through leadership and was ?elected/nominated ….. as the “Clerk of the Court” of a District… then up to a certain “circuit” etc… Very high level
I’m not a lawyer so I may have the details off, but she has had a very interesting path, pretty much all in government positions. Her quality of life has been amazing, and her retirement benefits are fantastic. I am very envious.
Anonymous
Trial court administrator is another job to consider. Generally I find that the ones who have been lawyers are more effective than the ones who came out of the clerk’s office.
Anonymous
my friend is a law librarian and seems happy
Anonymous
State administrative office of the courts?
Anon
Would you make more working for your state’s attorney general office? These offices sometimes have attorney jobs that are largely researching and writing appellate briefs, with the occasional oral argument thrown in. You might also be in the same pension system with that type of change.
Anon
Any attorneys out there who work for a municipal government? How do you like it? I’m at a largeish firm doing litigation which is fine but I don’t love it (and hate business development) and have been pondering the idea of trying to find something in government or in house. My largeish city is hiring an assistant attorney that from the job description sounds like a very generalist position and I’m intrigued but my (limited) government experience is all state/federal level and not sure how different municipal would be.
Anonymous
If you’re talking about Jersey City, the pay is under 125
Anon
In municipal government and I work closely with the attorney and I love how varied the work is. Always something different! Might be different for an assistant attorney, though.
Anon
Good morning to my fellow immunocompromised r3ttes – I had Evusheld injections Friday. It was a piece of cake. I wanted to tell you about how it worked in case you’re wondering.
My doc (rheumatologist) called my prescription into the local hospital system. He told me to expect a call from them within 1-2 weeks. They actually called me within a few days, and my appointment was set for a week out. It was at an infusion center apparently mostly used for chemo infusions, outpatient.
I went into a glass room with curtains, sort of like an emergency room cubicle, and the nurse drew two shots. She gave me one shot in each hip, then I had to wait there for an hour in case of reaction. The only reaction I had, not even sure it was related to the shots, was a mild headache. Then she sent me home. No fever/chills/muscle aches like I had from the vaccinations.
The antibodies are effective pretty much immediately so that made me feel great about going to a small dinner party (100% vaccinated) over the weekend.
I just wanted to share my experience in case any of you are on the fence.
Anon
Thank you for sharing! I see my rheumatologist for first steps on the 4th.
anon
My FIL had Evusheld (he has cancer). About two weeks later his wife (and primary caregiver) got COVID. She masked, but he has memory loss and wasn’t able to be fully isolated from her. We set up some air filters in their house and hoped for the best – and it worked! He never got COVID. I credit the Evusheld.
Anon
Ooh that is great to hear. I (OP) assumed I’d still catch it but have a better chance of not dying from it now.
Curious
Thanks for sharing! I’ll probably be done being immunocompromised before I get off the local wait-list, but it’s just generally good to know!
AAM Question
Anyone else see the Ask A Manager question from today about the junior lawyer who applied for a job and submitted an unredacted writing sample from a case in which her current firm was adverse to the firm she was applying to? Stuff of nightmares. I cannot imagine salvaging that situation. She could end up fired, sanctioned, in front of an ethics committee, etc.
Anonymous
I think the receiving firm has an obligation to let the applicant and her firm know. And she will be fired.
Anon
Seems like she should be finding a legal ethics attorney to help her assess her options and mitigate damage.
Cat
I saw that! Guessing it’s a law student who’s applying to be a first year at a firm they didn’t summer at. I really, really hope it was an accident sending the wrong version as opposed to the applicant being so clueless!!!
Anonymous
Wow that’s incredibly embarrassing. Looks like it was a summer associate sending out their summer work product. Law students have a fairly recent memo from their legal writing class! Or their note from their write on! It makes me wonder what that firm requested. When I was applying, several firms specifically asked me for my own unedited work from an actual client matter, and said my legal writing memo, etc. were not acceptable. I wonder if the applicant succumbed to pressure. Either way, I think the law school should be informed as well, they should really make it clear to students that they are not to take work product from their prior firms and definitely not share it with others.
Anon
Ooof. That is an unfortunate mistake.
Anonymous
Yes. This is incredibly serious. I think she needs to be barred from practice. This is a profession for serious, highly dedicated and intelligent people who take their jobs and responsibilities and obligations to others and to the profession seriously and clearly she does not qualify. I know the profession is so big now that mediocre people get to practice but when one of those people identifies herself so clearly and so quickly, it is incumbent upon us to protect the profession by weeding such people out. Shame on her. Shame on her.
Anon
What? Of course this is a mistake to learn from and her three years and 200K+ of study should not be thrown away due to one error in judgment. For all we know, she may be too junior to even have taken legal ethics yet. She should be reprimanded, but a bar from the profession is absurd.
Anon
Favorite brands for sundresses?
Looking for natural fabrics, and ideally less than $100.
pugsnbourbon
Old Navy has some 100% cotton ones in the $30-$50 range. More options if you’re open to cotton/rayon or linen/rayon blends.
Anon
Also check out World Market. All cotton usually and made in India.
Mouse
I just wanted to share that I had a Mirena fitted a couple of weeks ago and contrary to all the horror stories online it was absolutely fine. There was maybe one minute where it was really uncomfortable – not sure I’d go as far as ‘painful’ and then immediately afterwards it just felt like I had a badly inserted tampon. I spent the rest of the day watching Emily in Paris dosed up on ibuprofen and took the day after as a quiet one, then was pretty much fine.
Senior Attorney
Yay! That was my experience, too, back in the day.
Anon
My GYN said people who suffer from awful cramps and/or have given birth seem to do just fine. That tracked in my case. Didn’t realize until i was 13 hours into labor that my menstrual cramps were similar. Mirena was absolutely nothing, in comparison.
Anonymous
I don’t know about that. I found Mirena more painful than natural childbirth.
Anonymous
Apparently I’m going to spend my day engaged in Calendar Wars with my secretary. I have a meeting today in a conference room. I set the calendar appointment to the time I and participants need to be there. She changed the calendar appointment to the time of the room reservation, which is 30 mins earlier so the staff can set up the room. I changed it back and asked her to please not change it again, make a separate entry for the reservation. She denied changing it. Then she changed it again. This is not the first time something like this has happened – she makes some benign mistake, I say hey please don’t do that let’s do this instead, she denies doing it and then keeps doing it. I’m about to call IT to lock her out of my calendar. Please send help. And snacks.
Anon
Write her up. I’m serious.
Anon
Agreed. Lying and insubordination is not a cute quirk.
Anon
Completely agree.
Anonymous
If you want to try and talk to them (only you can decide if it’s worth it) try more direct beforehand. Both direct and explaining a little of the why, to make some mental hooks for them to remember.
“Every time I’m hosting a meeting in a conference room there must always be two separate reservations. One reservation is for the room only, and this always includes booking extra time for set-up before the meeting starts.
The invitation to the participants is always a separate invitation. The participants are never invited to the set-up time, they are invited to time the meeting actually starts.
I am the only person who is part of both invitations.”
Anon
I vaguely recall reading here that there is a way to tell if Nordies is discontinuing something, but searching is giving me nothing. Something about changing the price code or similar? Anything a bell?
Anon 2.0
A comment above peaking my interest regarding what time you eat dinner. So, I’m curious, what is your preferred dinner time? We seem to solidly be 9pm eaters at my house with no kids but I really feel like we need to move that time up to 730-8 for the sake of our health.
AIMS
My ideal time would be 7. Most days we end up eating earlier because my kids go to bed at 730 so dinner ends up being around 6:15/6:30. We used to feed them separately and eat after they went to sleep but it ended up in dinner at 8:30/9 which left me sluggish and in bed later than i wanted to be.
London (formerly NY) CPA
I usually start cooking around 6:30-7 if I’m WFH, and then dinner around 7:15-30. If I’m in the office, it’s later–more like 8:00
Anonymous
The pandemic helped me so much in this regard, it was awesome to be able to start dinner while I was wrapping up my last call of the day. I’m got used to 6 pm dinner REAL fast. I’m never looking back. I have time for a hobby or a show, get to sleep earlier, and get up and work out consistently. It’s been such an improvement for me. I live alone fwiw.
Cornellian
Same! If I’m talking to a colleague I putz around the kitchen and chop stuff in the afternoon, so dinner is so much easier to pull together.
anon
Same – my husband and I eat dinner at 6:30 now, it’s great. One of the real benefits to having to WFH all the time for me.
Anon
Also no kids and we eat late and love it. We take a walk before dinner, cook and talk together, and then it is easily 9 before we sit down. If it is keeping you up too late, too hungry, etc. for that time to work it makes sense to consciously change it but I personally like a later dinner.
NYNY
Also childfree, DH and I tend to eat around 8:30-9. I do most of the cooking, and while weeknight dinners are on the table 30-45 minutes after I go into the kitchen, I like to have some after-work time to take care of chores, rest, and talk to DH before I start cooking. I’m always amazed by people who make dinner before 6pm, but then, I don’t have any reasons, like small children, to make that a priority.
Senior Attorney
It varies in our house but usually around 7. Can be as early as 6 or as late as 7:30 during the week.
Last night it was cheese and crackers and wine in front of the Academy Awards!
Anonymous
My ideal time would be 7:00 or 7:30. That would give me time to switch gears from work and maybe even get something else done before I started cooking, but would still be early enough to allow some solid relaxation before bedtime.
In reality we used to eat at 8:30 because that’s when my daughter got home from gymnastics practice. That was all right. She’s recently switched sports and now has practice at 6:30 two days a week, so we eat at 5:30 those days. The other five days of the week my husband demands to be fed by 6:00 because he is bored. I do not like having dinner so early because I have to jump straight from work into rush-cooking mode, and when dinner is over I am always wiped out so I don’t want to do anything but read or watch a show.
Anonymous
Info: does your husband have limbs and a brain?
Anon
I think your husband can make himself some chicken nuggets or cheese and crackers or something and feed himself so everyone doesn’t have to eat by 6 if they don’t want to.
Sorry, I just don’t have much tolerance for spouses who “demand to be fed” but then don’t participate in feeding themselves or preparing the meal for the family. I have a friend who’s husband “can’t” cook and won’t even make a pot of spaghetti for himself and their kids if she goes out of town or is late coming home or something. He wears it like a badge of pride that he “just doesn’t know his way around the kitchen.” Meanwhile my son learned to make spaghetti from boxed pasta and jarred sauce at 9 years old. This adult dude “can’t” (won’t) do something a 9-year-old could do.
Anonymous
5-7 is ideal but my youngest still goes to bed at 8:00
i’m in bed, lights out at 10:30 on a good night
Anon
Between 6-7 when we had kids at home. We are empty nesters now so we don’t usually do a full any more. Both of us WFH so we eat something substantial as a late lunch/early dinner and then maybe snack around dinner time, maybe not.
Anon
Last bite has to occur a minimum of 4 hours before bed, per my GERD doctor.
Anon
I prefer early dinner times. We ate 5:30-6 pre-kid. With a kid (currently in preschool) it’s more like 5-5:30 and that suits us all pretty well. I do intermittent fasting, usually with an 12-8 window so I can eat a dessert/snack after kid bedtime but not have to eat right before bed (~11 pm).
Diana Barry
We eat at 5:30 or 6. Or 5 if the kids have to leave at 5:20 for their activities. They go to bed at 8:30 and would be really hangry if eating after their activities (that would put it at 7:30 or later).
Anon
Why does this affect health? I like to eat anywhere from 7:30-9 so dinner reservation anywhere from 7-8:30 if going out. Pre covid I would get home from work and a workout class around 9:45 and eat dinner at 10. I still don’t know how I kept up with that schedule!!
Anon
Generally it’s better for your metabolism to consume the bulk of your calories early in the day.
Anon
Is that only for weight management? I’m one of those rare people with a super fast metabolism so I don’t think it’s applicable to me unless there are other health reasons.
Anon
I don’t think it’s just about weight? It generally burns fat and lowers blood sugar which definitely helps with weight but is also relevant to other health conditions like diabetes and heart disease. https://time.com/4651898/heres-when-you-should-eat-for-heart-health
I think it’s also supposed to help with sleep. It’s somewhat counter-intuitive (because eating a big meal can make you sleepy) but eating shortly before bed messes with sleep quality.
Anonymous
I prefer an earlier dinner these days. I have a fairly early work schedule (start work in the office by 7:30 or 8) and start bedtime with my daughter around 7, so ideally I like to have dinner around 5:30. Younger me would have thought that was absolutely crazy.
Curious
One question: I always thought interest was piqued, not peaked. Have I been spelling it wrong in addition to using passive voice?
Anon
No, you’re right. OP spelled it wrong.
Anonymous
The correct usage is “It piqued my interest.”
Anon 2.0
OP here, thanks! I have been saying this wrong for almost 32 years. *Facepalm* I always thought it was “peaked”.
Anonymous
It’s “piqued.” But you got my editor brain all excited trying to figure out if there is any way other than the passive voice to talk about this action. Isn’t having one’s interest piqued inherently a passive-voice thing? I mean, the interest can’t go about doing the action of “piquing” itself, can it, or wouldn’t that violate the definition of the word “piqued”?
My editor brain loves questions like this.
Anonymous
I think the interesting thing is doing the piquing. As in, the article piqued my interest. The interest itself is what is piqued.
Anonymous
In UK English, pique is more of a hissy-fit, not curiosity. My Larousse has piquer as a verb with a lot of variation (none of which resembles the US or UK usage), including a “se piquer”.
Anonymous
“A fit of pique” is also a hissy fit in the U.S. “Piqued my interest” is different.
Curious
I don’t know, but I admit that I went down the same rabbit hole.
IL
We’re DINK and both WFH, so dinner is usually between 5 and 5:30. We’re both famished by that point, so it’s not an intentional thing. Everything in town is shut down by 8 pm anyways, so we fit in well.
Anon
5pm, unless I am eating in a restaurant, in which case I demand food to be in front of me at 7pm max
Anon
Usually 8ish? I work til 5, go to the gym and/or meet friends for drinks and get home around 8. Some nights I don’t eat dinner, some nights I have a snack dinner (carrots and hummus), or I have meal plan leftovers. I rarely cook at night.
anon
Between 5:00 and 6:00. Later than 6:30 and I usually skip
Anon
For heartburn, quality of sleep, and mindful eating I prefer to eat nothing after 5:30pm. I don’t normally eat dinner, though. I front load throughout the day, have a light snack when I get home, and then just have water or tea for the rest of the evening. We feed the kids around 6pm.
Anon
I like to be eating by 6:30-7, I really don’t like to start eating dinner after 8pm because it throws off my circadian rhythm.
AIMS
I just wanted to say that this skirt and styling of it is so pretty. Nice pick!
Senior Attorney
Agree! Not in my budget but if it were I would totally wear it!
Curious
Yeah, they actually found appropriate shoes that work with the dress for once!
Anonymous
+1. I found pieces with a similar vibe at Kate Spade.