Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Pleated Long-Sleeve Tulip Midi Dress

290 Comments

1. Between the tomato red and silhouette of this dress, is it considered dated? I have a few in my wardrobe I could pull out, from about a decade ago!

   1. I don’t think so (i.e., not dated) because of the length and fit of the skirt. My dresses from the early 2010s were much more nipped-tucked-pencil on the bottom and mostly hit just above the knee.

      1. +1 not dated. In black it could stand the test of time. (For $2600 it should be silk!)

   2. Who cares, it is divine….and divinely expensive!

   3. This looks like a classic to me. I’m not a fan of the color unless you’re running for office as a R but I guess it could look nice with the right coloring.

      1. The R’s do not get my favorite signature color.

         1. Agree, this is a silly thing to worry about. Wear the colors you love.

         2. +100 I’m a D and taking back both red and flags.

            1. Same here. I look especially great in tomato red and very dark burgundy. Also elephants are so wonderful that no one can have them either (except for wildlife refuges).

            2. ooh yes! I have elephants everywhere, many inherited from my liberal D grandmother.

               Same grandmother commented last year to me – “do you think that flying an American flag in front of your house indicates support for MAGA?” We’re in a purple swing state but a MAGA intense area. That question really made me think about that and think NO – MAGA can’t have the American flag. I don’t like tacky displays of the American flag, but I’m thinking of ways to display it respectfully.

   4. Red is everywhere again.

      1. +1 i literally think it’s being identified as the color of the season

   5. This dress is an old-school faux wrap dress with a faux tied-off waist. The price is eye-wateringly high for this sort of design. You should be able to find plenty of duplicates for a much lower price. But it’s a classic silhouette for a reason — it flatters many body types and fits in almost any setting.

2. How often does Athleta go on sale? I really like some of their travel pants and leggings but I’m not sure if I want to pay $100 for a pair of leggings.

   1. normal mall brand sale cycle; can get up to 30% off if you’re patient; deeper discounts can be lucky sizes only in the popular styles and colors. Today it’s a % off based on spend. if you were planning to buy 3 pairs, you might trip the 30% off level.

      1. Whoa – I checked yesterday and there was nothing on sale and now there is a decent amount. So yeah, I guess just be patient and keep checking.

   2. I bought Pinnacle trousers there recently for 30% off. I think it’s worth waiting for the discount, because otherwise, I feel ripped off. BTW, these pants are so comfy.

      1. What is the fabric like? I passed on the Brooklyn pants because it feels plasticky/technical to me.

   3. They have frequent sales but their most popular items are usually (but not always) excluded. It took me maybe 4 months to find a sale for the coaster lux high rise joggers. Their salutation stash leggings also go on sale somewhat infrequently (2-4x/yr?).

   4. If you’ve worn them before and know the size/style you are looking for, check Poshmark and ThredUp.

      1. And eBay. I used to have an alert set that lets me know when my favorite pieces come up on eBay. Often they were brand new.

      2. How has your experience been with used stretchy pants? I feel like the stretchiness wears out after a while and I worry that secondhand will be worn out.

         1. I think most people have so many clothes that even the ones they get rid of have not been worn frequently.

         2. As I said, the ones I bought from eBay were new, but I’ve never had any problem with Athleta pants losing their stretchiness. And I have some I’ve worn for years!

         3. I wouldn’t do it for leggings but for travel pants I’ve had decent luck. I would do ThredUp because you can return.

         4. Both sites allow you to look for NWT!

   5. You just missed the spring friends and family sale for Gap brands last week. 40-50% off. There will be another one usually Sept.

3. What would you wear?
   – closing reception for a national networking event in the southern US
   – heavily male dominated industry, myself and six men from my firm are going (first time for all of us)
   – event boasts linedancing, honky tonk, and other southern things
   – dress code “western wear encouraged”
   – I have never line danced but if literally everyone else is doing it, could be talked into trying.

   1. sounds like this is a recurring event – I’d spy on last year’s socials to see what people are wearing. Willing to bet it’s a range from people who go All Out to people who throw a cowboy hat on with jeans.

   2. Honky tonk western wear with line dancing has me picturing big hair, a plaid flannel tucked into high-rise fitted jeans, cowboy boots. If the rest of the event’s dress code is business professional, I might just wear shoes I could dance in and toss on a bandana as a scarf for that last event. Personally I would prefer to give a nod to the theme without going full-costume.

      I am fascinated by the thought of my industry (finance) hosting an event with this theme. There is usually one attendee from Texas whose personality is a Stetson and boots with his suit, but I cannot picture a whole crowd of attendees leaning into that dress code.

      1. I have boots, so I might wear them with a neutral dress.

   3. I would wear all black with turquoise jewelry. A dress or wide leg pants and a silk shirt. If you wanted to do something a little more fun, you could do a bolo tie necklace. I feel like that’s easy, safe, and you’re still getting into the theme. Or perhaps a denim dress with boots. Frame made some really cute ones in recent years. But I’m not sure I’d be inclined to travel with boots – that’s a pain.

      1. This. Black (or denim dress) + turquoise jewelry. No need to go overboard, and in my experience, very few people frett too much about theme dressing.

   4. I go to a lot of conferences that have theme nights—roaring 20s, white party, etc. For the western ones, I have done a denim (chambray) dress and a vendor had hats. You’ll likely see a big range in how committed folks are to the theme. For the conference itself, I would do pants and a blazer since it sounds like guys aren’t likely to be wearing formal suits.

   5. Here I would wear black pants and a button down silk blouse with a pattern, and black work boots. Passably “western” but also neutral workwear.

   6. I would let boots and a hat be the “western” part of my attire. Crisp shirt, nice jeans, cute cowgirl hat, some form of boot or ankle-high bootie. Silver jewelry.

   7. I’m guessing they expect a lot of Yellowstone-styled outfits. Am I really the only person here who has seen it?

      Think this: https://www.hellomagazine.com/shopping/734896/beth-dutton-outfits-yellowstone/
      or a look from a Pendleton catalog.

      1. Beth’s outfits are my aspirational weekend wardrobe. She had a Pendleton short cape that was beautiful and I could see myself wearing, but it was $$$$. This is quiet luxury. [I did get a Pendleton coat for myself this winter, but it is very “city” and was a relative bargain at <$300.] d

      2. Oh I love Beth Dutton so much. She was my favorite part of Yellowstone by far.

         Agree with her looks being a fantastic inspiration point.

   8. There are a lot of cute denim dresses out right now. I would go with one of those.

4. Swimsuit help!

   I need to replace my worn out suit and want something that:
   1. leans athletic/functional – I plan to wear it for lap swimming at an indoor pool, not sunbathing on the beach
   2. works for my very small chest (38AA) and extreme pear booty (size 16 bottoms)
   3. ideally is one piece, slightly long in the torso
   4. is plain black (it’s replacing an old Speedo that came in 90’s purple swirl colors that I hated, but the suit fit)
   5. doesn’t look frumpy

   Does this exist?

   1. I get all my lap swimming suits at swimoutlet (dot com). They always have some plain boring black suits, although I can’t speak to the fit of any of them.

      1. +1 thats where I get them all from.

         I’ve been liking the Speedo Womens Powerflex Flyback but I have a larger chest so I can’t speak to fit

   2. I am a long waisted pear and like Tyr swimsuits. They have a line with lined tops and a bit of control. Dick’s Sporting Goods has them if you want to do a try on.

   3. Land’s End has basic swimsuits.

   4. I would probably wear an actual suit designed for lap swwiming for this and wear a TYR suit.

      If you want something not frumpy/you can repurpose for things other than lap swimming, maybe the Malibu suit from Andie which also offers long torso sizes.

   5. I would buy a lululemon or athleta tank top with a built in bra and then separate black bottoms from anywhere. Sports bras and tanks make great bathing suits.

   6. Look at Jolyn suits. They are designed for competitive swimmers but are really cute. The styles with ties in the back should allow you to get a good fit at the bust. Depending on where you are, there may be a retailer near you to try one on.

      1. Jolyn has a very limited size range. I actually am a competitive swimmer (masters at this point) and most of their stuff doesn’t fit me at all. It’s made for teenage girls.

         1. Try the new Caroline style.

   7. CapHillStyle posted one last week that could work. Two comments said they like the suit too. https://caphillstyle.com/capitol/2025/03/28/the-find-get-pool-ready-now.html

   8. Jolyn suits are what you want–they are a Speedo-adjacent brand, great for swimming, cute colors. We all lived in them in HS/college for sports. They are cut with a less enormous grandma-cut than higher-size speedos.

   9. Varley has a new swimsuit line that might work.

5. I feel like all my clothes end up shrinking and needing replaced. (Not just out – Ha! – but they also get shorter). This weekend my sister informed me that she puts everything in the dryer and I’m shopping in the wrong places but didn’t offer any positive suggestions. Do you all struggle with things like jeans, tees etc shrinking prematurely? Any actual suggestions? – Today I’m wearing Ann Taylor jeans that used to be long on me and now they are flood pants, with a blouse that has not shrunk but I only hang it to dry. I would love to buy non throwaway fashion if I could confidently find it.

   1. I haven’t had this problem, previously put everything and I mean everything in the dryer, and I don’t shop high end places. Lots of Old Navy, Costco, occasionally LOFT, Gap, BRF or JCF and before my boycott Amazon, Target, and Walmart. Or I thrift, and that all gets a cycle in the dryer too for cleanliness purposes.

      Now I hang dry everything but thats just because my apartment only has a washer, no dryer.

   2. I definitely don’t have this problem, but I mostly air dry my clothes, both so that they last longer and for environmental reasons. I usually throw my shirts in the dryer for few minutes to get the wrinkles out, though, and sometimes I have to dry jeans to shrink them after they’ve gotten stretched out, so most of my clothes end up in the dryer occasionally. I never dry on high heat, though.

   3. My clothes get shorter as I get bigger around because they don’t hang as straight… but make sure you’re putting everything in the dryer on low heat, that will minimize the shrinkage. I put everything in the dryer from non fancy stores and aside from some very cheap target t shirts, any perceived shrinkage is attributable to my own weight gain.

   4. What fiber content are your garments? What water temp and heat level do you use to launder things?

      My wardrobe is mostly Gap, JCrew, Old Navy, Levi, etc. so it’s not terribly fancy but I do lean toward higher percentages of natural fibers. I wash and dry items once before wearing to make sure they don’t shrink in the laundry. I use cold water and tumble dry on medium and don’t typically see shrinkage over time. I tend to wear things for several years, washing a few times each month until they wear out after several years. I don’t consider items in my closet to be throwaway fashion.

      The one exception is tencel (it is notorious for shrinking significantly after several wash & dry cycles; it is not a matter of buying more expensive tencel but rather is just the nature of fabric made from it). I avoid things made with tencel because of this, and because of the harsh the production process involved in producing tencel.

      Hot water washing can cause 100% cotton to shrink, and high heat from the dryer can do similar. I do handwash wool that isn’t superwash and some silk items (I machine wash some silk and machine-washable wool but always hang to dry; both wear out faster in the dryer and can shrink with heat). Tumble drying things longer than needed after they are dry or at very high heat can also contribute to shrinkage.

      Also…have you by chance gotten taller? Measured the inseam of your jeans to see if they actually are shorter?

   5. I dry clean my jeans and anything I want to keep looking nice. So no, I do t think you can toss things in the dryer and expect them to look good.

   6. I’ve learned to avoid inexpensive blends as they tend to dry wonky regardless of treatment. Probably because the fabric isn’t washed before being cut, plus is cut in such a huge stack, that warping is inevitable.

      however, I do machine dry (on low) jeans, tees, etc. and do not have this problem. Jeans are JCrew, rag & bone, AG, Mother.

      Dry cleaning has gotten so bananas-expensive that I actually experimented with washing silk blouses on delicate and hanging dry. WOW I should have done this years ago. I don’t mind ironing / steaming, so they came out better than the dry cleaner – smelled cleaner.

   7. Drying doesn’t just cause shrinking, it’s bad for fabrics. I hang dry anything I want to keep looking nice.

      1. This! I hang dry everything that I wear out of the house, including T-shirts from places like target and hoodies. My clothes last forever and don’t shrink or fade much.

   8. It may also just be your dryer! My old one ran really hot and I realized a few months after replacing it that nothing had shrunk or been damaged for awhile.

      1. I agree with this. I hang dry most things (and I live in an apartment). But I once went on vacation and used a rental dryer to dry a handful of clothes I’d had for 10+ years and always put in the dryer and they all shrunk.

      2. Yes, I wonder if that’s what is happening here. I dry most of my clothes on low and generally don’t get much shrinkage. However, if my DH accidentally dries our stuff on normal, it gets cooked and shrinks. Most of my casual wardrobe is JCF, Old Navy, BR, etc., so nothing fancy. I will say, though, that I am very cautious about drying cotton t-shirts, as those are notorious for shrinking no matter what.

   9. i’ve noticed this problem particularly with my husband’s t-shirts – half the time it looks like he’s wearing a crop top. i’ve even seen men’s clothing brands talking about the problem. i don’t think it’s a new problem or an uncommon one.

      for pants have you tried hanging them dry upside down with clampy pants hangers? the weight from the waistband pulls the pants long and straightens out wrinkles.

   10. “Needing replaced” — are you from Pittsburgh or WVA? I feel like I have co-workers who have this pattern when they speak (“needs fixed,” etc.). It is maybe one of those US regional variants. I have been watching The Pitt and a friend married a guy from Pittsburgh (I get that there is a silent H now; possibly misspelling it my whole life prior to this). He is trying to explain various things to us.

       1. lol – I married a guy from Pittsburgh. The “h” was added some decades ago because someone thought it looked nicer. I have also started to pick up the “needs fixed” from him.

       2. yeah the joke about Pittsburgh is that Shakespeare’s famous quote is reduced to just “or not” :)

       3. HA! Yes I am!

       4. Ohio representing!

   11. I don’t have this problem. I do avoid hot temperatures when washing and when drying.

   12. I wash everything on cold, and dry on low. I do not have much in the way of shrinkage problems, but have noticed that 100% cottons from brands like Talbots, LLBean, and Gap tend to shrink. I now hang those to dry. I also wash silk, cashmere, and wool on cold, in mesh bags, with woolite and lay those flat to dry. If you are dedicated to drying your clothing in a dryer, I suggest buying pre shrunk clothing as much as possible, or buy longer length tops, jeans, etc.

   13. Not a problem if you wash on cold and air dry.

   14. I agree that your dryer is probably the culprit. I have a collapsible drying rack and it’s really not much more trouble than using the dryer: https://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/hangon-drying-rack/?

   15. No. First, I have quite a bit of clothing that only gets dry cleaned. I wear undershirts when appropriate, go as long as I can before I need to wash things, I wash in cold water, and I line dry. None of my clothes shrink.

   16. i chimed in earlier but i will also say — my personal rule is that if the sheets still fit the bed, it isn’t the dryer.

   17. Cotton generally shrinks about 10% in length and significantly less in width. More expensive manufacturers may be better about pre-shrinking their fabrics, but I am cheap. I dry everything on high in my apartment building’s commercial dryers (see: cheap; I’m paying per minute of dry time) and either buy used clothing (preshrunk!) or buy longer knowing it will shrink.

   18. As you get wider, extra fabric lifts up to stretch out instead of hanging loosely. Therefore things will seem shorter. Commiseration.

   19. i bet your dryer runs hot. I do hang dry most of my ‘nice’ clothes but that’s more for wear/keeping the fabric nice v shrinkage.

   20. My theory is that the washer matters, as well as the dryer. My old water-saving machine never had what I thought was enough water, so no matter what you put in it, the clothes would just grate against each other, creating all kinds of pilling, etc. No amount of tinkering with the settings seemed to help, so I got rid of it and got a new one that lets you adjust the water level- problem solved. This may not be the most eco-friendly solution, but I figure I ended up doing less laundry overall with the new machine, and also threw out less clothing so maybe it was a wash (no pun intended).

6. What is your phone daily average screen time? I’m trying to reduce mine. Currently average is 2 hours which includes 1 hour of social media and 1 hour misc apps.

   1. 3 hours plus just on my phone, but giving myself some leeway on that high number because I have a young baby and I’m often up pumping at hours I used to be sleeping. I’m fully addicted to my phone, though, so it’s not just that. Sigh. My best days are ski days when the phone only gets used for an audiobook in the car and a couple of photos on the slopes.

   2. 4 hours but a good 1 hr of that is somehow Instagram. I had tried the screen limits etc but I deleted Instagram off my phone yesterday (after making sure I knew the password and could log in on my laptop if needed).

      1. Another hour is reading or doing crosswords on my phone, which I don’t think is that bad and kinda different. Like I need to do the crossword somewhere. If I got a physical paper I would do it on that but I don’t, so phone is one option.

   3. um, yesterday it was 7.5 hours… but 2.5 were reading a book on the Libby app, 1.5 face timing with a friend. A little of the 1.5 in my browser were used to follow a baking recipe. But 3 or so hrs were not productive time(games, Reddit, BuzzFeed, news…). Ugh!

   4. 8-9 hours

   5. Around 2.5 hours. I’ve deleted social media apps. But I check work emails and chats fairly often in the mornings and evenings, use my phone to read the news and a few specific Substacks and forums, play Connections and Spelling Bee (often with my 10 year old), and text family and friends a fair amount. I also talk on the phone to my mom most days for 30-60 minutes and listen to audiobooks–both while doing chores and getting ready for work–which isn’t exactly “screen time” but is phone time.

   6. A lot, but I do a lot of reading and other “educational” app use (Duolingo, Elevate, Apple News+). I also play music or podcasts often. Then it’s a bunch useful but not “educational” stuff like maps, the public transit app, texting friends (I text a lot). And then yes plenty of doomscrolling and reddit and Insta.

      As a fed for now, I am GLUED to the r/fednews subreddit and a few Bluesky accounts.

   7. Between 4-5 hours, which includes lots of time with Libby, commuting podcasts, personal email/budget/appointment activity, online shopping, and plenty of doom scrolling.

7. Need black tie optional wedding attire for a wedding for me (10-12) and two teens who wear adult XS where it will be hot outside. My last wedding was my barn wedding (so very casual, outdoor and barn reception with pig picking). IDK if this is a long gown event or shorter c*cktail attire event. Kids only understand micro-tiny HoCo dresses or huge foofy prom dresses. Where do we even shop? Do we need something sparkly? Even spendy things seem too casual (summer cotton items) or not right (too prom, too bridesmaid).

   1. I’d look at a place like Lulu’s for the girls, with the understanding that some of the dresses aren’t appropriate. For you, try Macy’s. They have a lot of house brands that would work.

   2. I would do a cocktail dress, not a long gown. Dillards has a lot more dress options than the other department stores I frequent. Look for something cocktail length and in an appropriate color depending on what time the wedding starts.

      1. +1 to fancy cocktail dresses for that dress code, not long

   3. I just bought this – Lulus and Abercrombie were the best bets. Aritzia also had a lot of good dresses last time I was there. Nordstrom if you have one in person.

      1. I got an amazing dress for a black tie wedding at Abercrombie last fall. Who knew?!?

   4. it doesn’t matter if it’s hot outside if the wedding is all indoors. Where is it and what type of wedding? Very different advice if hot means an outdoor ceremony & event in FL vs. a church & country club type of thing in NC…

      1. Church and country club in SC. Thanks!

         1. On the low end, I see Old Navy just came out with some dressy-dresses, and there are some that are more modest (aka venue appropriate) but might still appeal to young teens. For you, I have found Rickie Freeman Teri Jon and Kay Unger to be lovely for “young middle age” – some styles skew older like grandmother of the bride, but others just lovely and well-structured for support.

   5. this seems like it would be great to thrift a dress – i’ve seen so many prom dresses up on facebook marketplace recently and i know there’s at least one store near me that specializes in used bridesmaid and prom dresses. i’d go for something long and plain – solid color.
      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/v-chapman-vera-ruffle-strap-corset-side-slit-midi-dress?category=bhldn-top-rated-styles&color=041&type=STANDARD
      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/bhldn-talia-square-neck-corset-tulle-midi-dress?category=wedding-guest-dresses&color=237
      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/nia-ina-sleeveless-cowl-neck-ruched-maxi-dress?category=wedding-guest-dresses&color=072
      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/elodie-cora-one-shoulder-knit-midi-dress?category=wedding-guest-dresses&color=020

      1. Hey, I love thrifting as much as the next person, but it’s hard to rely on serendipity to clothe 3 people similarly for the same event. And I don’t think that a prom dress is what you should wear to a wedding (although now I don’t know what you do wear to a fancy wedding; have likely never been except to one I wore a silk skirt suit to b/c I had no $ and got it from Loehman’s and thought it looked smashing on me; it was also 2 sizes too large and I wore it with velvet heels in winter).

         I feel like a lot of the fancy nap dresses might work given the season but really am just guessing.

      2. I wouldn’t thrift this. Too specific of a need. But once I found something, I would still scan eBay or Poshmark to see if the same is available cheaper.

         For a wedding later this month I went with a long gown in a floral.

         1. What sort of fabric?

            1. It’s chiffon. It’s by R&M Richards.

            2. https://www.dillards.com/p/r–m-richards-halter-keyhole-floral-chiffon-maxi-dress/519690724?sku=1792433&googleShop=Y&cm_mmc=GooglePLAs-_-Category+-+Womens+-+Performance+Max-_-null-_-CjwKCAjw-qi_BhBxEiwAkxvbkJdN-EGZ7dUmF2RJrdBvZH5FuGL2YL1G2hDVo-l8aSZyeeFUWMBPEhoCFh4QAvD_BwE&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADuonHVH0s9JVfNEBQVtejQ6z7itS&gclid=CjwKCAjw-qi_BhBxEiwAkxvbkJdN-EGZ7dUmF2RJrdBvZH5FuGL2YL1G2hDVo-l8aSZyeeFUWMBPEhoCFh4QAvD_BwE

               They do a lot of other floral styles. Do a brand search and “floral.” Amazon had cheaper than brick and mortar.

   6. If you want specific recommendations, I like Aqua dresses at Bloomingdale’s for stuff like this.

   7. Just go to the mall and buy 3 c*cktail dresses. Am I missing something?

      1. What I think of for this is probably based on what people did 10-15 years ago. Like I don’t have the life that needs these but I’m imagining styles have changed a lot since I last needed clothes like this.

   8. I wore this to a black tie optional event earlier this month and the compliments were nonstop. I will absolutely rewear it to every spring, summer, and fall wedding I’m invited to for the foreseeable future. I feel like it’s particularly well suited to a country club wedding in the south.

      If the girls are adult XS, just buy them adult dresses and stay far, far away from the teen section.

      https://www.gilt.com/boutique/product/251408/268266725/

      Here are some other ideas. You should really probably wear a midi dress. Your girls can wear something shorter (not HoCo short).

      Sparkle is generally not appropriate for a country club wedding in South Carolina. Satins are and many people will be wearing them.

      I’m just going to drop a million links. Happy to discuss. These aren’t all in your sizes – just for you to get an idea. Most of these are from TJMaxx – Marshall’s also has a great dress selection, I just didn’t have time.

      Girls: https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Embroidered-Floral-Midi-Cocktail-Dress/1000979406

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Embroidered-Floral-Midi-Cocktail-Dress/1000979403

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Josselyn-Sleeveless-Sequin-Embellished-Midi-Dress/1000840806

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Ruffle-Sleeve-Midi-Lace-Cocktail-Dress/1001012854

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Beaded-Mesh-Cocktail-Mini-Dress/1000928530

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Floral-Beaded-Dress-With-Sheer-Flutter-Sleeves/1000938166

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Sleeveless-Ruffle-Neck-Jacquard-Midi-Dress/1000985027

      You: https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/One-Shoulder-Midi-Cocktail-Dress/1000996757

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Paula-Mikado-Tea-length-Dress/1000996732

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Floral-Jacquard-Beaded-Necklace-Halter-Dress/1001019253

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Tatum-Lace-Detail-Midi-Dress/1000946369

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Long-Sleeve-Floral-Embellished-Dress/1001003617

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Lurex-Jacquard-Midi-Dress/1000970672

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Sleeveless-Embroidered-Midi-Dress/1001025550

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Hammered-Satin-V-neck-Dress/1000980865

      https://www.gilt.com/boutique/product/253715/268747575

      Either: https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Sleeveless-Fit-And-Flare-Floral-Dress/1001032901

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Logen-Jacquard-Cocktail-Dress/1000996729

      https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/women-clothing-dresses-cocktail-dresses/Flutter-Sleeve-Maxi-Dress/1001027078

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8. Also a long-waisted, flat-chested pear and I get separate tops and bottoms. My last two piece was from Arena. Oh, and I quite like triathlon style shorts (mine are from back in the day when I actually did triathlons…sigh) because I could run to the gym in them, hop in the pool, pool-run and swim my laps, and run home. Also good for avoiding wedgies!

   1. For swimsuit help thread, obviously!

9. DC area people: we want to visit with two kids this spring. Where should we stay? Is staying in DC proper better or out in VA near a metro stop? Want to see the cherry blossoms and all the sights, but also relax. Kids are good walkers and we’re driving, if that matters.

   1. I recommend staying in one of the hotels near Pentagon City – it’s a super walkable area with family-friendly restaurants like CPK, Chick Fil A, etc., and easy access to Metro lines that go to downtown destinations like Smithsonian, Archives, Gallery Place, etc.

   2. The cherry blossoms aren’t going to last THAT much longer – are you planning a trip for like, next weekend?

      1. They peaked this past weekend. I’d expect them to be mostly gone by the coming weekend.

      2. they’re about to get blown off in a storm this afternoon…

      3. OP here. I guess scratch the cherry blossoms but would still like to come visit for a long weekend because kids have off from school for Good Friday and have never been to DC.

   3. Unless you are coming in the next week, you will miss the cherry blossoms. If you are coming in the next week, I would just see what’s still available. Right south of the mall may work best, since traffic was absolutely insane last weekend and I expect will be bad next weekend too. Otherwise, Arlington around the Crystal city metro stop and take the metro

   4. I always recommend Old Town Alexandria, near the King Street Metro station. Just a few stops to downtown, and OTX has a lot more charm than the area around the Crystal City or Pentagon City Metros.

      1. Old Town is nice, but it’s a long metro ride if your point is to see DC. I would focus on staying near what you want to see.

         1. For the record, 25 minutes via Blue line to McPherson Square. Or 20 minutes to Gallery Place. So, no, not the same as staying at the Willard and having everything right there, but also not $800+ per night, and with more reasonable dining options around too.

            1. Yes, but you very well may be waiting 15 minutes for the train on the weekend. I don’t see the point of traveling to a city to stay 45 minutes away from what you want to see

   5. I live in Arlington and would recommend you stay on the orange / silver Metro lines, in the Ballston / Rosslyn corridor. The only issue may be parking fees for your car.

      You’d have an easy, safe metro ride to the Smithsonian stop and to Metro Center (where you can transfer for the Zoo, Ford’s Theatre, etc.) Depending on where you stay, you’ll have easy walking access to restaurants, and you’ll be safe walking around in the evening after your touristic day is done.

      I’ll plug my own neighborhood — Ballston. Here there’s a Hilton, Westin, Holiday Inn, and a small mall (Ballston Quarter) with a food court; also a Target, all within an easy walk of the metro station.

      Good luck and if you’d like more advice, post a burner email.

10. are kids discouraged at london tea outings, or perhaps more so at certain establishments? i want my kids to have a high tea experience but want to make sure my whiny, loud kid isn’t disturbing others who feel like they’re having a moment of zen or something.

    1. i have friends who have taken kids to tea while visiting london. I think it depends on where you go. There seem to be some themed teas that are a hit with kids.

    2. How young are your kids?

       We took our girls (3 and 6) to two afternoon teas in London. One was at the Sofitel St. James which definitely felt fancy, but they have a kids-themed menu so I felt justified in bringing them, and they behaved pretty well throughout. No one seemed bothered by them (we did not let them run around of course, and did not bring any screens with us).

       Then we took them on the Peppa Pig afternoon tea bus tour (in an old fashioned double decker bus) which was honestly fantastic and obviously very kid friendly.

    3. Loud is absolutely discouraged, kids who can behave are fine. Good opportunity to learn.

    4. we’ve only gone to two, but it was very much a low murmur throughout. Some groups had elementary age children who were able to participate politely like the adults (by that I mean not quiet because they were sprawled across a booth on a phone, but actually participating and talking quietly).

    5. If your kid genuinely is loud and whiny, I would go as touristy as possible in your choice of place. Disguise their loudness among other loud groups of people.

    6. whiny and loud kid means that you either need to work on table manners before the trip or find one that’s aggressively kid focused

    7. We did a lovely tea at The Orangery in Kensington Palace Gardens and while we had expected it to be quiet and a little dignified, the table next to us had an iPad on Volume 11 with Paw Patrol or some such on…so, there could work. The servers weren’t fazed by it at all!

    8. With a whiny, loud kid, I’d look for somewhere that serves high tea outside, maybe as part of a garden tour?

    9. Kids are welcome but if you know your kid is going to be loud and whiny and disruptive to others why are you considering bringing them?! That’s rude. There are specific tea’s targeted to children (google dinasaur tea or Peter Pan tea) or go someplace more casual.

       Well behaved children are fine!

       1. This

    10. Why? If the child in question won’t be charmed into “best behavior” by a high tea, and will instead be so loud/whiny that you’re having to prepare around it, perhaps high tea isn’t something they need to experience?

        1. 100%

    11. People absolutely bring kids to tea. Anywhere that has a kids’ tea menu will be fine. Fortnum & Mason is classic. If you’re going to a super fancy hotel, you’ll want to dress appropriately.

        1. F&M don’t allow children under 12.

    12. I dunno about whiny and loud, but Sketch seems quite welcoming of kids – took my 7 year old son there last summer and they have a special tea service for kids (including a teddy bear!) which he loved. The general noise level was also fairly loud (live string trio doing Bridgerton-esque pop music) so it didn’t feel like eating in a library.

    13. Not in London, but have taken my kid to several afternoon teas in Chicago, NYC, and other major cities. Until she was 5-6 I wouldn’t have taken her to one that wasn’t explicitly kid-focused. If you think she’ll be loud and whiny, I don’t think a fancy hotel tea or other upscale environment is appropriate.
        And I know this is pedantic, but the posh meal with little sandwiches and scones is “afternoon tea” not “high tea.” High tea is a much heavier meal that was traditionally eaten by the working class, and is not what you’re having as a tourist.

11. There is a new person at work that giggles all day. It is extremely distracting. I close my door and can still hear giggling. I don’t know if some of it is nervous giggles or what. What would you do? The person reports to an executive in a different department.

    1. Nothing. Do nothing.

       1. This but also I feel OP’s pain. We have someone who giggles constantly, including while making presentations to hundreds of people. Several years of experience haven’t made much of a dent in the giggling. I fear that she needs to switch careers to something less public-facing.

          1. Just so long as she doesn’t run for president I guess.

          2. Sounds like she doesn’t if she’s still there!

    2. I think you’ll get used to it, but if it’s a situation where you can close the door, can you also try earplugs or headphones for now?

    3. If she’s loud enough that you can hear her through your door, then I think this is a volume issue not a giggling issue. If she were talking in an outside voice, who would you go to about it?

    4. Add a white noise machine or fan to your office. That should help you not hear the noise, which would drive me batty also.

    5. I am not sure why you needed to add who they report to. You can not report your colleague for giggling…. White noise machine in your office and those draft muffling padded things you buy to block wind from outside can also block noise if you put one on your door

    6. I mean–why are they giggling? What is constantly so funny at work? If it’s social media or the like, report. If they’re just annoying on conf calls, do nothing.

       1. Who cares. Not your circus.

       2. Report?? That is not something people do in most professional offices. You don’t tattle on your coworkers for no good reason.

          1. +100 no reporting. Text your friends. No emails to HR.

             Also, earbuds. If you can close your door, presumably you can wear earbuds. That will help significantly.

       3. No, do not report someone for social media or joking or the like. Good heavens. Do you guys really want to go out of your way to never be trusted by colleagues (and possibly that manager) again? Way better priorities to spend your day on. And half of my information about potential project challenges or restructures or the like comes through informal chains of discussion. If people felt like I was the office tattle or grump, I’d be far less effective in my job. You have to look at big picture here.

          1. For real, the advice here is bananas sometimes. OP, don’t listen to antisocial tattletales.

    7. I would focus on my own self not her.

    8. It’s either a nervous tic or her personality and you certainly will not be able to change either and will look… insane if you confront her about this.

       1. +10000

    9. Enjoying interactions with my colleagues is basically a KPI. I know this board skews toward conservative work environments but does a little bit of laughter bother you because it’s too unprofessional for your taste, or because the volume is distracting? You’re not going to muster up an HR violation because Peggy giggles too cutesy for your taste, but if Chad’s chicanery is just just too loud to work then you can ask him to pipe down.

       1. This. If her giggling, talking, typing, whatever is just a new addition to the background noise level, this is something you need to learn to live with.

          Otherwise, if she has such a loud giggle volume that it is truly disruptive to your work, ask her to turn it down. But only if that really is true (i.e., people on calls can’t hear you talk over her nonstop guffawing in the background, etc.).

12. Anyone have any good off-the-beaten-path recs for London? I’m headed there for a conference in June and have the opportunity to add a few days on. I’ve been many times and seen all the major sights, so I’m looking for more ideas.

    Would especially love recommendations for niche museums and farther afield neighborhoods or areas to wander around in. Hampstead Heath? Angel? I love bookstores, parks, niche museums, history, art, shopping (but my budget is more Topshop than Fortnum & Mason), design, architecture, the list goes on! And good food, but no prix fixe meals or anything.

    Last time I was there I loved The Museum of the Home, L. Cornelissen & Son for art supplies, and Daunt Books (spent half a day there!), to give you an idea of my tastes.

    1. have you gone out to Hampton Court? Kew Gardens?

       1. No and no! These both look incredible. Thank you!

    2. Search for The Parkland Walk – a 3.1 mile trail along an abandoned railway line near Highgate. You can get there by tube or bus and it’s a pleasant ramble. Highgate Cemetary is also worth a look.

    3. Don’t know how off the beaten path it is, but the highlight of my recent London visit was a food tour of the Borough Market.

    4. London Walks. They have very good tour guides with lots of tours of both popular and more off-beat neighborhoods. I try to do one each time I go!

    5. The Wallace Collection

    6. Highly recommend Sir John Soane’s museum. Dude died, left his eccentric house just the way it was to be preserved. It’s a super-fun time capsule in Central London. One of my favorite museums.

       If you have an extra day, also consider a day trip to Cambridge or Oxford. Super-easy from London.

    7. Ooooh – what do you like?

       Natural History Museum, V&A (they are next door) + dinosaur themed afternoon tea at Ampersand.

       Kew Gardens (waterlily house in particular).

       The absolutely gigantic Primark and a wander down Oxford Circus.

    8. Barnes, Kew and Richmond would be a good day, add Chiswick House if you have time. Chelsea Physic Garden then over the river to the Garden Museum. You could make an afternoon of esoteric bookshops (Treadwells, Watkins, Atlantis – Treadwells does walking tours, althoufh irregular). Leighton House Museum for art. You could go to Sir John Soane’s in the morning (expect to queue) and then his country house Pitzhanger Manor in Ealing for the afternoon.

    9. For wandering, I loved Primrose Hill (the actual hill plus the surrounding neighborhood is so charming) and walks along Regent’s Canal. The canal is super long and I think some parts are more walkable than others. The stretches between Hackney and Islington, and between Primrose Hill and Camden were lovely (think canal-side cafes, house boats, peeks onto gorgeous homes).

       Angel area was also charming to walk through.

       Highly recommend Hampstead Heath as well if the weather is good. There are several points of interest so you could definitely spend half a day walking through it.

       1. And just saw you asked about food – I loved the Barbary (counter dining with amazing view of kitchen and delicious food), Rochelle Canteen and Cafe Cecelia for contemporary style cooking and stylish interiors, and of course Dishoom for Indian. Any of the Ottolenghi restaurants / cafes.

          1. We loved the Royal Airforce Museum. Took the tube there & walked the last few blocks. Go on a non-rainy day.

    10. John Soane museum if you haven’t been, plus a Thames foreshore mudlarking excursion (you will find so many treasures; just make sure you have boots with you). I also really like the museum late nights where they are adult-only after a certain hour. Much less crowded and there’s usually a bar as well.

        Not off the beaten path, but for shows stop by the TKTS booth and just see what has a last minute ticket available. I’ve seen some super fun shows I didn’t even know were out there just because they had a good seat available.

        1. Mudlarking without a permit is illegal. It can be done on approved tours https://thames-explorer.org.uk/guided-tours/

    11. Check out Sky Garden–need a (free) timed ticket, and they are strict. Once you are in, you can stay as long as you like to enjoy the view, wifi, beautiful seating areas, and (very optionally) get a refreshment or meal at their counter there. Great break in a busy day!

    12. Eltham Palace. It’s a stunning Art Deco mansion attached to a medieval Great Hall. You’ll probably recognize the interior from some Hercule Poirot episodes.

    13. Greenwich. Straddle the prime meridian. Imperial war museum.

13. Since I was little, I’ve always found it perplexing that pregnant women would feel badly about their bodies during pregnancy. As I got older, I understood the post-pregnancy body issues, and I certainly understand the fear that comes from seeing all these changes – will I still have stretch marks after, will I have loose skin, will my boobs be saggy – but I still didn’t understand this notion of feeling self conscious during pregnancy, even late pregnancy, because you think you look “fat”. You don’t look fat! There’s a whole human in there!

    Well now I’m pregnant and I have to say, I’m still confused but mostly just sad for women who feel badly about their pregnant bodies. I’ve always felt self conscious about my belly; I hate being an apple, I hate that my belly fat is so stubborn, I hate how my clothes (don’t) fit after a satisfying meal. Being pregnant, this is the first time in my life I’ve felt good about my belly. I can relax rather than sucking it in all the time. I didn’t know how much I was beating myself up every day about my body.

    I’ve never experienced body positivity before and I guess it’s odd that it’s coming at a time when society has taught women to be down on ourselves. I’m sure I’ll feel badly again after I deliver. But I really want to hold onto this feeling! And I want to shout it from the rooftops that pregnant women are by definition beautiful.

    1. i totally agree! i always felt self conscious of my belly and being pregnant was wonderful bc i didn’t care. (or at least once my pregnancy was public). and i was pregnant with twins, so i was BIG

    2. Hormones are wild.

    3. Cosign. My body positivity was at an all-time high during pregnancy. Even though I felt like crap, I looked good!

       1. SAME. Then I had a real struggle post-partum.

    4. I felt self conscious about my body while I was pregnant because I don’t like people looking at my body or being able to deduce any medical situation from my appearance. It has nothing to do with my size and truly just a desire for zero attention/notice. A large clearly pregnant belly (and even a not clearly one but one different enough from usual to raise questions) invites that attention.

       1. +1

          And all the people that seem to want to touch you…

    5. As a fellow pregnant woman, the last thing I need is some internet rando being perplexed and concerned about literally my own feelings about my body? Why does it matter to you? Congrats on being perfect and having no issues!! I personally am frustrated with how I look, which is my normal self but chubbier around the middle and with even bigger boobs than my normally overwhelming 38 J’s, and they hurt. Nothing fits but I’m not needing maternity clothes yet and it sucks. And I don’t owe you or anyone else an apology for literally just having feelings and not being Pollyanna sunshine!

       1. Heh yeah OP seemed a little virtue-signal-y to me, too!

          Not-so-funny story: almost 40 years ago I was looking at my very pregnant body in the mirror and crying and saying “OMG I look so awful!” And my then-husband, instead of giving the objectively correct response (which is “darling, you look beautiful!”) tried to console me by saying “don’t worry, it’s just because you’re pregnant!” Heh.

          1. This is a very disappointing response, especially from someone who spoke at length on this forum about her struggles with her body and her gastric bypass. I said in the post that I’ve never felt good about my body before now. And that I’m afraid of going back to feeling not-good about my body. So which virtue is it that I’m signaling, exactly? Fear? Anxiety?

             1. The one where you feel puzzled by other pregnant people having negative feelings!! You can just enjoy feeling good without putting others down. Or launching a personal attack on someone else.

             2. I’m sorry, OP. I’m happy you feel good about yourself but the part where you side-eyed other people feeling differently made me go “hmm.”

             3. OP – I can understand that your intentions are well, I can read that in your comment. I hope you read this one and the same vein. I think these are the specific terms that are triggering the virtue signaling:

                “I’ve always found it perplexing…”
                “…but I still didn’t understand this notion of feeling self conscious”
                “I have to say, I’m still confused but mostly just sad for women”

                I’m only sharing the direct quotes so that perhaps you can see the spots that others may be reading as virtue signaling. The reason they are triggering because they imply a judgement that women are wrong for feeling this way and that you are right. Of course the women who feel this way would rather feel how you feel – but they don’t. No one likes to be told that their feelings are incomprehensible, and that’s what you kind of did in several places. By phrasing it in ways that you just cannot possibly understand how women feel this way, you’re signaling that you have some kind of virtue or understanding that they don’t have.

                Again, I read your last paragraph and I really don’t think you mean to come off as judgmental. But I think that’s where it’s coming from – the phrasing that you don’t understand how pregnant women don’t feel good about their bodies because you finally feel great in yours and you don’t see how it could be another way. That might be a normal thing to think in your head, but when you say it out loud it becomes virtue-signaling/judgmental and that’s what people are reacting to.

       2. Agree. This struck me as incredibly weird and virtue signal-y. What could possibly be confusing about women not loving their pregnant bodies?

       3. Yeah, this post is just virtue signaling. My pregnant body was very cute–a skinny athletic-looking body with a perfect basketball belly–because I was literally starving thanks to hyperemesis. I remember sitting on a bench one summer day and blinking back tears after watching a happy smiling pregnant lady walk by eating an ice cream cone, because I was a sweaty mess about to pass out from the heat and I couldn’t eat ice cream because the sugar would make me barf.

       4. Hug.

          Also, congratulations!!

    6. I was self conscious when pregnant because I’m tall and my belly didn’t pop for awhile, so I felt like I just looked like I’d gained a ton of weight. I also didn’t want to share my pregnancy at work for awhile. The first trimester bloat made it hard to wear much jewelry or my normal pants by like 8 weeks, and at my 8 week appt I was told not to gain any weight until the 3rd trimester, so yes I was very body conscious.

       By like 28 weeks when I was clearly pregnant I was pretty positive about my body because I looked like I was growing a human. However, that all crashed after delivery with the constant competing messages around b*feeding, snapping back, and recovering from a c section while taking care of a tiny human.

    7. I wasn’t self conscious about my body until my in-laws and mother started being horrific Bs to me about it. It was open season on making fun of my body, because apparently, it’s okay to say things to pregnant ladies that you would not say to someone who isn’t pregnant or postpartum.

       Maybe it helps to know that I was a very athletic size 4 with very flat abs, so they were basically a pack of hyenas laughing about how my stomach would never look the same.

       (Sorry if I sound angry; it was completely out of control.)

       1. I’m horrified for you, so sorry you went through that. You have every right to be angry.

          1. Thanks. It didn’t stop after I gave birth; one person started a whisper campaign that I was pregnant again 7 months postpartum because “look at that little baby belly!”

             I guess the one advantage is that it became pretty apparent that longstanding repairs ship difficulties would never end, because that would require basic human decency.

             Backing up a few steps: pregnant women’s quickly-changing bodies and insecurities are ripe fodder for jerks. I don’t begrudge anyone who struggles with the speed of those changes, wondering about the permanence, or wondering if they will be loved and accepted with a different body.

    8. I did not feel good about my pregnant body, but I’m glad you do! best wishes for a healthy delivery and healthy baby.

    9. I was happy with my body while pregnant (although I think part of it was that I had an easy pregnancy and just felt very good overall), but it’s kind of weird to me that you’re baffled why some people don’t. A lot of women get fat or swollen all over, and it’s it pretty obvious why they’d feel bad about that? The shape of my cousin’s nose changed – permanently! Not every person looks like a slender, non-pregnant woman who swallowed a basketball, which is the societal ideal of what a pregnant lady should look like, and if you don’t look like that, it’s pretty logical you’d feel bad about yourself. Consider yourself lucky but this post reads as so smug to me, even as someone who has generally good body confidence overall and enjoyed pregnancy.

       1. yeah, I was fairly positive about my body before pregnancy… I distinctly remember saying “this is the first time in my life I’ve felt big, uncoordinated, and had acne, and I don’t like it.” I did enjoy eating everything, because I figured I was fat anyway, might as well have cake! But I definitely did not feel attractive. It was temporary, I have healthy kids, it’s fine, but I’m glad I don’t have to be pregnant ever again.

14. I got a pixie cut recently and I’m loving the look and how low-maintenance it is in the mornings. But after 2 months it’s already starting to look a little scruffy/shaggy. Anyone here have a pixie and how often do you get it cut? And how often do men get their hair cut? Is that why their haircuts are cheaper? I suppose I must’ve had the opportunity in my life to learn this, but I’ve never paid attention.

    1. Every four weeks.

       1. +1

          I had to grow it out. Who the heck has the time for a hair appointment every month.

       2. Yeah, that’s why I grew out my college pixie cut. My hair grows relatively slowly but it still looked unkempt/entering mullet country after a month. It’s a bob now and 6-8 weeks is fine. It’s a fair amount of $$ but I don’t get my nails done or do waxing or facials so I feel like it’s a good beauty “investment.”

    2. I have a pixie and need a trim every 4 weeks. I’d be happier with 3 but can’t afford that. My husband gets his hair cut every 3 weeks.

       At my salon, all short haircuts cost the same regardless of gender. Women’s pixie cuts require much more skill and finesse than simple men’s haircuts, so I have to go to a much fancier salon than a man would and that is what makes the cut pricier.

    3. When I had short hair, it needed a trim every 6 weeks on the dot. One of the big reasons I let my hair grow out to shoulder length is that I can go an extra few days to a week without anyone but me being the wiser.

       1. Unless you decide to cut it a lot shorter than you want it to give you a grow out period, every 6 weeks has worked for me for over a decade. While the regular cuts are a pain, I also enjoy the easy morning to get out the door with my pixie.

    4. No more than every 6 weeks, ideally 4-5. And yes, men with short hair go that often!

    5. Pixie cuts are high maintenance with monthly cuts.

       It was worth it when I did a lot of swimming.

       1. With a pixie cut you are trading low maintenance on a daily basis for a lot of salon time. For me it’s worth the tradeoff.

          1. Same here.

    6. 8 weeks? Yeah, you’re shaggy. Aim for cuts every 4-6 weeks.

       I realize I’m spending more on haircuts, but it is so worth it for how low-maintenance my hair is the rest of the time!

    7. When I had really short hair, I had it trimmed every 2-3 weeks. Now I have a bob that I get cut every 6 weeks. If I go to 7 weeks, I really notice it, although I doubt other people think my hair looks shaggy.

       When I managed a hair salon, most men with short hair came in every 3-4 weeks. Everyone’s hair grows at a different rate, so there’s a range, but in general, short hair loses shape faster than longer hair.

    8. I had a pixie cut for years and got it cut every four weeks religiously. By six weeks it was looking scruffy.

    9. Okay, follow on question: how much are you guys spending on hair care? A super cheap haircut is $20 where I live, good ones 2-3x that. Additionally, I’m solo parenting A Lot so I usually need to get a babysitter if I’m going to get my hair cut. (The frequency of solo parenting a toddler is one of the reasons I love the easy morning styling.)

       1. $60 for a cut seems like middle-of-the-road pricing to me, so you’re lucky you can go for less! Any chance you can find a salon near your office so you can go on your lunch break?

          1. I used to spend $45 for an eh cut and now spend $60 (both plus tip) for a very good cut at a salon closer to my house. The extra money is worth it to me. I’m in a MCOL large city.

             I’m usually in the chair for 45 minutes, but she could shorten it to 30 minutes if I asked her to skip the neck massage both before and during the shampoo. I think Cat is right that the way to do this may be to take a break from the office to get a cut.

             Where do you live? Maybe someone here knows someone to recommend to you.

             1. I live in a college town in the mountain West, so it’s small enough I’m not comfortable sharing, lest I doxx myself.
                Any tips for what to look for in a regular hair stylist? I’m still a younger professional on a budget, so I’ve only ever gotten cheap haircuts at walk-in places.

             2. I got the names of the last two people who cut my hair by stopping strangers who have cute hair (women, not men). I know there aren’t a lot of women with short hair, but if you see one, ask her who she goes to. I promise she will be flattered. Cutting short hair for women is very different than cutting men’s hair or longer cuts on women. You want short but soft.

             3. Seems unlikely, but if you happen to be in Salt Lake City or Park City, contact Shannon Sivongsa. I just reached out to a friend who lives in Park City who has cute short hair, and this is who she goes to.

             4. OP: do you think you are the only person in Boulder (or wherever) with short hair? There is no other information connecting you to anything but you are not doxxing yourself to ask for location-specific input.

             5. tips to look for a regular hair stylist:
                – look for an early career stylist. Someone who’s done with school and a couple of years out. They learn to cut hair differently, and in a more modern way. I stared going to an Ulta salon because in my more rural area that’s where the cooler younger stylists are working and the stand alone places have stylists who are cutting my layers into triangles (if you know you know).

                – go somewhere that makes appointments. If you make appointments far out, you can usually get a time that works better for you like during lunch/right away after work/etc.

       2. I had a pixie cut 2013-2018 and paid $50 per cut in a L/MCOL city. Once I grew it out I started going to a more expensive salon but less frequently. It’s definitely a tradeoff– I’m not sure I really consider it all that less maintenance than long hair except in terms of drying it.

       3. I mean, I spend ~$115 on a haircut every 8 weeks and another $275 on color every other visit. $20-60 is cheap.

          1. This is me too – similar schedule and price points. I don’t have a pixie, but a chin length textured bob that’s cool if it’s recently cut and boring past 8 weeks. The ease of the short hair outweighs the frequent appointments for now.

       4. Luckily my stylist is available early in the day, so I’ve always scheduled her 7:30 or 8 a.m. appointment before I go into the office.

       5. I get it cut over lunch

       6. I go to a chain walk-in haircut place and cuts are $20 plus tip (I tip $5). When I had a pixie, I had to get it cut every 4-5 weeks in order to not look shaggy.

          When it was to the middle of my back, I would get it trimmed once or twice a year but also wore it in a claw clip most days so it wasn’t noticeable if it was uneven. Now that I have shoulder length hair, I can go about 8 weeks between cuts, maybe pushed to 10 if my curls aren’t growing out too unevenly.

    10. Oh, you need to go way more frequently than every two months! Probably 6 weeks at the most.

    11. lol, the post after this

15. The balance of working full time while in grad school is always tough, but now that I’m in my second to last semester (I graduate in August!) I also have the extreme stress of being a fed in an agency that’s being gutted. The day to day stress is really getting to me (updates often change daily), I love my job and I”m so passionate about my field (and my field will likely disappear without federal support). I’m going to have to move. I’m job searching. My mental health sucks. I obviously have so many feelings about what’s happening to the country and my field.

    All this to say, almost everything non essential has fallen to the wayside. Cooking, cleaning, most exercise. As a result, most of my clothes are starting to not fit (and I’ve already gained 20 lbs since starting school). I can’t afford to buy new clothes now, so I have to get my eating and exercise habits back in check. I also will have to move back to my parents’ (less storage space there) and change career fields so I can’t go buy clothes for this job and then not need them in the future. I’m also usually very active and fit and the weight gain is doing bad things to my sense of self.

    But, I can’t manage healthy ish cooking or even basic food prep right now. I would love to do factor or something, but that’s out of my budget since I’m saving as much as I can right now.

    Do you think I could retain some semblance of health (unrelated to weight) and hopefully not gain weight by eating mostly frozen meals? Figure I’ll keep my normal breakfast (greek yogurt or protein shake) and mostly do frozen meals for lunch and dinner, supplemented with like a side salad or a side of carrots and hummus or fruit or something. Maybe occasionally a turkey sandwich or oatmeal.

    Or any other ideas?

    Exercise wise, I’m back to lifting at home for ~20 mins 3x a week. My new goal is to get 10k steps on non-lift days (eventual goal is to then get 10k steps every day then turn that into 20 mins of cardio (running or biking), but baby steps for now).

    1. I would choose bagged salads for lunch with added protein. You can buy precooked chicken at Trader Joe’s to throw on top.

       1. People always suggest this. I would be super depressed eating bagged salad for any reason. It smells and I don’t trust its safety. There has to be a better option—maybe cut cucumbers (cut them yourself!) w lox and cream cheese.

          1. I have never had one that smells bad or that seemed unsafe. The vegetables come from the same fields as the rest of the stuff in the produce aisle, so I don’t know what you mean by safety here?

          2. +1 Bagged salad is really not an equivalent to fresh salad. Between wilted leaves, russet spotting, and some occasional downy mildew, it’s just not appetizing.

          3. Are you familiar with the phrase “don’t yuck someone’s yum”? Saying that bagged salads are depressing feels like an insult.

             1. Explore that.

    2. I ate mostly frozen and pre-packaged meals for dinner during my 2nd year in law school, and I lost about 20 lbs. This sounds obvious, but be sure to choose meals that have enough calories for your body and the right balance of macros. Otherwise, you’ll be raiding the freezer for ice cream at 10 pm.

       I’d also do a large salad with plenty of protein for lunch most days instead of a second frozen meal. You can wash the greens and prep any ingredients during the weekend, pack your salad in layers the night before or in the morning, and mix right before you eat.

       1. This is great to hear, thank you. I feel like a bit of a failure that I can’t commit to cooking right now, but it is what it is.

    3. i think that could work. also bagged salads if in your budget

    4. I think your core problem is a money problem and not a food one. I would focus on solving that rather than channeling your (very legitimate!) concerns about the future into a focus on diet and exercise. Can you do some tutoring or babysitting work on the side?

       Also, buy the new clothes. You can’t interview for a new role in clothes that don’t fit and you’re destroying your confidence for something that $200 worth of clothes will fix. You’re not going to lose the 20 pounds for many months in the best of times, and this is not the best of times. Take care of yourself – go buy some clothes.

       1. +100000

       2. It’s money AND time. I don’t have time on top of a full time job, graduate school, and job searching to babysit or tutor.

          I have work clothes that fit, but won’t fit if I keep gaining weight. I am lacking on “weekend” clothes but won’t buy new ones because that’s not money I’m willing to spend right now. If I need new interviewing clothes I’ll buy them but I’d rather not.

          My mental health is already shot due to circumstances, gaining weight is not good for my mental health and self worth either.

          1. My advice from someone who worked through law school. Total calories matter with macros somewhere within reason more than if the food is “healthy” or “unhealthy”. Of all quick food options, a McDonalds quarter pounder is one of your best options – trust me, calories and macros wise it stacks up against nearly everything you think of as healthy. If money is tight, no shame in PB&J, hot dogs or instant ramen classed up a bit with an egg and frozen veggies. Same for a bagel, cream cheese and ham. Chicken pot pies can feed you a lot of meals for cheap. Marie Calendar’s TV dinners are pretty solid and Amy’s meals don’t have enough calories.

             1. I had a bagel, cream cheese, and ham lunch meat for my lunch today. It gets the job done.

    5. A few ideas for no- or low-cook options that work for a budget:
       Frozen meals, premade salad kits, bulk cooking things like chicken breasts, frozen fruit for smoothies, frozen veggies are great, turkey deli meat, pasta with basic tomato sauce (bulk it up with canned cannelini beans for protein).

       1. +1 on the pasta. I love adding frozen veggies as well as beans to jarred pasta sauce. Lots of extra nutrition for minimal extra work.

    6. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this, from a fellow fed. As far as quick and easy meals, I like a lot of TJ’s and Costco’s products. From TJ’s – frozen stir-fry and cauliflower rice packs that you can heat up on a pan with some of their pre-cooked chicken strips or frozen shrimp. I also like their tinned fish and chicken sausages, which you could use as a protein component to a meal. Costco has a good refrigerated chicken tortilla soup. I like their dumplings and other frozen Asian meals. I haven’t tried Costco bagged salads but they seem fresh and less wilted than from other stores.

    7. Try counting calories if you want to know what will make you gain weight or not. Before I counted calories, I didn’t realize my meals were sometimes twice as caloric as i thought due to portion sizes and all those snacks add up too. But honestly, buy yourself at least some new clothes, try to sleep well at night, and be kind to yourself. You are dealing with a lot.

    8. Chicken thighs and frozen veggies of your choice — they all take about 20 minutes. I think frozen meals are fine. I did factor but just counting calories with an app helps too. I pretty much ate oatmeal for every breakfast to make life easier. Also, look at budget bytes for cheap meal ideas.

16. I’m a bit confused about how to interact with my newish assistant. She’s been with the firm about 6 months. When she first started, I tried to be friendly and ask how she was doing, how her move was going, etc., and I never managed to get a conversation started. She’d give one or two word answers. Someone else she works for said that she likes to come to work and go home and that’s it so I figured cool nbd. My last assistant and I would talk for an hour once a week or so about how her parents were doing or a her granddaughter starting college or whatever, but I don’t expect to have that kind of relationship with everyone. I still say hi how was your weekend thanks for getting that project done — the typical niceties — but I don’t try to strike up conversation beyond that. She recently had her mid year review (all excellent from me) and I’m receiving feedback that she thinks I’m cold and distant and she worries that I don’t like her.

    I’m not really sure what to do here? If it matters, she’s younger than my last assistant but still older than me; I’m 40, she’s maybe 50s? I’m being intentional about providing more positive feedback. I’m hesitant to try to chit chat because she doesn’t seem to like that. Anything else I should be doing?

    1. When she first started she was probably feeling really shy and that’s why you were only getting one or two word answers.

    2. maybe now that she knows you gave her excellent feedback things will balance out? i’d try to share a bit more about myself if possible and then see where that leads? or, ask her opinion on work matters to encourage her to speak more?

    3. Invest some cycles into making more small talk with her.

    4. Can you talk to her about it? Tell her you appreciate her as an employee and a person and want her to know that.

    5. I’d say watch out for this person. People who give this kind of feedback are laying the groundwork for nonsense.

       1. This is insane.

17. Tips for managing anxiety sudden uptick in anxiety? I forgot to take my SSRI, and I’m in the middle of a high stress situation at work. Need to calm myself down so I can get through the rest of this month, ideally without waking up in the middle of the night without being able to fall back asleep.

    1. Vigorous exercise outdoors. Work off that nervous energy.

    2. Take the missed dose and call your doc for an increased dose.

    3. Unfortunate because I love coffee, but giving up caffeine was immensely helpful for my anxiety.

       1. Yup same.

       2. In a similar vein, any amount of alcohol makes my anxiety so much worse.

    4. Agree with go outside ASAP and take a brisk walk.
       Take a 5 minute break and do your mindfulness/deep breathing.
       Stop drinking caffeine.

       It’s useful to have some “in the moment” anxiety breakers that you like.
       Read about tapping, or run in place intensely for 1 minute, 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique etc..

       Take your med as soon as you get home. Or leave work and go get your pill now.

18. I would like to scream, please.

    I write a weekly newsletter. This week, my reporting on topic X was two paragraphs. Bosses ballooned it to five paragraphs with their changes. One of them thought better of it and took it back down to three paragraphs. The other boss – the one so guilty of going on and on and on – said, “Oh, I like it short, we should do that every week.” ::headdesk::

    1. Be grateful he likes it short!! People are flawed and come to realizations a bit later than us sometimes – life’s easier when we let them be human :)

    2. yeah, that’s annoying. Roll those eyes!

19. Question for women in their 40s and beyond: at some point, did you find that you needed to spend more on clothing to get a good fit? I mean, the answer seems to be yes, at least if you’re a midsize person or have areas that are hard to fit. Shopping on a budget has gotten to be very frustrating. I am definitely spending more to get clothing that looks and feels good. But man, it does hurt to spend more on basic items and hope that other body changes don’t make this a fruitless endeavor!

    I’ve also been surprised that I have started leaning more toward neutrals and mid-tones. Light or bright colors are doing my complexion no favors these days.

    1. Yes, absolutely. I used to wear H&M and Old Navy tops and now they look very unflattering and I don’t even try. Better fabric and cut makes a huge difference.

    2. A couple of things could be going on here. Young people tend to dress sort of slovenly. Maybe slovenly is too harsh a word, but let’s say, less than polished. It’s nbd if your top is pilled or your pants have a gap in the back because everyone has similarly low fashion expectations. When you get older, though, you want to look and feel more polished and that means having clothes that actually fit. So I think a lot of it is, your clothes never fit right but you didn’t care.

       And then some of it might be body changes. As a short and busty woman, I’ve always had to get suits, jackets, and formal wear tailored, so I don’t know what it is to be able to wear nice clothes off the rack. I went through a time in my 30s when I was getting everything tailored including jeans and t-shirts, but now in my 40s I’m kind of over it. If pants are too long I’m sending them back I’m not getting them hemmed. Amazon, target, and old navy surprising have some decent clothes that fit well, and if I only get ~3 uses out of it that’s fine. I hate that it’s wasteful but I just don’t have the energy to keep spending on pricier items, getting everything tailored, and then it still pills or I spill something on it or DH accidentally puts it in the dryer and it shrinks so I only get a year of wear out of it anyway.

    3. To get a good fit? No. I’ve always had issues with fit. Spending more money doesn’t fix this, for me.

       To get clothes that look better on me? Yes. Two reasons: first, fabric quality has gone down in the past 20 years. So inexpensive clothing 20 years ago, when I was in my 20s, was made out of better fabric than the same clothing today. Second, my standards have gone up: I’m WAY pickier about fit, cut, and fabric than I used to be.

       1. OP here, and yes, all of this is true. I am much more selective than I used to be, and overall quality has fallen off a cliff.

    4. I would add that the general quality of clothes, both fabric, cut and finish, is a lot lower now than 20+ years ago.

       H&M in the nineties was a high-end brand in terms of quality if you compare with today’s mid to high end. I know that sounds nuts, but the race to the bottom with ultra fast fashion as today’s fashion engine means that not only do clothes not fit 40+ women well, they don’t fit the 20 year olds either.

    5. More no, but I am more open to different sizes. I care more about the fit than the size on the tag.

    6. I don’t think it’s your age. I think it’s the fact that even expensive clothing is garbage these days.

    7. Of course. When you’re 25, you can look good in a potato sack. When you’re 45, even if you’re in shape and eat right, you just need nicer clothes to look good. Thicker fabrics, better drape, better tailoring.

    8. Absolutely! I am the moderator for a forum of over-35 fashionistas and one thing I explain (hopefully nicely) is that at 17, *most* of us are serving body-ody-ody and the *body* is what makes cheap synthetic Charlotte Russe or F21 clothes look cute. As we get older, of course plenty of women have great bodies but we do tend to lose that carefree look that makes a cheap dress seem cute and hopeful rather than a mis-step.
       But on the flip side, major “cantilevered” tailoring with boning and shape-control is what makes many outfits and items seem “matronly” so it’s a bit of a tightrope. It is really tough out there–there’s a huge gap in between festival options and Hillary Rodham Clinton Realness in the market for women’s clothing in my experience.

20. Has anyone successfully weaned off SSRIs? What was your exprerience like? I feel like every story I hear is “I had such bad withdrawal / rebound anxiety I had to go back on and will never go off again,” which makes me nervous.

    I am currently on 12.5 mg Zoloft (down from 75), which my psychiatrist said was a placebo dose and wouldn’t do anything for me. I feel totally fine and have no noticeable changes in mental health after several months. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, since it feels like everyone says weaning off isn’t possible. I’m very scared to drop to 6 mg or 0 for the same reason. For context, I still had pretty bad anxiety at 75 MG at first, until I started EMDR and therapy and started working out 5 days a week. After those changes, then my anxiety went away almost completely, which makes me think they were more effective for the SSRI for me personally. But my psychiatrist keeps saying I need to be on the meds for the rest of my life and tried to convince me not to go to 25 and then to 12.5. I haven’t heard any successful tapering off stories which makes me feel like it isn’t possible.

    1. I was down to 5mg of lexapro which my doc told me was a placebo dose, but I definitely had some withdrawal symptoms. I went down to 2.5 for a few weeks, and then stopped taking it entirely. I had brain zaps for probably 2-3 months, which were slowly getting better over that time, but now I’m totally fine. Tapering is possible, just be prepared to not be on your A game and give yourself some grace. You’ll come out on the other side.

       1. That is so wonderful to hear. So your mental health symptoms are manageable?

          1. I wish I could say they are, but I was much better while on lexapro. I had to come off it due to motivation and productivity issues (I just could not get anything done), but my anxiety shot back up. I try to manage it with CBT, diet and exercise, but success has been limited.

    2. I just stopped taking Lexapro one day and was fine albeit anxious. It wasn’t a big deal for me, although I understand some people have a harder time. Just wanted to give that anecdotal evidence.

       1. Same here! I stopped Lexapro cold turkey or close to cold turkey and didn’t have any problems except some rebound anxiety.

    3. I’m not a doctor, but IME it is not impossible to wean off Zoloft. I’ve never heard that before and I’ve weaned off it twice. Now, there’s a right way and a more difficult way to go about weaning off, but it’s possible. You just have to taper off slowly. 12.5 is already a pretty low dose, so 6 is probably your next step. A lot of people experience what is sometimes called “brain zaps” when weaning off. That’s the only thing I experienced and although weird and annoying, wasn’t debilitating or even long-lasting. It stays in your system for a while, so it’s unlikely that you’ll feel a huge, sudden rush of anxiety the first day or two after dropping to a lower dose.

       It sounds like you’ve done a great job taking care of yourself with exercise and EDMR. That’s awesome. Consider finding a new psychiatrist or at least getting a second opinion.

    4. I thought weaning was supposed to work okay. I weaned off Celexa just fine, no issues at all.

       I had to quit Zoloft overnight for reasons and that withdrawal was horrifying, wouldn’t wish it on worst enemies levels of miserable. But that’s from quitting overnight.

    5. If the step down to 6mg is too much of a jump (50% reduction), you can wean more slowly. I tapered off of 25mg over a period of about 3-4 months and had no issues.
       With my doctor’s support, I used a pill splitter and reduced by 1/8 of a dose every two weeks. (7/8 then 3/4 then 5/8 then 1/2 then 3/8 then 1/4 then 1/8)

    6. I didn’t respond well to the SSRI, (I felt like a zombie with no emotional capacity at all, slept like 13 hours a day even after being on it a couple months) so I did what you’re not supposed to do and quit cold turkey. Tbh, I don’t remember most of that month. I got nothing done and was an emotional wreck. Then I just came out of it and was back where I was before the SSRI. I really was just in a bad situation and needed to get out, and get treatment for a previously undiagnosed chronic health condition.

       1. I wonder how often this happens. This is similar to my experience though my experience on the SSRI was worse and the withdrawal was a little longer.

    7. I’ve weaned off SSRIs at least twice in the past, maybe 3 times. It was not a big deal for me. One time I did start feeling like I was having some bothersome symptoms and was starting a new job at the same time, so I paused for a few months and then tried again with a more gradual decline, which worked fine. I HAVE had recurrences of depression and anxiety, but often years later, which is why I have been on and off them a few times. The main reason I stopped medications in the past was side effects. I’m currently taking Lexapro with no plans to stop because it has been really helpful for me, the side effects aren’t that bothersome at the moment, and I just want a break from low-grade anxiety ruling my life while I am dealing with stressful, long-term circumstances (aging parents). Right now I feel like mdeciation has made it easier for me to be productive in therapy, but this hasn’t always been the case; at other times I think I felt like I needed to experience anxiety symptoms more to be in touch with my feelings.

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