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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Pleated-Neck Short-Sleeve Sheath Dress

A woman with her head cropped out wearing a short-sleeved black dress and black sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Back in the office and looking to refresh some basics? Look no further. I’ve always liked Maggy London for well-priced dresses for both office and cocktail wear. This short-sleeve sheath also comes in navy, blue sapphire, and baked apple.

I’m featuring the black because, to be perfectly honest, I need a new black sheath for myself. I wear one at least once a week, and a short-sleeved version is perfect for wearing under blazers in the winter and on its own in the summer.

The dress is $39.97, marked down from $118, at Nordstrom Rack. It comes in sizes 0–18W.

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Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

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201 Comments

  1. Today is my 30th birthday! For those of you who have already “been there, done that,” what would you tell your former selves/what would you like to have known when you turned 30? (If relevant: I am not a lawyer and I am very single.)

  2. Jumping off of yesterdays thread: what questions would you ask to get at a person’s support for a diverse and inclusive workplace? A candidate can say the right talking points or serve on x committee, but what are you looking for in the anecdotal answer, and what’s the right question to give you that answer?

    1. I don’t ask this and I hate being asked if. Sorry I’m not interested in discussing my immigrant background in a job interview. Idk how you want me to convey that my law firm is like 95% white but I have no hiring power and don’t hate brown people. Like what even are we doing with this question? Stop harassing applicants and start actually enforcing your policies on employees.

      1. Agreed. I don’t want to share personal information to prove I’m woke. The fact that I care for an adult sibling on the spectrum, and that I can pass for white despite my heritage, are not tidbits I should be forced to use like trading cards.

        1. +1 Companies need to be fixing this issue from the inside out, which includes ensuring that they are including diverse candidates in their candidate pools, but NOT by grilling candidates about their diversity qualifications! You can highlight the companies policies and efforts during the interview process so that the candidate understands what the environment, goals, etc., are of the company. Although frankly, I work at a company who plasters their DEI initiatives all over the web, internal and external, and it’s a joke what we are actually doing, so at this point, the candidates are the least of my problems.

      2. I honestly don’t think personal background should be the answer to this question at all. If a candidate told me that being a member of an underrepresented group was their entire contribution to equity and diversity in the workplace, that would not be a good answer.

          1. Right? Because if a candidate wants a job and all you ask them is if they support DEI, of course they are going to say yes (whether that’s true or not) unless they are a complete idiot and in that case there are a multitude of reasons you wouldn’t want to hire them regardless of DEI.

          2. In theory, a response that indicates that the candidate is aligned with corporate values around diversity and inclusion, particularly if they will be managing others. In practice, I hate these questions, because I think that what you always get is a vague answer around how diversity is important. It doesn’t yield useful information.

            Either way, I’ve never seen this phrased as a question to which personal background would actually really make sense as an answer. (Neither when I’ve been asked it in interviews, nor when it was presented on my company’s list of required interview questions in hiring.). It’s usually something like “Diversity and inclusion are core values for Company X. Can you talk about how you have worked to create an inclusive environment on teams you have led in the past?”

          4. And yet asking the question assumes that the person is the problem and isn’t the person with a problem. It is unfair both ways.

        3. I’m the person with a disability who commented below, and I agree that this shouldn’t just be about your personal status. It should include things like your experience working with diverse groups of people (in academia, this includes inclusive teaching/mentoring strategies, understanding issues different groups of students face, research on DEI topics, etc.). However, in reality, the answers people give to these questions end up being heavy on personal experience. I think this happens because people think you’re asking for them to talk about difficulties they’ve overcome, but also just because it IS really personal. I would have supported students from diverse backgrounds regardless of my personal experience, but my experience trying to make it through my career with a disability really does make a huge difference in the way I approach these issues, and it’s very clear that I do a lot of things differently than my mostly white, male, able-bodied colleagues. This is actually part of why I think it’s really important to have people from different backgrounds, because it brings different approaches and perspectives (it’s also a justice issue, that everyone has a fair chance).

          1. And I’d add that it very surface-level, sort of what this question should be getting away from.

            In the C-suite, I want to see what a person’s leadership is like in this area, but their background (of whatever type) is not leadership. It may have informed their views (or not), but what have they done?

            If you are bagging groceries, or interviewing for another similarly-paying job, this would be a bizarre question.

          2. Agree with Anon@10:25. Personal background and experience will inform one’s perspective, and it’s fine to mention that, but it’s not sufficient if I am hiring anyone to a role with influence over others. Being a woman is not inoculating one from holding on to sexist stereotypes, just as an example. And even without personal experiences, I expect a minimum of awareness and willingness to learn from the white male candidate in front of me.

      3. If you’re interviewing a candidate for a position with hiring power, then absolutely ask what the candidate has done to promote diversity and equity in the workplace. But if it’s an individual contributor role, don’t ask. I’ll note that I’ve been impressed by candidates who ask me (as the hiring manager) what my organization is doing around DEI, so points for that.

    2. As a parent of a kid on the spectrum, I just laugh. My kid is an awesome worker, but can really rock or bomb an interview (which is easy when you don’t get sarcasm and aren’t always reading the cues on people’s faces). Inclusivity means some things and most definitely not other things. [And yet some companies do get that jobs that are hard to fill for many neutotypical workers can be great jobs for a more neurodiverse workforce.] A relative who was Phi Beta Kappa really struggled with this when they read her resume first and then she showed up and people were unprepared for a person with cerebral palsy (which affects her speech a bit and movement but not her mind). She has a good WFH office job and lives on the metro line in case she needs to go in for meetings (in before times), but it has not been easy for her.

      1. Yes, as someone with a disability, it shapes every aspect of my experience, both at work and in the rest of my life, in ways that make me particularly attuned to diversity and inclusion issues. I’m in academia, so DEI is a big deal, but I’m getting increasingly uncomfortable with the way that it’s being handled in job/school applications, basically asking people to go through a confession of ways that they’ve suffered, making the whole application process, especially rejections, feel really personal. This is especially fraught for people with disabilities, as there’s still a lot of stigma, and it’s really hard to know whether anything you say isn’t just going to be held against you.

        It’s gotten to the point where I think these questions are essentially meaningless, because a savvy candidate knows how to say the right thing, without necessarily meaning it, and lots of people from disadvantaged backgrounds have a harder time, either because they don’t know as well how to handle the question or because they have to struggle with how much personal information to disclose, which might just end up hurting instead of helping. It’s a lot easier to glibly talk about diversity and inclusion when it’s theoretical, not when it’s something you’ve personally had difficult experiences with.

        1. Agreed — look at the employment stats with anyone who is not physically and neurologically typical and they are devastating. Diversity and inclusion my ass.

    3. I would ask about mentoring. Either their best experience as a mentee or their most surprising success as a mentor. If they are not conversant with mentoring skills and interested in the internal development of candidates they are not likely to be a good fit.

      1. I agree with this approach. It’s a good proxy for whether someone can relate to others and meet their coworkers where they are at.

    4. At minimum, I’d be looking for an awareness of the state of inclusion in my field, and an acknowledgement for the need for something to change. That may be a low bar, but there is still a steady supply of people who are deluded about it being a meritocracy, not just from older folks. We need to agree on the same reality, and then we can have all kinds of debates about effective solutions.
      A candidate might not have had an opportunity to implement or even propose changes in their previous place of work, so I wouldn’t make this a requirement. If I have a choice of good candidates, tangible achievements in diversity and inclusion would be a big plus.

    5. Honestly as a woman in a super male (and usually misogynistic men at that) dominated field, I’ve yet to be asked this question but I’d be annoyed. In my 3 years in this field, I’ve been the token woman in the room too many times. I’ve dealt with crazy blatant sexism (r*pe jokes) and TONS of implicit / quieter sexism. I’ve been the “favored woman” who gets xyz assignment and then us used as an example of how “we don’t hold women back, bc L’s been assigned xyz”. Those huge issues in my industry are not mine to fix.

      That said – I’m very very close with many of my female coworkers and we work very hard to support each other, pull each other up, etc.

      1. Same. I’ve been on a job where my colleague would have to repeat my questions immediately after I finished speaking, because the contractors refused to acknowledge a woman on a construction site. I’ve been asked if I like specific s3x acts in front of a group of male peers. And you want to know what I’M doing to fix this? Screw off.

    6. I agree that this is basically a stupid and impossible question. The one boss I had who was most conversant in this kind of question was also the most awful/offensive (e.g., he would take credit for other people’s backgrounds as if it was somehow reflective of his commitment to helping anyone, which it def wasn’t, and would often say things like “my dream person for this job is a half — half — who went to —- and maybe she’s also —-… that would be great!”and the entirety of requirements were based entirely on stereotypes).

      The best most supportive people I worked with never even talked about it – they were just good mentors, inclusive, supportive, etc. Unfortunately, all good intentions aside, this has now evolved into just a corporate talking point that often lacks any sincerity or meaning.

    7. If you are talking about team diversity, my prior company used to give people the Kolbe test as part of hiring. Everyone’s scores were made public and over time I felt like it pigeonholed people. Let’s get Amy to lead this, she’s our “quick start.” (Meanwhile if you were a point different you might be treated like a lump—and others were specifically hired because they were more analytical by nature but the trait wasn’t valued in practice.) Seriously will NEVER work for a company that uses this again. It was like a caste system from the start.

      1. I worked at a place like that and most definitely gave the answers on that test that I thought they wanted to hear. DH’s company does this AND puts a graph of their answers on their name badge. They hire all sorts at least, but are very seriously invested in it.

    8. So I manage a team of about 25 lawyers in a large corporate legal department. We are required to at least one of a list of specific DEI-related questions during the interview, and each candidate that we interview has to be asked the same questions. This is the case for all subject areas, not just DEI – we develop the list of interview questions beforehand, and each candidate gets the same ones. This is one of our practices that are intended to reduce the role of unconscious bias in the hiring process, by avoiding the situation where some candidates get a bunch of friendly softball questions and others get grilled. We also have a pretty long hiring process with multiple interview rounds, so this comes after an initial interview where people have a one-on-one discussion with the hiring manager without a set question list.

      I honestly hate the DEI question requirement, because everyone knows how to give a pat and largely content-free answer at this point. I do think it’s useful to ask people who will be managers questions that indicate that they have thought about how to manage employees of a broad range of backgrounds, but it’s required even for individual contributors and the answers never yield information that makes much difference.

    9. Having read a bunch of responses and agreeing with most of them, I feel like the best question here is more along the lines of “how do you work with diverse teammates/how do you manage diverse team members” and the answer is to not assume anything about anyone based on their diversity class/category but to treat people as individuals, play to their strengths, and work with or around their perceived “weaknesses” just as you would any person in your own category (white, female, etc.).

      For example: for the colleague with cerebral palsy who speaks slowly, find out how they prefer to communicate. If it’s verbally in a meeting, fine, work on your own patience muscle and live with it. If they sometimes get frustrated by their own slow speech and prefer email or IM, lean more heavily into those modes when possible or when that person asks. If you have a neurodivergent colleague who has difficulty detecting sarcasm, don’t be sarcastic around them! And if they’re someone who struggles with this sort of thing but does well if they have some visual cues, make sure to use video on your calls so they can see if you’re smiling or rolling your eyes, or making some other expression that can help them understand context better. If another colleague has shared that they have a unique (compared to other colleagues) background that could help inform how you do or implement your work, ask them to share their perspective if they feel comfortable doing so. You’re not asking them to share as an expert representing every person who has experienced X, but as someone who is an immigrant or who grew up in poverty (for example), what would have been their personal experience as relates to the thing in question.

      The whole point of encouraging diverse and inclusive workplaces is that diverse employees bring perspectives and experiences that make us all better at our work. But that doesn’t mean that every person in each diverse category is the same – they still need to be treated as individuals!

      Please correct me if I’m totally off base here.

      1. I can think of a hire we had who checked a lot of DEI boxes. She was put on a team where the guys all had SAH wives dealing with kid stuff. She was a single mom. She was really never going to work to their standards, but they were never going to meet her halfway, either. No other entry level hires were parents, let along single moms with no local family. I think that they still think that she was the problem.

      2. If I think of how employers do horrible jobs with parents or sandwich generation adults and people with certain identities, I think the employers and managers have a lot of ground to cover. Working parents quit? Everyone spends soft mentoring time with people they get along with and no time with other staff they don’t particularly bond with, so those people leave and the former people advance. You thought that the hard of hearing person “had no presence” so you didn’t pass them beyond the screening interview. The pipeline of diverse candidates, of all sorts, just shrivels and shrivels and companies need to look in the mirror before bothering applicants who aren’t leaders and/or managers.

      3. “The whole point of encouraging diverse and inclusive workplaces is that diverse employees bring perspectives and experiences that make us all better at our work. But that doesn’t mean that every person in each diverse category is the same – they still need to be treated as individuals!”

        YES! 100%!

    10. The responses here are (part of) the reason the D&I push in the workplace is so profoundly counterproductive. The whole point of the D&I “problem” is that there continue to be a problem in the service of grifters, race-hustlers, and whiners. Hence the responses of “It’s not my responsibility to help!” or “That doesn’t fix/address the problem”. According to these people, nothing helps, the “problem” continues.

      1. Well, I am going to agree to disagree. Our country has so much wasted potential and that is a crying shame. The zip code you’re born in, the parents you’re born to, etc. determine too much of your life path. Ditto people with disabilities and who aren’t developmentally typical or who have caregiving responsibilities for others. How many women from my law school class had to drop out before their loans were paid off b/c the headwinds were too great? How many kids in my city don’t get upper level math classes b/c there aren’t enough prepared kids at their school to warrant hiring a teacher when the crying need is for so many kids who can’t really do math at all? Life isn’t fair, but we each can do our part to change that where we can.

        1. …LOL at comparing female law school graduates who become SAHMs to low-income high-school kids without access to higher-level math.

          1. IDK — any law or other grad with $$$ student debt can wreck their family’s finances in a major way if they can’t keep working. And grads with the highest student debt loads are likely to be poorer, minority, or first-generation graduates. That it is happening to adults and only indirectly to children is not something to cheer about.

      2. I am one of the anons above that you may be including in your response. I do not think that the problem can be fixed by trying to suss out at IC candidate level whether someone supports DEI efforts or not. IME, the problem is that companies are too concerned with the appearance of doing DEI “right” and making sure that everyone around them knows it and not concerned enough with enacting real change within the organization. You can ask all your candidates about DEI, but if you’re not willing to get rid of managers who have no interest in DEI, then yea, the problem continues. The problem, IMO, is that real change involves unseating people who have experienced privilege all of their lives and who do not remotely want to give their seat of power to someone who has not experienced that privilege. Until that change happens, all other DEI initiatives are useless.

        1. I mean, from a more cynical corporate standpoint, I think that is part of the reason that these types of questions are asked in interviews for higher level positions. The managers who have absolutely no interest in DEI (in my field) don’t even do the lip service. They don’t see the point. We only hire the best, We can’t afford to make accommodations to low performers, and other bs.
          Companies know that these people are the road blocks to change, and are trying to weed them out in interviews. Sure, you can lie about your awareness and commitment, but there will be a number of folks who will not even deign to do that, or who will do it badly, or who will cry woke mob and focus on other job openings. So it’s by no means a perfect tool, but it does select out some of the worst kinds of people.

        2. THIS is a refreshingly honest answer. While I respectfully disagree, I appreciate your candor in acknowledging that the goal of D&I is to “get rid of” and “unseat” people on the basis of race.

          1. No. This is not getting rid of people “on the basis of race,” it’s on the basis of their refusing to care about making an inclusive workplace. Yes, those people tend to be white.

          2. Monday, your very comment confirms that it’s a policy that will have a disparate impact on white people–i.e., affect those people “on the basis of” race.

          3. What? Having a disparate impact on a group and doing something on the basis of their group membership are not the same. Insofar as there’s overlap, it’s fine when it’s a matter of sustained, free personal choice (not caring about D&I) as opposed to, say, being poor.

    11. I’ve been asked these questions. It’s one of my favorite topics so I love answering the questions. I am generally interviewing for high level management positions, often where I would be building a team. The question is usually something like “our company has a focus on diversity and inclusion. What is your background in this area?”

      I’ve been involved in my professional organization’s board-level D&I efforts so I talk about that, and about the controversy it sparked, my view on what was wrong with the anti- argument. And I also talk about how I’ve gone about building teams in the past, about building a diverse pipeline for senior positions so that senior execs can’t say “we’d love to promote more diverse candidates but we didn’t have any,” (true anecdote from my prior job, but it wasn’t a true fact) and how to be more objective in evaluating candidates. How to do more diverse recruiting at entry level. Pre entry-level, how to interest more diverse students in our field.

      I’m a problem solving type rather than a problem discussing type. My work in the area of D&I has ranged from a bunch of white men sitting around in required training putting words on a whiteboard, to actually running high school career days in less traditionally served school districts. I would 1000x rather do the latter.

    12. Focus on questions that shed insight on to how someone thinks. Hypotheticals are good for this. “If [this] happened, what would your next steps be and how would you define a successful outcome?”

      1. I’ll clarify that I mean do this rather than saying “what do you bring to the table” because that’s broad, can slip into overly personal, and easy to make things up etc. But everyone has to detail with scenarios in which someone accuses someone of favoritism, or you suspect the best assignments go to one person and leave others with the dregs, or your subordinate manager is well-intentioned but doesn’t want to give travel assignments to parents, staff who are disabled, etc. All those are how problems with DEI play out on a practical basis in the office. I am always interested to hear how candidates work through those type of hypothetical scenarios because it can show if they have good instincts, if they are overly defensive, etc.

  3. For anyone looking for a cold weather vegetarian dish to try, Alison Roman’s Brussels Sprout Gratin (posted in NYtimes cooking) is phenomenal. I’m a die hard roasted BR fan but wanted to try something new with them. This is IT!! So good. And pretty easy, not super time consuming if you have the ingredients on hand.

    3. Another Brussels Sprout recipe I love is Gimme Some Oven’s one with gnocchi, pesto, and sausages. I’m making it tomorrow!

  4. I wanted to get the HIVE’s view on whether in these days of Omicron it is safe to go out and meet new people. I am not talking only of dating, but of going to venues like events where people can be vaccinated and masked? I am pretty sure I can go on a Circle Line cruise around Manhattan, b/c it is pretty much all outside, but what about going downtown to the American Indian Museum? It is a big airy space and there are not that many people down there. I wanted to take Rosa and her kids down there. We would meet at Grand Central, then take a bus or subway downtown. Alternatively, if the museum isn’t that safe b/c of Omicron, we could all get on the Staten Island Ferry for a ride to Staten Island where we could get off and walk around and get Pizza before coming back. We could also walk to the South Street Seaport where the kids could see the old boats and the Brooklyn Bridge. I am sedimental about this location because this was where Gonzalo first put his hand on my tuchus and complimented me when we were looking for a place to hold our holiday party. Are there other good venues where Kids could go (other then the Museum of Natural History) where we’ve been before?

  5. This morning I had a doctor’s appointment, so I stopped for a Starbucks treat to psych myself up. The barista was peppy and making witty comments, but I was slogging and couldn’t keep up with her. I tried to say “Well said” and “Good point” at the same time, so I yelled “GOOD SAID!” in her face and then peeled out in a panic. So that’s how today is going.

        1. My son went on a whole rant when he took middle school health and learned that caffeine is a drug. He actually called his father and me “drug addicts.”

          Now he’s in college and mainlines Red Bull.

        2. I’m biased due to my work experience, but whenever a server is ultra peppy like that I sort of suspect they’re on c0caine. But sure, it could also just be plenty of free coffee!

    4. I tried to say Have a good weekend or Have a good day at the end of a phone call today but actually said “Have a good way!”

  6. I, like many in the public health field, have been super burnt out for the last few years. I ended up leaving my job in November, took a month off, and just started a new related and PH adjacent but not directly PH job this week. Being burnt out, my work ethic and work habits had gotten so bad since I was just in survival mode. Now I have a new position (and had time off!), I need to get back to my old habits. The issue is I forget what I did. Like – i spent so much time putting out fires that I forget how I tracked non-urgent and long term tasks. I forget how I organized my notes and emails. I forget basically all the organizational habits abd managing the day to day work habits that I had.

    I basically feel like I’m 22 again and get to have a fresh start on how I work and organize myself and I need all of the tips!

    1. This depends so much on your workstation, software, etc. At my last job we had Macs, so I used the Sticky Notes app religiously. Now I’m on a PC and I HATE it, so I keep a handwritten notebook. And when we used robust PM software like LiquidPlanner, it was so detailed that I didn’t need to track projects outside of that dashboard. Now there’s no equivalent at this job, so I had to make a custom Excel sheet.

    2. If you use Outlook, I use my task list for long term items and the reminder function within tasks. So, for example, I have a recurring training that we make updates to every where. I’ll set a task for months out that’s set to remind about the time I need to start working on it and then within the notes function of the task, I’ll start dropping items that need to be a part of that.

    3. Build in the time to be organized. This might seem like common sense, but there’s no tip that will work in the absence of time. In a perfect world, I would have an uninterrupted hour each day just to sort emails, organize files, make notes, print hard copies, do IT tasks, etc. If you can, block off an hour a day (8 am? 4 pm?) on your calendar and set your status to “do not interrupt.” Note: I’ve had no luck actually implementing this as my org likes both meetings that start at 8 am and ones that run to 4:30.

      I do however block off one day a week as “unavailable” so that I don’t have meetings scheduled on that day absent a true emergency. This is my one day a week to get work done without the interruptions of 3-4 different meetings.

      1. +1. I book two separate half hour blocks on my calendar each day, and move them around if other meetings pop up. I use them to catch up on email, organize files, etc. I also block two days a month as PTO even if I don’t take it. It helps keep my calendars meeting-free on those days and I can use them to work on bigger projects.

        Also – if you have Microsoft, I use a combination of OneNote and the Task List in Outlook. I take notes in OneNote (it’s searchable) and then use the half hour blocks to create a task for any follow ups. Even things like “follow up on X progress in two weeks” can be scheduled as a task two weeks out. Emails can also be flagged as tasks, which is helpful if it’s things like required training, IT tasks, or even just they need your thoughtful response.

  7. Last spring I turned down a fantastic job offer in my field for a few reasons. 1. A family member was ill(they eventually went to hospice and passed away). 2. General burnout. 3. I have young children and was unsure of what the safety policies would be in my district. When I turned down the offer I just told the recruiter that I had new “covid related” issues in my family and couldn’t take the position at that time. I didn’t technically ghost since I spoke with the recruiter but I didn’t reach out to anyone I interviewed with or any of my contacts at the company. I was just so underwater that I wasn’t thinking about it. FYI, there was a long period between my initial interview and my offer and my issues didn’t appear until after my initial interview.

    I’m now in a much better place mentally and have solved for most of my childcare logistics. The company has posted the position again and it still looks like a great move for me. Would it be worth reaching back out? Should I reach out to that specific recruiter? How much of the backstory would you divulge? Was the fact that I didn’t reach out to the department head, or anyone else I interviewed with, going to come back to bite me?

    1. YES! Absolutely yes. Reach out to the same recruiter. Explain your prior issues are resolved (I might even mention the sick relative because that’s something people will understand no question).

      1. I was going back and forth regarding mentioning my relative. I know its understandable but I worry about it being TMI. This is likely an instance of me overthinking a simple interaction.

        1. As someone who turned down a relocation in favor of being laid off due to sickly family: I struggled to find a new job until I broke down and shared that info (I’m overly private compared to the average person). I think it put me in a good light because it shows compassion and investment, plus (blunt but true) the person’s passing means the company gets proof of your good deed while knowing that the hassle of the logistics is over and done.

          1. I agree. Mention the relative. It makes your situation very understandable and they can see that it is no longer an issue.

            And I am sorry for your loss. That all sounds so rough.

    2. Absolutely reach out, and do t dwell on the ghosting – it wasn’t a date, it was bad timing. You can always talk more about it once you get the job. Go get it! If they offered you before, they’ll probably be thrilled to have you come back.

  8. What’s the best Hawaiian island for vacation for people who like outdoorsy things/snorkeling/less crowded beaches and aren’t fans of large all-inclusive resorts? (And any recommendations for places to stay?)

      1. +1 to Kauai, but also the Princeville side is a nice option, too and has condos if you’re completely resort adverse (I love that Grand Hyatt though)

      2. +1. Depending on when you are going, the 1 Hotel Hanalei Bay on Kauai also looks like it is going to be really nice. I think it is opening later this year (in the former St. Regis Princeville location).

        The Four Seasons Lanai is also amazing.

      4. I don’t think you can beat the Grand Hyatt. The #1 most beautiful view I’ve ever seen from a hotel lobby.

      1. Also Volcanoes National Park on the Big Island is fantastic, and Volcano House Hotel is old school but fab.

    3. We stayed at Horizon Guest House on Big Island. It’s a 4-room B&B with an awesome host. Best snorkeling on Big Island is just up the coast (Honaunau Bay, Kealakekua Bay, and Kahaluu Beach). Hike to Makalawena Beach for something a bit less crowded. Go to Volcano National Park for cool hiking. (Heads up that Horizon is a bit far from most restaurants, but the place makes up for it!)

    4. Just returned from Big Island last week. Love the Big Island for winter trips because the weather is generally great. We have made several trips there in December or January over the years. This time we stayed at an Air BnB condo in Waikoloa and had a great time at beaches, snorkeling and visiting Volcano National Park where we saw the current active eruption at night. Love it. Have had iffy weather in Kauai in January twice in the past.

    5. The big island or kauai. Kauai has better snorkeling and white sand beaches; Big Island has more dramatic landscaping and volcanoes. In the Big island, find a condo in or around Kona and use it as a home base for lots of exploration. In Kauai, find a condo in Princeville.

  9. I feel like the pandemic has killed my ability to focus. I was never great at it, but now I can’t seem to do anything for more than 5-10 minutes at a time and my work is suffering. Any tips to build back from zero? I’ve tried pomodoros, but can’t make it a whole 25 minutes without absentmindedly picking up my phone or getting distracted before I realize what I’m doing.

    3. On tough days I use the pomodoro “long break” timer (10 minutes) or even the short break timer (5 minutes) for periods when I’m actively working.

    4. Bigger answer – consider getting screened for ADD, it presents differently in adults. Shorter term answer – what works for me are timer cubes – especially for giving myself 10 or 20 minutes to surf the web- and keeping my work area clean and keeping distractions (aka my cell phone) out of reach. And, if you haven’t done it yet, going back to the office.

    5. Move your pomodoros from 25 minutes down to 15 minutes or 10 minutes, then gradually build back up. Or stay at 25 minutes and recognize that you’re in “attention training.” At the beginning, it’s going to happen that you’ll pick up your phone and get distracted, and that’s OK. All that means is that you recognize what just happen, put your phone down, and finish the 25 minutes. Putting the phone down and pulling your attention back to what you were doing will be uncomfortable and boring and difficult and awkward at first, but that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you can’t regrow your attention span.

    6. Download the Flora app. You set a timer, and if you DON’T mess with your phone during the timer period, you grow a cartoon tree. If you DO mess with your phone, your cartoon tree dies.

      I am almost 40, with a neurodivergent IQ, a “big job,” and ADHD medicated. The only thing that keeps me on task anymore is these cartoon trees. Utter madness.

      1. Same here! I use the Forest app – exact same concept. Something about seeing the tree die actually works for me.

    7. Same. 5-10 minutes is about how long I can focus at any given time. I don’t know whether to blame it on the pandemic, menopause, cancer, aging, general information overload, or something else. I used to be able to sit and read a book or research and write a brief for hours. No longer.

  10. My in-laws have a travel club membership to the Karisma family of resorts. Is anyone else familiar with these, or have any recommendations for favorite resorts? So far they have had a great experience at the El Dorado Royale. Any info on any of them would be great! I’m eyeing the one in Montenegro.

  11. Looking for gift recommendations for my brother in law who just made partner at his BigLaw firm. He’s a great guy and its a long time coming. It can be expensive or not, but I’m trying to come up with something thoughtful. I’m not necessarily looking for a gift related to his hobbies, but if its helpful, he’s a very family-oriented guy, so his hobbies are mostly, what his kids are into (sports), recreational fitness, and politics.

    1. If he liked his law school (I loathed mine), something from there? Beanie, nice tee, mask?

      1. Are you in a different location? Can you give us his city? I was thinking there might be a good activity or something you could get him a pass for with his kids or a nice restaurant with his partner

    2. I think occasions like this call more for a commemorative gift or a traditional congratulatory gift rather than something you’d get someone at Christmas or a birthday (so, not a fancy bike seat or something). I’d go for a very fancy bottle of wine, champagne, or whiskey if he would like that or a box of Harry and David pears, or something similarly consumable and celebratory. If he’s in Big Law, I’d assume he already has a briefcase or anything that would be related to his work needs, but something for his office could be nice. Someone gave me a never-ending calendar with a sweet engraving for a big career milestone once, and I loved that.

      2. There are companies that will do custom plaques on whiskey bottles. I feel like I always see ads around fathers day for this kind of thing. Maybe something like that with a congratulatory message?

      3. or if you want it to be something he can share with the kids, fancy pints of ice cream or something like that

      4. Depending on how much you want to spend – a local distillery in my city does custom barrels of whiskey. I’m guessing one in your city does as well. This would be my dream gift to get!

    3. Tickets to a sports game or an Open Table gift card for the family to celebrate? I would stay away from the commemorative gifts and do an experience.

        1. That’s an overstatement. I’m in biglaw and my partners go to sports games (a number have season tickets to various teams and go regularly) and do nice dinners out

          1. They go to the games but likely as part of client relations or business development.

          2. I’m a biglaw partner and routinely go to theater and would never take clients. That’s just for me.

  12. one of my new years resolutions is to plan my weekends in advance and do something fun whether it’s something big like weekend trips or just getting lunch with friends. I’m trying to avoid getting to friday evening, falling asleep at 8, and waking up saturday realizing that I never made plans for the weekend and it’s too late.

    I’m in houston in case it matters. what are good ideas for fun things I can do?

    1. I love planning for take a walk with a friend. Sometimes we grab drinks afterwards, sometimes we don’t.

      Caveat that I’m in the northeast, but I assume there are indoor rinks in texas, but I love meeting a friend for ice skating this time of year.

    2. If you’re an adventurous eater, Houston has great restaurants that are cheap-ish and authentic in lots of different cuisines. Maybe trying some of those, Houston Arboretum is nice when the weather is good. Galveston can be a good day trip

      1. Yes, go to Chinatown! There are tours if you need help. I did one led by Chris Shepherd called Where the Chefs Eat (different chefs lead it and focus on different cuisines or areas) but I think there are some that always focus on Chinatown. It’s amazing!

        1. Chinatown is a great call!! Momo House for Nepalese food is amazing too and do the water buffalo momos there. You won’t regret it.

    3. In Houston, there’s a tour of the water cistern underground that I’ve been meaning to do for YEARS.

      I would also add walk the bayou (add breakfast at The Dunlavy if you haven’t been) and go to some of the new greenspaces. You can also kayak the bayou, which my husband and I really enjoyed.

      For quick trips, Roundtop and Brenham are excellent. Rent a house with a fire pit.

    4. I’m doing a similar thing this year. Here’s what’s on my Back-Away-From-The-Netflix-List:
      -Gallery openings (so many here and it’s a low-cost evening. Er, unless you buy art, of course)
      -Flea markets and craft fairs
      -Art fairs in general
      -Day trips to nearby cities
      -Plays (already bought some tix for summer and fall for traveling Broadway shows, plus some small cabaret-type productions)
      -Comedy shows
      -Concerts in great smaller venues
      -Biking around town
      -Roller derby bouts (I played for years but for spectators it’s usually a low-cost fun evening with beer on site)
      -Check out a new park in our city; we have so many and they are full of trails. Great for a picnic with friends or to meet a friend and take a long walk.
      -Checking out the smaller museums and historic sites I’ve never visited
      -Afternoon tea at the oldest fancy hotel in town (I’m out West, that’s all relative)
      -Geeks Who Drink is always fun if you like a good pub quiz

      Good luck! Have fun!

    5. Ugh, I have a long list of ideas in moderation. Hopefully will post soon. I share this New Year’s resolution! I have kids but they are now old enough to stay on their own for a bit, so I want to take advantage of that and get out and fall in love with my city again.

    6. I’m in Houston too. I have young kids, so I’m a little limited but here are some things I’d like to do in the next year (note this doesn’t really include nightlife because young kids and we’re tired and there’s covid and we’re just not there yet):
      -bayou cistern tour someone else mentioned
      -go see the bats under the bayou bridge
      -kayak on the bayou?
      -kinder building at mfah but also other buildings
      -consider an art class at glassell or art league
      -do first saturdays at sawyer yards (or whatever day it is)
      -more farmers markets! I like the urban harvest one on buffalo speedway
      -go to dairymaids and make a cheese plate
      -go to el bolillo bakery and buy a tres leches cake there
      -dim sum brunch
      -houston dash game
      -galveston day trip off season
      -maybe take the kids to kemah?
      -maybe take the kids to nasa or the space center?
      -take the kids to the state park with the alligators (Brazos Bend State Park) (did this once, very cool)
      -arboretum
      -houston botanic garden
      -butterflies at HMNS once covid calms down
      -not this year, but one year I really want to go antiquing in roundtop
      -rotate montrose coffee/breakfast spots to find my official favorite (Blacksmith, Siphon, Common Bond, Brazil, Agora, any others?)
      – take my kids ice skating – not sure if we’re going to do Discovery Green or if I’m going to have to brave Memorial City Mall!
      -cooking class at Urban Chef or Well Done

      That’s off the top of my head. I’ll add more if I think of them.

    8. DH and I routinely just walk/bike around the Heights in the afternoon. Start on 19th, get a snack at Down House, walk to Premium Draft. Before we had kids, my friends and I would meet at a coffee shop or bagel shop Saturday morning: there are tons of good options. Go antiquing. Go fake LV shopping off Harwin. Try new restaurants: I really enjoyed making my way down Westheimer when I worked over there. Montrose also has great food and the best thrift shopping. Pick a museum and check it out. There are tons of options.

    9. I have a long list in moderation starting with the bayou ideas. Would add:

      -hit the houston rodeo this year assuming covid not out of control – every time I’ve gone I’ve had a great time and I’m from here
      -if chris shepherd does a southern smoke fundraiser event, go!
      -for discovering local artists, I love Lawndale (and especially the Big Show) they put on
      -this isn’t something you go out to do, but I signed up for a monthly wine and cheese subscription from Montrose Cheese and Wine and I’m enjoying really looking forward to that each month

  13. I am so burnt out at my job. I work in finance and I just am finding it really really hard to care about making rich people even richer. I worked through the 31st without a break for the holidays while sick with Covid and am feeling just so…unappreciated by my team and my company. I tried to take sick time but was told I was needed to help wrap up things for the year so I couldn’t take any time off.

    No real point to this but I just am SO drained and physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted. I’m looking for a new job because the fact that I was out of the office sick for 3 weeks and not a single member of our leadership team bothered to come say “nice to see you back” or “glad you’re feeling better” really highlights how little general workers are appreciated at the company.

    1. Yes, job hunting is your answer here. Don’t dwell on the negative feelings this workplace “inspires” in you if those feelings don’t power your job hunt. Your company told you who they are and now you get to plot your exit. As a counterpoint, I also work in finance and have felt nothing but cared for as a pregnant and immunocompromised mom of young kids during my 18 months with my employer. You deserve the same so go get it!!

    2. After giving so much of myself to my job and getting no thanks or acknowledgement from leadership, I became so resentful of my job last year that like you I knew the only way to get over it was to leave.

      Just started a new job and I’m determined to have work life balance from the get go and not get sucked in to the emotions of the career (I’m in a helping profession) to go beyond my boundaries.

    3. If you are a woman in finance, odds are the job market is insanely hot right now. I am, and I’m getting inundated with recruiters. Sometimes I hate being the token women/female target, but also – WHATEVER. It’s absolutely worth looking. I find satisfaction with jobs within finance are very specific to the exact team you’re hired on to. At it’s core, finance is just making people richer, right? That part of it isn’t likely to change all that much from job to job, but getting hired on to a great team of people can make all the difference in the word. Admittedly that’s a hard thing to interview for – a job description isn’t going to call out the fact the hiring manager is a giant d- bag, but that’s where networking and getting some inside ball from people can be a huge help in figuring that stuff out during the interview process.

      Also, on my very worst days, I just take solace in my paycheck and tell myself I am setting myself up to retire early and/or just leave finance altogether sometime in my 40s to go do whatever. I’m 80% satisfied / 20% not, so I don’t think I actually will exit early, but that’s sometimes how I get through really hard deals or closings that feel like a particularly bad slog.

      1. +1. Woman in corporate finance here, and cosign both – the market is hot AND it’s all about your team. Find a new job, give yourself a few weeks off in between the two (your current job does not need more than 2 weeks notice), and use the excitement and learning curve of a new job to help you find your right balance.

        Also. Use the new job as an exercise in boundaries. If you’re looking for say, a 45 hour week, try just stopping at that point. You may not be the best in the company, but will you be good enough to get raises/ bonuses each year? If you’re looking to avoid emails after 8pm, what if you just don’t check it until morning? Once you set that expectation, is it really holding you back? I’ve noticed in finance we tell ourselves these things are important, but when I look at some of our newer rockstars, I realize I never get a response after 8pm but also don’t ding them for it. Or I notice that they propose a new time for meetings before 8am, and I shrug. Definitely making me think about where I need to place boundaries, and how the lack of boundaries is really impacting my motivation and exhaustion.

    4. It’s terrible and shameful that you were sick with covid for 3 weeks and no one checked in with you. From this Internet stranger…I hope you’re still taking care of yourself and feeling better.

      Otherwise, yes the answer is a new job. Your company has shown how little regard they have for you, so time to move along.

  14. Going to Kauai for the first time and would love any suggestions and recommendations on things to see and do and places to eat. We will have my parents and my preteen and teen kids so we can do hikes and drive around the island too. If anyone has been recently, I’d love any advice or suggestions. My teen wants to go snorkeling or take surf lessons – is that possible in Kauai? I thought you needed a larger beach or a reef nearby. Thank you!

    1. There’s a really good ramen place in Hanalei. Two seconds of googling will find you lots of options for snorkeling and surfing lessons.

    4. Yep, get the Hawaii Revealed guidebook. The snorkeling in Kauai is only ok, I think it’s my least favorite of the 4 main Hawaiian islands, but generally Hawaii has excellent snorkeling, so “bad for Hawaii” is still pretty decent. Hiking at least part of the Kalaulau trail is a must. Na Pali boat or helicopter tour (or both) is also a must. You can often see endangered monk seals at Poipu Beach. I haven’t done it, but I’m sure there are surf lessons available.

      1. That hike is amazing, but you need a permit and a reservation for the state park. You can’t just show up. Not sure when OP is leaving but it may already be too late.

        1. I thought you could do the first two miles without a permit. Is that no longer true? Even those two miles have fantastic views.

          1. Oh, you’re right, no permit needed for the first bit, but you do still need a reservation to enter the park. That’s the one I remember being difficult to get.

      2. Instead of boat of helicopter, I did a daytrip by kayak along the NaPali coast. I think this would be an amazing outing for at least some members of your group. It is so beautiful and you really are “in it” in a completely different way than by helicopter and even by boat. I also strongly recomend the hiking along the coast, if you have that option.

    5. My teenager’s favorite thing was to go into old Koloa town and eat at the food trucks. I don’t know how the pandemic has affected this.

      We like to just drive around the island and try a bunch of different beaches.

      The Grand Hyatt at Poipu has been mentioned above but their lobby bar is a great place to grab a 5:00 drink and order some finger food and usually they have a local performer or dancer. Not a big production, very mellow, but really enjoyable with a spectacular view.

  15. Anyone have a King’s Cake recipe they like? Authenticity doesn’t matter to me. I’m willing to try puff pasty if that’s the right choice.

      1. looks delicious. this bakery was what got me thinking about king’s cake because it was featured in the NYT article.

      2. Are you suggesting that dong phoung king cake is not 100% authentic king cake, or that the knockoff recipe is not 100% authentic dong phoung? If the former, I would suggest that dong phoung king cake is made in one of 3 styles generally considered authentic in the New Orleans area. There’s the traditional French king cake, the Southern cinnamon roll king cake (and its sub-category of filled king cake), and the Vietnamese bakery king cake. Dong phoung is not just widely accepted as authentic but competitively sought after. (Yes, we take this seriously. And yes, I’ve already had 2 pieces of king cake, and Epiphany started yesterday.

        1. *edit – king cake season started yesterday, with Epiphany/Three Kings’ Day, which is a 1-day thing around here. I’m mixing up my Protestant and Catholic traditions.

  16. Happy Friday everyone! What has been your triumph of the week? Mine is that I finally made two big batches of a kale and apple salad that everyone in the family loves and that lasts nicely in the fridge for a week, so we have fresh veggies.

    1. Kale and apple salad recipe please!

      We made a long drive in one day instead of two as planned. It allowed us to beat a snowstorm traveling home from the south and gave me a whole extra day to putter around at home.

          1. Omg enjoy. Yeah, I love that I almost always have all the ingredients (except sesame seeds, which I replace with whatever nut or seed is on hand). The honey mustard dressing is the key. I think the recipe makes slightly too much dressing for the volume of ingredients, so use a light hand and add more if you want after it has time to soak in (30 min).

    2. Oh please share that recipe!

      Mine has been getting my home office cleaned and reorganized. It had turned into sort of a junk room and it feels so nice to have a clean open space!

    3. I called and scheduled 1800 junk to come and get the pile of crap that had been accumulating in my basement. They came today and I feel so much lighter.

    4. My husband and I have been doing Spelling Bee in the evenings and we got Genius for the first time last night. I also tried Wordle today and got it in 3 lines, so I’m feeling pretty clever. I’m trying to cook through Ottolenghi Shelf Love and Snacking Cakes this year, kiddo has been helping me and we made a great cake and our own pita bread.

    5. The tree people I hired months ago showed up today and are cutting down the privet tree that is the bane of my existence. It’s so satisfying (kudzu gets the bad rap as the invasive species of the south, but privet is so much worse)

      1. Yassss I can’t wait for our equivalent to come in February. I’m so glad they came and it will be gone!!

    6. Our dishwasher broke down on Thanksgiving Day and after five service calls, three new parts, and enough money to have bought a new one if such a thing were available (which it’s not because of supply chain issues), it’s finally working again! Hooray!

      1. Oh heavens this sounds like an odyssey. Hope it stays running like a charm. Supply chain on appliances is nuts right now.

        1. I am still waiting on an oven I ordered in September. DH found an alternate that checks all our boxes but was $1000 more than the one we ordered “in stock” at Lowes the week between Christmas and New Years’. But it was out of stock by the time we made a decision about an hour later.

          1. Crazy, right? I figure at this point we’re good because we’ve gotten a new one piece by piece including a new motherboard — who knew dishwashers even had motherboards???

    7. Mine is that I am one step away from finally breaking up with Citibank. The worse bank ever, even worse than Wells Fargo.

      1. If you’re comfortable going fully online, I love Ally and their customer service is great.

      2. Omg 100% agreed. I don’t care how good their cash back rewards are, I will NEVER have a Citi card again.

    8. This is my first full wfh week in over a year (thanks omicron) and 2 wins come with that:

      1) I’ve been home all week (social plans also got canceled this week since most of my friends have omicron) and I haven’t totally lost my mind. I have roommates so I haven’t been 100% alone, but I’m used to working in person + social plans so I’ve been way more isolated than normal. Keeping up my mental health while staying at home is difficult for me, but I did it.

      2) I allotted my meal prepped lunches perfectly. For probably the first time ever, I made the perfect amount: the food both lasted all week AND I finished the last of it today. Normally I either run out early or I get to Friday with several servings left. I also ate my meal prepped food all week and didn’t succumb to buying lunch (which was definitely helped by wfh).

    9. Mine is that after buying our car (used, from a dealership) in September, we FINALLY have our plates. It was impossible to get them, and then when they finally sent them we were out of town and then even though our kind friend FedExed them to us, they got lost in a FedEx black hole for 13 days. We had to drive home without legal plates, we were getting ticketed for parking without legal plates, we thought we were going to have to figure out how to go to the DMV and get replacements even though there’s COVID snow closures. But after my 50 millionth call to FedEx, an actual human called someone in the actual depot and found them, and the next day they arrived to my parents house. My dad is a sent and expedited them here, and now we have them!

      1. That’s a nightmare. I have shoes lost in a FedEx black hole in Montana, but I’d be so frustrated if I was literally getting tickets because of that!

    10. Couple for me:

      1) It’s been super cold here all week so I’ve moved to the living room early-mid afternoon each day and put the gas fireplace on while doing work (I live alone so it’s a luxury to work wherever I want, I know)

      2) The C*vid at-home tests I ordered the other week finally came in which means I feel comfortable going to orangetheory on a regular basis (masked). (I just started back up and then paused because of Omicron) My plan is to test weekly. It may sound excessive but it’s what will make me feel comfortable.

        1. I got tests this week and last from Roman, the company that does internet ED drugs. Seem like good quality tests…used one and got negative. Website is ro.co and shipping was fast. $30 for 2.

  17. DH and I purchased a Helix mattress which is great when I sleep on it by myself (which happened recently due to potential covid), but horrible when we sleep on it together. i wake up every time he moves. does anyone have a recommendation for a mattress that is more movement resistant?

    1. Tempurpedic! My SO and I transitioned from a queen-sized normal mattress to a king-sized Tempurpedic in the fall and we both love it (maybe more than we love each other). He moves A LOT, and I’m very sensitive to movement, so the new bed has been a godsend. I will say that sometimes my SO has insomnia issues and will start flopping like a fish. Even the Tempurpedic doesn’t prevent me from feeling it when he’s moving so much that it actually moves the bed frame. On those nights, he gets up and sleeps in our guest room.

    2. Our Casper mattress is good for this. I used to be bothered by husband’s turning over but not anymore.

    4. We bought a foam topper for our standard mattress and it works great – just enough softness for movement resistance, but not the smothering feel of a 100% foam bed.

    5. You might need an old school individual/pocketed coil mattress. My ex and I got a Simmons Beautyrest because we had different wake-up/bedtime schedules. Loved that mattress (and kept it way longer than I should have).

    6. We’ve tried and hated so many new mattresses that we’re just tolerating our current one, despite it being old enough to drive. I hate pillow tops, I hate memory foam, I hate all the newfangled cr4p they throw on. I want a nice old-fashioned flippable mattress tht’s the same on both sides, FFS!

      1. We are mattress kindred spirits. It seems so simple, yet apparently what we want no longer exists.

    7. Love our WinkBeds mattress. My husband can sometimes even manage to sneak into bed late at night after I’ve already fallen asleep without waking me.

    8. We got a Saatva memory foam for just this reason and it’s worked out great.

  18. Blue-light blocking glasses – do they actually help with eyestrain? If yes, are there any pairs the hive recommends?

    1. My optometrist had me install f.lux on my computer and a similar app on my phone. They help immensely. I would try the blue-light blocking glasses if I didn’t have the ability to install software on my work computer.

    2. I think they might be pseudo science but I have found they make a huge difference, I have a pair of glasses with and without, and I really notice it.

  19. I am a blind attorney and just want to acknowledge Corporette admins for adding alternative text to images in these posts. Often, people don’t think these small things make a difference, but they really do! Now, when I read posts here, I know who is featured in the photo of the recommended product, and more details about the item featured. Accessibility and inclusion are important and make a difference! Thank you!

    1. Thank you for saying this. I’ve learned a lot about accessibility and inclusion from the comments here over the years. You’re making me rethink how much effort my product team puts into alt text (some, but not enough).

      1. You are welcome. If anyone would like to learn more, please email me at accessibility (at) A P H (dot) org

    2. Oh, that’s great. I’m glad you said something and that it’s making a difference in your experience!

    3. I’m so glad to hear this, and thanks for mentioning it. I also have a disability and I think this is why it matters so much that people with disabilities are represented in organizations. Ideally everyone would advocate for accessibility and it’s clearly possible for people without disabilities do a good job of this, but the reality is that a lot of these things go unnoticed unless someone with a disability speaks up. The fact that I have a disability means I’m thinking about accessibility issues all the time, because I have to, and this means I pay far more attention to issues beyond those affect me personally because I’m just used to thinking along those lines (but am always happy to hear/learn more, since clearly different things affect different people and I know I don’t know every possible thing to be aware of).

  20. I posted a longer version on the weekend thread, but here’s the summary. I might get a lower score on a performance review (4 vs 5) because I’m an insecure idiot who can’t articulate myself properly and failed to plan well.

    The thing is, I know that I’ve done a ridiculous amount of work and the only negative feedback has been “be more assertive and ditch the apologies” and “make sure you don’t burn out”. I know that if I miss out on that all-5s review (hence promotion), I’ll lose motivation, especially as I know that it’s not uncommon for grads.

    It’s not with my manager – it’s with another person from HR who thinks that people from science backgrounds (bonus point if they’re from the uni I went to) are technical geeks who can’t socialise and lack all soft skills, just because.

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