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Updated: Feb 15, 2024 297 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Pleated Trouser

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a Banana Republic white tank top and green trousers

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Olive green is an underappreciated neutral, in my book. If you find yourself gravitating to black, gray, and navy most days, these pleated trousers from BR Factory would be a fantastic way to incorporate a little color without going too far out of your comfort zone. And if you’re already comfortable with bright blues, pinks, and yellows, they’ll still pair nicely.

I would probably wear these with a navy striped top for a casual day and a black blazer for a more formal look.

The pants are now $48 on sale at Banana Republic Factory — with an extra 15% off at checkout — and come in regular sizes 0–20 and petite sizes 0–18. They're also available in khaki and black.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Cat

    Does anyone have recommendations for one of those companies that takes a photo of a house and turns it into a painting? My in-laws are downsizing and not thrilled about the idea since they have been in their home 40+ years – thought they would appreciate the art for their new place.

      • Anon

        Active voice needed perhaps: someone murdered Navalny and now Navalny is dead.

        People in my family merely die. They aren’t found dead in a Russian prison after nearly being murdered by poisoning.

        • Anon

          Oh he was 100% murdered. But it’s weird to me to put died in quotes which suggests he isn’t really dead. I’m sure he’s dead.

        • Anon

          Yes, he was murdered. It’s disturbing and terrible. It should not be swept under the rug.

      • Anon

        The NYT headline is “Aleksei Navalny, Putin Critic, Dies in Prison, Russian Authorities Say” and it quotes his chief of staff saying he’s not yet accepting Russian officials word that he’s dead. I agree that he’s most likely dead, but it doesn’t seem completely inappropriate to wait for verification (I’m not OP of this post).

      • Anonymous

        He was killed by being in prison in horrific conditions. He didn’t just die on his own.

        • Anon

          He was likely poisoned. Again. It wasn’t natural causes. I have no evidence yet for poisoning other than precedent and the fact that he apparently fell ill “suddenly” after a walk.

        • Anon

          Okay, sure, but the sentence “He died” is still accurate. You’re picking at the wrong nits here.

    • Anon

      Trump wants to get closer to Putin, the man responsible for Nalvany’s death. Do not believe for one second that the U.S. will never see a future where Trump orders his opponents assassinated.

      • anonymous

        I don’t like Trump either, but this is just hysterical. You do know that he was president for four years and didn’t order any hits on his political opponents?

        • Anon

          Trump has gotten only more embittered and radicalized and “persecuted” since his time in office. His mental stability (such as it was) seems very shaky. Believe me, I’d love to be wrong. But the history of the world tells me I’m not and that it would be incredibly naive to believe “that can never happen here.”

        • Anon

          Isn’t he campaigning on promises of extra legal retaliation against opponents at this point? In general his campaign this time is nothing like his campaign the first time around.

          • Anon

            As Masha Gessen warned us the first time around with Trump, “believe the dictator.” He will do what he promises to do.

        • Anon

          He is campaigning on waging war (by proxy) on countries who don’t pay their NATO bill

        • Anon

          He was really emboldened by the insurrection though. He basically got away with that, so I don’t think it’s crazy to he’ll be way more of a dictator in a second term.

        • Anonymous

          He didn’t have to. He can use stoachastic terrorism like on January 6, to kill, not even his opponents, but even his vice president.

        • Lexi

          Trump is campaigning on bringing martial law and using the military to assassinate opponents.

        • Anonymous

          Listen to some of the private citizens he has called out and the hell there life has become after painting them as public enemy number 1 thanks to his followers. You do know the insurrection HE caused resulted in a death and very easily could have caused many, many more. If his actions can do that to some random poll worker or police officer, what do you think he can do to an actual opponent?

          Not personal enough? Fine. At the worst of covid with no treatment available to folks like now, he took a car ride with a secret service agent without wearing a mask. I don’t think it’s a far stretch at all to say he would value someone else’s life very little in the face of his own ambition.

        • Anon

          I know that Americans are free to vote however they want to for whatever reasons they have.

          But the entire QAnon movement combines pro-Trump and pro-Putin propaganda so there’s a ton of overlap between their supporters now.

        • Anonymous

          Trump would give Putin Alaska back if he asked for it. We need a President with a spine, not a coward.

        • Anonymous

          Are you serious? Trump’s own public statements in the last month make us very clear that he has no issue with Putin. It’s so obvious.

          And you know other countries monitoring evidence of Russian interference with their elections found evidence of social media interference/manipulation in mute countries including the USA?

    • nuqotw

      “We are so sorry to hear that the prison officials forgot to tell him to avoid the polonium tree…we will definitely get that oversight corrected and our deepest apologies.”

    • anonymous

      I’m grateful that Biden promised “devastating consequences” for Russia for this very specific outcome. It obviously intimidated Putin!

  3. Anon

    My dad is older and listens to the TV with the volume up to 500. This is with hearing aids. When he snores (he is a slight man — under 150 pounds), I can hear it through the floor. He has outlived my mom and we want to move him to my city (his is 12 hours away to drive). Will a 55+ apartment handle old guys who are Loud? Like they put the dudes in a loud wing or design with soundproofing just for this? I’m thinking that to look at regular rentals would not be good potentially. IDK that there is a way to search for this. He isn’t used to neighbors or shared walls but a detached house is out of budget plus has maintenance issues (we do not need him on a ladder or trying to do anything with snow).

    • Anon

      Bluetooth headphones with a smart TV (older people tend to prefer over the ear headphones). CPAP or wedge pillow for the snoring. I don’t think he’s going to get any real grief for snoring though; it might not be as loud as you think, and I’ve certainly put up with snoring from adjoining hotel rooms. The TV part is more of an issue but headphones will take care of that. Just be available to connect the headphones to bluetooth and as “tech support” when he inevitably has an issue.

    • Anon

      What does he want to do? In the abstract, a 55+ complex seems like a good idea. And of course they allow people who have louder habits like this. Just like any building. If he gets a talking to about the tv, he can turn it down or use headphones.

    • BeenThatGuy

      Maybe a TV upgrade, assuming he has an old tv, could help so he can bluetooth the sound directly to his hearing aids. My brother is deaf and his hearing aids can bluethooth to anything. Or maybe he needs a hearing aid upgrade?

    • Cat

      Many 55+ communities have small freestanding homes and the HOA covers all exterior maintenance. I’m not clear from your post if that is also out of budget, or if you only were looking at SFHs in “regular” neighborhoods.

      I agree with others to look into upgraded hearing aids or TV equipment. If he doesn’t want to fiddle with Bluetooth, the Roku remote has an old-school headphone jack for wired headphones.

      • Anon

        Thanks — this is all helpful. I just didn’t want to be naive that the noise would be fine (with our luck, he’d live next to a shift worker in a regular apartment). He definitely needs a tech upgrade on the TV and headphones front, but living alone in a house, he didn’t need to do any of that. Current house is so remote that he still has a TV with rabbit ears and old VCR tapes to watch, but he does love coming to visit where I have had cable, a VCR, then a DVR, and now streaming services, so he can adapt well in new surroundings.

        • Kellynn

          I work for a hearing aid company. There are hearing aids now that connect to a TV streamer (like a Fire stick) to stream the sound directly to the aids. That may solve at least one of the problems!

    • Anonymous

      One thought: ask your friends and colleagues if they know someone who lives in a 55+ community. They might be able to tell you about any loud neighbors or interactions with building management.

    • Anon

      That is wild.

      My only advice: ask for a name and an extension. Use the internet to search for the correct phone number. HANG UP and call the number you found on the internet.

      • Anonymous

        I wish companies would understand this when they call with promotional offers. I got a call the other week that I was almost certain was a scam. I had entered a drawing where the main prize was a weekend getaway at a resort. Apparently I won, was notified by phone, but they require a cc to hold the reservation. I asked if I could call back at a number I could independently verify and they said no because a marketing company was running the promotion not the resort itself. I almost hung up. A few things made me listen: 1) whenever I enter promotions like this I use a fake first name that is not related to my real name and I switch up the fake name periodically (so it’s never associated with my phone number) and they used the correct fake name, 2) the drawing had both a raffle number and a confirmation number – which I still had – and the person was able to verify both numbers as well as where and when I entered the drawing, 3) while I was on the phone my husband separately called the resort to confirm they were doing the promotion and to confirm the phone number for the marketing company, and 4) the cc I gave them is expiring in a month so if it’s fraudulent at least I’m replacing the card imminently anyway. I got a confirmation email (to the email I gave at the drawing not an email I gave over the phone) while I was on the phone with them and I called the resort to separately confirm. Haven’t gone on the trip yet but so far so good? I’m totally prepared for them to try to sell me a timeshare (is that even a thing still?) but at least they seem to have a nice spa.

        • Anon

          I’m the Anon at 9:57 am. In 2023, I was selected for a neat prize out of a competitive process, and I had applied 8 or some months before.

          I triple checked that email: was the domain name correct? Was the person who sent the email an actual employee? They weren’t asking for my SSN or payment, just name, address, and DOB (needed because I had to be 21+). Half the women who won thought it was a scam and did the same thing.

      • Anonymous

        I’m an attorney for the government and sometimes my job involves calling members of the public. I always give them my full name, desk phone number in addition to my work cell phone, and if they seem skeptical encourage them to look up and call the main number for my office and ask for me. It’s not wrong to be suspicious about who is calling you.

    • cc

      Omg I was coming here to post it!! I am desperate to talk about it. Like hang up the phone?? You think you are online with a British cia agent?? I cannot believe gives financial advice

    • Anon

      It turns out she’s from a wealthy family so it makes sense she’s such an ignorant dummy about money.

      • Anon

        I literally LOLed because one of the most financially clueless people I know is the offspring of mid-nine-figure wealth.

        “If you contact a lawyer, you will be deemed to be noncooperative.” (Paraphrased) Constitutional criminal procedure isn’t my specialty, but I’m pretty sure that is a violation of the Sixth Amendment.

        • anon

          If you have watched law and order you should know this. I am stunned that a functional adult who is paid to give financial advice could fall for this.

          • Anon

            Law and Order just tells you what will happen after a long and expensive trial.

            The Pot Brothers Law “STFU Friday” tells you exactly how to handle these situations.

          • Runcible Spoon

            I love the Pot Brothers “STFU Friday” video! I actually recalled randomly the other day apropos of nothing one of their suggested response to a police officer who pulls you aside and asks where you’ve been, “Am I under arrest?” [police say “no.’]. “Not going to discuss my day.”

      • Anon

        I’m a government lawyer who cold calls people regularly. I am *required* to tell people that they have a right to have counsel present whenever speaking with me.

    • Anon

      It sounds like she was in a rushed panic mode the whole time and is rationalizing reasons for missing red flags now.

    • Anon

      I hope more people think about the interrogation aspect she alluded to. When you’re scared and feels like you have limited options, it’s amazing how easy it can be to cooperate “to make it go away”

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, I thought the analogy to coerced confessions was interesting. That said, I don’t think there is any excuse fir this particular person falling for it.

    • The No Club

      Yea, I’ve seen a lot of comments that she glossed over the whole situation at the bank and what she actually had to do to be able to pull out $50k in cash. People are saying that typically a withdrawal that large would involve talking to multiple people and more importantly, providing very specific details about why you need that much cash and what you plan to do with it, and the bank helps you verify it’s legitimate so you DON’T get scammed and later claim they didn’t protect you.

      Reading between the lines, this woman probably lied very blatantly and ignored clear instructions of “scammers on the phone will call you and induce you to pull out huge amounts of cash, is that happening here?” She says they gave her “a paper on scams.” Okay, what did it say? Did it describe the EXACT SITUATION YOU WERE IN AT THAT MOMENT? And that still didn’t prevent you from handing a box of cash through the window of an idling car? K.

      • cc

        Yes I was thinking that the whole time. Like she wrote this , so it’s putting her in the best possible light, and she still looks so dumb. I cannot believe she has a financial advice column

      • Anon

        I saw someone elsewhere theorize that she may be a client of a fancypants bank for fancypants wealthy people so that’s why she was so easily able to withdraw $50k cash.

      • Anon

        And those precautions typically involve confirming details, like your SSN, DOB, etc. They scammer was on speaker in her pocket, presumably so he could glean as much of this PII as possible so even if she did wise up and not hand over the cash, he would have a complete enough set of details to further steal her identity.

      • Anon

        It’s also not the bank’s job to make sure you don’t do dumb things with your money.

      • Anonymous

        This stopped my friend’s parents for falling for one of these! The bank was very very nosy about why an elderly couple was withdrawing $20k in cash. I think most banks do this now.

      • Anonymous

        People who fall for other scams and talk about them have said that while the bank will warn people and ask questions, they don’t press too hard because it is the person’s money that they have a right to access as they see fit.

    • anon for this

      It’s terrifying because she should have known better — she’s probably better educated than 50% of the country, and the scammers are SMOOTH. And now that this has been written, they’ll change up their tactics but still be sneaky-good at it. Like if you were a 75-year-old with questionable judgement, you can see how absolutely they would hand over their money out of fear.

      I’d be so, so pissed if I were her husband.

      • cc

        I don’t think so – I’ve read about this scam for years and it apparently still works! I guess I just didn’t find anything she described smooth at all – I was horrified that she didn’t hang up the phone! A comment on the article I think kind of hit the nail on the head. When you are born very rich it’s easier to believe that 1) yes the cia has a special person assigned to your case and 2) that the idea jail is the worst and most scary possible outcome.

      • The No Club

        They won’t change tactics. Sorry, but she fell for tactics that are effective against the people they’re effective against. Sort of like how scam emails purposely contain typos and bad language – it causes the rational people to immediately delete them, but for gullible people, they overlook the mistakes and go along with it.

        Likewise here, the scammers started off as a call from Amazon – most people would just hang up. From there, they transfer her to the “FTC,” which, why would Amazon be transferring you to a govt agency? But she goes with it. And finally, another transfer to the CIA, which doesn’t operate domestically. Each of those steps is intentionally designed to weed out people with a certain level of credulity and self-preservation.

    • Anonymous

      It’s so insane. She put cash in a box?! I hope she’s gotten so much therapy.

      • Anonymous

        I mean five minutes before I read this article “Amazon” called to tell me someone bought a 2500 MacBook
        With my account. And I just hung up because it is obviously a scam.

      • Anon

        I was very nearly scammed recently. It was an extortion scam (they accused me of something absolutely horrific, and had people lined up ready to give testimony against me and one to “witness” my “confession”).

        In retrospect, I would have done a few things differently; at the time, I handled it the best I could. That involved *immediately* calling the police and asking them to sort it out. The accusation went “poof” the moment someone with a badge showed up.

        • Anon

          Sounds like you fundamentally did the right thing to me!

          I clicked on a social media link that appeared to be a headline about a car crash that my aunt had posted tagging my niece. I felt foolish when all my adblocks went up and I realized it was a scam and a fake website, but it’s amazing how fear can thrust us into “there’s no time to think” mode even though there is time to think.

      • anon

        I could see this happening to someone who was poorly educated, elderly, had dementia, had little experience with the government or financial institutions. But I have a hard time seeing someone who is educated, mentally sound, and has a job giving financial advice falling for this. Even after reading her account I’m having a hard time understanding where the wheels fell off for her.

        • Anon

          In my own life, I’ve been surprised sometimes by who has been scammed (and who is targeted by scams). It really made me wonder if the person was running on not enough sleep, coming down with something, or otherwise off their game!

    • Anon

      The level of arrogance she displayed is stunning. To think that she is so special that the CIA and the FBI would be that involved with “her” case; to think that the bank’s warnings did not apply to her-“they’re for stupid people, and I am smarter than all of you”; it’s just mind-boggling that she had such a high opinion of herself and her abilities. It’s one thing to be caught up in a scam when you are just naive, but that was not her. Her vulnerability was her arrogance.

      • Anonymous

        Similar thoughts… the idea that these agencies (add Amazon, giant corporation that is a huge PITA to get any real person actually on the phone when you want to talk to them) are actually working together, seamlessly transferring calls, to proactively help individuals is wildly naive, interpreted kindly.

      • Anon

        Interestingly, she didn’t learn the lesson a lot of scions of wealth learn: there are no shortage of people who will try to get their hands on that pile of dough. Be careful, be wise, be vigilant.

    • Anon

      I get the impression she still does not comprehend that her actual experience wasn’t necessarily the goal in the first place. It sounds like that was a bonus payout the scammers were nimble enough to engineer for themselves. The part where she was “transferred” to an agency where the guy wanted her to confirm her name, SSN, address and whatnot probably included a part where they got her freaked out enough to give up one missing piece of info they needed in order to steal her identity. When they realized they had her hooked, they kept the ploy going to see what more they could get out of her. Essentially, they got her to do the legwork for them.

    • Anonymous

      As soon as she agreed to have the call transferred they knew they had her.
      Scammers are smooth and they likely dropped some things into the conversation that sounded plausable to her so she filled in the blanks and went with it, thinking that they’d had the info the whole time. I’m not sure what the actual term for it is, but it’s a classic tactic con-artists, fortune tellers, and other scammers use.
      That said, I’m not sure how she fell for ‘don’t tell anyone’… I don’t think any federal agency is going to say that.

    • Sasha

      I was floored reading this. My answer to these kinds of scams is always “Okay. I’ll talk to the police about it when they come here to arrest me.” And the line about him saying “Go to the FTC’s website, look at the phone number listed there. I’m going to hang up and call you back from that number.” How did that not immediately tip her off? $50k, my god.

    • Anon

      I got a fraud alert call recently and just told the lady I’d call the number on the back of the card. They ask for exactly the same info that a scammer would. My first instance is to answer helpfully and I have to remind myself that that’s not the ideal route with calls you aren’t expecting.

    • smurf

      OMG. My grandma almost got scammed with one of those “your grandson is under arrest, you need to pay $$ immediately..” calls (and TBF they did pick the grandchild most likely to get arrested) but even she had the common sense to call his parents/siblings first! She has a flip phone and dial up internet.

      How the h*ll does a finance columnist fall for that?? like every red flag there is. She’s still in denial about how gullible she was.

    • Anon

      Honestly, anyone that dumb who can go just get $50,000 in cash deserves to be separated from it.

    • Anonymous

      I really appreciate that she used her platform to write about this. It must be a deeply embarrassing experience for her, as it is for most people who are scammed. But if you don’t come forward then you can’t get help in fixing it or at least stopping the bleed, you can’t report the crime so the perpetrators get caught, and you can’t warn and educate other people. We need to remove the stigma around being the victim of a crime.

      I honestly find the comments here and on that article to be pretty disturbing. It’s the “what did you expect dressed like that” of financial crimes. Victim blaming only helps the criminals, it hurts the rest of us.

      • anonymous

        Same here. I’m pretty horrified at the reactions here along with the idea that since she’s somehow maybe “rich” she deserves it. So much toxicity in this thread and no grace.

      • Runcible Spoon

        It’s a common defense-mechanism to try to distinguish yourself from a victim, as a way to reassure yourself that this would never happen to you. Why did she dress that way? Why did she withdraw the cash? What did she think was going to happen. We are all vulnerable to being preyed upon, and the shame of surviving a crime can be a challenge to overcome. Reporting what happened to the police is no guarantee of satisfactory results, but is important for general public safety.

  7. Family Camp

    Does anyone have any recommendations for a resort that has a family camp program? I know Tyler Place gets recommended a lot, but kids are usually in their own program while parents can do their own thing. Is there something similar – a nice resort that offers a week long (or weekend long) summer program?

  8. Anyone bought this dress?

    Anyone bought the BLOUSON MINI DRESS
    From banana republic factory? Eyeing it for a wedding but reviews are mixed and it’s final sale.

    • Vicky Austin

      Not for that exact dress, but my BRF stuff has actually held up pretty well. Unless the reviews are like, “It arrived completely see through,” I think a wedding wear should be fine.

  9. Anon

    If one more doctor in a women’s health field tells me “idk, it just happens” and shrugs in lieu of providing a medical explanation, I might scream. If you’re too lazy to do research (seems likely), just admit it. If it’s underresearched, say so. If this is the first time you’re ever seeing this, call in reinforcements. “It’s unknowable” is a religious answer and not a scientific one. No other fields of medicine would stand for it as the go-to answer.

    • Agurk

      In my experience at least one more field – rheumatology- accepts this as an answer. Autoimmune diseases affect women far more than men, though, so I think your point stands.

      • Anon

        +a million. I’ve found more relief to some of my conditions through googling/reddit communities than I have from doctors, which is infuriating!

    • Anon

      Now that I have “women’s health issues” myself, I’m shocked at how bad ob/gyn is at managing care for manu issues. Something is wrong when I can diagnose myself more accurately than multiple doctors.

      • Anon

        An older ob/gyn once told me a story about the war between ob/gyns and endocrinologists back in her day. The general idea was that highly paid and right leaning endocrinologists associated themselves with the cutting edge and futuristic promise of clean and respectable evidence-based birth control pills and fertility pills as the solution to all women’s health issues, while character assassinating gynecologists (the most poorly paid surgeons in medicine) as leftist hacks who were probably using endometriosis or PCOS as excuses to do illegal abortions. She was pretty bitter so you can take that story with a grain of salt. But something has certainly gone wrong.

        • Anon

          The widespread application of the birth control pill as a “solution” to all manner of issues has allowed researchers to deprioritize women’s health. What do you mean you want to get to the root cause?! Just take this pill as a bandaid and it will alleviate your symptoms. One step forward, two steps back

        • NYNY

          Ob/gyn is a surgical specialty, and on average is paid better than medical specialties like endocrinology. I don’t see a broad turf war between the two specialties. The bigger problem is that there isn’t as much funding for research into women’s health issues. And also that women’s pain is not taken seriously.

          • Anon

            I probably should have said gyn rather than ob/gyn! I think there was a time when gynecologists were providing a lot of primary care medicine in underserved communities and not getting paid all that well?

            This physician’s view was that endocrinology won so there is no turf war now, but there’s also less access to surgical treatments that used to be easier to find (like the higher skill approaches to endometriosis) and that gynecologists have been kind of put in their place.

            There’s got to be a larger story after all the scandals with pelvic mesh and ablation surgeries though; there’s been some kind of conflict happening between different surgical approaches that I don’t understand.

    • Anon

      It’s maddening. I had a doctor explain to me that it’s not really that women’s health is deprioritized, but that women are just inherently harder to study and understand since they’re not the same all month, and less safe to include in trials because they can get pregnant. ;( If this were even true, all it would mean is that the entire scientific research and regulatory process was designed to prioritize men too!

      • Anon

        It’s absolutely true that women’s health research has been historically deprioritized for exactly this reason. Some of it is sort of justifiable by the ethical mandate not to harm pregnant women, but not including women or even female mice in other trials is basically just because it’s simpler and cheaper and so the convention was that you couldn’t justify the extra expense. That’s now changed, but there’s a significant historical legacy.

        • Anon

          Well yes… but the implication is that “understanding women and addressing their health needs isn’t worth the extra expense.” It’s not as though plenty of money isn’t spent on scientific research in general!

          I know there’s history to that too (like how the QoL side effects of hormonal birth control were considered more acceptable for women than for men).

          Right now there’s a scandal where they rebranded hysteria as FND and are diagnosing it far more often in women than in men. They’re saying it’s actually progressive to recognize that women’s plight in society is what causes them to manifest their psychological distress in mysterious symptoms that don’t require further investigation. Meanwhile diagnoses that disproportionately affect women are associated with substantial diagnostic delay and far fewer research dollars…

          • Anon

            Of course it’s worth the expense and there are currently real efforts to change it. But it’s 100% true that this is a major reason that we know way less about women’s health than men’s. It sounds ridiculous, but people really believed this and it’s the way medical research worked for decades and to some extent still today (still no research on pregnant women). But just because it’s a stupid reason doesn’t mean it’s not real! I do absolutely agree that conditions that disproportionately affect women are still underfunded.

          • Anon

            Also, it was clearly driven by blatant sexism, I’m definitely not trying to deny that!

          • Anon

            Thanks, that makes sense. Hopefully going forward if women are inherently more expensive to study, we’ll just spend the extra money needed to make it happen!

      • Anonymous

        This sounds a lot like, it’s too hard to make women-shaped crash test dummies because women have more variety of body composition than men, so all crash test dummies will be male-proportioned but some will be slightly smaller.

        Or, life vests (and other safety equipment, wetsuits, drysuits, BCDs, it’s a long list) come in “standard” sizes not men’s sizes! What do you mean you can’t find a life vest on this ship that is narrow enough through your shoulders and waist and also large enough through your bust and hips? Just size up! Oh it’s slipping off/listing from side to side in the water hm weird guess you’re just oddly proportioned. Good thing you know how to swim!

        • Anon

          Yes, this. I learned during the pandemic that standard N95s are just too big for my face. I had to order respirators from abroad because women and children and small people aren’t apparently a priority to PPE manufacturers in my country? I didn’t know that very immune compromised people had been having to do this all along.

      • Anon

        Billing for gynecological procedures is also a huge issue – there aren’t even codes for everything gynecological surgeons do. For example, there is no code for ovarian detorsion (but there is for testicular). Sometimes multiple procedures are bundled together and charged as one – a complicated pelvic floor reconstruction involving multiple different repairs would be billed the same as a much simpler procedure. So maybe if you’re a surgeon, you’re not getting reimbursed for all of your work and as a result not generating enough profit for hospitals, which make them deprioritize women’s surgery even more.

    • Anon

      I posted last week about debilitating brain fog possibly being caused by perimenopause. I’m in treatment for depression and my AMAZING (male) psychiatrist pulled all the studies about brain fog and menopause and…they have no idea. There’s only like 4 studies and their answer is this guy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      The White House is launching a new women’s health task force and two reps just sent a letter to Dr. Jill asking for menopause to be included. AMEN. https://bluntrochester.house.gov/news/documentsingle.aspx?DocumentID=4081

  10. Petty

    A dry cleaner lost one of a very expensive item, and in the end they sent me a check, but it took months of back and forth — all by phone; they repeatedly refused to provide any email contact info. On the day I received the check in the mail, I got an email from the cleaner’s holding company, asking if I’ve received it and can I please deposit it asap.

    Please help me write the most excoriating reply. I absolutely promise not to send it, just want the joy of writing out The Most Karen reply (in a Word doc! Not an email draft that can accidentally be sent!)

      • An

        Op here – Ooo I bet this would make their blood boil almost as much as mine did. Very satisfying.

    • anonymous

      I get it, I’d be annoyed too, but it’s probably a very small business where that sum matters to their accounting. Don’t be a jerk, just whip out your phone and deposit the check, FFS.

      • Cat

        The OP is clearly just looking to vent to herself here, not ACTUALLY be a Karen and hang onto the check…

        • An

          OP here. Thanks Cat. Yes, IRL, I will be depositing the check today, and any Yelp review I leave will be positive (they did reimburse me!).

      • Anon

        Yeah, I’d be ALL for the petty Yelp review if they had refused to pay, but you won here. Move on.

      • anonymous

        Again, why? Things happen at the best of places. Is it really worth it to put that kind of ugliness in the world? These petty complaints and reactions are just punching down and it’s gross.

        • Anon

          If I was choosing between two dry cleaners, I would want to read all the reviews and would not want to risk them losing my expensive clothes.

          • Cat

            +1. A straightforward factual negative review is fair. If you only ever leave reviews when they’re negative, that’s a Karen move, but balanced feedback is helpful!

      • An

        YES! Between the hours of 8-8:30pm, Mondays through Tuesdays (except federal holidays and on days I’m otherwise busy). (Thank you)

  11. Anonymous

    I need some help finding a volunteer organization to join when I retire next year. I am in my early 60’s. I went to a Junior League info session and I am too old! Ceiling to move to sustainer is 60. I’m really impressed with the Lions club and their work for the visually impaired but they were all men. Salvation Army appears to be a kind of church and I am not religious. Went to a Rotary meeting and they were all local small business promoting their own businesses. I’ve only worked for Fortune 50 companies. My friends tell me to give up and learn golf but.. there must be something useful to do where I can make friends. Am I being too picky or just clueless? Are there any other organizations I am overlooking? Thanks.

    • Anon

      Are you outdoorsy? Scouts BSA needs female adult volunteers. If not outdoorsy, their Explorers program is career-focused for high schoolers and is indoors, so maybe that? I was a Junior Leaguer but have really enjoyed Scouts as an older female volunteer (which I got into from having daughters who joined when Troop level scouting became co-ed).

    • Anon

      Athletic groups?

      If you’re looking to make a difference, find a local nonprofit and get involved. Post your general area, if you feel comfortable, and what areas of need speak the most to you.

    • Cat

      Maybe skip the national name brand type of things and look local? Animal shelter? Soup kitchen? Neighborhood association who needs SOMEONE to listen to mostly-boring zoning meetings?

      • anonshmanon

        food bank, community garden, homework tutor at the community center, regional Park or botanical garden, homeless services…

      • Anon

        This. I work closely with a small but growing food pantry in my city and I love it. There are tons of options like this.

      • Senior Attorney

        Agree with this. In my town there is an organization that takes over a big house every year and turns it into a showcase house of design. with proceeds going to support music education. I joined when I retired and it’s been awesome. Anything similar where you are?

    • ALT

      My mom retired a couple years ago and has become a board member for the library. She loves it—it’s something she cares about and is passionate about and she’s met a bunch of friends doing it.

      What about becoming a poll worker? Or volunteering with children in schools? Habitat for Humanity? Homeless shelters? Animal shelters? Women in business groups? Tutoring children or ESL students? Plenty of organizations need volunteers during the day.

      On the flip side, there isn’t anything saying that you can’t get a part time job and make friends that way!

    • Anon

      Have you checked out your hyperlocal organizations? My town (which is a commuting suburb of major city) has a youth council and there are community centers in the under-resourced (?), poorer(?) towns close by. Local library uses volunteers to read stories. Your local ymca might have info on local organizations? I don’t know much about churches, but my synagogue has info on local volunteer organizations that are not religiously affiliated. My FIL and a couple friends volunteer at soup kitchens or food pantries.

    • Anon

      Our public schools love having adult volunteers. Many of them are older and have grown kids.
      Girl Scouts also welcomes adult volunteers even if you don’t have a kid participating.

    • anon

      Are you a lawyer, by chance? If so, the Election Protection Hotline is always looking for volunteers. It’s a non-partisan non-profit that helps voters with all kinds of voting-related issues (registration, something is off at the polling place, etc.). It’s not in person but I’ve loved working with them.

    • Anonymous

      Goodwill provides training and education to people with barriers to employment. It was founded by a pastor but it’s not a religious organization. They’re also doing a lot of work in sustainability if helping the environment appeals to you.

        • Anon

          Don’t most non profits?

          Donors are too focused on organizations having low overhead, but low overhead usually means that employees are being underpaid.

          • Anon

            I mean underpay to the tune of $1/hr because they’re “disabled” so don’t even get minimum wage.

          • Anonymous

            No this is blatantly false, Goodwill employees get paid at least minimum wage as they are required to. Idk where that rumor even came from. At my local GW, which is in a LCOL area where state minimum tracks federal, our lowest paid employee is around $13/hr (well above state minimum) and our average job placement outside of the org is around $15/hr. That might seem low but keep in mind these are people with major barriers to employment, like severe cognitive and/or physical disabilities, long employment gaps/no employment history, no HS diploma, felony convictions, and so on.

    • Anon

      Well, what are the actually charities / organizations that are important to you? THAT is the question. And how do you want to spend your time?

      Are you a lawyer? Do you want to do pro bono work or work with an organization that helps anything where your legal expertise could be helpful?

      If women’s health is important, contact Planned parenthood and figure out where/how to volunteer.

      Can you teach English? There are so many new immigrants in need of this, and all major cities have programs looking for volunteers/people to teach. That’s what my mother did at your stage. It was incredibly meaningful for her and she formed many deep relationships.

      Because if social activities are what you want, yes… join your country club or whatever and call it a day. But it is much more satisfying to actually do something that makes a real difference.

      • Lexi

        Just want to say that being social can help people too— a lot of nonprofits need help for fundraisers, golf tournaments, etc. They usually have a volunteer committee that helps with them because the money (and unrestricted!) is great, but they’re a lot of time consuming work.

        • Anon

          True! And I have met some great people who are also volunteers with my organizations.

    • anon for this

      I’d reach out to the United Way chapter in your area and ask for a list of volunteer needs. Or look at the CFC campaign recipients in your area. United Way in my area does a board rotational program, where they take people who could be assets to boards and puts them on a 2-year rotation (6 months each at 4 charities) to sit in on board meetings, kind of an informal board training. At the end of the 2 years they try to place the person on a board that’s a good fit.

    • Anonymous

      Can you tell us in broad strokes about your interests and professional background? I think we’ll come up with better ideas if know what you like! I have a cousin who volunteers by doing transcription for the National Archives. She is a huge lover of history so it’s right up her alley, but, obviously, it’s not social.

      • anon

        I commented elsewhere, but I think geography matters more than interests in what opportunities are available.

    • anon

      I feel your pain. The local organizations are American Legion (I’m not a veteran), VFW (ditto), the official town Mother’s Club (I’m not a mother), Women’s Club (meets Mondays from 1 to 3 pm), churches (I’m Jewish), one synagogue (I don’t like protesting by the side of the road, which is their main activity), and a food bank that is only open weekdays 10-3 and one Saturday morning a month (not for the working poor either, apparently). There are no animal shelters or women’s shelters in my county anymore, which is so sad. No YMCA either, just private gyms. The town Chamber of Commerce is the same group of local small business owners who are mostly realtors, insurance agents, general contractors, restaurant owners, and accountants.

      Anyways, I’m here to validate your experience that there are places where it’s impossible to volunteer with or join a community group local to you. The organizations around me are so identity focused that there isn’t a role for people like me who are left over.

    • Anon

      A friend of mine started mentoring for college students through our state university here in town when she retired.

    • Anon

      Can you volunteer at your local library? My aunt used to help organize donations and the annual book sale.

    • Seventh Sister

      Volunteer at a hospital? My husband had surgery a couple years back and the volunteers were so, so nice. They kept me updated on when he was in/out of surgery and escorted me to the recovery room. One was a senior citizen who did a hilarious commentary about the art in the building (“I like modern but some of this is too modern if you know what I’m saying.”).

    • NYNY

      My dad’s new wife volunteers for a local organization that helps women who have experienced domestic abuse get back on their feet. There are a lot of great, non-religious organizations out there, but it may take time to find your fit.

    • Anonymous

      I would say if you want to make friends as you volunteer, any of the local friends of something organizations would work. Library, garden, parks, hospitals, museums, etc. They are usually a group of volunteers who serve on planning committees, help with fundraising (galas or other events), coordinate volunteer shifts for like a gift shop, etc. If you’re in a major metro, most arts/health/nature organizations have some version of this. Other than that, I would say a garden club or a woman’s club would be options. Some major charities like United Way have women’s circles if that’s important to you. If none of those options exist in your area, there are also nonprofits where you can make toiletry bags for the homeless or cards for people, etc that can be mailed in for distribution. Then you could form your own group to do it at one time.

    • Runcible Spoon

      NAACP or volunteer as a docent at a museum (if there is a museum or two where you live). Also, look at local clubs (ski club, bird-watching club, hiking club, etc.) for networking and to schedule stuff to fill the day after you retire, which is what it seems you are looking for. Big Sisters might be nice, too. You can cast around for a book club (or my preference, which we used to call the “Lazy Women’s Book Club,” which consisted of getting together once a month to watch a film adaption of a book, or a foreign film or chick flick that male companions would not be unhappy to skip, and then gather for a post-show ethnic food dinner and discussion).

  12. Anon

    Question for any readers who did this and any parents of HS kids: Have your kids done the IB high school diploma all the way through and finished it? I have heard that it is an awesome world-class life-changing program (me, we could smoke in high school). And yet in my large urban school district, normal parents of bright kids tell me it is nothing but soul-crushing busywork that makes the whole family miserable. And also that it makes no difference with college and you’d be better off taking AP classes or dual enrolling at community college for more meaningful written projects with a teacher who will take the time to actually teach them fundamentals (may vary by school and class and teacher). I have one kid currently at an IB middle school and one in the high school program where there is an opt-to-stay-in coming up and is going to have to scramble to make up some prerequisites (like take a third year of a language class in summer school).

    • nuqotw

      It was years ago, but my freshman roommate came from such a program and I was blown away by how well-prepared she was for college.

      • Anon

        Counterpoint — I’m a college professor and the IB students are always well-prepared only in one way: that is, they have learned to take tests and follow instructions. For the most part (only in my experience, so this is purely anecdotal, though I’ve been teaching of 20 years) IB students don’t develop critical thinking or creative skills as much as others.

        • Anon

          That is interesting; I would have thought the projects would help, but maybe they really are too rigid.

        • Anon

          Several of my college classmates had IB or similar backgrounds. They struggled mightily with the self-directed nature of college and seemed ill-equipped to figure things out on their own. Looking back, I feel sorry for them and wonder what the ones who dropped out when they couldn’t hack it ended up doing in life.

          • Anon

            I should clarify: those struggling classmates were all vocal about their backgrounds. There may well have been others with similar histories who did not announce it and did fine in college. The vocal ones always gave off vibes of “do you know who I am??” whenever they declared their IB or similar status.

    • Anon

      It’s been a little while but my school offered it. I didn’t take it but others did. I think it’s good for kids who are academically inclined – it was a lot of work but they did cool projects and an extended essay that was like a mini-thesis or something. My friends in the program went on to do well in school generally. I did fine without too, so obviously it’s not a necessity. I would do it if your kids would enjoy that sort of academic load.

    • Anon

      I’d listen to the other parents and pay attention to all options at your local school. I also went to a school that had IB and a wonderful independent humanities program. I took IB for math, sciences, world language, and most of my English (but not all of it) and took the other humanities classes, which were much better than the IB classes with better teachers. I thought that maximized my educational gain while minimizing busy work and certainly didn’t hurt when it came to college. I was extremely well prepared for a top school. The full diploma wouldn’t have gotten me anything else- the school I went to didn’t let you place out of that much and I graduated with way more credits than I needed anyway (STEM major).

      • Anon

        I should add, my IB classes were quite good, it’s just that my particular high school happened to have an option that was even better, at least for some classes. I also don’t think that the full diploma adds much over just taking individual classes, if that’s the part that adds a lot of stress (having to take summer language classes). To me, that’s just box checking. But a lot will depend on the specifics of your school and the other options, so talking to parents and older students is the way to go.

    • Anon

      I was so jealous of the IB grads in college (some of them were also United World Colleges though, which is its own whole thing). I think it’s true though that AP is all the preparation that college expects.

      Honestly in some areas (history), the IB grads were better educated starting college than a lot of people were when they graduated. I learned a lot just from talking to them. And while I was focused on learning things I didn’t know in my classes, they were meeting in office hours with professors and getting a head start on the research they’d go on to pursue in graduate and professional school, so I feel they were better prepared to take advantage of certain opportunities.

      There were also some people who seemed to be burned out and coasting, so I would guess it does burn some people out. And the IB grads back then did have complaints about how rigid the curriculum could be. But they were also definitely proud of what they’d accomplished.

    • Diana

      I did it a little over 10 years ago and really liked it. There are a lot of requirements, but writing some of those thesis type papers in topics I was interested in was very cool. I liked the way things were taught much better than AP. I think it depends on your kid. Do they look at the list of requirements and think it looks boring or intriguing?

    • Anon

      I skipped it and instead finished two years of community college while in high school. It enabled me to complete by BA in a year plus summer school. Totally worth it. No student loans and an earlier start to my career.

    • anon

      I really appreciated the full diploma. The balance of going very deep in some subjects (HL), but not others (SL), was really good for ensuring I had a rigorous, but not overwhelming, high school education.

      It’s an excellent curriculum if excellent teachers are available to teach it. I would ask a lot of questions of current families and the school. The description you’ve been given sounds as if something has gone horribly wrong in the program.

      As for university admissions, I got into Ivy and a couple of universities that tend to outrank a handful of Ivies.

    • Anon

      My high school had IB but I didn’t do the whole program, I only picked the subjects I was interested in. That’s because I wasn’t about to devote my life to IB math or science when I was terrible at them. You’re right, it’s a LOT of work – extra classes and extra exams – so make sure your kid can handle it . It did give me university credits which was a huge plus.

      • Anon

        I should have added, I went to a private school so I was already academically ahead of other kids my age, so I would have been just fine if I hadn’t done IB because the quality of our regular classes was already very good. But my school had a huge IB culture and really pushed us to do it.

        • KP

          I’m questioning that “so” in the first sentence. Do you believe all private school students are academically “ahead” of others?

    • Canon

      I took IB French, English and Drama in high school. I would say that taking the courses is wildly helpful in preparing for university, but an entire IB diploma is quite soul-crushing in terms of the amount of additional work required during a period of your life that is supposed to be fun.

      Each course has an additional project on top of the course work required (think paper or presentation in humanities, project/experiment design in sciences). My friends that took the full IB diploma did not necessarily end up in a better spot than I did career wise, but it did help some of my Canadian classmates get into ivies.

    • Cb

      I get the occasional IB kid (because they always tell you…) in my classroom and they are often very good writers and researchers in contrast to the normal Scottish and English kids (different curriculums).

    • IB Diploma

      I did the full diploma a loooong time ago, but at my school (very large public high school) it was basically just the same classes as AP with one or two exceptions. Was it kinda cool? Sure. Was it a pain to take the IB AND AP exams to ensure I got college credit? Absolutely. Would I have been just as well off just taking all the same classes as AP and ignoring IB? Also yes. My school also had pretty limited options at the time of what IB courses you could take (like, you could choose two from physics, chemistry, and bio, but they didn’t offer government or art until a few years after I graduated) so it worked ok for me but wouldn’t have for a lot of students. I think if your school has other options (like lots of AP classes or community college) it’s not that amazing.

    • Anon

      I’m old and from NY so I graduated with a Regents diploma and 4 APs in the 90s. I’d say the Regents were more busy work but helpful for SAT 2’s (which were a brand new thing when I took them), while the AP courses/exams were much more useful in terms of getting ready for college level work. The AP teachers were also the ones who taught us how to write long form, data based essays (in humanities topics) and that taught the theory behind equations in the sciences. In regents math/sciences classes we often didn’t have the time to go into depth on theory which I get but still think is a shame.

    • Anon

      Sort of. My son was in the IB program and did graduate from high school with a normal degree, but he didn’t get the IB certification because we went into lockdown during his junior year and the school basically dropped the whole thing. No final project and all of the other requirements for IB.

      His classes were challenging in the IB curriculum and he’s a kid who needs a challenge. His classmates were absolutely the nerdiest kids in school, which is kind of his crowd, but they were also ultra competitive (how much of that comes from parents I can only guess.)

    • Anon

      I went to an IB program (Atlanta Intl School) that made my first year of college (think Boston University, but not) feel pretty easy. I did 4 higher level courses and especially liked the Theory of Knowledge course.

    • anon

      Another IB Diploma grad (from back in the day, 20+ years ago). One of the best experiences of my life and absolutely prepared me so well for college. I was nowhere near even the top 10% at my pressure cooker public high school but graduated summa cum laude from my top 10 undergrad (and probably worked half as hard, academically), and graduated in three years b/c of all of the credits I had. So grateful that the opportunity was there for me and would love for my kids to do it too.

    • Anonymous

      My daughter is about to graduate with an IB diploma. I am much less a fan of the program than I was when she started. The curricula in history and science are not well structured. The history course is not a survey; instead, the teacher chooses a handful of topics from a list and the kids study them in depth and connect them. This is great if they’ve already had survey courses in U.S. and world or at least European history, but my daughter’s high school uses the two-year IB HL history course to replace the survey courses they’d otherwise take on the AP or standard track. This means that there are whole swaths of history she knows nothing about, like both world wars. For science, students choose one two-year course instead of taking single-year courses in college-level physics, chemistry, and biology as they would on the AP track. This means that my daughter will graduate high school having taken three years of biology (ninth grade honors plus two years of IB) and one tenth-grade course in honors chemistry, with no college-level chemistry and no physics at all. The AP biology curriculum is organized in a nonsensical way, and the standard IB biology textbook presents complicated statistical concepts in shallow box-outs that are very confusing. I’m also not a fan of the math curriculum, which is basically just calc BC plus some random disconnected topics from statistics and real analysis. Students would be better off with calculus + a full course in stats or linear algebra. The extended essay (like an honors thesis) plus the capstone papers are very stressful, especially if the teachers don’t provide adequate guidance. There are also issues with finding study resources that sync up with the curriculum and the odd ways that IB expects students to approach certain problems. You can’t go out and buy a study guide or find tons of YouTube videos the way you can if you get stuck in an AP class or even many college courses. The two things I like about the program is that it’s the only halfway decent writing instruction my daughter’s high school offers and that the IB teachers are bolder about finding ways to teach around our district’s book bans and various other anti-literature policies instead of just giving up like the other teachers and not teaching anything.

    • Anon

      My kids are at an IB school. It’s stressful but apparently they’ll be better prepared in college, I hear. I don’t live in the US. IB supposed to be much more rigorous vs AP.

  13. anon

    Does anyone have a rec for an executive coach in the tri-state area? Preferably someone with experience working with in-house lawyers. Bonus points for experience working with high achievers with adhd.

    • anonymous

      I think you need to be more specific, there are dozens of tri-state areas in the US.

    • Anon

      No. But in my much smaller city, I found an executive-function coach for my ASD/ADHD teen who works with just teens and adults on EF issues. We found her though my kid’s psychiatrist (meds) and this practice was also known to our psychologist (all of the ASD/ADHD professionals overlap a bit with clients). The EF coach’s background is in Occupational Therapy and this is very much a thing now, so those terms may help with googling some. A FB group I’m on for ASD/ADHD college kids’ parents is a good place to get local recommendations even though you may be a bit further along in life.

      The executive coach people I know are all former BigLaw partners but they have no idea how neurodiversity works or its challenges (bless them, but that’s not the lived experience for the ones I know). So you may need two different professionals with slightly different skill sets.

  14. nuqotw

    Has anyone ever bought anything from Poetry Fashion, and can speak to the quality of the pieces / fit? The internet suggested them when I was looking for pants that have a 32 inch or longer inseam and I’m tempted to try them.

  15. Anon

    Looking for a fun/cute gift for a Leap Year birthday, person will be turning 40, but it’s only her 10th birthday. Price in the $20/30 range.

    • nuqotw

      A grown up version of a kid thing? Adult coloring book and nice colored pencils? Fancy hot chocolate stuff?

    • Anonymous

      I would either do an adult version of a kid thing or an actual 10yr old kid thing. Plus a ‘happy 10th birthday’ card.

    • anonymous

      Grown up gift and 10 year old card. No one wants little kid stuff, that’s just creating junk to toss.

      • Anon

        This. Her birthday only comes around once every four years; make it good rather than one-time funny.

        If she doesn’t already have too many, I would do something like an engraved cutting board: “Happy Birthday, Leap Day 2024.” Avoid making comments about it being her 10th celebration or her being 10; give her something to look at and enjoy until 2028.

        • Anonymous

          If her family is like the families of other leap babies they still had birthday celebrations in the other years, though, so I think ‘make it good’ is a bit over the top…

      • Anonymous

        I wouldn’t say no one, but it is a know-your-birthday-person situation. Birthdays don’t always have to be a serious event, especially at 40. Sometimes it’s more fun and memorable to embrace the silly.

    • Anonymous

      There are foods (or alcohol) that come in 10-year aged versions. That might be cute.

    • Anonymous

      If she is a musical theatre or opera person, a copy of the 1980s Pirates of Penzance movie.

  16. hopping

    I’ve broken my ankle and can’t put weight on it for probably six weeks, looking for recommendations/advice. I can work from home so that’s not a problem, currently staying with my parents who have stairs but at some point would like to be back in my own house (also stairs), and have other family and friend help who can bring things or drive me about. I’m in the UK so may not be able to get specific products from the US. I have crutches but not confident on them at all yet, I think it doesn’t help I’m overweight and my upper body isn’t particularly strong.

    Help!

    • Anon

      Following as this will be me in a few weeks (surgery)! I hope you feel better and you’ll get through this! I’ve ordered a shower stool off Amazon so I can sit in the shower. It had decent reviews and comes with a grab bar, I’ll provide the link. My sister also ordered me flexible ice packs and I got a wedge pillow so I can elevate my foot.

      Shower Stool:
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0C742D1X8?ref=ppx_pt2_mob_b_prod_image

      Ice Packs: https://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Cold-Packs-Injuries-Compress/dp/B088F39KSH/ref=mp_s_a_1_4_maf_1?crid=66GWMKEP2802&keywords=flexible+ice+pack&qid=1708100229&sprefix=flexible+ice%2Caps%2C122&sr=8-4

      Pillow:
      https://www.brentwoodhome.com/products/leg-elevation-pillow

    • Anonymous

      Can you get a knee scooter? Re: stairs – scootch up and down on your butt. This is what my elderly, weak mother did when she broke a bone in her foot. Not glamorous but effective. She found the knee scooter much easier to use than crutches.

      • Vicky Austin

        Butt-ing up and down the stairs is also what my mom did when recovering from C-sections in their two-story house.

    • Anon

      I broke my knee and I had an rolling office chair which was very handy to scoot around my apartment. I also went up and down stairs on my bum.

      Wear your cast/brace and do the physical therapy!!

    • Deep South

      Bone pain is exacerbated by dehydration, and it’s hard to carry a cup with crutches. Make sure that you have a water bottle with a hook that you can loop over your finger. Drink two more bottles per day than you’re used to and it will help immensely.

      I had a lot of problems with swelling when I broke my ankle. Elevation is key to alleviating swelling. I ended up putting a 2”x6” board between my mattress and box spring, about where my ankle goes when I am lying down. You don’t really feel it, but that slight elevation overnight really seemed to help. I also kept it there for probably a year after my injury because it would randomly swell if I was eating salt/doing too much/dehydrated/hot/ any slight change.

      I also really liked the cheap Ace bandages that look like a sock with the toes cut off post cast/boot. It was just a little bit of support/compression while my body healed. I had a couple of them and would keep in my bag because I sometimes needed it at the end of the workday.

      Eating more protein also helps speed healing and recovery.

    • Artemis

      I am currently recovering from a broken ankle, good luck and best wishes for healing!
      Knee scooter and butt up stairs are good reccs.
      My main recc: get a walker instead of crutches. So much better for stability and ease of moving around.
      Second recc: get a crossbody you can wear around the house that will hold your phone, lip balm, tampons, snack bar, whatever you might need room to room, so you don’t have to worry about how to move those things around or keep going back and forth.

    • Anonymous

      Crutches are the absolute worst. My sympathies.
      Your hands are useless when walking, so I used a backpack to carry things. A shower stool may help. (I didn’t get one, but I didn’t realize my ankle was broken and walked on it for a few weeks, so my crutches use was shorter.)
      Pack your patience. Assume everything will take forever. My doc recommended vitamin D to help in healing.
      Once I made it to the 6 week mark, I switched to a cane, and that was much easier to wrangle.

    • Betsy

      The advice about what to buy for pillows and ice packs and shower stools is great. If you’ll be in a hard cast also get a waterproof cast cover, they work really well. You didn’t mention surgery, but if you’ve had or will be having surgery make sure to ask your doctor about when and how to start scar massage. And get all the mobility devices – walker, crutches and knee scooter are helpful in different scenarios. Make sure to do all the physical therapy available to you through your medical system – it makes the biggest difference in your quality of healing.

      Also focus really hard on nutrition during your recovery. Your body is building new bone, so you need to make sure you are giving it the fuel it needs to do that. You mentioned being overweight and so this might feel like a tough emotional shift – this isn’t about dieting, but about making sure you are consuming enough of the nutrients you need to build strong bones.

      Good luck with your recovery! Mentally it can be hard to accept all the help you need when you go through an injury like this, but keep reminding yourself that the people who love you want to help.

    • anon

      If you can swing it financially, give yourself permission to get a good blow out at the salon every two weeks. Speaking from experience, it just made me feel better.

    • anon

      I was non-weight bearing for 6 weeks after a surgery last summer and these two items made the early days bearable:

      Pads for my crutches kept my underarms and skin comfortable. I noticed what a big difference they made when I washed them and had to go a few hours without them while they dried.
      Vive Sheepskin Crutch Pads:
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B091B4Q4SV/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

      Getting up at night to use the bathroom was awful in the beginning, plus I didn’t want to wake anyone up to help me. I was also really scared of falling, especially when I was using pain meds. This bottle allowed me to pee while standing on one leg right next to my bed. It sounds kind of gross, but it was the best! I kept baby wipes, tissues, a towel, and a small trashcan handy.
      Grafco Female Pee Funnel:
      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000CSOOZW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

    • ThursdayNext

      I got a handheld shower and had my husband install it when I had a sprained ankle. Only way I could wash without help, even though of course getting in and out of the tub was still not fun. It was like $30 on Amazon. I still have it and enjoy it years later.

      I second the comments about crutches being the worst because you can’t carry anything, I wish somebody had told me about knee scooters at the time!

    • Runcible Spoon

      In the shower, I used a hard plastic two-step stool, which I already had. It was just the right height to sit on, and waterproof!

  17. Anon88

    I know Paris recs have been covered here many times before, but here’s one more request! I just booked a last minute trip to Paris with my college BFF to celebrate my March birthday. This is the first birthday since separating from my husband, so I am definitely trying to take my mind off my personal life stuff. Besides dinner, does anyone have any suggestions for celebrating? I’m not a big drinker, otherwise open to just about anything.

    • anon a mouse

      I would book a food tour with Paris by Mouth, and visit a parfumerie and pick a new scent to mark this next chapter of your life!

    • Anan

      When I was in college, I took an impulsive trip to Paris and at the end, I had just enough money to do one more thing or buy one more thing. I decided to get my haircut. It was the most chic I had ever looked, even wearing an oversized bright red sweatshirt.

    • Seventh Sister

      Do you like opera or ballet? Even though I dragged my entire family to a “weird” ballet (Pit by Bobbi Jean Smith), we all agreed that the dancers and musicians were amazing and the building was unbelievably beautiful. The tickets weren’t expensive by American standards.

    • anon

      Some may say this is a tourist trap but I enjoyed lunch on the Eiffel Tower. It includes entrance to the towel and there’s a separate elevator/queue for those holding reservations so you’re essentially skipping the long line.

    • Anon88

      Ah you all always have the best ideas! New perfume, new haircut? yes yes yes.

  18. Vicky Austin

    At Modern Mrs. Darcy recently it was time for the What’s Saving Your Life Right Now post. I love this tradition, so I’m bringing it over here. (Original in comments.)

    What small joys are lifting you up right now? For me:

    -Quiet time rocking baby to sleep (with my Kindle handy for once he’s out)
    -The fancy Bluetooth earbuds husband gave me for Christmas (and I have lots of calls in my new job so they’re getting lots of use)
    -“Dirty sodas” from a local coffee shop

    • Sunshine

      -Painting my nails at home
      -Taking walks while listening to podcasts while the weather is decent where I live
      -Using LoseIt app and seeing slow and steady progress toward my goals, which include weight loss, eating more protein, and eating more veggies.

    • anon

      My LL Bean Wicked Good slippers to banish this latest installment of winter weather.
      Fancy orange juice (Cal Valls brand) from the new Greek grocery store in town.
      The pre-cut mixed berries from the grocery store

    • Anon for this

      – My upgraded AirPods Pro. Husband gifted me these as I was down to one working AirPod and WOW.

      – Embracing that a daily workday 2PM Diet Coke adds a lot of joy to my life and allowing myself to buy enough at the store which I drink one a day as my little afternoon pick me up.

      – Every car ride with my youngest… he is obsessed with cars and pronounces the word with a very hard C and Bostonian ‘-ah’. So a ride with him, he points out every car he sees. “Cah! Cah! Mama, Cah!’

    • Anon

      I got really good news recently and have felt… nothing. I think it’s a sign that I am not doing as well as I pretend and, ironically, I think that realization may have saved me.

      Otherwise, what’s keeping my head above water:
      -skiing when I can bother to go
      – walks and podcasts

    • Anon

      -Pop and Bottle coffee concentrate with homemade almond milk for delicious and cheap iced coffee
      -going to bed on time
      -got a case settled yesterday that was a time suck way out of proportion to its seriousness.
      -and, as always, my dogs.

  19. Anon for this

    Whatever the opposite of a vent is, this is that.

    Spouse had to rent a cargo van to pick up some bulky items. The cost difference between one and two days was negligible, thus he rented it for two days. Day 1 he picked up the items. Today is Day 2 and… you know all those things that ‘need to be brought to Restore’ or ‘need to go to the dump/recycling center’. They are being cleared out!!!

    Goodbye, random bits of carpet left by the previous owners in the basement (we’ve been here nearly 10 years and the carpet is gone). Goodbye futon frame that served us well but is no longer needed. Goodbye old screens and bags of stuffed animals and all the things that do not serve me yet were weighing us down.

    Spouse is off today and kids are at school/childcare so there is nobody here to get emotional about a broken baby swing or a stuffed animal they have never used. 10/10 would ABSOLUTELY recommend.

    • anonymous

      Just fyi you can get rid of stuff like that within the hour with 800junk and not do any of the hauling yourself.

      • Anon for this

        OP here – the real victory is all the stuff that had to go to Restore. Also, I have tried 800junk and it feels like the franchises are very VERY different regionally. This company seemed to focus more on hoarder/renter eviction clean outs and less so on just ‘pick up this random set of sliding doors from the previous owners which are in good shape but aren’t something you need to own’.

      • Anon

        Yeah, if you want to pay $1,200 – which is what they just charged my aunt for taking one large load of stuff. Such a ripoff.

    • Anon

      DH is a hoarder and picks up hobbies for a few weeks to a few months at a time (and of courses buys everything for every hobby). He takes a once a year guy’s trip. I get a dumpster and spend the week emptying the house and garage. Dumpster is always picked up before he returns. We have never talked about it. He always comes home and says how great the house looks and never asks about anything that I have tossed or donated. He has never missed the sporting equipment (including golf clubs), keyboard, guitar, etc., all of which were donated to a local boys and girls club. Clearing out what is not needed is the best feeling. Congrats!

        • Anon

          +1

          There is something so off putting about it. It gives me the ick. Like a mom waiting to throw out her kid’s old toys when he’s at school but instead it’s OP’s overgrown toddler of a husband who must be placated.

          • Anon

            Or, husband has a difficult mental illness that makes it painful for him to see the things thrown away, but he appreciates having it done. This is a way of caring for another person and creatively meeting both spouses’ needs

      • Anon

        On snow day we had earlier this week I finally (finally!!) went through and donated or put in the attic all the old toys, board games, pokemon cards, junky scholastic books, cameras, binocluars, manuals, old tech and our family room bookshelves are now clean, ‘staged’ and SO much nicer looking. The donations went to a local school, and the expensive but little used stuff (SLR camera bodies/lenses) are now in storage cabinets instead of front and center in our bookshelves. It was the best use of a random snow day!

      • Anon

        My dad is a hoarder and my mom has talked about doing this for decades and decades but has never actually done it. I wish she had; I think she’d be much happier. Just like your husband, I’m sure my dad would never notice.

      • Anon

        Love it! I do this on a smaller scale: I toss or donate half the pantry when DH is gone. He overbuys because he was food insecure as a child. Fortuneately, we can afford the ridiculously high grocery bill.

  20. Hair help in NY/NJ

    NYC/NJ Hairdresser recommendations? I am in North Jersey, in my forties and feel like a total frump. I want a new haircut (a lob? curtain bangs?). I want to look fabulous. I want to look current. I want someone who can look at my face and hair, and will know what will make me look good. Help! (Wavy hair if helpful).

    • anon

      Suite 303 in Noho. Despite the celebrity client list, the stylists are very kind and welcoming even though I was and remain a nobody. And the haircuts I get there are miraculously good and worth every penny.

    • RiskedCredit

      Amy at 6th borough salon in Hoboken. Highly recommend her to everyone. She is great at color too. They use Goldwell.

      Toni and guy in Hoboken is good too but more expensive.

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