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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
We’ve talked a lot about our favorite Nordstrom Anniversary Sale pieces, but there are always a few items that don’t pop out at me until I scan through for a second or third time.
This funnel-neck top from Halogen escaped my notice during my first review, but I really like it as an elevated version of a black tee. I would wear this tucked into a midi skirt for the rest of the summer and with a plaid blazer and trousers for the fall.
The top is $24.90, marked down from $39, at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS–XXL. It also comes in five other colors.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
MagicUnicorn
This reminds me of those popcorn magic bubble shirts. Those are not coming back again, are they?
Notinstafamous
Did they ever leave??? (/s)
InHouse Anon
Oh wow. I had a light green one from Casual Corner that I bought with my summer job money. I thought I was too cool for school. Haven’t thought about that in 20 years!
anon
Casual Corner. Oh man, that brings back memories of shopping for my first professional job.
Anon
Despite the name it was the best spot ever for workwear. You could buy a jacket, suit pants, skirt, and dress. And also two set, blouse, and skirt from the blouse fabric and it would all work together to make outfits with. One year I even got some shoes there IIRC. Metro Center Casual Corner — you will always have a place in my heart.
Shelle
Mine was from Rue 21! I wanted them in all the psychedelic color palettes.
Hypatia
Casual Corner! Oh man. I also miss The Limited.
Anon 2.0
This is bringing back memories! In the 6th grade we had YMCA dances and I thought I was stylin’ in my bubble shirt, low rise dark wash jeans with butterfly pockets, and chunky lug sole boots. Oh the memories!
Anonymous
You WERE stylin’ in that!
Anonymous
Yees, they are coming back.
Anon
Tw: dieting question.
For those of you who have tried intermittent fasting, how long did it take to see results? I’m on day 11 of 12/8 IF. I drink black coffee outside of the noon-8 window and try to eat normally during that window. So far, I see zero results! I have weighed myself daily and it looked like I was losing for a few days in a row and then it went back to my regular high number. m debating whether to stick with this or just give up. If IF worked for you, please share any advice or tips. Thanks.
Anonymous
It only works for me unless I actually skip a meal, if that makes sense? If I just move my breakfast to lunch time and also eat lunch and dinner I don’t lose anything. Fwiw “skipping a meal” (like actually not eating an entire meal) has been my moms weight loss strategy for forever. Awful but it works.
Anon
A pound is 3,500 calories. So if you cut out 500 calories by skipping breakfast (I.e., what you do in IF) you should see a pound a week loss (assumes you aren’t otherwise increasing the calories if your other meals. But it won’t be linear. Try Happy Scale. It smoothes out daily weight fluctuations. But you’ve barely been at this over week. Give it at least 6 weeks to see results.
anon
I’m not sure why you think you’d be losing tons of weight already? It’s day 11, and your body is learning something new. Give it time.
Anon
The only time I see results in 11 days is if I’m doing something like hiking (drastically increased physical demands on body + pre-set food + no kitchen to hit when I’m bored or seeking the solace of comfort food). At home — naw, ain’t nothing gonna happen that fast.
Anon
I haven’t really lost any weight on IF but it’s helped me maintain my current (before IF I was gaining slowly but steadily). I don’t really skip meals, I basically just compress my normal eating into a shorter window. But I do think I snack less.
Anonymous
I did IF for a while and found it successful because it contained my eating within a smaller window of time, and therefore I ate less. If you’re eating what you normally would, and relying merely on the window of time you’re not eating for your body to move into weight-loss mode, I don’t know if/whether that truly works.
I will say this: you’re only a week and a half in. for me, that would mean that I would maaaaaybe lose 1 pound, at most, at the beginning of something. I’ve never seen noticeable weight loss with anything I’ve tried until about 3-4 weeks in.
Anon
I suggest looking into IF specific to recommendations for women. Most IF fasting windows are based on studies on men who have a 24 hour hormone cycle and bodies that respond differently fasting periods. I did an 8 hour eating window for a while, didn’t really see results, and when I extended my eating window to 10 hours (so basically ate only inside of 10am – 8pm which worked for my lifestyle) based on recommendations from some articles by nutritionists, I saw slow but steady results within a couple weeks. The weight won’t drop off but results should be consistent if you stick with it.
Anonymous
I did IF for 2+ years and saw zero results. It was very easy for me to do 12-7 eating; I think if I wanted results I should have changed/reduced the window so I stopped eating at 5.
Is this it?
I’m not sure exactly what kind of advice I need but everyone here has always been helpful in the past so fingers crossed.
It just hit me that I’m 41 years old and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m floating unaware through life. I have a career, family, friends, hobbies, etc. But I think I focus so much on the day to day minutiae that I’m completely missing out on my life going by. I’m worried I’m going to look around when I’m 60 and realize yes I made dinner most nights and the kids projects were always done on time but what the hell happened to the rest of my time? Do I need goals? More involved hobbies? Or is this just life and I need to make peace with it?
anon
I have no idea, but I’m in the same place you are. 41, two kids, busy life, things are humming along. But I feel vaguely dissatisfied for reasons I cannot discern. My goals are pretty … modest, honestly. But I don’t know how to find the headspace to figure out anything bigger, or if I even WANT that! Anytime I’ve tried making “more” out of a hobby, it ends up feeling like yet another obligation, which is precisely the opposite of what a hobby is supposed to be. This sounds cheesy, but I do try to pause a few times a week and remind myself that I am living the life I chose, and to try to be here for it in all its messiness. What’s challenging about this age is that it’s hard to know what’s next because we’ve already met those external benchmarks.
anon
I think, to some extent, it’s part of the stage of life of having children. But having children in the home is only one part of your life. Think how different your life is now, at 41, than it was at 21. They’ll be just as different, in ways predictable and unpredictable, at 61. I remind myself of the people I know who, after 50, have run their own businesses or dived into volunteer work or moved across the globe or otherwise remade their lives.
I’m not trying to discourage pursuing a hobby–you can definitely find community and fulfillment in hobbies. And maybe you could order more takeout and let the kids deal with their own projects and let go of things that are truly minutiae. But right now, you’re doing the hard work of raising children to hopefully be good, functional human beings, and I assume you have a job on top of that. We don’t always need to be pushing for more.
Anon
Goals and hobbies will just add to the already endless ticking off of boxes that you’re currently doing. Not saying that I‘be figured it out, but I think the key is zoom up and be present. It is cheesy, but I find a gratitude journal and permission to just not do all the “supposed to” things goes a long way toward living in a meaningful way.
roxie
Yes, agreed. This feels like a time to learn how to enjoy the here and now. The amazing summer peach you ate? The sound of the birds in the morning?
It’s cheesy but it’s about finding enjoyment in the daily things. Not about setting some huge goal.
Anon
I think this is just life. I don’t understand when people search for the meaning of life or a higher purpose, unless it’s a religious thing. I’m an atheist. I think life is about getting up and doing what you need to do each day while planning some fun things in between your responsibilities and obligations. I try to do things I enjoy every week like run, do yoga and hang out with friends but overall, I don’t think there is some big mystery about a fulfilling life. If you have young kids, then they are pretty much your life unless you have enough money to hire help. Life isn’t a move or a fairy tale. Sorry if my take is depressing but it’s just my view on life!
kitten
+1
I agree. I just don’t think life is that serious. I have a lot of fun though :)
Anonymous
I’ve been here. I think what you need is more unique experiences. Break out of the routine. Go do something out of the ordinary for you, whatever that might be. When all the days are alike they blend in together. For example, camp out at the beach and watch the sunrise. Try to be really present in the moment. Even if it’s not up to expectations you will always remember it and it will be a different day than all the others.
AcademicDoc
I wonder if what you are asking about is purpose? or your “why”? or is this more “should I be doing something more awesome with my non-dinner-making time”?
H13
I think this is a really good distinction. I am actually working through this right now and it is definitely work trying to tease it apart.
Annie Nominous
I think this is a combination of needing to build purpose into your life and savoring what you have. “Savoring” is similar to gratitude, but it includes a positive recognition that This Is Life. Very intentionally record in your mind that quiet morning with your delicious coffee, watching your child accomplish something they’ve been working toward, a beautiful day, etc. YOU create the meaning to the things in your life.
Anon
I’m your age and I feel this way a lot, and I don’t even have kids. I do think part of it is just this age. We’re mid-career, usually have some caretaking duties, and the novelty of life has kind of worn off a bit. We’re just not as free as we were in our twenties, and the days fill up fast.
For me, tackling it was a combination of two things. 1. Mindfulness, so really being IN THE MOMENT during the everyday stuff instead of just feeling like you’re always a step behind trying to check everything off your to-do list, and then 2. Kind of the opposite of 1: making lists of big dreams and goals and things I want to try so I don’t just wake up at 60 or 80 or whatever feeling like life passed me by. I write down everything, no matter how crazy. Places I want to live or travel, art projects I want to finish, dishes I want to cook. Then I work backwards. How can I build these things into my everyday, whether it’s trying a new recipe, exploring my own city, reading a new book, etc.? Finding novelty helps. Reminding myself that I am the architect of my own life also helps. Life can quickly become all about other people’s demands or expectations, and it can also just feel like such a slog sometimes, especially at our age. But we still have time and we still have a chance to turn it into whatever we want it to be.
anon
I’m younger than you, mid thirties, so this may sound like an odd suggestion, but I’ve been reading the obituaries in the local paper in part because it helps me reflect on this question. There are obituaries that describe lives I hope to emulate and others that do not, but seeing them all together makes it easier for me to figure out which ones appeal to me on some level. And they do indicate pretty uniformly that raising children is a period of life in which not a lot else happens, like the other posters have said.
I didn’t start reading them for this purpose, but they have helped me make peace with the fact that making dinner after work is in fact a defining feature of most people’s lives that, with luck, your family will remember fondly.
Anon
Are you doing things that bring you joy? If everything you are doing in your life is because you are “supposed to,” you’re going to feel like you’re floating through.
This happens when you live your life according to what makes a lot of people happy but isn’t specific to you. Let’s imagine a clarinet player in the community band. Let’s say that she genuinely loves playing the clarinet but keeps trying to turn it into a side hustle because our society is deranged and believes that if you love something enough and are good at it, money will follow! So she’s miserable. Or she feels guilty “just” going off on Tuesday nights and playing the clarinet because she’s taking time away from her family for something that isn’t “productive.”
Now imagine someone who isn’t really happy unless she’s doing life at 100 mph. (No shade – this is me.) She plays the clarinet in the community band because it’s there, she’s a 41 year old mom (this is me), and she’s not “supposed to” turn her hobbies into something else. She’s unhappy and can’t figure out why. Maybe for her, the solution is to hire a clarinet teacher so she can perfect her craft. Maybe it’s to ditch the clarinet entirely and take pilot lessons.
I’m not trying to be judgy; the entire point is that the same activity for different people will bring different levels of happiness or frustration. Figure out how you’re wired, and from there, structure your life.
anon
Have you thought about journaling? Something like the 5 year line a day journal might help you remember high, low or special points more particularly?
I found the idea of journaling hard to get into (and am still intermittent), but I started by writing about weather/something notable about the day. It helped me pay more attention to how it felt to be outside, and made me feel more in the moment. I guess you could say more mindful.
Bonnie Kate
+1 to all the suggestions for focusing on bringing more mindfulness into your day to day. Goals and hobbies are great but won’t fix the floating aware feeling; you can float through a very busy schedule.
There are a bunch of different ways you can bring more mindfulness into your day. You don’t need to overcomplicate it, you can pick just one or two and do it for a very short amount of time. The trick, in my opinion, is to doing it every day. Like one dedicated minute of breathing or short meditation every day is more effective for me than a random 20 minutes here or there.
Mindfulness practices:
-meditation (always gonna be on the list because it’s powerful, but also maybe not everyone wants to do it)
-breathing exercises
-taking a walk in nature without your phone in your hand. preferably without your phone at all
-having time out hours for your phone where it’s not in the same room as you
-journalling
-eating a meal without any distractions, no phone, book, etc
-gardening
-daily gratitude list
-yoga
-adult coloring books
-creating art
-intentionally cooking or baking (single tasking cooking)
-dance parties – pick a song you love, turn on loud, all out dance for the full length of the song.
etc….anything that you do single-tasking and intentionally can really be a mindfulness exercise.
Anon
At every point in my adult life, I have had a 5 year plan. Except when my kids were really little, I would take a 3-day weekend along (I prefer to do it at a religious retreat house because I find the structure and silence helpful but I have also just gotten a hotel room).
It is not a question of making lists of tasks. My life is plenty busy. It is about taking stock of where I am now and where I want to be in 5 years. This is not about practical day to day goals (save more! exercise more! lose weight! read more books and watch less TV!) but about evaluating where I am and what I want on a bigger scale.
But then I am religious and a big part is evaluating whether I am living my life in accordance with my beliefs so that might be less useful for people who do not share that basic framework.
Anon
Look into a mindfulness practice and enjoy every minute with your kids. Write down what you enjoyed at night!
Anon
Looking for an engagement gift idea for a friend who lives several states away. Normally I just bring over a bottle of wine or some flowers, but given the distance I won’t see the couple for a while.
I don’t want anything kitschy and wedding focused that says bride/groom or Mrs/Mr on it. I’m not opposed to flower or wine delivery but I find that they’re often overpriced. Budget is about $30, not interested in gift cards/food delivery.
I guess what’s the equivalent of bringing a friend a $20 bottle of wine or grocery store bouquet when you’re long distance?
Anon
Look at wine delivery from Total Wine or her nearest supermarket. It’s about $10 to have it delivered, which means a $20 bottle of wine for your $30 budget.
Notinstafamous
A nice card with a handwritten and thoughtful note & some very fancy chocolates would be my go-to in this situation!
Nom
Flower delivery is a bit more expensive long distance but it’s the closest thing I can think of. If you don’t want to order from a local florist, I’ve used Instacart to get my mom flowers delivered from Costco and she thought it was great.(TBF my mom is a Costco superfan so I knew she would enjoy that part too.) I got an arrangement in a vase so it was about $40 including tip, but there were cheaper options too.
That said, sending a nice card with a long, really thoughtful handwritten note is something that I would value and probably keep as a momento. But I am a big ol’ softy with a shoebox full of cards from over the years so YMMV.
Allie
I’d send this: https://milkbarstore.com/collections/gifts-under-50/products/assorted-cookie-tin
Senior Attorney
That’s great! Just sent to my son for a getting-ready-to-move pick-me-up!
Hollis
I have not been to NYC in 20 years and I’d like to go back over holiday break this winter with DH, 3 teens/preteens, my parents and my sister. So, there will be 8 of us total. If you were in my shoes, would you get 2 or 3 hotel rooms or would It be better to get one larger Airbnb? Any suggestions on areas where we should stay and places we should see while we are there? We are coming out from the west coast.
Also, we have a close relative who lives in Greenwich CT – should we rent a minivan and get out there or would it be easy to take public transportation?
Anom
Take the train to Greenwich. Especially if someone will pick you up at the station out there. Renting a car in Manhattan is more expensive than elsewhere and you get to tick the box for seeing Grand Central.
I would do a hotel over an Airbnb. Hotels are tiny and expensive but airbnbs can be sketchy in a big city.
Hollis
Thanks for your advice. I’ve heard that hotels are tiny and expensive so I was looking for an alternative, but if people think airbnbs in NYC are sketchy then I’m not inclined to do that.
Anonymous
For the love of god stop with the airbnbs. You are driving us out of our homes because you’re too cheap to pay for hotel rooms.
Also you don’t need a car, the train from grand central to Greenwich is quick and easy.
Anon
Actually I think this is an excellent use of Air BnBs – A short trip with a large group of people. I think the heyday for AirBnB is pretty much gone anyway since now it’s less convenient than a hotel and just as or more expensive than hotels with all the fees tacked on. How many 8 person families are taking up real estate in Manhattan? How many homes can even accommodate that many people? Save your ire for the corporate landlords not a large group that needs large accommodations for a short stay.
kitten
yes plz.
Also I prefer hotel rooms anyway to get real time and space away from other people lol. And I’m not trying to cook meals at home on vacation.
Hollis
It’s not just about saving money, but also about having space for a large family to eat breakfast or just kick-back together around a dining table. If I’m remembering correctly, NYC hotel rooms are tiny. I should have mentioned that my parents and sister live in a different west coast state from us so it’s about spending time with them also.
Anonymous
Yeah we know pay for a suite not an apartment someone who actually lives here wants.
Janey
So OP should subsidize your housing costs…? Got it
Anon
You’re right. It’s one thing for people to rent out a room in their homes, which has been going on since forever. AirBNB facilitates that rental. This has enabled people to turn their 20-year-old kid’s room into a rental and use the money towards college. It’s allowed older folks to get some money in the door and keep the home they’ve owned for decades. This stuff has been going on in some form or another for years; AirBNB smooths out the transaction (handles the finances, matches renters and rentees, provides at least a smidge of ID verification).
But this business of turning an entire street into a party block? People buying up houses for wealthy people to rent out and wrecking the housing market? Gross on all sides.
Anne-on
I would look into long term stay hotels – there are LOTS in the city for businesses. Either that or something like an Embassy Suites or an all suite hotel so you can at least have breakfast in the hotel. I would not do a Airbnb, there are so many horror stories about gross places, lying about the neighborhoods, etc. Also NY is a place that the neighborhoods can change drastically in 3-4 blocks and you just don’t know when you’re being charged for the cost of a place in an upscale neighborhood when really you’re in a bit of a downmarket location.
Greenwich from NY is a super fast and easy train from Grand Central (agree with the advice to go early, see grand Central and maybe grab lunch there). The train will be SO much easier than trying to drive in NY if you’re not famliar with the city. There are also plenty of ubers in/around Greenwich or I’m sure your family can pick you up at the station. Enjoy!!
Anon
+1 Suite hotel or Greenwich. I’ve taken that train ride before and Greenwich is just so civilized (your family may not want to leave it). Grand Central is beautiful.
I’ve also wanted to take one of the cross-sound ferries over to Long Island b/c I suspect it would be beautiful (have seen in movies) but IDK whether people actually do this.
Anon
3 hotel rooms for sure – I think it’s tempting to think you’ll only sleep there, but the only way I could handle that much family for an extended time is with my own space to decompress. I’m not anti Airbnb like lots, but they are illegal in NY so the offerings are slim and sketchy. NY hotel rooms are also very small on average.
NYNY
The only legal airbnbs in NYC are rooms in someone’s home, so if you’re renting a whole home, it’s illegal, which means you run the risk of the owner getting busted and you having to scramble to find something on short notice. Hotels in business-focused neighborhoods are still offering discounts, because while tourism has come back, business travel has not. Maybe a hotel near Grand Central for ease of travel to Greenwich – definitely take the train! – and a central location for whatever other things you want to do?
Hollis
Thank you for your helpful comments. I had no idea that Airbnb’s were illegal in NYC. Definitely not interested in AirBnB’s now. Is there another website where people rent their condos out to families?
Anonymous
It’s not AirBnB the company, it’s all short term rentals.
Anon
It’s not just the airbnb app, it’s short term rentals (I think <30 days) which are illegal. I think 2 hotel suites are perfect, your family in one and your sister and parents in the other. If there's a kid who enjoys staying with the grandparents that evens it out to 4+4. I assume your parents and sister are paying their own way so the cost shouldn't all be on you.
Anonymous
Like FauxAirBnB. No. Stop.
Anon
No, there is not a secret website where you can get away with breaking the law.
Cat
Take the train to Greenwich. Renting a car in Manhattan is a fool’s errand.
If you’re experienced Airbnb people – like you know how to pore through reviews and pictures – you might find something great. However with a group of 8 you might struggle to find a place with enough beds that’s not targeting a party crowd. They also s-ck for the neighborhood so I would encourage you to go for a hotel; maybe a large su-te would be more cost effective than 3 separate rooms?
Anon
Hotel rooms in NYC tend to be small unless you get an accessible room. Definitely go with 3 over 2.
Hollis
Yeah, I figured this was going to be an expensive trip – every place I’m looking at maxes out at 4 people per suite. If anyone has any specific suggestions on activities to book in advance, I’m all ears.
Anon
Staying in Manhattan is expensive. Consider staying in NJ and taking the train in. It’s not as glamorous, but glamor costs $$$$.
Anonymous
One more suggestion I’d add: Hotel rooms in MANHATTAN are tiny. Hotels in the outer boroughs are slightly more normal sized. If you are ok with the subway, I’d recommend the hotels in Long Island City. I’ve stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn (which I believe has suites) and the Aloft and their rooms are, while still a little on the small side, bigger than Manhattan. Easy walking distance from Queensboro Plaza, which is the first stop after Manhattan on the N. With the caveat that I haven’t been there since before Covid so things may have changed, the neighborhood is perfectly fine as long as you don’t go to the area immediately north of the bridge by the river (stick south of the train)
Anonymous
For those with anxiety what are some day to day techniques that work for you for calming yourself aside from meds, esp for late night anxiety? We’re figuring out meds but am told they don’t work instantly so you need to have coping techniques to.
FWIW we’ve discovered the root of much of my anxiety comes back to health though a few other things too. Like any symptom I worry is something bigger though I’m not someone who gets on the internet and starts researching. I worry how I’ll handle my health alone forever as I’m single probably forever at this point so no one to take care of me or help me. I worry that my health will keep me from truly advancing my career and taking on the challenging jobs, which it has in recent years. FWIW I do have a health challenge but I see the appropriate doctors and it’s mostly fine and the other symptoms that come up are things like reflux or stomach issues which are common after 40 and probably not helped by anxiety. And my anxiety tends to come on in the evenings or late night so going out shopping or for a walk isn’t an option at midnight. Change of scenery is the only coping mechanism I use routinely but it’s a day time thing.
Anon
I’m sorry. This is tough. I have some weird GI issues, and I used to panic that every symptom was really cancer in my esophagus and I would lose it. (And, as you know, anxiety just makes those particular symptoms worse, so it’s a nasty anxiety spiral.) Here’s what helped me. Try the “Calm” app for either guided or unguided meditations, or for sleep stories. Listen to them with airpods while laying in bed and doing deep breathing. Honestly, I fall asleep every time. 20 minutes of diaphragmatic breathing at intervals throughout the day may also help with your GI symptoms, in addition to the anxiety.
Also, having medication to help your physical symptoms – whether that is a ppi or another antacid or whether it is Zofran for nausea – helps a lot because it’s almost like having a crutch. I know it’s there to control the symptoms even if I rarely (or never) use it. It helped soothe my anxiety spiral a lot, and honestly I hardly used the ones my doctor gave me.
Lastly, sometimes playing something out to the worst case scenario would help me evaluate things a little more objectively and help me say ok realistically, what would happen. I would almost always realize things weren’t as bad as I was imagining. For example, if I felt a lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away, I would convince myself it was cancer. Then I would say, ok, so what if it is? And just talk myself through that. I don’t know if this would work for everyone but it helped me?
Health Anxiety
I could have written a lot of this comment. I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember, and it always increases at night, especially my health anxiety. I’m currently in therapy, and I started Lexapro a week ago, so hoping that helps.
My most important coping strategy is to make sure I’m setting myself up for a good evening. In other words, I try to eat a dinner that’s not going to upset my reflux but that will ensure I’m not hungry when I go to bed, do a consistent wind down routine, make sure my room is a good temperature, and I try to start settling in bed before I’m too tired because that feeling of being dizzy/sleepy sets me off sometimes. Then I use the Calm app and do a body scan meditation. This has helped me tremendously! It is a meditation that relaxes me and gets me sleepy, and also it helps my anxious brain understand that I’m not actually having a hard time breathing because I breathe just fine while I’m focused on my toes during the body scan. Plus it clues me into the fact that sometimes there are random sensations in parts of my body that will go away.
When I’m in more of a crisis mode, I’ve got an eye mask that I keep in the freezer because the cold will calm me down. So I’ll wear that and do block breathing for a while. Then sometimes I’ll play a mindless game on my phone that I only pull out to calm myself during high anxiety.
There’s a podcast called The Health Anxiety Podcast that also has some good principles in it. It’s helped me to think about what is behind the fear (for me, it is sadness and also the fear caused by a traumatic event in my childhood that happened at night). That is hard to do in the moment, but another technique he talks about that has helped was to think about whatever the root of the fear is and imagine the situation turned out differently. I’ve done that when having high anxiety and it helped me, though it was emotionally exhausting and sad, so I’d say only do that one if you’re feeling particularly resilient :)
Good luck on this journey. It’s really hard, and you’re doing great to recognize the issue and try to get a handle on it.
Anon8
I used to really struggle with health anxiety, still do sometimes. I also have chronic migraines and worry about them getting worse. Here are things that have helped to varying degrees (apologies in advance for the novel) –
– I used to freak out that every little symptom meant I had cancer/some life-threatening illness. In therapy I realized this came from people close to me dying young from cancer. That therapist also helped me understand that as a young, relatively healthy person if something is seriously wrong, my body will let me know loudly. E.g. a weird, mild pain for one day can be ignored vs. severe ongoing pain should be checked out.
– EMDR Therapy – this is the type of therapy I do now and I’ve found it to be incredibly effective for anxiety. While it was developed for people to process trauma, you don’t have to have a history of trauma for it to work.
– Meditation – has helped me gain some psychic distance from my anxious thoughts, and helped me to understand that just because I think something doesn’t make it true.
– Related, recognizing when my brain is “making up stories” or “trying to predict the future.” E.g. when I get a twinge of pain in my head and think “Oh no, a migraine is coming on, what do I do, will it be really bad? Will I be in bed for days?” That’s my brain trying to be a little fortune teller and predict the future. I remind myself that the human brain likes to make up narratives with any information and that no one can predict the future. Sometimes I even say this out loud. It really helps!
– Lexapro – I posted here that a while ago that I was nervous to start an SSRI. Well, it’s been almost seven weeks and I feel like I’m starting to get a really good therapeutic effect. Definitely worth it.
– Finally, my “one weird trick” for falling asleep. If I find myself anxiety spiraling in bed, I basically start thinking of a fanfiction story (this is extra weird considering I don’t read fanfic haha). But thinking of two fictional characters someone else established and trying to come up with a scenario and how they would behave distracts my brain enough that I fall right asleep.
Anon8
Very long comment in mod with what’s helped me, check back in a bit :)
Anon
Well, Xanax works instantly. I don’t like to rely on benzos, so I switched to OTCs (placebo effect is good enough for me).
Health anxiety is tricky because anxiety can be a symptom of health concerns or just what it feels like if our nice, caring doctors are still missing something and it’s creating cognitive dissonance. I unfortunately no longer trust the average doctor much with symptoms like reflux and stomach issues, since my team assumed I was getting these symptoms from too much stomach acid and treated accordingly. But when I was actually tested, testing showed very low stomach acid. Since starting treatment (and it wasn’t the first, second, or third specialist I saw who knew how to treat), my panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder have been basically cured. So for me the anxiety was largely a symptom of the health issue my doctors had missed, and then partly just that uncomfortable feeling of trusting professionals who are actually in over their heads. Two of the doctors who actually helped me confessed they simply hadn’t read the relevant research until they took the time to look it up. So I think next time I will be the person who gets online and looks things up myself.
Anon
I’m another Anon in this thread and I’m curious what OTC you’ve found? Do you mean Valerian?
Anon
I’m one of the people for whom GABA (the neurotransmitter, not gabapentin) worked similarly enough to Xanax that it could fool me. I know for some people it does nothing at all though! For me that was “rescue therapy,” but magnesium glycine is what I took regularly to help sleep and not feel revved up at night.
I would have been nervous to try Valerian, though I know some people find it helpful.
Anonymous
A bedtime routine. Books, meditation, skincare, no tv, no phone, no internet an hour before bed. And no alcohol at all.
Anonymous
Even though the ideas in this article are for children, you’ll find lots of them that you can also use as an adult:
37 Techniques to Calm an Anxious Child
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/37-techniques-to-calm-an-anxious-child_b_5829fe2ee4b057e23e31481f
AIMS
Two small things that work for me: 1) I identify what is happening, I.e., I’ll say to myself “oh my anxiety is acting up today!” and sort of just try to observe what thoughts i am having rather than panicking about them. 2) I try to come up with a phrase for late at night that reframes the issue a little in a way that is more positive or benign. For instance, if I’m worried about some physical symptom, I will say, “Making good health choices is so important!” – this helps my mind reframe the anxious thought into something less threatening. Sometimes I end up just repeating that over and over but I tend to fall asleep much quicker that way.
Anon
I had heard this advice a million times but didn’t really believe it until I experienced it myself… consistent exercise. I am a completely different person when I get consistent, hard exercise. If I start to get off track, I notice my moods and anxiety start to downward spiral, and a hard (e.g., increase heart rate, not strength training) workout really resets my brain. Exercise has such a clear mental health benefit for me that even my husband has picked up on it, and when I’m starting to become frayed, he’ll often suggest that he’ll watch the kids to encourage me to squeeze in a work out. Works every time.
AIMS
I think this is particularly helpful to health anxiety. This way when you have a random ache you can associate it with your work out as opposed to wondering if it’s —-, not to mention that when I put in a good work out, I can’t help but think ‘how sick could I be if I ran X miles today?’
Anon
I deal with anxiety (for me, it is an infinite ‘should’ list and a physical feeling feels like the feeling you get when someone/something surprises you and you get that ‘jump out of your skin’ adrenaline feeling, but at about 30% of that feeling, sometimes all day long).
What helps me the MOST is intense cardio – running primarily, also high effort sports like fencing and swimming. But I often can’t get started.
The other things that help are:
-making sure I have enough vitamin B and D (I take supplements since I can’t eat eggs and live in a northern climate)
-doing mindfulness exercises – this isn’t a one off, you have to build over time the release and mindful focus through a meditation practice
-somatic-focused exercises like legs up on chair or wall, bilateral stretching/visuals, cold item on the chest
Typos
One thing that helps me stop spiriling is listing 3 things I can feel (the texture of my jeans on my legs, of my jumper on my belly, the weight of my phone), 3 I can smell (my perfume, shampoo and the chips on my coworker’s desk), 3 sounds I’m hearing right now and the taste in my mouth (usually there aren’t 3). It’s fast and not disruptive. My therapist calls it a circuit breaker, a way to bring focus back to the present
Couple Anon
Have our first couples counselling session today, we’ve been struggling with communication for a while so I hope this is helpful. Is it weird to feel nervous?
Senior Attorney
I think you wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t feel a bit nervous! Best of luck!!
anon for this
We have our first one next week, and I am also nervous. Good luck – it’s such a big thing to take that step! Would love to hear from others who have gone down this road as to how to make it most productive. In our case it’s really about trying to find our way back to solid communication after 2 kids + pandemic, when we are both drowning. It helps to know that we are on the same page re: goals, at least.
Anon
Yes, totally normal! And good for you, and good luck.
Anon
Totally normal! Good luck! DH and I did one long session of couples counseling and just the act of framing our issues and concerns for an outside third party to understand had a HUGE impact on our ability to communicate- that was 2 years ago and we argue 90% less
Couple Anon
Update – I think it went really well and I’m glad we did it. We were both able to be open and honest and will be doing these sessions weekly at least to start out and see how it goes from there!
Anon
That’s great. Good luck! My spouse and I got in the habit of going out to dinner after couples therapy to continue the conversation, and it helped us a lot. That was early in our relationship, and we have now been together twenty years.
Anom
Anyone have opinions on mattresses? Is Tempurpedic worth it? Do you have a dupe you like? I like a firm mattress.
Cat
if you like a firm mattress, I don’t think Tempurpedic is for you. You could get a regular old mattress and add a thin foam topper for a lot less $$.
Health Anxiety
I LOVE my Tempurpedic! They do have firm versions, so you can certainly find one you like. I’ve got the hybrid, which is a medium firmness, but it’s still pretty firm. The one I got has some sort of cooling technology, so it doesn’t get super hot like the older models. It was quite expensive, and it’s very heavy, but I usually can’t feel my boyfriend flopping around on the other side of the bed, and it will last forever.
BB
+1 to everything you said. And as a bonus, you never have to flip the mattress!
Anon
I like a real mattress with coils and sprigs, etc. I’ve gone with the hotel collection at Macys last time I bought one – firm mattress with a pillow top. They’re more expensive but you sleep every night on them. Next time I’d order from the Four Seasons directly.
anon
I have the firm Tempurpedic with cooling technology and I never thought I could love something so much… We’re 4.5 years in and no sign of sagging or anything like that. We got a Sealy version some years ago and that thing was a waste – sagging within the first year. It was like getting in to bed in a hammock and you couldn’t get out.
Anon
So hot. I love the support of foam but I absolutely roast.
Anonymous
I’m a director in IT at a nonprofit, but not just technical (work a lot with implementing business strategy and am de facto product manager). I’d like my next job to be a step up (COO or CTO), and possibly in the for-profit world, where I’ve never worked so I’m a lot less familiar with classic business problems like, uh, how to sell things.
I have $5000 to use on training or certifications in the next year. Wondering if there are any specific or general classes etc you would recommend to position me for a next job? Online is great/preferred but could also go to an in-person location if needed temporarily.
Anon
For a next level job like you’re targeting, a class isn’t going to get you there. Work on moving up in your sector and at your company. If you don’t have a background in basic business finance, that could be an area to spend some time on.
Anonymous
Thanks! Agreed and am working on that too, just wondering given that I have this budget whether there’s something that can help.
Anon
put it towards a certificate in management, business leadership, or something similar. I’d never waste my own money on one of those programs, but I know some hiring panels at my job like to see credentials like that for any managerial role.
Anonymous
I work with a lot of for-profit IT people. You should move over into a direction/VP level role, learn the ropes then move into the executive role. You’ll be much more successful.
I used to be a chief product officer, and am currently a chief strategic officer. In both cases my partner was the CTO and I’ve been on the hiring team for the role for many years. We would not consider a nonprofit CTO, much less an IT director at a nonprofit, for an IT role. We would absolutely consider someone with your background for director role and I would only hire you if we had a good mentor. Your salary would likely double.
ALT
Following up on the china thread from yesterday: I will take any of your china sets that you all don’t want!!! Haha. I’ve been looking for new dishes and have wanted to find a full set of china at an estate sale but have been putting it off…you all just talked me into doing that this weekend!
Anonymous
I like Replacements for this.
Anon
I find replacements soooo expensive. You can get much better deals on eBay for sets. Replacements is good for when you just need that one saucer in a particular pattern to complete your set.
Anon
I use it for when one piece breaks or cracks.
Anonymous
Same. People are always like no one wants China it’s easy to find cheap full set. Specifically where?!?
Anon
Craigslist. I started looking last night after our thread (and I’m one of the posters with several sets) and I saw many that were tempting, including a Noritake “Ireland” set – so cute.
Generally, it’s going to be stuff with lots of flowers or other decorations on it, the kind of pattern that was more popular when maybe our grandmothers were collecting china. But I love it.
Senior Attorney
Good luck and happy hunting!
JMills
Charity resale shops and antique malls are the main ones; lots of selection.
JMills
Charity resale shops and antique malls.
Anon
Enjoy! I posted the Craigslist comment above. One thing to be aware of is that any china with metallic detailing is going to be microwave safe. That’s pretty much why we have all this china for nice dinners but corelle for everyday, because my husband and kids are just going to throw everything into the microwave.
I do happily wash all of my china in the dishwasher though. I think modern dishwashers and liquid dishwasher soap have made it much safer to do so.
Anon
*isn’t going to be microwave safe -doh!!
Off for another cup of coffee….
ALT
Haha I’m single and live alone so I am not worried about the microwave…glad to know the dishwasher is safe!
Thanks for all the ideas on where to look, friends!
Anon
My wedding china, which I selected a good 2 years before I even met my husband, was discontinued just before we got engaged. Through the magic of ebay, I now have enough china to feed more people than my house will hold. I love my china. So–ebay. I have fancy serving dishes I have never used, but I adore them anyway.
Anonymous
I found a set someone was selling on our neighborhood facebook group. Nextdoor always seems to have some listings for it as well.
Anon
Estatesales.net. You can check out photos before heading out, get an idea for what’s on offer.
Anon
As someone who walks to work, what recommendations do you have for lightweight work dresses? Business casual work place (only blazers for important meetings, but no jeans even on Fridays).
Cb
I feel like I have a reputation for this, but this is the whole point of a Lithuanian linen sack. I get mine off Etsy.
Anon
ugh yes unfortunately, everything I find that fits this description is more or less a sack, which is very much not the look I’m going for.
Anon
JCrew factory had some sleeveless shift work dresses earlier this summer that are light and easy to walk in. Plus, as shifts, they don’t cling to you. But they look work/office appropriate.
Senior Attorney
Banana Republic also has some good dresses this year.
Anon
I was just ogling the European linen shirt dress on Quince. I have a very similar dress that I actually bought in Europe for $300 ish, so the fact that theirs is $50 seems really good to me. I’d probably buy that in every color, but then again, I do like a uniform.
Anon
I think it’s very hard to pull off that dress
Anon
Huh, at first I thought you meant it was difficult to take the dress off but I don’t think that’s your meaning here.
I don’t have the quince one, I have the one I bought in Europe that is the same style, and though I am far from having the world’s most perfect body (far) I still think it’s very flattering and easy to wear. Maybe I’m fooling myself, but if so, I will keep doing so.
anon
Boden, but avoid all their midi/prairie dresses. Look on resale sites.
Laptop
I’m a lawyer, taking a fully remote job and I need new a laptop. Nothing fancy, just good for researching, drafting, emails, zoom calls, etc. Any recs?
anon
Microsoft Surface Pro X
anon
I’ve been really happy with my Surface Laptop for the past 4 years.
Anonymous
In contrast, I absolutely hate my work Surface laptop. My firm switched from Thinkpads to Surfaces and I really miss the Thinkpads. My main complaints about the Surface compared to the Thinkspads are crappy battery life, the lack of a track ball/kind of terrible track pad(I eventually just turned it off and only use a mouse unless I am traveling), and it struggles with hibernate mode, which I use a lot (hibernate it at work to leave a little early, go do late afternoon hobby, pick back up where I left off in the evening). My personal laptop is still a Thinkpad.
Anon
I work in tech as a consultant and need a reliable device. I decided Macs were no longer worth the money, and in 2019 I purchased a Surface. I really liked it until it had problems shortly after I purchased it. The replacement also had problems (battery issues). I got an LG Gram instead and have had zero issues with it. They are stunningly lightweight.
BB
How’s the hardware quality on the Surface laptops? I’ve been looking for a replacement for my Google Pixelbook. I really love the build quality of Macbooks (and the Pixelbook was similar) and have found almost all PC laptops to be way flimsier feeling. Like with my work Dell XPS it’s like I can feel all the separate components if that makes sense, but like the Macbook Air feels like a nice integrated thing? But I’m not a big Apple person, so would prefer to get a PC.
anon
In my opinion, the Surface Laptop is very nicely built. It’s definitely lighter and more slender than the beast of an HP laptop I was issued for work last year, but I have never felt like the physical components were rickety or flimsy. I worried when I bought it about how the area around the keyboard would hold up because it’s covered in some material that’s almost like upholstery or carpet, but it actually has been incredibly durable and it lends it a nice feel. It’s truthfully the nicest laptop I’ve ever owned (although that’s not necessarily saying much, because it’s also the most expensive laptop I’ve every bought.)
Anon
Check out the HP Envy. It’s a lot like a Macbook Air. I’ll never go back to Dell.
Anon
Does your job use Teams? My MacBook basically overheats and dies whenever I run Teams. I am not sure if this problem exists with the newer models.
anon
+1 Teams is horrifically designed and uses an obscene amount of memory. Definitely pay attention to the specs on your new computer if you have to use it.
Anonymous
I don’t think there is any computer that handles Teams well.
Anon
I have a Dell Vostro notebook for my small business. I’ve had it for two years and not one smidgen of trouble with it.
I have an external backup hard drive that was like $30 and I have it hooked up all the time when my laptop is on my desk so it can run nightly.
Anon
I also think you’re going to want an external monitor, keyboard, and mouse, but you can see how it goes. I have my laptop on a stand so I can use its screen as my email screen and my external monitor as my working screen.
Anon
For anyone with (or with a kid with ADHD) where it manifests by needing to run around to burn off energy, have any meds helped with this? Or behavior retraining? Kiddo’s aimless running (like how dogs get the zoomies) was cute as a kid but is getting lots of side-eye now that kiddo is older. No meds have ever seemed to work. Kiddo feels very conspicuous, especially this summer at sleep-away camp. We are contemplating having kiddo join a track team that is separate from school (practices in the evening, when the zoomies are the strongest), sort of how the bouncy kids get channeled into gymnastics. Kiddo is sort of on board since the zoomies are like sprinting (vs any sort of distance running).
Anon
All other things being equal (ie assuming the same results), exercise >>> medication. So track team after school, maybe a walk or shooting basketball hoops for a half hour around 8 pm.
anon
I have a kid on ADHD meds, and I would not medicate or add medication for this issue alone. The meds do help with body control, but they also have side effects like appetite suppression and difficulty sleeping. The evenings are exactly when you want a kid to be coming down from the medications, and there’s often a short withdrawal period when the symptoms are worse.
I’d probably channel that energy in a productive way–shooting hoops, evening track team, rock climbing gym or pool with evening hours, probably even a treadmill or stationary bike at home. I’d also ask the pediatrician for a referral to an occupational therapist. Ask the OT to develop with/for him a plan of exercises that help with this feeling (probably “heavy work”), including some that can be done in a limited area for situations like sleepovers and sleepaway camp.
Anon
Thanks — we were trying meds for the classic ADHD reasons (impulse control, attention just wandering wandering wandering). For a kid who isn’t hyperactive, this is described by the doctors more as pent-up need for release after keeping it together all day, which makes sense to non-ADHD me (and it’s more ADD, without the H, but they all call it ADHD #notadoctor). It seems to be common in kids with autism, but kiddo doesn’t quite test into ASD-1 (but is in the next zip code) and is in regular classes in a regular school.
anon@11:08
Talk to your doctor about switching medications. The zoomie feeling may be a side effect or withdrawal symptom of the medication, or the medication may just not be helping enough. There’s definitely some trial and error to finding the right type and dose of medication.
If the zoomie feeling is still happening at sleep-away camp, and this is a camp where he’s outside and active all day, then the solution doesn’t seem to just be “more” exercise. I’d definitely ask for at least a few sessions with an OT, who can work with him on identifying specific exercises for when he needs an outlet.
Anonymous
As you have intuited, the answer to this is late afternoon exercise. Track, cross country, swimming, etc. are all great. Even a rock climbing team that incorporates conditioning into practices can work. If kiddo is old enough and the meds are working well enough and kiddo has enough independent motivation to deal proactively with the ADHD, with some coaching they can even become self-aware enough to realize “oh, I feel antsy and need some exercise. I will go take a bike ride.”
Anne-on
Fwiw, my kid is ASD-1/ADHD-Innatentive type and it is not at all common for autism to present differently in those children. We only pursused a diagnosis because it was difficult to get our schools/therapists to take the need for social skills therapy seriously otherwise.
In addition to exercise can you identify something to tire his brain out? A teacher of mine in middle school led the chess club because he found it so helpful for his ADHD, I’ve hear piano/instruments in general or learning a foreign language (or coding!) can serve a similar purpose.
Anon
Is he possibly running around because of the meds? (I have ADHD inattentive/ADD and am in the next zipcode to ASD-1, and Ritalin sometimes helped me with ADHD and sometimes made me bounce off the walls buzzed.)
Anon
OP — I don’t think so. This has been going on for 8ish years, so way before trying any meds and no different with anything we’ve tried.
anon
No experience with ADHD but the exercise that makes me the most tired is swimming.
Minnie Beebe
Track team or swim team would both be good options, I would think. Swim is not as sprint-focused but it is hard work and burns a ton of energy, 4-6 days/week. Plus it is usually full year, so there’s no gap over the winter.
Lil
Younger kid with ADHD but I’ve heard of some success with a post dinner bike ride for older kids.
Anon
I think track is an awesome idea! My understanding is that running is great for ADHD and a good habit to take into adulthood with it.
eh230
I would brainstorm with him on ways to channel the energy. My son is Autistic and has endless energy. He’s not a big outdoors person and is not interested in running, but things that have worked for us: super fast scooter riding (I think a bike would work too), drums (we have both regular drums and an electric set of drums), a giant beanbag/love sac thing that he can crash into, a kid sized wrestling dummy, a swing/hammock. I would also brainstorm with him on ideas for when he is in a situation where zoomies aren’t appropriate but he can’t focus without the sensory input (like school or camp). Fidgets could work or a wiggle seat. Good luck!
Anon
Another vote for swimming! Michael Phelps has talked about the benefits of swimming with regards to his ADHD. It’s a great physical and mental exercise. Many people I swam with that said similar things about their own ADHD
anomanom
I have a friend who got her teenage son with ADHD through high school by working with the school to get him two gym periods a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Breaking up his day like that got him to graduation with a B average instead of the c/d he was tracking prior to that adjustment. So I think finding a way to channel this into a structured activity sooner rather than later is a fantastic way to teach him his own coping mechanisms. I work with adults who are amazing at their intense jobs, as long as they get their hour run in the morning. Otherwise its like trying to work with a distracted puppy.
Anon
Hahaha our schools have gym one quarter a year and then every other day.
Nesprin
Individual sports like running, swimming etc are great. Martial arts also great for ADHD- there’s exercise + enough structure to help for some people.
But whether you can medicate/retrain your hyperactive kid out of needing exercise? No.
Anonymous
I would love this wise group’s thoughts about how to address feeling “off.” I have been feeling that way for the past few months and it feels odd because I cannot attribute it to anything in particular (although I did recently accomplish a huge goal and perhaps that has left a void?). I am doing the things I typically do (eating well, exercising, and spending time with my husband, siblings, and friends). I recently had my annual exam and everything is fine health wise. Yet, I feel “off” or like something is bothering me that I cannot identify. I am scheduled to speak to a therapist but they are not available until September (even scheduling time with my company’s EAP would take three or four weeks because they are apparently backed up as well). Has anyone felt this way? If so, what helped?
anon
I always, always get mildly depressed after accomplishing a huge goal. I’ve learned to expect it. It’s like energy depletion after an intense sprint. I usually cope with it by leaning into it and doing hours of mindless, meditative activities without guilt. I might spend a week of evenings doing a puzzle with Friends on in the background. Read lots of stupid YA fantasy books. Or go on slow, easy walks for hours. When I feel that way I truly do not have the energy or motivation to do anything that requires enthusiasm or real concentration.
In your shoes I would do the same and just try to wait it out.
blueberries
When I’m feeling out of sorts, hiking in nature helps. Even better if I can hike with a friend. In a pinch, walking in an area of my city with lots of trees is also good.
anon for this
It’s burnout.
I don’t have any magical solutions, but it helps me to just name it.
Bonnie Kate
I think it’s really natural to go through these phases or seasons. It really makes sense to me that you have a void after the huge accomplishment and for a bit feel a bit driftless or off. My best friend and I remind each other fairly frequently when we’re going through an off season that it’s just a season or phase, we’ll move into a new one naturally.I’m not a super woo woo person, but I do enjoy very very loosely following the moon cycle and celebrating season changes just for this reminder. I think realizing that it’s normal to have these seasons and not forcing everything to be at the same level allows me to release anxiety around different off seasons. Since you’re doing the practical things like getting checked by a doctor and scheduling talking to a therapist, in the meantime I’d keep doing what you’re doing.
Also, just anecdotally from my friends, a lot of us feel off this summer. The world is a lot to deal with right now.
Anon
Does anyone have a great peach cobbler recipe? I know I can adjust the sugar, but I tend to prefer recipes that aren’t overly sweet.
anon a mouse
We use the one from the Fannie Farmer Baking Book – it’s topped with very lightly sweet biscuits (I usually cut the sugar in half from this, even, because we are adding vanilla ice cream). That book is absolutely worth owning for the peach cobbler and pancake recipes alone, but here’s the cobbler online:
https://grabbingthegusto.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/peach-cobbler/
Anonymous
It’s probably too sweet for you, but from my favorite peach farm (Yes, I have a favorite peach farm. I also have a favorite peach variety. I’m from Georgia): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip29idmcCps
Anonymous
This GA resident just clicked the link to make sure you had the correct favorite peach farm. And yes, you do.
Jules
I haven’t tried this one yet, just pulled off NYT today. But it’s a crumble, which may not be what you have in mind.
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1023325-vegan-peach-crumble?smid=pin-share
Anon
I use the smitten kitchen apricot breakfast cobbler for all stone fruit. It’s not too sweet!
Anon
Low stakes question: what to buy movers for lunch? Pizza? Subway?
Anon
No pork meat pizza and a cheese pizza. It’s so much easier and can be delivered right on time for their break. Ask the company first, some may not allow it and some just may not want to be fed/bring their own lunch.
Nonny
Seriously injured (severe fatigue) and need to move across town (19 miles away) by November and because Covid risk cant have people over to help pack. Have never used movers but I have to this time because I cannot lift boxes/move furniture any more. My question: Please, what tips/resources do you readers have on how to evaluate movers (what criteria should I use to hire them?) , what to watch out for, what expenses to expect for movers (Minneapolis, MN which is HCOL)? I want to do as much decluttering/packing by myself as early as possible so tips on that would be really helpful too (eg. how to pack mirrors, framed pictures with glass, table lamps,. Last, I have read that I should have 2-3 days of daily use items with me in case things go wrong with the move. What should I have for the first days of the move other than cosmetics, clothes, tolitries/towels, first aid kit, sheets/pillow, vitamins, food/snacks, vital documents, tp/paper towels/kleenex, paper plates/cups/silverware, duct tape/sissors/tools? Thanks very much for any help you can give!!
Anne-on
Has anyone done a solo stay at Canyon Ranch/Miraval (or someplace similar)? I didn’t get to celebrate a milestone birthday during covid so I’m thinking of taking myself to either Arizon/CA to just relax/recuperate and mindfully plan for the next ‘phase’ of my life. My kid is getting older and I want to make sure there’s a ‘me’ there when the the intensive parenting years are over. I’m not (at all) a ‘woo’ person, so angel readings/chakra alignments aren’t my speed but meditation/yoga/journaling/massages/nature hikes (with yummy food/wine) all sound good. One wrinkle – I’m pretty private/introverted so I don’t really want it to feel like adult camp – I want to be able to do my own thing without any peer pressure to be a part of the group.
Would those venues scratch that itch? Or would someplace else be better?
Anon
I was supposed to go solo to Miraval Tucson in January of this year but canceled due to Omicron (my kid was too young to be vaxxed at the time and I didn’t want to bring it back to her). I’m hoping I can go in the next couple of years. With the caveat that I haven’t actually been, I don’t think Miraval is ‘adult summer camp’ vibes at all. There are lots of activities (including yoga/hiking/aqua aerobics/horses), but it seemed like no one would bother you if you wanted to spend all your time reading by the pool or in your casita. I’m not woo-y either and also very introverted, and Miraval seemed like exactly what I was looking for. A lot of people here love Rancho La Puerta in Mexico but that seemed too adult summer camp-y to me when I looked at the website and online reviews.
Monte
I’ve done Canyon Ranch in AZ alone. Not at all an adult camp vibe. I made a couple of friends who I would have lunch with, but I did my own thing in terms of a ton of hiking, some sunrise yoga, and a massage. I am an introvert also and it was easy to avoid others if you wanted and absolutely no peer pressure that I experienced.
Anonymous
I went to Ojo in Sante Fe: https://ojosparesorts.com/ojo-santa-fe/
I went before the pandemic to relax after a tough few months at work and it was wonderful. I am an introvert and felt completely comfortable — not at all like adult camp. I hope to go back when I can take time away from work and the pandemic is not surging.
Anon
Ready for the weekend after a week of feeling down about work. It’s been one of those weeks where you find issues that go back 6 or more months. And the kind that seem so obviously wrong once you do see them. How did these things not even register as wrong 6 months ago?? And fixing the issues is it’s own time drain away from other deadlines and regular work.
I have lunch scheduled for delivery, plans to take a walk after work and watching an episode or two of a new show. Hope everyone else has time planned to decompress and find space again.
Bonnie Kate
oooh commiseration that was my week last week. Hugs. you have the perfect plan. I took off early last friday – just had to quit for the week – and watched episodes of Yellowstone all afternoon. This week was way better.
Amber
I can relate to this so much!! Good for you for having these nice plans to look forward to – enjoy!
PCOS Sufferer
I just got prescribed Wegovy (at my two years past due annual physical) and I’m thrilled. Doctor said I’m a prime candidate. I want to do a little more reading before I get going, but I actually have hope related to weight loss and feeling good, which is a first. I will supplement with WW, which I recently joined. Here’s to hoping and optimism!!
Anon8
Yay! Good luck and report back! That feeling of optimism on a Friday is just the best.
Anonymous
Good luck! It worked for me and I wish the same for you. Life-changing, actually.
weight loss meds
If your insurance will cover it, have your doctor prescribe Ozempic instead. Identical medication, but there’s a shortage on Wegovy right now and you literally can’t start it – the first three doses are unavailable. they are telling doctors not to write any Wegovy rxs for new patients.
I have been taking Ozempic since March and can say it’s practically life changing. Happy to chat if you’d like (malkiyyah13 @ the mail of G, or there are also some great FB support groups for it).
Ribena
Cued by seeing a couple of moths in my flat (and also hoping to move soon), I want to do a massive wardrobe purge and also a declutter of my bookshelves and yarn cupboard. I have two problems:
1) how do I know how many clothes is *enough*? This is exacerbated by the fact that I find it really hard to imagine the weather being anything else than I’m experiencing right now, which gives me a tendency to forget that I need winter clothes when it’s summer outside (and vice versa) – I think of this as related to the object impermanence of ADHD
2) how do you downsize collections when everything sparks joy?
AIMS
For no. 2, the only thing that works for me is to find someone else who it might spark joy for, even if it’s a stranger. I find it much easier to give away things I love than to just toss them.
Anon8
Yes! I felt guilty about getting rid of a dollhouse my late grandparents made from my mom and passed down to me, but since I’m not having kids it’s just been in storage. The idea that another child will get to play with it gives me a lot of joy and made it much easier to part with.
Cat
If you have some time, box up the stuff that’s B list and let it sit before you get rid of it. If you go a year without seeking it out, it’s officially ready to go.
MagicUnicorn
This is what I do, but I don’t bother with the box. As a habit I hang all my clean clothes at one end of the hanger rod in my closet. I periodically look at stuff that’s gathering dust at the other end to see what it is in season but unworn. I then decide whether I want to work those into my outfits that week. If I don’t like it enough to do that, it’s gone. If yes, and if I enjoyed wearing it, I keep it. If I didn’t like wearing it, it’s gone.
Anon
I only get rid of things I haven’t been wearing. I live in basically a two season climate (Bay Area) and have a small closet, so I change out my clothes twice a year. When I’m changing them out, if I haven’t worn something for an entire season, I have to have a really, really good reason for keeping it, or out it goes. (Formal wear and dressy business wear excepted because I do have a good reason – the best/worst reason – for not having worn those!!)
Anonymous
1. How much space do you have to store clothes in a way that’s not overwhelming to you? That’s the top limit of your “enough” amount.
How many work/lounge/casual/workout items do you need to get you from one laundry day to another? That’s the bottom number of your “enough” amount. Where you decide to land between those two numbers is your choice.
I have a small closet and a low threshhold for what I find overwhelming, so I have fewer clothes than someone with a larger closet or a larger tolerance for seeing tons of items all packed together.
2. If everything sparks joy, then that’s not a useful criteria for you, so don’t bother with it. Instead, I’d again look at how much space you want to use to store books and to store yarn. You keep whatever fits in that amount of space, and get rid of whatever doesn’t fit into the space. I’ve decided books have to fit one deep on my current bookshelves (nothing stacked or stored anywhere else, and no buying more shelves), so that limits the books I keep. I have space for one bin of sewing supplies, which limits my stash of fabric. If you want to stack 8 bins of yarn in the corner of your bedroom, then that’s your limit. If you’d prefer to have that corner empty but have room for 2 bins in the hall closet, then 2 bins is your limit.
Anon
Thanks all for helping me figure out how to get library books to my kindle. It really was easy, the problem was that my library card was expired (intentionally, annoying) so yesterday I went and got a new one.
I was looking at recent book recommendations but most of them have hold lists a mile long, so….
What is your favorite book or books you read last year or the year before? If they really stuck with you and you still remember them, I figure that’s a good sign.
anon
Gideon the Ninth and its sequel, Harrow the Ninth, really stuck with me. I very much enjoyed The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue in the moment, but it was kind of a soap bubble – once read, I didn’t find myself thinking about it further.
Anon
Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
The Maid by Nita Prose
Station Eleven and Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel
anon
This is not a new book, but I recently read Ann Patchett’s State of Wonder and loved it. I think about it a lot, still.
roxie
this is one of my top 5 all-time faves. I re-read every couple of years.
OP, I’d add Circe and Monsters of Templeton to my recommendation list!
And seconding the Hamnet recommendation below, as well as basically all Taylor Jenkins Reid books!
Anon
I really enjoyed the Namesake, thanks to someone’s recommendation here.
Gail the Goldfish
The Ten Thousand Doors of January and Where the Crawdads Sing, though with the movie coming out, that one may have a waitlist. If you like fantasy, the Shadow and Bone series and the Daevabad Trilogy (starts with City of Brass)
Anon
Oh I did eventually get really into the Daevabad Trilogy. I didn’t love all of the writing choices, but it was so imaginative I was having dreams about it.
Anon8
Oh I did eventually get really into the Daevabad Trilogy. I didn’t love all of the writing choices, but it was so imaginative I was having dreams about it.
ALT
Anything by Monica Hesse and also the Pillars of The Earth series by Ken Follett
MagicUnicorn
A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles
Dark Matter and Recursion, both by Blake Crouch
Anon
Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi
Cloud Cuckoo Land, Anthony Doerr
Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, VE Schwab
Hamnet, Maggie O’Farrell
Goldiggers, Sanjena Sathian
River of Doubt, Candice Millard
Jules
Loved:
The Midnight Library
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
The Love Songs of W.E.B. Dubois (well, I did not love the main contemporary character but the wider historical story is breathtaking and heartbreaking)
The House in the Cerulean Sea
City of Girls
Fledgling
The Other Black Girl (can’t say that I absolutely loved it, but it is very thought-provoking)
If you like thrillers, anything by Ruth Ware, Paula Hawkins, B.A. Paris, Lucy Foley, Catherine Steadman or the queen of them all Barbara Vine (a pen name of Ruth Rendell. Anthony Horowitz’s mystery series (featuring a fictionalized version of himself) that starts with The Word is Murder is fun. Going way back, Kate Atkinson’s Jackson Brodie series starting with Case Histories – mysteries, I suppose, but really genre-transcending. Rom-com-ish mysteries that are light and funny: Finley Donovan is Killing it and its sequel (forgot the name). Offbeat romance: The Rosie Project.
Jules
Some of these I read long before last year, sorry for not understanding the assignment. :/
Jules
Reposting, since my original comment is stuck in mod due to a triggering word.
oved:
The Midnight Library
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
The Love Songs of W.E.B. Dubois (well, I did not love the main contemporary character but the wider historical story is breathtaking and heartbreaking)
The House in the Cerulean Sea
City of Girls
Fledgling
The Other Black Girl (can’t say that I absolutely loved it, but it is very thought-provoking)
If you like thrillers, anything by Ruth Ware, Paula Hawkins, B.A. Paris, Lucy Foley, Catherine Steadman or the queen of them all Barbara Vine (a pen name of Ruth Rendell. Anthony Horowitz’s mystery series (featuring a fictionalized version of himself) that starts with The Word is Murder is fun. Going way back, Kate Atkinson’s Jackson Brodie series starting with Case Histories – mysteries, I suppose, but really genre-tr***cending. Rom-com-ish mysteries that are light and funny: Finley Donovan is Killing it and its sequel (forgot the name). Offbeat romance: The Rosie Project.
Anon
Thank you! I wanted to know that I saw your post and I don’t care if you didn’t understand the assignment. I have read and enjoyed many of the books you recommended so I think we have similar tastes!
Anonymous
The Giver of Stars
A Gentleman in Moscow
This Tender Land
American Dirt
Valentine
The Nightingale
An.On.
You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey (humor, nonfiction)
She Who Became the Sun (historical fiction)
Heartless (historical romance)
The Sun Down Motel (mystery)
Authors in general: Jane Harper (Australian mystery); Katherine Arden (fantasy & children’s horror)
Anon
My five star reads from
2022 (so far): This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub, Love and Ruin by Paula McLain, The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai, Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel, Mercy Street by Jennifer Haigh, The Smash Up by Ali Benjamin, Empire of Pain by Patrick Radden Keefe
2021: We Are Not Like Them by Christine Pride and Jo Piazza, Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty, Great Circle by Maggie Shipstead, Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Recursion by Blake Crouch, Molokai by Alan Brennert, Anxious People by Fredrik Backman
2020: The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, Friends and Strangers by J. Courtney Sullivan, A Place for Us by Fatima Fahreen Mirza (this is my #1 book from the last three years), The Condition by Jennifer Haigh, Long Bright River by Liz Moore, Rodham by Curtis Sittenfeld, The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel, Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner, Know My Name by Chanel Miller, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb, Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout, She Said by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey
The year is when I read them, not necessarily when they were published. I read a lot and don’t give 5 stars to many, so this is the best of the best for me.
And since a couple people recommended State of Wonder, I will say I generally enjoy Ann Patchett (she’s not my favorite, but usually a solid 3.5-4 star author for me) and State of Wonder is without a doubt in my top 10 most hated books of all time. I wanted to throw the book across the room when I finished it. So don’t give up on Patchett completely if you hate that one. It’s VERY different than her other books.