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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This micro-pleated silky top from The Reset looks like an elevated way to embrace the ribbed-fabric trend that we’ve been seeing for the last year or two. The silhouette is very simple, but the texture gives it a little something special.
I love tops like this for wearing under suits, but it would also look fantastic paired with denim for a very casual office.
The blouse is $198 at The Reset and comes in sizes XS-XL. It’s also available in black.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
How is Me and Em from a height perspective? I am 5-4, so the length may be too long but I’m increasingly finding that my torso must be very short because when there is a defined waist it is down over my stomach and there is no way to alter that. If it is geared to taller people, what would work for me? It’s so bad with recent clothes that a girls 16-18 or XL fits me better than adult clothes (I’m pretty flatchested).
Anon
I’m also 5’4 but long waisted so their clothing technically works on me but is VERY long. I find that they cut for someone who is at least 5’6 if not 5’8 – which seems to be true of most UK brands. I don’t think it would work for you, especially as many of their clothes are jersey/technical fabrics which are a huge pain to do major alterations on for waist/bust seaming.
Anonymous
Look at the Melissa Merell styling videos on youtube, she wears quite a bit of ME+EM and she’s 5-3, I think. She describes the fit in detail.
US credit cards in Europe
I’d appreciate a common knowledge double check. I’m headed to Europe for the first time. For credit cards, I should be looking for a card that has no foreign transaction fees and no currency conversion fees. Is there something else I should be on the alert for? Thanks!
Ses
You may want one that rewards travel in addition to the features you’ve listed. Chase Sapphire reserve or preferred (depending on your tolerance for fees) are good ones to look at.
They also were good when card was stolen overseas – they shipped a replacement card to my hotel… but that was 10 years ago so not a recent experience.
Anonymous
They’re pretty commonplace in the US these days, but using Apple Wallet or card with chip technology so you can use “tap to pay”. Some places will still require a signature on receipt since we don’t use PIN technology, but on our past few trips almost everything was tap to pay.
Cat
Correct. Consider a travel rewards card.
Tip- always choose the local currency when checking out, if you’re given a choice of that or USD. Your card will convert at the actual exchange rate, but the merchant’s USD total is almost always going to be at a worse rate.
Anon
I bought a purse at Chanel in Paris once, and the sales clerk was steering me towards choosing USD. I asked her if one was better than the other, and she snapped at me and told me she couldn’t tell me. She looked so disgusted with me. I chose EUR, and it saved me about $50!
Ses
Good advice! And clerks at stores will often tell you to choose USD and that’s always the wrong answer (assuming your cc doesn’t charge a fee for foreign currency transactions).
I’ve had a clerk actually push the USD button for me before! So now I’m on guard for that so I can prevent them. It can make a huge difference if your purchase is expensive.
Anon
Yes in Europe it’s not uncommon for them to push the USD button on the machine. Make sure the charge goes through in Euro for the better rate.
Anonymous
Oh, wow! I’m not from the US, but have never had that happen anyplace in Europe. I’ve even had people reminding me to choose my home currency.
Anon
Well, I’m American and they could tell that, so they were essentially telling me to choose my home currency. But that’s not the optimal thing to do if you have a credit card with no foreign transaction fees.
Ses
Yeah, Anon it’s probably not optimal for you to choose your home currency if your card doesn’t have foreign transaction fees.
This is the same error the clerks are making with Americans when they tell them to use USD.
Always choose the local currency of your card doesn’t charge foreign transaction fees (although I’ve seen that a lot of UK credit cards *do* charge these fees so in your case home currency might be right)
Anonymous
Also, when paying, if asked if you want to convert to your home currency at the point of sale, the answer is no. You’ll just pay an extra fee for no reason for this.
anon
I haven’t been in about a decade. Back then, I needed to have a chip and pin (not chip and signature!) card in order to pay for some things where there was no cashier or it was unduly cumbersome to wait in line for a cashier versus using a machine to pay (toll road in Spain, unmanned train station in a small village in Switzerland, etc). They didn’t take my friends’ chip and signature cards and it was pre-Apple Pay. Back then, there were just a few US institutions that offered such a card.
I have no clue if this is still a thing. I imagine even if it is still a thing, it won’t be an issue if you’re sticking with the usual kinds of things one does on a first trip that isn’t to visit family/friends in small villages.
Anon
Yes, you want a no-foreign transaction card that also does not charge a fee on currency conversion.
I have a BOA card for this, and have had no problems. However, if you use ApplePay, I’ve been able to tap to pay at nearly every place that accepts cards in France, Spain, Germany, Switzerland, Sweden, and Denmark in the past 3ish years. I have not been charged a foreign transaction fee or conversion fee using ApplePay, even when I am using my “regular” US credit card.
If you’re in a place that prioritizes cash payment (looking at you, Germany), I’d suggest a separate checking account that is not tied to your primary account that also doesn’t charge ATM fees internationally. I use Scwhab for this, and it’s been great. I just keep a small amount in the checking account so that I can get cash while I’m there, and take that debit card + my preferred credit card with me on the trip.
Anonymous
if you had a chance to work half time in Q4 and make the same amount you did in 2023, or work the same amount in Q4 as usual (federal holidays off, no vaca) and make an bonus of 10% of your annual comp, what would you do? Your decision will not impact work or pay in 2025.
I am tired. Slowing down sounds tempting. But I am trying to figure out if slowing down would be making a stupid choice.
Cb
Can you be really disciplined about not working any more than halftime? In academia, I warn colleagues coming back from mat leave that 80% is a trap. I’d do it for more time, particularly over the holidays. And if you feel like you’re on the verge of burnout. But are there going to be any consequences, ie perceived as less ambitious?
Anon
If my business was doing well and I specifically had some skill set or expertise that few others could replace me in doing, I would definitely do half time. In this economic environment and my current role, that’s not true for me, so right now if forced to choose I’d do the 10% more.
Ses
I would one-million-percent choose half-time at the 2023 pay.
I’m at a stage in my career where there’s no immediate advancement possible at my current employer, and it’s not quite time to change jobs. One quarter won’t change my long term career prospects, but oh boy would I love the extra time.
I’d fill it with hobbies, personal projects and leisure and come to 2025 ready to buckle down.
Anon
Half time for sure.
anon
Is this bc you’ve hit a billable target and are able to take your foot off the gas, or is it a more formal 50% work arrangement? If the former, I don’t think I’d announce a change to my work patterns or anything, but I would certainly feel free to quietly bill less and/or take some longer vacations for the rest of the year. If the latter, that sounds amazing, and I’d do it in a heartbeat, especially since you need the break.
Op
Billable hours target. And in a year when my firm has a large contingent fee recovery from a soon-to-retire-partner coming in (guaranteed). That fee will generate a 10% bonus to all who hit their hours. The vast majority of my work is short-term projects (not emergencies, like 1-2 week turn) and I have the ability to delegate a lot of my workload to partners who really want more hours to hit the next level of hours. Delegating takes time and effort so I wouldn’t be off on sabbatical or anything, but I very realistically could work half time and take a couple trips or vacations (checking email 2x/ times a day type thing). If I kept working my normal I would easily hit the next tier of hours which equals a 10% bonus.
Anon
Let’s put numbers to this, because option 2 is bonkers. They aren’t paying you enough.
Assume you make $60,000 per quarter or $240,000 per year. Assume you work 50 hours per week. (Adjust as needed.)
Option 1: $60,000 in Q4 for 25 hours per week of work, or $200/hour.
Option 2: $60,000 plus $24,000 (10% of annual comp) for 50 hours per week of work. It’s $140/hour but that’s the wrong way to think about it. You earn $60k for the first 25 hours per week, and $24k for the next 25 hours per week. Those additional hours are paid out at $80/hour.
Op
Thank you for this perspective – I have been trying to put numbers on it. Struggling to do so.
jacket
For me, I think it would depend on how tired I am, and what I might do with the money. We have some big purchases coming up – I could use some extra cash to buy them outright rather than financing them. But if it was just going into a bank account to sit, I may be less inclined, especially if I was feeling particularly burned out.
Anon
The upshot of it all is that your first half of the week is paid out at 100% of salary, and the next half is paid out at 40% of that rate.
It gets worse when you consider the marginal tax rate. Unless you need the money, it makes no sense.
Anon
I’m always for working less. I love my job but I love my hobbies more!
S
Half time — for sure.
Anon NYC
It’s only for one quarter so if you will truly be part time, it’s a no brainer. Give yourself a break.
Cb
Happy Sally Rooney pub day to those who celebrate! My local bookshop did the full works and there’s something fun about those zeitgeisty moments.
Anon
I really want to like Sally Rooney but the lack of quotation marks, I can’t deal. It just seems so pretentious.
Anon
I don’t know if it was you or someone else who posted about that here before, but I’ve read and loved all her books and never even really noticed it.
The stylistic quirk I can’t stand is when authors just don’t include any breaks or the chapters are hours long. I just read a book that was basically one long chunk of text, with paragraph breaks but nothing else, and it seriously biased me against the book, as it feels inconsiderate of the reader (there didn’t seem to be any good reason not to break it up story wise, but I guess it was a deliberate tonal choice?).
Anon
Same, I never noticed the lack of quotes until I read a comment about it here!
That said, she’s not my favorite author. I adored Normal People but couldn’t connect with the characters in any of her other books.
Anonch
Liz Moore (Long Bright River) does this and doesn’t bother me at all. Sally Rooney does this and it drives me bonkers.
Anon
I don’t think Liz Moore does this, at least not in all of her books. I have God of the Woods on my nightstand right now (just finished; it was so good!!) and there are quotation marks.
Anonch
God of the Woods is so good! I was referring to Long Bright River. She uses dashes to indicate speaking instead of quotation marks.
Anon
Yes! I just read Liz Moore and I didn’t even notice!
Anon
How fun! I’m very excited to read this one.
Richard Powers also has a new book out today which I can’t wait to read!
Cb
She’s not my favourite author in the world, but I do appreciate the cultural moments her work creates. Beautiful World came out when I was exploring a new city (before splitting my time between home and there) and I remember walking around with my copy and seeing other women with it, and feeling a sense of connection.
My literary tastes are pretentious though.
Anon
Same here, all around. I really enjoy reading a book that is “of the moment” sometimes, and my tastes are painfully pretentious sometimes.
Anon
This is such a pretty top, but $200 for polyester!!!
Anonymous
Exactly what I was thinking! No way, it’s Shein territory and the price is ridiculous.
Anon
I like sweaters from this brand, but I wait for sales.
anon
BRF has something really similar for like $40.
Anonymous
it isn’t even lea-tha
PolyD
LOLOLOLOLOL
Anonymous
I realize this has some nice details, but functionally how is it better than the Quince silk tops at 25% of the price? Even if you think the Quince quality is bad (I’ve had great luck with these tops but I see other opinions), you could replace them multiple times for the money.
Anon
I’m a general quince hater but this is what they’re good for – tops that are basically worn under something else where the cut matters less. I have a few of their versions of this for under blazers where the blazer is the star of the outfit.
Anon
Yes, this is a spot on review of Quince.
Anon.
I hate the way the cut of my one Quince shell lays under my jackets. It scruches up weirdly.
Anonymous
Agree. Plus I always think of plisse as more of an evening fabric. Looks like the sort of thing I would buy but never use because my day is either too casual or it’s a dressy enough even that I want to wear something more special. And $200 for plisse is bonkers.
Anon
Sweaty AND clingy! And overly expensive. A triple jackpot.
Anonymous
I have some time to kill in Hudson Yards today before a dinner – any coffee shop recs?
Anon
Daily Provisions (technically it is in Manhattan West).
NYNY
I’d poke around Mercado Little Spain. It’s a food hall-ish thing from Jose Andres with multiple kiosks with different Spanish foods and drinks, plus some shopping and fun people watching.
Cora
I’m redoing my WFH setup a bit. I put my laptop on a small stand and unearthed an old keyboard and mouse. I’m realizing that I’m not used to using a mouse now! I see that you can buy a Mac separate keyboard and track pad (instead of mouse). Does anyone use those? How are they?
Anonymous
I also think I need a wrist rest or something in front of my keyboard. Any recs?
Anon
Huh? What do you use if not a mouse?
test run
If you’re used to working exclusively on a laptop, then just the trackpad.
Anon
Oh that’s so outside my comprehension! I cannot imagine the eye strain or being able to work off a laptop exclusively.
Anon
+1
Are people really working on laptops without using a monitor??
Anon
Yes. Phone is my second monitor.
Cora
Yes. Plenty of people do
Anon
Yes, some people are working exclusively on laptops.
anonn
the horror when I found out our local school district teachers have never had monitors or keyboards during Covid. we really do not care about teachers, or kids.
Anon.
I now bring my mouse when I travel with my laptop. I can never go back to trackpad only! And I am really tempted to get one of those baby laptop travel monitors but I don’t travel enough to justify the expense.
Anon
Trackpads kill my hand. I always use a mouse, even when just using a laptop without a monitor. There are plenty of wireless ones that work on pretty much any surface.
Anonymous
Yeah, I am developing arthritis due to using track pads and phone so much.
Anon
Oh wow. I had to switch to trackpads because the mouse was so hard on me that I needed a bunch of PT for it in my mouse hand.
Anon
I have hand issues, or Hand Issues, and I’m sad that the good old fashioned trackball style mouse has gone out of style. They have always been best for my hand and wrist. Only issue is when tech people have to visit my desk to fix something and can’t figure out the mouse!
Anon
Keyboard shortcuts FTW! I am not exclusively mouse-free but rely on it less the more keyboard shortcuts I learn.
Anon
I used to dock my Mac and used the separate trackpad. It was great – works just like the one on the laptop.
Anonymous
The mac trackpad is great, but even better: a rollermouse to keep in front of your computer.
anon
Have you been to Colonial Williamsburg? I’m thinking of taking my family (DH, me, and kids 5th and 2nd grader) in for 2-3 nights October from DC. Yep, we’re local and have never been and this feels like a great time in regards to weather and the 5th grader’s curriculum. Seems like there are lots of activities and events , any highlights we shouldnt miss? Also, hotels seem pretty pricey, any deals to look out for? Thanks!
Anon
Yes. Dont go homecoming weekend or it will be very expensive and very crowded. The colonial houses you can rent through CW are great and then everything will be walkable. Otherwise, things are much cheaper not in CW. Cheese Shop sandwiches are the best. There is a Baskin Robbins in Merchants Square also.
Anonymous
Order Cheese Shop sandwiches by phone for pickup at the side window to avoid the insane lines.
BeenThatGuy
I did this with my son around that age. We had a blast! We stayed at the Kingsmill Resort. You can absolutely do Colonial Williamsburg in one day (lots of walking). Try a Ghost Tour at night. Hit Jamestown on another day. And maybe Busch Gardens another?
Z
No recs but I wanted to go to Colonial Williamsburg so badly when I was a kid. My parents vetoed it because it gets so hot there in the summer.
Anonymous
We went this summer with our family (also 5th and 2nd grade). The Lodge is walkable and decent accommodations. It also has parking, which is nice because you otherwise need to either grab a limited spot, or park offsite and take a shuttle to the main area. We went to Christiana Campbell Tavern and I was underwhelmed. I remember going when I was little and I think it was better then (and it’s not just childhood memory, my mom confirmed). Billsburg Brewery is closer out to Jamestown (which you should also check out) and a good escape from the touristy stuff. Decent beer, non-alcoholic slushes, and good food trucks.
Anon
Those are great ages to go. I don’t know if you need 3 days, but 2 sounds good. We spent 1 day when I was a kid (age 12 in 1995) and there were a few things we didn’t see.
My parents bought me a simple silver bangle from the village silversmith as a souvenir, and I still wear it regularly!
Anon
October is the perfect time to visit.
Anonymous
October is lovely weather-wise. Colonial Williamsburg is interesting, but not sure it deserves more than a day. At least one weekend in October is W&M’s homecoming, so that might be why hotels are expensive. We always go for Howl-o-scream at Busch Gardens–the scary stuff doesn’t start until after dark, so that would be a fun day if you like amusement parks.
Anony
I am from the area and still live there. All of the advice you’ve gotten so far is spot on. October is probably the best weather you’ll get all year, but if the timing works consider going during the holidays. It’s usually fairly mild and things are decorated nicely, with a big fireworks show each weekend. Either way, Busch Gardens and the Cheese Shop, are both a must. I also have great memories of the candy shop in Merchant’s Square (conveniently next to the Cheese Shop), so try to go there too. CW is pretty boring, and I wouldn’t go there for more than a half day. Consider driving to nearby Yorktown via the Colonial Parkway if your kids like history and nature as there are some trails around the battlefields that are nice.
Anon Lady
The conversation on here the other day about gift closets inspired me to set one up for myself. Now I’m itching for other ideas to set Future Me up for success. Other than freezer meals, does anyone have suggestions?
Anon
I have a well stocked “home pharmacy” – OTC meds, bandaids of different sizes, cough syrup, cold medicine, rash cream, antibiotic ointment, etc etc. I always have what I need on hand if I get sick. I go through it regularly to toss expired meds.
I always keep a supply of monogrammed notecards, stamps & address labels for thank you notes, etc.
This is small potatoes, but I never got to bed without doing all the dishes (I don’t have a dishwasher). I hate it at the time, but in the morning I’m always grateful to past me.
Anon
I agree on the stationery, but I don’t overstock on medication we rarely use because I end up throwing money down the drain when they expire. Luckily, we live very close to a pharmacy and can obtain anything we need quickly if we’re sick.
Anon
I find that OTC meds will last at least a year if not two, so I don’t waste them very often.
Anon
The expiration dates are also fictional for some of them (but look up which).
anon
I will always keep behind-the-counter decongestants on hand (e.g., Sudafed) since Doordash doesn’t bring those. But otherwise, keep a limited home pharmacy.
Anon
If you have the luxury of storage space, keep extra supplies of paper products, skin care, shampoo, vitamins, etc. so you’ll never run out. This has the added benefit of keeping me out of Target except on infrequent pre-planned trips to restock.
I also keep cleaning supplies all around my house so that if I have a couple of minutes, I can clean a bathtub or vacuum the cat fur tufts out from a corner.
Set up all bills on autopay.
anon
The extra supplies thing is something I do. Basically once a year during the Sephora sale in Novermber I go through my closet and check my levels of all of my makeup, skin care, hair care, fragrance etc. and place one BIG order to replace anything I’m low on. Usually it is in the range of 700-1000 depending on what I need. I even buy travel sizes of things I know I will want in the smaller size in the year. And then I don’t enter Sephora during the year
Cb
One year, my husband wrote all the birthday cards for his family in one go. Written, addressed, stamped. Was this unfeeling and generic? Yes. Does his family care more about the performance of social obligations rather than sentiment? Also yes.
I use the snooze function on emails to great success. It’s great when you want to clear your inbox but don’t want to seem too efficient/spark a back and forth, you look like you’re on top of things, you can just snooze plane tickets and theatre tickets until the day before, etc.
Veronica Mars
I agree about cards. My DH’s family is a very big card family. I like to stock up after each holiday (Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Halloween for the kids, etc) and put them away in my card box. Hallmark has some on Amazon stocked with cards for less than $30. Then I always have cards on hand for every occasion and holidays. Trader Joe’s and Dollar Tree have great ones. Since I picked them out, they’re nice cards. That plus a home address stamp and it’s easy to get them mailed out.
Brontosaurus
That is … such a good idea, I’m stealing it immediately.
Charlotte
Snoozing plane tickets, I love that idea!
Dress
Whoa, that is amazing. Such a good idea!
Anon
My grandma does this, except she leaves the stamp off and writes the date she needs to mail it in the spot where the stamp will. She has one of those calendar chalkboard mail sorter things by her door and puts cards for the upcoming month in the basket along with her roll of stamps. If she sees one of us in person before the card gets mailed, she saves the stamp, erases the mailing date, and hands us the envelop. It’s adorable.
Cat
-for saving money on nonperishables, we add things to a “watch for a sale” shopping list when they start to get low. The only things that we absolutely have to buy any given week are fruits and veg. Otherwise, it’s a very lopsided set of shopping like one week might be a ton of paper products and the next might be pasta sauce.
-keep a box of plain notecards and stamps
-keep a very well stocked medicine cabinet (again allows for sale shopping)
-on freezer meals, whenever we’re making a dinner that is leftovers-friendly, we make no less than 6 meals’ worth of it. The incremental effort and mess is negligible at the time, but then we have a bunch of “easy defrost” dinners, or at least proteins, to choose from.
-keeping a cabinet dedicated to travel-specific stuff (mini speaker, adapters, eye masks, earplugs, chargers, water bottles, compression socks, toiletry kits, 3oz squeeze bottles, etc etc) so you don’t have to run all over the house finding things with electronics, medicine cabinet, regular socks, etc. when getting ready for a trip. Makes anything from a long vacation to a long weekend SO much easier.
following with interest for more ideas!
Anon
I store all of that travel stuff in my suitcase!
Cat
My suitcases are full of my other suitcases (nested), rolled up duffle bags, and packing cubes :) Great idea though!
Anon
Yeah I have two travel baskets, one for things that are for all travel anywhere (chargers, compression socks, travel umbrella, travel wallet/passport case, etc.) and one specific to Rest of World where the adapters, ziplock bags full of Euros and other cash, and my 220 voltage Revlon one step hairdryer among other things live. I have a straightener that is dual voltage but depending on the humidity level and how long I’m going, that Revlon is worth the money! Also invested in litesmith Tony travel bottles which are so much better than anything else for small amounts. I keep a makeup bag that is only for travel without the liquids so I don’t forget to transfer something.
Anon
If you are into DIY home repairs, keep a bin with regularly needed inexpensive parts. Fuses on that appliance go out every year? Keep a few in the bin. Lever arm on the toilet flush handle breaks b/c your family treats it like a carnival hammer? Keep an extra in the bin.
Anon
I bulk order plain cards, birthday cards, and congrats cards.
I’m 30 and in the throes of wedding season so between engagements, showers, and weddings I use a lot of the congrats cards!
Luckily I don’t have to send many sympathy cards, but I do buy those individually. I just don’t like the idea of buying those in bulk – feels like a bad omen
Anon
Oh and I also do the same with gift wrap. I don’t believe in using wrapping paper, so I exclusively use bags. I keep a collection of sizes and colors + tissue paper, plus white / bridal themed ones, plus wine sized ones (most non-bridal gifts I give are wine…) on hand.
Gail the Goldfish
On the slightly more morbid side, I keep a stash of sympathy cards available.
Anonymous
I use generic, pretty wrapping paper for all gifts except Christmas.
I also keep a travel drawer as someone noted below – outlet converters, phone chargers, pre-packed toiletry bag with tooth brush/mini sizes of most makeup, eye mask, neck pillows, packing cubes, leftover mini toiletries from hotels, etc.
I have a toddler and we have a bin with pre-packed pouches for both us and the baby and we grab the right pouches based on activity. Pouches include: adult sunscreen + hats, baby sunscreen + hat, non-perishable snacks for babies and adults, diapers + changing pad, bib + sticker book, toys good for the car/subway; bike helmets are there with keys to the bike locks, and in the winter we add pouches with scarves/mittens/hats for us and baby. It’s in our entry way. When we leave, we just grab the appropriate pouches for the activity. We restock when we get home. So if we are going to the park mid day we grab sunscreen + diapers, and if we are going hiking for day we’d add snacks and toys for the car. I did this pre-baby with my own stuff so I could easily pack for days out.
I love to read so I have the maximum number of books on reserve at any time, and I add books to my wishlist when I log in to get reserves
For my toddler, I reserve books online, which are then delivered to my library. This means I can get better quality books/tailor them to his/my interests than the small selection of books available for toddlers in our specific libraries
I break down boxes immediately instead of doing it all at once on recycling day (I used to break them down all at once and it was so annoying)
We have a basket at the top and bottom of our stairs that we toss things in that need to go to the other floor and we bring the baskets up/down when we need to go to the other floor for something
Anon
All of my toiletries, hair products, and household and cleaning supplies are backed up at least one deep if not two and kept in bins in a guest bathroom closet. That same guest bathroom’s vanity, that would otherwise be mostly empty, is stuffed with bathroom tissue and paper towel rolls. I buy things I regularly use any time I see a good sale. Remember the pandemic’s Great Toilet Paper Shortage? Didn’t happen at my house. If I had space issues I’d probably do much the same on a smaller scale with bins that slide under a bed.
Anon
In addition to what other have mentioned, I have a large tote bag for the pool filled with kids floating vests, swim wear, sunscreen and Turkish towels for everyone so I can just grab that. Afterwards, stuff gets washed and put back in bag where it stays year round.
Anon
I always keep an extra bag of dry cat food on hand. No matter what happens, I know the kitties are covered. It’s also in my pantry, which is near the door and near another closet with their carriers. I keep their carriers in the front closet on C hooks (container store) so they are ready to grab in an emergency.
I’m working on getting a small safe to put important paperwork (SS card, birth certificate).
Anon
I have an old fashioned walk-in pantry. One benefit of my money pit old house.
I replace pantry items as I use them (I ask Siri to add them to my list so I can do it hands free as I’m cooking) so that way I can always, always cook from my pantry.
We don’t want to talk about my yarn hoard, do we? Signed, a knitter
smurf
a ‘go bag’ for weekend & work trips – for me I bring very different toiletries for the two, so for example I keep a bag of mini toiletries/makeup I use for work trips & just refill it as needed after, so it’s always ready to go. I do the same with a quick overnight bag – used to be for staying at the then-bf’s now-DH’s place, but have kept it so it’s ready for things like crashing at parents or IL’s, etc. I am generally not a “fine without any skincare or makeup essentials” person LOL so this makes it way easier for me to spontaneously agree to a night at a cabin or staying at dad’s after a nearby concert, etc.
getting gas whenever the weather is nice & I’m not in a rush somewhere is the best habit I’m trying to adapt. Otherwise I end up needing to stop when it’s rainy and I’m running late for work already!
Anon88
The gas tip is so smart! I make it a point that whenever I’m running low on gas I stop on my way *home,* instead of saying “oh I’ll just get it when I leave my house next.” Because usually I’m not in a rush on my way home, but I frequently forget to give myself extra time leaving the house when I’m on my way *to* something.
Anon
I used to be a road warrior, pre 2020, so I always bought two of everything and packet one. My travel toiletries/skincare/cosmetics setup was really a thing of beauty. I had a system for remembering to replace things I’d used up, the whole thing.
And then everything expired sitting in my closet. I did do two business trips in 2021 but one turned into a road trip, so I didn’t need the TSA-compliant stuff, and by the second 2021 trip, which was by air, I realized everything had been sitting around for too long and was either fully expired or wasn’t as nice as it should have been.
Anon
– A “wellness” stash of things running the gamut from indigestion to full on flu.
– An art supply that includes rolls of butcher paper (cheap!)/markers/fun stickers/dried florals/ribbons for wrapping gifts! I’m not an artist but people appreciate my scribbles and stickers. And it costs me pretty much nothing every time.
– A card supply that I keep stocked with $2/$3 card stacks from tj maxx or marshalls
– I keep a few sample-sized essentials in each of my regularly-used bags: chapstick, random makeup/skincare samples I collect, a flashlight. I somehow always find what I need in a pinch!
– Two emergency kits – one for the house and one for the car
anon
lots of good suggestions here.
I’ll add:
-I keep extras of the main nonperishables we regularly eat and household goods we use. Serves two purposes: we always have a bunch of cans of chickpeas, bags of rice, pasta, etc. on hand, so my grocery list is shorter when I go to the store each week. It’s really nice not to have to think if we need another bag of pasta. I just buy a few months’ worth every few months. Also, I’m always supplied for emergencies with food we like.
-I keep extra filters for the air purifiers, high filtration masks, painter’s tape for the leaky old windows. When bad air from wildfires hits, I’m set. Which is good, because when the air is really bad, local stores sell out and even Amazon can get backordered. I used to live in an area that got snow, so I imagine the snow equivalent is having a snow shovel, salt, etc. on hand in the winter.
-I keep the things I like to have when sick on hand (juice, saltines, etc).
-I have a medical condition that is fine most of the time, but can go into a bad flare (rapidly!) every few years. It’s annoying, but I ask my doc to give me an Rx for what I need to treat a flare and always have a not-too-expired supply so I can treat a flare the moment I feel it starting.
Dress
To add to this, I have our fridge air/water filter replacements on auto-reorder on Amazon Subscribe & Save so I not only don’t have to think about buying them, but when they arrive it’s actually a reminder that it’s time to change them. Same for the heads of our electric toothbrushes.
Dress
Keep a few bottles of wine and wine gift bags on hand to take as hostess/housewarming gifts when needed
anon
what is your current elevated casual outfit (like a weekend where you want to look cute/presentable but the event is casual). looking for specifics– like jeans and sneakers is not helpful, boot cut high waisted jeans with sambas an visible socks is helpful…. thanks! at a loss especially with the weather being so in between still…
Z
Wide leg jeans, black or navy blue J Crew merino sweater, silk scarf tied around the neck (I’ve been into collecting these from vintage shops recently), booties with a 2 inch heel.
Lydia
barrel leg jeans and a fitted ribbed tee, or a fitted horizontal stripe tee.
Anon
Go follow fashion influencers on instagram, that will give you much better ideas than written descriptions.
Cat
boyfriend jeans, slouchy tee (day) or silky low cut blouse (night), leather jacket once it gets cool enough, street sneakers (I rotate Vejas, NB, Adidas, Cole Haan).
Anon
High waist straight leg jeans (probably a mid wash), block heeled booties (olive green or snake print this time of year), fitted tank top or short sleeve shirt (I tend to go basic but a square neckline makes it trendy), and I use the jewelry or purse to jazz it up. Between the bracelet, necklace, and earrings I choose one interesting piece then keep the rest delicate. I’m still seeing more gold than silver these days.
Anon
Wide leg or boot cut dark jeans (dark denim or black, maybe distressed), allow block geek Chelsea boots, tucked in slim fitting mock neck tank or short sleeve (or looser cut but cropped and obviously not tucked in). Fun jacket (suede bomber, barn jacket), gold hoops.
30, East coast big city.
Anon
I know wide leg jeans are in, but I don’t find that they flatter me. I also hate jeans and find them uncomfortable. Honestly, I’m still wearing black leggings (I know I know, you’ll say I’m “dated”), a nice top with a V neck and maybe some hardware like buttons or other details, a bomber type jacket, and ankle/chelsea boots. I dress it up with corresponding jewelry, glam makeup, and straightened or curled hair (my hair is long). I’ll link a few things that I would wear out right now:
– Boots: https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/short-leather-chelsea-boot/570374989
– Jacket:
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/whbm-stylist-jacket/570321789
– Tops:
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/outlet-whbm-ruffle-tank/570367604
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/outlet-whbm-v-neck-shell/570360666
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/petite-ruched-shoulder-shell-top/570376940
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/petite-ruched-shoulder-shell-top/570366313
Anon
Since there are always a few posts asking how to celebrate milestone bdays, I thought this was lovely:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/09/24/why-not-birthday-gifts-others/
I think many on here have the gift of having a higher level of disposable income – I think when it gets to the point where you have to ask because you can’t think of anything you need or want at a basic level, it’s time to turn towards others.
asd
This is great – thank you!
Anon
Just another reason to have a party, treat your friends to a nice evening out or great meal somewhere.
Anon
I want earplugs to block out background office noise (people on the phone, etc) so I can concentrate better, but I don’t want to completely block out noise. Is there a model of Loop earplugs that anyone would recommend?
Anon
I just got the engage ones and they are perfect for this — today is my second day using them and the construction noise from outside that was driving me crazy is completely gone. It’s still a bit annoying to be wearing something at all, but a massive improvement. The weird thing is that I can hear my internals — breathing and swallowing — and it’s kind of weird (and takes a bit of adjustment).
OP
Thanks, that’s helpful! I already wear heavy duty earplugs to sleep at night (very noise sensitive) so I’m used to that feeling luckily.
Cb
Same here. I’m really sensitive to that mechanical whine and live in a neighbourhood of constant DIY. This keeps me sane.
NYNY
When I’m in the office, there’s a lot of mechanical hum, so I wear my airpods. The noise canceling really works, but I can hear people talking to me. Bonus that most of my meetings are still on zoom, so the airpods connect as my audio automatically.
OP
I find my Airpods hurt my ears after more than a couple hours, so I’m looking for other solutions that are hopefully more comfortable.
Anon
Another person who finds earbuds hurt after a while.
Anon
I have the Switch ones and I love them bc they are adjustable!
Anon
FWIW I have tried all the fancy Instagram ear plugs and none of them have been as good as the foam ones you can buy in a giant tub at the drug store.
anon
What do you love to spend money on? I’ve learned that I’m an anxious saver and never really learned how to spend money in line with my priorities, and I’m looking for some inspiration/ideas here
Anon
Well, what are your priorities? It’s not going to have that satisfying feel if someone else tells you what to spend your money on. The best advice we can give you is to sit down and figure out what you like to do or what you like to see around you. What does your fantasy house look like? What does your fantasy travel look like, what’s a hobby you’ve always always wanted to try? Start there.
Anon
I don’t have a big salary (compared to people on this board). My clothes are mostly Old Navy or JCF; I don’t carry designer bags; I don’t travel very often; I get my hair cut like twice a year. But I love spending money on everyday things: good quality sheets and towels, fancy bath wash, a really nice throw blanket for my couch, or fresh flowers at the grocery store. Anything that will make my home feel a little more luxurious. I also get pedicures every 2-3 weeks year round and it’s one of my biggest mood boosts.
Cb
Same – academic in the UK where salaries are really low. But I spend on nice tea, coffee, food, and while I use the library a lot, I never feel bad buying the occasional hardcover book. Nothing extravagant but things that bring sensory pleasure – taste, smell, touch. I spent a decent chunk of money on my bike, which is my main form of transport. I felt a bit silly doing it but people wouldn’t think twice spending 50x as much on a car.
B
Travel
Jewellery
anon
I am not afraid to spend money on my home. It’s my sanctuary, and having a home that’s decorated nicely and feels comfortable is really important to me.
Kate
+1 Yes! How my home makes me feel is such a treat and so important to me.
Anon
Everything.
Anonymous
Same girl same.
ALT
+1. I need a lesson in how to not spend money :(
Cat
If your spending follows your priorities, you won’t regret it. It could be traveling more often or in an upgraded way, could be a nicer house, art collection, furniture, car, jewelry, upgraded equipment for a hobby, etc.
Anon
Bikes (I’m an N+1 cyclist where N=ideal number of bikes), nice but not luxury handbags in the $200-500 range, and shoes. And I do like to spend money on the house, that’s where my big ticket money goes – looking at redoing the fireplace facing now.
Anon
Edit: n= number of bikes currently owned, n+1= ideal number!
Anon
Clothes, coats, shoes, and purses. We’re talking $300 for a splurge, not $2k handbags, but I shop pretty often. Having a nice wardrobe brings me a lot of joy and confidence. Takeout to make a few weeknights easier, buying lunch on my in-office days, and a nice restaurant meal per weekend with appetizers and drinks. Life is too short to eat unsatisfying meals or stress about constant meal prep.
I don’t spend much on travel or concerts. I prefer to upgrade my daily lifestyle than scrimp most of the time and blow my money on occasional big events. I know other people feel differently, so whatever works for them.
anon
Travel. But more things to make travel more pleasant – think say yes to the $300 behind the scenes experience at a museum that lets you skip all the lines, or doing a private guided tour. And, most importantly for my very broad shouldered husband (downside of the gym), business class.
Anon
High end cruelty free skincare.
Anon
I would love if you’d share some of your favorites!
Anon
May Lindstrom and Kypris. May Lindstrom’s line is lovely and limited in terms of the number of products sold. I use all of the May Lindstrom products and fill in my routines with Kypris and Juice Beauty.
Anon100
Experiences (such as travel, museums, interesting attractions) and books. Those are my priorities outside of the necessities of mortgage, utility bills, food, and medical-related expenses.
Anon
Travel is #1 by far. We spend an absurd amount of money on it relative to our overall income.
Beyond that, experiences in general (theater tickets, nice meals out, spa days) and experiences for our kid (fun summer camps, activities, outings). We don’t spend much money on “stuff,” especially for ourselves.
S
Good wine (I don’t drink much so when I do I want it to be good), great restaurants (I find the experience truly relaxing in a unique way), kids lessons (not doing the fancy ones here, but would not skip learning a skill due to price), make up items that I need due to sensitive skin (I wear plenty of drugstore make up but foundation and concealer are well worth the $$$ to avoid irritation).
Anonymous
Art! I live in a place with a great local art scene and I love going to little festivals/studio tours.
Anon
Beverages! I love good matcha, excellent coffee, bougie protein powder, and brown liquor.
Anon
Makeup and skincare, judging by my actual spending! The funny thing is that I don’t wear a ton of makeup. I just like having really nice stuff, and I’m always excited to try something new.
Anon
Fitness/health. I don’t get pedicures/manucures, don’t color my hair, drive a 10-year-old car, public school for our kids, get books at the library, etc. But I pay for twice weekly private Pilates, a weekly personal trainer, and dance lessons. I’m stronger and fitter at 48 than I was at 28, and it helps me so much with perimenopause symptoms.
NYNY
Nice groceries! I love to cook, and over time have shifted most of my grocery shopping to my weekly farmers market. I love working with what’s local and seasonal, and supporting small farmers and local agriculture aligns with my values.
Bay Area
+1
BeenThatGuy
Boutique fitness. Luxury linens. Travel. And great weed.
anonn
monthly 90 minute massages. We’re also crazy and still have cable, watching Friends at 9pm on nick at night, or house hunters is just more relaxing than pulling up a comfort show on Netflix.
Anon
We still have cable too. We don’t earn a lot compared to many here, but even for our relatively modest incomes it’s not a big expense (~$125/month) and feels well worth it to me. Especially since I’m a figure skating fan and use the included Peacock subscription a lot.
Anon
I used to be like you, but I have gotten better at spending on things I love! Some examples of things I bought in the last month:
*an anthology of decorative papers, simply because it delighted me
*a book about homes in the Yucatan because it’s so inspiring to me to see all that color
*tickets for a biking and winery tour on an upcoming trip
*boots I am obsessed with and will live in this fall/winter
*two perfect fall jackets
Anon
lol unfortunately lots of things. super soft pajamas and sweatshirts. jewelry that’s durable for every day wear. books! a good espresso set up + beans. yoga studio membership + cute yoga clothes.
Anonymous
Ski trips.
Anon
I really enjoy spending money on my friends – sending delivery when someone has COVID, flowers for birthdays, donating when someone is fundraising for something. It adds up but feels so worth it!
Anon
Has anyone valued a coin collection? Not a major collection, just from a Great uncle who bought silver dollars and half dollars back when they were actually silver. But like 40 pounds worth of all this.
Anonymous
I am looking for similar information. An uncle sent me foreign coins when I was very young and I have added to it over the hears (much travel).
Meg
If I haven’t caught the thread too late, the best thing to do is to find a couple of local coin shops and go in and get quotes. Half dollars are probably only worth the silver in them, but for the dollars, especially if you have a lot of them, it’s probably worth organizing the silver dollars if they’re not already in a book – note the year and mint mark, and sort them or put them in coin holders. Individual years and mint marks can have specific rarities and therefore be worth more. (I’ve liquidated both my dad’s and my uncle’s collection – especially with 40 lbs you’ve got some good money there). Good luck!
Foreign coins are trickier – so many of them aren’t valid currency any more, especially with older collections! Best thing to do is to see if any of them are actually silver and take those to coin shops – otherwise for just foreign currency that isn’t valid any more, I’ve just had the best luck just giving it away for free on Craigslist – there are always people eager to pick up that sort of colleciton.
Anon
I would love some suggestions for specific recipes or meal ideas. My 9 year old decided to go pescatarian (a decision I support) at the same time as my husband was told he needs to be on a low-oxalate diet. This means we need to limit dark leafy greens, beans, potatoes, eggplants, tomato sauce (basically all my favorite foods).
I have no idea what to cook. We’ve been doing a lot of make-your-own-tacos, and I did two separate pans of enchiladas last night (beans in one and chicken in the other), mac and cheese, and salmon with rice. Previous favorites that are now out of rotation are eggplant heavy baked pasta, white beans with escarole, and various meat dishes. I don’t mind making two things or two versions sometimes, but most of the time I don’t have the time for this.
Anonymous
Make your own Greek bowls – rice, tzatziki, hummus, cucumber, chickpeas, feta, chicken/salmon/shrimp, etc. Big fav around our house and everyone can dress as they wish.
Anon
According to a quick google search, lentils, split peas, black eyed peas, and possibly chickpeas (if you soak them?) are low in oxalates, so I’d focus on recipes that use those. A lot of recipes are still going to use tomatoes, so you’ll have to look for ones that use lemon juice or red peppers or coconut milk instead of tomatoes. You should be able to come up with a lot of soups and salads and curries. You can also make good “meatballs” from lentils (the recipe I use is from the Cool Beans cookbook).
Anonymous
I would probably lean into Asian food (sans eggplant), like spring rolls and stir fries with rice or noodles, and basic component meals – a starch, two veg, and one or two protein options. For component meals, I would plan to make (or buy) batches of three great sauces every other weekend and let people pick how to dress their food if they want sauce across the two weeks. I’d still include dark leafy greens for you and your kid. They are so good for you I would want to keep them in the mix with another option for your husband. A vegetable-based soup would also be good. You and daughter could add beans cooked separately if you’d like.
Anon
I think this is where frozen meals (that you make yourself) can shine. Make a big pan of eggplant and bean pasta, freeze individual portions; make things your husband can eat, freeze individual portions; and add a fresh salad at meal time.
Anon
Look for sheet pan fish recipes, especially shrimp, tuna, and salmon – shrimp cooks so fast, and the sheet pan lets you swap out vegetables, half and half the pan, etc.
Anon
This is the kind of thing that’s great to ask ChatGPT for ideas.
Anonymous
So proud of your 9 year old! I was about the same age when I started on the pescatarian-veggie-vegan pipeline.
Anon
Can you do protein, starch, veg type plates? Roast chicken with rice or roast potatoes and green peas? The standard diner plate.
Anon
Skipped the pescetarian thing, but a nice piece of sole, salmon, or trout would be good on a protein/starch/veg plate.
Do you like shrimp scampi? Olive oil, quite a bit of garlic, set over low heat, add shrimp and cook low and slow until shrimp are just done. I like it with crusty bread but it’s also good over pasta. Your 9 year old could make it!
B
Indian cuisine has excellent lentil recipes. Also tons of vegetable recipes that you can adapt for a pescatarian diet.
Anonymous
we really like these — we do it with the tortilla tilapia from costco.
https://kalynskitchen.com/fish-taco-cabbage-bowl/
this is also an old favorite
https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/melissa-darabian/fish-piccata-recipe-1923443
this is an interesting salmon recipe if you guys are adventurous –
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1021970-salmon-and-couscous-salad-with-cucumber-feta-dressing
Anon
Anyone have any recs for a small console table/sideboard for my office? Just moved into a slightly larger office than I had previously, and I’m looking for something small/narrow to house photos, my profesional certificates, a plant, etc.
Anon
I have the Delaney console table from Pottery Barn. It’s very small and narrow. I keep it by my front door to house my keys, a lamp, a reed diffuser, and a decorative object.
Cora
Honestly I got a few tables like this from Amazon (VASAGLE) and Target (Rhonda C Side Table). You may need a bigger version of these though
Anon
VASAGLE sounds like a new medicine advertised on CNN for post menopausal women.
Anon
Interested in doing an Alaskan cruise next summer -a few questions:
1. Our son will be about 15 months, does that sound like an okay travel option for that age?
2. Recs on companies/excursions/best month?
3. I have a tendency to get seasick…any tips/tricks?
Thanks in advance for any tips!
Anon
As someone else who gets seasick, you just described hell. I’ve never found anything that works that doesn’t also put me to sleep.
Anonymous
I would absolutely not do a cruise with a 15 month old. That sounds hideous.
OP
Really? We were thinking it would be easier to contain the chaos 😅 what kind of trip would you recommend for that age group?
Anon
Not the 10:43 poster but agree cruising would be a nightmare with a kid that age. It’s a hard age for travel in general, but an all-inclusive resort or a vacation home rental on a beach or lake would be much easier.
Anon
+1 to rental house. That’s what we always did with babies and toddlers, and honestly still do with young adults.
Anon
An Alaskan cruise is NOT kid friendly. You need to do a trip like an European city with lots of parks, fun museums, play areas, strolling around, etc. My friend had a great time in Denmark with her young kids.
Anon
I think it’s kid friendly if your kids are like 4-5 or older. But it’s not toddler friendly.
Anon
I found 15 months to be a fairly challenging time for travel. I would not have enjoyed a European city with my kiddo at that age. Nor a cruise in a Alaska FWIW. I think Europe is more fun with an immobile baby and once a kid is like 4+.
Anonymous
In a tiny room with no way out and excursions that run to a tight schedule. Sounds miserable.
OP
Okay this has successfully talked me out of it. Thanks all (genuinely)! We just did Europe and loved it but the baby jet lag coming home was super rough, so we were looking for something fun but closer to our time zone. Will look into beach rental / all inclusive options
Anon
What time zone are you in? Lots of US cities are fun with toddlers too. The obvious choices are places like NYC, Chicago, San Diego, etc. but we also really enjoyed Denver, Phoenix, Oklahoma City and Burlington, VT with kids under 4.
The Caribbean (if midwest/east coast) and Hawaii (if west coast) are also pretty easy in terms of travel, although beach + toddler can be a tiring combo because you have to be so vigilant about sun and water safety.
Anon
YMMV if your kid is less than a daredevil than mine, but at that age I would have had watch my kid like a hawk to make sure they didn’t fling themselves off a balcony or deck, which would have made the trip incredibly stressful. I would actually advise against a balcony room, it doesn’t really seem safe to me with a child that age, although an inside cabin will definitely be cramped.
Cerulean
I don’t have recommendations for an Alaskan cruise specifically, but if you can swing it, get a room with a balcony or closed-off area so you aren’t held hostage by naps and early bedtimes.
Anon
There are two types of Alaskan cruises: one way (to/from Anchorage to Seattle or Vancouver), or the Inside Passage (Seattle or Vancouver to Juneau and back). If you get seasick, do the latter: you’re not out in open ocean.
Anon
Just btw– cruise ships do not allow kids in diapers to be in the pool. Some ships have a splash pad but that is not the norm. And most kids clubs do not take kids that are under 3-4. Just something to think about.
I have a 3 year old– we’ve had really positive vacations at Airbnbs/VRBOs at the beach and at a resort in Puerto Rico. We also had a really nice cabin trip to the Smokies. 15 months was a hard age to travel… I don’t think I would do more than a beach/resort at that age. I don’t think a city trip with lots of playgrounds/excursions would be super fun at that age. You won’t know if your kid is going to be fully mobile yet, and most kids aren’t super into things like zoos until a little closer to 2.
Anon
Agreed with all of this with the caveat that Disney cruises have babysitting for kids under 3, but it’s not free. $9/hour last I heard, it may have gone up.
anon
With kids, I love going places within a few hours’ drive for a trip. Way easier and more environmentally friendly and can spend the transport budget on nicer lodging, food, and activities. I also firmly believe that it’s good for kids to get to know the wider area that they’re from.
If you happen to be in the Bay Area, Point Reyes, Carmel/Pacific Grove/Monterey, and Sacramento (especially if you take the train and go to the train museum if they’re interested in trains) are all fun at that age.
cruisin toddler
Is it a Disney cruise? does your kid nap easily? if yes to both then I’d do it for the cheap babysitting, if no to either I’d make sure you’re taking in-laws in adjoining rooms and have a balcony.
Anon
You can go to Alaska without a cruise. Fly to Anchorage and rent a car. Take a road trip around Kenai peninsula at your own pace. We did this with our kids (to be fair they’re teens) and it was awesome. But if you have your heart set on Alaska you can still do it!
Anon
Probably depends on your kids, but mine did horribly in the car at that age and it’s also hard to change hotels constantly with a baby/toddler so I think a cruise would have been easier than road-tripping and staying in a lot of different hotels. Although I agree on Alaska as a destination not requiring a cruise. We did a (pre-kid) trip there that was one week land and one week cruise and enjoyed the land week much more.
Anon79
Apologies if this is a little scattered but I’m struggling with tops for everyday WFH or polished casual. Partly because I’m very picky and have sensory issues but also because I have a fuller bustline and can seemingly size up to a 2X and still have pulling and gaping only at the bust, so many button-fronts and similar styles are out.
Most of my current tops are thrifted or secondhand, and not quite perfect–too warm toned, a little out of date, fit is not quite right, etc. I realized last night I wear the same 5-7 tops over and over and I’m hard on my tops, they get worn out too quickly, even with careful handling. And I keep buying “not quite right” stuff on ThredUp because I don’t have enough tops, rinse and repeat!
Style is classics with a slight twist or interest, I like the brand Tibi for example (sadly they don’t go above a 12, but the overall look is cool) or Marcella NYC, minimalist with just a slight edge or tweak.
I’m seeking brand recommendations for easy-on tops that aren’t knit tees or button downs that flatter a fuller bustline. US 16/XXL or so, budget up to $75, but very willing to check out secondhand sites for more expensive brands.
Anonymous
No specific clothing recommendations, but if you don’t already air dry your shirts they will last a lot longer.
Anon
I would stop buying used, first of all. I know it’s great for the environment, but you need to go into a store (or shop online), buy a variety of things in a variety of sizes, try it all on, figure out what works for you, and return what doesn’t. If you’re only buying stuff secondhand that’s not quite right, it’s a waste of money.
Anon
Agree with this. Spend the money once. You spend more on things that aren’t quite right and end up not wearing them.
Stop into Nordstrom, Talbots, J Jill, and Eileen Fisher (hopefully for a sale) as they will have things that fit your bust, which I say from personal experience.
anon
Seconding Eileen Fisher – be sure to sign up for their emails so you get their discount codes. I’ve also had luck with Lands’ End and Ulla Popken for nicer tees and tops.
Anon
Another suggestion – once you’re in the mall check out Coldwater Creek. Yeah, I know, but I have a couple of pretty nice 100% cotton shirts from them that accommodate my bust.
Dress
I also thrift and 100% support you doing so, but some of the issues you’re describing might be resolved by thrifting in-person rather than online. You get a much better sense of quality, shape, fit, and color in person. Do you have options in your area?
Anonymom
Family dynamics – AITA?
My nuclear family (husband and two kids) have had a vacation planned for Thanksgiving week. We usually spend it with my husband’s family but aren’t this year for unrelated reasons. We planned the trip months ago and have flights, a condo, and various activities booked (tropical locale).
This week, somewhat out of the blue, my extended family announced they are joining for this vacation — one of my siblings and has family lives far away and they view our destination as convenient. My parents, other siblings, and their families are now all coming. Last night I was asked if I would cancel our condo and look for a house that could hold us all (basically an impossible task at any time, let alone two months before a major travel week).
I love my family. I’m happy to see my sibling, whom we don’t see often. But am I wrong to feel…resentful? I am a big law partner and work crazy hard. Vacations are times when I connect with my children and do things we enjoy together. But now I know we will be pressured to do bigger group activities, forgo some of the fun things we have planned (dinners at restaurants that can’t accommodate groups, etc). I am not opposed to the idea of a big family trip but feel like my nuclear family’s trip is hijacked.
AITA for having this reaction? And for saying we don’t want to cancel our condo? Any advice for dealing with these feelings? I was really looking forward to recharging with my kids and feel angry I’m going to lose that…. But also guilty about the extended family situation.
Anon
If family or anyone else crashed my vacation without discussing it with me first I would be steaming. I would also change my plans and not tell them. Nuclear family vacation and big family vacation are two entirely different things and it sounds like the former is what you feel you need right now. The fact that they have crashed your vacation and then asked you to do the work to make it happen is just the cherry on top that would make me feel perfectly fine about changing plans without saying anything.
anon
Yes. You don’t just “join” someone on vacation without discussion and permission. This is a boundary hill I will die on. Did you somehow open the door to them coming to crash vacation? Why do they think this is ok? Are the generally boundary-breakers? I’m just so confused by this concept.
NTA. NTA. NTA.
Anonymom
OP here: I agree that this is beyond the pale. The door was “opened” because one of my siblings announced recently that he’d like to do a family meetup in this particular tropical destination. The rest of my family knew we had a trip there planned (which I’d mentioned in connection with Thanksgiving plans). Next thing I knew, I got a phone call from one sibling saying they were all planning to come to said tropical destination during the same week as us.
I wouldn’t say they are boundary-breakers generally — but I do think that guilt trips are regularly deployed about the need to spend time with family (especially sibling who lives far away — by his own choice. And to be clear, I do want to see him but that doesn’t mean I want to invite him on vacation.)
Anon
NTA. And there’s no way ie cancel my own condo and look for a big family house in this situation, so just say no to that.
My only practical suggestion is to do a mix of big family and nuclear family activities so you don’t feel like you’re not getting to spend time with your kids.
And please don’t feel guilty for anything! You’ve done nothing wrong.
Anon
What? lol, no. If they want to join this trip they book their own travel and do their own work. Absolutely do not cancel your condo or assist with their accommodations. This is why boundaries exist. Don’t let them walk all over you.
Anon100
These are totally valid feelings! I would hold firm on saying that you’re not going to cancel the condo because you’re afraid if you cancel you won’t be reserve anything else due to holiday craziness and you already made your plans. It’s everyone else’s problem that they suddenly decided to hijack your trip and can’t find housing, not yours.
Anon
NTA and just decline and don’t let them hijack your vacation. I’d be very clear you already have plans, aren’t changing them, could maybe see them a few times but aren’t interested in turning your trip into a family vacation.
Anon
PS – I’m someone who gets jumped on all the time too for generally supporting doing things with family but this is beyond the pale. I also like someone else’s idea of just switching your trip to a completely different location and saying nothing.
Anon
I find a “no thanks!” can go a long way in response to an unreasonable request. No thanks and stick with it!
anon
+1 tell them now (have they already booked before telling you!?) that you were planning on this being for your spouse and kids to get your attention, so you won’t be canceling the condo and can’t spend much time with them. If you’re willing to do a few things with them, tell them how much of your time you can expect (ie, one beach morning and a lunch). If this just isn’t the time to see them, tell them how much you want to see them another time, but this isn’t the trip.
They can go to the location, but that doesn’t mean you have to change your plans when they didn’t even ask. You resentfully going along with their demands is the worst possible option.
Anonymom
OP here again: They haven’t booked but claim this is their firm plan. I already indicated that we have plans that I’m not changing. I did say we wouldn’t give up our condo (for a million reasons!) but I think I also need to be firmer with them about this.
Ironically (perhaps, given my question) — I am usually very good at enforcing boundaries with my family. It has mostly led to things like this, where they separately all come up with a plan and then blame me for not being excited about it. (When I first heard about this and didn’t seem excited, my mom said “well I guess you don’t care about seeing your brother!”) It makes me sad because I love my family. But in this season with young kids (who are still at the age where they want to spend time with me) and limited time, I feel like I should (and want to) prioritize my husband and children when I have (relatively, by big law standards) protected time. I need to just let it roll off my back, but I hate being made to feel guilty for what I think are pretty reasonable priorities.
anon
This kind of emotional manipulation would have me steaming mad!
My internet persona would have you reply, “I guess you don’t care about [kids names] getting a vacation with lots of their mom’s attention while they’re young enough to want it.”
As a slightly more mature person, I’d probably tell the person to quit it with the emotional manipulation and then I’d avoid talking to them for awhile.
Anonymous
Wowwwww. Your mom is something.
Anon
When they try to guilt trip you, your response should “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Don’t argue or try to justify.
anon
You are SO NTA. I would not make any changes to your plans. Do what you’re going to do, and if you happen to have some free time that you want to spend with them then by all means do it. Your negative feelings will likely magnify if you concede to things you don’t want to do. And for whatever it’s worth your family is massively overstepping here and makes me wonder if they are generally taking you for granted/thoughtless of your needs and preferences.
Anon
“Oh, that’s nice you guys are thinking of going! We’re staying at Tropical Condo and we’re really excited about that and some of the activities we have booked. Let me know where you guys end up staying. Happy to send the dates/booking info for our zipline tour/whale watch if you’re interested.”
No more. When you’re on the trip and getting pressured to join some other activity, a simple “we’re whale watching that day but maybe we can catch you later” is more than enough. I would be pissed about them crashing the vacation period, but since you don’t own the island and can’t bar them from it, focus your efforts on doing your own thing with your nuclear family.
Anonymous
I would be more upfront with specific availability (so they come knowing interaction will be limited) as suggested upthread. Otherwise, you’re only going to see the tensions increase. As written here, I would read this like the individual is looking forward to doing a large group vacation. It may feel easier in the moment but you’re best way to have boundaries respected is to keep them clear.
If OP had done this when first hearing about the planning, she might have been able to shut this down before it morphed into this thing.
FWIW, I’d say the same thing to commenters who think just changing location without discussing is a good response–it isn’t, especially with relationships that OP has said matter to her. That’s just another cowardly way of not having a clear conversation to set boundaries.
Cat
100% NTA
Anon
NTA! I’m an only child who is super close to my parents and they often vacation with some combo of me alone, me + kiddo or me + kiddo + husband, but it is understood by everyone that they don’t come on our vacations unless expressly invited. I would be very unhappy if they crashed a nuclear family vacation without permission, to say nothing of them requesting you upgrade to a bigger house and all stay together. The audacity!
Anon
Change your plans and say no. That’s absurd.
Anon
Do not change plans for people who invite themselves. It’s a jerk move to crash someone’s vacation without asking first.
IME, people who have easier work schedules can be downright rude to those with limited vacation. They don’t get it, because to them, it’s like 1/5th of their annual vacation. If it’s stressful or goes sideways, meh!
Anon
Nah, this isn’t about limited vacation time. I work for the government and have 6 weeks of dedicated vacation leave (sick leave is separate) and use every drop of it. I still think this is incredibly rude.
Anon
“Can be” = many but not all.
Anon
It just seems to me like it’s way more about family boundaries or lack thereof than how much vacation time people have. Even people who don’t view vacation time as precious won’t impose on their family this way unless they lack family boundaries.
Anon
These things aren’t mutually exclusive, Anonymous!
Anonymous
“No. We actually didn’t invite you and I’m surprised you think it’s ok to crash our vacation and ask me to replan it?it’s a free country you can book a house if you want but we are going to continue with our plans”
Anon
I would swap in “planned an intimate trip just for us” for the “didn’t invite you” and drop the free country snark.
Or not. They are being very presumptuous and I think it is appropriate for them to feel uncomfortable.
Anonymous
NTA. Keep your condo.
Go about your vacation as you would otherwise and just invite them to join you where appropriate. eg. We’re headed to the beach at 1pm if you want to meet up. Or we’re going on xyz excursion tomorrow at 10am if you want to join.
Anon
I feel like you’re part of my extended family, who would absoltely think this is ok and you’re just being “uptight” having any sort of negative reaction to it.
One thing I will warn you about – if these people show up and have their own accommodations, they will likely try to find a way to encroach upon yours, “Wouldn’t it be fun if all the kids slept at your place?” “Mom is having a hard time sharing a bed with cousin, can you guys sleep here and give her your bed?”
We just went to a family wedding several states away. Booked our own rental house for 5 people, then last minute several family members decided to “join us” and ended up renting a different house because I was firm that we didn’t have room, and that our reservation was already paid for. So I told my kids that any time someone from extended family asked how our rental house was, they were to say “tiny.” And that seemed to work, though it was suggested all the kids should “crash” with us, and we had to say no.
Anonymous
+1
I wouldn’t be above saying that the condo owner lives next door and you can’t have guests and esp not overnight guests.
Anon
Omg, HELL no. “Oh, I’m sorry you guys are having trouble fitting into the rooms you booked! I bet the hotel has some last-minute availability for additional rooms if you ask.”
Anonymous
You sound proud of yourself, but I think it’s actually kind of gross that you used your kids that way. Grow up and have actual conversations about boundaries and no sleepovers amongst the parents. While it might have made it more comfortable for you to avoid difficult conversations, it puts your kids in an awful position and teaches them a really bad lesson about avoiding difficult conversations.
Anon
Thanks for letting me know I’m gross! My kids are in college and they’ve been through all of this for 18+ years. They completely understand the issues with my family. Have the day you deserve!
Anonymous
You are not gross. Parents who hide behind their kids instead of having grown-up conversations are gross.
Have the kinds of “kids” you deserve raising them that way. Hopefully they are learning better communication skills elsewhere.
Anon
I think it’s gross that you presume to know these dynamics better than she does. Some people can have hard conversations and it just instigates the boundary-tramplers even more. They throw temper tantrums, scream, cry, get other people involved to guilt the OP into it, hope that she caves under pressure to “keep the peace” or whatever bs there is.
“Our place is tiny!!” cuts them off at the pass.
Anonymous
Adults (not kids) can be the ones to say the place is tiny. Still gets the job done while not putting others in the predicament of having to do the dirty work for you, especially if they are true kids (which 18+ year olds are not).
Anonymous
Well handled! Boundaries maintained. No one is resentful.
Anon
Don’t change your plans and set your boundaries ahead of far time. Tell them this vacation is specifically for time with your husband and kids and you will be spending time with them alone. Tell them you can meet them for [one dinner/one day trip] and ask if they still want to travel to this destination at that time knowing the limitations on your schedule. Be very clear up front: you will only see them for X hours during the entire vacation, do they really want to fly to this destination and spend the money knowing that. Also be very clear they are on their own for the remaining days, you are not going to plan activities for them, won’t be inviting them on your activities, and aren’t changing your plans. They may complain and make you feel guilty, but hold to that. You have nothing to feel guilty about, they should feel guilty for trampling all over your vacation without invitation. And then during the actual vacation, be prepared to go radio silent outside of your agreed upon time together. Like turn off your phone/mute your messages from them. And if you haven’t already, do not give them the name/location of where you are staying.
Anon
I would try to build more time to connect with your kids and do things you enjoy together in your day to day life.
Anon
Found your sibling, OP!
But seriously there are not enough 🙄 in the world for this. This is supposed to be a place that’s supportive of women with big careers and I say that as someone who works part time and spends more time with my kids than most. OP, ignore this person. It’s *totally* reasonable to want to connect with your kids on your family vacation without extended family around.
anon
+1
Vacation is a different type of connecting than what we do on a daily basis.
Anonymous
Yes – totally easy to integrate building sand castles or 3 hr monopoly tournaments or ski school into day to day life outside of vacations. Why can’t you bend time itself OP?
Anon
“No.”
“Hey, let’s have all the kids stay in your condo and the adults can stay in another and we can do stuff!”
“No.”
Just keep repeating.
Anon
Yep
Anonymous
Definitely don’t change any of your bookings or plans.
If they’re doing a vaca, great. If they are where you are, great. Meet you there!
If they want to do an all together stressful as heck “vacation” reunion, great. Let’s plan for something within the next year!
That is all.
B
I wouldn’t allow anyone to crash my vacay. Indian daughter speaking:)
Anon
How many of you go to two family Thanksgivings in a single day? This year is the first time we’re dealing with the in laws and my side of the family competing to host it. I think we might be stuck attending two events this year. I’m curious how common this is and whether I’m overthinking how stressful it will be.
Anon
I feel like it’s pretty common to do dessert at one house and dinner at another. I don’t find it stressful but I might if it involved a lot of driving.
Anon
OP here: it would be lunch at one house and dinner at another with a lot of driving. I know one of these hosts will be deeply offended if we don’t eat much and it’s the far worse cook.
anon
How much driving? We have family in the same town, so it’s a 10-minute crosstown drive. Anything more than like and that would be a firm no from me.
Anon
Ha maybe I’m am outlier but I wouldn’t care if someone wanted me to eat more. They can be offended if they want. But if it doesn’t sound fun, I’d pick one house and offer to do something with the other group over the long weekend. My family usually does brunch in those situations.
Anon
I am not on board with being force-fed and if the host is going to be offended by us not eating much, I would decide that driving to that location is not compatible with our other scheduled events this year.
Anon
Yeah, I’m also not on board with people who force me to eat. I spend the absolute minimum amount of time with those people and don’t care if they get offended by me not eating.
Anonymous
My solution to this is to rave about the food and ask for a to go plate because we are so stuffed but don’t want to miss out. Eat the bits you like and toss the rest.
Anon
I think the excuse of needing to leave the lunch for a long drive is like a free get out of jail card, and I’d absolutely do that!
Anon
Unless they’re far apart, it sounds way less stressful than hosting yourself and inviting both families. I’ve never had local family, so it’s never been an issue personally, but we’ve often had friends that attended just for dessert after having dinner with their families, so I’d consider that option if you don’t want to eat two full dinners.
Anon
We did it once and never again. Now we just pick one or host.
Anon
I did growing up. Both sets of grandparents and my entire extended family were within 45 minutes of each other. Some holidays had three gatherings in a day. It was exhausting, but now I look back on the time fondly. Now we are lucky to have one event on holidays with a much smaller group because our extended family is smaller, spread across the US, and not as close as my family was growing up.
Anon
I literally don’t know anyone who has both their parents and in-laws local to them, so not common in my circles. If you have both local (within, say, a 1 hour drive) it seems less stressful to me than hosting everyone, but YMMV.
Anon
Oh interesting. Where are you located?
Anon
I live in a college town, so pretty much everyone we know locally moved here for faculty jobs and doesn’t have any family nearby. A few families, including us, have one set of parents that relocated to be near them, but it’s rare that both sets would do it – usually it’s the set that’s more available and interested in helping with childcare.
But none of my friends from high school and college live near both their parents and in-laws either. A lot of people live near one set, more often the wife’s parents in a hetero marriage, but none of my friends married a high school partner or went to a local college, so their parents and in-laws wouldn’t be in the same place unless they both relocated to be near the adult children and grandchildren.
Anonymous
My ILs and my parents live in the same city, it’s awful. They are sooooo hyper competitive and petty about which family gets more time. Plus oh my god they feel slighted about everything. I hate it.
Anonymous
We do this every year. We have an early lunch with my MIL and a later dinner with my family. We don’t eat breakfast, then eat around 11 and then we usually take the kids for a long walk to the park and all the cousins play basketball or volleyball or whatever so that we can be ready to eat again. We usually eat dinner around 7 pm. (My mom would prefer to have one meal at like 3, but now that me and my siblings all have local inlaws it doesn’t work)
Anon
Could you invite your mom to your in laws?
smurf
we navigate this (3 possible, with divorced parents), but it’s not an e
very-year thing as some years 1 parent travels to extended family, sometimes there’s a weekend-before or after get-together instead.. etc. If it’s very likely to be this way every year, I’d start a rotation schedule now. If they’re both close enough, it doesn’t have to be that stressful, just let go of feeling any ‘guilt’ from not eating enough at one. That’s not your problem!
smurf
wth! this is not my comment but repeated someone’s above? @KAT help please!
Anon
It’s been happening for a while now. They’re working on it.
anon
We used to when we were DINKS, and it honestly kind of sucked. We never felt like we “settled in” anywhere because we knew we’d have to be leaving at some point. Once kids entered the picture, we started a rotating schedule. DH’s family wasn’t happy, but meh. Whatever.
Anon
We sometimes do this for Thanksgiving and always do this for Easter.
I don’t find it too stressful, as everyone lives nearby.
Anon
We either do two holidays on one day, one family Thursday and one family Friday, or just combine and do one holiday with everyone from
Both sides.
We’re <20 mins from both my parents and in laws and my 2 brothers and their families. My SIL and family is 45 mins away. If it’s just nuclear families we combine, if my cousins are in town (all of my aunts and uncles live locally too), it can get too big so we will split up days.
We see both parents / siblings and some aunts and uncles frequently, so it’s really about getting to see my cousins who have moved away.
Inez shoes?
Has anyone tried Inez shoes? Particularly interested if anyone with bunion(s) has tried their wide sizes. They look cute but I’m wondering if they’re comfy and worth the $$? The other option I’m eyeing is Rockport Total Motion.
Anon
For anyone who likes barrel leg pants, do you have specific brand recs? Realizing the cut invokes strong feelings, I like how confident I feel about my body when wearing them and would love to find more. Especially a rich camel or acorn colored pair that comes in size 14. Thanks!
Anonymous
I love Everlane’s utility barrel pant, and I think the rosewood color might fit the bill.
anon
I have these and love them!
Anon
I’m wearing these right now in black and am about to buy another pair! I love them. I’m just under 5’4″ and they are somehow the perfect length on me.
Sf
I took on an adjunct role on top of my full time job this fall and want to reward myself by using the money on two designer bags. One small and one medium/large (could fit a laptop). Budget is $1k-$1.5k each. I’ve never really been a bag person – where do I start?
anon
Tumi for the laptop bag – their stuff looks polished and is pretty indestructible.
Anony
Mulberry is great in this range. Their customer service sucks though so buy from Nordstrom instead if possible.
Anon
Try searching or browsing in the subreddit for handbags https://www.reddit.com/r/handbags/
Other aggregator sites to get a sense of what’s out there might be net-a-porter, Saks, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom. Couch is having a resurgence; I’m not a true luxury bag buyer because I don’t like obvious branding, but I’ve had great work bags from Poppy Barley, I just got a beautiful tote from Smaak Amsterdam, Aspinal of London is known for great quality if you like a structured look. Mulberry, Demellier, Strathberry and longchamp leather bags are underrated.
Anon
I love that subreddit.
I’m not into logos, so my favorite very nice leather bags are from Longchamp – not the nylon le pliage.
Anon
Has anyone tried to sell a house in a small town and just get bombarded by people asking you to not list it but cut some weird handshake deal on the side for their preferred new neighbor? It’s overwhelming me (not selling for happy reasons; house has a lot of good family memories and ghosts in it). Do people not get that a house is a major financial asset to most families and that as bad as realtor forms can be they are sadly needed to confirm terms and for financing? Handshake deals maaaaaybe work for a cash buyer but I suspect that there are none of those in tiny towns and there are a million nightmares for every person who wants their nephew to live next to them. Let me list the house and make me a real offer on a real form with real financing. Don’t text me about wanting to work out a deal with your son in law or whatever.
Anon
Repeat after me: people can ask, but that doesn’t make the ask reasonable. You aren’t obligated to entertain the request.
Just ignore it and say on repeat: “we are listing the house with X agent. Please direct your questions to her. You’re more than welcome to submit a competitive bid for the property.”
Anon
This. We have a family home on one of those town too, so I get the dynamic but it’s unreasonable and you should t cave to it.
Anon
My first house was a FSBO (for sale by owner) and I wouldn’t make the mistake of buying without a realtor on the seller’s side again. I thankfully had. A buyers agent, but the seller was completely unreasonable and pissed off the entire time.
I no longer necessarily think a realtor is worth an unquestioned 3%, especially in my VHCOL area, but they are certainly worth involving in a major financial transaction!
Cat
that happens in not-small towns too. Just politely say “oh we’ve listed it with X, please contact them.”
Seventh Sister
Yeah, I live in a big city and the first time one of my neighbors actually deigned to speak with us was to ask about buying the house in a private sale (we were tenants and the landlord had passed away).
Anon
You don’t necessarily need a realtor to use the same process. I’ve sold privately, using the same standard forms Realtors do. Once you agree on a price then just fill out the same paperwork. You could also use an attorney. I don’t think it’s a weird ask for them because it can save a lot of money to sell privately – I saved tens of thousands. You can still sell to those people though, and save on some commission, with only your realtor doing the paperwork and coordination. Just point them to your Realtor.
Anon
I think the point of putting your house on the market is to see what price you can get. People usually think they’re going to get a better deal if they prevent you from marketing your house. In OP’s shoes I’d absolutely test the market.
Anonymous
Happens all the time in the better areas of my small city. Why waste time getting your house sale ready and doing showings when you can just save yourself the realtor commission and sell your house directly? Why would I give a realtor money if I have people lined up to buy my house? A lawyer can write up the offer contract.
Generally people met with a few realtors, get an idea of what they might list at, what their dream price is and what their minimum is. Then let people know by word of mouth that they are going to list. My house and my neighbours house both sold off market for above the appraised value.
I have 3 kids and a dog. I’m definitely not dealing with showings for a month just to get an extra $10K.
Anon
I get that, but if I’m going to make an offer on an off-market place I’m serious about, it’s in the nature of “I will pay $X and put down $Y and waive inspections and close in 30 days and my financing is in order, here is the approval from the bank and proof of funds” and not “You and Raychelle should just work something out; you shouldn’t list for $A but should sell to her for $B [or vague wording to interfere with a sale or harass buyers and by the way your parents may have let us a key back in the day.”]
Anon
This isn’t a weird thing for them to do and you can use your words and say no.
Dress
I would entertain this if they are offering significantly more than market value. They should be paying a premium for you to take it off the market without a competitive process – I’d think 20-30% above market value would be enough for me to pay attention and consider this. As for FSBO, it’s definitely do-able, or you could get one realtor to represent both sides and save half the fee. https://www.younghouselove.com/how-we-sold-our-house-by-owner/. They should also be waiving inspection/contingencies as the buyer if they want the house that bad, since presumably what’s driving them is the lot location.
not so crazy
This isn’t weird and if they are making a great offer find a title company to help you out. The title company will have the form contract, hold the earnest money, and manage financing, escrow etc. We did this to buy a house a few years ago and saved $26K. Our loan officer handled most of the work honestly. As long as the buyers give you good vibes–go for it! If they are crazy in the inspection period you can release their earnest money and find a realtor. Honestly realtors are sometimes just another person to manage in the game of telephone. Conversely I tried to find a buyer to sell our old home, but got no bites, and would have sold it for $45K less than we got with a realtor using the traditional MLS etc. The market was super hot though at that time and I didn’t try that hard.
Anon
If you don’t bring your own lunch to your office job, what do you typically buy for lunch and how much does it cost? I need some perspective, though I know this varies regionally.
Anon
Either a half sandwich and cup of soup (around $10-$12) or a salad (usually sweetgreen and $9-$10 after my $3 sweetpass daily credit).
anon
A whole hodge podge of things, but the bill usually comes out to $12-15 depending on what it is. Salads, sandwiches, Cava, Tatte, a little Mediterranean place near me, a Mexican place that does good bowls, you name it. I’m really over Sweetgreen personally, but that’s in the rotation when I’m feeling particularly uninspired. I’m in Boston.
I’m on a GLP1 and really struggling these days because I really only want half of a serving size. I wish there were more places that had sides or options to fit the bill. I’m paying for a full sandwich/meal and only eating about half. Also, sometimes I’m not that hungry but know I have back to back meetings so would love to grab something small. The option just doesn’t exist around me.
Anon
I feel the same way about wanting a smaller portion in Boston. Flour does half sandwiches, which I find a good size for me.
Anon
Ex-Bostonite and I miss Flour so much.
Anon
Pret a Manger does some half sandwiches.
Anon
Fast casual chains for a basic bowl or salad without premium add-ons. These days it’s around $14 if you want protein (that includes vegetarian protein- don’t get me started). In the ol’ days before covid it was typically $9.
Anon
I’m OP that’s my sticker shock, but it’s more like what used to be $12 is now at least $17, often more.
Anon
Yeah the price increase is crazy. I try to order consistently from restaurants with good loyalty programs so I earn free meals on occasion. I stopped going to places that are mediocre because they’re no longer cheap enough to justify the quality (looking at you, Potbelly and Panera).
Anon
I last worked in an office in early 2020, so prices have probably gone up a bit, but in a Midwest college town I usually spent $8-12 for lunch if I went out. I usually ate Asian food or a chain like Chipotle or Panera.
Anon
Salad or sandwich from a take out place. I am in midtown NYC, so have my choice of many options, but it is pricey. I most frequently get Sweetgreen, Chopt, Naya, Cava, Dos Toros, Lenwich, Glaze or Le Botaniste. Usually costs between $14 and $20.
Anon
And yes, I agree prices have gotten very expensive!
NY CPA
Same. It’s annoyingly expensive in midtown NYC. I would estimate the average is about $18/day.
Anon
I usually bring, but if I don’t I usually get Sweetgreen. I have Sweetgreen+ so it’s usually $11-14 depending on what I get.
Anonymous
Scandi here: if I get a filling takeaway lunch with protein it’s 16-25 dollars (tax incl.), if I get something from a grocery store like salad and yogurt maybe 9-11, and homemade 5-6.
Anonymous
I have wavy hair. I use a couple pumps of mousse on my wet hair in the morning and leave for work. Some mornings in my humid climate, I get really frizzy or flat pieces like where I missed mousse. (Totally different issues, I know!) I purchased a mystery bottle of “curl spray” at a drugstore years ago – and that bottle broke so I since decanted it into a smaller travel size bottle. Zero memory of the label or brand. I spray this concoction on my DRY hair at the office and quickly scrunch and this does wonders whether frizzy or not curled pieces. It is not gel and not mousse and does not leave my hair crunchy. Any suggestions for a similar curl spray product? I looked online and am overwhelmed.
Anon
I’m wondering if this is a sea salt spray, as a fellow wavy gal.
BOS
Might be a reactivator?I use one from Bumble and Bumble on my curly hair when it is dry and needs a bit of life.
Anon
My family like the Garnier and the L’Oreal options from the drugstore for curl sprays. There’s also an Aussie curl activator we’ve had good luck with. House of 4 curlies ranging from 3a to 3c.
a glimmer of hope?
just wanted to share a small win – my extended family is all across the political spectrum. One of my uncles was VERY pro-trump in 2016, still in 2020. yard signs, the whole nine. Last weekend, shared he isn’t sure about voting for Kamala yet but is not voting for Trump. May leave blank. He lives in a swing state.
Do I still find it extremely frustrating? Yes. But is it also a glimmer of hope that we can sometimes get our loved ones back from the cult of Trump? Yes.
Anon
Fingers crossed for you! I seem to have lost a lot of relatives to cult/conspiracy beliefs.
Anon
That’s wonderful! Thanks for sharing. People here and elsewhere like to say “a non-vote is a vote for Trump” and mathematically I understand how that’s true (well, at least a half vote) but for me personally there’s a huge moral difference between voting for Trump and not voting, and I fully understand celebrating that a relative is no longer under his spell, even if they’re not ready to vote for a Democrat yet.
a glimmer of hope?
absolutely!
and to me that tracks more when it’s a bernie bro now not voting blue, but a red vote going away is still something!
Anon
One fewer vote for Trump is still a win!
Anon NYC
This! I consider him not voting a win since he would otherwise vote for Trump.
Anon
That’s amazing!! So glad a) you have your uncle back from the cult and b) I hope this is a trend that is happening across the board.
Amanda
I prefer to wear a crop top with jeans like this – https://maven46.com/woman-shirts-clothing-women-tops-womens-t-shirt-crop-top-tee-designer-clothes-tshirt-cotton-short-sleeve-letter-print-fashion-20ss-pullover-female-black-rock-26-62-2559/