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I've recently started a new thing: single subject notebooks for ongoing projects and hobbies.
I was recently in Target and came across this notebook — I'm always a sucker for blue things, particularly with multiple shades of blue, so I had to have it, and it is now my meal planning notebook.
When I do my inventory of the freezer to see what we need to eat — I'm putting it in this notebook instead of in a random notebook or back of an envelope. When I make my listing of which recipes I want to try in the near future (from all the various sources!), I'm putting them here. I'm finding there's a continuity of thought that's immediately helpful because I can look back and see what we did the last time I cooked a bunch of things for the freezer or meal prepped a bunch of things for the family. (I tend to be one of those people who only does this once every 6-8 weeks or so instead of daily or weekly.)
The notebook is $8 at Target.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anonymous
Can we talk about socks? I think I might be sock-phobic and I’ve accepted that I need help. Most of my favorite work pants are cropped/ankle, in the winter/cooler months do you just wear socks with them? I think I just don’t pay attention to what others are doing! Would it look weird to do trouser socks with loafers? I feel like that’s a lot of sock exposure? But if the socks are cute, then sock exposure is probably fine?
I’m sorry this is probably the most inane thing posted. I think as a millennial too much of my life has been focused on keeping socks 100% hidden or just eschewing them entirely. I’m willing to change! I’ve seen cute socks! Help!
ALT
I personally don’t like the look of trouser socks (even cute ones) with loafers, so I wear the no show footie type socks. My feet sweat a ton so going sock less is not remotely an option for me.
If I’m wearing an Oxford shoe with ankle/cropped pants, I have less of an issue with cute socks showing. Kind of how men wear fun socks with their Oxford shoes but solid socks with loafers. (I dislike the socks + loafers look on men too)
Cat
With cropped pants, I either wear tight calf height booties (like sock booties), no socks, or sheer hose type socks.
I do not attempt to have an exposed thick fabric sock.
Anonymous
I wear socks with cropped and ankle trousers and jeans.
For dress trousers something in thin wool or sheer or a contrast colour fish net. For jeans or more casual trousers, more casual cotton or modal. I match material to the shoes, a dressy loafer will be a thinner sock, sneakers thicker. For cropped, I like knee high socks, same for under boots.
I’ve not gone full-on Gen Z style with it, but I haven’t worn black dress socks for a couple of years, now.
anon
As a Xennial, I feel your last paragraph so hard. I cannot get used to my socks showing! It makes me feel like a frumpy high schooler all over again.
Anon
I do a thin trouser sock or a no show depending on the season. I do not do fun socks though. No weird colors or patterns. Black.
Ruchika
Bought the fishnet sock from amazon, looks amazeballs , but goes only with black pumps.
Anon
I don’t wear socks with loafers, flats, or any shoe that would show it.
Anon
I don’t have a meal planning notebook, but my husband and I started listing expiration dates of the perishable food we have as we put it in the refrigerator. It keeps us eating what we need to eat by said date, without specific meal planning. Like “I’m hungry, and the chicken thighs expire Wednesday so guess I’ll cook those.”
Seems obvious, but somehow without having it written down, we tended to “forget” things in the fridge.
Anonymous
I try to write the “best by” date in Sharpie on every jar/bottle that goes into the pantry – if we have 3 jars of pasta sauce it’s a lot easier to grab the oldest one if you can see which one that is.
Natasha McShane
I like that. As a friendly reminder, I’m staging items up front that need to go.
Anon
Has anyone gotten lip filler? If so, any thoughts or recommendations? I know a few women who’ve gotten it and it looks amazing. Very subtle, you wouldn’t know they’d had anything done if you didn’t know them before. I am thinking I’d just want the lowest amount possible and to emphasize it being subtle…
Anon
Yes, a few times, none right now. Less is more. Remember you will likely swell up at first. Let it settle in and then decide if you need to go back for more.
I will tell you that I find lip injections incredibly painful. The numbing cream doesn’t do it for me; only a full dental block makes it bearable. I don’t have anything right now because I have to psych myself up to endure the pain. You all may be tougher than I am.
Anonymous
I commented below, but this comment reminded me about the bruising and swelling. It wasn’t a “you can go back to work the next day” procedure for me.
Anon
My boss had filler done and my male grandboss pulled me in to see if there were domestic violence concerns.
Anonymous
I used to get filler done and loved the results, but I’m a bit hesitant to have it done again. I have a very high threshold for pain, I find lip fillers excruciating. When my allergies are bad, I can feel some kind of reaction with the fillers. Fillers also don’t go away the way we think they do. I haven’t had my lips done in around 2 years, the filler is still there. With filler migration (and the fact that dissolving is more complex than we think) it increasingly feels like rolling the dice. Just wanted to say this as someone who was really pleased with the results, but probably wouldn’t do fillers at all in the future. I joke that I put the money in a face lift fund!
Anon
I’ve had it done once, last January, and have been very pleased with the results. I went for a completely natural look. I would note that it was really painful to have it done, and that I spent the first couple of days freaking out that I had duck lips (it was swelling). So I will have it done again, but probably at the end of a day on a Friday when I don’t have any weekend plans.
Sallyanne
Yes, a handful of times over the years. Very light hand, excellent injector. I don’t remember it being excruciating or painful, some pokes yes, but nothing terrible. Maybe my injector left the lidocaine on longer? I do remember having some bruising after one but again not a big deal (just follow all pre and post instructions!).
Anonymous
Low stakes question for today: what was the best thing you ate this summer?
Mine was probably a BLT we made ourselves with bread we made from scratch and tomatoes I grew form seed.
Anon
A local Mexican place near my relatives had the very best coconut cake I’ve ever had in my life. My cousin knows the pastry chef and I’m still wondering if it would be rude to ask for the recipe (we live about a 4 hour flight away so I’m not back often and they’re too small to do GrubHub).
Anon
Including travel and restaurants, lobster rolls and wild Maine blueberry pancakes in Maine. At home, peach and burrata salad. I also grew tomatoes this summer for the first time ever and really enjoyed them.
Anon
Oysters at Hog Island Farm in Tomales Bay.
Anon
My favourite time of the year is the 8 weeks that wild blueberries are in season here. They are absolutely delicious and I eat tons of them.
Anon
Is your skin amazing during that period? I always notice my skin is better when I’m eating tons of berries, and I don’t get the same from just any kind of fruit.
Clementine
Oooo. Cinnamon Roll pancakes from a weekend trip to… Long Island (of all places) where every meal I ate was somewhere between ‘excellent’ and ‘life altering’. Long Island, you know your carbs.
anon
This summer, my favorite thing I ate was the first ear of corn I went out and picked from my backyard garden.
Summer in my area is fresh corn, blueberries, and I always long for my first summer BLT with good tomatoes from the farmer’s market and my first homemade pesto with my garden basil.
Anon
I feel like cantaloupe is a polarizing fruit but I love it, and the late summer ones from the farmers’ market are amazing. They don’t even seem like the same fruit as the sad sad ones in the department store.
Cat
At home, a peach, basil, burrata omelet. Restaurant, very specific Philly rec, Vernick Fish’s octopus.
Anonymous
Fresh GA peaches over the sink
Anon
This is the way
anon
(1) A peach pie with local peaches, overwhelmingly buttery crust, and whipped cream.
(2) A tomato / basil / mushroom / red onion galette; tomatoes and basil from spouse’s garden.
Anonymous
Out: rice pudding gelato or a seafood laksa
In: grated fresh tomato and butter sauce or chickpea pudding pad thai
Anon
Some really good panzanella (homemade) was probably top of the list for me. Or mixed berry cobbler with vanilla ice cream on top.
Anon
My husband’s homemade garlic naan. A matcha cookie with vanilla buttercream frosting from my fave local bakery. Tomatoes from our garden. Early apples fresh off the trees from the orchard down the road.
Anon
A BLT sandwich with big slabs of summer tomato, garden lettuce, and Benton’s bacon on gushy white bread slathered liberally with Duke’s mayo. Once a year I buy a loaf of the kind of creepy white bread that comes in plastic, for the best of the summer tomatoes. Sara Lee Artesano bread, if anyone wants to know.
anonshmanon
We checked out a bougie farmer’s market and came home with the most amazing strawberries. Made two batches of jam with those and ate them in all kinds of ways. So good.
Sunshine
The perfectly ripe watermelons we got! Watermelons are one of DH’s and my favorite parts of summers. We eat a couple per week.
Anonymous
At home, fresh Georgia peaches. I pay what is quite frankly an obscene amount of money per peach to ship myself peaches from a farm near my hometown every summer (I no longer live in GA, and even farmer’s market peaches here just aren’t as good.) Traveling: truffle pasta in Tuscany. Didn’t realize I liked truffle oil until this summer.
Anonymous
I learned how to cook scallops, so yummy and easy. And tomatoes from my garden!
Anon
Fig and prosciutto buckwheat crepe in a small college town on the West coast. Haven’t had better in Paris.
Anonch
A Greek salad with a feta mousse. And fresh watermelon juice.
TelcoLadyJD
At home, a BLT with tomatoes from my husband’s garden and extra bacon. Also watermelon – we had some amazing watermelons this year.
At a restaurant, grilled octopus with chimichurri and black eyed peas. Legit the most delicious thing I’ve eaten in years.
Anon
To continue he POA rant and because there are so many lawyers here:
If every other company wants you to have a POA on their form and most POAs are springing, what is the point even? The POA just institutes a fight about if the condition has been triggered and if it is, you can’t go back and fix it because the trigger is most likely that the person isn’t competent or is hospitalized or deployed (the other sprinting type event I’ve seen).
Just a mess all around. And most people need a POA to get involved in medical appointments or straightening out billing, often medical, so practically a part time job’s worth of nuisances.
Anon
This is why my office drafts POAs to be effective immediately (estate planning attorney). Yes, you are giving another person a whole heck of a lot of power, so I always stress that my clients should only name a person they trust implicitly. I’ve found this type of POA is much more effective, but even then, I’ve had clients run into issues with financial institutions not accepting them. It seems like elder abuse and fraud has skyrocketed in recent years and financial institutions are really cracking down. Incapacity is always very hard to plan for.
Anon.
In practice, they are useless because institutions will not honor them. The worst offender is Bank of America.
Anon
I went to party with DH’s friend group over the weekend. The host is a guy who I have mixed feelings about. When we first met him, I felt that he was flirting with me a bit inappropriately to potentially alpha-dog DH (i.e., ‘Can I get your partner to be interested in me?’ energy). I later heard a story about another guy’s girlfriend propositioning him and him bragging about it, and it in some ways confirmed my gut-check, since it seems like he must have put down some type of energy to make her feel comfortable doing that. I also just really bristled at the way he spoke to me about other women. Commenting on their bodies, assessing who was and wasn’t desirable, constantly having a womanizing attitude, making comments I found racist or classist.
He has since gotten a serious girlfriend and they’ve moved in together, and he’s gotten a lot more respectful. When they first started dating, I felt that he was still being a bit flirty (staring at me, constantly trying to talk to me, standing too close and kind of clamoring for my attention), but he has since really tampered down and presents as an extremely warm and attentive host. If I were meeting him for the first time now, I’d think “Wow, what a lovely man, he’s so kind.” However, I still feel very uncomfortable around him, and I tend to react to him a bit avoidantly. For example, if he tries to talk to me one on one, I will try to respond animatedly (say something like ‘How wonderful!’) before turning to a group conversation nearby or walking over to find DH. I am worried this comes across as rude or disrespectful, especially since I’m at a gathering in his home. How big of a faux pas is this or how much engagement do you owe someone at a party? I feel I no longer have grounds to be actively avoiding him since he has started acting extremely nice and respectful, but I do feel that is in many ways just an act.
I also just feel self-conscious about how I behaved at the gathering in general, because I was nervous about seeing this guy, as well as being around other groups of DH’s college friends. They often roast each other and try to loop me in to roast DH, and afterwards I always worry that I come across as contemptuous or resentful of him, when in reality I adore everything about him (and only tease him to fit in). I’d say since I’m not used to roasting people I also am never sure if I’m doing it right or just being mean.
In general, how do you guys deal with post-gathering rumination about whether you were weird or not? Do you ever feel like you are incapable of not putting your foot in your mouth? These people always comment on how wonderful I am, but I keep going over things I said and worrying I was inappropriate.
anon
These might your DH’s people, but they are not yours. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but IME, when I am ruminating on social interactions way too much, it’s because I know, on some level, that I have to put on an act to be around those individuals or people.
I’d be wary of the first guy, too. Guys who are comfortable talking that way don’t really change; they just hide their true selves until the woman is comfortable.
Anon
Just wanted to say that this line ‘when I am ruminating on social interactions way too much, it’s because I know, on some level, that I have to put on an act to be around those individuals or people.’ is SO true and I’ve never articulated it that way to myself before. Thank you for the free therapy!
To comment on the OP – agree that these are not your people and it’s ok to be generally kind but slightly distant. I’d think of them similarly to how I do work friends – I enjoy hanging out with close coworkers but I’m never going to be 100% comfortable with them the way I am with my friends.
anon
Well, thank you! Let’s just say that it’s a truism that I’ve had to learn the hard way.
Anonymous
I sometimes ruminate, but I’m working on that. It’s not super productive after the first run through or two. I will actively force myself to to think of something different or distract myself with media or a task to cut it off.
I don’t really have a judgment as to your first point. If you want to give this guy a second chance because he’s kind of earned it, maybe just force yourself to engage the next time, but don’t entertain any flirting or leering if it turns to that.
Just as I try not to cross the line with flirting with his friends, I try not to participate in roasting my partner. in every scenario, even when it is truly all in good fun, I’d rather be perceived by my partner and his friends as his champion and safe space. My current partner is very able to take some ribbing from friends, but he still doesn’t need it from me, and they don’t need my help. I’m on his team even if he and I can both appreciate the joke. That way if it ever turns into something that isn’t fun, I’m already on the right side of the fence.
anon
100 percent agree with your third paragraph. I can’t stand roasting, though. It can quickly turn from good-natured to really hurtful. I’d rather not go there.
anon
+1
I would really hate this if my partner participated.
Anon
+2
Anon
No opinion on the first issue but never roast your husband. If you need a line I’d go with a version of “to me he’s perfect so I can’t help you.”
Anon
OP here – That is how I want to approach it, but this group of friends literally bombards me with it and I don’t know how to navigate it. For example, one of them has an ongoing bit about how I am way out of DH’s league. It was this friend’s engagement party a few months ago, and he any time we were in a group conversation he would bring up some variation of it. With a group of guys saying how well he pulled off his engagement, he responded, “But no one has ever pulled anything off as seriously as Joey getting Sally to date him. That is the biggest accomplishment I’ve ever seen. Isn’t she out of his league? How did he get such a hot girl to date him?” He did this 3 to 4 times throughout the night, including when I was meeting the groom’s mother (“This is Joey’s wife – isn’t she out of his league?”). I responded every time with polite laughter and a denial of it (it’s not true), but eventually got really uncomfortable. This friend has, every time I’ve met him, made some comment on how people must be looking at me because I’m so pretty or how they let me into the bar without an ID because I’m so pretty etc. Earlier in the relationship, when DH wasn’t around, he’d try to convince to break up with DH because I could ‘do so much better.’ I try to push back, but it’s exhausting to do over and over again.
The roasting over the weekend was more in the vein of them latching onto things I said to roast DH. For example, he was supposed to come with me to an event and bailed last minute, but then pretended to his friends that he had gone. When I mentioned that he hadn’t (not knowing he’d lied), they all pounced on him about it. I told him “you should have told me to lie!” or some variation of that. The other example was that they interrupted a conversation I was having with someone else to say “Why aren’t you going on DH’s trip to LA?” I was caught off-guard so I answered honestly, which was that DH wanted to stay with his friend, who didn’t have space for two guests, and so he is going without me. I made some joking comment like, “He was too cheap to get a hotel” which they all latched onto again.
It’s mostly the way they bombard me with it – I just get nervous and don’t know how to respond. I feel like with the attributes things (like them saying I am out of his league) I always push back emphatically, but with teasing him for his behavior, I feel like I either have to be like ‘Yeah, Joey, what gives?’ or come across as a wet blanket on the vibe. But I feel so self-conscious afterwards.
anon
These people sound absolutely exhausting.
Anon
Agreed. Here’s an internet stranger’s permission to not worry about them and their opinion of your performance over the weekend.
As for my strategy for not ruminating on this kind of thing— I try to remember that no one overanalyzes me in this way. I don’t do it to others, so what makes me so out there that others would do it to me?
Huh
These people def sound exhausting but also OP needs to handle this better as does her husband
op, how often do you have to spend time with these people? I’ve aged out of the “every weekend with college pals” cohort but this sounds like a real 20s problem?
Anonymous
My read from this, on the league one: He’s a creep. He has noticed that he can make you uncomfortable, and gets off on making you squirm. He’s delighted that he can make you uncomfortable in a way that makes it almost impossible for you to explain why it’s creepy, since he can always say “but I’m just giving her a compliment!”.
Oh, yeah, and alpha dog dude is absolutely a creepy creep. Trust your instincts. You don’t have to appease these people, grey rocking is your friend going forward. Don’t try to to be a cool girlfriend.
Anonymous
OK, what that “out of his league” guy is doing is NOT about “roasting” your husband. He’s being gross, and he’s continually commenting on your looks and body. You do not have to indulge him or push back or care about being a wet blanket. Be a wet blanket and ignore him.
I get the feeling you think you need to be chatty and jokey and get these guys to like you. You don’t. It’s OK to be quiet and confident and kind. It’s OK not to joke about things that you don’t think are funny. It’s OK not to laugh at things other people say that you think are gross. It’s OK not to respond to teasing by teasing back. It’s OK not to participate in teasing people when that’s not something you want to do.
And what’s up with your husband lying to his friends about going to the thing? Is he, also, trying to make sure he goes along with “the vibe” of this group??
anon
This is really gross, wow. It really doesn’t sound like these are your husband’s people either. This internet stranger gives you permission to deal with this as you see fit, but just know that they’re being super weird and it doesn’t sound all that well intentioned. You do not need to be concerned about whether you fit in with these people/if you’re being weird. So what if you are? They s*ck.
Anon
This is late, but please know you do not have to play along. Repeat firmly “no, I’m the lucky one” to any out-of-his-league comments. If he keeps at it, say “you’ve repeated that line and it’s not true; you’re being weird.” Shut it down.
Anon
And then turn on your heels and find someone else to talk to or let the silence hang in the air. They should squirm. They’re behavior is abhorrent
B
I’d smile and say…id skip the next gathering. And I don’t think these sound like good friends.
anonshmanon
I come from a family where lovingly ribbing each other is normal. The important part is that it’s done mutually (not picking on one person, or ganging up, or double standards in the group), and that you stop when asked/when it’s not fun for all involved.
Anon
This.
I also come from a family and a friend group where we rib on everyone we like. If we’re not ribbing on you, we don’t like you.
Anon
I think you’re way overthinking this. I don’t mean this in a mean way, but nobody at a party will remember or care about what you said.
Never roast or tease your husband though.
Anonymous
REgarding ruminating, I find it helpful to accept that I probably WAS a little weird. I probably said some things that didn’t make sense, was too quiet when I should have made small talk, added a comment that wasn’t perfectly timed, or tried to make a joke that fell flat. You know what? So did most of the people there. It’s normal. I have lots of friends who get tongue-tied, blurt out things, vent too long, dominate conversations, make silly jokes, and stumble around for words, and I like them anyway. Why shouldn’t I get the same grace that I give them?
“I will try to respond animatedly (say something like ‘How wonderful!’) before turning . . .” This sounds like false cheerfulness and running away. Next time, aim for polite, or cordial. You can talk normally with him for a sentence or two, and then calmly move on. You don’t have to like him or trust him to do that.
Anonymous
First, never roast your spouse. Find some way to deflect with humor. You married him!
Second, this guy is still the same guy. You have boundaries with him. Stick to them.
Anon
It bothers me that this guy got to talk and act this way and you are the one ruminating. If this guy is some great person now, surely he’d understand why you might be merely polite since he used to be disrespectful of your relationship and of women in general. If he feels entitled to have past behavior forgiven and forgotten, then how reformed is he really? Of course you aren’t going to feel totally comfortable around him. I don’t know what that means you should do when he’s hosting, but it doesn’t sound like you were rude enough to cause a scene, so I feel he’s the one who should be worrying about whether he made you feel uncomfortable by trying start up a one-on-one conversation.
Anon
We are social creatures. There’s actually a network in the brain specialized in ruminating about social situations when we are not otherwise engaged in a task (look up “default mode network” if you are curious).
That said, it sounds like you may be ruminating because you are uncomfortable in specific situations with specific people. Best way I’ve found to deal with that is to find someone to debrief with, ideally somebody who’s also been in the situations, but if you don’t have a safe way to do that then someone who knows you well and whose judgment you trust. Debriefing here is not a bad idea, but it may be more useful to have an ongoing conversation with someone, as it seems the situations themselves are recurring. In an ideal world, after having the conversation for a while, you may develop shorthand ways to respond, maybe some running jokes, and be able to roll your eyes knowing that it’s not you, it’s them…
anon
Did you “update the plumbing and electrical” in your older house? Why? How much did it cost? Were you financially well off and just paid cash for it?
I realize that this boards skews wealthier than many who live in my neighborhood, which is mostly older houses (~70-100+ years old). But it is not common to do this here. However, there are definitely some younger families moving in with $$ who seem to be doing this occasionally.
I am trying to understand why so many folks do this. Is it because you have so many problems with your plumbing (ex. no water pressure so showers were untenable? Totally unsafe electrical issues you were told had to be fixed right away)? Dangerous levels of ?lead etc..?
In the older house I live in now, I know the rules… don’t use the hairdryer in the bathroom sink outlet. Don’t overload certain plugs. Don’t flush the toilet or run the washing machine when someone is in the shower. But everything works fine. Honestly, I don’t even notice anymore unless I am traveling and stay in a hotel and the water pressure in the shower is a shocker to me. But my shower at home is fine and I even have a water saving head on it.
Anon
Yes.
I live in a house so old it has an open floor plan for air corculation before the advent of cross breezes. Every room has windows on two sides and almost no doors. There is almost no where to put furniture. Also, the windows have been painted shut. It goes on and on. No closets.
Anon
If you’re renovating anyway, it’s a no brainer to modernize ancient utilities. Once the walls are open, do as much as you can — in our case we also ran ethernet everywhere to enable a mesh network.
We had knob and tube wiring, sometimes surprise ‘hot’ wires when you thought you’d turned off the switch, meaning something amiss in the walls, and an undersized panel for our house. Putting in modern electricity means none of the inconveniences you list, safety, and our house is now capable of supporting an electric tankless water heater and air con at the same time, which previously it couldn’t.
Anon
Oh and to do this project standalone in a 1200sf rowhome, we were quoted around $15K (pre-Covid). As part of a reno it was around $10K of the overall budget.
Clementine
This has been part of what we’ve done in phases as we’ve had to open up walls. In the 10 years we’ve lived in our house, there have been various points where walls had to be opened up… when that happened, we would replace plumbing and/or electrical and insulate.
Husband has the skill set to do a lot of this himself and has done so which means I can’t tell you the cost. Plumbing was more of an issue when pipes were corroding/disintegrating. Electric is replaced because of fire hazards and for practical reasons like adding outlets or lighting.
Anon
Here updating the electric means replacing knob and tube wiring. It’s for safety – it wasn’t designed for modern loads and I don’t think it’s grounded. It can also affect your insurance coverage.
Anon
Insurance forced my hand in my first house. It had a fuse box and I had to replace it with breakers. It wasn’t horribly expensive but I’d have rather not spent the money. I make a pittance compared to many of the frequent posters.
In current house, I added some outlets and a fan when an old bathtub failed, necessitating some demolition in both (they shared a wall) bathrooms.
Anon
We have an antique house (early 1800s) so there had been many updates to plumbing/electrical made before we moved in. The last owners did a big update/addition in the late 80s/early 90s and had to update to code in order to get the addition. Plus knob and tube wiring is dangerous in an antique house that wasn’t built to any particular code.
We found out after we moved in that the pipes on our second floor weren’t properly insulated so they froze and nearly burst. We had to rip out and redo two bathrooms in two years. We intentionally bought less house than we could afford and knew we’d need to do some updating (old houses need lots of upkeep). The first bathroom was planned and we’d saved for it, the second one came out of cash flow and by skipping vacations for 2 years.
Anon
We have a 1909 home and have updated electrical and plumbing as we have needed, but didn’t do an overhaul just because. Before we moved in, we had an electrician replace the fuse box (yes they were still using a fuse box!) with a circuit panel to bring the home into compliance with the transfer code. We were also required to replace bathroom and kitchen electrical outlets with GFCI outlets at that time. Optionally, since we were replacing a number of overhead lights with something period appropriate – no I do not want a bare fluorescent pigtail bulb in the middle of the kitchen – we had modern lightboxes installed in the ceiling (nothing you can see, it’s what the light fixture attaches to.)
Our kitchen was hilariously bad, half remodeled in maybe the 1950s, the other half in the 1970s. So when we ripped that out, I note after cooking in it for five full years!, we had all the electrical updated in there while the walls were open. But did we go through the house and pull out all the old electrical wiring between the walls? No, we did not. We have an electrician we like to use, though he is booked way out, who specializes in old houses, and we follow his advice.
In terms of plumbing, we are fortunate to have copper water piping that has really held up. Not sure when it was put in, but a very long time ago, well before we owned the house. Sewer piping is OK and we have the occasional clog that is easily fixed so far. My house is so old that the “new” bathroom was annexed from an existing room in 1929 and all the piping for that is still on the outside of the house. Easily fixable, if not pretty.
We have not replaced any piping “just because.” In my prior house, a 1922 bungalow, we had regular galvanized water piping that had rust on the inside – noticeable because anytime you clanged a pipe, the faucets ran red for a while – so when we had a giant leak in the bathroom and had to open it all up, we replaced the water piping with copper for the whole house, which was just that bathroom, the kitchen, and a laundry room with a half bath, all close to each other.
We also don’t enjoy showering when the washing machine or dishwasher is running, but honestly, that’s not an old house thing. That’s a having-a-single-water-heater thing. You can get away from it if you install inline water heaters everywhere you’re going to use hot water, but we have no plans to do that.
In terms of safety, we had the above mentioned electrical work done before we moved in, and we had an asbestos inspection done before closing. The asbestos was minimal and remediation was just encapsulation, so we feel fine about that.
An old house is an adventure. I obviously have a list of craftspeople to call for this or that, but honestly, everyone in my friend group/extended family with new construction has easily had just as many problems, most of them from shoddy construction. One thing I will say about my pain in the ass/ pain in the wallet old house, is that it is massively solid compared to currently built homes.
Anonymous
We updated the electrical panel in our apartment because it was a safety issue.
In general, it seems that often things are discovered in the course of a renovation that you can’t really ignore. If you hadn’t opened up the walls, you wouldn’t necessarily know your house is about to catch on fire or spring an expensive leak, and/or you might not need to bring it up to current building codes.
Anon
This. Ignoring bad electrical often isn’t just ‘can’t run a hairdryer and blender at the same time’ it’s ‘faulty wire gave out and it was behind the walls and by the time we caught it the entire attic was on fire. If an electrician says ‘I could leave the wiring as is but you’re rolling the dice on a house fire’ I’ll do the upgrade.
Anon
I’m putting it off as long as possible, but a lot of things were not built to last forever. I think some people would just rather replace things before there’s a huge problem. Some friends of ours kept kicking the can down the road with their plumbing, and the flooding when it finally went out was a bigger mess than if they’d just replaced based on its age and condition.
Anon
We just bought a 100 year old house. We bought the house knowing that it needed a new electrical panel and some other electrical work (about $10k total, though we’ll get a bit back from IRA tax credits) and accounted for that in our house buying budget. There were several blatant safety hazards, plus we wanted to install AC (a heat pump), which definitely required a panel upgrade, and we’ll eventually get an induction stove and probably an electric car when we next buy a stove and car, so now everything’s set for that. Plumbing is fine (and lead has already been replaced), so we don’t plan to touch that until/unless something breaks.
Anon
Yes because both plumbing and electrical failures can lead to major home problems. Agree with others I’ve upgraded in conjunction with a renovation but did the renovations immediately upon buying. I’ve always paid cash but yes, earn a lot and have assets.
Anonymous
Yes I did because my cast iron stack has a crack in it and you can’t insure a house with knob and tube where I live. I paid cash out of savings I’m not as wealthy as most here (HHI was about $150 when we did these renos in 2020).
Anon
My house is 60 years old so not quite in the range you describe, and thankfully the systems are not so outdated as to be uninsurable. We are not replacing anything wholesale, just as they are needed. When we do have a service call I ask for the technician’s take on the state of things and whether items are worth repairing or if they need replaced. Honestly, I am surprised at how often they say repair is the way to go, especially since I am willing to throw money at a full replacement. Most recently we had a breaker go bad; the electrician said overall things looked good and nothing further was needed now. He did give us a few warning signs to look out for and said if we notice any of those, it would be time to replace the panel.
Good repair techs are worth every penny and harder and harder to find. When you do find a good one, ask them who they suggest for other trades.
anon
Thanks all. Your responses are enlightening.
Anonymous
People don’t spent money on upgrading the systems for funsies or some sort of lifestyle superiority. Electric and plumbing systems are a safety issue and you’re living in a ticking time bomb, it’s not a virtue to live in danger.
Anon
No one was imagining this. But some of us have been told different things by different plumbers, etc., and some people probably do get upsold, right?
Anon
Ha, one of the first things we had to do in my older home was get a structural engineer in to direct us on how to stop the foundation from sinking. My husband and I often joked about how it’s not fun to invite people over to look at your brand new foundation, french drains, sump pump, and dehumidifier!
Of Counsel
Yes.
My house was built in 1987 and I had to completely replace the plumbing in 2005 because it was that awful polybutylene pipe that kept breaking and causing massive leaks in my house (that I was afraid to report to my insurance company because they would have dropped me like a hot potato). It was not really all that expensive (less than $15k) but it was a PITA!
And I re-did some, although not all of my electrical system when one of my neighbors (who has the same builder, floor plan, etc.) had a fire in their kitchen because I was not willing to roll the dice. Newer appliances were using more electricity, so I needed more capacity (and I replaced all of my outlets in the kitchen and bathrooms at the same time to add GFI outlets.
Anonymous
We had our house thoroughly inspected before we bought it. We immediately took care of some funky electrical in the attic that had been identified as a fire hazard. When we had a major leak in the pipes installed by the prior owner, we fixed that piping and the rest of the piping they had installed. Cheap plastic. Not tackling this stuff on an ongoing basis means you risk fire or serious water damage..
Anon
1890s house and if we’re otherwise doing work on a room, we will update but we haven’t done house wide updates.
We live in the muggy mid Atlantic with just a few window units.
Only our new outlets are 3 prong, everything else is 2 prong.
Bathrooms have “original” 1920s subway tile. Original hardwood floors, mounding, and other woodwork (intricate banisters and mantles). Plaster walls. Original windows.
I love the character and don’t want to lose it.
Kitchen is mostly updated, as is one bathroom. We did add additional/new electrical in the rooms with AC.
Anon
Adding to the chorus of yesses, I am about to buy my third house – I had a circa 1906, now a 1952, and a buying one that is approximated at 1900 (lol). Electrical is a safety issue and I am terrified of house fires so I do attend to that, and my current house was upgraded for my EV. New house has a small bit of knob and tube in the basement, which was insurable, but is getting updated asap after closing. I also want to run electric out to my parking pad for the car but that’s a want. My 1952 house had orangeburg sewer pipe so that collapsed, as it does, and was replaced in addition to some iron pipes that were flaking off and a hot mess. My 1906 house had clay pipes under the house that collapsed and had to be replaced and needed a breaker box. I did none of this for funsies. I paid out of pocket for most of it although got some home warranty coverage in the 1952 house. I try to forget how much it all costs but the per instance cost ranges from $5k to $15k.
TelcoLadyJD
Our house was built in 1955 and was extremely well-constructed for that time. But…things age and need updating/replacing. We recently completed a full renovation of our main floor and a facelift (new flooring and paint) of our basement. In order to handing the increased power needs for our new appliances (as well as plan ahead for a new HVAC system that we ended up replacing 6 months after we moved back in), we replaced the electrical panel and upstairs wiring. We also replaced the exterior sewer and water lines – this wasn’t a part of the plan, but we had a sewer issue that needed to be addressed, and once the hole is dug….replacing the pipes themselves just isn’t that much more expensive. (It also turned out that the water line had a crack on the street side that was making our water bill astronomical, despite the county’s protests to the contrary.)
Anyway, it’s annoying to spend $$$ on maintenance/upkeep that is boring and not pretty. But having a house that doesn’t burn down or flood is nice, and it’s much easier and cheaper to do some of this work while other things are being done and your life is already disrupted.
Anon
I really dislike election season. I can sort of understand why someone might vote for Trump, but what I can’t understand is why one is so proud to be voting for someone who talks about people eating pets that you want a sign advertising this in your yard. most of the year going for a walk in my neighborhood is a way to clear my head and help my mood, but not lately
Anon
I’m in the SF Bay Area, and I went to a party over the weekend with a bunch of tech guys who are Undecided. I’m like… How??? These guys are ivy-educated and have only ever lived in blue bubbles, but somehow think it’s a close call between the candidates. After seeing the rates about 56% increase in mortality rates among pregnant women in Texas post-Dobbs, I can’t help but feel that they simply don’t care about women (or anyone but themselves) if they’re considering voting for Trump. I want to put an end to the divisiveness in the U.S., but I have so much trouble sympathizing with people who are educated enough to know better but still Trump-curious, when he’s literally deranged.
Anyway, I agree, it’s a stressful time.
Anon
I agree they don’t care. It’s not that they don’t know or women didn’t explain it well enough – they know and don’t care and in some cases, are downright glad.
anon
Yup. They do not care because it is not their problem.
anon
+1
It’s so sad.
At least with the older ones, I can say…. “but you have daughters…”. But they are rich enough they feel protected.
Anon
They don’t care about anyone but themselves. I have conservative relatives (both men and women) who have told me several times that they only care about lowering their taxes (they’re firmly middle class but think they are upper class). They are essentially single-issue voters on taxes and nothing else.
Anon
I know a secular Jewish woman in the Bay Area voting for Trump because of Israel and I think also for her own financial benefit although she won’t admit to the latter part. She’s strongly pro choice and I pointed out that women in red states will lose healthcare and die and she’s just like “meh it doesn’t affect me and they have only themselves to blame for living in red states.” It’s sad and selfish.
Anonymous
Good way to support two right-wing governments and undermine the rights and further endanger the lives of minorities in two lands with just one vote.
Anon
As a Jew, this makes me so sad. I’m a “Never Trump” voter and it’s sad that Jews think he is a better option for Israel.
Anon 4:37
I’m also Jewish and also baffled. I share her feeling that there’s too much antisemitism on the left but the alternative is… Trump. “Very fine people on both sides” of Charlottesville guy. Endorsed a guy who describes himself as a Black Nazi. Currently blaming all his problems on Jews and calling immigrants animals. Do I wish the left had less antisemitism, yes, but this is a binary choice and not a hard one, even if you’re just focused on who is better for Jews.
To say nothing of all the other problems Trump causes: crumbling of democracy, lack of support for Ukraine, loss of reproductive rights, damage to the environment etc etc.
I agree with you
Cousin went to Yale and is a doctor in Texas. He doesn’t care because his parents taught him to only care about immediate family (plus maybe only child syndrome).
Anon NYC
Then why TF did he become a doctor!!!! He should maybe consider caring about his patients too.
Roxie
If he’s old enough to be a doctor than he’s old enough to be accountable for his bad morals and bad Opinions. Don’t let him off the hook and only blame his parents.
Anon
Can we not with blaming being a crappy person on being an only child? There are loads of selfish people with siblings and plenty of lovely only children. Family size is irrelevant to whether or not you care about others.
Anonymous
The voters who are pocketbook voters are being really short sighted. Trump and his buddies want us to be a kleptocracy like Russia. This kind of theft at the top is a massive drain on GDP and creates a hostile investment environment in Russia. Why would we want that here?
Anon
Yeah it’s honestly the Dems who are the economy first party right now, for better or worse. If all someone cares about is $ or their investments, why vote for ideologues who are okay with tanking the economy?
Anon
It’s the opposite of virtue-signaling. I am with you; I hate seeing these. I know that people have the right to display their signs and I am glad that they do. I’d rather know who I’m dealing with.
Anon
They have those signs out precisely to bug you. I agree with you about disliking it!
Anonymous
This. These are the “burn it all down” Trump voters and they do, in fact, irritate me.
Anonymous
I’ve never loved election season, but the last 8 years have been brutal.
Anon
I used to enjoy the SNL skits during presidential election years (the Trump and Hilary ones were the best!) but haven’t looked for them this time around.
anon
I agree with you. These are not about differences in philosophy or policy or anything grounded in truth. We have fundamental differences in morality and what constitutes human decency, and I can’t get past it. My church has launched this whole “do unto others” campaign, in which you put up yard signs that basically indicate you’re willing to listen and consider both sides. That’s probably oversimplifying it, but I declined to participate. For any other candidate of the opposing party, sure. For Trump? No way, not a chance, not interested in hearing your perspective. Maybe that makes me a bad person but I think it’s dangerous to pretend like he’s like any other candidate we’ve experienced before.
Anon
This isn’t honestly my experience with most of his supporters I know (I know he has supporters that I don’t know and don’t care to know).
I can’t pinpoint differences in morality and what constitutes human decency. It’s differences in what we believe is true about the candidates (they believe much, much worse things of my candidate than I do, and they think their candidate has been slandered and while not good, is not as bad as is said and is not worse than his opposition). There’s a similar disconnect when it comes to beliefs about policy and its effects. It’s more like we have the same values but are living in different realities.
Anonymous
Same.
Anonymous
Same. The only plus side to this is now I know exactly which of my neighbors don’t understand how democracies fall.
Paging London planner
Paging London Planner – have left a long comment for you on the morning thread, currently in mod.