Thursday’s Workwear Report: Plus-Size Solid Knot-Front Empire Dress

190 Comments

1. Another day, another guy getting credit for something I’ve spent months planning after he swooped in at the last minute to “help.”
   Is it Friday yet?

   1. Argh! I’m angry on your behalf. At my old job this happened too many times to count.

   2. I’m sorry to hear this. Do you have any male allies you could count on to mansplain that it was really you who should be given credit?

      1. Not really. Unfortunately I work in an industry that is majority female, but leadership/authority positions are primarily male (stats show this is the case across the country, not just my office). So allies on my level are all other women and the only men who could effectively mansplain to this person are at my grandboss’s level, too high for me to complain about this to.
         It also really makes me mad that this guy does this type of thing regularly, and then points to the results as reasons why he should be promoted. It works- he’s advanced to the third-highest level in our org chart.
         UGH.

         1. Nonprofit? That’s really common here too. Majority female employees until you get up to the executive level.

         2. Why don’t you consider getting the other women to amplify your involvement and give you the credit. Talk about how Venting did an amazing job on Project X. If you get a handful of well thought of people doing this, you can counter the narrative. Not always completely, but you can start. I have a group of women at work and we do this for each other, and we’ve all hit promos over the last few years.

         3. I mansplain to the mansplainers sometimes. They hate it.

         4. Do you have any direct reports? You can take credit via Team concept. I have previously rudely barged in on someone’s self-back-patting and said something like “While Matt’s contribution in creating the visual for this work is much valued, I want to make sure due credit is given to my amazing team that did 90% of the legwork on this project on a very short notice and while juggling many concurrent priorities. We organized the project plan and held each other accountable along the way to make sure Leadership’s goals are met.”

   3. Any email chain where you can reply all and say “Dude, we appreciate the last minute assist in getting this X months long project over the finish line. The project team and I spent x months on it, and we’re excited to see it complete.”?

      Pats him on the back, unfortunately, but adds the message that there were other people doing a lot of work on this?

2. Mr. Brooke is going to be speaking at a conference in Lausanne, Switzerland next July. We were thinking of making a trip out of it, but trying to decide what to do. The conference is in the middle of the week (Tues-Thurs). Current thought is to make our trip Sat-Sun and to fly in and out of Paris and take the train to Lausanne for the conference and spend the rest of the time in Paris (where neither of us has ever been). The train ride is about 3.5 hours each way, and we like trains.

   Any other cities we should be looking at instead of two stints in Paris (if we did this, Paris would be on our list to come back to, I think!)? Should we schedule in some time in Geneva (train would go through)? Recs for things to do in Paris? In the Lac Leman/Lake Geneva area?

   1. You must go to Vevey, of course!

      1. What do you like Vevey?

         1. It’s where Amy and Laurie fell in love!!

            Srsly though Switzerland in July is breathtaking. I’d spend the whole time there.

      2. This made me giggle!

   2. Geneva is cute and quiet and peaceful, but much less interesting than Paris in my opinion – it really depends what kind of trip you’re after. Lausanne is also cute and there is some beautiful nature in the area (which would probably require a car). The Paris to Lausanne trip is very doable – I’ve done it several times. I would do Paris if you want to see the sights and take in the city, and Geneva if you want to be more relaxed and stroll along the lake.

   3. Geneva is quieter than Paris but still worth seeing, in my opinion. You’d only need a day or two max to see everything touristy. The old city is very quaint and the Reformation Wall is pretty cool, in my opinion. Take a boat out on the lake and visit the rose garden as well.

   4. If it were me, I’d go to the Bernese Oberland — Murren, etc.

   5. If you do go to Geneva, I LOVED the Philippe Patek watch museum. Will it make your SO lust for a watch with the pricetag of a car? Probably, so tread with caution.

   6. i lived in Lausanne for 6 years! Honestly, you could just enjoy Lake Geneva at this time of year. Many options here:
      1. Take a ferry boat to Evian (France, on the other side of the lake), or to any of the Swiss-side towns (Lutry has a cute little harbor, Nyon a castle, famous Chateau de Chillon is by Montreux).
      2. explore Gruyeres – very picturesque town, great cheese there and the crazy museum/bar of HR Giger, who designed the “Alien” visuals
      3. Do something outdoors:
      – paddleboarding on the lake
      – hiking (e.g. Rochers de Naye are above Montreux with a cable car going up and a great view over the lake and the mountains, Moleson above Vevey, cable car goes there, great view over the lake; Gstaad/Zweisimmen area is also good)
      – go ride a bike or hike through the vineyards (Lavaux, between Lausanne and Montreux), you can stop at the wineries and have a tasting

      Also, another tip for Lausanne: The Art Brut Museum is fantastic, features all kinds of artworks by mentally/physically ill or disabled artists- we had an annual pass and could spend hours perusing the interesting art there.

3. I have dark brown/black hair and, at 31, have a ton of whites and grays. I want to get it colored – this will be my first time. I want to lighten it up to Medium or Light Brown with maybe some highlights for depth/variety. No orange tint – i hate the orange undertones. I’ve been looking on line and there are so many terms (highlights! lowlights! balayage! ombre!) – any suggestions for what I should be asking for? I will ofcourse speak with colorist but wanted some general starting place.

   1. I have your color hair and kept my whites b/c they were stark white and in neat streaks. Had they not come in like that, I might have gone with putting in ash blonde highlights where the gray was and going to my summer color year-round as a base (my hair lightens up 1-2 shades with being outdoors an hour a day or so). Think Meaghan Markle’s hair vs Kate Middleton’s in the summer (if she spent her summer at the beach).

   2. Take pictures of what you like and your colorist can tell you if it’s possible.

   3. I would just talk to you colorist and tell him or her your goals rather than try to problem solve it ahead of time. They’ll know what will work best with your hair. I’ve colored my hair for 20 years and have never once said I want XYZ. I think you’re more likely to come out with something you don’t like if you do that.

      1. But what do you ask for when you book the appt? I’m similar to the OP and just started coloring my hair this year. Every time I call, they ask if I’m getting full or partial, balayage or highlights, etc. And when I say I’m not sure, I end up getting booked for the most expensive, longest time slot.

         OP – I think you’re getting highlights (because you’re going lighter than your natural color) or all over color. Balayage and ombre only do the bottom part of your hair, so you’d still have whites and grays at your roots. But I’m not a hairdresser and I’m new to this.

         1. For what it’s worth, I have lighter brown hair with some gray and I’m not doing highlights and lowlights because highlights on my graying hair was just looking too overall blonde with that orangey look, which I also hate. This time, with the darker brown lowlights and whiter highlights, I’m loving the depth of the color that I have.

         2. I just book color, but I go to my stylist directly and book with him not a desk. I’d ask for a color consult and color slot, and then ask what to call the booking for the next time.

         3. This is why you do a colour consultation first.

   4. I’m really not well versed in hair terms and get my hair cut/colored about once a year, but I find that googling pictures of what I like is helpful. It helps me figure out what the service/look is called, and you can show it to your stylist.

   5. Call the salon and book a consultation. The stylist will tell you what to book with the receptionist.

   6. I would recommend stopping by for a consultation before booking anything. Go with reference photos.

   7. It depends in part on what your colorist’s skill set is.

      I do a partial or full foil on my hair, with fine sections of hair, so the effect is more subtle highlights than chunky ones. This grows out nicely (so it’s not that urgent to keep up with it). I would start with a partial foil since you’re new to this. Some salons and magazines refer to this style of highlighting as babylights.

      Unless you really have a lot of grays, I wouldn’t bother doing both highlights and a single-process color, unless you want to spend a lot of time at the salon.

      I have had balayage done, and I really like the look of it, but my colorist doesn’t seem to do it, and it costs more.

      Short answer: I’d start with partial foils and work your way up from there. Let the colorist help you with deciding what your color should be.

   8. You can ask for a short consultation appt – either separately or tack it on to a simple haircut appt. You would then need to go back a second time for the actual service.

      It sounds like you probably want something like all over color with a few highlights. But it makes sense to do a consult so that you c an get just talk through what you want without feeling rushed.

   9. Are you trying to cover the greys or lighten it up or both?

      I also have dark hair with greys and now highlights (a combination of balayage and partial foil I guess – I get booked in for 3/4 or 1/2 head depending on what condition they’re in).

      But the highlights are basically just fun/bonus for me – I need to get my roots done to cover the grey. The highlights do not work to cover my grey hair so if you want to lighten your hair, I would guess you need a combination of both. The first appointment is really long but after that, I find it to be much quicker.

4. I have dark brown/black hair and, at 31, have a ton of whites and grays. I want to get it colored – this will be my first time. I want to lighten it up to Medium or Light Brown with maybe some highlights for depth/variety. No orange tint – i hate the orange undertones. I’ve been searching and there are so many terms (highlights, lowlights, balayage, ombre,) – any suggestions for what I should be asking for? I will ofcourse speak with colorist but wanted a general starting place.

   1. I would say a “full color” or “color lift” with highlights. But if this is your first time, I’d just bring in pictures of what you like and explain that to the colorist. Someone experienced will be able to consult with you and help you articulate what you are looking for.

   2. If you don’t want an orange undertone, you want a neutral or cool brown rather than a warm brown. However, if your overall coloring is warm, you don’t want to go too cool with the haircolor or you will look ill. I would start by keeping the base color slightly lighter than your natural color and adding some subtle highlights. If you go too much lighter than your natural color, you’ll look washed out. Also, the lighter you go, the more likely the color is to fade to orange.

      1. Agree that some of the color will fade to orange naturally. I have very similar hair to you and have had many grays since my 20s. About every 3-4 appointments, my stylist uses a toner in my hair to help take out the orange brassiness. It certainly helps not to start orange, but it will take some maintenance to stay orange-free. Know that if it seems too orange right away, you can contact your stylist and let her know. She can likely do something to help that won’t involve an entirely new color treatment.

   3. I would do a single process color; the whites and grays will come out slightly lighter, which is like natural highlights. That’s what I do.

5. I have tonight and tomorrow morningish in San Antonio. I’m planning to go to the Alamo and maybe the Western Art Museum if I have time tomorrow, but what to do tonight. I’ve done the last couple of nights at the Riverwalk, so I’m looking to branch out to some place different.

   1. The Pearl, Southtown, McKay museum should be free tonight (thursday), King William, make reservations if you are eating at a restaurant tonight, had to wait too many times….

   2. The Filling Station Tap Room is a great place to drink beer and talk to people. If you’re staying near the Riverwalk, it’s walkable.

   3. +1 on the Pearl; my resto rec there is Cured. I expect that you can sit at the bar there and enjoy. Easily Lyfted.

6. After many years of thinking about it, I’m getting a breast reduction. The timing happens to come shortly after I transfer to a new role with a new set of direct reports.

   Now, I am torn as to what to do: do I just say, ‘a medical thing- no big deal, don’t worry I’m fine’ or do I tell them what it is. I’m leaning towards vague but am wavering because I have one staffer who is highly suspicious and gossip-y. I would almost rather people know the truth than speculate, ya know?

   1. Be vague, it’s none of their business.

   2. No advice on what to say, but nobody figured it out when I came back to work (well, one person who had had one herself). People kept asking me if I got my hair cut, and I was just like, “yup!”

      Also, you will not regret it! It is so liberating just to put on clothes and go without having to do a whole, “which bra/cami/top combo will work today” analysis.

   3. Absolutely do not tell them. It is no one’s business but your own. Medical procedure is sufficient and afterwards just wear baggy clothing. You would be surprised by how unobservant people are. I got a nose job many years ago and only one person brought up that I looked different. Even my own dad has never noticed.

   4. I told people I was having surgery “for my back,” which was close enough but didn’t disclose any details I wanted to keep private. People are unlikely to be able to tell from looking at you that you had a reduction.

      1. This is what I would do in my biglaw office. People assume that a “medical procedure” refers to something so minor that you should still be available for work and they will be supremely annoyed if you are not. People are more understanding if they know you’re going under the knife and will be on serious meds for days. I would definitely throw in the word “surgery” and I think “surgery for my back” is accurate and also conveys the seriousness of the procedure and the fact that it needs to be done ASAP – it’s not something that can wait another year until OP is more settled in her new role.

   5. No, absolutely do not elaborate. You don’t owe an office gossip anything. You simply say, “I have to be out these dates for a planned medical procedure” and then quickly move to the business to address. Repeat as necessary.

   6. I would tell the truth, but that’s me. You have every right to be as vague as you want.

   7. It’s not their business. Don’t talk about boobs with your coworkers. Be an example. “I will be on medical leave.”

7. Beautiful dress. I have a dress in this color and almost the same style that I bought at Ross 10 years ago. Still going strong, still gets lots of compliments. The brand is Evan Picone, which seems random but is super flattering.

8. Does anyone have a pair of Birdies? What do you think? Are they worth it, a nice treat, super comfortable? Or just nothing special as far as slippers go? Can you really wear them outside?

   Considering buying these as a gift for someone, but I don’t know anyone who has bought them.

9. How do you like to connect with friends between in-person catchups? Text, email, phone? I’ve noticed that some of my friends and I seem to have very different styles with this. One friend would text all day nonstop. Another consistently takes a day or two to respond to even a simple question. And another seems to only remember to check in in person but is not a texted at all.

   I realized that I have been adapting my style to match each respective friend, which means I’m all over the map.

   1. I have two friends with whom I have a running group text or Messenger conversation. Sometimes one person doesn’t respond, but we’re all back and forth over the course of a week. We all work at the same university, but don’t often see each other in person, so we keep up that way.

   2. I tend to text good friends a few days a week, and I also have group texts/Whatsapp groups with a few good friends. I used to use more email but now text seems to be the norm for folks my age. The only people I actually call on the phone are good friends who live out of town, and of course my immediate family. As I get older I really dislike chatting on the phone.

   3. I have a group text with some friends, the other ones I connect with individually. I feel like I’m the one constantly reaching out though because I’m single and they all have babies and if I didn’t reach out, I would never hear from them or see them. I know it’s a phase and it will get better but ugh.

   4. Most often via text or social media (liking/commenting on posts), occasionally email if forwarding an article or event invitation, never ever phone. Among my friends, phone calls are reserved for high level emergencies or quick confirmations of imminent plans (i.e. the restaurant we’re meeting at is closed for a private event, let’s go X instead).

   5. For local friends, I text or email them as things come up. Sometimes they respond quickly, sometimes they don’t. We tend to see each other in person fairly often though.

      As far as adapting to their styles…is that a problem? Seems like a natural give and take. I mean, why would you constantly text the person who takes a couple days to respond – it’s just a different conversational cadence.

   6. Group text, for both in-town and out-of-town. People answer as they can, no hard feelings if it takes a while or there is not an answer. We all understand life is busy and if it’s an emergency we call.

   7. I am you…I recently started doing voicenotes with a few friends. It allows me to express myself better than over text and sometimes we can ramble. It doesn’t require a phone call schedule and my introvert self likes them because I can listen and respond when I have the energy.

      There are a few friends I talk to about nothing every day, some that send semi-regular life updates in group chats, some with lengthy emails that can take months in between responses, some on social media via comments on posts/stories etc. I think it’s just the new way of keeping in touch.

      FWIW- 99% of these friends are not local with many in different time zones

10. Do you ever “cancel” on your cleaning service? We have a crew come every other week and occasionally it doesn’t work for us- all the kids are home with a stomach bug and the house is in shambles, or we have company in from out of town.

    I always give as much notice as possible and offer to reschedule (eg a few weeks notice in the case of houseguests, and ask if they can come earlier in the week instead, or if we are all home sick I ask if they can come any time over the next week). They never reschedule.

    Am I doing something wrong? Is this super uncommon? I’m totally fine if we don’t get rescheduled, I ask mostly because I know no work = no pay for these guys. Or should I be paying even when I cancel?

    FWIW it’s a husband/wife team, not a service.

    1. IMO it’s okay since you offer to reschedule. At least that’s my approach. Or I see if they’re interested in doing extra work another time, e.g., deep clean of cabinets etc that they don’t normally do.

    2. We have a service. They charge us a $50 “cancellation fee” if we cancel within 24 hours. I actually think it’s a little unfair, because they have no-showed before and we didn’t get any kind of discount. Why can they cancel on short notice or no-show but we can’t?

    3. Occasionally rescheduling cleaning is totally normal and nbd. They probably don’t reschedule because they have a full roster of clients, which is good for them. Try not to do it too often or THEY might fire YOU.

    4. I’ve very occassionally cancelled in advance when I know I’m going to have houseguests or that sort of thing, but I’ve never cancelled at the last minute. I also use a two-person team and rescheduling for another time that is off of our normal cleaning schedule does seem to be difficult for them. They have their regular roster of houses that get cleaned on certain days, and it’s tough for them to just push back cleaning my house to another day of the week where they may not be in my neighborhood, etc.

       So I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong in offering to reschedule, but I think it’s common for a small outfit to have a tough time with rescheduling.

    5. I have had to cancel last minute for the reasons you cite and I usually pay extra the following week – at least half a regular week’s fee. I figure they lost out on the money when I canceled, plus my house is probably a little dirtier from the skipped cleaning so it may take longer to do the same tasks. My cleaner was always very appreciative.

       1. Op here- that’s generally what I do. Generally 125-150%.

          Glad to know I’m not being unreasonable. I think we’ve done it a few times this year- and we had a baby so we have had a lot of craziness. I don’t care at all about rescheduling, unless it was a signal that they are super annoyed at me!

    6. We have someone come every week. If we ask her not to come because we will be on vacation or something similar, we have chosen to pay for that week. We didn’t pay when she cancelled/was on vacation. Sometimes we reschedule because of snow. When we couldn’t find a day I think we did 150% the following week.

11. I could use some advice on how to handle a delicate situation with my secretary. The tough dynamic between us stems from the fact that I am not considered her supervisor. Rather, my supervisor is also her supervisor.

    As a result of difficulties several members of her family are experiencing right now, some of whom are not particularly close relations, she is completely emotionally overwrought. She shows up only about 50% of the time and when she does, she spends a good part of the day crying her eyes out. She gets maybe 10% of her work done at this point. She is down to the point of telling me that I should do the work I give her myself.

    Our mutual supervisor has forbidden me from saying anything to my secretary. I would be grateful for any advice that can be offered.

    1. Is there any way that you can ask to use another secretary until her family difficulties have gotten better?

       I had a similar situation at my old job and never quite figured out how to deal with it. My assistant had taken on the care of her elderly aunt in addition to her grandchildren and often didn’t come in until 11 or 12 and then would have to leave by 5 or 5. She would also complain any time she had to stay late– after 6– even if she hadn’t gotten in until 12. It had gotten to the point where I literally didn’t have work to do because her to-do list had gotten so backed up. For example, I couldn’t review any records or prepare for depositions because she would never get subpoenas sent out. And when I asked her to teach me how to send out a subpoena myself, she would just dismiss me and say she would get around to it, which never happened.

       I ended up moving firms, for this reason and many others, so I never really figured out a solution to the problem. But I will say that the situation with your secretary will get worse before it gets better. It would be better if you could figure out someone else to do some of her work or may allow her to work part time and get a temp to fill in. Otherwise her workload is going to get so backed up that it will be bad for you and also will be too overwhelming for her to deal with.

    2. Talk to your supervisor and tell her what you’ve said here. It’s impacting your work and she’s not able to fully perform her job. It’s your supervisor’s problem, not yours.

    3. Can she go out on FMLA? It sounds like she needs the time off.

    4. Have you asked who you should use instead? The secretary does not have capacity to handle your work – she’s told you as much, so you’re not throwing her under the bus by telling your boss that. Step one is try to find someone else you can delegate to. If that’s not an option, then you move to step 2 – ask boss to lighten your workload because you now have to do work you used to delegate.

    5. Kindly, do not judge someone else’s right to be upset. People don’t have to be close relations to matter. This could be why you’re being instructed as you are.

       1. That’s not quite the point — she still needs an assistant; this one isn’t currently able to do any assisting

12. Recommendations for a fall utility jacket/anorak? Would prefer something that is mid-thigh to something that ends at the waist. I know people here like the girl on the go but would love some other options too!

    Does anyone have the Everlane City Anorak?

    1. Marmot downtown 3-in-1

13. I have developed bad hormonal acne in my 30’s. I tried Spironolactone and had immediate problems with high potassium, so I’m not a candidate for it. My dermatologist prescribed me topicals, but that only helps with my face and I get acne all over my back, all around my neck, and on my chest (I don’t have enough topical to use them on all these areas). Are there any other ways to address hormonal acne, such as lifestyle changes?

    1. Accutane. Also ask for more topicals!

    2. It’s not a lifestyle change, but Birth Control Pills (the Yasmine/Yaz line) helped me

    3. Birth control helped me immensely.

       1. Yeah, found out my years long struggle with acne was hormonal when I went on birth control. My face cleared up in a couple of months.

       2. It’s still a topical, but an inexpensive OTC that’s been tremendously helpful when I get acne on my back and don’t want to use the same pricey stuff I use on my face – I found AcneFree Body Clearing spray on the River e-commerce site. It’s only around $10 and may work for your chest as well. Highly recommend!

    4. Birth control pills. If you are already taking one, switch to another type (like a triphasic, ex tri-sprintec, instead of a monophasic, ex sprintec, or vice versa).

    5. I was lucky Spiro completely worked for me. But Accutane was the other option, so I’d see if you’re a candidate. On the topical issue, talk to your doc. When I needed treatment on my back, I was able to receive an Rx for large clothes treated with a topical that were made specifically for the purpose.

    6. On lifestyle changes for acne, I’d recommend cutting out dairy (if you currently consume any). I had hormonal acne from 13 until about 26. Cutting out dairy was the only thing that worked for me (birth control pills and Accutane included). I still occasionally indulge, but I always get a nasty breakout 3-4 days later. I was shocked at how much of a difference my diet made.

    7. Try googling vitamin B5 and acne. Reddit has some good threads on this. I’ve seen high doses of vitamin B5 work for a couple people I’ve known with serious cystic acne, including on back, chest, etc. There are no side effects and you’ll know really quickly whether it’s working for you or not.

       1. Be wary– B5/pathenol makes me break out horribly. But maybe it’s worth a try?

    8. Doxycycline is a game changer for me because it’s anti-bacterial AND anti-inflammatory.

    9. What topicals are you using on your back/chest? I am on spiro right now and it seems to be working for my face, but my back and chest have reacted well to full strength benzoyl peroxide washes (the 10%).

    10. The Mirena caused acne for me for the first time in my life. I was in my early 30s. It took three years of topicals for someone to suggest that the Mirena might be the cause. I switched to the Paragard and it cleared up within a couple of weeks. The Paragard has been great–except that I have a period again. It’s kind of nice to know that my body still works as normal, though.

14. The other day I asked about what to wear to a last-minute interview. Wore a dress and blazer (also realized wow, I don’t have many dressy blazers anymore in addition to realizing I didn’t have a great suit). Got a call yesterday I’m one of the final two candidates, so I’ll be interviewing again early next week. Ordered a few suits from AT and BR in the hopes that one will work well – using advice from this site to get a dress/skirt suit instead of pants because it’s easier to have a good fit, wouldn’t have thought of that on my own – and I’m ready for next week!

    Such a whirlwind. Last week I started to think I might be ready for a new job, reached out to a friend at Company Competitor, he sent me a job description, I applied Sunday, talked to the hiring manager Monday, interviewed Tuesday, and here we are! Tentatively excited but also taking a while for my mind to get caught up with everything else.

    1. Congrats! How does sizing run at AT? Specifically for suit pants. I did the size calculator and it calculated 2 sizes larger than what I wear in BR logan pants. Is that accurate?

       1. I find AT sizing runs on the larger side. I would definitely not order 2 sizes above what you usually get at BR.

       2. Thanks! I can report back on AT, because I have literally not bought a suit there since 2002. Ha. I tend to be a large there in tops as I am most other places, but I’m tall and even fluctuating 5-10 pounds doesn’t make me definitively move between sizes. They have a great sale today so I ordered a suit jacket on sale for an extra 40% off and the dress for 40% off, whole suit for under $150.

          1. I wear a smaller size at AT than BR, so I definitely wouldn’t size up (i.e., I wear an 8 at BR but a 6 at AT)

15. For yesterday’s poster looking for Mystic recommendations.:

    First, don’t limit yourself to Mystic. Mystic is a small area but is surrounded by other small areas with a lot to offer. Some recommendations in Mystic:
    -Seaport museum, acquarium, pequotsepos nature center, walking around mystic, Clyde’s cider mill is very popular( though I cannot figure out why), Mystic Village

    Attractions/activities near mystic: local orchards offering “pick your own” of what is in season. Farmers markets. Hiking/nature walking- lots of lovely, easily walkable trails and wooded areas. Walking around Mystic. Bluff point, 2 wineries in Stonington and one in N. Stonington . Submarine museum, golfing. Lots of small local museums/historic places. These is a locally owned movie theatre in Mystic Village that serves wine and possibly some food, I think. Visit Foxwoods or Mohegan sun. Both offer more than just casino type activities- they have food trucks, concerts, (Foxwoods has a western Pequot museum) , walking paths, restaurants,outlet shopping, etc., It is also local fair season in CT so see if thee are any town fairs that are within driving distance. Lebanon is having a Renaissance fair through September. If you are with small kids, visit the steam train in Essex

    Don’t forget about Westerly, RI- it is about an easy 15 minute drive and has locally owned shops and restaurants and beaches . Watch the sunset on watch hill. Get a bra fitting at Zoe & Co. Seriously- they are amazing.

    Please do not eat at Mystic pizza. Just don’t. In mystic, bravo bravo, harbor house, pink basil, oyster house are all better options. Pink Basil and Blue Squid in Mystic Village are good . Have some Stonington scallops and local oysters. There is a decent Italian restaurant in North Stonington on the way to the casinos. There are also good choices in the casinos.

    Thesebare some of the things I would consider if I had family/friends visiting.
    Signed, a local resident.

    1. I missed the thread yesterday but I second the recommendation for Watch Hill / Westerly, RI. The Ocean House (a hotel) is beautiful if you want to grab a drink or bite there.

    2. I’m the OP from the other day. Wow, THANK YOU so much! I really appreciate it. This was my first time posting a comment on here, and I’m so grateful for everyone’s helpful responses! :)

16. I have a totally self centered, not overly important question for the hive – have any of you ever worn one dress to the ceremony for a wedding, and then another to the reception?

    I haven’t, as most weddings I’ve been to as of late are not in a formal place of worship, and the reception quickly followed the ceremony/were in the same venue. However, I have three upcoming weddings where the ceremony is in a church (and will be a full mass/lengthy service) and is much earlier in the day, followed by an evening reception (usually 3-4 hours later) and the invitation has indicated that the reception is formal attire. For these weddings, the reception venue is either at the hotel we’re staying at, or just a block or so away, so I’d definitely go back to the hotel regardless of whether I’d actually change clothes. I know that I am likely overthinking this and the focus is on the couple. I just have a dress I want to wear to the reception part of these weddings that is less “church” and more party (bought it after reading the “formal” aspect of the invitation and before realizing the timing of the ceremony). It’s not a scandalous dress by any means (shoulders are covered and it hits a bit below the knee), but it is black and lacy. Just curious if anyone else has done this.

    1. It sounds dressy to me!

    2. I went to a wedding like this once, and nearly all of the women wore different dresses to the ceremony and reception.

    3. Yep, I’ve done this! Most involved a conservative religious ceremony (ie, Catholic mass), followed by a fancy cocktail attire reception. Many–most!–people wore the same thing to both and were absolutely fine and respectful, but the only option I had for the reception was very…breasty, and I didn’t want to wear that to church. So I changed just the dress: wore a simple black 3/4 sleeve sheath with a twist in the waist, and then changed before cocktail hour. It was fine.

    4. We went to a wedding recently (Catholic) where the ceremony was in a church and then there was a 3-4 hour break and the reception was v fancy. I wore a c-tail dress to the ceremony and then a more formal dress to the reception, and several others did too. Go for it! :)

    5. Yes routinely! I don’t wear cocktail dresses or evening gowns to church at 2 in the afternoon, although lots of people do.

    6. I haven’t but I would. You’re going back to the hotel anyway, and I’d feel weird wearing a formal gown to church in the middle of the day.

    7. Once, only because it was a too-long dress and I kept tripping over the hem. You can just wear the black lacy dress to the ceremony. Most weddings I go to are Catholic, and they all have that gap between ceremony and reception. No need to change clothes but also probably no one will notice if you do, so it’s no big deal either way. You won’t look out of place or inappropriate in the church wearing the reception dress, though.

    8. Yes, a Catholic gap is very common, and people wear different dresses. I typically wear a wrap dress or my favorite work dress to mass. I would feel out of place wearing a black lacy dress to an afternoon mass.

    9. You can wear a different dress, but I’ve seen many scandalous dresses worn in church and I wouldn’t think anything of yours. Short, tight, and strapless was the most popular choice in my 20’s at my friends’ Catholic weddings. I think it’s the kind of thing non-Catholics care about and Catholics just don’t, at least on the east coast. People are actually offended when they go to Italy and are told they need to dress modestly to go into a church.

    10. yes, but i’m extra. if there is an early ceremony (especially in church) and a later reception i think it’s the move. be prepared for the “what happened to your other dress” type of comments lol.

    11. I have not only done this, but I’ve done it because the wedding and reception were at a fancy hotel in Las Vegas and I BOUGHT a different dress at a boutique in the hotel between the wedding and reception!

17. I am in the midst of trying to Marie Kondo my life. I have a lot of jewelry that I don’t like and don’t know what to do with. Think matching pearl sets, Swarovski earrings and necklaces, those venetian glass pendants and earrings you can get in gift shops in Italy. None of it is valuable enough to sell it, I don’t think (unless I spent a lot of time on ebay?), but it’s not precisely junk either so I don’t want to just chuck it. It’s mostly gifts, mostly from one particularly family member, so also a touch sentimental. I’d love to do something nice with them but I don’t think anyone I know really wants these things. I’m thinking donating them is my best bet but wondering if there is anything else I haven’t considered.

    1. A lot of charities here (goodwill is the leader, along with our junior league) partner with lower SES high schools for prom dress drives (largely recycled bridesmaids dresses and other fancy dresses). Maybe they’d like your jewelry?

    2. Can you donate the Swarovski items to a prom dress charity, and the pearls to a business suit charity?

       1. +1. A women’s shelter would love all the work-appropriate pieces, as would the individuals helped.

          And, if you itemize your taxes, you will probably get a better financial return from donating then selling for super cheap.

    3. I might try poshmark. That is where I sell all the things that have been in my closet out of guilt rather than because I love them. I usually price them pretty low and don’t expect a big profit – I just hate them piling up in my wardrobe going to waste and so am happy if someone else likes them and puts them to good use. With Goodwill donations, a huge portion goes into the landfill so I’d rather sell at a minimal price to someone who uses it than let it get trashed because of a huge influx of inventory/donations.

       I think with the MarieKondo theory, you are appreciative of the gift but don’t feel the need for it to weigh you down. The gift had meaning and thought when it was given but you’re not obligated to retain it forever because of that.

       You could also try a freecycle group.

       1. This is how I feel about poshmark. I sell things on there that are in good condition but that I have no use for. I really don’t do it for the money, because I don’t make that much. I do it because I know it’s going to someone who wants it and not a landfill.

          OP if the pearls are real and good quality you might try a second-hand jewelry store. I’ve sold a few things that way. Expect to make about 20% of what you originally paid for them.

          1. We have an eBay page for this. We don’t make money off of it, but our things go to someone who wants to use them (and who pays shipping). I use it for gifts we can’t use, shopping mistakes, etc.

    4. Donating them might be fine, but I might take them to a pawn shop or thrift store and see if they’d buy it off you. That’s what I plan on doing with some of my old pieces.

    5. You may be able to turn the glass items into Christmas ornaments

    6. Have you checked with a local Dress for Success chapter or women’s shelter? Maybe a program for young adults entering the workforce? I can imagine them really appreciating this kind of thing.

    7. The whole point of Marie Kondo is to get rid of, not keep because it might be sentimental, or repurpose, or whatever. You acknowledge it meant something to you, then donate.

       1. I get that, but I am constitutionally incapable of throwing real pearls in the trash when I can make some minimal effort to try to repurpose them. My goal is still to get rid of all the unused stuff but I take the book as a suggestion for how to get there, not a cult I have to follow to the letter.

          Anyway, thank you everyone! The dress for success idea is great, because I have some suits I could probably give them too. And I’ll look into prom charities, too. Two other things I stumbled on is 1) a breast cancer charity called I Have Wings that accepts mailed donations of costume jewelry and 2) the donation kits from Thread Up. In case anyone is interested in a similar closet purge.

          1. Thanks for reporting back! I’m going to take advantage of the I Have Wings suggestion as I too have too much costume jewelry and no place to send it.

    8. I’ve kept a few of my favorite pieces like that in a box for my daughter. The key is “a few” – I store them separately from my normal jewelry. When I was a tween I loved inheriting my mom’s old jewelry – i thought it was cool and vintage. I would donate everything else to Housing Works!

    9. a chandelier or chandalier-type light could be made out of the venetian glass pieces.

       If it were me I’d see if a local school or community art group could use them. Or maybe omething like Dress for Success

    10. Another possibility if you want to sell the jewelry is to find an jewelry store that sells lots of vintage jewelry. There’s a small, local chain of stores in my area that will buy not just gold and silver, but vintage and good quality recent costume stuff. You might not get a lot of money, but it’s a one-stop deal to move a bunch of stuff out of your house. Anything they don’t take, you can still donate.

    11. I will happily accept and sort for donation. :) Post a throwaway.

        (I’m an odd duck and enjoy a project!!! )

    12. Keep it for your girl. When she hits 5/6, she’ll love to play dress up with all of this.
        Then chuck them when she doesn’t want it.

18. Has anyone bought anything from The Limited in the last year/since the closed stores and came back online? They have tops marked down from $80 to $9.99. Wondering if it’s worth making a purchase.

    1. I tried some pieces right after the online store opened. Out of about 10 items, I only liked one but decided it was way too costly ($90) for what it was (polyester wrap dress). I was also pretty infuriated that an online-only store was charging me return shipping. I didn’t see much difference between what they used to sell and their current offerings, though, so if there’s something you like, I think you can expect it to be in line with any previous purchases you’ve made from them.

19. I’m going to Australia later this year and will be visiting South Australia – wine regions, outback and kangaroo island (all near Adelaide). Anyone been there and have tips? We are currently thinking 5 days hiking the Kangaroo Island Wilderness Trail followed by 2 days in wine country, 2 days in Flinders Range/outback, and a day on each side in Adelaide flying in and out. Thoughts on specific places to go, things that are must see, etc? TIA!

20. I donate things like this to Dress for Success. My DFS affiliate has a jewelry section.

21. I got married after living for a decade and change as a party-throwing adult in DC and now my big SEUS city. I got a ton of entertaining things. Like all the things. Like I am Martha Stewart.

    I promptly had two babies and its unused presence saddens me. The babies are now well into elementary school, but I feel that my working mom friends are just too busy and wouldn’t come to even a casual party (and everyone is just too busy and no one responds to e-mails / texts / evites). It’s like I could pull it off, but just think that no one is social anymore.

    I’m just in my 40s. Say it ain’t over yet.

    In college or post-college when we were hungry and poor, food or alcohol (and if you were lucky, both) would just lure people out. Now, crickets.

    I have tried to have folks for dinner, kids movie night, etc. It just never gets beyond the “hey, what are some good dates in the next 1.5 months for getting together” stage.

    If I were insecure, I’d think that maybe people don’t like me. But I don’t think it’s that. The only people I know who are social are some slightly older people who had kids early (so they are early 50s empty nesters). Or some 30ish people with same-age kid who are daydrinking (and their instas are all alkyhol all the time).

    HELP — I feel like I’m ready to adult again but maybe I should just give up before throwing more wasted effort at this

    1. I wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who would judge me for wanting a drink, tbh.

       1. Don’t be mean – she never said she judges people for having a drink.

       2. No, no –> I want you to have a drink if you want a drink. Lordy, I have the barware for it.

          It’s more . . . there’s a crowd still complaining about how hungover they are still and I get that I can’t keep up with them. [They might come to be nice and to pre-game and they are fun and all but are like 15 years younger than me.] I still like to think that the there is something for the rest of us though.

       3. and i wouldn’t want to hang out with you if your life centered around drinking.

    2. I just go for it. I throw an annual Christmas party, Saturday evening fancy-ish, one event in spring ish one in fall. People don’t always come but the more I do it the better attendance is.

       1. Same. We have a couple of annual type parties where we pick a date and send out a bunch of invites. It’s caught on and people look forward to it. But, we also do a lot of informal, spur of the moment entertaining on a smaller scale. The more we do it, the better prepared we are. We always have paper products, an extra bottle of wine, and stuff to whip up a quick appetizer plate which makes it easy to say, hey, why don’t you come by the house for a cook-out after the pool or soccer or whatever this weekend. We have a much better response rate for events within 72 hours (or even 2 hours) than making people figure out their whole month.
          And yes, we have all these serving dishes and entertaining accessories on hand so we use them for even the most casual events. I served hotdogs and fruit for my kid’s birthday party on pewter trays and happy about it. Better than them sitting in the cabinet unused for years.

       2. Yes, just do it. Pick a date and invite people. What I often do is pick a date and invite people and then when some of them say no I invite other people until I have a party size I’m happy with.

          Also you will be pleased to hear that when you are Very Old like I am, everybody gets interested in parties again.

    3. I posted the other day about a cocktail party where nobody showed. Don’t fret. I *think* that people become more social when their kids leave the nest. Based on my experience, I empathize with you. It’s really hard to find a core group that shows up. I kind of laugh at real estate listing – every one of them emphasize kitchens and living rooms that are great for entertaining – but most people don’t entertain or want to be entertained.

    4. Do your kids play sports? I feel like my parents’ social lives revolved around parties with my brother’s sports teams and now those kids’ parents are still who they hang out with 20+ years later. (They are now empty nesters and go to a lot of parties.)

       1. No sports! But we just started scouting. They are into art and chess and hiking.

          Can there be something like Hash House Harriers but without the running?

    5. How about a Halloween party? Both kid- and booze-friendly.

    6. This kind of thing comes up here so often that I am suspicious, but I’ll bite anyway. I am in my early 40s with a kid in middle school, and have noticed that people are starting to entertain again now that nobody has babies or toddlers at home. It also depends a lot on who your neighbors are. There is a block in my neighborhood that is a perpetual street party–several families with kids the same age where the parents have all put up tables and chairs or even full bars in their garages, and the parents hang out and drink together literally every evening while the kids play in the street and the front yards.

    7. I’m in mod but I wanted to add – I find that the most successful parties are the Annual [Whatever] Party that people sort of corner the market on. EVERYONE knows that weekend is your weekend so they plan around it as far in advance as they need to. If you don’t want to do a holiday, make it a day that’s easy to remember – like first Saturday of October – or a non-holiday day that’s a date certain, like Derby Day.

       1. +1 – I know that i will get 4 Christmas party invites in December. I know there’s a friend that will do a post New Year’s party and a Midsummer party.

          I’ve done a birthday party for me (I did the planning and hosting), such that I had people asking which weekend so they could plan around it.

          So…start small? Pick a date (rather than coordinating something free for everyone) and be generous with your guest list. An open house type party (vs one with a start time, like for a movie), might be easier too.

       2. +1. This is what we do with our closest circle of friends. The Hubs and I host Super Bowl, another couple hosts NYE, another couple hosts Friendsgiving, etc. Other people outside of our core often get invited, but the core group always shows up (and brings food and booze, because that’s how we roll).

    8. I do an annual Christmas brunch for a few families with kids near the age of my kids. We’re not super close but it’s become a nice annual tradition. Keep it casual and short – like 11am-1pm on the Saturday after Christmas. Usually plan about a month out.

    9. My husband travels for work a lot, so I occasionally send my kids to their grandparents and host a women-only dinner party. It obviates the need for babysitters for the married with children set and makes the singles among us feel less third wheel-y. I do suggest aiming for a Friday or Saturday, because it turns out tipsy women in their forties get rowdy as he ll when left to it.

       I also host a pajama party in early January. That gray, damp lull after the holidays cries out for a low key party. I literally put on sweatpants and invite people to come over on a Saturday afternoon for hot boozy drinks and snacks.

       1. I want to come to your pajama party. That sounds fun!

    10. I used to host an ornament exchange on a Friday night. Sometimes before Thanksgiving, sometimes after New Years. The ornaments were just an excuse for everyone to come out.

22. Any skiers here? I’m starting to look ahead to ski season and I want to get my legs and core in good shape. Wondering if anyone has any new ideas for workout videos or routines to follow – need to mix it up!

    1. I’m a skier but I don’t do anything to prep. The local Y has a ski prep class though and I know people who take it and like it. I think it focuses on lunges, squats, and core exercises.

    2. I find that my usual routine—a combination of barre and yoga—prepares me very well for ski season. My barre classes give me the thigh and glute work I need, and my yoga practice gives me the necessary core work.
       My main problem every year is my cardio capacity; I always spend the first few days on the mountain regretting that I wasn’t also running in the off season.

23. I work at a small firm and my office, while never bustling, has been emptier than usual lately. One person in meetings, one person home with a sick kid, a couple of people on business travel … and that’s all it really takes for the office to be completely empty. (I was literally the only person in the office today when I came in at 9:30, until the other associate rolled in at 11). I have no idea where the partners are. To make matters worse, my caseload is become increasingly solitary, and the partners seems less and less interested in having any meaningful engagement with me on my cases, unless it’s about something very serious. (I supposed it’s a testament to my increasing seniority/experience, but I don’t love it).

    I need people. I need meetings. I need engagement. And I *hate* litigating cases alone. I need people to share with me in the emotional rollercoaster that is litigation! I do realize that when I’m in a certain mood, I tend to over-exaggerate, or over-experience, how long I’ve been feeling this way. There are certainly days and months where my work has been sufficiently social. And, I otherwise really, really like this job, the clients, the people I work with, and my level of responsibility.

    But I also have days like today where I’m in near tears because it’s so freaking lonely. So: what do I do? Is this worth leaving over?

    1. Of course it’s worth leaving over! It’s at least worth looking for something different!

       1. Interesting, I was thinking of course she shouldn’t leave! Even in biglaw, litigation is going to feel more solitary than you think. I think there is this notion that because litigators are speaking before the court that they are chatty around the office, too. But even in my biglaw office that spanned multiple floors, everyone just wants to get their hours in and their work done so no one is as chatty as you’d think. I am very outgoing and 100% understand wanting to share with someone “oh my god, you’ll never believe what happened in the X case!” but even in an office where there was someone always there, late at night, on weekends, in extreme weather … no one has the time to discuss that all like they do on tv.

          I empathize, I really do. Socializing with my coworkers is big for my job satisfaction, but I just don’t think it’s a realistic expectation where everyone is on billable hours. (Which is not to say that those firms don’t exist, but I don’t think they are the norm.)

       2. I second this. This was my experience at a previous firm. I have moved to another small firm that is much more social. My work isn’t always more collaborative, but they require people to spend more time in the office and people actually talk to each other in the office (unlike my old firm).

          1. I think it comes down to firm culture in addition to how collaborative you are on litigation. I’m a litigator and I have many days where I’m independently working on things, checking in somewhat infrequently with partners on my files and almost never working with other associates. But my firm itself is very social and we talk a lot- work and otherwise, so I don’t feel alone during the work day.

             Yes, it’s worth leaving over. Day to day happiness has lots of components, and IMO, work place culture is a big one.

    2. Honestly I think this is just life as a litigator. I’m in biglaw and most of my days are spent alone in my office not really talking to anyone. I’m senior enough that I have my own cases but I’m not so senior that all of my time is spent with clients or delegating/overseeing other attorneys. And tbh even when I do delegate, I might have a call about what needs to be done, they send me something in writing, I might send them back comments, and that’s about it. The only person I really talk to on a regular basis is my secretary, and that’s only because she prefers in-person meetings over emails. Most of my work isn’t really collaborative in the way it was when I was much more junior.

       1. Thanks, that’s actually really helpful to hear.

       2. Yeah, this.

    3. I get it! The thing that stands out to me is that it’s not just that there are fewer people around the office, but that you’re working on your cases alone. I’m self-employed and am nearly done with it for just this reason. I have a co-working space, so there are people around, but no one to work with me.

    4. I agree with prior posters that solitary work is just part of the life of a litigator. What about joining a pro bono group or committee on a bar organization that involves collaborative projects? I suspect having a few of these meetings sprinkled throughout your calendar will make you savor the focused work you do alone and will also help you build your network.

24. I need a new interview suit, guidance please? Details: I am 6”1’, size 8, athletic build. 31 year old attorney in the rural Midwest. My budget isn’t huge but could go up for the perfect suit. In the past, I settled for good enough with Calvin Klein at Macy’s skirt suits, but with this new position I am pursuing after being contacted by a recruiter, I need to step up my suit game (also the Ck ones are much too big now.)

    Where do very tall women buy their classic skirt suits??

    1. Banana’s Tall sizes.

    2. Ditto BR tall sizes. Higher price point, but I have good luck with Boss as well – the jackets run long. I am in my 40s, 5’11”, size 0-2, lanky but athletic build with very short torso and absurdly long limbs.

    3. I haven’t bought a suit in years, but I’m 6′ with long limbs and used to wear J.Crew suits.

25. I have a work golf outing that goes straight to dinner. The organizer told me that everyone will stay in golf clothes. What isn’t clear to me is whether I need to bring other shoes (athletic shoes, since I’m in sports apparel?) or whether I can just wear my golf shoes.

    The older shoes had definite spike but my new ones have soft rubber “spikes” and also they are very comfortable – so there is no peril to either the floors or my feet.

    Also, what do you do with your phone while playing? My golf skirt pocket it tiny! But with small kids and busy work, I don’t want to leave my phone in a locker for hours on end.

    1. I would bring a change of shoes in a very small duffle bag that can pass as your purse for the day, or in a large tote. You don’t want to drag dirt or sand into a dining room.

    2. Bring other shoes and change after the round. While you can wear your soft spikes into the clubhouse at my club, people tend not to for dinner since they stop by the locker room and freshen up. You can keep them in your bag if you don’t want to leave them in the car or the locker. I’d keep my phone in my golf bag as well (on silent) with maybe a small clutch that I can remove for dinner to hold phone, keys, etc.

    3. Yes, change of shoes – assuming you’re bringing clubs, you can always stash them in your golf bag if you don’t want another bag to carry.

       Fine to bring your phone on the course; if you’re riding in carts, there are plenty of places to put them.

    4. Thanks, all!

    5. Change your shoes! Even if they’re comfortable, just put on something else.

       You might also want to bring a sundress to change into- in a “what, this? i just threw this on!” kind of way– I get sweaty playing golf and generally want to change out of my sports bra. A quick re-do of your ponytail and a swipe each of deodorant and lipstick, and you’ll be dinner ready in 10 minutes!

26. Ladies, would appreciate any suggestions – need to order a gift ($40-50 range) for a 10-year old boy, must be prime-eligible. I don’t know him as well as I used to but I think he likes typical 10-year-old boy things. Nothing weapon-related, please.

    1. My ten year old nephew is 100% obsessed with the Atlas Obscura book. Like tabbed with post-its obsessed.

    2. I’ve only bought them in rare circumstances. I like to keep 200k miles in my miles bank, and will consider buying miles if I dip below that. But they have to be 15 cents a mile or less, and more like 10 cents a mile. I don’t see too many offers like that.

    3. Honestly, a gift card…

    4. Hi kiddo is really into spy gear and has enjoyed many devices made by SpyX (and available through Prime). One year he set up a motion detector for Santa next to the cookies,

       1. Sorry, I meant “My” kiddo …

27. For those of you who are savvy about airline miles (because I am not): is it ever worth it to buy miles when the airlines offer promotions like 30% more miles when you buy a certain number? Or are miles just so pricey that I’m better off only accruing them as I fly/via credit card rewards?
    If it’s relevant, I fly perhaps 3-5 times per year and generally for personal travel only, not business.

    1. I’ve only found it helpful when 1) paying a fee to save miles before they expire or 2) if I’m trying to hit a certain number of miles for a specific trip.

    2. I think generally no, unless buying points will get you to X level that unlocks other benefits. If you don’t already, read The Points Guy – he has a decent analysis where he assigns a cash value to every loyalty program point system, so you can figure out if buying the points makes sense.

    3. For me that is generally a hard no. You want to look at miles in terms of the value or cost per mile as to whether a specific use or acquisition is worth while.

       The only time I have ever bought miles is several years ago when AA changed their lifetime status qualifying requirements, so I was cramming in all the miles I could before the switchover.

28. I keep seeing ads for the Ritual “instagram vitamin”. I take a generic CVS multivitamin for women. Does vitamin brand really matter? I’ve read a lot of vitamin content in pill form is not even that absorbable compared to in food.

    1. Yes – vitamin brand matters, because there’s no oversight/regulation on the contents of the vitamins, except for needing to maintain brand reliability. I’ve heard good things about the Costco brand.

    2. Your doctor should be able to recommend brands that have good manufacturing standards and are reliable. I have had good luck with Thorne and Pure Encapsulations (you can order on pureformulas dot com).

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