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Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anonshmanon
I’m looking for experiences around postcard writing campaigns. Thinking of getting into that with an organization I am a member of. I’ve found some research that personal cards are effective in voter registration efforts, but there is not a lot of science on the effectiveness in actually getting out the vote. Then there is the other side – the act of writing postcards seems to be comforting and make you feel better about the state of the country. That’s nothing to shrug at, I guess.
Any thoughts? Has anyone received a personal mailer?
Anonymous
How funny to read this question-I’m a mayoral candidate who just had a lunch meeting about this.
Postcards are not very effective at persuading voters or getting voters to turn out if you are sending them to strangers. If you send them to your networks, they are very effective.
I had a meeting with a woman who is part of an organization that does postcard parties. I told her it is so much more effective to door knock voters or make calls to voters. But their members don’t want to do that. She said her members pay for everything. I countered I’d rather have them donate money so I can pay for volunteer supplies for volunteers doing direct voter contact.
If it makes you feel good, do it. At worst, it doesn’t hurt. At best, it is neutral or marginally effective, but there are a lot better ways. I’ve actually come to enjoy door to door voter canvassing. I take my dog and a niece or nephew. We look at it as going for a walk.
Jeffiner
I’m a member of a group that has written many, many, many postcards for different campaigns. I myself have never received one. One of my friends did, and she was already planning on voting for the candidate, but loved the postcard anyway.
Writing postcards in a group is a lot of fun, and does make you feel better. I did read an article about how postcard writing was effective at that, as well as how people who start out writing postcards go on to do text banking or block walking. Our group wrote together, at home, all the time. We had one of our bilingual members write a couple in Spanish that we could copy and mail to Hispanic communities.
I haven’t seen any science on their effectiveness (maybe because its a new trend), but the candidates around here feel they are helpful – maybe not as good as block walking, but better than phone banking. In this day and age, people will ignore an unknown phone call, but getting a real piece of mail, as opposed to a bulk-mailer, is pretty cool. Turnout was up in the areas we mailed postcards to, but there were a lot of factors affecting turnout last year.
Anonymous
I’m the opposite. It annoys me because I see it as wasteful. I already know who I will vote for, so it is a piece of recycling to me. I, of course, understand that there are plenty of people out there who do not do their own research and are undecided, but I wish we could opt out of this stuff.
Flats Only
If you are a candidate in Northern VA, please for the love of God lay off with the GIANT “postcard” mailers. Sending me an 11 x 17 full color postcard every day isn’t going to make me vote for you.
Anon
I received one from the local party, I believe, when I was new in the precinct. I thought it was a sweet touch, though I already knew who I was voting for.
Anon
I posted about writing postcards yesterday as one of a few things I do to get out the vote. I do it via post cards to voters dot org. The organization provides names and addresses of likely voters in a race the organization has determined could be decided by turnout. For instance, my partner and I received names and addresses only for the S Abrams race and I live nowhere near GA. The organization makes it pretty easy (eg sample language) but I can’t remember if you can pick your race. We were so excited by Stacy we were thrilled to write postcards to likely Dem voters in GA. I like to think a hand-written postcard that says hi Stacy is amazing and wants to work hard for you and your vote matters cuts through the noise to some degree.
Anon postcard writer
I have written postcards and also received them. We won a state senate seat in a special election and I want to think (?) that our campaign had a lot to do with it. We had an impressive percentage win.
It was fun to get a card even though it didn’t change my voting plan. It felt good to know there were other women in my district who felt passionately about electing this candidate, enough to do the same work I was doing.
I like door-knocking, but postcards are easy and it’s much easier to find volunteers to write postcards than to door knock. And no one wants to make phone calls.
Anonymous
A friend of mine just quit a job she hated and is job searching. She is 30, has a general business degree, and has worked primarily in office administration roles (reception, accounting support, executive assistant for small businesses) since graduating college. She wants benefits so is planning to apply at larger companies (50+ employees). She doesn’t have a specific industry or position in mind. I live across the country and don’t know much about the job market where she lives. I’m a lawyer and have not had to look for a job in years. This friend often asks me for advice, sometimes for support/encouragement, and other times to listen. I’m happy to do any or all of the three. What advice would you give my friend, and if you were in my shoes, how can I be supportive/encouraging?
Anon
Have you had a conversation with her about what kind of role she wants? What helped me in my job searches were bouncing ideas and getting feedback (if asked) from people whose advice I trusted. Does she want to remain an admin? Does she want to move to more of an individual contributor role?
I know some people are perfectly fine with an admin career (can pay well at higher level, leave at five, low stress) but she’s 30 with a college degree, does she want to continue in roles that only require a high school level of education? It would be helpful to discuss this with her so you know how to tailor your advice – and maybe she wants to stay admin, but maybe she hasn’t ever thought that she could qualify for non administrative roles.
Ellen
I agree, but also think that she may be happy where she is b/c she has a college degree, and is probably thinking that she will meet a guy and get married soon, so why ruin it with a job that will wear her out? That was Rosa’s theory, as she also had a college degree, but knew that her best bet was to hook a high paid professional who would want a family in the suburbs so she would NOT have to work. It worked for her, as she got married to Ed before you knew it had kids and a beautiful house in Chapaqua with a nanny and 2 SUVs and guess what? No job for her other then to manage the household and the nanny! Why couldn’t I be as smart as her? I went the professional route and am nearly 40 (ouch!) and working my tuchus off, and no sign of any man on the horizon! FOOEY!
Panda Bear
I would send her over to Ask a Manager’s blog. Perennially good job searching advice plus hilarious stories about terrible bosses and coworkers (helps to know it could always be worse).
BabyAssociate
+1 Ask a Manager is such a great resource
pugsnbourbon
+1. I found the advice to be very helpful, especially with regards to writing cover letters and thinking of good responses to interview questions.
Also, it’s a numbers game – you can’t get a job you don’t apply for. I spent time on my job search almost every day and kept a spreadsheet tracking the job, the company, when I applied, and if I received any response. I had a few different resumes that highlighted different parts of my experience as well as a few cover letter templates.
And it could get real disheartening – I think more than 75% of my applications just disappeared into the ATS void. A sympathetic ear is always nice.
Anon
+1 for Askamanager.org. I was in a similar boat as your friend, that is, no specific field, but “competent at being competent”. AAM’s advice really helped me to explain that in a cover letter and resume. I eventually landed in higher-ed admin and now make what I made in my old burnout-dead-end job, but with way better benefits and only working 40 hours vs 70.
pugsnbourbon
Oh hey, high-five from higher-ed admin!
Anon
If she wants to post here, I’m sure she will get a lot of help.
Worry about yourself
If it were me, I’d be looking at local tech companies, and positions that are similar to what I’ve been doing, and in interviews ask about internal mobility, and what the typical career path is for that position. Is she okay being a “career” executive assistant or is she hoping to grow out of that role and into a less administrative, maybe more strategic or project-based role in the organization? She shouldn’t be treating the position like a temporary stepping stone to the job she’d really prefer to have, no hiring manager likes that, but at some companies, it’s possible to work as an admin for a year or so and then move up into another role within the company.
Ellen
People come to us as lawyers, not because we have specific experience in what they are looking for, but b/c we are SMART. Lynn asks my advice on so many things, even about men, and even with my bad track record in finding a man to marry, just b/c I am an attorney, duly admitted and in good standing in the courts of the State of New York! I asked her and she said this to me, so it is true. Once you get comfortable to be a soundeing board for other women, you will understand this is the burden we must assume as attorney’s. I do not think men ask other men, but they ask us as women lawyers, b/c we are smart and are more likely to give them answers then other men. YAY!!
Anonymous
You could connect her with people in your network that you think might be marginally useful or interesting to talk to. They don’t need to be hiring in her job market. Think about people you might know in similar sized organizations, people with vaguely similar backgrounds, people that work in the region she lives in (regardless of what they do to a certain extent). Just having convos and meeting people can be very helpful- and if nothing else full the day and give you some practice formulating the “pitch.”
Don’t burn political capital on this, but if you have “friendlies” in your network this is a great time to take advantage of their desire to talk to anyone about anything ;).
anon a mouse
I recently realized all my fun jewelry is 8-10 years old and looking pretty dated (bubble necklaces). What are a few styles that are current and won’t look ridiculous on someone approaching 40? I mostly wear necklaces and earrings; bracelets bother me when I type.
lsw
Seems like the swing is back to more delicate necklaces, but I still wear some bigger pieces occasionally. My favorite places to browse are Oceanne and Robyn Rhodes. The layering look seems to be popular but I don’t know it it is about me, I literally cannot wear layered necklaces without them looping themselves and becoming terribly tangled.
J Crew factory has some cute studs and I’ve enjoyed getting smaller gold earrings from them.
anon
Look at Jonesy Wood stuff. It’s a lot more delicate than it was 10 years ago. A few different delicate pieces layered. Yellow gold.
BabyAssociate
I agree with lsw that more delicate styles are on trend, but I will never give up my ridiculous statement earrings and necklaces. I love the necklaces from House of Wandering Silk (huge, light) and earrings and necklaces from Mignonne Gavigan (via the Real Real). If I’m begrudgingly wearing something not insane, I like Local Eclectic and Catbird.
Anonymous
I LOVE Mignonne Gavigan, and never thought to look on the Real Real. THANK YOU
pugsnbourbon
I love earrings and I’m still seeing a lot of larger acrylic/lucite ones out there. They are inexpensive and lightweight, which makes them fun to play around with.
Window treatment advice
I recently moved. Two apartments ago, I had long, floor skimming curtains, and one of my cats used to pee on them. I never figured out the culprit. One of the cats passed away around the same time as I moved to an apartment that had blinds. I did not put up curtains because of the peeing issue. My new place has no window treatments, and I need to get something up ASAP. I would prefer curtains because I like the look – would having ones that are a bit off the floor look ok or horribly dated? How short could I go? I have white walls and want white/cream linen curtains. Take the chance with floor skimming ones? Give up and get blinds?
nutella
What about Roman shades? You could even do a modern valance with roman shades. I would not do short curtains. Curtains aren’t cheap and it would be a shame to spend the money on ones that you don’t think look that good and/or may get easily ruined. Even if your remaining cat wasn’t the culprit, white ones will look dirty soon from the cat rubbing against them and are more likely to get pulled and snagged by a cat. No need to rush yourself – put up newspaper or butcher’s paper so you have some darkness and privacy while you order yourself ones you will like!
Ses
Take a chance on floor skimming, but get test ones from IKEA for super cheap. If it passes the cat pee test, you can upgrade (or you can do what I do which is intend to upgrade and instead let it fade into the background and live with the C+ thing for 6 years). If you do upgrade, IKEA curtains can be used as paint rags or picnic blankets.
anon
Compromise and buy curtains from Target, Home Goods, TJ Maxx? Try something cheap as a proof of no-pee concept then buy ones your really like? Also, as someone whose parents put off window treatments for years, paper towels taped together can solve the immediate need for privacy.
Flats Only
And if you need light blocking, tin foil taped to the window works great.
Belle Boyd
I just went through the struggle of finding short curtains when I redid my bedroom. Due to the layout of my furniture and the inability to move said furniture because of the location of the door/window/closet and the size of the room and the furniture, I didn’t want long curtains as it would be too much fabric in one place. Short curtains are nearly impossible to find, and they were not cheap. I’d suggest trying Target, IKEA, or even Walmart (I know, I know, I saw everyone’s post and Walmart is the devil, but a few years ago, I bought a valance from Walmart and I am absolutely impressed with the quality of the fabric and how well it has held up. It’s done better than what I bought from an expensive local drapery shop.)
Considering that you recently moved, you may want to avoid the long curtains for now until the kitties get used to the new place. Cats are notorious for peeing in odd places when they are in a strange new place — whether it’s anxiety or marking their territory, I don’t know, but until they get used to the new apartment, maybe hold off on the curtains and go with something like blinds and a valance for a temporary fix.
Curtains
Short curtains are not my thing, but next time you could always get appropriate length curtains and take them to the dry cleaner to be hemmed into “short” curtains.
Anonymous
What’s a good cruelty free CC cream? I’ve used Clinique for years. I need to purchase a new tube and would prefer something that doesn’t test on animals.
kk
I really like Tarte Amazonian Clay bb cream
Anon
I’ve been looking for a good bb or cc cream and got really excited because I love Tarte’s blushes and eyeshadows then saw that they don’t have colors for anyone darker than a Kardashian. Back to the drawing board. I wish Rihanna would put out a BB or CC cream to accompany her many shades of foundation, some of us brown girls would like sheer to medium coverage as well.
kk
I’m sorry to hear that!
I know ELF is cruetly free and has a dark shade or two in their bb cream- plus its only $6.
Have you listened to Jackie Johnson’s natch beaut podcast? Her site may have some good recommendations too.
Digby
Not a CC cream, but BB – Coola mineral face, matte tint, spf 30, cruelty-free, unscented. They also have an organic, tinted BB cream, but I haven’t tried it.
Penny Lane
I missed the Airbnb discussion earlier in the week and keep being too busy to write in, so this is a bit late but I did want to share it. I checked in to an Airbnb in a somewhat suburban area outside Tampa last March. One of the first things the host, an older man, said to me was “if anyone asks you why you’re here, like someone in the neighborhood, just tell them you’re a friend. I’m not supposed to be running an Airbnb.” I freaked out and left early. It just really upset me that this guy was honest enough to tell me he was doing something against the rules, and also wanted to co-opt me to be lying to the neighbors. I mentioned it to a friend as I was trying to find another place to stay for the subsequent two nights, and she sent me a New York Times story about a large raid in Miami over this exact issue – neighbors had gotten angry about the proliferation of Airbnbs and enlisted local law enforcement to shut them down, which wound up displacing lots of guests.
FWIW, Airbnb did offer to find me a new place to stay, but I didn’t want to stay with them at that point. Then the host insisted on charging me a $50 “cleaning fee,” which I was angry about and Airbnb refused to help with that.
So… no more for me.
Anonymous
I use AirBNB/VRBO etc as a quick way to search for vacation rental properties that are also rented through local vacation rental companies. Sometimes I just rent through the vacation rental company, or sometimes I’ll use the AirBNB link if it’s cheaper (sometimes they forget to update the prices). Tons of timeshare places (e.g. beach condo towers in Florida) and even actual BnBs are listed on those sites and it’s much more efficient than visiting each rental company’s individual website. I avoid the properties that seem to be sole owner rentals in primarily residential neighbourhoods.
Anonymous
The thread this morning about the yelling prompted a question for me. I have no opinion on the yelling, but I thought it was incredibly weird that the OP wasn’t staffed on her own business. I took her situation to mean that she brought a new client to the firm in her practice area and then wasn’t allowed to work with the new client (but I could have read it wrong). Anyway, in my medium-sized firm, that would be unheard of. If you bring in a client, that is your client. You can certainly recruit others to work on the project and supervisors may try to mentor you or offer guidance if necessary, but you’d never bring a client in and then have the client completely taken away. Is that common at other firms? The only thing close at my firm is if an associate brought in a client and the firm was worried about actually getting paid…but even then, we’d just require retainers, etc. – the actual work wouldn’t be taken away from someone.
Anon
At my firm, you would get credit for bringing in the client regardless, but you would not necessarily be staffed on the matter, especially as a junior associate. It would depend primarily on availability, current workload, and practice area expertise. Staffing decisions would be made by the responsible partner, with consideration given to the associate’s desire and ability to work on the case, of course.
JuniorMinion
I didn’t think it was something like a law firm / investment bank which entails a certain level of client ownership and guidance given to clients. From the way it was written I thought the workplace in question was likely somewhere like industrial / business services type company where while technically OP may have been the one the client transacted with there are likely / possibly other layers of relationships going on. Specifically thinking of businesses that often have “account reps” or somesuch responsible for daily / ongoing needs of clients but there is someone else who is much more senior who is involved on a soft basis to ensure an overall relationship continues.
Apologies if I missed something.
Anon
It really depends on the firm. In large law firms, especially those that only pay out salary and bonus to associates with no origination credit, it is incredibly common for an associate to bring in a client, the client is given to a partner appropriate for the matter type, since the associate has to have a partner oversee their work anyway, and for the partner to manage the relationship from then on. If that means the partner pushes the associate off the matter, then that happens, and it happens often, especially if there is no super strong personal relationship between the associate and client. And that’s why associates at my former firm don’t even bother with client building until one or two years away from partnership consideration – and why the firm doesn’t put much weight on client acquisition for partnership consideration.
Anon
You guys, I spoke at a conference this morning, which is something I do regularly but I always feel awkward anyway. It didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped but people have been coming up to me and thanking me for speaking and discussing some of my points.
If you are a person who seeks out speakers at a conference after they present thank you/bless you/mazel tov. It always makes me feel so much less awkward afterward!!
clementine
Might be too late to get responses in this, but how does one get into speaking at conferences? Any tips on getting started?
Inspired By Hermione
That was me today, too! It didn’t go badly but I just felt kinda off my game. But people seemed to like it a lot so I feel better.
Anonymous
There have been several questions about homeownership financing recently. Belle at CHS just posted this article, which was really discouraging as someone who has tons of student loans, 2 kids, and won’t be getting family help to buy in a HCOL.
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-homeowners-mortgage-buying-house-apartment
Would love “success” stories from anyone who was able to buy on their own, particularly in a higher COL. How did you do it?
Anonymous
I am about to close on a $1mn apartment in NYC. Single, 32, lawyer. Single, no family money, and had student loans when I graduated from law school.
How did I do it? I took a full-ride to law school over higher-ranked options. I had $80k in loans when I graduated law school (undergrad + law school), which I paid off in 2 years in NYC Biglaw.
lived in a cheap apartment for my first three years of biglaw in far-out Brooklyn and saved 95% of all my bonuses. I also “paid myself first” by automatically having 10% of my salary diverted directly to my savings account without ever seeing it. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like like a pauper. I currently live alone in an expensive neighborhood and travel frequently, but I’ve always, ALWAYS, prioritized savings.
It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done, to leap off this cliff and know there’s no safety net, but I’ve never been prouder to write that initial 10% deposit check and know exactly what those dollars represented to me.
Anon
That’s great for you that you did it without someone else’s help but you’re exactly one of the people the author of the article is talking about – you’re an atypical high earner. I think a big point is that at 30 you shouldn’t have to live an hour and a half from work and scrimp and stretch pennies to buy a home when you make in the 90th percentile of income in the country.
Anon
I’m in a medium COL area, but with a very medium salary to match (only made >50k/yr once in my now 22 years of working). I own 2 homes valued at a combined $280k. One is now a rental (former residence, in an area that’s still depressed, so couldn’t get it sold when I moved to take another job). No family support, but also no spouse/kids. I lived in the trailerhood for 10 years before I bought my first house, and lived way below my means. I still do, since I’m saving for improvements I’d like to make to my current house. I’ve avoided debt other than mortgage. Used/beater cars. Vegetable garden. I’ve never had cable. Cheap or free hobbies. Basically, I have simple tastes and have avoided lifestyle creep. My life isn’t glamorous, but I’m happy with it. It’s certainly not everyone’s cup of tea, though.
cbackson
I’ve bought property twice.
First situation: freshly minted lawyer in Seattle (1 year out), HHI was $362,000, $170,000 in student loans. The house was $500,000 in 2008. We had a high HHI, but we hadn’t been making that for long (less than a year for each of us), so we didn’t have a ton in savings and I was paying $2000/month on my student loans. We made a 10% down payment by wiping out our non-retirement savings, plus my and his first annual bonuses. It was a bad financial decision – we struggled under a high mortgage payment that really impeded our ability to save.
Second situation: 5th year associate in ATL, a much cheaper real-estate market, making $220,000. Post-divorce I had aggressively paid off my student loans and then thrown all the money I’d been paying at that into savings. I bought a $325,000 condo (so cheap – I’d never be able to get an equivalent place for less than $450,000 now) with a 20% down payment in 2014. It was tons easier to buy in a cheaper market and with my student loans gone. My mortgage is really manageable (under $2,000) and much lower than rent would be in this neighborhood.
No outside help in either case, but it’s incredibly clear to me how whether home ownership is a good idea varies by market. Buying that first house was a really bad financial decision (when I got divorced and ended up with the house, I had to sell it – the mortgage was more than half of my take-home pay); buying the condo has been a really good one because I was in a more affordable market.
Ellen
Now I can see why it is that your so smart. You have seen and done alot more then me in the last 10 years, having been in 2 different cities, haveing bought and sold real estate, and having been MARRIED and divorced in such same time. Did you think that the financial stresses you had in Seattle was the proximate cause of your divorce? I worry about this and probably this is part of why I still have NOT gotten married. Also, I think that men have do pull their weight. Was this a factor for you also in Seattle? My ex boyfreind looked to me to be his meal-ticket and my dad caused me to notice this and ultimately to resent his carpetbagging. Was this at all a factor with you?
Anon
I bought a house in Berkeley CA (close-in Bay Area so extremely HCOL) with no family help, but I had to do all the things everyone here would tell you are a disaster – I took a loan from my 401k, I only had 10% down and paid PMI, I didn’t have a maintenance fund set aside. It’s still the best investment I ever made. I refinanced it several times and was able to pay off the 401k loan, get off PMI, and finally, buy my ex husband out of his share. Even with that, still has been an awesome thing.
Everyone on here tells you that you can’t retire without $4-5 million and you can’t buy a house unless you have a sh1t ton of money set aside, but if those were both universally true very few people would ever retire or buy a house so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’ve seen too many friends lose their rent controlled apartments over shenanigans, I would never trust renting as a long term solution. I like being a homeowner and having my own walls.
anon
Hi from another Berkeley-ite!
third Berkeleyan
Me too! We should have a meetup :)
Anon
Have you talked to a mortgage lender, just casually? Articles like this often have doom and gloom vibe, but actual lenders want to make a loan and will tell you about all types of financing out there. If you have excellent credit, you can get a mortgage, even with a small down payment.
Anon
Would second this – I bought a $550k condo at 26, making $250k/year. I was only 26, in a VHCOL city, so my down payment was small, but I had stellar credit (782 at the time I bought) and my salary would technically have allowed me to afford more, but I was already spending more than I wanted. If you have good credit, you have lot of options, especially if you’re conservative on what you’re buying and have a high income.
Anonymous
Yes, this 100%.
We lived in our previous house nearly 20 years. I had built up in my mind that buying a new house (especially without selling our existing house first) was going to be this near-insurmountable obstacle that would require thousands of dollars we didn’t have and intense work on our credit scores and tons of maneuvering and scheming and blah blah blah. I spent so many hours doing all these complex calculations and trying to figure out all the angles from the financial side.
Finally, after working myself into a froth, I talked to a Realtor who referred me to a mortgage broker. The mortgage broker asked me for a few numbers over the phone. He punched something into a computer and there was a brief pause. And then he said “I can get you a letter of pre-approval for up to $800k (which was far, far more than we were looking to spend) tomorrow if that will work.”
Our credit was fine. Our down payment available funds were fine. Our budget range was fine. I had really built this up in my head and it turns out, every single day people in way worse financial shape than us apply for mortgages and get them. Say what you will about that (I personally don’t think that’s a great thing) but it’s the truth.
No amount of stories on the Internet are going to give you more information than giving your own information to a mortgage broker and seeing what they say. Mortgage brokers are paid by banks, not by you, and most offer no-obligation consultations. It’s worth a phone call to save yourself some handwringing.
K120
I had a roommate for longer than I wanted to. I was very ready for my own place but living with someone else let me save hundreds extra every month. I live in a city and don’t own a car. Between those two big choices I was able to save a hefty down payment in my HCOL. I’ve always been more of a saver than a spender so I didn’t need to focus on cutting back smaller more frequent spending. I make in the low six figures so I do have a good salary.
Anon
This made me really sad. Reading those I don’t think any actually bought a home by actually working and saving. They borrowed money, were gifted money, got money through military or spousal death benefits. It makes the picture look really bleak. That said, anecdotally, I know tons of millenials (all 28-32) who saved a down payment by just saving as much as they could from a not high but not low income and bought a normal not caving in home. However, all these came with caveats: medium housing cost city, moved to the suburbs, only saved 3-5% down, bought homes under $200k for the most part. It is doable but location and down payment savings is key.
I’ll fully admit that I’m not in that crowd. I did not receive any parental help, had six figure student loans, lived in cheaper than average small apartments for three years, drove my 10 yr old car from college, and didn’t buy fancy clothes, purses, shoes, etc. and wiped out half my nonretirement savings for my 5% down payment to purchase a home at 29 -BUT I also worked in big law making 6 figures, so I’m an outlier that people would point to re millennial home owning.
Anon
I mean, I’m one of the respondents and I bought my house through working and savings so…
Ribena
I bought on my own at the start of this year, mid-20s. How did I do it? I moved away from my home city (very HCOL) to a cheaper one (still pretty high cost of homes but everything else is cheaper and it’s smaller so I have zero daily transport costs). Essentially I made all my employment choices based on wanting to do this. I really wanted to buy a place to live, so instead of staying in my home city and pursuing my dream career path I moved city and found something else – it’s still fulfilling and I would never have known it existed, but it’s not the dream. And that’s fine, I still enjoy it.
Also, my last grandparent died at a convenient time and before their care needs sucked up the whole value of their home. I’d rather have a grandparent than an apartment.
Anon
I think some of it is your risk tolerance. My friends who bought in the Bay Area didn’t mostly have family help beyond paying for their education, but they are all comfortable spending 40-50% of their takehome pay on housing. They’re comfortable having their mortgages take 30 years to pay off and require both spouses’ incomes. I’m not. I wanted to get rid of my mortgage early so I could save even more for retirement and I didn’t want to be one job loss away from being forced to suddenly sell my house. So I left and moved to a place where I can comfortably buy the kind of house I want without worrying about what will happen if my husband or I loses our job. But my friends who stayed have a much higher net worth than I do, because of the value of their houses. Some people would probably say I made a bad financial decision. I think it’s a very individual thing, and the answer isn’t the same for everyone.
Anon
This. It is a largely a question of risk tolerance and prioritization. I know there’s some economic truth to the downswing in millennials buying house vs prior generations, but some (lots) of it is also just generational culture. Anyone who tells you that prior generations just blithely and easily bought their first homes is not telling the truth. I’m a gen Xer and my husband and I were sweating bullets the first few years of homeownership. We did not travel. We did not eat in restaurants. We did not buy concert tickets. It was just what you had to do to make it work. But nothing about it was easy.
Anon
PS Neither if us are attorneys so we didn’t have biglaw salaries either.
Ms B
+1. Gen Xer here too. The Hubs and I are attorneys, but we bought our first house before the outrageous salary and real estate bumps of the Aughts. Our combined HHI was around $140K when we bought that house in the late 90s for $147,500 and we had combined student loans close to $80K and two car loans then (but credit cards were paid off). We scraped together the 10% down payment by staying in every night, not traveling, brown bagging it every day, and working like dogs to get raises and bonuses at work. I am pretty sure I cried when I wrote the down payment check because it left me with very little in my bank account and I know it was a solid five years after that before I felt like I was not broke all the time.
And unlike now, we bought when interest rates were much higher. I got a break on rates because I was in-house at a bank at that point and we were thrilled to lock at 9% with a quarter point discount for paying via payroll deduction.
780
I bought a house near downtown DC in 2014 when I was 29. I was single and came from a poor family (my HHI in a good year growing up was $25k) where there was no family help to turn to. I graduated law school with over $200k in debt, and afforded it by working in biglaw. At the time of the purchase, I had been in biglaw for 3.5 years, still had significant student loans, and basically emptied my bank account for the down payment. It was a great investment for me, but I did many of the thinks that the dual income folks here think are bad ideas – I emptied my bank account to purchase. I purchased before I paid off my student loans. Although my mortgage was less than 30% of my biglaw income, I knew I wanted to leave for government and did, and my mortgage is know significantly more than 30% of my takehome pay (but I still feel like I have enough money).
anonforthis
Honestly, patience and picking high paying jobs.
I am Gen X, but bought this year in a HCOL. My husband graduated from business school and I graduated from law school in 2012 with a combined student debt load of about $250k. We had no savings – at one point we had under $100 total and one 30+-year old car.
Now we have only about 25k in student debt left, and are putting 20% down on a 1M (1BR) condo, have another 50k in cash like accounts, and about 200k in retirement accounts.
Winter
The people in charge of furniture at my office insist that the firm-issued chair is ergonomic, but it is…not. A nice chair is probably less expensive than the physical therapy I am paying for out of pocket, so I’ve been thinking about springing for my own Herman Miller Aeron, which I had at my last firm. Are there other models (or brands) that I should be looking at? Any advice?
Anonymous
HON Nucleus with the mesh back.
Anonymous
No advice on other models or brands, but these occasionally pop up on Craigslist and other sites where people buy secondhand goods due to offices downsizing/closing, FYI
Anon
Do it, but keep the receipt and write your name all over the underside in obnoxious pink glitter.
Anonymous
Thanks for the ideas! …and I’m definitely “signing” this chair in some manner!
Grace
Talk to me about forgiveness. Some time ago, I found out that one of my best friends was having an affair with a married man in our social circle. I suspected this was happening before I actually found it, and asked her about it, but she lied and denied it. I finally found out about it from a third person, not her, and asked her again, at which point she finally told me. The lying, and affair, have been going on for much longer than I knew, and a lot of events make a lot more sense now that I know what was actually going on. Neither of them are good for each other, and a lot of the predictable negative consequences of a bad decision like this are starting to develop.
I’m having a really hard time with forgiving her and putting aside my judgment for what I think is a terrible, terrible decision with worse ramifications (likely professional ones) yet to come. She knows how I feel about it, but still the affair carries on, and she turns to me and our mutual friends for support, which is really hard to give. I’m also someone who feels anger much more easily than sadness/hurt, and so I think a lot of my hurt feelings about her lying and hiding this from me are getting translated into anger. And, I’m directing that anger on her in a way that is probably unfair.
I know it’s not my life, and I’ve spoken my peace (piece?) and now I need to step back and let her make her own decisions. But how? She’s so important to me, and I want this friendship to outlast this terrible, ill-conceived affair, but I don’t know how to really forgive her, and mean it. Help?
Anon
Wait, she wasn’t having an affair with your husband, right? What would you possibly need to forgive her for? She obviously knew how you were going to react to her personal decisions so of course she lied to you. I honestly don’t blame her. I don’t think you should be friends with her; you clearly don’t think she’s a good person and she doesn’t need your judgment.
Anon
I sort of get your point, in that the OP was not the one directly harmed by this (and thus, forgiveness is not something she has any standing to really need to feel), but affairs breach a public, social trust: we need to trust people to respect the bonds of matrimony.
I also get the feeling that this has caused secondary problems, and the friend is asking for support. That’s a hard thing to handle.
My advice is to flat-out tell the friend that she needs to end this affair before you will help her clean up the mess.
Anon
Then OP needs to tell her friend she’s not willing to discuss it. OP should NOT pry for information she knows she’s not going to like and honestly OP should get over herself and this anger and need for forgiveness. The friend hasn’t done anything to OP that requires forgiveness in the first place.
Anon
OP isn’t directly harmed by this, but her friend did lie to her. She can’t forgive her friend for the whole affair (only those directly harmed can do that), but she can forgive her friend for lying to her and find ways to trust her despite her friend behaving unethically.
Anonymous
I have no idea. I would have dumped her like a hot rock for lying to me and being so immoral. I don’t do friendships with people who sleep with married people.
Anon
Same. I don’t think it’s ok just bc if it’s not your husband she’s sleeping with. She’s doing something despicable and I wouldn’t want to “support” her through it.
Anonymous
Same. I had this exact scenario in my life and I stepped out of that friendship for a while.
Anon
You say that this friendship is important to you, so if you want to salvage the friendship, I would try to put this into perspective and understand that the lying about the affair was likely because she was ashamed about it, and knew how you would react, not because she wanted to lie to you or didn’t trust you. You could also try having some compassion towards her even if you don’t support her having an affair – it sounds like she already knows she shouldn’t have done it, and is dealing with the ramifications.
Anonymous
Why bother? “Susie, if we are going to keep being friends, i never want to hear about this affair again. I can’t comprehend why you think it’s okay, I don’t support this, and I’m not available to discuss it.”
Never too many shoes...
It is late in the day and maybe I am cranky, but the moralizing that goes on here sometimes is exhausting. She is not the married one, HE is. HE is having an affair, not her.
OP, if you do not want to be friends with her, use your words and tell her. But she does not owe you an apology nor is their anything for you to forgive her for – she is the one being shamed and hurt and judged, by people that she loves and trusts, not you. Either decide to support her (and mean it) or cut her loose.
Grace
Thanks for all the responses, both kind and cranky. I appreciate the reading recommendation and will follow up on that.
Never too many shoes, I don’t know if you misread or what, but I used my words (above, and to her) to say that I do actually want to stay friends with her, because she’s very important to me. While your advice to “decide to support her (and mean it)” is what I know I need to do, my question was actually about the *how.* My hurt stems not from the fact that she’s having an affair (not going to split hairs about words here – that’s not the point) because yes, obviously, she does not owe me an apology for that. But she lied to me, directly, indirectly, and repeatedly, for years. That’s what I’m hurt about, and having a hard time getting over.
Thanks again, all.
Never too many shoes...
Thanks for the additional in, Grace. Years is a long time. Since you want to keep her in your life, what about sitting down with her and just telling her exactly that – that it hurt you that she lied to you for years and why didn’t she feel like she could tell you…
Anon
+1
Anon
Having an affair with someone you know to be in a relationship is morally wrong. Nobody had said the man is not also (moreso) to blame, he is obviously a terrible person, but that doesn’t mean OP’s friend’s actions are totally fine.
Anon
She had a years-long affair with a married man. She should be hurt, shamed, and judged – that’s an objectively horrible thing to do.
Do you not remember that poster of only a few days ago who talked about how devastated she was that her husband had an affair with a younger coworker, who had never given birth and was ten years her junior? Here’s a life tip: don’t be that woman who causes that kind of grief. Yes, the man made the vows, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to enable him in breaking them.
Lobbyist
Forgive for Good, a book by Frederic Luskin
Digby
Not a CC cream, but BB – Coola mineral face, matte tint, spf 30, cruelty-free, unscented. They also have an organic, tinted BB cream, but I haven’t tried it.
Big Mama
I’m eyeing so much stuff in Sundance Catalog but there is no discount code :(