Coffee Break: Comet Blue Wallet

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1. I am getting stalked by Spartina 449 on social media but it’s not a brand I’m familiar with. Is it sort of like Chicos but more casual / costal? I can’t quite put my finger on the vibe.

   1. Thanks, had never heard of it. That or a poor man’s Lilly? I see they carry bedding and jewelry at Belk.

   2. I’ve shopped there in store in Savannah and it’s sort of like a combo of Lilly, J McLaughlin, and an adult version of Beaufort Bonnet Company. I didn’t hate it, and the quality was ok, but lots of it skewed modern southern lady who lunches and Pickleballs at the club.

2. Talk to me about fillers. I’m 45 and have done Botox/Lasers which have been helpful for texture/discoloration/deep lines but I’m bothered by lower face sagging/marionnette lines. I’d just like to look a bit refreshed, not cartoonish. Nobody in my circle admits to anything beyond botox/skincare or I’d ask for personal recommendations, and my derm is not cosmetics focused.

   1. Also 45 and the thing that keeps me from getting fillers is looking at all these camera-ready women who look like absolute aliens with their mar-a-lago faces and reminding myself that they can afford way better services than I can and they still came out looking like that, so… i’m leaning into the radical idea that there is nothing wrong with my face. And that feels pretty liberating!

      1. +1. Plenty of times I’ve been surprised when a woman tells me she has botox. But I’ve never once been surprised when a woman says she has fillers. It seems like the skilled practitioners are few and far between.

         1. The problem with fillers is that the first session has incredible results. So women are often chasing that feeling. I have lip filler, and I love the look and think it’s natural, but I can only get it once every 5 years or so.

            1. I get botox and have the smallest amount of cheek filler. I think it looks natural and just kind of slightly improves my face shape. I am coming up on one year and don’t feel the need to do it again yet.

               I don’t tell many people about it unless we have that kind of chatty relationship. It’s not really that I am ashamed, but it’s more that I spend a lot of money on various aesthetic things (botox, lasers, glp for only vanity reasons, etc.), more than most of the people in my circle, and I don’t want to be someone who is on the extreme so I kind of self moderate.

               I suggest seeking out a high end provider and asking their recommendation on location and what would help you, and starting with only a small amount. You’d never know I had filler if I didn’t tell you…and I am sure you can achieve that too.

            2. I know a lot of women who think they have ‘subtle’ filler and they do not. I would never mention to them that it’s obvious because that’s rude, but I’m sure they think it’s not noticeable because people are too polite to say anything

      2. Their look is a deliberate choice that is an outward manifestation of their loyalty to the cult. In my church certain things are an outward manifestation of inner belief and are referred to as sacraments, so I’m going with MarALago face being an anti-sacrament. Anyway, I am here to tell you that there is such a thing as undetectable lip filler. I approached my provider by telling her I wanted it subtle, as in so subtle that some or many of her clients would concerns a waste of the remains of the vial. I am open about using a filler and the frequent response to “I have lip filler” is “No you don’t”.

         1. I don’t know, plenty of non-MAGA women have what people refer to as mar-a-lago face. Joan Rivers being the OG of this look, but also like Kris Jenner, and plenty other women of a certain age who are not maga cultists, just desperate not to age and have obvious filler (and often also plastic surgery). I get that “mar a lago face” is like a buzzword of this year and rightly refers to a certain aesthetic within that party, but, like, they didn’t invent the look. Fillers are a fools errand, y’all, just live your life! The greatest rebellion against this misogynistic trend is to reject it entirely.

         2. Kris Jenner is absolutely MAGA make no mistake

   2. I would try a red light mask and/or NuFace first.

   3. I get a small amount of filler under my mouth to address one frown line that really bothers me. I only do it once a year, and I’m happy with the result but I’m not sure if I will keep doing it and for how long – the reason it bugs me so much is that it looks very asymmetrical on my face, and I think that as I get a little older and probably get more lines, I may not care as much.

   4. I’m about your age and have done sculptra for that area of my face (avoiding fillers). I’ve seen some minimal improvement but nothing dramatic. I’m saving up for a deep plane facelift in my early 50s, which seems to be the only thing that can meaningfully help that area of the face in particular.

   5. I recommend looking at Sculptra instead of fillers. It stimulates your own collagen to grow where injected. I had a series of 3 treatments done to my lower face after losing over 100 lbs. Very happy with the results, but it took about 6 months to start seeing noticeable improvements. That’s been almost 4 years ago and haven’t needed a refresh yet.

   6. That’s plastic surgery, look into a lower lift. Check out the Beauty Broker

3. does anyone have a winter hat they truly love? i want something that feels luxurious but is well made enough to throw in the corner and machine wash.

   1. Yes, it is handknit from superwash merino wool yarn.

      1. Same!

   2. Not luxurious by any means, but I love my Carhartt beanie. My husband bought me one and it’s all I wear. Warm, durable and washable :)

   3. Uniqlo 100% cashmere beanie! The best!

      1. I was going to recommend the same!

      2. I’m going to check this out, thanks! I bought a cashmere beanie/scarf/glittens set from Target in 2010 and the beanie is juuust starting to fail.

4. inspired by this morning’s conversation, this is maybe a fun game for today – what 3 “newer” brands are you wearing right now or want to wear? what 3 “older” brands are you over for now?

   i’ll put my answers in the comments

   1. newer – Jennie Kayne, Quince (in that ‘I want to order everything but then probably return 80% of it’ way), and Staud for shoes/bags

      older ones I’m over – Clarks shoes – somehow wore these a lot in my 20s but they feel so frumpy now. Cole Haan. Madewell used to feel fresh but doesn’t anymore.

      1. I agree Madewell has gotten meh, but it’s also so much better in store than online. I usually find some really cute/quality stuff when I go in person.

      2. Is it the perpetual search for “fresh?” Is that a priority?

   2. Fun question! Okay I have more than 3 each.

      Brands I’m wearing: Sezane, Hill House, Boden, Beyond Yoga, Vuori

      Brand I’m over: Aerie, Abercrombie, LOFT, Ann Taylor, mostly due to poor quality

   3. over – most of Hill House (rufflepuff in general, really, though HH still has some more tailored styles in nice prints), Sezane (went to the store in Paris and for that price point the sweaters should not be itch factories), Sarah Flint (I do not get it – the insoles are a great idea but the leather doesn’t feel like it will break in without serious pain — any IRL experience?)

      into – the Toteme mention this morning was spot on, Strathberry, and definitely not a “new” brand but newly loving, Roger Vivier shoes.

      1. I have a pair of sarah flint leopard calf hair, which I would actually think would break in worse than just plain leather, and they are one of my favorite shoes actually. I had to size up, and kind of get used to them, but they are one of the few 85 mm heels I can wear to a conference for example.

   4. Love this question-will you repost in the morning? Feels like great way to get new brand/store ideas (I’m striking out on old reliables like Madewell.)

   5. Newer brands – Vuori (almost all my workout bottoms are theirs), Veronica Beard for updated workwear, and Frame for denim.
      Older – Banana Republic – they were a staple for so long and have been so thin/junky lately. Ann Taylor is downgraded to only if I try it on IRL and only on sale. Jcrew also just isn’t hitting like it did back in the Michele Obama days.

      1. Since the departure of Jenna Lyons I feel like JCrew has been aiming for classic but coming in at basic. I still find the occasional piece I like but not nearly as much as I used to.

   6. Love this game! I cheated and included a makeup item.

      Into: Oliver Logan jeans, Margaux shoes, Uppdoo bag (Canadian brand)
      Over: Gap tees, J Crew sweaters, Anthropologie anything

      1. Oops, accidentally cut off my makeup item: Glossier mascara

   7. Newer: Kobi Halperin, Saint and Sofia, and American Leather.

      Over: Elie Tahari (current management is churning out cheap stuff instead of quality pieces), Ann Taylor (quality too unreliable) and MM La Fleur (not sure why, just not shopping there much).

      1. I still have a lot of early MMLF pieces in my closet, but their current collections are so frumpy.

   8. Loving Quince for basics (return about half but the other half are total workhorses), and a few British brands like Holland Cooper, Brora, and Nobody’s Child. Honestly checking in on the brands the Princess of Wales is wearing every few months is a foolproof way to introduce myself to good quality brands that are like 60% of the time reasonably priced.

      Out: I stalked Flabelus shoes on sale for months because all my European friends were wearing them and while I loved the style they completely disintegrated after a few months. I’ll still look at Sezane because I’ve got some outstanding credit but nothing has called to me in a while (also the pop up in my city closed which makes it harder to shop). J Crew used to be half my closet and I still have some good jeans from there but haven’t bought anything new in forever.

5. This reminds me to ask – does anyone have thoughts on the quality of Portland Leather bags? I’ve seen some cross my feed that seem like the right size/style/price for me for daily use, but I’ve never encountered them in the wild.

   1. They are well-made and durable, but the construction is very simple.

   2. They are sturdy and look nice in a casual way. I’d call them a good value for the money when purchased on sale. They are not dressy or formal. I use my big leather tote regularly and it’s the sort of thing that looks good with a bit of patina, IMO.

   3. For a brief period they made shoes, and mine have held up pretty well. I would say their bags look “okay but not great” in person – not as nice as the pictures! For example, the leather edges are unfinished, and something about the dye just looks a little “cheap” in reality. Agree with the assessment that they are “good value if bought on sale” – they don’t really seem worth the face value to me, and they are definitely not a “wow, cool, $300 bag quality for $50!” shortcut – you’re not going to be estatic but you’re not going to be super disappointed either.

   4. What really bothers me is that they are unlined. I love the styles, but that’s a dealbreaker for me.

   5. I have a black leather tote from them as my daily work bag and it still looks great 2+ years on. I like it a lot. I also have some of their brown leather more casual bags. I often buy from their slightly irregular section (can’t remember what they call it) where they have small imperfections and are at a big discounts. The imperfections have been almost unnoticeable for me.

   6. Had such color transfer issues with my black bag that I retired it from service.

   7. The bag I bought is the perfect shape and drop from the shoulder, but it’s not lined and the color (black) still bleeds after a year. (And, yes, I did contact the company about it.) It’s definitely not fancy in any way.

6. Bethany from Real Housewives announced that she has stage 2 chronic kidney disease. I googled and I guess it’s good to raise awareness because many adults who are 40s-50s probably have it and have no idea. It seems that you could be just fine if you started managing your diet and salt and blood pressure. Or is it more complicated than this?

   1. So obligatory *not a doctor* but my understanding is that it’s largely manageable with lifestyle interventions, however compliance with lifestyle interventions is not that good and thus outcomes can be unnecessarily bad.

      1. Compliance is also not very well supported (it’s hard to find prepared foods that are compliant and hard to even assess foods accurately).

   2. She has a pretty severe eating disorder and kidney disease is an unfortunately common result of that.

   3. In general I do think that kidneys are one of those things that can fall through the cracks since a lot of primary care providers aren’t internists or even MDs, and nephrology doesn’t take over until it gets worse than it had to get. Also almost no one takes blood pressure correctly anymore, so if it’s a bit high, they think it’s because they didn’t take it correctly and don’t worry too much. Some people have low creatinine for reasons other than kidney health. But that’s stage 1 where GFR is normal or a little high. By the time it’s stage 2, it’s going to show up clearly on CBC, so it sounds like a healthcare access thing if people have no idea at all even at that point.

      I think it can get more complicated for some people (for example, what if you also get low blood pressure and fainting? what about any meds that you take that the kidneys have to deal with? or will ever have to take? how easily will you comply with a renal diet when currently product labels aren’t require to quantify the things you need to track?).

   4. There are many different causes of chronic kidney disease, and those causes likely need treatment. And she is quite young for having this, so it is concerning that it could progress. And yes you usually have to take medications (likely a simple ace inhibitor), aggressively control things like diabetes, hypertension, autoimmune disease and whatever is contributing to the decline in kidney function. Some inherited disorders can be difficult to treat. And imagining dialysis and kidney transplant in your future is never fun.

      Kidney disease is one of those silent diseases. You can have it and it can progress without your doctor (or you) being aware. Sometimes doctors wait too long to investigate.

      1. I had to ask about a pattern in my test results before any follow up testing was ordered. The doctor I asked immediately got what I was asking about and was quick to order tests, but I am not sure if it was one of those things where it wasn’t clear which doctor would follow up with me, or if I basically just had to bring it up.

7. So I’ve been pretty open at work that when my husband (finally) gets an airline pilot job, we’re planning on moving. We’ll, he’s got a tentative offer, but just got a positive pregnancy test. We’ve been TTC for a while so we’re excited but also the timing is tricky. We may end up deciding to stay put for a year or so so I can qualify for FMLA and job hunt without the burden of being visibly pregnant. So now my boss is expecting me to leave this summer and asking about whether I’d be willing to WFH to finish out the year and an important project I’ve been leading, and I’m here like… Do I say anything? When do I say anything? They’d be great about it and excited to keep me around if I shared, but idk if it’s going to stick and don’t really want to get that personal.

   1. I’d wait to make any commitments until you’re past the first trimester. I job hunted pregnant and wound up staying at my Big 4 role for the healthcare/leave. It was ultimately the right call as my kiddo’s first year was really, really rough and I had a lot of goodwill accumulated there.

   2. I would just say that factors in your life have you open to the offer of staying longer than originally planned.

      1. This.

   3. It sounds like you’re probably going to burn bridges either way.

   4. If your boss is willing for you to WFH to keep you, could you suggest staying on longer-term, maybe with a monthly office visit or something? That would solve both problems…

   5. I’d stop saying anything at your office about this kind of stuff until it’s real! The only reason (I presume?) that your boss is asking you this question before you even know whether your husband got the job, is that you are talking about it. So, ducks in a row first, and THEN you talk at the office. I’d apply that to pregnancy, too. Wait for a while until you’re confident about it, figure out what you’d like to ask for, and THEN talk to your boss about it.

      1. +1. Your husband doesn’t even have an actual offer let, and your boss is asking when you are leavings that’s bad! I know you think they won’t push you out early (and I hope you are right), but that type of stuff can change on a dime. You shouldn’t be talking about this stuff at work till it’s a done deal.

   6. I’d say something positive/enthusiastic to your boss about the WFH plan though – you don’t want them planning now for “oh, we definitely need a replacement for OP because she’s leaving in the summer”.

   7. In the future don’t talk about this kind of thing at work! There’s no upside, and as you are finding out, there can be downside.

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