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Sales of note for 10.10.24
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- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
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- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Good Morning!
“If you’re breathing, you’re achieving.” –Snoop Dogg
Christian Siriano (best Project Runway contestant after Santino) is going to make face mask instead of ball gowns.
https://www.today.com/style/christian-siriano-volunteers-make-face-masks-hospital-workers-t176523
Distilleries are pivoting to make hand sanitizer https://parade.com/1011922/jerylbrunner/distilleries-making-hand-sanitizer/
The US Dept of Veterans Affairs has a mindfulness app. https://mobile.va.gov/app/mindfulness-coach When I get scared about “the future”, focus on the “right now” is more bearable.
Art of the day “Telephone Drawings” http://janserych.com/selection/telephone-drawings/
What’s on your mind?
Ribena
Morning team! I love Christian Siriano, he’s a good egg.
I’m listening to Scala Radio while I work at home and it’s fantastic – classical music but very accessible, with a little bit of gentle chat alongside but not too much. And I also got out for a run this morning which made me feel on top of the world. Life is good today.
Anonymous
Turns out the sole determining factor of my mood is whether it’s sunny or not.
Ribena
Haha, me too – my desk is next to a window and I get gorgeous sunshine streaming in. Although it was greyish for the first part of the morning and I was already in a good mood from my run.
pugsnbourbon
Same. The weather in my part of the Midwest has been terrible since Thursday and I’m not handling it well.
anon
Me too! I’m in the Pacific NW and the weather was sunny and beautiful last week but it’s rainy and grey today. I had a meltdown this morning while on a conferece call. So glad for mute…
Cb
Scala Radio is so, so good! So much more accessible than Classic FM.
My son (2.5) and I took a walk in the woods after the nursery Zoom call and before lunch. It was very quiet (passed 4 or 5 people the whole 90 minutes) and really lovely. He’s such a nature kid – he wanted to have his snack sitting on a log and decided to find the best log. I’m overwhelmed by this 24/7 parenting but we had such a nice chat while we were out, and I came back feeling revitalized.
Anon
That’s so nice. Nature really is the key!
Anon for this post..
I know this is meant to be a cheery thread, but it’s been a damn week already. Imminent layoff/furlough. Halfway through my pregnancy (yay healthy baby is the only thing keeping me moving forward). Being at this point in my pregnancy means a 3 month layoff is more like a post-birth unemployment since who the heck is going to hire anyone right now let alone someone who is 5 months pregnant. My father in law is dying across the country. This damn virus could kill so many people I love and hurt my unborn kid.
I’m just so mad and scared. I did everything I was supposed to (worked hard, timed my pregnancy for what was supposed to be a perfect time for work, saved money, stayed healthy) and yet I’m still getting royally screwed over by the universe right now. There’s been so much to handle in such a short time period. It’s a lot.
I’m thankful for a kicking baby, my husband, and my family who is taking all this lockdown business seriously. And my derpy dogs.
Clementine
That sucks, it’s TOTALLY not fair, and I’m sorry.
Panda Bear
It absolutely sucks and I’m sorry for you, I’d be super stressed facing an imminent birth and job loss. Wishing you all the best – glad you have helpful family, lovable dogs and a healthy baby on the way.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry. I’m 26 weeks pregnant with my first and feeling the weight of all the stress (then feeling guilty and hoping that’s not harming baby girl). I’m trying to be grateful for all that we have, and also trying to allow myself a little grace for being really, really sad that this isn’t how I thought pregnancy would go. My family — who lives across the country — will probably never see me pregnant. Canceled babymoon. Canceled shower so we can’t celebrate with friends. My husband — who has been to every prenatal appointment — is no longer allowed to come. My hospital is canceling prenatal classes indefinitely. These are all the right decisions, but they feel very sad and scary. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of that plus waiting for the ax to drop.
Thinking you good thoughts and all my sympathy.
Patricia Gardiner
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It sucks. It’s not fair. I’m glad you have some lovable dogs to entertain you!
emeralds
That is so tough and I’m sorry.
Ellen
You have alot to look forward to! Think positive! You are married, have a working husband, cute dogs and soon a baby! Jobs come and go, and once you’re ready, you can go back into the work force if you need to. For the time being, enjoy your situation, knowing it will get better. My family all wishes I were in your shoes, but we each have to go our own route Grandma Leyeh says. Otherwise we would NOT be fulfiled. Good luck to you!
Anonymous
I am sorry. I am not pregnant (so not facing a lot of the worries that you are right now), but i too feel like i did everything right (saved, got a good stable job, lived within my means) and the universe is pulling the rug out from under my feet right now. i am very worried about getting sick, and very frustrated with people not taking the social distancing and stay at home orders seriously. seeing my 401k balance basically at the level that it was 10 years ago is so disheartening–all that work and all that saving for nothing. anyway, i know your point was that this is a hard time for you, and i agree that being pregnant would accentuate some of the anxiety and frustration. i just wanted to add that i too understand the feeling that you did everything that you were supposed to do, and it still isn’t working out. I am annoyed that all of these people who have lower paying jobs are going to get refund checks from the government.
pugsnbourbon
I understand that you’re frustrated, but please consider that the folks in lower paying jobs are busting ass in essential businesses (grocery stores, gas stations, warehouses, farms, etc). The relief checks are going to keep food on their tables and roofs over their heads.
Anon
You’re….annoyed that people who literally have no income (or a savings or 401K) are going to be able to pay rent and get food? Wow. Check. Your. Privilege.
Anonymous
OMG give it a rest already.
Housecounsel
Please don’t give it a rest. I love this place.
Anon
+1 please keep these posts coming!
Anon
Yes, I appreciate this very much, please keep posting, OP!
Cat
I like these posts, too, but not today’s choice of quote — while meant well, it’s not landing well given the effect the virus can have on breathing…
Good Morning!
My point with the quote is exactly related to the virus’s effect on breathing. I’ve been having breathing problems and am having to focus on the fact that I am getting air to not spiral into total panic.
emeralds
I actually liked the quote for exactly that reason. For me right now, in all of the kerfuffles about the perfect work from home setup to avoid any break in productivity!! and trying to process a lot of feelings about programming I’ve been working my a** off for since August going up in smoke: it is a great reminder that everyone who is breathing is getting to achieve something that tens of thousands of people across the world can no longer do, or are struggling to do.
It would also be great if we could not nitpick and tear each other down for not all processing and framing our feelings in exactly the same way, especially since it seems like everyone is coming at it from a place of thoughtfulness and good intentions. Not everything is going to be relatable for everyone. Not every strategy or idea is going to land for every single reader. So let’s make space for those who are handling this in a different way than we are. Scrolling and the “hide replies” button are there for a reason.
Anonymous
Give me a break. Take the quote in the spirit in which it is meant.
Patricia Gardiner
+ 1 don’t give it a rest. If you don’t like it just collapse the thread!
Anon
Anonymous at 8:41, gently, if these posts are triggering for you, maybe try not visiting here for awhile.
Anon
It’s called scroll on by. I guess misery loves company but many of us choose not to live our lives in that cloud of grey if we can help it.
Anon
People are struggling. Try some compassion? I remember how awful it was when my aunt was dying and a family friend lectured us about “not giving in to negativity” and “the importance of positivity in healing.” It wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t positive, and it wasn’t compassionate. My aunt died five days later.
Anon
Yeah, but the thing is. This isn’t a real live conversation. You can totally avoid this thread if you don’t want to participate, unlike your aunt.
Anon
Yes people are struggling but did you actively try to bully other people into your same sadness when they are dealing with the same thing? This is an online forum not a relentlessly cheery friend, she needs to chill out and ignore it. If you participate in any kind of online forum you need to have the sense to avoid what doesn’t suit you.
Anon
Sure, I think that poster can avoid the thread too, but I also don’t think it’s necessary to accuse her of loving to wallow in misery. I don’t think that’s kind. Maybe that poster should also consider scrolling on by.
CountC
I started watching The Nanny last night and it’s still delightful. Niles has some great one-liners!
Diana Barry
My anxiety has come back, unfortunately! :( Just the physical feeling, not the rumination etc. Trying to power through but it is difficult when the news is so bad every single day . I am also *really* feeling the second shift of trying to keep the kids focused on something educational for a few hours out of the day while also trying to work and having to do all the meal planning, laundry, making the kids help with cleaning, etc. Someday I’ll be able to go out for sushi again!
Good Morning!
I am choosing to focus on my work since it’s important to the household. I can’t do a whole second shift of being a teacher too. Me personally, I said fuck it. If everyone’s fed and I’m not in trouble with my boss that’s a win.
Anonymous
+1 The kids will be fine if they don’t learn something every single day. They, and you, get to underachieve here. Be mediocre. Be less than mediocre.
ALL the kids who are out of school are going to have to go back and relearn when school starts again anyway. This isn’t a deal-breaker.
AIMS
I am making a point of not watching the news. I felt better than I have in a long time yesterday, having not started the day with my usual skimming of headlines. If this is all suddenly resolved, I’m sure someone will let me know so I don’t think I’m miss8ng much by not checking in daily.
Also agree that kid education is taking a backseat right now. But since I’m home I try to just include the kids in whatever I’m doing – cooking, laundry, I figure it’s all educational at this age. Cut yourself some slack!
Now if only I could get work to leave me alone…
chilled coyote
My husband has been watching the news nonstop, and I have been wondering if I wouldn’t feel better if we just didn’t watch it for a day. Or ever. I don’t know that the daily detail is helpful.
Go for it
No news via tv/web mainstream is the way to go. Read on NPR /NIH
no more than 1x daily. My anxiety has gone down exponentially since I’ve done this. Ymmv
Anonymous
1. A lot of the zoos are doing virtual tours with their animals. I’m 46 years old without kids. Is it bad that I’m excited about “breakfast with the otters” today?
2. This has been an excuse to show my mom that she can use my prime account and Netflix. And yesterday I sent step by step instructions to help her host a virtual book club. She was super excited that it meant they could invite a dear friend that had moved to another state. I just love to see how confident she is getting using technology. And hopefully some of these changes make for an easier and more fun existence after the current times of stress have ended.
Katie
I’m so glad you mentioned “breakfast with the otters”, because this child-free adult here is most definitely tuning in for that!
Anon
I’m also child-free and watching all of the animal stuff online!
Anonymous
Child-free adult checking in, also very much here for aquarium/zoo virtual tours and social media at the moment.
AnonATL
The Atlanta pandas are very feisty right now!
Anonymous
I was doing okay and then I found out my employer is doing a temporary shutdown. We have to use our vacation time for this, which annoys me, and I also have to put the vacation time in myself, which annoys me more. If you’re taking away my vacation, at least don’t make me do the paperwork!
NOLA
Hoping that today will be my first full day of WFH! Kitty girl is doing well (after destroying my mouse pad by wiping her butt on it) and seems to not care that I am home, but gets very snuggly at night. Dude is still consulting at hospitals daily and comes home exhausted. I left him lots of treats over the weekend. Made me feel good that he was eating his favorite ice cream while we were on the phone last night. Trying to still stay active by walking outside on grass rather than pavement (hurts my hip). Stocked up with lots of healthy food. I’m going to try and have some virtual happy hours with girlfriends. We need to stay connected!
Senior Attorney
I’m in the office (essential personnel) but it’s quieter and quieter every day and less and less to do. I’m still getting dressed for work but pretty much nobody sees me and I’m spending most of my time reading the news and trying not to (a) look at my 401(K) or (b) let my anxiety overwhelm me.
On the bright side, my e-copy of the new Emily St. John Mandel (“Station Eleven”) novel was wirelessly delivered at midnight last night and I’m 60% through already and really digging it.
Nelly Yuki
Brava for being able to read that book at a time like this. :)
Senior Attorney
Well the new one, The Glass Hotel, is about a Ponzi scheme rather than an apocalyptic flu. Still hits pretty close to home, though.
Ribena
I’m planning a Station Eleven tattoo when this is done. Survival is insufficient.
Senior Attorney
Love it!
NOLA
Well, you know that I was descending into mildly offensive work wear by last week. Yesterday, I only had to go in a half day and today, I’m on my bed with the kitty in my onesie. I hope you get to stay home soon!
Been there
Thanks for your post!
Not Motivated
I am really struggling with working from home. I can’t get motivated, I feel like my job is useless and meaningless at this point in time and I just…don’t want to do it. I feel like the super weak link on my team and like I’m letting everyone down, but I just can’t focus on work right now. I just want to curl up and sleep for the next 6 weeks and sleep through this whole pandemic.
Help?
Anon
This is me. Although I suspect our company will have to close or suspend operations in the next few weeks – the silver lining is that I will be able to stop forcing myself to do billable work. We’re meeting later today to try to decide whether a 50% pay cut will be able to keep us afloat (assuming more of our clients don’t cancel their contracts).
anonymous
I can relate. Yesterday I got up and did a workout, took a shower and put on real clothes thinking that would help me get motivated. Nope. I sat on the couch and watched TV and took a nap during “lunch hour”. It doesn’t help that work is incredibly slow for me right now and it’s very difficult to get motivated to do what little work I have.
This morning I stayed in bed in my pajamas and got a little more work done. Maybe try setting a timer for 10-20 minutes and force yourself to get a few things done?
I wish I had better advice. This is a tough situation.
Anon
I don’t know what you do for work but could you focus on working so others get paid? That’s what’s keeping me going right now. I almost view it as a civic duty. These lawsuits might not matter in the grand scheme of the world but if I can bill, we can get revenue and keep our staff paid.
Anon
This is also what’s keeping me going – the thought of laying off staff.
Squid
I’m right there with you. This is probably the wrong approach, but I am just doing the best I can and reminding myself I’ll be let go soon.
Rainbow Hair
I’m dealing with similar feelings. A lot of projects are on hold, or weirdly up in the air, since, y’know… and then there are these long-term, big-idea projects that I assign myself to figure out when I have downtime, like “think through the implications of ABC to see if the company should consider a switch to XYZ” and it’s like, it feels so silly to be thinking about a future 6 months from now that looks like six weeks ago.
No Longer Anon
I’m also struggling. I’ve been WFH since 3/4 so the new-ness of the whole thing has really worn off. I don’t have enough to do. What I DO have to do I don’t WANT to do. So I’ve been trying to set really reasonable to-do lists for myself. Including things like “Send this one email,” “Read one chapter” of our subject area treatise, etc. And if I check off my to-do list items (or, most of them) I consider the day a win even if it was only a couple of small things. Yesterday was pretty bad. But I’m just trying to start by somewhere between 9 and 10 and work most of the morning, and then take lunch, and then work for at least some time in the afternoon. I’m most productive between like 3 and 6 usually but right now I’m doing OK between like 10 and 12 because I haven’t yet reached the “I hate today, I hate this, I hate everything” phase.
Anonnz
I had a day like this today, too. This, despite a looming massive deadline on April 1. Everything is just so much more effort at home – one tiny laptop screen vs. two nice big ones at the office. Wifi in my den is so patchy; simple things like saving a document or moving an email causes my work laptop to struggle and freezes for ~10-15 seconds. Every. Time. Painful. Getting pretty unmotivated so I can relate to your “check one small item off and then move on” method! The benefit -I think it’s working somewhat.
Anonymous
This is me. I feel we are all trapped inside hoping we don’t get sick, even though it seems inevitable. It makes me feel like my work is pointless. I’m setting a timer for 20 minutes (pomodoro method) to force myself to be a little productive.
Anonymous
I find making lists helps. Then I tell myself to do ANYTHING on the list, and that usually gets my brain engaged and then I can execute.
EB
Good morning!
We were supposed to close on a house at the end of this month, but our county just issued a shelter in place order. The house we’re moving to has tenants in it right now…that are building a house that is now potentially delayed by the order. I presume the mobile notary that was supposed to come out to sign the closing docs will be put on hold. The whole thing is looking like it might be delayed, but wondering if anyone else is dealing with something similar?
Anon
Yeah things are not going to happen on your predetermined timeframe, sorry. The tenants have nowhere to go because their house is not getting built. You are not going to be able to move into the house because people are still living there and most municipalities are halting evictions of any kind, for any reason due to the pandemic. I would call your Realtor or lawyer, whoever represented you in the transaction, and talk about next steps. Maybe the closing can be pushed out a couple of months but I don’t think there’s any way your closing and move are going to happen as planned. This is part of the new reality we are all living in: carefully made plans are going out the window for everyone. Sorry, I know it’s stressful, but in the grander scheme of things this is a solvable problem.
Unsub
I’m in exactly the same boat. I’m selling my house and buying a condo, both of which *should* close in early April. I have no idea how that will happen or how I will accomplish a move, not to mention the kitchen remodel that I’d like to start as soon as possible.
anon
FWIW, I have a friend in a similar situation in the Seattle area and the mobile notary is still going to be meeting them in person to do the signing.
Anonymous
Interesting! Thank you!!
Wendy
Could you go forward with the closing and assign the lease to yourselves as landlords? Not sure that solves your problem of where you would live, but at least you’d have the house.
AnonATL
Not quite the same because of the occupation issue, but we refinanced our house and closed on that last week. Closing was just me, husband, and attorney but it was in person and fairly “normal”. I’m not in a lockdown state so that might impact your situation, but someone in the comments below was talking about still having to come into the office for closings. They might have info for you.
Anon
My state is allowing notary by video so long as there is video and audio and it is recorded.
Anonymous
California? Construction is designated essential here.
EB
Austin. Our order says something like critical construction and doesn’t read like it extends to everything. I was surprised by that, but the order was JUST issued, so we’ll see how it is interpreted. We are set to close and are negotiating a lease to the tenants, so it’ll work out like that, it’s just frustrating. Small beans in the scheme of things, I know.
Laura B
Of course small beans and idk, this may come across as tone deaf considering many of you are dealing with worse – but she asked for similar situations and we’re in one –
We’re supposed to break ground on building our house beginning of April. Everything is all lined up for it – construction loan closing, excavator, concrete, etc. We’ve even applied for permits. Our state just went to shelter in place yesterday. I haven’t heard back from the bank regarding closing on the construction loan, or what it means for the construction companies. DH and I both work for critical infrastructure companies that are essential, so very thankfully our income isn’t going to be effected.
It looks like construction was designated essential here, but not sure on the responsible way to proceed. Is it more responsible to press pause to allow the unknown amount of time it takes for the virus to pass, or to press forward and therefore keep our small addition to the economy moving? We’re in a rural area and using all small contractors so I can very directly see how postponing will affect their small businesses/people. I’m not really asking for opinions, but these are the thoughts going through my head.
And honestly, I’m thinking it won’t ultimately be our decision. At this point putting it in the hands of the universe.
Our of Place Engineer
Hello — I am in a shelter-in-place state. My dearest, oldest friend (42) was diagnosed with breast cancer and is going in Thursday for a lumpectomy. I am worried about the seriousness of this, since they aren’t rescheduling the surgery. I was planning on a flower delivery, but don’t feel right about that right now even if I could schedule it. I would like to leave something on her front porch, even though I can’t see her. Thoughts on whether or not this is a good idea? If it is, what is a good thing to leave — muffins? soup? pasta?
Ribena
I’d go for muffins, because they can be eaten one by one and will last a few days if she needs them to. I like the Smitten Kitchen pumpkin loaf recipe which works well as muffins and is joyously bright inside.
Telco Lady JD
+1 I just put canned pumpkin in my grocery order to make this very thing.
pink
+1
on the third day of WFH/isolation, I made smittenkitchen’s marbled bananabread as muffins (bake for about 20 min instead of 60) since muffins can be frozen then heated up in the microwave or toasted, or cut in half and pan toasted (re:any virus concerns). My mods were to not marble but sub 1 cup of buckwheat instead of the reg flour and cocoa powder, and dumped in choc chips. it was amazing.
Panda Bear
If I was her I would definitely appreciate a snack and/or anything left on my porch by a loving concerned friend. Very kind of you.
kk
you sound like a kind friend. I love Shalane Flanagan’s superhero muffins- last week we made the pumpkin ones and added chocolate chips. I also love the carrott/apple version!
Veronica Mars
Cheryl’s cookies? They’re individually packed and easily freezable. My family is addicted. Really great if you have a sweet tooth.
Our of Place Engineer
Thanks for the ideas! I’m going to scrounge through my pantry and see what I can make with what I have on hand. Just another way I am feeling helpless with everything going on… on the other hand, an excuse to get out of the house for a drive!
Anonymous
Hello! I had that procedure last year. A lumpectomy is generally less recovery than a mastectomy, so that works in your friend’s favor. It’s also generally out-patient. I totally endorse food. A casserole, snacks, anything that you have access to that shows you care would be super meaningful. And check in on her. A text just showing you care is huge. And keep them coming (for the next few weeks or months).
Been there
You are a GREAT friend.
Agree that actual food would be appreciated. She will likely be in pain and may have drains and limited use of her arms. I’d also suggest asking her if she needs a drugstore run for Senekot, pads, paper tape, Gatorade, or ice packs.
And yes, keep those texts and kind words coming.
Amber
I agree – I had a lumpectomy and would have loved snacks like muffins. That is so kind of you – I think your friend would appreciate it! Don’t forget to text or otherwise coordinate with her when you drop off the snacks so that she knows to go get them!
Anonymous
Before all of this happened I was actively networking and searching for an in-house gig so that I could leave biglaw. The main reason I want out is because working in biglaw has taken a toll on my mental health and I was so burnt out I could barely go to work/was starting to slip on meeting the demands of the job. Within the last year I was diagnosed with a depressive episode triggered by my job, and put on an SSRI for depression/anxiety to help me get through until I’m able to quit, but even that stopped working in the past months. Working from home has helped a bit with feeling like I have some space from that sweatshop/the people I work with, but I haven’t seen a new job posting in a week and assume that most places aren’t looking to hire right now. I feel increased anxiety about getting out of my firm asap because I practice insolvency law, and anticipate that the insolvency/restructuring world is about to be EXTREMELY busy. I legitimately don’t think I could handle another busy season and am terrified of the thought. I was told to expect it will take 6-8 months to find an in-house position, but it’s looking like it is going to take way longer than that now. Any thoughts for expediting my job search in the circumstances and if not, any ideas on how to lessen the anxiety of really feeling like I need to jump ship asap?
Anon
Skimmed your post so not sure how many years in you are, but could you try looking for a smaller firm that does that kind of practice for at least a year or two?I left big law under similar circumstances and my mental health improved drastically at a new firm because the pressures (hours and otherwise) are much lower.
Anonymous
Sorry, but I am not sure a smaller firm practicing insolvency is going to be much better as far as hours go under these circumstances. I work at one and we are already very busy and bracing for the end of the year. But we might be hiring and the people are much better than Biglaw.
AnonInfinity
To address just one piece– you can try another medication. I was on Prozac for a while and it suddenly stopped working. My psych said that this happens sometimes with SSRIs and it didn’t mean that all drugs will be ineffective for me. She put me on another medication and it worked.
Anon
Commiseration. I’m in a position where new leadership took over at the beginning of the year, and agreed to give managers like me time to phase out. I had quite a few moments in January and February of wanting to quit, but something told me to just hang on until I had something to seamlessly transition into. I had hoped to do so by May, but the job I wanted has now frozen hiring for the foreseeable future, and the offer I had pending is now canned. I too need to get back on the job search wagon – I’m marginalized and demeaned by new management…it isn’t pretty. But a job search feels hopeless, if not pointless at the moment. I’m trying to focus on what tasks I still can manage remotely (I’m in a stay at home state), and be grateful for my still-steady income and benefits. I guess my advice, and what is really working for me, is focusing on my bank account and that I’m in a position of stability from that standpoint. This too will pass. Companies will need to rebuild and bring new ideas to the table. And I hope I can be a part of that six months from now. Hang in there. This is hard.
Anon
I hate to be blunt but: you are probably not going to be able to get another job for quite some time. I am not sure if you were in the workforce for the post-9/11 period or for the 2008/09 financial crash. But these big disruptions (and this is bigger and more immediate than either of those, FYI) take awhile to run their course and normalize. We are just now in the middle of this thing; it’s not over yet. Even once it’s “over” it takes people time to recalibrate and get hiring plans back on track. My organization called a hiring freeze for the first time in its 50-year-plus history. It’s an unprecedented situation and there are no clear or easy answers right now.
If you really, really, really can’t do it any more, you may have to think about quitting without another job. Your health, mental and physical, is more important. Long-term and short-term. You would need to come up with a good explanation of why your job ended abruptly that is not a lie. I can say after 2001 and 2009, there began to be a greater understanding of the idea that careers are not seamless any more and people sometimes abruptly lose or leave their jobs. I don’t know that long-term it will hurt you to quit without another job now, but if you do this you may be out of work for six months or more. If you can float that financially, look at it as an option. If that’s not an option, maybe think about what it means to “lean out” and put in the minimum effort you can get away with without getting fired? There have been lots of posts about that here.
I am sorry this is happening to you. I work in HR and we are having to go back to people who have been looking forward to starting their jobs with our company and tell them their new job is on indefinite hold, which is awful. We have candidates in the pipeline whose interview path has come to a screeching halt. It sucks, and the situation you’re in sucks too. I’m sorry.
In-House in Houston
I work in-house for a Fortune 100 company with a large in-house legal depart. As a whole, we’re cutting operating costs so that we don’t have to lay-off any employees. What that means is closing all requisitions for open positions and no new requisitions will be posted unless absolutely critical. I hate to bring you more bad news, I but I think that that there won’t many in-house positions available in the near future. I think the suggestion that’s already been made is that your best bet is to focus on a job with a smaller firm. Good luck.
pink
I’m in-house right now and we are actively looking for experienced corporate attorneys….
Carrie
Call your doctor today. An increase in your current SSRI may be helpful, or transitioning to a different medication. Do you have a psychiatrist? Time for a phone call. Is it your primary care doctor prescribing this medication? Time for referral to a psychiatrist.
Focus on today. Just for the next few weeks. Short term goals.
Anon
some states are using this as an opportunity to block abortions by classifying them as non essential medical procedures, which is scary and sad. i really hope these women find a way to get the care that they need
Anonymous
Interesting.
I have a biopsy scheduled next month — I wonder if that is cancelled (if it is a cancer, it is one that would appear to be slow-growing). I also have another surgery that we discussed last week that the dr is now trying a different med for, hoping to avoid it. [It’s odd — I won’t die without it, but if I get sick, I’d rather it be from a state of 100% wellness vs “already sickly with something in the ENT department”.]
Anon
Make sure all the women you know know about misoprostol. Plancpills.org is a good place to start. It’s disgraceful what’s happening.
Anon.
What the heck.
anon
This is maddening. It’s a power grab and most likely isn’t legal (my guess, not a lawyer). It hurts people.
Anonymous
I hadn’t thought about that, but it makes sense. My state has put a hold on all medical and surgical procedures except emergencies and procedures necessary to avoid further harms due to an underlying condition or disease. I suppose you could say an unwanted pregnancy is an underlying condition that will cause harm, but if I were a doctor, I don’t know if I’d want to bet my license on it unless there was a physical danger to the mother or child. FWIW, I’m pro-choice, and I think the new state mandate stinks. The idea is to keep protective gear, staff, beds, etc. available for COVID-19 patients. But the order is so, so broad, and there are so many medical facilities that aren’t set up for COVID-19 patients and so many medical procedures that are safe and important for quality of life, pain reduction, screening/disease prevention, reproductive decisions (both ends of the spectrum, abortions and fertility treatments), etc. I hope this only lasts several weeks, but I think it will be several months.
Anonymous
I think that this is not surprising — if biopsies and lumpectomies are being postponed, this would seem to follow suit. If cancer surgery is off, only ER-type things will be what is getting done. Car crashes and gunshots (crime does not seem to be down AT ALL in my large city) and what not.
My friend is having a hard time getting staff for things and is putting off things or cancelling vs rescheduling — they can’t work if sick, many have no one to leave their kids to go to work, staff is scared that if they go to work they will get sick, etc., etc.
Anon
Yeah. I’m pro-choice but…I had a biopsy canceled. I’m not sure that (potentially) having cancer and not getting treatment for ~6 months is worse than having to carry a pregnancy to term (you don’t have to keep the baby). They are canceling literally everything that’s not life-or-death and having a baby is not going to kill you (in most cases, and I understand there are exceptions when the mother’s life is in danger).
anon
“You don’t have to keep the baby”? What, like it’s reasonable for most women to just give away their children? You think that most women will take kindly to being told, ok, okay, the solution is that you gestate a child and then give it away to strangers. No possible emotional impacts there! What a great choice! Raise a baby you’re not ready for or don’t want, but will probably still form an emotional attachment to, or gestate and give birth against your will and just.. give it away. “Having a baby isn’t going to kill you?” You don’t sound very pro-choice. Having a child is one of the most fundamentally life changing events in a woman’s life and pregnancy and child birth are major medical events with numerous potential complications and numerous potential permanent or semi-permanent impacts. This doesn’t even take into consideration the economic situations many abortion-seeking women are suddenly finding themselves in due to the virus. Your comment is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Also, as someone else put it– what do you think is going to happen if they cancel the abortion? You’re gonna have a woman who is still pregnant, and she’s gonna need medical care, and then eventually she’s going to give birth, ideally under medical supervision. Denying her an abortion is not going to help the situation by reducing the amount of medical care required at all, unless you’re planning of depriving a pregnant women and her precious fetus of medical care.
Never too many shoes...
I’m sorry but are you fecking kidding me? Accessing an abortion is the very definition of necessary medical care. You’re talking about it like a boob job.
anon
I’m sorry, you don’t get to claim to be pro-choice if you’re saying that “you don’t have to keep the baby” That’s 100% a pro-birth statement.
Putting aside the absurdity of acting like “you don’t have to keep it” is an easy/uncomplicated thing, let’s just focus on stats.
Pregnancy is a major medical event, particularly in the United States. I’m in my 30s and in my lifetime the maternal mortality rate has DOUBLED (and it’s way more dismal for women of color, particularly black women). What do you think is going to happen to that rate during a crisis like this? Something like 20% of women in the US are put on bedrest during pregnancy. More than 30% of women in the US have Cesarean sections. Those are just a FEW of the MANY things that can happen during a pregnancy, none of which “no big deal”. Then put aside the fact that you’re forcing a woman to carry a pregnacy she does not want. That’s despicable in normal circumstances. In times like this, you’re asking her to put her body and life at risk when there may not be regular prenatal care available which increases the risk of everything going wrong. In addition, the CDC has already stated that pregnant women are more at risk for COVID-19, so in addition to making a woman carry a pregnancy that she does not want, you are not putting her more at risk in the face of a crisis.
Denying abortions is always cruel. It’s especially cruel in times like this.
Signed, mother of two
Anon
When I said you don’t have to keep the baby, I was responding to people who said if you can’t have an abortion “you get a baby.” You don’t have to “get” a baby, just because you carry a pregnancy to term, there are other options. I didn’t describe abortion as an elective procedure and I certainly agree that denying abortions is not optimal, but it’s a fact that my hospital (not in a major city or an area hit hard by COVID-19, fwiw) has canceled literally all appointments and procedures unless the health condition is life-threatening in the next 8 weeks. Abortion generally falls into that category along with biopsies, prenatal care, some cancer treatments, etc. and many other procedures that are much more critical than elective knee surgery. I think it’s terrible for everyone affected that this is happening, but it is, and I don’t think women are more entitled to abortions than breast cancer treatment or prenatal care for wanted pregnancies, for example.
Anon
Also, you all read the part where I said I may have cancer and my biopsy was canceled, right? My doctor has been blunt with me that while she doesn’t expect me to die, if the biopsy is positive, the delay will have increased my risk of death. Many other people are in the same situation.
Abortion isn’t a b00b job. I never said it was, and you’re putting words in my mouth unfairly. But sorry not sorry, abortion isn’t more important than biopsies, lumpectomies and other procedures that save people’s lives. I’m pro-choice, I don’t agree with the GOP and I fully support free access to at home (pill) abortions for anyone who is medically eligible for those. But hospitals are literally not doing any surgeries except on people who come into the ER with immediately life-threatening wounds, and I’m not sure why you think abortion should trump cancer and other serious, even life-threatening, health conditions.
Anon
I’m trying to be gentle here because I assume you’re posting out of a place of fear but no abortion is not like a biopsy at all. Treatment for cancer can be delayed. An abortion cannot. Also a delay in cancer treatment affects one person. An unwanted pregnancy further strains the already strained health system so yes abortions should get priority
Anon
Cancer treatment can be delayed, but people will unquestionably die as a result. You can be pro-choice and believe that lives (of actual human beings, not fetuses) are more important than the right to an abortion. In an ideal world we’d absolutely have both. But I’m not ok with letting people who need medical treatment die so women can get abortions. You can say I’m not pro-choice if it makes you feel morally superior to me, but a lot of pro-choice people feel the same way I do, and it does you no political favors to cut us out of your movement when you need our votes and dollars (yup, I donate to PP every month).
Also you have no idea what you’re talking about with respect to the burden on the healthcare system. The delay in treating a cancer – which may mean that instead of a single, relatively simple surgery the person needs years of chemo, radiation, ICU care and eventually palliative care – strains the hospital and healthcare system so much more than the birth of a child, the overwhelming majority of whom will be healthy and not need the healthcare system in any significant way.
anon
The immediate burden on the healthcare system for an unwanted pregnancy is much higher (which is what I was referencing, not the long term effects). Pregnancy means more doctor visits which means greater risk of spreading the virus than a one time procedure. Denying women abortions isn’t going to save anyone’s life. It’s going to put them in more contact with people and further spread this virus (which affects everyone). The entire purpose of delaying non-life threatening procedures is to minimize contact with healthcare providers. A pregnancy (and subsequent baby) will result in MANY MANY more contacts than an abortion would. Your argument makes no sense.
And it’s not the life of the fetus that people are referencing its the life of the woman.
anon
It doesn’t “make sense.” You cannot delay an abortion like you can delay elective knee surgery. It’s an obvious attempt to prevent abortions from happening ever, at all. Anti-choicers can’t be trusted to be honest or act in any woman’s best interest.
“I suppose you could say an unwanted pregnancy is an underlying condition that will cause harm,”
Yeah, absolutely. 100%. All day, every day.
“…but if I were a doctor, I don’t know if I’d want to bet my license on it unless there was a physical danger to the mother (sic) or child (sic).”
That’s the point. That’s what they’re betting on, and screw the women they harm doing it.
Anon
If you delay an abortion, you get a baby. If you delay a lumpectomy, you might get invasive cancer.
anon
If the whole justification for not permitting abortions is to save medical supplies for COVID-19 patients, as a mom I can tell you that having a baby uses at least100x the medical supplies such as masks, etc. relative to an abortion in terms of number of doctor visits and interactions with medical providers that would be using gloves, masks, etc. If that’s the logic being used to justify banning abortions, the logic dictate to ban all pregnancies and force abortions. That’s obviously absurd. Abortions are important medical care and there is no justification for limiting them.
anon
I’m not understanding why you think that “getting a baby” when you … don’t want to have a baby is not also serious, life altering problem. Also, “get a baby” is a cute way to rephrase “force a woman to give birth against her will.” “Delay an abortion” is a cute way to describe “deprive a woman of her constitutional rights.”
LaurenB
Yes, anon, and “getting a baby” when you don’t want a baby is a bad thing. But you know that.
Anonymous
I think that everyone who isn’t dying is going to get a little worse before they get better. I just hope I don’t get worse and then b/c I’m not 100% get this or something else and then wind up much much worse. Time truly is a luxury when you don’t have any to spare.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I know, I hate it. I don’t think my state is doing that (yet), but I am terrified that I’ll get pregnant and won’t be able to abort. We’re kinda thinking no kids, not now and not in the future, so getting pregnant would not be a “well the timing isn’t ideal, but hey, we knew we wanted one, why not roll with what life gave us” kinda situation, especially in these circumstances!
(I am currently on birth control and well aware of my options when it comes to contraceptives, but I do not want anything implanted in my body at this time, but we might start using condoms again just to be extra safe)
That said, I also worry about a family friend, who has stage 1 breast cancer. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t be a big deal, little scary but easy to treat. But she can’t get treatment right now because healthcare providers are diverting all their resources to COVID-19 treatment. I hope she’s able to get treatment before it gets too advanced.
Anon
We are using double birth control now for this reason.
anon
A family member just tested positive for COVID with mild symptoms and another is presumed positive with a fever for about a week. I’m sad and scared. I hate this.
CountC
I’m very sorry. There’s nothing I can really do to help, but this internet stranger is sending you virtual hugs and keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
emeralds
+1. Sending all the good vibes.
anon for this
same. I have two siblings in different cities who are presumed positive. They both live alone and are very sick and very scared. I’ve sent groceries and we facetime regularly but I hate it so much… we are just waiting for them to either get better or go to the hospital, which I hope won’t happen.
Carrie
Remember…. the vast majority of people will do extremely well, including your family members who seem to have a very very mild illness. They will likely recover quickly and now have the reward of immunity! If they aren’t really sick by now, with other serious medical problems that will lead them to crash soon, they wont be.
Honestly, most of us will be infected by the time the year is up, like how colds/flu filters through the community every year. And most of us will be absolutely fine. And your family members getting it now, and quarantining themselves at home are actually a bit helpful. They aren’t overloading the hospitals. They are developing immunity, and will help protect you and me from getting it when they walk around protected, and will be able to get out there and back to work more quickly after recovery, while the rest of us will remain the “worried well”…. not yet exposed.
It will be ok.
Cognitive decline
I just found out that a dear family member in her early 70s is having significant cognitive declines. It all makes sense now: for about a year her husband has answered the phone (I love him too, but he is an engineer and not very chatty). She texts, but that is so fleeting – short – planned out that I hadn’t noticed. We usually see her at Easter but won’t go this year and I feel so bad for her. I don’t know what it is exactly (they ruled out parkinsons), but I have a feeling that this sort of thing doesn’t get better and she is still (to me) quite young. She is apparently aware of this and finding it very scary that she isn’t functioning as she knows she used to. :(
Anon
I’m so very sorry. That still seems very young to me too. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
Joan Holloway
Spectrum of Hope is a great book for you and either your family member or those close to her. It helped me understand my own mother in a more positive way. I shared it with a friend whose husband has early onset and she loved it.
Anon
That age sounds average for cognitive decline. My in-laws with dementia started showing major symptoms in their mid-50s.
emeralds
Wow, I really like that dress.
Anonymous
It reminds me too much of an afghan my mother knitted in the ’70s.
Senior Attorney
I love it, too. Too bad I have put a moratorium on non-essential purchases for the duration.
Anon
Love that missoni-style chevron knit, and we’re far enough out from the Missoni-Target collab that it’s not everywhere anymore.
anon
Guys, I am spiraling. I do not think I’m cut out for this work-from-home thing, particularly with kids at home. This is Day 7. I’m lucky that they’re older (5 and 10) but the 5-year-old still needs a lot of direction and attention. I get interrupted a lot and can’t find a good flow. Work is saying “be flexible!” but we’re not allowed to appear that we’re unavailable at any given time. DH is an extrovert and will.not.stop.talking. My healthy habits, like exercise, have flown out the window because they were very closely tied to my “old” routine. Some bad coping habits that I thought I had beat a long time ago (i.e., overeating) are coming up again, which makes me feel like sh!t physically and mentally. How is it possible that my mental health has degraded in such a short period of time?
Anonymous
You’ll get through this. Even if this season is hard, you’ll regroup after it and be OK. Promise.
Today, can the husband who won’t stop talking be the one to deal with 5 year old who needs attention?
Also today, take work seriously on that “be flexible” thing. What, literally, does “not allowed to appear that we’re unavailable” mean? If you delay in answering a call or email or IM or text, what happens? And is it a consequence you can simply decide to live with?
Anon
“Today, can the husband who won’t stop talking be the one to deal with 5 year old who needs attention?”
That was my thought. In fact, have the husband and the 5-year-old give each other attention for as long as this goes on. It’s a win for everyone.
anon_1
I hear you. When I’m home all day (with copious snacks) I’m like……pizza? Crackers and cheese? Snacks snacks snacks. Eating is one of my coping mechanisms. I’m on Day 7 as well. Oddly enough, I had been doing Intermittent fasting and had taken a couple weeks break before all of this. I restarted it late last week and it made me feel a lot more “in control” of my eating.
Anonymous
I’m sorry. I was spiraling so I took vacation time. It really, really helped. I also go for a solo walk every morning with my headphones and some positive podcasts. It’s not much but it helps.
kpAnon
Because this is a nightmare! You’re being asked to work remotely (which now means, as you say, being available and attentive whenever anyone bids) while caring for, and possibly homeschooling, two children and engaging, willingly or not, with a chatty husband! Don’t beat yourself up for *not* grooving to this. You’ll find routines that work, and you may need to set some boundaries (separate rooms during certain hours, for example) – and this will not go on forever. Hang in there!
Anon
What do you mean you’re “not allowed“? A lot of people at my workplace were scared of pissing off our boss but when I did the thing that they were scared of, nothing happened. Any chance you are in the same boat? Sometimes fear of the thing is worse than the thing.
Anon.
I spoke to my manager early and told them that I will work mornings 8-12:30pm and evenings after bedtime (8/9pm to 11pm), because my husband and I trade childcare shifts for our 4 yr old. I set the expectation that I will monitor my emails on my phone and will be available for short (30 min) urgent calls if necessary in the afternoon, but that it is impossible for me to do another 3-4 hour work stretch in the afternoon under the circumstances. I have asked colleagues to reschedule meetings according to that schedule (not too hard because I work with Europe mostly).
My proposal went over surprisingly well, and manager appreciated the structured approach.
Any chance you could implement something like that schedule with your family?
same idea
I did something similar. 5:30-10:30 (I’m a morning person and that gives me a good 90 minutes-2 hours completely uniterrupted), then 1-4 PM. I’m using the longer break in the middle to help with the kids, go for a run in my neighborhood, and stare into space thinking WTF. It is working so much better than trying to keep my normal hours, but actually adding on more time to make up for the interruptions that happen with everyone at home.
anne-on
A few concrete things – I found sitting in front of my Happy lamp for some time yesterday REALLY helped – can you look into one? Can you take some time every day (even 10 minutes!) to move? Can you try to make sure you’re drinking enough water? I sat down on Sunday night and created a schedule of who was ‘on’ which days and for which chunks of time, and then blocked that time out on my calendar. Having set periods of ‘work’ allowed me to try to power through and when I’m on with my kiddo I’m just with him. Remove yourself from your husband and kids while working – closed door, locked bathroom door, whatever, when you are working you are not to be disturbed. They’ll get it!
Re the gym – I’m treating this like the newborn days, I got back in shape after 6-9 months of not working out then, I can do it again now. Good luck :)
Anonymous
If you can find a way to fit exercise in, it might help a lot with all of the stress. I know it is stressful to find time for it, but it is so, so worth it.
Anon
Can you seclude yourself in a room with a sign on the door “Mother is working do not disturb” and redirect the chattiness of your husband to your kids?
CPA Lady
“How is it possible that my mental health has degraded in such a short period of time?”
Because the entire country went from business as usual to panic and quarantine in a matter of days/weeks and everything is completely upended and uncertain? And we’re trying to act and work like everything is normal and it’s just not. That’s a ton of cognitive dissonance. We’re facing a lot of the most stressful life events rolled into one, very suddenly. And we’re getting these messages from higher ups at work (probably mostly from men who have never had to take care of their own children) who want to make it look like everything is totally normal and fine. And we’re crammed in our houses with our entire family and have no alone time.
And most of us don’t really have particularly healthy coping mechanisms. And those of us who do have had even those interrupted. So. We just all have to muddle through in our stretch pants, crying when needed, eating doritos when needed, taking naps when needed. We’ll get through it. But it’s not normal and it’s okay to not be okay 24/7.
Vicky Austin
Dear CPA Lady, you are my hero. Thanks for this wonderful insight!
anon
OP here, and I really appreciate this. Thank you.
Anon
I’m not the OP but found all your responses very helpful. Thanks!
Rainbow Hair
Even if work isn’t giving you the space you need, try to be gentle with yourself! This isn’t *just* a switch to working from home. This is working from home, surprise!!!! homeschooling, being unable to connect with people in your familiar and comfortable ways, aaaand watching a horrifying pandemic sweep across the country. If it’s hard to focus with all that happening… I think that just speaks to your humanity.
Sometimes enumerating all the things that are different helps me put in perspective my difficulty focusing. <3 You're not alone, that's for sure.
Anon
1. Hire a babysitter.
2. Put an exercise hour on your calendar, WHILE the babysitter is there.
3. Put earphones in and find a different room from your husband.
4. Give all the “bad” snacks to the kids so you don’t have them in the house any more.
5. Give yourself permission to “spiral” for 15 minutes a day, right before the exercise hour.
Rainbow Hair
I think hiring a babysitter would be against the guidelines for social distancing?
Anon
You are literally asking ONE person to be at your home. Let’s be reasonable, people!
Quail
But it’s not that one person. It’s potentially every person that other one person has been in contact with for the past 3 weeks. This virus seems to spread for weeks before producing symptoms and can apparently remain in the air for hours.
I’m not trying to be alarmist. But this “it’s just one person” idea is how the virus will spread, and why we need to just stay home if we can.
Again, it’s super hard. But given the circumstances, it is not unreasonable.
Anon
Do not hire a babysitter. WTF?
CHL
As an alternative for babysitter, we have a neighbor girl who comes over and she will literally watch my kids run around in the backyard or ride their bikes, do chalk etc. in the front while she is on the porch. She doesn’t come inside our house and she and the kids know that they need to stay away from each other. If she needed us, we’re right inside. Even for an hour, this is wonderful! We know the family, who is also social distancing and we are comfortable with the minimal level of risk.
Quail
Careful on the babysitters – I’m sure everyone has different thoughts on this, but for my house we are not having babysitters for at least 14 days and even after that it will be very tricky because we will insist (and have to trust) that the babysitter has also been adequately social distancing for 14 days. We are not having our baby’s nanny come for this reason even though it’s allowed under our shelter-in-place order.
OP, it’s just super stressful. All of the usual things (like babysitters!) that would help us get by parenting and working more than full time are gone. I’ve just been forcing my kid to scoot or bike while I run (which is by far my least favorite form of exercise). But at least I’m outside and moving.
Anon
Anyone else’s boss/company being an absolute idiot about this? My state hasn’t forced a closure (yet?) and every day is a fresh new lecture on how this is an overreaction and more people die from heart disease etc. etc. etc. It just makes every 10x more exhausting than it needs to be. (But I’m grateful to have a job that isn’t likely to be drastically affected and for 1 million other factors that are making my life easier than so many others’ right now).
AIMS
Raises hand. We are working from home but I am expected to do as much work as ever. It’s infuriating. All because some people can’t bear to be alone with their own thoughts.
Anon
I don’t think being expected to do as much work as before is unreasonable. That’s what makes the case for WFH being a good option.
anon
Huh? Depends on the job and the tasks, don’t you think? Depends on whether you have childcare responsibilities all the sudden? Depends on whether you have easy access to resources you need? Depends on whether you can get your in-person meetings accomplished, which you really can’t do at 100%.
Why on EARTH do you feel the need to come onto this thread and spread misery and negativity around? Man I wish you’d get banned.
Anon
I’m not the person you think I am. That is truly my opinion and I stand by it.
anon
Yes! Our state government declared a stay home order, which makes any office work that could be done remotely illegal. But no, county HR sent an email saying, “we consider all employees essential” and suggesting skipping unimportant meetings…so angry!
Anon
I’m sorry – I don’t understand. You are upset because they want you to keep working? I’m not understanding how it is different from what everyone else is asked to do?
anon
I’m upset because they are refusing to make any accommodations for the pandemic other than “maybe have fewer meetings”. Which directly contradicts the state policy.
Housecounsel
PSA: everything at Athleta is 25% off plus free shipping over $100. Also, Anthropologie has a lot of work-from-home stuff 40% off. Among this WFM collection are a ton of super-fancy headbands. They look like nothing I would ever wear but I feel like a fancy headband would cheer me up. I am looking at the Byron Seamed Utility Joggers at Anthro. What do you think?
Anon
I think it’s time to stop ordering non-essentials. There have been articles saying how UPS and Fed ex workers are incredibly overworked right now and coming to work sick because they do not feel like they can stay home. Amazon prime deliveries are delayed and essentials are prioritized. I don’t feel that it’s the time for shopping therapy. Maybe you can bookmark some of these finds for later?
Anon
I’m so conflicted about this. On one hand I absolutely agree that essentials should be prioritized, on the other hand Amazon is going to hire 100k people to help with increased demand, which is a huge deal in my state where unemployment claims are over 30x the norm.
anon
Yeah – I feel like not buying anything but essentials is just going to make the economy spiral even more. And I mean that not in the sense of “oh no, my 401(k) is worth less” but in the people are losing jobs (perhaps permanently) sense. My take is that I’m still ordering things but choosing the slowest shipping option.
Anon
This. I think if everyone opts out of all non-essential spending, you will hurt the economy more. Retailers are pretty much all closed, so they’re depending on online shopping for revenue. I’m still doing online shopping but fully expect non-essential things like clothes to take forever to arrive (which is the way it should be).
Housecounsel
Also conflicted for the same reasons.
Anon
I can see that for Amazon, but are companies like Athleta doing similar hiring? Idk who delivers for them. Is UPS hiring?
Anon
Yes https://www.kiplinger.com/slideshow/business/T012-S001-24-major-us-companies-hiring-now-coronavirus/index.html
Anon
In our area UPS has put out ads saying they are interviewing for same-day hire.
I don’t think anyone should go nuts shopping (especially if they can’t afford it or their job is in imminent risk of disappearing) but if we stop all spending the economy will crash harder than it has already. 70% of the U.S. economy is consumption of goods and services. Services are shut down at the moment. That leaves goods. If we want to see what “economic devastation” really looks like, the quickest way to that is for people to completely stop spending on anything. My opinion is that those of us who have it to spend should (judiciously and thoughtfully) be spending right now. Although I will say that buying local is a great idea because your local athletic-wear boutique is a lot less financially resilient than Gap Inc.
Anon
OK, hiring is good, but I’m more concerned about this right now: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/21/business/coronavirus-ups-fedex-xpo-workers.html
Headline is “‘Terrified’ Package Delivery Employees Are Going to Work Sick.”
Shouldn’t they be our priority?
Anon
Anon @ 10:52am, I hear you, but isn’t hiring the answer? I can’t see how more people for more work is worse than the same people for less work. My state’s economy thrives on tourism and oil, so this is about as bad as it gets for us unless we get a surprise natural disaster thrown in the mix. People need jobs.
Anon
Are you a fellow Alaskan? We’re so screwed.
Anon
Louisiana
Anon
I totally agree. I got shamed on Friday for still seeing two friends over the weekend who live together, when none of us had seen anyone else over the whole week and my mental health was really harmed by having had no human contact for a week. But people are perfectly fine ordering nonessentials online and forcing dozens of people to go into work when no steps are being taken to protect them. It’s a completely ridiculous standard, and I don’t understand how we’re OK forcing low wage workers to put themselves in harms way when shamming people foe talking small calculated risks
Anon
Or maybe shame is a really, really stupid way of dealing with this situation. We cannot get our risk factors down to zero – that’s literally impossible – but we can reduce our risk quite a bit.
Anonymous
Personal protective equipment appears to be very effective for this virus. I’m frustrated that vulnerable essential workers could have gotten their risk factors down to close to zero if their countries and their employers had prepared adequate stockpiles of lifesaving PPE.
Anonymous
Please be more of a special princess
Anonymous
I know right, I don’t understand why people can’t do the right thing for a few weeks and then get back to their lives after that.
Anon
I really wish Kat/Elizabeth would ban you. You can have an opposing opinion without being an ass, you know.
anon
I’m not the person you’re responding to but I feel like people here and elsewhere pretending that this situation is just for “a few weeks” and that things will go back to normal after that and people should just suck it up are vastly understating the severity of the situation. This is NOT just going to be a few weeks. Stay inside orders could continue for months. And I don’t think anything is ever going “back to normal”. I’m adhering to the recommendations to stay inside/stay away from people other than those I live with/only go outside for walks in open spaces/go out only every week or so for groceries, but honestly everyone pretending that we all just have to suck this up for “a little bit” isn’t helping. Things are going to get worse before they get better (if they get better). If people want to take a calculated risk to visit with a friend who is also socially distancing or order some things online to give them a boost, let them. People can’t have all the joy sucked out of their lives for an indefinite period of time. I think most posters here are doing the best they can given the circumstances and a bit of kindness would go a long way right now.
Anon
So, shopping for nonessentials and forcing other people to go out, totally OK? Seeing a tiny, closed social circle so you don’t fall back into the severe depression you battled for years in your 20s Makes you a horrible person? Good to know where your priorities are
Anon
In the midst of all this, do you think posting comments like this, designed to denigrate another person, makes life better or easier for anyone? If your mother, child, or spouse knew you had posted this, do you think they would be proud of you? Do you consider yourself a good person? If so, how do you square what you just did in that post with your self-image of “a good person”? I am ashamed for you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
anon
You really think this is just gonna last a few weeks?! Ha!
Also, anonymous at 11:34, you’re an awful person.
LaurenB
So you met your two friends outside for a walk and kept the appropriate social distance, right? Just checking.
Anonymous
Ugh. Stop.
LF
In response to your comment about getting shamed on Friday for seeing two friends over the weekend who live together, I would avoid asking permission of this forum (or anyone online or otherwise!) for this sort of stuff. There is really no need to crowdsource decisions about your personal response to the current insanity that is our lives. We all have different ways of dealing. Just go do you and don’t tell anyone here about it.
Anon
I’m on maternity leave and going back to work in two weeks. We are essential, and we are an office with a dress code. Literally nothing (except for one dress) fits; I wear stretchy workout clothes. It’s getting up into the 70s here and all my maternity clothes are for the winter.
Define “essential” shopping. Because pardon me if I’m going to order a few skirts and dresses that do not fit me like sausage casing or can actually zip closed.
(Now, bring on the shame. There are like three commenters here who insist on believing that no one ever needs to do anything “wrong” ever.)
Anon
I think that is an entirely different situation than ordering cute headbands. You know that.
anon
In your case, your clothes shopping sounds essential.
In other cases, clothes shopping is not essential.
I am actively trying to curb my online shopping (it went up the first few days at home) and while it’s convenient for me, the stuff I was shopping for is not essential, and may cause someone to go into work sick and infect others.
In my case online shopping is a no go, unless my circumstances change. YMMV. I would encourage everyone to shop judiciously, even if it’s for their version of essentials.
Anon
“I would encourage everyone to shop judiciously, even if it’s for their version of essentials.”
That is a very sane and compassionate response.
Anon
“There are like three commenters here who insist on believing that no one ever needs to do anything “wrong” ever.”
My take on those three people is they are desperately insecure, and really unhappy, and shaming others for everything is their way of coping with the wasteland of their lives. When times are normal their daily inner life is something any normal person would run from, as fast as they could. They post looking for attention (because they don’t get any in their lives otherwise) and they get it. Don’t let those people influence or affect your actions; you wouldn’t trade places with them for a mint of money, most likely.
I also think the blamer/shamers now haranguing people for stepping foot outside their homes are the same people who harangued anyone asking questions about Covid-19 in January and early February. Because they can hide behind anonymity, we’ll never know, but the tone of the blaming/shaming posts is the same, just on opposite sides of the viewpoint fence. To me, that makes those posters even less relevant/worth paying attention to.
Anonymous
Or maybe those people are entirely secure and you’re just projecting your own insecurities.
anon
Anon at 11:47 no one likes smug people. I hope your sense of superiority gives you comfort as the world burns.
Monday
If you are “entirely secure” and feel so amazing about yourself and your message, choose a handle and let us get to know you, like you know all of us. xoxo
Anon
“Anon at 11:47 no one likes smug people. I hope your sense of superiority gives you comfort as the world burns.”
I have people in my life who love and care about me, and I don’t have to act out like a three-year-old on an Internet message board to get attention. If that makes me “smug,” then I guess I’m smug. I’m sorry about you and your life.
Anon
“Or maybe those people are entirely secure and you’re just projecting your own insecurities.”
Sounds like the response of someone having a deeply emotional reaction to being called out on their BS.
Anon
“If you are “entirely secure” and feel so amazing about yourself and your message, choose a handle and let us get to know you, like you know all of us. xoxo”
I used one here for a long time and then got targeted by a couple of commenters and one tried to doxx me, so I won’t do that again. There are some pretty unstable people who post here. Not all are women and not all have jobs, despite what audience this blog is supposed to attract.
If what I had to say didn’t resonate with you on some level, you wouldn’t have reacted to it. Maybe ponder that and think about – if we went back through the archives and pasted all your posts into one long document, Monday – including the ones you posted under an anonymous handle, which I’m pretty sure you’ve done – and then posted it to your company’s website under your real name, how would you feel about that? Would you feel proud? Or would that basically be the end of your professional reputation?
anon
Anon at 12:06. Annon at 11:47 here, my life is very good right now, so no need to feel sorry for me. I’m incredibly lucky to have a great support system of people who love and support me, a wonderful job that allows me to WFH, a spouse whose job also allows WFH plus the flexibility to watch our children during the day while I work, my family is all in good health, we are fully stocked for at least a month (in large part due to recommendations by the community here). It is possible to do what you think is the right thing while also not being judgmental and mean to people who don’t have the means to do the same (or just disagree with you). I don’t need you to feel sorry for me but I do wish you had more empathy for people who are not as lucky as you are. Also, I’d love to hear your explanation as to how you responding/defending being the living embodiment of the “shame” character on GoT isn’t acting like a three year old to get attention. Now, I’ve wasted enough time here this morning so back to work. Hope you and your loved ones are staying safe and healthy
Anon
I agree. It makes me feel so so sad when people I know and care about are online shopping for non-necessities like everything is normal. I’m not saying anything to them because we’re all dealing as best as we can but still.
Anon
You know that Housecounsel’s daughter actually has coronavirus, right? I’m the anon at 10:02 and I was aiming for a kind response because I know she’s going through a lot, but I do feel that it’s very important to consider our shopping patterns right now because of the burden on workers. Housecounsel, I hope you didn’t feel attacked and that your daughter is doing better.
Housecounsel
Thank you. I wasn’t offended by your comment, anon at 10:02. I think it’s a fair issue for debate and I am willing to concede I may have been too flippant.
Anonymous
Long rant, but I’m exhausted and need advice (and I realize that there are big problems in the world right now, but I need to vent to internet strangers). How do you all/have you all dealt with a sibling that wears on you emotionally, but seems too stubborn to actually accept help/follow your advise? My younger brother and I currently have a “no news is good news” relationship. I love him, and am able and willing to help him out with just about anything, but it’s pretty emotionally draining to do this. He’s in my same city, but I don’t really see him. My mom thinks it’s because he is jealous of me (married, own a home, have a baby) and he wants his life to be together like that, but just doesn’t seem to be able to make it happen. He’s had a history of getting sort of screwed over in careers and hasn’t really truly had a traditional full time job for more than six months….ever. He’s had long contract gigs (like a year plus, last one was 2 years, his kept getting extended) and is a super reliable and hard working guy, but can come across as gruff, is super stubborn, and is not a real “people person.” (like, he should not be in customer service or sales)
The exhausting part is that he just holds onto these grudges from years and years ago (such as when an employer were he was for 5 months with a full time job “screwed [him] over” when they downsized and he was one of the ones laid off.” He called me in tears last night because he thinks he’s never, ever, ever going to have a full time job and everyone else he knows has super easy career paths and has never been laid off or let go or anything. It’s the same thing again and again and its emotionally wearing on me. He’s going on lots of interviews through recruiters, is doing some networking, is working with a career coach, but it doesn’t seem to be panning out. I don’t know what else to do, my parents don’t know what else to do, and I don’t know what else to say to him on the phone. I want him to stay off all social media, exercise more, and do the things he likes (such as planing guitar and going on hikes) He’s finally seeing a therapist, but it’s only intermittently. I told him that it would be the best birthday/Christmas gift for the next decade if he would go to therapy every week and I will pay for it, because I know it helps me and I think it would be the best thing for him. TIA for anything you have to say.
Anonymous
I’m saying this in my best counselor voice (it’s not a harsh voice, but a calm, quiet one): You stop trying to give him advice. You aren’t going to be able to help or fix this. You grieve that his life is difficult and hard. You say, “I’m so sorry, that sounds hard.” And that’s all you can do. If you could fix this, you would have done so by now. If your parents could fix this, they would have done so by now. Your (hard) task now is to focus on loving him and being kind, while letting go of the idea that you can make it better.
Don’t give advice unless he asks, “What should I do?” and then ask a question in return, “What do you think is the next step?” and let him come up with it. It sounds like he’s intelligent enough to do that. And that his real issue is that he hasn’t learned people skills, is hard-headed, and won’t listen to anyone. You can’t fix that, He has to face enough stress and pain to be willing to make some difficult changes or accept that he needs to listen to a therapist.
Senior Attorney
This so much. Fixing him is not your job. People are not improvement projects.
Been There
Senior Attorney, we should have a separate posts of all your great advice. “People are not improvement projects” is so profound. And helpful. And true! Applies to husbands, ex-husbands, family, and friends!
Senior Attorney
Aw, thanks! I came up with this one when I realized that *I* certainly don’t want to be anybody’s improvement project, so I should extend the favor to everybody else in my life! ;)
anon
Give yourself permission to not answer the phone when he calls. This sounds a bit codependent to me. You are not his mom, girlfriend, wife, counselor, or life coach. His personality is his and not yours to fix or even defend. You are his adult sibling and you are allowed to say “I am sorry for what you are dealing with. I don’t have any good advice for you. Have you talked to your counselor about all these things? I feel for you, but I can’t help you with this. I think your counselor can though.”
If you’re this run down you need to set some boundaries that prioritize you. You can’t fix him or help him deal with all his emotions (it appears he’s been behaving the same way for quite some time) and you are not responsible for that either. I have found when I am over involved in friends or siblings issues, that when I pull back they either fix the problem or find someone else to dribble all over.
This does sound harsh, and it will feel harsh, but honestly breaking out of the pattern of being there for him to cry on, but then getting frustrated when he doesn’t follow advice, is imperative for you and your life. If you are carrying guilt already for not being whatever it is you expect yourself to be for him, give yourself permission to dump that guit. Random internet stranger (who also feels guilt for *everything*) gives you permission to dump that unhelpful, dysfunctional guilt. Please try to see this from a different perspective. You need to take care of you, and not let him suck all your emotional energy.
anon
This x100. I could have written this. I have a sibling in a very similar place and I had to draw some hard boundaries. It may be hard at first, but it’s the best way to protect yourself.
Anonymous
How old if he? What industry?
Anonymous
He’s thirty. he’d like to be in the supply chain industry and his last contract gig (which was for just over 2 years) was in the “final mile” division of a large appliance maker – he was specifically working with home builders to get the appliances into the new construction homes, working when appliances arrived anything less than perfect. He’s very, very slightly on the spectrum, so he doesn’t want any sort of job where he has to be “on” with people all the time (like in a traditional customer service job). With this most recent gig, he was invited to interview for the full time job, they asked him (after the interview) what region he wanted to work with, told him that his pick of region sounded good to them, and then told him he didn’t get the job. It was a huge blow emotionally. But he shows up on time, if not early, each day, will do everything you ask him to do, is super smart and just wants to do good job, but he hasn’t gotten his break yet.
Ellen
What difference would that make? He is younger, and generally not sucesful like she is. Most men are not as hard working as we in the HIVE anyway. The other OPs here have said things that I agree with; distance yourself from him or he will take you as his punching bag. Fortunateley, I did not have this issue with Rosa b/c she was not interested in the working world; just in finding a husband who would support her as HE worked in such world and she birthed him the babies that he wanted. I, being the smart one, went to law school, though have NOT been smart in LOVE, having wasted the best years of my child-bearing years with a looser who was not interested in doing much more then using me for s-x. I am so over him now but find it cathortic to share with the HIVE so that they do not repeat my mistakes with men like that, who are lurking all over the place, waiting to pounce on us literally with their useless bantering, bamboozeling us into believeing their schtick, leading to their huffeing and puffeing, then leaving us aside for the next unsuspecting hivette. FOOEY!
Anon
Got quarantined in a new relationship that happened to be long distance until this point. We’re both WFH. Gang, fingers crossed for me…it’s going well so far! Yay!
Anonymous
This is story America needs right now. Please keep us updated. We’ll work on the screenplay.
Anon
OMG THIS COMMENT!!! I’m laughing!!! Please bring your wit and light-hardheartedness back everyday. Thank youuu.
Monday
There’s a personal essay about a similar situation on Refinery 29. I’ll take any good news where I can get it!
Anon
Op here – I live in NYC and he’s in DC. We had been seeing each other for about a month and a half and were at a crossroads about what to do relationship wise until I moved here (I am actively only applying for jobs in DC for reasons other than him). He invited me down because he didn’t want me in that mess alone. That was last Tuesday. We didn’t expect for New York to explode like it did. Now, we need to have the talk about me staying a bit longer than planned…
Ellen
Especially if you are now co-isolating in the same apartement. If you haven’t already decided, it will not be long until you have to decide if you will be comfortable sleepeing in the same bed with him (leading to s-x), now that you are locked with him down 24/7. YAY!!!!
Anon
This sounds like a potential Rom-Com plot.
Anonymous
This has been good for my relationship, too. We are in separate homes within walking distance, but we never really spent much time in each other’s houses. That has changed and it’s been very positive so far. Best of luck!
Senior Attorney
I love it!!
JTM
Crossing my fingers for you! When my husband and I were dating, we got stuck together for 3wks thanks to the polar vortex – his flight back home kept getting cancelled. Those 3wks together showed us that we shared space well, we had several serious talks, and 4 months later we were engaged. We just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary (stuck in the house with a 3yo and a newborn!).
Eek
I love it! Total rom com plot. Please keep us updated, I needed this today.
Anon
Anyone tried clothes from Orvis? They just sent me a catalog and some of the styles look cute for weekend wear, but I’ve never bought anything there before. How’s the quality and sizing for pants and tops?
Housecounsel
Very good quality, generous sizing in my experience.
The original Scarlett
Hmm, I stumbled on one of their stores on vacation and thought it was a lot of hunting gear and very LL Bean-ish. Not really cute, but functional? Depending on what you’re doing? The quality looked average but admittedly I wasn’t really thinking if buying anything.
Anon
Depends on your perspective! If you’re looking for functional, classic clothes, then yes, their striped tees and olive straight-leg pants are very cute. If you’re into trends, they probably aren’t. I’m not into trends or fast fashion and I live a very active lifestyle with lots of hobbies – hence it looks perfect for me.
Anonymous
Not cute. Super midwestern grandma
Anon
Aw, the clothes do remind me of my grandma! I can picture her sailing in Maine right now – the Breton stripes they’re selling today are so similar to shirts she wore in the 1970s. I miss her and would love to dress like her.
BB
Granted, I haven’t bought anything from them in about 5 years, but they should be a higher-end version of LL Bean. Quality was very good from what I remember.
Anon
Great quality. Can’t speak to sizing since I haven’t ordered from them in a couple years. My Barbour-like coat from them is a workhorse I wear all spring and fall.
Anon
My high school aged son wears a “uniform“ of flannel shirt (open), graphic tee, jeans, and vans every day.
He is always looking for new flannel shirts. He got a little splurgy once and ordered a couple from Orvis, which he found by googling, and which I had previously always thought of as a SkyMall shop.
The Orvis shirts are his nicest, softest, sturdiest flannel shirts. Sometimes to my great shock things are actually worth the money.
anon
I was ordering a dog collar and “needed” to buy something to get free shipping, so I bought a popover flannel shirt, and I love it! It’s super soft and sturdy. I was surprised because I was expecting it to run large, but it’s fairly TTS (so it looks casual but fitted, not loose, on me – I was planning to wear it with leggings around the house but it’s much more of a jeans at soccer practice kind of a shirt).
Seventh Sister
Quality is very high, I think the sizing is pretty true to size, and it’s kind of like an Anglophile LL Bean.
My mom lives near their factory/outlet store in DE, and I’ve gotten some great stuff there – a pink Barbour raincoat, a great red plaid flannel shirt, some other stuff.
They also do re-waxing for Barbour jackets, in case you need that kind of thing.
Essential Anon
I am not doing ok. Our state shut down non-essential businesses yesterday but law firms were deemed essential. I am staff at a law firm doing real estate closings and we are busier than ever. Our attorneys have been working from home since last Monday. Staff is still in the office. Our attorneys will not come in to handle the closings so I have to do them with them “supervising” via skype. They call me all day about how I am apparently not doing enough even though I am doing my job and at lot of theirs too. I hate them. Our receptionist has instructions that anytime any of them call to tell them that I’m not at my desk and to send them to voicemail. On top of this, my dog was attacked by another dog last week (he had a few puncture wounds but is healing up well) and I had to deal with that on top of running our office. I have asthma and anxiety and I am not ok.
No Longer Anon
I’m so sorry- that all sounds so hard. I don’t have any advice for you, just empathy in what sounds like a very difficult situation.
anon
Do you have an EAP that you can utilize (therapist available over the phone)? Do you have sick time or vacation time you can take? Can you afford to take longer unpaid leave?
Dumb question: if the attorneys aren’t in the office, how can they tell if you are working from home or not? Could you just start logging in remotely and if pressed about it say that you have preexisting medical conditions (or “I didn’t feel well this morning and didn’t want to put anyone at risk”)?
Casper
I don’t have remote access to a lot of things (they’re working on it and sending people home in stages) but I’m still handling in person closings and settlements and have to be present to notarize documents, etc. Plus people call me all day!
Casper
I am not doing ok. Our state shut down non-essential businesses yesterday but law firms were deemed essential. I am staff at a law firm doing real estate closings and we are busier than ever. Our attorneys have been working from home since last Monday. Staff is still in the office. Our attorneys will not come in to handle the closings so I have to do them with them “supervising” via skype. They call me all day about how I am apparently not doing enough even though I am doing my job and at lot of theirs too. I hate them. Our receptionist has instructions that anytime any of them call to tell them that I’m not at my desk and to send them to voicemail. On top of this, my dog was attacked by another dog last week (he had a few puncture wounds but is healing up well) and I had to deal with that on top of running our office. I have asthma and anxiety and I am not ok.
Anonymous
I know this board skews “lawyer” but I really dislike the classist and eliteist undertones of law. Like anyone who isn’t a lawyer is subhuman and must submit to serve the lawyers. It’s really squicky and I always feel so bad for staff like reception, assistants, paralegals etc.
All that to say, I support you and you are important, I’m so sorry you’re being treated poorly.
No Longer Anon
Me too. I feel really crappy that the only people who are at my office right now are a few attorneys who have a “I’m not going to get sick!” Complex (also the same attorneys who fought tooth and nail for us to have an HMO with a 10K deductible because it had cheaper premiums….) and then our legal assistants and front desk staff. Our lowest paid staff should not be the only ones who keep the office functioning.
Anon
I agree with you – and I’m a lawyer! I’m always so uncomfortable with the very rigid hierarchy of it all. If it makes you feel better (it makes me feel better) – not all lawyers or firms are like that. I started at a new firm a month ago and they are allowing anyone to work from home who wants to – secretary, lawyer, whoever, they’re fully setting staff up for remote work. It makes me feel a lot better knowing my secretary is being treated well and is working from home just like I am.
Equestrian Attorney
Another lawyer here, also dislike this. I told my assistant to WFH since we all are. Another partner I share her with started complaining about who would handle printing and filing. Seriously, do your own printing, read things on a screen, don’t ask the assistant to print things at the office and messenger them to your home in a pandemic, that’s insane. My assistant cares for her dying mother and should not be taking public transportation right now. Thankfully they have all been sent home now except for a “skeleton crew” for “essential services”. I get it, but it’s not like we are saving lives here. Maybe your original share certificates can wait a few weeks.
Monday
It’s been a similar situation at universities, as I understand it. Professors allowed to stay home, staff forced to come in. The message about who matters is very clear.
LaurenB
Not to be snarky, but someone has to dish out the cafeteria food, and it’s not the professors.
Anonymous
Ugh then close the cafeteria
Anon
Hi, I’m staff at a university. I could easily do my job remotely, as could almost everyone else I know. Yeah, janitors and food service people can’t work remotely, but they’re a *tiny* fraction of our 8,000 person staff. Most of us – from administrators to secretaries – work desk jobs and just need a computer and internet connection to work. We’re being asked to come in solely because we’re second class citizens, not because we physically need to be on campus.
(I’m finally allowed to stay home, but only because my state issued a shelter in place order and the university would have been breaking the law if they’d made us come in.)
Anon
Lauren B, you are the most snarky.
LaurenB
I’m on the board of my university. We have closed and sent the majority of students home for online learning but we have no choice but to house students who are internationals, who have unsafe home environments, etc. And yes, we need to provide food for them. It isn’t a cafeteria per se – it will be more grab-and-go food, akin to take out — but someone needs to prepare it. So, no, we can’t fully “close the cafeteria.”
Anon
What about all the staff who don’t need to be physically present to do their jobs? Are they allowed to work from home? Because they’re not, in most places, at least until the statewide lockdowns go into effect. There was an article in the Chronicle of Higher Ed about this. It’s definitely NOT just janitors and cafeteria workers being asked to come in – it’s all staff, because universities almost universally treat their staff like $hit. See also: universities requiring all staff to come in on that insanely cold polar vortex day in January 2019 when classes were canceled at universities all across the Midwest and Northeast and faculty and students were told to stay home.
Anon
yea staff at universities are treated like 3rd class citizens. at my university they notified students before notifying staff (including HR!) that classes would be remote for the rest of the year. fortunately, I have a flexible boss
pugsnbourbon
It’s okay to not be okay right now. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
Anon
Hi, West Virginia? If so, me too. Hugs.
Casper
Maryland where our numbers are low only because you have to be at deaths door to get tested
Anon
Same for us. No positive cases! . . . until we started any testing at all.
Anon
Same for VA. My colleague has all the symptoms and went to the doctor and can’t get tested because he’s late-30s and otherwise healthy with a “mild case.” Doc told him to go hole up at home. This is all ridiculous.
Anon
Second the idea that not all lawyers are like this… and I am so sorry you are in this situation. We did the exact opposite. Two attorneys are running the office, and everyone else is at home.
Midwest GC
In house counsel: are any of you asking your firms whether they are WFH? A lot of these orders are stating that law services are “essential”. I’ve been straight up asking my outside counsel whether they’ve let everybody, including staff, work from home. If the answer is no, I am FIRING them after this is over. I’m so done with people putting money over lives.
Ellen
It depends on what the state emergency bureau decides who se cleints are essential and who is not. If the cleints are essential, and they must support the cleint, that is the test. Just b/c you are NOT essential and your company is not essential, this is not the issue. You are only 1 of many cleints the firm has, and it may be for some other cleint, not you, and that is why they are in the office. Most in-house counsel are NOT essential anyway, as they rely on us outside counsel to do all of the heavy lifting for them. Pardon my French, but FOOEY on your attitude, which is uncalled for. You, as a GC, should know better, and learn better how to handel these stressful situeations.
Anon.
Applause!!!!
anon
I would LOVE it in house counsel explicitly told firms that they expect the firms working their cases to go full remote. The partners at my firm are convinced that working remotely will end our firm as we know it.
Anon
So much applause. And this, so much. Law firms will answer to clients.
Anonymous
Applause. My firm (Amlaw) has shut offices and everyone is remote except IT, security and super light staffing to scan any snail mail. I was on a call where other firms weighed in and I was shocked to hear others were insisting on butts in seats at the office and belittling lawyers and staff who are too “fragile” to come in. I think there is a special place in hell for them because they are endangering both their teams and the broader community.
Housecounsel
I am getting emails from all of our outside firms with announcements of how they are dealing. Most are saying everyone is home, but a few say some attorneys and staff are on site. Why? Courts are closed. Depositions aren’t proceeding. I manage litigation, not transactions, and litigation is not happening. It is just some kind of machismo (and it’s all men preening like this) that is insisting on being in the office.
Anonymous
It is just not true that “courts are closed.” The federal courts in every jurisdiction where I have active litigation are functioning, albeit without having in-person hearings. So I have mediations scheduled, telephonic hearings where the court will drop you from the call if there is background noise, and motion and discovery deadlines. My adversaries and I are still filing things and the courts are still requiring us to serve the filings by mail. We also receive discovery and other important notices by mail. So yes, some of us are in the office sometimes. Even some of our clients have had to come in to sign papers. The courts seem to now be issuing orders related to e-signatures that can later be replaced by wet signatures in 60 days, but that just happened.
Small Law Partner
All of our attorneys and staff are at home. But yeah courts aren’t closed. We’re still filing new cases. We’re still filing briefs and other documents. We’re still doing discovery. We’re doing hearings telephonically. We’re doing some depositions remotely – I took a deposition from my condo a few days ago.
anon
Yeah and on the non-litigation side, a lot of notices are still being sent by mail per contract requirements and when people are making claims of default, they’re generally not amenable to waiving strict compliance with the various notice requirements.
Anonymous
I sit on the bench in a Superior Court. We are absolutely open and have full calendars. We are not doing jury trials. We have moved many hearings to telephonic hearings to limit the number of people in the courtroom. We are distancing people as much as possible. We are still doing bench trials. I have trial every day this week other than Friday. Many courts are still open and functioning – – it just looks a little different with limiting the number in the courtroom and more liberally allowing telephonic appearances.
Anon
FWIW, I’m at a firm and it’s come up on internal calls that clients are asking whether we’re 100% remote. Client questions are being heard.
Anonymous
FWIW, my biglaw firm has been sending client alerts that they are 100% equipped to WFH, but they did not allow staff to until the shelter in place orders started. And even then, we still have a “skeleton crew” of low paid staff scanning, faxing, printing, and mailing things at each office.
MagicUnicorn
Thank you!
Anon
I enjoyed this harsh but accurate health officer statement from the county I grew up in:
https://www.smchealth.org/post/health-officer-statements
Excerpt: “Our world has profoundly changed in an instant. It is now up to you all, the community, to decide what you want your future to be. If you decide you want to do your own thing and follow your own rules, you disrespect us all. You spit in our face, and you will contribute to the death toll that will follow. For those of you who say: “nobody tells me what to do,” now is a time to make an exception. You can go back to being ornery in the future.
Keeping humans apart from other humans is the only tool we currently have to slow this virus’ spread. This is a particularly fraught dilemma, as humans are social animals and they need each other, but we need to make every possible effort to avoid contact with each other.”
Now how do I get some of my coworkers to listen to him…
Little Red
Love this dress.
anonymous
There is a new post over on Ask A Manager about naming and shaming companies who have awful practices in place. She provided the contact info for a reporter who will keep your info anonymous. I say it’s about time. I don’t want to support these awful places who are risking the lives of their employees and the community as a whole.
Anon
Thanks for posting that here!
Anon
If you have a concern about your employer, you should be able to report it to your state.
Anonymous
Any recommendations for a very low-profile desk chair? I have very little space to work in, but my current set-up is giving me a backache. Looking for a small, supportive chair for my home office setup.
Anon
I love my Duoback.
Anon
I have this strapped to my regular chair. So much back support and works like a charm. https://www.amazon.com/DK-912-Comfortable-Driving-Science-Cushions/dp/B07VYG5CW9/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=“duoback”&qid=1585069156&sr=8-3&swrs=9E41B69401FBA39E553BECE3E37C37FD
Co
I need to buy a printer and I just spent over reading reviews, ugh! Can anyone recommend a laser printer? I’d like to spend less than $150. Thanks!
AIMS
For stuff like this I just go to Wirecutter and buy whatever they recommend that is in my price range.
Carrie
Agree
Buy the Brother printer recommended for home use on Wirecutter. I think I got my Brother printer for less than $100.
pugsnbourbon
+1. We have a brother printer and it’s been very handy.
Telco Lady JD
+2 I have one and it works great.
No Longer Anon
+3 I love my Brother printer.
Anon
Ditto – have a very simple Brother, black and white. Does wireless and double-sided printing. I’d recommend it.
Been there
Techradar.com has some helpful and accurate reviews. We just bought a Canon for the photo printing quality, but other printers are faster.
Anon
I’ve got one for sale on Craigslist, if you’re in Los Angeles… HP LaserJet Pro 1102W
PSA - State Tax Deadlines
Many state tax filing deadlines were not moved to match the federal July 15 deadline, a delineation that this otherwise intelligent, on-top-of-it, Type A hadn’t considered until her accountant just pointed it out.
Please consider emailing your state reps to have them consider the request to move/match deadlines. I’m in Massachusetts and this is true here.
We are in a position to file ours, and we will, but I think about my accountant who is struggling to get his older clients to work 100% digitally and my nurse sister who is run ragged and isn’t thinking about taxes right now. Not to mention so many out of work right now … I don’t need this relief personally but I know so many do!
Funny podcast recommendations
I have been listening to the Brooklyn 99 podcast and am loving it. I would appreciate recommendations for other light-hearted/laugh-out-loud podcasts. TIA!
Great British Baking Show equivalents
On a thread yesterday someone posted about Great British Baking Show equivalents…I just finished Britain’s Best Home Cook on Hulu…it’s 2 seasons, Mary Berry is one of the judges, and everyone is just as kind and lovely as on GBBO.
Greensleeves
Thanks!
Anon
I recommend Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata. It is hilarious.
Anon
When/where will you travel once this is over? Will you feel comfortable to travel (for fun)? Do you already have a trip planned?
For me — I don’t see myself going anywhere until there is a vaccine so not for 12-18 months (high risk) but am wondering how others are feeling.
Cb
Oh my goodness, when this is through, I’m going to stay in a hotel room all by myself. I don’t actually care where that hotel room is.
Vicky Austin
I think I’m going to do that!
DCR
I suspect I’ll travel again pretty soon. But I think it’s highly more likely to be a domestic destination, like a national park, and less likely to be the big three-week international trip I was planning for July.
Anon
I expect to resume frequent travel as soon as experts (the real experts, not Trump/Fox News) agree that it’s safe – not just safe for low risk people (although I am low risk) but safe enough for everyone to be traveling again and we don’t all need to be staying home to flatten the curve. Basically, I’m not worried about my family but am worried about other people and want to follow the general public health advice.
I’m fortunate to have lots of vacation time for the US (5 weeks/year) but normally I use it all because we take two 1 week vacations and have lots of long-distance family and friends we have to visit annually. If we don’t get to travel much in 2020 (seems like summer travel will be canceled for sure), I’m going to have a ton of vacation time (and vacation budget) for travel in 2021, which is a silver lining of this. I want to do a big bucket list-type trip to celebrate that, but the catch is that it has to be preschooler-friendly. We typically do Europe in the summer and the Caribbean in the winter, so looking for something outside those areas. If anyone has any ideas, I’m all ears!
Been there
Ooooh, travel plans are getting me through this! I’m looking at complicated itineraries that I would not normally have the patience for. Maybe Scotland and Iceland?
No Longer Anon
Iceland is THE BEST. I’ve been twice in the last year and I love it. If it had any jobs available, I’d legit consider moving there…
Anon
I was going to ask this same question today! We had a trip to Germany planned for August that got cancelled. I’m thinking about planning another (refundable) vacation for September, just to have something to look forward to. Maybe Prague/Vienna/Budapest? Would love to stretch it out for two weeks so would probably add one more city….
Anon
Think about that. Experts (Fauci; as well as MDs I know IRL who work at top notch health systems) are starting to say this is looking like something that’ll peak in April/May, only to return again seasonally which means fall/winter. Long term I don’t think this matters because they expect a vaccine by next/spring summer — even H1N1 which was a big deal a decade ago was a component of the regular flu shot this year. But it makes me reluctant to plan anything for this fall/winter. I almost feel like a trip in August may be better.
Anon
Interesting point, and I’ll consider that. Thanks :)
Anonymous
My family is not going anywhere until there’s a safe, effective vaccine and it’s been widely administered. After that happens, we are going to take a real ski trip to make up for the fact that our local hill had virtually zero snow this winter and we did not get to ski even once.
Next in line are the beach (family spot) and Paris (because our teenager has been studying French for several years). I had been wanting to take a Disney cruise, perhaps to Alaska, but I don’t think I will ever feel safe getting on a cruise ship again.
Senior Attorney
I agree. No more cruises for me, ever.
Anon
Cruises never appealed to me…I really dislike the idea of being trapped on a boat (even if it’s a big boat) that is essentially a floating germ factory. I never got why they were so popular. And after this, no effing way.
Anon
+1. Never before, never in the future for me.
Anon
The earliest I can see myself getting on a flight for leisure — summer 2021 and this assumes there’s a vaccine in spring 2021 that’s widely available and taken up by a lot of people because I wouldn’t want to be first in line for a vaccine either. So if the FDA etc timing gets pushed, any trips get pushed. I’m high risk so it is what it is. I don’t even feel bad or anything about it, health comes before Europe or New Orleans or whatever.
In terms of where I want to go — next trip I was looking at was Jordan maybe with 2-3 days in Doha or Dubai since I’d be flying so far and would want to go to more than one place in the region. Those places aren’t summer trips anyway given that they are desert so no earlier than fall/winter 2021. But I’d have to be 100% confident re traveling — i.e. be vaccinated — because in no way would I want to be in those places and needing care for something like this as care varies a LOT based on whether you are in a state of the art place like Dubai vs. off the beaten path 2 hours away from Amman Jordan and as a non Arabic speaking woman, definitely not something to want to navigate just for a vacation.
Shenandoah
I will need to fly for work (hopefully, assuming there are no layoffs) as soon as possible, but I’m certainly not planning any personal trips via air until the vaccine is available. I’ve been contemplating some weekend hiking trips, but considering how congested the trails apparently were this past weekend, I’m reconsidering.
SC
DH and I are rescheduling our 10-year anniversary trip to Hawaii from May to (currently) November. The airline (Delta) has waived change fes, but current policy is that they have to be used before the end of 2020. I can’t take vacation in December because we may have year-end closings, so hopefully things will be OK by November or the airline will extend the change fee waiver again.
Anon
You might think about rescheduling for August if you can. I agree with the comments above that this thing is going to be relatively under control by June/July, but there will be a resurgence beginning in late fall. There’s increasing evidence that hot & humid weather will help get it in under control, and it will come back in the winter like flu. And sorry you had to reschedule, that’s a bummer. This virus canceled my first ever post-kid couples’ getaway with my husband but we were just going to spend a few nights in a fancy hotel in Chicago (we live in the burbs), which is nowhere near as exciting as Hawaii.
SC
My parents will be watching our son while DH and I take the trip. Unfortunately, they’re not available in August because their April cruise was rescheduled for August. They’re actually not available until November because of their busy retirement schedule. (Seriously, the biggest part of the planning is getting on their calendar.)
Everything except the airline tickets is refundable. We’ll reschedule again if it looks like November will be a bad time to go. Hopefully the airlines will continue to extend waivers as necessary to keep people safe.
Anon
Ah, I totally get that. Getting on my retired parents’ calendar is the hardest part of getting away for us too! I hope you can go in November and if things are still bad then I’m sure the airlines will have to extend the waivers.
pink
I live in hawaii and August sucks. November is better. Happy to send recs if you need any.
Anon
A cabin on a creek in western sonoma county. Already booked.
Anon
When?
Anon
August
Celia
Mammoth in the summer time for the wild flowers, which bloom in the mountains later than they do in the High Desert. Just me and my dog. I already know where I plan to stay, and the bed is SO comfy.
MagicUnicorn
A trip to visit my family halfway across the country so I can hug all of them again.
Something Lighter
Trying to decide on a name for our second daughter. Our 4 year old is named Tessa, which seems like it’s gotten popular recently but not so much that it is one of the top top names (which I’d like to avoid). Husband likes the name Pippa, but I can’t decide if it’s too much of a nickname and I don’t like any of the formal names associated with it (Phillipa, etc.)
By chance, me, his mom (who has passed away), and our daughter all have the same kind of pattern to our name – 5 letters, constant followed by vowel then two matching constants and a vowel, and he seems to want the next baby to have the same. Any good ideas would be welcome as I’m stuck in my house!
Anon
I like Louisa. I think it would go well with Tessa and it’s classic, but not common.
Anon
Ha this is my preferred baby name but my husband thinks Louisa from Louisiana would be too much :)
Anonymous
My name is Virginia. And my prior state. And it matches my Zodiac sign. I used to play tennis with a woman named Georgia. I would embrace the full Louisiana. Louisa if you must.
Anonymous
Is your middle name “slims”? (This is a Raising Hope reference)
AnonInHouse
I love the name Louisa and wanted it for our daughter! My husband really disliked it, and we settled on Virginia. Classic names seem to be popular again; she had classmates this year named Audrey, Eleanor, and Lydia. Reminded me of a group of little first grade grannies.
Anon
I know a Virginia whose nickname is VA. Best nickname ever.
Anonymous
Our baby girl is Ruby, another old-timey name!
Anon
I also love Louisa!
Anon
Aw, that’s sweet. Pippa is still too associated with Pippa Middleton in my mind. I know a 5 year old Calla and love that name (makes me think of calla lillies!) but I do think it might get confused with the more common Callia.
I googled this and found some others: Belle/Bella, Delle/Della, Gemma/Jemma, Jessa, Hanna, Kenna, Nella, Retta, Willa. If you count y as a vowel, there are a lot of more traditional names like Debby, Jenny, Peggy, Tammy etc. although they mostly sound nickname-ish to me.
Anon
I really liked the name Jessa for our daughter (although we ended with something else).
Anonymous
If not for Jessa Duggar, I’d be in.
Anonymous
One vote for Willa. I really like that. Jessa, as well.
Anon
Oooh I love the name Willa.
Anon
I love Willa too!
anon
This is unlikely to ever matter to your daughter, but in my small Scandinavian language, Pippa is a dirty word. I still kinda flinch when someone introduces themselves as Pippa, can’t help it.
Anon
Yes, it means to have sex (right?) in Swedish. My husband’s colleague is Swedish and told us that when we met a Pippa once.
anon
Yep, that’s exactly it. And the word is always followed by some snickering. (Of course.)
Anonymous
These are all nicknames to me and I don’t like it but if this is the pattern you want:
Jessa
Jesse
Jecca
Lizzy
Holly
Molly
Polly
Anon
Lilly? (Because sometimes y is a vowel)
Anon
Or Lilla
Anon
I normally would never offer this comment unsolicited, but you asked, so I’ll just say I think Pippa by itself and not as a nickname for Phillipa would be weird. But I don’t think it’s too closely associated with Pippa Middleton and certainly wouldn’t be by your child’s peers.
Anon
Maggie. You will never find a character on any TV show, movie or book named Maggie that is mean. She is always the cool, awesome girl next door.
anon
Jenna
Janna
Penny
Poppy
Kerry/Kerri
Kelly/Kelli
Nelly
Gabby
Libby
Bella
I love the name Hallie, could be spelled Halle or Hally for your formula
Mary
I vote for Elise, because I think it’s pretty. Congratulations!
Gemma!
Gemma FTW!
That’s our daughter’s name (after a teacher of mine), so I’m biased. :)
FWIW when Gemma named our new Jack Russell terrier, she plunked for Pippa, so that name sounds like a dog’s name to me. :)
Anon
Bella?
Anon
I think Bella is a nickname for Isabella and just a warning, my 18 year old daughter has like 10 friends/acquaintances called Bella. Maybe the popularity has died down, maybe you don’t mind a popular name, just throwing it out there.
The US social security baby names index is a great place to figure out which names are popular vs less popular right now, and might be a good source of name ideas.
Anon
And I just checked – Isabella has moved up in popularity from the 2000-2009 decade to the current one.
Anonymous
Becca? Lissa?
AnonATL
If ours ended up being a girl, she was going to be Clara. Fully expected her to be mistaken for Claire a lot but I prefer Clara over Claire
Another anonymous judge
Or “Rilla” if you are an L.M. Montgomery fan?
What a lovely thing to be contemplating. Congratulations!
Anonymous
Sammi for Samantha? Valla is nice too.
Been there
I think my sister has the most beautiful name – Sarah.
CostAccountant
Does anyone have a news site they like that gives daily facts about the coronavirus without all large-font hysterics? I love my CNN but they are wearing me out.
Mallory
It may not be localized or specific enough, but I like the Up First podcast for 10 minute daily news summaries.
Anon
I switched to only reading local news. It tells me what I need to know (what’s going on in my area) without all the panic.
BeenThatGuy
I’ve only been looking at statistics from worldometers.info
It’s easy to read and is stats only
Shenandoah
Just received word from my (small) consulting firm that we are all shifting to 80% time for the next couple of months at least due to the impacts on projects from COVID-19. The hope is that this will enable the company to avoid layoffs. The vast majority of projects are federally funded and not all are negatively affected by this, so this is an attempt to evenly distribute the slowdown impacting other projects. I feel fortunate that this doesn’t mean I can’t pay my bills, which is a situation that I know so many are in right now. But it certainly affects my budget and my ability to build up my emergency fund (which is nowhere near where it needs to be). Also, I just had to cancel my May wedding. We do plan to elope and hold a reception at a later date. But it still hurts. Trying to focus on being thankful for the many things in my life (particularly my health). Grateful for this time to be more reflective and shift focus to the things that really and truly matter. Wishing the best for all the wonderful women on this forum!
Anon
so sorry about both your job and your wedding. i hope you know it is ok to be grateful for certain things, but it is also ok to feel disappointed and sad and make time to grieve those losses.
Anon
I’m sorry about both of those things. <3
Thanks, it has pockets!
I’m doing something that scares me today.
My department is slow, so we’re helping out another department, cold calling our clients to check in with them. As someone who gets nervous before making just about any kind of phone call, this is straight-up terrifying, but I’m doing it anyway! Yeah, getting out of my comfort zone, maybe learning a new skill (or not). It’s certainly an interesting break from the daily routine.
Anon
Woohoo!
Anon
The practice is going to help, I promise! The more you do it the easier it gets.